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Transaction Analysis • By –Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor
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Page 1: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Transaction Analysis

• By–Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor

Page 2: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Introduction

Transactional

AnalysisEgo StatesFour Life Positions

• StrokingTransactions

• Change

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Page 3: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

What is Transactional Analysis?

• A method of dealing with behavioral disorders

• Developed by Eric Berne who believed that the majority of our life experiences are recorded in our subconscious minds in an unaltered fashion and become a part of the way we behave– The behavior is subconsciously designed to get

reactions and determine how others feel about us.

Page 4: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Transactional AnalysisPenfield, & Berne

• Penfield’s Electrodes• The Brain is a Recorder

• Feelings are permanently locked toassociated Experiences

• People can exist in two states – in anExperience and Observing it

• Recorded Experiences & Feelings can be

Replayed & Relived

• Ever hear music or conversations in

your head? Ever felt déjà vu?

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Page 5: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Transactional AnalysisPenfield, & Berne

• Eric Berne• Transactional Analysis – social intercourse

• Transactional Stimulus

• Transactional Response

• Ego states - Parent, Adult, Child

• Four Life Positions

• Time Structuring

• The Goal is Autonomy• Release or recovery of:

• Awareness

• Spontaneity• Intimacy

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Page 6: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Transactional Analysis

• A Language of Psychology

• A Model of Regularities for explaining why and how:• People think like they do• People act like they do• People interact/communicate with others like the do

• A Tool - Parent, Adult, & Child• A new meaning against traditional ones• They all apply to every transaction• Normal people oscillate between them

• Freedom of choice in communicating with people• Languaging – getting an idea from A to B is as

important as getting an idea

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Page 7: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Transactional Analysis

• Structural Analysis• Individual personality

• Transactional Analysis• What people do and say to one another

• Game Analysis• Ulterior transactions leading to a payoff

• Script Analysis• Specific life dramas compulsively played

out

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Page 8: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Structural analysis

• Natural child – spontaneous, impulsive, feeling oriented, self-centered & pleasure loving

• Adaptive child – compliant, conforms to the wishes & demands of parental figures

Page 9: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

• Nurturing parent - comforts, praises and helps others

• Critical parent – finds faults, displays prejudices, disapproves and prevents others from feeling good about themselves

• A major goal is to figure out which ego state a person is using

Page 10: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Transactional Analysis

Transactional analysis - Transactions between people are seen as having 3 levels:

• Complementary – both people are operating from the same ego state

• Crossed – the other person reacts from an unexpected ego state

• Ulterior – two ego states within the same person but one disguises the other

Page 11: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Transactional Analysis

Game analysis - ulteriorly motivated transactions that appear complimentary on the surface but end in bad feelings:

• 1st Degree games – minor upset, played socially end up with minor discomfort

• 2nd Degree games – more intimate end up w/bad feelings

• 3rd Degree games - usually involve physical injury

Page 12: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Transactional Analysis

• Very few games have a positive or neutral outcome

In these games, people play one of three positions:

• Victim• Persecutor• Rescuer

Page 13: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Transactional Analysis

Script analysis – everyone develops a life script by age 5 & these scripts determine how one interacts with others based upon the interpretation of external events

• A negative life script occurs when the person receives lots of injunctions by the parents that used the word DON’T

Page 14: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Transactional Analysis

Common negative life scripts:• Never – one never gets to do what one wants• Until – one must wait until a certain time or

until something is done to be able to do something they want to do

• Always – one must continue to do what one has always done

Page 15: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Transactional Analysis

• After – a difficulty is expected after a certain event

• Open-ended – one does not know what to do after a given time

• Mini-scripts: Hurry up! Try harder! Be perfect! Be strong! Please someone! These drivers allow for temporary escape from life scripts

Page 16: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

•••••••••••

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Transactional Analysisin Management

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Simple LanguageNon-Threatening Self AnalysisExisting Success in OrganisationsBuilt in HumourAppropriate for “Normal” PeopleUseful at Work & HomePersonality Theory simplifiedMotivation Theory simplifiedA Leadership StyleA Training ToolAn aid in dealing with Conflict Problems

