The Whole Youth Worker, 2nd Edition

Acclaim for The Whole YouthWorker

“If you are a youth worker who struggleswith staying in ministry for one reason oranother, reading this book will remind youthat you are not alone. As you read aboutJay’s experiences you will see somefrustration and hurt associated with thedaily task of being a youth worker. If youwant to hear from the heart of a youthworker who struggles to enjoy the Monday toFriday part of youth ministry and wants tohelp you get through it too, then you needto read The Whole Youth Worker.”

—Mike Kupferer, Youth Ministry Exchange

“Don't let anyone fool you—youth ministryis harder than it looks! In The Whole YouthWorker, Jay gives us a glimpse at what it'slike to be in the trenches—both good andbad. You will read this book and say, ‘Beenthere—it's good to know I'm not alone!’”

—Rev. Bill Fisackerly, IV,Gulf Cove United Methodist Church

"The Whole Youth Worker will help guide mostyouth workers around the dangerous curves

and out of the sinkholes of youth ministry.This short, 148-page, readable paperback,has very valuable, sensible, workablecounsel that most every person who workswith teenagers in an ecclesiastical settingought to read. If you’re a Senior Pastorwondering what to give your Youth Ministerto help them negotiate this important work,then this is the book to get”

—Rev. Michael Philliber, PhD, ReaderViews“Jay Tucker does a fantastic job giving

practical advice to all youth workers. Thejoy and passion he holds for his careerreach out and grab your attention. His freshapproach and great sense of humor will helpinspire and renew your outlook on the worldof youth ministry. I plan on keeping thisbook close at hand for years to come and Iwill be sharing it with many people.”

—Daniel Wilde (Nashville, TN)

“Here is a brass-tacks companion for thosewho would aspire to being not a master but aservant, one who is willing to put forthgreat effort on the young, even though notall the recipients will be appreciative. JayTucker is the opposite of preachy. He ispractical and instructional with down-to-earth language that brings a smile.

I feel that I have met this man in personand benefitted greatly by the experience. Heis the genuine article, with the heart of aservant but the mind of a teacher. He knowswhat kids are like these days, and he lovesthem anyway.”

Rev. Heyward B. Ewart,III PhD, author of AM I BAD? Recovering From Abuse

“Jay’s book is simple, straightforward andreal. if you are a parent who is going toput your children into a youth group, readit. If you are a pastor looking for a youthleader, read it. I can tell you I know whatI need to look for when it comes time for mychildren to spend time in a youth group.”

Jeff Murray, Melbourne FL

The WholeYouth Worker

Advice on Professional,Personal, and Physical

Wellness from the TrenchesSecond EditionJay Tucker

Foreword by Jeanne Mayo

Hey Youth Minister, You Rock! 6

The Whole Youth Worker: Advice onProfessional, Personal, and PhysicalWellness from the Trenches, 2nd Ed.Copyright © 2011 Jason Tucker. All RightsReserved. Contact the author throughwww.JayTucker.net

Back cover photo by Angela Sackett of LovingLegacy Photography (Tampa Bay, FL).

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Tucker, Jason, 1973- The whole youth worker : advice on professional, personal, and physical wellness from the trenches / Jay Tucker ; foreword by Jeanne Mayo. -- 2nd ed. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN-13: 978-1-61599-078-8 (pbk. : alk. paper) ISBN-10: 1-61599-078-X (pbk. : alk. paper) ISBN-13: 978-1-61599-041-2 (hardcover : alk. paper) ISBN-10: 1-61599-041-0 (hardcover : alk. paper) 1. Church work with youth. I. Title. BV4447.T83 2011 259'.23--dc22 2011000030

Hey Youth Minister, You Rock! 7

Distributed by: Ingram Book Group, New LeafDistributing, Quality Books.

Published by:Loving Healing Press5145 Pontiac TrailAnn Arbor, MI 48105-9627

Email [email protected] www.LovingHealing.comTollfree 888-761-6268Fax 734-663-6861

Contents

Part I – Working with Youth................1Chapter 8 – Treating \“Senioritus\........39Part II – Working with the Church Community..........................................56Part III – Your Body is a Temple, Start Treating it That Way!.....................96

Acknowledgments

This book is dedicated with love and manythank-yous to:My Lord Jesus Christ who is the author of

this crazy yet amazing life I liveMy Godly, gorgeous, and amazing wife

Kimberly who deserves 99% of the credit forthe good stuff I do in life. I love you.My children Sarah Kay and William Monroe

II, you are Daddy’s greatest gifts.The memory of my parents William and

Sandra Tucker.Dale and Lura Hannula, for your Godly

example and love.Ken and Vanessa Sackett, for your Godly

example and love.Brian, Angela, Brian Jr., Joshua, Anna,

Ethan, and Isaac Sackett, the best exampleof what a Godly family should be.Rev. Jerry, Nancy, Lindsey, and Erin

Gardner, our friends forever…I can’t thankyou enough.Rev. Richard Nussel, thank you for taking

a chance on a guy with zero experience.Neil and Claudia Cook, thank you for your

friendship, love, and never ending prayer.Rev. William, Kim, Bethany, Ally, and Wil

Fisackerly…You guys are family.

Wade Stockman, you inspire me everyday…notone step buddy!Pastors Walter Fohs and Becky Robbins-

Penniman, you both are inspiring to workwith.And to every student I’ve ever had and

ever will have in youth ministry. You arethe reasons I do what I do!

Preface to the 2nd EditionOne of the highlights of my life was when

my first book, The Whole Youth Worker, waspublished two years ago. The book came outwhile a very dark time in my life wasbeginning. I was adjusting to the firstextended period of time in my life without ajob since the age of fifteen. It wasn't easyto adjust to not being needed. At first, Ilooked at my situation as the opportunity tospend some quality time with my son. Afterseven months, I was ready to hurt thepersons responsible for the creation ofSpongebob Squarepants. I was more than readyto go back to work.That opportunity came in August 2009, when

I accepted a job at Nicaea Academy to teachat a small private Christian school. I washired as a “high school” teacher which meantI was teaching six different subjects a day.Having a degree in elementary education, theidea of teaching several different subjectsin a day wasn't a foreign concept. However,there is a difference in preparing for 6lessons on the elementary level. I typicallyhave those skills mastered! High school wasa different story. I was teachingcomplicated subjects that I hadn't given any

thought to in twenty years. Did I really want tofeed my family so bad?I wouldn't trade my time at Nicaea for

anything. There I spent my days with some ofthe most amazing young people and dedicatedteachers I have ever worked with. Idefinitely had some characters! Theirreverent teenage “Sweat Hogs” from that1970s show Welcome Back, Kotter had nothing onthe great group of kids that I had the honorto teach on a daily basis. I have to mentionone student in my class because he was achallenging kid whom you couldn't help butlove. In addition, he has the most made-for-action-movies name I've ever heard: DareRambo will rule the world one day. I got a phone call around Christmas time

from a great church in my town that waslooking for a youth minister. After muchprayer and discussion with my wife, I wasreminded that youth ministry is my life'scalling. I accepted the opportunity to beinterviewed and was eventually honored withthe position. As I write this, I amfinishing up my first year at the church. Ialmost forgot mentioning how much I loveworking in the church.That isn't to say that my present church

isn't without its own set of challenges. Allchurches are! My current youth group

consists of roughly thirty-five 5th through12th grade students. The majority of thesestudents are middle=school girls, achallenge that reminds me daily of theimportance of prayer. I find my currentposition as proof positive that God has agreat sense of humor.These past two years have made me a more

organized and appreciative youth worker. Iwake up every morning at 6:45am to take mykids to school and return home to get readyfor a new day in youth ministry. Our God istruly an awesome God!This 2nd edition contains five new

chapters and a collection of new storiesthat I pray will make you think, laugh, andembrace God a little more tightly.

Foreword I’m writing this Foreword amidst the

animated chatter of my family right afterour holiday celebration. And though it’syears after my child-rearing season, Iremain eternally grateful that my primaryministry didn’t begin when I drove out ofthe Mayo driveway, but rather, when I droveback in. Now, over four exciting decades into the

youth ministry journey, I am reveling in theendless rewards of living a Christ-centered,balanced life. Our sons both love Jesus andlove us—in an indisputable and life-givingway. They both are passionately in fulltimeministry and managed to avoid the “I want tofollow the Antichrist” phase during theirgrowing up years. Their father remains mytreasured “boyfriend” and the ultimateearthly hero in life. We just celebrated our40th anniversary together at a “Vow RenewalCeremony” that my amazing ministry teamsurprised us with last month. And to make myjourney even more utopian, I’m now “Nana” tothe two cutest grandsons in the knownuniverse! The precious gifts of my life are even

more treasured today because of a phone

conversation I had only moments ago. As Iwrite this foreword, my mind is racing withthe starkness of the contrast. You see,tonight a veteran youth pastor is announcingto his students that he is resigning hisposition due to “moral indiscretions.” Heleaves straight from his youth service forthe airport. His flight takes him to anotherstate where his new-found “soulmate” awaits.My attempts an hour ago to change hisdirection seemed to be pretty fruitless. Heleaves young children in the wake of hisselfishness… and a shattered, confused groupof teenagers at his church. That’s why Jay Tucker’s book, “The Whole

Youth Worker,” is such an authentic gift toyouth pastors and workers. It calls us towholeness in all arenas of our life. Yousee, you can “cram” for earthly exams; butyou can’t cram for most character ones. Truetests of character usually come as “popquizzes.” So it’s only through living abalanced, healthy life—spiritually, family-wise, emotionally and physically—that we canthrive long haul amidst the pressures of“doing youth ministry” while also “doinglife.” As a love note to youth workers who will

read these words, I’d like to pass on somesimple mentoring/ coaching thoughts from my

vantage point of four decades in thetrenches. Let me highlight a few things thatyou will hear echoed throughout Jay’s book:Decide what you will give to the world: A

gifted man in youth ministry who is outwardlyempowered…or a broken man in youth ministrywho is inwardly transformed. There is a worldof difference, you know. Wise leaders alwayschoose the latter. I’ve watched countlessyouth ministry superstars “crash and burn”because charisma became a suitablesubstitute for character. Remember that you’ll rarely notice changes

in your own spiritual life or character, nomatter how sincere you are. Why? Thosestrategic changes sneak up on you quietly likeweight gain—one tiny bit at a time. So bebrutally honest with your own compromises,motivations, and sin. Living a Christ-honoring life isn’t glamorous or media-worthy. But it’s still the only thing thatis celebrated in eternity. Make a “daily appointment time” with the

Lord and actually have a consistentdevotional life instead of just preachingabout it. Consistency always trumps length.So start with a daily “10 and 10” (10minutes in the Word and 10 minutes inprayer) and build from there. I’ve nevercounseled a moral failure in the ministry

who had even a relatively consistentdevotional life—never. Fight fiercely the voices in your head

that will haunt you with your own failuresand tell you how unworthy and fruitless youare in youth ministry. The enemy’s mainbattleground for you will always in theprivacy of your mind. Only you can keepchoosing to “bring your thoughts intocaptivity.”“How long will the mind games last?” you

ask me. Well, they’re still alive and wellat the 40-year-mark in my ministry. Sorryabout my discouraging truthfulness. But I’velearned to focus on only what I want tofuel. Mental discipline becomes easier asthe years roll by.If you have children, realize that they

must never compete with your youth ministry.The title bestowed on the most importantleader in the world today is not president,Olympic medalist, or pastor. It is parent.Our children are the living messages we sendforward into a time we will probably neversee. Long after ministry is a dim memory,your family will still be with you. Sosteward those relationships with great care.The enemy will always attempt to make the

people who are the most precious in your lifeto feel the most common. Prioritize people over pulpits. your youth

messages will be forgotten with agonizingspeed. But the teenagers in your ministrywill never forget how the Jesus inside of you madethem feel. And just remember: If you’re out ofthe “people business,” you’re really out ofauthentic youth ministry. Thank God every day of your life that you

get to do youth ministry! Studies tell usthat 92% of all decisions for Christ aremade on or before one’s 18th birthday. Thatplaces huge destiny on what we are investingour lives into. People will rarely celebrateyou and teenagers won’t sing you choruses of“How Great Thou Art.” But we have a purposethat is both true and eternal. Jim Elliottsaid it powerfully: “He is no fool who giveswhat he cannot keep… to gain what he cannotlose.” Remember that the only things that walk

back from the cemetery with the mourners andrefuse to be buried are the character of the manand his spiritual fruit. So live with theend in mind; and make Hell regret you everdecided to love some teenagers. D.L. Moody is one of my favorites in the

Christian Hall of Fame. Near his death, he

said something that I’ve chosen as one of myown personal mantras:

“When I die, don’t think I’mgone. I’ll still be alive in thatperson… and that person... and thatperson.”

So as you read The Whole Youth Worker by JayTucker, realize that you have chosen one ofthe most Christ-honoring endeavors in theuniverse—that of multiplying your heart forChrist into teenagers and college studentsin the 21st century. May you do it with suchintegrity and passion that your “that-person-line” will reach to the stars andback!

Lovingly Cheering For You, Jeanne MayoPresident, Youth Leader’s CoachYouth Pastor, Author, and Speaker

Part I Working with Youth

He replied, “Because you have so littlefaith. I tell you the truth, if you havefaith as small as a mustard seed, you cansay to this mountain, 'Move from here tothere' and it will move. Nothing will beimpossible for you.”

Matthew 17:20 (NIV)

1 Hey Youth Minister,You Rock!

Twelve years. That’s several tours ofduty, three Presidential terms, and longenough to get an advanced degree. I’ve beenin full-time youth ministry for twelveyears. Some of you who might be reading thishave put in twelve years in just lock-insalone. (I have nothing but respect, love,and admiration for you nuts that have beendoing this for a decade or more.) So I am,by no means, the expert when it comes toyouth ministry. All I can tell you is myjourney and how I’ve managed to last formore than a decade.When I look at the statistics for youth

ministry, I see that I am one of a dyingbreed. Lots of young men and women aregetting into youth ministry, and then rightback out. The main reasons seem to bestress, poor pay and little benefits, andthe realization that you can’t just playvideo games all day and you won’t ever becalled “The coolest guy in the world.” This

is tough work. You have my permission topunch the next person right in the nose whoasks, “When are you going to become a realpastor?” (Just kidding, that is hardly evera good idea.)Maybe some of you are currently

volunteering as a youth minister, SundaySchool teacher, youth rep on your churchboard, or the extra pair of hands. First ofall, thank you. Without you, most of theministry wouldn’t get done. Now that I’vesaid thank you, let me say something thatmight offend you a little. You probablydon’t completely understand what it’s liketo be the Y.M.I.C. (Youth Minister InCharge). Let me explain.Everyone loves a volunteer. You have jobs

that demand lots of your time and still youfind a way to give even more time to others.Any good pastor or church board memberrealizes that without you, there is nochurch. That’s why you guys get banquets andpats on the back. You deserve every one ofthose things and more. What you don’t oftenget, however, is the pointed finger. Youdon’t always get to see the “underbelly” ofthe church. You don’t often get to take thephone calls and the “I just happened to bein the neighborhood so I thought I’d stop byand chat with you” visits to your office.

You’re the volunteer, and the church usuallyfeels lucky to have you.Sometimes things change when a paycheck

becomes attached to a ministry. I’ve been inboth positions. I’ve been the volunteer whodreamed of earning a living doing this youthministry thing. I’ve also experienced thereality of being a professional minister.They are two different worlds, trust me. Asa paid staff member, you often see anotherside of the church. You sometimes see yourpastor act more like a corporate boss than aspiritual leader. Occasionally, you hear the“sweet little old church lady” inform youthat the last guy had more kids in hisgroup. Monday through Friday, most churchesare businesses with deadlines and meetings.(Lots of meetings.) What happened to waterballoons, fart machines, and pizza all day,every day?Having said that, let me tell you the one

thing that makes this job the best thing youcan do with your time. Every once in awhile, you get to introduce someone toJesus. Every once in a while, you get toexperience the joy of a life changed and asoul saved. That makes it all worth it! I still love Wednesday nights. Nothing

jacks me up more than spending time withyoung people. When I lose that excitement,

I’ll get out. No one will have to tell meit’s time to hit the road, I will alreadyhave headed towards the door. There issomething indescribable about what happensin your soul after one of your teens hugsyou, and tells you how much they appreciateyou. (Getting called a dork and having stuffpoured on you is the same as a hug in teen–world). Those moments will help you put upwith the rest of the crap.Those types of things have happened often

in my career. I thank God for them becausethere have been times when I have been closeto turning in my walking papers. I have hadmy share of pity parties when I felt under-appreciated. There was a time not too longago when I began to question my sanity forsticking with this profession. Not even anhour later, I got a message on our youthgroup Facebook page that saved my career forthe day.

“I just wanted to tell you how much Iappreciate you. I know it seems likesometimes we aren’t listening to you.But we are. My best friend has beencoming to church now for a few weeks andshe wants to keep coming. Thanks forputting up with us.”How often does Donald Trump hear that in

his day?

2 You Are a Professional.Yes, You!

I will admit it. I am one of the sloppiestpeople on the entire planet. My desk, mycar, and my house are usually in a state ofanarchy that can only be described as“contemporary disaster zone”. Most people,upon entering my office, will do a double–take at my desk. There are piles of paper,business cards, big gulp cups, and thestapler my office manger has been trying tolocate for over a month. It’s a state oforganization that few are capable ofunderstanding, except for the youthminister.

I know where everything is! If I conformed tothe ultra-anal techniques of puttingeverything in file folders, I would spendmore time looking for stuff. Believe me,I’ve read the books that try to convince youthat you aren’t really a professional unlessyou have everything filed alphabetically. Idon’t live alphabetically. I live with myhead on fire. This works for me, and I’ve

gotten to a place in my life and in mycareer where I feel comfortable saying that.

Keep a Neat Desk After saying all that, let me give

beginners a little advice: Keep a neat desk.You already have absolutely no respect!Don’t give anyone fuel for cutting you down.Even if you usually have the urge to givepeople wedgies, do what you can to appear asprofessional as possible. If you are ahopeless slob like me, take these fewpointers and try to hang on.

Dress ProfessionallyI’ve been fortunate enough to work for

churches that have very loose dress codes.My first pastor never wore socks. Another ofmy pastors always wore Hawaiian shirts. Mycurrent one prefers to wear shorts andsandals. Even in these climates, I’ve chosento come to work in slacks and polos. It’sthe easiest way to come across as aprofessional. Putting on a pair of slacksand buttoning a few buttons on a shirt isfar easier than reading the Wall Street Journalevery day. Do, however, take the opportunityto dress down occasionally. It will allow youto be part of the team.

Save the Fart Jokes for the YouthGroupIn eight years, I’ve learned that most

people really don’t appreciate the humorous,subtle nuances of bodily functions. I’ve hadthe good fortune to work with some reallyfun pastors. (Pastors in general seem to befunny people.) But office staff, financialmanagers, and volunteers often don’t possessthe extra funny bone. Treat the people inyour office like they are the grandparentsof your new girlfriend. Always be polite andprofessional.

Don’t Use Your Computer Like You’reat HomeNot looking at porn should be a given.

Once I was hired to replace a guy at achurch who had just been busted for it.(Please don’t think I’m saying that it’s okto look at porn at home either.) Use yourcomputer for research. Use your computer tostay in touch with your young people. Useyour computer to put together cool websitesand newsletters. When you are on the phonebeing told how to do your job by a well-wishing church member, use it to playMinesweeper. DO NOT use it for personal e-mails or to find stuff for your car on eBay.

