The Templeton Twins Make a Scene

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14 the templeton twins make a scene

The Actual Start

of the Actual

Story Starts

C h t e 1


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Oh, no, John! cried Abigail Templeton to herbrother. Six dancing dinosaurs have kidnapped

our dog, Cassie, and taken her to Paris, France!

We must thwart them at once, Abby! replied John.

But first I must have my appendix removed!2

The Templeton twins had been living in their new

house for about a week, doing all the things they usually

didgoing to school and coming home, completing their

homework, pursuing their hobbies, caring for Cassie

(their ridiculous dog), and making mealsbefore Satur-

day finally came, and their father, the famous Professor

Elton Templeton, was able to give them a tour of the col-

lege where he had recently started working.

So, after a breakfast of waffles and bananas, the twins

climbed into the car, along with their (still-ridiculous)

dog, and their father drove them to the campus.

Now, if I know you, you are wondering: What took

the Professor so long to show the twins around? Ill tell

you, because you deserve to know. Well, wait. Im not so

2. If you have read the Introductions, you know just how seriously to take this

explosive, thrilling, thought-provoking news. If you havent, then you dont.

Lets move on.

chap ter 1: the actual start of the actual story starts


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sure you do deserve to know. But I will tell you anyway,

as a favor. Then youll owe mea favor.3

The Professor had been unable to give the twins a

tour of the new college right away because it was very

important that he get to work immediately. Over the

past few years, the college had not had enough students,

and so was in danger of going out of business. The college

had hired Professor Templeton and given him an urgent,

vital assignment: to create an invention that would be

so wonderful and remarkable and splendid that col-

leges and universities all over the world would want to

buy one for themselves. Money from those sales would

make it possible for the Professors college to remain

in business.

And so, for the first week, the Professor did nothing

but attend meetings and think of ideas and work calcu-

lations and sketch out basic designs for a new invention.

The name of the college was the Thespian Acad-

emy of the Performing Arts and Sciences. People calledit TAPAS, for short. Now, I happen to be one of the few

3. Please remember this, because it is quite possible that I will ask you for a

favor later onin this very book.


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people who know that the word tapas is a Spanish

word for a series of appetizerlike snacks served in small

portions on small plates at bars and restaurantsvery

often, in world-famous Spain itself.

In this case, however, the name TAPAS is what we

call an acronym, which is a made-up word formed by

the first letters of a chain of words or names. For exam-

ple, FAQ is an acronym for Frequently Asked Question.4

Similarly, TAPAS is an acronym for the Thespian Acad-

emy of the Performing Arts and Sciences.

Yes, I know: The first letters of of and the and

and do not appear in TAPAS. That is often the case:

4. Frequently Asked Questions, as you may know, are questions that are asked

frequently. I have my own list of Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs). Here it is:

The Narrators FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)

1. Huh?

2. Are you serious?

3. How come?

4. Waitwhat?

5. Really? 6. What time is it?

7. But why?

8. Do we have to?

9. How should I know?

10. What do you mean?



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The first letters of unimportant or inessential words

often do not appear in acronyms. This is perfectly normal

and nothing to be upset about.

This college was devoted to teaching acting, sing-

ing, dancing (or dance, as people who dance refer to

dancing), and the many other important crafts and

technical skills related to performances of all kinds.

Each building resembled an object or a symbol that

was in some way connected with that departments

art or craft or skill. For example, the Department of

Acting occupied two buildings that were shaped like

the famous dualone might even say twinmasks

of Comedy and Tragedy that are commonly used to

symbolize Drama. The Department of Script Writing

was in the form of an immense typewriter. The Depart-

ment of Wardrobe was shaped like a gigantic armoire.5

And so on.

Look at these statues, said Abigail Templeton as

she, her brother, their father, and their notably silly dogstrolled around campus. They look kind of . . . tired.

5. Armoire is a French word. You pronounce it arm-WHAH. It means

I thinka place to keep your arms. Or maybe not. Look, never mind what

it means.