Page 17: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Ego States

Parent Does not mean responsible

Adult Does not mean mature

Child Does not mean childish

Page 18: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States C C

Father Mother

ParentRecording of External EventsTaught Concept of Life

Child

Adult

Child

Page 19: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States

Parent

Adult

Mother

Father

Child

Child

C

Recording of External EventsTaught Concept of Life

Recording of Internal EventsFelt Concept of Life

C

Page 20: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States

Parentbirth to 5

Adult10 months on

Childbirth to 5

C

Recording of External EventsTaught Concept of Life

Recording of Data acquired &computed through exploration &testingThought Concept of Life

Recording of Internal EventsFelt Concept of Life

C

Page 21: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Adult

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Ego States C C

CriticalParent

NurturingParent

AdaptedChild

NaturalChild

Lecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Don’t

Consoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care Of

Objective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less Emotion

Manipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult Expectations

Playful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, Rebel

Page 22: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States

CriticalParent

C

• Can’t you turn in areport on time justonce?

• What? It takes 1week to answer anemail?

• I’m surprised at you.The quality of thiswork is terrible.

C

Page 23: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States

NurturingParent

C

• I’m only trying tohelp you

• Let me clean up thatdesk for you

• You’ve done a goodjob

C

Page 24: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States

Adult

C

• What are thealternatives

• Can’t we reachsome sort ofagreement?

• What consequenceswill this action have?

C

Page 25: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States

AdaptedChild

• Anything you saysir.

• Sorry, I’ll try toimprove.

• What would we dowithout you?

C C

Page 26: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States C C

• Nobody follows thatrule anyway

• Forget about it. Heis just the boss

• Let’s take off worktoday. Who wants towork Fridayafternoon anyway?

NaturalChild

Page 27: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Computer

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Ego States

1. ParentExteropsychic

(archaic)

C C

Neopsychic

Archeopsychic

2. DataBank

(updated)

3.Child(archaic)

DecisionsProbability Estimating

Page 28: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

ComputerDataBank

PAC

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Ego States

Updated validated Parent data

Updated Adult data

Updated appropriate Child data

Parent(archaic)

Child(archaic)

REALITY

C C

Page 29: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States C C

Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Page 30: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States

• We need all Ego States – dropping onemeans 2/3 human potential

• States, and not Roles• Realities• Unedited recordings• What the child understood at the time

– differs from reality?• TA is like sorting your mind into

drawers

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Page 31: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States – Parent Clues

• Physical• Furrowed brow, pursed lips, pointing

finger, head wagging, horrified look, foottapping, hands on hips, arms folded,wringing hands, tongue licking, sighing,patting another on the head, & otherindividual ones

C C

Page 32: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States – Parent Clues

• Verbal• Stupid, naughty, ridiculous, disgusting, shocking,

lazy, poor thing, sonny, honey, ridiculous,disgusting, now what, not again,

• How dare you?• I’m going to put a stop to this• I can’t for the life of me..• Now always remember..• If I were you..• How many times..• The use of “always” & “never”• The use of “should” & “ought”

C C

Page 33: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States – Child Clues C C

• Physical• Tears, quivering lips, pouting, temper

tantrum, high pitched whining, rolling eyes,shrugging shoulders, downcast eyes,teasing, laughter, delight, hand raising, nailbiting, squirming, giggling

Page 34: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States – Child Clues

• Verbal• I wish, I want, I dunno, I don’t care, I

guess, when I grow up, bigger, biggest,better, best, look no hands

• Why, what, where, who, when, & how arethe Adult operating in the little person

C C

Page 35: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States – Adult Clues

• Physical• Continual movement of the face, eyes,

body• Non movement is non listening – cultural?• Head tilted is listening with an angle• Adult allows the curious & excited child to

show it’s face

C C

Page 36: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States – Adult Clues C C

• Verbal• Why, what, where, who, when, & how

• How much, in what way, true, false,comparative, probable, possible, unknown,objective, I think, I see, it is my opinion

Page 37: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States

• Parent• Prejudicial views (not based on logic or facts) on things

such as: religion, dress, salespeople, traditions, work,products, money, raising children, companies

• Nurturing views: sympathetic, caring views• Critical views: fault finding, judgmental, condescending

views• Adult

• Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behavioral patterns basedon objective analysis of information (data, facts)

