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1^
THE PHIL MAY ALBUM
"f^.LKA/ ^1
BLOWING A CLOUD
THE
PHIL MAYALBUM
COLLECTED BY
AUGUSTUS M. MOORE
HETHUEN & CO.
36 ESSEX STREET, W.C.
LONDON
1900
EDMUND EVANS
PRINTER
RACQUET COURT
FLEET STREET
CONTENTSBLOWING A CLOUD .
INTRODUCTIONTHE LEGITIMATE .
A QUESTION OF HOSEFALLEN GREATNESS .
"NOT GOLDEN, BUT GILDEDTHE TEMPTATION OF ANTHONYON THE BRAIN: THE QUEEN ANI
MRS. MARTHA RICKS .
FATE!
ON THE BRAIN : H.R.H. AND STIG
GINS
THE NOBLE ART .
ON THE BRAIN: H.R.H. THE DUKEOF CAMBRIDGE
PRO BONO PUBLICO .
ON THE BRAIN : THE DUKE OFFIFE
ACCOMMODATING .
ON THE BRAIN : THE GERMANEMPEROR ....
AT A PROVINCIAL BANQUETON THE BRAIN: THE DUG D'ORLEANS
ALL THE DIFFERENCE
THREE MEN IN A BOOT .
A FRIEND IN NEED .
LIKE A BIRD ....ON THE BRAIN : MRS. ANNIE BESANT
AN UPRIGHT COURSE .
ON THE BRAIN : MR. HENRY GEORGEA BENEVOLENT CONNOISSEUR
ON THE liRAIN : SIR CHARLES EWANS.MITH
ON THE SANDS
ON THE BRAIN: MR. GEuRGE GROSt.MITH
PAGR
2
7
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
3°
3'
32
33
34
35
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
PAGKWOMANLY 43
ON THE BRAIN: MR. ARTHURROBERTS 44
OUR CLIM.\TE 15
ON THE BRAIN: SIR GEORGENEWNES 46
CHEEK 47
ON THE BRALN : Sn< GEORGE DIBBS 48
INFORM.VnON WANTED ... 49
ON THE BRAIN: MR. HORACESEDGER 50
FRENCH, AS SHE IS SPOKE . . 51
ON THE BRAIN: THE MARQUIS OF
QUEENSBERRY 52
HARD LINES 53
ON THE BRAIN: MR. W. T. STEAD. 54
IMUTUAL CONSIDERATION ... 55
!ON THE BRAIN : MR. WILLIAM
MORRIS 56
LiRITONS IN PARIS .... 57
ON THE BRAIN : SIR HENRY PARKES 58
READY FOR THE BALL ... 59
ON THE BRAIN: THE MARQUIS OFDUFFERIN AND AVA ... 60
BEFORE HIS FRIENDS.... 61
ON THE BRAIN: SIR AUGUSTUSHARRIS . . .
•. . . 62
SAINTLY POLITENESS .... 63
ON THE BRAIN : SIR EDWARDL.\WSON 64
"OH, LISTEN TO MY TALE OF 'WO'" 65
ON THE BRAIN : MR. RUDYARDKIPLING 66
THE NEW JEW 67
STREET COMPLIMENTS ... 67
DEDUCTION .67
CONTENTS
ON THE BRAIN: SIR WILLIAM V.
HARCOURT, M.P 68
THE VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES . 69
ON THE BRAIN : M. ERNEST RENAN 70
A PAIR OF SOILED KIDS . , . 71
LIP 71
ON THE BRAIN : LORD RANDOLPHCHURCHILL 72
THE CAPE MAIL 73
ON THE BRAIN : LORD RUSSELL OFKILLOWEN 74
LIMITED75
ON THE BRAIN : MR. H. M. STANLEY 76
INFORMATION 77
ON THE BRAIN : LORD ALINGTON . 78
INQUISITIVE 79
A HOWLING SWELL .... 79
ON THE BRAIN: RT. HON. A. J.
BALFOUR, M.P 80
AN IDLE FELLOW . . . . . 81
ON THE BRAIN: MADAME ADELINAPATTI 82
A GOOD PLACE . . . , . 83
POODLES 83
A PLEASANT PROSPECT ... 83
ON THE BRAIN: RIGHT HON. W. E.
