TlTools & ThiT echniques Emotional Intelligence · 65. Watch your attitude in relation to behaviour 66. Know how your body works –learn how to m 67. Ask questions to clarify 68.

© emotional intelligence worldwide 2010

T l & T h iTools & TechniquesEmotional Intelligence

Developed by Sue Langley

T: +612 9908 8775W: www.emotionalintelligenceworldwide.comE: [email protected]

ABN 38 116 191 185

1

Psychology of Success

The Psychology of SuccessTM puzzle highlights key areas thafocus of EIW consulting.

Research has found that if we can manage our emotions thmore success in leading ourselves more effectively.

Other pieces of the puzzle for individuals that underpin emand self leadership – if you can’t lead yourself, how can you

All these aspects are discussed in our Leading with Emotion

Some techniques are small, some take more time, some invyourself and find what works for you. Do them regularly an


at successful companies and individuals use, as well as the

hrough a range of self management techniques we will have

otional intelligence and positive psychology is self awareness u lead other people.

nal Intelligence programmes.

volve cost and some involve others. The key is to know nd make them a habit.

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Managing Emotions (Body & Brain)

Your Smorgasbord of tools and techniques for m

There are many more variations of these you can add andwonderful starting point to help you begin your journey o


researched techniques. They work, don’t be shy, give them

We often want to lift our mood and remember there are lower are mood, to focus on a task, for example. These teboth ways.

They are not in any specific order.

Part 1 – Managing Emotions using our link to ou

1. Smile – to make yourself feel good – find a mwith, you will soon be laughing at yourself antell our brain we are happy. Do it for at least

2. Smile – to make others feel good. Create thamirror cells

3 M J d it i i t t t3. Move – Jump around – it is important to moOur lymphatic system doesn’t have muscles,gravity to massage it into working. Bouncingrelease of hormones under our arm pits – ofour brain we are happy and making us feel b

4. Focus on your body, do a scan. Take note of physiology. Relate these tensions/changes tounderstand where different emotions effect

5. Physically remove the tension. If you feel tenin your chest stretch and expand or breathe

6. Sit still to calm yourself7. Move to energise yourself 8. Stand to feel confidence and strength9. Savouring – use all your senses to fully exper

sight and sound – remember the Lindor ball10. Breathe – take 6 deep diaphragmatic breath

through this. Let the lower lungs have that obrain. This will calm you and flood you with oDo it for at least 60 seconds

11. Mirroring – connect with someone’s physiol12. Take action – you can use the Inspire Action

of your own13. Talk to someone – express your feelings to r14. Watch someone else’s physiology. Gauge ho14. Watch someone else s physiology. Gauge ho15. Watch their facial expressions to gauge their16. Read Paul Ekman’s books, particularly ‘Emot17. Pay attention to the way you communicate w18. Get some fresh air or sunshine. Stand in the

are not going to get arrested


managing emotions begins here:

d test out for yourself. We are sure this is a of emotional management. They are tested and m a go.

times when we need to echniques can be used

ur body

mirror, make it fun. If it doesn’t feel right to start nd feel better naturally. Our muscles used to smile t 30 secondsat connection, open communication, trigger those

l h d t t t i t f b dve our lymph nodes to get toxins out of our body. , it works from moving other parts of our body and g is the best way. By raising our arms it generates the ften referred to as ‘happy hormones’. Again telling better. At least get up regularlywhere you are holding tension and your overall o the emotion you are feeling to begin to younse in the arms, shake your arms; if you feel tension deeply

rience things. Touch, taste, smell,

hs. Our body cannot sustain anger oxygen to pass around your body and oxygen – you may feel tingly

ogy, build rapportcards to prompt you if you have some

resolve the situation; vent to a friend ow they move and any tensionsow they move and any tensionsr true emotion – look for involuntary movementstions Revealed’with your words, tone and body languagerain in the nude if it makes you feel better and you

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Managing Emotions (Body)

19. Use the mood meter to first gauge your emotime and manage yourself there

20. Choose positive language – avoid ‘should’ ‘bwords and tone. Tell someone they are clumthey will be. Tell yourself you are tired and e


