Victoria Hospice Bereavement - Winter Newsletter

If there’s anything I can do…

“If there’s anything you need, just ask” As a bereaved person, you may have heard this many times and not known what to say. Sometimes it’shard to know when you need help and harder to ask for it when you do.The following is a list of things you might suggest when people say,“Ifthere’s anything I can do…”Meals – Ask someone to cook one, or some, of your meals regularly.Maybe you’d rather have a gift certificate for your favourite take-out food.If you find that eating alone is difficult, perhaps you could ask for somecompany at mealtimes.Shopping – Ask a friend to get your groceries for you. Simply providethe person with a list of the items that you currently need.Yard Work – Mowing the lawn and weeding the garden may be low onyour priority list now. Maybe a friend could take over some of thesechores temporarily.Child Care – You may find that you don’t have enough energy to keep upwith your children right now. A friend of yours or theirs might provideyou with regular breaks from parenting. Be sure to involve your child inplanning for this.Pet Sitting – Perhaps you haven’t felt like going out for walks or playingwith your pets at his time. A friend could take your dog out for a walk orspend time playing with your cat.Errands – You may find that non-essential errands such as overdue library books, recycling, or dry cleaning are piling up. You may have afriend who is willing to take care of these things for you.The people who love you want to help. When people seem awkward or tentative, they may genuinely not know what to do and be uncertainwhether their help is wanted or not. If you give friends and family something to do, you give them a way to show their love and support.For more ideas about things people can do for you go to:http://www.victoriahospice.org/pdfs/ThingsRemember.pdf ●

The Four SeasonsWinter

V I C T O R I A H O S P I C E B E R E A V E M E N T N E W S L E T T E R

1952 Bay Street,Victoria, British Columbia V8R 1J8 • www.victoriahospice.orgBereavement Inquiries: (250) 370-8868 Monday to Friday

Think of chaos as dancingraspberries,Imagine grief as the outbreath of beauty or thegesture of fish.Swim for the other side.Wage peace.Never has the worldseemed so fresh and precious.Have a cup of tea and rejoice.Act as if Armistice has already arrived,Don’t wait anotherminute.Excerpt from: Wage Peace by Judyth HillRetrieved November 6, 2007 fromhttp://rockmirth.com/wagepeace.php

1952 Bay Street,Victoria, British Columbia V8R 1J8 • www.victoriahospice.orgBereavement Inquiries: (250) 370-8868 Monday to Friday

The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.~ Chinese Proverb

H O L I D A Y S U R V I V A L T I P

If social occasions and holiday invitations seem overwhelming,try to handle them one at a time. When you are invited,

ask if you can leave the invite open and decide how you feel at the last minute.

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Grief in WinterThis is the season when the natural world rests. It is a time when manyplants and animals rest and renew themselves in anticipation of spring.For many people, recreational activities diminish during this seasonwhile social invitations and occasions increase significantly. For bereavedpeople, this change may be a welcome relief or may feel burdensomeand isolating.

As you are grieving through this winter season, you may find solacein the relative stillness and quiet of the natural world. You may enjoybeing home more and find strength in time alone to reflect on thechanges in yourself and your life. Others may feel the shorter days andlong nights of winter add to the heaviness they already feel. You maylong for springtime and find comfort in the bustle and activity that surround holiday events.

However you feel as this winter season passes, try to remember thewholeness of nature and each of its seasons. Allow yourself to chooseactivities that offer rest and recovery and also those that stimulate andreplenish you.

As you enter a new year, you may have questions and concernsabout what the future holds. It may help to re-orient yourself to thepresent and focus on taking things one day at a time. If you feel inclined to make New Year’s resolutions you might consider includingsome of the following on your list:● I resolve to be generous and patient with myself as my grief weaves

its way through the year to come.● I resolve to go with the flow. When I feel something (happy, sad,

mad, guilty), I will acknowledge what I feel and attend to it (cry,write, talk, exercise).

● I resolve to trust my own instincts and do things when/as they feelright for me.

● I resolve to go outside daily. While outside, I might exercise, garden,bird watch or simply breathe. ●

People often ask me whatthe key is to dealing withgrief. I have come to believe that so much ofcoping with grief is givingyourself permission to feel the deep pain andemptiness that come withlosing someone very closeto you.Exerpt from I Can’t Stop Crying: It’s So HardWhen Someone You Love Dies. Printed withpermission from Key Porter Books.Copyright © 1992 by John D. Martin andFrank Ferris.

This excerpt comes from a book written by a chaplain and aphysician. Full of personal accountsand thoughtful perspectives, thisbook has been very popular withnewly bereaved people for a number of years. Though helpfulfor any bereaved person, the stories focus mainly on loss of aspouse or partner. It’s short andsimple, making it an easy read formost bereaved people. ●

B O O K R E V I E W