1. EXT. LA JOLLA SHORES ROAD – MORNING EXTRA LONG SHOT of La Jolla Shores road. Out for a run and heading straight for us is ALBERT CALIGARI, potential do- gooder who hasn’t done much good yet. Cam is with ALBERT, bundled up like a white-girl Eskimo in heavy winter running apparel. CUT TO: EXT. LA JOLLA SHORES – MORNING Cam crawls along the waterline of the beach, where yesterday’s rain and choppy surf have kept people out of the water and off the sand. BACK TO ALBERT, stopping for a breather. Meanwhile, a group of breast cancer FUN-RUNNERS passes by. Cam pans around ALBERT to reveal a SIGN promoting today’s breast cancer charity run. ALBERT takes off after the FUN-RUNNERS competitively. LOW ANGLE shot of the determined ALBERT from the front, closing the distance between him and the group of elderly, pink-shirted women. He selects a new song on his IPOD – his pump up song – and accelerates. AUDIO CUE: PUMP UP SONG BACK TO the beach. This time cam is lower, crawling along the waterline, just above the white-wash going in and out… BACK TO ALBERT outsprinting the elderly FUN-RUNNERS. ALBERT makes a hard right down the stairs descending into the heart of Scripps. The charity run, however, continues straight down the road, with its signs of encouragement extending off into the horizon. CLOSE UP of ALBERT as he descends the stairs, huffing and puffing. He makes jabs at the air like Rocky. BACK TO beach. Crawling shot continues, aimed at the ground and still moving at a nonchalant pace. CUT TO TRACKING SHOT of ALBERT running along the far, waterfront edge of the campus. He passes Scripps pier and takes the ramp descending down to the beach. SHOT of ALBERT, now running along the beach away from Scripps pier and towards the cliffs of Black’s Beach. BACK TO moving waterfront shot. The camera finally settles on a lifeless HAND caught in the water.
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Transcript
1.
EXT. LA JOLLA SHORES ROAD – MORNING
EXTRA LONG SHOT of La Jolla Shores road. Out for a run and heading straight for us is ALBERT CALIGARI, potential do-gooder who hasn’t done much good yet.
Cam is with ALBERT, bundled up like a white-girl Eskimo in heavy winter running apparel.
CUT TO: EXT. LA JOLLA SHORES – MORNING
Cam crawls along the waterline of the beach, where yesterday’s rain and choppy surf have kept people out of the water and off the sand.
BACK TO ALBERT, stopping for a breather. Meanwhile, a group of breast cancer FUN-RUNNERS passes by. Cam pans around ALBERT to reveal a SIGN promoting today’s breast cancer charity run. ALBERT takes off after the FUN-RUNNERS competitively.
LOW ANGLE shot of the determined ALBERT from the front, closing the distance between him and the group of elderly, pink-shirted women. He selects a new song on his IPOD – his pump up song – and accelerates.
AUDIO CUE: PUMP UP SONG
BACK TO the beach. This time cam is lower, crawling along the waterline, just above the white-wash going in and out…
BACK TO ALBERT outsprinting the elderly FUN-RUNNERS.
ALBERT makes a hard right down the stairs descending into the heart of Scripps. The charity run, however, continues straight down the road, with its signs of encouragement extending off into the horizon.
CLOSE UP of ALBERT as he descends the stairs, huffing and puffing. He makes jabs at the air like Rocky.
BACK TO beach. Crawling shot continues, aimed at the ground and still moving at a nonchalant pace.
CUT TO TRACKING SHOT of ALBERT running along the far, waterfront edge of the campus. He passes Scripps pier and takes the ramp descending down to the beach.
SHOT of ALBERT, now running along the beach away from Scripps pier and towards the cliffs of Black’s Beach.
BACK TO moving waterfront shot. The camera finally settles on a lifeless HAND caught in the water.
2.
XCU shot of ALBERT slowing to a complete stop as something in the sand grabs his attention.
MUSIC CUT-OFF CUE.
BIRD’S EYE shot of still BODY caught in the sand, shirtless, ragged, Straight Outta Atlantis. It’s an ATLANTEAN.
CU SHOT of the looking-very-much-not-alive ATLANTEAN from the side, a speechless ALBERT in the background.
XCU of a perplexed ALBERT. He removes his headphones one by one and looks into the distance.
LONG SHOT of rocky coast extending all the way to Black’s. No signs of life.
BACK TO ALBERT. He turns around.
