The Purchase Independent -05/10/12

LAST ISSUE OF THE SEMESTER!LAST ISSUE OF THE SEMESTER!

PURCHASEINDEPENDENT

ISSUE 268MAY 10th, 2012T

HE

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y o u r. i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m

LETTER FROM THE EDITOReditor-in-chief:Róis ín McCarty

layout editor:Tom Dauer

writers:Alexa Di l lenbeckDrew Mol loLaura MeltzerNoel le MooreJake Mur phyAlyce Pel leg r inoMike Reluzco

print manager:Tony Pont ius( i )Tommy Roach

cover photo by:Tyler Dawson

artwork by:Madele ine BergmanNicolas Sienty

web design by:Daniel le Lempp( i )Alexa Di l lenbeck

The Purchase Independent is a non-profit news magazine, paid for by the Mandatory Student Activity fee.

We welcome and encourage submissions from readers. The Independent is a forum for campus issues and events, to give students the voice they deserve. Letters, articles, event photography and event listings are welcomed.

The deadline for submissions is every Friday before midnight, and accepted pieces will be published the following Thursday. Publication of submissions is not guaranteed, but subject to the discretion of the editors. No anonymous submissions will be considered, but we will accept use of pseudonyms on a case-by-case basis.

Send all submissions and inquiries to [email protected]. Send questions to Madame Query at formspring.me/madamequery. Back page quotes can be submitted to formspring.me/indybackpage or put in the Back Page Box that hangs on the office door.

Our office is located on the first floor of Campus Center North, room 1011. Staff meetings are held in the office every Monday night at 9:30; anyone is welcome.

We’ve made it to the end of the semester! I would say finally, but I

feel like the past few months have absolutely flown by. I’ve had an incredible

amount of fun working on the Independent this semester, and I’m looking for-

ward to doing it all again.

Next year, our layout editor will be Melissa Foster. She is wonder-

ful and extremely talented and I’m excited to see what she will bring to the

publication. That being said, this is Tom’s last issue. I had a lot of fun work-

ing with him, and he really helped me adjust to the position as quickly as

possible. I would also like to thank Brittany Mayes, the PSGA, Riley Ken-

nysmith, Cindy Mack, and my beautiful mother for all of their support.

My staff has been an absolute dream this entire semester, and I’m

beyond happy that a few of them are sticking with us and rejoining the staff

next year.

Good luck to all of the graduates, and I hope that everyone has an

absolutely fantastic summer!

Stay Classy Purchase College,

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y o u r . i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m

Writing

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Copy Editing

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Graphic Design

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needs interns for these positions!

looking for an internship next semester?

Apply via email by May 11th.Include a resumé and relevant samples.

Email us with any questions at:[email protected]

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BY AlexA DillenBeck

CAts, CAts, everywhere

I sat down on my bed with my two cats, Junebug and Stinky Dillenbeck, to ask them a few questions about my return home for spring break. Junebug and Stinky are both chubby cats of inde-terminate breed. Junebug has a tan and grey coat and a small head with somewhat goofy eyes. She likes to roll around on the living room floor. She is almost getting too fat to complete her trick of rolling in a circle. Stinky is short and has a dark brown coat. She has piercing eyes and loves to get scratched near her tail. She can get frisky when this is done and she has a tendency to nip at the arm fat of the person who is scratching her.

Are you excited that I am back and why?Junebug: Yes because now I know we will be fed on time. Stinky: Yes because now I can nibble on some good arm fat late at night when everyone else is asleep.

What did you do while I was away?S: I ate a lot and slept a lot and pooped a lot…J: [cutting her off] You do that all the time!S: Yeah, but this time she wasn’t home to feed me or wake me up or clean up my poop!

Okay, let’s move on. So, I made you Fa-cebook accounts. How do you feel about that?S: I like it. I just wish I had more friends and I was hoping that Facebook would allow “Stinky Dillenbeck” instead of you having to use my nick-name, Snook Nook.

J: I don’t know why you did that! I just like to lie around, and instead when you come home, you just want to take a billion pictures of me and put them on the internet! But your friends seem to like us, I guess.

Well, I made you accounts so I could tag you in pictures…J: That’s the only reason?!

It’s a good way to show you off to my friends! Don’t you like the attention?S: I sure do.J: I like attention, but sometimes a girl just wants her privacy!S: You lick yourself in front of strangers all the time! You surely can’t really want privacy…J: Shut up.

