1 A Discussion Guide for Raising Empathetic Kids and Building Caring Homes, Schools & Communities UnSelfie By Michele Borba, Ed.D. Micheleborba.com by “This beautifully written, eminently actionable book will inspire parents and their children to take on the complex issues of our 21st century guided by the power of empathy and kindness. This book offers a roadmap to a much brighter future." - Dacher Keltner, Director, Greater Good Science Center “Read this book. It will change your kids' lives!” – Jack Canfield, Chicken Soup for the Soul “Michele Borba has written a game-changing guide showing why nurturing empathy in our children isn't optional -- it's essential.” – Philip Zimbardo, Professor Emeritus of Psychology, Stanford University “Empathy helps us develop true friendships and have a happy life, and Michele Borba’s practical insights and advice are a huge help for parents who want to nurture this essential skill in their children." - Harvey Karp, M.D.,The Happiest Baby on the Block “I have never, ever read a book that combines solid research on a timely and critical subject— the importance of promoting empathy—with so many amazing and creative how-to suggestions that turn this research into action. Unselfie is a must-read!” - Ellen Galinsky, Mind in the Making
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1
A Discussion Guide for Raising
Empathetic Kids and Building Caring Homes, Schools & Communities
UnSelfie By Michele Borba, Ed.D.
Micheleborba.com
by
“This beautifully written, eminently actionable book will inspire parents and their children to take on the complex issues of our 21st century guided by the power of empathy and kindness. This book offers a roadmap to a much brighter future." - Dacher Keltner, Director, Greater Good Science Center “Read this book. It will change your kids' lives!” – Jack Canfield, Chicken Soup for the Soul “Michele Borba has written a game-changing guide showing why nurturing empathy in our children isn't optional -- it's essential.” – Philip Zimbardo, Professor Emeritus of Psychology, Stanford University “Empathy helps us develop true friendships and have a happy life, and Michele Borba’s practical insights and advice are a huge help for parents who want to nurture this essential skill in their children." - Harvey Karp, M.D.,The Happiest Baby on the Block “I have never, ever read a book that combines solid research on a timely and critical subject—the importance of promoting empathy—with so many amazing and creative how-to suggestions that turn this research into action. Unselfie is a must-read!” - Ellen Galinsky, Mind in the Making
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Educator Discussion Guide for UnSelfie HowtoTeachEmpathyandCreateCaringSchoolsByMicheleBorba,Ed.D.micheleborba.com
eenstodayare40percentlessempatheticthantheywere thirty years ago. Why is a lack of empathy—which goes hand-in-hand with the self-absorption
epidemic (or what I call the Selfie Syndrome)—sodangerous?First, ithurts students’ academicperformanceandleadstobullyingbehaviors.Also,itcorrelateswithmorecheatingandlessresilience.Andoncestudentsgrowup,alack of empathy hampers their ability to collaborate,innovate, and problem-solve—all must-have skills for theglobaleconomy.UnSelfie:WhyEmpatheticKidsSucceed inOur All-About-Me-World, pinpoints the forces causing theEmpathy Crisis and shares a revolutionary, researched-based,nine-stepplanforreversingit.Thisguideisdesignedtohelpeducatorsdiscusshowtoapply thesestrategies tocreate more empathetic students and schools to buildbrighterfuturesforallkidsfrompovertyorprivilege.
• Determine the specific day, time andplace for your group tomeet.Assign a discussion leader ordecidetorotatetherole.Theydecidehowoftenyouwillmeet(weekly,bi-weekly,monthly).
