Was It Something I Said? Developing Communication Techniques that Enhance Ethical Reasoning and Diversity Understanding Beccy Hambright, Ph.D. Program.

Was It Something I Said?Developing Communication Techniques that Enhance

Ethical Reasoning and Diversity Understanding

Beccy Hambright, Ph.D.Program Manager

T-STEM Center Texas Tech University

Little Pitchers Have Big Ears!

Watch your thoughts; they become words.Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

Communications

• Written• Verbal• Nonverbal• Listening• Conflict Resolution

Guidelines for Objective Recording

• Record only facts• Record every detail without omitting anything• Use action verbs when possible• Observe without interpretation• Record only what you see and hear• Use words that describe but do not judge• Record facts in order of occurrence

Key Concepts - Documentation

• Observing/recording children’s behavior planned and ongoing

• Accurate assessment when data is unbiased• Observation is basis for individualization• List behaviors chronologically and accurately• Only record factual information – never

emotions, motivations, intelligence

Verbal Communication

• Build respect and rapport by –being open to new ideasrespecting the rights, needs, and opinions of othersseeking clarification for understandingavoiding hidden agendasseeing other’s perspectives

Avoid “Red Flag” (Subjective) Words

• Feelings – happy, sad, mean, kind, bored, lazy, cooperative

• Intelligence – smart, stupid, bright, above-average, underachiever

• Reasons for doing things – helpful, out-of-control, spiritual, frivolous

• Self-concept – weak, pretty, ugly, athletic, secure, insecure

Communication Blockers

• Blaming• Saying “always” and “never”• Name calling; labeling• Giving advice/commentary• Negating what another has to say• Disrespecting differences, language barriers,

socioeconomic levels

Communication Pitfalls

• Putting self before others –

• “Seek first to understand, then to

be understood” (S. Covey)

• Making assumptions

• Do you think “outside the box?”

• Distractions• Listening skills

Nonverbal Communication

• Kinesics – posture and gestures• Affect displays – face and eyes• Haptics – touch• Chronemics – time• Remember – these vary

within cultures


• PROXEMICSIntimate distance (embracing, whispering)6-18 inchesPersonal distance (friends’ conversations)1.5-4 feetSocial distance (conversations with acquaintances) 4-12 feetPublic distance (public speaking) 12+ feet


• Women are more sensitive than men to nonverbal cues – especially facial cues—and they transmit more accurate nonverbal cues to others.

• When contradictory messages are sent through both verbal and nonverbal channels, most adults see the nonverbal message as more accurate.

• People with low self-esteem use more eye contact when receiving negative messages than when receiving positive ones, while those with high self-esteem do just the opposite in each case.


• When people are conjuring up a lie, their pupils tend to become smaller. However, when they tell the lie, their pupils tend to dilate (enlarge).

• The three nonverbal cues an interviewer remembers most about a job applicant are: gestures, posture, and handshake.

What Kind of Listener Are YOU?

• If you feel that it would take too much time and effort to understand something, do you try to avoid hearing it?

• Do you think about other subjects when you believe your partner will have nothing interesting to say?


• Do certain words, phrases, or ideas upset you so you cannot listen to what is being said?

• When someone is talking to you, do you listen mainly for facts, rather than ideas?


• When you’re listening, are you easily distracted by outside sights and sounds?

• When you’re angry about what’s being said, do you pretend that nothing is wrong or that you understand?


• Most people think four times faster than a person usually talks. Do you use this extra time to think about other things while you’re keeping track of the conversation?

• When another person is talking to you, do you try to make him/her think you’re paying attention when you’re not?

Children should be taught responses to differences which are

positive and appropriate.

Results of Bias

Children and often adults are not prepared intellectually or emotionally with the realities and demands of their present day lives

Children’s Learning

• Children notice differences and respond to them from an early age

• Developmental tasks occur which construct identity and attitudes

• Societal stereotyping and bias influence children’s self-concept and attitudes toward themselves and others

Children Know That

• Color, language, gender, physical ability differences are connected with privilege and power

• There are spoken and unspoken messages about those differences

• Racism, sexism, handicappism influence their development and that of others

Age Appropriate Behavior

• By age two, children learn gender labels (boy, girl) and color names

• By age three, children notice gender and racial differences and are influenced by societal norms and biases; may exhibit “pre-prejudice” behavior

Age Appropriate Behavior

• By age four, children use racial reasons to refuse interaction with other children

• They exhibit discomfort and rejection of differently abled people

• They have already internalized stereotypical gender roles, racial bias, and fear of differently abled people

What Are You Teaching?

• Do you teach children to conform to societal norms and biases, even unintentionally?

• Are pictures displayed of differently abled people

• Do you “over-help” or “over-praise” girls and children with disabilities?

Research Indicates That . . .

• Differently abled children and girls in general are trained for dependence and passivity

• Teachers praise young girls for appearance, cooperation, and obedience

• Teachers praise young boys mainly for achievement

Politeness is Not Enough!

Children need help understanding why they feel uncomfortable and what are appropriate ways to handle their perceptions, feelings, and responses.

To Overcome Discrimination

• Help children inappropriate responses to respectful, comfortable interaction

• Expand concepts of fairness and feelings of empathy for each other

• Foster children’s critical thinking about stereotypes• Enable children to gain tools and self-confidence to

stand up for themselves and others

Does Your C & I Enable Students To

• Construct a knowledgeable, confident self-identity?

• Develop comfortable, empathetic, and just interaction with diversity?

• Develop critical thinking?• Develop skills for standing up for oneself and

others in the face of injustice?