Think about the impact of your words on you21. Exercise – choose the forms of exercise you 22. Environment – get out into nature or just ch

when you need to23. Hug someone24. Kiss someone25. Touch or connect with someone26. Tidy up – clean your desk, clear out your war27. Do the 5 minutes take off. Commit to doing s

and see where it leads you28. Take your recovery breaks 29. Micro / mezzo / macro breaks (few minutes

off or a good nights sleep / a holiday or days30. Do or say something nice for someone that i

genuinely complement someone on the way31. Contribute your time or money31. Contribute your time or money32. Spend time with people that can generate th33. Call someone, especially someone you haven34. Catch someone doing something positive an35. Celebrate your successes and achievements,36. Give positive feedback to someone everyday37. Give yourself positive feedback everyday38. Get some coaching either formal or informa39 Write something – even a fast scribble about39. Write something – even a fast scribble about40. Write a journal41. Laugh out loud – even if you have to play yo42. Watch a movie – preferably one that will enh43. Choose appropriate food and drink44. Get oxygen – air, water or food45. Close your email alert messages46. Get some time management strategies (we c47 B dd ith t li t t47. Buddy up with someone to compliments stre

accountability48. Love someone and yourself49. Tell someone you love them50. Phone or meet a friend51. Put some music on52. Look at art53. Go to the theatre, cinema, concert, play etc54. Do yoga55. Altruism – 5 altruistic deeds in one day is bet

You have to think about 5, most people can twithout conscious effort


otions then decide where you want to spend your

ut’ ‘try’. Use positive msy enough times and exhausted and you will be. urself and othersenjoy and do itange your environment

rdrobe, make spacesomething for 5 minutes

s or a lunch break / a day out from your normal routine)s unexpected. It amazing how you feel when you y they look, especially if they don’t know you

he emotion you desiren’t spoken to in a while and make their dayd give them specific feedback, even small onesy

lt what is on your mindt what is on your mind

urself a silly laugh to get you startedhance your mood

can help here too if you need it)th d t it iengths and to commit or gain

tter than one per day. think of one

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56. Disengage and re‐engage emotions – as opp57. Read your MSCEIT results and actions (if you58. Read59. Play games


60. Watch people61. Create positive habits to replace negative on62. List things that you enjoy or motivate you – s63. Adapt your voice and body language and kno64. Choose your energy levels appropriately 65. Watch your attitude in relation to behaviour66. Know how your body works – learn how to m67. Ask questions to clarify68. Leave a special note for someone 69. Write a letter to someone70. Make 10 people smile each day71. Sing72. Dance73. Generate energy74. Communicate to suit your audience – Myers75. Have a social or date night75. Have a social or date night76. Holidays – anticipate them, plan them, savou77. Notice the sensations – do pottery or trampl78. Use someone’s name – make them feel resp79. Dress up80. Pamper yourself or others – run a bath for yo81. Take care of yourself82. Buy a gift83 Learn something new – something physical83. Learn something new – something physical84. Write a list – to do list as an example85. Do something towards a goal86. Walk barefoot on the beach or in the water87. Travel88. Plan89. Actively listen90. Do a puzzle91 D thi t f f t d91. Do something out of your comfort zone and

after. Like a skydive or bungee jump92. Turn off facebook or anything that prevents 93. Be with or talk with children94. Surround yourself with beauty, know what is95. Spend time with animals – stroke one96. Get in the water97. Buy flowers or something special98. Appreciate, really appreciate, art, music, bea99. Find a hobby100. “Take your brain out” with a book, TV, movie101. Do some personal development – CDs, DVDs102. Surround yourself with positive people103. Participate in positive quizzes – eg VIA streng104. Learn your own sensations to an emotion


osed to avoiding themu have done it – if not we can organise for you)

nessee the end of the reportow the impact on yourself and others

rmake it work better

s Briggs Type Indicator

ur them and reminiscele grapes with your bare feetpected and acknowledged

our loved one

hil ti ti ti b f dexhilarating – notice your emotions before and

you properly communicating with friends

s aesthetically pleasing to you and others

auty

e – choose appropriatelys, books, programmes

gths (see our website)