My friends hear a lot about you two so I wanted to show them how cool you are considering I think you two are the cool-est cats ever. S: That is really sweet of you. What is so cool about Purchase that you have to leave us here alone?

Well, I have to get an education so I can get a job, Stink. J: We didn’t get an education! Why can’t we get jobs? JOBS FOR CATS! JOBS FOR CATS!It looks like I’ve taught you something! I’m glad my kitties are getting into activism. FORTH would be proud of you.S: What is a FORTH?

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c a t s

FORTH is the feminist club on campus. We have meetings and talk about what we can learn or do to make the world a more equal place.S: That sounds hard. Are there fun clubs?

There are clubs for a ton of things! There’s a Cheese Club and an Anime Club and LGBTQU and a bunch of others. J: Is there a cat club?

I don’t know, but if there is, I really should go to it and become the president. We can’t have cats in our rooms on campus, so I don’t know how the club would run.J: NO CATS ON CAMPUS?!

No, you babies make too many people sick and your poop and pee smells. S: That’s really stupid. Why wouldn’t people want to look at our cute little faces and snuggle us all day?

Not everyone is a cat person, Stinky. J: How come?

Well, my dear, some people like dogs or fish or dislike animals in general. And I am what most would consider a cat lady, which means all I talk about are you two monsters and cats in general all the time. My friends only hear me talk about cats and a few other things. Also, some peo-ple are allergic to kitties and their fur or saliva and they get sick when they are around you. S: Aren’t your dad and sister allergic to us?

Yes, but they are forced to deal with it. Besides, they love being around you and Alli and Dad just take medicine if your fur is making them sneezey. J: Do your friends think you are weird or boring because you love us so much?

I don’t know. They probably think I’m weird or crazy, but I don’t care because my cats mean so much to me. S: That’s really nice of you. Thank you.

Stinky Dillenbeck

Junebug Dillenbeck

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BY Drew mollo

thoughts oN grAduAtioN

When I thought of what to write for this

article, I remember the last moments of “Boy

Meets World,” when Mr. Feeny sat in the same

classroom with the adults he watched grow and

mature from children before his very eyes. When

asked for any advice he told them to “Do Good”

and explained one of his last words of wisdom

before the show that grew with us ended where it

started, in the classroom. I knew some of the cur-

rent graduating class when I was graduating from

Purchase almost 3 years ago. Now many of them

are preparing to walk across that stage to the next

stage of their lives. I recommend bringing a book,

or perhaps Mad Libs if you’re attending, and if

you’re graduating: hold onto your butts.

I’ll be totally honest with you. Purchase

taught you and didn’t teach you anything at all.

No institution can truly prepare you for the reality

of the real world. The real world sucks. There are

limited jobs, overwhelming taxes, loan payments,

and the sinking reality that you might have to live

with your parents and work at a minimum-wage

job at the hometown mall for a while, earning a

bachelor’s degree only to take food orders from

people who can’t even read or follow the most ba-

sic of instructions.

If you’re freaking out about not know-

ing where you’re going, don’t worry. About 85%

of your class is in the same dilemma and those

who already have a plan, congrats. I sure hope

you have back-ups because plans can go tits up

in a millisecond. Everything from now on must

be earned, and once in a while you might get a

freebie, but that’s about as rare as a politician fol-

lowing through on their promises. If you have the

desire or requirements to do so, I advocate the

investment of going to grad school. Every advan-

tage you can have out in the really real world, the

better your chances for success.

Now I hope you don’t think I’m writing

the to crush any hope you have left. It’s rather the

contrary, there is still hope in this dismal mudball

of a planet and it’s all on you. While Purchase is

not the greatest at preparing you in certain areas,

it is one of the best places for forming relation-

ships and long-last memories.

Each one of you graduates and under-

classmen are overflowing with stories of drunken

escapades, emotional heart to hearts amidst ciga-

rette smoke, and millions of original connections

formed over the last four years.

You’ve watched others change before you

and thus upon witnessing it, you’ve changed who

you are yourself. You have your mistakes and re-

grets right next to your accomplishments and tri-

umphs like a trophy case of your soul.

I urge you to remember those moments

fondly for you would not be who you are without

them.

After graduation, everything will change.

Friendships will fade, invincible bonds will be bro-

ken, new relationships will be formed as your en-

tire world expands to encompass the infinite possi-

bilities of your life. This is a grand reconstruction;

a building of the highways to your destiny and it

will not be easy. Some of you will deny it, some of

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g r a d u a t i o n

you will run, and some of you will head it face on.

