Work on family assessment issues if both parents or ...€¦ · Setting a safe context • Work on family assessment issues if both parents or children are around • Plan for seeing

Setting a safe context• Work on family assessment issues if both parents or

children are around

• Plan for seeing the parents separately - present this as standard

• For perpetrators and for some victims this should be in a safe setting

Approaching the issue

• What did you see in your partner when you first met? How did he make you feel at first?

• When did you first get even slightly worried about the way he dealt with his anger?

• What were the earliest signs he might be a bit of bully?

• What is he like when he is angry – at his best and worst?

• When did he first lay a hand on you in anger?

• How does he get physical with you when arguing?

• What is most frightening about him and his behaviour?

• What bothers you most about all this?

Getting some details for risk assessment

What do you feel is the worst thing he’s done to you?I know this is difficult to say - this is not about making you feeling bad, this is just about increasing your safety which means being able to assess the risk.

I need to try to form a clear picture for myself so you know what we’re dealing with.

Ask:

When the worst incident took place.....

Where was he? Where was she? Where were the children? What violence was used? How much force? To where on the body? Did she fall or hit against something? With what impact on her? How many times did he hit her? etc. It is useful to use scales – on a scale of 1-5 (5 being punching her as hard as possible) how hard did he punch her?

Asking about the children

• What are the best/ worst times for you as a parent?

• What do you find hardest about each child’s behaviour? Tell me about a time when he/she has misbehaved. Why do you think s/he acts like that?

• How do you try to manage that, at your best and when you’re at your worst? How about the other parent?

• What kinds of discipline do you use? What happens if this doesn’t work?

• Do you and the other parent agree about how to discipline them?

• What have you noticed about how the children are affected by the arguments between you and your partner?

• Do you talk with your child about the conflict in the family? What do you say? What would you want to say, if you could?

Stages

1. finding out what has happened and assessing risk

2. intervention: assessing suitability for intervention

and then working for change alongside the person

you are working with.

Ways of explaining the meeting As you may know there have been concerns about yourchild/ren in relation to [e.g. some police callouts to your home]. It’s my job to find out whether these are concerns you’re willing and able to engage with and whether we can work together to ensure the children are safe, happy and well.I’m interested in how you see these incidents – because that tells me a lot about how you are going to keep your children safe in future. A rule of thumb is that social workers worry less when the parents worry more. If I think you’re taking the concerns seriously that will be reassuring to me.

Consent to ask questions

I need to ask you some very direct questions about these issues – is that OK? But let me know if I ask you something you don’t want to answer – would you speak out?

or

We have only just met and I might need to ask some difficult questions. If you start to feel annoyed or uncomfortable, how could you let me know you want to take a five-minute break instead of walking out or having a go at me?

• DON’T GET STUCK WITH GENERAL QUESTIONS

• AVOID YES/NO QUESTIONS

• AVOID ‘WHY?’

• TALK TO WHERE THEY ARE AT

• GET BEYOND THE CASE RECORDS

• USE A SCHEDULE PURELY AS AN AIDE MEMOIRE

How to ask about the violence• When and how did you two first meet?• I assume that the relationship worked well at first –what do you think worked best about you two?• What issues did you argue over at first? And later?• When did you first get worried about how you dealwith anger?• When did you first lay a hand on your partner inanger?• Tell me about some other times when you’ve gone too far. Or when you haven’t used the right methods tostand up for yourself.

What are you like these days when you are angry? At

your best and at your worst? Can you give me recent

examples of each?

• How do you get physical with your partner when

arguing? Let’s consider a particular time – if you could

see a film of yourself during that argument, how would

you look? Did you pace around, shout, bang things,

break things, stand close to her when shouting, etc.?

• How long do arguments last? How do they end?

• How often do arguments like this happen?

• What do you feel is the worst thing you’ve done to your partner? What would your partner say is the worst thing?

• What is the most recent thing you’ve done?

• Have you ever got her to do sexual things that

retrospectively you think she was uncomfortable about? How did you get her to do that?

Tell me about your earlier relationships and in what

ways they were similar to and different from this.

• Have the police been called in the past? How many

times?

• Any social services involvement?

Leaving a door ajar

A lot of people find they remember more details as they go along – sometimes weeks later.

The interview schedule and inventories

abusing cultural privilege

using race, culture and Nationality

Spiritual or religious

abuse

Using the Extended Family /

Community using male privilege and

economic abuse

homophobia

Using race, culture and nationality Discouraging you from linking up with support systems

Putting you down for your ‘uneducated’ or ‘unsophisticated’ ways

Discouraging you from learning English

Threatening that you can’t stay here if you don’t do what he wants

Keeping you dependent – eg. by not allowing you to receive child benefits directly

Saying that you/ your family are not good enough for him/ his

Keeping your from knowing your rights, and the practical and legal support that you’re entitled to

Telling you that it’s wrong to break up the family

Enlisting other members of the community or a representative of the religion to pressure you to stay or behave like he wants you to

Refusing to treat you as an equal

Not taking your viewpoints into account

Treating you like a slave – getting you to stay at home and do all the housework

Not sharing opportunities equally with you for social life or work life

Telling you to keep up your traditional responsibilities while not upholding his

Insisting that you choose the same level of tradition or religious practice as him