Again, do us all a favor and leave the pornalone. “Church guys” who get caught for thisstuff get their faces plastered all over thenews. I’m sick of having to convince peoplethat just because I work with young peopleat a church, I’m not a psycho.

Inform People of Your WhereaboutsYouth ministry isn’t about being at your

desk. Sometimes you are out visiting kids.Sometimes you are at Wal-Mart looking forwhipped cream and cheap swim goggles. It’s agreat job if you like to be out and around.Most churches will expect you to have someoffice hours, however. Respect those hours.Understand this though: whenever you leavethe office, it’s your responsibility to be agood steward of your time. Letting someonein the office know where you are, and howlong you expect to be, is a necessary formof accountability.

Honor Your Day Off As a youth minister, you must have a day

off during the week! Saturdays and Sundaysare filled with activities andresponsibilities. Don’t let anyone tell youthat you get weekends off just like everyoneelse: “Other people come to church onSundays, why should you consider it work?”

Because it is. They get to choose where theyworship. You have to go to the church whereyou are employed (even if the music stinks).Consequently, so does your family. Any timeyou don’t have a choice, its work! If youdon’t currently have a day off during theweek, ask for one. You need time to be awayfrom the church. You have to recharge, rest,and get ready for another week of ministry.

Make Appearances during the DayIf you have your own office, it’s ultra-

important that you come out of your caveevery so often.

1. It helps break up the monotony of theday.

2. It reminds people in your office thatyou work there.

3. The coffee machine is usually locatedin another part of the building.

4. Saying the occasional “hello” to yourpastor is a great way to maintain agood relationship.

Manage Your Time WiselyOne of the perks of this profession is

that you probably don’t have someone lookingover your shoulder all the time keepingtrack of how you utilize your time. Becauseso much trust has been placed on your

ability to do your job, it’s important tomake good use of the time you’re being paidfor. Here are some of the things I do tokeep me accountable.

1. Make a to-do list every day. Start yourday by thinking about the things youneed to get done. Write them down andwhen you have completed them, jot downapproximately how long it took you toaccomplish the task. This visual willhelp you better prioritize the thingsyou spend your time on. It’s also agreat tool to have at your disposalshould someone ask “What is it that youdo around here anyway?”

2. Rank your tasks in order of priority.Chances are that you might not haveenough hours in the day to geteverything done. Rank them byimportance for the day, making surethat the vital tasks are at the top ofyour list. I always give priority tothings like phone calls, visits, andstudy time ahead of things like lookingthrough the mounds of junk mail and e-mail advertisements that I receive.

3. Drop almost everything if your pastorrequests something of you. The pastor-youth minister relationship is vitally

important. If your pastor asks for youropinion or to bring your tired carcassinto his or her office, make sure ithappens. Unless of course you arespeaking to a parent or one of yourstudents. Your pastor will understandand appreciate that they are yourfocus.

4. Ask if there is anything else youshould be doing. Sometimes you don’tknow until you ask. Every once-in-awhile, make sure you ask your pastors,boards, congregation, students, andyour parents if there is anything theywish you were doing that you presentlyaren’t. It will go a long way in termsof proving to those important folksthat you take your job seriously.

None of that was probably earth–shatteringfor you. But if you follow this advice, youmay have a chance at hanging around. (Evenif your desk looks like Office Depot threwup all over it.)

3 No Seminary Training?No Problem!

I didn’t attend seminary to study youthministry. In fact, my degree is inelementary education. After I graduated, Ispent two years teaching fifth grade. Iloved the kids, I loved teaching, and I waspretty good at creating lessons that didn’tbore them to tears. But I found outsomething about myself: I didn’t liketeaching in the classroom. It was tooconfining. I couldn’t bear the prospect ofspending years in the same classroom,teaching the same curriculum. I needed to goonto something else.During my second year of teaching, our

school booked an organizational /motivational half–day seminar. The presenterwas having the time of his life. Hedescribed the benefits of an organizednotebook with the gusto normally reservedfor your winning lotto numbers. This guy wasamazing!I approached him immediately after the

presentation, and told him that I wanted tobe part of his company. We continued theconversation over several months, andeventually I was hired as an educational /motivational speaker. It was a great gig! Iwas traveling all around the country, and Iwas making pretty good money. The seminars

were short enough so that I could fly intothe city at night, do the presentation thenext morning, and be home in the evening. Itwas the perfect job for me.Then came September 11th, 2001. Suddenly,

traveling for a living lost its luster. Imade the decision to quit after I was in theair headed to Washington D.C., of allplaces, only a couple of days after flightshad resumed. I was faced again with havingto find something else to do.We had moved to a town near the Tampa

International Airport so that I could zip inand zip out when I needed to. I got onlineone day and decided to take a shot at thisyouth ministry thing. I was lucky enough tospend years learning from a real ministrypro and I had led that group for six monthsas a volunteer when he left. It was worth ashot.As providence would have it, a Methodist

Church about three minutes from my house waslooking for a youth minister. I typed up aresume and went right over to hand it to thepastor. He was kind enough to look at it andtalk to me about the position. I’ll neverforget our brief conversation. “We are at the point where we are ready

to name a youth minister, but somethingtells me that I should pray about you.” I

thanked him for his consideration, and leftknowing that I should still keep looking fora job. A few days later, he called me backwith some surprising news. He wanted me tomeet some of the youth and his youth workerteam. If they liked me, he was prepared tooffer me the position.Our meeting went well and I began my

ministry career at a downtown, historicalchurch in Bradenton, FL. This was thebeginning of what is turning out to be awild, amazing, beautiful, tragic, topsy-turvy, exhausting, and exhilarating ride. Alittle while later, I wanted to heardirectly from my pastor about which of mysparkling talents had led him to such abrilliant decision. “I liked your resume, and the fact that

you have had a number of great lifeexperiences. But mostly you own your ownhouse, and the other guy required a housingallowance.” (Pride has no place in youthministry!)How does my story apply to you? I believe

that God calls all types of people to youthministry, for all types of reasons. Seminaryand Bible School are wonderful places thatproduce amazingly qualified people for theministry. However, they aren’t the onlyplaces that can create great ministers.

Never let anyone tell you that you can’t dosomething that you have the heart and talentfor. If you’re the right person, the rightchurch will be willing to train you. (It mayrequire a lot of looking, a lot ofconvincing, or a lease with your name onit.)Youth ministry is so much more than just

teaching the Bible to students. It’s a full-time job that often requires much more thanjust your midweek program. In short, youthministry requires talents and gifts aboveand beyond what any professor can teach you.While seminary and Bible school may be themost logical place to start, it isn’tnecessarily a deal breaker.

4 Say Hello to ThosePeople Who Live in Your

House

Chances are that you will work fornumerous pastors, have tons of students inyour youth group, and see Reliant K more

times in concert than you care to talkabout. But you only get one family. My first pastor was, and probably still

is, a workaholic. He would get to the officeat 5:30a.m. and not leave until the evening.I often wondered how he had the energy to doit. He also had a wife, a teenage daughter,and a son in the fourth grade. Somehow, hemanaged to coach his kids in sports and hangout occasionally with his wife.Our two children were born while I worked

for this church. I remember a conversation Ihad with my pastor just after the birth ofSarah, our oldest. “I will kick your butt ifyou don’t spend enough time with that littlegirl,” he said. “There is no time-clockhere, enjoy your mornings with her. Shewon’t be little all that long.”My first church was very cool for a lot of

reasons, but this was my favorite part. Iworked for a pastor who understood that acookie-cutter schedule isn’t necessary toget the job done.If you have a family in this profession,

you are going to be away from them. Twice aweek, on average, I miss the preciousbedtime routine with my kids. There areweekend trips, weeklong retreats, summercamps, and mission trips that take me awayas well. I have missed trick-or-treat

excursions, and even my own birthday,because of trips. It’s a tough career onfamilies.My first pastor insisted that I take

mornings with my kids, and this is somethingthat I have continued to do throughout mycareer. If I interview at a new church, Imake it very clear that early morningsbelong to my children. I really appreciateit when I haven’t had to rush breakfast andSponge Bob with them. Now, before we go anyfurther, let me get one thing straight. I amnot, by any means, the world’s perfectexample of parenting. My goal is simple: Itry to raise decent kids while staying sane.That’s it. Youth ministry is a draining job. Granted,

it really isn’t a physically demandingprofession, but the mental part of the jobis formidable. Teenagers have lots ofconflict going on in their lives. School isdemanding, relationships are challenging,and often their parents just aren’t aspresent as they should be. Our job is to bea spiritual adviser, parent, friend, andtherapist to our youth group. It’s a 24-7type of job. I have had phone calls at 1a.m.from a student who had just finished cuttingherself. I know that you have probably hadthe same kind of stuff too. I know firsthand

how difficult it is to be emotionallyavailable to your youth group andcongregation all day long, and then turnaround and be emotionally available to yourown family. There are times when I simplyfail to be Super Dad. Honestly, there aretimes when I even fall short of Super CrappyDad.I do my best to take advantage of little

moments. I love to grab my kids forunexpected hugs and tummy raspberries in theliving room. I enjoy taking the kids toDairy Queen in the middle of the week, justbecause. And yes, at least a couple of timesa month, my wife and I get a baby sitter andgo out on dates. Still, I know that I am notalways as present as I would like to be.Sometimes I just don’t have the strength.The key to any youth ministry family is

your spouse. I am blessed to have a wife whonot only works full time, but also helpswith my youth ministry, organizes and leadsworship for one of our services, and stillfinds the time to be an amazing mother. Istruggle with being an average youthminister and a decent dad. My wife finds away to be excellent at all of it. At least Iwas smart enough to marry well.It is essential to work for churches that

understand the importance of family. I once

interviewed at a huge church that was on thecutting edge of ministry. You only heardfrom them if they contacted you first.Needless to say, I was pretty impressed withmyself for being on the “A-list”.During the interview, I couldn’t help but

notice that the interviewer looked tired. Hespent a lot of time going over the church’scutting–edge approach, and how many peopleattended their high energy, contemporaryservice every week. He took great pride inexplaining that their youth ministry hadgrade level leaders. Each grade level had 20to 30 students, Yada Yada Yada.We got to a certain part of the interview

(where he stopped talking long enough totake a breath) and I asked him simply, “Howmany hours per week does the average staffmember put in around here?” He looked at meas though I had peed on his shoes. “I don’tknow, 60-90 hours I guess.” He continuedwith the rest of the presentation and whenhe finished, I thanked him for meeting withme. I went home with a very easy decision tomake.My wife wanted me to take the job, and my

mother-in-law definitely wanted me to takethe job. It was in the same town as mywife’s brother and family, and the money wasreally, really nice. When I came home, my

wife was practically standing at the frontdoor waiting for me to open it and share myreaction. It was easy to share.“I’m not taking the job.”“What?”“I don’t want the job. I would never see

you or the kids. 60-90 hours per week.”“Yeah, you shouldn’t take that job.”I called the associate pastor back,

thanked him for his time, and informed himthat I wasn’t interested. He paused, andinformed me that no one had ever told himthat they weren’t interested in working athis church. I simply replied, “Working atyour church sounds interesting, it’s thedying at your church that I don’t want anypart of.”

Involve Your Family If You CanMy two kids even get involved in my

ministry. My 6-year-old daughter sometimeshelps my wife and I set up games in theyouth room for Wednesday night meetings. Sheis getting better at cleaning up, so we lether wipe down the dinner tables. My 4-year-old son is really good at running in circlesand jumping up and down. I am still figuringout how to utilize these particular skills.I am lucky. My wife teaches mathematics at

the local high school and she is amazing

with teenagers. She is the perfectcompliment, because there are far morefemale students in my youth groups than malestudents. I don’t care how talented you areas a male youth minister, there are thingsabout adolescent females that you don’tknow, and will never fully understand. Thisis where my wife is invaluable. She is ableto point out subtle changes in attitudes andpersonalities that I would usually miss. Ican’t count the number of times my wife hasfilled me in on situations with our femalestudents that needed my attention. One ofher God-given gifts is spotting buddingromances. This brings us to the nextchapter…

5Love is in the Air, and

It Isn’t All thatBeautiful

Teenagers fall in love more frequentlythan they change socks. We would all like tothink that the only reason teens flock toour youth groups is because they have an

unquenchable thirst for the Lord. Hopefully,they will get around to that. I have a rule in my youth group that is

completely unenforceable and ridiculouslyunrealistic. In fact, this rule has beenignored in my groups at an astounding rateof all the freaking time! The rule is, no datingwithin the group. (I told you that it wasridiculous).At a youth ministry conference, I had a

conversation with a guy who was studying tobe a youth minister. He was set to graduatein a few months and he had a job lined up.We began to talk about our lives, and I toldhim the beautifully romantic story about mywife and I, and how we met each other atyouth group. It was love (or lust) at firstsight, for both of us. We dated from themoment we saw each other as high schooljuniors, and we have been together eversince. This young man said that my story

reinforced his opinion that the youth groupis the perfect, safe place for young peopleto develop healthy attitudes about dating.Let me explain to you why I totally disagreewith this line of thinking.

Christian Teens Have Raging HormonesTooThose sweet little faces that look so

angelic when they pray, are little balls ofhormonal fury. Being a Christian doesn’tmean that you lose the ability to noticewhat a person looks like in a pair of jeans.We do our teens a great disservice when wetake their urges for granted. I have haddiscussions with many parents about thesexual struggles of their kids. The phrase,“Not my kid, he/she is a Christian,” hascome up more times than I care to remember. I’ll share with you the real experience of

a couple in one of my youth groups. For thesake of discussion, the female will becalled “Bertha” and the male will be called“Pierre”. I will use those names becausethey made me laugh, and also because I’venever had a single Bertha or Pierre in anyof my groups.Bertha came over to our house one evening

because she really needed to talk. She andPierre had been dating for a couple ofyears, and they had recently given in totheir sexual urges. Bertha came from a strong Christian home.

Both of her parents were involved inministry, and her older sibling was the kid

that everyone looked up to and admired.Bertha was convinced that she had ruined herlife. How could she continue to claim thatshe was a Christian, she said, when she wasdoing something that she knew she shouldn’t,and didn’t know if she was strong enough notto do again?Bertha became more withdrawn. She was

still attending church and making the effortto appear happy, but it was easy to tellthat she was in serious trouble. My wife andI continued to work with her closely.Eventually, I had a conversation with herparents about the situation. Yep, youguessed it, the “My kid is a Christian”argument took center stage.Bertha was so riddled with guilt that she

began to cut herself. The act of punishingherself gave her a momentary feeling ofredemption. It was a vicious cycle. Shedidn’t want to stop pleasing her boyfriend,but she also didn’t like how she feltafterwards.I am happy to report that God performed a

miraculous work in her life. She went to aChristian counselor and, through prayer anddetermination; she was able to stop thecutting. She also summoned the courage tohave a heart–to–heart talk with herboyfriend. She told him that she no longer

wanted to base their relationship on sex.Unfortunately, Pierre didn’t agree, and hebroke up with her. She’s now married andliving very happily with a great man. By thegrace of God, this story has a happy ending.

Teen Relationships Usually End BadlyAs I mentioned before, my wife and I met

as juniors in high school and we have beentogether ever since. I think that works outabout 0.000000003% of the time. I share ourstory with my teens because it’s a greatstory. I wish I had a dollar for every timea new dating couple has used it as a reasonto date within the youth group. Sadly,break-ups happen and usually with damagingresults.Youth groups should be close-knit places

where struggles and triumphs are shared.Teenagers are very good at developing closerelationships. It’s a beautiful thing whenyou can get a diverse group of people tocome together to passionately serve God.It’s also a traumatic thing to have thatcloseness torn apart by the need to “choosea side.”When two young people break up, it’s

usually done in cruel and immature ways. Oneof the relationships in my group ended whenthe guy decided that the best way to get his

girlfriend to break up with his, was tosimply stop talking to her. It worked; shedid break up with him. But it started WorldWar III in our group. Because they were twovery popular kids, people chose sides.Consequently, not only did the former datingcouple dislike each other, but now all thekids were at odds. We had life-long friendsnot speaking to each other over somethingthat had nothing to do with them! Not ahealthy situation.

Dating Teens Shut Themselves Off FromOthersIt happens all the time. Two people start

dating and the flow of newly-ignored friendsbegins to stream into my office to tell meabout it. “Murray was my best friend and nowhe won’t hang out with me anymore! He’salways with that girl!” It’s a naturalfeeling to want to be around a person thatyou have developed romantic feelings for.They make your heart sing. The air smellsfresh, the flowers look more vibrant, andHigh School Musical begins to really makesense! Sometimes, it’s not just friends who are

ignored. Often, relationships become so all–consuming that school–work, family, clubs,sports, and other great things that used to

matter are put on the back burner. Thedating relationship can become an idol.If you figure out how to enforce the “No

Dating Rule”, please let me know. Short ofbeing able to enforce it, however, I haveadapted something that has proven to behelpful. When I or my wife (usually my wife)notices that two people are heading down theroad of love and fuzziness, I invite them tocome in and talk to me. I don’t forbid themto date, but I do attempt to put somerealities in front of them.

1. I ask them to make every effort tokeep their relationship with Godfirst in their lives.

2. I ask them to actually schedule timefor dates within their currentschedule that includes family,friends, and school.

3. I ask them to treat each other withrespect.

4. I ask them to consider whether theyare mature enough to handle thebreak-up without causing war.

5. I beg them not to do it!

A Really Different SituationCollege kids can be very useful parts of

your ministry. Especially college kids whowant to become youth ministers. It is partof your duty as a youth minister to pass onsome of what you know to others, so when youget the opportunity to work with a youngerperson who has ministerial aspirations, doit! The problem with college students is that

high school kids tend to think they areextremely cool. Sometimes, so cool that they“fall in love” with them. It’s important toset up guidelines for your ministryvolunteers. Dating relationships betweencollege freshman that are helping out, andhigh school seniors that are still in yourgroup, can create real issues. I know someministers that have asked their volunteersto step down while they were in therelationship. I’ll leave that to yourdiscretion. Understand, however, that itwill occur if you utilize college help longenough.

6 Lock-in 101

I am writing this while recovering fromone of my least favorite parts of youthministry. In my book, this unspeakable actis one of the things that will take preciousyears from your life. This horrific part ofministry is the “all-nighter” or the “lock-in.”I have spoken to lots of youth ministers

and their opinions vary from, “They areextremely effective” to, “I don’t see theneed for them.” You can choose which side ofthe fence you fall on. Chances are, however,that you will do one of these things duringyour career whether you like it or not. Ifeel obligated to mention some things thathave worked and some that haven’t.

Plan More Activities than You CanPossibly DoNothing brings about an attack of the

tired, crabby teen faster than boring themto tears. If you can keep their minds off ofthe fact that they aren’t sleeping, you canget through these things.

Decide the Tone of the EventYou can conduct a lock-in that has

spiritual significance. You can also planlock-ins whose only purpose is to see howmuch pizza you can stuff into a body in atwelve hour period. My experience has led meto the conclusion that trying to sneakspiritual stuff into a fun-themed lock-intakes away from the important points you aretrying to make. Games and silly lock-inswill have positives regardless. Mostnotably, they give your students theopportunity to introduce your ministry tofriends that might not ever step foot insidea church. They also go a long way towardcommunity building, if you can keep themfrom killing each other during the crabbymoments.