• Make decisions based on logic, computations,probabilities, etc., not emotion

• Child• Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behavioral patterns based

on child-like emotions, impulses, feelings we haveexperienced

• Child-like examples: impulsive, self-centered, angry,fearful, happy, pleasure seeking, rebellious, curious,eager to please

C C

Page 38: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Ego States C C

• All are present

• All have value• Child – intuition, creativity, spontaneous drive, enjoyment

• Adult – survival, dealing with the world, mediate Parent &Child

• Parent – parent of children, automatic responses

One is usually dominant

Different States for different communications

Different States for different people

Message sent and received from different States

How people say something (what others hear) is justas important as what is said

• Parent runs on ‘old tapes’ – 20+ years old

Page 39: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.
Page 40: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

• -• -

--

Four Life Positions

I’m not OK

You’re OK

I’m not OK

You’re not OK

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I’m OKI’m OK

You’re not OKYou’re OK

Page 41: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Four Life Positions C C

• I’m not OK - You’re OK• Every Child – even happy childhood ones• Happens around the age of 2 – first 3 positions• Happens due to on & off Stroking• This position has hope as there is Stroking from the

You’re OK position• The first understanding or equilibrium• Built on the appraisals of others• If this is not confirmed or settled it give rise to the next 2

positions• Unless changed to the 4th position it remains lifelong• People do not shift back and forth• The first 3 positions are non verbal – conclusions vs. the

4th position of explanation• Results in “Mine is Bigger” game for relief of this unjust

position• I’m not OK comes from Adaptive Child• However, everyone is born OK – a baby is in fact perfect

Page 42: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Four Life Positions

• I’m not OK - You’re not OKSlowing Stroking and Increasing Punishments

Longs to be an infant again

Loses interest in living

In Autism this may be the first position

Possibly 1%

C C

Page 43: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Four Life Positions C C

• I’m OK - You’re not OKAbused child

I’m OK comes from being OK when aloneStrikes back when olderNo matter what they do the fault is withOthers

• Will not believe future Strokes from others,as are Not OK

• The ultimate expression here is Homicide• 4% of Cases, two facing each other a big

problem

Page 44: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Four Life Positions C C

• I’m OK - You’re OK• People live out their positions• The 4th position is the only real way forward – only

Hope• It is a Position not a Feeling• Includes infinitely greater amount of data than the

others• Includes experiences and things not yet

experienced• The only Conscious and Verbal Position• The only Proactive (not Reactive) Position• Cannot Guarantee instant OK feelings but can

switch off Feelings from past Positions• First 3 is Why? 4th is Why Not?• Can accept uncertainty unlike the other 3 -

rationalise• We can change – Thinking is separate from Cause

& Effect• Data Processing Order – Parent, Child, Adult• Goal is the Emancipated Adult – Freedom to Choose

Page 45: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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OK

Four Life Positions C C

I’m not ok, you’re ok-ve Adaptive Child

Get Away FromIntrojective Position

I’m not ok, you’re not ok-ve Adaptive Child &

Critical ParentGet nowhere

Futility Position

I’m ok, you’re okAll states +ve

Get on withIdeal Position

I’m ok, you’re not ok-ve Critical Parent

Get rid ofProjective Position

Not OK Me OK

Page 46: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Four Life Positions C C

• About oneself – Higher is Adult, lower is ChildI can think for myself

I’m worth knowing

I’m stupid

I’m worthless

• About others – Higher is Adult, lower is ParentPeople can be trusted

Everyone has good points

People are bad

Everyone is incompetent

Page 47: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Four Life Positions C C

• You’re OK for children comes from Stroking• I’m Not OK is also with happy children; happy

children = parents unconditional love• Knowing the positions does not mean feeling

OK; but you can make bad feelings go away• I’m OK does not mean I’m perfect• Treat a person the way they are and they will

become worse; treat them as their potentialand they will be as they should be

Page 48: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Stroking

• Positive Strokes

• Negative Strokes• Conditional Strokes

Need Solitude

Comfort Zone

Need Strokes

C C

• The types of Strokes you seek dependon your Okayness

• No Strokes is the worst• The worst punishment in Prisons is Solitary

Confinement

Page 49: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Stroking C C

• Positive Strokes• Praise, complements, recognition, affection,

rewards, sympathy, consolation, self-satisfactionfrom job well done

• Negative Strokes• Put-downs, criticism, degrading, ridicule, scolding,

punishment, discounting

• Conditional Strokes• Strokes with Ulterior Motives

• Strokes given for what you do, rather than for whatyou are:

• Performance oriented strokes

• Accommodation & conformity oriented strokes

Page 50: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Stroking C C

• Physical from parents, partners• Psychological from teachers, friends, partners,

acquaintances, managers• Physical Strokes early in life move to

Psychological Strokes later

• Positive for Being• “Morning, Karen. Morning, John, you’re looking very

smart.”• Positive for Doing

• “This report is excellent.”• Negative for Being

• “Why are you so unhelpful ?”• Negative for Doing

• “You’re late again.”

