Working with others, relationships in the workplace

Suzanne Hazeltonworking with leaders and teams to THRIVE!

Working with Others

© 2014 Suzanne Hazelton

© 2014 - Suzanne Hazelton

”People don’t always remember what you say or even what you do, but they always remember

how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou.

© 2014 - Suzanne Hazelton

In business you don’t always get to choose who you work with – and

yet to be effective at work typically you have to work well with others.

Often we’re not taught the skills of working with others.

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What follows are two key skills for working with others ...

• Firstly – who is Suzanne Hazelton• Skill 1: Developing the ability to navigate the

dynamics of relationships• Skill 2: Build better relationships in just 6 seconds• More free information ….

© 2014 Suzanne Hazelton

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About Suzanne HazeltonI work with individuals and teams to THRIVE!

• I’m a leadership coach and trainer – I’ve worked with thousands of people in a range of organisations from IBM, BT, a range of smaller business as well as stepping my foot into the charity sector with some recent work for the charity Guide Dogs for the Blind.

• I have qualifications in positive psychology, coaching, NLP (see next page)

• I’m the author of: Raise Your Game*, and Great Days at Work* (Kogan Page). I’ve also contributed a chapter on mind to a third: Entrepreneurs Succeed With Us.

• I work clients on leadership, people & thriving related topics

© 2014 Suzanne Hazelton *The links are for Amazon.co.uk but also available on Amazon.com

MSc. Applied Positive Psychology 2012Business Coaching 2011Transactional Analysis (2 years) 2008Firo-B 2007IBM Certified Learning Professional 2007Transactional Analysis 101 2006NLP Master Practitioner 2005MBTI Practitioner 2005Train the Trainer 2004NLP Certified Practitioner 2003IBM Senior IT Specialist Profession 2003NLP Diploma 2002Professional Cert in Management 2002Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer 1998Microsoft Certified Professional 1997BSc (Hons) Industrial & Business Systems1994

Suzanne’s toolkit

© 2013 - Suzanne Hazelton

Art & Science of Communication

Skill 1: Developing the ability to navigate the dynamics of

relationships

Too often we ‘react’ to comments and the actions of others

• BUT you are MORE than a puppet on a string

• You don’t have to have your emotions and thinking pulled around by others

• First let me show you some of the typical dynamics that go on in relationships …..

• Once you can “see” what’s going on – you have more choice in how you respond

Adapted from OK CorralI’m OK

I’m Not OK

You’re Not OK You’re OK“VICTIM”

“PERSECUTOR”

1 downAct helplessApathetic

1 upArrogantBlaming

“RESCUER”Poor youPatronising

I’m OK, you’re OKAssertiveSolution focused: “what needs to be done next?”

“hopeless”Downward spiral

© 2013 - Suzanne Hazelton

Art & Science of Communication

Skill 2: Build better relationships in just 6 seconds

How do you respond to someone else’s good news?

DON’T GETOVER-EXCITED

How do you respond to someone else’s good news?

© 2014 - Suzanne Hazelton

Many of us notice what’s ‘wrong’ with an idea, or the ‘risks’ associated with a course

of action … but research shows that relationships are built on an initial positive

response.

The person will be more likely to listen later if you first share their enthusiasm.

© 2014 - Suzanne Hazelton

“Seek first to understand, then be understood” ~ Stephen Covey

Passive and Constructive

Acknowledges the news and moves on

Active and Constructive

Focuses on themTakes an active interest – asks questionsHelps the person capitalise on the good news

Passive and Destructive

Grabs the spotlightChanges the subject

Active and Destructive

Immediately identifies the downsides and concerns

(Nonverbal communication: displays of negative emotions such as furrowed brow, frowning.)

Figure 10.1

Gable, S.L., et al., What Do You Do When Things Go Right?

Passive and Constructive

“That’s good news.”

(Nonverbal communication: little or no active emotional expression.)

Active and Constructive

“That’s great, I know how important that promotion was to you! We should go out and celebrate and you can tell me what excites you most about your new job”

(Nonverbal communication: maintaining good eye contact; displays of positive emotions such as genuine smiling, laughter and appropriate touch)

Passive and Destructive

“What are we doing on Friday night?”

(Nonverbal communication: little or no eye contact, turning away, leaving the room)

Active and Destructive

“That sounds like a lot of responsibility to take on. There will probably more stress involved in the new position and longer hours at the office.”

Figure 10.1

Gable, S.L., et al., What Do You Do When Things Go Right?

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Taking action ….

What will you do (or do more of) as a result of this workshop?

Please take a moment to complete the feedback sheets ….

(more info to follow)

“As long as you live, keep learning how to live” ~ Seneca

References / Further ReadingBack, K., & Back, K. (1999). Assertiveness at work : a practical guide to handling awkward

situations (3rd ed. ed.). London: McGraw-Hill.Bono, J. E., & Ilies, R. (2006). Charisma, positive emotions and mood contagion. The Leadership

Quarterly, 17(4), 317-334. doi: 10.1016/j.leaqua.2006.04.008Fredrickson, B. (2009a). Positivity : groundbreaking research reveals how to embrace the hidden

strength of positive emotions, overcome negativity, and thrive (1st ed.). New York: Crown Publishers.

Gable, S.L., et al., What Do You Do When Things Go Right? The Intrapersonal and Interpersonal Benefits of Sharing Positive Events. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2004. 87(2): p. 228-245.

Huppert, F. A. 2009. Psychological Well-being: Evidence Regarding its Causes and Consequences. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-being, (2), 137–164.

Lyubomirsky, S. (2010). The how of happiness : a practical approach to getting the life you want. London: Piatkus.

Lyubomirsky, S., King, L., & Diener, E. (2005). The Benefits of Frequent Positive Affect: Does Happiness Lead to Success? Psychological Bulletin, 131(6), 803-855. doi: 10.1037/0033-2909.131.6.803

Working with Others – more free resources

• Free PDF of chapter 10 – Working with Others, from Great Days at Work

– http://www.johnsonfellowes.co.uk/great-days-work/

• Communicating for business action– Blog: http://suzannehazelton.com/2013/05/28/business-communications/

• Assertiveness– Blog: http://suzannehazelton.com/2013/03/17/6-ways-to-increase-your-assertive-language/

– Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0bR6nyxeb4

• My YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/suzannehazelton/videos

© 2014 Suzanne Hazelton

Suzanne Hazelton’s contact details

• Email: [email protected]• Twitter: @SuzanneHazelton

Suzanne is a leadership coach, working with individuals and teams to THRIVE! A positive psychologist, coach and trainer – she’s worked with thousands of people. She’s the author of two books: Raise Your Game, and Great Days at Work (Kogan Page). She’s a contributing author to a third: Entrepreneurs Succeed With Us. She works with clients on people & thriving related topics.

© 2014 Suzanne Hazelton

Managing Stress

Suzanne Hazelton

Working with Others

THANK YOU

© 2014 Suzanne Hazelton