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2015KaninchenSchlag!
Sports, Page 6
VOLUME FOURI S S U E 1 504 .09 .15
VOLUME FOURI S S U E 1 504 .09 .15
Hatchet Job Loses Prophet | Wurst of the Wurst "Winners" | Colby
on Rand Paul
P LUS : 7 DAY NEW BRAUNFELS L IVE MUS IC GU IDEP LUS : 7 DAY NEW
BRAUNFELS L IVE MUS IC GU IDE
2015KaninchenSchlag!
Sports, Page 6
"The
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table of contents
11 Wurst of the
Wurst ResultsWhile we tabulate 2015's "Best of"
votes, we of fer the very worst ofthe eld for your perusal.
8CitizenSoundcheckThe ONLY guide of i ts kindfor the NB/SM
Metroplex!
12
31st Word
"Prophet" meets heat,leaves kitchen.
4County BeatDon't read this while you're eating. Or if you plan
on eating in the future.
15Best of the WurstSample BallotFinally. Your vote counts for
SOMEthing.
6SportsThe 2015 Bunny Thwack
Last WordColby talks Rand Paul. 14
The County sMost WantedLook Daddy!Mommys in the paper!
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Self-Proclaimed Prophet Requests TXC Revise HistoryIf youve been
keeping track of the local doings, you know that a Christian
production company has plans to come to town over Memorial Day
weekend to save us from ourselves through the power of reality
television.
Producer Jay Hix Jones intends to show how the rivers here
are:
South Padre, Daytona, and Cancun combined and then multiplied by
Vegas and Ibiza, and that furthermore, the cases of rapes,
violence, indecent exposure, arrests, fights, accident, etc etc
increase ten fold during the Holiday Weekend. TEN FOLD! And as if
THAT werent bad enough, As we all know, there is a party culture on
the river especially during Memorial Day, and with this culture
brings an increase in fights, arrests, rapes, deaths, public
intoxication, indecent exposure, accidents, trash on the river etc
etc etc the list goes on and on. Yeah. As we all know. We all know
all of that. Its why we lock ourselves in our homes all summer
long.
Take a good look at the above quotes. And remember that Hix
Jones runs a Christian production company as if businesses can
relate to an Almighty. And then remember that when religion and
media hook up, lies are certain to follow. I started my career in
evangelical media, and I know that the people that work in the
Jesus-Industrial Complex often consider ethical standards to be
something that other people are subject to. Honesty is for the
unsaved, or The World, as the JIC calls those not part of the
Complex. Theyve got bigger things to worry about, and cant be
constrained by rules created to keep the average worldly person in
line.
Let me be very clear: Most Christians do not work in the
Jesus-Industrial Complex. So given a choice between two Christian
plumbers, always hire the one that doesnt have a fish in their ad.
The fish is a flashing red sign that announces I dont have to earn
your trust, and Ill find a way
to abuse it. Hix Jones has embraced that convention.
Except for what youve seen in the pages of the TXC, Hix Jones
claims have gone unchallenged by the media.
Local coverage, from the San Antonio Express-News, to the
Houston-owned Herald-Zeitung, to KGNB radio has been positive.
So imagine my surprise when I got an email from Dr Luke Holter, a
man who markets himself as a prophet, refers to himself as St Luke
on his website, and was slated to evangelize on the rivers as part
of the production in hopes of taking credit for changing our
notorious, violent river culture (what with all the rapes and
stuff) backing out of the project, and blaming the media for the
move. Ill get to his email in a moment. Theres something I have to
show you first in order for this all to make sense.
Heres how Holters participation was publicized in the
productions press release: FLOAT follows Jones, Grammy Award Winner
Pastor Billy Dorsey and Best Selling Author Dr. Luke Holter as they
immerse themselves into the local river party culture. Together the
team investigates how the river party phenomenon began, so that
they may effectively infiltrate & influence it using their
unique spiritual gifts.
