Summary
One Christmas, our beloved cake shop, Snowflake Sensations,
faces serious financial problems...
... will we still be able to operate? Mom doesn't think so.
With no dad, how else could we support our lives?
Will we have to live out in the snow-covered streets?
What will be of our Christmas?
Chapter 1: Snowflake Cupcakes
"Excuse me, what are those cupcakes you have displayed on your
window?" An white-haired old woman asks, pointing to the snowy
white cupcakes on display.
"That'll be our newly made batch of Snowflake Cupcakes, Madam.
They're vanilla with icing sugar and crystallized sugar
snowflakes." I respond.
"Grandma! Grandma! I want one! Please? Pretty please with a
snowflake on top?" The little girl of about five years of age
whinnies and tugs on the sleeve of the old woman.
Her grandmother turns to me. "How much does one cost?" She
inquires.
"Five dollars." I reply.
She pales visibly at the mention of the price. Her little
granddaughter blinks up at her innocently.
"I could knock off a dollar for you, seeing as it's Christmas."
I offer.
She smiled. "Thank you," She whispers.
Reaching into her tattered brown bag, she pulled out a small
purse and retrieved the only dollar note from it.
She's too poor to afford a cupcake. But to make her little
granddaughter happy, she would rather spend all she's got.
I let my instincts take over.
In an instant, I've had four cupcakes boxed up.
"Please, accept this box of cupcakes, our specialty,
complimentary of Snowflake Sensations." I hand the box to the
little girl.
The woman looks momentarily stunned. "But---"
I smiled and shake my head. "Hey, it's Christmas season, after
all!"
She grasps my hands in thanks. She smiles and warm wrinkles
spread through her face, a twinkle enriching her chocolaty
eyes.
"Thank you," She croaked.
"Have a very Merry Christmas!" I wished the both of them.
"Merry Christmas!" The little girl quips and skips out of the
bakery, while the old woman follows at a slower pace.
Smilingly, I waved them goodbye.
Then I flipped the sign on the door from OPEN to CLOSE.
I drag myself into the apartment upstairs and sink into my
beanbag chair.
My head in my arms, I groan deeply.
Now what?
Chapter 2: Cake goes BOOM
"We barely made a hundred dollars!" I moaned.
Little Lexy shivered in the mild-warm room. That stupid
fireplace is forever acting up.
Carolyne bit her lip. "That's really bad..."
"When is our payment due?' Jason asks.
"December 31st! New Year's Eve!" My voice catches. We are
running out of time. It's the 10th of December and we're barely a
month away from paying our debts... that we had no way to keep.
"What shall we dooooo?" Carolyne wailed. "If we don't send them
the money, they will kick us out of the only home we ever
knew!"
Lexy sniffled and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. 'Does that
mean we'll be homeless and orphans?" She whispers.
I pick her up and hold her in my lap. Lexy is only four, and she
doesn't deserve a life like this.
"Shhh... We won't be homeless, we'll find a way." I promised,
though I've no idea how. "And we're not orphans. We've got mother
and each other."
"Mom... has no idea, has she?" Jason asks.
At that moment, mom bursts into the room, wearing an apron over
her blue dress. She had chocolate frosting on her nose and cheeks,
and her hair tangled up and... were those coloured sprinkles in her
hair?
"Children! Children! What are you doing up here in the cold and
dark on a bright day like this?" She chastised in her sing-song
voice. Bending down, she scooped little Lexy into her arms and
began to dance around and around the room.
Lexy squealed in glee and kicked her tiny, spindly legs in the
air.
Suddenly, mom stopped short, clutching at her stomach.Her really
big, round stomach.
I jump up and prise Lexy away from mom. "Mom! You aren't suppose
to exert yourself in... in your state." I support her back.
Wiping her brow, she exhales loudly. "Nonsense. I'm fine. I've
been through this before, you know. This is the fifth time!"
She gets that sudden faraway, dreamy look on her face. "Imagine!
Five children! Ooh, I'm a lucky mom!" She pulls us close and we
have a nice, long family hug.
"We're not orphans, right mommy?" Lexy pulls on mom's apron.
"Cassia said we're not, but I want to be a hundred percent,
complete, all sure, sure!"
"Oh, honee, We'ree a bigggg happyyy familyyy!! No one can ever
separate us!" Mom looks like she's about to start dancing
again.
I pull her down. "Mom, you haven't been taking your meds!"
Mom ruffles my hair. "Oh, no, Cass, honey! I don't want to harm
the little one!" She giggles girlishly and puts her arms round her
swelling belly. "Besides, I'm completely fine! See, I even made us
Chocolate Christmas Log Cakes!" She smiles lopsidedly.
"Yay!! Chrissy Log Cake!" Lexy screams.
Mom chuckles. "See, I knew you'd---"
No one got to hear what mom knew.
Suddenly, there came a very loud explosive noise from below.
BOOOMMMmmmmMMM!!!!!!
"Oopsie," Mom half-giggles, nervous. I sigh. We really need to
get mom to a doctor. Quick!
"Looks like I shouldn't have added that wine into the sugee
cakes! My bad!"
Yep. A doctor would be more appropriate than the fire brigade
right now.
If we had the money.
Chapter 3: Dark Swirls
Well, we survived.
Now mom's lying on the ground in the bakery's kitchen, crying
and moaning how it's all her fault.
"I should've watched myself more carefully!" She wailed as she
hugs her enormous belly and sobs.
Carolyne puts her arms round mom. "It's okay. We're not hurt.
Mom, don't worry anymore." She pleads.
The kitchen's crowded with us Devine family, three men from the
fire brigade, plus two nurses, who had come when some passerby
heard the explosion and saw the smoke.
The firemen took care of the situation in a few minutes. It
wasn't anything minor, they told us, and we were lucky we weren't
anywhere near the stove. It had turned out that mom had nothing to
do in causing the explosion--- it's simply the oven's fault.
"Old and unreliable," a fireman noted. "A little too much heat,
over the years, and it goes haywire. Still, you have insurance to
cover the damage, don't you?" He directed the question at mom.
Mom stiffens. "I...I'm not sure. When I first bought this place,
I'd tried to get it insured. I... I think it'll cover the damage."
She confirms, and I exhale in relief.
"Oh, well, than you're lucky. Well, be sure to get a new oven.
This one can't be used any longer." The fireman warned. Then, after
briefing us kids on what to do if this sort of thing happens again,
warned mom on the importance of keeping the place fireproof and
safe for children, they left.
The nurses dawdled longer. They gave us a through examination,
checking to see if any of us had inhaled too much smoke,
etc.etc.
They tried to calm mom down. "Honey, you can't blame yourself.
The oven is too unpredictable. After this, all you have to do is
purchase a new one, and this won't happen again!"
Mom wailed, "My kids! I can't believe I put them in so much
danger---" She kept on and on sobbing, cradling her baby bump and
rocking herself to and fro.
One of the nurses asked, "Who among you is the oldest?"
"Cassia." My siblings point to me.
"May I have a few words with you, Miss?" The nurse beckons me to
the door.
Nervously, I followed her into the bakery.
"Miss, your mom--- is she always like this?"
"She, she's supposed to be on meds." I tell her.
"For what, exactly?" She pursues.
I sigh. I know my mom can't help it. She can't help being
mentally ill. I mean, she's not retarded, slow, or crazy... She's
just a little too hyperactive, too much in the clouds, too
unfocused, too excitable.
"She... she's just like in a different world, most of the time.
She's just not altogether down-to-earth, not really there... I
don't know the name for it."
"Tell me, does she shift from one mood to another very quickly?"
The nurse inquired.
"Well... she'll be really happy one moment, like super-excited
about nothing in particular. Then, she will become so tired, she
has to lie down for a good long sleep... Well, even when she's not
pregnant, she constantly mood-shifting." I told her.
"Well, you should send her for a check up at the hospital. She
looks almost ready to deliver! When is she due, by the way?"
"She's in her third trimester, and she's not expecting the baby
until about two months later."
"She should go for regular checkups. You don't want any
premature deliveries!"
I look at the ground. Mom needs treatment. We all know that.
The thing is: we have not enough money to support ourselves. We
don't even have a car!
"Well, make sure you tell your dad, when he gets home, to be
sure to send her for that checkup. It's better to be safe than
sorry." She says.
I nod, numbly.
Really, what else could I say?
I don't have a dad.
In fact, we neither of us do.
They had left in way before our bakery's dark swirs period.
Yep, and I saidthey,as in plural.
We each have different dads.
Chapter 4: Dimmed Lights
Once upon a time, mom had been seriously attractive. Well, she
still is now.
When she has in her senior year in college, she met this dude,
named Michael.
Whoa there! I know what you're thinking. This Michael guy, he
pursued mom, she falls in love, they started dating, they doit,then
mom finds out she's expecting, and they get married... happily ever
after.
Well, you are wrong.
Michael did try to woo her. My mom, being really beautiful, had
been homecoming queen for several years, and all the guys had their
eye on her. It's just... her illness.
You see, she's like, quite scary when you're with her alone.
You'll never know where she really is. One moment she'd be like
smilingly happy, then she'd suddenly go all hysterics.
So, the guys were scared of her.
That Michael guy, he tried. But mom turned him down. She said
she wasn't interest, etc, etc...
But that creep hadn't backed off.
He kept coming at her.
Okay. Let's get this straight. I have no idea why he'd go for a
girl, even like mom, especially as she'd turned him down.
Then again, I'm not a guy, I don't know what was going through
his mind.
Well, on their prom night, he seized his chance.
You see, he knew what she is like. They all knew. But he took
advantage of it.
They had their senior prom in a hotel ballroom. They were
dancing and lots of disco flashy lighting. Well, that creep Michael
disguised himself as someone else, went to the dance and looked for
mom.