GLADSTONE 84
ON THE SANDS 85
ON THE BRAIN: THE RIGHT HON.
JOSEPH CHAMBERLAIN, M.P. . 86
REALISM 87
ON THE BRAIN : M EMILE ZOLA . 88
AT THE RIDING SCHOOL . . . 8y
ON THE BRAIN: LORD TENNVSON 90
NO CHANCE 91
A FACT 91
A PROMINKNT FEATURK . . . 91
ON THE BRAIN: SIR J. BLUNDELLMAPLE, M.P 92
FORCE OF HABIT 93
ON THE BRAIN: MR. ALBERT CHE-
VALIER 94
THE UNKINDEST CUT. ... . 95
DOUBLE SIGHT 95
PUTTING IT PLAINLY .... 95
BRIDGET 95
M. JAQUES 96
OBVIOUS 97
MONSIEUR SARDOU .... 98
PLEASANT MEMORIES .... 99
ADVICE 99
A SONG AND A SINGER ... 99
ON THE BRAIN : MR. BEERBOHMTREE 100
A NASTY ONE loi
ON THE BRAIN : GENERAL BOOTH 102
THE ACCENT ON THE PEG . . 103
A RECOMMENDATION . ... 103
PICKSOME 103
ON THE BRAIN: AN EX-LORD MAYOR 104
THE WRONG SHOP . . . .105ON THE BRAIN : MR. G. A. SALA . 106
BAKERS' STRIKE . . . . .107GOING THE PACE 107
A POSER FOR GRAN'PA . , .107A PRIOR ENGAGEMENT . . .107THE NORTH POLE . . . .108SUGGESTIVE 109
LEG-ISLATION . . . . . . noINTELLIGENCE DEPARTMENT . . in
THE CONSUMING PASSION . . mTHE DOWN TRAIN . . . . mA DISTINCTION n,
ON THE BRAIN: MR. PUNCH . . 112
PHIL MAY AND HIS ART
AND now, Mr. Whistler, what about Black and White
Art?" said an interviewer. "Black and White Art,"
said Mr. Whistler, "is summed up in two words
—
Phil May!" Nor is this merely a New School of Art paradox.
It is one which is held by artists of all grades alike, and even
by the art editor who professes to know and supply what the
public likes. That a youth who nev^er had a lesson in drawing
in his life should have earned such a reputation between the
ages of seventeen and thirty, and should have gone above men
as honoured in their profession as Sir John Tenniel and Mr.
George du Maurier, and on a level with Charles Keene, Mr.
Abbey and Mr. Gibson, is enough to make Mi*- May's art
extremely interesting. But his art is not nearly so instructive as
Mr. May himself; he is a human document to the hand of the
realist, and the student of heredity—if ever there was one. Hehas been interviewed in a sketchy fashion by the journalistic
Mrs. Mangnall innumerable times; the high-art magazines have
added him to their lists of " Our Gra[)hic Humorists, ' " Black
and White Artists, ' and " How Caricaturists Draw." The
7
s INTRODUCTION
world is familiar with his own grotesque sketches of himself, and,
whether he is attired in riding breeches, a straw hat perched
on the back of his head, as he drives a coster's cart, or is
being flung out of a cab, his long cigar and his hair cut
in a bang straight across his forehead, are unchangeable and
unmistakeable. The public no doubt thinks that this is only
one of Phil May's jokes at his own expense, for the bold
Rabelaisian roundness of his humour suggests a man the very
reverse of the lean and hungry Cassius. But Phil May's
humour does not consist of making fat people thin, thin people
fat, exaggerating features, putting big heads upon little legs,
and such methods of distortion as we have so often seen
resorted to. This we learn from a glance at his home, which
is his studio life.