Go as Extreme as You Can AffordI like to have more junk food, candy,

soda, etc. on hand than the average teen hasever seen. Nothing says, “This is special”more than creating a sugar-laced paradise.Providing you only do these things a coupletimes every year, you won’t cause anylasting dietary damage. Another thing I havedone is to rent a bounce house for theentire event. Sometimes, inflatable rentalcompanies will give you a reduced rate,

since you are offering to rent theirequipment during slack times. Travelinglock-ins are another way to change thingsup. Have trusted families in your churchagree to have food and activities ready atscheduled times during the event. (Good luckfinding someone to take the 3a.m. to 5a.m.time slot.)

Create an Hour-by-Hour ScheduleEven if I don’t stick to it exactly, an

hourly schedule helps me keep things moving.Again, schedule more things than you canpossibly do. It’s reassuring to parents whenthey see you have put a lot of time andeffort into the event, and know what theirchildren will be doing at all times.However, you must be where you say you aregoing to be when you say you are going to bethere. There is nothing worse than a familywith an emergency trying to find you in theparking lot, after you have decided to headyour group into Wal-Mart on the spur of themoment.

Permission Slips and Conversationswith Parents you don’t knowOne of the purposes of a lock-in is to

attract students who don’t come to youryouth group on a regular basis. When your

students bring friends, make sure you get aphone number or an address beforehand. Thisway you can introduce yourself to parents,and inform them about rules andexpectations. Permission slips should alwaysbe used so that you have contactinformation, in case you have to report abroken nose, or send a kid home for torchingthe boys’ bathroom.

Over-Communicate the Event End TimeAt the end of the lock-in, you and those

who helped you will be unfathomably tired.There is nothing worse than having to waiton late parents when all you want to do isfind your bed and remain temporarilycomatose.

Separate Rooms for SleepingShould you decide to wimp out and plan

time for sleep, make sure you have separaterooms for males and females. Also, ensurethat you have two chaperones of the same sexfor each room. And remember that youprobably shouldn’t fall asleep. Yourresponsibility is to make sure that everyoneis safe at all times.All right, you’ve set up lots of fun and

crazy activities, you have more than enoughjunk food to make Ronald McDonald jealous,

and you’ve made sure you have signedpermission slips. Things should work outjust fine, right? Keep in mind that the bestlaid plans of mice and men can go haywire.During one of my first lock-ins, I

experienced something that I didn’t planfor. We were having a wonderful time! Mystudents were participating in all of myplanned activities, and everyone was safeand happy. During the night, however, Inoticed that it was getting increasinglywarmer. I thought that we were just beingvery active, and that when we all calmeddown later on in the night, everything wouldbe just fine. At 3a.m., everyone just wanted to chill

out and watch a movie. I looked at thethermometer and it read, “85 hot, stinkingdegrees!” (We had a really descriptivethermometer.) I had failed to ask about theair conditioning system. Our church had asystem that used ice to provide cool air,and apparently, it shut off to remake iceduring the early morning hours. We spent therest of the lock-in outside on our churchlawn. It was July in Florida, and it wascooler outside that it was inside.I mention this to illustrate that the

smallest of details can make a hugedifference in your lock-in. Give yourself

plenty of time to plan for the unplanned,and attempt to think of all possibleproblems before they arise. Trust me, youdon’t want a roomful of hot and sweaty teen-aged humans anywhere near you at 4 in themorning. They smell like a combination ofwet dog and month-old hotdogs.All right, you are still insane enough to

want to do one of these things. What can youdo to make these things fun? Here are someof my favorite ideas.

Clean (Non-Messy) Games

Knock it OffMaterials Needed: two 6 to 8ft folding

tables, one paper or Styrofoam bowl for eachstudent, about 100 wadded up tinfoil balls,a marker. The Setup: each student will write their

first name on the bowl around the outsidewall of the bowl. (The bowl will be upsidedown for the game, so write the nameaccordingly) Tables should be set up facingeach other lengthwise with about 6 to 8ft ofspace between the tables.) Each student willplace their bowl at the front of their teamstable. Once they place their bowls on thetable, they aren’t allowed to touch itagain.

The Game: Each player then moves to theother side of their table facing the otherteam. An equal supply of foil balls areprovided to each team. When the leader says“Go” each team throws their foil balls atthe other team’s bowls. When a bowl isknocked off, the person whose name is on thebowl is out of the game. The team whoeliminates the other team first wins.

One Seat to the RightMaterials Needed: A chair for every

person. The Setup: The group sits in a circle of

chairs.The Game: This game was the “go-to” game

of my good friend Jerry Gardner. Thestudents in one of his groups would beg toplay this game every week. The leader asks“If you’ve ever” types of questions. If thestudent can answer the question with a“yes”, then they move one seat to the right.The goal is to get around the circle back toyour seat, alone. Now the tricky part. Whathappens when a student answers a questionwith a ‘’no?” That student stays in theirseat. You will then begin to have studentsthat have to move one seat to the right tochairs that are already occupied. When thatoccurs, the student will sit on the lap of

the person in the chair. You may getsituations where you have several studentssitting on each other in one chair. For each question, the top person decides

movement. Let’s say that the top two peoplein the chair can answer with a “yes.” Thatmeans they move to the next chair. Theperson who was on the top in the last chairwould now be sat upon by the person theywere just sitting on! Now, person #3 answersthe question with a “no.” He stays put andit doesn’t matter what person #4’s answeris. He/she can only move when #3 moves offof them. Like I said, the goal is to getcompletely around the circle back to youroriginal chair, ALONE! If you get back toyour chair in a stack, the game continues.

Wink AssassinsMaterials Needed: 1 chair for every 2

people. The Setup: Each person in your group will

need a partner. Put 1 chair for every teamof 2 into a circle. Now you have to findanother single person. Namely you! You willalso need a chair in the circle. Each teamchooses one person to sit down on the chair.The other person in the team will standbehind them.

The Game: You are standing behind yourempty chair. The people in the chair nowhave to look at you. Their partners behindthem have to look down at the person in thechair with their arms at their sides. Youwill choose a person in one of the chairs towink at. Once you wink at them, it is theirtask to get out of their chair and into yourchair without being tagged by their partner.If they succeed, then the person who iswithout a partner becomes the “winker”.After a few rounds call “switch” so that thewinkers can become escape artists. You cankeep track of who gets out of their chairthe most and who is most successful atkeeping their partners in the chair. I’vealso given away prizes for the most creativemethod of getting out of the chair.

Do You Love Your Neighbor?Materials Needed: A chair for every person

except one. The Setup: Place the chairs in a big

circle with plenty of space. Pick someone inthe group to be “IT” first.The Game: The IT person approaches someone

and asks, “Do you love your neighbor?” Thatperson has a decision to make. They can say“Yes” or “No”. If they say “yes”, they andthe person to their left and right have to

get up and exchange chairs. While that isoccurring, the person in the middle is alsoattempting to sit down. The person leftwithout a chair is now the person asking thequestion. If the person answers “No”, Theyhave to tell about the types of people theyDO love.” For instance, “I DO love peoplewho are wearing socks!” Now ALL of thepeople in the circle who are wearing sockshave to get up and find an empty chair.Again, the person in the middle is alsoattempting to find a chair.

Psycho Simon Says This is Simon Says gone crazy! In order

to pull this one off you need to find aSimon that can give instructions REALLYquickly! You also need to have a fewvolunteers watching the crowd that is tryingto do as Simon says. Simon starts offnormally, then suddenly starts to bark offinstructions at break-neck speed. A personis out if they START to make the wrongmovement. Also, the crowd has to keep theireyes on Simon at all times. So Simon can begiving misleading gestures to throw themoff. For example, if Simon says to touchyour ears, he may elect to touch his noseinstead. If the student attempts to touchtheir nose instead of their ears, they would

be out. The key is to do what Simon SAYS…notwhat he DOES! Now do this at a really fastspeed and throw in the occasional directionswithout Simon’s approval, and you have somefun stuff.

Sweaty Games

SardinesThe Setup: This game is basically Hide and

Go Seek in the dark with a twist. We like toplay in teams of two. The first team picks ahiding spot while the rest of the teams arein another closed room. The Game: after a predetermined amount of

time, you let teams go out one by one untilall the teams are out looking for thehiders. Here’s the twist. When a team findsthe hiders, they have to hide with them.Eventually you go from a large group ofpeople hunting to just one. The fun occurs when you actually find the

team and have to hide with them. Most of ourchurch is open to hide in when we play this,including the restrooms! It is hilarious tohave 20 teenagers all hiding in one stall!The team that finds the hiders first gets tohide in the next round. The second team tofind them gets to be let out first to gofind the new hiders. You decide the order of

the hunters by what place they came infinding the hiders in the previous round.

Capture the FlagMaterials Needed: 2 dish towels. The Setup: Divide your group into two

equal teams. Take them outdoors to actuallyplay the game. Each team has their “side” ofthe field. They are completely safe on theirside of the field. In the middle of thefield create a neutral zone. Everyone issafe in the neutral zone. Before the gamebegins, each side must decide where it willhide their dish towel (flag). It has to bein within reach of even the shortest membersin the group. Each side also sets up an areaon their side of the field that willdesignated as their “jail”. The Game: When the game begins each team

must figure out a strategy to find the otherteam’s flag. To capture the flag, membersfrom each team must venture into the otherteam’s side of the field. The object of thegame is to find the flag without beingtagged by the other team on their side ofthe field. If you get tagged in the attemptto find the flag, you are carted off tojail. Each team is allowed one person toguard the jail. The more people you can putin jail, the easier it is to find the flag

for your team. There is always a “twist”,however. If a person in jail gets tagged byone of their teammates, they then becomefree and can rejoin the hunt for the flag.If a person makes it successfully into theneutral zone, they cannot be tagged. Theneutral zone gives you an opportunity torest a little and try to visually locate theflag. The team that finds the other team’sflag, captures it, and brings it back to theneutral zone is the winner.

StompMaterials Needed: A few blown up balloons

for each student and string. The Setup: Each student starts with one

balloon tied with string around an ankle.The string should be long enough so that theballoon hangs safely enough away from theankle to avoid stomping. Divide yourstudents into two equal teams. In order tohelp keep the teams straight, use only twodifferent colored balloons. When the leadersays “Go” each person will attempt to stompon the balloons of the other team. The Game: The goal is to burst your

opponent’s balloons before they burst yours.The team that busts the all of the othersfirst is the winner. IMPORTANT!!! Make surethat shoes are off for this game.

Just Plain Weird Games

Bobbing for Poo Poo Materials Needed: 1 kiddy pool filled

halfway with water, yellow food coloring, acouple of bags of chocolate-nutty bite sizedcandy bars. The Setup: You are definitely going to

want to do this one outside. Take your kiddypool filled halfway with water and add youryellow food coloring until you get thedesired color you’re looking for. Unwrapyour candy bars and float them in the pool.You can play this game with about 10students per round. Line your students uparound the pool with enough room so thatthey don’t bump skulls. Each student isblindfolded with their hands behind theirbacks. The Game: When the leader says “Go” each

student will begin bobbing for (i.e. tryingto capture with their mouth) the chocolatebars. Set a time limit and the student whohas caught the most chocolate bars isdeclared the winner. I usually give out afamily sized package of toilet tissue forthe winners, although you may want to makesure this doesn’t get used for mischief.

Gross Food RelayMaterials Needed: 2 brown paper grocery

bags, assorted “gross” foods, 2 adultvolunteers. The Setup: This is another “outside is

best” kind of game. Divide your studentsinto two equal teams. You will want to makesure you have at least one food item perteam member in the bag. Also, make sure thatyou have the same items in each bag. The Game: The students will line up in a

single file line and take turns choosingsomething out of the bag without looking. Itis a good idea to wrap each item up so thatit is harder to determine what it is bytouch. (If you are playing this game duringChristmas time, you can gift-wrap each item)Each team will have an adult volunteer thatwill serve as bag holder and official judge.One by one, the student will approach thebag and choose an item. That student has thechoice of eating that item or putting itback into the bag to choose another one. However, The student must eat the next

item they choose. When the judge hasdeclared that an item is eaten completelythe student will return to the line and thenext student will approach the bag. The teamthat finishes the contents of their bagfirst wins. It is a grand idea to have a

large trash can available for each team.Just in case, um…the food makes a ratherunappetizing return. (Make sure you areknowledgeable about food allergies in yourgroup should they exist. Also, try not tomake the foods so gross that your studentswon’t participate.)

Cheeto Head Materials Needed: Shaving cream, swim

goggles, a chair for each team and crunchycorn cheese snacks (Cheetos) The Setup: Divide your group into two

equal teams. Each team will appoint a personto sit in the chair. When that person isseated, have them put on the swim goggles.After the goggles are correctly put on,apply a healthy amount of shaving cream totheir head. (Enough to cover their hair)Give every other member a handful ofCheetos. The team should circle around theseated person and remain about two feet awayfrom them at all timesThe Game: When the leader says “Go” the

team will start tossing Cheetos at theshaving cream covered head. Set a time limitand at the end of the allotted time, theteam with the most Cheetos stuck to theshaving cream covered head wins.

These are just a few of my tried-and-truelock-in games. There are a number of greatgames books and websites that can help youfind even more crazy games!

Downtime ActivitiesYou can’t keep your students running at

breakneck speed for the entire night. It iswise to have a few more restful thingsplanned at various times during the night.One of the best things to do is to show anappropriate movie. Make sure that the movieis age-appropriate for your group. Also,never just trust the ratings system. Alwayspre-screen the movie yourself before youshow it. The trick is to find a movie thatyour kids will enjoy and that your parentswon’t be knocking on your door about thenext day.

Themed Lock-Ins with a PurposeSometimes, it’s A-OK to have a lock-in

that is nothing but fun. They are greatgroup building events and they also areeffective “foot-in-the-door” events for yourstudents to invite those friends that mighthave not ever been to church before. Yourlock-ins can also have a spiritual tone tothem as well. Once a year we have what wecall a “missions lock-in.” We play a few

games, but the majority of the time is spentdoing good deeds for others. During our lastmissions lock-in, we picked up trash on theroad that our church is located on and wehelped our local food pantry sort out theirdonated items. The most important thing wedid, however, will stick with them forever.There is an amazing young couple in our

church that suffered the loss of their firstchild just days after his birth. Our churchplanted a tree with a name plaque on ourgrounds in his honor. I spent about 15minutes introducing this family and theirstory to our kids via a PowerPointpresentation. At the conclusion of thepresentation, I invited them to writemessages from their hearts to the family. Weattached the notes with colored ribbon tothe tree so that when the family arrived tochurch the next morning, they could beencouraged by the kindness of our students.I asked my group if they would grant mepermission to read the notes, which theydid. The depth and the love that was relayedin those messages was something that made meextremely proud of them. It was a small actthat affected not only the family of thischild, but every member of our youth group.Hopefully, your lock-in will be an event

that your kids will be talking about for a

long time. Just make sure you remove allevidence of the food fight that broke out inthe sanctuary.

Lock-in 101 49

The Best Lock-In Movies

10 Movies with a Teachable Message10. Star Wars (good vs. evil, “the force”,

lots of good teachable moments) 9. A Christmas Story (family, the simple

things in life) 8. Rudy (hard work, persistence) 7. It’s a Wonderful Life (everyone is

important) 6. The Wizard of Oz (Friendship, being happy

with what you have) 5. Field of Dreams (family, following your

dreams) 4. Rocky (hard work, love conquering all) 3. Mr. Holland’s Opus (finding your place) 2. Up (courage, strength, love,

hardship) 1. The Rookie (courage, persistence,

family)

10 Movies Just for Fun10. Spaceballs 9. Finding Nemo 8. Harry Potter 7. Monsters, Inc. 6. The Princess Bride 5. Old school monster movies (King Kong,

Dracula, Frankenstein, Godzilla, etc.) 4. The Incredibles 3. Blooper reels (sports, movie outtakes)

50 The Whole Youth Worker

2. Kung Fu Panda 1. The Lion King

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Sample Lock-In Plan

7pmCheck in and collect permission slips and money (If you’ve charged for it)

7:30pm Feed the students

8:00pm Outside game time

9:00pm

10:00pm Inside game time

11:00pm

12:00am Just plain weird game time

1:00am Movie time

2:00am

3:00am Board games or other more restfulactivities

4:00am Snack time and caffeine intake

4:30am Outside game

5:30am Inside game

6:00am Breakfast time

6:30am Cleanup

7:00am Time to go home!


7 Success to Some MayLook Like Failure to

Others

What does a successful youth ministry looklike? To most youth ministers, success meanshelping our students grow and mature intheir relationships with Christ. I thinkthat everyone who has any interest at all inyouth ministry would agree. Often however,other, less important, factors are looked atas determiners of success. Success inministry is truly in the eye of thebeholder.Churches rely on contributions in order to

survive. Without the tithes and offerings,none of us would have buildings to work in,programs to create, or pizza to eat onWednesday nights. Traditionally, Sundaymorning attendance by teenagers determineswhether a youth program is doing its job.For many of us that may seem unfair, but itmakes sense. Most members of any givencongregation aren’t around when youth groupoccurs. If a church sees teenagers coming toworship on Sunday, it must mean that theyouth minister is doing his or her job.Good theory, but it’s dead wrong. The

church of today is vastly different than it

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was just a decade ago. The church isn’t thefocal point of community life. The church ishardly the focal point in many families whowould be highly upset if you classified themas anything other than Christian. Churchattendance has become merely part of theweek. It may be a very important part of theweek, but it’s still only a part.The truth is that youth attendance at

Sunday morning worship has more to do withthe Sunday morning programming than it doeswith the overall health of the youthministry. Gone are the days where mostfamilies attend one church for everyone’sspiritual needs. It has become very commonfor a teen to attend a youth group at adifferent church than the one at which theirfamily worships on Sunday. It’s not evenunusual to find faithful youth group memberswho belong to a family that doesn’t attendchurch at all. In the past, it may have beentrue that a successful youth ministry’s mainresponsibility was to teach confirmation,and organize the yearly mission trip. Butthe stakes have been raised dramatically.I am blessed to work for a very forward

thinking church. I work with two pastors whowork their backsides off to promote new waysof thinking towards Christianity and the wayit is presented. We aren’t all aboutnumbers. We are all about making adifference in the lives of young people. I


pray that you get to work for a church thatapproaches your ministry the same way.Fortunately, the tide is changing. More andmore churches are beginning to understandthat focusing on the ministry will result inthe numbers they want to see. Theconversation is about how the world ischanging, and how the approach of the church— not necessarily the message —needs tochange along with it.A common misconception is that youth are

looking for crazy games, comfortableteaching, and “extreme” attempts to occupytheir time. Time in Teen-world is at apremium. The church should be a place ofrefuge and peace, not a place that adds tothe “busyness” of life. Some groups arestill working under the premise that “moreis better.” I’ve taken a look at many youthgroup websites around the country, and itseems as though their goal is to fill everyavailable free second of their teens’ lives.I’m not sure that accomplishes anythingother than burnout.Here is a crazy thought. The next time

someone asks you what you have planned toenhance the life of the youth in yourministry, offer them this.

“We are shortening the length ofmidweek youth group. We believe that ourstudents need a place to hang out,unwind, and be themselves, so we are

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going to commit a space in the churchthat belongs to youth, and youth alone.We are going to teach the Scripture in away that challenges and alarms ouryouth. We are also eliminating Sundaynight youth meetings, because we feelthat our youth need more family time. Weare committed to planning no more thanone activity per Saturday, andabsolutely none of them are going to bewasted in trying to raise a buck.”