CUT TO LONG SHOT of Scripps pier and the rest of La Jolla Shores. Nobody’s around - guess it’s not a beach day.
BACK TO ALBERT in thought.
WIDE SHOT of ALBERT standing over the ATLANTEAN. Making his decision, he suddenly turns and walks OFF SCREEN RIGHT.
The body is left where it is. Doesn’t seem like he’s coming back.
The ATLANTEAN heaves to life: attempting to push himself out of the water, he slips and collapses, making a splash. ALBERT rushes back ON SCREEN.
CUT TO WIDE SHOT of ALBERT dragging ATLANTEAN up the beach entrance ramp he ran down before.
CUT TO CU of ATLANTEAN being dropped to the ground by ALBERT next to the wash station. ALBERT begins by checking for a pulse on the ATLANTEAN’s neck, then searches his body for any important belongings.
Cam pans down with ALBERT‘s search. We get a good look at what the ATLANTEAN is wearing: a funky GOLDEN NECKLACE, shiny wrist GAUNTLET things, and like, sea shells everywhere, he’s a cross between King Neptune and a transient.
Cam cuts out to the WIDE SHOT again, showing ALBERT looking desperate for divine intervention. He returns his attention to the ATLANTEAN.
CU Cam of ALBERT giving really shitty CPR to the ATLANTEAN. 3 pumps, check the heart and repeat. At one point ALBERT
3.
moves to the ATLANTEAN’s mouth, considering mouth to mouth, but he chickens out, returning to CPR. After the 4th round of chest contractions, the ATLANTEAN grabs ALBERT by the wrist. ALBERT looks up and finds that the ATLANTEAN is staring at him haggardly, but very much alive.
SOUND CUE: a loud STINGING noise.
ALBERT recoils and wrenches free, cradling the wrist the ATLANTEAN got a hold of. XCU of the red, swollen ‘STING’ that the ATLANTEAN left on ALBERT‘s wrist.
ATLANTEAN beckons ALBERT with an open hand, gasping for his final words. Hesitently, ALBERT reapproaches.
XCU of ALBERT as he sinks lower and lower to the ATLANTEAN to hear what powerful words he will utter in his final fleeting moments.
ATLANTEAN
(last breath)
…sweet release.
The ATLANTEAN smiles ruefully, like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. XCU of a confused ALBERT.
ATLN. MESSENGER
(OFF SCREEN)
Uh…yeah, hello? Anyone up there?
ALBERT looks behind to find the source of the voice. It’s coming from below, on the beach.
ALBERT is looking over the guard rail. Cam is below him, pointing up.
ALBERT
Hello?
LONG SHOT from ALBERT‘s position, looking over the beach. Another man, strangely dressed, has walked out of the ocean. A trail of seaweed leads back into the ocean. Another ATLANTEAN. He speaks with a brazenly thick Australian accent.
ATLN. MESSENGER
Hi! I, uh…believe you have a dead body up there?
4.
ALBERT turns away from the ledge to discover that his ATLANTEAN looks assuredly dead this time. He looks back to the ATLANTEAN.
ALBERT
You know?
ATLN. MESSENGER
Yeah.
A beat.
ALBERT
…did you kill him?
ATLN. MESSENGER
Whuh? Oh, nahhh. Think this one did himself in.
ALBERT
Oh…
A beat.
…you’re from the ocean?
ATLN. MESSENGER
Yeah.
ALBERT
Are you a mermaid then?
ATLN. MESSENGER
Does it look like I have posterior caudal fin, boy?
ALBERT
But you still came from the ocean.
ATLN. MESSENGER
Yeah, but so did you, right? Ya little land loving monkey…just a bunch a sea monkeys that got tired of the water.
5.
ALBERT
That’s not what they teach us.
ATLN. MESSENGER
Oh, there’s a lot they don’t teach ya.
A beat.
He didn’t…touch you, did he?
ALBERT
Yeah. Why?
ATLN. MESSENGER
(to himself, annoyed)
Christ of Mother Ocean…
(louder)
Well, let’s just go up there and assess the damage, shall we?
The ATLANTEAN MESSENGER begins walking towards the ramp.
ALBERT
Wait, why?!
CUT TO WIDE SHOT back by the wash station. ATLN. MESSENGER looks over the corpse, ALBERT hovers behind him.
ATLN. MESSENGER
Well.
ALBERT
Well, what?
ATLN. MESSENGER
I Think he’s dead.
ALBERT
No shit he’s dead. Now, why’d he touch me?