Mr. May's artistic treasures are none of them the old
masters of a millionaire, but purely personal household gods,
each with a little story of a friendship, a reminiscence of hard-up
times, or some personal taste. The volumes in the old oak
book-case are not first editions, but they show a fine apprecia-
tion for the best literature, and even the blue china is not wired
and hung-up. The drawing-board seems to act as an address-
book, and the grandfather's clock by the fireplace in its old
age has given up making a nuisance of itself by repeating
" For ever, never." The mantelpiece is peopled with little
Japanese dolls, little bronzes and brasses, and figures carved
in yellow ivory. These, with a few plaster casts of arms and
legs which hang on the walls, a line of Japanese prints put
around the ceiling " to try an effect," a few Japanese lanterns
hanging from the roof, some Japanese lay-figures in armour
standing round the walls, and a few sketches, are about all the
PHIL HAY AND HIS ART 9
decoration of this long sky-lit room. But most important of
all is the index to as remarkable a story as was ever told by
a successful man, a story which has never been told before.
It is only an old mug. The substance is earthenware, the
decoration obviously pseudo-oriental, and the design andglaze nothing marvellous. It clearly comes from the English
potteries, but it has no mark, and it is certainly not Chelsea,
Derby, Yarmouth, Bristol, Lowestoft, or any of the rarer and
higher-priced wares. The hand of Wedgwood, Voyez, or
Elers is not seen in its design, and, indeed, it is difficult
precisely to locate its origin. And yet, it should now take its
place in Chaffers and Church who know it not. Our dilemma
is solved by Mr. May himself, who seems, in his usual casual
modest way, to have attached no importance to it, and who,
from subsequent inquiries, has only a very superficial know-
ledge which would not satisfy a ceramic maniac, to say nothing
of a family historian. " That mug was made," says Mr. May,** by my grandfather. I don't know much more about him
than he knows about me ; but if you are interested in china,
you may care for some details which may help you to hunt it
up. He was a potter in the Midlands— if you want to be
particular, at Snead, in Staffordshire—and, I believe, was
fairly well off ; for the design, which is that of. a hunt, was
made to commemorate his becoming the master of the local
hounds. If you say that his name is not given in any of the
handbooks, I am sure you are right ; but all I know is, the
firm, whatever it was called, came to grief owing to the war
—
and I can't tell you what war ; but it was not the China war."
Here the student of heredity will discern the rude germ of
tl^.e artistic temperament which has so developed in the third
INTRODUCTION
generation. ' It was in the interests of the hereditary artistic
strain that Mr. May was induced to tell the story. He is not
so impressed as are many people with the necessity of having
a grandfather, and knows no more about him than is related
above. Mr. May's father was apprenticed as an engineer to
George Stephenson, and worked in the drawing office of the
great engineer at Newcastle, where he met his wife. She was
a Miss Macarthy, and her father was Eugene Macarthy, whobelonged to an old theatrical family connected with the man-
agement of the New Theatre, Wolverhampton. An old bill
on satin struck to commemorate a " Bespeak " performance,
"under the distinguished patronage of Lord Wrottesley,"
gives Eugene Macarthy as playing Lord Tinsel in The Hunc/i-
backy and Jenkins, in Gretna Green; or, The Biter Bit, on
Friday, May 9th, 1845. In this bill Mr. James Bennett was
the Master Walter ; H. Lacy the Modus; Mrs. W. Rignold
the Julia, and Miss Fanny Wallack, Helen.
Mr. May's father was unlucky in life.. He started a brass-
foundry, but, as your host puts it, his partner cleared off with
all the brass ; and a consultinor-enmneer business was not muchmore satisfactory. Mr. Phil May was born in 1864, shortly
after the collapse of the brass-foundry, at Wortley, an outlying
manufacturing district of Leeds. His father died when he
was nine years old, and his schooldays, as he tells you, com-
menced early in the School Board era. At that time the newofficials were very alert, so he had one year's scholastic educa-
tion. He was a little delicate fellow, and was made a butt of
by the other boys ; and he was the victim of many practical
jokes.