8 Treating “Senioritus”

There is an incurable condition out there

that is affecting your high school senior.While it isn’t fatal, it does have very realaffects on the student, their parents, andyour mental health. This condition is knownas “Senioritus”. Senioritus affects nearly100% of those entering their final year ofhigh school. There is no known cure, onlyways of treating the symptoms.

What Are the Symptoms?Senioritus has some tell-tale symptoms,

they include;


1. The sudden onset of the dreaded“Know-It-All’s”

2. The sudden onset of the dreaded “ICan’t Wait to Get Out of Here’s”

3. The sudden onset of the dreaded “I’mtoo Busy/Tired to Participate’s”

4. The sudden onset of the dreaded “I’mToo Mature to Hang Out With TheseChildren’s”

Senioritus can drastically affect thedynamic of your ministry. But, be aware thatthe effect it is having on the student’sparents is even more drastic.

Parent’s Suffer Greatly throughSenioritusChildren are parent’s greatest gifts. They

are both their greatest source of joy andtheir greatest source of pain. They are theultimate “Riddle wrapped within an enigma.”Up until the senior year, students typicallyrely heavily on their parents. Sure, theyhave the arguments and moments of craziness,but typically mom and dad are sources ofneeded stability. Something happens when aperson enters their senior year.The battle for independence escalates

significantly. Being on their own was a faroff dream for their entire lives. But now,they can see independence around the corner.As each day passes in the student’s senioryear, that independence becomes clearer.

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Seniors are preparing for a time when momand dad won’t be around all the time to tellthem what to do. This isn’t an easy realityfor parents to face.Parents love to be needed by their

children. They battle with the reality ofknowing that their children will somedayneed to stand on their own two feet, andwith the memories of how beautiful it was tohave their children rely on them. Parentscan take solace in this fact; your childrenwill always need you! In fact, during theirsenior year, they need you more than ever.

How Parents Can “Be There” For TheirSeniorsThis is difficult because the level that

senior students want their parents to bethere for them changes almost instantly.High school seniors desire to be treatedlike adults. That means giving your senioroptions instead of simply telling them whatto do. Now, when you give them options, willthey always do the right thing? Of coursenot! We adults still struggle with doing theright thing, don’t we? This is where beingthe parent continues to bring joy. When theymake good decisions, be right there tocongratulate them. When they make poordecisions, be right there to help them dustoff. This isn’t the time for “I told youso!” Instead, poor decisions are great times


of teaching. Sit down with them and talkabout how choosing a different approach mayhave led to a different outcome. Sadly, I’ve seen parents become even more

overbearing in response to their seniors.Instead of giving options, I’ve seen parentstry to tighten the grip on their children.The old attitude of “While you’re under myroof, you’ll live under my rules” is oftenthe response I’ve witnessed. While I agreethat seniors still need to follow the rulesof the house, there has to be somerecognition that your little baby isactually a young adult. You’ve done a greatjob of preparing your student to be anindependent adult. Now it’s time to let thempractice that while you are still around tohelp them out.There is a fine line between letting them

practice being an adult and completelywashing your hands of parenting. It isdifficult to find the happy medium. When Iwas a senior, my parents basically removedall of the rules. They no longer asked mewhen I would be home or what I was up to.Believe me, I took full advantage of thatsituation. I was old enough to know rightfrom wrong, but I wasn’t mature enough tofully understand the consequences of myactions. I did some things that weredangerous and down-right stupid. By thegrace of God, I lived through them.

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Many seniors aren’t that lucky, however.It seems like there is an “In Memory of”page in every high school year book. While Iwas a junior in high school, we lost one ofour seniors to a drunk driving accident.This student was coming home after a partyin a Baja type of jeep with no roof. Thedriver of the jeep had been drinking and wasdriving at a high speed. The driver hitsomething in the road and the impactprojected the girl out of the vehicle. Shewasn’t wearing a seat belt and she diedinstantly. Tragedies like this are all toocommon among our high school seniors. Asparents, you must find the doable balancebetween giving your child independence andimposing the rules of the house.

The Senior-Youth MinisterRelationshipWe’ve talked about the senior-parent

relationship, but what about those seniorsand the youth minister? There are somespecial things that we youth leader type getto experience as well.

Seniors Can Be Great to Have AroundWhile it’s true that they typically pose

some special challenges, they also exhibitsome pretty cool stuff too. High schoolseniors tend to become pretty enjoyable tohang around. They have a more mature sense


of humor. There are times when you can sitdown with your seniors and talk to them likeadults. They are beginning to understandthat life is more than just dances and coolclothes. It’s very rewarding to see thembegin to put the stuff you’ve been teachingthem into practice. One of the greatest joysyou will have is when they get in touch withyou from college to tell you how somethingyou said to them years ago finally makessense!

Seniors Can Be a Great Source ofLeadership

While it’s true that some seniors remainvery involved in your ministry until theygraduate, a lot of them will show diminishedparticipation. That doesn’t have to be atotal negative. Instead of writing seniorsoff as being “past your group”, look at thetime they give you as a positive. Dale Murphy was my favorite baseball

player while I was growing up. He had anamazing mix of power and speed as anoutfielder. Dale was a deeply spiritual manand also a very quiet type of leader. Hetended to let his play on the field speakfor him. I’ve read of the times when he didchoose to speak up in the locker room.Because it didn’t happen very often, ittended to have a very powerful affect on histeam. Your seniors can have the same type of

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affect on your youth group. While it’s truethat they may not be there as often as you’dlike to exhibit their leadership, the timesthey are there to exhibit their leadershipwill be powerful and meaningful times foryour entire group. Like their parents, youhave instilled great things in them. It’s apleasure to see them come out.Your seniors may not show it, but they are

struggling with letting go. Yes, they maywant to talk about nothing but how cooltheir new dorm mate is, or how much theycan’t wait to be away from home, but theyare still going through a ton of anxiety. Astheir youth minister, you have an insidetrack on how to help them.

1. Remind Them From Time to Time thatYou’re Going to Miss Them.

2. Use moments to share some personalstories about your senior yeartransition.

3. Remind them to spend some time withtheir parents.

4. If they have younger siblings, remindthem that they are going to miss themtoo. Encourage them to spend timewith each other.

5. Be understanding when they aren’tthere. Don’t chastise them formissing youth group. Instead, givethem a big hug when they do show up.


6. Remind them that you are going to bepraying for them every day.

Think about that really corny line fromthe Whitney Houston song The Greatest Love of All(1985) and change it to read “I believe theseniors are our future.” If you do that, youwill have done your part in helping to savethe world. This planet needs more well-taught people with beautiful insides.

9 Important Things to Remember About Ethics

Maybe some of you are parents to littleones. I am, and I have learned that theskill of rule making is an invaluable one topossess. In logical, sane-thinking, adultworld it seems to be a matter of the obviousto know the basic rights from wrongs. I’mquite sure that you have never been handedan employee handbook with the “There shallbe no spitting of milk at anyone above theshoulders” clause. Being a parent, however,such rules are all too necessary.Much of the same applies to youth

ministry. When I first entered ministry Itried to use the very huggy and fuzzytheories that I had learned as an education

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major. I was taught that too many classroomrules were just plain ole’ negative.Instead, we were taught to institutepolicies such as “Always show the properrespect for each other.” Another favorite ofmine was, “Share, Care, and Nair.” (I don’tthink it was actually Nair, I can’t rememberthe last silly rhyming word.) I think youget the picture.At first glance, these simple rules follow

the lines of the Golden Rule. “Do untoothers as you would have done unto you.”Simple, sound, and Biblical. That reallyshould be all you need in terms of settingup boundaries in your ministry, right?Come on! The golden rule is advanced

spiritual mindset. We have lessened itsscope with the sing-song way we use to teachit to children. (How many of you areactually bobbing your head and singing “Dounto others as you would have done untoyou?”) Treating others with respect andpolicing your own behavior is heady stuff.99% of adults don’t ever master it. Youryouth ministry needs specific guidelines, acode of ethics if you will.

Ethical Standards for the YouthMinisterWe’ll start with you. There are things

you, as the head dude or chick in chargeneed to agree to.


Relationships with youth, parents, andvolunteers are to remain professional.Understand that “professional” in the youthministry world is a little different than“professional” in the corporate world. Thereare some things that apply to both, however.Romantic relationships with students are anobvious no-no. Even if he or she is 18 andconsidered by law to be an adult. It is aconflict of interest to do so. It also isjust icky. Romantic relationships with parents,

providing both of you are single, is alittle hazier subject. Personally, Iwouldn’t recommend it. It takes therelationship of you and that student from“youth minister-student” to “guy/girl mymom/dad is dating-student”. Therelationships are completely different.Dating volunteers is even hazier. My wifehappens to be one of my volunteers. Sheisn’t, however on any of my youth decisionmaking boards. It would be an unfairproposition to put her in the situationwhere she might have to criticize meprofessionally. Also, what happens whenromantically involved people havedisagreements? Often they have unkind words,gestures, or body language towards eachother. The last thing your students need isto have a tiff spoil their youth groupexperience. If you are in a mature

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relationship where both people involved arecapable of solving their differences inprivacy, then I can’t really make much of anargument against it. However, this requiresthat you are capable of being totallyunbiased on this judgment.Flirting With Students Shouldn’t Happen.

You’re young, maybe not that much older thanyour juniors and seniors. You try not toshow favoritism but that certain guy or girlin your group is just so darn cute! Youdon’t mean anything by it, and you certainlyaren’t going to take it to a physical level.It doesn’t hurt anyone, right? I think itdoes. When you give a student more attentionthan you give the others it sends a negativemessage to the rest of the group. The restof your students’ worlds are governed bypopularity. Your youth group should be aplace where everyone is getting the properrespect and love. Honestly, there will bestudents in your groups that you will getalong with or have more in common with thanothers. That’s human and also why you needhelpers with different types ofpersonalities and interests as you. The moreeclectic your troop of volunteers are, themore likely every student in your group willhave an adult they can feel comfortableconfiding in.Always Have a Witness with You When you

Counsel Teens or Parents. We live in a world


of litigation. What you intended to betotally innocent can be misconstrued intosomething else by another person. There havebeen many youth ministers that have losttheir jobs and their credibility over anaccusation. Sadly, an accusation doesn’teven have to be true in order to wreck yourcareer! Consequently, it is absolutelyessential that you always have someone elsepresent, preferably the same sex as thestudent or parent you are counseling, in thesame room or immediate space. It’sabsolutely necessary protection. Aside fromprotection, it’s also quite valuable to haveanother opinion handy. If you miss the markwith advice it’s always nice to have someoneelse there that might be able to help.Maintain Your Spiritual Health. Make sure

that you are being fed spiritually. Take theopportunities to get away to youth ministertraining and retreat type events. Ask for aSunday every so often to be able to go andworship at another church. Find one that youcan be anonymous in. A church that you canfeel free worshipping and cleansing yoursoul in where you don’t have to worry aboutwhat the little old lady across the aislethinks. If you are spiritually empty, howcan you expect to feed your students?

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Ethical Standards for Your GroupEvery youth group should have an

understanding of what’s considered over theline. Your rules are going to be differentaccording to the needs of your students,your ability to lead, the wishes of yourcongregation and parents, and what yourpastor tells you to do. There are somestandards that are pretty universal.Bullying or Put-Downs Will Not Be

Tolerated. Your students come to your groupto be safe. They should feel totallycomfortable with exposing their souls inyour ministry. If you allow students tolaugh at or cut down other students duringthe serious times, you are permitting somevery serious damage to occur.A situation occurred in my youth group not

too long ago that unfortunately had somenegative consequences. A family in my groupwent through a very ugly and messy divorce.The divorce tore the heart out of mystudent. This student was a very popularperson in our group with many friends. Thedivorce changed the student's personality.This student went from being kind andtender-hearted to angry and hard to bearound. One night, this student lashed outat some friends with some very harshlanguage. Unfortunately, the friends of mystudent didn't understand the hell that wasbeing experienced. Instead of understanding


the situation, the friends took the insultsto heart and stopped speaking to my student.The personality change was short-lived, butthe friendships didn't rebound as quickly asthey needed to. This student went from beinga core member of my group to a student whorarely attends. We are currently workinghard to help mend the fences, but hurtfeelings can be slow mending things.No One is allowed to Show Up “Messed Up”

Drugs and alcohol and those under theinfluence of it shouldn’t be put up with.I’m not saying that those kids aren’t worthyto be ministered to, because they are. Youthgroup time is not the place for it though. Amessed up kid can pose serious safety risksfor your group. I don’t even want to thinkabout the possibilities of having a kid whowas messed up giving another kid a ride homeor something similar to that. Be diligent.If you suspect that drugs or alcohol mightbe involved, call mom or dad immediately.Suspicion of Abuse. A few years ago, I had

a situation in my group where one of myparents called my house at night to tell methat their son/daughter was “out of control”and didn’t want to talk to anyone but me. Iwent over there and observed that his/hereye was red and starting to turn blue andthat there were obvious red marks on his/herwrists. I asked what happened and the replywas, “My dad grabbed me and hit me.” Under

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the laws of the state I was in, I wasobligated to report it to the childprotection agency.Obviously, this damaged the relationship

between those parents and me. It alsochanged the way the student viewed me too. Ilost a little bit of trust with him/her.Understand that the laws that protect theprivacy between pastor and person don’tapply to you if you aren’t ordained. I havealso witnessed situations where studentswhere damaging themselves in various ways. Iam always obligated to report this toparents, no matter how much the studentobjects. As a parent, I would want the same.Create your standards, express them, and

enforce them. Your ministry and stresslevels will be much more to your liking.

10

Sometimes, Good KidsMake Bad Choices

Tonight was a particularly difficult nightin my youth ministry career. I was informedduring the day that a seventh grade girl in


my city died accidentally while playing “TheChoking Game.” A couple of kids in my groupwere good friends with her. Even those thatdid not know her were overcome with emotionand doubt because stuff like this is notsupposed to happen to one of their own. Welearned a lesson tonight; sometimes, goodkids make bad choices.I wish I had a magical response to these

types of situations, one that will makeeveryone reap the full benefits of all thepossible lessons that should be learned. Ijust do not possess that magic. In fact, attime I do not even possess an answer thatgives me a whole lot of comfort. I know itis even harder for my youth to find comfortin the answer.What is the response? What can we tell our

kids when they go through somethinghorrific? Here it is; God is present.I have to admit, that this answer does not

always do it for me. Maybe I am not“churched' enough. Maybe my faith is notstrong enough. When a beautiful, vibrant,and loved twelve year old girl makes one badchoice that she will never be able to fix;it just does not seem right. How caninnocent twelve year old girls die from oneunfortunate decision while many evil andperverse adults continue to hurt people andlive to hurt more? God is present.

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That's it God? Is that all you have forus? Can your presence really be the best youcan do? This thought takes me to an angryplace until I remember this.God is hurting too.

I know my Lord feels this pain. He borethe sin of the world on his shoulders atCalvary. He asked his Heavenly Father toforgive those who beat and mocked him. Hewept when he spent time with families whowere grieving. He experienced the pain thatcame along with denial and betrayal. Hestood up for the sinful adulteress. My Lordknows what this feels like because He hasalways been present.The Christian recording artist, Natalie

Grant, sings a song that has helped me putthese feelings into perspective. The song istitled, “Held”We often feel as Christians that we are

entitled to salvation from the bad things inlife. God never made that promise. Neveronce did He tell us that life as a Christianwould somehow be free from pain andsuffering. Actually, He told us theopposite. He told us that we should expectpersecution and trials. Sin has a very realplace in our world and often it hurts thosethat we wish it would not.


Sometimes there just are not words thatmake the pain go away. Sometimes all we cando is cry in the arms of our Lord, Jesus.God is present. Thank you, God.

11

It is Time to Celebrate Success!

Let’s play a little word association. Justsay the first word that pops into your headafter you read the bold words below.

Severe Head Trauma Bamboo Thorns under the Fingernails Foot Crushed by Falling Planet Yearly Job Evaluation

I bet all of those words had basically thesame response in common. “Ouch”, “Akkk” or“Oooh Man” would probably be among the mostcommon. How sad is it that the tools we useto evaluate each other cause such painfulresults? Why do evaluations tend to stink?Evaluations tend to focus more on the

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negative than the positive. Our way ofthinking dictates that we “have to fix theproblems right away!”When do we get to celebrate success in our

life? How often do you hear about thestrengths of your ministry? I sincerely hopeyou work for a church and pastors that makeit a point to tell you how valuable you are.What if programs focused more on thepositive? Does this seem improbable? Readon.

The Process of Appreciative InquiryDavid L. Cooperrider and Suresh Srivastava

developed Appreciative Inquiry (AI) into arecognizable organizational tool in the1980s. AI states that organization should be“a miracle to embrace rather than a problemto solve.” In other words, your ministryplan should focus on the miracles and joysrather than the things that need to befixed. A basic definition for AI is “thatwhich gives life to basic human systems whenthey are functioning at their best.”AI centers around four basic processes.

1. Discovery2. Dream3. Design4. Destiny


DiscoveryYou are attempting to bring out some of

the best success stories from your ministrywith a series of guided questions. Thesequestions should be asked to a group ofpeople who have different interests in yourministry. For example, my AI group includesparents, students, people in ourcongregation without kids, and even somechurch staff. Each of them brings their ownideas of what is important to the table. Thequestions are designed to be answered in theform of a great memory rather than a cold,matter-of-fact response. Questions likethese may spark some interesting discussionamong your youth council

What was the highlight of our ministryyear?

Describe a moment that was incrediblymeaningful to you

Whom do you want to thank? What is our greatest strength? What makes our congregation happy about

us? What is the most important factor that

gives life to this ministry?You may be somewhat of a skeptic, like me,

and think, “How does this tree hugging stuffsolve anything?” Believe me, it works. Whenyou start telling people how much theymatter, they will be much more willing to

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work on the areas that need improvement.Imagine at your next evaluation if you heardthe phrases “What things need ourattention?” or “What is God calling us todo?” instead of “Shape up or ship out!” or“You just are not meeting our expectations.”

DreamThere is a difference between dreaming and

“living in fantasy land.” Dreaming involvesscenarios that could happen if only theavailable parts would fit together in theright ways. Fantasy land involves parts andscenarios that do not exist and would neverfit together.Example- “I wish our youth group had 100

more members in it.” This is a dream becauseit involves a scenario that could happenshould the proper circumstances occur.Example- “I wish I was making a million

dollars a year as a youth minister.” Now youare not only living in fantasy land, butyou’ve fallen off of Mt. Fantasy and you’velanded on your head, several times.Let’s think about what could happen this

year if we worked together as a team and letGod really change our lives and the lives ofthe youth among us. That is the beginning ofthe DREAM stage of the process.Design

This is where your team makes thedecisions about what really should be in


your group. You’ve talked about the greatthings you’ve accomplished and about theawesome stuff you want to achieve. Now it istime to recreate the way you do stuff sothat it falls right in line with the two.This is when you decide how things shouldbe.

DestinyHere is when all of that inspiration turns

into action. This is typically the stage inthe process when you start creating events,rules, programs, etc. AI is an ongoingprocess. That means you simply start overwith an entirely new set of successes toshare, dreams to reach for, and decisions toagree upon.

The Proof is in the PuddingAI works because people love to be

inspired. Think about any really good sportsmovie. What makes it so great? Itundoubtedly has a main character who has toovercome monumental odds. They get therethrough hard work, a commitment to dream theimpossible, and the wherewithal to make itall happen. Hardly ever does the maincharacter reach the unthinkable goal bybeing constantly belittled. Those things mayhappen, but they aren’t part of the success.They are typically part of the odds toovercome.

