Today’s BoomeR Today’s Vol.4 No.4 F– Being Old Being Old: Featuring The Only B2B Featuring The Only B2B Featuring The Only B2B - Business 2 BoomeR Marketplace! Business 2 BoomeR Marketplace! Business 2 BoomeR Marketplace! The Retirement Plan that Never Hapened Boomer Boomer Healthy Healthy Eating: Eating: Start Your Med Grill 8 Tips for 8 Tips for Buying Buying Your Car Your Car for Less for Less Long Distance Love Works! Boomer Boomer Travel: Travel: Top Top Can’t Can’t- Miss Miss Events Now Events Now Bye-Bye American ‘Boomer’ Pie Old Old Enough Enough for for Sex: Sex: 6 Kissing 6 Kissing Tips Tips Enjoying the ‘Then’ and ‘Now’ of Summer
The saying, “as American as apple pie” comes with great meaning. While the apple pie is a past time favorite dessert rooted in American culture, it also represents the idea of the great pie, populous, or even “melting pot” that we are all a part of being “Americans”. Political, religious, belief, cultural, gender, and even class affiliation are not only ways in which we identify ourselves and among others, but are also ways in which we collectively are parts of this great “American Pie”. Generational rations of this pie are shifting regarding influence, financial status, health needs and societal contribution. While boomers are the largest generation population wise, and are still the most influential, Millennials are riding the coat tails and ready to change clothes altogether. What does this shift mean and how will boomers react, adjust and welcome or discourage this change?
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Today’s BoomeR
Today’s
Vol.4 No.4
FF–– Being OldBeing Old::
Featuring The Only B2B Featuring The Only B2B Featuring The Only B2B ---Business 2 BoomeR Marketplace!Business 2 BoomeR Marketplace!Business 2 BoomeR Marketplace!
The Retirement Plan that Never Hapened
Boomer Boomer Healthy Healthy Eating: Eating: Start Your Med Grill
8 Tips for 8 Tips for Buying Buying Your Car Your Car for Lessfor Less
Long Distance Love Works!
Boomer Boomer Travel: Travel: Top Top Can’tCan’t--Miss Miss Events Now Events Now
Bye-Bye American ‘Boomer’ Pie
Old Old Enough Enough for for Sex: Sex: 6 Kissing 6 Kissing TipsTips Enjoying the ‘Then’ and ‘Now’ of Summer
2 Today’s BoomeR
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continue to care for themselves only after removing
themselves from the so called “sandwich” they have
been placed by taking care of both aging parents,
children and even grandchildren?
Baby Boomers where and still are the defiant
generation. They are the kids who wanted to rebel
against the conformity of their parents and the
social structures of the 1950’s and early 60’s. That
spirit is still alive and well today.
In taking care of their parents, boomers have
resurrected the attitude to defy settling to be the
one “taken care of”.
Despite economic downfalls of the economy the
past few years, boomers have adjusted. They have
downsized their living situations, cut spending, and
have even prepared their homes to be multi-
generational to save on costs by integrating
members of their families like children and parents
to live together.
Many boomers are also able to continue to be
successful financially and are now able to enjoy the
luxuries that were promised and dreamed of
ranging from annual exotic vacations to simply now
paying off the mortgage to own their own home.
Socially, Boomers have always advocated for
change, progress to reflect their personal identity.
The carefree spirits that emerged in the 1970s as
boomers were in their raging 20’s and 30’s left way
for the greatest social music industry to evolve and
still be prevalent today as now that multi-
generational household could all listen to the same
tracks and the only difference is if it is on original
vinyl or an i-pod.
Likewise, social lifestyle choices have now
progressed into national laws.
The summer of 1969 included a man landing on the
moon, the Manson murders, Woodstock music
festival and the Stonewall riots. Reflecting on these
events, the mirror of repetition has presented itself
in history 46 years later.