Using religion or spirituality

Telling you that religion requires you to forgive, endure or submit to your lot

Telling you that religion abhors separating the family and that you will be to blame if you leave for your safety

Threatening to use curses or other magic on you

Claiming that your anger is a sign of possession or sinfulness

Using the extended family / community

• Told her that she would ruin the family’s honour or reputation if she left for her safety

• Did not protect your partner from extended family who directly abused her physically or emotionally

• Let extended family instigate abuse or encourage you to be abusive to your partner

• Used family members to check up on, isolate and/or police your partner

• Used extended family to mediate and ultimately to exert pressure your partner to stay in or return to the relationship

• Said she would have to return dowry or otherwise pay back the extended family if she left

• Threatened to get people to hurt or shame her family in her country of origin

using male privilege / economic abuse

Preventing her working

Deciding who has what roles

Making her ask and be grateful for money

Treating her like a servant

Making all the big decisions

Doing the lion’s share of the socialising

Denying her knowledge about the family income

Setting the pace and content of the sexual relationship

Using gendered put-downs and double standards (You slut! Stupid woman etc)

Always being the one in the driving seat or with the remote control

Acting like his role is more important than hers

Using homophobia

Threatening to ‘out’ your partner

Using homophobic abuse against your partner

Questioning if they’re a ‘real’ lesbian, gay, man or woman

Defining how a same sex relationship should be and defining your partner’s role

Justifying behaviours that hurt your partner as being ‘normal’ in same sex relationships (for example sex with other people)

Questions to ask yourself of every client :

How does culture relate to the kinds of things this couple have argued about and the issues around which there has been abuse?

What are his expectations of women/relationships and her expectations of men/ relationships?

How does each of them come across when presenting at the intervention project? How might this relate to their race and culture and the race / culture of workers?

How can you use your cultural competence in this case? How can you increase your cultural competence in this case? or conversely, how can you make use of your cultural naivety - what areas do you need to ask about?

Questions to ask yourself of every client :

What family and other social involvement do they have?

How do family, social or religious groups:

– Support his changing or continuing the abuse?

– Support her staying or leaving?

Questions to ask yourself of every client :

What are his other motivations to stop or continue abusing?

What are her other motivations to stay or leave?

How will the experience of oppression affect:

– Either of them accessing services, or reporting the abuse?

– Their participation in any intervention work (especially in groups)?

– Other agency responses

What other services might they need – especially culturally specific support services?

‘Honour’ or family-shame based violence

Paul Gilbert et al. Focus group exploration of the impact of izzat, 2004

• The concept of family shame (izzat) played a powerful role in Asian women's experience.

• The fear of bringing shame to others, which can be called 'reflected shame', was linked to socially defined rules and prescriptions for gaining and maintaining reputation, via culturally transmitted systems of honour (izzat). This was much more of an issue for participants than personal shame.

• To lose honour (by the actions of another) or to bring dishonour is to be externally shamed, lose status in the eyes of others' or even disowned by the family and community.

• Some participants expressed the view that even if women were being abused at home they should bear it for the sake of family honour. Some felt that suicide might be a preferred option than leaving the home and risking blame and dishonour.

‘Honour’ or family-shame based violence

• The theme of subordination was closely linked to that of izzat and in particular to women being the carrier of family honour and obeying the cultural rules of family hierarchy.

• The hierarchical structure of some families, the power differences between men and women, and the power of in-laws can lead to the significant subordination of married women and, as a consequence, mental health problems. Some participants talked of 'being watched' or like 'being on a lead.‘

• There is increasing evidence that the experience of entrapment in unwanted subordinate positions is a significant vulnerability factor for mental health problems (Brown et al, 1995; Gilbert & Allan, 1998).

“It’s normal in my culture”

• No religions insist on DV – many cultures turn a blind eye. Therefore, while religion or cultural norms may not provide the motivation to stop, nor do they provide a motivation to continue the violence. Explore secular costs and benefits if there aren’t religious ones…

• Some say that “it’s acceptable in my culture”. Ask if they’ve told everyone? Would they happily broadcast their violence at the mosque or temple or church? If not why not?

• No culture is homogenous. Speak about people within the same religion and from the same background who are not at all aggressive and develop them as a ‘model’ for respectful beliefs.

• No culture is static. Many things that were ‘normal’ in a given culture are now considered barbaric. Give your client examples from the UK (eg. it used to be legal to flog your servants) and ask for examples of cultural change from their country or culture. Male dominance may well one day be seen like this (indeed this used to enshrined in law in the UK but is no more).

Risk factors for child abduction

– being male and aged between 25 and 35 years

– with a criminal record

– with a history of significant mental health difficulties

– recently separated from the child’s mother

– there has been a high level of conflict between the parents

– has previously subjected the resident mother to violence

– has broken contact agreements or has previously made credible threats or prior attempts to abduct the child

Risk factors for child abduction

– the parents’ relationship was cross-cultural or international– is likely to have the knowledge/resources to abduct– has connections and support in another area– has few financial or emotional ties in the area in which the

child is living– claims to know what is best for the child– claims that the child is being harmed by living with the other

parent– the child concerned is aged between 2 and 8 years (especially

under 5) (which presumably reflects the fact that older children are harder to control, and younger children require a high level of care)

– there are fewer than 3 children in the family (most abductions occur where there are only one or two children).