Winning Body Language

VISUAL BOOK SUMMARY

IntroductionHave you ever had the unfortunate experience of seeing a speaker who was clearly nervous and having a really difficult time? Of course you have.

Now think about that experience for a few seconds.

How did it make you feel? You probably remember feeling tense and anxious yourself and you really couldn’t wait for the experience to be over.

There are two important things to look at here:

First, this nervousness most likely had to do with what the presenter was doing with their body. They probably brought their arms down by their side, had their stomach scrunched in, and were slightly hunched over. All of which conspired to cut off the flow of oxygen to the brain, make them tense up even more and cause their voice to be shallow and quiet. More often than not it’s physiology that gets in the way not psychology.

Secondly, notice that whatever the speaker or presenter was feeling got transferred to you. You probably found yourself tensing up and almost holding your breath as you were waiting for this torture to be over. Remember the words that were coming out of his mouth may have been brilliant but you certainly won’t remember them that way. There is a part of the brain that’s free from constraints of rational thought and it relies strictly on emotion. We not only have more faith in what we see, we also have more faith in what we feel.

Introduction (con’t)Of course communication isn’t about choosing the right words, it’s about being understood by your audience. And here’s the news flash for you, the message occurs in the audience’s head. Study after study proves that we are predominantly visual beings, and we’ll place more trust in what we see over anything else. As a side note there are evolutionary reasons why we react like this and they are insanely fascinating. We don’t have time to cover them here, but if you want the background on this I highly suggest you read the book.

You’ve likely heard and forgot a hundred times before, your body language alone accounts for 55 percent of how your audience understands your message. The next 38 percent is accounted for by the tone of your voice, and a measly 7 percent can be attributed to the words that you choose. So why if our non verbal cues are 10 times more important than that words that we chose, do we continue to focus so much of our attention on pretending like we are Shakespeare? Probably

because no one has ever given us actionable advise on what to do with that 93%. You can rest easy though because those days are over. Showing us that the body and the voice are extricably linked, Mark Bowden shows us exactly how we can use body language in order to get the desired effect from any communication we deliver, whatever it is. It doesn’t matter if you are delivering a speech in front of 5,000 people or talking to a customer over the telephone, Winning Body Language will show you how to be more effective in getting whatever it is you want out of your communication.

Lets take a journey to see what our nervous filled friend could have done differently to get his message across.

We’re going to start with one of the most powerful and overlooked tools you have in your communication, what you do with your hands.

Number One.What to do with your hands.

The first thing we would have told the presenters is that they should never drop their hands below their midsection. This is what Mark Bowden calls the grotesque playing. For evolutionary reasons, your subconscious mind will wonder why you’ve made yourself a static target, your voice will get dull and you’ll have a lifeless look in your eyes. Quite literally your subconscious mind will be forcing you to play dead. Think about the most passionate and persuasive communicator you have ever met. How often did you see their hands down by their sides?

So, first things first keep your hands above your waist.

The second thing we would have told the presenter is the one secret that great communicators know that the rest of us don’t. That getting your audience whether they are 1 or 1,000 strong to trust you starts with the ‘truth plane’. If you have ever watched an evening news

personality or watched Ryan Seacrest on American Idol you have seen it in action. The ‘truth plane’ is the area in around the height of your belly button. Keeping your hands along that ‘plane’ while your talking gives the feeling of being centered, controlled, collected, composed and calm. This is a great place to start from. However, it also gives you the physical sensation of level headiness, balance and abundant energy. Most importantly the people receiving your communication will feel energized and calm as well, which is the perfect state to receive a message. Communicate as much as possible in this ‘plane’. Sometimes however you want to take it up a notch like Emeril Lagasse and energize your audience with a passionate message. You’ll need to display inspired, trustworthy and passionate body language. For this you want to employ what Mark calls the ‘passion plane’. This is the horizontal plane of gesture that lies a couple inches from your sternum.

Number One (con’t). When you place your hands in this ‘plane’ your heart rate and your breathing rate will automatically increase. It also creates a much higher level of energy and excitement in your communication. Think of a time where you saw somebody incredibly passionate in giving a speech and you’ll probably remember somebody who gestured in this ‘plane’ quite a bit. Everybody loves to see somebody passionate about a topic and life in general, but if you let the energy get out of control and gesture frantically in this ‘plane’ you will also come off more like a raving lunatic than a compassionate communicator, so be careful.

So, when should one use the ‘truth plane’ and when should one use the ‘passion plane’?

Essentially use the ‘passion plane’ when you want the content to be exciting and energetic and use the ‘truth plane’ when you want the content to be factual, honest and sincere. For instance lets say you are giving a business presentation where you

have some reports to talk about. If you want to create a sense of excitement about the report you hold it up at chest height. If you want it to be perceived as trustworthy you hold it at belly button height.

The last thing you need to be aware of around the use of your hands is symmetry. According to many psychological studies symmetry has a lot do to with how we are attracted to form, with all due respect to John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever keeping the right hand and left hand symmetrically aligned when you are gesturing will create a much more believable communication style.