Page 51: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Stroking C C

• Maslow lists ‘optimum stimulation’ with food &water as a primary need

• Stoking mostly comes from people – charitybaskets do not fill hungry hearts

• We will get Strokes one way or another – likein the case of starvation

• Most common way getting strokes is Games• One source is reliving Stroking from the past

– think of a hobby & it will mostly connect tosomeone

• People entering a room always have aquestion: “How do I get Strokes around here”

• Some people need more than others• Scientists may need only one a year

Page 52: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Stroking C C

• Stroking is needed and seeked daily by mostof us

• Relationships get reliable Stroking• Need to see the whole person to be able to

give Positive Strokes – specially the Child• However beware of “Peda Throwing”• While we give Strokes, understand that others

also ‘need’ to give Strokes• People in grief do not need advice or material

– they need you• Listening is one of the biggest strokes

Page 53: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Stroking - Relationships

Children

Parent

Friend

C C

Spouse

Etc.

Me

Etc.

Colleague

Etc.

Page 54: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Stroking - Forms1. Eye Contact

look to validate

2. Listenempathically at the other person’s pace

3. Ask Questionskeeping the other in mind

4. Use Namesto validate the individual

5. Give Yourself Awayrisk a real conversation or encounter

6. Be A Rewarderthank you, letters, compliments – do it today

Page 55: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Stroking - Forms7. Carry an Address Book, Postcard, & Pen

never lose travel or waiting time

8. Plan spontaneous things happen to planners

9. Don’t Allow Discounting reinstate a hello or other transaction

10. Loosen Up humour diffuses any situation (kiss kid)

11. Doers Do, and Tryers Try new feelings only come out of action

12. Don’t Be Over Numerous in Your Intentionsone call vs. a list of 99 that you will call in the

year

Page 56: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Transactions

1 1

C C

Parent

Adult

Child

23

456

789

23

456

789

Parent

Adult

Child

Page 57: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

C C

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TransactionsComplimentary Crossed Ulterior

Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Expected ResponseNo Conflict

Produce ConflictStop Communication

Hurt Feelings

Non VerbalPsychological Level

Social Level

Page 58: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

••••

1. 1.

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Transactions - Complementary

Appropriate & Expected response

Parallel communication arrowsNo ConflictCommunication continues

C C

Parent

Adult

Child

2.

Parent

Adult

Child

What time do you have?I’ve got 11:15

Parent

Adult

Child

2.

Parent

Adult

Child

You’re late againI’m sorry, it won’t happen again

Page 59: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Adult

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Transactions C C

CriticalParent

NurturingParent

AdaptedChild

NaturalChild

Lecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Don’t

Consoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care Of

Objective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less Emotion

Manipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult Expectations

Playful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, Rebel

Page 60: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

••

1. 1.2. 2.

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Transactions - Crossed

Not Appropriate & not Expected response

Crossed communication arrows•

Conflict

Communication breakdown

C C

Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

What time do you have?The clock is on the wall for you to see

Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

You’re late againI know, I had a flat tire

Page 61: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Adult

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Transactions C C

CriticalParent

NurturingParent

AdaptedChild

NaturalChild

Lecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Don’t

Consoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care Of

Objective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less Emotion

Manipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult Expectations

Playful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, Rebel

Page 62: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

••••

1. 1.2. 2.

