The Depressed Optimist

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What a beautiful sunny day outside!

I’ll probably end up getting a sunburn.

The glass is always half full!

But, the ice is always melting.

I feel like a million bucks!

Which means I must be incredibly in debt.

The grass is always greener on the other side!

That means it will be harder to mow.

The long cold winter is !nally over!

I suppose the mosquitoes will be back soon then.

The !owers I picked today are so pretty!

As soon as I picked them, they started dying inside.

I just got a cute new puppy!

I’m actually more of a cat person.

She said she loves me!

It’s probably out of pity.

Today will be an amazing day!

Tonight will be a complete failure.

Babies won’t stop laughing at me!

I’m probably the strangest thing they’ve ever seen.

I promise to give today my best!

My best is never good enough.

That random cute guy boughtme a drink!

He must think I’m a slut.

I can hear opportunity knocking!

It must have the wrong house.

I’m on top of the world!

I’ll have a great viewof my downward spiral.

I never cry over spilt milk!

I must be lactose intolerant.

There is always a silver lining!

It’s probably made of cancerous materials.

My dreams are coming true!

What a nightmare.

Pain is only weakness leaving the body!

Except if you’re a paraplegic.

I’ve been chosen to lead my team!

The thought alone is exhausting.

Life gave me lemons, so I’mmaking lemonade!

These lemons don’t look ripe enough.