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106. Choose your tasks according to your mood107. Decide to change your mind consciously an108. Draw109. Look someone in the eye


110. Cry111. Punch something – mattress, pillow, punch112. Scream113. Bounce on a trampoline‐ good for lymphati114. Turn off the TV115. Meditate for 10 minutes116. Go on a retreat117. Get a haircut or nails done etc, maybe a new118. Get a personal shopper or image consultan119. Have a facial or makeover120. Yawn – not only the best for the descent in121. Lay down122. Stretch123. Run124. Get some structure in your life125. Be creative – paint, sew, build125. Be creative paint, sew, build126. Cook127. Get plenty of fresh vegetables and fruit – re128. Get or give a massage129. Have sex and create intimacy130. Volunteer for something131. Hold hands132. Have a glass of wine133 Light some candles133. Light some candles134. Forgive someone openly135. Have the discussion or debate136. Go out for dinner 137. Go shopping – appropriately 138. Create a budget139. Do one thing for each of your strengths dai140. Thank someone141 G f lk d h ll ith il t141. Go for a walk and say hello with a smile to e142. Wave at someone like you were a child in th143. Be sensuous144. Snuggle up145. Sleep146. Write down 3 affirmations to create what y147. Write a list of goals for yourself148. Write/say/think of 3 good things that happ149. Write down/say 3 things you are grateful fo150. Have a cuppa or warm lemon water151. Write a gratitude letter or a do a gratitude v

(go and visit someone and read your letter


d act

bag, do a boxing class

ic system again

w hair style/colourt

a plane, great for getting oxygen into you

eview your diet in general

ly

teveryone you meethe back of a car

you want for yourself

ened todayor each night/day

visit to them)

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Managing Emotions (Brain)

Part 2 – Managing Emotions using our brain

1. Know your strengths2. Know what you love


3. Know you4. Cognitive reconstruction – listen to the voice5. Self talk – monitor it6. Challenge your negative thinking – is it true, 7. Consider the control model – what can you c

not control – let things go8. Labelling – remember it is the same area of t

emotion and what ‘feels’ the emotion. Labelemotion and what feels the emotion. Labelintensity – just by saying “I feel angry”

9. Labelling for others – we can encourage otheangry, can you tell me how you feel?” “Yes, I

10. Visualise a goal you have set for yourself11. Focus on your levels of positive emotion tod12. Know your core values13. Focus on your core values and how they effe14 Improve your emotional perception and wat14. Improve your emotional perception and wat15. Remind yourself why you do what you do16. Be mindful and in the present17. Savour mentally18. Use your strength everyday, reassess things 19. Think about your purpose in life. Have a visu20. Know your vision – what is it? 1 year, 5 years21. Know your values – what makes you tick. Ho22 K i b d h t i d th22. Know your iceberg and what is under the wa23. Use your values for decision making24. Know and focus on your goals25. Simplify and focus – prevent distraction, one26. Remind yourself of your achievements and s27. Think of all the positive things in your life28. Notice your emotions29. Know your Emotional Refractory period and 30. Know your Emotional Set Range 31. Extend your positives and minimise the nega32. Remind yourself that bad things don’t last “T33. Do nothing and clear your mind for 10 minut34. Reminisce about the good times – a positive35. Visualise – use imagery to see things going w36. Know your personality and preferences37. Know your self image38. Challenge any negative beliefs. Are you real

moment at a school netball games that put y39. Create a positive attitude40. Observe your behaviour


es and challenge your thinking

false or don’t know?control / influence /

the brain that labels lling is proven to reduce thelling is proven to reduce the

ers to label theirs too. “I sense you are I feel angry” or “No, I am not angry, I am annoyed”

ay – make yourself happy

ect your decisions todaytch people’s faces for how they really feeltch people s faces for how they really feel

that don’t workal for it – Why are you here?s, 10 years, tomorrow?ow you do thingst l later level

e thing at a timesuccesses

use your mind to move though it

atives to increase your RangeThis will pass”tes event, a holiday, loved oneswell

ly bad at sport or was it just an embarrassing you off sport in general?

