Vent May 2013

Caller Times you magnificent sonofab*tch! You did it! You glorious bastards! You figured it out. While the rest of the world is twiddling their thumbs, not knowing how to deal with the decline of print media… You took initiative and powered through until you came up with the brilliant idea to start charging for online content. For 7 years now I have asked myself… How does one benefit monetarily from a printed publication? I thought it was from advertisers, but as all of us in the print industry know, this rarely works out. Then I thought, perhaps home subscriptions. Again I was mistaken. Some newspapers

have decided it is silly to print news everyday of the week, and limited their release days. But not you, you beautiful behemoth. You delicious dinosaur of the written word. My hat is off to you CT, can I call you CT… I only wish I had the balls to follow in your giant round Brontosaurus footsteps. Unfortunately, after last summers waterpark accident, well, you know that story. You covered it for god’s sake, and from now on when you send

a fresh, spunky obit writer to get the scoop on a local man’s tragic scrotal tragedy, she’ll be earning every penny thanks to citizens willing to pay almost double the price of a Netflix subscription, to see which park the Mayor renamed.

Wake Up & Start Charging by William Henneberger

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The Vent Magazine 361-549-6213

Publisher/Creative Director: William HennebergerContributing Writers:William Henneberger

Kat McCloud Kyle HoelscherCitizen Schwartz Eric Jaramillo

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Area Child Molesters Support Mayor’s Lemonade DayBy William Henneberger

Pedophiles from all the lands crammed into City Council’s hallowed chambers on the third day, of the third week, of the fourth month of this 2013th year, to show overwhelming support for the Mayor’s proclamation of Lemonade Day.

Ye Ole Mayor Nelda of Martinez declared that from now until the end of time the 11th day of May, would be “a day for children to take to the streets and sell their goods… We know our children can learn so much about how the real world works, if we just get them out on the corners selling.” Groups of those who protect children voiced concern for the declaration,

stating that times have changed and young ones were no longer safe on the streets, especially with a not yet forgotten abduction still being discussed in the Caller Scrolls. To this the Mayor replied, “Nonsense. Tiddlywinks. Lemonade Day for all, hip-hip, hurrah!” And the pervert filledcouncil chambers rejoiced, as the rest of the city could all but feel the child death rate begin to rise. “Come this 11th day of May, we no longer hunt under the cover of night,” cried one depraved supporter, “We shall taste of these boys and girl’s glorious fruits Neath the midday sun, for all to see!”

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After the tragedy in Boston, Corpus Christi author-ities have stepped up security around the city especially with multiple annual celebrations in full swing.

Several city officials as well as law enforcement ad-ministrators quickly released reports that claimed the city’s biggest threat was a 22-year-old radical Muslim of Russian descent, Djanco Unchankvro.

As pictures of the young, still innocent, citizen began to appear on local me-dia Djanco Unchakvro quickly called a press conference, and while this could have in itself been a trap, the local news outlets showed up without question.

“Sure the thought crossed our minds that Djanco could be planning to blow ev-erybody up,” explained an un-named assignments editor at KRIS, “so, we took a vote and everyone in the newsroom

picked Janine Reyes to cover the event. If that isn’t democ-racy, I don’t know what is.” At the gathering, which was carried live on all local networks, Djanco assured viewers that he had “no plans whatsoever to do any harm or cause any damage or destruc-tion and especially no loss of life to anyone in this back-wards town that nobody more than 200 miles away as even heard of.” He also told the media that, “When the time came for him to perform Jihad he would take his Jihad to a bigger, well-known or more progressive city, like Austin or San Antonio if he has to settle.” While most were hap-py to hear this news, to some younger community leaders it was yet another reminder of the ‘Brain Drain’ Corpus Chris-ti is experiencing. Local arts-enthusiast and organizer Joe Hilliard said,

“This is a perfect example of how smart, young, mo-tivated people are catch-ing the first flight out of Corpus as soon as they graduate. They could be headed to Austin or Seattle or even Manhat-tan for all we know, but we can say for sure they have no interest in stick-ing around this dinosaur of a town.” On a final note, local Police did say that Djan-co would have to take a bus if he wanted to go anywhere, as he is now on a no-fly list.

Local Terrorist Has NO Interest In Bombing Corpus by William Henneberger

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‘Corpus Famous’ Calendar

(Glimpse what your favorite local celeb has scheduled this month)May: Corus Christi Mayor

Hello all my Corpus Christino darlings, It’s just another day working in

the best position in the greatest sparkling city by the bay. As Mayor I have sooooo much planned for our great city, and believe it or not, a good portion of it does NOT involve corruption of any kind.

Many of you may have seen my recent declaration of Lemonade Day on one of our fine local news broadcasts. That is only the beginning my South Texas babies. When I am done with my first term the Coastal Bend will look more like Candy Land, only due to budget cuts we might have to use cheap Mexican candy instead of the good stuff. Oh well, a little diarrhea never hurt anyone, right...

Speaking of diarrhea, this is a good time to introduce the city’s new SH*T TAX. In order to cover wastewater expenses, we will now be installing caca-meters to measure exactly how much crap each CC family is excreting, in order for everyone to pay their fair share... but enough business for now.

