The Vetinari Dualegacy Chapter 7 5

Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy! In the first half of Chapter 7, Gerry, Delight, and Delirium aged to teen, June and Stephan aged to elder, Spider Jerusalem aged to child, Larch drank Enemy Kevin to keep himself young, the Romance Uglacy twins had a date or two, Finn got his first kiss, and a few cracks started to show in Cassidy's armor.

"Heh. I look almost peaceful and innocent here, don't I?"Oh, but we know better, don't we?"Just because I'm not nasty doesn't mean I'm not Eeevil."I believe you. And by the way, this is the last cover you get, so you'd better enjoy it."If that's the case, you could have found a shot of me looking mean."But there were so many to choose from, I couldn't decide, so I went for 'deceptively nice.'"Aaah, let's just get on with the show."

"Listen up, lady! Here's a stack of Simoleans, and I'd better not get a cousin dropped onto this porch, comprende?""I'm back at the house with no nice points, aren't I?"Yup. Four people, seven nice points. That works out to fewer than two apiece, for those of you who are bad at math. I love my Sims. I really do.

Puffy vest, but not Gerry. Guy's got a face like a brick, though.

Oh wait, that is a brick. My bad.

"You're cute and I'm mean! Wanna date?""Pleasure Sim! Yeah I wanna date!"

Are there any teen Townies who aren't Pleasure or Romance? Not complaining, mind you, just curious.

"Listen up bud, looky but no touchy, mmmkay?""Right, one nice point, sorry. I forgot."

And they manage to finish off the date with a kiss. Since it's an end-of-the-date kiss, there aren't any floating hearts, so that's kind of a bummer, but at least I've gotten rid of some Want Panel Spam.

"I'm getting ready to hit that last birthday, Sycamore. You know what that means?""No more wandering around the house in your pajama bottoms, boss?""Well, that too, but mostly it means my days will be getting well and truly numbered. Which in turn means that it's only a matter of time before Cypress tries something Eeevil and underhanded to derail the Legacy. I need your help."

"What do you need me to do?""I can protect the Uglacy. I have a plan.""But you'll be dead.""Like I said: I have a plan. My family will be his main target, since he's got the biggest vendetta against Dad and I. He'll try to go after the Prettacy, though, just because he can. Someone needs to watch over your family until the end of this thing, and it's got to be you or Banyan.""No way will Banyan do it. She's too nice to go after Cy if he does try to pull any Legacy-terminating stunts.""I know. That leaves you--nice enough to care about the Prettacy, but nasty enough to fight tooth and nail for it.""You've sure got me pegged."

"Listen, Cami. What I'm going to ask you to do is going to seem crazy, but it's the only way I see you being able to do what has to be done.""C'mon, boss, you're the one who told me that family is more important than anything! June's my twin sister; I don't want to see her family destroyed any more than you want to see yours destroyed. You know I'll do anything to stop Cypress.""That's what I'm counting on. And if we could get some privacy from some nosy omnipotent voice, I'll explain what I need you to do."

Fine. I'll just be over here...

"School's great, huh? Isn't learning fun?""Sure, whatever. You know I'm a Pleasure Sim, right? And anyway, I mostly sleep through school.""How can you sleep through school? You'll miss out on all that great learning!""Yeah, but I catch up on all that great sleeping."

"Look, Jon, I appreciate your love of all things geeky, but some of us have lives more complicated than going to school, coming home and working on the gardening badge to stay platinum, and cleaning the bathroom. I mean, I have to clean the bathroom, but I don't WANT to clean the bathroom, if you get my drift.""No, you've sort of lost me there, Cassidy.""I'm a Pleasure Sim. I want to watch TV, go on dates, and eat mac and cheese. Instead, I get to cook, clean, garden, keep an eye on my little brother, and try to mediate a truce between him and my sister. See the difference?"

"So why do you do it? Why not just do what you want to do?""I'm not living the cushy life of some Legacy family. My dad's your mom's cousin, and he's an Eeevil little weasel who will kill me without any sort of remorse at all if I don't do what he wants. Dad wants to destroy the Dualegacy, and he's already killed to make that happen. My sense of self-preservation helps me ignore that tomato-red plumbbob.""That makes me sad, Cass. I need to go clean a bathroom or two until I cheer up again.""Just leave the darts and point me in the direction of your hot tub."