Ooh. Infiltrate. Sounds dramatic. Going into dangerous
territory. A job for the bold, one might say.
Anyway, now that you know Dr Holters originally intended role in
the project, heres what I got from him last Friday:
______________________________Hey Mike-Could you remove my name
from the
FLOAT movie article you wrote? I am in no way associated with
the film and have dealt with this on a lot of levels to try to
correct. Please advise when my name has been removed from the write
up.
Kind Regards,Luke Holter______________________________
Continued on page 5.
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COUNTY BEATCOUNTY BEATWITH NICK ROGERSWITH NICK ROGERS
County Shigellosis Rate Outpacing 2014Seven cases of the
relatively rare but highly contagious stomach illness were reported
in Comal County in February.
The stomach ailments were the result of shigellosis, a bacterial
illness that is caused by contact to feces from those infected by
Shigella bacteria. While usually resistant to antibiotics,
shigellosis usually runs its course in 5-7 days.
Where the cases originated from is unknown and a call to the
Comal County Health Department was not returned by deadline.
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Services. Mostly resistant to antibiotics, the disease usually runs
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recover completely, although it may be several months before their
bowel habits are entirely normal. Once someone has had shigellosis,
they are not likely to get infected with that specific type again
for at least several years. However, they can still get infected
with other types of Shigella.
The department advises Pepto-Bismol, fluids, bed rest and
thorough cleaning. Anyone around the infected person should wash
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CDC.
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exposure to even a tiny amount of contaminated fecal matter too
small to see can cause infection. Transmission of Shigella occurs
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spills of diaper contents should be cleaned up immediately.
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the use of diarrhea suppressing medications and fever free for 24
hours without the use of fever suppressing medications.
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Continued from page 3. That struck me as weird. First of all,
we
cant go back and remove his name from the 10,000 copies of the
paper mentioning his connection to the project that were already
printed. Thats impossible. A man would need supernatural powers to
pull that off. I didnt bust his chops over that, as I wanted the
conversation to continue.
He didnt say No longer associated with the film, he said In no
way associated with the film. Was he ever a part of the production?
Did Hix Jones use his name without permission? What the WHAT?
So I sent this in response. Had to clear up that ambiguity
before moving forward:
______________________________Hi Luke,
Id be happy to publish an update in next
weeks issue. Why did you bow out of the project? It
seemed to have momentum o plenty.
Mike______________________________Thank you Mike. Im not really
a
momentum guy :) Im an ex-drug addict & punk rocker who is
just trying to enjoy his family and friends. Im built for different
things is all.
Again thank you for removing my name from your site.
Kind Regards,Luke Holter______________________________Aha. Ok,
so he didnt expect me to
change the print copies, he just wanted me go back and rewrite
the digital versions of already published articles to remove any
trace of his connection to the project.
I would have considered doing that (with a note stating that he
had been wrongly announced by Hix Jones) if he were fraudulently
included in the production companys statements to the press, so I
had to know if he was ever legitimately tied to the project. Off
this went:
______________________________Hi Luke,
To clarify, were not going to remove your
name from the previous pieces on txcitizen.com,
as you were attached to the project at the time the
stories were published, but I will print an update
citing your current status.
Again, why did you decide against
participating in the production?
Thanks,
Mike______________________________Thank you Mike I understand
the
clarification. I told you why in the previous email. Thank you
for your assistance with this.
Kind Regards,Luke Holter______________________________Ok, so I
had the answer I was digging
for - verification that he had been involved in the project for
realsies - but he was dodging the other one, the why behind his
quitting. So I pressed:
______________________________Hi Luke,
You mentioned that you beat drug addiction
and (presumably) punk rock, but Im looking
for something more specific than Im built for
different things is all. Youre making an effort to
remove your name from past associations with the
project. Im under no obligation to print an update,
but will do so as a courtesy - if you tell me why
youre disassociating yourself from the production.