As the bright and shinny summer approaches I wanted to give you a look at how my calendar is filling up with great ideas for Corpus...Uh-Oh, I mean Corpus Christi. Why you ask? Well, it’s like my mentor always says, because, I love you and you love me, and we’re a happy family. -Nelda

Corpus Christi Ballet Presents Cinderella -Amer. Bank Cntr. Death Of Abacus-Zeros Deejay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’s Dj Jerry-Macaw’s Tatujes -Revolution William's Window 2PM -Harbor Playhouse

Dj Chris, MC Silk-Macaw’sBeer Pong & DJ -REVO Alice Clarissa Serna -Revolution Dj Jerry-Macaw’sOpen Mic-House Of Rock

Dj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’sOpen Mic -Exec. Surf ClubSte’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sTatujes -REVO AliceWorking Class Concert Series presents John Cortez Band, Cathouse 5:30 PM $5 ($2 off w/ name tag)-House Of Rock

Cinco De Mayo Punk Rock Fest!"THE DWARVES" Avenue Rockers,Jonny 5,Dead Passenger,Greedy Mouth, Hasta La Tiera, Spanish Reds-ZerosDeejay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sDj Jerry-Macaw’sTatujes -RevolutionLatin Talk -Exec. Surf Club

Dj Chris, MC Silk-Macaw’s Dj Jerry-Macaw’sClarissa Serna -RevolutionBeer Pong & DJ -REVO AliceOpen Mic w/ Rev Matt Martinez 7 PM-House Of RockThree Days Grace P.O.D., In This Moment, & The Hunger-Concrete St. Dj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’s

Tatujes -REVO Alice It Pay$ To Play CVB Tourism Luncheon 11am-Amer. Bank Cntr.Ste’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sSTUF Slam Film Event 8 PM $5-House Of RockThe Women's Shelter Of South Texas 2nd Annual Great Expectations Speaker Series Luncheon Featuring Nia Vardalos 11:45am-Amer. Bank Cntr.Working Class Concert, Vulgar Display of Power, Refueled 5:30 PM $5 ($2 off with name tag)-House Of Rock

Ballabajoomba Poetry Slam7 PM-House Of RockDeejay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sDj Jerry-Macaw’sTatujes -Revolution

Dj Chris, MC Silk-Macaw’sDJ Dizzle -RevolutionSmashing Pumpkins, Girl In A Coma, Ringo Deathstarr-Concrete St.

Beer Pong & DJ -REVO AliceClarissa Serna -RevolutionDJ Dragon Z-95 -RevolutionDj Jerry-Macaw’sOpen Mic w/ Rev Matt Martinez 7 PM-House Of Rock

Dj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’sSte’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sTatujes -REVO AliceWorking Class Concert Series presents Mobley, Witness by Proxy 5:30 PM $5 ($2 off name tag)-House Of Rock

Dj Jerry-Macaw’s Tatujes -RevolutionCorpus Christi Fury Vs Florida Tarpons 3:05pm-Amer. Bank Cntr.Deejay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sDr. Sketchy’s of Corpus Christi debut 3:30 PM $10-House Of RockExtreme Midget Wrestling Federation”ALL AGES”,6 Midget Wrestlers Outside,Moonwalk,Bar-B.Q./Metal Show Inside!KILLAMORA,Growing Menace,Switchblade Jesus-ZerosYou’re A Good Man Charlie Brown 2PM -Harbor Playhouse

Dj Chris, MC Silk-Macaw’s Beer Pong & DJ -REVO AliceClarissa Serna -RevolutionDj Jerry-Macaw’sOpen Mic w/ Rev Matt Martinez 7 PM-House Of Rock

Dj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’sRock Paper Scissors Tournament 9:30 PM FREE to enter-House Of RockSte’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sTatujes -REVO Alice

Dj Jerry-Macaw’s Tatujes -Revolution Josh Abbott Band, Kyle Park, Aaron Watson, Bart Crow Band-Concrete St.Deejay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sLaces Out Sneaker/Street Wear Expo 3Pm -Amer. Bank Cntr.Now & Zen Bday Bash 7:30 PM FREE-House Of RockYou're A Good Man Charlie Brown 2PM -Harbor PlayhouseCC Fury Vs. Sarasota Thunder 3:05pm-Amer. Bank Cntr.Aloha Dave And The Tourtists -Exec. Surf Club

Dj Chris, MC Silk-Macaw’s Beer Pong & DJ -REVO AliceBlue Man Group Selena Auditorium 7:30pm-Amer. Bank Cntr.

Blue Man Group Selena Auditorium 7:30pm-Amer. Bank Cntr.Clarissa Serna -RevolutionDj Jerry-Macaw’sOpen Mic w/ Rev Matt Martinez 7 PM-House Of RockDj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’sHobo’s Hot Dog Hootenanny 9 PM FREE -House Of RockSte’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sTatujes -REVO Alice

Dj Jerry-Macaw’s DJ Joey -REVO Alice Gary P. Nunn W/ J.R. Castillo & Roy Solis Jr. -Brewster St.Geeks Who Drink Trivia With 90 Proof -Exec. Surf Club

Dj Jerry-Macaw’s DJ Joey -REVO AliceGeeks Who Drink Trivia With Live DJ -Exec. Surf ClubWade Bowen W/ Matt Caldwell -Brewster St.

