The Truth Basketball is for stupid people. Block Party I was dancing like a middle aged Canadian after a few drinks, to my left Colin Bronsdon and Jeffrey De Haro were doing some sort of tango groove and to my right I saw Nick Cunnetta Boogying with such enthusiasm and funk that all of my problems, my reservations, my worries just melted away. I was having fun. At an ASB event without needing any drugs, alcohol or grinding. And I wasn’t the only one either, all around me there were beautiful, respectable Garfield students, shamelessly shaking their tailfeathas. On February 20 Garfield hosted an event open to students and parents that offered a chance to showcase and appreciate the talents of the Garfield community as well help- ing to mingle the classes and students in a fun, safe environment. Here’s what happened: • The night was kicked off with a calm, controlled performance by our very own jazz band. While it was nothing to throw your panties at, it did reinforce the notion that Kellen Is a superhuman. (Varsity B-Ball, ASB President, BC Calc and he plays the drums? He’s like a white Donald glover). • • Garfield’s usually amazing improv club brought an awkward and unprepared performance to the block party, largely due to the odd setting and unforgiving acoustics. • • Next Varinique Davis that graced us with beautiful rendition of Frank Ocean’s “Thinkin bout You” that had me thinkin bout Varinique Davis. • • Following Varinique, was Riley Calcagno of The Onlies. The joke of his being the only, lonely member of the onlies was made 100 times but immediately forgotten when he took the stage, Riley was an incredible performer holding the audiences attention with charisma and folktastic music. • • Then we had a performance by the band Coyote Effect comprised of Edward Cunningham and Charlie Fieg. The duo played their usual jams, with a visibly perturbed front man Edward obviously uncomfortable with the venue. (You can read more about them on page 4 in Band-aid.) • • Next was a strange rap/dance performance by Garfield senior Matthew “Trone” Thompson that left most people confused but enthused. • • Finally, the main attraction, the Sugarbabies comprised of a rockin band with an ‘05 garfield alumni, took the stage and just did amazingly. Playing everything from John Legend’s “Ordinary People” to Kendrick Lamar’s “Swimming Pools” they called audience members to the front of the stage, allowing the universe to experience for however briefly, Nick Cunetta dancing. All in all the event was a huge success, making approximately 1000$ profit for the class of 2014. “It was really great” says Colin Bronsdon, former ASB treasurer “We had a lot of people come, around 150-200 actually, and not all of them were students” The block party drew alumni, parents and even teachers to the event. (Unfortunately there were little to no parents or teachers getting down on the dance floor once the Sugarbabies started to jam.) The Block party not only offered a chance for Garfield students to showcase their talents but it was also the single most successful ASB event so far this year. “It helped a lot, it helped pay off the 500$ deposit for the prom venue” says Colin “Which will definitely make tickets cheaper”. Colin says he’s very happy with the prom venue, which is “Bell Harbor” calling it a mixture between a royal hall and an Ivers”. Despite the success of the event, there’s still a lot more more work to do “financially we’re not in the greatest shape,” Colin admits “but as we get the class sweatshirt and the all school t-shirt underway its looking better and better.” These, in addition to the money from prom tickets, should put the class on track and in steady financial condition. there will likely be another one before the year is over, especially after all the positive feedback that ASB received after the event. the next block party will likely be outside if the weather permits it. It was pretty cool! By Darrion Sjoquist Season 1. Episode 7. 1 - News 2 - More News 3 - A Bit More News 4 - Columns 5 - Music and Sports 6- Misc. Supplies limited, PLEASE SHARE! Photo Cred: Sarah Moore
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Transcript
The TruthBasketball is for stupid people.
Block Party
IwasdancinglikeamiddleagedCanadianafterafewdrinks,tomyleftColinBronsdonandJeffreyDeHaroweredoingsomesortoftangogrooveandtomyright
IsawNickCunnettaBoogyingwithsuchenthusiasmandfunkthatallofmyproblems,myreservations,myworriesjustmeltedaway.Iwashavingfun.AtanASBevent
withoutneedinganydrugs,alcoholorgrinding.AndIwasn’ttheonlyoneeither,allaroundmetherewerebeautiful,respectableGarfieldstudents,shamelesslyshaking
theirtailfeathas.
OnFebruary20GarfieldhostedaneventopentostudentsandparentsthatofferedachancetoshowcaseandappreciatethetalentsoftheGarfieldcommunityaswellhelp-
ingtomingletheclassesandstudentsinafun,safeenvironment.Here’swhathappened:
• Thenightwaskickedoffwithacalm,controlledperformancebyourveryownjazzband.Whileitwasnothingtothrowyourpantiesat,itdidreinforcethenotionthat
KellenIsasuperhuman.(VarsityB-Ball,ASBPresident,BCCalcandheplaysthedrums?He’slikeawhiteDonaldglover).
•
• Garfield’susuallyamazingimprovclubbroughtanawkwardandunpreparedperformancetotheblockparty,largelyduetotheoddsettingandunforgivingacoustics.
•
• NextVariniqueDavisthatgraceduswithbeautifulrenditionofFrankOcean’s“ThinkinboutYou”thathadmethinkinboutVariniqueDavis.
•
• FollowingVarinique,wasRileyCalcagnoofTheOnlies.Thejokeofhisbeingtheonly,lonelymemberoftheonlieswasmade100timesbutimmediatelyforgotten
whenhetookthestage,Rileywasanincredibleperformerholdingtheaudiencesattentionwithcharismaandfolktasticmusic.
•
• ThenwehadaperformancebythebandCoyoteEffectcomprisedofEdwardCunninghamandCharlieFieg.Theduoplayedtheirusualjams,withavisiblyperturbed
frontmanEdwardobviouslyuncomfortablewiththevenue.(Youcanreadmoreaboutthemonpage4inBand-aid.)
•
• Nextwasastrangerap/danceperformancebyGarfieldseniorMatthew“Trone”Thompsonthatleftmostpeopleconfusedbutenthused.
•
• Finally,themainattraction,theSugarbabiescomprisedofarockinbandwithan‘05garfieldalumni,tookthestageandjustdidamazingly.Playingeverythingfrom
JohnLegend’s“OrdinaryPeople”toKendrickLamar’s“SwimmingPools”theycalledaudiencememberstothefrontofthestage,allowingtheuniversetoexperience
forhoweverbriefly,NickCunettadancing.