Does Your C & I Enable Students To Develop

• Strong self-identities?

• Pride?

• Knowledgeable group identity?

• Skills to understand racism and prevailing bias?

Goals

• Enable children to develop the ability to interact knowledgeably, comfortably, and fairly with all people

• Teach children with disabilities how to handle and challenge name calling, stereotypical attitudes, and physical barriers

• Teach nondisabled children how to challenge stereotyping, name calling, etc.


• Redirect inappropriate responses toward respectful, comfortable interactions

• Expand concepts of fairness and feelings of empathy for each other

• Foster students’ critical thinking about stereotypes

• Enable students to gain tools and self-confidence to stand up for themselves and others


• Foster children’s knowledge and pride in their cultural identity

• Foster curiosity, enjoyment, and empathetic awareness of cultural differences/similarities

• Teach children to overcome inappropriate responses triggered by cultural differences

Parents as Partners

• Establish genuine parent/teacher dialogue• Provide information that facilitates parent awareness • Create safe settings for parent discussions• Facilitate development of children through joint

parent/teacher problem solving and support• Involve parents in curriculum development,

implementation, evaluation

Abraham Maslow’sHierarchy of Needs

• Physiological – Food, clothing, shelter• Security & Safety – Need for a safe

environment• Social – Need to be loved, accepted,

and belong• Ego & Esteem – Need to be heard,

appreciated, wanted• Self-actualizing – Need to achieve your full

potential

Remember …

• Disputes involving resources are the easiest to resolve

• Value conflicts are the most difficult• The more abstract, less tangible the conflict,

the more difficult to resolve

Situations

• A student says, “My dad says all Muslims are bad people.”

• A parent tells you she doesn’t want her child sitting next to the child of homosexual parents.

• A female athlete is taunted by classmates because of her size and/or appearance.

• A disabled student is routinely excluded by peers from classroom group work.

Games People Play

• Dr. Eric Berne, 1969

• Everyone has multiple personalities–Child–Parent–Adult

Tips for Resolving Conflict

• Connect with others through what they most value

• Don’t try to deduce other people’s intentions as being like your own

• Because we respond more strongly to the negative actions of people for whom we have strong feelings than to those of strangers, allow yourself more time to get back in balance in those cases.

Assessing and Resolving Conflicts: A Sequential Process

• Stage 1 – Define the problem• Stage 2 – Clarify the needs• Stage 3 – Generate possible options• Stage 4 – Evaluate proposed options• Stage 5 – Develop an action plan• Stage 6 – Develop a contingency plan

Be Proactive

• Step One: Tell yourself the truth• Step Two: Reach out to the other side• Step Three: Listen attentively to the other side• Step Four: Prove you are fair

General Strategies for Managing Conflict

• COLLABORATING Mode – (cooperative, assertive) attempts to address fully the needs of both parties and is often called the problem-solving approach

• NEGOTIATION Strategies – more equitable for everyone; there are no losers

• AVOIDING Approach – (uncooperative, unassertive) neglects the interests of both parties by postponing or sidestepping the problem

• COMPROMISING Model – (intermediate on assertiveness and cooperativeness) tries to obtain some satisfaction for both parties


• FORCING Alternative – (assertive, uncooperative) attempts to satisfy one’s needs at the expense of another person’s

• ACCOMMODATING Approach – (cooperative, unassertive) satisfies the other party’s concerns while neglecting one’s own


Win-Win Problem Solving

• Establish communication – must speak to one another

• Own the problem – must be able to describe your needs

• Define terms and values – eliminate all verbal confusion

• Find common ground – often more likenesses than differences

Win-Win Problem Solving

• Negotiate – everyone should be a winner– Identify and define the conflict– Generate a number of possible solutions– Evaluate the alternative solutions– Decide on the best solution

Six Paradigms of Human Interaction

Win-Win• People who choose to win and make

sure others also win. Take time to search for solutions that will make them happy and simultaneously satisfy others.

• Listens more, stays in communication longer, communicates with more courage

What Win-Win Is:• A courageous effort• The best way to get to interdependent

relationships• A philosophy of human interaction supported

by an Abundance Mentality• A character-based code for interactions


What Win-Win Is NOT:• Always being "nice"• Always achievable• A manipulative technique• A personality-based thought pattern


Win - Lose• Mindset of themselves first and last.• Want to win and others to lose.• Achieve success at the expense/exclusion of

others.• Uses position, power, credentials,

possessions, or personality to get the "win."


Win-Win or No Deal• Highest form of Win-Win• If cannot find an acceptable solution, they

agree to disagree agreeably• Allows each party to say "no"• Highest form of "win"


Win• Think only of getting what they want• Don't necessarily want others to lose, but are

personally set on winning• Think independently in interdependent

situations, without sensitivity or awareness of others

• Self-centered• "Me first"


Lose - Win• Choose to lose and let others win • Lack the courage to express and act on their

feelings and beliefs• Easily intimidated• Borrow strength from acceptance and

popularity• Voices no standards, no demands, no

expectations• Is quick to please or appease• Buries a lots of feelings


Lose - Lose• Low on courage and consideration• Envy and criticize others• Put themselves and others down• Highly-dependent• Same as "no win" because nobody benefits


What Helps? LEAPS!

• Listen• Empathize• Ask Questions• Paraphrase• Summarize

“If we always do what we’ve always done,

We’ll always get what we’ve always got.

And if nothing changes . . .Nothing changes.”

Alcoholics Anonymous

Was It Something I Said? Developing Communication Techniques that Enhance Ethical Reasoning and Diversity Understanding Beccy Hambright, Ph.D. Program.

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