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Why would we ever want to add hurdles forour ministries to jump over? Doesn’t lifesupply enough of those already?

Reward People with What EnergizesThemChances are, you have experienced the

following situation “Alright, alright, everyone needs to

listen. Last year we didn’t raiseenough money to meet our budget. Thatmeans this year, Johnson, you are goingto have to work twice as hard to get usacross the line!”

(Johnson is looking at his shoes,shaking his head) “Johnson! Are you even payingattention? Are you aware that your jobrelies on the money we bring in? If youcare about your job, you better startgiving a little more effort in thefundraising department!”

What the screaming guy fails to realize isthat Johnson probably can’t devote any moretime or effort to fundraising. Johnson iscontributing his maximum available effortand passion for fundraising. The problem is,he hates it. Therefore, he isn’t all thatgood at it. Poor Johnson.The goal is to get the job done right? Who

cares if Johnson does it or if Smith gets itdone? Maybe Smith likes fundraising. Stands


to reason that Smith would do a better jobif he has passion for it.Maybe Smith is doing something that

Johnson really loves to do. The problem isSmith is the Children Minister and Johnsonis the Youth Director. They can’t do partsof each other’s job, can they?Why not? They are on the same team, right?

Assign people tasks that energize them. Youwill be amazed at how far the ball getscarried when it’s handed to the rightperson!

Part II Working with the Church Community

“Love the Lord your God with all yourheart and with all your soul and with allyour mind and with all your strength.”

Mark 12:30 (NIV)

12

I’ll Take “The InterviewProcess-

The Professional Equivalentto the Root Canal” for 500,

Alex

Before you get to settle all comfy likeinto your office chair, baptize your newyouth room with soda and string cheese, andcreate your first monthly newsletter, youwill need to get hired. In a perfect world,pastors would immediately realize how luckythey are to have the opportunity to be inyour presence. On this planet, however, youwill have to go through the interviewprocess. This little bundle of wonderfulnesscan cause many sleepless nights and worry asyou ask yourself, “Why haven’t they calledme back?” The process is usually long andtedious and performed by amazing people whoare probably doing this in their spare time.Consequently, the hiring process in a churchcan seem like it lasts longer than the time

Jesus spent with His Disciples. How can youhelp the church realize that you are the onethey are looking for?

Get Your Name Out ThereMost churches, like other businesses, use

the internet to gather resumes. It is vitalthat you put together a strong onlineresume. It says a couple of things aboutyou. 1. You are computer literate. 2. Youare resourceful. 3. You are capable of being(or acting) professional. One very usefulwebsite is www.resumebear.com. Resume Bearis a free online resource that enables theuser to create a professional lookingresume, include a headshot to personalizethe resume, and they provide a tracking toolthat tells you exactly when a prospectiveemployer opens your resume and how much timethey spend looking at it. It even has anoption where you can write a cover letterand include a link in the letter to yourresume so they can open it right away. Make sure that your resume is in the spots

where churches are looking. For youthworkers this is Youth Specialties. You canupload your resume free of charge to their“Jobs” section. Most youth professionalsfind their jobs through this site. Anothersite with a free jobs section is

www.youthpastor.com. You should also checkto see if your denomination has a websitethat covers the churches in your district.Often, these sites will include job openingsfor their local churches. Finally, don’tforget about Craigslist! Many churches arenow taking advantage of this free resourceas well.

Memorize the Names You HearYou will hear about a zillion names during

the interview process. Each time you talk tosomeone, make sure you know exactly whom youspoke to and what responsibility he or shecarries out in the church. When you arecalled back for those second, third, andfourth interviews, being able to put a nameto a face may separate you from the rest ofthe crowd. Also, always remember to thankpeople for the time they spend with you.Remember, these people are more than likelyvolunteering their time to the church.

Dress for SuccessThis is not the time for that cool “Stay

Puft Marshmallow Man” t-shirt you just foundon eBay. Save that for youth night. Men: Properly fitting button up shirt with

collar. Tuck it into a khaki or solidconservative colored pair of slacks. Belt

and shoes should be the same color, andsocks should complement your shirt (or tieif you are wearing one). A sport coat is anice final addition. If you need help withthis, seek out the counsel of your wife,girlfriend, or mom.Women: Business suits are the way to go.

Skirts and dresses are difficult because youhave to worry about length. Plungingnecklines are a strict “no-no.” Avoid the“busy” prints and stick with solid colors.Shoes should be sensible too. Don’t rockthose 5 inch heels at the interview.For Both: Avoid colognes or perfumes. If

you are worried about what you smell likewear an anti-perspirant. Many people areallergic to colognes and perfumes and thelast thing you want them to remember aboutyou is the fact you almost made their throatslam shut. Finally, keep jewelry to aminimum. You want your perspective employerto focus on you, not your bling.

Be Early, but not TOO EarlyWhen you are given a specific time and

place to meet, make sure you know exactlyhow to get there and how long it will take.I have been known to drive to the locationthe day before just so I am sure not to getlost. If you don’t do that, at least you

make sure to Mapquest the trip. Don’t leaveit up to your GPS system! I was an hour latefoe a job interview because I relied solelyon my GPS. Strangely enough, I didn’t getthat job.If your interview begins at 7 pm, make

sure you are there by 6:45 pm. Fifteenminutes is early enough to establish thatyou are excited about the job. Any earlierthan that and you put your perspectiveemployer in the position of having to payattention to you before they may be ready todo so. You are there to prove that you willmake life EASIER for them.

Study Your Future ChurchIf you are fortunate, the church will have

a website. If you are very fortunate, thewebsite will contain information about thehistory of the church, the area it serves,the staff, and the different ministries theyprovide. The more educated you can be aboutthe church; the better you will sound in aninterview. Instead of offering generalities,you may be able to insert a name or aspecific ministry when answering a question.Your church will know that you are on theball!

Send Follow-Up and Thank You EmailsIt is always good practice to send a thank

you email the day after the interview. Inthat email, make sure you make them awarethat you are more than happy to answer anyother questions that they may have. Thisusually generates a response. They mayactually have questions or may just tell youthat they don’t. If you just say “Thank you”they may or may not respond. With any luck,the contact person will include someinformation about the next step of theprocess in the response as well. If you donot hear from them, it is acceptable to senda follow-up email within two weeks of yourinterview. Keep in mind that there is a lotto do and folks are probably doing it intheir spare time! I was hired by a churchwho decided right after my interview that Iwas the one they wanted. Still, I had towait weeks to hear about it! So, as my dadused to say, “Keep your pants on, you’ll getyour answer soon enough.”

Always be Civil about Your PastExperiencesEven if your last boss blew up your house,

ate your dog, and called your Mom fat, saypositive things about them. You shouldn’tlie, but there are things you can say that

could be truthful. “My last boss helped mereevaluate my living environment.” “My lastboss enjoyed eating unique dishes” “My lastboss took a real interest in my family.”These positive things would be the truth. Ifyou say negative things about your pastemployers, the church is more than justifiedin asking, “What horrible things will thisperson say about us?” If you have lapses inyour resume or a lay-off to explain, betruthful. Tell them what you learned aboutyour experience and make sure you include areference letter that indicates the greatstuff you did while you were there.

Last, but Certainly not the LeastMake sure that God is calling you to this

position. You can only determine this byspending time in prayer. Ask God forguidance, wisdom, and strength in theprocess. If you feel any uncertainty in yourspirit after you pray, the Holy Spirit maybe telling you something. Listen to theSpirit! An open door or a job offer doesn’tnecessarily mean that this is the place Godintended you to be in. If you put yourselfin a job that God didn’t intend for you itwill assure two things. 1. You aren’t opento receive the blessings God has in store

for you. 2. You are denying someone else theblessings that were intended for them.

13

Board (Bored)Meetings

Board meetings suck. There is absolutelyno way around it. They are boring, usuallyinefficient, and sometimes mean-spirited.I’ve actually had long conversations aboutwhat color toilet paper the church shouldbuy! (Surprisingly enough, there are peopleout there who care enough to argue aboutthis for long periods of time.) If you are apaid ministry person, the board or staffmeeting is inevitable.I’ll never forget the very first board

meeting I attended at my second church. Itwas my second day on the job, and I had noidea what to expect. The meeting started at7:00p.m. and my work day ended at 4p.m. I

was commuting four hours every day. Myfamily was still living in our old house,two hours away, waiting for its sale.Needless to say, I was already exhausted.The meeting started with prayer. A very

long sermon-type message from our esteemedboard chairman. Then we moved on to myintroduction. “Everyone, meet Jay, our newyouth director.” (I hate the term youthdirector, by the way.) Nothing but smiles,hugs, and handshakes. Things were definitelyshaping up to be very positive. Next, wemoved on to reviewing old business andaccepting the meeting notes from theprevious meeting. No snags so far. We moved on to new business. First on the

agenda was a discussion of tables for theNarthex (lobby, big room in the front of thechurch). The pastor felt like it was toocrowded, and that we had ample room outsidefor the informational tables and such. Thisseemed like a logical argument to me,because the Narthex was very small. We hadan ample courtyard, enough said. Except thatit wasn’t.A woman on the board (who I will call

“Mean Lady”) proceeded to stand up andscream at our pastor. “You always makedecisions like this without asking anyone!”“I’ve been to lots of other churches and all

of them had better sermons and betteractivities.” (What this had to do withtables in the Narthex I still don’t know.)I’m sitting there thinking, “This lady hasto be crazy; surely someone will stand upfor our pastor.”Someone did indeed stand up to speak.

However, instead of defending our pastor, hebegan to help “Mean Lady.” By this time, I’mlooking around for hidden cameras and I’mwaiting for Dick Clark and Ed McMahon tocome walking in. (I apologize to any of youwho have no clue who those people are.)Afterwards, my pastor approached me and

asked how my first couple of days weregoing. He appeared as though nothing out ofthe ordinary had happened. “Um, terrific,right up until this board meeting,” was myreply. “You’ll get used to the way peopleget their points across around here,” mypastor assured me. He was wrong. I never gotused to it.I’ve had great experiences and not-so-

great experiences in church meetings.Usually, the difference lies in theattitudes of whoever is leading themeetings. My favorite people to work withhave always been the types who don’t allowdisrespectful battles to occur. I alsoappreciate the leaders that have kept “side

bar” discussions to a minimum. I appreciatewhen someone realizes that my time isvaluable. In the same way, you should alwaysremember that the time of others is equallyas valuable. I’ve learned how to be a goodmeeting player:

1. Don’t talk to hear yourself talk. Toomany people feel the need to repeatsomething that doesn’t need repeating

2. This isn’t “The Apprentice”. Treatpeople with God’s love and patience.You’re going to need the same oneday.

3. Provide your board leader with yourpoints ahead of time. Never springanything on your board. It adds tothe length of the meeting and itusually leads to uninformeddiscussions.

4. Propose that everyone wear clownnoses. It’s difficult to yell atsomeone if you both are wearing them.

Board meetings will never be fun, but youcan get through them. If you nod off, justtry not to get drool on the person sittingnext to you.

14

How Dare They Say ThatAbout Me?

Not everyone will be totally enthralledwith your decision to cover your students inCrisco and flour during your latest creativegame. Sometimes, people will say thingsabout you and your ministry that aren’t allthat nice. When criticism comes your way—andit most certainly will if you are doingwhat’s necessary in youth ministry—you willhave to cope with it. Does that sound easiersaid than done? Well yes, but it can bedone.

Develop Thicker SkinYou are the perfect person for this youth

ministry gig, because you care deeply aboutwhat people think. It’s calledvulnerability, and it’s an absolutenecessity in youth ministry. You have beencalled to be open and honest with the young

people that are in your ministry. Sometimes,that means sharing your successes andfailures with them in the hopes of teachingthem about life. The same openness thatattracts young people to you will alsosubject you to the possibility of beingwounded.I used the term “thicker skin” instead of

“thick skin” for a reason. The last thingyou want to do is create a stone wall aroundyour heart. Sure, the stone wall may takeaway the possibility of being hurt, but itwill also greatly diminish your ability tocare enough about the people around you. Ifit sounds like these words come fromexperience, you are right.My mother died while I was still in

college. She was my sounding board and mybiggest fan. My mom was always there when Ineeded her. When she died way too early fromheart failure, I decided that hurting justwasn’t for me. I decided that I wasn’t goingto let anyone get that close to me again.It was a hard lesson to learn. It’s still

something that I have to combat. I’m justlike you, I hate being wounded. Over theyears, I have learned that I can’t alwaysprotect myself from distress. I have alsolearned that thicker skin doesn’t have to beas hard as stone.

Most criticism isn’t personal. We have theastounding ability to weave it into a verypersonal tapestry, however. (At least I do.)I have learned to sit down and analyzecriticism when it comes my way. I haverealized that people usually have a problemwith how you did it, and not with who youare.

Do Find Out Where the Criticism ComesFromA few years ago, I created a game that

involved a kiddy pool filled with yellow–colored water, and a bag of bite sizedchocolate–nutty candy bars. I called thegame “Bobbing for Poo Poo”, and I was surethat I was on the cutting edge of youthministry brilliance. My kids LOVED it! Itwas one of the most hilarious moments in myyouth ministry career. I went home knowingthat I was, indeed, the man.When I got home, there was a message on my

home answering machine from an irate parent.She was horrified that I would play such ahumiliating game with my students. She waspartly right. (At least I didn’t go with myoriginal thought of using a brand new toiletinstead of a kiddie pool!)I called her the next day and she had

calmed down a great deal. I apologized for

playing such a gross game and told her thatI wouldn’t play it again. She started to cryand I asked the obvious question. “What’s wrong?”After a lengthy conversation, I discovered

that her husband was going through someserious medical issues, which had left himunable to work. She was working extra hoursat her job, and taking on a second job. Cometo find out, her criticism had very littleto do with me or with “Bobbing for Poo Poo”.She was going through some really toughstuff, and she couldn’t express it to anyoneelse at the time. It happens.

When to Listen to CriticismWe aren’t perfect. There will be times

when your most brilliant ideas aren’t reallyall that brilliant. It’s important to havesomeone in your life that you can rely on togive you unbiased advice. It should besomeone that you trust implicitly, andprobably a person in ministry that has moreexperience than you. Obviously, you need tolisten to the criticism that comes from yourpastors, parents, and church board. Theyhave your career in their hands and youdon’t want to ignore them. You have todecide, however, whether or not you’rewilling to fall on your sword in order to

protect something you feel strongly about. Agood church is going to be willing to letyou take risks. With that in mind, it isnever a good idea to put the health andsafety of your youth group, and the churchitself, in jeopardy.

Remember that You are a Christian!One of the biggest joys of my life is that

I am married to a talented and Godly womanwho lives to use her gift of music for thechurch. For the most part, her involvementhas been a blessing for me. There was oneinstance, however, that tested my heart.My wife was in the middle of Praise Team

practice when she discovered a mistake insome of the lyrics that appeared on thescreen that the congregation would read tosing from. She approached our tech person toask that the mistakes be corrected. The techperson must have been having a bad daybecause my wife received an uncalled fortongue lashing. At the conclusion of thepractice, I walked into the sanctuaryexpecting to greet my normally cheerfulwife. Instead I found out that she had beenwounded. My first urge as a husband was towalk over to our tech person and punch himin the nose. Fortunately, the Holy Spiritspoke to me and reminded me that I had been

called to be an example of Christian love.Believe me, the human side of my personalitydid not concur with the Holy Spirit. My wifecould sense what I was thinking and shegently reminded me of the same things theHoly Spirit was trying to teach me. It israrely easy, but we have to remember that weare Christians all the time.If you hear the same criticism from more

than one person who knows what they aretalking about, heed it. At the very least,examine what they are saying closely. Lookat what’s being criticized and attempt toitemize it. Ask yourself the question, “Arethese questions about my thought/plan/eventvalid?” If you can see the validity in thequestions, then take the necessary measuresto make your thought/plan/event even better.

15

If You Can’t be in theSpace You Love, Lovethe Space You’re In

One Sunday, I was asked the most excellentquestion ever by a member of my church’sfinance team. “How would you like for us todouble your salary?” (Yeah right!) No,instead he asked, “We can’t figure out whatto do with the old house on the property wepurchased. We were going to plow it underfor parking; do you think the youth coulduse it?”That was the beginning of a yearlong

odyssey that saw a very dedicated team ofparents, teens, and church members convertan old run-down shack into an old run-downYOUTH shack! We took out all of the walls, redid the

floor with a garage floor coating, turnedthe kitchen into a snack bar complete withswing up/down bar, painted our youth grouplogo and other stuff on the wall in neonpaint, hung black lights, and added two hugeflat screen televisions, a karaoke machine,a vintage Atari video game system, anelectronic dart board, and oh yes, a pooltable.We called it “The Spot”, as in “This is

THE SPOT for you.” (Yeah it’s corny, but itworked.) It became our youth group hang out.It had a cool little corner stage where Iused to preach my lessons. We had kids in on

Wednesday and Sunday nights for youth groupmeetings, and on Friday or Saturday nightsfor a late night hang out place. Kids couldbring their friends who didn’t know Jesusinto a safe place where they could possiblybecome His best friend. It was pretty cool.Things change and I don’t work at that

church any more. The space my new groupoccupies is also the “Traditional” sanctuaryat the church. It has wooden pews, abaptismal and an old carpet. It’s as farfrom “cool” as you can get. But it’s thespace we’ve been provided. The truth is thatyou have to utilize the space you have. Ifyou have your own cool youth house or room,count yourself lucky. If you have to sharespace with other ministries and people inyour church, count yourself in the majority.What can you do to make that space all it

can be? It’s time to get creative!Our kids used to see our sanctuary as kind

of a scary mausoleum. When we first began touse it, they were not quite sure how to makethe place their own. Luckily, I work for avery forward thinking church that views thechurch building as a ministry tool. OnWednesday nights, it becomes the youthbuilding.

Warning: The Following StatementsMight Cause Some Conservative ReadersTo Pop A Spleen!We play games in the sanctuary. We eat

pizza and drink soda in the sanctuary. Weyell and tell really dumb jokes in thesanctuary. We run around in there, lie downon the pews, and generally have a reallygood time. We use it exactly the way I thinkJesus intended us to use our house ofworship. (We also learn about, pray to, cryout for, worship, and question God inthere.)Our church Narthex becomes our banquet

hall. Our conference room becomes the placewhere middle schoolers hang out until theirparents arrive to pick them up. Our parkinglot turns into a football field afterwards.We use what we have, and as long as you’rehaving the time of your life every week,it’s a beautiful thing. (Quit griping!)

1 Wow, Adults in YourChurch Can be Useful!

6The formation of a youth support team is a

very cool thing that I wish I could takecredit for (I can’t because my pastors cameup with it). My support team is made up ofparents, and members of our congregation,who simply love young people. They devotetons of time helping me with the logisticalstuff, so that I can spend more time doingthe fun stuff.The purpose of my team is to provide

support, ideas, friendly criticism,scheduling help, volunteers, and the all-important “responsible adult” angle to allof the crazy ideas I come up with. They areindispensable, and my biggest cheerleaderswithin our congregation. They make a pointto talk to other members and help me tellthem about all of the things we are doing.On more than one occasion, they have beenable to hear the inevitable “church rumors”that happen from time to time, and providepeople with the facts as they pertain towhat we are all about. I can tell peopleabout all of the cool stuff until I turn

blue in the face, but when other respectedpeople in your congregation can sing yourgroup’s praises, it adds instant credibilityto your ministry.Our youth team is all about communication.

