The Cord Weekly (March 15, 1995)

theCord"The tie that binds since J926" Volumf. XXXV • Issue Twenty-Five • Wednesday, Maroi 15,1995 • WLU Student Pubijcations

The Production Posse's

Of'Tlie WeekNur soviel ftittern, wei die Fische

in zwei Minuten auffressen.

THISISSUEIx»ve that colour cover. If nothing else, thisweek's Cord is sure bright and sunny. likethe weather. Ugh. Cheese. By the way,comc up to the offices and visit our newfish, Montgomery and Waylon. They nar-rowly avoided a brush with the innards ofthe regurgitator. Whew. One minutethey're sushi, the next they're mascots.

newLois o' studont-oricntodarticles this week.Starting off, the StudentUnion Building is run-ning right on schedule.

sort of. They promise to have Wilfs up andpouring by September. Fuck you ICE. 'ITiiswas scrawled on the walls of the DowStudent Centre in the Peters Building.

opinionSloan's still tugging atthose heartstrings, andPete Robinson gets abig wet and sloppy onefor this green, festiveseason. Not only a great kisser, Robinsonalso wrote an excellent editorial this weekdealing with our gutsy MP, SvendRobinson (no relation).

It's good for the soul.This week's feature isabout doing somethinggood for your communi-ty. Those opportunities

include the Humane Society, JuniorAchievers, or just simply getting lucky.Check out the bed-head on Sloan. But boy,(hat niece Is cute.

sportsNot a whole lot of varsi-ty sports left to writeabout. Still Robinsoncovers the CIAU hockeyfinals and TAMIAF

. 1 ff i

playoffs are underway. Scott Cullen pre-views March Madness, with a rundown ofsome of the players to watch for. Stinsondocs Oliver Stone.

entertainmentmSex. What is it goodfor? Laurier's fashionshow. With an awe-some turnout, fashionshow members put on

a fantastic performance, bordering on pro-fessional, even down to the MC's, whoreminded everyone of the witstcrs eachyear at the Academy Awards.

.... - ......

Only two more Cordsafter this one. Andguess what? They havemore crazy colour. Justto clarify, I know colouris cool and all, but we can only run it whena generous beer company buys a fullcolour ad on our back cover. Long liveLabatts.

...Where it's at...

News 3Opinion 8International 12Feature 14Sports 17Entertainment 21Neu Studenten Kunst 24Classifieds 26

sexy

MELANIE SEALCord Entertainment

The world needs more sex in it, as oflcnI xturier can get uptight about the pres-sures of school, and entering the realworld. "Paths of Rhythm", Laurier'sannual fashion show, was like a longawaited orgasm after enduring years ofcelibacy.

From the onset, the music was loud,energetic, and the opening segment wasfilled with quick moving choreography.Dancers were gyrating, grinding andpumping to the beat, to show the audi-ence what was to come. The audiencewas more than receptive, and cheered,hooted and hollered the whole night.They couldn't get enough.

It seems odd that with such a vibrantand alive cast, and moves that hadclearly taken a great deal of time tochoreograph, the producers would electto have Masters of Ceremonies thatwere so nervous, inanimate and clearlyreading line by line. There was a greatdeal of cheese in these lines cis well, andno attempt at delivery.

Local designer Lisa De Marte hadthe first scene, and boy, those clotheswere unique. There were men dressedas women, lots and lots of skin, onedress that looked like a soup can (whichwas later pathetically referred to as'tasty'-ugh!) and another model whowas dressed in the latest from theblacksmith's shop.

One dress seemed to be made out oftin foil with little red pom poms aroundit, seemingly stolen from the windows ofa seventies taxi cab. One audiencemember said after this scene, "theworld needs more macrame dresses."Laurier was loosening up.

The "grunge-slash-wear-whatever-you-want" theme continued withclothes from Eye In the Sky.

The audience got even more into it,and the room clearly raised a fewnotches in temperature. Not to worrythough, the MCs were effective in keep-ing the room from exploding, as theycooled it down with their horrible com-ments.

"Throb" was the song for the next

scene, with a wonderfully vocal JanetJackson. A row of women in "nineties"wear gyrated in time, and all worecomfy boots.

The lingerie scene was filled witheven greater amounts of body gyratingto the tune of "Sexy Noises". The menwere on their knees, and moved up toslowly and sensually disrobe the femalemodels. The threesome was an implicitmessage of the show, and this scenewas no exception.

At the break, the audience wasbuzzing with excitement, and manywere saying how they enjoyed the show,but that the commentary was takingaway from it. Dave Thom, a visiting stu-dent from the U.S. said, "More fruitshould be thrown at the MCs." Mosthowever, were very impressed with thechoreography. "The dancing is incredi-ble," said another liiurier student.

The second half was filled with asmuch sex as the first, and anothermemorable MC moment was the refer-ence to the models as being, "less thanpure".

PICTURE:SCOTTMCKAY

Continued on page 21

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NEWS

NewSUB:Themoneypit

TOM HRUBESCord News

The new Student Union Buildingscheduled to open in September hasalready run over its initial budget.

A problem that Students' UnionBusiness Operations Manager TimI lranka has said Is "no one's fault.It's just the harsh realities of life."

According to the newest budgetreleased by the Students' Union, thebuilding is $356,900 in the red.Robb Hadley, Chair of Finance andBuilding, says the cost overruns are80% due to "mechanical costs."

These costs include things suchas installing electricity, firehoses,heating and plumbing systems. "Wethought we could tie into existing

systems," explained Hadley. "Itcould have gone either way and itdidn't go our way."

Instead, many of the systems willhave to be replaced or substantiallyupgraded. Hranka reinforced thisidea

"What they |the contractors]thought we could do wasn't possibleas they started to expose things."said I Lranka.

1 lranka went on to point out onesuch example "We need a firewaterpump...according to building codesthere must be a source within a cer-tain distance, we thought we couldtic into existing systems, i Instead]we must spend $50,000 on extracapacity."

Along with the existing expan-sion plans another addition will beconstructed on the south side of thebuilding. It will consist of upgradingthe loading docks and providingmore space for the food preparation,areas of the food court.

This Ls intended to create morespace in the seating area at the frontof the building. The $200,000 thatthe expansion will add to the build-ing Ls being provided by the univer-sity. Half in the form of an outrightgrant and the other half in the formof a 10 year interest free loan.

Another $13,500 increase in thebudget comes solely *

from the increase in j-architectural fees. |These fees haveincreased becausethey are calculated asa fixed percentage ofthe budget.

The final categoryis called "Other DesignCosts". According to1 ladley the $35,000 inthis category has"already been paidfor" and is just an"accounting expense"."We spent $8,000 onarchitectural drawings3 years ago and anotli-er $25,000 on themthis year for the referendum."

Currently, llranka is setting upan action plan that will be composedof one member of last year's Boardof Directors, one of this year'sBoard, as well a staffmember.

Their mission? To look intotilings such as "leasing rather thanbuying point of sale equipment"according to Hadley, "The commit-tee will research on spending and goback to the university to get anotherloan." Other options include analumni funding drive, although JayWadden, V.P. of Finance says anymoney received from such a drivewould be "just gravy."

He goes on to say that "[we are]trying to do finances without dona-tions."

Another possibility is gettingdonations to name the building.

"Naming the building is up in theair," Hadley says, "it's in discussionnot decision, to say anything wouldbe premature." One name men-tioned at the last Students' UnionBoard of Directors meeting was

Dean Nichols', who will be retiringsoon.

The Students' Union will turn aprofit "in excess of $120,000 for thisyear" which will be reinvested in thebuilding according to Wadden. Healso goes on to point out that "we[the union] have substantial invest-ments."

The actual construction of thebuilding has fallen behind scheduledue to problems getting the steelnecessary for the buildings super-structure. 1 ladley expects the build-ing's superstructure "will be up bythe end of the week. By the end of

the week we'll be righton schedule."

Hranka agreesthat "we're not thatfar behind." Hadleypoints out that "thesecond addition willexpand the seatingarea and benefit stu-dents. The building isbeing constructed foreasy future expan-sion."

As for the delaysin construction Hadleyis, "still very confidentin getting the projectdone for September."Josef Kunstman, theSite Superintendent

for Buttcon Ltd (the contractorsbuilding the expansion) agrees with1 ladley saying "the building must bedone by September. We'll work dayand night if we have to."

Holy Lincoln Logs Batman! The steel superstructure for the StudentUnion Building expansion seemed to go up overnight.

PICTURE:MARIONHENSEL

Kv:-:- -. x-.-•■iiiiuf— u PICTURE:MARIONHENSEL

With the start of spring weather, construction teams havebeen able to switch into high gear to make up for lost time.

All steamed over I.C.E.

SBE's DOWStudent Centre pillaged and plundered

SCOTT STINSONCord News

Sometime last Saturday night, the DOWStudent Centre, the room that SBEStudent Clubs uses as its office, wasseverely vandalized by personsunknown.

Russ Colasco, Chair of Alliance, thegoverning body of SBE Student Clubs,discovered the scene at around 10:30Sunday morning.

"One computer was flipped over andspray painted, the other one was com-pletely gutted, with what was remaininginside also spray painted. One monitorwas missing and the other waswrecked. There was also spray paint onthe carpet and walls."

Colasco estimates that the replace-ment cost of everything that was dam-aged will approach $8000.

Of particular interest was the mes-sage the vandals left behind. Written onthe wall in black permanent markerwere the lines "Fuck you ICE" and "Getmore laptops." The fact that the vandal-ism comes on the heels of IntegratedCase Exercise (ICE) week in the SBE isprobably not a coincidence.

As for the identity of the vandals, thematter is still under investigation byWLU Security. However, neitherSecurity or the SBE is considering it atheft or break-in.

Peter Jorg, Manager of WLUSecurity Services, confirms that "There

is no sign of forced entry."Colasco concurs, noting that, "who-

ever did it had the code to the [keypadon die] door."

Also a little fuzzy is the purpose ofthe attack. The DOW Centre, aside fromthe two computers, also houses a $2000laser printer. That printer wasuntouched.

As Colasco puts it, "If you're going tosteal something, why wouldn't you stealthe most valuable component?" As itwas, the perpetrators made off with theinnards of an old 486 processor, a moni-tor, and a mouse pad.

The DOW Student Centre willremain closed until Monday, March20th.

"Whoever did it had the code to the (keypad on the) door"said Russ Colasco, Chair of the SBE Student Clubs Alliance.

PICTURE:KELIWATSON

PICTURE:INGRIDNIELSEN

At bottom right, a gutted computer bears witness to the fact that the vandals weren't just there to register a complaint withthe Business TAs. At least they managed not to mispell anything.

3theCord March 15, 1995

Universityfunding:State ofthe Union

STEVE DOAKCord News Commentary

Am 1 going to be paying twice asmuch for my education next year orthe year after?

It's a fair question to be askingright now, even if you do take all ofthe rhetoric being passed around byuniversity administrators and gov-ernment bureaucrats with themandatory grain of salt. To hearsome of them talk, you would thinkthat Post-Secondary Education (PSE)in Ontario is currently facing a threatofapocalyptic proportions.

Fortunately, most of the headlinesare empty; the typical pleas for atten-tion of pessimistic doomsayers. Theyare all part of the mindless politicalgames ofpeople in power.

The players include Ontario uni-versities, consisting of the students,professors, staff, and administratorsof the province's twenty-odd cam-puses.

Beyond these are the govern-ments: Queen's Park and the recent-ly renovated Superministry ofEducation and Training, who areconstitutionally responsible for edu-

cation, and the federal government,which has traditionally chipped in afew billion per year for PSE.

The final significant constituencyare the kids: those who will be inher-iting this mess years after currentstudents have moved off to thegreener pastures of adult life andOSAP payments. But these kids aretoo young to vote, to pay taxes, or toraise much of a fuss, which rendersthem virtually worthless by the stan-dards of governments (that's why it'sso easy to build up the debt to passon to them).

The governments, of course, havethe great responsibility for corkingthe forks of millions of people so wedon't stab ourselves or anyone else.And the guiding principle of govern-ment behaviour: manipulate publicopinion to suit your needs wheneverpossible; cater to it the rest of thetime.

This technique is what theFederal liberals are so good at, andwhat the Ontario NDP cannot seemto master. Regardless, they will alltell you this is simply responsive gov-

eminent, hoping no one notices thecorrelation between governmentaction (or the lack thereof) and votingpatterns at election time.

Case in point: the NDP will haveto devote unreasonable amounts ofpublic resources to boosting theirapproval rating ifthey want a shot atre-election, or even just to avoid thefate currently facing the nationalNDP. They would have to spend mil-lions on ad campaigns to tell votershow well their government is doing,with slogans like "Smile Ontario" or"Ontario Works."

In a world where politics are littlemore than economics, the debatebetween the federal and provincialgovernments has focused aroundPSH funding, and the questions ofhow much each partner has beencontributing and how much theyought to be contributing.

This is complicated on the oneside by the division of the feds' contri-bution between cash transfers andfiddling with the tax system, and onthe other side by the complex distrib-

Look! Bag O' CrimeVehicle Fire0830 Hrs Tue 07 Mar 95The Fire Department responded to areport of a vehicle fire at SeagramStadium Parking lot. The fire wasextinguished. The vehicle was towedaway at the owner's request.Cause Disturbance (Fighting)0238 Hrs Tue 07 Mar 95While on patrol, officers obsci-vedtwo YVi ,U students who appeared tobe fighting and kicking at the busshelter on King St. They were spoken

to and sent on their way. No daifttigewas done to the bus shelter.Cause Disturbance (Shouting &

Swearing)0125 Hrs Thu 09 Mar 95Officers were advised that an occu-pant of Little House was shoutingand swearing at an individual whowas passing by. The resident, whowas intoxicated, was spoken to hutcontinued the barrage. The matterwill ho dealt with by the Dean'sAdvisory Council.

ATM Alarm Response1240Hrs Fri 10 Mar 95

Officers responded to an alarm fromthe ATM machine in the StudentUnion Building. Everything wasfound to be in order. No furtheraction was necessary.Intoxicated In A Public Place2225 Hrs Fri 10 Mar 95A non-University affiliated femalewas observed in an intoxicated statein the parking lot at 202 Begina.When officers arrived she was hang-ing ontoa hydro pole to support her-self. She was transported to afriend's residence nearby.Disturbance0100 Hrs Sat I I Mar 95One individual was charged underthe Trespass to Property Act and twoothers were issued trespass warn-ings after a disturbance outsideWill's.Trespass And Intoxicated In APublic PlaceOne of die individuals who had beeninvolved in a previous occurrenceoutside Wilf's returned to theSecurity Office and began to shoutand swear. He was advised severaltimes to leave but refused and con-tinued his behaviour, lie wascharged for trespassing and beingintoxicated and transported to theDetox Centre.Theft Under $5000 And MischiefSun 12 Mar 95Sometime Saturday night, Ma1 11/95person(s) unknown entered P3117A(Dow Student Centre) in die PetersBuilding and removed a colour mon-itor, internal parts of a computer, a

keyboard and five discs. Iheculpril(s) also used spray paint todeface equipment and wrote wordson the wall telling "Integrated Case"people to get more laptops alongwith some vulgarities.Anyone having any informationregarding this incident is asked tocontact the WLU Security Office.

Continued on page 6

March 15, 1995 theCord

(News)-

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I

Laurier LecturesScience Building Series

Department of PsychologyWednesday, March 22,1995

Dr. Bryan KolbReconstructing the Broken Brain: Changes in

Brain and Behavior After Cortical InjuryDepartment of Biology

Monday, March 27,1995Dr. George Barron

Carnivorous Fungi, Wood Decay,and the Carbon Cycle

Department of Physics and ComputingTuesday, March 28,1995

Dr. Bertram Brockhouse1994 Physics Nobel Laureate

Morals and Metaphors and the Grand Atlas ofthe Physical World

All lectures will be held at 8 p.m. in Room NlOOlScience Building (corner King St.and Bricker Ave.)

®Wilfrid Laurier Free Admission ~ Rece Ption. . For information, callUniversity 884-0710, ext. 3soo.

BSc. students to pay $50/termROB GLOVER

Cord NewsThe Science Endowment Fund isnow a reality.

Ixisl February 16th, a referen-dum for science students, askingthem whether or not they wantedthe fund, easily passed with over 76percent voting in favour. Almost 200full- and part-time students voted,well over the quorum needed, inorder to make the vote binding.

Starting next September, a levywill be placed on all science stu-dents. Full time students will belevied $50, and pail time students$25.

The committee that was struckto design and implement the Fundreferendum question is now in themidst of designing a constitution and

guidelines to administer the Fund,expected to be in the neighborhoodof about $100,000.

Like its Business counterpartPRISM, the Science students will beable to opt-out of the Fund, and willhave to make a request to the Fundco-ordinators to do so.

To help guide1 them, the commit-tee will be examining the PRISMconstitution, after which theEndowment Fund was modeled. Aswell, they will be looking at theguidelines of a similar science fundrun by students at the University ofWaterloo.

The current committee, with onerepresentative from each of thedepartments of Physics andComputing, Chemistry, Psychology,and Biology, as well as a Students'

Union rep and an advisor from thedevelopment office, will be leavingin April when their term expires, butwork on the constitution is expectedto take most of the summer to com-plete.

The Science Endowment Fund isthe brainchild of Rob Carew, asenior physics and computing stu-dent frustrated by the chronicunderfunding of his program, andWLU Development Officer MarkRittinger, who was investigating dif-ferent methods of funding the vari-ous science departments.

Enrollment in the sciences hasdoubled since 1989, but funding forthem has not kept pace. With anironclad agreement fromAdministration that funding for thesciences will not be slashed becauseof the Fund, the Fund itself shouldmake up for some ofthe. shortfall.

Hie primary goal of the Fund Is

to update and replace existingequipment, as well as provide newequipment. rrhe need for equipmentwas highlighted by Debbiellerrington, a committee memberand the Chemistry rep, in a previousinterview: "Right now, we're lookingat a problem for next year. We have90 students that need a particularcourse and wc don't have the equip-ment to accommodate that manypeople."

But, equipment Isn't envisionedas the only reason for the ScienceEndowment Fund. Sean Taylor, aBiology student and one of the peo-ple working on developing the Fund,had a different, though distant, goalin mind.

