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Dawn of a New EraWelcome to the very first show of Warhammer
Wresting Inc as we travel north to historic Belgarath Tower for the
start of the Round Robin tournament for the WWI World title!
Opening
The lights in the arena go dark and "Master of Puppets" by
Metallica begins to play on the JumboTron. Once the video ends, the
lights come on and we pan around to the excited crowd and end up at
the commentary table with Matthew Empson and Neil Dizon.
Empson: "Hello and welcome! My name is Matthew Empson and
sitting next to me is-"
Dizon: "Neil Dizon! It was supposed to be Erica Kelly, but I got
to the seat first tonight so she can go *beep* herself silly with a
carrot!"
Empson: "Don't rack up the FCC fines tonight, Neil. I would hate
for this company to go bankrupt too right after opening like the
last one we worked at."
Dizon: "No fines! That's what the several second delay is for.
It's all about the *beep*s, mother *beep*er!"
Empson: "Oh dear lord...help me. Tonight we begin a new era in
wrestling. We will begin with the first go-round of the Round Robin
tournament for the World title and we will end with a large battle
royal to determine who will become the very first Enemy Territory
champion and go on and invade other
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federations for greater glory!"
"The Imperial March" by Metallica begins as Allen Anderson walks
out from the back while leaning on a wooden cane with a silver
skull topper. He smiles at the excited crowd.
Anderson: "Welcome, my friends. Welcome to Warhammer Wrestling
Inc. Here we will show you what violence really means to us. We
will show you people fighting to shed blood for glory and the
chance to be one of the brightest stars in the entire world of
wrestling. We will show you sights that you will carry with you
until the day you die and pass these nightmarish battles onto your
children so that they will grow up in the shadow of these obscene
displays of vulgar bloodshed and grow to champion them as well. In
time...the very words violence and bloodshed will become one with
the meaning of Warhammer Wrestling Inc. Thank you and enjoy the
show..."
"The Imperial March" by Metallica begins again as Anderson makes
his way to the back.
Empson: "That was...horrific."
Dizon: "Yeah, man! Someone's gonna BLEED tonight!"
Empson: "Damn it...if only Erica was a little bit faster at
getting to her seat tonight..."
The JumboTron lights up with a rolling marquee. "Who will win
the Round Robin Tournament and the World title?"
Group A Match One
Theobald: "This next match is scheduled for one fall. Featuring
first the challenger, weighing in at two hundred and thirty-nine
pounds....Hunter Valentyne!"
There is a notable silence as Hunter Valentyne walks out from
the back and heads to the ring. The fans hold their tongues in
anticipation of the match to come and just watch Hunter climb into
the ring.
Empson: "I guess Hunter hasn't had the chance to pick out a
theme song since getting out of jail and
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preparing for his debut match here in our debut show?"
Dizon: "Pure excellence doesn't need a theme song. That or the
censors would not allow him to use his first choice in Prisoner of
Love..."
Empson: "That would not be a good song, no."
Dizon: "But so true. I wonder how many people he violated in
prison? I'm shocked that Erica Kelly hasn't run down to the ring to
pretend to be his valet. I guess she must know that he swings that
way since being in jail."
Theobald: "And his opponent, weighing in at two hundred and
forty-eight pounds...Joeylights!"
Hunter and Joeylights meet each other in the center of the ring
and Joeylights begins the match by throwing lefts and rights at
Hunter, who dodges or blocks every shot. Hunter grabs Joeylight's
wrist and pulls him into a hip toss that sees Joeylights landing on
his head. Hunter cocks his head with an emotionless glance as
Joeylights quickly works his way up, but Hunter lunges at him to
catch him under the jaw with a knee that sends Joeylights back to
the mat hard.
Empson: "Hunter dominating early on. His expression is creeping
me out though."
Dizon: "He learned inner peace in prison I hear. The kind of
inner peace you get from anally violating some guy with a feminine
figure..."
Hunter picks the stunned Joeylights up and-
Empson: "Already with the Valentyme?"
Dizon: "Hunter learned in prison to not always mess around with
foreplay since the guards may come break up his fudge packing
session..."
One...Two...Three!!!
Theobald: "Winner of the match via pinfall...Hunter
Valentyne!"
Empson: "Well? Hunter did conserve energy for his appearance in
the battle royal for the Enemy Territory championship later in the
night."
Dizon: "And taught Joeylights to stay clear of him during that
match as well!"
Group A Match Two
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Stephen Theobald: Ladies and Gentlemen, the next match is the
second match in Group A of the Round Robin Tournament to determine
the first ever Warhammer Wrestling Inc. World Champ! Introducing
first, Hailing from Asheville, North Carolina. She stands 5 feet 10
inches tall and weighs in at 155 pounds. She is.. ALEXIS
BLAKE!!!
Hero by Skillet plays over the PA and Alexis Blake makes her way
out to a somewhat mixed reaction as the British Crowds are not yet
familiar with her and makes her way into the ring, playing to the
crowd before getting to her corner or the ring and getting warmed
up for her match.