Dj Jerry-Macaw’s DJ Joey -REVO AliceKatchafire, Maoli 7 PM $15-House Of RockFayuca -Exec. Surf Club Geeks Who Drink Trivia With Fayuca -Exec. Surf Club

Geeks Who Drink Trivia With Live DJ - Exec. Surf Club Dave Coulier -Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationDj Jerry-Macaw’sDJ Joey -REVO Alice

Dj Jerry-Macaw’s DJ Joey -REVO AliceGeeks Who Drink Trivia With Cupids Victim -Exec. Surf ClubLocal Licks Lineup 9 PM $3/ $5 minors-House Of RockLyle Lovett & Robert Earl Keen 8pm-Amer. Bank Cntr.

Angel Salazar-Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood Station ArtWalk Preview of Dr. Sketchy’s-House Of RockDJ Dizzle -RevolutionDj Dragon-Macaw’sDJ ET - Flanagan’sInk Slingers Ball 6 PM-House Of RockThe Spazmatics - Block Party! -Brewster St.You're A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor PlayhouseTime Pilots -Exec. Surf Club

Dj Dragon-Macaw’s DJ ET - Flanagan’sBertha, Mama Tried 10 PM $3-House Of RockHammerwhore-ZerosShayla Rivera -Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationThe Latin Comedy Jam 8pm-Amer. Bank Cntr. Tribute To Rock II: The Greatest KISS Tribute Band -Brewster St.You're A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor PlayhouseTrysum -Exec. Surf Club

DJ Dizzle -Revolution Dj Dragon-Macaw’s DJ ET - Flanagan’sLyrical Bynge -Exec. Surf Club Black Lung Conspirecy,Switchblade Jesus,Money Shot,Demented,Renounce The Traitor,Defiled Creation-ZerosDonavon Frankenreiter 7:30 PM $22-House Of RockRhythm Of The Road -Brewster St.You're A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse

DJ Dizzle -Revolution Dj Dragon-Macaw’s DJ ET - Flanagan’sDave Coulier -Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationDown the Phoenix, Slideshow Lomax-Theo’sLe Freak -Brewster St.Leopold & His Fiction, Hydra Melody 8 PM $6/ $8 minors-House Of RockYou're A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor PlayhouseScarecrow People -Exec. Surf Club

DJ Dizzle -Revolution Dj Dragon-Macaw’sDJ ET - Flanagan’sFlashback -Exec. Surf ClubLegacy Fighting Championships 20 7pm-Amer. Bank Cntr.3 Years Hollow – Theo’s 3 year Anniv. Party FREE-Theo’sArtWalk-House Of RockBeyond The Blood ( Members Of M.O.D.,Rotting Corpse,Devestation),Kllamora Black Lung Conspiricy,A Day Of Bloodshed,Switchblade Jesus,Defiled Creation,Demented-ZerosFive Card Draw -Brewster St.You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbr Playhouse

DJ Arod Z-95-REVO Alice DJ Dragon Z-95 -RevolutionDj Dragon-Macaw’sPaul Renna -Exec. Surf Club Angel Salazar-Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationBrit Floyd Presents: P-U-L-S-E 2013 The Pink Floyd Ultimate Light & Sound Experience -Amer. Bank Cntr.Collie Buddz, Cris Cab, New Kingston 8 PM $22 adv/ $25 DOS-House Of RockDirty Mind, Angst,Murder Ritual,Demented-ZerosRyan Bingham w/ The Wild Feathers -Brewster St.You're A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse DJ Arod Z-95-REVO Alice Dj Dragon-Macaw’s The Damn Quails W/ Hobo -Exec. Surf Club Cavegirl-House Of RockCorpus Christi Fury Vs. Missouri Monsters 7:05pm-Amer. Bank Cntr.Second Saturday Sing-Along Piano Show -Brewster St.Shayla Rivera -Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationThe Marker Effect,Lat The Body In White,Our Legacy,Above All Else,Burial Of Terror,Money Shot,Renounce The Traitor,Mask Of Marreno,On The Nightingale Floor-ZerosYou're A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Hbr Playhouse

DJ Arod Z-95-REVO Alice DJ Dragon Z-95 -RevolutionDj Dragon-Macaw’sMetal Shop -Brewster St.Spoonfed Tribe, Sabrosa Union 7:30 PM $10-House Of RockYou're A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor PlayhouseMatt Hole -Exec. Surf Club

DJ Dragon Z-95 -Revolution Dj Dragon-Macaw’sPhil Pritchett And The Full Band -Exec. Surf Club Dave Coulier -Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationDJ Arod Z-95-REVO AliceLaces Out After Party 9 PM $10-House Of RockMax Stalling -Brewster St.You're A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse

The Bigsbys -Exec. Surf ClubThe Chimps-Theo’s

Nelda Martinez

Proclaim June 1st City wide Smile Day! Anyone caught not smiling must pay a tax of $23. Everyone must purchase Smile Permit for $22. Double Tax whammy!