Allinalltheeventwasahugesuccess,makingapproximately1000$profitfortheclassof2014.“Itwasreallygreat”saysColinBronsdon,formerASBtreasurer“Wehada
lotofpeoplecome,around150-200actually,andnotallofthemwerestudents”Theblockpartydrewalumni,parentsandeventeacherstotheevent.(Unfortunatelythere
werelittletonoparentsorteachersgettingdownonthedanceflooroncetheSugarbabiesstartedtojam.)TheBlockpartynotonlyofferedachanceforGarfieldstudents
toshowcasetheirtalentsbutitwasalsothesinglemostsuccessfulASBeventsofarthisyear.“Ithelpedalot,ithelpedpayoffthe500$depositforthepromvenue”says
Colin“Whichwilldefinitelymaketicketscheaper”.Colinsayshe’sveryhappywiththepromvenue,whichis“BellHarbor”callingitamixturebetweenaroyalhallandan
Ivers”.Despitethesuccessoftheevent,there’sstillalotmoremoreworktodo“financiallywe’renotinthegreatestshape,”Colinadmits“butaswegettheclasssweatshirt
andtheallschoolt-shirtunderwayitslookingbetterandbetter.”These,inadditiontothemoneyfrompromtickets,shouldputtheclassontrackandinsteadyfinancial
condition.therewilllikelybeanotheronebeforetheyearisover,especiallyafterallthepositivefeedbackthatASBreceivedaftertheevent.thenextblockpartywilllikely
beoutsideiftheweatherpermitsit.
Itwasprettycool!
ByDarrionSjoquist
Season1.Episode7.
1-News
2-MoreNews
3-ABitMoreNews
4-Columns
5-MusicandSports
6-Misc.
Supplieslimited,PLEASESHARE!
PhotoCred:SarahMoore
WordOntheStreet
It’sprobablytrue,unless,youknow,itisn’t...
• Inasurprisinglypleasantturnofevents,ASBwillnowbesellinghotchocolatetoraisemoneyandmoraleonWednesdaysandThursdays.Hotchocolatewillbe
onedollarandbesoldbeforeschoolandduringbreak.
• InotherASBnewsStallTalkwillbereturningtograceourbathroomexperience.TheinformativeandconvenientpostersmakeitseemlikeanASBrepisright
thereinthebathroomwithyou,inthebestpossibleway,makingthemalittlelesscrappy.
• BSUhostedanAwesomeforumtheotherdaytodiscusstopicsofrace,racismandbigotryinrelationtotheIssaquahTweets(seenextpage).Inotherforumnews,
ASBwillhostinganotherforumopentoallstudentsonMarch12th.Ifithashalfthepizzaandenthusiasmasthelastone,werecommendyouallattend.Also,there
werelike2.5freshmenatthelastASBforum:ifyouareafreshmanreadingthis:YOUarethefutureyouneedtogetinvolved.Ibelieveinyouchamp!Thenextone
isMarch12inMr.Simeneuax’sroom.
• Asaresultofthecavemanlikesysteminthecounselingofficeandthefactthecounselorsarealwaysbusy,manystudentsleftthecounselingofficethisweekfeel-
ingmildlyupsettoquietlyenraged.
• Garfieldisslowlyenteringthefuture!Todaywehavebrandspankinnewmacsinthelibrary,buttomorrowwhoknows!Hoverboards?Lightsabers?Air-dryersin
thebathrooms?????Inthemeantimeenjoythenewlibrary.Thisiswhatprivateschoolfeelslike.
• CongratstoSofiGarciaGalindoandAugieVandenBrulleforwinningsomethingattheLionelHamptonJazzFestivalrecently.
• ThepenisacceptingsubmissionsforThePenGarfield’sliterarymagazines
• Apornblogisnowfollowingourveryownkatyadowneyssexblog,whichmakesusallhereatTheTruthincrediblyproud.ifyouwanttocheckouttheaction
headtoDowneyanddirty.tumblr.com
• MarchMadnessiscomingupwhichmeansitstimeforplayerstoputtheirballswheretheirmouthsare.TheTruthhasitsveryownteamdestinedtowinthetour-
namentbutwillfacestiffcompetitionfromtheMatzahBallers,theBlacksatthePartyandbasicallyeveryotherteam.We’renotverygood...
Nothing Suits Me Like a SuitBy Erasmus Baxter
FalloutfromHomecomingcontinueswiththe
parentsofJuniorColeRobinsonfilingasuitFederal
Courtoverhishazingrelatedemergencyexpulsionand
subsequentsuspension.Colewasemergencyexpelled
October4thafterbeingidentifiedbytwostudents
ashavingpaddledafreshmanattheArboretum.His
parentshaveappealedthedecisionallthewayupto
FederalCourt.Aswellasseekingtooverturnthede-
cisiontheyareseekingdamagesforthe“pain,mental
anguishandemotionaldistress”thattheyclaimCole
hasexperiencedaswellashisdecreased“futureearn-
ingcapacity”,thattheyclaimisadirectresultofthe
negligenceandmisconductoftheSchoolDistrict.
However,fromthedocumentssuppliedtothe
court,itisprettyclearthattheseresultsarenotfrom
actionsoftheSchoolDistrictbutfromhisactionin
paddlingafreshman.Hewasidentifiedseparatelyby
twofreshmen,withoutanyoutsideencouragement,
andwhilehisparentsattemptedtoarguethatthe
definitionoffroshinghewasbeingpunishedunderby
Garfieldwasinconsistentwiththedefinitionofhazing
providedbytheschooldistrictit’sreallyamootpoint.
Hisactionsmeetthedistrictdefinitionofhazingin
thattheyareactionsthatcause“physicalharm”as
provedbyaphotosubmittedbyoneofthevictims
parentsexhibitingsignificantinjurytohisbuttocks.
Knowingthis,insteadoffocusingonwheth-
erhedidit,thesuitclaimsmisconductintheway
thatAdminstrationhandledevidenceforthehearing.
Insteadofpresentingwitnessesatthefirsthearing
theysubmittedwrittenstatements,andwhilelegally
theyarenotrequiredtoprovidewitnessesinperson
ifthereisafearofintimidationorretaliation,they
havetoprovethatsuchfearsarevalidtothehearing.
Whiletheyimpliedthesefears,theadminstration
submittednothingtothehearingtodirectlyaddress
theseconcerns.Inaddition,atthenextappeal,tothe
SchoolBoardDisciplinaryAffairsCouncil,aphotoof
theinjuriessustainedfromthepaddlingwassubmit-
ted,despitetheCouncilstatingthatthescopeofthe
hearingwaslimitedtotheprevioushearingwithout
newevidencebeingintroduced.
Sowhyarethisstudentsparentssuingon
whatbasicallyamountstotechnicalities?Thisisob-
viouslyanattemptbyRobinson’sparentstoclearhis
record.He’sclearlyguiltybutbecausetheadministra-
tiondidn’tfollowthecorrectprocedureitisentirely
possibletheSchoolDistrictisgoingtoenduppaying
himalotofmoney.Morelikelyhowever,theyare
tryingtointimidatetheSchoolDistrictintosetting
outsideofcourttoeitherreducethechargeorwipe
therecordandpayamuchsmalleramountofmoney.