Today boomers are active in participating and once
again witnessing American history. This summer
called for the national legalization of same sex
marriage, in which these same rights first emerged
in 1969 with the Stonewall riots, when police
entered a notorious gay club in New York and
arrested transgender and lesbian individuals which
sparked outrage and rioting from the neighborhood
and community that had for a long time felt bullied
by police and authorities because of being gay.
The landing on the moon can now be attributed to
how science and technology has progressed
through the years and this summer has indicated
the importance of space travel and exploration in
only recently aiding in the discussion of climate
control and global warming. Boomers can once
again take notice of how pictures of Earth were
transmitted and even compare those photos of
Earth from space and see the drastic comparison of
geographical features that have changed while
admiring the beauty of the giant leaps forward that
humankind has made since.
While boomers continue to be the most influential
as they age, they should always consider how their
identities (yes, more than one for this 20-year
spread generation) have and shaped American
culture and history.
These next articles indicate trends and interesting
thought points to consider as slices of the American
pie are cut to new sizes, as other generations are
now coming to the table to eat.
The Boomer Piece of the American Pie
16 Today’s BoomeR
America divided on the secret to its success
By Camila Rey and Sofi Sinozich
Pew Research
Compared with those in many other countries, Americans
stand out for their patriotism. But public opinion surveys
show that Americans disagree over what’s behind their
country’s success.
Pew Research Center’s political values survey has
consistently found that overwhelming majorities agree
with the statement “I am very patriotic.” In 2012, 89% of
Americans agreed with this statement; the share agreeing
has never fallen below 85% in the survey’s 25-year history.
But when asked whether the United States owed its
success more to its “ability to change” or its “reliance on
long-standing principles,” 51% of Americans attributed the
country’s success to the former, while 44% pointed to the
latter.
The question was one of many measures about the U.S.,
its future and its global standing we examined for our
2014 Political Typology.
Most Millennials and Generation Xers associated the
country’s success with its ability to change: About six-in-
ten Millennials (61%), who were ages 18-33 in 2014, and
54% of Gen Xers (ages 34-49 that year) said this was more
what made
the U.S.
successful.
Baby
Boomers
(ages 50-
68) were
more
divided –
46% linked
America’s
success to
its ability to
change,
while nearly
the same
share (48%)
said it is due to its reliance on principles. The Silent
generation (ages 69-86) was the only one in which a
majority (54%) perceived America’s reliance on principles
to be the reason for its success, with 39% attributing it to
the ability to change.
There were substantial partisan and ideological
differences in opinions about why the U.S. has been
successful. By a 77% to 20% margin, liberal Democrats
attributed the nation’s success to its ability to change. By
almost the same margin (73% to 22%), conservative
Republicans linked the success of the United States to its
adherence to well-established principles.
There also were racial and ethnic differences in attitudes
toward America’s success. Whites were divided, with 47%
attributing America’s success to its ability to change and a
nearly equal share attributing it to a reliance on principles.
Minorities were more likely to credit the success to the
ability to change, with 64% of blacks and 58% of Hispanics
supporting this view.
Today’s BoomeR 17
US Foreign Policy Headed for Millennial Shift
By Cecily Hilleary, VOANews.com
WASHINGTON DC—Move over, baby boomers: Millennials
now outnumber you as America’s largest living generation.
And their very different views of themselves and their
place in the world will likely reshape U.S. foreign policy for
decades to come.
Baby boomers, born between 1946 and 1965, came of age
during a period of unprecedented American prosperity –
and peril: The omnipresent nuclear threat created in
boomers a sense of unease and uncertainty that made the
world seem a very threatening place, experts say.
Millennials, roughly defined as those born between the
early 1980s and early 2000s, came of age after the Cold
War and, therefore, see the world as less menacing
despite 9/11 and the rise of global terrorism.
Sense of danger
“It’s not to say that they don’t appreciate danger,” said
Trevor Thrall, an associate professor at George Mason
University and co-author of a recent CATO Institute white
paper on Millennials and foreign policy. “It’s just that
compared to the danger that older people feel, it’s just
markedly less.”