Communication is the thing that will helpkeep you and your ministry smelling mintyfresh. Think about it. The people in yourcongregation are the ones who pay yoursalary and fund most of the activities ofyour youth group. It only stands to reasonthat they know exactly how theirhard–.earned money is being spent.There are so many things to consider when

you are the one called to lead the youthministry of your church. People expectdynamic results from you. My youth ministryteam has been instrumental in the areas of:

CommunicationWe’ve mentioned talking to the

congregation, but other methods are neededas well. My youth team handles things likephone calls to parents, creating specialdinners and events to get the word out, anddrumming up more help.

PromotionsI am constantly faced with finding new

ways of telling the community about our

ministry. One member of our team, forexample, has taken the responsibility tocreate materials, contact our local paper,and prepare information tables at church onSunday..

FundraisingIf you work at Saddleback or Willow Creek,

you may not have to raise any money. Idon’t, so I do. I despise car washes andbake sales, so I found a person that has aknack for making money. We recently createda for–sale calendar that has all of ourevents for the year, crucial dates withinthe school calendar, and pictures of peoplein our youth group. We’ve discovered thatpeople who don’t have kids want to buy thesethings, just because it’s a way of helpingout.The key is to find areas for people who

don’t necessarily want to work with teens,but still want to see your ministry succeed.If you have parents that want to getinvolved, but students that don’t want tohang out with mom and dad on Wednesdaynights, fundraising is one way to get thatdone.I want to make one final recommendation

about communication. If you haven’t alreadybeen given the opportunity to get a little

“face time” on Sunday mornings in front ofthe congregation, I suggest that you ask forit.I am in charge of delivering the weekly

announcements. During this time I get tolead off with a little bit about what ourgroup is up to. (OK I lied, one morerecommendation!) Ask your pastor for theopportunity to preach every once in awhile awhile. Not only is it good experience, butit also proves to the rest of thecongregation that you are exactly thetalented, intelligent, thoughtful, andcharismatic leader that your youth alreadyknow you are!

17

Parent Friendly

A major component of your youth ministryis typically overlooked. This component isevery bit as important to the success ofyour ministry as formulating a great

message, or coming up with a new way toutilize baloney and Skittles for your nextgame. I’m talking about parents! You knowthose folks who usually remain quiet untilyou really mess up? From now on, you aregoing to bring them into the picture.Maybe you’re thinking to yourself, “Yeah

right, I’ve been there and done that.” Iknow, I know, many parents’ idea of youthgroup participation is dropping them off andpicking them up. (Usually not on time, butbeggars can’t be choosers.) It’s easy toblame them for viewing you as the freebabysitter, or old what’s his name at thechurch, but work with me for a minute. Youcan make them vital parts of your ministry.

Some of it is Our Fault!You heard me right. I am going to blame

some of the parental apathy directly on usyouth minister folks. Far too many of ushave labeled parents as lost causes. Many ofus assume that parents aren’t interested ordon’t care anyway. Why in the world should Iwaste my time on them? The answer to that issimple. If you want anything you do tostick, you need parents to reinforce it athome. I can hear you saying out loud now,“some of my parents aren’t even Christians,

how are they going to reinforce what Iteach?” They want to, trust me on this.Think about it. Why would a parent entrust

their precious little babies to a personlike you? Some of them haven’t taken thetime to get to know you at all. That mustmean they don’t care, right? WRONG! Parentsdo care. The bottom line is that they TRUSTyou! Even with all of the negative pressabout church, parents still believe in thepositive message that you are teaching. It’sa huge part of your job to help themreinforce it. Here’s how:Keep parents informed of what you are

teaching their kids. A very simple way tokeep parents informed is to create awebsite. The great news about websites todayis that most web hosting companies make iteasy to do. I use a great web host that onlycharges $70 a year. They even provide aneasy to use program that lets you pick andchoose a ton of options, from design todocument downloading. Our website contains ablog that I update weekly with a briefsynopsis of our message, upcoming eventinformation, directions to the church,contact information, and our weekly dinnermenu. (I don’t include pictures of ouryouth. Too many predators online have ruinedthis option.)

Make Personal Contact. Make phone calls toyour parents. The purpose of this callshouldn’t be to discuss what a brat the kidis. Take a few moments to tell them how muchyou appreciate having their kids. Make apoint to include specific instances whereyou have observed their children in momentsof growth. You should also be activelysearching for those parents that attend yourchurch on Sundays, before and after theservice. Shake their hands, give them hugs,and laugh with them. Always use theseopportunities to build your relationshipwith them.Visit Parents if They Are Open to It. I

have served in churches that welcomed meinto their homes like long lost familymembers. I have also served in churches thatdidn’t at all appreciate the home visit. Youknow your parents (or at least you should).If you are going to go the home visit route,make sure that you call beforehand, so thatyou don’t drop in at inappropriate times(e.g., dinner or Pilates time). At the endof your youth group night, make sure youhave a few volunteers inside to watch yourstudents. Then you can venture outside togreet those parents that do the dropoff/pick up thing; and you can briefly

express your gratitude for having their kidsin your group.Do Some Out of the Ordinary Stuff. As a

youth minister, out of the ordinary is rightin your wheelhouse. A ritual on the eveningbefore the first day of school has becometraditional for the families of my youthministry. First, I purchase a load ofinexpensive toys. Then I take a Sharpie penand personalize a message on each toy.Finally, I drive around to each of mystudents’ homes the night before the firstday of school, and I put them on theirdoorstep. It’s a lot of fun because you feellike you’re doing something mischievous! Forexample, last year I bought a lot of plasticbeach shovels. I personalized each one withtheir name, wrote a goofy message like, “Ihope you DIG the first day of school!” ThenI sign it and drop it off. When my studentswalk out of the door for that first nervousday, they have a reminder that I’m thinkingabout them. Out of all the efforts I makeall year, this goofy activity gets one ofthe most positive responses. I have thefeeling that if I didn’t do it, my youthfamilies would revoltOrganize a Parent’s Night in Your Youth

Room. Surprise parents and don’t bombardthem with information or requests to get

involved. Simply open your room, let themplay your games, feed them, and let themhave a night of getting to know otherparents. If you feel really inspired,provide them with a message that is designedspecifically for them. Your parents willappreciate the opportunity to meet you onyour home field. They will furtherappreciate that you view them as V.I.P’s(Very Important Parents, sorry I couldn’tresist the corny acronym). You can even puttogether a PowerPoint presentation withfunny pics of their kids.Go Out of Your Way to Get Your Safety

Procedures Across. Parents want to know thattheir kids are safe. You can utilize thatnew website by posting your group rules.Also, make sure they understand that everyvolunteer has had a background check, and athorough interview, by you. (You are doingthat aren’t you?) Seriously, if you haven’trun a background check on your volunteers,you should right away. Unfortunately, welive in a world that makes this a necessity.Pray For Them Daily. Prayer should be the

backbone of your ministry. When you are onyour knees with your eyes closed (or drivingin your car with your eyes OPEN) take theopportunity to pray for your parents. Youdon’t need to know their personal struggles.

Just support their efforts to bring up theirchildren. Every once in awhile, let yourparents know that you are lifting them up inprayer.I will make you this promise: if you

commit to involve your parents, they willcommit to being youth ministry-friendly.They may not volunteer in droves, and yes,some of them will still only pick up anddrop off, but they will know that you havetheir children’s best interests at heart. Asa parent, I can assure you that it will begreatly appreciated.

18

Why Are We Doing That?

Chances are, many of you reading this areeither new at your church, or getting readyto be new at another church. The pressure tobe the “savior” is all too real and all toostressful. My good friend Jerry Gardner, a20 year veteran of youth ministry, gave me

some excellent advice about working with anew church: before making any major changes,spend a considerable amount of time (maybeeven the first year if you have a reallypatient church) reviewing and observing theway things have already been done. This willgive you the opportunity to see what worksfor your style of leadership, and whatdoesn’t. It also helps you establish thefact that things won’t be “my way or thehighway.”There is, however, a fine line between

being contemplative and being a weak leader.If some established tradition or event isnot even close to your vision for theministry, it should be removed. When youremove it, however, make sure that youclearly communicate exactly why it doesn’tfit into your vision. Make sure you lay itout for your students, their parents, andyour church leadership. Effectivelycommunicating your vision is vital for thesuccess of your new ministry.Having said that, let me recommend that

you put together a very concise writtenversion of your vision, dreams, ideas, andplans for your group. Include everything,from the practical to the downrightlaughable. Even if everything you write downdoesn’t see the light of day, it will show

people that you aren’t afraid to think“outside of the box.” They hired you for areason. Undoubtedly, one of those reasons isthat someone thinks you will be the one tolead the youth ministry to new heights.If you put it down on paper, make sure

that you are ready to explain exactly howand why it should be part of what you do.Never do anything simply to fill time.Everything you plan should have a purpose.Holding a yearly series of Appreciative

Inquiry meetings will help immensely withyour vision planning. During AppreciativeInquiry, you look at the entire ministry,but you aren’t picking on the negatives. Infact, saying “This stinks”, or “What wereyou thinking?” isn’t allowed. The goal is tofocus on what your ministry did well, why itworked, and how you can make it happen inother areas. My favorite part of the processis when we talk about our goals for thefuture. It is wise to map out your year, andthen talk about the years to come.After you’ve talked about what you want to

do, you need to set a time frame for gettingit done. Nothing is more counterproductivethan talking about what should be donewithout nailing it down. When you put a timeframe on it, you’ve established a list ofgoals that you can point to anytime someone

asks you the question, “What are you doingduring the week?”Each goal should outline one specific

task. Let’s say that you want your youth toserve breakfast at Sunday worship. Thatmight encompass a number of things. Insteadof simply saying, “We will begin servingbreakfast on Sundays starting on July 10th”,think about ALL of the steps that arerequired.

1. Put together a team that will cook(due June 1)

2. Find someone who is willing to shopfor groceries (due June 6)

3. Decide on a menu (Due June 6)4. Create an announcement for the church

bulletin (Due June 13)You get the point. A great thing about planning is that you

have the right to update it. You can add andsubtract from it, based on your ministryneeds and capabilities. Remember, sometimesthings that were plausible in January turnout to be impossible in September. Theprocess should work for you, and not theother way around.

19

Sadly, It Isn’t All Fun and Games!

When you work closely with people, you arebound to experience amazing times of greatjoy and fun. Unfortunately, you are alsobound to experience times of debilitatingtrauma and sadness. I am blessed to say thatI have experienced many more times of joy,but I have also had to help others deal withsome pretty crappy stuff.Wade was a parent in one of my youth

groups. He was definitely not the typicaldad. He had raised his two boys by himselffor most of their lives. He worked hard,rarely took time for himself, and loved hiskids the best way he knew how. Sure, he wasknown to occasionally serve them rice crispytreats as a side dish at dinnertime. But thelove was there, man.Wade was an imposing figure. He was 6' 4"

and well over 300 lbs. If you’re a wrestling

fan, imagine a friendlier version of KingKong Bundy. Now imagine King Kong Bundy whodevoted nearly every second of his free timeto serving God. This was an amazingly coolguy.Wade’s youngest son was in my youth group.

Andrew is a lovable kid that would do justabout anything in the world for you. Ouryouth group loves Andrew as much as astudent could possibly be loved. I wish Ihad 100 Andrews.A funny thing happened between Wade and

me. We became friends. My wife and kids grewto love him like family. My daughter and soncall him “Uncle Wade.” I will always valuehis friendship because, honestly,friendships aren’t easy to make in ministry.People usually have an agenda every timethey speak to you. When you get the dinnerinvite, it’s usually because someone wantsto bend your ear about something that isgoing on (or should be going on) in church.

Advice FlashWhen you get the opportunity

to make real lasting friendshipsduring your ministry jump allover them!

Wade became my right-hand man in youthministry. He joined my youth support team

and was there on Wednesday nights to helpwith the techie stuff or whatever else Ineeded. If I had an idea and needed it to bejust a little crazier or fun, I could alwaysbounce it off of Wade to get it done. One day, Wade gave me some news that just

didn’t compute. He told me that he hadcancer and that the doctors thought it wasway too advanced to offer any real options.I certainly didn’t like the news, but thiswas Wade. If anyone could beat somethingunbeatable, it was him.Wade fought his illness far longer than

any doctor realistically thought he could.Ultimately, my friend Wade got to meet hisLord. Now, as a Christian, I understand thatmy friend is experiencing the ultimate. Iknow that the pain and depression of hisillness are long forgotten. I also know thathis boys miss their father unbelievably.Sometimes, rather selfishly, I still wish myfriend was here to make me laugh.It’s tough to help others to get through

something that you are still grieving on.But helping young people cope with toughsituations is part of the job description.It would be so much easier if I were justable to talk to Andrew on a professionallevel. To be able to reassure him that Jesus

is holding him and that things will be allright. Jesus is holding him, but life without

your Dad is never all right. It just isn’t.I’ve experienced the loss of both of myparents and it’s never going to be allright. My experience as a Christian tells methat they are enjoying their heavenlyexistence like never before. My selfish,human side just hurts. It is OK to hurtright along with the people you minister to.

20

Signs of the Times:Surviving When You

Lose Your Job

An entire book could be written withdetails of why youth ministry is a uniquejob. One area that is especially unique anddifficult to fully understand is the waychurches fund their various ministries.Churches typically rely on tithing,

offerings, and other donations from theircongregations and communities. As you mightimagine, interchurch politics are ever-present. The question of how much money tospend where is ever-present. Unfortunately, churches have to make tough

decisions when it comes to finances justlike any other business. The economicturmoil that the world has found itself inrecently has hit the church hard. Manychurches have had to make difficultdecisions about staffing because money ishard to come by. Many churches have had tomake tough choices about what to keep andwhat to do away with.This is a topic that I can speak about

with authority because I have experiencedlosing my job because of budget crunches notonce, but twice over the past five years.Losing your job because you underperform isone thing, but it is especially tough todeal with when you lose it despite qualityeffort. If you are going through the samething, take heart! God is still in control.

Don't Blame YourselfWhen you lose your job the first question

you are going to undoubtedly ask yourselfis, “What could I have done to keep my job?”I agonized with this question both times. I

spent a lot of time spilling over myattitude, my schedule, my effort, andprofessional adequacy. There were someparticularly dark times when I even came tothe conclusion that I must have not been cutout for this line of work. Sometimes lifeboils down to things that are beyond yourcontrol. Remember that God called you intoyouth ministry for a reason. You are good atwhat you do! Keep in mind that the bigpicture is often distorted by our inabilityto see it.

Adapt to the New Financial ClimateAdaptation isn't new to you because you

are among the most creative creatures in theuniverse! How many times have you developeda new program with nothing more than anidea? How many times have you come up with anew hit game with nothing more thanleftovers? Youth ministry professionals areexperts when it comes to making somethinggreat out of very little. That means thatyou may have to create new ways to fund yourministry. It may even mean that you have tocome up with ideas to supply some of thebudget that pays your salary. I know itisn't the most appetizing of ideas. Believeme, I understand that you want don't want tofocus another second on fundraising.

Maybe you won't have to. With any luck,there is a person or persons in yourcongregation with the gift of fundraising.Spend some time looking for that person. Ihave often found people in my congregationsthat would love to help your ministrysucceed despite the fact that they may nothave any desire at all to spend time withyouth. The position of fundraiser is aperfect fit for those people. Adapting to the new financial climate may

ultimately mean that you have to scale backon your programming. You can do thiseffectively without sacrificing the qualityof your ministry. Here are a few ideas.Focus on your community's mission needs.

Instead of planning a big-budget missiontrip that requires a lot of money on travel,look a little closer to home. You can plan alife-changing mission trip without evenleaving your town! Get in contact withchurches in your area that have programsthat benefit the community. Arrange for yourgroup to spend the week sleeping on airmattresses in their fellowship hall. Whileyou are there you can immerse your groupcompletely into their mission efforts. Askthe youth minister of the church you arestaying in to be your “guest speaker” for

the week. You can even plan fun events withtheir youth group!Take advantage of the free or next to free

activities in your area. I live in SouthFlorida, so the beach is a great resource touse. Your area has a number of things to dothat your kids will love. If you live closeto mountains plan a hiking trip. If youhappen to have a minor league sports team inyour town contact the team about grouppricing for tickets. Plan a family picnicoutside your youth room. Ask for thecongregation to donate food and ask for youryouth families to bring a dish!Make your own food for youth events. Stop

wasting money on delivery pizza! You canmake six for the same amount it costs to buyone or two from the local pizza place. Yourgrocery store has readymade pizza crusts,inexpensive jars of pizza sauce, and theingredients to make any pizza you canimagine. Plus, it's a lot more fun to createyour own! Have a contest for the mostoriginal, best tasting, and worst tasting!Share Resources- Staying up to date with

training and the latest curriculum areexpensive endeavors. Neither of these areashas to suffer if you do a little creativethinking. There are a number of great

resources online that are free or nicelypriced for youth ministry.

Free or Nearly Free Curriculum Sites1. www.youthleaderscoach.com Jeanne Mayo isAmerica's Youth Leader's Coach. She is anamazing youth pastor and an even betterperson! I have the honor of being involvedin her mentoring group called The Cadre.Jeanne is known as “Mom” by most of theyouth and adults she has mentored over herfour decades in youth ministry. Her websitehas a great “freebies” section chocked fullof useful stuff. I cannot say enough aboutthis good woman of God.2. www.youthpastor.com This site has somegreat readymade lessons that are availablefor free!3. www.youthspecialties.com This isbasically the everything site for youthministry. Most of the things on this siteare for sale, but they do offer some qualityfreebies. They also have an exhaustivelisting of youth ministry positions that arelooking to be filled across the country.

4. www.dougfields.com Mr. Fields is one ofthe most respected youth ministers around.His website offers great deals on his

company's curriculum as well as an archiveof freebies each month.5. www.teenlifeministries.com This siteoffers what is called “The Zone” for youthleaders. Some of the things on the site arefree, but if you can afford it, I recommendfinding the $100 to sign up for theirunlimited archives for a year. It will saveyou a ton of time in lesson planning andfree you up to spend more time with yourstudents.Team Up When You Go to Conventions. Youth

worker conventions are awesome opportunitiesto learn, network, and get away for a littlewhile. Travel, hotel, and transportation canmore than double the cost of the trip.Always call around and check to see if otheryouth workers in your area are alsoattending so that you can go along withthem. Chipping in for gas and the cost of avan or car is a lot better than looking forairfare. Also, see if you can share a hotelroom with other youth leaders. It's costeffective and a lot more fun too! You mayalso try calling churches in the area thatmay be able to help with housing. This is along shot, but I've heard of it workingbefore!