Taylor believed that "we shouldlook beyond equipment. There'snothing to prevent a science council(the administrators of the Fund)from designating this for teaching

resources. I'm thinking somewhere,along the lines of if we get enoughcomputer equipment, why couldn'twe do something like multimedia, orgetting into uplinks with other cam-puses."

"Every student complains thatthe course they pick in the studentcalendar isn't being offered. If wecan get piped into other campuses,we can get some of the courses notoffered here, and there's significantcost savings there."

Science Endowment FundReferendum Results

Quorum: 126 neededTotal Votes: 1%

Yes: 139No: 51Spoiled: 6% in favour: 76.15

-(News)

5theCord March 15, 1995

'S UpAround Campus:How to blow offtime

Wednesday, March I5 Monday, March 20• Habitat for Humanity event al �Anthropology Gub exotic food

the Turret. night and guest speaker. ForThursday, March 16 more info call Jennifer West at• Debating Society debates against 725-4720.Alumni on tuition increases, in • Art exhibition by WLU faculty,N1044 (Science Building). 7 p.m. students and staff in the Robert

• Dr. M.D. Bryant and Dr. J. Lingon Gallery until April 1.Badawi speak on Jesus in � Faculty of Music GraduationChristianity and Islam. 8 p.m. Recital 8 p.m. Maureen ForresterRoom DC 1351 U ofW Recital I tall.

• Blackvvater Trio at Will's. Tuesday, March 21Friday, March 17 •Music Therapy Students'• WLU Open House. 9 a.m. Athletic Association holds election of

Complex. For more info call 884- executive.0710ext3100. �Music at Noon. Maureen

• Jimi Avon at Will's during the Forrester Recital Hall. Freeday admission.

• Blackvvater Trio at Will's in the Wednesday, March 22evening. �Laurier Christian Fellowship

•Concert: WLU Baroque meets in the Turret, 5:30 p.m.Ensemble 8 p.m. Maureen � Debating Society general meetingForrester Recital Hall. Free and election of executive. 5:30admission fqr 1 .aurier Students. p.m. 1.126.

Saturday, March 18 � Athletic Banquet at the Turret.• Concert WLU Jazz Ensemble. 8 •Daemon College Teacher

p.m. Maureen Forrester Recital Certification Course InformationHall. Free admission for L'turier Booth in the Concourse 1:30 tostudents. 3:30 p.m.

• Mike Woods at Will's. • Concert: WLU StudentSunday, March 19 Composers. 8 p.m. Maureen• "The New Play Festival"; three Forrester Recital Hall. Free

one-act student plays. 2 p.m. IA. admission.Free admission. •Dr. Bryan Koib speaks on

• Concert: WLU Symphony "Reconstructing the BrokenOrchestra, 3 p.m. Maureen Brain: Changes in BrainForrester Recital Hall. Free Behaviour After Cortical Injury",admission lor 1xturier students. 8 p.m. N1(X)l.

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atthv,°,rnerof,King and University

ution of funds to various sources,such as straight to universities,towards special projects and needs,into the student loan system, and tofeed the dinosaur that is our govern-mental bureaucracy in action.

The recently announced federalbudget makes a strong step towardsbringing the federal/provincial rela-tionship closer to one version ofreality.

Critics say it is the liberals' wayof undermining Canada's sacredsocial safety net without appearingto attack any particular program(many of which were created by thelast liberal regime).

On the other hand, the Gritshave acknowledged that these ser-vices are supposed to fall under thejurisdiction of the provinces.Queen's Park can whine all it wants,but in effect it is fighting theConstitution - and it probably willnot win.

Hie switch to a block-style trans-fer (one lump stun) from the feds tothe provinces will not necessarilyhave such a pronounced effect onprovincial operations as Queen'sPark has implied.

Even when the federal govern-ment did designate certain amountsof funding to various programs, allof the money landed in theConsolidated Revenue Eund (CRF) -

Queen's Park's pot, from which itpasses on money to every programit finances, regardless of the inten-tions of the federal government.

In effect, while the funding cuts

from the federal government forcethe Ontario government to makecuts, it is completely the choice ofthe latter where to make those cuts.

When Dave Cooke, the OntarioMinister of Education and Training,said federal cuts will remove $700million from the Ontario PSE sys-tem, he was using Lloyd Axworthyas a straw man, disguising the factthat it would be a purely provincialdecision to pass the full brunt of thecuts to the PSE system rather thanspreading them in a more balancedmanner across the Ontario govern-ment's spending areas (whichinclude all of the fat in thebureaucracy).

Meanwhile, the politicalscene within Ontario isdominated by the immi-nent election. 'Hiis could be aboon or bane for the province'sPSH system.

While student lobby organiza-tions gear up for another VoteEducation campaign like the one inthe last federal election, public opin-ion of universities is shaky enoughthat a party might benefit bypromising to cut funding to highereducation.

On the one hand, a constantslough of reports has heralded thebenefits to society of quality in high-er education and efforts are beingmade to maximize accessibility toPSF, particularly among traditional-ly under-represented (aka: margin-alized) groups.

On the other hand, universitiesare still seen as elitist by many peo-

pie, and various pieces of literaturehave put student contributions tothe costs of their own education aslow as twelve percent, even exclud-ing the tax deductions students

receive fortheirexpenses. Itis easy tobelieve thatstudents

could afford to pay more fortheir education.

Disparity between differentassessments of student contribu-tions to their education has arisen inpart due to disputes about whatshould be included in the cost ofeducation.

Most university activities andcosts are categorized as teaching,research, or community service,with administration functionsshared between these. Consideringthe conviction of most educators

that all of the functions are inter-twined and inevitably enrich eachother, it is debatable to what extentstudents should be responsible forhelping to pay for the costs ofresearch and community service.

From a student perspective,costs do not stop at tuition ($2200 in94-95, $2400 in 95-96). A typicalstudent pays upwards of $400 onbooks, $3500 on rent, and around$3000 on food and other expenses.Wages passed up because of the dif-ficulty of holding down a full-timejob during the school year could alsobe counted towards the sum.

This would bring the total coststo a student to over $20 000, raisingdoubts about the above figure oftwelve percent. It also makes thepossible $2 500 tuition increase

seem less significant by compari-son.

Students acceptthese amounts

because higherducat i on

seems to beworth the

cost. If' thecostswere

unreasonable, most universitieswould not be filled to capacity or

beyond, as they are currently.1 jkewise, it is doubtful that demandfor entrance to universities willdecrease significantly as tuition con-tinues to rise, even if the rate ofincrease is higher than the recentstandard of ten percent per year.

One possible result of fundingcuts is greater variation between thetuition rates of different institutions.rltie provincial government only setsthe maximum amount universitiescan demand - not the minimum.Most university administrations

insist they are underfunded (manyschools consistently have deficits),thereby justifying their demand forthe maximum amount.

With a drastic increase in theprovincial maximum, the Ontariosystem might become more likeAmerican institutions, with differ-ences in tuition reflecting differencesin reputation and quality of individ-ual institutions.

Placed in historical context, thisseems like an unlikely possibility. Itis nothing new for the governmentto release reports suggesting radicalchanges, like the Axworthy SocialSecurity Review, whether focusingon the educational system or justabout any other pies in which thegovernment's finger is stuck.

More often than not, thesereports are simply filed away inobscurity, and it is extremely rarethat any of them lead to substantialchanges. Usually, the shock of anychanges are absorbed by the jugger-naut of the bureaucracy, one of themain functions of which is to slowdown any such process ofchange.

Despite the unlikelihood thattuition will be doubling in the neat-future, tuition increases arcinevitable, most likely around theten percent per year rate that hasoccurred in recent years.

lliis continues to be necessary tomaintain education quality (or per-haps even to improve it) in the faceof Hie funding cuts made necessaryby the government debt and deficit.Either way, our generation will haveto pay.

Perhaps the best choice is simplyto get out while you can.

NEXT WEEK; "First, we kill all thelawyers", Doak's Five-year plan toimprove the education system.

EducationfundingContinued from page 4

6 March 15. 1995 theCord

HnfplJL JL \jr v JL ' I

LaurierROOMS AVAILABLE:

Cord ConstitutionProposed Amendments, March 9, 1995

Be it resolved that:

1) Sections 3.7 and 3.8 be removed from the Constitution.2) "One (1) VVLUSP Graphic Arts Technician" be removed from the list of masthead staff in

section 4.7 (4.7.18).3) "Cord Advertising Production Manager" be changed to "Advertising Production

Manager" in section 4.7.20.4) "VVLUSP Systems Technician" be changed to "VVLUSP Systems Administrator" in section

4.7.22.5) "voting privileges" be changed to "staff status" in section 4.6.6) section 5.2 be changed to "Quorum is 1/2 of members with Cord staff status. Proxies do

not count towards quorum."7) section 7.1 be changed to "Each year, The Cord shall publish an advertisement for appli-

cations to the position of Hditor-In-Chief in two successive issues of The Cord. Saidadvertisements: 7.1.1) shall begin during the week of the VVLUSP General Meeting.7.1.2) shall include the date, time, and location of the meeting at which candidates shallbe interviewed, and hiring will take place. 7.1.3) shall include the date, time, and loca-tion of the meeting at which Cord staff delegates to the hiring committee will be elected,and 7.1.4) shall include eligibility requirements for Editor-in-Chief candidates."

8) section 7.2 be changed to "Candidates for the position of Editor-in-Chief must be stu-dents, as defined in section 1.5, or the current position holder."

9) "The Cord editorial Board, other Cord position holders and the Board of Publicationsshall be included in this count." be removed from section 7.6.3.

10) "The Editorial Board member shall be selected by the Editorial Board by whateverprocess the Editorial Board deems appropriate." be added to section 7.6.8.

11) section 9.2 be changed to "9.2) A Constitution Committee shall be struck by the Chair ofthe Cord Staff 9.2.1) The Constitution Committee shall examine the Cord Constitution,and propose amendments as necessary, at least once per academic year, during the fallterm. 9.2.2) The Coastitution Committee shall include the Editor-in-Chief, a member ofthe Board of Publications selected by the Board of Publications, and five Cord staffmembers selected by The Cord staff at a duly constituted staff meeting. 9.2.3) TheConstitution Committee shall be chaired by the members of the Board of l\iblications,unless the Committee elects another Chair by a simple majority vote."

12) changes in numbering of sections, spelling, and grammar be made wherever necessaryto maintain the continuity and coherence of the Coastitution.

Pubs directorappointed

SHAYNE LIDKEABOARD MEMBER ELECT

The Cord offers its congratulations to Shayne Lidkea, who wasappointed to next year's WLU Board ofPublications.

The Board had decided to appoint a Director rather than electone because ofthe $3000 price tag that would have been attached.

Lidkea, and his six stalwart, companions will be running theadministrative side ofPublications as of May 1st.

And remember IJdkea: we'll be watching you.

WLU has some of the best publications in theprovince, and I want to help ensure theirsmooth operation and continuing success.

In the coming year, I hope to help YVLUSPin any way possible, especially in a few keyareas. These include our continuing goal ofautonomy and visibility.

WLUSP is attempting to become totallyautonomous, which will mean that we will

gain more control over our operations, and bebetter suited to serve the needs of the studentsofWLU.

I want to help ensure that the transition issmooth and effective.

I also want to improve the visibility of notonly the BOD but also WLUSP in general. Ithink that the students need to know what isgoing on so they can appreciate the effort thatLs put into every publication that comes fromWLUSP.

(News)

theCord March 15, 1995 7

wlusu proiMEMIBStudent Manager Positionsfor:

Turret - 2Wilfs - 2Centre Spot - 1

Closing deadlines - Managers - Mar. 21* Other Positions - Mar. 28

- Interviews will be conducted inlate March & early April

Includes BartendersKitchen StaffSecurityDisc JockeysC. Spot AttendantsFloor Staff

(LslxCrixRelaxing, Warm r jp ,Atmosphere for V*

Family or iBusiness Dining! w *

Fabulous ffkSLFrench Desserts

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100 Regina St. S. 747-4263Closed Sunday

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Night Club■SRERBIOp en in g

Dance til 3 a.m.1 Queen Street N. , Downtown Kitchener

Editorial

Long live gutsup on the HillThe Canadian public seems ecstatic about the "guts" that the gov-ernment and the navy showed in their decision to fire over thedeck of the Spanish fishing trawler Estai, in an effort to prevent itfrom fishing in our watere. And rightfully so.

The gutsy move was indeed needed and long overdue.Canadians arc fed up with the way in which our government, atall levels, shows an annoying lack of backbone in issues that arcat all "controversial."

1 lowever, the past decade has seen someone act in a mannerwithin our government which rings similar. Not only has SvcndRobinson shown an astounding amount of courage in dealingwith issues that he believes in, he has done so without the delayand the posturing that preceded the actions that the governmenttook against the Estai.

Robinson, the first openly gay MP in the 1 louse Of Commons,has maintained a strong presence in Ottawa both before and alterhis groundbreaking announcement.

I/it it be known that lam neither gay nor an NOP supporter.1 lowever I have a tremendous amount of respect for a man whostands up for what he believes in. In the course of his politicalcareer Robinson has served his country more than most peoplecould do in a lifetime.

The British Columbia MP is an instrumental figure in the RightTo Die movement. He was present when a B.C. woman, SueRodriguez, finally succumbed to the Lou Gehrig's disease that rav-aged her body for three years. She fought a losing battle to have adoctor-assisted suicide, one that was finally quashed by theSupreme Court after a lengthy court battle. Robinson stayed byher side throughout, right up to the moment she died. Afterwards,when the RCMP investigated the death mid evidence that some-one had helped her die surfaced, undaunted, Robinson stayed byher, this time in death.

It was not the first time Robinson had a brush with the police:or the last. He served jail time as part of his stance against loggingin Clayoquot Sound. How many politicians, or people for that mat-ter, would go to jail for what they believe in? This countiy wouldbe in a lot less trouble if the Conservatives would have shown thistype of courage when dealing with the huge national debt .

Furthermore, if both the Conservatives and now the Liberals,would have had the same resolve in dealing with Quebec, thiscountiy would stay together without the painful schism that issure to develop whether the separatists win the QuebecReferendum or not.

Robinson's dedication does not end there. During the debatethat raged over homosexual rights last spring, Robinson faced offwith Nova Scotia MP Rosemary Skoke. Skoke, who calls homosex-uals "evil and immoral," and goes as far as saying that the tortureand murderous persecution that homosexuals endured in biblicaltimes was justified, met fierce resistance from Robinson.

Most impressive about Robinsons stance was that he saidSkoke was wrong based on simple decency and dignity, a fact thatno one can deny. Either before or after his "coming out,"Robinson has never stooped to the militant garble that can be soprevalent in gay and lesbian causes.

Robinson's presence in the House has not gone unnoticed.Many political insiders in Ottawa call him the most effectiveParliamentarian. Back in the 80s, at a time when some would saythat Canada was following much too closely on the heels of theU.S., particularly in foreign policy, Robinson kept the Mulroneygovernment on its toes looking out for the interests of Canadians.I le even heckled Ronald Reagan during a speech to parliament,prompting Reagan to remark, "Is there an echo in here?"

Robinson, who will be speaking at UofW's Arts Center thisThursday, injects a sense of decency and honesty into the Houseof Commons, which at times is sorely lacking.

One can only hope that Robinson continues his presence inOttawa. If he doesn't it would be a shame, not only for the groupshe represents, but for all Canadians.

Editorial by Peter Robinson, Assistant Sports EditorThe opinions expressed in this editorial are those ofthe author, not neces-sarily those of the Cord staff, the editorial board, or Wilfrid LaurierStudent ftiblications.

OPINION

Letters totheEditorDear EditorOn February 15,1995 the Cord ran anarticle reporting that sexual assaultcharges against two varsity athleteshad been dropped. A mere threeweeks (two issues) later, the Cord ran afront-page feature on the "inspiration"and "pride" varsity athletics provide tothe university community through theselfless dedication ofvarsity athletes.

The crack in the wall ofWill's ath-letic community was quicky sealedwith blatant propaganda. The powerof this organization to protect itselffrom scrutiny and to solicit the uncon-scious complicity of others in thatagenda Ls both frightening and dan-gerous.

I participated in Laurier varsityathletics for three years: two of thoseyears as a member of the women's vol-leyball team and the third as a mem-ber of the basketball team. Indeed, asIlalph Spoltore says, "We are all like afamily" in the athletic community. Andlike a family, we do not air our dirtylaundry; and we protect and punishour own, on our own terms.

The picture of varsity athleticspainted by libbi Hood in the March 8Cord is blatantly and negligently false.We have all been complicit in accept-ing and maintaining the irreproach-able facade of varsity athletics. Mycomplicity ends here.

Recruits to the varsity programs donot always "have to measure up to thehigh entrance average that WLUrequires". Special consideration isroutinely offered to likely prospects.

Hood writes sympathetically of theathletes who must write exams whileon road trips for away games andtournaments. There is in fact often anadvantage to wilting an exam on theroad: one gets to use one's notes andtextbooks.

i am fully aware that not all ath-letes abuse the liberties granted byprofessors. But some do. This seemedonly fair to me at one point in my aca-demic/athletic career; after all, don'tathletes sacrifice three hours of poten-tial study time each day, six or sevendays a week to participate in varsityathletics, to represent their school? Irealize now that a routine of skippingclasses for practices, labs for the pre-game shoot-arounds, has a markedinfluence on your transcript.Professional and graduate schoolsaren't quite as enamoured of my varsi-ty career as I once thought they mightbe.

Athletes believe that somehow theyarc getting more than just an educa-tion, that the padding in the "extra-curricular" section of their resumesand curriculum vitae will balance aless than stellar academic record. Weoften try to minimize the effects of thatsacrifice by bending the academicrules just a little bit. This is not "help".

All this serves to do is to suggest thatatliletics arc more important than aneducation; that these individuals arcfirst and foremost "Varsity Athletes",and only after that arc they students.When Corey Pageau and Ken Ruddickwere suspended from the hockeyteam, their teammates and coacheswere incensed, absolutely furious.Does this reaction suggest that themost significant concerns of these indi-viduals should be not their studies andpersonal lives but their careers as var-sity hockey players?