Thrall said he wasn’t surprised to learn that Millennials
were not more affected by 9/11 than they appear to have
been. Most were too young to understand events at the
time, and their understanding of the attacks is based on
how the discussion on terror has evolved since that time.
“Older people think, ‘We’re a great people, we got
attacked by these crazy people, and now we are dealing
with it and we have to be careful,’ ” Thrall said.
“Millennials are the only generation the majority of which
think the U.S. must have done something to provoke
9/11.”
His finding is based in part on a 2011 Pew Research poll
that found 52 percent of 18- to 29-year-olds in the U.S.
believed U.S. actions might have motivated the 9/11
attacks.
Changing world view
Indeed, millennials take a dim view of American
exceptionalism. A Pew poll in 2011 found that only a 32
percent of them perceive the United States as superior to
other countries, as compared to 64 percent of boomers.
The study also found that although most millennials say
they are patriotic, they express that patriotism far less
fervently than older Americans.
Millennials also showed that being patriotic does not
mean they are uncomfortable criticizing government
policies nor do they believe in an aggressive foreign policy.
“But they are very strong on human rights, and although
they are more resistant to using military force around the
world to solve problems, one way in which they are the
most likely to be moved by arguments to use force is
humanitarian intervention," Thrall said.
"They are actually a little bit more supportive in most polls
of humanitarian military intervention than older folks," he
added.
His study also shows that millennials view Asia, not
Europe, as the most important region of the world, and
China will figure strongly in U.S. foreign policy and perhaps
push it in a less adversarial direction. This, he said, could
work out well, if the Chinese are similarly inclined. It could
fail, however, if millennials are misreading Beijing’s
intentions.
In general, Thrall predicts millennials will steer the U.S
toward a more restrained “grand strategy” that relies less
on unilateral force than on cooperative ventures.
The 'Thumb Tribe'
Back in 2002, a researcher at Britain’s Warwick University
noted that youngsters’ thumbs had evolved to become
more dexterous than their other fingers due to their
constant use of hand-held electronics.
Today, technology may be the single greatest factor
shaping the “thumbers' ” – now millennials’ – world view.
They are less likely to read newspapers because they find
all the information they want online – even if they aren’t
consciously looking for it.
“Even if they are playing online, the amount of infor-
mation that they are consuming and are exposed to, it’s
probably difficult for them to have a large online presence
and not be exposed to some perspective on key foreign
18 Today’s BoomeR
policy issues,” said Jarrel “J.P.” Price, president of Young
Professionals in Foreign Policy, a nonpartisan group
looking to groom the next generation of foreign-policy
leaders and promote international relationships.
“Technology also makes it easier for a millennial sitting at
home in the United States to reach out and build a
personal relationship with someone overseas,” Price said.
"And to the extent that is used well by our generation,
then I think the global partnerships that we could see
could be transformative," he said.
Census information
Census data show another important factor contributing
to millennials’ global view: More than 44 percent of them
belong to a minority race or ethnic group.
Price and Thrall both pointed out that millennials are not
just the largest generation in the United States, but the
largest in many regions of strategic interest to the U.S.
Telecommunications giant Viacom estimates the global
millennial population to be 2.5 billion, though this figure is
higher than other estimates.
Millennials account for about a quarter of the European
Union’s population, according to Pew findings. And in the
Middle East, they account for 40 percent of the population
and are powering dramatic change from Tunisia to the Gulf
States.
“Their critical periods of between the ages of 14 and 24
have been chock-a-block full of horrendous events that
will shape their views for a lifetime,” Thrall said, “and
many of those have some serious negative connotations
for the United States.”
Thrall points out that Arab youths’ view of the U.S. is so
“horrible” right now that American millennials are going to
be dealing with the fallout for the rest of their lives.