Theywillhavealotoftimetonegotiatesincethecourt
dateisnotsettillFebruary23,2015.
Inthemeantime,thedocumentsfiledwith
thecourtshedabehindthesceneslookattheevents
thatallegedlyhappenedonHomecoming,theadmin-
istration’sinvestigationandthesubsequentappeal
process.Thesedocumentscanbeviewedonlinein
theirentiretyatghstruth.com.Ofparticularinterestis
testimonybythreefreshmen,oneofwhichnamesCole
Robinsonasthepersonthatpaddledhim.Theirtesti-
monyseemstoruncountertowhatmanyhadclaimed
abouttherebeingnopressureinvolvedinfroshingand
Freshmanbeingabletooptout:theydescribebeing
toldtheywouldbepaddledforeachthingtheyrefused
todo,onefreshmanrecountsbeingdrawnon,despite
clearlysaying“No”andthatwhentheyattemptedto
leaveaSeniorrefusedtogettheirstuffoutofhisvan
becausehewasn’t“donewiththem”.Inaddition,one
testimonyseemstojustifytheemergencyexpulsionas
onefreshmanstatesheisworriedthatseniorswould
“target”himandothers“nextweek”However,don’t
justtakemywordforit,Iencourageyoutocheckout
ghstruth.com/docstoreadthemforyourself;there’s
somegreatlinesinthereincludingColeRobinson’s
fathertryingtocomparepaddlingtoafun“birthday
spanking”andMr.Westeringassertingthathisnameis
“Westering,notWesterling”Butcheckthemoutyour-
selfandformyourownopinion.Theworldwouldbe
abetterplaceifpeopledidn’tjusttakewhatthemedia
saidasthewholetruth.Doyourownresearch.
DocumentsAvailableat
ghstruth.cominclude:
• Adetailedexplanationoftheclaims
againsttheschooldistrict
• Atranscriptoftheappealhearing
• Testimonysof3freshmanwhowerefro-
shed
• Thedisciplinaryprocedureoftheschool
districtforvariousoffences
• Abunchofotherdocumentsrelatingto
thesuit
Racist Hicks Suck. Here’s what you can do:
Twitch Plays Pokemon
WhatweLearnedfromTwitchPlaysPokemon:
“Greatestthingtohappenontheinternetinalong
time.PraisebetheHelixFossil.”
-3Mandella
Ifyouhaveyettobeamazed,intriguedorannoyed
withtheinternetphenomenonthatisTwitchPlays
Pokemonyouaremissingout.Thereissimplynot
enoughroominthisboxformetoproperlycaptureor
evenattempttodescribethesheerpowerandcommu-
nitythatthisexperimenthasinspired.Untilyoucango
homeandgoogleit(i’mseriousgohomeandsearch
TwitchPlaysPokemon)I’llsaythat16daysagoTwitch.
combeginlivestreamingthe1998PokemonRedgame-
Boygameusingthesiteschannelchatastheoperating
system.Thismeansthatanythingenteredintochatlike
“up”“down”“B”or“start”wouldbedoneinthegame,
whichsoundsmundaneatfirstuntilyoulearnthatthis
gamewasattimesplayedbyover100,00differentpeo-
pleATTHESAMETIME.theresultingchaostaughtus
moreaboutlife,politics,andjesusthananyofuscould
haveeverpredicted:
WelearnedthebeautyofReligionasoneformedbefore
oureyes:
Whilethemajorityoftheplayerswantedtoprogress
andwinthegame,manyTrollswouldspam“start”in
anattempttodisruptthegame.Asaresultanitemin
Red’sinventorythe“helixfossil”wasoftenselected.At
firstthegamingmassesjokinglyinterpretedthisasred
consultingthefossilforguidancebutitdidnottake
longformanyuserstoreverethefossilasagod,guid-
ingredthroughthedangerouspoekworld.theintroduc-
tionofPidgeyonlyexpandedthegospel.Pidgeybegat
Pidgeotto,andPidgeottobegatPidgeot.Whilethe
otherpokemoninthepartycouldbarelyhandleawild
psyduck,Pidgeyledthewayanddefeatedcountless
wildpokemon,trainersandgymleaders.Hecametobe
called“BirdJesus”becauseofhisapparentleadership
andstrengthinthefaceofadversity.Thatandthefact
thathewasprettymuchtheonlypokemoncapableof
doinganythinguseful,ledgamerstobelievehewasan
agentsentbythehelixfossil.Tonsofartandexpanded
storieswererapidlyaddedtosupportthisreligion,its
honestlyastonishing.
WelearnedthatDemocracyisnotalwaystheway:
7daysintotheexperimentamechanismwasadded
tothesystemtoaccommodatethosescreamingfor
democracy,causinganuproarinthechatandsparking
anideologicalwar.Anarchywasfasterandmoreenter-
tainingbutdemocracywasmorepreciseandconsistent.
Thehelixfossilworshipperscondemneddemocracy,
causinganewreligion,thedome,toariseopposingthe
anarchists.aftermuchbickering,imploringandvirtual
tugofwartheplayersrealisedacompromisewasthe
onlywaytocontinue.theyrealizedthatsometimesonly
democracycoulddefeatteamrocketandthatanarchy
wasthebestfortraversingthesavannah.
Welearnedthatevenina1998video-game,filledwith
Trolls,TrialsandTrainerswecouldfindart.
Aristotleoncesaidthat“Theaimofartistorepresent
nottheoutwardappearanceofthings,buttheirinward
significance.”.AtfirstglanceTPPseemslikesome
crazyinternetphenomenon,orchestratedbygeeksand
internettrolls.butifyoulookcloser,atthecommunity
andcamaraderieitcreated,thestruggles,theideals,the
frustrationthepainthededication,theenthusiasmthe
joyandbitternessofcompromise,you’llseesomething
thatlooksalotlikelife.artatitsbestisareflectionof
life,ittakesthoseinwardstrainsthoseobscuretruths
anditpaintsthemvividly,revealingourtruenature.
tome,lifeisthisgiantmassofpeoplewithsomuchin
commonallfranticallyscramblingtoact,convinced
thattheyknowbest,orthattheyatleastknowwho
doesandwhodoesn’t.TPPtookthatchaos,thatmas-
sivemessanditshowedusthatwecanworktogether,
thatwecancompromisewithandtrustpeoplewewill
neverunderstand,andtomethatisArt.