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It was true. The central quad (quad is what colleges

insist on calling their big, grassy yards) and many of the

spaces between the buildings were decorated with stat-

ues of actors, singers, dancers, directors, playwrights,

gaffers, grips, d-girls, and best boys.6But all the statues

were chipped, or rusted, or had pieces missing.

The Professor nodded. He said,

It was while the Templetons had paused near a statue

of William Shakespeare that a man wearing sunglasses

and a bushy beard suddenly encountered the family.

He carried a single folded sheet of yellow lined paper.

He stopped for a moment and seemed startled. Then he

quickly looked away and, with a busy air, marched off.

John watched the man stride across the quad. That

guy looks familiar, he said.

You know, the Professor said. A lot of actors

teach here. You may have seen him in a movie or on TV.Anyway, my workshop is just over there. In the Depart-

ment of Lighting.

6. I have no idea what those last four jobs involve. Do you? Oh, please.

You do not.


This place is in trouble. Thats why were here.


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The Professor led the twins and their always-thrilled-

with-everything dog in the direction that the mysterious

man had gone. As they walked, Cassie wagged her tail

like crazy and panted and looked around as though walk-

ing past a building was the most exciting event of her life,

and the Professor explained his latest invention.

What is the difference, he began, between a play

or a musical, or an operaand a movie or a television

show?

Abigail said, A play is live.

Television shows can be live, John said. News is

live. So are sports.

Youre both right, the Professor said. But even live

television shows use something that plays cant use.

The twins traded a look that said, wordlessly, Wait.

We know the answer to this.

Cameras, they both said at the same time.

Excellent, the Professor said. And what do cam-

eras permit us to do that we simply cannot do in a liveperformance onstage?

The twins thought about that. So lets all think about

that as well, by which I mean, letsyouthink about it.


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Waiting for you to think about it . . .

Come on, we dont have all day.

All right, I will give you a clue. But not just any clue.

This clue will take the form of a cryptic crossword clue,

because cryptic crossword puzzles were Abigails hobby

(AYWKIYHRTTTHAI).7

Cryptics (as they are called) are different than reg-

ular crossword puzzles. The clues themselves are little

puzzles. There are certain rules that mostcryptic clues

follow, one of which is that the definition of the word

(or phrase) is either at the beginning or the end of the

clue. The rest of the clue is the puzzle you have to solve.

(Cryptic clues also tell you how many letters are in

the word, or words, which make up the answer.)

Thus, a cryptic clue might be Hateful dance? Its

only a game (8). You would know, from this, that the

answer is one word, with eight letters, which literally

means either hateful dance (whatever that can possi-

bly mean), or Its only a game.I shall place the solution to this clue in a footnote.8

7. As You Would Know If You Had Read The Templeton Twins Have an Idea.

8. See footnote on the next page.



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By this, I do not mean that I will come to your house and

attach a note with the answer on it to your foot. I mean

I will place the answer at the bottom of the page. But

before looking at it, first try to figure it out.9

The cryptic clue for the answer to the Professors

question is:Nutty cups lose pictures from very near(5-3)

Words like nutty or crazy signal you to recom-

bine the letters of the words before or after. The num-

bers tell you that the answer consists of a five-letter word

and a three-letter word joined by a hyphen.

If you cant figure out the answer (or if you cant be

bothered to try), you may look at the bottom of the page

if you wish.10

Where were we? Ah, yes: The twins were trying to

tell their father what it is that cameras allow us to do that

we cant do in a live performance.

Without much confidence, Abigail guessed, The

camera can record it so that people can watch it later?

9. Oh, please. Did you even tryto figure it out? Very well: The answer is BASE-

BALL. Base means, among other things, bad, hateful, vile, detestable, and

so on. Perhaps you didnt know that, but now you do. A ball is a kind of dance.

Baseball itself is, of course, a game. Isnt that clever?