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Transactions - Ulterior C C

Disguised CommunicationNon Verbal communication arrowsMay or may not be in conflictMay or may not be communication breakdown

Angular Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Duplex Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

The Sale ends tomorrowI’ll have one of those

Please come into my officeI’m a little busy right now

Page 63: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Adult

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Transactions C C

CriticalParent

NurturingParent

AdaptedChild

NaturalChild

Lecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Don’t

Consoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care Of

Objective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less Emotion

Manipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult Expectations

Playful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, Rebel

Page 64: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Transactions

• Direct or Indirect• Speaking so a third person can overhear

• I wonder if the boss knows that he is upsettingpeople

• Straightforward of Diluted• Half hostile and half affectionate

• Hey genius, when are you going to finish this book?

• Intense or Weak• Superficial or lack of feeling

• Whatever you say

• Gallows Transactions• Amusement at a persons misfortune• Reinforces negative behaviour• Losers game

C C

Page 65: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Transactions - Differences C C

• We differ in 2 ways• Content of Parent, Adult, & Child

• Function of Parent, Adult, & Child• Contamination

• Exclusion

• Ideally Parent, Adult, & Child should beseparate

• Smooth transitions between the three• Too rigid means slow people

• Too fast means unpredictable

Page 66: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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TransactionsDifferences - Contamination

C C

Parentbirth to 5

Prejudice (parents beliefs)

Adult10 months on

Child

Delusion (grounded in fear)Hallucination (abuse as child)

birth to 5

Decontaminate your Adult

Page 67: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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TransactionsDifferences - Exclusion

A

C

A

C

Parent

Adult

• Parent contaminatedAdult with blockedout Child

• A person whocannot play

• Unhappy andcontrolled childhood

Child

Page 68: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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TransactionsDifferences - Exclusion

Parent

• Child contaminated

Adult with blockedout Parent

• A person without aconscience

Adult• Extremely brutal

Parents• No remorseChild• Can be a

Psychopath

A

C

A

C

Page 69: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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TransactionsDifferences - Exclusion

Parent• Blocked out or

decommissionedAdult

• Out of touch withreality

Adult

A

C

A

C

• Conflicting info givesup on being Adult

• Psychotic

Child • Can be Manic-Depressive

Page 70: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Parent

Adult

Child

TransactionsDifferences - Programming

Adult usingParent Programming

Parent

Adult

C

Adult rejectingParent or Child

C

ProgrammingChild

Parent

Adult

Child

Adult usingChild Programming

Page 71: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Transactions C C

• Being in one State evokes a responsefrom a Complimentary State – Childevokes Parent

• In a Conflict, first compliment theother’s State and then move both toAdult

• Discounting is a big crossed transaction• Ulterior happens when one is hiding

the Parent or Child• TA encourages Honesty vs. Ulterior

Page 72: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Transactions - Tips at Work

• How I see them:

• How they see

themselves:

• Boss: Critical Parent • Boss: NurturingParent

• Peers: Nurturing • Peers: AdultsParents

• Support Staff:• Support Staff: MostMostly considerNatural Children,themselves Adultssome Adaptedexcept some admit

Children, few Adults

to being NaturalChildren

C C

Page 73: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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ATransactions - Tips at Work

C C

• Try mostly to keep Adult to Adult

• Do not get your Parent or Child “Hooked”• Do divert into Natural Child to Natural Child

sometimes• Holidays, sport, music, etc

• Don’t get into Critical Parent to Adaptive Child• “You haven’t given me any reason for…”

• Nor Nurturing Parent to Adaptive Child• “If I were your boss, I would agree…”• “I agree, threshold assessment is nonsense”

• Certainly, don’t do Adaptive Child to NurturingParent (with a hidden third party CriticalParent)• “I’m sorry I have to ask this, but the …. demands

it”• Nor Critical Parent to Critical Parent

• “I agree, young people today are illiterate”

Page 74: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Change

• What makes People Want to Change?• Pain

• They are hurt sufficiently

• They have invested in the same slot machineswithout any returns for a long time

• They are severely ill and want relief

• Boredom• “So what” becomes “there is more to life than

this”

• Enlightenment• I’m OK – You’re OK is the only Proactive

Position to initiate change

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Page 75: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Change C C

• We are not helpless even though wefeel we are

• When we are responsible (responseable) then we can change

• If we are part of the problem then wecan be part of the answer

• We cannot change others; otherschange only when we change ourselves– start with yourself

Page 76: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Change - Requirements C C

• Wanting comes first• Requires Child participation – Want instead of Have

To

• Positives work, negatives don’t• New Year’s don’ts – replace with something first• Dos are exhilarating, don’ts are depriving