'Defining features'
“How American millennials respond to that is going to be
one of the defining features of American foreign policy for
the next fifty years,” Thrall said. Thrall said it’s too soon to
say whether millennials are having an impact on U.S.
foreign policy.
But Price said he can see already see their fingerprint on
foreign affairs.
“We see a rise in things like digital diplomacy, which the
United States is eager to catch up with some of our world
partners on,” he said.
“Tools like Facebook and Twitter are used not just by
individuals to affect global events, as we saw with the Arab
Spring, but in how governments are communicating with
their constituents on foreign policy and how governments
are trying to highlight and explain their decision making
through the use of technology – to reach predominantly
millennials," Thrall said. None of this is to suggest that
millennials all share the same viewpoints.
“There are just as many big differences among Millennials
as there are with any generation,” Thrall said. His study
shows millennials are just as divided on core issues as their
elders and that we can expect just as much debate over
policy in coming years as we see today. Thrall’s study
shows millennials, like boomers, are divided between
political camps. However, despite their differences,
Republican and Democratic millennials agree on the
importance of firm policy to help prevent nuclear weapons
proliferation, combat terror and reduce U.S. reliance on
oil.
Implications for 2016
He may not be the right age, but at least one observer
suggested that President Barack Obama could be
considered the first American “millennial president” – not
only for his ability to connect with millennials
electronically but for his policy of nonintervention in Syria
and Iraq and his pursuit of a nuclear agreement with Iran.
“I certainly think every candidate considering a run or
already running knows the importance of the millennial
generation and is trying to replicate President Obama’s
success in connecting with them,” Price said.
Price predicts that foreign policy matters will figure more
highly in the runup to the 2016 presidential vote than in
previous elections and anyone wanting to get into the
White House is going to have to know how to connect with
millennials on their level. Does he see anyone in the
current pool of announced candidates who has that
ability? Price only laughs, saying: “I’ll probably have to take
a pass on that.”
Today’s BoomeR 19
BOOMER HEALTHY EATING: Start Your Mediterranean Grill
Summer's here and the time is right for grilling. If you've not yet woken up yours, then it's past time. Your very first consideration should be a clean slate. Just as changing batteries on smoke detectors needs to be a scheduled as a twice-a-year event, so should grill cleaning. A bucket of soapy water, another of fresh, a heavy duty scrubbing pad, and a stiff brush are what you'll need. Remove the grates, and give them and the inside of your grill a good cleaning, then let it air dry thoroughly before you light up. Your food will taste better and your grill will last far longer as a result. Next consideration is fuel; if you cook with charcoal, it's time to make sure you've got enough to get the job done for your first few outings, and that the elements haven't degraded your stash over the colder months. If you're buying fresh, get good quality stuff and avoid anything with lighting fluid impregnated into it - In fact, avoid lighting fluids altogether and invest in a chimney instead; that'll provide much cleaner tasting, healthier food, and it'll use up leftover newspaper as well. If you cook with gas, make sure your tank is loaded; running out half way through a cooking session is nobody's idea of a good time.