Change zoning for lot 324.4 tract 11 to commercial. Relocate family under eminent domain laws.

Find new streets to fix, ruin good streets if necessary.

Have CCPD arrest that guy who keeps calling me the Mexican Cruella De Vil on facebook. Make a coat out of 101 Dalmatians.

Collect my big fat check from those Lemon lobbyists.

Pictures hugging blind kids played great! Maybe try child amputees next time, wait that might not work.

Create new local sports team, The Corpus Christi Cocks! Mascot can be a big fat Rooster.

Get tetanus shot after being dunked in CC Bay for Buc Days.

Naming ceremony for... whatever, anything. I just need to name something Godda**it!

Start charging people for paper bags too. Also make the ugly ones wear them.

Learn all of the City Councils names. Actually this is a waste of time.

Make May 16th Vent Day.

‘Corpus Famous’ Calendar

(Glimpse what your favorite local celeb has scheduled this month)May: Corus Christi Mayor

Hello all my Corpus Christino darlings, It’s just another day working in

the best position in the greatest sparkling city by the bay. As Mayor I have sooooo much planned for our great city, and believe it or not, a good portion of it does NOT involve corruption of any kind.

Many of you may have seen my recent declaration of Lemonade Day on one of our fine local news broadcasts. That is only the beginning my South Texas babies. When I am done with my first term the Coastal Bend will look more like Candy Land, only due to budget cuts we might have to use cheap Mexican candy instead of the good stuff. Oh well, a little diarrhea never hurt anyone, right...

Speaking of diarrhea, this is a good time to introduce the city’s new SH*T TAX. In order to cover wastewater expenses, we will now be installing caca-meters to measure exactly how much crap each CC family is excreting, in order for everyone to pay their fair share... but enough business for now.

As the bright and shinny summer approaches I wanted to give you a look at how my calendar is filling up with great ideas for Corpus...Uh-Oh, I mean Corpus Christi. Why you ask? Well, it’s like my mentor always says, because, I love you and you love me, and we’re a happy family. -Nelda

Corpus Christi Ballet Presents Cinderella -Amer. Bank Cntr. Death Of Abacus-Zeros Deejay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’s Dj Jerry-Macaw’s Tatujes -Revolution William's Window 2PM -Harbor Playhouse

Dj Chris, MC Silk-Macaw’sBeer Pong & DJ -REVO Alice Clarissa Serna -Revolution Dj Jerry-Macaw’sOpen Mic-House Of Rock

Dj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’sOpen Mic -Exec. Surf ClubSte’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sTatujes -REVO AliceWorking Class Concert Series presents John Cortez Band, Cathouse 5:30 PM $5 ($2 off w/ name tag)-House Of Rock

Cinco De Mayo Punk Rock Fest!"THE DWARVES" Avenue Rockers,Jonny 5,Dead Passenger,Greedy Mouth, Hasta La Tiera, Spanish Reds-ZerosDeejay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sDj Jerry-Macaw’sTatujes -RevolutionLatin Talk -Exec. Surf Club

Dj Chris, MC Silk-Macaw’s Dj Jerry-Macaw’sClarissa Serna -RevolutionBeer Pong & DJ -REVO AliceOpen Mic w/ Rev Matt Martinez 7 PM-House Of RockThree Days Grace P.O.D., In This Moment, & The Hunger-Concrete St. Dj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’s

Tatujes -REVO Alice It Pay$ To Play CVB Tourism Luncheon 11am-Amer. Bank Cntr.Ste’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sSTUF Slam Film Event 8 PM $5-House Of RockThe Women's Shelter Of South Texas 2nd Annual Great Expectations Speaker Series Luncheon Featuring Nia Vardalos 11:45am-Amer. Bank Cntr.Working Class Concert, Vulgar Display of Power, Refueled 5:30 PM $5 ($2 off with name tag)-House Of Rock

Ballabajoomba Poetry Slam7 PM-House Of RockDeejay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sDj Jerry-Macaw’sTatujes -Revolution

Dj Chris, MC Silk-Macaw’sDJ Dizzle -RevolutionSmashing Pumpkins, Girl In A Coma, Ringo Deathstarr-Concrete St.

Beer Pong & DJ -REVO AliceClarissa Serna -RevolutionDJ Dragon Z-95 -RevolutionDj Jerry-Macaw’sOpen Mic w/ Rev Matt Martinez 7 PM-House Of Rock

Dj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’sSte’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sTatujes -REVO AliceWorking Class Concert Series presents Mobley, Witness by Proxy 5:30 PM $5 ($2 off name tag)-House Of Rock

Dj Jerry-Macaw’s Tatujes -RevolutionCorpus Christi Fury Vs Florida Tarpons 3:05pm-Amer. Bank Cntr.Deejay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sDr. Sketchy’s of Corpus Christi debut 3:30 PM $10-House Of RockExtreme Midget Wrestling Federation”ALL AGES”,6 Midget Wrestlers Outside,Moonwalk,Bar-B.Q./Metal Show Inside!KILLAMORA,Growing Menace,Switchblade Jesus-ZerosYou’re A Good Man Charlie Brown 2PM -Harbor Playhouse

