Why Study Communication? The Only Completely Portable Skill You will use it in every relationship You will need it regardless of your career path The “Information Age” The history of civilization is the history of information Language and written documents facilitate the transfer of information and knowledge through time and space
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Why Study Communication?
The Only Completely Portable Skill You will use it in every relationship You will need it regardless of your career path
The “Information Age” The history of civilization is the history of information Language and written documents facilitate the transfer of
information and knowledge through time and space
Why Study Communication?
Your Quality of Life Depends Primarily on Your Communication Skills
You Cannot Be Too Good at Communication People Overestimate Their Own
Communication Skills
We Want Others to Change
What Is Communication?
Transfer of Meaning—No Influence of Mental Maps—Yes Redundant
The Map is Not the Territory We delete information We distort information We generalize We assign meaning
Models of the World
Sensory Data
The Building Blocks of Subjective Experience What we see What we hear What we touch, taste, and smell
The Four-tuple Meanings and Memories
Filtering Experience
Primary Mediation Secondary Mediation
Genetic predisposition Conditioning Personal profiles of behavioral type Beliefs, values, core questions, and core metaphors Physical and mental state
Perception Can Be Tricky
The Communication ProcessS
enso
ry D
ata
Sen
sory
Dat
aSender Receiver
Filters
BeliefsValues
Questions &MetaphorsBeh. Type
State
Filters
BeliefsValues
Questions &MetaphorsBeh. Type
State
Decision-Making
Message
Channel
The Bowman Communication Model, 1992-2003
Encoding
Decision-Making
Encoding
Metaphor: The Language of Perception
Metaphors and Similes My love is a flower. My love is like a flower.
Core Metaphors Argument is war Business is war Business is a sport or a game Business is a building
Core Metaphors
Metaphors, Similes, and Analogies Perceptual Filters Common Operational Metaphors
Time is… Learning is… Men/Women are… Success is... Life is…
Experience, Language, and Meaning
Experience
Sensory Data
Mental Maps
Language Meaning
Symbol Systems
Language Words and sentences Meaning and labels
Mathematics Money
History of Communication
Nonverbal: 150,000 years Oral: 55,000 years Written: 6,000 years
Early writing: 4000 BC Egyptian hieroglyphics: 3000 BC Phoenician alphabet: 1500 to 2000 BC Book printing in China: 600 BC Book printing in Europe: 1400 AD
Bridge Between Internal and External Internal and External Processing Internal Processing
Posture and breathing Language and paralanguage Eye accessing cues
Sensory Modalities
Visual Auditory Kinesthetic
Touch Taste Smell Emotional responses (feelings)
Preferred Sensory Modalities
People Use All Their Available Senses Some Prefer Visual Some Prefer Auditory Some Prefer the Kinesthetic Cluster
Senses of touch, taste, and smell Associated emotional responses
Some Prefer “Digital” Processing
Visuals
Vocabulary I see what you mean. It looks good to me. Let’s stay focused on the problem. She has a bright future. He’s always in a fog.
Physiology and Appearance Paralanguage
Auditories
Vocabulary I hear what you are saying. It sounds good to me. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? That’s music to my ears. He’s always blowing his own horn.
Physiology and Appearance Paralanguage
Kinesthetics (Kinos)
Vocabulary I can grasp the concept, and it feels right to me. It smells fishy to me. It left me with a bad taste in my mouth. She’s still rough around the edges. He’s a smooth operator.
Physiology and Appearance Paralanguage
Eye Accessing Cues
Vr
Ar
Ai
Vc
Ac
K
Exercise: Observing Eye Movements
Ask questions that require internal processing. Visual Auditory Kinesthetic
Taste or smell Touch Emotions
Exercise: Flexibility
Determine your preferred system. What are you doing when you “think”? Speak for two minutes using predicates from one
sensory modality, then do the the same for each of the other two.
Work in groups and take turns speaking using sense-based predicates in a systematic way.
Rapport
Finding Commonalities Values Vocabulary and paralanguage Physiology and appearance
Matching and Mirroring Cross-over Matching
People who are like each other, like each other.
Developing Rapport
Nonverbal (what you see and do) Physiology Appearance Congruence
Verbal (what you hear and say) Sense-based predicates Values, beliefs, and criteria Voice tone and rate of speech
Reading Nonverbal Messages
Sensory Acuity Agree and Disagree Posture and Movement
Associated or dissociated Bodily response
Exercises: Rapport
Matching and Mirroring Observing others Practicing
Calibration Like/dislike Yes/no
Congruence
Physiology Left/right body Left/right brain
Nonverbal and Verbal Messages “Parts” Groups
Strategies
The Structure of Subjective Experience Four-tuples Syntax
Select something, someone, or an activity you want to like better.