"Athletes are practically forced tobe role models" writes I lood; "if a bas-ketball player gets in a fight, or a foot-ball player gets kicked out of a bar,people always seem to know that itwas an athlete". She suggest thateven 1 activity of the Athletic communi-ty is higlily visible and scrutinized bythe community-at-large. So why nomention of initiations? The public ofCanada were so incensed at discover-ing the disgusting and de-humanizinghazing rituals practiced by theAirborne that the nation was forced todisband its "crack troops".

One has to wonder what mightthen happen if the similar hazing ritu-als of several of WLU s athletic teamswere exposed. "Rookies" are strippedand shaved and humiliated by veteranplayers as their "initiation" to theTeam. Young men have been hospital-ized for alcohol and drug poisoning on"Rookie Night". These are the individ-uals we display as "role models" and"student representatives"?

In conclusion to her article, Hoodtags on four brief paragraphs toremind the reader of the disparitywhich still exists in varsity athleticsbetween male and female participants,with an optimistic quote from RichNewbrough assuring the communitythat changes are being undertaken toremedy this situation by institutingnew women's teams and getting "clos-er to financial parity". How muchcloser? Hood might really have stum-bled onto something if she'd asked forthe figures and accounts which con-firm Newbrough s blithe assurances.

In 1993 an external review of theAthletic Department made several rec-ommendations which included "That athree-year plan be developed toachieve equity for the women's pro-grams" and that an Advisory Boardand Advisory Councils be establishedto meet to meet twice yearly to"review, provide advice and make rec-ommendations on policy mattersincluding scheduling, budgeting andfunding, eligibility, equity...and to pro-vide Annual Reports to the Director ofAthletics and Recreation". These bod-ies began meeting in January 1995.This kind of delay will be unacceptablein meeting the other recommenda-tions.

The misogyny in varsity athletics isinsidious. Women who spectate athockey games are referred to as "puckbunnies", sexual objects available forthe pleasure of the skilled player. Ateam posts a list in its locker room ofplayers who arc "pussy-whipped": aterm of derision suggesting they areguilty of being excessively susceptibleto the influence of one female. Acoach berating his players for theirlack of team cohesiveness bangs onthe lockers after the game and shouts,"When I played football we were a'IT-AM! We ate together, drank togeth-er...we even fucked the same women!"

1 am not suggesting all varsity ath-letes are consciously morally bankruptindividuals. I am not suggesting thatthey have the duty to be more, or theright to be less, conscientious than therest of the university population. Theyarc not role models. They are notgods. 1 refuse to allow the Cord to passpropaganda (albeit unwitting) off asobjective, "non-advocacy" journalism.The varsity athletics system managedto stave off scrutiny throughout thePageau/Ruddick affair. There wasmore at stake here than the fate ofthese two young men, an entire orderwas on the lfne: silence had to bemaintained, the impenetrable facadekept up. A front page tribute to thesaintly, hard-working, All-Canadians isa vital move in the restoration of thatorder.

I am afraid of alienating many peo-ple with whom I have spent a lot oftime and energy and for whom I havea great deal of respect, but I simplycannot believe in the "Family" any-more. It is corrupt. It allows, perhapseven encourages, people to say and doinhuman things to one another. It wasextremely difficult for me to recognizeand identify what goes on in varsityathletics - I participated in it for threeyears. I know that it will be nearlyimpossible for those who are stillactive in varsity athletics to also makethat recognition. Of course it would beeasy to continue to speak my indigna-tion in whispers to sympathetic cars.But these smug assertions that justicehas been served, that the issue endswith this isolated affair and has noimplications for the "idyllic" varsityathletics' environment are unaccept-able. I cannot be complicit any longer.Wilfrid Laurier University can nolonger allow Athletics to exist as a sep-arate fiefdom, unaccountable to anyauthority but its own; this institutionsresponsibility lies in education - a com-mitment to self-consciousness andawareness about the activities itfinances and promotes to the commu-nity.

Jennifer Franssen

theCordWLUSP

A WilfridLaurier UniversityStudent Publication

75 University Avenue West,Waterloo, Ontario, N21,3C5

(519) 884-2990Fax: (519)884-5596

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Editorial BoardEditor-in-Chief Ingrid Welsen

News Editor Mark lleasleyAssociate News Editor AmandaDowlingEntertainment Editor Charles Fairley

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The Cord will not print anything that is racist, sexist, or homophobic in nature,as deemed by the stalT as a voting body. The Cord will not print anything inviolation of its Code ofKthics, outlined in The Cord Constitution, Cord subscrip-tion rate are $15.(M) per term for addresses within Canada, and $18.00 foroutside the country. T he Cord is printed by CanVVcb Printing. The Cord is amember of Canadian University Press. All commentary is strictly the opinion ofthe writer and docs not necessarily rolled those of the Cord stair, the editorialboard, or WI.U Publications. Copyright ® I'J'M by WI.U Student Publications,75 University Avenue West, Waterloo, Ontario N21.3C5.

Contributors: Gary Van Lineen, Mark Green, Andreas Rolhe,Manuel Matias, TimMiller, Snaron Thompson, Jamie W.L. Hill,Darlene Preece, Scott Cullen, Anthony Pasto, Steve Groenveld,Mike Donia, Edna Krabappel, Tom Hrubes, Hob Glover, SteveDoak, Scott McKay, Erlic Green, Melanie Seal, Tanya Ventura,Jason Paul. Hick's Mommy, Darren "supportive" Mahafty,Heather "busy phone" Mundell, David "please no lawsuit"Janzen, Charlotte, John Fastland

8 March 15, 1995 theCord

cord feedback

More Izabel Waitc poetry please!Wendy Jackson

Where's Brad Ross' articles goneto oh where?Ryan Balzamo

Hey Bill: Nice poem! I see 1 havesome competition! Hsp. since TheCord keeps losing mine!!Izabel Waite

Damn, Choke to Start was tighterthan a frog's ass!Ryan FowlerDorelz Seifert

The choreography of Choke toStart was TIGHT. Gabe's a solid

gold dancer.Sara Rossignoli

Paul Gray - You arc the classiestman alive!Scott McGregor

"View from the Farm" andGarden Gnomes forever.Paul McQueen

Where's the Sons of Freedomreview - It was great!Leanne Vibe

Did the Dynamic Duo just watch"When I larry Met Sally" or what?Tammy Tiedeman

Tell us what you think. Write a letter to the editor, ordrop us a line at the feedback booth on Thursday.

Really, we want to hear it.

Letters due Monday 12:00noon, on disk or via e-mail(22cord@mach I .wlu)

Vocal Cord BY: PETE ROBINSON ANDINGRID NIELSEN

Smooch!Paul Joseph and Tim Eckert

Okay, but just becausc it's St. Patrick'sDay.

Mrs. O'LearyMom of Patrick and Tim

The right to be a parent

InqueeriesGARY VAN LINGENCord Opinion

by Gary van Lingen

As was noted in last Fridays Toronto Star the govern-ment of the Province of British Columbia changed therules and procedures concerning the adoption of chil-dren.

Now any person, single or married, has the right to

adopt children.Barring the oth-erwise usual con-ditions of notbeing consideredfit to adopt, one'ssexual orienta-

tion nolonger matters as a condition by which one maybe denied the opportunity to provide a safehome for an otherwise homeless child.Hie adoption agencies do not to ask about sex-

ual orientation when considering someone forbeing a potential adoptive parent. This wasdone not as an effort to remove the previousbarrier of sexual orientation so much as it wasan effort to bring all the laws of the province inline with its human rights code where singlesand manned couples have the same rights.

The adoption of children has provento be one of the more contentious points in thegay-lesbian-bisexual rights fight.

In the past it was automaticallyassumed that to be gay, lesbian or bisexualmeant that you were going to be a bad parent.The corollary to that was the assumption thatevery heterosexual parent was going to be agood parent.Studies of the children coming out of familiesheaded by gay and lesbian couples show thatthe children are at no particular disadvantagein any way, except for some social stigmaattached to the parents. This is not intrinsic tothe children nor the parents, but to the societyaround them and the children's own sexual ori-entation is not influenced by that ofthe parents.

We cannot convert children no matterhow much the conservatives amongst us wouldlike everyone to believe it, and the children willturn out just as well as if they had come out of afamily headed by an opposite sex couple.

The gay couples probably will get thebrunt ofsociety's anger over this issue. We havebeen cast as the villains in cases ofsexual abuseof children, the media often reporting onlythose cases where sexual orientation meets thestereotype.

Such behaviour towards a child, anychild, is reprehensible and I too would hurt any-one doing so. So would almost anyone else Iknow.

In time, not right now, I would like tohave children. Whether by natural means (1have two standing offers) or adopted, I think Iwould be a good father. 1 have already shown Iwork well with kids and I know 1 could providethem with the love and care that they need.

Hopefully my partner will feel thesame and together we can raise them. The factthat there are still some people who would denyus the opportunity because of some mythologyIs angering.

Until these people have met me andany other gay, lesbian or bisexual potentialadoptive parent, no one has the right to deny usthe samerights they have.

(Opinion)

theCord March 15, 1995 9

I The Region of Waterloo's Blue Pox Program has expanded, starting February Ist.Stable markets now allow the Region to add magazines, catalogues, "householdfine paper, and aluminum foil wrap and foil trays to therecycling program. Theseadditions will help reduce the amount of waste going to area landfills!

� New Materials Multi-residential*Recycling Carts

(*Townhouses, condominiums and apartmentMagazines & Catalogues buildings with more than six units.)

>. Bag qt bundle with newspa- ——i

bffif pers' inserts Bell telePhone Place glass jars and bottles, metal food andI books in Blue Boxes, or at multi- beverage cans, itl see-through "PET" plastic

res '^ locations place hose bottles, and aluminum foil wrap and foil traysNq Qthsr bQQk? accept- loose in designated Cart(s).

Household Fine Paper Place newspapers and inserts, BellIncludes white and coloured telephone books, magazines and cat-printing and writing paper, such alogues, and "household fine paper"as bills, letters, photocopy and ioose in designated Cart(s).computer printout paper, busi- •

ness f°rms ' a 'soMail" such as advertising flyers Place corrugatedanc* brochures. Bag Q[ bundle cardboard loose inwith newspapers and inserts in designated Cart(s).Blue Boxes, or at multi-residen- .

tial locations place loose in Cart. irAluminum Foil Wrap

Boxes, or at multi-residential ~

I l°ca t'ons place loose in Cart..

Have any questions about the Region of if I Bp -

Waterloo's Wue Pox Program? WmT

The Region's Waste Reduction Office at 883-5118 111 \jOr, call your local Public Works department in —

City of Waterloo 886-2634 engineering department

Wllmot Township 634-8444 waste management division

Woolwich Township 669-1647 I Wast© Reduc j I

Airborneregiment unfairly

judgedDARLENE PREECE

Cord Opinion

The way in which the Canadian militaryfunctions will never bo understood by thepeople who ultimately run Canada's nation-al defease system.

In the past few months, the Canadianpublic have been given access through themedia to video tapes and information per-taining to hazing rituals, beatings, and otherviolent examples of life in the military inSomalia.

However, for one defense minister topresent the notion of disbandment of anentire regiment in order to save face is ludi-crous. My fault does not lay with Canadianpeacekeepers who at any time were willingto make the ultimate sacrifice, but with thepoliticians who at a moment's notice, wouldwipe out an entire tradition in Canadianmilitary because of what they deem unsatis-factory behaviour.

The people of Canadamust not let the govern-ment punish every peace-keeper in the CanadianAirborne for actions thatmay have occurred halfway around the world.After all, these people aresoldiers, and let us not forget that a soldieris a trained killer.

What I cannot understand is how ourgovernment can justify the disbanding ofthe entire regiment for the actions of aselected few Sure disciplinary action mustbe taken for the treatment of the Somalianwho was killed, however none of these peo-ple were saints. The citizens of Somaliahave been known to steal and ransackCanadian camps, and cause utter havoc.'ITie Somalian in question was detained bypeacekeepei-s because he was caught steal-ing military equipment.

I'm not saying that his death was justi-fied, but the action against our peacekeep-ei-s has to be acknowledged. 1 don't condonemurder in any fact of normal life, but whatour peacekeepers face on a daily basis is sofar away from "normal" most people cannotbegin to fathom it. The question now is, whydo we give absolute governing power overthe military, to people who will never under-stand the military?

The political and media reaction to therecent release of the naval "right of pas-sage" tapes was enough to make me livid.The ritual of passing the equator is a timehonoured tradition that the navy had held inhigh regard for some time. What I'd like toknow is, will the government now disband

For them,violence is

reality

the navy as well? To carry that thought fur-ther, who then would defend our nation.

If the politicians arc that upset over therelease of these tapes, it makes me wonderwhat they are actually upset about. Could itbe that Canada will be looked down upon ina world view? Could Canada handle theembarrassment of an incident that wouldshow the world that she isn't as perfect aspreviously thought?

If these situations happened in theUnited States, 1 wouldn't say that it would beglorified, but it certainly wouldn't get the airtime that it is receiving in Canada. Certainlyno general would have been relieved of hiscommand as with Major General Vernon.

Initiation is a rite of passage that occurson every level. It's a fact of life.

A soldier's life is a harsh one, not thekind of life most people want to live. Thesemen and women have trained long andhard, overcome many physical, mental and

emotional boundaries. Theyhave given up their civilianlife so that they, on amoment's notice, wouldfight to their death to defendthe lives of our friends andfamily. All I want to say isthat peacekeeping is no pic-

nic.We sent our peacekeepers to active UN

duty where peacekeeping was not an issue.Instead, the issue was "peacemaking". UNsoldiers face such brutality that they mustbecome desensitized in order to cany outtheir duty.

I think that it is time for Canadian politi-cians to look to our neighbours to the southfor a few suggestions on how to run nation-al defense. We arc letting our politiciansmake grave decisions regarding somethingthey have no understanding of.

Meanwhile, those of us at home sleepingin the very safety that the peacekeepersprovide, have the choice to watch or not towatch violence however surrealistic it maybe. Our men and women do not have theluxury of turning off the TV set. For themviolence is reality.

They live it, watching it day in and dayout. So if actions taken by a select group ofour soldiers disturbed the majority of us andembarrassed our defense minister, then letdue process handle them. But to shut downthe entire regiment, Mr. Collenette is inex-cusable.

Dcirlene Preece is a member of theCanadian Army Reserves and a Laurierstudent.

State ofpassive awarenessJOHN EASTLAND

Cord Opinion

Few can appreciate action which is actionless,Meditation is a very active yet actionlessendeavour. It's the only thing I can think ofwhere the less one does, the more one accom-plishes. A conundrum, perchance.

Sleeping is an activity with a minimum ofaction, yet without regular sleep one canbecome stressed, ill, and diseased, possiblyeven leading to ones own demise. Meditationis, therefore, an actionless activity that hasgreatmerit for the participant It is also one ofthose actionless activities that one must do foroneself. Reading about itor listening to a lecture onthe merits of sleep justwon't achieve the sameresults.

If you remember thearticle which dealt with"Coming Home ToYourself," 1 promised totell you about everybodypassing through the. med-itation state at least twicea day. Can you guesswhen these two times may be? 11l give you ahint.

It has to do with the previous paragraph. Ifyou guessed that it is at that precise pointbetween consciousness and the unconsciousstate ofsleeping, then you are right. It is at thatvery point of passive awareness that we passthrough the meditation state.

Meditation is the state ofpassive awarenessthat we can induce at will. Twenty minutes ofthis state of profound relaxation and mentalclarity is worth, according toresearch findings,approximately three hours of normal sleep.

It is thus that we replicate this state ofbeing by doing our sitting practice first thinginthe morning; this is the time when we are clos-

Theless one

does, themore one

accomplishes

est to the state we were in a short tune Woreawakening. Meditation is more than just pas-sive awareness, but it is one of the hallmarksofthe beginning series of exercises. This stateof passive awareness is like a doorway to theprimordial seif.

And so we continue on with exercises thatwill aid us in becoming relaxed, alert andaware ofthe timelessness ofbeing.

The next exercise focuses on the four sen-sations of our internal physicalbody.

Starting at the base of the body, becomeaware of the sensation of evacuation, as indefecation and urination. Next, become aware

7'

of the sensation of ejacula-tion, as in sexual physicalneeds. Thenbecome awareof the sensation of diges-tion, as in the need to oatand drink. Finally, becomeaware of the sensation ofrespiration, as in the needto both inhale and exhale.You will find that doing theexercise in this order fol-lows a very logical path inthat relationships are

formed between each of the functions of theinternal body.

This exercise should be added on to theones you have already learned from the 1marticle. As you become proficient in the earlierstages of the exercises, they will take less timeto go through.

The entire sitting time should alwaysremain at twenty minutes. As we proceed youwill find that it takes only three or four min-utes to bring the body to a state of deeprelax-ation. In the next session we will add on aseries of helpful hints about the physicalaspects ofsittingand a breathing exercise.

Until next time, "may you recognize thePISACE within."

(Opinionh

10March 15, 1995 theCord

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VIEWFROMTHEFARM

GREG SLOANCord Opinion

Part one of a special trilogy marking the endof View From The Farm, and celebrating thethree "fs":friends,family, andfarewells.

Friends. The word is more than simply thetitle of a trendy new TV show.

Friends are a marketing agents best tool;convince the consumer that your product willhelp them make new and exciting friends andyou will have a winner on your hands. Beercommercials hype the beautiful men andwomen in their ads far more than they hypethe actual taste or their liquid bounty

When you get past the glitz and glamour oftelevision advertising, however, you soon real-ize that they arc on to something. Youwouldn't get very farwithout yourfriends. Unless ofcoursc you arcDonald Trump.Then you can simplybuy new friends...andsmall countries.

Fate has a lot to dovvilli who your friendsare. Fate smiled on meway back in September of 1991; due to forcesout of my control, I had been placed in themidst of a very strange scene: B3 Willison.

It is very rare that 24 guys from differentbackgrounds will all get along for 8 months.Sure, we had our share of problems (roadhockey tends to bring out the worse in someguys) but for the most part floor mates also

became good friends.Tlus past weekend wc had a B-3 reunion.

Over the three years since we left the Projects(as Willison is lovingly called) we have drilledapart from each other. Now, as we were fac-ing the unknown future, we wanted one lastdescent into drunken oblivion together.

Some of us began playing Century Club (ashot of beer a minute for a hundred minutes)sometime around five. It all becomes a littlefuzzy after that.