And Now For Something Completely Different!

Christy grows up quite unceremoniously. Zee and Finn were on dates, and Larch was too busy playing Razzle with Kendra, who actually recognizes Finn as her Master. That's probably from all the times he took her out in the snow to pee while complaining that he needed to sleep.

Christy's got some mad cankles along with the sag.

Anyway, she's all CC'd up again (outfit from AAS). Sadly, she and Larch have lost a bolt. I'm hoping that after he ages up in a couple of days and I change their turnons again, I can get it back.

"Mrrrow, two bolts.""Are you upset that it's not three anymore, Larch?""Hey, either way I get to fulfill that WooHoo in Bed Want, so it's pretty much a win-win for me."

Gah, Family Sims. Just Romance Sims without the fear of commitment.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAinhaleexhaleinhaleHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAsnortinhaleHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAwipes away tear

Uh, Larch, normally that works better if the strapping young man is catching the lady."Yeah, but it's Eeeviller this way!"

"You're still the woman I roll Wants for, Christy!""I'm glad, Larch. Because there's fresh cowcake outside if I wasn't.""That's not a very nice thing to say.""I'm only nice compared to you.""And that IS a nice thing to say. Gimme some sugar, baby!"

He ain't THAT good...

Props to the twelve of you who got that.

"Cassidy, this place is a mess! The last time I checked, the stove wasn't supposed to be brown, plus the dishwasher's smoking and there are leaves all over the yard!""Well, if you hadn't fired the gardener...""She was a creepy, creepy waste of money. She should be glad I only fired her. Anyway, I expect you to be able to do a little yardwork.""It's just I have so much to do already. Can't Del do the gardening? Or you?"

"I didn't realize that asking you to take on a little responsibility was such a problem for you, Cassidy.""'A LITTLE responsibility?' Is that supposed to be funny or something?""I don't follow."

"I don't have a 'little' responsibility. I have ALL the responsibility. Ever since YOU killed Mom and Spider was born. Did you ever even change ANY of his diapers? When was the last time you cleaned a toilet? Made dinner? Helped Spider with his homework? I'M the one who taught Del and Spider to study. I'M the one who makes sure there's breakfast and dinner to be had. I'M the one who fixes whatever breaks, orders the groceries, cleans the house, and trims the hedges. ME! I do everything while you sit around making your stupid plans for the stupid Legacy, and you have the nerve to come down on me because things aren't perfect? The only way I can get through the day is by sucking down cup after cup of coffee because I'm lucky to get three hours of sleep a night because of all the things I have to do, and all you do is call me a disappointment because I'm not a nasty piece of work like you! If I walked out that door right now, you'd miss your live-in nanny/maid/cook/gardener, not your son!"

"If you hate it here so much, then go. No one's stopping you. Get your worthless carcass out of my house. Go find someone who will put up with your useless, pathetic whining--if you can."

"Fine! I'm outta here. And I won't be back. Ever.""Probably a wise choice."

"Cass? Where are you going?""Away. College, I guess, as soon as the taxi gets here. After that, I don't know.""But who's going to take care of me?""Your birthday's tomorrow. Just get some breakfast before Del, or she'll eat the last of the leftovers like always.""You're my brother! What am I going to do without you here?""I don't know. And it's not my problem anymore.""You can't leave, Cass. You're the only one who's ever looked after me."

"Learn how to look after yourself, Spider! I did. And then be glad that you don't have a bunch of rugrats running around to take care of too.""Look, maybe if you apologize...""NO! HE owes ME an apology. For pretty much my whole life.""Please, Cass. Don't go."

"No, Spider! We all know what Dad's capable of. He killed his own wife, for crying out loud! I just had a huge argument with him, and if I stay here, I'll be next! He's not going to stop. Not ever. This thing with the Legacy is consuming him, and he doesn't care who he has to hurt to get what he wants. By the time he's done, somebody's going to be dead. If we're lucky, it won't be any of us. If we're really lucky, it'll be him. And the way my life's gone so far? I don't feel lucky.""I know all that, Cass. I only feel safe because you're here! You can't leave me alone with him.""Del's here.""She hates me--she won't stop him from hurting me! I need you!"