QUESTIONS AND TOPICS FOR YOUR GROUP DISCUSSION INTRODUCTION:TheHiddenAdvantageofEmpathyandWhyItMatters1. WhataboutUnSelfiepeakedyourinterest?Whatdoyouhopetogainfromthesediscussions?2. Howwouldyouanswer:“Whatdostudentsreallyneedtobehappyandsuccessful?”(pagexiii).3. Doyoubelieveempathyisintegraltoourchildren’sfuturesuccesshappinessandwell-being?4. Teenstodayare40percentlessempatheticthanthirtyyearsago.Doesalackofempathytrouble
PART I: DEVELOPINGEMPATHY Chapter 1. Empathetic Children Can Recognize Feelings 1stHabit:Teachingemotionalliteracytohelpstudentsrecognizeandunderstandthefeelingsandneedsofothers• Whatarecommonpitfallstomosteducationalprogramsthatattempttoteachempathy?• Whatstrategiesareyouusingtoenhancestudents’emotionalintelligence?Areyouseeinga
Chapter 2: Empathetic Children Have a “Moral Identity” 2ndHabit:Developinganethicalcodesostudentswilladoptcaringvaluesthatguidetheirintegrityandactivityempathytohelpothers• Howhaveculturalvalueschangedthatmightaffecttoday’sstudents’characterandincreasedtheir
Chapter 3. Empathetic Children Understand the Needs of Others 3rdHabit:Instillingperspectivetakingsostudentscanstepintoothers’shoestounderstandanother’sfeelings,thoughtsandviews• WereyouintriguedbyJaneElliott’sapproach(page47)toinstillingPerspectiveTakinginher
Chapter 4. Empathetic Children Have A “Moral Imagination” 4thHabit:Instillingamoralimaginationsostudentscanuseliterature,filmsandemotionally-chargedimagedasasourceofinspirationtofeelwithothers• Doyouagree:“Bookscanbeportalstounderstandingotherworldsandotherviewstohelpingour
Chapter 5. Empathetic Children Can Keep Their Cool 5thHabit:Masteringself-regulationtohelpstudentslearntomanagestrongemotionsandreducepersonaldistresssotheycanhelpothers• Researchsaysthatself-controlisabetterpredictorofadultwealth,health
Chapter 6. Empathetic Children Practice Kindness 6thHabit:Developingandexercisingcompassiontoincreasestudents’concernaboutthewelfareandfeelingsofothers• WhatdidyouattributethesuccessofMilfordHigh’sStudentsforaMillionActsofKindness(pages
Chapter 8. Empathetic Kids Stick Their Necks Out 8thHabit:Promotingmoralcouragetoemboldenkidstospeakout,stepinandhelpothers• Studiesshowthat“whenbystandersstepinonbehalfofbulliedpeers,bullying
Chapter 9. Empathetic Kids Want to Make a Difference 9thHabit:Cultivatingaltruisticleadershipabilitiestomotivatestudentstomakeadifferenceforothers,nomatterhowsmallitmaybe,andbecomeChangemakers• What are your thoughts about this statement: “Every child has the potential to become a
2. Break Down Barriers.Wearemorelikelytoempathizewithpeopleinourimmediatecirclesorcareaboutthose“likeus.”Howcanyouexpandyourstudents’familiaritycirclestothose“notlikethem”toopenthepathtoempathyandbreakdownbarriers?Amongstthemostcreativeideas:SkateistaninAfghanistanwhereyouthuseskateboardingasahooktopairgirlsandboys,SeedsofPeacepairingkidsfromwar-tornareastocoexist.(pg.217).Whatwayscanyourschool-breakdownbarriers?
3. Give Kids a Voice.Empathyisdrivenbyface-to-faceconnectionandit’swhywemustkeeptheart
5. Create Parent Support Networks.Aparentisachild’smostimportantempathyinfluencer.Howdo
youhelpparentsrecognizetheimportanceofempathyandsupporteachotherinthoseefforts?Whatarewaysschoolscanencourageparentstoexploreandexpandtheirempathyinfluence?Ideas:• Ashoka encourages parents to form “Parenting Changemakers” communities to discuss and
developways tohelp their childrenmasterempathyhabits (pg220). Several topics to initiateparentgroupdiscussionsareprovidedonpg220.Whatothertopicscouldyouaddtothelist?
(called“TheVillageEffect”)incommunitieswherethereisanaverageof150people.Whatwayscanyoubuildcaringcommunitiesforchildreninyourschool.Forinstance:providecommunity-buildingactivitieslikeclassmeetingsorteambuilding,useicebreakerstohelpkidsgettoknoweachother,tryMix-It-Up lunches, Rachel’s Challenges, cooperative learning or jigsaw to work with differentclassmates.Aretherewaysthatlocalyouthgroups,clubsororganizationsmightsupportyourefforts?
7. Don’t Give Up On a Child.Theseedsofempathyareplantedinrelationships,butsometimesthoseinteractionscanbestrainedorshutdown.Themotherwhorefusedtogiveuponhersonandleftcaringnotesonhispillowwasoneideatokeepempathyopen(pg225).Whatarewayseducators,parents,coachesoranycaringadultcanconvey“I’mhere. Icare. I’mnotgivingup”tokidsgoingthroughtoughtimes?
Discussing Ways to Build UnSelfie Cultures • Whatwouldtheideallearningculturelooklike?Howwouldempathyfitin?• Howwouldyouandyourstaffdefinea“compassionate,empathetic,Unselfie
MICHELE BORBA, Ed.D., is an internationally renowned educational psychologist and an expert inparenting,bullying,andcharacterdevelopment.She isanaward-winningauthorof22books includingUnselfie:WhyEmpatheticKidsSucceedinOurAll-About-MeWorldtranslatedinto14languages.Oneoftheforemostauthoritiesonchildhooddevelopmentinthecountry,sheisaregularNBCcontributorwhoappearsregularlyonTodayandhasbeenfeaturedasanexpertonDateline,TheView,Dr.Phil,NBCNightlyNews,Fox&Friends,Dr.Oz,andTheEarlyShow,amongmanyothers.ShelivesinPalmSprings,California,withherhusband,andsheisthemotherofthreegrownsons.
mpathyisseeingtheeyesofanother, listeningwiththeearsofanotherandfeelingwiththeheartofanother.”Empathygivesyouthanadvantageforhealthandwealth, relationships, longer life, the jobmarket, criticalthinking, and real happiness. It also fuels passion, promote kindness,