Do not be afraid of failure for sometimes it teach-

es you more than success and when you strive to

accomplish, don’t brag because braggarts tend

to get tripped by their own ego. My best advice?

Have an idea of where you’d like to end up and

improvise everything else.

The problem with graduation is that you

realize you are the next in line. It’s a very strange

world we find ourselves dropped into at this point.

We are a civilization moving at light speeds. We

are raised and raise children with television sets

and computer screens. We are constantly seeking

to understand and comprehend things, as our lust

for information possibly overwhelms our ability

to appreciate those small moments that make us

human. The world is in constant influx and one

second it looks like everything’s going to be al-

right and the next it’s 2012 and it feels like the end

of the world, forealiously. Don’t be so dramatic. You

are not here to save the world, you are here to make

the world a better place by being the best you can be

and doing what you love. Never forget that.

In the end as you prepare to walk across

the stage, I can’t stop remembering the end of

“2001: A Space Odyssey” when the main ma-

chine HAL 9000 is being disconnected by Bow-

man. Its assurances turning to pleas as Bowman

is now more machine than man and HAL genu-

inely admits to being afraid before regressing to

its earliest memory before being gone forever.

As I finish the article, I remember the

uncertainty I felt when I first came to the cam-

pus ages ago. I was afraid of the choice I made,

when it turned out to be one of the best I had

ever made. Period.

No matter how many years pass, people

can still look back to that old campus made of

bricks and remember all of the good times. No

matter how much you change, no matter how bad

it gets, you’ll always have Purchase and everything

it contributed to your life.

As for all you underclassmen reading

this, don’t worry. Your time will come and your

graduating upperclassmen will be back. Purchase

has that way about it. But for now, never give up,

never surrender and be excellent to each other.

COMMENCEMENT CEREMONY:MAY 18th at 12:30 pm Processional begins at 12:00 pm

Senior week begins Wednesday, May 16th

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BY noelle moore

suMMer with A side oF shArKs

Sharks are pretty much synonymous with

summer. When you’ve got 200 million people

flocking to beaches as the weather gets warmer,

Shark Week beginning to be advertised on the

Discovery Channel, and the media preying on the

public fear of these awesome predators, people

start to worry if their summer will be interrupted

by a shark attack.

I’ll begin with this disclaimer: In case you

couldn’t tell by now, I love sharks. I watch Shark

Week re-runs on Netflix and Amazon Instant

Video throughout the year. One of the items on

my bucket list is to dive with great white sharks.

Instead of a crazy cat lady, I am a crazy shark

lady.

When you hear the word “shark”, the

gaping maw of a great white probably comes to

mind. But did you know that among the 360 or

so species of sharks, there are generally only four

species of sharks that are dangerous to humans?

They are the tiger shark, the bull shark, the great

white shark, and the oceanic whitetip. Under-

standably, the great white is probably the name

that sticks out and makes your heartbeat speed

up, due to its status as the world’s largest preda-

tory fish and the media’s exaggerated focus on it.

However, there is evidence to argue that it is the

bull shark that is the greatest threat to humans

because of its proclivity to hunt close to shore, its

ability to survive in fresh water, such as rivers, and

its famed aggression, due to having the highest

level of testosterone in the animal kingdom.

Now, if you’re planning on heading to

the Jersey shore a la Snooki this summer, as I am,

I’m pretty much telling you to put all concern of

a potential shark attack out of your mind. De-

spite the fact that Jaws was inspired by a string

of attacks along the Jersey Shore in the 1960’s,

nearly all shark attacks occur in Florida, Hawaii,

the Carolinas, and California, which, if you un-

derstand basic geography, is either in the south of

our country or the on the opposite coast. Wher-

ever you are swimming, my advice comes down to

same thing–just be smart. The fear shouldn’t keep

your out of the water, and if you do go in, simply

be smart about it.

I bet nearly every time you’ve entered the

ocean, the thought of a shark attack has crossed

your mind. Hopefully this primal fear is not de-

bilitating, as I’ve known it to be in some individu-

als. The terror of “what if ” is often scarier than

the creature itself. It is sad that this fear keeps

many people out of the water. To put things in

perspective, there have been about 1,085 attacks

in the United States over the past 342 years, with

only 44 of those attacks being fatal. You are more

likely to be struck by lightning than to be involved

in a shark attack.