"I'm sorry, Spider Jerusalem. I don't want to die."

"Goodbye, Spider."

"CASSIDYYYY!"

"Cass..."

"Stop that sniveling, Spider Jerusalem! You're a Reaper child; start acting like it! Someday you'll have power that weak idiots like Cassidy can't even dream about, and it's not fitting for that power to be wielded by some snot-nosed crybaby! You'd better start living up to that one nice point; I need someone strong on my side, and if you can't help me take down the Dualegacy, I'll find someone who can, by whatever means necessary. Is that clear?"

"Yes. It's clear.""Good. Forget about your brother; he means nothing.""But--""Make sure the bathrooms are clean and your homework's done before you go to bed.""Yessir."

Spider Jerusalem grows up alone, another Eeevil little Knowledge Sim.

Zee: "The bathroom's over there if you need it."Spider: "I shouldn't be here. I should leave."Finn: "Why? Aren't you, like, our cousin or something anyway?"Spider: "That's sort of the problem, isn't it? My dad'll kill me if he finds out I was here."

Bit of a CC glitch with Zee's hair. These are not the droids you're looking for *handwave*

Finn: "It's not like you have to tell him or anything."Zee: "Yeah, like you've never lied to your dad before."Spider: "Seriously, he'll kill me if he finds out. And I'm not being metaphorical."Zee: "Come on, loosen up a little! Have some fun!"Finn: "Oh, hey Dad. Brought a friend home from school, if that's OK."Spider: "'Dad?' Uh oh."

"You must be my brother's youngest. Spider Jerusalem, right?""Yes. That's me, uh, Uncle Larch.""I see you've already met Zee and Finn. They're a little obsessed with dating, but they're harmless, really. Well, maybe slightly Eeevil, but certainly not malicious. Most of the time."

"Pleasedon'thurtmeI'llgoIpromise!""What? Spider, why would I hurt you?""You... and Dad... with the death threats... and the fights... and him wanting to bring down the Dualegacy... Just don't kill me, I promise I'll leave and I won't say anything to anybody, just don't hurt me!"

"Spider, I'm not going to hurt you. Cy and I may have the same personality, but I'm a Family Sim; I don't have it in me to hurt a kid. As a matter of fact, I was going to suggest that you take your coat off and stay a while. Christy caught a jumbo trout earlier; I'm going to cook it up, and there'll be more than enough to go around.""But--but why? You and Dad--you're enemies! He wants to kill you!""Like I said, I'm a Family Sim, and you're family. Even if you weren't, you've got the look of a kid who could use a couple of friends, some fun, and a hot meal. I might be Eeevil, but there's a difference between Eeevil and mean, and I'm not heartless enough to ignore a kid I have the ability to help.""I don't understand.""I'm not a bad guy. I'm not my brother. I know him, and I know what it must be like for you to live with him. You're welcome here any time you need a place to come and get away. As long as I'm around, my door's open to you. No questions asked.""You mean that?""Of course I do!"

"Thank you."

*Larch in best C. Montgomery Burns internal monologue voice*: Eeeeeexcellent.

Larch gets old, and finds a way to do it without a shirt on. And the only reason he has the swim trunks on is because he was hanging out in the hot tub with Zee.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

This picture is the one that's worth a thousand words when describing the Vetinaris. We have someone finger-gunning, and someone beating up an old lady! Yesss! All that's missing is someone with a mop or sponge!

You know, at least she's thinking about Larch this time. Sometimes when they're Making Out, she starts thinking about money.

"I get to keep my fauxhawk!"It just wouldn't be you without it. But I'm not gonna drool over it anymore, because now it's creepy."Creepier than drooling over a pixellated fauxhawk on a fake person?"Shut up. My love for the fauxhawk knows no bounds but the jailbait or the gray and saggy, and the latter qualification you no longer meet."Please--I'm hardly saggy."True--you aged like your father, who was reasonably unsaggy right to the very end. But you are gray, no denying that.