" My artistic career," Mr. May tells you, "may be said to
PHIL HAY AND HIS ART
have begun when I was about twelve, at whlcli time the Grand
Theatre, Leeds, opened. The local scene-painter was a mancalled Fox, a brother of Charles Fox, and I became acquainted
with his son, who helped to mix the distemper. Young Fox and
other boys called Ford, Sammy Stead, and I used to rehearse
pantomimes. Our stage was a back street, and our scenery
was designed with a stick in the gutter ; but we omitted
nothing. The star-traps were all marked out, and we madeour descents by flinging ourselves on our faces in the muddyroad. I was always a sprite, and carried ' The Book of Fate,'
which had a prominent place in all our pantomimes."
Mr. May used to sketch sections of other people's designs
of costumes for use in the ward-robe room, and eventually got
to designing comic dresses and suggestions for masks and
make-ups in the property-room. This brought him orders for
actor's portraits, for which he received at first a shilling, and
later five shillings. Remuneration bred independence, and he
took to living with three or four other boys, their lodgings costing
five shillings a- week. After a year or two of this life, the late
Fred Stimpson, who had a travelling burlesque company,
engaged May to play small parts and do six sketches every
week to serve as window-bills in the various small towns they
visited. His remuneration was twelve shilhngs-a week, and
on this he lived for two or more years. After that, about 1878,
he got an engagement to draw for a small local comic journal,
called The Yorkshire Gossip, which died after four weeks. In
1882 Mr. May was engaged to design the dresses for the
Leeds pantomime, and flushed with success, or sickened with
the squalid hand-to-hand life he had led since he was a boy
—
he was then a full-grown man of seventeen—he made up his
INTRODUCTION
mind to burn his boats and come to London, and there he
became a tragedian. His finances consisted of one sovereign.
Fifteen shillings and five-pence halfpenny bought him a third-
class ticket, and vanity and temptation cost him four shillings
and sixpence at the Gaiety Bar. " But what," he adds, " did
it all matter ? I was in London—the lap of luxury. I remem-
bered my aunt, Mrs. Hanner, who had married again, an actor
called Fred Morton, and I looked them up at St. John Street
Road, Islington." Mr. May does not think they were very
glad to see him ; but they took him in, gave him food and a
night's lodging, and next day his new uncle, after showing him
the sights of London, put him in the Leeds train. He got
out, however, at the next station and walked back. Chance
led him towards Clapham way. It was winter and he tried to
get work, till he was too tired to walk and too cold and hungry
to speak. He begged the broken dry biscuits at the public-
houses ; he quenched his thirst at the street fountains. Thebest bit of luck he had was when he induced a child on the
Suspension Bridge to part with his bread and bacon in exchange
for a walking-stick. He led a terrible life of privation, and by
night slept in the Park, on the Embankment, or in a cart in
the Market near the stage-door of the Princess's Theatre. Hewas too proud to go to his relations or to Mr. Wilson Barrett.
The first bit of real luck he had was in meeting with the
keeper of a photograph shop near Charing Cross. He took
May's drawing of Irving, Toole and Bancroft, and published it.
It was a partnership arrangement, and the publisher lost about
P^5 in the venture. But though he was nearly as hard up as
Mr. May was, when he had any money, he used often to take
him to a shop near the old Pavilion and give him a dinner
PHIL HAY AND HIS ART 13
of beef ci la 7node. " It was good !" Mr. May tells you. AMr. Rising who played at the Comedy Theatre, Introduced
Mr. May to Lionel Brough, who purchased the original sketch
of Irving, Bancroft and Toole for £^2 2s., and Introduced him
to a little paper called Society, for which he did some drawings.
But between these periods Mr. May suffered long spells of
penury, when he would have been glad to have taken up his
position with a handkerchief full of broken chalks and drawn
on the pavement. At last a drawing of Mr. Bancroft In
Society brought him an Introduction to Mr. Edward Russell,
who introduced him to the management of the St. Stephens
Review. It was not then an illustrated paper, but a Christmas
Number was being Issued. The illustrations were already
arranged for, so there was nothing for him to do. The dis-
appointment, or long privation—for he was only eighteen at
the time—or both, brought on an Illness, and he returned to
Leeds. A telegram from Mr. Russell brought him to London.