He must've conspired with some one from the lighting crew,
because with no warning, the ballroom went dark, only dim, coloured
lights continued to shine, but the music continued playing.
The DJ announced that they would continue their dance in the dim
light for more 'romance'.
That's when Michael seized his chance.
Making his way through the crowd, drink in hand, he approached
mom from behind and said something completely sappy, like;
"Hey, beautiful. You are my moon, my sunshine, my rainbow, my
dream."
Mom must've screamed. I know I would've.
"Hey, heey, now! You must be feeling a little jumpy. Here,*hands
mom drink* drink this. I got it for you from the punch table.
You'll feel waay better, I guarantee.
Okay! Cut! I know, i know, it all sounds so like a creepy plot.
Creepy man, check. Dark setting, double check. Unidentified man
hands you unidentified drink, triple check.
If you'd ever listened to your parents giving you warning after
warning, if you'd ever heeded those warnings, I'm sure a smart
person like you would not have fallen for it.
But mom is different.
I have to defend her after all, since you know, if she hadn't
fallen for that trick, hadn't accidentally on-purpose drugged
herself, hadn't been brought to the penthouse suite of the hotel by
that creepy guy, hadn't, well, you get it.
If it hadn't been for that creepy stalker guy, I wouldn't have
been born, like, a year later.
Up till now, I still can't get how a total jerk like that could
be my dad.
I still have nightmares.
Chapter 5: No cookies
"So... no more cookies?" Carolyne whispers.
Lexy's lower lip trembles. "No...cookies...at all?"
Jason punched a pillow. "How can you bake cookies without an
oven?!" He scolded his sisters.
"How can you think ofcookiesat a time like this?" I chatised,
burrying my head in my hands. "We have no oven!!"
"But... but they're mom's special Christmas Cookies!!" Lexy
whines.
"Get over it, Lexy! We won't be having any cookies this
Christmas, or any plum pudding, or turkey, or pumpkin pie, or---"
Jason rants.
Tears streaked down Lexy's face. "But, mommy always,alwaysbakes
cookies! How can there be no cookies?" She sniffles.
Sighing, I take Lexy into my arms. As the oldest, I'm fully
responsible for my siblings' welfare--- and being a Devine, that
counts for emotionally and psychologically, too.
"Lexy, you've got to understand... we can't have a proper
Christmas this month---" I began.
Lexy pushed away from me, screeching" No Christmas? You mean no
Christmas food, no tree and no presents?" She demanded.
I sigh. This is starting to sound like the starting ofLittle
Women.
"Oh, get over it, Lex!" Jason says, frustrated.
"But... does that mean we can't have Christmas music? No... no
songs?" Carolyne looks on the verge of tears herself.
I shook my head. These children have to face up to reality.
Don't they realize, that without a proper-functioning over,
ourbakery, our main living source, is in jeopardy,
which means thatour livesare in jeopardy, too?
I cover my face and groan as I take in the childish whinnings
and screams as poor, unsuspecting little children just realized
that Christmas won't always be a celebratory pleasure, and life
doesn't always give you what you want...
"No presents? I want presents!' Lexy screams.
"Oh, this is stupid! How are we going to survive this? And
you're whinning because we barely have enough money for
ingredients, let alone to buy you expansive, useless, baby
junk---"
"A clarinet is not babyish junk!" Carolyne screeches at Jason.
"As as far as I know, you wanted a guitar!"
"Oh yeah? At least I'msavingup for one,myself?" Jason
retorted.
"So? Where did the money come from?" Carolyne again.
"Presents! Cookies! Christmas tree!" So what else is new?
I cover my ears and breathe in. breathe out. breathe in.
I will keep my calm. I will keep my calm. I will...
"Cookies! " "Clarinet" "Guitar" "Money:" "No oven"
"Presents"
Suddenly, the door below banged shut, and a loud manly voice
called up from below.
"What's this I hear about presents, eh? Who wants cookies?"
Footsteps thundered up the stairs...
...and a face peered in.
No, let me rephrase that.
A grinning, red,, cheerful, don't care-ish,
ugly, get-your-self-out-of-here, no good, cheating,
useless...
face peered in.
Lexy took one look at him and bounded over.
"MAX!!!' She cried joyfuly.
Carolyne and Jason just stood there. They gave each other a
look, turned to look athim,
scowled at each other,
Jason folded his arms.
Carolyne set her jaw like : do you wanna take him? I would
gladly hold his lousy butt for you...
Sensing serious trouble, I huriedly rise.
Turning, I face...
Max. the man I hated most, even more than my dad...
I reserve a special treatment for him, and him only...
"Hello, Max, so you're finally back...
"I'LL GIVE YOU TEN SECONDS TO GET THE **** OUT OF HERE!
DON'T LET US SEE YOU HERE IN THE FUTURE,
YOU LOUSY, GOOD FOR NOTHING---"
Chapter 6: Screaming and Crying
Screaming and crying...
... it's all I can remember...
We were so young... it happened when we couldn't make sense of
it.
Mom had been no help. In fact, she seemed to be the main
cause.
*****
As soon as I was born...
...well, mom had no job to quit,
... school was over for her...
...she couldn't enter any colleges anyway.
Her momhad offered no help in either way.
So, bundling me up in soft rags, she set off on her life's
quest...
Fell ill, and had to be hospitalized.
Where was I? Well, Aunt Jessica took care of me, kind of like a
temporary babysitter.
Well, while I was bawling out my teeny tiny lungs and taking my
first baby steps, my mom had been getting hit on by this totally
nerdy doctor in the hospital, faster than I could say "coo."
I know, I know... ew!!!
but at least, you could say this might have had a little more
dignity than her previous experience.
See, my mom hadn't been ill,ill,as in deathly. She... I think
she was just getting weaker and weaker with no way to raise me up
like a proper mum--- no money, no proper education, no job.
Well, theysaidshe was really weak.
I see now that it had been an excuse for Dr. Charming to charm
his way into my mom's life, messing it up more than it already
is.
Well... let's just say that a supposedly two week stay became a
two month stay... and my mom returned after, like, seven months
later...
...and my baby brother was born.
No, I'm not going to say The End, because it's not over yet.
This chapter of my mom's messed up love life hadn't ended with a
hospital scene, with her cooing over a newborn angry baby boy, a
one year old hiding under the covers, and a large doctor looming
over the bed, an idiotic grin on his doctor-y face.
The perfect bliss of a happy family...
...I don't think.
You see, after the doctor got my mother pregnant, he realized
that he would get, like, fired for what he'd done. I mean, you
can't just go up to any lady patient and be all, Hey! I love you!
But let's not get married, kay?
That's like, illegal, assuming the authorities ever found
out.
I'd like to say that, when my mom was discharged from the
hospital after her initial two month's stay, the doctor was still
working quietly, behind the scenes and whatnot.
Well, as soon as my mom left, the doctor turned all out of
himself--- going crazy nutty 'cause mom wasn't around...
...and at the same time, there was this other girl...
...she looked just like mom, only, hotter, younger, sexier, more
beautiful...
...and that girl was my mom's sister,
my Aunt Jessica.
The reason I saidwasmy mom's sister, is
the moment mom found out that her very own sister was going
about behind her back, hooking up with the father of her unborn
child, she started up...
And we wouldn't want to stick around for that, wouldn't we?
*****
So, to sum up this interesting back story chapter on the birth
of my little brother:
Screaming and crying...
...was all I could remember.
(It's kindda like the first few verses of Taylor Swift's new
song, Blank Space!)
I was so young... I couldn't make sense of it all...
... it had only dawned on me that I had a tiny, angry little
mass of a pest for a brother...
Who, by the way, hadn't changed one bit.
Chapter 7: Please leave!
"But children, children, we can't have Christmas without
presents!" The big doof exclaims, the gap of his mouth from one
corner to another is so wide, I bet I could stuff a cake in there,
whole.
But who'd waste a real, good cake on a big phony like him?
"Yes!" Lexy squeals, her temper long gone.
"Excuse me, but can you please don't go around encouraging her,
Max?" I scowl.
He spreads his arms wide, and says, "Hey, hey now! It's the
season!Someonehas to liven up or she'll turn all sour and
bitter---"
I tug on Lexy's dress. "Come on, Lex, he's fooling you..." I
mumble.
"Hey, hey! I'm for real sugar! C'mere!" He reaches down and
grabs my little sister in his arms.
"Why'd you come back, Max?" Jason demanded.
Max ignored Jason's question.
"Where's your mum?" He asked.
"Why should we tell you?" Carolyne spat, her brows knit.
"Hey, now!" Max puts Lexy down and holds up his hands, palms
facing us. "I just want to see her! Is there something wrong with
wanting to see the woman I love?"
I step forward. "Max, you've got to leave. Now, before she sees
you.' I grit my teeth.
"Oh, but darling---" He starts.
I flinch.
"Don't call me darling!' I hissed at him.
"Well, Cassia... I've come to make amends!" He grins once more,
revealing those dazzling white teeth. Ugh. I really have to duct
tape that guy's mouth next time. After all, what's one roll of duct
tape compared to, like, five sunglasses?
Oh, yeah. The price.
"If you really want to make amends, you could've started by
sending us the money!" I scream at him.
"Whoa there,Cass! It's just money---" He says.
Turning around, a reach out towards the pin-board next to the
door. Grabbing a fistfulof letters and red bills, I shove them in
his face.
"Just money? Well, we owe these people thousands of it! How are
we supposed to pay them back?" I screech.
"Calm down, honey... I'm sure we could find a way---"
I scoffed. "As in...? Mom's working herself to death right now,
trying to support us!"
"And where have you been all this time?" Jason put in. "you
didn't care!"
"Seven months, Max... you left us... leftherlike this... for
sevenfreakingmonths, Max!" Even Carolyne had something to say
against Max.