Kickin’ Kebabs Over the course of a summer, there'll be ample opportunity to grill dogs and burgers, so for your inaugural flight or a special occasion, branch out and make some-thing a bit more exotic. Kebabs and grilled pizza are great choices; they're a bit unusual, fun, easy, and offer excellent flexibility to hungry guests. Here's how you do them. Kebabs, (kabobs, kababs), have their origins mostly in Middle Eastern cooking, though they're common in the Mediterranean and Asia as well. Shish Kebab, the Turkish version, is what I remember these things being called back in the '60s. Technically, kebabs are skewered meat cooked over flame, but there's nothing wrong at all with adding more stuff. Wooden skewers are readily available in grocery stores these days, so add them to your shopping list when you're planning for this meal. Kebabs are a great opportunity to buy less expensive cuts of meat; marinating is a must with
this dish, so rustic cuts don't mean lower quality at all. Better yet, you can buy bulk amounts of the proteins you'll use, prep some for kebabs, freeze the rest for future meals, and save some money while you're at it. A wide variety of fruits and veggies pair well with meats, so take your time in the produce aisle, and buy what's fresh and appealing. Kebabs don't require a whole lot of any one ingredient, so choose a little bit of a lot of things; you'll get a nice variety of flavor combinations and truly lovely results. We chose chicken thighs, (great flavor at $3.29 a pound), bone in pork shoulder, (nice and lean, and a bargain at $2.91 a pound), and top round beef, (a good, middle of the road marinating cut at $4.99 a pound). For accompaniments, we opted for cherry tomatoes, sweet peppers, jalapeño chiles, sweet onion, tomatillo, pineapple, orange, lemon, and lime. The goodies on kebabs are more prone to drying out and overcooking than many grilled dishes, so proper sizing during prep is important. It's best to make each chunk of meat two or three bite size, and prep all your other ingredients fairly close to that in size to avoid those pitfalls. We chose a teriyaki marinade for our chicken and pork, and a smoky dry rub for the beef. Applying these a couple
hours before grilling will assure tender, juicy results. Skewering everything up and seasoning lightly with salt and pepper about 15 to 20 minutes before they hit they heat will do the same for your veggies and fruit. You can certainly buy those marinades and rubs, but for special occasions, you owe it to yourself to make them at home. Here are our signature versions.
House Made Pomegranate Teriyaki, (about 1 3/4 Cups) 1 Cup Soy Sauce 2/3 Cup Mirin (Japanese sweet rice wine) 1/4 cup white sugar 3 Tablespoons Pomegranate Molasses 1 Tablespoon granulated Garlic 1 Tablespoon ground Ginger 4 teaspoons Rice Vinegar 1 teaspoon Sesame Oil Dash or two Red Chile Flake
Combine soy, mirin, sugar, and pomegranate molasses in a sauce pan over medium heat. Whisk steadily as the sauce heats through; when the sauce starts to simmer, reduce heat to low. Add all remaining ingredients and whisk to incorporate. Allow to simmer for 5 minutes, then remove from heat and allow to cool to room temperature before use. Smoky Beef Rub (about 1/4 Cup) 2 Tablespoons Sea Salt 1 Tablespoon ground Black Pepper 1 Tablespoon Smoked Paprika 1-3 teaspoons ground Chipotle Chiles 1 teaspoon granulated Garlic 1 teaspoon granulated Onion Combine all ingredients and mix well. Store in an airtight container.
Soak your wooden skewers in fresh water for about 15 minutes prior to loading them up; this'll keep them from burning on the grill. Load skewers with alternating goodies; three to four chunks of meat per skewer is a nice balance. If you're grilling over gas, preheat your grill on high, then reduce heat to low, add kebabs, cover, and grill for about 3-4 minutes a side, turning three times. If you cook over charcoal, set up your grill with a
direct heat side, (charcoal right underneath), and a con-vection side with little or no coals beneath. Start kebabs on the cooler side, turning once for about 5 minutes per half. Finish over direct heat, with two more flips, for about 3 minutes a side. With either method, allow kebabs to rest for 5 minutes prior to serving. Accompany with rice and a nice green salad.
Pizza on the Grill There's an urban myth out there alleging that pizza was invented in America; nothing could be further from the truth. The oldest use of the word I'm aware of stems from the tenth century, and was recorded in Gaeta, Italy, a city located on the bay that bears the same name, about equidistant between Rome and Naples. The history of the dish goes back a lot farther than that, though. The mod-ern version is likely derived from focaccia, a fairly thin, leavened bread to which the ancient Romans added various toppings.