Thank you,
Mike______________________________Lol I didnt kick punk rock I
kicked a drug
addiction I still love punk rock music. The reason I pulled out
is because I had
a dream that told me I should pull out of the film. I pay
attention to my dreams and I think the dream was just telling me
that it would be more stress than Im willing to deal with in my
personal life.
Kind Regards,Luke Holter ______________________________Ok, fair
enough. But this was Good
Friday, and the idea of a minister bailing on a high profile
evangelical endeavor due to stress struck me as ironic as heck,
considering what happened to the Jesus, the guy he presumably works
for, on the same day a few years back. Very stressful. (See Mark
15:21-41, Luke 23:26-43, Matthew 27:32-56, John 19:17-37 The
Bible)
At this point I had the answers I was looking for, so it was
time to throw down the snark and wrap up the conversation. The
conversation always stops after the snark. Usually:
______________________________
Thank you.
The incredible irony of you stating that youre
not willing to deal with the stress of a ministry
project, and making that statement on Good Friday,
is not lost on me. Id say you nailed it.
Mike______________________________And then the whole truth came
out:______________________________Its the stress of the media not
the ministry
Im still doing ministry.______________________________JACKPOT.
Luke got cold feet because,
for probably the first time ever, he came up against resistance
from a media outlet. Holter isnt a shy man and it doesnt look like
he passes up many chances to promote himself. Accountability was a
knockin, and these guys dont work in anything other than figurative
arenas of happy feelings and good press. Heres what we know for
sure: It wasnt the Express News, the HZ or KGNB that chased him
off.
Anyway, heres the real end of the conversation. Extra
snarky:
______________________________Luke,
You market yourself as a prophet. Im shocked
you didnt see this coming. ______________________________Oh ok I
see. Well thanks anyways mike.Kind Regards,Luke
Holter______________________________
Say what you will about the man, despite his shortcomings in the
Grammar and Punctuation Department, hes very polite. I am a wee bit
creeped out by Oh ok I see. What exactly does he see? OH MY LORD
WHAT IF HE CAN SEE ME RIGHT NOW?
\m/
Mike ReynoldsPublisher/Editor-in-Chief
Postscript: We did contact Jay Hicks Jones for his comment on
Holters withdrawal from the project. As one might expect, we have
not heard back.
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Suspicious that the Easter Bunny had been holding out on
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a pack of about a dozen
kids took turns beating him with a stick last Sunday at Oma
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10 AD SALES 830.358.2493 TXCITIZEN.COM 11
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In its annual Best of the Wurst poll, the TX Citizen strives to
bring attention to those who are the best in their elds, those
businesses who strive for the exceptional. However, we believe it
is equally important to highlight the businesses that claw their
way to the bottom, those who have a single-minded determination to
be the absolute worst of New Braunfels.
Worst Themed RestaurantsJonestownLord Alfred's Taste of England
(Now with more blood!)ISILs Indel KabobsFlogging and Humiliation
Meat HouseHillbilly Love Shack
Worst Lingerie StoresSweaty OToolesHirsutesSecond Chance Thongs
for MenThe Naughty Barn
Worst Medical ClinicsDr. Eugene Strap: Urology Clinic and Coee
HausCharles The Hammer Martels College of Medieval MedicineOne Limb
for Another Bartering HospitalYou Dont Need Teeth Emergency
DentistryDr. Ferris Condential Clinic (Motto: How did you even get
that in there?)
Worst Amusement CentersContusionsThe Ground is HardMaybe
ParachutesIts a SlaughterhouseRat World
Worst Places of WorshipSt. Leos of Creepy PerversionsHate
MosqueThe Church of Scientology
Worst Parks for the KiddiesMrs. Ladybugs Playground of Mud,
Broken Glass and NailsAnt TownFort Fun (Formerly Fort Bryant
Munitions Disposal Base)Deranged Hobo Choo Choo CampClimb Our Big
Ol Mayor
Worst Places to Experience HistoryMostly Buried City
CemeteryTyphoid VillageJohn Wesley Hardin Shoots YouToast
MuseumOut-of-Date Middle School Textbook Library
Worst Places to Strap on the FeedbagEverything Has
MayonnaiseHouse of Suspicious PiesLikely FoodEggs and
HaggisFooters
Worst Locally Brewed Beer/AleLabor Day (made from old work
boots)Old Yeller (processed cheese food)Ah Caramba! (tamales)Dr.