His outfit's from MTS2. Again, I can't see Eeevil Larch in Goopy Shorts and a polo shirt.

"Hey! How come no more three bolts?"I don't know. I changed both of your turnons, there should be three bolts again, but no luck. Sorry. You'll just have to live with two."Larch, stop talking to Supreme Nerd and let me snuggle.""Yes, dear."

Larch: "Okay, kids, you already know about the Legacy."Finn: "Sure, you haven't exactly made a secret of it."Larch: "I didn't want to make the same mistake your grandfather did."Zee: "So what's the what, Dad?"Finn: "It's gotta be the heir, right? One of us comes back here and has to have kids, and the other one gets to live the life of a spare."

Larch: "Good guess, Finn. Since you two are almost ready to hit college, it's time to name an heir."Zee: "But we're both Romance, Dad! Neither of us wants marriage and kids!"Larch: "That is a bit of a problem. But, happily, it's not MY problem. MY problem is keeping this family safe from my brother. You have to remember that he's a threat, and you can't trust him.Finn: "So, who's the unlucky party, Dad?"

Larch: "That'd be you, Finn."Finn: "Me? Really? Do I have to?"Larch: "Yes."Finn: "But... Romance Sim!"Zee:sigh of reliefLarch: "It had to be one of you, Finn, and this is an Uglacy--your face is stranger than Zee's. It's nothing personal."Finn: "Awwwww."

And what is Larch's Eeevil brother getting up to these days?

"You know, ever since the wife died, I've been a bit lonely.""I think I can help you with that. Come here, you!"

And yes, that's the theoretically non-trashy sorority sister of Brittany and Heather. Who knew she was really an Eeevil groupie ho?

"So have you stopped missing your wife yet?""Did I ever miss her?"

"Dad! How could you?""Natural part of life, moving on, blah blah blah. You should try it some time."

"This is all your fault, Spider Jerusalem!""Me? What did I do? I don't even know that lady!"

"If it weren't for you, Mom would still be alive and Dad wouldn't be performing a tonsil-check on that cheap sorostitute! If you weren't here, Cassidy wouldn't have lost it and left!""That's a load of crap, Del! If you'd ever helped Cass, maybe he would have been able to handle everything he was given, but you're too selfish to think about anyone but yourself! At least I tried to get him to stay, unlike you!""I didn't have to beg him not to go, because it wasn't my fault he left! He just couldn't take care of YOU anymore. It's YOUR fault Mom's dead, it's YOUR fault Cassidy left, and it's YOUR fault that everything sucks around here, and you know it!"

"It's not my fault Jane died! I had no control over that--I wasn't even born yet! And Cassidy didn't leave because of me! He didn't! He was the only person here who cared about me, and he left because of Dad! I'm not the reason he went away! It wasn't my fault! It wasn't my fault. It wasn't... It wasn't!"

He still makes great faces, no?

"Hey, you wanna give me an Aspiration boost before I go to college?""Yowza! Sure I do!""Oh, right, you're a Pleasure Sim. Well then, let's get platinum together!"

"Hmmm. I hear there's quite the black market for young, healthy kidneys. I wonder if he'd miss one..."

Aaawwww, Zee and Don fall in love. For the next, like, three hours.

And Fall In Love With Geranium has become her Want Panel Spam. Still no, Zee. He's still your cousin.

I send her off to meditate and get Finn his Aspiration boost.

Ditto the cuteness, ditto the extremely brief duration thereof.

"Can I fall in love with two Sims at once?"Yes."Can I Make Out with three different Sims?"Yes."Can I do all that after I move back here, too?"I'm not playing with Family Values rules, here, buddy, I'm cool with whatever as long as it doesn't involve falling in love with your cousins. Which won't be an issue for you, seeing as how they're guys, first cousins, or both."Sweeeeet."

"Bye, Daddy. Finn and I are heading out to Academie Le Tour now.""Okay, Zee. Remember what I told you about college.""Dormies and walkbys are for Influencing to Clean, never wear swimsuits in hot tubs, and anyone in an animal costume is fair game for pummeling?""You betcha!""I'll miss you, Daddy.""I'll miss you too, Zee. Try not to break too many hearts.""Romance Sim.""Well, just try not to get caught.""I have one nice point and ten Body. They'd better HOPE they don't catch me.""That's my girl."

