I I miss the old school lawyers. You know the ones, grizzled veterans who were larger than life, tough enough to chew nails for breakfast, and yet kind enough to dispense wisdom to neophytes. For me, it was Earl A. Forsythe of Dallas when I was a tenderfoot summer law clerk and the great man was over 90. My office was a reclaimed broom closet located next to his “emeritus” suite, but I could hear every word as he conducted phone calls and then dictated documents out loud via Dicta- phone. What an education! A vast improvement over law school classrooms. Then Mr. Forsythe asked me to make a few calls myself on behalf of his housekeeper who had a small dispute with her landlord. I must have acquitted myself with some small degree of competence because he said something I still cherish, “Ms. Buchmeyer, you’re going to be the kind of lawyer who truly cares about folks.” Only decades later did it occur to me that I needed to ask, “But sir, as an attorney, is that a blessing or a curse?” We are all sorely in need of legal education, no matter how many years we may have practiced. Perhaps you agree. I’d love to hear any insights, words of wisdom, or even cautionary tales that you might have heard from a real old school lawyer. As always, I’m the judge’s daughter, and it’s an honor to carry on the tradition of legal humor that my late father, Judge Jerry L. Buchmeyer, maintained for 28 years. The Judge’s Daughter: Old School Lawyers HUMOR 570 Texas Bar Journal • September 2017 texasbar.com The Old Potted Palm Lesson Jerome Levy, retired and now living near Tampa, Florida, has a grand story about a senior partner who delivered quite a lesson to his young wet-behind-the-ears associate. The older lawyer practiced insurance defense, and he permitted the young man to attend a settlement conference. “But you just sit there quietly. Pretend to be a potted plant.” The associate sat on his hands, watching over 30 minutes of heated battle back and forth, parry and thrust, posturing and feints. Finally, the two seasoned practitioners agreed on a number and shook hands, and the plaintiff’s lawyer left. Associate (bursting at the seams): But sir! You didn’t reduce it to writing. You didn’t get opposing counsel to sign anything. Senior Partner: Son, I’ve known and fought with that other attorney for more than 30 years. Associate: But, but— Senior Partner: He and I are both old school lawyers and his word is as good as gold. In fact, I’d trust him enough to shoot craps over the phone with him holding the dice. Quips & Quotes: Straining at Gnats “No brilliance is needed in the law. Nothing but common sense and relatively clean fingernails.” —John Mortimer, barrister and author of the Rumpole of the Bailey series A Voyage Round My Father “Straining at gnats and swallowing camels is a required course in all law schools.” Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land Naked Justice for One Student My friend W. C. “Bill” Allan has the distinct honor of being one of the first people to ever go streaking at Arizona State University in Tempe. He was also one of the first streakers to be arrested. Probably because after Bill disrobed and jumped out of the car, his so-called friends and fellow co-conspirators drove off and left him stranded—naked—in front of the student union. Bill made a mad dash across open ground but a security guard was soon in hot pursuit. He hid in some bushes until his friends circled back and tossed him his britches. Seconds later: sirens and flashing lights. Officer: Young man, are you that streaker? Bill: No sir! It wasn’t me. Officer: Really. Then why are you wearing your pants inside out? Three days later, poor Bill went to the courthouse, fearing that his life was over and he’d be sent back home to Iowa disgraced. But those were the wild and wooly days in the West before sentencing guidelines, and Bill didn’t suspect a thing when his lawyer led him straight to the judge’s chambers. BY PAMELA BUCHMEYER JUDGE JERRY L. BUCHMEYER (1933-2009) grew up in Overton and served as a federal judge in the Northern District of Texas after being nominated in 1979 by President Jimmy Carter. His monthly legal humor column ran in the Texas Bar Journal from 1980 to 2008. THINK YOU’RE FUNNY TOO? PROVE IT! Send your humorous articles of 600 words to [email protected]. Send deposition and trial excerpts to [email protected].