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41. Know your sensitive “buttons”42. Know who pushes these buttons and how yo43. Know your emotional patterns and challenge44. Know what motivates you and others


45. Check if your perception is really accurate46. Know when and why your amygdala hijacks o47. Listen to your intuition48. Know how you make decisions and what you49. Clarify feelings in your mind50. Aim high, create high expectations of yourse51. Notice the emotional context in the environ

you need to52. Accept it is OK to feel this emotion, then cho53. Take time for reflection – this is your life afte54. Know yourself and the times of the day whe

etc and use this55. Be aware of your feelings and how they link

meanings depending on tone. Reflect on you56. Remember happy events – anchoring. Find p

through negative emotionsthrough negative emotions57. Live by your values and understand when yo

Is someone squashing your values? What dothe situation?

58. Use your imagination to create the ideal solupositive emotion.

59. Create your ideal day then live it60. Listen to you words, are they serving you, ar61 If then training Think about the impact of61. If....then training. Think about the impact of

emotions. “If I say x, then how will I feel?” “I


ou may reacte them

occur

ur thought processes are

elfment and go somewhere else if

oose when is the right time to manage iter alln you are most creative/ focussed / energetic / calm

to your tone of voice. “I’m OK” can have several ur true feelings and portray them. patterns or places that life your mood or can get you

ou have internal conflict what the triggers could be. o you need to think or perceive differently to handle

ution in your head. Imagine the impact of generating

re they empowering you or bringing you downyour thoughts behaviours andyour thoughts, behaviours and f I do x, then how will x feel?”

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Part 3 – Managing Emotions ‐ Implementation t

Arrange to take an hour for yourself and work through theYou will be able to refer to these tools whenever you need

Let’s start with the firm foundation


Let s start with the firm foundation...

What is your purpose in life? Why are you here?

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What is your vision for your life in one year?

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What is your vision for your life in three years?

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What is your vision in ten years?

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Write down 10 things you want to achieve one year from n

1.______________________________________________

2.____________________________________________________________________________________________

3.______________________________________________

4.______________________________________________

5.______________________________________________

6.______________________________________________

7.______________________________________________

8.______________________________________________

9.______________________________________________

10._____________________________________________


ime

e following questions. d to so let’s tailor it to you.

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now

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Write down 3 things you want to achieve within three year

1.______________________________________________

2.


2.______________________________________________

3.______________________________________________

Write down 5 things you want to achieve within ten years

1.______________________________________________

2.______________________________________________

33.______________________________________________

4.______________________________________________

5.______________________________________________

What are your top three values, personally and profession

1. ___________________________________

22. ___________________________________

3. ___________________________________

Write some notes on the places where you were the most h

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Write a list of the things you can do immediately anywhere

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Write a list of things you can do at home

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rs from now

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ally (your workbooks or the website will help you)

1. ____________________________________

2 2. ____________________________________

3. ____________________________________

happy

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e by yourself that cost nothing to lift your mood

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10

Write a list of things you can do at work

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Write a list of things that involve others

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What ten things are you going to commit to bringing into yminimum of twelve weeks

1.______________________________________________

2.______________________________________________

3.______________________________________________

4.______________________________________________

55.______________________________________________

6.______________________________________________

7.______________________________________________

8.______________________________________________

9.______________________________________________

10._____________________________________________

You know it,

Now is your chanc


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your life and your daily routine from today for a

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do you do it?

e! Make it a habit!

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What do you need to do to ensure you do them each day?

1.______________________________________________

2.______________________________________________

3.______________________________________________

4.______________________________________________

5.______________________________________________

No one can make youYou may allow people to

Only you can

The qualitydirectly relate

your e

– Su


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u feel the way you feel. o influence your emotions manage them!

y of your life isd to the quality of emotions

e Langley

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www.emotionalintjanet@emotionalin

+61 +61 +61

J tJanet –Sue –

InspireInspire be the

ca


telligenceworldwide.comgntelligenceworldwide.com

8 8377 33392 9908 8775 2 9908 87730447 726 677– 0447 726 6770427 990 907

yourself toyourself to e best you an be.

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TlTools & ThiT echniques Emotional Intelligence · 65. Watch your attitude in relation to behaviour 66. Know how your body works –learn how to m 67. Ask questions to clarify 68.

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