He sighs, but it wasn't a defeated kind of sigh--- more like :
Someday you bunch of silly kids will understand...
But in the meantime, we weren't to be won over by
this...jerk.
"Can you at least tell me where your mom is? At least she could
help..."
"Help with what, Max? Help convince us you're not all bad?" I
snorted.
"Well, good luck with that!" Jason said. "You think she'll be
glad to see you? Well, you can just think again!"
Unable to make sense of the situation, Lexy tugs at Max's
sleeve, mouthing the word : presents?
Max sighs again. "Children, i'm sorry about the way I've acted
before! I know, I know, I left your mom, I leftyouhere! But I've
repented, see?"
He spreads his hands in apology. "No more gambling." He
promised. "I'm even going to take you lot out for a spot of
Christmas shopping later on!" He smiles at Lexy, who claps her tiny
hands and squeals in delight.
Jason folded his arms across his chest. "And just where did you
get the money from anyway?"
Max laughed. It wasn't exactly a cruel laugh, but it wasn't at
all comforting, either.
"I'm allowed a little money to spend sometimes, aren't I? Well,
this time, I'm determined to treat you... to make up for what I'd
done earlier!'
I scowl. "Then why don't you contribute to the bakery?" I
brandished the bills.
"Ah... you see, Iwillgive you some of my winnings, er, I mean,
earnings for the bakery. If you'd just let me speak to your
mom..."
Suddenly, a figure appeared at the open door.
"Get away from my children, Max, before I call the cops on
you!"
Chapter 8: In hysterics
"Mom!"
"Mom, make him go away!"
Carolyne runs to mom and hides behind her.
Max stands up slowly and eyes the knife in mom's hand. "Lila...
surely you won't..." Then he cleared his throat as mom gave him a
death stare.
Changing tactics, he steps away from Lexy, and I bend down and
scoop her up into my arms.
"Lila, I just want to see you, see the children..."
Tears were streaking down mom's pale cheeks. She griped the
knife in her hand a little tighter. "Don't make me call the police,
Max."
"Lila, you don't understand," He started, desperately taking a
step forward.
Mom brandished her phone--- the only phone in the house. "I told
you not to come back here." She snarled.
"Lila, for us, for the children,heck, even for our baby you're
carrying...please, don't do this to me... to us..." He pleads.
The nerve! Bringing up the baby at a time like this...
"Mom, don't listen to him." Jason warns her.
Mom's gaze never softens. "You could've at least returned once
before..."
"Seven months, Max." Carolyne couldn't help putting in. "you
left us to suffer forseven whole months!"
"Well, I came back now, so I'll try to put things right for all
of you, what do you say?"
Mom takes a deep breath. "Max, I'm really sorry that you sorry
so I'm sorry but I'll have to---
OMG, IT'S COMING! IT'S COMING!"
Now, really confused, we stared at each other.
"Grab the knife from her, goodness!" Max yelled at Carolyne,
who's right behind mom.
"What's happening?" Lexy starts sucking her thumb, an old habit
we went thought great pains to get her to stop.
Mom clutches her ginormous belly and moans. "I can feel it...."
She whimpers, flinching.
Rushing to support her, Max screams at us, "Call the ambulance,
quick!"
"Cassia, what's happening?" Carolyne whines.
Staring at mom, dumbstruck and horror-stricken, I'm suddenly
struck with realization.
"Grabbing the phone mom had dropped, I dial the ambulance.
Please, pick up, pick up... I prayed, my heart racing inside my
chest.
"Hello, you have reached the emergency operator, how can I
help---" a monotonous voice answers.
Without waiting for the end of the sentence, I screech
hysterically into the mouthpiece:
"QUICK! SEND US AN AMBULANCE RIGHT NOW, OUR MOM'S GOING INTO
LABOUR---
---WITH OUR PREMATURE, SEVEN-MONTH-OLD BABY!'
Chapter 9: Depressing Outcome
"You can't force us to! Cassia, tell him he's not to." Carolyne
wails and pulls my arm.
Jason's face is white, I can't tell if it's because he's nervous
of if he's scared.
Only Lexy seems undisturbed, playing with a Skippy doll she
begged Max to buy her.
"You can't look after us fortwo months!" Carolyne yells at
Max.
He shrugs tiredly. "Children, you have no choice. This is
critical. You have to bear with me for a couple of months while
your mom's in the hospital."
"What happened to the baby?" I demanded.
Max's shoulder's slumped. He looked terrible. After he stumbled
out of the ward, he just staggered around for a while, like he used
to do every time he came home drunk, after he lost a bet. That was
last time. Now, he sits here, his face sagging, eyes drooping and
hair a wild mob after he repeatedly combed through it. For the
first time that day, he looked defeated.
"it... My baby..." He croaked.
I exchanged glances with Jason and Carolyne.
This looks really bad.
When Max exited the delivery room, his expression had been
enough to say: No chance.
But when thedoctor,(I don't know why we trusted mom
withanotherdoctor), Max jumped to his feet and gave the doctor this
worriedpleadinglook I've never seen on him before.
The doctor himself shook his head, signalling GAME OVER.
I had refused to believe anything--- still holding out hope that
mom and the baby are safe.
But I guess I had just been waiting... waiting for, out of all
people,Max, to say it.
He heaved a loud sigh.
"The baby... was born too prematurely." He winced as he uttered
every word.
Carolyne perks up. "So it's out! I have a baby brother?"
Max's face seemed to age twenty years.
So does mine, as I watch him transform into a whole different
man.
"The baby... he couldn't... couldn't be saved." He chokes
up.
Time seemed to stop. My head feels fuzzy--- trying to wrap my
mind around the fact that my baby brother, mom's new joy, my
siblings and my hope in all the business stress ...
isdead.
Carolyne seems to be taking it the hard way. She burst into
tears. "No... no... it can't be... poor baby..."
"Poormom," I moan.
"How is she?" Jason asks Max.
"She's... she's blaming herself." Max sighs.
"It's my fault." Max covers his face with his hands. "I
should've been there for her all this while... taken her for
regular checkups... then maybe this wouldn't have had
happened."
I want to blame him. I desperately wanted to shift the blame
onto someone else, especially if the someone is someone I reserve
special hate feelings towards.
But then I remember.
I remember all those times.
Mom wasn't feeling herself, she was too hyped up over the
littlest things, or she's too depressed over nothing.
Those were the times I had been obliged to pound up her pills
and slip them into her drinks when she doesn't know.
I mean, at that time, I had no idea my actions would result
in... inthis.I had thought I was doing the right daughter-y
thing.
I guess maybe mom had been right all along.
This is all my fault.
I weep silently, not having the courage to let my family know
just how much I'm to blame as Max is.
The waiting room was a miserable scene that night.
One man, torn to bits, his soul destroyed forever by his past
actions.
One girl, too broken up over her thought-to-be-right actions,
that might've resulted in the death of her own baby brother...
One girl, her hopes sharded like glass... as she realizes she
would never have the baby brother she's forever wishing for...
One boy, angrily clenching his fists, as if that would put
things right, his courage put on to hide his real feelings of lost
hope, grief and anger...
Oh, and the tiniest girl isn't to be left out.
She sits, playing happily with her Skippy doll, when suddenly
she somehow unscrew the head of the doll and immediately bursts
into tears...
"He's dead! He's dead!" She wails, holding up the broken pieces
of the doll.
Way to brighten up the mood, 'lil sis, I thought to myself.
Blame Max for the doll.
Blame Max for thebaby.
...
Blamemefor its death.
Chapter 10: The Little Girl
I hold little Lexy, her head on my lap, and smoothen her tangled
honey brown hair. She blinked her little blue eyes sleepily at me,
and I brush away the tears gathered at the corners of her eyes.
Carolyne's head is rested on my shoulders, and beside me,
Jason's eyelids are half closed.
This taxi's going really slow. I think in my head, a little
drowsy. I close my eyes and lean back against the worn car seat.
The ride to the hospital wasn't this long.
Then again, I guess the taxi's crawling along in it's slowest
pace, even though it's way past midnight, there are still many cars
on the roads. Once upon a time, I used to really want to explore
the world outside my comfort zone. We never really had the chance.
With no car, we had to walk everywhere. To school, to the market to
purchase groceries...
It's only until mom had met Carolyne's father did I really ride
in a car. I think I had, even before that, but I was still too
young to remember the experience. Ben did have a really wonderful
car... a BMW, I think. Maybe that had been one of the reasons why
mom was attracted to him in the first place--- he'd take her out
for fancy dates in his cool car. The least he could've done was
provide us one, too.
Mom had started dating Ben ever since Jason could toddle around
on his two tiny feet, constantly hitting surfaces and toppling
over. At that time, we didn't have a bakery, heck, we didn't even
own any place remotely resembling a home-ish house. Mom had lived
in a dingy, dirty, gray flat provided by the social councilors, for
women and children withspecial needs.
Mom received money from them to provide for Jason and I, but it
wasn't enough for all three of us to survive healthily. Mom needed
more money. We needed clean clothes, fresh food, a good education
and a proper living environment. Somehow, mom needed to find
work.
With absolutely zero job experiences, mom had to work odd jobs,
like janitors, cleaners, house maids. Occasionally, some poorer
families might hire her to be their children's nanny, or a super
marts might employ her as cashiers. Those days, her pay would be
just a little higher, then mom would buy me and Jason an ice-cream
as a treat.
One day, mom had been offered a job in a children's day care
centre, as a cook. On her first pay day, she took Jason and I to...
get this, thefair!
Both my little brother and I had never been to one before. This
wasn't your typical street fair, either. It's a moving one,
complete with carousel, bumper cars, Ferris wheel, the works. I
remembered staying in the fair well past dinner time. Jason began
to feel hungry, so mom stopped at a burger stall to buy us greasy
fair food for dinner. I know... sounds delicious, right?!