The illustrations for the Christmas Number would not do, and
Mr. May was asked to do them all himself— cartoon, illustra-
tions, cover, and initials—in a week! He hired a room in a
small hotel near the Princess's, and worked day and night,
finished the whole thing, and was paid. He remained in his
humble lodgings till his money was gone, and he used, as he
says, to " go out for breakfast and dinner," which meant walking
about for appearances' sake. The proprietor of the hotel in
question, who was also a waiter at a club, found him out, and
when he came home at three or four In the morning used to
dig him out to share his supper ; and when, through sheer
shame. May confessed he could not pay him, he insisted on his
remaining in his house. Mr. Brough introduced Mr. May to
14 INTRODUCTION
Alias the costumier, who engaged him as designer of the Nell
Givyiine dresses, and kept him on to design pictures for a book,
The yuvenile Shakespeare, on which they were to collaborate;
but it came to nothing. Then the St. Stephens started illus-
trations, and he was employed by it till an agent came from
Australia to discover an artist for the Sydney Btilletin. Mr.
May seized the opportunity of going to the antipodes, and
went. The fine air, the warm climate, and the regular food
made, as he tells you, a man of him ; but it was the starvation,
he adds, which made him the artist he is.
The rest of Mr. Phil May's story has been told before,
and is not interesting, being one long series of successes, which
culminated in his winning the blue ribbon of black-and-white
art, an appointment on P^mch, which leaves him free to draw
for any other paper that appreciates his art and can pay his
prices.
The story of his early life and struggles is not exceeded
in interest, perhaps, by that of anybody except that of Henri
Murger or that of Honord de Balzac. The hard life he once
led has left his features somewhat hard, but it has not soured
his disposition. There is nothing of the cynic in him. He is
still careless of everything but his art, generous to a fault not
only with his money, but with his lavish praises of the work of
those who aspire to be his rivals. High and low, everybody
speaks of him as " dear old Phil," and the applause, even of
princes, has not made him a snob. His talents and his temp-
tations would have made many a boy of more severe training
a pickpocket, burglar, or a gaol bird, as Francois Villon was.
It made Phil May an artist, and his story is one to be remem-
bered as an encourai^ement instead of a warning.
PHIL HAY AND HIS ART 15
Of the one hundred and twenty drawings collected in this
volume, there is little to say, for they speak for themselves.
For some of them, I am indebted to Mr. Louis Meyer of
13a Pall Mall, who has enabled me to complete the series of
drawings done at a time when Phil May was, as I have
described him above, a poor, struggling artist. Youth and
enthusiasm, made these drawings bolder than most of his later
work, and the lack of pence, when every line meant pennies,
made them more elaborately finished than those which of late
he has made us accustomed to. But though everyone is satis-
fied with his present work, I can only trust that the artistic
majority will think with me that he has never done better
than these drawings which are here collected. That at least
is why I have published them.
AUGUSTUS M. MOORE
THE LEGITIMATE
"'Ovv's business, Jacko?"" Damned bad. What can you expect w ith this bloomin' opposition
17
A QUESTION OK HOSK
18
FALLEN GREATNESS
Native :" Well, yer see, mum, I was once in a very 'igh persition,
my missus used to do all the washin' for the Royal Hotel."
19
"NOT GOLDEN, BUT GILDED'
20
NEW VKRSIO.N
The TiMi'TATiON ov Anthony
21
ON THE BRAIN
Mrs Martha Ricks—"Aunt Martha"
22
FATE!"Owth's Ik-cy?"
"Vy, Ikeyth's dead."
"You don't thay so. Vy I thor him goin' ter the thinagogue lathst week."
"Veil, ith'.s all along of that thinagoguc that Ikeyth's dead. They was
a-justh coming out, vcn someone outside shouted out, ' Sale goin' ter com-
menth,' and Ikey was killed in the cru.sh !
"
ON THE BRAIN
H.R.H. The rui-NCt: of Wales
24
NATIONAL SPoRJINCj^ CLU8
THE NOBLE ART
25
ON THE BRAIN
The Duke of CAMLiiuDGi:
26
5
OiN THE BRAIN
Tiiic Duke of Fife
28
ACCOMMODATINGCUSTOMKR
:
'•I want a respirator, please."
