Understanding Dialogue Action Making A Difference In Bullying Information for Parents Prepared by: Heather Halman Coordinator of Educational Services.

The purpose of the conference is to raise awareness about research fi ndings and promising initiatives f or dealing with bullying and taxing at school, and to promote dialogue and mobilization among the stakeholders concerned with these issues.

UnderstandingDialogueAction

Making A Difference In Bullying

Information for Parents

Prepared by: Heather Halman

Coordinator of Educational ServicesMay 1st, 2003.

What is Bullying?

Bullying is a relationship problem

The lessons that children learn early on school playgrounds transform and develop into other problems later in life.

There is a clear negative impact on the development of both the bullied and the bully.

Key elements of bullying:

• Bullying involves a power imbalance in which the bully has more power due to:

» Age» Size» Support of the peer group» Higher status

• Bullying is a repeated activity in which a child is singled out in a chronic manner.

• Bullying has the intent to harm the targeted child.

• Bullying includes:

» Physical aggression» Verbal insults» The spreading of malicious rumors or gossip» Threats of exclusion from the peer group

Common Misconceptions About Bullying

• children grow out of it

• bullying is a natural part of growing up

“boys will be boys”

• ignoring bullying makes it disappear

What Does Bullying Look Like?

• Bullying can be expressed:

» Directly face-to-face

» Indirectly behind the back

» Sexually especially in later elementary

and high school

Direct Bullying The most common form of bullying is overt and direct.

This type of bullying has physically observable signs of damage ( physical injury, torn clothes, etc.)

Everyone is aware of the identity of the bully.

The following are examples of direct bullying:

*open attacks*physical harm or threats*insults, taunts or name calling*telling a child that s/he cannot play

Indirect Bullying

More difficult to recognize because the person being bullied may not be present when the bullying happens or may not know the identity of the bully.

The primary purpose is social exclusion or the damaging of a child’s reputation or status.

Examples of indirect bullying include:

* spreading malicious rumors or lies* writing hurtful graffiti about a child* encouraging others not to play with a child

Is Bullying a males only issue?NO !

Observations of children’s behavior show that girls engage in bullying as much as boys.

(Atlas & Pepler, 1998)

Sexual Bullying

Sexual bullying occurs when one student is targeted with unwanted words, actions or

images about sex.

Examples of sexual bullying include:

* unwanted jokes, comments or taunts about body parts

* teasing about sexual orientation or sexual activities

* passing unwanted notes or pictures

*grabbing in a sexual way or forcing

someone to engage in unwanted sexual behaviors.

Some Statistics

By conservative estimates, 10% of school children are chronic targets of bullying, while the number may be as high as 20%.

Almost all children have experienced occasional bullying or seen others being bullied.

Each time a child is successful in the attempt to bully- his/her power increases

Developmental Perspectives

The use of power and aggression in bullying is a key component of sexual harassment, dating aggression, workplace harassment, marital aggression, child abuse and elder abuse.

• Studies reveal that in bullying situations the victim tries a social skills strategy each time-

» Ignoring» Walking away» Using your words

Children require adult help to gain their power and reduce their negative power of the bully.

Bullying is a Systemic Problem

• Bullying does not occur in isolation and interventions must include:

peers, school, parents community and society

• Peers (witnesses) play an important role in promoting bullying problems- even when they do nothing.

• Peers are present in up to 85% of bullying episodes.

• Peers often pay positive attention to the bully.

• In 75% of incidents, when peers join in, the level of arousal of the bully increases.

Who is at-risk for bullying and taxing?

75% of students experience no problems

15% of students have occasional difficulties

10% of students are at-risk

Four Questions To Ask

1. How long has the problem gone on? (duration)2. How frequent are the incidents?

(daily, weekly, monthly etc.)3. How severe is the bullying?

(verbal, physical?)4. How pervasive is the bullying?

i.e. how many places does it happen?

in class? on the playground?on the school bus? with siblings at home?