It was there that mom met Ben. He was no ordinary guy, that I
could say of him. He was a hippie, with longish dark hair, multiple
piercings, and large tattoos on his biceps. All in all, he's your
regular menacing guy you will most likely meet in a fair. My
instincts would've told me to run. Hey, even Jason's eyes widened
at the sight of Ben. But mom had taken one look at him and we knew
there was no turning back.
The very next day, Ben came along in his squeaky clean BMW, and
had graciously offered to take our whole family on a ride in his
car. Being cooped up all our lives in the flat, Jason and I made no
objections at the suggestion.
Well, I couldn't say it was at all your averageromanticsort of
date.
How romantic could a date get, with two of your little children
in the backseat of your cool car, exclaiming over every gadget one
moment, eagerly pointing out the scenery the next...
Ben was a reckless driver. A real road rager. He drove like a
boss, and that's saying something. He did not hesitate to display a
creative string of cuss words when a lorry got in too close a
proximity for his liking.
The crazy weaving in and out of the lane, and the screeching
noises of the car's tires, as well as Ben's coarse voice calling
out all the swear words both written and unwritten in the
dictionary, made me horribly, terribly, car-sick. Or maybe it was
because I had never really been in a car before.
I did not, could not, and would not, resist the urge to fend off
the nauseating wave of bile rising up in my throat. I did the
rational thing--- I threw up.
Well, I tried to catch most of it in a bag, but some still
spilled out and landed on Ben's luxury car's seat. You should've
seen his face right then! He was trying to decide between stopping
his precious car there and then, kicking me out and driving like a
madman to the nearest car station to bully the poor worker there
into cleaning that up for him for free, or to behave like a
gentleman in front of mom. After all, hewason a date. Hewassupposed
to display a gentlemanly attitude all night in front of a lady, of
whom he's courting and her two little children, of whom were still
young and innocent.
Well, let's say he deserved praise for what he done that night.
Anyone else might've not recognized him if they saw him then! He
just chuckled, stopped the car at the nearest gas station and
helped to clean me up. He even ruffled Jason's hair, called him a
tough nut (he really did hit the target on the head) and told him
to 'hang in there, buddy!'
That was probably the first, and last nice thing he'd ever done
to our family.
The next time he came rolling around, he and mom made sure to
hand Jason and I over to a nanny, or a babysitter while they go
out... doing their thing. One night, while Jason and I were locked
up in the flat with Nanny McPhee (sorry, it was the only nanny's
name I could come up with), wailing about going to bed early, and
having to take our vitamins, when there came a loud, official knock
on the front door.
I ran to answer it, and received a tremendous shock to see a
stern and important looking police officer at the door.
"Where--- where's mom?" I demanded, timidly.
He moved aside, revealing mom, hunched up, looking as shaken
as... well, as the time she found out doctor heart brake wasn't
completely loyal to her face...
"My children... officer..." She shivered.
"Madam, you were caught riding in a stolen car with a local
dangerous gang leader. A truckload of illegal drugs were discovered
in the car. You claim to have no idea of the events around you. We
need you to fill out a report---"
At that time, I had no idea what was going on. I could only
blink my little eyes up at the grown ups, marvelling at the police
officer's smart uniform, worried about mom being in trouble...
"Ha! I knew that scumbag was up to no good all along..." Nanny
McPhee had remarked, a smug expression on her face.
"Madam, do you know of any other offences he made that we could
charge him with? Any rough-handling, deceit..."
I remember mom looking ashen, and panic-stricken- and
embarrassed. Then she did something that had scarred me for life---
she turned her back and pulled off her blouse. Everyone in the room
gasped.
There was large, bluish-blackish bruises on mom's back. They
spread out over her skin like floral patterns, but these were
really ugly and nauseatingly painful to look at.
"Madam," the officer addressed mom, now really concerned. "You
need to file immediate reports on this guy, then see about those
bruises there, Such actions should never go unpunished!" He said,
indignant.
But mom just stood there, her back towards us, stock still and
stared at the moon in the sky, which I still remember was a
full.
"Madam?" "Mom?" "Miss Devine?"
"How could I press charges against him?" She said dreamily.
"Miss, you haven't been taking your meds!" Nanny remarked,
worriedly.
"No... I couldn't. I couldn't do this to the man..." She'd
started to murmer to herself. Even I started to realize that my mom
had probably been scarred for life.
She raised her arms and placed her hands on her hips. Bending
down, she spoke softly. "You don't want him to be the black sheep,
don't you? You don't want to grow up knowing..."
Jason couldn't stand seeing mom like that anymore and reached
out to tug at mom's arm.
Jolted awake from her sudden stupor, mom turned around--- and
everyone gasped once more as realization began to sink in...
Clutching the obvious bump on her stomach, mom cooed, "Now, we
couldn't let my little girl grow up knowing who her father was..."
She murmurs.
It was quite awhile later before I realize the 'little girl' she
was talking about hadn't beenme...
Chapter 11: Hot Chocolate
By the time the taxi screeched into the dark alleyway at the
beginning of out street, practically the whole car had dozed
off.
Max jerked up when the taxi driver honked the horn impatiently.
He quickly paid the driver and I rubbed my eyes. "Wake up,
Carolyne, Jason." I hiss into their ears. Hugging the sleeping
Lexy, I open the car door, thanked the driver and stepped out onto
the solid road once more.
Yawning, Carolyne whines," Why did he leave us stranded?"
I take her hand in my free one. "He left us at the beginning of
our street. The taxi couldn't pass through the narrow lane." I
point out.
"Come along now, children." Max herds us down the lane. "It's
frightfully late now, and you're all shivering!"
"When will mom come home?" Jason asks, trailing behind us.
"Come on Jace, walk in front of us." I steer him to the
front.
"I'm old enough," He mumbles, but he obliges. He may be
fourteen, and that's not a very young age, but he'd been through
enough suffering and hardships in his life that I feel the need to
protect him from anything... it's my duty, as big sister.
Seems like I wasn't the only one with a responsible feeling that
night.
"Here, let me hold little Lexy," Max offers, but I decline,
clutching my little sister a little tighter. She may be the last
person I've got, the youngest in the family, whom I can still
protect.
"Well... when we get back to the bakery, why don't we warm up
some food, eh? You children really need to keep warm and full, or
you'll all catch chills." He says, tugging at Jason's snow cap and
winding Carolyne's scarf tightly around her neck.
Jason cringed when Max touched his cap, his mouth curling into
his usual scowl. "Don't have an oven anymore." He mutters.
"Well..."Max attempts to be cheerful. "At least have some warm
hot chocolate and biscuits before you take off to bed. These winter
nights, it's better to keep yourselves warm at all times."
He grins, but I can tell he's distracted. He, like the rest of
us, probably has mom on his mind.
We reach the bakery. In the dark, it looks... frightful. It's no
wonder we don't have very many customers lately. It's location is
too concealed and desolate, and the building itself is not much of
a sight.
I sigh and shove my gloved-hand into my pocket for the keys.
"It's okay, Cass. I've got the spare." Max fumbles around in his
pocket for his set of keys and unlocks the door.
Huh. I never knew he still kept those...
"So that's how you entered this afternoon." Jason gives Max a
glare.
"You still kept them... after all this time..." Carolyne says,
in wonder.
Max manages a smile. "Well... I never know when I'll become
lonely again and miss my family!" He jokes.
"We're not your family." Jason say, cuttingly, and sprints up
the stairs.
Max's smile wavers. "Ahh... well, but you are the replacement of
a family, since I have none to call my own."
Carolyne yawns. "Can we have hot chocolate now?" She gazes up at
me.
"Yes, yes, dear. One for all of you." Max hastened to the
kitchen.
I set Lexy on a seat at a table. "Sit with Lex, okay,
Carol?"
I leave them nodding sleepily over the empty table and join Max
in thee kitchen.
I retrieve two packets of rich tea fingers from the stores
cupboard and pour the biscuits into a huge bowl.
"Here's your choc, Cass." Max hands me a cup of steaming hot
liquid, three others in his other hand.
Surprised, I look up at Max, the man I had so despised for
almost a year now.
Again, I wonder at the massive change that seem to take over
this man. A year before, he had came to us, jolly, witty and full
of gusto. He had whisked mom off her feet, and he was a great buddy
to us children. He wasn't much of a replacement for a father, but
he was there, like a friend.
That was before Max had gotten mom pregnant, and turned to
gambling and betting shops. He came and went, each time because he
wanted more from us, he always demanded that mom give him more
money to pay his gambling debts, and he always brought up the baby
in the middle of an argument. He always left us, each and every
time, leaving behind a trail of misery, hate and sadness.
Now that he'd returned, I don't know what to make of the
situation. He claims to have turned over a new leaf, but I want to
be sure. After all, I can't forget those times he left... he left
every time he popped up.
Now, standing here, looking up at him, Idosee a changed man. He
had wrinkles all over his forehead, his eyes had lost the jolly
twinkle in them, and also the anger he used to store up in them
back in his gambling days. Now, his eyes shone a new light---
sadness, struggles and self-hate... I could see him fighting to
keep himself together.
I graciously accept the mug, giving him a first smile in seven
months.
"Thank you, Max. You should make one for yourself..." I
hesitated.
Then, looking up at him, I change my words...
"In fact, I'll make you one instead."
To say Max looked surprised is an understatement.
Chapter 12: High Tension, Low Spirits
"Well, what are we going to do now?" Carolyne whines.
"The question is--- what are we going to do withhim?" Jason
fires, jerking his head at Max, who is sitting slumped over his
morning coffee, barely awake.
"Well..." Carolyne considers, "He's not going away." She
whispers.