Dj Chris, MC Silk-Macaw’s Beer Pong & DJ -REVO AliceClarissa Serna -RevolutionDj Jerry-Macaw’sOpen Mic w/ Rev Matt Martinez 7 PM-House Of Rock

Dj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’sRock Paper Scissors Tournament 9:30 PM FREE to enter-House Of RockSte’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sTatujes -REVO Alice

Dj Jerry-Macaw’s Tatujes -Revolution Josh Abbott Band, Kyle Park, Aaron Watson, Bart Crow Band-Concrete St.Deejay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sLaces Out Sneaker/Street Wear Expo 3Pm -Amer. Bank Cntr.Now & Zen Bday Bash 7:30 PM FREE-House Of RockYou're A Good Man Charlie Brown 2PM -Harbor PlayhouseCC Fury Vs. Sarasota Thunder 3:05pm-Amer. Bank Cntr.Aloha Dave And The Tourtists -Exec. Surf Club

Dj Chris, MC Silk-Macaw’s Beer Pong & DJ -REVO AliceBlue Man Group Selena Auditorium 7:30pm-Amer. Bank Cntr.

Blue Man Group Selena Auditorium 7:30pm-Amer. Bank Cntr.Clarissa Serna -RevolutionDj Jerry-Macaw’sOpen Mic w/ Rev Matt Martinez 7 PM-House Of RockDj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’sHobo’s Hot Dog Hootenanny 9 PM FREE -House Of RockSte’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sTatujes -REVO Alice

Dj Jerry-Macaw’s DJ Joey -REVO Alice Gary P. Nunn W/ J.R. Castillo & Roy Solis Jr. -Brewster St.Geeks Who Drink Trivia With 90 Proof -Exec. Surf Club

Dj Jerry-Macaw’s DJ Joey -REVO AliceGeeks Who Drink Trivia With Live DJ -Exec. Surf ClubWade Bowen W/ Matt Caldwell -Brewster St.

Dj Jerry-Macaw’s DJ Joey -REVO AliceKatchafire, Maoli 7 PM $15-House Of RockFayuca -Exec. Surf Club Geeks Who Drink Trivia With Fayuca -Exec. Surf Club

Geeks Who Drink Trivia With Live DJ - Exec. Surf Club Dave Coulier -Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationDj Jerry-Macaw’sDJ Joey -REVO Alice

Dj Jerry-Macaw’s DJ Joey -REVO AliceGeeks Who Drink Trivia With Cupids Victim -Exec. Surf ClubLocal Licks Lineup 9 PM $3/ $5 minors-House Of RockLyle Lovett & Robert Earl Keen 8pm-Amer. Bank Cntr.

Angel Salazar-Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood Station ArtWalk Preview of Dr. Sketchy’s-House Of RockDJ Dizzle -RevolutionDj Dragon-Macaw’sDJ ET - Flanagan’sInk Slingers Ball 6 PM-House Of RockThe Spazmatics - Block Party! -Brewster St.You're A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor PlayhouseTime Pilots -Exec. Surf Club

Dj Dragon-Macaw’s DJ ET - Flanagan’sBertha, Mama Tried 10 PM $3-House Of RockHammerwhore-ZerosShayla Rivera -Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationThe Latin Comedy Jam 8pm-Amer. Bank Cntr. Tribute To Rock II: The Greatest KISS Tribute Band -Brewster St.You're A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor PlayhouseTrysum -Exec. Surf Club

DJ Dizzle -Revolution Dj Dragon-Macaw’s DJ ET - Flanagan’sLyrical Bynge -Exec. Surf Club Black Lung Conspirecy,Switchblade Jesus,Money Shot,Demented,Renounce The Traitor,Defiled Creation-ZerosDonavon Frankenreiter 7:30 PM $22-House Of RockRhythm Of The Road -Brewster St.You're A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse

DJ Dizzle -Revolution Dj Dragon-Macaw’s DJ ET - Flanagan’sDave Coulier -Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationDown the Phoenix, Slideshow Lomax-Theo’sLe Freak -Brewster St.Leopold & His Fiction, Hydra Melody 8 PM $6/ $8 minors-House Of RockYou're A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor PlayhouseScarecrow People -Exec. Surf Club

DJ Dizzle -Revolution Dj Dragon-Macaw’sDJ ET - Flanagan’sFlashback -Exec. Surf ClubLegacy Fighting Championships 20 7pm-Amer. Bank Cntr.3 Years Hollow – Theo’s 3 year Anniv. Party FREE-Theo’sArtWalk-House Of RockBeyond The Blood ( Members Of M.O.D.,Rotting Corpse,Devestation),Kllamora Black Lung Conspiricy,A Day Of Bloodshed,Switchblade Jesus,Defiled Creation,Demented-ZerosFive Card Draw -Brewster St.You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbr Playhouse