Today’s BoomeR 21
It would be a fair question to ask, 'why grill pizza at all - Is it worth it?' The short answer is, yes, it is worth it; grilling adds subtle flavors of fire and smoke to a pizza that you can't get in an oven - You could even say that grilling pizza gives a nod to the wood fired, brick ovens that make the best pies. Grilling brings challenges to pizza cooking, though; whereas you can generate the high heat pizza likes, temperature control is not anything close to that of an oven. The biggest variable is crust: To make your first experience a good one, we experimented with different versions and took the guess work out of the equation for you; lo and behold, the best option harkens directly back to pizza's ancient roots - Focaccia. These days, decent versions of this venerable bread are widely available; we found very nice, locally made focaccia at both Safeway and Fred Meyer, a pretty good indicator that's available to you too, (and a bargain at under $3 for one big enough to serve four). Focaccia is fairly robust, holds up to sauce and multiple toppings really well, absorbs those grill flavors beautifully, and is the least prone to falling apart during cooking. Look for one that's about 1/2" to 3/4" thick; if your local version is thicker, buy that and cut it in half. Plan for about 2-3 slices per person. Fresh sauce is a must for a special occasion pizza. Home-made sauce is easy, quick, and leaps and bounds better in taste, (and lack of artificial crap), than store bought. Since you're going to cook your pizza, the sauce doesn't require any, other than a brief sauté for some of the ingredients. Leftover sauce lends itself well to pasta, meats, or vegetables as well, so we make a big enough batch to
handle a couple of meals. Here's our go-to version. Homemade Pizza Sauce 1 No. 20 Can of Whole, Peeled Tomatoes 2 Tablespoons minced Sweet Onion 2 Tablespoons minced Sweet Pepper 2 cloves minced Garlic 2 Tablespoons Extra Virgin Olive Oil 2 teaspoons Balsamic Vinegar 1 teaspoon Basil 1 teaspoon Lemon Thyme (regular thyme is fine too) 1/4 teaspoon Sea Salt 5-6 twists fresh ground Pepper
The key to any great sauce is the aromatic base; that and a little seasoning as you go makes all the difference. In a sauté pan over medium heat, add olive oil and allow to heat through.
Add onion, pepper, and garlic, season lightly with salt and pepper, and sauté, stirring constantly, for 2-3 minutes, until raw garlic smell is gone and the onion is beginning to turn translucent.
Remove from heat and set aside. Add tomatoes to a large mixing bowl, and process with an immersion blender until you've got a nice, consistent, slightly chunky consistency; if you don't have a stick blender, a regular blender or food processor will work just fine.
22 Today’s BoomeR
Add all ingredients to the mixing bowl and incorporate thoroughly. Taste and adjust salt and pepper as desired. Transfer sauce to an airtight, non-reactive container, (glass or stainless steel); cover and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes prior to use; longer, up to overnight is not only fine, but better. Toppings for pizza are as personal as anything you can name in the food world. If you're cooking for just a couple or a few, you can probably safely make choices on everybody's behalf. If your crew is bigger, consider por-tioning your focaccia into personal pizzas, prepping a nice, wide selection of toppings, and letting the gang build their own; either way, it's an easy and fast process - Sauce, cheese, additional toppings; if you've got fresh herbs, like basil or oregano, a little bit placed right on top is a nice touch. Each pizza will need a foil guard underneath; this makes them a bit less prone to burning and easier to handle.
Preheat your grill as hot as it'll go; if you're cooking over charcoal, set your grill up with a nice pile of coals right in the middle and let the coals do their thing. Now you're ready to cook: for gas grills, turn your heat down to low, add your pizzas and cook, with the lid closed, for about 5-7 minutes. Take a look at this point - You'll likely need around 10-12 minutes for your pizzas to be done, but grills vary, so check first and then stay close through the remaining minutes. For charcoal grillers, spread your central pile of coals evenly across the whole grill, place your pizzas, and cook as per gas grills above. Allow pizzas to rest for about 3-5 minutes before serving.