21

When Projects BecomeLarger than God

I want you to stop what you are doingright now and take a look at your calendarfor the year. Don’t just look at what is onthe horizon, also look at the projects andevents that have been accomplished alreadyas well. What went into the planningprocess? To be more specific, how much ofthat process was God-inspired and how muchwas human?You probably have at least one event on

your calendar that has become tradition atyour church. Something you do every yearthat energizes the congregation, makes yourparents and youth buzz with excitement, andgives you more headaches than you care toacknowledge. Maybe this event or project isway beyond the point where anyone is askingthe question, “Why are we doing this?” If

you have one or more of these types ofthings on your calendar you might be indanger of doing something you never wantedto do in your ministry career. You might bemaking a project bigger than God.I can hear you saying now, “The Rhubarb

Pie Fundraiser brings our church together inso many wonderful ways! We gather allgenerations together and accomplish greatthings for the Kingdom!” Believe me, Iunderstand. The church does a great job ofrallying around big events. It gives us asense of purpose and accomplishment when wecome together to do something big. And, ifsome people get ministered to, or we raise alot of money for our ministries, then itmust have been o.k. with God. Right?I’ve worked hard at several big projects

in my life. I’ve devoted huge amounts ofenergy and time to things that helped mychurch. I’ve enjoyed the pats on the backand the congratulations that came after thebig efforts. Sadly, I’ve even created myshare of projects that became “churchtradition”. These projects will always bedone the same way, at the same time, yearafter year without ever being questioned orrethought. No need to mess with success!Except, I think there is. The older I

become, the more I am looking at what

success means. It used to mean huge numbers,state-of-the-art presentations, and a lot offlash. I wanted to speak messages that ledstudents to the altar in huge waves. I didit all for the Lord, or I used to say I didanyway. The truth is that I did a lot of itfor me. I did a lot of it for thegratification of being noticed and thanked.Once the event was over, it was time to moveon to the next one. Bigger and better, allthe time.Is bigger and better creating narrow and

shallow? We will never eliminate the needfor fundraisers and events in youthministry. I love the good folks who claim todo nothing but open their doors for smallgroup time and thousands of Jesus-starvedteens come rushing through their doors. Theyhave the answers and talent that I simply donot possess. For the rest of us, the ultratime consuming once a year event is going tobe on the schedule at least once, if not afew times each year. How do we do it wellwithout making it the sole focus of what wedo?

Do the Important Stuff Just as WellDon’t skimp on Sunday school lessons or

midweek Bible studies. Give them just asmuch effort as you do planning the Huge

Rhubarb Pie Sale. I know, thousands ofpeople and tons of money are raised with thepie sale and eight kids show up to Sundayschool. Which will produce the eternalresults that really matter? When you arelying in the pine box wearing the makeupthat makes you look like a dead circus clowndo you want to be known as the guy or galwho broke the rhubarb sales record or theguy or gal who helped lead a young person tothe Lord?

Research the Climate of the GreatEventIf you are going to take the stand that

eliminates one of the great traditionalevents in your church make sure you know whois on your side. How does your Senior Pastorfeel about the decision? How do your parentsfeel about the decision? Are you willing tofall on your sword over eliminating the timehonored event? Chances are great thateliminating an event that has become part ofthe identity of a church or a youth group isgoing to be unpopular with some folks. Youcan expect nasty e-mails, phone calls, orlooks waiting for you at every turn. Thoseare from the people who are brave enough tomake their feelings known by you. Be awareof the sniper in the grassy knoll who just

got through patting you on the back. Thechurch is not a place that typically acceptschange well.That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make

those changes, however. Some huge dinosaurevents deserve to be slaughtered. I knowthere are colossal time and money eatingevents on youth group calendars all overthis world just because no one has thecourage to ask, “Is this still working forus?” If you’ve done your research, prayed itthrough, and haven’t received a good answerfor “Why?” then it’s time to end the RhubarbPie Sale. Just make sure you are ready toexplain it to the good folks who will beexpecting an answer.

22

A Completely AbsurdMessage for the Whole

Church

A guy went to the doctor’s office with ahorrible headache. Not just the normal “Myhead sorta tingles a little bit” type of

headache, but the kind that feels likesomeone has been hitting you with a hammerwrapped in barbed wire. After the doctor dida brief examination, he asked the man asimple question. “Do your headachestypically start after any specificactivity?” The man answered, “Yes, theyusually begin shortly after I begin hittingmyself in the head with this hammer!”The doctor wrote the man a prescription

that read, “After each hammer pounding, takea long brisk walk, followed by an hour ofyoga.” The man followed the doctor’s adviceprecisely. After several months, he returnedto the doctor’s office with the samehorrible headaches.The doctor scratched his chin and began to

ponder the man’s condition. After thinkingabout it for a little while, he wrote theman a new prescription. “After each headpounding, pour a bag of thumbtacks onto thefloor and sit on them completely naked.”The man followed the new advice for a

couple of months and returned to thedoctor’s office without finding any relief.Not only were the headaches not going away,but now his buttocks were often sore andirritated. The man was puzzled by hiscondition, for he was dutifully followingthe advice of his doctor.

Lots of churches have difficultyattracting certain segments of thepopulation. Some churches struggle withgetting “young people” into the church,others need to attract more men, and otherswant midgets from upper Mongolia. How do wego about attracting those folks we need toreach?We usually start with an event. A group of

terrific people get together and form aplanning committee. “If we want to tap intothe Upper Mongolia midget market, we need tooffer what those wonderfully shortMongolians are looking for!” How about aone–time festival with the third bestMongolian band in the county, and somefrozen delights straight from the nearbybulk food warehouse? That should do thetrick.Now we need to get the word out. What’s

the best way to reach vertically challengedUpper Mongolians? Advertise the event on thelocal Portuguese radio station, of course!What’s that you say? Do Mongolians listen toPortuguese radio? Well, they should if theydon’t! WE listen to Portuguese radio, andit’s just dandy. And don’t we really wantmidget Upper Mongolians who speak Portugueseanyway?

So we have the planning committee, thethird best Mongolian band in the county,lots of frozen delights, and we haveadvertised the event on local Portugueseradio. Now, all we have to do is wait forhordes of new folks to arrive.Except they don’t. Mostly, Portuguese

people of average height showed up, and wealready have a bunch of those folks.Besides, most of those Portuguese peoplealready go to the mega church, “Our step-sister of Portuguese Descent”, down thestreet. They have shown up merely to eat ourpastry puffs, and listen to “Genghis and theKhan-ibals” until it was time to go home. Wedid have two kinda short Lower Mongoliansshow up, but they weren’t what we werelooking for. And we ran out of brochuresanyway.The next week at the follow-up meeting,

the planning committee begins to go pourover the details of the event. Let’s startpositive!

Genghis and the Khan-ibals rocked thehouse, baby!

We have plenty of pastry puffs leftover; we can serve them for months atvarious events.

We have oodles of great pictures fornext month’s newsletter.

We gave out ALL of our brochures!Ok, Ok, what should we do differently next

year? Nothing? You betcha! That was a greatevent!My examples are ridiculous, of course.

What do long walks, yoga, and sitting onthumbtacks have to do with ending headaches?Just a thought, but stop hitting yourself in the headwith the hammer! And as far as reaching midgetUpper Mongolians goes…maybe we should tryshorter sermons (insert rim shot here.) As preposterous as all of that sounds, a

lot of churches do exactly the same type ofstuff, week after week. We need more kids,so we have an event with dunk tanks andclowns. We advertise the event, aimed atintroducing NEW people to God, on the localChristian station. And we do all of this toinvite kids to a church that probably isn’tready for kids to come to it! All becausesomeone said, “What can we do to get morekids to our church?” The people you want to attract don’t shy

away from your church because you haven’thad enough one–time events. They shy awaybecause your church doesn’t have what theyare looking for. Or maybe they don’t know

that your church exists. Here’s a wild idea…maybe your church isn’t supposed to be allthings to all people. If you don’t have asingle midget from Upper Mongolia in yourcommunity, then you probably don’t need tobook Genghis and the Khan-ibals any timesoon.But if your church is smack dab in the

middle of little–kid land, and you don’thave a single person under the age of 87 inthe church, it’s time to look around and dosome thinking. Is that pipe organ stillreaching the hearts of those young people inyour community? Are those stained glasswindows still screaming, “We are all aboutyou!” to those young-ins? Maybe it’s time toput those tried and true church symbols awayfor a little bit and try something a bitmore “Groovy, hip, with-it, and rad.”

PartIII

Your Body is aTemple,

Start Treating itthat way!

“Physical training is good, but trainingfor godliness is much better, promisingbenefits in this life and in the life tocome.”

1 Timothy 4:8 (NLT)

23

Physical Health and Your Ministry

I am, by no means, a LicensedNutritionist. Nor am I a certified personaltrainer. I am simply a kinda chubby guy whoused to be a really chubby guy. Thelifestyle of a youth minister can addunwanted pounds to anyone. Think about it,

we spend hours upon hours with teenagers whotypically eat as if Reese’s was one of themajor food groups. We spend a lot of time onthe road, where conscientious andeconomically sound choices for food usuallyinvolves a window and a menu screen you talkinto. It’s difficult to be in shape. (Yes, Iknow, round is a shape!)Before you throw this book down in

disgust, let me assure you of one thing.This isn’t going to be a “tsk tsk…youundisciplined slob” type of thing. You’reeither thinking about youth ministry, or youare currently involved. The last thinganyone could ever accuse you of is laziness.I know how dedicated you are, how tirelessare your efforts, and how totally devotedyou are to God and others. Grant me thepermission to ask you to be totally devotedto one more person: yourself.I know the Bible tells us to put others

before ourselves. But sometimes we make themistake of thinking that it’s sinful to careabout ourselves. It’s not. In fact, I wantyou to start thinking about nutrition andexercise as a real form of worship to theGod you love. The vessels we occupy arebeautiful and complex. You are the hands andfeet of God.

Day after day, you push yourself tomental, emotional, and physical exhaustion.You have been called to lead atransformation in the spiritual lives ofpeople who mostly want to leave messages onFacebook. The task is enormous, and thestrain it puts on your health can be evengreater. Let’s talk about how much effort weput into ourselves.Eating well doesn’t have to be torture. I

spent most of my life thinking it was. Iused that as an excuse to treat myself toanything greasy and cheesy. (I’m notperfect; sometimes I still succumb to greasyand cheesy.) Every day, I have to make thechoice to put rocket fuel into my body.Let’s get this out of the way. “Fad” diets

work for the short term. There are lots ofplans out there that claim quick results injust a few weeks. Sure, they work for alittle while. But what happens when youreach the weight goal you set for yourselfat the beginning? If you are like me, youcelebrate by putting on more weight than youhad before you started.Let’s begin to look at health from a

different point of view. Instead of a weightloss goal, let’s set our goal as “the levelof health that will help me minister to myyouth at an optimal level.” That will

probably be a different level for everyone.Some of us need to shed a few pounds so thatwe can participate in the physicalactivities that we plan for our youth. Someof us need to lower our blood pressure sothat we can have the extra energy we need toremain vital. Whatever your level is, youcan find it with a few long-term changes.

Rule #1: Don’t Starve Yourself!Your body needs calories to work properly.

You wouldn’t solve poor performance in yourcar by giving it less gas, would you? Ofcourse not. By that same logic, you shouldnever deny your body its needed fuel. If youare an average sized active male, you needat least 2,000 calories per day. You can getthose calories in one meal from McDonalds,or you can get more than enough to eatthroughout the day by eating smarter. Beginto think of foods like lean poultry, beef,pork, lamb, and game. These foods are packedwith the protein your muscles need tothrive. Carbohydrates have received an awfulblemish in some dietary circles. Some carbsdeserve the rap, like products made withwhite flours. These include white breads,pastas, cakes, doughnuts, cookies, etc.However, whole grain carbohydrates areamazing for your body. They provide much

needed fiber and they help you feel fuller,longer.I know that lots of people hate their

veggies! For most of my life, I was one ofthose people. Then I got brave and startedto add them to my cooking. I found out thatnot only did I like most vegetables, Iactually found myself craving themthroughout the day. I even began taking agreen drink in the morning that is packedwith vitamins and nutrients, which helps meto get going.A word of warning about green drinks: lots

of them taste like grass clippings. I foundone that I can stand. I won’t lie and tellyou it’s better than a chocolate milkshake.I look at it like confession. It’s not myfavorite thing, but it’s essential to myhealth. My greens drink is one thing I canpoint to in my diet that I can honestly sayadds something significant to my energylevel. Eating well will also keep you in the

game. Sure, it prolongs your life and all ofthat jazz. But it also keeps those peskylittle colds away as well. How manydifferent kids are you exposed to on aweekly basis? Now think about how many kidsyour kids are exposed to on a weekly basis.Do some multiplication and we are talking

about a lot of exposure to germs. Eatingwell will definitely reduce the amount ofsick days you have to take. I speak fromexperience — I can’t remember the last timeI had any kind of serious cold.Repeat after me…I will try my hardest to

LOVE salad! Say it again just in case youneed convincing. Salads are among the mostversatile and easy things you can eat. Youdon’t have to be Emeril Lagasse to concoct agood salad. (Potato salad doesn’t count.)Start with a good base of greens. I suggestromaine or a spring mix of bagged greensfrom your grocery store. Add things likemushrooms, beans, peppers, tomatoes,broccoli, squash, zucchini, boiled egg, alittle reduced–fat shredded cheese, and somelean meat or tuna. You can even use thetasty dressings if you follow one littlehint: never pour it directly on your salad.Instead, pour some to the side and stick thetines of your fork in it lightly before eachbite. You will get plenty of flavor, and notuse nearly as much dressing as you used to.

Rule #2: Treat Yourself Every Once InA While!I know a lot of the dietary gurus would

read this and shudder with disgust. Butevery once in a while, maybe even once a

week, eat something that you really love. Ifyou love pizza, have a slice or two. If youare a dessert person, have a sundae or aslice of cheese cake. Just remember to getback to eating the really good stuff for 95%of your week. If you do that, your little“cheat” meals will actually serve as a revstart for your metabolism! (If you don’tbelieve me look it up!) It’s like a littlereward for treating yourself right. I lookforward all week to my moment of culinarydebauchery.

Rule #3: Eat Five or Six Small Mealsthroughout the DayEating many small meals throughout the day

is time consuming and requires someplanning. But if you give your body smallerportions, your metabolism will remain stokedlike a fire throughout the day. Crammingthree large meals into the body requires alot of energy to convert it into the stuffwe need. A lot of times our body isn’tthrough converting the previous meal when weadd another huge one to the pile. When weeat a few big meals a day, our metabolismstarts and stops. On the other hand, five orsix smaller portions throughout the dayplaces much less of a burden on our system.It tells our metabolism that it’s going to

have to work all day long. It’s like puttingbranches into a wood chipper. If you try tocram the whole trunk in at one time, it willeventually get bogged down and stop. If youadd small branches a little at a time,however, the chipper will keep running atoptimal speed.

Rule #4: Drink Plenty of WaterSometimes, the feeling of thirst is

misread as hunger. The recommended amount ofwater is 8–8oz. glasses per day. This soundslike a lot, and it is. But if you keep awater bottle on your desk at all times, youcan sip away and get what your body needswithout a problem.

Rule #5: Take a Multivitamin EveryDayThere are a variety of good, inexpensive

brands out there. I have read a lot aboutOne-A-Day Men’s Health Formula, which ispacked full of what you need. It’s what Itake, and it’s hard to find a better vitaminfor the money.

Rule #6: Look In the Freezer SectionFrozen meals can actually be a great

choice. Understand that I’m not talkingabout Hungry Man XXXL or anything like that.

Look for brands like Kashi, South BeachDiet, Lean Cuisine, and Healthy Choice.These meals are portioned correctly, arevery tasty, and offer a good sample of manyof the food groups. One word of warning—ifyou are sodium sensitive, make sure you pickones that are lower in sodium.Frozen fruits and vegetables are also good

choices for the youth minister. They areeconomical, store easily, and are usuallyjust as healthful as fresh. They have theadded bonus of longer shelf life. As withanything else, make sure you read thelabels. Some frozen vegetables contain addedsalts and fats. Make sure you buy productsthat contain only the vegetables you arelooking for.

Rule #7: Use Nonstick Cookware andCooking Sprays Avoid a lot of unnecessary calories and

fats by using non–stick cookware and cookingsprays. A good nonstick piece of cookwarewill allow you to sauté meats and vegetableswithout adding anything. When you do needmoisture, try using a little water orcooking spray. These will do the job withoutadding any extra calories.

Rule #8: A Little Fat Is a Good ThingFat is a word that seems to have a

negative connotation, but some fat in yourdiet is absolutely necessary. We should alllisten to the current advice that is outthere, however. Stay away from trans-fatsand saturated fats. Instead, supplement yourdiet with things like olive oil, omega 3fatty acids (salmon is an excellent source),and flaxseed oils.

Rule #9: Eat To Live, Don’t Live ToEatThere are so many more important things

than food to find pleasure in! Don’t treatmeals as though they are your primary funactivities for the day. It’s perfectly fineto look forward to spending time with lovedones at the kitchen table, but it’s sad whenwe look forward to gorging ourselves onstuff that isn’t good for us. I think youwill find that the good times we usuallyassociate with food are actually good timesbecause of the people we eat the food with.

Rule #10: Don’t Beat Yourself Up ForSlipping UpSo what, you had a moment and you ate half

a pizza. Don’t consider yourself an absolutefailure. This only leads to a defeated

attitude towards eating. Sometimes, stressor a lack of time makes us do crazy stuff.If it happens, wipe your mouth and get rightback on the healthy horse. Trust me, it’sgonna be all right.

24

Exercise More ThanThose Demons

Spending time with God, being aprofessional, and eating well are not theonly characteristics of the healthy youthminister. Physical exercise is alsoessential to the overall healthy picture.Now, before you are again tempted to putthis book down, resist the urge and keepreading!Exercise doesn’t have to be miserable. If

you have attempted to exercise in the pastand absolutely hated it, you simply didn’tfind the right activity for you. There are

countless ways to break a sweat that canactually turn out to be a good time.My wife teaches high school and they offer

a “Zumba” class after hours. Zumba is mix ofdifferent dances that she swears is loads offun. I was able to watch it for about azillionth of a nanosecond before decidingthat it wasn’t for me. That happens to beone of the beauties of exercise, however.Different strokes for different folks.The key is to find something that doesn’t

feel like work. If watching Rocky gets youpumped up, try taking a kenpo class. Kenpois a mix of kicks and punches that will burna ton of calories. If you don’t have themoney or ambition to take part in aformalized class, try shadow boxing for aset amount of time. Try to do a little bitmore each time before resting, and beforeyou know it, you’ll be ready to go a fewrounds with Clubber Lang. (Don’t take thisliterally, however, or you will probably getyour butt kicked!) Maybe punching and kicking isn’t your

thing. If not, try to make a little time inyour day for a walk. Every time you do it,try to increase the pace just a bit. Alwaysremember to listen to your body. If you feelunusual discomfort, tightness in the chest,tingling, or anything else that isn’t quite

kosher, stop immediately. It’s a good ideato consult a physician before you start anexercise program, if it’s something youhaven’t done in a while. Start slow anddon’t feel like you are competing withanyone. You aren’t trying to make theOlympic long-distance running team.I like to lift weights. I’m not, nor will

I ever be, a Greek god. It’s simply a funway for me to burn off stress and a fewcalories. When I started out, I found anearby park with a nice little fitness room.They offer a year’s membership for a hundredbucks. There are times during the year whenI hit the gym 5 or 6 days a week. There arealso times when I have hit McDonalds withmore frequency than the gym. The key is, dowhat you can do. Don’t beat yourself up ifyou can’t find the time or energy to hit thegym. (And don’t do the McDonalds thing, justdrive by and give the window attendant afriendly wave.)A common misconception of some females is

that they shouldn’t lift weights for fear ofbecoming “bulky”, or looking too masculine.It isn’t going to happen. Most of the womenwho appear in bodybuilding magazines areputting more into their bodies than simpleprotein powders and Gatorade (if you catchmy drift). Ladies, remember that you don’t

have the testosterone levels of the typicalmale. Therefore, your weight training won’tresult in Incredible Hulk muscles. You willgain more confidence and the incrediblefeeling of doing something wonderful foryourself!