Feelgood (expired medicines)Two for $1 (convenience store
hotdogs)
Worst Places to Buy GroceriesO.C. McFaminesAlberts Other Son,
the Psychotic OneBoogersIrregular MREsMystery Cans
Worst Places to Stay OvernightThe Screaming Headless MaidenFire
Codes Are For SissiesBarricade Your DoorWolves and Raccoons
Worst River OutttersDrown TownTubes Are For SissiesWhatever
FloatsYou Know How To Swim, Right?The Trunk of Marios Buick
Worst Places to Get an EducationMachiavelli High SchoolStalin
Elementary SchoolLearnin Is For Sissies AcademyBully Junior High
SchoolDefrocked Priest Private School
Worst Travel AgentsYes, to Yemen!Find Your Way Back and Your
Trip is FreeMexico Border Town ToursAround the Horn Rafting
AdventuresPutins Awaitin
Compiled By Tony BellW URST
See next week's issue for 2015's Best of the Wurst Results!
-
12 AD SALES 830.358.2493 TXCITIZEN.COM 13
By Gustavo Arellano
Dear Mexican: Im a 23-year-old Latina attending a Texas
university. Im taking a class that is centered around Latino
culture and history. Im a first generation Tex-Mex kid, and lately
all of the documentaries and other course work have been making me
feel some type of way angry/sad/and overall confused, for lack of
better phrasing.
I dont know how to handle these feelings, and it is making me be
more introspective about the Latino/Mexican part of my identityas
if I didnt already have enough issues there. I dont want to
overthink it, and I dont want to always wonder how people perceive
me because of my background. But I dont know how to feel about what
I am learning and if its okay what I am feeling. Did you ever go
through something like this identity crisis type thing? And any
advice on how to feel/handle it?
Down in Denton
Dear Mujer: Was I ever confused about my ethnic identity?
Absolutelytell your Chicano Studies professor to assign Orange
County: A Personal History to ustedes, and youll get the carne
asada of the matter. But your situation deserves a more insightful
perspective than mine, so I turn the columna over to one of my
bosses: Alexandro Jos Gradilla, chair of the Department of Chicana
and Chicano Studies at Cal State Fullerton, where Im an
adjunct-at-large.
Dear Iztacchuat, you are experiencing Chicano Studies Rage 101,
Gradilla writes.
Here is a synopsis of why you are feeling the way you do. After
over decade in a K-12 school system that never really broached or
addressed issues of institutional racism, most students of color
coming out of high school would probably answer no if asked Have
you ever experienced racism? Here is the double problem. Most
students have not learned anything about their group. More
importantly, they have not been taught about institutional racism.
So taking a college level history or sociology courseor, as you
experiencedan ethnic studies class where
systemic or structural racism analyses is par for the course.
Then you get what happened to you. A sudden flood of cold, hard
facts connected with theories of racismthen BAM! You are forever
aware of the nature of social inequality in the United States.
You see how unfair and obscene racism is. Racismand not
individual prejudice or bigotry but an embedded system of exclusion
and denigrationis a profoundly ridiculous and irrational system.
Whether you are learning about the Mendez, et al. vs Westminster
case or the Felix Longoria affair and all within the short confines
of a quarter or semestereven the most complacent coconuts are
overwhelmed and bothered! The rage is famously captured by the
quintessential Chicano movement poem I am/Yo soy Joaquin written by
Rodolfo Corky Gonzales.