To de-demonize sharks, look at them this

way: These are curious creatures, as many apex

predators are, and they will investigate anything

unusual in their environment. Sharks, in case you

didn’t know, lack hands. Their only method of

investigating is to use their mouth, a mouth that

has lots of teeth. A great majority of “attacks”

are sharks performing an exploratory bite before

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swimming off, having collected all the informa-

tion they need to determine that we are not some-

thing typically on their menu. A gentle nibble to a

shark, however, can have disastrous consequences

for a human, seeing as how large and powerful

sharks are. In fatal attacks, more people die from

blood loss rather than from being eaten alive.

Sharks aren’t mindless killing machines.

They don’t spend their time idly swimming

through the ocean and thinking to themselves

“You know, I’m gonna specifically attack humans.

Just to fuck with them.” They are opportunistic

creatures, never entirely knowing when they are

going to get their next meal. Until they bite, they

cannot what something and whether or not it is

good for eating. If you were hungry and you saw

what looked like a Big Mac conveniently in your

vicinity, you would go for it. Granted, maybe a

soggy meat patty is not the most appealing of

food items, but I’m sure you get my point. Ana-

tomically, we are not great food for sharks, which

require high-fat diets. We’re too bony, with not

very much muscle mass in comparison to seals

and large fish.

If you’re still wary, I’ll leave you with

some common myths and facts about shark at-

tacks. The presence of dolphins does not neces-

sarily indicate that there aren’t any sharks in the

area, since both creatures feed on the same food.

Do not enter the water at dawn or dusk because

not only are sharks feeding, they have a significant

sensory advantage over humans. When entering

the water, stay close to a group, as sharks are more

likely to attack a solitary individual. Do not stray

too far from shore because not only does this iso-

late you, it also places you farther away from assis-

tance. And above all, have an awesome summer.

GOT STUFF you don’t want? Can’t carry it all home?DON’T DUMP... DONATE!

Bring your unwanted/(un)used items to one of the three PODS, near the dumpsters in the apart-ment areas. The Olde, The New, and Alumni.

Starting MONDAY May 7th through THURS-DAY May 17th between 12-6 pm (weekdays only).

Next semester you can get free stuff from the Pods!

SO go on, DONATE! The more you donate now, the more you have to choose from next semester!

For more information, or if you’d like to volunteer please contact [email protected] or (845.532.6421).

BY BrittAnY BollenBAch

doNAte to the Pods

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BY lAurA meltzer

seNiors ANd the JoB seArCh

A bottle of Jameson, a long walk, or fin-ishing his screenplay are the remedies Dramatic Writing senior, Alexander Gustafson uses to calm and distract himself from completing job applica-tions before he graduates in May. “Chilling out doesn’t involve chilling out. It involves not doing what I’m supposed to do and having the guilt come in and getting more stressed about it,” says Gustafson. Like him, many other seniors have been avoiding the job search upon graduation. “It hasn’t been the most present thing on my mind. My senior project and everything else I’m doing right now has taken more precedence. It’s become a backburner thing,” says Danni Ju-rado, a senior Philosophy major. Fear of not receiving the work they want has kept some seniors from applying for work. Melanie Mac Caskie, a double major in Anthropology and Literature would like to receive a job “in the education sector that’s not being a grade school teacher.” “Lets be serious, I’ll probably be working as an administrative assistant,” she feels. Some have tried to use previous intern-ships and family connections to prevent filling out applications. “I interned for the television show ‘Ugly Betty’ when it was on. My uncle worked on the show. He actually has another good connection with one of the executive producers on ‘The Big C.’ Going forward I’ll use all the contacts I’ve made,” said Aaron Dworetzky a senior major in New Media with a minor in Math/Computer Science.

Film major Christian Frahme has been told by his advisor not to apply for jobs yet. “I had wanted to start applying and look-ing for jobs, but my advisor said if you do it too soon in this situation with these kind of jobs it could be a bad move. They will say ‘all right we need you now. Can you come in next week?’ And if you say ‘I can’t,’ then they’ll say ‘sorry,’” he said. A few seniors have been offered employ-ment through previous internships, but have cho-sen not to take the position, such as Jurado. “NYPIRG (New York Public Interest Re-search Group) told me I should apply and would want me. The biggest consideration that’s keep-ing me from doing it is I would have to be able to find an apartment and use that income from NYPIRG to sustain myself. It would probably be cutting it very close for me,” he said. Gustafson has been told not to rush into the working world. “So many people have told me ‘wow, you guys are young don’t worry, stop rushing, you’re fine. Take some tim,e you have so much of your life ahead of you. I hear our professor saying this to us, regret going into getting a job right away,” he said. Despite all the job application procrastina-tion they still have a rough plan for life after school. “ I plan on starting as a P.A. (production assis-tant) and have access to that environment and just being involved in a production. From there, I hope to make good connections and see where it goes,” said Dworetzky.

