1 58 (Y)Ears of Telling It Like It Isn’t! The Convention Ear Wednesday, July 25, 2018 Volume LIX, Issue III 25 Hour Convenon Coverage That’s Entertainment! Results Congratulations to the following dele- gates who have been selected to per- form in That's Entertainment! Soren Adams (KY) Madelyn Bedard & Ruth Weaver (MA) Cameron Crowley (TX) Sophia Dort (VA) Jeffrey Frenkel-Popell (CA) Keon Honaryar (CA) Kiana Hu (CA) Illinois Dance Troupe (IL) Owen Lockwood (OH) Akhila Nataraj (FL) James Sauls (FL) Albert Ting & Aric Ting (GA) These delegates must meet with Tyler Heist directly after GA III in front of the stage. Bring your music, if any, on a USB drive. If there are any problems, contact him via text at 859-815-9234. Thanks to all the acts that auditioned! Astronomers, Classicists Scramble to Invent Twelve More Stories About Zeus in Order to Name New Moons of Jupiter With the recent discovery of twelve new moons around Jupiter, astronomers and classicists have put aside their differences (they’ve agreed to spell it “Jupiter” not “Iuppiter”) to take on the challenge of naming the celestial bod- ies. As is tradition, the new moons will be named after various loves the king of the gods was said to have had; the only problem is, after 53 moons, we’ve run out of names. “This is a different kind of nomenclature problem than what we’re used to,” said astronomer Dr. Joey Chatelain, who looks at the sky for a living. “We’ve already used Metis, Adrastea, Amalthea, Thebe, Io, Europa, Ganymede, Cal- listo,” <we left at this point, did laundry, got lunch, then came back - the list was still going> “... Sinope, Sponde, Autonoe, Megaclite, and S/2003 J 2. We simply don’t have any more names to use.” To solve this problem, astronomers have turned to classicists for help. “The answer is simple,” said one leading Classics professor, who wished to remain anonymous. “We can just make up some more stories. Nobody can keep all of them straight, so it’s unlikely students will notice. This will be just like in the 1960s, when we finally ran out of things to say about the Aeneid. So, we just invented ‘word pictures’ and spent decades telling people they were real and that Virgil totally meant for it to look that way on a modern page.” For example, he offered an exclusive sneak peek at one idea. “We figured: Zeus would probably really love Doritos Locos Tacos from Taco Bell, so now there’s a myth about him transforming into a golden Toyota Prius and de- scending upon the restaurant at 3 in the morning. Call up Edith Hamilton, and we’ll add it to the 2019 edition.” I mean, it wasn’t built in a day! Daily Life Advice from the Fab Five Antoni “Stay energized for tesng sessions. Gua- camole from Garden Commons mixed with a dollop of Greek yogurt and fresh cilantro is a great brain snack.”
Welcome message from author
This document is posted to help you gain knowledge. Please leave a comment to let me know what you think about it! Share it to your friends and learn new things together.
Transcript
1
58 (Y)Ears of Telling It Like It Isn’t!
The Convention Ear Wednesday, July 25, 2018 Volume LIX, Issue III 25 Hour Convention Coverage
That’s Entertainment! Results Congratulations to the following dele-gates who have been selected to per-form in That's Entertainment! Soren Adams (KY) Madelyn Bedard & Ruth Weaver (MA) Cameron Crowley (TX) Sophia Dort (VA) Jeffrey Frenkel-Popell (CA) Keon Honaryar (CA) Kiana Hu (CA) Illinois Dance Troupe (IL) Owen Lockwood (OH) Akhila Nataraj (FL) James Sauls (FL) Albert Ting & Aric Ting (GA) These delegates must meet with Tyler Heist directly after GA III in front of the stage. Bring your music, if any, on a USB drive. If there are any problems, contact him via text at 859-815-9234. Thanks to all the acts that auditioned!
Astronomers, Classicists Scramble to Invent Twelve More Stories About Zeus in Order to Name New Moons of Jupiter
With the recent discovery of twelve new moons around Jupiter, astronomers and classicists have put aside their differences (they’ve agreed to spell it “Jupiter” not “Iuppiter”) to take on the challenge of naming the celestial bod-ies. As is tradition, the new moons will be named after various loves the king of the gods was said to have had; the only problem is, after 53 moons, we’ve run out of names.
“This is a different kind of nomenclature problem than what we’re used to,” said astronomer Dr. Joey Chatelain, who looks at the sky for a living. “We’ve already used Metis, Adrastea, Amalthea, Thebe, Io, Europa, Ganymede, Cal-listo,” <we left at this point, did laundry, got lunch, then came back - the list was still going> “... Sinope, Sponde, Autonoe, Megaclite, and S/2003 J 2. We simply don’t have any more names to use.”
To solve this problem, astronomers have turned to classicists for help. “The answer is simple,” said one leading Classics professor, who wished to remain anonymous. “We can just make up some more stories. Nobody can keep all of them straight, so it’s unlikely students will notice. This will be just like in the 1960s, when we finally ran out of things to say about the Aeneid. So, we just invented ‘word pictures’ and spent decades telling people they were real and that Virgil totally meant for it to look that way on a modern page.”
For example, he offered an exclusive sneak peek at one idea. “We figured: Zeus would probably really love Doritos Locos Tacos from Taco Bell, so now there’s a myth about him transforming into a golden Toyota Prius and de-scending upon the restaurant at 3 in the morning. Call up Edith Hamilton, and we’ll add it to the 2019 edition.”
I mean, it wasn’t built in a day!