NotlongafterourBulldogstookhometheir5thconsecutiveKingCotitle,IssaquahbasedTwitter
accounts@John_candralland@ISSYBROSreleasedanonslaughtofinsensitiveracistremarkstargetedat
notjustourteambutevenabelovedcheerleaderKaylaBrooks.Thesetweetsstemmingprimarilyfromthe@
ISSYBROSquicklyescalatedfromatrashtalkingboutregardingthefairnessandraceofteamstothetypeof
insultsthatreallymakeonewonder“Whatdecadeisthis?”TheyrangedfromthepicturesputtingseniorKayla
Brooksnexttoawookieto“checkmatewaswhenAbrahamLincolnandmadethemistakeoffreeingyou”.The
trulyinsensitiveremarkscamefromthe@ISSYBROS,butletnooneforgetthat@Jccran_22(JohnCandrall)
said“myinsultsaretocomplicatedforyourprimitivemindstounderstand.”(Ironicallyheusedthewrong
“too”)
Itisshockingtoknowthatsomeonewouldnotjustcomeupwithsucharemarkbutthatintheir
fitsofragewouldthinkitatallappropriatetopostitonapublicTwitteraccount.Aftersomeinvestigation,it
seemsthatthe@ISSYBROSaccountwasgenerallypoliteandaimedatspreadingissaquahcheerandmotiva-
tionbutthatwhenplacedinthewronghandsletthecommentsrelease.Upontheirbroadcast,severalother
issaquah-basedtwitteraccountssuchasthe@ISSAQUAHREFStriedtobetterthesituationbycallingoutthe
@ISSYBROSfor“not[being]cooland[beingracist].”Moreimportantly,theytookstepstoapologizetoKayla
fortheinsultsdirectedather.
Itwastrulysurprisingtofindsuchanimositygeneratedoverresultsofabasketballgame,especially
betweentwogenerallyfriendlyschools.Thetweetswerestartling,yetKaylasays“Iwasnotsurprisedatall.To
behonest,itsoundsbadbutyoualwayshavetokeepthatkindofstuffinmind.Whentheysentthat,Iadmitit
didhurt;one,becauseitwasoverabasketballgameandtwo,becausewhenallelsefailsyoucanalwaysbring
upthatI’ma‘primitiveBushboogie’...youknow?Kindofhurts...”Manyplayersonourbasketballteamfelt
similarly,reportedlylaughingatsomeoftheinsults.
WhileGarfieldhasoneofthemostdiversestudentbodies,withafarlargerminoritypopulationthan
thestateaverage,Issaquahisdominatedbyawhitemajorityandisonly2%black.Insomeways,thisgener-
allackofdiversitymayhavebeenwhatfosteredthediscriminatoryremarks.AnIssaquahstudent,“George”
claimedthat“ThiskindofnonsenseissomethingItalktoeveryoneinmyschoolabout.Itoldthemthiswas
disrespectfulandoutofline.Thewholeschoolismadathim[@ISSYBROS]”Whileitisrelievingtoknowthat
theseweretheviewsofoneindividual,itsstillfrighteningtoknowthatsomeonestillthinkslikethis,andeven
morefrighteningthattheymayactonit.
RecentlyatOleMissUniversity,astudenthunganoosearoundtheneckofastatueofMedgarEvers,
thefirstblackstudentstoattendthatschool,anddrapedaconfederateflagacrosstheshoulders.Laterthat
week,otherstudentshurledracistanddegradinginsultsatablackfemalestudentasshewalkedtoclass.
Thankfully,eventslikethisarerare,but,likeKaylasaid,“thatisinthebackofsoooomanypeople’smindsand
itshowedwithinlike5minutes”.
WhatHappenedByAlexanderIvanoff
TheResults:
• Garfield’sBSUheldaforumontheissueandhasbeendistributingasurveyabouttheincidenttoGar-
fieldStudents
• TheprincipalofIssaquahhassaidthatdisciplinaryactionisbeingtakenagainstthestudentsinvolved
bytheschool.TheIssaquahstudenthandbooklistssuspensionasthepunishmentsforracistoroffensive
remarks.
• OfficerBennyhasfiledapolicereportabouttheincident,thathasbeenreferredtoanofficertoexplore
possiblecriminalcharges
• ThePTSAhaswrittenastronglywordedlettertoIssaquahHighaskingforanapologyfromtheschool
andstudentinvolved
• TheIssaquahsuperintendenthassentanapologyletterthesuperintendentofSeattlePublicSchools
• TherehasbeenastoryonKIROradioandtheincidentinspiredaStrangerwritertopublishanarticle
called“FiveWaystoMaketheCityBetterforPeopleofColor”
• BSUisholdingarallyonWednesdayaboutthetweetsandtoaddresswhattheyseeasthelargerissueof
racialdiscriminationstillatplay
WhatYouCanDo:
Firstofall,cometotheBSUrallyonWednesday,itwontbelongandsendsa
strongmessagethatthestudentbodyatGarfieldwon’ttoleratesuchthings.Andperhaps
moreimportantly,callpeopleoutontheirbullshit,whetherinreallife,online,afriend
oracompletestranger.Thebestthingwecandotostoppeoplebehavingthiswayisto
letthemknowthatit’scompletelynotOKandtotallyun-sexy.
ShamanSays
ByMilesFrench
MovingPictures
withZachBlachonand
FateSyewoangnuan
TheOscars
TheseOscarsmight have been predictable
butatleastitwasenjoyable.EllenDegenereswas
averygoodhost.Shewasfunny,entertaining,and
charming.Thebestpartwasthatshereallyhelped
theviewerfeelasiftheywereattheshow,hanging
out, eatingpizzawithall the stars. Last Iheard
herselfiewiththefrontrowisthemostretweet-
edpost inhistory. TheAwardsthemselveswere
prettyboring.ItwasmostlyjustGravitygrabbing
upmost of the technical awards including: Best
visualeffects,Bestsoundediting,Bestsoundmix-
ing,Bestcinematography,Bestfilmediting,Best
originalscore,andBestdirector.JaredLetowon
Bestsupportingactorforhisroleasatransgender
womaninDallasBuyersClub,beatingoutother
first time actor Barkhad Abdi(Captain Phillips).
Probably themostheartwarmingpartwaswhen
LupitaNyong’owon for Best supporting actress
forherportrayalofayoungslaveonaplantation
in12YearsASlave.Toendabeautifulspeechfull
of humbleness and gratitude, Nyong’o elegantly
states“Nomatterwhereyou’refromyourdreams
are valid”. Nyong’o is from Kenya and studied
theater atYale. Itwasgreat to see someonewin
who can feel such great gratitude and humble-
nesswhen looking sohappyaswell. 12Years a
SlavealsomanagedtopickupaBestpicturewin.