6.
MESSENGER turns to ALBERT.
ATLN. MESSENGER
Ok look, I’m in a bit of a rush, so I’ll give ya a 5 minute history lesson that will be, in your case, a bit revisionist. Kay?
ALBERT
Yeah, whatever.
ATLN. MESSENGER
Alright…now where do you think you come from? Like--you’re not dumb, right? You believe in evolution? Cool--so tell me who you think your closest species relatives are.
ALBERT
Well, that’s obvious, it’s chimpanzees. And gorill--
ATLN. MESSENGER
Wrong. Dead wrong.
(pauses for dramatic effect)
Sea Monkeys.
ALBERT
Wha-
ATLN. MESSENGER
You all, all your people-- Black, white, yellow, whatever-- your all descended from sea monkeys. You’re just a bunch’a sea monkeys who thought it’d be cool to start walking on land. Thought you were all hot shit, too, struttin’ about with ya fancy dry clothes, and ya smooth conditioned hair. BUT--
ALBERT
But what about my ha—
7.
ATLN. MESSENGER
--no, shhh! Pay attention: BUT ya got a little dumb up there – turns out air can’t support brain mass like water can - sooo ya basically reset your societal clock back to zero, while we progressed to bigger and better things. Atlantis? That’s us, and you’ll never find it.
ALBERT
And nobody know about this? And my han--
ATLN. MESSENGER
Shoosh! Oh, some know. Your Higher-Ups, for one. All started with the explorers, and then that Darwin fella, of course. The ‘ee-vol-u-tion’ guy (actually we were the ones who spilt the beans to him…wasn’t a very smart guy). And he kept us a secret by telling everybody else the whole uhhh--
ALBERT
The chimpanzee thing?
ATLN. MESSENGER
Bingo! But he told the truth to his Queenie, who told the other leaders, who have been passing the secret down the ages, perpetuating the greatest conspiracy of all time! It’s real shocker, I know. Now if you have any questions, now is the ti--
ALBERT
(annoyed)
My hand.
ATLN. MESSENGER
(disappointed)
Thought I’d get a bigger reaction…
8.
MESSENGER grabs a hold of ALBERT‘s wrist.
XCU of the STING, now a scaley light blue.
ATLN. MESSENGER
Well…looks like he a gave ya a pretty good sting alright…
ALBERT
Is it poisonous? I heard there was a jellyfish bloom but I didn’t think this would be the cause. Oh my god--
ATLN. MESSENGER
Hey calm down fool, you’re not gonna die. But uh…how do I put this…that guy’s a hybrid. Half you, half me. And through this sting, he just passed that on to you.
ALBERT
And that means-what. What does that mean??
ATLN. MESSENGER
How do I put this in land monkey terms. Uhmmm…You’re gonna be part sea-monkey.
A BEAT. ATLN. MESSENGER is letting it sink in. a shocked ALBERT looks for the words to say next. Then:
ALBERT
(long inhale)
Ah—
ATLN. MESSENGER
Don’t panic. You been drip-fed our image for the past 70 years. Media, games, stories…the whole sheboozy. Anyways, you know what to expect. Think, uhhh—ah what’sis name…Aquaman?
ALBERT
I’m Aquaman…
9.
ATLN. MESSENGER
Yeah, you got movies about him, right? I’m sure he’s loooaaads popular up here.
A BEAT.
ALBERT
You can’t just tell me this expecting me to believe you.
ATLN. MESSENGER
Actually, I can! But I can see your giving off some bad vibes right now, so I’ll let you stew and mull on this for a couple weeks or so.
A BEAT.
…If you’ll excuse me.
ATLN. MESSENGER picks up the BODY, and begins dragging it down to the beach, leaving ALBERT shocked.
CUT TO ATLN. MESSENGER dragging the BODY back into the ocean.
ALBERT (O.S.)
Woah woah woah woah woah! Hey!
ATLN. MESSENGER
Hey, look, show some respect. I gotta get this guy back for a funeral.
ALBERT enters ON SCREEN, his back to us.
ALBERT
You can’t do this, man. What the fuck am I supposed to do, you want me to wear tights? Am I superhero now, is that it?
ATLN. MESSENGER
Kind of. You don’t seem too happy about this. I thought humans wanted to ascend to this lofty ideal of someone who saves the day.
10.
ALBERT
I didn’t ask to be stung!