If that’s not enough for you there is actually evidence to show that you’ll also be perceived as better looking, just saying.

Number Two. What to do with your breath.

Now that you know what to do with your hands lets talk about what to do with your breath. Well I already know what to do you might be thinking, it is ‘in’ and ‘out’, right? Well yes smarty pants, it is ‘in’ and ‘out’, however think about the difference between that ‘in’ and ‘out’. When you want to take a deep breath or get a breath of fresh air which is the part that creates the positive sensation in your body, is it the ‘in’ or the ‘out’? So go ahead, do it right now, take a big breath ‘in’ with me. It’s the ‘in breath’, right? Well unfortunately most of us talk predominantly on the ‘out breath’, which causes us to create an experience that’s less vibrant, narrower, and pessimistic. Why? Because your brain isn’t getting enough oxygen to think on a very high level, that’s why. However you literally feel more full of life when you are on the ‘in breath’. One of the other great benefits to the feeling is the way that you are open to more new ideas.

We’ve already covered the fact that your audience will naturally copy your physical frame so if you are modeling the ‘in breath’ they will do the same and fall in to a frame of mind where they are more open to new ideas. Your ideas.

That sounds great but, if you ever have tried to talk while sucking in air you realize that it is a pretty tough task. Well fear not we have some good news for you. There is a way to be on the ‘in breath’ without getting an operation. Here’s what I need you to do, stand up and begin expanding yourself upwards gently straightening out your spine. Act like somebody is pulling a string attached to the top of your head, at the same time don’t let your heels come off the ground. Just notice how you feel when you do this. You probably feel like your lungs are more full of air than they usually are and you also tend to feel lighter and more energetic than a couple of seconds ago. Now for the interesting part...

Number Two (con’t). start talking to somebody who is sitting next to you in this stage. After about 30 seconds, switch back to your normal state where you are a little more hunched over and breathing less deeply.

If you are like most people you’ll actually find that it’s harder to think and form sentences in your original state than it was on the ‘in breath’.

Quite simply make sure that you have great posture and make sure to remember to take deep breaths throughout your communication. You’ll appear more confident, relaxed and your thoughts will flow more freely.

Number Three.What to do with your head and face.

Facial expressions, you’ve got about 5,000 of them in your repertoire and they play a very large role in how we relate to humans, face to face.

Here are some tips to help you communicate more effectively:

First, a gentle smile helps in creating a feeling of warmth. The sides of your lips need to be upturned a little bit but the muscles around the eyes also need to mirror the smile. In other words, smiles are great but face smiles will create a sense of unease, don’t do that! A great way to create a natural smile, even when you don’t feel so smiley is to take a nice big ‘in breath’.

Second, you can use your eyebrows to your advantage. When you raise your eyebrows very quickly we create a sense of acceptance.

Third, you can tilt your head slightly to one side which will give the audience the signal that, I’m

listening to you, even when you are the one doing the talking. It creates a sense of empathy that the audience will mirror.

Number Four.How to make others feel like you accept them.

Communication is also a two way street unless your up on stage giving a presentation, there’s a pretty good chance that someone else is going to talk back to you. So here are 3 powerful tools that will allow you to create a sense of acceptance with anybody you meet, which when you think about it is what we all have been after from the moment we were born.

What we first need to do, as Mark points out, is an incredibly simple but powerful thing. It is using the ‘yes state’ by getting into a nonverbal state of acceptance you’ll be displaying a positive message to an audience of any size. So how do you do it? Simple, just review as much positive vocabulary as you can, yes, good, agreed, certainly, sure, true, yeah, by all means. Those are all good examples and whenever you are in communication with somebody, whether you’re getting praise by the boss or scolded by an angry customer, say these positive words in your head

and accept whatever communication comes your way. As your body literally gets into a state of acceptance the other person can’t help but do the same. You can use this method to diffuse a nasty situation in a jiffy.

Secondly, there’s a simple gesture you can make in both the ‘truth plane‘ and the ‘passion plane‘ that will literally bring people closer to you, and that’s to make the gesture of pulling something towards you.

Lastly, and related to number two, there’s a secret handshake that will make everybody you meet feel like a million bucks. The next time you shake hands with somebody, turn their hand slightly over yours and pull their hand slightly towards your stomach area, note, I said stomach area. What this does is it allows the other person to have a feeling of acceptance as you bring them closer, with a pinch of dominance thrown in for good measure as their hand slightly dominates yours.

Number Four (con’t).We won’t get into the evolutionary factors as to why this works but just try it the next time your meeting somebody and see if they don’t smile when you are doing it.

In essence the more you accept others the more they are inclined to accept you and act in your favor.

Number Five Putting it all together.

To wrap things up this week, here is how you put it all together.

Make a choice, make it bigger, and keep it tidy.

For instance if your choice is to get your audience excited about your topic, you need to get excited yourself. However, don’t just get a little bit excited get very excited, and stay in the ‘passion plane’ the entire time.

Lastly, keep it tidy by not adding in a hint of irony or apathetic twist just stick with the passion.

The bottom line in all communication is this:

Be clear with your actions and minds will follow.

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