Chemist: Mm afraid, sir, we haven't one your size in stock, but if vwill ua,t unt.l I go and get a tape-measure, I will get you one made!"
ou
39
ON THE BRAIN
The German Empekok
30
AT A PROVINCIAL BANQUET
Fl.L'N'KEV : "Excuse me, mum, but the banquet has commenced, and I can't
admit you. Them's my orders."
She: "But the Mayor is here, isn't he?'
Flunkey: "Oh, yes, he's here right enough."
She: "Well, but I'm his lady."
FlunkEV: "It makes no difference, mum; ! couldn't admit you if you
were his wife."
ON THE BRAIN
The Due d'Orleans
32
ALL THE DIFFERENCE
Barmaid :'
I bcj^ pardon, I have taken twopence too much. I didn't know
you were an actor. I thought you were onl>' a gentleman !
"
33
J^IKIL MZ^ "^ ^ T50 0TT
THREE MEN IN A BOOT
.U
A FRIEND IN NEED
Invalid :"
I sometimes feel inclined to blow my brains out."
Friend :" 1 shouldn't advise you to try it, old chap, you know you're a bad
shot, and there's nothing much to aim at!"
Cousin Jane: "I want ma to have her portrait painted. Who would you
recommend ?
"
Cousin George: "Stacy Marks."
jD
ON THE BRAIN
Mrs. Besant
36
AN UPRIGHT COUKSK
OU. CANTANKKKOUS(../.,W//,/v-A.-..„): - Ucll. I shM think if vou\\as to fellow )-our nose, it 'ml be a short cut!"
37
ON THE BRAIN
^
,o«\'
#^
Mr. Henry George
.^8
A BENEVOLENT CONNOISSEUR
"You arc!"
ox THE BRAIX
Sir Charles Ewan Smith
40
ON THE SANDS
MacHINI; Man {to bather who has been complaiiiiug that he tuas not taken
out far enongh) :" Why. lor bless ycr, Sir, I once know'd a man who could
dive in two foot of water."
Bather: "And where's he buried?"
41
ON THE BRAIN
Mr. George Grossmitii
42
WOMANLY
First rHlLANTHROnsx :" Cannot we start a society for the employment
of the poor Russian Jews ?"
SkconI) Ditto: "Well, you see, what could the)- do? You know that
they can't speak ICnglish."
First Ditto :" Oh, get them something to do on the railway, to call out
the names of the stations, for instance."
43
ON THE BRAIN
Mr. Arthur Roberts
44
OUR CLIMATK
"Look here, that barometer you sold me a month ago has got out of
order, it won't work."
" Well, you see, sir, look what a lot of wear and tear 'e's 'ad latcl)-."
45
ON THE BRAIN
Sir George Newnes
46
ttS5=5=3
CHEEK
Urchin :" Hi, governor, remember the warning afore yer starts
!
"
47
ON THE BRAIN
Sir George Dibbs
48
INFORMATION WANTED
Fat Party: " Sa)-, boy, dn my boots want cleaning?'
49
ON THE BRAIN
Mr. Horace Sedger
50
FRENCH, AS SHE IS SPOKE
French Professor :" How would you pronounce t-o-u-t-a-f-a-i-t ?
"
Pupil: "Totty Fay."
51
ON THE BRAIN
The Marquis of Queensberry
52
HARD LINES
DaV Policeman: {relieving uight-mau): "How's the missus?"
Night Policeman :"
I don't know. 'Aven't seen her for ten years."
Day Policeman: "But ye're living together, aren't ycr?"
Night Policeman :" Yes, but she's a charwoman, an' is out all day, an'
I'm out all night. So we've never met since we came back from our honeymoon."
53
ON THE BRAIN
Mr. W. T. Stead
54
MUTUAL CONSIDERATION
Art Critic: "What do you think of Ahna Cadmium's painting?"
Artist: "Oh, I think it is superb."
Art Critic :" I'm surprised to hear you say that. He says just the
reverse of yours."
Artist :" Ah, well, perhaps we're both mistaken !
"
55
ON TPIE BRAIN
Mr. William Morris
56
BRITONS IN PARIS
First Englishman: "Where shall we go?"