ATLN. MESSENGER unceremoniously drops the body and storms towards ALBERT
ATLN. MESSENGER
Alright, mate! Here’s the deal: you’re gonna start seeing some changes -- Gills and shit, alright? Be a fucking man and deal with it.
(points to BODY)
That guy passed down a great responsibility to ya’, right? Honestly, you humans are such hypocrites…act like Figjam’s until you hear the call of duty singin’ your name, then you turn into a buncha wusses.
ALBERT
(hurt)
But I didn’t ask for this.
ATLN. MESSENGER
(softening up. Changing disposition)
Ey…cheer up, mate. This chap didn’t ask for it either. He was thrust into a similar situation. And look how he turned out!
CUT TO BODY, face down in the wash.
Err…I mean, It’s not all doom and gloom. I think you’ll surprise yourself.
A BEAT.
ATLN. MESSENGER
In the end, she’ll be apples!
11.
ALBERT
Who?
ATLN. MESSENGER
You. Look on the bright side: you can talk to fish now! Ey? Ey?! I gotta go.
ATLN. MESSENGER goes back to dragging the body into the water. He gets waist deep.
ATLN. MESSENGER
You satisfied enough that I can leave?
ALBERT
No.
ATLN. MESSENGER
…well, how can ya be, right? Give me one more question and I’ll give ya a free, honest answer, but then I gotta leave. For real.
ALBERT
…Do mermaids exist?
ATLN. MESSENGER
(annoyed)
What kinda stupid…yeah, in fact they are. You ever had Chicken of the Sea?
ALBERT
Yeah.
ATLN. MESSENGER lets that sink in.
ATLN. MESSENGER
Well…there ya go.
ATLN. MESSENGER leaves for the Ocean depths.
ALBERT looks more unsure than ever.
12.
CUT TO BLACK.
SUPER: TWO WEEKS LATER
INT. REC GYM NATATORIUM – MORNING
ALBERT is finishing pool laps. Upon finishing, he hops out of the pool, and looks down at the hand where he was stung.
XCU of sting site, now looking as if covered in blue fish scales.
INT. APPARTMENT – DAY
SHOT of ALBERT‘s apartment. The curious roommate KAMAL, waits on the couch. ALBERT bursts in.
KAMAL
Any news, man?
KAMAL stands up and moves with ALBERT to the sink and cupboards.
ALBERT
I don’t know what to do, Kam.
ALBERT opens up the cubboard and grabs a large pack of SEA SALT.
KAMAL
Learn anything new?
ALBERT
It’s the same stories over and over.
ALBERT rips open his backpack, tosses out some AQUAMAN COMICS, and gets a large plastic gallon container. Kamal picks a comic and starts flipping through.
KAMAL
Let’s go over the stuff we know you can do.
ALBERT
I swim faster.
13.
KAMAL
Bro. You can breathe underwater too.
ALBERT
I’ve also found I can’t stay outside of salt water or any water for too long else I feel weird. There are more drawbacks than benefits to this.
ALBERT pours a generous amount of the sea salt into the container, and begins filling it up with water.
ALBERT
I feel like I’m drying up.
KAMAL
(reading comic)
At least, here, it looks like you might get super-strength. That’s a bonus, huh?
ALBERT
It’s been two weeks, since the incident. I’m pretty sure I still can’t bench press above 60.
The jug is topped off with water. ALBERT caps it and shakes.
KAMAL
Is there any ability you know you get guaranteed?
ALBERT chugs the entire jug of highly concentrated salt water. Takes a while. He puts it down upon finishing.
ALBERT
I can talk to fish.
CUT TO EXT. OUTSIDE OF APPARTMENTs – DAY
ALBERT and KAMAL leave the apartment and begin walking.
KAMAL
Thought of a name yet?
14.
ALBERT
Like what?
KAMAL
You need a hero name. Like Aquaman.
ALBERT
No.
KAMAL
What about a costume?
ALBERT
Nope.
CUT TO EXT. CAMPUS – DAY
KAMAL
And a catchphrase?
ALBERT
That’s last on my list.
KAMAL
Well, I think you need a sidekick.
CUT TO EXT. PINES ENTRANCE – DAY
The two leave Pines with meals in hand.
KAMAL
Maybe I could be your sidekick.
ALBERT
Who says I need a sidekick?
KAMAL
I think Aquaman had a sidekick.
ALBERT
Yeah, he had like 4.
15.
KAMAL
Man, then it’s meant to be. I could pick my own name, my costume, everything!
ALBERT
And what would you do?