Matthew Empson: And here is Alexis Blake. Interesting factor in
that both of our fighters are from the U.S., though opposite coasts
as Alexis comes from the East Coast, and the former British colony,
North Carolina, and Valora will be coming from the West Coast.
Should make for an interesting match... especially since we have
word that Alexis HAS flown her family out here to watch her big
debut match.
Neil Dizon: Okay, first off... Valora is NOT American. Shes a
Mexican who happens to be an American Citizen. Secondly, you tryin
to be hip with the whole East Coast/West Coast thing would have
been cool, if it wasnt like... 15 years or so out of date. Alexis
Blake is in serious trouble. Theres a sexy, spicy latina in the
back thats promised to humiliate Alexis in front of her
family..
Stephen Theobald: And introducing her opponent. Hailing from Los
Angeles, California. She stands 5 feet, 5 inches tall and weighs in
at 145lbs. She is the Hardcore Icon, VALORA SALINAS!!!!
Prayer by Disturbed plays over the PA as Valora makes her way
out, also to a mixed reaction as the British crowds are slightly
more familiar with Valora but not much more. Valora paces around
the entryway, looking out over the crowd before pointing at Alexis
Blake and slowly dragging her thumb across her throat. She then
makes her way to the ring, hopping up to the apron and
slingshotting herself over the top rope, landing on her feet as she
leans back in her corner, her trademark sadistic smirk on her face
as she mouths Vals gonna Kill you.
Matthew Empson: And here we have the rather thug-like Valora.. I
tell you, look up bully in the dictionary and theres a picture of
this psycho next to it.
Neil Dizon: Hey! Dont be rippin on my girl! Not all of us are
rich white assholes like you. Some of us had to fight for what we
get! I think Valoras an inspirational story! Shes fought a deck
stacked against her her entire life to be where she is.
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Matthew Empson: Wow. Thats almost word for word how Valora says
it. Did she write ALL of your commentary for you? Or are you being
lazy and just taking anything she says that sounds cool?
Neil Dizon: Man.. I hope Valora kills you next.
DING!!
DING!!
DING!!
The bell rings and Alexis Blake charges out of her corner
towards Valora trying for a clothesline, but Valora ducks the
clothesline attempt and jumps up, nailing Alexis in the face with a
pele kick, sending Alexis to the mat hard. Valora smirks and
charges the ropes and rebounds off the ropes flipping over Alexis,
landing in a sitting jawbreaker. Valora to her feet again and
charges the ropes again and plants both feet in Alexis face as
Alexis sits up, knocking the woman flat on her back. Valora
immediately goes for the cover.
1...
2..
Alexis kicks out!
Matthew Empson: Amazing opening sequence by Valora, but it seems
that Alexis isnt going to just lay down for Valora!
Neil Dizon: By the end of this match, shell wish she had.
Valora pulls Alexis to her feet and Alexis nails Valora with a
left forearm shot, a right cross and another left forearm, before
charging and nailing Valora with a dropkick that sends the Mexican
fighter to the mat. Alexis Blake climbs the turnbuckle and dives
off, trying for an elbow drop but Valora rolls out of the way and
Alexis hits nothing but mat.
Matthew Empson: Alexis fires back! Shes taking the fight to
sociopathic Mexican! But she just barely missed that elbow drop off
the top rope!
Neil Dizon: Valora might not be as old as some of the other
veterans, but she is still a veteran. She knows what shes doing in
that ring and I think shes about to give Alexis a lesson in
pain!
Both women roll to their feet and Alexis throws a punch but
Valora bursts forward, blocking the punch with one arm, driving her
other hand into the chest of Alexis Blake, stunning her for a
moment. Valora boots Alexis in the gut and lifts Alexis up in the
air, but Alexis escapes, landing behind Valora and taking her down
with a Russian legsweep.
Alexis drags Valora to her feet and nails Valora with a few
punches to the face but Valora blocks one and counters by taking
her right elbow and nailing Alexis across the face, bringing the
same elbow back a fraction of a second later, nailing Alexis from
the other side of her face, bringing an explosion of blood from the
face of Alexis Blake.
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Matthew Empson: Oh My LORD! I think Valora broke Alexis nose
there! That will seriously affect Alexis in this match and in the
battle royal!!
Neil Dizon: Thats my girl! Put that rich white *Bleep* away!
Alexis staggers around the ring holding her nose, dropping to a
knee as she tries to stop the bleeding. Valora looks to the crowd
and makes the motion of sniffing the air, indicating she smells
blood as that sadistic smirk crosses her face and she hooks the
arms of Alexis, getting her in position, lifting her up and
dropping her right on her head with a Vertebreaker. Valora
immediately rolls over and makes the pin...
1...
2..
3!
DING!!
DING!!
DING!!
Stephen Theobald: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner, by pinfall,
VALORA SALINAS!!
Valora grabs a mic and walks over to Alexis and smirks, looking
down at her.
