Woolf Pack Issue #3 - HalloZine

She stepped up to the 10 Items or Less counter. The Woolworths was almost empty, the fluorescent lights humming above the empty aisles. She piled her purchase onto the counter. Two packs of pads (night time, heavy flow, regular for the day, Libra) and a double pack of brightly wrapped tampons, discreet in their stylish black boxes. As if opening the box to find pink and yellow and blue and lime green somehow mitigates the agony, the discomfort. Transmutes that mortification into sunny days at the beach, lycra dance costumes. Blip, blip, blip – the scanner echoed all the way to the freezer section.

“That’s twenty-four dollars and two cents thanks,” the near-chinless sales assistant said, avoiding eye-contact.

“How much?” she snapped, a little too quickly. “Twenty-four-dollars-and-two-cents” he replied, slowly, clearly and loudly.

Because when your uterus is shedding its lining, this also affects your hearing. “Twenty four dollars?” “… and two cents.”

She felt a prickle, hot beneath her skin. All over her body the hair began to stand. She took a deep breath. Not here. Not now. Keep it together. She held out her VISA card. Left to right the lights lit up. Processing. The receipt printed and the cashier passed her the bag. It that moment, she noticed something for the first time.

“GST!?” The words escaped her faster than she could catch them. The rage returned, hotter than before. Hotter than ever.

“GEE ESS TEE?!?” She roared as thick black fur sprouted from her now muscular arms, her bulk increasing with each infuriated breath. “I HAVE TO PAY TAX ON THIS SHIT!?” Her face had entirely transformed now. The cashier looked up in terror. The fangs. The claws. The fury in the monster’s eyes. She howled at the full moon, glowing gently over the Woolworths.

Clean up at the Ten Items or Less counter. Would any horror themed fem-zine be complete without an article about

periods? Or unfair tax practices? Two birds, meet one stone. Caution: there be blood and period talk ahead! Periods are a big enough nightmare without the thought of what non-biodegradable pads and tampons are doing to our poor planet and wallets. If only there was an environmentally friendly solution… Enter the Menstrual Cup; AKA the Moon Cup, The Keeper, the Luna Cup; she goes by many names. The Moon Cup is a bell shaped silicone or rubber cup which, when inserted into the vagina, creates a barrier and collects all of your monthly blood sacrifice to the Moon Goddess. Unlike pads and tamps it can be reused, and one cup can be used for up to 5 years before it needs to be replaced. I got mine for $65 (the cheapest they had at Biome was $55) and in less than six months it had paid for itself. Not only is it cheaper in the

C Fold: This is the classic. Push the sides together and fold into a C Shape. Push Down: Try this one if the C Fold is too large to insert. Push the lip down into the cup and squeeze the sides. S Fold: If you are having trouble getting the cup to open once you have it inside, this fold might be for you. Start by pressing the sides together and fold into an S shape.

long run, but unlike tamps it allows your vagina to remain juicy, not soaking up the natural moisture that keeps it healthy. They also aren’t linked to Toxic Shock Syndrome, and can be taken out, emptied and cleaned as little as once every twelve hours (depending on the heaviness of your flow) – and you can keep them in over night! Sure, they aren’t for everyone; anyone squeamish around blood certainly won’t like them. Depending on the position of your cervix they may not create the necessary suction and leak. Some peeps aren’t keen on insertables, and the size of the cup when folded is still significantly larger than tamps and some find them difficult to insert properly. However, if these issues aren’t phasing you (moon cup, phase, get it) the moon cup may be the menstru-lution you’ve been searching for!

So you’ve decided to try the Moon Cup. Good for you, bb. Here are some handy tips:

As the lady at the Biome counter told me when I went to buy my Lunette:

when removing the cup make sure you break the seal by slipping your finger up beside the rim and pushing it into itself – you’ll hear the seal break. This way you don’t end up with a bloodsplosion all over your bathroom floor (somewhat paraphrased)

If you are feeling at all unsure about whether it will leak, just pop a liner in your undies ;)

Check that the cup has popped open once you’ve inserted it by running your finger around it. You’ll be able to feel (with your finger) if it hasn’t popped open properly, and you’ll be able to fix it before The Leakening.

The little tail on your cup can be trimmed with sharp scissors if it is too long.

Make sure you follow the cleaning instructions that come with your moon cup! This will ensure you get your full “up to five years” out of it.

I know I’m not the only Woolf Packer who loves their cup. When contrasted with the irritating plastics and bleached cottons used in your supermarket Sanitary Items, it isn’t surprising. If you don’t think a menstrual cup would be for you, but you still want to check out a more sustainable way to manage your monthly, there are many websites which sell reusable pads that are worth checking out. The important thing is that you’re taking your junk in your own hands (so to speak) and getting educated about what other options are out there – and sticking it to the man where appropriate.