KAMAL
Intel. I’d be your eye on the surface, kicking ass, gettin’ info up here while you’re down in the deep blue, man. We’d be like Batman and Robin, bro! Ariel and Flounder!
ALBERT
Let’s get real, Kam. First of all, at the moment, Flounder could probably kick my ass. Right now I need to focus on outclassing fish before I consider a sidekick. What do you expect, huh?
KAMAL
Hmmm. Don’t know…
KAMAL offers up his tuna melt.
KAMAL
Want some tuna? Chicken of the Sea.
ALBERT eyes the tuna sandwich with suspicion and fear.
EXT. TOWARDS LIBRARY WALK – DAY
The two walk past the Career Center. The Red Cross’ BIG RED BUS sits in the background.
KAMAL
Stay positive, man. This is uhhh, a real chance to do something good for people.
ALBERT
How so?
16.
KAMAL
You want to help people. Now, maybe you can. Not many people get a chance to perform real, tangible good for the world. I mean, to make a real lasting change, it-it takes--
The two pass the entrance of the BIG RED BUS, where VOLUNTEERS sit ready to sign potential donaters up.
R.C. VOLUNTEER
Donate blood, gentleman?
KAMAL
(to VOLUNTEER)
No, thank you, we’re busy.
(to ALBERT, hushed)
They bother me every time. It’s like they’re singling me out, y’know?
ALBERT
(hushed as well)
I feel you, bro. It’s incessant.
KAMAL
As I was saying…you want to do good.
ALBERT
Yeah.
KAMAL
You’re part of the clubs that do good stuff for people, right?
ALBERT
Yeah, yeah.
KAMAL
And the statuses you make. They’re, inspiring.
17.
ALBERT
Think so?
KAMAL
I’m serious, man. The one you made on facebook about that genocide in Africasia, or whatever. There’s a reason you get so many likes on those…you’re an inspiration!
ALBERT
Thanks, man.
KAMAL
Yeah, people’d look up to you. Your heart’s in the right place. You could be a natural leader.
ALBERT
That means a lot, man. For real.
KAMAL
I know, man. We gotta look at the positives here!
ALBERT
Maybe, there’s something we haven’t looked at yet? Like a secret power?
KAMAL
Perhaps the library has answers.
CUT TO INT. GEISEL – DAY
ALBERT is sitting at a Geisel table. He’s adding more salt to his plastic carton. KAMAL walks by, slamming a stack of books on the table. ALBERT looks up?
ALBERT
Books?
KAMAL
I know, I didn’t think they still existed. Here.
18.
CUT TO HIGH ANGLE SHOT of book KAMAL slams open on the table. This one focuses on Stomatopods (shrimp).
KAMAL
Mantis shrimp. Very high visual acuity. That’d come in handy.
CUT TO another book. Cephalopods.
KAMAL
Ink sacs.
CUT TO another book. More on cephalopods, specifically the vampire squid.
KAMAL
Bioluminescence. You’ll be glowing in the dark!
CUT TO another book on Cetaceans (dolphins/whales).
KAMAL
Dolphins and Whales. Sonar.
ALBERT
Smart fish, huh?
KAMAL
Mammals, bro.
CU TO another book on holothurians (seacucumbers)
KAMAL
Seacucumbers…hm, “when threatened, sea cucumbers initiate a defensive mechanism known as ‘evisceration’, expelling their inner organs, specficially the gut and their respiratory systems, from the anus in an effort to scare off potential predators.”
ALBERT
Just…why?
CUT TO another book, this one on Cnidarians (jellies).
19.
KAMAL
Jellyfish “nematocyst stinger cells”.
ALBERT
The dude stung me. It safe to assume I can do this too.
KAMAL
Don’t kill anyone then, alright?
ALBERT
It didn’t kill me. Just turned me into a water-chugging freak.
KAMAL
Maybe something inside kept you from dying, like you were chosen?
ALBERT
Or maybe we just can’t deliver lethal stings. Another power with a catch to it. It’s just more strings attached.
KAMAL
You never know, man. Look into it.
EXT. GEISEL ENTRANCE – DAY
Cam follows ALBERT and Kamal from the front as they leave Geisel.
ALBERT
Alright, so we have little to no leads on what I can and can’t do. What next?
KAMAL
Actually, bro…I mean, this whole superpower thing is cool and all, and I believe you, cos you’re a bro, and that fish tat on your arm where you got stung looks hella legit. But I gotta get to class.