Risk Factors for Bullying and/or Victimization

• Characteristics of Bullies:

• exhibit aggressive tendencies• have experienced rejection• are marginalized• have poor social skills• lack home support• have poor impulse control• lack anger management skills• lack empathy skills

Risk Factors for Bullying and/or Victimization

• Victims:

• have reputation problems

• have experienced rejection

• are isolated or marginalized

• have low self-esteem

Peers Are Important

• Peers presently intervene in 10-20% of incidents.

• More frequent than teachers- who intervene in approximately 4-10% of incidents.

Peers Are Important

IN FACT:

Peer interventions are successful in stopping bullying within 10 seconds in 57% of episodes!

Bullying is about dominance, so when a peer intervenes or questions the bully, the power and dominance of the bully decreases.

Are There Harmful Consequences?

• For Children Who Bully-Aggressive behavior in childhood persists into adulthood.

Olweus (1991) found that 60% of males identified as having serious bullying problems between 6th and 9th grades had at least one criminal conviction by age 24.

As these students reach the upper grades they are more inclined to engage in aggressive behavior-

a pattern contributing to the development of adolescent gangs.

Are There Harmful Consequences?

Victims of bullying often experience:

severe ostracizationpeer rejectionlow self-esteemdepressionloneliness and anxietyinsecurity

Research has also established a link between being bullied and having both emotional and academic difficulties.

Protective Factors For Bullying And Victimization

All children must be given an arsenal of strategies and skills.

• Social Skills-social awareness

problem solving strategiesassertiveness trainingemotional regulationcommunication and behavior strategies

• Language Skills-communication abilitiesexpressive abilities to break the

Wall of Silence

Parents, Teachers And Communities As Partners

Parents must strive to:

provide a supportive, warm and consistent home environment

foster positive attitudes and beliefs

teach resilience in the face of adversity

guard against over-protectiveness

take an active and pro-active approach

Warning Signs

• Shows a disinterest or refuses to go to school.• Takes an unusual route to go to school.• Withdraws from activities- wants to be alone.• Is hungry after school- not eating at lunch hour.• Goes directly to the bathroom when coming

home from school.• Is sad, sullen or scared after phone calls, e-mails.• Problems sleeping, headaches, stomachaches.• Stops talking about peers and daily activities• Has injuries not consistent with explanation.• Uses demeaning language when referring to

peers.

Do’s for the bullied child and their parents.

• Assure your child that you believe them and that they are not alone with the problem.

• Affirm that this is not their fault.

• Establish that there things that can be done and establish a plan.

• Report the bullying to the school.

Don’ts for the bullied child and their parents

• Don’t minimize or rationalize the bully’s behaviour.

• Don’t rush to solve the problem for your child- unless they are in physical danger.

• Don’t tell your child to avoid the bully.

• Don’t tell your child to fight back.

• Don’t confront the bully or the bully’s parents alone.

Parents, Teachers And Communities As Partners

Teachers and other adults must strive to:

model positive problem solving skills

be consistent and fair

model respect

invite open discussions

help children develop empathy for differences

walk the talk

Parents, Teachers And Communities As Partners

School communities must strive to:

gather information and evaluate the situation- pre and post testing

adopt a multi-faceted program

intervene early

establish clear school-wide and classroom rules about bullying

teach peer intervention skills

support students who are “at-risk”

What Skills Do Children Need to Cope with Bullying?

• Assertiveness Training-

When children use problem solving strategies such as assertively standing up for themselves, the bullying tends to end sooner.

• Friendship Skills-Friendship plays an important role in both preventing bullying and in helping children cope.Children with at least one friend are less likely to be bullied and having a friend decreases the effects of the bullying.

Peers must strive to:

be part of a school culture where it is “cool to help others”

Where Do We Go From Here?

The trouble with bullying is that it often works.

We can make a difference through:

• Programs in schools• Adult leadership and commitment.• Promoting cultures of awareness and

openness.• Commitment to changing attitudes and

behaviors• Teaching children to be responsible

bystanders• Societal commitment of resources

Food For Thought

Cowardice asks the question: is it safe?Expediency asks the question: is it politic?

Vanity asks the question: is it popular?But conscience asks the question: is it right?

And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular-

but one must take it because it is right.Martin Luther King