Even though Carolyne and Jason are separated by a three year age
gap, those two are physicallyunseparable. They may be able to hold
hour long discussions and arguments, but it's like they share a
mental link, an emphatical bond.
"Make him.' Jason scowled.
"But... but if he wants to change?" Carolyne argues. "He could
come live with us then."
Jason rolled his eyes. "Change? Yeah, right. Carolyne, you
forgot what happened every time he promised mom he had
changed."
"But... but this time, it's different." Carolyne insisted.
"How can you tell?" Jason retorts. "Just because of the
baby?"
Carolyne fell silent. "I know it. I just know." She pouted.
Unable to convince Carol, Jason turns to me. "Come on, Cassia,
you can't really fall for the act!" He persuades, urgently.
"Jace, Carol, please. We are all having a hard time now." I
begin.
"Oh, you don't care. You all don't." In frustration, Jason stood
up. "Alright then. I've warned you. You know who to blame when he
takes off again." He stormed away.
Oh, that's where you're wrong, Jason.
I care, in fact I'm really worried right now. What would happen
if Max really had no intention of turning over a new leaf? I have
no wish to find out the hard way.
Over at the other table, Max stirred and I wriggled in my seat,
uncomfortable. Had he heard our discussion? Was he on his guard?
Does he bear any positive intention towards our family?
So many questions had been raised since the arrival of Max three
days ago.
With the rush of events in these few days, we almost neglected
the deadline looming over our heads, With a gasp, I stand up.
"What are we going to do?" I wail softly.
"Huh, what...?" Max sits up and stretches. "Oh, had I really
fallen asleep?" He then shakes himself fully awake and stares
blankly into space.
"Never mind, Max."I sigh and glance at my watch. It's nine
forty-five in the morning, and we only open the bakery to customers
at ten. But since mom was admitted into the hospital, we none of us
had the spirit to bake anything anymore.
Max yawns. "Hey. what time do you usually open the bakery?
Isns't it late?"
"Ther bakery's as good as gone." I don't know why but I snap at
him. Trembling, I huddle in my seat, feeling lousy and completely
hopeless.
"Come on now, kids! We can't just close down business! What
would mom say?"
"She can't. Anyway, we won't be here much longer... the days are
fewer and the bills are growing. There's no chance."
"None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero." Lexy proudly lists out all the
synonyms, ignorant to the high tempers running in that room that
morning.
I feel downcast, empty, the feeling of dread settles deep inside
all of us.
Max attempted to put on a cheerful expression. "Well... we'll
just have to make do for the moment! No use whining while just
sitting around, doing nothing right?"
"Well, then. What doyoupropose we do?" I fire.
"First of all, we reopen this bakery. People will start to
wonder. It has been closed for two days straight and just imagine
how much we lost!"
"We don't make very much anymore, for your information."
"Then we'll have to do our own advertising! Come on, children!
Think of how much fun we'll have in the process!"
"We aren't allowed any fun anymore, Max." Jason appeared at the
doorway, his arms folded. "It was ripped away from us since the day
you first stepped foot in the bakery."
Max looked pained. "Aw... now I know we didn't part on good
terms the last time we met... but can't we---"
"Why don't we make amends? Say sorry and hold hands? Pat us on
the back and make friends?" Jason mocks. "It'll be easier if you
tell us exactly why you came back, Max. You owe us an
explanation."
Max was silent. For a moment, thick tension hung in the air, all
eyes directed onto the brooding Max.
Looking up, he offers us a sheepish smile. "Please, children. I
know I was harsh... said hurtful things... fought with your mom...
scared you..."
"Exactly why you don't deserve this chance!" Jason pounced.
Max stared into space. Then he sighed. "Look, I know what I did
to your mom, toyou, was unforgivable... but I really am repentant
now." He looks round at us, a sorrowful expression on his grieved,
unshaven face.
"Too late. You left us in a mess before, and you will again.
What happened to my baby brother was your fault!" Jason fired at
Max.
At the mention of the baby, Max crumpled. His face sank with
deep emotion--- what all of us felt as well.
"You left her, knowing her condition was worsening. You came
back, only to inflict torture upon her, causing her to go into
her... moods." Jason grimaced.
Max runs is hand through his untidy hair, tousling it up even
more. Mom used to love running her hand through his curls, playing
with his hair...
Jason pressed his lips together. Apparently, he also
remembered.
"How are we supposed to trust you, if you don't show your
remorse?" I snap, as if my anger could somehow wash away all those
memories, the painful events of Yesterday.
Max, staring into the distance, suddenly began to look
revived.
Shaking himself, he got up and began to pace the floor.
"It's almost Christmas," We could hear him muse.
"Bingo!" He snapped his fingers. Jason and I exchanged stunned
glances.
Turning to us, Max cracked up a tiny smile.
"Children--- what's say we go do a little Christmas
shopping?"
Chapter 13: Young Shopaholic
I can't believe it. He's trying tobuyour forgiveness.
We've been aimlessly walking around the top floor of our
neighbourhood super-mart for three hours, and Max has been pointing
out every item he thought to be interesting--- which is actually
just the opposite, and also highly priced.
Lexy, of course, went all out shopaholic--- as much of a shopper
as a four-year-old could be, which is sometimes more scary than
your average income-earning young lady.
"Lex, see this?" Max held up a toy piano. Not your average toy
piano, mind you. This one has coloured keys, with a built in
recorder, pre-stored songs and different tunes to go with each
key.
Lexy squealed and rushed forward. She immediately started to try
out the unwrapped model on display.
"Like it?" Max grinned.
Lexy hit a button and shrieked in delight as a joyful tune of
'jingle bells' started to play.
"Then I'll take it as a yes!" Max smiles at Lexy and picks up a
box-wrapped toy piano and placed it in his shopping trolley.
"That's four presents for Lexy!" He announced.
"Come on, Cass, Jace, Carol! I'm sure you want some presents
too?" He smiles at us, but Jason scowls and sauntered away.
Carolyne lowered her head in shame. I'd noticed her keep
sneaking glances at the instrument store across the toy shop. She's
really longing for a clarinet.
"Well... I'm sure you'll find something you like," Max says,
wistful. "We'll just keep on walking, and searching. Come on, Lex!
We'll go pay for your stuff."
But Lexy had wandered off and is now happily checking out a
large display of Dora the Explorer merchandise, and started to pick
off seemingly the entire contents of the shelves.
Max blinked. That poor guy doesn't know that we never go
shopping this extravagantly. Offer to buy Lexy a toy and she'll
take it for granted that you simplyownthe whole damn toy store.
"Lexy..." I called out.
Jason nudged me. "Don't stop her." He whispered. "She's his
favourite. Let him spend all his money on the little Princess---
then he whould've wasted his day--- only Lexy benefits!" He
whispers, so Max can't overhear us.
He does have a point, but...
"Max, where did you get all this money?" I frown.
"Oh, cheer up, little missy! You always have to spend a little
more for Christmas!" Max pokes me.
I cringe. "Aren't you going to pay mom's hospital bill?" I
ask.
"Well, yes, of course!" Max sounded slightly offended that I
should even suggest he won't pay it. "It's because of me that she's
warded in the first place." He adds, his mood deflating.
"I miss mom." Carolyne mumbles softly. I pull her into a hug,
smoothing her honey-brown hair.
"We'll go visit her soon." I tell her.
Max straightens. "I have a suggestion--- why don't we finish out
Christmas shopping, and visit mom right after?"
"Great idea!" Carolyne brakes apart and announces, "Let's find
mom something ultra-special."
Jason came marching up. "Yeah, I know what she'll like."
Lexy skips up, her arms pilled high with Dora the Explorer
merchandise. "I found Dora!" She squeals.
"Does anyone find it annoying that she loves Dora the Explorer,
considering she'd never watched a single episode of that blasted TV
show?" Jason raises his eyebrow at the sight of Lexy.
"Lexy, you can only choose one item." Carolyne did her big
sister thing, laying the ground rules, while I'm temporary down in
the dumps.
Lexy's lower lip trembles. "No... Dora?" She looked on the verge
of a screaming fit.
Now, I love my youngest sister, in fact, we all do. But watching
her throw a hissy fit in the middle of a shopping lot
isnotsomething you want to witness.
Hastily, I grab a handful of stuff from Lexy. "Lex, you can't
have everything." I lecture.
"It's okay, it's okay." Max butted in. "She can have five
presents, no big deal." Max offers, and Jason glared at him.
"How are you going to teach her to be a wise shopper if you
allow her to have everything she sets her eyes upon?"
Max opened his mouth to respond but Jason stopped him. "Oh no,
you don't 'it's Christmas' us."
"You can't just saunter into the supermarket, buy us a truckload
of presents, and expect us to just forgive you." Carolyne adds.
"We're not going to accept you into our family, Max, no matter
what you do." Jason dropped the bomb.
It does not explode though, thankfully, I might add. I'd seen
Max in a temper once too many, and I wasn't looking forward to see
him like that again, especially not while he's trying to be
nice.
"Jason," I gave him a look.
He glares at me. "Oh, so you are allowing yourself to be bought
into his act?" He throws up his arms. "Fine!" He says. "Just don't
get too worked up, Max always disappoints, in the end." He walks
off.
"Jason, you come back." I order.
I sneak a glance at Max, to see how he's taking all of this. The
guy looks so wound up and miserable, I almost felt sorry for
him...almost.But then, he resumed a nonchalant attitude.
"Well, we're done here, aren't we?" He directed the question at
Lexy.
Hesitantly, she allowed herself to be talked into choosing only
five out of all the items she fancied, taking her time, mulling
over every toy like they're precious treasures she's going to have
to leave behind. Finally, she decided to keep the piano, a rag
doll, a stuffed puppy, a Dora the Explorer pencil case and
notebook.