20.
ALBERT
Whatever happened to being my sidekick? You’re in this with me, right?
KAMAL starts backing away from ALBERT.
KAMAL
I don’t know, man. I just don’t think I’ll get anything out of it. I mean, you can’t even sting people, man. Sure, you’ll get noticed for being a whack fish-man hybrid, but what kind of recognition will the sidekick get?
ALBERT
But the greater good, man. I’ll let you choose your name and costume. Pick my stuff too, cos I don’t know if I can do it without you, bro. You’re my bro!
KAMAL holds up a clenched fist.
KAMAL
I’m rooting for you, bro. I’ll make a fan page.
KAMAL scampers away, leaving ALBERT alone.
XCU of a hopeless ALBERT. He looks down at his stung wrist.
INT. BIRCH AQUARIUM – LATER IN THE DAY
ALBERT drifts through the aquarium without a purpose, stopping at an exhibit containing jellyfish.
WIDE SHOT of ALBERT in front of the jelly tank, silhouetted by the tank’s vibrant blue.
ALBERT stares at the jellyfish hopelessly, then down at his wrist.
CUT TO SHOT of ALBERT in front of dense coral exhibit, on his phone.
21.
ALBERT
Yeah. Yeah, Shelly. I’m feeling down.
SHELLY’s voice can be heard faintly, but what she says cannot be distinguished.
ALBERT
I’d like to talk.
SHELLY talks.
ALBERT
Advice. Yes, I need your advice.
SHELLY talks.
ALBERT
Nah, Kam couldn’t help…look, we can get food or something. Kam’s not gonna be there, I just can’t count on his--I don’t—
SHELLY talks.
ALBERT
It’s a matter of…destiny, in a sense. I’m kinda at a crossroads, right now. Please just—
SHELLY talks.
ALBERT
Tomorrow? Ok, that’s fine. See you.
SHELLY talks.
ALBERT
Oh, yeah…thanks.
ALBERT turns his attention to the exhibit.
SHOTS of the FISH swimming around and about.
22.
ALBERT
(to FISH)
Well?
Nothing.
ALBERT
I’m here. Say something.
Still nothing. ALBERT pushes his face against the glass. As close as he can get.
ALBERT
You know, I hate the ocean. I hate everything about it.
The fish do not seem bothered by these opinions.
ALBERT
You know, we eat your kind. A lot, actually. Ever heard of sushi?
Still, nothing.
ALBERT
I also pour waste down storm drains, relishing in the fact that it will eventually find its way into the sea, poisoning your homes.
Nothing.
ALBERT
My favorite part in Finding Nemo…is when Nemo gets caught. I wish it ended right there. It would have been perfect that way…Ever seen Finding Nemo? That’s right, I’m talking to you, CLOWN!
CUT TO the object of ALBERT‘s vitriol: a hapless CLOWN FISH.
23.
ALBERT
I would work my ass off, becoming the highest paid executive of a major oil conglomerate, just…JUST to indirectly cause the largest off shore oil spill disaster of all time. All that blame put on my shoulders, oh…That’s how much hatred I reserve for the ocean.
The fish continue swimming unfazed. ALBERT is slamming against the glass, his faced pushed as close to the pane without shattering it.
ALBERT
Why! Aren’t you offended! Aren’t you angry! Why don’t you talk to you me! Speak! Please, just fucking speak! Ple—
CUT TO a large GROUPER swims towards ALBERT, who stops talking at the sudden connection being made.
XCU of an intense ALBERT, staring at the grouper. Their consciences meld together.
XCU of the GROUPER. CUT between the two XCU’s.
ALBERT
Whu…what?!?
XCU of GROUPER. Right in his eyes.
ALBERT
sonuvaBITCH…
EXT. BEACH – AFTERNOON/EVENING
ALBERT furiously storms towards the water.
ALBERT
Hey! HEY! You’ve got some explaining!
ATLN. MESSENGER gracefully rises out of the ocean water and onto the sand. Attempting to speak, only sea water manages to sputter out of his mouth at first.
24.
ATLN. MESSENGER
Sorry about that.
ALBERT
I can speak to fish, huh?
ATLN. MESSENGER
You know, there are better, more congenial ways to call me, mate. But…whatever, cool. S’fine. Ace, even.
ALBERT
You never mentioned that fish are literally retarded.
ATLN. MESSENGER
‘Scuse me, whot?
ALBERT
Fish. I’m talking to retarded fish.