There really wasn’t another movie that could
havewonitIbelieve.AstechnicallygoodGrav-
ity aswas, therewas noway it could havewon
withastoryan8yearoldcouldhavethoughtof.
WIthBestactorgoingtoMatthewMcConaughey
forDallasBuyersClubmanyweredisappointed
Leonardo DiCaprio went home empty handed
onceagain.As this yearsOscars cameandwent
wenowlooktothenextbigmoviescomingout
thisyear.WesAnderson’snewmovieTheGrand
Budapest Hotel is coming out later thisMarch,
andwith summeronly a fewmonths away, this
years big blockbusters are not very far away.
YogaorStretching?
I’ve recently been incorporating yoga into
my life and have some conflictions that I deem
worthyof thisawkwardbackpagecolumn. Ifyou
don’t knowwhat yoga is, youmay want to take
a class and see how you feel afterward. Yoga en-
ergizes and refines the body like nothing else!
From a non-westernized stance, yoga is a spir-
itual practice from India which was created to
bring union between the mind, body, and spirit
(meansactuallymeansunion).Itinvolvesthedai-
ly practice of asanas (or postures thatmost peo-
ple know), meditation, a healthy diet, and the
studyofspiritualtruth.Theyogathatmostwest-
ernersknowisverydifferent fromthetraditional
practice. This forms the basis of my confliction.
While therearemanyelements taken from
theyoga tradition,mostwesternyoga studios fo-
cusonlyontheasanasand leave therestofyoga
out.Whiletheasanasareimportant,theirpurpose
istorefineandstrengthenthebodyinordertofa-
cilitatetheexpansionofone’sconsciencesandto
bring the mind into the present. They represent
justonesmallpartofyoga.WhenIhearsomeone
claimtobeayogiandtheydon’tevenknowwhat
thechakrasare,Ican’thelpbutcringe.Pleaseun-
derstandme,Iinabsolutelynowayclaimtobea
yogi or statemyself superior to anyone elsewho
practicesyoga(westernornot).Iammerelystat-
ingmyopinionsasapersonwhohasgrownfrom
learningaboutyogaanditsphilosophy.Itbothers
me that this beautiful, ancient, andholistic prac-
tice has been westernized into a mere exercise
routine (or just an excuse to wear comfy pants
–which is something I don’t judge at all lets be
realthosepantsareCOMFY).Theasanasarejust
the tipof the icebergwhen itcomes toyogaand
how it can impact your life. I don’tmean to say
that thepostureswon’tdoanything foryou!The
first time I attempted a chakrasana I had a truly
enlighteningrealization(rightbeforeI fellonmy
ass).Iwishonlythatpeopletrytolearnmoreabout
thepracticefromatraditionalsense.Thisway,we
can fully reap the benefits of this incredible ho-
listic art. The asanas will make you an excellent
stretcher(astrongandsexyonetoo),butwillthey
bringyoucompletepeaceofmind,athrivingand
healthy body, a profound spiritual life, and one-
nesswith all things?Perhaps, but I’d at least like
to see somemore of the actual practice of yoga
instead of our athletic mutated version (jokes).
Enoughwiththeranting!HereiswhatIlove
aboutthewesternyogaI’veseen.Ithasbecomeac-
cessibletoalmosteveryone:soccermoms,college
students,eventheSeahawks!Peoplewhowouldn’t
have been exposed otherwise or who are unable
(ornotready)tofollowadevoutspiritualpractice
caneasilyattendawesternizedyogaclass(asthey
oftenvary indifficulty). Ihavereallyenjoyedmy
timewithGarfieldYogaClub!Theclubisawarm
andacceptingplace toflow through somevinya-
sa(heatedroom+athleticstretching=feelinglike
a sexy/sweaty goddess). It was great to see some
otherguystheretoo!Whosaidayogaclasshadto
be eye candy for straight-men only? (That really
doesn’tsoundveryyogicofme)Evensomeofthe
mostwesternizedyogaclassesIhaveattendedtyp-
icallyincorporatesomestress-relievingactivitiesso
Ican’tsayitisentirelyfancy-stretching.IshallsayI
amgladthatyogahasreachedsomanypeopleandI
amexcitedtodevelopmypractice,evenifitdoesn’t
include hours of meditation while balancing in
salambasirsasana(onlyslightlydisappointing).you
aboutyourselfinawholenewway.Youhavenoth-
ingtolose!Takeaganderandseewhatiswrittenin
thestars,youmayjustdiscoversomethingfantastic!
It’sCoolToCare
ByCarolyneSandoval
TheQuarterlyPositivityReport
February 25th marked the return of both
theGarfieldCompliments Facebookpage and a
warmglowinmysoul.ThefirstGarfieldCompli-
mentspage(thatIwasherefor)wasactivefora
gloriousandupliftingmonthorsoofsecondse-
mesterlastyear.Thenewpagehasbeenuptwelve
days and already has 192 compliments posted.
Thecomplimentsaretostudentsspan-
ning grades, genders, and well, let’s say social
groupings. “Clique” isvery2003.Foreveryclose
friend or even acquaintance whose post I can
likeas I imagine their smiles and them takinga
screenshotofittosaveforarainyday(You’reall
adorable!),there’sapersonwhoIhavenevereven
heardofbutI’mstillhappythatpeoplelovethem.
This sourceofpositivity is so import-
ant because a genuine kind word with no hid-
denmotives or mockery is surprisingly hard to
comeby.Notbecausepeopleareawfulanddon’t
want to, but because they just don’t know how
to give a compliment, or take one for thatmat-
ter. Iwould love to goup to allmy friends and
give thema littlehugand tell themhowspecial
theyarebutIdon’t,forfearofcontagiousdisease
and embarrassment. I certainly don’t knowhow
toreceiveacompliment.Iusuallybrushitoffor
deny it, or just assume the giver of the comple-
ment isbeingcruelly sarcastic. (WHY?!Whydo
I do that? They’re just trying to be nice tome!
Damnyou,middleschoolboys.)Anonymoussub-
missionsarewrittendownsoeveryone’sthoughts
aremore collected, and the compliment can be
given and received without any of that pesky
eye contact or speaking! It’s also important that
it existswithin socialmedia, as it shows that all
this newfangled technology has notmade teen-
agers awful, heartless and vapid, but rather just
a newway for us to express love and kindness.
Everyonejustwantstofeelimportant.Ev-
eryonewantstoknowthatsomeonethinksabout
them,andthinkshighlyenoughofthemtogoout
oftheirwaytosaysomethingniceaboutthem.So
spreadthelove!Spreaditasfarandwideasyou
can!Giveanypraise,accolades,commendations,
orkudosyou’veeverwantedtogive;nomatterhow
meaningful or arbitrary. It’s all a force for good.