Created by Nick Sienty

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The bodies of 23 people were found in various places around Nuevo Laredo, a city in the state of Tamaulipas, Mexico late last Friday night. Nine of the victims were found hanging from an overpass near a main highway, while 14 decapitated heads were found inside coolers out-side of city hall. The remains were found in a car wrapped in black bags as well as a note, which officials have not released to the public. The regional area has suffered a brutal turf war between Mexican cartels. The Zetas, a group of ex-soldiers, have been ruthlessly engag-ing in a war with the Sinaloa cartel. Officials have not stated whether the cartels are truly behind the murders but it seems likely due to the amount of violence attributed to gangs in the area. Nuevo Laredo was the site of a gang war in 2003 when The Gulf cartel, another danger-ous gang, and the Sinaloa cartel, battled out in the city in public view. Nuevo Laredo is a dangerous city, which according to officials also has a large amount of political and law enforcement corruption, which makes the ordeal much more horrifying. Details of the murders have not yet been publicly re-leased, but more will surface soon, as the Gov-ernor of Tamaulipas has begun to send federal forces to the state.

BY jAke murphY

23 Killed iN MexiCo

April fifth was an interesting day for

thirty-two Republican lawmakers when knit

uteruses were sent to them at the Arizona Leg-

islature state capitol. Each “knit womb,” com-

plete with googly eyes and bows, were varying

shades of pink.

Peggy Tinsley delivered the lawmakers

their individually packaged gifts that azcentral.

com reported were “part of a national knitting

project that aims to take a stand against govern-

ment regulation of women’s bodies, including

restrictions to contraception health-care cover-

age.”

Wrapped in plastic baggies and indi-

vidually labeled with each a lawmaker’s name,

these little surprises appeared in light of the

“controversial contraception bill,” House Bill

2625. This bill “allows employers to opt out of

covering contraception to their company’s health

insurance plan if they are morally or ethically

opposed to the use of birth control for whatever

reason” stated KTAR.com.

Though azcentral.com could not reach

Peggy Tinsley for comment, a letter that was

delivered with the uteruses spoke loud and clear:

“Please treat women in your life as the intelligent

persons they are. I have provided you with a

uterus. Please leave ours alone.”

BY AlYce pellegrino

the KNitted uterus

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i n f o

~*hAgs*~ hAve A greAt suMMer ~*lylAs*~

What are you doing this summer? Work-ing a job? Swimming in an old quarry? Visiting old friends from home? All that stuff is great, but sometimes it doesn’t quite work for everybody. The job market sucks, and I can’t find a job. I can’t swim, and even if I could, there aren’t any old quarries to swim in. My friends at home all moved away. So, I’ve had to devise a new plan for my summer, and I suggest you all join me in these endeavors because, let’s be real, friends and quar-ries are overrated. First, I’m going to Mexico. While I do not suggest sneaking in, I don’t have a passport, so I’ll be in the back of a coyote’s stinky truck, sweating and trying not to move underneath a stack of bags. But this is no vacation-- I’m bring-ing my fedora and whip because it’s time to ex-plore some Mayan ruins. I don’t know about you, but I’m totally down to evade poison darts, jump over spiked pits, and run away from giant boulders until I reach the center of the temple, where I will steal the secret treasure of some god whose name sounds like it might be a Pokémon. When the temple begins to collapse around me, I don’t even know what I’m going to do, but I will rise triumphantly from the ruins, treasure in hand. Once I have it, I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Probably use it as a sex toy or something. I bet you couldn’t tell me with a straight face that you don’t want an ancient and valuable artifact for a sex toy. So that’s one week down. Next it’s off to England. I still don’t have a passport, so I sup-pose I’ll be going on an inner tube with a paddle. That may take a few days, but once I get there it’s off to Cardiff. It shouldn’t take long before I hear

a TARDIS materializing, and from there I will take off into time and space, helping The Doctor to save countless worlds. We’ll go to the fields of Trenzalor and the singing towers of Derillium. I’ll go to a galaxy far, far away, a long time ago, and I’ll make every dork’s pants wet when The Doctor and I help the rebellion to vanquish the evil empire. Luke Skywalker will realize his feel-ings for me, and have a love tryst. We will explore the uses of lightsabers and The Force in bed. When it’s time to leave, The Doctor will be-grudgingly agree to let me bring Luke back to Earth, by the end of the summer. Eventually, I will grow bored of his Jedi detachment, and we will have a civil breakup. He’ll start a Jedi academy on Earth, and I will spend the rest of the summer under his tutelage. My summer is going to be brilliant. Good luck trying to match it.