"See ya, Dad.""Have fun at college, Finn. Find some nice unattractive girl to bring home with you.""Do I really have to marry some ugly chick?""Yes.""Really?""Really.""I don't want to.""You might change your mind. Or not. Either way, there's a wedding arch in your future. And if you get to thinking you can get out of it, remember that I'm even Eeeviller than you.""I know.""Off you go, then. I'll see you when you graduate.""Bye, Dad."

Del and Spider come home with Jon and Gerry. Predictably, a water balloon fight erupts.

"Arrgh! Spider, you suck!"

"Del, I didn't even throw that one! Get off my back already!"

"Two on one? No fair!" *dirty look*

Yeah, don't let the couch-jumping and bathtub piracy fool you, he's still only got three nice points. Of course, around these here parts, that's practically enough to nominate him for sainthood.

"Hey, Grandma! Scare me for +5000 Aspiration?""Eh, not tonight.""But... but +5000 Aspiration!""Not in the mood.""Awww... Now I have to go clean a bathroom to cheer up again."

I'm not joking when I say that OCD Jonny gets fun from cleaning. It's sort of amusing to watch his Fun bar fill up when he's scrubbing a toilet.

"Pleasure Sim?""Pleasure Sim.""Aspiration points for Flirt?""Aspiration points for Flirt."

And, yup, that's Finn's former Aspiration fodder. She gets around.

"First Kiss!""Oh my gawd, you're sooo much cuter than my last boyfriend! Even with Stabby Death Nose.""Yeah, I'm quite the looker.""You should have seen his cheeks."

Yeah, thanks, Calista. Don't scare the Knowledge dork who keeps rolling the Want to see your transparent butt. Scare the Pleasure Sim who has barely any recollection of you at all, since you died when he was a baby. At least he wasn't rolling that Fear.

Ah well. Dream Date anyway, and big red hearts. Yay Gerry!

They're so cute. I *heart* them.

This picture has no other purpose. They're just so cute, and I *heart* them.

June: "OK, boys, time to name an heir."Gerry: "I don't wanna get married. Do I have to get married?"Jon: "Life is boring now that I've maxed my skills. Can I see Grandma's ghost before dawn?"Gerry: "Dude, I wish you would, 'cause that'd mean she wasn't stalking me."June: "Focus! One of you has to move back in and marry a pretty girl."

Gerry: "It's Jon, right? Tell me it's Jon."June: "It's you, Jon."Jon: "Hey, wait, didn't Dad get loads of Aspiration points for teaching me and Gerry stuff? OK, I'm in!"June: "Well, that was easy."Gerry: "Are we done here? I wanna go jump on the couch."Jon: "No jumping on the couch! Shoe germs! When this is my house, no jumping on the couch!"Gerry: "Yeah, well, it's Mom and Dad's house still, and I get to jump on the couch!"June: "Have fun with that, Gerry."Jon: "I'm gonna go scrub the stove now."June: "Have fun with that, Jon."

June gets the typewriter doodad for the Storyteller Handicap. It seems like Larch wrote his so much faster.

"Mom, I'm off to college. Zee and Finn said they've got a house set up. So I'm taking the old TV and a bed. Hope you don't mind.""Nope. Enjoy yourself. Don't spend too much time studying; college is about fun, too. After all, that's where your dad and I met.""I'm sure everyone will make sure I get out and socialize.""Good. Gerry, don't you want to say goodbye to your brother?""Wheee! Later, dork! Bouncy bouncy bouncy!""Bye, Gerry. See you in a semester or so."

"Au revoir, Jean!""Bye, Dad.""Don't let your cousins boss you around.""I won't, Mom. Uh, Gerry, are you sure you're not gonna wave or anything?""Nope! Busy jumping!""Alrighty then."

"Gosh, this 'rubbing the chin' thing would be so much more effective if I had a beard.""I can't believe you've sat 'ere and played wiz me for so long.""Fun and social! Hooray!"