When playing Century C.lul) 1 always makeit my personal mission to outlast my friendCarnage. Unfortunately, on my two previoustries I have been vanquished. I would like to

say that this time wasdifferent, but I seem tobe following the samebad script. One day Ihope to be able to takemy spot among theproud legion ofcentu-rions who have suc-cessfully waged waron their livers.

What was so spe-cial about Century Club this time is that

no one puked. What did happen was thatMilitia Man ate the flowers off of my room-mate Kevin's African violet and thenmicrowaved it, Carnage was poked withsticks, and firecrackers were shot into a busystreet. And all this before it got dark out.

Things were threatening to get out ofhandas the containers of spices that were carefullypiled on top of the stove came crashing down.

Carnage and Boon began to dance on thespice containers, breaking them open andsending a cloud of paprika wafting though thehouse. Something had to be done before theyfound the cayenne pepper. I realized the mag-nitude of the situation and 1 reacted the bestway 1 knew how. I beat Carnage senselesswith a plastic strainer until it snapped in two.

Other than the African violet, the onlyother casualty was Kevin s bird. On our way tothe bar my roommate Reid fell in a mud pud-dle and had to come back and change hisclothes. While putting his clothes in the dryerhe somehow managed to fall onto the bird-cage and destroy it. In his condition he wasunable to recover our winged friend, whomade the best of his new found freedom.Fortunately Kevin came home and managedto rescue the bird before it flew out the door.

Last night s shenanigans reminded us all ofthose wild and carefree days in first year. Reid

passing out in the bathroom of the Skydomeat the Vanier Cup for the entire second quar-ter; Militia Man passing out in what hethought to be his bed, only to discover in themorning that he was on the wrong floor; a batfinding its way into our bathroom.

Since first year I have met a wide range ofpeople. Working up here in the Cord has intro-duced me to, how can 1 say it, a whole differ-ent way of life. Cordies have a reputation offalling down drunk at Students' Union func-tions. What do they expect when the free wineis (lowing?

My best friend since grade four has been afellow farm boy, Chris Smith. We have neverattended the same school, but we were inCubs and Sunday School together. There's nobetter way to bond than singing Michael RowThe Boat Ashore, except maybe blowing up aColeman stove when your Scout leader is con-veniently occupied.

I also had great times with my"riends from Blenheim District HighSchool. It boggles my mind when Ithink of how many nights we wasteddriving up and down the main drag ofChatham. Before you all scoff,Chatham does have a main drag, withstoplights and everything. If we werereally lucky we made eye contact witha carload of girls.

Then there are the five summers Iworked at the Ridgetown College ofAgricultural. The section I worked infor four years. Soils, was shut downlast year, but we will always live on inspirit. Look at our record: multiplevehicles damaged, a combine rolled, alawnmower crushed by a truck andtrailer, and many, many expenseaccount lunches paid for by the gov-ernment.

So now here I am, unsure where thefuture will take me. I have lost somefriends along the way, and I know as Ileave university, I will unfortunatelylose more. It is simply tine reality whenyour buddies come from all over theprovince.

However, I am lucky enough to havethis chance to reminisce, and to beable to thank everyone who 1 have hadthe chance to hang out with during mylong and illustrious life. It may not be abeer commercial, but hey, what is?And that's the view from the farm forthis week.

Who are these wild and crazy hooligans that hang out with that cool Hick-guy.

Opinion)

theCord March 15, 1995 11

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It's easier than you think. In fact every summer hundreds of students use Student Venture to start their own business. Last year

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With an interest-free loan up to $3,000, and all the free advice you need. You may end up making

as much as you would working for others. If you're 15-29, and going back to school next year, OntciriO< call toll free 1-800-387-5656.Or pick up an application at your high school, college or university.

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INTERNATIONALFormer Black Panther denied justiceActivist and journalistprovides inspiration and insight to a generation ofblack youth

JOE SILVAGGIOCord International

TORONTO (CUP) -- When wethink of political prisoners many ofus conjure up images of a phenome-non that exists exclusively in distant,foreign, less-democratic nations.

We tend to overlook the possibili-ty that our North American justicesystems possess inherent politicalforces that motivate certain unjustlegal procedures and decisions.

Mumia Abu Jamal Ls a reveredblack journal-ist, a formermember of theBlack PantherParty, an inspi-ration to a gen-eration of blackyouth - and apolitical prison-er on deathrow.

Many arcoutraged bywhat they see as a blatant breach ofjustice in a country that regardsitself as a democratic model for therest of the world.

Jamal revealed himself to be adissident voice through his passion-ate political journalism in the UnitedStates. His political resistance beganat age 13, when he took part in aprotest against segregationistAlabama governor George Wallace,during which he was beaten andarrested.

At 14, he co-founded and wasminister of information for thePhiladelphia chapter of the BlackPanther Party, a black resistancemovement.

In 1970, Jamal was featured in afront-page article about thePanthers in the PhiladelphiaInquirer, making him higlily visibleto the FBl's operation against theblack movement. This operation left38 Party members dead and filescompiled on 18,000 people and 600organizations.

As a journalist from 1970-1981,Jamal had many of his columnsbroadcast on National Public Radio.With his unique poetic style anddeep, resonant voice, he inspired allwho shared his experience, earninghim the title "voice of the voiceless."

In 1980, Jamal was elected pres-ident of the Association of BlackJournalists and PhiladelphiaMagazine voted him as one of its top"people to watch" in 1981.

But the magazine's editorsweren't the only ones who consid-ered him someone to watch. Therewere some powerful figures who

Do Canadianshave enough faithin the state to let

it decide wholives and dies?

saw Jamal as a threat.Former Philadelphia mayor

Frank Rizzo was one of these fig-ures. For more than 20 years, Rizzoled a campaign of terror against thecity's large black population and ineach case Jamal was there toprotest and expose the injustice --

from vicious cop raids against theBlack Panthers to the 1978 siege ofthe MOVF commune.

At one press conference, Rizzofumed about the "new breed of

journalism"and pointed toJamal: "Theybelieve whatyou write,what you say.And it's got tostop." Threeyears later,Rizzo got hiswish.

In theearly morning

of December 9, 1981, Jamal wasworking as a taxi driver when hesaw his brother being beaten by apolice officer. Jamal got out of hiscab and took a near-fatal bulletwound in the stomach.

He was found sitting on the curb,bleeding, while the officer lay dead.Jamal was arrested for the murder,despite four eyewitness accountsthat claim to have seen a third partyshoot the officer and then run fromthe scene.

Jamal was found guilty of themurder of a police officer at a trialriddled with constitutional rightsviolations. The trial featured JudgeAlbert Sabo, known in the legalworld as the "King of Death Row"Sabo, member of the FraternalOrder of Police, has sentenced moremen and women to death than anyother sitting judge in the U.S.

I Ie started oil' by denying Jamalthe right to represent himself andthen barred him from the courtroom when he protested. Jamal'scourt-appointed lawyer was unpre-pared and repeatedly asked to berelieved. In a city that is over 40 percent black, only one black personsat on the jury.

Prosecutor Joseph McGillsecured the death sentence bytelling the jury that Jamal's mem-bership in the Black Panther Partyand his use of the slogan, "Power tothe people," proved that he was a"cop killer."

McGill told the jury, "You are notasked to kill anybody. You arc askedto follow the law - the same lawthat will provide him appeal after

appeal after appeal."In other cases, the Pennsylvania

Supreme Court ruled that this sameargument required automaticreversal of the death sentence. In1990, the U.S. Supreme Courtrefused to hear Jamais appeal.

As Jamal wrote in the Yale LawJournal, "You will find a blackerworld on death row. AfricanAmericans, a mere 12 per cent ofthe national population, composeabout 40 per cent of the death rowpopulation."

With 1.5 million people behindbars, the U.S. is by far the world'sbiggest jailer, imprisoning blacks ata rate far higher than South Africa's

apartheid rulers ever dreamed.America's death rows currently hold2,800 people - mostly blacks andIlispanics, and almost all very poor.

Recent polls in Canada show anincreased demand to reinstate thedeath penalty. It would appear thatmany Canadians have enough faithin the state to let it decide who livesand dies.

This is the same state that sendsa disgraceful regiment to Somalia,helps fund the Heritage Front andaccepts drunkenness as a defencefor rape.

Canadian justice mistakenlyimprisoned men like DonaldMarshall, David Milgaard and Guy

Paul Morin. If the death penaltywere law, they might never havelived to see their convictions over-turned.

To those who applaud the grow-ing resurgencc of right-wing notionsof law and order, it would be apt toconsider a quote by Dostoyevsky,who said that "the level of civiliza-tion in a society can be judged byentering its prisons."

An international campaign isnow being waged in Jamaisdefence. More than 40,000 peoplehave signed petitions or sent lettersto the Pennsylvania governordemanding that Jamal not be exe-cuted.

An opportunity to speakwith representatives from

Chiapas, MexicoOn March 31. two buraan rights activists from theSouthern Mexican state of Chiapas will be speaking inKitchener-Waterloo, giving personal accounts of theirinvolvement in the civil struggle for democracy inMexico.

fc&am Valdemar Valdez Lopez and Qtlali RamirezTapia, will speak as representatives of the BmUianoZapata Proletariat Organization (OPEZ). They will beSpeaking at Trinity United Church, 74 Frederick Street,Kitchener.

The two speakers will also be available to talk toand ask questions on Friday, March 31. For an appoint-ment call 746-4090.

litis is only one example ofan event that you couldcover for Cord International We wouldlove tohaveyouwrite for us. and explore International issues at thesame time, ffyou have an idea, a-are balingfor anopportunity to writeabout, international concerns, con-tact IMan at the(brd at 884-2990.

University studentssee tragedy first-handWitnessing human rights violations in Burma that

have gone virtually unreported by thepressSHANNON HUNTCord International

VICTORIA (CUP) — After sixdays of fighting, the Karen NationalUnion (KNU) headquarters atManerplaw fell to Burmese govern-ment Ux>ops on January 26,1995.

The defeat went largely unre-ported by the world press.

"It's so remote from here. It's sohorrendous and it's not even [publi-cized] overseas," Clare Itumball, aUniversity of Victoria student, said.

Rumball and Jennifer Greer,both in Pacific and Asian studies atUVic, were studying on scholarshipsin Bangkok, Thailand, in 1992.

They arc among the few whohave had a chance to see first-handthe effects that the 45-year fight forpolitical autonomy from theBurmese government has had onthe Karen people.

"It really opened my eyes," saidRumball. "This was the massivewiping out of a whole community.It's a weird feeling when you comeback here and you think aboutwhat you saw there and the storiesyou heard."

Rumball continued: "When they[government troops] attack a Karenvillage, they kill the children. Themen arc killed outright. People hadto swim across a river [to escape].'Iheir children were floating off andthey had to keep going.

"People were forced [by the

Burmese army] to carry loads ofammunition regardless of their age,regardless of their strength,"shesaid. "If they get sick, if they falldown, they are shot."

Documented accounts of inci-dents like this explain why the 1994Amnesty International Report citedBurma for continued human rightsviolations and targeting of ethnicminorities.

The Karen people arc one of thelarger ethnic minority groups withinBurma. There are three to four mil-lion Karen in Burma, which is justover nine per cent of the populationthere.

With more than 100 languagesand a vast array of minority peo-ples, perhaps it's not surprising thatethnic conflict has plagued Burmasince its independence from Britainin 1948.

The military junta now runningBurma has signed ceasefire agree-ments with 13 minority groups inthe last two years. The Karen wereconsidering a similar agreementwhen the government, aided byBuddhist soldiers who had brokenwith the Christian-led KNU,attacked the Manerplaw headquar-ters.

Over the years, the fighting hasforced a sizable number of Karen toflee into neighbouring Thailand. Atthe end of January, Robert Htwe ofthe Karen Refugee Committee saidthat there were almost 70,000 dis-placed Karen people in camps inThailand.

At camps like these, Rumballand Greer had a chance to meetsome of the Karen who had fledBurma. A local YMCA grouparranged for a trip to three campsnear Mac Sot on the Thai-Burmeseborder. Rumball and Greer said thestories they heard about the horrorsthat forced the Karen to flee Burmabelied the apparent normality ofthecamps.-

Many refugees have builthomes, taught their childrenaccording to Karen tradition, andmaintained traditional ways ofcooking.

However, the Karen are stillreferred to by the Thai governmentas "displaced persons," not asrefugees.

As such, Thailand allows themto stay in the country, but assumesno responsibility for them.

Valid work permits are denied tothe Karen. They are often forced bylocal land-owners into performingservices, like cutting teak trees, inexchange for being allowed to stay.

"Basically the Thai governmentpretends they don't exist," Greersaid. "Because they don't haverefugee status they are really in aprecarious situation. Any day theyarc facing possible eviction fromThailand."

The threat of being sent homenow looms larger than ever beforebecause of improving relationsbetween Thailand and Burma.

The Thai government once sawthe Karen as a useful buffer againstBurma. However, many Thai politi-cians and businessmen now feel it isin their best interests to avoidantagonizing Burma.

In fact, Thailand's InteriorMinister, Sanan Kachornprasart,has already said he views the situa-tion as a military rather than apolitical matter. He has made itclear that the latest arrivals will besent back when they are wellenough to travel.

"We [Thailand] will certainlypush them back. We cannot letthem stay here for years," he saidon January 31.

Rumball said the Karen wouldlike nothing better than to be able togo back to their villages in Burma.But it is not safe for them to do so.

With the latest Burmese militaryoffensive forcing growing numbersofKaren into the arms of the reluc-tant Thais, the Karen may be forcedto rely on international pressure toget attention for their cause.

"It's just sad that [the Karenjdon't get recognized as a group inneed," Rumball said. "You arc talk-ing about big numbers of peopleand no one is aware of it"

12 March 15.1995 ttwCartf

Venting frustrations on thebaby seals off east coast

SHARON THOMPSONCord International Commentary

"The greatness of a nation and its moral pur-poses can be judged by the way its animalsare treated."

Mahatma Gandhi

The government of Canada has failedCanadians by not protecting the fish popula-tion from Canadian and foreign over-fishingactivities.

Following its admission of February 3, thatthe northern cod have been fished to com-mercial extinction, the Canadian governmentdeclared a bounty on seals, announcing theopening of a "recreational" seal hunt. Nowunemployed fisheries workers are ventingtheir frustrations on the seals, and the meansto vent their frustrations is in the form ofslaughter. The fisheries workers' attention isbeing diverted from the real culprit - theCanadian government, and its mismanage-ment of the fisheries.

The seal hunt, which formerly claimedabout 200 (XX) animals each year, hasn't beenthe same since the 1980s, when it was target-ed bv an outraged public opposed to the bru-tal clubbing of seal pups, (known as "white-coats").

The European Community responded bybanning the import of sealskins, whichprompted Ottawa to ban the hunting of sealpups. Since that time, the industry has strug-gled largely because of national condemnationand limited market, which reduced the num-ber of seals who were bludgeoned to a rate ofabout 57 (XX) per year (over the past 5 years).

Unfortunately for the seals, sealers don'tdepend on the European buyers anymore.

Last year, Asian traders let it be known thatthey were in the market for seal parts - espe-cially penlses. The Asian aphrodisiac trade Lsready to swallow all the seal genitals Canadacan provide.

To pacify the Canadian public, who maynot immediately warm to the idea of killingseals for their genitals, whole seal carcasseswill be sold to China, enabling the governmentto present Canada's new export market as atrade in whole seals, seemingly having noth-ing to do with sex practices. 1 lowever, the gen-itals alone fetch up to $130 per set, while thepelt, llesh and oil have little commercial value,selling for a mere $20. Once again, Canada'sreputation will be at stake, if this sordid deal Lsgiven the go-ahead.

From March 15 to April 15, 194 000 seals(186 000 harp seals and 8 000 hooded seals)arc slated to die, according to FederalFisheries Minister Brian Tobin.

Tobin Ls also encouraging non-experiencedhunters to partake in the slaughter. As if thisisn't messy enough, this year sealers won'teven have to leave shore to club, shoot, andhack baby seals and their mothers. For thefirst time since 1982, there is no ice in the Gulfof St. Lawrence, forcing seals ashore to givebirth to their babies.

"It's going to be bloody," promised PaulWatson of the Sea Shepherd ConservationSociety.

"Atlantic Canada is now locked into a per-manent poverty cycle. They've just been told

they'll be poor for the rest of their lifetimes,"says Watson.

The Canadian government is hoping thatthe former fisheries workers and other unem-ployed citizens will transfer their anti-govern-ment anger to the defenseless seal pups, justas they are also gambling that the public hasforgotten the cruel and bloody images of theCanadian seal hunt prior to 1984.

To voice your opposition or concerns withthis slaughter, write to Mr. Brian Tobin,Minister of Fisheries and Oceans, 200 KentStreet, Ottawa, KIA OE6.

Written withfilesfrom Leslie Warren, and TheFoundation for the Encouragement for EthicalLiving.

The Dominican RepublicLet us overlook the Toronto jogger who was shot for his Nikes and theAustrian who was robbed at knifepoint on the beach, and the near-plane crash 1 experienced and my worship of the porcelain god on mysailing nip. The scenery Is really breathtaking...really.

Capital: Santo DomingoPopulation: 7 320 000Area: 48 442 km squaredLanguage: SpanishCurrency: PesoMajor Cities: la Romana, Puerto Plata, Punta Cana, San Juan,

Santiago, Santo DomingoFood: This is tlie country where no one sleeps, the coffee Ls so good.

Viva la cuba libre!

aionZUJX

lliia:

Ia.

(International)

'cheCord March 15. 1995 13

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FEATURE

Laurier volunteerslend a helping hand

INGRID NIELSENCord Features

So you want to reach out and help someone.Great! However, the one stumbling block tolook out for is the ol' "but I don't know how toget involved".

No more excuses, people. Listed below aresome of the numbers and information it takesto get started.

W.P.I.R.G. 1If you arc of the environmental bent, this

organization offers a wide variety of opportu-nities to clean up around the neighbourhood,around the country, and generally to start apositive trend. This group is a student funded,student run organization located at theUniversity of Waterloo. 'ITiey are always look-ing for volunteers to deal with such diversetopics as recycling, deforestation, energy con-servation, patriarchy and competition.