10. As you can see, it isnt here. You will have to keep on reading.


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Or, John added, show it in black and white, if you

want to, instead of color?

Those are good ideas, the Professor said. But thats

not what Im getting at. Ill give you a hint. This is some-

thing so obvious that it might be very hard to see.

Does that hint shock and surprise you, reader? Oh,

I think it does. Because how can something be so obvi-

ous that you cant see it? Obvious means easy to

see. But sometimes, especially when were looking for

something that we think is tricky, we may see the

obvious things, but we skip over them. We think to

ourselves, I know that what Im looking for is tricky

and hard to see. So this obvious thing cant be it.

Except sometimes it is.

The answer, the Professor said, is that cam-

eras let us use close-ups. The camera lets us move in

close to an actors face, or hand, or foot, or an object

whatever we want the audience to be sure to see. We can

fill the whole screen with it. You cant do that ona stage.

Thus, if you get nutty with (i.e. rearrange the

letters in) cups lose, you will find that the answer is:



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The Professor paused and then said, somewhat dra-

matically, And that is what this college wants me to do.

To create a way to show close-ups onstage.

Now, if the Professor had said this to you, or even

to me, we would have stopped dead in our tracks, and

stared back at him with wild, bulging eyeballs, and

trembled in terror, and clutched our hair and pulled

it out in fistfuls, and cried, BUT SUCH A THING IS

IMPOSSIBLE! HOW WILL YOU EVER SUCCEED AT

MEETING SO OVERWHELMING A CHALLENGE?

All right, perhaps I am exaggerating slightly. I myself

would not behave in this way. But Im sure you would

have.

But neither you nor I are the Templeton twins, who

were long used to hearing about their father tackling this

or that impossible-seeming task.

That is why, instead of screaming in horror orfainting dead away, Abigail said, Thats interesting,

Papa, and John said, Neat. With some kind of lens?

and the Professor said, Yes! Good thinking, John.

CLOSE UPS


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Come on, Ill show you. And all of them, including

Cassie the You-Know-What dog, marched into the

building of the Department of Lighting and Allied

Illuminatory Sciences, which was shaped like a gigantic

stage light.

Inside, the twins meandered around the Professors

workroom, admiring the long workbench and its clut-

ter of equipment, wires, tools, and sheets of transpar-

ent plastic. They glanced at the whiteboard on one wall,

with its calculations and rough, squiggly diagrams. They

examined the surprisingly large array of batteries lined

up on another table.

Then they heard the Professor mutter, Hmm.

Whats this? Looking up, they saw him standing beside

his desk, holding a long sheet of lined yellow paper on

which they could see a handwritten message.

Someone left this for me, he said, and handed it

to John.

Professor, John read. Dropped by to see youbut you werent here. Steve Stevenson. He looked up.

Whos Steve Stevenson?

I have no idea, the Professor said.



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That man we passed in the quad was carrying a

piece of paper like this, Abigail said. Maybe that was

Steve Stevenson.

Why didnt he say anything? John asked.

His sister shrugged. Maybe he didnt know who we

were.

But why doesnt this note include a way to contact

him? the Professor asked.

All three Templetons would have fallen silent and

pondered this thought-provoking question, had not they

all suddenly jumped with fright when they heard a loud,

somewhat musical voice trill,

Heh-LOOO! Professor

Elton TEM-pleton!


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29chap ter 1: the actual start of the actual story starts

1. If you store your arms in an armoire, in what do

you store your legs?

a. A legoire.

b. A leg storage facility.

c. That is a very silly question and I refuse to

answer it. The arm in armoire refers to the

armor and weapons a knight in the Middle

Ages used.

2. What is the opposite of obvious? Write your

answer in the form of a recipe for chocolate

pudding.

3. What is a hyphen? Of course Iknow. I want to

see if you know.

F O R F U R T H E R S T U D Y

The Templeton Twins Make a Scene

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