So my little brown Aztec volcano: your pending explosion within
the classroom is nothing new. Just remember: use your new knowledge
to heal, not to hate
Awesome job, profe jefe! Just one more thing Ill add: while its
okay to feel angry, never let the other side get the better of your
anger, as Ill show with the next question
Dear Mexican: Does your cesspool homeland of Mexico allow
illegals to break the law and sneak in??? Hell nobut I guess its
okay for the USA to allow it for you and your deadbeat wetback
cousins. Go #### yourself, and I am sure that this is not the first
time youve heard that from a fed-up USA taxpayer who is sick of you
parasite moochers from down South. Clean up your land if you want a
good life. Dont ride our coattails, you damn losers.
Klein in Van Nuys
Dear Gabacho: Parasitic moochers riding coattails? Olla: meet
hervidor. Or, in English: cant wait for your beautiful brown
grandchildren to take Chicano Studies 101!
Ask the Mexican at [email protected],
be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano
or follow him
on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!
ASK A MEXICAN!
!
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Male 510 182 lbsDOB: 08/18/1984CHARGE: Assault
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The names listed have been released in accordance with the Texas
Public Information Act. This is a true and accurate account as of
Monday, April 6, 2015 at 3:41 p.m. and may not be current by the
time it is read. Do not try to apprehend anyone. These are listings
of criminal warrants with the Comal County Sheriff s Office and are
not indicative of guilt or innocence. Officers are to verify the
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14 TX CITIZEN 14 AD SALES 830.358.2493 TXCITIZEN.COM 15
On Rand PaulRand Paul has officially announced for the
Republican primary for President of the United States. I couldnt be
happier, but Im not offering my support for him just yet. I do
think he will be an excellent opportunity for people to see how
libertarian ideas might be combined with a serious candidate,
though. Part of my personal concern over Paul is the likelihood
that he will not follow the libertarian line as closely as I would,
but thats the very thing that will make him a viable candidate.
Republicans, Democrats, and [L]ibertarians should probably keep
their eyes on his candidacy.
For Republicans, Rand Paul has moderated some of the most
troubling (to Republicans anyway) of libertarian ideas. The most
obvious area where this has happened is foreign policy. Paul has
actively moved away from isolationist stances in an effort to court
Republicans. Paul is hardly a warmonger, but he does appear to be
accepting a more active role for America in world affairs than the
typical libertarian, and he seems to be open to the typically
Republican idea of a strong military.
Paul has also spent his time in the Senate building alliances
with traditional, even establishment, Republicans. This is a
reverse of Ted Cruz, who seems to have been trying to create
conflict. Again Pauls stance is less than the libertarian norm.
Libertarians are often tied so much to principle and ideology that
they seem incapable of working with others. Politics, though, is
about compromise, and it looks like Paul has been trying to show
that he can work and play with others. This can be a balancing act.
Paul has Tea Party roots and many in the Tea Party feel that they
have been betrayed by deal makers repeatedly, but if he can show
that he is capable of bringing together disparate factions to get
things done, he will have proven the value of a little
flexibility.
Perhaps more important than even winning the Republican
nomination would be Paul showing Republicans a way to reach out to
constituencies that they have had very little success with in the
past. Paul has already shown
that he has appeal to a younger voter, and he may also be a
candidate that is more palatable to minorities. Republicans need to
broaden their appeal if they want to continue to be viable with a
changing American demographic. Pauls ideas may be good ones to
co-opt moving into the future for Republican candidates.
Rand Pauls candidacy might be even more important for Democrats
than Republicans. Hard line and hard left Democrats will have
nothing in common with Paul (they are typically hostile to any
support of economic liberty), but people who lean Democrat may see
in Paul something that is sorely missing in their own party. Pauls
stances on Ferguson and on the surveillance state have angered some
of his traditional allies, but they are really just part of a
larger civil libertarian streak.
On Ferguson, Paul may not accept the entire narrative, but he
seems very supportive of the overall notion of a too-heavy-handed
police force, particularly in minority communities. Both sides of
the aisle might try to misconstrue this, but if Paul is careful in
his explanations, he might win over large groups of voters and make
his detractors seem unreasonable.