Today’s BoomeR 23
Summer Strawberry Shortcake Need a desert for all this? There's no summer treat better than strawberry shortcake. Here's our signature version. For the Shortcake 2 Cups Whole Wheat Pastry Flour 1 Cup 1/2 & 1/2 1/2 Cup Bakers 4 teaspoons Baking Powder 4 tablespoons unsalted Butter Pinch of Sea Salt
Preheat oven to 450° F. Butter needs to be cold for this recipe; quickly cut it into 1/4" cubes, then place in freezer until you need it. In a large mixing bowl, combine flour, sugar, a pinch of sea salt, and baking powder; blend thoroughly. Add the butter and work it into the flour blend by hand, until the butter is uniformly the size of small peas. Add the cream to the mix, and finish blending by hand; the dough should be sticky; you can add a little more cream or flour at this point if you need to adjust. Form rough cakes about 3" in diameter and about 1" high and place on an ungreased baking sheet; these will spread quite a bit, so leave plenty of room between them. Bake for 7-9 minutes, until the biscuits are golden brown. Don't wander too far from the oven, they darken up pretty quickly.
Remove from oven and place on a wire rack to cool. For the Berries 6 Cups Strawberries 1/4 Cup Honey or Agave Nectar Rinse, top and quarter berries. In a mixing bowl, combine berries and sweetener and blend thoroughly. Place in an airtight container and refrigerate until ready to use.
For the Whipped Cream 1 Pint Whipping Cream 1 Tablespoon Maple Syrup 1/2 teaspoon Vanilla Extract Combine all in a non-reactive mixing bowl. Whip cream by hand or with a stick blender. When the cream is holding stiff peaks, stop whisking, and prep the shortcake. To serve, slice one biscuit in half. Place a half biscuit on a desert plate, add berries to cover evenly, then a soup spoon of cream. Repeat the layering with the other biscuit half, berries, and cream. A mint leaf is a nice garnish, and the scent blends beautifully with the other ingredients.
24 Today’s BoomeR
By Mike Bushman
Nearly five miles into a Smoky Mountain hike, with family
vacation nearing a close, we discussed the next time we
would see each other. As we did, a rain-fed stream
cascaded beneath the short, wooden footbridge on which
we paused to admire butterflies swirling, dancing and
darting in a half-dozen hues.
One year after my wife moved 800 miles east for a great
opportunity with her long-time employer, we planned our
next moments together. The butterflies' delightful
interaction drew some of our attention amidst the majestic
mountain terrain and our discussion. Still, even with this
distraction, we maintained focus on what really matters.
"I think we've spent more real time together in the past
year than we had in many years," Cathy proffered as we
walked and planned. "Before, there was always tomorrow."
During 27 years of marriage, we had long passed the point
of taking each other for granted. It didn't help that we
worked opposite schedules for so many years -- becoming
almost alternating parents. Her nights and weekends in re-
tail often came during the limited hours I wasn't working or
traveling for work. In the unusual hours when we were both
together and electronically disconnected from any real or
perceived work crisis, we focused on quality time with our
children rather than with each other.
In the past year, we've made a conscious effort to change
that focus. Every three to four weeks, we find somewhere
to enjoy time together. Even when those gatherings include
our adult children or others, we focus on each other in a
way we seem to have missed for many years.
A hand to hold is more important when you know it won't
be there tomorrow. A hug is easier to treasure when the
next one is three weeks away.
Looking back, it's easy to see we didn't put enough effort
into our relationship. It's also easy to find excuses.
Workaholic behavior. Exhaustion from my untreated sleep
apnea. Disagreements allowed to remain in roiling boil ra-
ther than confronted and settled directly. Treating
compromise as lose-lose rather than win-win.
Those excuses don't matter now.
Time matters. Connection matters. Love matters.
During our first year of living apart, we've managed to
strengthen our marriage; an outcome I wasn't sure would
happen when the year started. Increased flexibility and
adaptability aided our strengthening.
A year ago, I would have laughed if you had predicted my
wife would join me on a strenuous five-mile mountain hike,
but she did just that in the Smokies. She would have also
bet that at least one piece of the Ikea furniture I voluntarily
spent three days assembling for her New York apartment
would have collapsed by now. I'm no longer annoyed at
losing time to her passion for judging figure skating, in part
because she only does it on weekends I'm not around. She's
no longer annoyed to come home after a long day at work
to find the house in greater disorder than when she left.