BY mike reluzco

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In honor of Tom’s last issue as the layout

editor of the Indy, I sat down with him and Róisín

to talk the Indy, palm reading, and Spiderman.

What are your positions again?Róisín: I’m the editor. That is my position.

Tom: The Layout Editor/Pokemon Master

Is the editor-in-chief important?R: Not really. I don’t do much of anything. I just

chill in here for 45+ hours a week for the hell of it.

So Tom, do you actually do anything?T: Um, I used to.

I’ve heard from a not-so-reliable source that you are a tyrant. Do you have a re-sponse to that?R: Well rumor has it that Tom is the tyrant of

the Indy. That’s what i’ve heard from also not-so-

reliable sources.

T: I guess I like to think sometimes I am a tyrant.

How long have you guys been working together?R: A semester, more or less

T: And a little bit over winter break, technically.

R: We did some work.

T: A little.

R: We planned. And talked about “How I Met

Your Mother” and “Doctor Who.”

Are you pleased with how The Indepen-dent has progressed during your reign together?R: Absolutely.

T: Yes.

How do you think Tom’s leaving will af-fect the publication?R: Well...

T: I mean how does he affect the publication now?

Seriously?

Do you have any particularly good mem-ories working together?T: That one time we didn’t build a TARDIS.

R: And Ted.

T: That one time when Tom was actually here

when he was supposed to be?

R: When was that, last semester?

T: That time when Tom was never here so you

had the office to yourself ?

Who was Ted?T: Ted was a pineapple. Ted was a good man. He

won the game, he died on his birthday

R: We bought him with the intention of throwing

him at hard objects but..

T: We grew fond of him.

R: It was when we gave him the nametag

T: Yeah, you can’t name those things

BitChes ANd hosBY mike reluzco

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b i t c h e s a i n ’ t s h i t

Róisín, what’s it like having such knock-out knockers?R: The knockout part of it frightens me especially

when I’m walking down stairs. Also roller coasters.

Do you ever have problems with finding clothes to contain them?R: Yes, I’d say I’ve struggled with that since 7th

grade. It made prom a miserable time in my life.

You must have all the ladies and gentle-men clamoring to stick it in you.R: Yeah, about that, nope, not really.

Think I could get a motorboat?R: If you play your cards right.

Tom, can I read your palm?T: Yes, of course.

Your ring finger indicates you have tiny testicles. Care to comment?T: It’s not so bad, because I can fit them in mostly

anything.

What are you fitting your balls in?T: I mean, various types of undergarments I

guess. And things they can fit in.

The hair on the back of your hand says you are hiding something big. What is it?T: A giant penis. The small testicles have to

amount to something.

How do you feel about spiders?R: They’re okay.

Have you ever considered that as an af-front to Spiderman?R: I wouldn’t, no. You asked me how I felt about

spiders, not Spiderman.

Have you ever considered that Spider-man might be on your staff?R: It’s quite possible.

T: I didn’t think about it before, but that would be

awesome.

Have you ever considered that Spider-man might be me?R: You sleep too much to be Spiderman.

T: I feel like I can’t judge. I have nothing to go on.

How would you be Spiderman?

I’m totally Spiderman.R: I’ll need photographic proof of that. Get me

pictures of Spiderman.

That’s a breach of my contract.

R: Well, I have to see it to believe it.

So, my final question: are either of you going to miss the dynamic in here?T: I will

R: There’s not much of a dynamic. Is there a dy-

namic? I guess it’s I get super stressed out

T: And I don’t show up ‘till Wednesday and pre-

tend I’m the boss.

R: Tom comes in, burps, and tells me to hurry

up after I’m in here until 4 am on Mondays and

Tuesdays trying to edit.

T: We just high five a lot and say “I quit,” when-

ever we get pissed off.

R: Yeah, that’s a good dynamic. I’ll miss it.

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