DJ Arod Z-95-REVO Alice DJ Dragon Z-95 -RevolutionDj Dragon-Macaw’sPaul Renna -Exec. Surf Club Angel Salazar-Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationBrit Floyd Presents: P-U-L-S-E 2013 The Pink Floyd Ultimate Light & Sound Experience -Amer. Bank Cntr.Collie Buddz, Cris Cab, New Kingston 8 PM $22 adv/ $25 DOS-House Of RockDirty Mind, Angst,Murder Ritual,Demented-ZerosRyan Bingham w/ The Wild Feathers -Brewster St.You're A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse DJ Arod Z-95-REVO Alice Dj Dragon-Macaw’s The Damn Quails W/ Hobo -Exec. Surf Club Cavegirl-House Of RockCorpus Christi Fury Vs. Missouri Monsters 7:05pm-Amer. Bank Cntr.Second Saturday Sing-Along Piano Show -Brewster St.Shayla Rivera -Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationThe Marker Effect,Lat The Body In White,Our Legacy,Above All Else,Burial Of Terror,Money Shot,Renounce The Traitor,Mask Of Marreno,On The Nightingale Floor-ZerosYou're A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Hbr Playhouse

DJ Arod Z-95-REVO Alice DJ Dragon Z-95 -RevolutionDj Dragon-Macaw’sMetal Shop -Brewster St.Spoonfed Tribe, Sabrosa Union 7:30 PM $10-House Of RockYou're A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor PlayhouseMatt Hole -Exec. Surf Club

DJ Dragon Z-95 -Revolution Dj Dragon-Macaw’sPhil Pritchett And The Full Band -Exec. Surf Club Dave Coulier -Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationDJ Arod Z-95-REVO AliceLaces Out After Party 9 PM $10-House Of RockMax Stalling -Brewster St.You're A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse

The Bigsbys -Exec. Surf ClubThe Chimps-Theo’s

Nelda Martinez

Proclaim June 1st City wide Smile Day! Anyone caught not smiling must pay a tax of $23. Everyone must purchase Smile Permit for $22. Double Tax whammy!

Change zoning for lot 324.4 tract 11 to commercial. Relocate family under eminent domain laws.

Find new streets to fix, ruin good streets if necessary.

Have CCPD arrest that guy who keeps calling me the Mexican Cruella De Vil on facebook. Make a coat out of 101 Dalmatians.

Collect my big fat check from those Lemon lobbyists.

Pictures hugging blind kids played great! Maybe try child amputees next time, wait that might not work.

Create new local sports team, The Corpus Christi Cocks! Mascot can be a big fat Rooster.

Get tetanus shot after being dunked in CC Bay for Buc Days.

Naming ceremony for... whatever, anything. I just need to name something Godda**it!

Start charging people for paper bags too. Also make the ugly ones wear them.

Learn all of the City Councils names. Actually this is a waste of time.

Make May 16th Vent Day.

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I have a buddy we’ll call “Rick”. Rick is 30 years old with a family that consists of a wifey and two kid-dos. He doesn’t get many days off, but when he does, he spends it with the fam. According to Wifey, for his sons birthday, they rented a pay per view of Wrestlemania and went to the Cheesecake Factory.When you look at Rick, it’s prob-ably a surprise to people that he has a functional family life, squeeky clean background, and a 401k. Why? Well, not to be judgey, but he certainly has his fair share of neck tattoos, piercings, and an on-again/off-again relationship with his Mo-Hawk. When I knew him back in “the day”, he looked the same, albe-it a few more scars and beers in his gut. One thing I remembered was

his ability to control a mosh pit and throw elbows like it “ain’t a thing”. He loved the band the Dwarves, and didn’t give a shit if he was the guy wearing their shirt to their show.So imagine my excitement when I get to tell Rick, that there are not one, but TWO shows going down this month, in his hometown of Corpus Christi, that consists of, quite literally ALL of his favorite things. “I fucking love Zero’s,” he said. “They would pull some shit like that.”Yes, I fucking love Zero’s too. Why? Because not only are they the geniuses (Geni?), that booked the Dwarves, (one of the greatest punk bands EVER), but they decided to bring us the legends on none of

than CINCO DE MAYO!!! Let’s be real, no one really knows what to do on this holiday other than drink and drink some more, so why not integrate a little moshing and some crust punks into the mix? Then, on the 19th, Zero’s saw fit to transform the club into an environ-ment where it’s okay to be 30 and have a family, whilst also enjoying some badass metal and punk rawk. Oh yes, and there will be midget wrestling! Take the tiny ones to see the tiny ones! It’s not only brilliant, but ironically beautiful.If you’re like my buddy, Rick, you probably would love to take your kids to see a some badass jams, but don’t want to risk being labeled “that guy with the kid at the punk show”. It’s also really tough to find

a venue that will throw an all-ages party like Corpus has NEVER seen! That’s right...if you hate the tunes, go play in a moonbounce! If you want food, Bar B Que meats shall pour forth from the sky! Do you like to watch small versions of people beat the shit out of eachother? No problem! Do you want to reconnect with the nostalgia of your youth by fucking up the pit, but don’t have the balls to go full blown “Garden State” on that shit? It’s okay!Maybe you’re just some shitty teen-ager that cuts holes in socks to wear on your wrists because you saw the movie SLC Punk and want to re-volt against conventional society, GREAT! Welcome friend! Try not to be a dickhead and understand that in five years, you’ll regret the

socks, but not the mu-sic!Yes, Zero’s is running the marketing cam-paign of a lifetime, ap-pealing to demos of all ages and backgrounds, simply by knowing how to book a good time.So if you’re bored, you love the Dwarves, make it down to Zero’s to cel-ebrate Cinco De Mayo on Sunday! If you love moonbounces, bar b que, or are my buddy Rick, come out on the 19th! In addition to midget wrestling, there will be performanc-es from the likes of Killamora,Switchblade Jesus,Growing Men-ace! Hope to see you there!