Second Englishman {wIw does not kuoiv ihat ' nldc/ie' nuaits that the
/lice is taken off): "Let's go to the Eden and see ' RelAche ' !
"
S7
ON THE BRAIN
?it;>^'- if %t-r ^"%
SiK Henry Pakkes
5S
READY FOR THE BALL
Phwell and phvvat do ye think of me, darlint?"
' Shure ye look jist illigent, but I phwish it wur a mask ball!
"
59
ON THE BRAIN
K»^'$
Lord Dufferin
60
ON THE BRAIN
Sir Augustus Harris
62
SAINTLY POLITENESS
63
ON THE BRAIN
Sir Edward Lawson
64
c;e£ 1
Vo!"
OH, LISTEN TO A TALE OF "WO"
65E
ON THE BRAIN
Mr. Rudyard Kipling
66
THE NEW JEW"And so you're going to marry a Christian
and disgrace your poor old father."
"Yeth, but I'm goin' to change my nameto Smith."
" But what are you goin' to do with tliat
nose ?
"
"Oh, I say! Ain't 'e in a bloomin' 'urry;
'e wants to git there before the 'orse."
"Yes, I was three months in the desert, with
nothing to drink but camel's milk."
" Didn't it give you the hump !"
67
ON THE BRAIN
The Right Hon. W. V. Harcourt, M.P.
fiS
THE VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES
Pious Friend: "Dear me, I'm sorry to see you coming out of a
public-house, Mr. Brown." >
" Couldn't help it, ole fel' {/tic), I was chucked out!
"
69
ON THE BRAIN
Monsieur Ernest Renan
70
A PAIR OF SOILED KIDS
LIP.
New Arrival {in Australia): "What's good for mosquitoes?"
RESIDENT: "You are!"
71
ON THE BRAIN
The late Lord Randolph Churchill
72
THE CAPE MAIL
Clerk: "The letter is too heavy. It will require an extra stamp."
She :" Won't that make it heavier ?
"
7Z
ON THE BRAIN
Lord Russell of Killowen
74
"What the deuce are you smoking, old chap?"
" Well, you see, the doctor has limited me to one cigar a day!
"
75
ON THE BRAIN
Mr. H. M. Stanley
76
oe
Si
^ a•s X
C~
:^ J
V*
^ s
> ~
o •*.
C -5 .ti
•J « u
O V,"
//
ON THE BRAIN
Lord Alington
78
INQUISITIVE
"Oh, ma! Are those what they call sea legs?"
A HOWLING SWELL
79
ON THE BRAIN
\'!'/.
The Rt. Hon. A. J.Balfour, M.P.
80
AN IDLE FELLOW
Visitor :"
I hear you've had the celebrated Mr. Abbey, the artist, staying
with you down here."
Propriktor of OLn-FASiilONF.D iNN: "Yes, sir, an' he be the laziest man
I ever came across. He do nothing but dror and paint all day!"
8l
ON THE BRAIN
The ;£'i,ooo per Night-ingale
82
Grandpapa {to Toinmy, zvho hasJust come
hotne from sc/iool): "And did you get a good
place in your class at the last examination?"
Tommy :" Yes ; next to the stove."
POODLES
A PLEASANT PROSPECT
"Grandma, shall I have a face like' you when I get old?"
" Yes, my dear, if you're good."
83
ON THE BRAIN
The Rt. Hon. VV. E. Gladstonk
S4
ON THE SANDS
•'Lor', 'Arry, arn't it ot?"
"Well, sit down, an' I'll blow ycr.'
85
J-
ON THE BRAIN
Mr. Joseph Chamberlain, M.P.
86
REALISM
Comedian : "The critic of the Back Alley Chronicle descnbcd me as "iviri"^ t> fc»
a very 'saponaceous' rendering to my part. What does 'saponaceous' mean,
dear boy?"
Tragedian {'with learned dignity) :" Cudgel not thy brains with words
higher than thy blonmin' salary."
87
ON THE BRAIN
Monsieur Emile Zola
88
AT THE RIDING SCHOOL
Nervous I'LTIL: "When do you think I shall go on the road?"