I’dliketopersonallysay,inalessanon-
ymous forum, that whoever runs this page has
my utmost respect and gratitude. You have cre-
ated a little haven of positivity in a world that
too often dwells on the negative and made it
easier for everyone to coexist in our school.
BandAid
ByEmmetMartin
TheCoyoteEffect-Burnt Bridges
GarfieldCollaborationgetsatwhathighschoolinSeattleisreallyabout
9out of10
TheCoyoteEffectisacollaborationofGarfieldSeniorsEdwardCunninghamand
CharlieFeig.BothknownfortheirownmusicalendeavorsinandoutofGarfield
(CunninghamforhisbandSimpleMon-
stersandforplayingbassintheGarfield
orchestra;andFeigforbothhisbeats
andtrumpetplayinginjazzband)the
duoweredestinedtobeGarfieldgroup
creatingthe“HeyIhad5thPeriodwith
them”feelthatmadegroupslikeShank-
bonesopopular.ButtheCoyoteEffect
havesomethingspecialaboutthem.
“Ispentthelastfouryearshear-
ingwhatIwantedtohear”sings
EdwardCunninghamthroughafilter
thatsoundslikeamegaphoneontheopeningtrack“4Years.”YesEdward’s
warblingbaritonevoiceisnottheprettiestinmanyspotsofthisalbumbutbeauty
isnotnecessarilytheaimbehindmanyofthesetracks.LikeotherGarfieldartists
suchasShankbone,Edward’sLyricsdomentionmanypiecesofGarfieldculture
buttheydon’ttalkaboutthekegs,blunts,andonenightstands.Theyexplorethe
darksidesofGarfieldHigh:Theconfusingrelationshipsthatendupgoingno-
where,theconfusionofwhatcomesafterHighSchool,andtheawfulrealitythat
aftereachgreatnightwehavetocomebacktoGarfieldyetagain.Thesearethe
voicesofGHSthatneedtobetoldandEdwarddoesthisbetterthananyonehas
donebeforeandpossiblyeverwill.
CharliesproductionissomeoftheprettiestpiecesinTheCoyoteEffect’ssound.
Blastingtrackslike“GetOverYourself”onheadphonesmakesyourealizethe
wonderfulauraofnoisethatsurroundseachtrack.Eachhornline,eachback-
ingtrackflesheseverysongoutsomuchthatyouareabletorealizethewonder
behindeverymelody.WhileEdwarddoesthesongwritingandlyricaldelivery,
Charlieisanequallyimportantpartofthepuzzle.WithouthimEdwardwould
justbehiswarblingvoiceandtwangyguitarthatcouldgethimfarbutnotasfaras
hewillgetwithCharlieathisside.FortrackslikeShinagawatheproductionisso
essentialtotheoverallsound.Withreverbanddelaydrenchedguitarlicksthatfill
eachsilenceitfeelslikeedwardissingingaloneinacaveandsomehowthecaveis
singingrightalongwithhim.Itstillamazesmethatallofthiswasrecordedinan
attic.
TheInstrumentationofTheCoyoteEffectisveryunique.Nodrums.Nobass.No
synths.OnlyEdward’svoiceandguitar,andCharlie’strumpetarrangements.This
wasariskymovebutoverallIthinkitwasagooddecision.Bydoingthisthese
guyshavecreatedasoundthatstandsonitsownintherealmofGarfieldMusic
andIthinkwillholdit’sownformanyyearstocome.
P.S.MYBANDAIDers!!!thesereviewsarenotareasontonotlistentothis
musicthisisareasonTOlistentothismusic!Golistentothisalbumforfreeon
bandcampathttp://thecoyoteeffect.bandcamp.com/andbuyitforonly$1!Ifyou
don’tagreewiththisreview,ifyoudoagreewiththisreview,ifyouwantmeto
reviewanythinginparticular,orifyoujustwanttobemyfriendandtalktome
[email protected]@gmail.comloveyou
guys-Emmet<3
BackonApril15th1947JackieRobinsongothisfirststartfortheBrooklyn
Dodgers.RookieoftheYearin1947,sixWorldSeriesappearances,sixAll-Star
Games,andwinnerofthe1949MVPaward.DespiteJackie’scareerachievements
themainthingthatmakeshimstandoutishisrace.JackieRobinsonbecamethe
firstplayersince1880toplayintheMajors,breaking60yearsofracialsegregation
thathadrelegatedblackplayerstotheNegroleagues.Atthetime,Jackiewasa
leader,acivilrightsactivist,andabeaconofhopeforequalityinAmerica.
NowwehaveMichaelSam.
MichaelSammadehistorythispastmonthbycomingoutasgay.Thesenior
defensiveendwhoplayedfortheMissouriTigerswasanAllAmericanandthe
SECDefensivePlayeroftheYearismostlikelygoinginthefirstroundofthe
NFLdraftandwillbethefirstopenlygayprofessionalfootballplayerinthe
historyofthesport.
Thisisbig.Thisisn’tjustafreeagentwhoprobablywon’tplayformorethan3
gamesfortherestofhiscareer(JasonCollins)orapersonwhoiscomingoutas
gayaftertheyhaveleftthelockerroomforgood,asmanyotherplayershavein
thepast.Thismaniscomingoutasbeinggaybeforehisfirstsnap.Beforehehas
timetogetsettleddowninthelockerroom.Beforeheevenknowswherehewill
beplayingfootball.Remember,thisisthesameleaguethatjustwentthrough
a“hazing”scandalwiththeRichieIncognitoproblemwiththeDolphinsin
December.DerogatorytermssuchastheN-wordaresuchacommonplaceinthe
NFLthatthecommissionerisproposinganewpenaltyforhavingapottymouth.
ImaginewhatcouldhappentoMichaelSaminalockerroom,whererefsaren’t
theretothrowaflagtoprotecthim.
Ontheothersideofthespectrum,therehavebeenthousandsofvocalsupporters
forMichaelinthepastfewweeks.PeoplerangingfromLeBronJamestoCam
NewtonandMarkSancheztoDerekJeter.TheGovernorofMissourirecently
metSamandaskedifhecouldgetapicturewithhim.EvenBarackObamahas
comeoutinsupportofSam.Thissupportwasevidenttwoweeksagowhenthe
WestboroBaptistChurchannouncedthattheyweregoingtoprotestSamin
Columbia,Missouri.The“church”wasplanningonpicketingSamwhenhewas
goingtopickuptheMissourifootballteam’sCottonBowltrophyatthehalftime
ofabasketballgame.WhenthefourteenWestboroBaptistChurchmembers
showedupwiththeirsignssaying“GODH8SFAGFOOTBALLPLAYERS&
THEIRENABLERS”theyweremetby2,000MissouriTigerswhowerethereto
blockSamfrombeingabletoseetheprotesters.Manyoftheseanti-hate,pro-love
protestersworeshirts,buttonsandothermemorabiliasaying“StandWithSam.”