Max smiles at her. "You're learning to become responsible,
aren't you, Lex? Come on, let's pay and get out of this place."
"Now, what would you like, Carol? And, you, Cassia?" Max asks as
we walk out of the toy store. Jason trailed behind, trying not to
look like he belongs with us.
I grunted in response. I don't want that creep to buy me
anything. It won't change a thing. I just shrugged his efforts
off.
"Carol?" Max follows Carolyne's eyes to the Instrument
store.
"Ahhh---" He smiles. "I see we have a musician in the
family!"
*****
One hour later, we emerged from the store, Carolyne shamefaced,
hugging her new prize. Max has a pleased look on his face, like,
ah, he'd finally managed to persuade Carolyne into receiving his
expansive gift.
"Now, Cassia, it's you---"
"No, Max." I said, firmly. "For the last time, I don't want
anything."
"Me too." Jason says.
"Besides," I add, seeing Max is going to put up an argument.
"We've spent over four hours here, and everyone's tired." I tell
him. True, Lexy had complained five times that she's tired of
walking, and Carolyne had a headache, and Jason.... well, he's
being Jason.
"And don't forget, we still have to visit mom. Visiting hours
isn't flexible, you know." Jason puts in.
"Yes, yes. So we are. We'll come back another day, Cass and
Jace. I really want to buy you---"
"Forget it!" Jason threw at him, his face pinched white. "I
already told you, I can't be easily bought."
"Jason---"Max starts, but Jason stopped him.
"You are no one to us, understand, Max? You don't even
belong..."
"Jason, stop showing up! We're in a public---"
"If you can't decide whose side you are on, Cassia, I suggest
you tokeep to yourself!"
Turning, he sped down the aisle, leaving the four of us gaping
at him.
"Jason! Jason, come back!" I called after him. "We're going to
the hospital---"
But my brother had disappeared.
Chapter 14: Gruesome Thoughts
When I find Jason, I so going to---
What? Kill him?
Trust that guy to put up a scene in the middle of the
super-mart, andrun off alone.
Thanks to him, we've wasted another hour at this place, with Max
searching the top floor, Carolyne and Lexy at the middle, and I'm
at the ground.
Oh, why did you run away? I think, exasperated. Max did went
overboard, but you didn't have to go all over the top, Jason. Now
you've caused us a massive panic attack. He could be mugged, or
worse, murdered, at where we live. We didn't exactly ask to settle
down in such a fearsome small town, but we didn't have a
choice.
When mom found out that she's pregnant with little Carolyne, she
surprised us all with an announcement--- she's not going to work
odd jobs, every day, morning to night... no, she wanted to spend
more time with her children. She feels that she's abandoned us, by
leaving us with nannies every single day.
She started looking for a new place to live. Not too boring,
Jason had pleaded. Not somewhere in the Pitts, I begged. I wanted
to attend regular school, go to town, ride in public
transportations...
Mom wanted someplace close to her work place, where ever it was
going to be. She opted for a shop lot, because they have an
apartment upstairs, and the ground floor space could be transformed
into a business place.
Well... to be able to purchase that place, mom had to borrow
money from the bank. Loads of it, I might add. She used the bank
loans to buy a property, and transformed it into the bakery, and
our new home.
Eight months later... we moved in.
Ten years later, we were still trying to pay up our debts.
*****
"Well?" Max asks, when we gathered outside the Instrument
shop--- our agreed meeting point, and also the last place we'd seen
Jason.
Jason. My stomach lurched at the thought of what happened to
him. Gruesome thoughts kept flooding my mind... all those little
nagging what ifs.
Carolyne shakes her head, tears rolling down her pale cheeks. "I
didn't see him." She sobs.
Max turns to me. My expression caused him to sag.
"This is awful. Just awful!" He groans. "Now what are we going
to do? He's gone, and there's no way to contact him either!"
"So... we aren't going to visit mom today?" Lexy wails. She
doesn't really understand how desperate the situation is. She's
getting really tired of the super mart now, I doubt we'll have any
problems of her wanting to return anytime soon.
"This is allmyfault!" I moan, balling my fists and punching the
air. My action only saddened me further. It's something only Jason
would do.
Max held out his arms. "Come now. It was no one's fault. I'm
sure if anyone's to blame, that would be me. He was mad at me, and
that made him run off. I should've stopped him from escaping, but
his getaway was too quick... it all happened too fast for us to
react." Max pats my shoulder reassuringly.
"What do we do now?" Carolyne whines, looking up at Max.
Suddenly, it seems like the whole family, minus Jason, was
starting to look up to Max to make the decisions. Somehow, without
Jason around to cast doubt, we all placed our trust in Max, like
someone had placed an unspoken vote of trust.
Max, looking grim, takes Lexy and cradles her in his arms. "Now,
we go home. Who knows--- he might've made it back, by some
miracle." He muttered the last words under his breath, but we could
all hear the worry in them.
All the way home... I kept on worrying.
*****
"Okay, now we are in serious trouble." I announce in a voice of
Doom, and flop down into a chair.
After giving the whole place a thorough search, we concluded
that Jason is officially missing.
"Cassia, Max, let's go report this to the police, please!"
Carolyne begs, bawling. She's really close with Jace, and she can't
stand not knowing his whereabouts--- neither could I.
Max was already halfway out the door. "I want to, but---"
"A person has to be gone for at least 24 hours for them to be
deemed officially missing." I sigh heavily, raking my hand through
my hair, not caring if I looked like Princess Anna did after she
woke up on Elsa's coronation day.
"But... this is an emergency!" Carol cried, impatiently.
"Well... I'll head down to the police station now. I won't be
gone long. I don't have a phone..." Turning to me, he gave me a
serious stare. "Cassia, look after your sisters, please. We don't
want another---"
"Of course, Max." I cut him off. "Now, go--- and bring back our
brother!"
*****
"Call mom, Cass! Call her!" Carolyne urges.
"Call... mom?" I question her, mystified. "But why?"
"Well, you remember your last words to him--- we'll go to the
hospital?" Carolyne regards me with her serious eyes, her honey
coloured hair no worse than mind. My little sister has a sharp
memory.
"Yeah..." I say, my mind still in gloom.
"Well... he might've decided that he would visit the hospital...
seeing as we would head over there later on." Now she's worked her
mind in a state.
But I, like her, wanted to grasp onto a straw... anything...
anything would give us hope.
"I don't know..." I say, doubtful. "He must've know we would be
kept there waiting for him... so why should we make an appearance
at the hospital when he knows we'd be looking for him?"
"I don't know, Cass. I don't know anymore. I just... just want
him back." Carolyne lifts her tear stained face up at me.
I reach out and give her a comforting hug. She sniffles and I
could feel her tears soaking into my clothes, dampening my
skin.
"But... we don't have a phone."
"So we'll go to the phone booth. It's just down the street."
"But---" I say, doubtful.
But Carolyne had already stood up. "We just go down the street,
make the call, and confirm Jason's whereabouts. Easy." She laid out
the plan.
Staring up at her, I feel as if I had suddenly slipped from big
sister to younger sister. Carolyne is four years younger than I am,
and seeing her mature so much in a day was just...
"I'll get Lexy." She says, interrupting my thoughts. "We can't
leave her alone."
"Wait... we can't all go! What if Jason does come back... he
doesn't have a key! Max has his, and we have the spare. Mom has
hers..." I started to despair, but once again, Carolyne pulled me
back into reality...well, not that I wasn't already there.
"Well... I'm not going to just sit around waiting for miracles
to happen. This is my brother who's in danger here, and I will try
everything I can to find---"
"Whoa there, Carol! I understand, but, I'll be much quicker if I
just go alone. Besides, who said Jason's in danger?"
My mind tells me though...
Carolyne huffs impatiently, "I don't care, Cassia! I'm going out
there to call mom, whether you allow it or not!"
With that, she strode out of the door and banged it shut behind
her.
Luckily for me, I had quickened my reflexes since Jason took
off.
Jumping up, I snatch Lexy from her cot and tore out into the
darkening evening...
Chapter 15: The Search
"Carolyne! Don't you ever run off like that again!" I angrily
cried out. The strong winter's evening winds stung my eyes, each
gust feeling like an icy-cold slap against my cheek. The mushy wet
snow covering the ground clung to my boots, weighing me down.
Anyway, I cannot run on snow, carrying my little sister in my
arms.
I wrap little Lexy's scarf round her neck, and try to use my
body to shield her from the ferocious winds. She clings to my
sweater, shivering. I started to worry. I hope she isn't going to
come down with a cold. We had enough problems to deal with at the
moment without worrying about Lexy and her terrible colds.
"Carolyne!' I yell. There was no answer. I crane my neck, trying
to see beyond the trees. Where the heck is this telephone booth?
She must've miscalculated. It's not just at the end of the
street.
I reach the end and come to the junction leading into our
street. Left, or right? I started to feel impatient. And also very
furious with myself. I've lived here for around ten years of my
life, and still I failed to notice where the nearest phone booth
is?
I randomly pick a direction, and head off to the left, cursing
my useless sense of direction. I couldn't remember even the most
noticeable of landmarks, how in the world was I going to find that
phone booth?
"Carolyne! Where are you?" I call, scared stiff. My voice
carried off for a short distance, before the winds picked it off
and blew it apart. In my arms, Lexy sneezed. Oh, dear. I'm certain
now that she's going to catch a cold.
I silently chided myself for letting my sister run off in the
dead winter's night like that. Now, I'd lost two of my siblings! I
clutch Lexy tighter. Her breaths warm my neck. Having her with me
was my only comfort, but she's my responsibility, and I'm fearful
she wasn't going to withstand the chilly weather any longer than I
could.
Please, Carolyne, wherever you are, please be safe.
