Workshop Bonding Psychotherapy. Martien Kooyman – psychiatrist and bonding psychotherapist in Rotterdam Rob Storm – HRM adviser, trainer, coach and bonding.

Workshop Bonding

Psychotherapy

• Martien Kooyman– psychiatrist and bonding psychotherapist

in Rotterdam

• Rob Storm– HRM adviser, trainer, coach and bonding

psychotherapist in Hoofddorp

• Rob Olij– psychologist and bonding

psychotherapist, PsyQ psychiatric outpatient center, in The Hague

• Caroline Buys– Caroline Buys, participant in the

bondinggroup of Martien Kooyman, the Netherlands, Rotterdam, for 5 years from 1999 till 2004

Introduction

Daniel Casriel

New Identity ProcessBonding Psychotherapy

Intro

• Key Concepts• Exercise

• Documentary on a bonding psychotherapy: ”Is bonding something for me ?”

• Research • Exercise

Program

KEY CONCEPTSOF BONDING PSYCHOTHERAPY

Definition

Bonding Psychotherapy is an intensive form of group therapy, in which painful events from the past can be relived and emotionally reprocessed in a safe environment

The term Bonding is characterized by emotional openness and physical closeness.

Bonding is a basic biological need, just as the need for air, drinking, eating, urinating, etc

Basic Emotions Basic Emotions

Pleasurepelvis

Pain

belly

(Love)heart

Anger

chest

Fear

throat

Casriel 1972

Needs – Emotions

• Pleasure and Love are felt when basic needs are fulfilled or expected to be fulfilled.

• Fear, Anger and Pain are felt when basic needs are NOT fulfilled or expected NOT to be fulfilled.

Basic NeedBreating

Exercise

Needs – Emotions

• Pleasure and Love are felt when basic needs are fulfilled or expected to be fulfilled.

• Fear, Anger and Pain are felt when basic needs are NOT fulfilled or expected NOT to be fulfilled.

• When Fear, Anger and Pain reach a certain level, then the unpleasant state can stopped by the use of defense mechanisms. (rationalization, non-expression, destructive attitudes and compensatory behaviour)

Seven universal bio-psycho-social needsleading a meaningful life

having an own identity

experiencing self-respect

being autonomous

experiencing physical well-being

feeling secure attachment with another person

experiencing bonding in relationships

Maturation

Maslow 1950 Erikson 1971Stauss 2006

ABC- schema

emotions

attitudes and beliefs

Casriel 1972

Basic Emotions

Pain

Anger

Fear

belly

chest

throat

Casriel 1972

Threat Stress

Defense mechanisms

•Fight•Control•Flight•Freeze

Bonding can be Threatening

Therapy - ABC and Memory -

verbal

attitudes and beliefs

“unconscious”

implicitconscious

explicit

non-verbalemotions

Perception

Eye contact

Exercise

Explicit / conscious• conscious perception

• concrete images

• can be put in words

• can be related to a certain mood

• connected to an experience in the past situation

Implicit / unconscious• unconscious emotional

perception

• not connected to a story of a past experience

• emotions, due to trauma are stored in the implicit brain

• images and body sensations from the trauma are not integrated with emotions

• Trigger points in the unconscious perception can activate those “old” emotions, images and body sensations

Memory

Destructive Emotions and Attitudes

attitudes and beliefs

emotions

Fear Pain Anger

implicit explicit

“I am not good enough”

“I do not need anyone”

“I have no right to exist”.

•relationship problems, •depression, •physical problems and •compensatory behaviour such as alcohol and drug abuse.

defense mechanisms

Perception Trigger

implicit explicit

Emotional Corrective Process

emotionsFear Pain Anger Pleasure

emotions

Fear Pain Anger

implicit explicit

“I am not good enough”

“I am not lovable ”

“I have no right to exist”.

defense mechanisms

attitudes and beliefs

emotionsFear Pain Anger Pleasure

“I am good enough”

“I am lovable”

“I have the right to exist”.

The attachment styles

Model of Others

positive negative

positive

negative

Model of Self

Batholomew & Horowitz, 1991

Secure

Fearful avoidant

Pre-occupied

Dismissing

Attachment Styles in the RelationshipSecure Preoccupied•It is relatively easy for me to become emotionally close to others.

•I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like.

Dismissing Fearful avoidant•I am comfortable without close emotional relationships.