This Part Is For Married ReadersOnly!Most books in the Christian reading

section probably won’t mention this exercisebenefit. [Exercise gives you stamina andenergy for the times after the little onesgo to bed. It makes sense. Exerciseincreases your capacity for prolongedactivity, proper breathing, and self-confidence. If we feel and look betterphysically, it only stands to reason that“the fun times” will happen with morefrequency! (Can I get an “AMEN”, brothersand sisters?

2 How to Eat Healthy atthe Fast Food Joint

5There will be times as a youth minister

when you will have to eat on the road. Whilethis isn’t the ideal thing to do on aregular basis if you want to live a long andhealthy life, it is practically part of thejob description. Below I have listed apretty good group of fast food places andsome options that are less than 300calories. Understand that menus do changeand these places update their nutritionalinformation from time to time. Order thestuff that isn’t too bad, and you won’t haveto carry along carrot sticks while the restof your group chews, burps, and smiles.

Quick Nutrition Facts at Your Group’sFavorite Places (in AlphabeticalOrder)

How to Eat Healthy at the Fast Food Joint 149

ArbysMenu Item Cal

.Fat(g)

Chol(mg)

NA(mg)

Pro.(g)

Martha's Vineyard Salad 272 9 61 609 22Grilled Santa Fe Salad 27

9 10 61 67

9 25

Ham/Swiss Melt 300

8 35 1070

18

Burger KingHamburger 260 10 35 490 13Cheeseburger 300 14 45 710 16Whopper Jr. 260 14 35 44

0 13

Spicy Chick'n Crisp (nomayo)

300

12 20 1450

12

Chicken Tenders 270

16 45 460 14

Chicken Fries (6 piece) 250

15 30 820 14

Fries (value menu size) 220

11 0 340 2

Onion rings (value menusize)

260 10 35 480

13

Mozzarella Sticks (4 piece)

280

15 35 650 11

Croissan'wich (egg/cheese)

300

16 180 690 11

Breakfast Burrito (Bac/egg/ch/salsa)

300 16 145 910

15


Dairy QueenHot Dog 290 7 35 900 11Crispy Chicken Wrap 290 17 30 620 11Grilled Chicken Wrap 200 13 35 450 12Crispy Chicken Flame Thrower Wrap

300 18 35 620 11

HEALTHIER OPTIONS ARE IN BOLDFACE

Del TacoMenu Item Cal Fat

(g)Chol(mg)

NA(mg)

Pro(g)

Taco 130 7 20 180

7

Soft Taco 150 6 20 330

8

Chicken Soft Taco 220 12 45 490 12Crispy Fish Taco 300 17 25 330 8Shredded Beef Taco DelCarbon

200 10 30 280 11

Steak Taco Del Carbon 210 8 30 410 9Chicken Taco Del Carbon

150 5 30 300

9

Carne Asada Taco 230 10 30 480 10Macho Taco 300 17 70 63

0 20

Sante Fe Chicken Soft Taco

240 12 40 450 12

Breakfast Del Carbon Taco

140 5 135 170 7

Hash Brown Sticks (5 piece)

210 15 0 180

0

Fries (small) 270 16 0 310 3


HardeesMenu Item Cal. Fat

g.Chol. mg

NAmg

Pro. g

Cinnamon 'n' Raisin Biscuit

300 15 0 680 3

Pancakes (3 cakes) 300 5 25 830 8Hash Rounds (small) 250 16 0 360 3Side Salad 120 7 20 160 7Fried Chicken leg 170 7 45 570 13Cole Slaw (small) 170 10 10 140 1Mashed Potatoes (small)

90 2 0 410 1



Jack In The BoxMenu Item Cal. Fat

(g)Chol

.(mg)

Sod.(mg)

Pro

(g)Hamburger 290 12 30 570 14Grilled Chicken Strips (4)

240 6 115 1060 43

Beef Monster Taco 240 14 20 390 8Beef Taco (regular) 180 10 10 270 6Grilled Chicken Salad 240 8 70 650 28Side Salad 50 3 10 65 2Spicy Corn Sticks 140 7 0 140 2Egg Roll 150 7 5 320 5Fries (small) 290 13 0 530 3Cheese Sticks (small) 280 16 25 590 12Breakfast Jack 280 11 240 790 16

Kentucky Fried ChickenGrilled Caesar Salad 210 7 85 1030 28Grilled BLT Salad 230 8 90 920 34KFC Snacker (Honey BBQ)

210 3 35 470 13

Crispy Strips (2 Piece)

230 11 70 1280 33

Grilled Fillet 140 3 70 560 26Original Fillet 170 7 55 360 23Toasted Crispy Strip Wrap*

280 10 35 820 17

Toasted Tender Grill Wrap*

240 8 50 630 20

Toasted Grilled Wrap* 240 8 45 680 19Mini Melt 250 7 45 690 15Grilled Fillet 290 4. 70 720 32


Sandwich* 5Gizzards 200 11 100 800 11Livers 180 10 200 620 11* = NO SAUCE All Grilled Chicken

Pieces Are Under 300Calories

KrystalMenu Item Cal Fa

t(g)

Chol.

(mg)

Sod.

(mg)

Pro g

Krystal 130 6 15 330 6Cheese Krystal 160 8 20 470 7Bacon/Cheese Krystal 200 11 30 580 8Double Krystal 290 13 35 580 12Kryspers 150 7 5 270 1Chili Cheese Krystal 290 19 50 670 15Chik'n Bites (small) 200 7 35 690 15Biscuits and Gravy 280 14 0 710 5Krystal Sunriser 200 11 115 620 11Corn Pups 240 14 30 520 5Chili Cheese Pup 230 14 35 560 11Plain Pup 150 8 20 450 6Chili (large) 300 11 25 200 17Chicken Bites Salad 290 20 65 490 20Krystal Chik 300 16 35 800 14Egg on Toast 230 9 190 580 12Sausage on Toast 300 20 30 420 9Pancakes (4 cakes) 280 8 20 560 7

Long John Silver’sBattered Fish 260 16 35 790 12


(1piece)Battered Shrimp (3 piece)

130 9 45 480 5

Popcorn Shrimp Snack 270 16 75 570 9Lobster Bites Snack 230 9 60 520 9Crispy Breaded Whitefish

190 10 20 540 9

Grilled Pacific Salmon (2) 150

5 50 440 24

Grilled Talapia 110 2.5

55 250 22

Long John Silver’s ContinuedMenu Item Cal Fat

(g)Chol.

(mg)

Sod(mg)

prog

Shrimp Scampi (8 pieces)

200 13 135 650 17

Chicken Plank (1) 140 8 20 480 8Freshside Grille Smartchoice Salmon

280 7 50 1010 27

Freshside Grille Smartchoice Talapia

250 4.5

60 820 25

Golden Fries (small) 230 2.5

0 350 3

McDonaldsMenu Item Cal. Fat

g.Chol. mg

Sod.mg

Pro. g

Hamburger 250 9 25 520 12Ranch Grilled Snack Wrap

270 10 45 830 18

Honey Mustard GrilledSnack Wrap

260 9 45 800 18


Chipolte Grilled Snack Wrap

260 9 45 830 18

Cheeseburger 300 12 40 750 15Southwest Salad (no chicken)

140 4.5 10 150 6

Bacon Ranch Salad (with chicken)

260 9 90 1010 33

Chicken McNuggets (6 pieces)

280 17 40 600 14

Fruit and Yogurt Parfait (with granola)

160 2 5 85 4

Egg McMuffin 300 12 260 820 18Sausage Burrito 300 16 115 830 12Fruit and Maple Oatmeal

290 4.5 10 160 5



Popeye’sMenu Item Cal Fat

(g)Chol.

(mg)

Sod(mg)

prog

Louisiana Travelers Nuggets (6 piece)

220 12 40 500 15

Naked Chicken Strips (3 strips)

220 10 80 720 30

Popcorn Shrimp 280 16 95 1110 12Chicken Sausage Jambalaya

220 11 32 760 10

Smothered Chicken 210 8 23 743 10Chicken Etouffee (regular)

160 10 20 870 12

Crawfish Etouffee (regular)

180 5 48 640 7

SonicMenu Item Cal. Fat

g.Chol. mg

Sod.mg

Pro. g

Corn Dog 210 11 20 530 6Grilled Chicken Salad 250 10 100 1070 29French Fries (small) 200 8 0 270 2Ched 'R' Bites (12 pieces)

280 15 30 740 13



Subway6 inch sub w/ lettuce, tomato, onions, green peppers, pickles,

and olives with meats mentioned below

Menu Item Cal. Fatg.

Chol. mg

Sod.mg

Pro. g

Ham 290 4.5 25 1200 18Turkey 280 5 15 900 19Turkey and Ham 300 4 25 114

0 19

Veggie Delite 230 2.5 0 410 8Mini SubsHam 180 2.5 10 670 10Roast Beef 200 3 15 480 15Turkey 190 2.5 15 610 12All salads on the 6 grams of Fat or less menu are no more than...

200 3.5

50 850 20

All soups other than chili areno more than

290 13 50 990 20

All egg muffin melts are under 300 calories except for the "Mega Muffin"



Taco BellMenu Item Cal. Fat

gChol. mg

Sod.mg

Prog.

Crunchy Taco (fresco) 150 7 20 350 8Soft Taco (fresco) 190 7 20 580 8Chicken Soft Taco (fresco)

170 4 25 680 12

Steak Grilled Soft Taco (fresco)

160 6 15 550 9

Nacho Cheese Beef Gordita

290 14 20 720 12

Nacho Cheese Chicken Gordita

270 10 25 760 15

Nacho Cheese Steak Gordita

260 11 15 690 12

Beef Gordita Supreme 300 13 35 500 13Chicken Gordita Supreme

270 10 35 630 17

Steak Gordita Supreme 270 11 30 550 14Cheesy Nachos 280 17 0 300 4Cheese Rollup 200 10 20 480 9Chicken Flatbread Sandwich

290 15 35 720 15

Mini Quesadilla 190 9 20 450 9Tostada 250 10 25 730 11



Wendy'sAll premium salads are under 300 calories ifyou order "1/2 Size"Menu Item Cal. Fat

g.Chol. mg

Sod.mg

Pro. g

Small Chili 220 7 35 870 18Jr. Hamburger 230 8 30 480 12Chicken Nuggets (5 piece)

230 14 35 430 12

Grilled Chicken Wrap 260 10 55 750 20Natural Cut Fries (value size)

220 11 0 270 3

White CastleMenu Item Cal. Fat

g.Chol. mg

Sod.mg

Pro. g

Original Slider 140 6 10 360 7Cheese Burger 170 9 15 550 8Jalapeno Cheese Burger

160 9 20 460 9

Bacon Cheese Burger 190 11 20 550 9Pulled Pork Slider 170 4.5 25 460 9Double Original 240 12 20 660 12Double W/ Cheese 300 17 30 940 15Double Jalapeno W/ Cheese

280 17 30 860 15

All Breakfast Sliders except Sausage, egg, cheese, and Huevos Ranchero) are under 300 Calories.



Nutritional Information Reference

Fast food menu web information as ofJanuary, 2011

Arbys: www.arbys.com/nutrition/Arbys_Nutrition_Website.pdf Burger King: www.bk.com/cms/en/us/cms_out/digital_assets/files/pages/NutritionInformation.pdfDairy Queen: www.dairyqueen.com/upload/DQFoodandTreatNutritionBrochure.pdfDel Taco: www.deltaco.com/nutrition.htmlHardees: www.hardees.com/system/pdf_menus/9/original/Hardees_Nutritionals_5.20.10.pdf?1285096241Jack in the box: www.jackinthebox.com/pdf/NutritionalGuide_2010.pdfKFC: www.kfc.com/nutrition/pdf/kfc_nutrition.pdfKrystal:krystal.com/wp-content/themes/krystal/pdf/NutritionalInformation.pdfLong John Silver's: www.longjohnsilvers.com/pdf/LJS_Nutritional_Information.pdf


McDonalds: http://nutrition.mcdonalds.com/nutritionexchange/nutritionfacts.pdfPopeyes:www.popeyes.com/nutrition.pdfSonic: www.sonicdrivein.com/pdfs/menu/SonicNutritionGuide.pdfSubway: www.subway.com/applications/NutritionInfo/nutritionlist.aspx?id=sandwichTaco Bell: www.tacobell.com/nutrition/informationWendy’s: www.wendys.com/food/pdf/us/nutrition.pdfWhite Castle: www.whitecastle.com/system/blocks/data/6/original/System_Nutritional_Summ_Nov_2010.pdf

26

Exercising WhileYou’re Away With Your

Group


You are a youth minister. Your alternatetitle could be “King of the Road.” You’vetraveled tons of miles and probably stayedin all kinds of hotel rooms, youth campcabins, and church floors. While it’s truethat you can’t stuff your Soloflex machineinto your suitcase, you can get a greatworkout with little or no equipment avail-able. Don’t believe me? Read on...

The 10 Minute Workout for You — theBuff and Mighty Youth Minister

Do all exercises one after the other with little to no rest(if you can. If you need a breather, take it. I’m not watchingyou)

1. Standard Push-Ups. The old reliable.Start with your hands shoulder–widthapart and the rest of your bodystraight. Lower your entire torso tothe floor while maintaining a “1-2”count. Push up with your arms whilemaintaining the same count. If youare a beginner, you can do push-upswith your knees touching the floorinstead of your toes. If you are abeginner, do as many as you canwithout hurting yourself. Everyoneelse, shoot for 5-10 repetitions.

2. Squats. This is a great exercise foryour “core” (the midsection of yourbody) and your legs. Start with a


shoulder-width stance. Make sure thatyou are looking straight ahead withno bend in your back. Let your armshang at your side and bend at theknees until you are butt is at (or asclose as you can get) the same levelas your knees. Slowly straighten yourlegs until you return to thebeginning standing position.Beginners, do what you can. Everyoneelse, try for 5-10 repetitions.

3. Single Arm Shoulder Press. You can dothis either seated or standing. Startby holding your right hand up atshoulder level with your palm up, asthough you are holding an invisiblefood servers tray. Place your lefthand on top of your right hand andapply a little pressure. Raise yourright hand straight up while keepingthe left hand on top, applyingpressure. Switch arms and repeat theexercise. Beginners, do 5 reps witheach arm. Everyone else, shoot for10-20 repetitions with each arm.

4. Single Arm Bicep Curl. In a standingposition, let your right arm hang atyour side with your palm facing up.Place your left hand on top of yourright hand, and apply a littlepressure. Pull your right arm up to


your shoulder. (You can lock thefingers of both hands together if youwish.) Switch arms and repeat theexercise. Beginners, do 5 reps witheach arm. Everyone else, shoot for10-20 repetitions with each arm.

5. Jumping Jacks. Remember these fromyour P.E. days? Jacks are a greatcardio exercise that works all kindsof muscles in your body. Start in astanding position with your hands atyour side (palms touching your outerthighs). In one small jumping motion,spread your legs and bring your armsa little higher than shoulder level.Imagine that you are making an “X”with your body. Beginners, try for 10seconds of consecutive jacks.Everyone else, shoot for 30-60seconds of continuous jacks.

If you are just starting out, you shouldbegin with one cycle. For those of you thatare past the beginning stage of fitness,shoot for 2-4 sets of the 5–exercise cycle.Then take a shower, you will reek.

BibliographyThe Holy Bible. Revised standard version containing the Old

and New Testaments. (1952). New York: T.Nelson.

Appreciative inquiry commons. (n.d.). Retrievedfromhttp://appreciativeinquiry.case.edu

Bell, R. (2005). Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christianfaith. Grand Rapids, Mich: Zondervan.

Carlin, G. (1997). Brain droppings. New York:Hyperion.

Fields, D. (1998). Purpose-driven youth ministry: 9essential foundations for healthy growth. GrandRapids, Mich: Zondervan

Greene, B. (2006). The best life diet. New York:Simon & Schuster.

Harris, A., & Harris, B. (2008). Do hardthings: A teenage rebellion against lowexpectations. Colorado Springs, CO:Multnomah Books.

Mayo, J. (2004). Thriving youth groups: Secrets forgrowing your ministry. Loveland, Colo:Group.

Newberry, T. (2007). The 4:8 principle: The secret toa joy-filled life. Carol Stream, Ill: TyndaleHouse Publishers.

Prosperi, W. (2006). Girls' ministry 101: Ideas forretreats, small groups, and everyday life withteenage girls. Grand Rapids, Mich:Zondervan.

Schnase, R. C. (2007). Five practices of fruitfulcongregations. Nashville: Abingdon Press.

Twain, M. ( ) The Adventures of Tom SawyerWarren, R. (2005) The purpose driven life.

Findaway World Llc.Wilkinson, B. (2000). The prayer of Jabez: Breaking

through to the blessed life. Sisters, Or:Multnomah.

Yaconelli, M. (2004). Mike Yaconelli: Collectedwritings. El Cajon, CA: YouthSpecialties.

Zinczenko, D., & Spiker, T. (2004). The absdiet: The six-week plan to flatten your stomach andkeep you lean for life. [Emmaus, Pa.]: Rodale

About the AuthorJay Tucker is a

lifelong SouthFloridian.Growing up inNaples, FL gaveJay year-long sunand the foun-dation for thedesire to stayactive. Thisdesire pointedhim in thedirection ofeducation, wherehe holds aBachelor Degreefrom Florida GulfCoast University. Jay has been married tohis wife Kimberly, since 1995. Together theyhave two beautiful children, Sarah Kay andWilliam Monroe II. After two years in theclassroom and a 9/11 shortened stint as anational educational/motivational speaker,Jay finally answered God’s call in his lifeto enter fulltime youth ministry.That career has spanned 15+ years as both

a volunteer and a fulltime salaried employeein the church. Over the years, Jay has

attended many youth worker conferences andevents. It was during one of those eventswhen Jay made a sobering discovery: a largepercentage of his fellow youth workers wereextremely overweight. This began a journeyinto how to help himself and other youthworkers achieve and maintain the optimallevel of health that will allow us tominister at our full potential.This book is a humorous look at youth

ministry “from the trenches.” It is filledwith professional tips, spiritual advice,and easy to follow fitness and nutritiontips that are designed to fit naturally intothe life of the youth worker. In the future,Jay aspires to help other youth workers findthat level of wholeness through his writingand speaking.

IndexAabuse..................48alcohol................47Appreciative Inquiry...79attendance.............36Bblog...................75board meetings.........64bullying...............47Ccalendar...............72communicating with

congregation.........73communication..........72computer etiquette......6confirmation...........37criticism..............67Ddiets..................98dressing................6drugs..................47Eexercise.........105, 121Ffamily involvement.....16fat...................102first day of school....76flirting...............45Ggroup space............70Hhome visit.............76Llock-ins.................

best movie list......34clean (non-messy) games

...................28schedule.............35sleeping.............24sweaty games.........28weird games..........30

Mmeals.................101missions lock-in.......32Oordainment.............48Pparent's night.........76parenting..............13parents................74parents..................

and seniors..........40criticism............67

pastor.................13and ethical standards 47relationship with YM. .8

permission slips.......23prayer.................77Rromantic relationships

with parents.........45Sseminary...............11senioritus.............39seniors................42seniors..................

and leadership.......42success................36support team.......71, 82

Tteen counseling..........

ethical considerations...................46

teen romance...........18and college students. 21

time management.........8V

volunteer vs. paid......3volunteers...............

background checks....77finding..............71relationships........45youth group night....76

Wwater.................101

The Whole Youth Worker, 2nd Edition

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