Therewasevenasmallcontingentofgirlswhoworeshirtsthatsaid“MyGod
likesTigersofallstripes.”
InAmericanhistory,thesportsworldhasbeenattheforefrontofAmerican
cultureandsociety.ThatgoesforAmericansocialprogressandcivilrightsas
well.TheMLBwasintegratedalmosttwodecadesbeforetheCivilRightsAct
wasputintolaw.TitleIXwasahugestepforwardforwomen’srights.Heck,they
evenallowedCanadianstohaveanNBAteamrecently.Nowwearewitnessing
anewhistoricmomentfortheNFLandAmericaasawhole.Oneofthemost
homophobicand‘masculine’sportsintheworldisabouttohaveaplayerwhois
openlygay.
GayistheNewBlack
By Colin Bronsdon
WhenIfirstwasaskedtowriteforthesuper-secret,undergroundnewspaper
thatspreadsthetruthlikebutterontoast,Irealizedthatitwasmydestiny!People
whodon’tknowmenowhavethepleasureofhearingmyvoiceonapage…you’re
welcome.Ilookforwardtostickingittotheman,asIdoeveryday.Constantstickage.
Forthosewhodonotknowme,youshould,Iamveryinteresting“…Ihave
manyleather-boundbooksandmyapartmentsmellsofrichmahogany”.Mynameis
NoraCorriganandIamoneofthemanywhitegirlsinthehouseofBulldog.Icome
fromalonglineofIrishleprechaunsandItaliangangsters.OnoccasionIwilldoajig
andpourtomatosauceallovermyface,anIrish-Italiantradition.Myhobbiesare:
jigging,gettingmydrankon,andwatchingamovieortwo,orfive.Myspiritanimal
istheshark,duetomymanyrowsofteeth.Also,Ifeelspirituallyconnectedtothe
kookaburrasittingintheoldgumtree.PricelessskillsthatIhumblyoffertothe
Garfieldcommunityinclude:auniquelaughsthatcomesinvariousoctaves,purewit
(andgritbecauseitrhymes),aswellasmysuperiorfashionsense.Youhaveallofthis,
andsomuchmore,tolookforwardtowithmeBeyoncéandAdele’slovechild.
ComingSoon:
Nora Corrigan
FrozenComic
ConceptbyJacobCaspe
ArtbyMintJulep
“Hansmadegooduseoftheprincipalsopendoorpolicy”
DowneyandDirty
Katya’sFucking(Heh.)Column
“Is it weird if I-”No.
“Is there anyone else who--”*eyeroll*noooo,you’reprobablytheonlypersontoeeeeverfeelthisway
eeeever.
“AmItheonlyonewho--”
Ohmygodshutuuuuuuup.
[Abrief,furiousdiscussionwiththeEditorslater,inwhichitbecomes
clearthatKatyaneedstoeataSnickersandworkonbeinghelpful.]
[thistotallyhappened]
Okay.
So.
Thethingaboutsex-oneofmanythingsaboutsex,actually-isthatwe
don’ttalkaboutitmuch.Imean,yeah,wetalkaboutitalot,butwhatdo
wesay?“5waystodriveyourmanwild”?“ThesecretthatNOWOMAN
willEVERTELLYOU”?Andthenyoureadthearticleandit’sjustlike
“sometimesshe’llwillwantitslowbutothertimesshe’llwantitfastoooh
nooooo”or“helikesitwhenyoutellhimthings.Like,dirtythings.Yeah.”
andthenthey’lluseabunchofwordslike“naughty”or“sizzling”topre-
tendthey’reactuallysayingsomethinguseful.
Soalotofthetime,you’llfigurestuffoutaboutyourselfandyou’llbelike
“I”MTHEFIRSTPERSONTOEVERFEELTHISWAYEVER.”Now,
ifyou’relookingatthisfromthe“goshI’msospecial”perspective,then,
well,you’rejustasspecialaseveryoneelse.Ifyou’relookingatitwith
fromthe“I’msoweirdandgoingtodiealone”perspective,then,well,
you’rejustasweirdandlikelytodiealoneaseveryoneelse.
Thatinmind,here’resomequestionsI’dliketoanswer:
“Ihavea[bodypart]that’sreally[big,small,dark,pale,not-“normal”
looking].Willmypartnerthinkit’sweird?”
Dude,you’repartnerslookingyourightinthe[bodypart]andyou’re
worriedthey’regoingtojudgeyouenoughtostopwhatthey’replanning
ondoing?Ifthey’rethatkindofperson,theydon’tdeservetohaveany
humancontactuntiltheylearntoplaynicelywithothers.Turnsout,mov-
iesandpornandbooksandeverythingliealot.There’sahugerangeof
sizes,shapes,colors,andtexturesforeverybodypartyoucanthinkof.I’d
recommendthatyounotgetitonwithpeoplewhoaren’tawareofthis.
Ifyou’redealingwithanyreallybigsurprisesorinsecurities?Anything
thatcoulddirectlyinfluenceyoursexlifeinawayotherthanaesthetical-
ly?Talkitoverwithyourpartner.
“I’mattractedto[___]andI’mworriedifItellpeople,I’llbejudged.I’m
worriedthatwhatI’mattractedtoisn’tnormal.WhatdoIdo?”
Wellfirstoff,ifyou’refeelingthestirringsofnon-straightness,GSAmeets
onWednesdaysatlunch.Followthesmellofbagelandliberalism.
Feelinglikeyou’renotincontrolofwhatyou’reattractedtocanbe…fuck-
ingterrifying.Andthat’sthething.Youcan’tcontrolwhoorwhatyou’re
attractedto.Idoubtmanypeoplehadasitdownsessionwiththeirbrain
andsay“IthinkI’dliketotrybeinguncontrollablyattractedtoolder
womenandeffeminatemen”It’smorelikeyourbrainsaying“how‘bout
somereallystrongurgestowardstallredheadswhowearalotofblack?”
Andyoubeinglike“Brain,lasttimeIchecked,girlshadcooties”andyour
brainbeinglike“whateverman,IdowhatIwant.”
Andkinks*?Imean,jesuschrist,halfthetimethey’relaughedatandthe
otherhalfofthetimethey’recondemned.Howdoyoujustifybeingat-
tractedtosomethingthat’snotevensexualinnature?