Theres no question that poor, minority communities feel as
though they are under siege. Certainly there is a crime problem in
inner-city neighborhoods, but often, the police make matters worse
by making day-to-day life unlivable for people within the
community. Treating everyone as a criminal creates a level of ill
will that can stand for years. Changes in policing policy that move
away from minor issues and revenue generation in favor of
protecting people from violent crime more vigorously might change
the dynamic.
The surveillance state is an area where Democrats might find
themselves more in line with Pauls thinking than with their own
candidates. After eight years of the Obama administration, it seems
that Democrats are no more trustworthy on civil liberties than
Republicans are. A good number of Democrats have ignored this for
partisan reasons, but many have not. Of all the candidates we see
in the 2016 Presidential race, Paul may be the only one who takes
this issue seriously.
Paul may have Democrats asking themselves how different their
party has been from Republicans on major issues. Economics arent
everything, and Paul may appear more liberal than Hillary Clinton
in a good number of areas.
I really hope that Libertarians (and libertarians) keep an eye
on Rand Paul. It will be easy for them to dismiss Paul as just
another traitor to the cause, but this attitude reflects a
traditional problem with the Libertarian Party.
Like most people with libertarian proclivities, I find that
Libertarian Party candidates almost always represent my beliefs
better than Republicans or Democrats. Of course, that doesnt make
much difference if I am going to be stuck with the Republican or
Democrat candidate anyway, and I most certainly will when the
Libertarian candidate loses. Its enough to make a libertarian
bitter, and it frequently does.
The Tea Party Movement saw a change in this. Libertarians, many
already voting outside of the party, decided that it might be
better to try to move winning candidates into more libertarian
positions than to try to elect Libertarians. To do this, requires
that these libertarians accept half a loaf and deal with political
realities. (This is the flip-side of what I discussed regarding
Republicans.) Its a hard lesson, but some of us are learning it.
Rand Paul is at the forefront of those who seem to understand how
this will have to work. He will not be able to have a perfectly
libertarian perspective on every issue, but he may be able to move
the Republican Party in a direction that makes libertarians more
happy to be there.
Its too early to know if Rand Paul will have any serious chance
in this Republican primary. Its even too early for me to say I will
support him, though I suspect I will. It isnt too early to give him
a look, though. If nothing else, Pauls campaign will be different
from the traditional Republican field. I hope he doesnt
disappoint.
Last WordWith Kelly Colby
You can read more from Kelly Colby at
yourfirstshrug.blogspot.com.
1390 McQueeney Rd, New Braunfels830-625-0045 or
wateringholesaloon.comLike us on FB Watering Hole Saloon &
Dancehall
Est. 1986
Dust off your dancing shoes and head over to NBs largest dance
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FREE AprilDance Lessons
Salsa/Merengue Every Friday 7pm-8pmFollowed by Live Music
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9103 FM 1102San Braunfels (Hunter, TX)
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TXCITIZEN.COM 15
THIS IS YOUR SAMPLE BALLOT Tear it out, take it with you!
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Full Ballot at txcitizen.ROCKS RESULTS NEXT WEEK!
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Voting Ends at 11:59pm on Thursday, April 9!
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NOTICE TO CREDITORS. Notice is hereby given that original
Letters Testamentary for the Estate of Vernon Thomas Harris, Sr.,
Deceased, were issued on April 2, 2015, in Cause No. 2011PC0075,
pending in the County Court at Law of Comal County, Texas, to:
Dorothy Jean Harris. All persons having claims against this Estate
which is currently being administered are required to present them
to the undersigned within the time and in the manner prescribed by
law. DATED the 2nd day of April, 2015.
Frank B. Suhr, Attorney at Law,473 S. Seguin Ave, Ste 100, New
Braunfels, TX 78130
State Bar No.: 19466300, Tel: (830) 625-4345, Fax: (830)
606-4511,
Attorney for Dorothy Jean Harris
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