Big Little Month at Zeros by Kat McCloud

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Three Things you GOT-TA See In May It seems like there is a holiday every month, doesn’t it? I don’t know what it’s like across the rest of the country, but in Texas, if there isn’t a reason

to celebrate, we’ll damn well find one! You can bet your sweet ass that someone’s drunk uncle is standing in a yard somewhere screaming, “Fuck it, it’s HOT! Let’s party!” This month, we get the

Cinco De Mayo, or as my sassy grandma likes to call it “St. Pat-ricks Day for us Latino’s!” But you would think the party stops there, and you my friend...are totes WRONG. This May is a damn doozy ya’ll, and we here at Vent have nar-rowed it down to three spectacular happenings here in C-town, all post Cinco, all BA-DASS. First, on

May 13th, 1993 re-emerges. There will be Doc Martens. There will be flannel fastooned upon the wastes of pale 30 some-things. There will be noserings and sad eyes. Oh yes....and the Smash-ing Pumpkins will be perform-ing at the Concrete Street Ampi-theatre, along with Ringo Death-starr and the high speed, hard ass punk explosion face melters Girl In A Coma will open. It’s enough to make you weep like Kurt died all over again. Pick number two: We urge, implore, if not peer pres-sure YOU, dear reader, to step out of your comfort zone and go blue for the night. Oh yes, we said it...THE BLUE MAN GROUP yo! May 28th and 29th, the smurflike masters of comedy/im-prov/music/whatever else they do, will be taking the stage at the American Bank Center. Does this performance coincide per-fectly with Arrested Develope-ments glorious return to Netflix

on THIS VERY DAY?!? Who knows? Alls we know, is that you should go, and report back to us on what the fuck it is that actually happens at a Blue Man Group show? (Seriously...we’ve never been.) Our third pick of the month, is May 22nd at the House Of Rock, and likewhoaScoob....it’s a trip. So one night only, House Of Rock will be holding a Pa-per, Rock, Scissors tournament at 9pm. Everyone 21 and up will get in free, and the winner will recieve free tickets to EVERY H.O.R. show for an ENTIRE YEAR!!! Think about the shows these guys put on! The lineups are incredible, and it’s fucking FREE dude. Just go. You might secretely be really good at it! (Always go Rock). Well, hopefully this all helped. We are really stoked to see so much great entertainment coming to our fair city! Hope to see you there!

Blue Man Group Smashes Pumpkins Covers Rock... It’ll All Make Sense in a Minute. By Kat McCloud

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CISPA: The New PIPPA & The Legislation Formerly Known as SOPAby Kyle HoelscherMe The People...

From the grave it rises again, like a legislative zombie. The politicians want it, the public hates it. They have finally figured out how to pass this unpopular legislation though: rename it. I often wonder how many tax dollars are spent to think up handy little acronyms to market these bills. The bill didn’t pass last time it got renamed, but they are heavily banking

on the public’s goldfish-like attention span. Shortly before the writing of this article, it appears that the bill has been stopped dead in its tracks by a presidential veto threat and the Senate. Don’t rest easy though, the political winds change fast. So first, let’s go over a bit of history for those that don’t know the dangers of these bills that keep showing

up at the doorstep of congress. The language in CISPA is substantially the same as PIPPA, last time, and SOPA, the time before that. It has probably been lingering in the background of congress for years before that. If you have a political bone in your body, you will recall all fuss over SOPA. SOPA’s defeat was not so long ago, but it was ages ago in politics. SOPA was a move to give sweeping powers to block internet access for people who infringe copyrights. It also gave the government powers to block website access to users. These powers came with little oversight and even allowed private companies to dictate who could access the web and what they could see. Well, after people found out that the Federal Government was attempting to take these sweeping powers, the people got angry and online companies banded together to defeat it. And they did defeat it. That defeat was so hard that the next bill, PIPPA, died in the womb. And last year CISPA

was introduce and thrown out by both parties, for fear of the Internet’s wrath. Unfortunately, this year’s incarnation of CISPA has some serious backing by recording artist lobbyists and has also become a useful political tool for the Republican Party. It would be wrong to say that the Republican Party is entirely at fault here. CISPA passed the House of Representatives on April 18th with bipartisan support. The recording industry, Internet security firms, and major cellular carriers all hope to gain if CISPA passes. Why? Because they would enjoy the fringe benefits of the law. So much so, that they bought the required number of votes this year for a cool $86 million. Fortunately for justice, the Senate cannot be swayed so easily. In the end, this is not a left/right issue, but the Republicans are mostly for it (even though prominent conservative groups have denounced it), and Democrats are mostly against it.

