Unit 8 Seminar: Editing and Revising. Following the instructions for the post-draft outline, Next, identify at least one thing about your draft that.

Unit 8 Seminar: Editing and Revising

Following the instructions for the post-draft outline, Next, identify at least one thing about your draft

that the outline brought to light—for example, maybe you need to reorder some of your paragraphs , or maybe your thesis statement promises to talk about something you never discuss. What did the post-draft outline reveal about the organization of your paper and the effectiveness of your argument?

After you have finished with your own post of 300 words, please respond to two other students (150 words each).

Is your final essay going to be

long enough?(If not, what can you do?)

“Re-vision,” or literally, “re-seeing” the paper.

Great writers do it! E.B. White, the author of Charlotte’s Web, noted that “The best writing is rewriting” (cited in Van Dam & Tysick, 2008, p. 66).

The acronym “ARMS” can help writers remember important steps in revision.

A 5-7 page paper requires planning-- more planning than a 3-5 page paper!

You’ve already written your3- 5 page draft and now you must come up with another 2 pages of material to reach the7 page goal.

Do you have more to say? How are you going to arrive at the proper length?

You can not receive two grades for the same work!!

If you turn in your draft twice, the second time will be graded as a zero.

Your final paper MUST be substantially different from your draft. However, if you wrote 5 pages, then adding 2 more pages covers that rule.

Do I need to Add anything? -- a word, a phrase, a sentence, a paragraph, a description

Do I need to Remove anything? Did I repeat myself?

Do I need to Move anything? -- a word, a phrase , a sentence, a paragraph

Do I need to Substitute anything? – a word, phrase, a sentence

Tip: Treat each main point as a separate paper.• To use this tip, you are going to need an

outline for your paper.• To use this tip, you are going to need a

thesis statement for each main point (topic sentences for the paragraph).

• To use this tip, you are going to need to remember the writing modes that you learned in Composition I, and you may need to do more research.

Is the organization effective? Do I repeat any points? Does my introduction or conclusion

still need work? Do I still need to make any additional

points to support my thesis? See pp. 66-69 of the handbook for more details.

Count paragraphs in draft, write numbers, then put main point of each paragraph next to the number.

Make sure topic sentences for each paragraph reflect the main idea of that paragraph!

Review order of ideas to see if they are logical or if paragraphs need reorganization.

Note any unnecessary repetition or gaps. Make sure each paragraph focuses on the

main idea—see if anything needs to be removed!

Narration is telling a short, nonfiction story, usually about your personal experiences or the experiences of someone whom you know or have read about. Readers like stories because stories help to make your ideas easier to understand. Be sure the story supports your ideas and is relevant to your argument. If you do a personal story, though, remember to tell it in third person.

Compare and contrast – Showing how two things are alike or different can help the reader to understand, but only if one of the things being compared is familiar to the reader. Comparing also helps to show changes and relationships.

Definition – You can’t assume that the reader understands all of your terms, particularly if your topic contains words not used in ordinary conversation. If your readers do not understand your key points, then you will have failed to communicate.

Cause and Effect – This involves explaining what “caused” the problem involved with your topic and what the results or “effects” of the problem are. This helps the readers to have a complete picture of your topic.

Classification –If your topic is complex, break it into its parts. It may be easier for your readers to understand the parts than the complex whole, but be sure to also explain the relationships between the parts themselves and their relationship to the whole.

Description – Painting word pictures helps your readers to see, hear, smell, taste, and feel what you are describing. It makes your writing more vivid and interesting, as well as adding length to your essay.

Process analysis – This means explaining how something is done or made. Understanding the steps involved can help the reader understand your concepts.

This is a formal essay. Do not use first person (I, me, my, we, us, our) unless you are using a personal example (and generally, I would recommend writing that in third person as well—otherwise, the shift into first is awkward for a reader).

Do not use second person (you, your).

If you have a specific question, email me.

If you find that you have too many quotes, eliminate, paraphrase, or summarize. Remember what author Herman Melville said: "It is better to fail in originality, than to succeed in imitation."

Make sure you've used quotation marks when you used someone else's exact words. Make sure you have in-text citations for quotes, paraphrases, and summaries.

Finding sources on the Internet is relatively easy, but their quality varies greatly. If you use a search engine such as Yahoo, Google, etc., you're likely to get a list of sources, but you will need to evaluate if those sources are worth while.

The fact that a source is listed does not guarantee that it is reliable. Anyone can put up a web site about anything!

Remember, the final project guidelines specify that you can have no more than two internet-only sources.

Ask who is the author? Does he or she have any qualifications to be writing about the subject matter covered by the web site? Look for degrees, knowledge, and experience.

Check the publishing body. Information in web sites published by reliable publishing bodies is more likely to be valid.- Examples: encyclopedias, NASA, federal

government sites, state government sites, well-known organizations like the American Medical Association

Look for the date of the material. Anything that changes frequently, such as scientific information, laws, archeology,

computers, etc., would need to be updated regularly. Watch out that the information that you

use is not old and out dated.

Read the information and think critically. Does it sound right? Does it contain

information that you can verify, such as statistics? Does it represent other sources fairly? Does it take into consideration alternative views? Is it well-written (no grammar errors, for example)?

Avoid blogs (unless on a reputable site like the New York Times or written by someone who is

an expert in the field).

Editing is correcting a document’s errors and stylistic flaws.

Errors may occur in grammar, punctuation, spelling, use of capital letters, and other areas.

Stylistic flaws can occur when a sentence just doesn’t “sound right” because of awkward word choice or too many words (wordiness).

Aim for 18-25 words per sentence. Use shorter sentences for clarity when describing complex ideas.

Limit sentence content—usually one idea per sentence!