I walk on, until I come to a rest at the main road, No, she
wouldn't walk that far. On the road, cars drove by slowly, it's
drivers hoping to reach home before the blizzard...
The blizzard...
Panicked, I turn and walk as fast as I could in the given
weather, in the direction I had come, But this time, instead of
turning up the street leading to our home, I continued walking on,
hoping that the phone booth's located that side, and I'd find my
sister safely inside. Better yet, hearing news of Jason, if he's
really with mom.
Grasping onto those hopes, I trudge along with renewed strength.
Please, God, please let my siblings be safe, I pray.
I walk on and on. The path seemingly endless. Lexy never stopped
shivering. I never stopped walking, stopped hoping.
The wind howled through the trees, the usually pleasant-sounding
noise doesn't do anything to soothe my jitters, nor does it provide
any comfort. I started to regret my choice of bringing Lexy with
me--- protection or no protection. If anything happens
tonight...
Up ahead, I spot a movement. I stiffen, could it be---?
I heard a creaking noise, like someone stepping on a twig. I
froze. Who is there? I wanted to call out, but intuition told me to
wait. I inch sideways toward the shelter of the trees. Whoever that
may be, I don't want to bump into them without the element of
surprise on my side. No, I would wait to see who it is.
Mom's warning to never stray out alone in the dark nights
weighed my heart. Too late. It's all too late. I couldn't prevent
my brother from running off earlier, and I failed at stopping and
finding my sister either. What a failure I am. Tears gathered at
the corners of my eyelids, but the winds dried my eyes.
I hear that person making their way, closer to where I crouch,
hidden by the snow covered shrubs. I wished fervently that there
are some housing areas in the district, some kind residents who
would take me in, people, anyone, who would offer any help. Just
our Devine family luck to end up living in this small town, with no
sign of civilization unless you take a car and drive across the
town. We don't even own a stupid car.
I hear a cough. Too late, I realize it came from... me? No, it
was Lexy. Oops.
I crouch lower, if that's possible, clinging Lexy in an
uncomfortable position. If I was unnoticed just now, I certainly
will be discovered now.
Please, don't be any bad guys...
In my head, I picture all the horrifying events that had
happened to mom... the stories told about our dads, which never
ceased to spook us till this day, but left a smile on mom's face
every time she found the need to relate them cheerfully to us at
the dinner table, a wistful look in her eyes...which somehow
increased the feeling of being clung to by invisible bodies...
Suddenly, the wind picked up a greater speed. No...no, please
don't---
Too late, I feel the blizzard. The sky opened up and rained
snowflakes down onto Earth, showering all in creation, well, in
this part of the Earth.
If I survive the night, I'll make sure this is the unluckiest
day of my life, the most horrifying night--- I really don't want to
stick around to find out how much more horrifying a person's day
could expand.
I lost my brother, I let my sister slip through my fingers, I
brought my youngest sibling out in the blizzard to catch a
cold...
I hear a sneeze. This time, it came from neither Lexy nor I.
My eyes widen with horror as realization kicked in.
Snow kept on falling, and I find my feet sinking in the fresh
snow.
How unlucky for us that we should all be out on a night like
this--- My brother, wherever he is, my sister, ditto. Max...
I gasp silently, and cover my mouth with my mitten-ed hand.
Max... I had promised him to protect my sisters... I gave him my
word... and, and now...
My heart froze over as now, my hiding spot would be discovered
within mere seconds...
Chapter 16: Night Invasion
"I can't believe it." I mutter, staring up at the face peeking
through the shrubs, brushing the snow from the leaves to our faces.
I shelter Lexy from the falling snow, feeling her warm breaths and
her steady heartbeat.
The person looking down at me rubs his eyes and squints through
the snow. "Cassia? Lexy?" He exclaims, incredulously.
Just as unbelieving, I gaze into none other than...
"Jason."
*****
"Where's Carol!' Jason cried, urgently. I took his arm and he
hauls me up from my cramped position.
Oof. I stagger, as my feet find a stronger hold on the snow.
"Thanks." I mutter, brushing the snow from my clothes, while my
brother took Lexy from my arms.
"Where have you been?" I practically screech at him. "Jason, you
don't know how much panic you've cost us all! Max is somewhere out
there searching for you, and Carolyne..." My voice faltered. "She's
supposed to call mom from a phone booth, to ask if you're with
her." My voice came out sounding hoarse. My mouth is parched and
dry, since every time I opened it to call for my sister, the wind
gave it a blow dry.
Jason's forehead immediately ceased with worry. "You let her
leave the house alone?" He demanded.
"Well, some people around here actually care so much about
finding you that they subjected to extreme measures." I say, in my
defense. Jason continues glaring at me. My shoulder's sag. "Fine.
It's all my fault. Happy?" I was not at all in a celebratory
mood.
So far, we'd lost one, lost another one, found one, and the
other's still lost.
"Gosh... we'd better go home and inform Max---
He's searching for the wrong child!"
*****
"I am so going to get it from him." I say as I walk, nervously
wringing my now free hands.
"Why did that creep stick around for, anyway?" Jason
scowled.
We're walking as fast as we could, Lexy in Jason's arms. We
really need to give her a nice warm drink, and tuck her into her
cot with a hot water bottle--- I'm afraid of her condition.
"Jason, we all care about you.' Was my crisp answer.
"Look, Cass, I'm" He hesitated. I waited. "I'm sorry." He
mutters.
I smile, a tight one, but the first smile of the night. "As long
as you don't run off again. And you have to help restrain the
others from ever doing so."
He cracks a smile. I don't know how his dad, the doctor, looks
like. But now I know why mom fell for him. Looking at Jason, I
realize he is really attractive looking... but he is my brother. He
has rich almond eyes. Mom says his father's part Spanish, so maybe
that explains his dark eyes and dark hair. His broad shoulders, his
squared jaw, must've been inherited from his paternal line. Once
the scrawny little kid I used to know, is now a mature,
fourteen-year-old, well built, but... oh, that temper!
"So, aren't you going to tell me where you were? You owe us an
explanation." I stare him in the eyes.
Jason sighs. "It's kind of a long story... you see..." He
began.
I kept my eyes trained on him. Without warning, he stopped in
his tracks, causing me to slam into him. Hard. "Ouch!" I complain,
rubbing my sore arm. "Jason, what...?"
"Shhh, hide!" Jason pushed me off the sidewalk, and I tumble
into the shrubbery for the second time that night.
I started to get up. "What do you think you---" I hissed
angrily, then stopped in surprise as my brother crawls in next to
me.
"Just... just be quiet for awhile, okay?" He says, his voice
strained in a hushed whisper, as he wriggles to get a closer look
at the bakery.
Exasperated, I train my eyes in the direction of his gaze and
almost kneeled over in shock.
Jason grabs my hand and pulls me down just in time.Lexy shifts
uncomfortable in his arms and sneezed twice.
Given the situation, I'd rather be ignorant little Lex than
me--- in danger of a real threat.
I braved myself up and take a peek at the bakery.
I groan. Yep. No doubt about it--- our bakery's in the midst of
an invasion.
Chapter 17: Hide n Seek
"Are you sure...?" I shivered, cold thoroughly frightened.
"Hush!" Jason had one hand over Lexy's mouth, just in case she
decided to burst out in a song or something. "We had better watch
our step."
I needn't be told twice. I watch, in half-fascination,
half-horrified, as the intruders moved about in our home. I
couldn't make very much out of anything, but I could hear some
pretty terrifying words being tossed about the grounds.
I didn't hear full sentences, but I could distinguish some
really foul language. These people, whoever they are, are
absolutely enraged. About what? I don't know.
From time to time, I could catch the words 'debt', 'payment',
'money', 'blackmail'... the words just become increasingly muddled,
and very fearsome.
Lexy sneezed three times in total. Jason and I had to use her
scarf to cover her nose and mouth, smothering the noise. We had to
be careful not to strangle Lexy in all the commotion.
As some sort of cruel joke, the snow continues to fall.
I couldn't believe our luck that night... no thatday.
"All this wouldn't had happened if he hadn't shown up." Jason
mumbles.
"Well... if he had never turned up in our lives..." I agreed.
"We would all be together now. Mom, Carolyne, Lexy, you and I."
"Listen, Cassia. Just now, I... I did try to go to the hospital.
Carol was right."
I stared at him, baffled. "You would think we would be looking
for you before we take off!"
Jason stares ahead, not meeting my eyes. "Yeah, well. Anyway, I
tried to hitch a ride---"
I almost shrieked out loud. "Jason! You did what?"
"Quiet!" He shushed, glancing nervously toward the bakery. "I
said, I almost,almosthitched a ride from a van. I asked them where
they were heading, and they said no, the weren't going in that
direction. So... no, I didn't manage to hitchhike after all. You
can stop glaring at me now, please."
I couldn't believe his nerve. "Jason! After all the stories...
mom... you would go up to random strangers andhitch a ridefrom
them? What were you thinking?"
I hadn't realized that my voice was raising with every syllable.
With wild eyes, Jason grabbed me and dragged me deeper into the
shelter of the trees.
"Try to cover your clothes in snow. Camouflage yourself! Hide
amongst the trees and snow!" He urged. "Hopefully, we won't be
spotted."
We weren't a moment too soon.
About ten seconds later, two figures burst out of the room.
One was noticeably taller than the other, probably by a foot or
two. They have really big build--- or they just robbed every
clothing store and bundled themselves up with the winter wear. I
don't know which I'd prefer--- stocky, well-built muscle men, or
fat, plodding sweater-stuffed ones.
These gave off their fair share of menace.
They crept outside and switched on their powerful torches.
I gulp. If they had torches... our chances of being discovered
had just been raised by about fifty percent.
