Varsha Rawat | January 20 2015

voo who?

the chronicles of India’s laziest superwoman

We would like to thank the following brands to have funded the making of this presentation.

This is their way of thanking their most loyal customer.

No animals (especially dogs) were harmed while making this presentation. The same can’t be said for mosquitos/humans.

In the 1990s, Professor Utonium* was invited to India to create another superwoman. * - (of the Powerpuff girls fame)

Secret lab location

…..and so commenced the onerous task of creating an Indian superwoman, somewhere in a remote location around the hilly areas of North India.

It was the usual

concoction. Sugar, spice. Everything

nice.

To make the superwoman ‘desi’, he added secret ingredients sourced from an “imported” store in Delhi and a stationery car-wala* from some pahadi region.

*stationery cars have always been at risk ever since.

But, Mojo Jojo, who stealthily followed the Professor to India had other plans.* He wanted the superwoman to have some other powers. So, he slipped two special ingredients into the mixture – Chemical F & Chemical D

Power F Power D

* - He has had a change of heart and is on the “good side” now. As a symbolic gesture, our superwoman’s sidekick, which incidentally is a dog is called Mojo jojo

and *drumroll*# The first superwoman created

together by man-kind and animal-kind was born.

# - ideally, one of those cacophonous Yo Yo Honey Singh songs

Byproduct/Sidekick. “Mojo Jojo”

The first thing human babies do after they’re born is cry.

Our superwoman slept.

Standard superpowers- •  Invisibility •  X-ray vision •  Flight •  Teleporting •  Superhuman agility

Voohoo superpowers •  Sleepception

(to dream about sleeping) •  Nrityashakti

(to twist and turn and flex and bend. a gazillion times)

•  Feminist magnetism ( to pull/be pulled to every feminist conversation and blow the opponents apart)

•  Proprocrastination (to postpone procrastination)

•  Guilt-trap (to cast an indestructible trap that is built on the victim’s guilt)

Standard weapons- •  Gauntlet •  Shield •  Rings •  Blade •  Hammer

Voohoo’s weapons- •  Shrill voice

(the one that breaks glasses) •  Gaze of indifference

(I don’t care enough to explain this one)

•  Vampir-ish Skin (night vision, anyone?)

•  Snapchat recorder (temporary database of everything that’s useless)

2014 was the year when the world’s superwomen

pledged their support for women empowerment.

To find a platform, some joined international

organisations, some headed nations. Some worked for

global peace and some joined business schools.

#Changing avatars. #Because disguise is

every superhero(ine)’s

necessity.

Things superheroes(ines) do after a successful pursuit

19%

Party/Rest/Miscellaneous

39%

Get back to their human form and continue with life

42%

Track down the next pursuit

Our superwoman poses.

With her saviours Or just by herself

#Activate Snapchat recorder power

After rescuing a lazy tortoise from racing a hare

(2011)

After halting a forest stretch from being erm, deforested

(2012)

After teaching a few DU girls how to look saxxyy

(2012)

After a gruelling day of doing nothing (1992-present)

After ensuring Earth hour was followed in Delhi!

(2014)

After saving herself from the sun’s rays

(2011)

After making a retailer’s day by buying everything in store

(2013)

After saving an amateur photographer’s career

(2000-forever)

After teaching a doctor (&the world) to dance (2014)

After training students on how to make shrill voices & annoy their parents (2011)

After solving boyfriend problems (2012)

After saving a girl from drowing in a holi tub (2012)

After successfully locating the alien’s ship (December 2014)

After being appointed as the World Canine Ambassador (2010)

Impo

rtan

ce

Usefulness

The secret chart of Voohoo’s

favourite stuff

She’s always on the good side But, cross the vohoo line, she’ll turn into a voodoo before you can spell it

Sometimes, she uses classical weapons

Sometimes, she uses her bodily power

And when all faces, she uses her mystique or turns into her feministic avatar*

* - B

oth

are

equa

lly le

thal

VOOHOO FOR PRESIDENT

#BACHEDIN AANE WALE HAIN

So, today on her creation anniversary,

we intend to launch the

most important

campaign for 2016

•  Bring the centuries old patriarchal

system down •  Reservations for dogs in every

position of responsibility

If you vote me to power, I promise to •  Abolish taxes on luxury bags •  Introduce a 1 rupee/litre scheme

for beer •  Establish minimum sleeping

requirements

#why should men pay all the bribes

To show support, splatter cake, send selfies, buy her beer or simply come kneel.

Thank you for charging us up!

Happy birthday, Varsha.

YOUR SUPPORTERS

•  101 Dalmatians •  Snoopy (from Peanuts) •  Scooby Doo •  Hypnos •  Kumbhakarna •  Draupadi •  Andre the Giant •  Johnnie Walker •  Abhishek Kumar •  Aman Chindalia •  Avinash Unni •  Dylan Fernandes •  Gaurav Chauhan •  Gaurav Kumar •  Ishita Kayastha •  Juhi Jain •  Nipun Dhingra

super