ATLN. MESSENGER
First of all, callin’ someone a spazo, regardless of species, is extremely rude. And second…well, what did ya expect, mate? They don’t even have a developed spinal cord. Give’em a break, man!
ALBERT
No that’s now 3 fucking things I’ve been promised that have a catch to them.
ATLN. MESSENGER
3? What uh…
ALBERT starts listing his grievances off on his fingers.
25.
ALBERT
One. Fish are too stupid to talk to. Two. You never told me if I stay out of water too long I start shriveling up. Three. I’m guessing I can sting, but it doesn’t do any damage.
ATLN. MESSENGER
Well of course it wouldn’t! You’ve got potent venom swirling around in your body. Antibodies, son! You’re injecting them with poison AND the cure. Honestly, you could piss on somebody and save their life if you had to…
ALBERT
And that’s not all, I still can’t lift things yet. I-I-can’t lift up a cruiseliner or some crap like that, maybe the dude didn’t transfer his powers correctly or something…
ATLN. MESSENGER
Woah, woah…who told you that. What? Lifting up a boat? What is this crock, ey?
ALBERT
That’s like-that’s the only redeemable skill that Aquaman has. I want my super-strength!
ATLN. MESSENGER
Ugh…bollocks. Those fools fluffed up the myth! Look, I’m sorry, mate, uhmm I think that was an exaggeration, on your people’s part, but there is no super-strength. What you get is pretty much right in front of you.
ALBERT
I don’t believe this. You people are worthless.
26.
ATLN. MESSENGER
Woah, worthless? Hey, you have US to thank for keeping the Germans out of these waters back in the 40s! That was through our bravery that we secretly kept your shores safe from tyranny, bruv. Be thankful, you’d be wearing lederhosen if it weren’t for fuckin’ us!
ALBERT
How did the other guy die!
ATLN. MESSENGER
That’s-that’s your one question this time! I told you mate, he offed himself. They do it a lot.
ALBERT
Who?
ATLN. MESSENGER
The hybrids!
ALBERT
Why do you do this to us?!
ATLN. MESSENGER
Hey, they should be proud they’re following in the footsteps of – as far as know – the greatest terrestrial superhero!
ALBERT
Aquaman is a fucking joke up here!
ATLN. MESSENGER
You gotta be pullin’ my leg…
ALBERT
Why do you think the hybrids are killing themselves to pass this curse on?!
27.
ATLN. MESSENGER
To be fair, this last one had too many kangaroos loose in the top paddock, if you know what I’m saying.
ALBERT
And why the fuck do you speak with an Australian accent?! Why?!
ATLN. MESSENGER
No, that’s TWO questions. You got your limit. That’s it. I’m leaving.
ATLN. MESSENGER storms back into the ocean.
ALBERT
I wish I never met you people.
ATLN. MESSENGER
The feeling is mutual, friend. Now I gotta tell all the boys this GIFT was wasted. You’re the worst guardian of the ocean we’ve ever produced. Just go. Go back to your fuckin’ armchair activism, and your twit-ah. Yeah, that’ll change the world, ey? Heeeroooo…All you land-monkeys, you’re all shonky. Shonky yabbos!
ATLN. MESSENGER disappears beneath the waves.
A BEAT passes before ALBERT screams in frustration, desperation, throwing rocks and seaweed into the ocean, or, failing to successfully do so.
FADE TO BLACK.
CUT TO: INT. RESTAURANT – NEXT DAY
ALBERT and Shelly are sitting across from one another at a table.
SHELLY
So, your plan for yourself not working out?
28.
ALBERT
I’m…in a predicament.
SHELLY
And that is?
ALBERT
You probably wouldn’t believe me. Kam did because—
SHELLY
--because Kamal is objectively stupid.
ALBERT
No, He trusts me.
SHELLY
So you’re not gonna tell me exactly what’s wrong. It feels like I’m just gonna end up lecturing you.
ALBERT
Maybe. I don’t know.
SHELLY
But I’ll at least be of more help than Kamal, and that’s good enough for me. Shoot.
ALBERT
Ok, let’s say that, I’m different—
SHELLY
Oh boy…
While talking, ALBERT begins pouring salt packets into his water glass.
ALBERT
No, no, for real. Like, I’ve been ‘chosen’, in a sense. To do something good. Really good. Like superman.
29.
SHELLY
Ok…
ALBERT
Here me out—but instead of superman, I get Aquaman. And I’m still expected to do great things, even though I’m Aquaman. But I just can’t do those things like I would if I was superman, and that’s what they expect of me.