Some of the opportunities include:• helping to publish bi-monthly community

calendar• environmental radio show on CKMS• recycling bicycles• office support• Save Clayoquot SoundCall: 888-4882Tuesday - Friday 9:30am to 5:0()pm

Kitchener Parks and RecreationIf you dare travel into the far lands of

downtown Kitchener, you will quickly realizethat it isn't really that far. Once you're there,and feel like volunteering, check out the CityI lall located one street over from the down-town bus terminal. There's a skating rink outfront, and it generally just looks like a city hall.Once inside, head to the seventh floor andseek out the Parks and Recreation depart-ment. This is the main source of volunteeropportunities.

The choices include everything fromleisure buddies to assisting those people withspecial needs, senior citizen's helpers, and vol-unteer tour guides of City Hall and the city, toopportunities to help out at annual events runby the city.

The department offers a step book abouthow to get involved, who to talk to about eachopportunity, and an application.

] Call 741-2382.J7

} Kitchener-Waterloo Humane Society mm\ Is the one thing you miss most about leav-j ing home your pet dog Sparky? If so, you can\ ease that pain by helping out at the humane: society and helping someone else's pet feel

loved.Although the Society doesn't need a lot of

volunteers, they still need people for walkingpets, grooming, and special fundraisingevents. To get one of these positions, all youneed to do is fill out an application anddemonstrate a basic knowledge about animalcare.For an application, call 745-5615.

Big Sisters/Big BrothersThis is a great choice if you're looking to

have some fun, be around kids, and reallyhelp out a little person. It is not a huge timecommitment when you consider the wonder-ful, fulfilling work you are doing.

Big Sisters is a short tenn match programthat offers a September to May match-up(flexible). They try to pair you with a younggirl or boy who shares your interests. Youwould have to fill out an application, attend anorientation evening and have an interviewwith a case worker.

The only real stipulations arc a policescreening of your background, and that youhave to be 20 years old. Otherwise you justneed to be a good role model for some young-ster who really needs a friend. The time com-mitment is three hour's a week for about eightmonths. The orientation evenings are on thefirst Tuesday and Wednesday of every month.Call 743-5206f0r more details.

Big Brothers is a separate organization.They also need you to fill out an application,attend an orientation night, and have an inter-view. Your background will also be screened,

and basically, they are also looking for goodrole models. You will also need four solid ref-erences.

'Hie original program involves a time com-mitment of 3 to 6 hours a week; however, theyhave designed a new program to appeal touniversity students. It is called Big Bunches,and it involves two Big Brothers joining upand hanging out with a group of 6 to 8 youngboys, for 2 to 4 hours every other week. Thereare 50 boys on the waiting list for a BigBrother. They really need your help.Call 579-5150.

Kitchener-Waterloo Art GalleryIf you are looking to be surrounded by

beautiful things, you might consider this vol-unteer opportunity. Although the gallerydoesn't need a lot of volunteers, they do havetimes when they need assistance setting up adisplay or working on the opening night of anexhibit. You should be available to work nightsor weekends.To find out more information, call DebbieCarrie at 579-5860.

Helping the homelessIf you are interested in helping, one-on-

one, someone who might be experiencing dif-ficult times, or who really needs a helpfulhand and a cheerful face, there are manyshelters and community kitchens to contact.Those three are a good start.K-WFood Bank - 743-7564St. John's Soup Kitchen - 745-8928House ofFriendship - 742-8327

TutoringThis is a favourite volunteer opportunity

for all those interested in attending teachers'college. Most schools appreciate all of the helpthey can get; usually all you have to do is con-tact the school and ask for whoever is incharge of training and screening volunteers.To find the numbers of local schools, checkout the white pages under Waterloo CountyBoard of Education and schools, or Kitchenerseparate or Waterloo separate. Opportunitiesare usually available to work with the childrenlight in the classroom.

On the homefront...Here is a sample of some of the opportunitiesto volunteer offered by the Students' Union.

Laurier Students for LiteracyTeaching a youngster to read, or at least

helping them along; that's the satisfaction youget from this volunteer experience. You will beexpected to attend one reading circle everytwo weeks on campus, where a growinggroup of youngsters show up each week toread and be read to.

To apply, contact the Students' Union andget an application. Final deadlines have notbeen set so keep your eyes open for moreinformation. Enthusiasm, a fondness for chil-dren, and reliability are required. You don'tneed experience, but you will have to be readyfor a serious commitment. The programdepends on you being there. They also needvolunteers for the summer.For more information, call Brad Ross at 884-1370.

Foot PatrolThis is by far one of the most successful

programs offered by WLUSU, and it is runcompletely by volunteers. It is a walk homeprogram for people travelling around schoolat night. Some of the advantages includemeeting new people, physical activity, and a

great stress reliever.To become a foot patroller, you will have to

act fast. You can fill out an application fromthe Students' Union, and return it by March21.

You don't need prior experience or FirstAid training. There is extensive training for allthose accepted. What is required are goodpeople skills, and an understanding of campussafety issues.

They usually hire up to 96 volunteers.

Other Student Activities with the UnionrITie Students' Union offers many other vol-

unteer opportunities that I just couldn't fit in,everything from legal counselling to theCharity Ball to Campus clubs. Just come up tothe offices and ask the receptionist, Mary, formore information.

Student PublicationsThe Cord (Laurier's Student Newspaper)

What an awesome way to get involved(and I'm not just saying that!). You don't needany experience, just a willingness to getinvolved, to learn, and to act goofy (some-times). The Cord offers a great way to getpractical journalism experience, as well ascomputer, photography and writing experi-ence. There are always a million things to doso please don't be afraid to come up to theCorel offices. You can always ask for Ingrid orScott.

Keystone (Yearbook)Remember the fun of working on your

high school's yearbook? No? Well, time for arefresher. The people here are always lookingfor help with everything from photography towriting to layout.

Photo departmentYou don't even need your own camera to

get into photography at Student Pubs. Justcome up to the Photo dept. and say you eitherwant to learn, or that you already have expe-rience and that you want to help out. Thereare dark room facilities, and access to a scan-ner.

AdvertisingThis is an excellent place to get practical

experience, and make those credits in bizwork for you. This department involves bothad sales and ad production.

Board of DirectorsFor those with a more organizational twist,

get involved with bureaucratic end of StudentPubs. They are also always in need ofhindraising volunteers.

i

inicldcin

PICTURE:HICK'S

MOM

14 March 15, 1995 theCord

Do you feel lucky?JoinLaurier s charityfundraising gang

KATHLEEN LAMBCord Features

If you go to Laurier you could bo inLUCK. At laurier, the term "luck"has a slightly different definition.LUCK Ls an acronym that stands forlaurier University Charity Kouncil.

As part of the Students' Union,LUCK works under the VicePresident: University Affairs andunder Charity and CommunityAffairs.

This is the first active year forthe group. The ball began rollinglast year when two first year stu-dents, Kaiizer Suleman and HobSwitzman, approached the Board ofDirectors with plans for a club thatwould give Laurier students anopportunity to help various chari-ties. After some discussion, thegroup became part of the Students'Union to prevent an overlap withthe Community and CharityRelations Department.

At the beginning of the yeareleven people were chosen to forman executive which acts as theengine that drives LUCK. Byemploying a system of executives,the council avoids a hierarchy andfunctions as a team.

LUCK draws on a large networkof volunteers who sign up to helpthe council at the beginning of theyear during Campus Clubs week.

Media Director Jeanette Stuartassures those of us who failed TimeManagement that commitment toLUCK Ls flexible. Even a conditionaloffer to help is welcome.

Even if you did not help outdirectly by working in a booth orselling tickets to a dance, you mayhave already given your support.Any vague memories of a LUCKmember knocking on your door for"empties" during their late October,early November Beer Bottle Drive?The money raised from the bottlereturns was appropriately donatedto the Canadian Liver Foundation.Donations from local bars helpedconsiderably but it is rumored thatsome local student homes generous-ly gave upwards of nine cases (thebig 245).

If you do not recall someone car-rying your beer bottles back to thestore for you, you may rememberslapping a little loose change onto asticky, two-way tape cut-out of afour leaf clover, or participating inthe Forty Yard Draw at the footballgame against Waterloo (a 60/40draw).

The proceeds from these events,in addition to bar-b-que funds, wentto The United Way Campaign inOctober.

Area children also found a littleluck in our very own Turret near the

end of October, when LUCK hosted aHallowe'en Party for elementaryschool kids.

A Christmas party was also heldin the Turret to help underprivilegedchildren in December. The mostrecent event was the Dance forI leart near Valentine's Day, whichraised money for the Heart andStroke Foundation.

LUCKs fundraising activities arcinventive and focus around eventsor causes that interest laurier stu-dents. LUCK aims to help frequentlyoverlooked charities in an effort toaid the community that provides atemporary home for most of us.LUCK events are often advertised inthe Concourse or in the 'IV loungeand volunteers can sign up forevents at the General Meetings heldtwice a year.

An extension of LUCK is YVLUC-(AA, or Wilfrid laurier UniversityCommittee Concerning AIDSAwareness. The committee consistsof seven members who organizeevents around AIDS.

This year their focus has been onAIDS Awareness as opposed to fundraising. LUCK volunteers are oftengiven the opportunity to help atevents such as January's informa-tion booth in the Concourse. Amandatory two hour training ses-sion was attended by all volunteers.

There is still time to share a littleLUCK in their upcoming event toraise money for Word Vision onMarch 19-20, during a 30 hourfamine in the Student Union build-ing.

A final note of encouragementcomes from Stuart, who commented

that Lauricr students are not apa-thetic.

"I think people want to help out,they just have to find the time."Judging by Stuart's enthusiasm,LUCK provides a great opportunityto help others while leaving itsmembers with a positive feeling.

Give me an L. Give me a U. Oh, never mind.

PICTURE:INGRIDNIELSEN

Building a better mousetrapJuniorAchievement offers a way to expand your skills

MELANIE SEALCord Features

Who says business students have all the fun?Sue Barry, a third year political science stu-dent, spends at least four hours out of herweek with high school students as pail of the"Junior Achievers" program.

The program is an international organiza-tion that helps high school students produce,market, and distribute a product in the "realworld". Junior Achievers has been in opera-tion in the Waterloo area for the last twenty-five years, and was formed in Canada in 1954.

There are about fifteen to twenty studentsin a group, each group having five advisors.

The students elect a management team, andall members act as shareholders and direc-tors. Each company has an audit three timesin its productive year.

The actual production of saleable itemstakes place within the walls of the JA class-room. Kathi Smith, the president of the JAprogram, says that many of her 300 volun-teers are university students. "They are stu-dents who are interested in teaching; the highschool students aren't the only ones to buildresumes," Smith said. The JA program iscompletely non-profit. Sponsorship comesfrom national companies such as Bell, UnionGas, Royal Bank, CIBC, and local companies

like Raytheon in Waterloo.Advisors like Sue are needed to help with

decisions on marketing and investing. The stu-dents work hard to stay above their break-even scale.

"I found the book work more in depth than(BU) 247 (Managerial Accounting)," Barrysaid; "the students work hard for productivi-ty"

Other goods madeby JA high school stu-dents arc lap desks,First Aid Kits, CDclocks, wine bottleholders, and even amason jar lamp.

At the end of theschool year, the prod-ucts are liquidated,and a shareholdersreport is written up.An awards ceremonytakes place to com-mend the most pro-ductive company.

Sue was intro-duced to the programin her high schoolyears. Becoming a volunteer was a naturalprogression.

"I wanted to give back what 1 got out of it,"Barry said. She feels the students are veryappreciative, and "they're so happy when thebooks balance."

Melissa Howie, high school student by dayand VP of 1luman Resources in the JA compa-ny of "Cedar Obsession" by night, echoesBarry's sentiments.

See them achieve. See them have fun.See their resume expand.

Other goodsmade by JA highschool studentsare lap desks,wine bottleholders, and

even a masonjar lamp.

"I came last year and had a lot of fun...it'sreally good business experience for university.It helped me get a job this Christmas in retail,they liked that I had the sales experience,"Howie said.

Cedar Obsession is currently retailingcedar hangers, with holes in the middle of thehanger frame for scarves and belts.

Volunteeringseems like such a bigsacrifice of time. Whenasked if it gets tough tocontinually juggleschool and JuniorAchievement, Barrysaid, "Sometimes. 1don't usually leavethere until ten o'clockto come home to dohomework...but it'sworth it. It just takesgood time manage-ment."

The learning isn'tonly for the students.Barry said she haspicked up a lot of"business things,

recognition of people and their different levelsof commitment. You don't want to push a vol-unteer, but you want to encourage them on."

There are bonuses to giving some of yourfree time away. Barry said of the experience,"It has helped out with getting jobs." Barrywas quick to point out that you don't have tobe a business major to help out, nor do youhave to have been a Junior Achiever in yourhigh school years. There are various levels ofcommitment at Junior Achievement.

"There is a great sense of accomplish-ment," Barry said.PICTURE:

MELANIESEAL

theCord March 15, 1995 15

{Feature)

(Feature)-

16' ,'arcti 1:1 1995 theCorsf.

Well, here it is again, what you have all been a) Matt Osborne What is the greatest anticipated TV d) Pearl Jamwaiting for. That's right, the return ofthe Cord b) Flaming O'Haras moment ofall time? e) Other:Entertainment Readers' Poll. Your chance to c) Ma's I lome Remedy a) The Harlem Globetrotters go to Melrosemake your voice heard about what's going on d) Phineas Gage ' Place Who is the sexiest man alive?in the entertainment industry. e) Atona b) The Bills win the Superbowl a) Brad Pitt

Vote and vote often. The results will be 0 Other: c) Charlie Brown gets the little red-haired b) Leonard Nimoytabulated by none other than I/ionaixl Nimoy girl, kicks the football, and beats Lucy c) Greg Sloan(he owes me for not making it to the What is your favourite local bar? senseless d) Kevin CostnerEntertainment Writing seminar), and the a) Wilfs d) OJ gets sentenced e) Other:results will be published in the last Issue of the b) Turret e) Other:Cord for this year on March 29. All entries c) Phil's Who is the sexiest woman alive?must be in by Monday, March 27 at noon in d) Loose Change Ironies What is your favourite movie of all time? a) Winona Ryderthe Cord offices. e) Other: a) Gone With the Wind b) Pamela Denise Anderson

As ifyou needed any more motivation to b) Empire Strikes Back c) Bea Arthurrespond, there will be a draw held from the What kind ofTV programming do you c) Rocky Horror Picture Show d) Sheryl Crowentries received for the following fabulous enjoy? d) Casablanca e) Other:prizes: a) Sitcoms e) Other:• A grab bag of miscellaneous CDs and cas- b) Music Videos The best song ever was:

settes c) Spoils Who is your favourite film actor?•An official 1995 Juno Awards T-shirt d) Soap Operas a) Tom Hanks• Free Cord classifieds for a semester e) Other: b) Harrison Ford The personality (TV, film, or musical) I•An honourary submission to the Bag 0' c) John Travolta would most like to see dead is:

Crime What is your favourite TV show? d) Scan Connery• Your face/body appearing in a joke adver- a) The Simpsons e) Other:

tisement b) The X-Files What band would you like to see play atc) Melrose Place Who is your favourite film actress? Laurier?

What kind of music do you like? d) 112riends a) Rene Russoa) Classic Rock e) Other: b) Whoopi Goldbergb) Alternative c) Jodi Foster Your Name:c) Dance What is the cheesiest TV show of all d) Marissa Tomeid) Country time? e) Other: Your Student ID:e) flamenco a) The Partridge Family

112) Other: b) Threes Company What is the greatest band of all time? Your Phone Number:c) Perfect Strangers a) The Beatles

Who is your favourite Laurier-based d) Full I louse b) Led Zeppelinperformer? e) Other: c) U2 Bring to the Cord Office by 27 March 1995

litai>ck tnadtteff!!

fate \\

ZUt 4

SPORTS

Moncton Canada's best

PETE ROBINSONCord Sports

The Guelph Gryphons started theUniversity Gup championship with abang, recording the game's firstseven shots on net and completely

dominating the opening moments ofthe game. It didn't last long; theGryphs came crashing down toearth at the 9:20 mark of the first.

The Moncton Aigles Bleu scoredon both of their first two shots, and

the Gryphons were never the sameafter that. Moncton cruised to a easy5-1 win, and Guelph is starting toshow symptoms of the "not beingable to win the big one" disease,having lost two straight national

finals. As well, they lost in the semistwo years ago to U of T.

The usually dependable Guelphnetminder George Dourian wore thegoat horns, letting three goals go inbetween his legs and mishandlinganother shot from a near impossibleangle.

The turning point may havecame in the opening minutes, whenMoncton's Peter Jocob was off forroughing. Todd Wetzel hit the postafter his shot had cleanly beatenMoncton goalie Pierre Gagnon, andGuelph's power play fizzled afterthat, going 0 for 5. Furthermore,Gagnon was unbeatable, stopping22 of 23 shots. Only Brad Haezlewas able to beat him at the 9:25mark of the third, when the gamewas clearly in hand.

Dominic Rheaume and PatrickCaron each scored twice forMoncton, with Jocob adding a sin-gle.

Moncton got to the final with a 5-4 win over Western. The winnerwas scored with under two minutesto play, when an en-ant bounce offthe end boards fooled Western goal-tender Shawn Bassillio. The puckcame back out in front and wasquickly deposited behind Bassillio.

It was the second straight year

that Western was denied a shot atthe final on a controversial goal.I xLSt year, two Western defencemenblocked Bassillio from returning tothe net after he left the crease toclear the puck. Guelph then scoopedup the puck and scored the over-time winner. Guelph later lost a 5-2decision to Ixthbridgc in the final, ina game that was very similar toSunday's.

Guelph got to the final this yearwith a 4-1 win over Galgary.

The championship was held inMaple Leaf Gardens to anannounced crowd of 6682. It wouldbe hard to justifyhow the organizerscould say there was that many, butwe'll take their word for it. Thegame in the Gardens brings to anend the three year agreement withthe GIAU to hold the final there, andit is unlikely the game will take placethere again. The GIAU will re-evalu-ate how they will showcase their biggames next year; it is no secret thatboth the CIAU and the OUAA did notenjoy huge financial success withtheir ventures into the MLG and theSkyDome over the past two seasons.The Vanier Cup will stay in theSkydome, but it is likely the footballplayoffs and hockey finals will havemore of a regional flavour.