Use strong, concrete subjects and verbs. Wordy: All of the separate constituencies

at this academic institution must be invited to participate in the decision making process under the current fiscal pressures we face.

Better: Faculty, students, and staff at this school must all have a say during this current budget crunch.

Avoid awkward noun phrases. Look for:1.Strings of prepositional phrases2.Verbs turned into nouns (look for

endings such as “ation”)3.Lots of articles (the, a, an)

While these phrases are not “wrong” in a grammatical sense, they can be tedious to read!

Wordy: members of the student body at University of California

Better: students at University of California Wordy: the manufacturing of products

made up of steel Better: making steel products Wordy: the prioritization of decisions for

policies of the student government Better: the study government’s priorities

Wordy: The press release gave an explanation for the behavior of the demonstrators.

Better: The press release explained the demonstrators’ behavior.

Get to the point quickly! Avoid starting sentences with long sets of prepositional phrases or clauses that delay the verb.

Wordy: A new scam e-mail that appears to be a solicitation from the IRS and the U.S. government for charitable contributions to victims of the recent Southern California wildfires has been making the rounds.

Better: A new scam e-mail making the rounds ask for charitable contributions to the victims of the recent Southern California wildfires. While the e-mail appears to be from the IRS or the U.S. government, it is not legitimate.

Avoid starting sentences with expletives like “it is,” “there is,” or other phrases that defer the meaning until later in the sentence.

Delayed: There were over 4,000 runners in the marathon.

Better: Over 4,000 runners competed in the marathon.

Delayed: There were many incentives offered by the company to its sales force.

Better: The company offered its sales force many incentives.

Use active voice instead of passive voice.

Use action verbs when possible. Passive: The ball was thrown by the boy. Active: The boy threw the ball. Wordy: Students are too reliant on

credit cards. Better: Students rely on credit cards too

much.

Avoid cluttering phrases, unnecessary words, and needless repetition. An example of a “cluttering phrase” would be using “at the present time” instead of saying “now.”

Repetitive: She did the daily paperwork every day.

Better: She completed the paperwork every day.

Avoid illogical and unparallel constructions.

Not parallel: Her true pleasure is playing the piano rather than in the library. Parallel revision: Her true pleasure is playing the piano, not reading in the library.

Turn dependent clauses into direct modifiers.

Wordy: Our coach, who is nationally renowned, expected a raise.

Better: Our nationally renowned coach expected a raise.

Modifiers are words or phrases that describe nouns (adjectives) or verbs (adverbs).

Mary is a pretty girl. “Pretty” describes Mary/girl. A misplaced modifier occurs when the placement

of a modifying word or phrase makes the sentence unclear.

Original: We chose that song for Mary, the prettiest one in the songbook, to sing.

Mary is not the “prettiest one in the songbook”—the song is.

Revision: We chose that song, the prettiest one in the songbook, for Mary to sing.

Richard Lanham created this method, described in his textbook Revising Prose

Targets wordiness Helps to make writing more clear and

concise See ch. 6, pp. 70-72, Kaplan

Handbook For Writers for more examples.

Circle the prepositions and replace with active verbs.

Circle the "is" and “have” verb forms and replace with active verbs.

Ask, "Where's the action?" and put this action in a simple active verb. Make the doer of the action the subject.

Start fast--no slow windups. Avoid starting sentences with phrases like “I believe that. . .” or “There is/are.”

Eliminate redundant phrasing.

Avoid strings of prepositional phrases.

Cluttered: We stood in line at the observatory on the top of the hill in the mountains to look in a huge telescope at the moons of Saturn.

Better: We lined up at the mountaintop observatory to view Saturn’s moons through a huge telescope.

Keep in mind that a sentence does not have to be brief to be effective; long sentences can be worthwhile, too. Just make sure longer sentences are punctuated properly!

In fact, an essay’s sentence length and structure should vary.

Some sentences should be brief and others should be longer.

Punctuation and the “sound” of sentences should vary.

However, every word should be necessary.

• The dog (with the short tail) lives (at the house next door).

• Revision: The short-tailed dog lives next door.

• The dog was having fun rolling in the grass. • Revision: The dog enjoyed rolling in the grass.

• I am a race car driver.• Revision: I drive race cars.

The point I wish to make is that the employees working at this company are in need of a much better manager of their money.

This company’s employees need a better money manager.

It is widely known that the engineers at Sandia Labs have become active participants in the Search and Rescue operations in most years.

Sandia Labs engineers actively participate in most Search and Rescue operations.

After reviewing the results of your previous research, and in light of the relevant information found within the context of the study, there is ample evidence for making important, significant changes to our operating procedures.

Your research results and our recent studies suggest the need to make changes to our operating procedures.

In the last decade, the world of personal computers and the Internet was brought into our living rooms.

The first step in the police investigation is to interview the parents and children in the household to establish an idea of what happened.

Even people who cannot agree on whether death by execution is the best form of punishment should be able to see that if there is even a slight chance of an innocent person losing his or her life, death should not even be an option.

http://www.english.uga.edu/cdesmet/revisingprose.htm

http://writing2.richmond.edu/WRITING/wweb/concise.html

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/635/01/

Ruszkiewicz, How to Write Anything: A Guide and Reference (2009)

Webb, Miller, & Horner, Hodges’ Harbrace Handbook, 14th ed. (2001)

Hult & Huckin, The New Century Handbook, 2nd ed. (2002)

Ask yourself, “Do I have enough so that my audience will accept my claims?” Use the acronym PREFACTS.

P = personal observations or experiences placed in third person (he, she, they, a person, etc.)

R= reasons E = examples F = facts A = analogies (comparisons) C = concrete sensory images

(descriptions) T = testimony S = statistics