Transactions and relationships - Eric Vanderburg - Remington College, 2005

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Transactions and Relationships

Eric Vanderburg

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Transaction Analysis

Transaction Analysis - The unconscious tactics used in communication

Transaction - a verbal exchange between people

Unconscious mind - place where forgotten memories, feelings, & ideas are stored.

Stimulus Response - Stimuli results in automatic responses based on remembered experiences

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Ego States

Child Parent Adult

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Child Ego State

Learned through experience Natural Child - imaginative, friendly,

open, innocent, & appreciative Adapted Child - realizes that you

don’t always get what you want (realist)

“Little Professor” - intuitive, creative, & manipulative

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Parent Ego State

Learned by observation & experience Prompts automatic responses without

consulting the adult state “because I said so” Behaviors & sayings learned from the parent

are passed down again when taking on this role

Critical Parent - points out mistakes or misbehavior

Sympathetic Parent - nurturing, supporting, caring person

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Adult Ego State

Learned by observation & experience Rational, careful thinking without

emotions & assumptions. Factual analysis Self control

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Transaction Types

Complementary Crossed Ulterior

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Complimentary Transactions

An expected response is received Promotes successful communication A-A, P-C, Message is tailored for an ego type &

is successful if tailored correctly

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Crossed Transactions

An unexpected response is received Disrupts communication, must restart Message is tailored for a certain ego

type & actual ego type differs Respond in kind to move to

complimentary

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Ulterior Transactions

Transaction takes place at two levels simultaneously

Hidden meanings 3rd Move Transaction - correcting

move to change to complimentary

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Changing State

Adult Ego State Ask a question Make a factual unemotional statement Ask for opinions

Sympathetic Parent State Ask for help Voice fears Request advice

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Changing State

Natural Child Joke & have fun Be sympathetic parent Be enthusiastic and excited Be creative

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Ego States

No state is best Adult state usually works best at a job Balance in everything

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Scripts

Conversation lines originating from the media, friends, & parents

Cultural scripts Family scripts Religious scripts Gender scripts

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Script Categories

Commands - verbal or nonverbal negative instructions

Countercommands - commands that contradict each other

Permission Mythical Hero - media, stories

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Life Position

Your conclusion about yourself and others1. I’m not OK, You’re OK, feel inferior2. I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK, too many

punishments can lead to this. General negative view of life

3. I’m OK, You’re Not OK, may arise out of abuse. Dominating, always right persona

4. I’m OK, You’re OK, happy, usually consciously chosen

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Stroking

Stroking - recognizing the accomplishments of others

Must be in balance Too little = depression Too much = feel manipulated or bothered

Needed strokes dependent on past

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Games

Series of ulterior transactions with a predictable outcome.

There is one ulterior transaction per game

One person gets something out of it Wastes time and hurts relationships

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Game Types

Blemish - finds faults in others to boost own ego

Wooden Leg - excuses are used to diminish or redirect blame

Harried - States or acts too busy to avoid social situations

Now I’ve Got You - traps another person in a mistake or lie

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Stopping Games

Build your self esteem Stay in the adult ego state

Ask “how” instead of “why” questions Bring the other person to adult ego Focus on the positives (games focus

on the negatives) Look at positive points in others and

use stroking

Human Relations – Eric Vanderburg ©2005

Assertiveness

Standing up for yourself or others without damaging another

Not passive or aggressive Know the ego state of others