"Hey, Didi. I can't believe you followed me home from school again.""Why?""Didn't Grandpa scare the crap out of you a bunch of times?""Yeah.""Wow, you must be a real glutton for punishment."

"What's that supposed to mean?""Well, if I went somewhere and got scared three times in a row, I don't think I'd go back.""Are you saying I'm stupid or something?""No. I mean, I guess you don't have to be worried about getting scared during the day.""Who says I have to be worried about being scared at all?""I got scared by Grandma the other night, and I'm sort of worried about it happening again now.""Some of us aren't little pansy-boys, Geranium!""I'm not a pansy! Honest!"

"I don't even know why I followed you home.""Because everyone likes me?""Do I look like I like you?""Maybe?""You are so dumb. What kind of name is 'Geranium' anyway?""So I guess when they named you 'Delight,' that was ironic, huh?""Idiot."

So Didi kept pulling these faces, and I expected the Chat to end, but it kept not being over, so I took a look at the speech bubbles, and there was no red x through the discussion topic. She just wanted to make nasty faces at him. I'll say that again, because I think it bears repeating: These are the faces Didi makes when she AGREES with people.

And I can't even have Banyan Encourage her to be nice, since she's not technically adopted. Too bad there's not a SimVac for personality points, because that's about the only way she's ever going to have more than one nice point.

"Didi making mean faces at me is no fun! Pleasure Sim wants fun!"

"Smustle is fun!"

And look, Didi apparently CAN smile!

And Gerry has learned to Smustle!

"Dad, Mom's over there in her Ecological Guru uniform!""Where?!"

"Ahahahahaha! Marginal Aspiration boost!"

"For I'm called Little Buttercup--dear Little Buttercup,Though I could never tell why,But still I'm called Buttercup--poor little Buttercup,Sweet Little Buttercup I!"

HMS Pinafore this time. Nice. My little Gilbert and Sullivan fanatic.

"Bye, Dad. I'm off to college.""Au revoir, Gerry. Tell Jean I said bonjour.""Sure thing. I hope they have a good couch to jump on.""Keep an eye out for zat special someone.""I'll see what happens. I think I'd rather just date a lot.""Look after Jean. 'e is too nice for ze cow mascots.""Somehow, I don't think that'll be much of a problem, as long as Zee and Finn and I are around. Cow mascots don't stand a chance!"

"Bye, Mom! Going to college!""Bye, Geranium!""Pillow fights are fun!""Isn't this so much more 'us' than a tender hug?""Totally!""Make lots of friends and go on lots of dates!""Can do!"

And with that, the last of the Gen 3 Vetinari Dualegacy kids heads off to college. But, of course, there are still a few Gen 3 Vetinaris hanging around...

Six nice points. Riiiiiiight. The first Sim I've ever had kick over their own trash can has six nice points. Totally different personalities, but she and Didi are definitely twins. Del really needs to stop trying to pick up teen Townies that Cassidy got to first. She'd have more luck that way.

And where's the last Vetinari Uglacy spare-spawn?

"Spider? If you're looking for Zee and Finn, they went to college a while ago.""I know. Sorry I just walked in, but I knocked and no one answered and the door was open.""It's all right. You know you're welcome here."

"Wow, Uncle Larch. You look...""Old? Happens to the best of us.""But not the worst.""You've got me there.""Dad really doesn't like you. He's putting everything he has into taking down the Dualegacy.""I'm taking precautions.""But he'll have practically forever to perfect whatever he's planning! How can you hope to plan so far ahead?""I know my brother. But I doubt you came here to warn me of what I already know, so..."

"What's the trouble, Spider?""Ever since Cass cracked and left, it's just me and Del and Dad. Dad ignores me, which isn't so bad. I'm used to it by now. It's when he stops ignoring me that it'll be time to worry. Del hates me; she blames me for Dad's girlfriend, for Cass leaving, for breathing... All Delirium and I do is fight with each other. I hate it.""I know what it's like to fight with a sibling.""It's not that. I don't like how I feel when I get mad. I feel like I could do something horrible, and I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to turn into Dad.""You could go to college early like Cassidy did."