•I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them.

fear of intimacy, closeness

fear of autonomy, separations

fear of intimacy and autonomy

no fear, comfortable with autonomy and intimacy

Hugging

Exercise

The Bonding Work Physical closeness on the mat

• corrective emotional experience, by reliving old, stressful and traumatic situation(s), which caused the fear, pain, anger

• physical closeness in safe environment of the group • expressing emotions loud in a safe context.• access to implicit memory and feel the “old” pain of the past.• experiencing the “gut level” feelings and expressions

Comfort..acceptance & desire

PLeasure

I’m good enough

I’m lovable

Threat/ Stressdefense mechanisms

PainI’m not good enough

I’m not loveable

corrective emotional experience

The Attitude Work Emotional openness

• to strengthen the self-esteem, standing in the middle of the circle of others

• rewriting old negative beliefs about yourself and in relation to others in to positives atttitudes.

• The strength of the bonding psychotherapy, is that the negative attitudes that developed during the preverbal period are now corrected emotionally in the (eye) contact with the other participants.

Fear

PainAnger

Fear Pain AngerPleasure

Joy Love

Desire / Comfort

I’m good enough

I’m lovableI’m not good enough

I’m not loveable

attitudes and beliefsattitudes and beliefs

corrective emotional experience

Comfort..acceptance & desire

PLeasure

I’m good enough

I’m lovable

Threat/ Stressdefense mechanisms

PainI’m not good enough

I’m not loveable

corrective emotional experience

attitudes and beliefs

Bonding Psychotherapy

attitudes and beliefs

emotionsFear Pain Anger Pleasure

implicit explicit

I am lovable and enjoy live !

I exist

I am me

I need

I am entitled

“Bonding Psychtherapy:

the thing for me..?”

The movie

Questions?

Discussion

Emotional Openness

feelings/emotions

Affect differentiationThe ability to perceive (self/others) feelings and

to differentiate among them. Self- regulation

The ability to regulate emotionally one's self-esteem Affect tolerance The ability to accept and handle one's feelings with controlImpulse control

The ability to perceive one's needs and to handle them appropriately. Situations -related affects The ability to experience and express situation-related feelings, such as

grief, gratitude, shame, guilt, joy, anger, fear, pain and loveUnderstanding the affects of others

The ability to perceive the feelings of others and to distinguish between them

The ability to express and share one's feelings correctly and appropriately.

Sharing one's own affects

Helpless fearHelpless pain

Anger and rejection,

alternating with timid and clinging

behavior

Manipulative, seductive joy

Timidity and helplessness

Worries, resignation and

helplessness

Pseudo objectively in a hostile, ironic, sarcastic tone

Superficial friendliness

Fear PainAnger Joy

The Levels of Expression and Dysfunctional Emotion

2nd level Minimal

emotionalexpressed

•Emotions are experienced and expressed, •though continues to be at holding in or holding back from fully embodied emotional expression

1ste level Intellectual reflection

Dysfunctional cognitive attitudes

"If I lose control of my emotions, l will go crazy!" "If I show my feelings, nobody will love me!" "If I feel pleasure. I will be bad, irresponsible. Someone will punish me" "If I feel love, I will be trapped or hurt. I will be left. I will be responsible for the other.”(plus all negative cultural attitudes about emotions)

All four emotions at this levels are anchored in old patterns

•Perceived and verbalized, but not emotionally expressed. •No congruence between verbal expression and behavioral expression

Fear as alarm signal to avert

danger expressed

Pain as motivational

strength to do positive things

Anger as constructive strength to

change

Joy as strength to lead a satisfying and meaningful

life

4th Level Identity

level

•The emotion is no longer directed against someone else, •it is an expression of one's own emotional power, self-assurance and identity. •One feels entitled to express one's emotions and needs. •One is able to accept one's emotions and still feel lovable.

Fear allows us to regain our own

strenght

Pain allows the development of positive feelings

Anger allows us to feel our own

strength

Joy allows us to share our joy with others

Fear PainAnger Joy

The Levels of Expression, Emotions and Relations

3rd Level Total expres-

sion of feelings (Gut level)

•Primary emotions are fully expressed, and the entire body is involved, •The individual is completely involved in the expression of emotions and •is focused on expressing both the intensity and the nature of the emotion.

5th Level Relationship

Showing the stress limits of the

relationship

Naming the violated

biopsychosocial basic needs

Constructive dealing with

conflicts

Joy, fun and love as signs of a

satisfying relationship

•The emotions are anchored and really part of the identity level. •The communication is without projection.

The total expression of our ....

The consequences for the relationship

“I do not exist” without eye-contact

Exercise

“I exist !!” with eye-contact

You may hug each other!

Bonding Psychotherapy

attitudes and beliefs

emotionsFear Pain Anger Pleasure

implicit explicit

I am lovable and enjoy live !

I exist

I am me

I need

I am entitled