PICTURE:STEVE

DIETER

Guelph netminder George Dourian, pictured here in action against Laurier earlier in the season, had a roughgame in the University Cup final against Moncton, letting in a number of soft goals in the 5-1 Gryphon loss.

Beware March madnessThe annual affliction will soon strike unsuspecting victims once again

SCOTT CULLENCord Sports

It is now that special time of yearwhen the snow melts, the birds startsinging and the NCAA tournamentgets underway.

'I'he brackets have been set forone of the best sporting events allyear. Granted, the hype around col-lege basketball is considerable(thank you, Coach Vitale), but theNCAA tourney provides an opportu-nity to witness the American Dreamduring every game.

Only in the NCAA tournamentdoes a virtually unknown team (e.g.Florida International) get to step onthe floor with a powerhouse (in thiscase, UCLA), and have one game todecide who will continue and whowill go home. This past NCAA sea-son was so unpredictable that it isdifficult to foresee who will end up inSeattle.

The tournament is renowned forall the upsets that take place alongthe Road to the Final Four, but tour-nament success is often found withteams that have a strong inside-out-side combination.

I lere are some of the top combi-nations to look for at this season'sbig dance:

Tyus Fdney and Fd O'Bannon -

UCIA. O'Bannon is the inspirationalleader on the number one team inthe country. The Bruins' power for-ward can score and rebound, and Lspaired with his younger brotherCharles in the UCLA frontcourt.Fdney has great quickness, and dis-tributes the ball to the many UCLAoffensive threats.

Scotty Thurman and CorlissWilliamson - Arkansas. The BigNasty is the complete power for-ward and leader of the defending

champion Razorbacks. He heads atalented cast of returnees, anddespite the Razorbacks' inconsisten-cy during the season, look forWilliamson to establish himselfthroughout the tournament. Theversatile Thurman hit the winningbucket in the final last year and Ls areliable compliment to Williamson.

Randolph Childress and TimDuncan - Wake Forest. Yet anotherpoint guard who can control agame, Childress can score and pass,as well as providing veteran leader-ship in clutch situations. He com-bined with the 6' 10" sophomoreDuncan to give the Demon Deaconstheir first ACC title since 1962.

Jerry Stackhouse and RasheedWallace - North Carolina. Wallace isexpected to be ready to play afterhis injury in the ACC tournament,and small forward Stackhouse canput points on the board with thebest of them. Vie Tar Heels arealways ready for the tournament,and Wallace and Stackhouse will berelied on to lead them this year.

Allen Ivorson and OthellaHarrington - Georgetown. Iverson,the Big Fast Freshman of the Yearand Defensive Player of the Year, Lspossibly the most exciting player incollege basketball. He tends to getout of control, but his quickness andleaping ability helped him averagenearly 20 points per game.Harrington has struggled this sea-son with Georgetown's new high-tempo game, but he has lookedmore comfortable in recent weeks.

Jacque Vaughn and GregOstertag - Kansas. Vaughn is a solidlloor leader for the Jayhawks, andthe 7'2" Ostertag is a monster in thelow post. The Jayhawks' front line iseven more intimidating when Raef

LaFrentz and Scot Pollard, both6'11", arc in the game.

Ray Allen and Donny Marshall -

Connecticut. Sophomore Allen hasbeen a consensus Ail-American thisseason with his wide array of skills,including his ability to knock downthe outside shot. Marshall possessesquickness and good hands for a bigman.

There are several individualswho will be relied on to carry their

teams to Seattle. Super center JoeSmith of Maryland, "Big Country"Bryant Reeves of Oklahoma State;,chrome-domed three-point bomberCuonzo Martin of Purdue, scoringmachine Shawn Respert fromMichigan State, Kerry Kittles fromVillanova, and Ryan Minor of thesurprising Sooners from Oklahoma.

There are many more excellentplayers in (lie tournament and therewill undoubtedly be some new ones

emerging in these high-pressuregames.

College basketball producesgames that are played with highemotion and intensity, which makesit very entertaining to watch. As ofThursday, March Madness will haveofficially taken over and there isnothing better than this unpre-dictable 64 team tournament forpure excitement. Spring has official-ly begun.

Track season endsMIKE DONIA

CORD SPORTSDifferent from many other sports, track and field has noprofessional league such as the NHL or the NBA. Thebest athletes in this sport don't play for franchises, butcompete for themselves or their country in events likethe World Championships, the Commonwealth Gamesand the ultimate, lite Olympics.

Due to the nonexistence of pro leagues in track andfield, one can find some of the country's best athletesright here in our university system. One well-knownexample is Olympic decathlete Michael Smith, whocompeted for the University of Toronto both before andafter competing at the Olympics.

A more recent example is this year's OUAA 60 and300 metre champion o'Brian Gibbons, now in his fifthyear at the University ofWindsor. He has spent his sum-mers representing Canada in events such as the WorldUniversity Games, the Francophone Games and thispast summer, the Commonwealth Games. The coun-ty's university system is filled with athletes of nationaland international calibre, and one could argue thatwatching the CIAU championships in track and field islike watching a preview to Canada's Olympic trials.

This past weekend, the Varsity Track and FieldTeam competed against some ofthis talent Laurier sentfive athletes to the OUAA/OWIAA Championships heldat the University of Windsor. As usual, the champi-onship meet brought together some of Canada's pre-

mier competitors in the sport.In an exciting 3000 metre race, Golden Hawks' Mike

Donia was fourth in his section followed by teammateJeff Shortt in seventh place. The Golden I lawks 4 x 400metre relay team, made up of Mike Foster, HarryKeenan, Jeff Seaby and Jeff Shortt ran an excellentrace, knocking 6 seconds off this year's previous bestperformance.

Other big championship results include Jeff Seaby ssixth place finish in a very fast men's 1500 metre race.This capped off a strong season for the fourth year run-ner, who graduates this spring and will surely be missednextyear. Seaby, who still has two years of eligibility left,could wind up competing against his old teammates ifdoes post-graduate work at another school. Let's hopenot for the Hawks' sake.

The loss of team captains Mike Donia and Jeff Seabymarks the end ofan era in Laurier running. Remainingcaptain Jeff Shortt and his teammates will have bigshoes to fill next year in both the cross country andtrack seasons withthe graduation ofthese two.

Coaches Ray Koenig and Les Roberts await thereturn of star triathlctc Jeff Beech, who is currentlytraining in Australia after competing in the WorldChampionships. Beech, who was the team's numberone cross country runner for four years straight, stillhas another year of CIAU eligibility. If he decides toreturn, he will be a greatasset to the team.

ttwCord March 15. 1995 17

Betting on a comeback

Outsidethe Lines

SCOTT STINSONCord Sports

You know, 1 think there's something theyaren't telling us.

Last year, NBA Supreme Being MichaelJordan stepped away from the game afterthree straight Championship seasons with theChicago Bulls.

Add to those titles a slew of scoringrecords, league MVP awards, playoff MVPawards, Defensive Player of the Year awards,All-Star selections, All-Star MVP's, Slam Dunktitles, and it is easy to see why Jordan retiredwhen he did.

There was nothing left for him to do, andhe wanted to have a go at a reasonably nor-mal life, away from the perpetual media cir-cus that followed his every move.

Sounds like a sensible decision, light?Well, yes, until you consider the events of

the following months. Barely five months outof the limelight, 1lis Airness announced thathe was going to pursue his lifelong dream ofplaying major league baseball.

All over the continent, media circus spe-cialists were springing into action, ready forthe thrill of the hunt once again.

Back then, I could rationalize Jordan'sdecision to play baseball from a purely com-petitive standpoint -- he was dying to winagain, to prove his athletic ability like he usedto every night.

I lowever, 1 couldn't rationalize his decisionto throw himself at the packs ofmedia wolvesthat would once again shadow his everymove. If he was really serious about living anormal life with his family, this seemed a veryodd way to go about it.

One has to conclude that the media atten-tion was never really Ills primary concern.

Now, Jordan has started practicing withthe Bulls, a situation that has fueled specula-

tion of his imminent return like water on agrease fire (and speaking from personal expe-rience, that's some serious fuel -- ouch).

Although at press time nothing was con-finned either way, a Chicago radio station wasapparently leaked not only a confirmation, butthe exact date when Jordan would take thefloor at the United Center, March 24th.

I'm inclined tobelieve them, at leastthe confirmation part, ifonly because I can'timagine why Jordanwould practice with theteam if he wasn't plan-ning to return. Thereare many hoops in theGreater Chicago area, Ithink he could find oneto practice on thatwouldn't cause such a big ruckus.

I also doubt that the team would bo all thatbig on his practicing with them if he wasn'tserious about returning. Teams work on spe-cific things during practice time, and it isn'tlikely that anyone would want to see thatpractice time frittered away appeasing a for-mer teammate/deity. Not the players, not thecoaches, not the management.

So let's assume that Jordan is going tocome back to the Bulls. Otherwise, I won't beable to air my conspiracy theory.

What conspiracy theory, you say? Goahead, say it.

Recall, if you will, the situation that aroseduring the playoff'series against the New YorkKnicks in Jordan's final season. Jordan wasspotted in Atlantic City gambling up a stormearly one morning even though he had agame that night. The media hounds werereleased and allegations of Jordan's gamblinghabits sprung up like so many spring flowers.

As Jordan and Co. knocked off the Knicksand then the Phoenix Suns to win the NBAtitle, league commissioner David Sternannounced that he was going to launch aninvestigation into the gambling habits of rheMost Prolific Scorer to Ever Play NBABasketball.

Which reminds me very much of the time.

r*

the commissioner ofMajor LeagueBaseball, the lateBart Giamatti,

J announced that heI was going to launchan investigation into

; the gambling habitsof The Most Prolific

j: Hitter to liver PlayI Major LeagueBaseball. Pete Rose,

for those of you scoring at home.As you may know, that investigation ulti-

mately resulted in Rose being banned frombaseball, including his rightful place in theHall of Fame. The whole incident was a publicrelations nightmare.

Back to Jordan. After he retired, the

"investigation" that was underway just sort ofdied. Jordan was no longer a player in theleague, so Stem figures his investigation nolonger has much of a point. He is right.Everybody is talking about Jordan's ability tohit a baseball, not whether he liked to hit with16 showing at the blackjack table.

So here's my theory. Stern's investigationturns up more than he was hoping it would.Jordan has a serious gambling jones. DoesStem ban Jordan from the game he has domi-nated? Does Stem put a gun to his head andpull the trigger? No, and no. He's a P.R. guythrough and through, one who took a strug-gling league and built it into a powerhouse inlarge part because of his ability to promoteand publicize. The last thing he wants to do isdrag his biggest name through the mud.

Instead, he meets with Michael and theBulls' management. They decide that the easi-est way to avoid a scandal is if Jordan retiresearly. 1 le does. Scandal avoided.

A year arid a half later, Jordan is given theOK to return, now that all those allegationsare long since forgotten.

Except by me.The truth is out there.

The battleforLord Stimpy's Cup

ANTHONY PASTO ANDSTEVE GROENEVELD

Cord Sports

Hard-hilling, high-Hying action and greatgoaltending: once again, its the lime of theyear for the TANIIAH league hockey playoffs.

March Madness is upon us, as all tine play-ers are focused and determined to sip thechampagne from Lord Stimpy's Cup. NHLcommissioner Cary Bettman was one of themany fans to lake in the action at the Bubble.Humour are that Bellman and TIII. commis-sioners Newell and .Jones arc working out adf>al regarding an NHL expansion franchisecoming from the TAMIAL League. With theaddition of the luxury boxes inside the Bubble,the future looks bright for the Tl IL.Here is how the first round of the playoffsunfolded;Vancouver 5 Toronto 2

The first matchup of the evening had thepowerful second place Toronto Maple I.ealsgoing up against, the third place VancouverCanucks, a team who fell, (hey had somethingto prove. And prove it they did, beating TO. 5-2. The combination of fudge and YVesllakedidn't take long to click, giving Vancouver anearly lead three minutes in.

Toronto looked a little confused and had adifficult time putting it. together. Toronto's

highlight was Russ Clark going toe-to-toe in alittle fisticufTs with Vancouver goon BrentReynolds. The rest of the team's lacklustre{K-ribrmanc.e could be attributed U) the facttiiat big name players Giang and Zuckerare currently locked in contract disputes.After the game, Toronto veteran HobMcGowan was quoted as saying, "This wasour year, we had a strong team and shouldhave went to the- big show." 1Ie is contemplat-ing retirement, but. look for his name on thelis!, of possible coaches for the new TAMIAH\HI, team.Ottawa 6 Calgary 3

In the second game of the night, a promis-ing fourth place Calgary club went into actionagainst a confident number one Ottawa, withthe Senators winning 6-3. After a slow start inthe beginning of the year, Ottawa has con-stantly improved, and has brought their win-ning attitude into the playoffs. Ottawa's MikeJones has stepped up his play of late, record-ing 2 goals and 1 assist in the crucial win. liewas quoted as saying his added stamina isdue to more hours riding the bike, eating I lisvitamins, and saving his prayers.

Therefore. #1 Ottawa and #3 Vancouvermeet in a 2 game, total goals playoff nextweek to determine the 1995THL Stimpy CupChampions.

(Sports)

18 March 15, 1995 theCord

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Applications and jobdescriptions are available in theCordOffices (third floor, 5.U.8.)

The deadline for applications is Friday, March 24,1995 at 4:30p m

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StudentPublications is nowaccepting applications for the;:f , ... . ... r, , ~ ~ cvolunteer position ofAdvertisingProduction for tllG1.1995-96school year

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j j •RepresentativeStudent Publications is nowaccepting applications for the paid(commission) position ofAdvertising Sales Representative, forthe 1995-96school year.

Applications and job descriptions are available in the CordOffices(thirdfloor,S.U.B.)

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SvStBTTIS ohJAdministrat QH

Student Publications is now accepting applications If°r volunteerposition ofSystems Administrator! Jforthe 1995-96school year.

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Not only was there the expectedgrinding and pumping, but anotherposition was added where the malemodel kneeled before the femalemodel, she put her leg over his shoul-der, and then proceeded to put hishead in her crotch.

The fitness scene continued thisobsession for bodily pleasures. Onemodel was bench pressing a woman.The step aerobic demonstration was

awesome, and one had to beimpressed with not only the modelsco-ordination in this scene, but alsotheir ability to keep smiles on theirfaces.

The "Return to Innocence" scenewas above sensuality. There was not alot of skin, but the movements werevery erotic. Flowing curtains andstreamers in a whipping motionincreased the sensuality, find the can-dlelight ending was fantastic.

The final scene brought harsh real-

ity to this eroticism. I jsa Wongs sacri-fice of a male for his infidelity broughtmany images of Bobbittism to mind.The smoking phallic symbols and thebanishment of the male slut was agreat way to end the show.

In all, the show was a great suc-cess. it was clear that there was agreat deal of work put into it, and thatthere are many beautiful and talentedpeople at Ixiurier.

Audience members went homewith a smile on their faces.

It was #3, officer: she was the heart burglara

ENTERTAINMENT

Observe the talent New dramadepartment opens itsdoorsfor a peek intotheatre atLaurierSTEPHANIE TRUDEAU

Cord EntertainmentPerhaps "The Regeneration ofGeorge McGrafl" was the last pro-duction of Theatre Ixiurier, but, it isnot the last production of theatre atLaurie)-

.

On Sunday March 19 at 2:oopmin the Theatre Auditorium, the thirdannual New Play Festival will beheld.

This year marks the first yearthat theatre has become an oflicialmajor at Laurier, and because ofthis, the New Play Festival hasdeveloped a unique style of its own.

The performance will displaythe talents and works of the theatrestudents who are presently in thevarious theatre courses.

'Hie production consists of threeoriginal one-act plays written by the

playvvrighting students, directed bythe directing students, and acted bythe acting students. The Festival Isalso being produced entirely by theplayvvrighting students and theirsupervisors.

So, basically, the day will provideother 1 iiurier students with a rarechance to come out and observe thegoings on of Laurier's new pro-gram, and also, to observe the tal-ent in the drama department of thisuniversity which seems to havebeen sorely overlooked in the past.

r lTiis year, the festival has takenon a few different and excitingangles than it has in the previousyears. It has evolved from a read-ing of plays by campus alumni andfaculty, to a performance of plays bycampus alumni and faculty by diestudents, to finally, an entirely stu-

dent involved and performed event.Since this is, however, the first

year of the theatre major, somecourse admissions and content stillhad to be ironed out.

There are only three play-wrights in tiie playwrighting courseand each have penned a one-actplay during the fall and winterterms.

The directing course consists oftwelve directors, so, naturally, somenegotiating took place.

Six directors expressed extremeinterest in participating in the NewPlay Festival, which will also serveas their final exam, while theremaining six director have foundother projects.

Still, there was the problem ofsix directors and three plays. Afterdiscussions and opinion expres-

sions, itwas decid-ed that ActOne of the New Play Festival wouldconsist of a performance of all threeplays by three directors, and ActTwo would be the performance ofthe same plays, but by differentdirectors.

This concept will provide notonly the playwrights, but also theaudience with an opportunity to seethe works done twice, with two dif-ferent interpretations, and two dif-ferent casts.

Due to the decision of the pro-duction of each play twice, the festi-val then took on a kind of informalworkshop tone.

An adjucator will be present theentire week of March 12-19 whilerehearsals and possible rewrites

arc happening.ITio plays will be perfomed at a

dress rehearsal on Friday,reworked with feedback onSaturday, and officially performedand adjucated on Sunday.

The dress rehearsal on Fridaywill be for the benefit of the highschool students and will providethem with opportunities to givefeedback and ask questions.

If you can spare a couple ofhours, come out to the TA andwatch the New Play Festival. Theparticipants would be more thanhappy to receive Laurier interestand support. You will not be disap-pointed.

Admission is free.