Elicit submodalities for Things you like. Things you dislike.
Change the submodalities with which you represent the thing, person, or activity.
Belief Systems
Cultural Parental Group Individual
Global (Identity) Cause-effect
If X, then Y If I study, then I will...
Rules Can/can’t Must/must not Should/should not
Values
A Type of Belief Hierarchical Either Positive or Negative
Something desired Something to avoid
Congruent or Incongruent
Core Questions
Remain Out of Conscious Awareness Focus Attention Influence Interpretation of Events Influence Psychological State Influence the Range of Possibilities
Exercise: Belief and Disbelief
Elicit the submodalities of something you believe absolutely.
Elicit the submodalities of something you doubt.
Elicit the submodalities of something you disbelieve.
Select a limiting belief and change its submodalities.
Frames and Reframes
The Filters That Determine Meaning Influence State and Behavior Creating and Changing Frames
Anchoring Reframing Context Reframing Content
Reframing Context
Key Questions Where would the characteristic or behavior be useful? When would the characteristic or behavior be useful? What would have to be true for this to be useful?
Common Context Reframes Rudolph’s red nose Oil Procrastination
Reframing Content
Key Questions What else could this mean (or be)? What am I missing here? How can he or she believe that? How could this mean the opposite of what I thought?
Common Content Reframes The ugly duckling Plastic or sawdust Failure
The Metamodel
Used to Understand Another’s Mental Maps Used to Recover Lost Information Used to Help Correct Distortions Universal Metamodel Questions
What, who, or how specifically? What do you mean? How do you know? What would happen if you did (or didn’t)?
Metamodel “Violations”
Unspecified Nouns Abstract nouns (a student, teachers) Nominalizations (freedom, justice)
Unspecified or Missing Pronouns Someone you know. . . . It’s wrong to think that.
Metamodel “Violations”
Unspecified Verbs You have to learn this. You will solve your problems.
Unwarranted Generalizations You never want to do anything. Politicians are crooks.
Metamodel “Violations”
Unwarranted Comparisons Brand X gives you more. Sally is the best.
Unwarranted Rules You can’t do that on television. Clean your plate. No pain, no gain.
The Milton Model
Used to Change Another’s Mental Maps Used to Create New Possibilities Used to Influence
Milton Model Techniques
Metamodel “Violations” Unspecified nouns, pronouns, and verbs. Generalizations Comparisons Shifts in referential index
My automobile prefers to warm up slowly. The organization is in excellent shape. For
example, the record profits last year. The company has decided to purchase new
furniture. While busy working at the computer all day
was no doubt the cause of her eye strain and stiff neck.
More Basic Language Skills
Not only will Alex need to justify his behavior to his boss, but also to the company president.
The data is from “Service Is the Key”, by Eileen Johnson in the May issue of The Journal of Customer Relations.
Language Skills for Case 1
As an employee of Con-U-Tel, it is my responsibility to set up our companies annual convention.
I am writing this letter to inquire about your hotel’s accommodations.
How many people can your hotel accommodate at one time?
More Language Skills for Case 1
Does your hotel have banquet facilities? How many conference rooms does your hotel
have with audio/visual equipment? I must have your answer by July 10th so that I
can make a decision. Thank you in advance for sending this and
other helpful information.
Block Format andMixed Punctuation
Date goes on left margin 5 January 2004 January 5, 2004 NOT: 1/5/2004 or 5.1.2004
Inside address includes the following: Name of the individual with courtesy title Professional title and/or office or department Organization plus “mail stop” information City, state, and ZIP code information
Block Format andMixed Punctuation—Part 2
Salutation Dear Ms. Goldman: Dear Director: Ladies and Gentlemen:
The signature block includes the following: An appropriate complimentary close (Sincerely,
Cordially, Best Wishes) The signature of the person who wrote the letter The typed/printed name of the writer
Message Structure for Case 1
Ask the most important question. What is the make-or-break question? Why are convention facilities more important than guest rooms? Why is it important to include the dates in the opening question?
Explain your needs. What does she need to know to help you? What does she not need to know? What is required for transition to the list of secondary questions?
More Structure for Case 1
Ask your secondary questions. What is implied by the numbered list? How do you ensure that the information you receive will
help you make a decision?
Set and justify an end-date. Is it possible that she can help you in ways you haven’t
asked about? Why do you need a time index to justify a specific end-