The WAY WE live OUR RELATIONSHIP

Jean Noel Macaque

Every Relationship

Every Connection with others has its ups and downs

Changes in our relationship willimpact what we want and need fromthe relationship

Change is inevitable in life

Disagreements in a relationship are not only normal

It brings fear, anxiety, sadness, tension, anger , irritation, fight, violence

Emotional Impact brings Depression and Trauma

Relationship trauma isthe kind of emotionaland psychologicaltrauma that occurswithin the context ofrelationships

Relationships tend also to be where the effects of relationship trauma reemerge

Ways in which they reemerge are in being easily triggered, bringing old patterns into new

relationships (reenactment patterns)

Transferences in the family onto partners and children

Transferences onto friends

We have many difficulties in our relationship toregulate strong feelings such as fear, hostility,anger, rage, anxiety, sadness

When we feel we can’t do nothing to change the situation we’re in

We form a pattern of helplessness, weakness, defenselessness

We give up

When our relationships became unreliable

We experience a loss of trust and faith inrelationships and in life’s ability to repair andrenew itself

When we are hyper vigilant we carry a level of Anxiety

We scan our environment and relationships for signs of potential danger

We became easily triggered and hyper-reactive with others

The limbic system regulates mood

When we are deregulated in our emotional system we may have trouble regulating feelings such as anger, sadness and fear, all of which may

contribute to depression

When our family unit is spinning out of control, we will tell ourselves whatever is necessary to

allow ourselves to stay connected

This kind of reasoning can be immature and distorted

It also produces core beliefs about life and relationships upon which we build more distorted reasoning and that we live out

throughout our lives

The freezing response of our emotional restriction leads us to a loss of ability to take in

caring and support from others

Additionally, as mistrust grows, so does our willingness to accept love and support

We engaged in chronic high risk behaviors by trying to do a couple of things, to stimulating a

rush of feel good and to alter the mood

Some examples of high risk behaviors Speeding, sexual acting out, spending, fighting,

drugging…..

When we have an unhealthy family system

We can experience a survivor’s guilt

When we are consistently being wounded emotionally and are not able to address it openly and honestly, we develop mechanical defenses to

manage our fear and pain

Dissociation, denial, splitting, repression, minimization,

intellectualization, projection are some examples

Traumatic bonds in relationship between parent and child, couples, friends may be left to care for

each other

To love each other

Addictions A sort of self-administered medication

Drugs and alcohol, for the trauma survivor, can provide a way to quiet the mind and the body, to

control a turbulent, troubled inner world

The reenactment dynamic is one of the core features of how trauma from one generation gets

passed down through subsequent generations

We tend to recreate those circumstances in our lives that feel

unresolved and unconscious

Relationship involve ongoing effort

and compromise