Valora: I told you, Id make you bleed. Be glad I didnt end your
career tonight, gringa. Come back when you learn how to fight.
Valora drops the mic next to Alexis and rolls out of the ring,
making her way to the back.
Matthew Empson: Valora picks up an all important win in the
tournament, but did she really need to rub it in like that,
Neil?
Neil Dizon: Of course she did! What fun is it to win a fight if
you dont rub it in to your opponent?!
Group B Match One
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Theobald: "This next match is scheduled for one fall! Featuring
first the challenger, weighing in at two hundred and sisteen
pounds...Maxwell Soloke!"
"Deadlihood" by Sixx AM begins as Maxwell Soloke walks out to
the cheers of the fans. The crowd changes to boos when Devin Stone
rushes out and smashes Maxwell in the back of the head with a steel
chair. He smashes him a few more times before striding to the ring
with a laugh.
Empson: "Well that was just uncalled for!"
Dizon: "I like it! I love it! I want some more of it!"
"The Imperial March" by Metallica begins as medics rush out to
check on Maxwell Soloke. Allen Anderson is not far behind him.
Anderson: "Thought that was cute, Devin? Really? If you had
waited for the bell to ring to start the match? I might have let
that slide, but since you are ruining the chance for the fans to
watch a great match? You are disqualified from this match!
Furthermore? You will not be attending the battle royal at the end
of the show. Now...get out of my ring AND this arena!"
Empson: "Anderson laying down the law tonight!"
Dizon: "Maxwell might have made it to the ring so he could get
squashed. He might have. Anderson laying down a heavy hand here
tonight. The wrestlers may not like him for it!"
Empson: "It shows that he wants ratings as well as blood. One
sided matches don't always bring ratings."
Group B Match 2
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Empson: "We have yet another bad report. Dark Angel was unable
to make it into England."
Dizon: "Are you sure she wasn't just drunk someplace like Eric
Dillinger was?"
Empson: "No, I'm pretty sure not. She was held up the same as
Apathy and so the victory is awarded to Tarrasque, who is
here."
Dizon: "This whole tournament is starting to be a bust, you
know."
Empson: "I'm sure once passports and such are figured out? The
quality of things will have a big improvement."
Dizon: "If you are sure...then fine. Let's go right into the
battle royal then with the people who managed to show up
tonight."
Battle Royal for the First Enemy Territory Championship
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Empson: "Everyone is gathered in the ring and ready for the
match to start."
Dizon: "Yeah Anderson didn't want to waste a hafl hour or more
of people's time introducing each star when they can get right down
to the ring and start fighting."
Empson: "It's actually not a bad idea."
Dizon: "I want that on record! Matthew sided with the boss on
something."
Empson: "The show is being recorded?"
Dizon: "Oh yeah...I forgot."
When the bell rings, the entire ring erupts in a mass chaos of
fists and elbows. The very first victim is Joeylights when Hunter
Valentyne grabs him by the back of the head and sends him flying
over the ropes. The second is when Joker drops Johnathan to the mat
and then shoves "Knife Edge" Takeda Yokosuda over his fallen form
to fall outside of the ring. Tarrasque hefts Molly up in a press
slam position to hurl her out of the ring when Candice and Jessica
grabs his legs and send both of them out of the ring.
Dizon: "People are falling from the ring like rain!"
Empson: "They all really want that Enemy Territory
championship!"
Lilly sends Johnathan Mills over the ropes and then turns to
drop kick Candice over the top rope. Valora grabs Alexis Blake by
the shoulders and bloodies her face with a massive headbutt before
sending her flying over the top rope.
Empson: "Neil...do you see a little red flashing light under the
ring?"
Dizon: "No? Wait. Yes? Is that important?"
Empson: "I'm ducking under the table. Maybe you should do the
same."
Dizon: "If you think so..."
With the sound that would seem to signal the end of the world,
the ring explodes with fire and rage. Smoke fills the lower
sections of the arena and no one can see anything. Medics begin
rushing into the cloud of smoke and debris while Allen Anderson and
Druscilla come out to the stage.
Anderson: "What the Hell is this? Who the *beep* blew up my
ring?"
Druscilla: "And is everyone alright?"
Anderson: "And yes...who is trying to kill my meal tickets? I
mean...check on people! MOVE!"
As the smoke clears, only one ring post is standing and the ring
is in tatters. Two people remain in the ring. Lilly and Maxwell
Soloke.
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Empson: "We have two people left in what's left of the
ring!"
Dizon: "Holy crap...I think I need changed."
Maxwell and Lilly meet in the ring and Maxwell catches Lilly
with a super kick. She lands next to the one standing ring post and
it topples over, sending Lilly sliding to the floor.
Empson: "Maxwell Soloke has done it! He's won the very first
Enemy Territory championship!"
Dizon: "Nice. Explosions, people flying, and now a new champion.
The ratings for this show are going to tank. Aren't they?"
Empson: "Like you wouldn't believe, but Warhammer is a rich
company and they can try again. Maybe get the passports and
backstage treachery straightened out."