Youdon’t.Becauseyoudon’thaveto.Yoursexisstrictlyyourbusiness,or
thebusinessofyouandyourpartner.Ifsomebody’sgoingtojudgeyou?
Don’thavesexwiththem.
“IsitweirdifI’mattractedto[thisperson]orifIdate[thisperson]orifI
wanttohavesexwith[thisperson].”
Is[thisperson]abletogiveconsentandgivingconsent?
Dotheyunderstandeverythingthatbangingyou/kissingyou/datingyou
entails,andaretheycoolwithit?
Ifaseniorwantstodateafreshmanandthefreshmanreciprocates,then
letthemdate!It’stheirbusiness!Girldatinganothergirl?Girldatingtwo
guysandagirl?Guynotdatinganyonebutsleepingaroundabunch?
Whynot?It’sonlyafailureonamorallevelifoneormorepartiesarenot
okaywithitorcannotgiveconsent.
Anyway.besafe,makegoodchoices,andifanyone’stellingyouthathow
youfeeliswrong,tellthemtofuckoff.Royally.In4-partharmony.
*Quickclarifyer-akinkisanot-strictly-sexualthingthatturnsyouon.Likewhenyouseea
footandgo“hotdamn.”
Afetishisanot-strictly-sexualthingthatyouneedtogetoff.Likeifyouhaveafootfetish,
feet,oratleastthethoughtoffeet,havetobepresentforyoutoreallybefullfilledwhen
you’regettingiton.
Likeeverythingelseinlifethat’sworthwhile,bothcomeinacrazyvarietyoftypesandlevels
ofintensity.
4ChanConsidersUkraine:
AnExcerptfromtheDregsoftheInter-
net
ByDarrionSjoquist
“USAshouldstaythefuckoutofthis!”
“Americaisgoingdown,canceroftheearthwillcured”
“Yeah,lookbackinyourhistorybookandtakenoteofAmericanpoliceactionsavingyour
sorryasses.andbutcheringyournatives,fundingtheIRA,supportingtheIslamicrevolutionin
iran...sellingweaponstothemiddleeast.”
“Everyonebutchersthenatives,theIRAwasfoundedbyvolunteersandeffortstoimportUS
weaponswereintervened,Idon’tevenknowhowtorespondtothatthirdoneitsridiculous,
andyeah,we’renotperfect.Allinall,gostudyhistoryyoumassivelyignorantfucker.”
“>>535405742(OP)
eitherukrainejoinseuortheww3breaksloosepolandwouldbefuckedupus,germany,and
britainalreadymadeshieldoutofpoland,those4countriesmadeastatementhowthey’re
concernedblahblahnotg7,notanothernatocountries,usandgbbecauseobviouslythey’re
strongest,germanybecausethey’rerichandquiteclosetooandpolandwhichispoorasfuck
butbordersukraine
thiswon’tendwell”
“Russiahasatreatywiththelegitimategovernment(inexile)from1992thatdeclareditwould
protectitformbeingoverthrownorinvadedinexchangefortheirnuclearweaponsstockpiles.
TheleaderofUkraineaskedformilitaryassistancewhichPutinhasgiven.Americashould/has
nosayinthispoliticaltheatre.
Actually,thetreatystatesthatRussiawillnotinterveneontheircountrywithmilitaryoreco-
nomiceffortsinexchangeforriddingUkraineofnuclearweapons.Furthermore,theleaderof
Ukraineisnottheprimeminister(theonerequesting“Russianassistance”).Thepresidentof
Ukraineistheleaderandhasdenouncedthiseventasaninvasion.”
“SamethingthathappenedwhenwethoughtweweregoingintowarwithSyria....”
“It’stheendoftheworldasweknowit.”
“RussiaisdeployingtroopsatitsbordersthroughoutEurope.WW3isalmosthere.”
“we’regoingtoneedsauceforthat”
“>Whatdoyouthinkwillhappen?
WW3.
>Who’ssideareyouon?
Russia.”
“letmeputthisfranklytoallthePro-Russiansoutthere:
Invadingacountryisnothowyouprotectyourcitizens.Youdoitaseveryotherrationalcoun-
trydoeswhenpoliticalstressoccurs:provideawayoutforthemandwarnagainsttraveltothat
country.”
“ThisisaslegitasGerman’sinvasionofCzechoslovakia,whichledtowwII.”
“Can’ttheUSjustnukethemall?”
“>Athome,thisinterventionlookstobeoneofthemostunpopulardecisionsPutinhasever
made.TheKremlin’sownpollsterreleasedasurveyonMondaythatshowed73%ofRussians
rejectit.InphrasingitsquestionposedinearlyFebruaryto1,600respondentsacrossthecoun-
try,thestate-fundedsociologistsatWCIOMwereclearlytryingtogetasmuchsupportforthe
interventionaspossible:“ShouldRussiareacttotheoverthrowofthelegallyelectedauthorities
inUkraine?”theyasked.Only15%saidyes—hardlyanationalconsensus.”
“Ireadthatcitizensarerejectingthiswholepsyopera.Themoviejustisn’tdrawingcrowds.
WW3cancelledafterpilotepisode”
“ifeitherofmycountriesthatiamacitizenofstartsconscription,imdefectingtoRussia”
“TherearepeopleherethatdeservetogrowupwiththesameprivilegesthatIhad.
Iamwillingtogivemylifesothatmybestfriend’skidcangrowuphappy.”
“>Sorryformyenglish,guys,buti’lltrytoexplainyouwhatrussiangovernmentdid.Thislittle
showinCrimeawasplayedtocauserussianstockmarkettofall.Infewdaysourgovernment
andsomerussiancompanieshaveboughtbackupto30%stocksfromforeignowners.Thisall
“Putingonemental,WWIIishappening”isaboutincreasingtheroleofgovernmentinrussian
stockmarket.Putinandhiscrewdiditquicklyandeffectively.Rememberthispost.Itisared
pill.”
“Putin:15yearsofrulingRussiaonhardcoredifficulty.
Obama:8yearsofcarebearinginMurrica.
Guys,yourpresidentinn00b,gg.”
“IamtiredofthisWestvsRussiabullshitallovernews.Westshouldgetridofliberalismand
rampantdegeneracy,whileRussiashouldgetridofcorruption.Afterthattheyshouldbecome
alliesandleadtheworldintothespace!”
“RussiacouldjoinEUifitwantedto.
Butitdoesn’t,becauseitwouldmeanRussiawouldnotbeinadictatingrole.”
“WhenRussiansdoarevolutionthingsgofrombadtoabsolutelyterrifying.”
IfyoudontknowwhatshappeninginUkrainepleasedonotusethisstudentnewspaperas
youronlysourceofinformation,imeanthisisprintedrightnexttoasexcolumn.
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