• Have a Reward in sight• Continuous ones – not only a big one at the end

• A new Internal Model• If parents are not good enough pick & be another

• We change a little at a time• Small change over time becomes large (airplane 1

deg)

• Record your Gains• The Child likes to see progress - proof

Page 77: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Change - Requirements

• Change produces Loss as well as Gain• We feel Loss before Gain• Freedom & Responsibility is related

• Have Options• Nothing in life is sure• Otherwise you will go back

• Get Help• One and Only, None and Lonely• Be shown where to look, not what to see – magic

answers• TA does not work, you do

• The Power of a Habit• Time saving• Energy repeatedly applied or we do the old way

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Change - Requirements C C

• Energy• Energy creates new Habit pathways

• Change takes energy – see Stresssituations

• Avoid too many changes at once• Concentrate it (10 units of energy on

cake)• Energy comes from people – strokes

Page 79: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Honey, Have You Seen My Car Keys?

• Harry and Wilma are husband and wife. One morning, Harry is running late for work and can’t find his car keys. When he asks for Wilma’s assistance in finding them, they eventually get into an argument. Who’s fault was it?

Page 80: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Don’t Grump At Me

• One summer evening recently, a lady walks into a restaurant of a well-known national chain. She places an order after waiting in line for another lady friend and four kids who are with her. After receiving her food, she discovers she did not get everything she ordered. She returns to the counter and complains, “First, I have to wait and wait to place my order. Then, you mess it up on top of that.” Robbie, who had taken her order makes a mistake in responding to the complaint. What did Robbie do? What should Robbie have done?

Page 81: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

There’s A ‘Good’ Farmer

• Luke’s father would often take the family for a drive around the countryside after supper on Sunday. His father liked to look at other farms. Luke’s father would sometimes say, “He’s a good farmer” when driving by a farm. What was the basis for his father’s conclusion?

Page 82: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Well It Worked the Last Time

• Charlene had a very successful sales call when she called on Herman. She had ‘tons’ of information and Herman was seemingly interested in every detail, every number, every fact. When she gave the same presentation on her next stop with Paul it backfired. What went wrong and why?

Page 83: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Some Selling Implications of TA

• Develop an adaptive selling strategy for ‘parent’, ‘adult’, ‘child’ customers

• ‘Best’ communication exchange for selling?– Remember to respond in ‘complementary’ manner– Most effective selling involves adult to adult

• Strokes, or positive interactions, important– Verbal (e.g. hello, compliment)– Touch (handshake, pat on back)– A gift– Listening

Page 84: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Being a ‘Response Able’ Salesperson• Recognize you cannot control another’s behavior, but you can affect

their behavior by the way you respond to them.• Remember you control your own behavior and thoughts.

1) Keep things in perspective Don’t sweat small stuff Give it test of time Ask if it’s happened before Distinguish what can be changed from what can’t Focus on haves vs. have nots

2) Have realistic expectations Life is not fair or perfect Bad (good) things happen, usually don’t last forever Things don’t always go according to plan People don’t always act as you’d like (remember ego state

explanations, people have ‘bad’ days, etc.)

Page 85: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Dealing with Difficult Customers

• Keep ‘adult’ ego state in control of yourself.• Don’t get defensive, argumentative, emotional.• Don’t take it personally.• Move cautiously, stay cool, remember

complementary transactions and strokes.• Do not need to take continued abuse.• If handled well (e.g. didn’t embarrass customer,

allowed them to take something out on you), can turn out to be positive later.

Page 86: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Sales Quotes: Transactional Analysis

• When a relationship is right, details are negotiable;

When tension is high, details become obstacles.

Page 87: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Sales Quotes: Transactional Analysis

• Rule #1:The customer is never wrong.

• Rule #2:If the customer is wrong, read rule #1.

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•••

Summary

Transactional Analysis

Ego StatesFour Life Positions

• StrokingTransactions

• Change

Page 89: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Summary

There are many lessons here….

The first three are:

1. Be in your Adult !

2. Be in your Adult !!

3. Be in your Adult !!!

Page 90: Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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Recommended Readings

1. I’m OK, You’re OKDr. Thomas Harris

2. Staying OKDr. Thomas Harris

3. Games People PlayDr. Eric Berne

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