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Z e e b g ` b g e h o ^ g ^ o ^ k e ^ game eho^ designed by elizabeth howell Of course, with any February issue of a magazine, there comes the typical Valen- tine’s Day articles—where to go on a date, how to get a date, what to get your date, how to survive not having a date, etc. But, let me stop myself before I fall into that age-old diatribe about how Valen- tine’s Day is a mass-market consumer holiday fueled by capitalistic monsters banking on the pitiable sensibilities of American girls. And let me stop myself from proclaiming that this holiday is actu- ally about expressing true love. Because here is what it really is. This holiday is a designated time for boys to don formal ties and fret over Whitman’s samplers and overstuffed white teddy bears and heart-shaped necklaces. A time for girls to pull out their little red dresses and high heels and spend days anxiously wondering what their night has in store. Valentine’s Day is a test. It’s the SAT for boys,andgirlsaretheCollegeBoard.Inorder to score, you need to exceed expectations. For so long, Valentine’s Day has been built up as the big romantic holiday where you at least have to do something, because if you don’t, you are a lazy, lame boyfriend. A lot of girls say they don’t care about Val- entine’s Day, but then they get mad when you don’t do anything. A lot of girls say they don’t care about Valentine’s Day, but then they get mad when you DO something. John, a senior biology and psychology major experienced this firsthand. “I had only been dating this girl for a few months before Valentine’s Day,” he said, “so I wasn’t really sure what I should do. I made a dinner reservation for that night and bought her a necklace and roses. When she came over to my place in the after- noon, and I told her I was taking her out, she got angry. She had told me she didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day before, but still, how was I not going to do anything? She told me she had already planned a girls’ night out, and she took my gifts, said, ‘Thanks for the necklace, but you know I don’t like roses,’ then peaced.” How is anyone even supposed to take that? Juxtapose that with Rico’s story, and utter confusion will ensue. “My girlfriend and I had only been to- gether for a few weeks before Valentine’s Day,” Rico, a sophomore English major says. “She was my good friend before we started dating, and I remembered how once she whined about her ex and his clichéd gifts. The day before Valentine’s Day, she reminded me that she thought the holiday was stupid and wasn’t ex- pecting anything special. So, I told her I couldn’t get off work anyway, since I work at a fancy restaurant. I didn’t get a chance to see her the next day until after I got off work, and she was quiet the whole night. Before we went to bed she whispered, ‘Happy Valentine’s Day,’ then turned around and fell asleep. I stayed awake for at least an hour, feeling like a total jerk. Her friends confirmed it the next day.” Both John and Rico have been vic- tims of the “Should I or shouldn’t I?” conundrum. Should they believe their girlfriends when they say they don’t want to celebrate V-Day? If the two have only recently started dating, how can boy- friends know their girlfriends well enough