RiniNc; Masthk: "Very soon, if you don't sit better than that."
89
ON THE BRAIN
Lord Tennyson
90
NO CHANCE
"Always take care of your monc)', my son."
" I can't, you never give me an)'."
T...
She :" But I really thought you
were much taller than you are, Mr.Smith."
He: "Oh, no! Not a bit, I
assure you !
"
VI-A PROMINENT FEATURE
"Hiilo, Bill! What's the matter
with your nose?"" I don't know. Think my con-
science must have pricked it."
91
ON THE BRAIN
Sir Blundell Maple, M.P.
92
<
OUUoi
O
a
<a O
'^
M
^<
P ^
o SI/;
5 ^
<3
93
ON THE BRAIN
Mr. Albert Chevalier
94
THE UNKINDEST CUT
He: "I grew a beard and moustachefor ten years, and I forgot what I waslike without, so I just shaved to see."
She :" And weren't you shocked i
"
"Hillo, Bill—bHnd again?"
"I beg pardon, I'm not blind at all
;
asha-matterer-fac, I can see twiche-ash-
much as you/'
" Say, would you be so stupid as to lend me $s.?
"
95
In Her War-Paint
vj JtflfJSISS. I
.r
FAST AND LOOSE
96
OBVIOUS
97
MONSIEUR SARDOU
98
mum/No
(8)
1
PLEASANT MEMORIES
"Ah, it's many a day since I 'ad it!"
She :" It must be a dreadful tliiiifj to become old
and ugly. I should much prefer to die j-oung.'
He :" You'll have to hurry up then !
"
I have a Song to Sing O."
99
ON THE BRAIN
Mr. Beerboiim Tree
lOO
A NASTY ONE
Wrymug: "I assure you the blamed fog was so thick I couldn't find the
way to my own mouth."
QuiZZEK: "What! When it's just round the corner!"
lOI
ON THE BRAIN
General Booth
102
NEW USE FOR A CLOTHES-PEG
How TO OBTAIN A GOOD FRENCH ACCENT
Mistress {Jo new cook) -." Now arc
you sure you have had experience ?
"
Cook :" Oh, yes, mum ! I've been
in 'undrcds of places."
PICKSOME
Little Spkiggins :" Yes, we always
dine at a private table. You sec, my wife
is so fond of picking bones."
Old Joker: "I suppose that's why
5.he picked you."
lO-
ON THE BRAIN
Lord Mayor Savory
104
MOSES MYERS
MONEY LENT
THE WROxNG SHOP
(jCarol shiging «« Hatton Garden) "Christians Awake!"
io:
ON THE BRAIN
9*J.%Oj<im^
Mr. George Augustus Sala
106
BAKERS' STRIKE
They've recently discovered that they'll
never want a feed
As long as they think fit to loaf the
less our bread we knead.
She: Oh, John, we're next the engine."
He :" Never mind, we'll get there all
the quicker."
Tllli EOV :" Grandpa, is a Jewess a She-brew ?
"SAVAGE SOUTH AFRICA
"A Prior Engagkmknt."
107
THE NORTH POLE
i08
1'1^
SUGGESTIVE
Small Boy: "Hi! Can you spare a copper?"
109
; NOTICE
FOOTPASSENqERi'
ONLY.
LEG-ISLATION
I :d
INTELLIGENCE DEPARTMENT
Yokel :" Say, sir, does I put tliis
'er stamp on meself?"
Post - Assistant : "On yourself.
No, on the letter, }-ou booby."
THE DOWN TRAIN
Crossing Sweeper :" 'Ere, if you're
goin' to sweep the bloomin' crossin" ycr-
self, I'm ho(T."
THE CONSUMING PASSION
" Have you heard that Jones has
given up ' booze ' ?"
" No, I wouldn't believe it."
" But he has, and he's dead."
Retired Burglar: "Oh, my son!
Always remember that it is wrong to
steal on Sunday."
1 1 1«
ON THE BRAIN
Mr. Punch
112 ok
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UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY
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This book is DUE on the last date stamped below.
MAY 2 1990
41584
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