When she comes home from work, her apartment is exactly
as she left it.
It doesn't mean it's always easy to be apart. When three
weeks stretches into four or more, I sometimes struggle to
remain upbeat. On these occasions, I remind myself that at
least some studies show "absence makes the heart grow
fonder" to be more than a platitude. As our next time to-
gether approaches, marking one year apart, I can feel the
validity in that phrase.
Butterflies kick in -- swirling, dancing and darting in the
range of hues I felt when we first met. One year apart but,
As a 60 plus Boomer, I am fascinated by the constant trend towards retro nostalgia in terms of music, life-style, clothing and recreation (to name a few) that is generic to our generation. Something that struck me this year in the "less is more" theme category is the re-turn to relearning how to enjoy the simple pleasures of life.
This resonated while on my routine walk around my community park which I started with my husky dog eight years ago, to maintain health, and I have contin-ued since she passed away three years ago. Commu-nity neighborhood parks have always played a signifi-cant role in my upbringing during the 1950s/60s while growing up in Chicago.
Our neighborhood park was the maypole of our life ac-tivity from after school sports to all summer informal kid gatherings and organized events.
The park served as a place where all from the commu-nity were welcomed to enjoy the open spaces it provid-ed, especially in an urban environment. It was a place where one could come to participate or just enjoy ob-serving nature, sports, activities and even one’s best friend (dogs). I remember the excitement that the music from the Good Humor Ice Cream truck (that pulled up daily at 4pm) stirred up inside us and running with our allowance money of nickels and dimes to get a chance to taste that cool "pop" or "dream-cycle" bar after a sweaty game of little league baseball play.
I remember hanging out with my buds Tommy, Nicky, Billy, Bobby and Donnie every day during summer after they did their house chores and meeting at the big weeping willow tree at the park to strategize our daily agenda for that given day. In addition to riding bikes, climbing trees, a once a week matinee movie, or taking a bus to a park pool or a lakefront beach, our day was made up of simply enjoying being all together, playing baseball, whiffle ball or a Chicago only game--Slow Pitch Softball.
There were no Disney Worlds or water parks for us---the closest we came to those was a lawn sprinkler and a plastic slippy-slide with our garden hose.
There were no cell phones or electronic time reminders given by our parents to check and keep track of. We all
abided by the same rule from our families---just be home in time for supper or before dark. Nobody worried about crime and all trusted each other, where doors stayed unlocked and that someone familiar would look after each kid in the neighborhood.
Many local community parks today seem abandoned compared to when we boomers occupied them. Fami-lies mistrust the environment and fear for their children playing un supervised, not to mention the effect of the use of personal technology items on kids—i-Phones/i-Pads etc. Today, one can only see an occasional par-ent playing with kids on the monkey bars, a pet owner walking his best friend in the park, or a lone bike rider on the path.
I love the days when I experience my park brimming with activity-- even though it may only be solo joggers and scattered bike riders, group yoga sessions, multi-ple families on the plastic gyms and swings, a pick-up game of “horse” or a team playing summer Frisbee football.
These present day images bring me back in a retro way longing for my care-free summer days of my youth. My neighborhood park has in essence become my local summer sanctuary – a local place where I can escape a to a few times a week to maintain some physical ex-ercise, clear my mind of the daily stressors of life, smell the honey suckle and hear the birds and voices of hap-py children just playing. And sometimes, I can hear that tune from the local ice cream truck that really sends me back and gives me a good momentary feeling memory.
One needs not to feel the need for a great travel adven-ture to a far-away place for a nostalgic getaway--- sometimes just a summertime walk around your neigh-borhood park can work just fine and do wonders for your health and psyche in bringing you back for a mo-ment to really enjoy your then and now lazy days of summer!