Where toHangMarch 15• The Mahones are at Phil's• Michelle Wright Ls at Centrein the Square• Pete Couillard is live at the

Fox and Pheasant• Band Nite begins at theVolcanoMarch 16• The Black Crowes are at

Maple I/;af'Gardens• Rusty are at the Volcano withguestsMarch 17• Malhavoc are at the Volcano• The Irish Descendants are

at Lulu's• DesVee is at the Bamboo• Weird Al Yankovic presents

"Alapalooza" at the MusicHall

• Fathead arc at ol'Chicago's• WLU Baroque Ensemble per-

form at the MaureenForrester Recital Hall

March 18• Spirit of the West andAcoustically Inclined are atFed Hall

• Monster Voodoo Machineare at the Volcano

• April Wine arc at Lulu's• King Biscuit Boy holds their

album release party atol'Chicago's

• WLU Jazz Hnsemble performat the Maureen ForresterRecital 1 kill

• The UW Dance Departmentpresents VitaJ Signs throughthe 19th at the HumanitiesTheatre

•Snow Job '95 is onMuchMusic

March 19• The New Play Festival is in

the Theatre Auditorium• The Outhere Brothers are

at the Knack in London•WLU Symphony Orchestra

performs at the MaureenForrester Recital 1 lall

March 20• Canadian Music Week

International begins• WLU Student/Staff/Faculty

exhibit opens at the Robert

I iuigen Gallery• Pete and Chad arc live at the

Crocodile Rock in Zeke'srestaurant

•The 1995 Brit Awards areon MuchMusic

March 21• YVIJJ History Department and

Senate Cultural AffairsCommittee present John John:A Merry Play Between JohnJohn the Husband and Tybthe Wife in the TheatreAuditorium

March 22• Extreme arc at RPM• Bootsauce are at Lee's

Palace

continued from page I

theCord March 15, 199!) 21

Therhythm methodslimmtl Ixairi&r \^/aslii(J^^/iouw

DynamicDuobyTanya Venturaand MelanieSeal

Dear DynamicDuo,Well, my girlfriendand 1 had beenhaving great sex.That is until lastweek, when shebegan to hiss like asnake. At first I was okay about it, butlately she's been wanting to introduceanimals like mice and pythons into it.Also, the hissing is driving me nuts.

Signed,Snakebitten and Confused

Dear Snakebitten and Confused,Some would say to draw a line ofmorality when rodents becomeinvolved. Who are we to judge? If thehissing doesn 't turn you on, wear earplugs.

Dynamic DuoDearest Duo,What is it about a school girl that dri-ves me wild? Why is it that whenever1 see a young girl in one of those plaidwool skirts and knee socks, I have toknow what colour her panties are?Why do little girls do this to me?

Signed,I wanna be a schoolboy

Dear I wanna be a schoolboy,Pedophilia is against the law - justask Michael Jackson. Scottish tradi-tions state that nothing should beworn under the kilt, though in this cli-mate most mommies force their littlegirls to wear panties. Is it the kilt thatattracts you, or the tender flesh foundunderneath? Either way get somehelp. Or you will age to be a dirty oldman.

Dynamic DuoDynamic Duo,My problem is not of a personalnature, but affects me directly. Myboyfriend, to be blunt, is very hairy.This however, is not the problem. Inorder to show off the results of hislove for weight training, my lovable

Chewbacca shaves his body hair - allover, leaving his body with the textureof industrial strength sandpaper. Therepercussions of this act have provento be painful and costly as 1 findmyself treating my many lacerationsand scrapes with Polysporin. I'mturning to you, Dynamic Dynamos toaid me in this matter.

Signed,Buffed and Burning

Dear Buffed and Burning,A weight trainer's ride is no pain - nogain. His rippling physique probablydoes look better with him not asChewbacca but rather as aChihuahua. Try something sensual -

have a bath with him and apply Neet.If the two of you are into harder sex,try either hot wax or Epilady. If allelse fails, try a weight trainer who isa little less hairy. Ifyou want to keepyour Chewbacca and ride hisMillennium Falcon, just take the pain.Check your Sunday fliers for aPolysporin coupon.

Dynamic DuoDynamic Duo,To put it to you as an understatement,my problem is immense. Every time Iget sexually aroused, and am buildingthe Rock of Gibraltar so to speak, Ipass out. I have determined throughthe confessions of the women whobear witness to this, that I go verypale just before passing out. 1 nowunderstand that my weak body doesnot contain enough of the type "o"stuff to sustain proper brain activityand function sexy-like at the sametime. What can I do?

Signed,In Short Supply

Dear In Short Supply,Check a Bio text book, your brain isnot located in your penis. (Despitepopular belief). If you don't haveenough blood to hold onto yourpathetic Chip of the Rock ofGibraltar,then try a transfusion. Besides givingup, our suggestions are blood dopingand a cock ring. But maybe youshould just concentrate on schoolwork. A woman is always turned onby a man with an extraordinarilylarge intelligence.

Dynamic DuoDear Duo,I write for a certain nameless univer-sity paper, and I am interested in oneof my fellow writers. She doesn'tknow and I don't know how toapproach the topic without gettingshot down and ruining our workingrelationship. Please help.

Signed,"Pubby" love

Dear "Pubby" Love,A letter to the Editor is a great way toget the attention of others. You couldalso try the feedback booth, and thepersonals section. Remember, the penis mightier than the phallic symbol ofthe sword. Certain university papersare having an end ofthe year hot tubparty. Perhaps let your hot dog have afree swim in the hot tub. Then she'llknow you're interested, and if shegets angry she'll have the whole sum-mer to cool off.

Dynamic Duo

(Entertainment)

22 March 1, 1995 theCord

Congratulations!The winners oftho Cord Junocontest are:First Prize:Ken Lee wins the pair of tickets to the 1995 Juno awards, a Junocompilation CD, and an official 1995Juno Awards t-shirt.Runners up:The following people all win copies of "The Jerky Boys" on cassette:

Darren Kreger Jeremy KerrNick Andreychuk Anita LeeDarren Mahafly

"In Waterloo there are only two ways to have fun after the lights go out*

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Women in HollywoodJASON PAUL

Cord EntertainmentWhat has happened to 1 lollywood? Anindustry that milks a trend until it issucked dry has turned its head to a glar-ing omission that has been evolving overthe last few decades. 'ITie role of womenin film has degenerated to that of sexualsymbols.

No more is this evident than at theself-gratifying festival known as theAcademy Awards. A few years backwhen the theme was "women in film"snickers could be heard throughout theindustry. Every year there Is a struggle1 tofind five quality nominees for best actress.This year Jessica I iinge was nominatedfor a film that has been sitting on the shelffor three years. This was also the case forMichelle Pfeifer for her work in LoveField. Meryl Streep was almost nominat-ed for her work in a so-so action flick.The River Wild.

As the sexual limits in movies arepushed further and further, the quality offemale characters degenerate. In the '30sand '40s, actors such as Bette Davis,Katherine Hepburn, Ingrid Bergman andJoan Crawford had as much power andavailable roles as lauroncc Olivier, GaryGrant and Jimmy Stewart.

But as sexual exploitation increased,physical appearances became even moreimportant. I low many good roles wouldthese actresses have rejected if they hadhad to expose their breasts?

luok at how the female stars of todayget their big break. Sharon Stonebecomes famous overnight for slyly cross-ing her legs. Julia Roberts hits it big by

playing a happy hooker in the "Cinderellastory" Pretty Woman.

Demi Moore can now command $12million per role because of films likeIndecent Proposal, where she is sold toanother man for a night of passion.

There js also a double standard for theroles of aging actors. Stars like JackNicholson and Robert Redford still com-mand ridiculous salaries even thoughthey look old andwrinkled. Look atthe two lead stars ofBonnie & Clyde.Warren Beatty isone of the mostinfluential stars inthe business, mean-while FayeDunaway looks asgorgeous as everand is stuck in sup-porting roles andperishing sitcomswith Robert Urich.

Granted therearc actresses outthere who haveovercome thisobstacle.

Jodie Foster isthe icon of the '90sand BarbaraStreisand has morepower than sheknows what to dowith. WhoopiGoldberg has beenvery successful in

her comedic roles and Emma Thompsonlooks like the next big star, but after that,there aren't too many others.

Let s face it, sex sells. Glenn Close oncesaid that all Hollywood "wants is f**kablewomen in their movies."

But this is what the public wantsbecause these are the films that make$100 million and until that trend changes,the role of women will not.

HardCord

SHAWN CALLAN

1. Cub (played London on Saturday).Cult? Canadian(- The Kainones on asLrogen.

2. Pirate war ( I).Captain Highiiner ] - Captain Quixote 0.

3. Outbreak. Playing at a theatre near you.i lave your monkey muzzled today.

4. Blanket and Licorice.Two I xnidon indie bands. Check them out.

5. Fishing dispute (2).Shiver me timbers! Pass me mm and prepare to board.Arrghh!

6. Dance Me Outside. Playing at at theatre near you.Dana 1 me outside, inside, and alt over baby, .lust danceme.

7. Tobin and Turbot (3).l ; or kicks, compare Sun, Star, and Clobe headiioes on tliis.

8. St. Patrick's Day.Pass me vvliiskey and prepare to board! Arrghh!

Entertainment)

23theCord March 1, 199b

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or ;; IfaC " llLL:LBLACKWATER TRIO

NEU STUDENTEN KUNSTProle Tarian Tales, Part 1

by Anton VolcansekRaymond glanced at his wristwatch. It read half past three, but he

couldn't tell since it was twenty metres below on the factory floor.With his remaining forearm and hand, Raymond switched the band

saw off. It was a good band saw. Kind of expensive, but that's the sacrificea company made for increased efficiency.

In this post-NAFTA world, Raymond knew that any advantage a compa-ny could exploit it would. As a newly one-armed man he realized he was nowa disadvantage to the company. Raymond feared for his job.

Luckily, Raymond was working double-overtime for the third night in arow, so the chop department stood relatively empty. His supervisor wasonly into the second hour of his fifteen-minute coffee break, so that providedsome needed time. He hurried down the stairs, tying a tourniquet above theelbow to comply with safety regulations which were discarded years ago. Helaughed at this sentimentality and threw the tourniquet away.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, he jumped the last metre. Ofcourse, the last metre of a staircase is a luxury, so they were removed a fewmonths earlier to combat a drop in the dollar.

The dim light made it difficult to locate his arm. He searchedbetween drums of waste material and open vats of cleaning compounds tono avail. Finally, the luminescent watch-face revealed where in the darknessthe appendage had dropped. He approached it quietly, careful to not startlethe rats lest they might cart it off.

"What are you doing 61307?" asked Raymond's supervisor, Foreman12.

Raymond turned around quickly to face the robot."1...rm...Ahhh...Ummm...1..." he stammered.Foreman 12 blinked blankly. Receiving no coherent reply he electroni-

cally processed a reprimand which effectively canceled any future opportuni-ty for Raymond's advancement within the corporation.

"Get back to work and we'll just keep this episode to ourselves," themachine lied.

"Thank-you, Foreman 12," said Raymond with suspicion, but unsureas to why.

The robot wheeled back to his coffee break while Raymond battled athree-tailed rodent for his arm. Eventually winning the tug-of-war, Raymondcarried the arm back up the stairs to his post where he laid it on the worktable.

Laughing at this good fortune, Raymond reminded himself of his pre-decessor who also had an arm severed by the band saw a week earlier.That man had the awful luck of doing it in front of a supervisor who immedi-ately fired him before he could retrieve the body part from the floor below.

Underneath the worktable was a crusty old box with the remnants ofa first-aid kit from the pre-NAFTA age. He surreptitiously removed a spool ofthread and a needle from the box then slid it back into place behind oilyrags.

Raymond stitched his limb into place. The band saw spun unattend-ed, noisily maintaining that work was being done. Satisfied that he couldmanage until his shift finished, Raymond tied the last stitch and pinned theneedle under the worktable.

"What are you doing 61307?" asked Raymond's supervisor, Foreman12.

Startled, Raymond knocked his head under the worktable. Clutchingthe back of his neck with his hand from the stitched arm, he faced therobot.

"1...1'm...Ahhh...Ummm..1..." he stammered."What?" said Foreman 12."I'm working" said Raymond."Fine. Don't get edgy," advised Foreman 12. "It lowers productivity.""Yes, sir."The robot wheeled away and Raymond sighed with relief."I've got to get to a hospital as soon as I'm out of here," he mur-

mured. His arm really hurt now.He referred to his watch which read 4 o'clock. Only a half hour to go.Raymond glanced again at his watch. This time his gaze lingered for

a few moments as he tried to register what caught his eye. The watch was aLawson® model, but he could have sworn he always wore a Ridley®. Yes,his wife gave him a Ridley® for Christmas.

He raised both hands in front of him.Raymond had two right hands. And insurance didn't cover it.

Runningwater reminded

i of the Time,Still and quiet,

i looking outthe world was

a blur.

Fallen angelcovered in ashes,

i only had these armspulling away,pulling away

at sunshine.

Running water remindedi of the Time.

No one home.i felt surprised

when nothing happened.

mark green

Abaisserle store et

mettre le convert.Relache mon ami.

Laisser, J'y penserai,

J'taim rendre gracea quelqu'un.

M'amuseabaisser ie store et

mettre le convert.

Sans merite!

Pardon, je se meprendre ansujet de quelque chose.

mark green

Outof hunger

the flowers wereconsumed.

Close andnaked,

i stood.In the garden.

Feeding offthe Beauty

in blind Freedom.

mark green

24!• March 199b theCord

Juxtaposition

the light drifts into the roomdulled by the glass of academia

15 students sit, slouch, languishin intellectual reposetalk of Oedipus, Sophicies, Nietzsche, and tragedyfilter through my earsthe professor, a professional of many years waxes poetic

bemoaning the Apoliinian repression of Dionystic impulses,the fatal flaw

I leap, I shout, I rant and rave in an uninhibited frenzythe professor can't abide any disruption,

class is over.

Andreas Rothe

Oh, Gentle WalnutSo hard and yet so free;Inside of you is where I want to be.

Open up your crackso I can eat you out.

Anton Volcansek

The Nature Of My ThoughtsMy thoughts of you remind me of summer's gentle breeze,Of birds so sweetly singing, of flowers and of trees,Of waters blue and grasses green, of skies of blue and white,Of dancing meadows and laughing brooks, of the golden sun so bright.

My thoughts of you remind me of autumn's coloured vest;Oranges, reds and yellows adorn the forest's breast;Of animals preparing to meet with winter's plight;Of harvests rich and plentiful; of pleasant autumn nights.

My thoughts of you remind me of freshly-fallen snow,Of diamonds that will glitter when the sun just hits it so,Of evergreens draped in white, of starry skies above,Of frozen lakes and frosted glass, of Christmas and its love.

My thoughts of you remind me of flowers in the springThat bloom again with vigor, of birds that sweetly sing,Of nature just awaking, of planting this year's seed,Of life and mirth and starting fresh, of Easter's hope indeed.

My thoughts of you remind me of all that's good in lifeNo matter what the season —in laughter or in strife.Just the thought of you my friend brings such joy and mirthAs though I had all at once the beauties of the earth.

Jamie W.L. Hill

My ColdI am a prisoner

I am imprisonedprison inside

can run don't hideI am a prisoner

I am imprisoned inside

To this prisonerto these sounds

crackling in between my skinburning the air

and lungs insideI'll run, I'd hide

There's the powergrabbed it and pulled for the river to hide

increase the volumeslowed the pacerunning and run

out of the raceI am a prisonerI am the prison

Can't run slow to hideI am the prisoner inside

Manuel Matias

Ravingsof the MadPoetLiving Within

Walking down a path of fear,Sensing nothing around me,But an ever-burning light.

Moving closer, it consumes me,Pleasure and terror,Envelop my soul with theCloseness of a womb.

GET OUT!!!It screams.Flee the trap that is living,Inside, yet surrounding

All that is near.I try to pull away,

But it tears at my soul.To walk away from that light,Seems savagely wrong.

Slowly I return.The world within,Regains its equilibrium.Opening my eyes,

I realize what I have done.And try to hide my shame.

Forever yours,Tim Miller

theCord March 15, 1995

<NSK)

25

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TATIVES: REQUIRED. Big 5 bedroom house, King and William, Clean 1 bedroom apartment, King andK.O.M. CONSULTANTS SECURITY SECURITY, P.O. Box 1206, $1500.00 inclusive, 5 parking, 8 month lease Bricker, May 1, 1 year lease, $450.00 inclu-

P.O. BOX 60524 Woodstock, Ontario N4S BP6. Phone (519) available, 748-5955. sive, 1 parking, controlled entrance, laundry,MOUNTAIN PLAZA POSTAL OUTLET 537-3196. Fax: (519) 537-5687 DOG REPEL- 748-5955.

HAMILTON ONTARIO LENT ONLY. 5 bedroom townhouse, Lincoln andL9C7N7 University, $1000.00 plus utilities, 8 month SUMMER SUBLET: Close to WLU, 5 large

lAFrOP FOR SALE lease beginning Sept. 1/95, 3 parking, 748- bedrooms, 3 washrooms. Trevor A. 725-7591386sx 6mb RAM 5955.

| Carrying Case, Trackball, Loaded with 5 Bedroom house on King St. at Ezra.Software. Call Neil @ 885-4650. Great Deal! House For Rent Laundry, parking, 2 bathrooms and 3 minute

5 bedrooms near the University and grocery walk to school. 1 year lease May-AugNCR 1200 BAUD MODEM store. Reasonably clean and private. Call 725- $1500/month. Greg 888-0258$20 CALL 886-2327! 4211.

exotics, off S Q PP P— -"V..- • v.

