Crucial Conversations & Conflict Resolution: Tips for Talking When the Stakes are High GVSU PACES Program GVSU PACES Program
Crucial Conversations & Conflict Resolution:
Tips for Talking When the Stakes are High
GVSU PACES ProgramGVSU PACES Program
Overview
1. What is a crucial conversation?
2. Your style under stress
3. Overcoming conversation barriers
4. Managing intercultural conflict
5. Dialogue skills
Crucial ConversationsPatterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler(2002)What is it?Three characteristics
Difference of opinion The stakes are HIGH Emotions are strong
Casual conversations can become CRUCIAL When emotions intensify Everyday workplace conversations can become crucial Personnel reviews can become crucial conversations
Crucial ConversationsEnding a relationshipAsking a friend to repay a loanResolving child custody issues with an ex-spouse/partnerAsking a roommate to move out Asking in-laws or parents to quit interferingGiving your boss feedback about their behaviorCritiquing a colleague’s work (Patterson, et al. 2002, p. 8)
Some Examples
Awkward Performance Review:
http://www.overstream.net/view.php?oid=uhnjsteuihep
Crucial Conversations
“Your Style Under Stress”
The Context
The human brain under stress – “Fight or Flight”
Personal Tendency - “Silence or Violence”ExamplesIs our style context dependent?
Overcoming Conversation Barriers
What happens to relationships over time if we avoid resolving our conflicts – avoid having crucial conversations?
DO EMOTIONS ACCUMULATE?
DOES STRESS ACCUMULATE?
Cycle of Contempt
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjVQfeavgzU
“CONTEMPT” - Silent
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pl6yOIxYpLk&feature=related
“CONTEMPT”- Violent
Cycles of Respect
In Every Conversation The Goal is…. DIALOGUE
Me Others
Shared meaning
Safety
Safety
A “Crucial” Conversation
WHAT CAUSES PEOPLE TO FEEL “UNSAFE”?
Lack of Mutual PurposeThey are unclear about or mistrust your
motives, or see your goal and theirs as mutually exclusive.
Lack of Mutual RespectThey don’t feel respected or valued by you.
Intercultural Conflict
What are the sources of intercultural conflict?
What assumptions, biases and goals drive intercultural conflict?
How can you manage intercultural conflict?
Some application…
Intercultural Conflict
Okay…but what about culture?What if the differences are cultural?What is a “dominant culture”?
Cultural Values Exercise
FEEDBACK
Verbal
Non-verbal
SenderReceiver
MESSAGE
The Ideal Communication Process
STATIC
Non-verbal behaviors
False attributions
Stereotypes
Ethnocentrism
Native language and verbal acuity
Sender
Cultural Frame
Cultural Frame
Cultural Frame
Cultural Frame
Receiver
The Realistic Communication Process
How to Restore Safety
When safety is at risk…
1. Recognize what’s going on and why.
2. Step out of the content temporarily.
3. Build safety.
4. Get back into dialogue.
Three Techniques for Rebuilding Safety1. If you’re at fault, apologize.
2. When your intentions have been misunderstood, contrast.
3. When you have conflicting goals, find a mutual purpose. (Explore the purpose beneath the stated goal)
Stated goal (position)
Purpose (why they want what they want)
When in Dialogue….Be specific about what happened. Avoid watering down the facts.
Be honest and respectful.
Discuss what’s recent and relevant.
Watch for signals that the other person feels unsafe, and take appropriate action.
Employ active listening skills.
Active Listening SkillsUse positive body language.
Minimize interruptions.
Ask probing questions.
Paraphrase to check understanding.
Respond to both content and emotion.
Dialogue Skills
1. Start with the Heart
2. Learn to Look
3. Make it Safe
4. Master My Stories
5. State My Path
6. Explore Other’s Paths
7. Move to Action
Dialogue Skills
Move to Action Build consensus Recognize when the conversation is
recycling Shift the conversation to “what next”
or “how can we?”
Conclusion
Q/A
Evaluation
ReferencesDe Lucia, R. J. (2008). Managing intercultural conflict. University of Pennsylvania.
Landis, D. Bennett, J. M., & Bennett, M. J. (2004). The handbook of intercultural training (3rd Ed.) Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.
Landis, D. & Bhaghat, R. S. (1996). The handbook of intercultural training (2nd Ed.) Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R. & Switler, A. (2002). Crucial conversations: Tips for talking when stakes are high. New York: McGraw-Hill
Thank you!
FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT
Sean HuddlestonGrand Valley State UniversityIntercultural Training Director222 Student Services BuildingAllendale, MI 49401(616) [email protected]
OR VISIT
www.gvsu.edu/inclusion