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CISPA: The New PIPPA & The Legislation Formerly Known as SOPAby Kyle HoelscherMe The People...

From the grave it rises again, like a legislative zombie. The politicians want it, the public hates it. They have finally figured out how to pass this unpopular legislation though: rename it. I often wonder how many tax dollars are spent to think up handy little acronyms to market these bills. The bill didn’t pass last time it got renamed, but they are heavily banking

on the public’s goldfish-like attention span. Shortly before the writing of this article, it appears that the bill has been stopped dead in its tracks by a presidential veto threat and the Senate. Don’t rest easy though, the political winds change fast. So first, let’s go over a bit of history for those that don’t know the dangers of these bills that keep showing

up at the doorstep of congress. The language in CISPA is substantially the same as PIPPA, last time, and SOPA, the time before that. It has probably been lingering in the background of congress for years before that. If you have a political bone in your body, you will recall all fuss over SOPA. SOPA’s defeat was not so long ago, but it was ages ago in politics. SOPA was a move to give sweeping powers to block internet access for people who infringe copyrights. It also gave the government powers to block website access to users. These powers came with little oversight and even allowed private companies to dictate who could access the web and what they could see. Well, after people found out that the Federal Government was attempting to take these sweeping powers, the people got angry and online companies banded together to defeat it. And they did defeat it. That defeat was so hard that the next bill, PIPPA, died in the womb. And last year CISPA

was introduce and thrown out by both parties, for fear of the Internet’s wrath. Unfortunately, this year’s incarnation of CISPA has some serious backing by recording artist lobbyists and has also become a useful political tool for the Republican Party. It would be wrong to say that the Republican Party is entirely at fault here. CISPA passed the House of Representatives on April 18th with bipartisan support. The recording industry, Internet security firms, and major cellular carriers all hope to gain if CISPA passes. Why? Because they would enjoy the fringe benefits of the law. So much so, that they bought the required number of votes this year for a cool $86 million. Fortunately for justice, the Senate cannot be swayed so easily. In the end, this is not a left/right issue, but the Republicans are mostly for it (even though prominent conservative groups have denounced it), and Democrats are mostly against it.

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The victory over SOPA for a free Internet seems to be a hollow one today, because government’s desire to control the Internet has reared its ugly head again. This time instead under the veil of “Cyber Security.” This is a term, which remains undefined in the bill and in the act that it’s d e s i g n e d to amend. This term is e s s e n t i a l l y keyed to n a t i o n a l s e c u r i t y t h r o u g h this bill. It adds cyber security as a thing that could be considered national security. And therein lies to biggest danger, the bill labels copyright infringement as a threat to cyber security, and therefore national security. That is a dangerous departure from other bills to regulate the Internet in some way or another, including SOPA. SOPA made for some criminal penalties and some civil liabilities for copyright infringement, but nothing as dramatic as making a downloader a national security threat. Another serious problem with this bill is that it furthers the government’s ability to spy on you. The government has the power right now to tap your emails, given probable cause. They can ask a judge and get a warrant to tap your phone lines. They can do a number of things to spy on you, but the government is not content with the right to spy on you. They want the spying to be easy. CISPA would drastically increase the flow of information from the private sector directly to government agencies. It would create backdoors into companies’ security infrastructures so that the government can snoop around without having to wait for responses to warrants. Worse yet, all of these changes are not subject to the Freedom of Information Act. So, we can’t even know how the government spies on us unless the government decides to allow us to know how it can spy on us.

It’s a dangerous proposition to set the wolf on guard duty at the hen house. And on a final point, it actually does nothing to increase Internet security in any meaningful way. Prominent hacker groups and cyber security firms have released examinations

of the CISPA l e g i s l a t i o n that shows if we give the government this ability, it actually c r e a t e s b a c k d o o r s for anyone to enter secured systems inside

America. It essentially breaks the firewalls and ensures that there is always a way to access sensitive data. This is data about you. This is data that corporations keep in order to profit through legal channels. CISPA would open the floodgates to people who want to profit by other means.

CISPA is just another great reminder that our freedoms are never safe from the appetites of government power. We need to remember that the Internet is not that old. It is still a fragile place. The government wants to get in on the ground floor before the Internet permeates our lives, the way the telephone once did. The FBI probably kicks itself everyday as it wishes that it had passed wiretap laws the day after Alexander Graham Bell patented the telephone. Then every telephone would have an FBI chip that could be accessed at all times and the FBI wouldn’t have to muck around with these wiretapping courts and gathering evidence. This is what the federal government wants to do now. They want to put a tap on the entire Internet in order to look into your private life for criminal activity, piracy, or whatever. The problem is that they don’t care about the cost to freedom, privacy or actual security. Please inform yourself on this issue. Let’s make sure the Senate does not pass CISPA and let’s leave it dead on the floor of the house, where it should be.

The FBI probably kicks itself everyday as it

wishes that it had passed wiretap laws the day after

Alexander Graham Bell patented the telephone.

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