I

I "TT-. Molson Incfy July 14,15,16. Exhibition Place, TorontoFOR TICKETS CALL (416] 872-IIMPY /

theCord March 15. 1995 27

(Classifieds)

Q—-—\ J Ves, l_want to joino : * a9ainst cancer

K,^ dlarl £?? S?^ e|

'y □To canvass my street during the month of April75 King Street South □ To organize a team ofvolunteers to canvass an a

foryour commitment

Two Female Roommates Need House for Rent. 27 RZRA!We have a beautiful 5 bedroom house on 6 bedrooms. May lease. WE NEED YOU!King St.and need two more roommates to Call 747-1419. Mastering the LSAT!- Why practice ques- If you arc 20 years of age or older and feelsign 1 year lease May to April. Cost lions when you can master the principles? you could make a positive difference in a$300/month. Call Cassey 747-9796. 1 female roommate needed in 4 bedroom Your best and most comprehensive option for child's life, be a big sister. Big Sisters need

house. May-April $265 + utilities. Brighton LSAT training begins in Toronto in May, June, female volunteers. The next three trainingHouse For Rent St., 5 min walk to WLU. Phone 885-2874. July, and August. Start anytime and take the sessions commence April 4&5 or May 2& 35 bedrooms-close to all amenities, 5 min from option of working with us throughout the or June 6& 7, 1995. Please call 743-5206 touniversity, gas heated, washer/dryer, large 6 Bedroom House for Rent summer! Richardson- (416) 410-7737 or 1- register or for more info.driveway/backyard. 5 min walk from WLU, 72 Hickory St. 800-567-7737.1 year lease starting May-$260/ month call Avail. May Ist, one year lease. 2 fridges, TYPFWRITING SERVICES AVAII.ABLE 10cJoe 884-5277. stove, laundry facilities incl. Excellent loca- Word Processing Service. Reports, resumes, PER WORD. CALL ETHEL AT 884-4216.

tion. letters, mailing lists, form letters, etc., onSTUDENT RESIDENCE. 413 lIAZEL ST. recyclcd paper. Laser printing, dictaphone, The WLU Graduate Students' Association willSUMMER SUBLETS. Furnished, laundry; Absolutely immaculate five bedroom century equation editing, optical scanning available, be holding their general meeting on March

parking, on bus route. From $200.00 utilities home. One block from OEP. $295/room. Audrey 884-7123. 31st between 2-4pm (room TBA). Theincluded. Phone 669-4646. Spacious. Parking. Available Sept. 1. Call 621- Association will also be holding a referendum

2638. WOULD YOU LIKE A PENPAL FROM over three days (March 29-31st) pertaining toSTUDENT APARTMENTS, SEIT. IST, SELF- ABROAD? For details and form, send name two separate issues. The first issue will dealCONTAINED BACHELOR AND 1 BEDROOM, q- iq I Mf* 311(1 address to: with the changing of the Graduate Studentfurnished, laundry, parking, utilities included. r GLOBAL PENFRIENDS Health Plan and the second will deal with thePhone 669-4646. _____ PB. 141lovseter implementation of a Graduate Enhancement

SFRO7OSOslo Fee for the purposes of providing improved3 bedrooms in newly renovated house. May Norway services including the construction of a1/1995. 1 yr. lease. $300/month. Princess at Graduate Student Building, the provision of aKing. 885-1929. ADVANTAGE CAREER PATH RESUMES AND graduate computer lab, additional graduate

MY TYPIST! We do your typing right! Essays! WORD PROCESSING SERVICES. Resumes, funding (scholarships, bursaries and confer--4 bedrooms in great location. King at Brickor Term Papers! Resumes! Photocopying! Laser Cover letters. Mail-outs prepared by an expe- ence funding) and improvements to graduateSt. Available May 1, 1995. 1 yr. lease. Printing! Free Spell Checking! More! Call 579- rienced Human Resources Consultant. letter work spaceacross campus. For further infor-s3lo/month + utilities. 747-1971. 2219! and typing service available. All work picked mation please feel free to call the GSA officc

up and delivered within 24 hours. 745-6437. or e-mail us at any time.2 Bedroom Apartment RUN YOUR OWN BUSINESS. GAIN VALU- WORKING TOWARDS A BRIGI ITER GRADU-May-September Sublet ABLE BUSINESS EXPERIENCE WHILE BE A BIG BROTHER ATE FUTURELocated at 328 Regina St. BUILDING YOUR RESUME. EARN UP TO IT'S FUN The Graduate Students' Association ph#Vary Spacious. Convenient. Access to $10, 000 (25 JOBS). HIGH DEMAND PROD- IT'S EASY 884-3310 e-mail:oogsa@machl .wlu.calaundry facilities. Balcony. UCT, IRRIGATION SALES AND INSTALLA- Call us today 579-5150Contact Diane or Anita at 883-9269. TION. THE IDEAL OPPORTUNITY: VEHICLE Waterloo Wellington Myalgic

REQUIRED. CALL STUDENT SPRINKLERS WE NEED BIG SISTERS! Encephalomyelitis Association Invites K-WAT 1-800-265-7691. WE NEED VOLUNTEERS! area chronic fatigue syndrome sufferers,

their family and friends to a support groupFairview 1 ' meeting, Tuesday, March 21, 1995 from 7-9

/|\ m T i7o university i pm at the Adult Recreation Centre, 18.) KingRX\ : N<X' U> U <>112 W jjgPJfcgT at corner °' King and Allen St. in

PROTECT YOUR INVESTMENT 1 ARE YOU STAYING■ESE&nSBnH IN WATERLOO FOR THE

Preferred SERVICE FOR ALL ACURA AUTOMOBILES SUMMER?"Your car's home away from home" a. IF YES

dai o fl 112» 2685Kingsway Drive ■ IMMpf || SFU COME HELP UP AT>>00 0 KITCHENER. Ont. \ye Dellrer\ | THE CORD-WE DOLocated behindFairview Mall. Ride toLaurieravailable. HllflfllTnifVfVTfVllVTlTifninTTVlflTli 4 ISSUES IN SUMMER!!

gain super experience

•Jewellery Appraisal - 24hr Service 'Jewellery Repairs AtaX. r\ 1 T* 1 ALL AT ONCE?^0•Ear Piercing 'Watch & Clock Repairs Onkar Travels inc.^-^•Watch & Hearing Aid Batteries 'Custom Jewellery Design

'COMPLETE WORLDWIDE TRAVEL SERVICES'

Great Prices for Overseas Travel, TT A rTI T} ¥

Barney's Jewellers & Gemologists and Offer Last-Minute DealsWestmount P| ace

;Waterloo 747-1920 fo Destinatwns |J RI E RMlMi (Tnlterac Waterloo Town Sq., 75 King St. S, Unit LSAVMS*} nana ILLJ jj (519) 747-9000 Single-$19.95

Double-$37.00

r I T""

420 Weber St. N. Suite 205 WATERLOO N2L 4E7 Daily, Weekly,A x monthly rates available.y university ave. 886 -7700 Call 884-1970 ext. 2771

C* O $/_ (UW) * ont. Reg. 4184883 for more info./ M- WEBER STANYWHERE, ANYTIME'FOR PEOPLE OR PARCELS

AIRPORT SERVICE-FAST, COURTEOUS SERVICE ~ ... . , . ... , , . ,Quality travel service. Worldwide.

I 1Premium beers atless than regular

beer prices.S'oc/3 TI

H ? —*HZ= ]I v\ 9 teji

I Q iff

Heck, you'd think itWas invented by

university students.The best-tasting beers at the most affordable prices.

As much as that sounds like something dreamed up

by a bunch of university students, it happens to be

the guiding philosophy behind the creation of PC 1"

Premium Draft. Think imported Saaz hops for a hint

of European flavour. Think triple filtering for extra

smoothness. Think premium beer at less than regular

beer prices. Choose PC Premium Draft (5% alc./vol),

PC Strong (5.9% alc./vol) or PC Light (4% alc./vol).

A great idea — no matter who thought of it.

I PREMIUM BEER, PREMIUM VALUE. '

IN,Loblaws Inc. is the owner of P.C. script desig-n. ©1995 Loblaws Inc.

Special Automotive Advertising Supplement

ZOOMA Smart Shopper'sGuide forGraduates, Staffand Students

Helping to provide an informed decision

Wc 1 comc to Zoom, the first autosupplement to appear on campus atWLU .If you 're a member of the Lau riercommunity and arc looking to buy a car,we hope that this supplement will helpyou in ar r iv in g a t an informed decision.

Auto shopping has never been con-si dcr c d a fun experience. Lining up forcourse registration is some people'sidea of fun compared to the headachesencountered when car shopping. The visionswe a 11, have of the sleazy car salesmanwith a cheap suit and a cigar makes uscringe when thinking of shopping for acar. Although th is s t e reo t y p e may havebeen the case ten or twenty years ago,it is rarely seen in today's highly com-petitive auto market. The dealers andmanufacturers are working hard to earnyou business, and many are willing togo that extra mile to please their cus-tomers. The knowledge which dealer-ship sales staff have of their productsis far greater today than in previous years.This knowledge can be very helpful to

Dealers andmanufacturers

are workinghard to earn

your business,and many arewilling to go

that extra mileto please their

customers.

~ shoppers if theyarc able to takeadvantage ofit. But in orderto take advantage of the sales-*person's knowl-edge, shoppershave to do somehomework oftheir own. Withthe average carpurchase ho v -

- erin g aroundthe $20,000 mark, consumers must bewilling to educate themselves in orderto make a wise buying decision.

Cars are marketed to create animpulse on the part of the consumer. Thelook of the car is always the first thingwe notice. We envision our friends pour-ing over us in our brand new car, dri-ving on a windy country road, drivingto our newjob after graduation, orjustspeedingtoourclass (which weare latefor, of course). We are infatuated withhow it looks. Yet we haven't even lookedat the price! We don't know what typeof engine it has, how many people canfit or how far it can go on a tank of(continued on page 2)

j&&of&&£iiitfrfts£*&~W®tii&s>. — 1■■ n.| : _

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• ■»^.,^v^^^^^B@ißßlbkMlßvj - :• -Cy*.- a- • «&,

.-> JS&»,.

,

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hhJHHRa'' "'-

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t "^W/Genuine Chevrolet™; ML NOW CMALWR

112 yoi< Should Know This fWleasetor vehicle equippedas described. 'Plus security deposit $300. "Zero downpayment plus security'deposit $325. licence, insurance and taxes not included.

Dealer may sell or lease forless. Limited time otter. Other lease terms available. Somemileage conditionsapply. OAC. See Dealer tor details.

gas. Is it equipped with FWD, ABS,DOHC, EFI. my goodness, enoughwith these acronyms. Once we'vefallen in love with the way it looks,

it seems we have nothing left to dobut try and justify that we need thiscar! And now that we've finallymade our decision, we want to drive

it NOW! 0.K., it has taken me twoweeks to decide on the colour, sizeof engine, type ofbreaks, hatchbackor coup... but I want to drive ithome. It's just like when we werekids buying our new shoes and theshoe salesman asked if we wouldlike them in the box, or to wear themhome. Who doesn't wear them home?

It is when you go shoppingin this state of mind that conflictsseem to occur.You wanted ared 2-doorhatchback withthe AM/FMcassette? But wait, the dealer saysthey have a black coupe already onthe lot and it has a CD player! Ifthe price is right, why not? You con-'vince yourself that you really didnot want the 2-door after all. It's

There are guidelinesyou can follow to

prevent impulse buying

the CD player you really want. Thistype of situation can put a shopperin a position where decisions aremade purely on impulse. Unfortunately,impulsedecisionsoftencausebuy-ers to be unsatisfied with their pur-chase a few months after the sale.

Protect yourself! There arcguidelines you can follow to pre-vent impulse buying that will helpease the pressures of shopping for

an automobile. Thefirst step is to makealistofthe featuresand qualities in acarthat arc most impor-

tant to you. Determine how muchyou will be able to spend, and besure to include the extras such asfreight, license and taxes. Rememberto review your list so that you haveleft nothing out. It is important not

Special Automotive Advertising Supplement

30 Automotive Advertising Supplement March 15, 1995

GRADUATES

CASH C K

Don't just hangyour diploma on a wall:turn it into a new car.

"My family has been serving this area forover 48 years. As a student myself, I knowhow important an affordable car is. Pleasecall me and I'll tell you all about the '95 GradProgram."

Scott Stevens

ASPIRE • ESCORT* MYSTIQUE • RANGER • F-SERIES • EXPLORERPLUS K-W s FINEST PRE-OWNED CARS AND TRUCKS

ft LINCOLN'

® MERCURY£ 8«ir nnial Dr ' SALES & SERVICEKitchener mm* ■ ■a a

2 miles east of ETQjIIQQBingeman Park wM w I Iw w

0- ' cAttention, Students of

Wilfrid LaurierUNIVERSITY:

Need A Vehicle?We've got it...

Come in and check outOUR WIDE SELECTION OFNEW AND USED VEHICLES! |

r ™w~h7h^c™po~f

S 200„„ i:j | OUR BEST PRICE ON THE i j

• VEHICLE OF YOUR CHOICE ,

: I at !!

| COUPON VALID ON NEW OR CERTIFIED USED VEHICLES IBETWEEN MARCH 1 5/95 AND AUG.3I/9^j

3131 KING ST. E., KITCHENER l| Hwy^~l

I | 748-9666 \J j

to compromise these features for thestyling of the car. Too many peo-ple look at the styling of a car theylovcandwill pay morctogct itcvcnthough it docs'not offer whatthey real ly need.Pay attention tofeatures first andthen look at thestyling onceyou've narroweddown your choic- ■cs. Only after you have driven everyvehicle on your shortlist will yoube able to make an objective deci-sion.

The last important step is choos-ing the dealership. How arc they goingto treat you when it is time to doroutinecheck-ups and maintenance?Remember that you have to livewith your car. You're not throughwith the dealership as soon as you

Remember you have tolive with your car.You're not through

with the dealership assoon as you drive your

car off the lot.

drive your car off the lot.A few final wo rds of ad v ice.

Don't rush your purchase! Expectto wait a few weeks for your order

depending on thespecific optionsyou requested.Don't disregardyour preparationby wanting thefirst car that looksgood to you. Yourautomobile will

have to last you a long time, so besure that you are satisfied withyourdccision 100%. Avoid impulsedecisions and yourcar shopping won 'tremind you of waitingin linc for courscreg-istration .

Written with files fromAlan E. McPhee, Globe

Mail

The Top TenHere are the ten bestselling passenger car

models in Canada.The make, model and1994 sales figures are

listed.

1. Chevrolet Cavalier 40,4652. Honda Civic 33,8723. Pontiac Grand Am 31,3514. Chrysler Neon 28,3455. Pontiac Sunbird 27,3146. Ford Taurus 25,7347. Chrysler Intrepid 22,9598. Honda Accord 22,2569. Ford Escort 21,591

10. Toyota Corolla 20,742

March 15, 1995 Automotive Advertising Supplement

Special Automotive Advertising Supplement

31

$399PUTS "U"BEHINDTHEWHEEL!NO DOWN PAYMENT, NO SECURITY DEPOSIT,

NO EARLY BUY-OUT PENALTY,

95 sCe,

dSE

Automatic transmission, power steeringand brakes, air conditioning, AM/FMcassette, tilt steering column, fold downrear seat, wheelcovers and more!

Lease based on 52 month OAC. Open end lease.Limited time offer.

This unbelievable offerincludes:

First month's payment, including tax,freight, PDI, fuel consumption tax,

licensing, afull tank of gas and a oneyear roadside assistance.

This Fantastic Offer Only At

wmmm545 KING ST., WATERLOO- 746-4120

GRADUATE i» HIGHER CLASS II Ask I

Gra

t jqpjI*. "% > 1 M&v

1995 INTEGRAFROM �4 Wheel disc brakes■ •142 HP DOHC engine ,

* , • u~' A ■ A A ■■ 'Dual airbags■ •Race derived double fH BM #% ■■111 # 111 II *4 Speaker stereo, cassettewishbone suspension 11 ■ ff 111 lifem Iff UU M *5 year, 100,000 km major■ •power windows, mirrors, m | § vl v| 1

I 1 Iff - ff. Mm I component warranty,I aer.al.t.lt steering \J | 112 |VVV no . deduc„ bi e' / plus much more

FAIRVIEW ACURAO'Freight, taxes, fees extra, model DC 4345, Coupe RS 5 spd.

I 2685 KINGSWAY DR., KITCHENER 893-9000 I

Your Door is Ajar Today's automobiles are using computersto improve the driving experience

Cars that drive on auto-pi lot,run on electricity, and tell us thatthe door is ajar. These futuristic imagesof the automobile have fosteredan anxiety of on-board com-puters among drivers and howtheywilleffectourSundaydrive.Despite this anxiety, it isreported that the use of on-boardcomputers and electron ics wi 11 morethan double in the next decade. Butconsumers need not fear this tech-nological evo lut ion . The use of onboard computers have made cars safer,more dependable and more fuelefficient. This translates into a carthat is cleaner for the environmentand fun to drive.

So what type of advancementscan we expect in the next decade?Electronics will allow drivers to

Electronics will allow driversto tailor their vehicle to their

personal preferencestailor their vehicle to their per-sonal preferences: the effort requiredto steer the car, seat position andradio presets, dash board lightingintensity and suspension characteristics.All of this will be capable with atouch of a button; and every timethedriversteps in to the car, the cock -

pit will automatically adjust to the

preferred settings.What are the drawbacks to

this technology? The main disad-vantage is the repair costsof malfunctioning elec-tronics. Diagnostic testsaid today's mechanics infinding the problems.However, itcan still bevery

difficult to pinpoint the root of theproblem and correct it quickly andinexpensively. The possibility ofa m a Ifunction and the costs that areinvolved can make the out-of-pock-et expense a painful experience. Simpleitems are often overlooked becauseinexperienced mechanicsarequickto blame the electronics system. In

addition to this, repair shops thatare not equipped with diagnostic equip-ment will not be able to find prob-lems that occur with today's on-boardcomputers. Th is proves the impor-ta nee of a good service departmentat your dealership and why it is agood idea to have the dealership ser-vice your vehicle for anything thatis considered beyond routine main-tenance. Be sure that the service depart-ment is trustworthy and re liable. Therisk of costly repairs also warrantsthe purchase of a manufacturer's war-ranty.

Written with files from Graeme Fletcher,Globe & Mail.

Special Automotive Advertising Supplement

32 Automotive Advertising Supplement March 15, 1995

The Quality's Legendary

Preferential interest & lease rates for grads from April 'til the end of May

Owned BREfIIJIIIfIBCHUASE DEftlS ATand Operated OTA

by a WLU grad! tclaa 885-2000 k U kingstn|

•Take advantage of a Toyota lease plan available at your participating dealer. CORNER OF EXPRESSWAY V *

Lease prices are based on a4O month walkaway lease with downpayment of « f* » . nT[l r| r | p. H□l \ / T '-L$11 00.00 dollars on Tercel and $1 500.00 dollars on Camry First payment and A\ IM L» IM W H I h I I LL U UK I V t A Isecurity deposit due on delivery: 24 and 36 month terms also available Total ' — /

lease obligation being $9505.00 on Tercel 2 door base model with purchase CC y'

option of $3959.28 and $19056.00 on Camry LE 4 door with purchse option of O y'SsbSsh 2 z'per kilometre if applicable. Freight and PDI included. License, insurance and AJ Mi P (86taxes V y