I followed my brother's instructions--- though I shudder to
think what kind of results the instructions of a fourteen-year-old
boy, foolish enough to hitch a ride from strangers after tearing
away from his family.
Nevertheless, I frantically scoop up mounds of snow and rub the
stuff into me, whitening my red sweater. Too late--- I realize that
I had chosen the wrong colours to wear that night--- Lexy had on an
overcoat of the brightest yellow only seen on construction
workers.
I did what I could, minimizing the noise we made. I hug Lexy
tight and wriggle under a snow-covered bush, praying that our
hiding spot would go undiscovered. This time, I know for certain
that we are dealing with dangerous men, an enemy unknown to any of
us, who wouldn't think twice about harming three innocent children
if the situation calls for it.
I watch Jason crawl under another bush with low-hanging
branches. He had no problem with his wardrobe colours, only his
boots. They were bright blue--- mom had been in her moods when she
bought them. They would've better suited a girl, but all of us know
better than to point that out to mom--- especially in one of her
states.
Mom... I wonder if you are alright in the hospital. Come to
think of it, you are the safest among all of us at the moment. You
must be wondering why we never visited today, or called you...
unless Carolyne somehowdidmanage to ring her up... but then her
questions would only serve to worry mom... she's start going out of
her mind--- practically, wondering if Jason's okay.
And Carolyne....
Oh, no. No...
I locked eyes with Jason, mouthing Carolyne. His stared at me
horrified.
What would we do? If Carolyne contacted mom... mom would be
worried, because Jason is with me... and Carolyne would be worried,
because she's all alone... wondering what to do... and, even
worse...
She might decide tocome home.
At a moment like this. When we face certain danger.
I confirmed the danger part... especially when one of the men---
the taller one, pulled out a small object, which I had a fearful
suspicion resembled a gun... not that I had ever saw one in my
life...
Turning to his companion, he ordered:
"Mark, you go towards the west. I'll take the east. We'll sniff
out those interfering children, you see if we don't. Teach them a
lesson on eavesdropping, that would."
Under the moonlight, Mark grinned devilishly.
"Oh, yes. You pesky little children out there, just you wait
'till we get our hands on you! Don't think you can play hide n seek
with the professional seekers, little losers!"
Then, he began to make his way towards our hiding place...
Chapter 18: Ongoing Investigation
"Do you wanna build a snowman?" Mark's hideously out of tune
voive rang out through the dark of the night.
"Come out let's go and play!" Seriously, I wanted to strangle
that man there and then. Does he really think we are are Lexy's age
and would come out and sing Frozen track songs with him?
"It doesn't have to be a snowman!" He informs us. "It could be,
like, do you wanna hide a dead man?"
He chuckles at his comment. "Whaddaya say, Jack?"
"Just shut up and keep searching! You're not helping matters,
you old fool, with your morbid songs! Any sensible child would
cower and refuse to show themselves! Now, scat!"
Mark headed straight towards us, singing his stupid children
songs.
My only hope is for Carolyne to hear them, and think twice about
coming down the lane at that moment..
I glance worriedly at my brother, while trying to keep Lexy as
warm as possible.
Under his bush, Jasons trembling, his face as white as a
ghost.
You cant hide any longer, kiddos! Enjoy your moment of
freedom---while you can!
It may be your last! Mark yells, followed by his evil
cackle.
*****
All the time, I sneak glances at our bakery. There are no lights
inside, no noise escapes from that direction. All I can hear in the
soft breathing of Lexy and the loud, careless plodding of the two
armed men staking out our street. Soon, it'll be a matter of time
before they discover us. I shivered and clung to Lexy for dear
life.
"Are you sure you heard something, Jack?" Mark calls out to his
accomplice. "I'm getting tired of searching in the blizzard!"
'Stop complaining," The other one orders. "They may be hiding
right now, but we'll soon sniff them out like the pesky animals
they are."
"Children." Mark sniffed in disgust, like he didn't just sing a
couple of verses of a Disney movie song.
Suddenly, I hear a rustling noise. All of us stiffen.
"Hear that, Jack?" Mark calls out quietly. "It's coming from
down the street."
My heart froze over. Oh no... that couldn't be--- it's not
Carolyne... please don't be her...
"Well, I'm going to investigate. You keep guard at the house,
and make sure the captive's bonds are secure. I'll just creep down
and snatch 'em up, and we'll be off."
"Why do you always get to do the exciting stuff?" Mark
complains.
"Because I'm the leader, you doofus! Now shut your mouth and do
as you're told." Jack stalked off.
Mark swelled in anger. "Shut up, Mark. Do as you're told, Mark."
He mutters, irritated. "Since when you became leader?"
"Mark! I told you---" Jack called out in an outrage.
Mark stamps his feet in the snow and heads up to the bakery,
leaving three freezing children out in the woods, in the midst of
an ongoing investigation.
Chapter 19: No Connection
>
"Cassia?" I call out. I'm shivering really badly now. The wind
continues slapping my face, until my cheeks turn blue. I
can'tseethem, but I know that I'm slowly freezing.
"Wh-where are you guys?" I call, but my voice just gets softer
and softer, until the wind picks it up and throws it, scattering it
in all directions.
I cough, a hollow cough that startles even me. I think I'm
coming down with something. I wrap my arms around myself--- in a
sort of hug, to warm my body. It doesn't offer much protection from
the merciless weather, though.
I struggle on, trudging up the street, walking against the wind.
Along the way, I stumble. Being no match against the fierce wind
and snow, I'm pretty much surrendered to the frost. Elsa, please
don't turn me into a life sized statue.
Wonderful, now I'm going out of my mind.
I keep on walking, the wind continuously blowing in my
direction, chilling me to the bone, through my thin clothing. I try
to call out for my sisters, but my voice is too hoarse. I don't
think I could make it much longer.
The walk wasn't this tiring before. With each step I take, I
feel myself grow weaker, and slower, and I feel all my energy drain
into the ground.
Jason... wherever you are... please come home safe.
With a last ounce of strength, I take another step forward. The
snow fall is becoming increasingly thick. I put a hand out in front
of my face, and I can't even see it through the snow.
Wearily, I walk on, through the dark night.
I feel drained, so tired. I know I should be concentrating on
locating my lost brother, but at the moment, I feel useless, like
my bones had turned into mushy snow. One large, strong gust of wind
could knock me over any time...
I stumble blindly along, feeling my way with my hands. Suddenly,
I knock into something hard and jutting out.
I'm already unstable, shivering. With almost no effort, I
crumble onto the snowy ground.
Snow's in my face, but I have no strength to brush it away. I am
too weak to prop myself back into a standing position.
For awhile, I just lie there, head aching, heart thumping, a
shivering heap on the snow,
Please, please find me... find Jason... I silently beg.
I couldn't last it out any longer. Closing my eyes, I drift off
into a blank space.
At the back of my mind, I was distinctly aware of some shouting
voices. Men's voices. But I'm too dizzy to think straight.
My eyelids flutter weakly. Suddenly, a bright light shone down
into my face. Cassia? Had she come to rescue me?
Then, a dark figure stepped in front of me, casting a long
shadow in the light. A much too long shadow...
I was dimly aware of someone shouting: "I found one!" before I
blacked out completely.
Chapter 21: Remorse
>
I kept at a fast pace, trying to keep up with the truck. As it
is, the sleek snowy roads did much to slow down its movement, or
else I would've been left behind long ago.
I pant along, dodging behind shrubbery to keep the men from
spotting me--- not that they think anyone would be, let alone a
merechild.
The wind stopped blowing as strongly as it did before, and I'm
glad. At least I wouldn't have to freeze halfway along the
journey...
wherever we're heading.
*****
After walking the whole afternoon, I was almost ready to
collapse onto the snowy blanket and just lay there. That just about
sums up how exhausted I really am at the moment.
The van hadn't oncestoppedon the way. From the bakery, we
rounded about a dozen corners, before I quickly realized we were
completely cut off from any sign of civilization. True--- we don't
live at the most secluded place in town... but at least that's a
town, with miniature malls and recreational parks... the usual.
But where we're heading right now... it lookedtotally off the
map to me... isolated, lonely and extremely remote...
I began to have second doubts about following...
It only means I could rescue Carol, then get lost to the never
ending woods, dragging along my unconscious sister, looking and
looking for a way home, until Death takes us...
Or, I get captured by those two evil men, and be tortured
alongside my sister... for information I don't have.
I start to wonder which might be a better option at a time like
this...
When I finally notice the van pulling to a silent halt in the
middle of nowhere.
*****
>
I couldn't believe it. I must be so ill I started
hallucinating.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
Had I started hearing things in my mind too...? Maybe I had gone
so crazy with misery, grief and torment... just laying here on the
cold, hard, ground...
My eyelids flew open and I utter a strangled gasp.
I had not been hallucinating. I didn't imagine voices in my
head.
There really is someone looming over me.
Tears gather at the corners of my eyes as I gaze up at the
person I had spent hours over going off my head with worry...
"J--Jason." The very word seem to take away all the energy I
have. I shudder, and a wave of nausea washed over me.
At least... if I die today... I'd die knowing my brother's
safe... and by my side.
I battled with my eye muscles. They wanted to sink... wanted to
meet... I tried to gather all of my force to push them back up, to
keep my eyes wide open.
I just want to look at my brother a little while longer...
In the dim light, Jason crouched down and soon, I felt a sawing
motion near my feet. The vibrations spread through my body, like
the chills I couldn't shake off.
Jason looks so weary... so scruffy... Cassia would order him to
take a shower for an hour again, like last time...
Isuppressa yawn. I'm so tired...
but I have to focus on my last image of my brother... he's the
last family close to me that I could be with
during my last hours.
At my feet, I feel the rope binding my legs snap.
A shadow on the wall creeps close towards my head... Jason is
kneeling