"I can't, Uncle Larch. If Dad thinks I'm trying to run, he'll kill me and get another Reaper child. The only thing keeping me alive is that he needs me. He didn't need Cass anymore, so he let him go. If Cass had stayed, he'd be dead now. The only way I'll get to leave is when I get old enough that I'll have to go to college or age up to adult, and he'll let me go so he doesn't have to deal with the Aspiration Failure. And even then, I'll have to come back or he'll hunt me down. I can't get away. That's not even the worst of it--if Dad finds out that I have no idea what my Reaper child powers are, he's not going to be happy. He doesn't really care yet, but he will, and I don't even know what I'm supposed to be able to do!""I'm sorry, Spider. You're the child of a spare; your life should be easier than this."

"I'm living on a razor's edge. If I slip off one way, I'll turn into Dad: a cold, ruthless, manipulative, murderous bastard. If I slip the other way, I'll lose it like Cassidy did, and it'll be the end of me. And even if I don't fall, if I keep my balance, I'll still get sliced to ribbons.""I wish there was something I could do."

"It's just... I need... I just need to catch my breath, you know? Can I stay here for a few hours?""Sure. Whatever you need, Spider. As long as I'm alive, my house is your house.""Thanks, Uncle Larch."

Mehehehehehehehehehe.

With that slighly ominous pronouncement from our Eeevil heir, let's see what the college kids are getting up to.

Yeah, this pretty much sums up Academie Le Tour this time around. Dating. Lots and lots of dating. Lots and lots of Making Out. Lots and lots of WooHoo. And random Dormies trying to ignore all of the dating, Making Out, and WooHoo.

"But wait!" you say, "I only count THREE Vetinaris in that picture!"Well, figure out who's missing, and take a guess as to where he might be found.

Yup, OCD Jonny's right where he ought to be."Lalala, not watching anyone be groped, lalalalala..."

Next time: Gen 3 hits college! And with an average of 2.75 nice points per Sim, if college knows what's good for it, it'll stay down and play dead!

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"Man, seems like college is gonna be a riot this time around, huh?"Hey, SimNerd. Yeah, I don't even wanna know what's gonna happen when all of the girlfriends and boyfriends find out about, well, all of the girlfriends and boyfriends. I think a SentryBot may be in order, but then I don't get the satisfaction of letting my Vetinaris beat up the cow mascots."So what made you decide to stick me in here?"Figured I'd let you say hi to all the nice people."OK. Hi to all the nice people! And to all the mean people, kiss my pasty white ass!"Nice to know you inherited the charming 'tude."Everybody out of the water--it's a Snark Attack! Mehehehe."Anything else you want to add?"Uh... Comments make me a happy Nerd? Feel free to leave a comment or head on over to the Boolprop.com forums and tell me what you think!"And yes, that shirt says "My Brain Is Hung Like A Horse." As an equestrian and a neuroscientist, it made me giggle. WOOT BRAINS! WOOT HORSES! Not necessarily in that order!

I gave SimNerd SimLoki. So far he seems quite like Actual Loki. He spends a lot of time rolling around on his back, playing with something for thirty seconds before getting distracted, and howling for no reason. If only there were SimCrickets for him to dismember and a Pee On Bed interaction, he'd pretty much have my cat nailed. Actual Loki is proportionally larger, but they only have one size for cats, so I had to take what I could get.

And I've owned Actual Loki since 2003, so he's named after the Norse God of Mischief, not the Strangetown God of Regrettable Facial Hair Choices.

"Oh, hey! Can I tell people that if they want SimNerd, or any of the Dualegacy characters, to drop me a line and I'll upload them?"Pretty sure you just did."Because who doesn't want SimNerd? Brains and beauty in one sarcastic package!"And humility. Don't forget humility."Pffft humility. I'd rather be snarky! And nerdy!"That's pretty much guaranteed."NERDS RULE! Anyway, stay tuned for Chapter 8: the Supreme Nerd gets sick of dating, WooHoo, and inappropriate heart-farts!"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

SimLoki: I'm so close to the carotid. But who will feed me if she's dead?