SHELLY
-but you’re Aquaman.
ALBERT
Yeah! Yeah, I’m Aquaman! You do get me!
SHELLY
Remember how I said I might just end up lecturing you?
ALBERT
Come on, Shelly, don’t do this…
SHELLY
I gotta tell you, you sound like a completely conceited ass. In fact, this is how you always act.
ALBERT
What do you mean?
SHELLY
Look, the whole superhero comparison…your always doing this.
ALBERT
But…you don’t get it. This time, I am--
30.
SHELLY
There’s good people in this world, doing good things right now…who’ll probably die before they get acknowledged for what they did. Real heroes. There’s also people who go to work every day with a superman S on their undershirt. Or wonder woman socks, I don’t know. Anyways, these people go out with the hope of eventually doing some good. Admirable, I guess.
ALBERT
Ok.
SHELLY
Then there’s people like you. You think a post on the internet, or a hashtag is enough. You think you’re making the world a better place one like at a time, when at best you’re just stroking your ego.
ALBERT
Ouch.
SHELLY
You’re the guy who gives out free designer shoes to third world kids acting like he’s Jesus or something. I mean, the fuck can they do with them? Eat the rubber?
ALBERT
Don’t like Toms, huh?
SHELLY
Hate’em. But you get what I’m saying? You want to do good, you just don’t wanna know what it’s gonna cost sometimes. That’s all. Sometimes the best people sacrifice it all, and the world still hates them.
31.
ALBERT
Maybe you’re right.
SHELLY
I am. You can tell this to Kam, too. He’s the same. Maybe worse. A little more shallow.
ALBERT
Yeah, I figured it myself.
INT. RESTAURANT BATHROOM
ALBERT walks out of bathroom stall to the mirror-lined sinks. He leans in close to the mirror, tilting his head to the side with his hands.
XCU of the GILLS forming just behind ALBERT‘s ears.
ALBERT unbuttons the first several buttons of his shirt, and pulls the cloth apart, revealing a white undershirt with a big SUPERMAN S.
BACK TO RESTAURANT TABLE
ALBERT returns to the table.
SHELLY
Everything ok?
ALBERT
Yeah, just peeing every 5 minutes, and drinking copious amounts of saltwater…I’m fine.
SHELLY
No really.
ALBERT
Like I said, I’m Aquaman.
SHELLY
Right…
32.
ALBERT
Actually, please, I feel like I’m gonna start cracking into pieces right now if I don’t get in some water. Would like to go to the beach?
EXT. BEACH – DAY
ALBERT - with his clothes still on – desperately rushes into the water. Shelly in FG.
SHELLY
Watch out for the jellyfish! I hear there’s a bloom going on!
CU of ALBERT looking relieved. Floating with his back in the water. Then a BODY hits him.
CUT TO ALBERT dragging UNCONSCIOUS MAN out of the water and into the sand. This time, it’s just a normal looking human, out for a swim.
ALBERT drops the MAN on the sand. SHELLY rushes over.
SHELLY
Shit. Is he dead?
A panicked ALBERT begins searching the MAN’s body. Checks him for a pulse.
ALBERT
I don’t think so.
ALBERT finds something. XCU of a blotchy STING mark.
ALBERT
Jellyfish sting.
SHELLY
Dammit. I don’t think he’s breathing! What’re we gonna do?
CU of ALBERT as he comes to a major realization.
ATLN. MESSENGER (VO)
You could piss on somebody and save their life if you had to!
33.
ALBERT stands up and begins unzipping his pants.
SHELLY
What’re you doing?!
ALBERT
Saving a life.
ALBERT lets loose a golden stream of righteous heroism all over the sting site. SHELLY freaks out.
CU of ALBERT as he goes. The look of a hero. His pump up song blasts in his mind.
SHELLY pushes him away.
SHELLY
This man is dying and you pee on him?! What the fuck ALBERT!
ALBERT
You don’t understand, Shell. I’m saving this man.
SHELLY
Of course I don’t understand. I don’t go urinating on unconscious, dying men, you psychopath! I’m calling an ambulance--
SHELLY rushes off, phone in hand trying to get a signal.
ALBERT continues to stare at the UNCONSCIOUS MAN.
CU of MAN, who starts breathing.
ALBERT looks up to see ATLN. MESSENGER watching him in the water. ATLN. MESSENGER nods. ALBERT can only shrug.