Daily Life Advice from the Fab Five
Antoni
“Stay energized for
testing sessions. Gua-
camole from Garden
Commons mixed
with a dollop of
Greek yogurt and
fresh cilantro is a
great brain snack.”
2
Rd. 1 Rd. 2 Score Alpha 30 135 165 Arizona 100 55 155 Beta 0 20 20 California 110* 40 150 DC 180 145 325 Florida 190 230 420 Georgia 45 60 105 Illinois 20 85 105 Indiana 25 30 55 Kentucky 30 10 40 Massachusetts 165 205 370 New Hampshire 85* 115* 200 North Carolina 50 55 105 Ohio 95 65 160 Tennessee 60 30 90 Texas 165 130 295 Virginia 125 130 255 Wisconsin 45 95 140
Competitive Certamen Scores
After Rounds 1 & 2
NOVICE
Rd. 1 Rd. 2 Score
California 80* 45 125
Delta 75 30 105
Florida 130 220 350
Gamma 20 20 40
Georgia 265 75 340
Illinois 145 205 350
Indiana 25 40 65
Louisiana 45 10 55
Maryland 75 45 120
Massachusetts 95 165 260
North Carolina 35 130 165
New Hampshire 200* 105* 305
New Jersey 30 10 40
Ohio 165 50 215
Oklahoma 0 0 0
Texas 115 165 280
Virginia 135* 90* 225
Wisconsin 185 195* 380
INTERMEDIATE
Rd. 1 Rd. 2 Score
Alabama 20 30 50
Alpha 10 135* 145
Beta 60 70 130
California 140* 120 260
Colorado 100 30 130
DC 100 30 130
Florida 235 240* 475
Georgia 105 20 125
Illinois 100 90 190
Indiana 35 10 45
Kentucky 20 30 50
Louisiana 0 20 20
Massachusetts 260 185 445
New Hampshire 205* 90 295
North Carolina 10 45 55
Ohio 255 155* 410
Oklahoma 0 0 0
Tennessee 65 50 115
Texas 170 240 410
Virginia 325* 175 500
Wisconsin 145 265* 410
*- Adjudicated Score
Ask Woody With Woodrow “Woody’” Wills
ADVANCED
Hey Woody, you’re a former coach. What are your key strategies for Certamen? A: Woody wills you to play physical, play tough, and play through any and all pain. Hey Woody, I met a cute girl and I think its JCLove. Any dance move suggestion to wow the ladies? A: Woody wills you to lead with the shoulders, follow through with the head, finish with the toenails. Hey Woody, I took your Certamen advice and I’m seeing only the color blue. Should I seek medical assistance? A: Woody wills you to keep playing the game the right way, son. Hey Woody, who’s your favorite Roman? A: Horatius Cocles, talk about sacrificing your body for the good of the team. Hey Woody, what’s the proper way to wear shorts? A: High and tight, just like we did in the 60s. (Editor’s note, if you wear shorts at this length you will be sent home at your parents’ expense)
INTERMEDIATE
3
Meet the Candidates 1: What would the name of your debut album be? 2: Which Skittle flavor is the best? 3: What is your favorite
show to binge watch?
Name: Garrett Frye-Mason State delegation: New Mexico Office sought: President Number of NJCL conventions attended: 4 1. “Breaking Bad: The Musical!” I live in Albuquerque. Catch my band “Garrett and
the Wolf Gang” singing those sweet tunes with my dogs howling back up. 2. I don’t eat Skittles, so I’m going to have to go with Danny DeVito. 3. The only answer to this question is The Office. - Garrett - Michael Scott
Name: Natasha Panduwawala State delegation: Maryland Office sought: President Number of NJCL conventions attended: 3 1. “Tasha From the Block” because “no matter where I go, I know where I came from.” 2. Pineapple Passion (that blue, tropical one) is the best Skittle because I can feel like
I’m in the tropics without actually boarding a plane. 3. This Is Us – it is so realistic and gets you in ALL of your feels.
Name: Aleah Malik State delegation: Illinois Office sought: 1st Vice President Number of NJCL conventions attended: 3 1. “Aleah iacta est” 2. Strawberry – not too bold, not too mild, has an authentic fruity flavor, and
leaves a nice aftertaste. 3. To be honest, I’m more of a podcast person, but I do binge Black Mirror.
Name: Shir Bloch State delegation: WI Office sought: NJCL 1st VP Number of NJCL conventions attended: this is my 3rd 1. My debut album would be called "Sleepless" because I tend to get super excited
about things and then have trouble falling asleep. To be completely honest, most of those things are Latin!
2. The yellow skittles are the best. Try them and put my theory to the test. 3. I have been watching Seinfeld recently, although I also love Broadchurch and
The Crown.
Don’t forget to submit your personals for $1 in the NJCL
Office, which is located in Armstrong Room 1082!
4
Meet the Candidates 1: What would the name of your debut album be? 2: Which Skittle flavor is the best? 3: What is your favorite
show to binge watch?
Name: Ellie Davis State delegation: Louisiana Office sought: 2nd Vice President Number of NJCL conventions attended: 2, going on 3 1. “If Rainbows Made a Sound” – I’m often described as a SPIRITED person,
and also if I were a goddess, I would be this. 2. All of them together. You’ve got to taste the whole rainbow. 3. Currently New Girl, but Sherlock is my all-time favorite.
Name: Michaela Phan State delegation: New Hampshire Office sought: 2nd Vice President Number of NJCL conventions attended: 3 1. “Michaelalala” because it’s light-hearted and doesn’t reveal how bad at
singing I am. 2. The red one because it’s a classic! 3. How I Met Your Mother because the friend group dynamic is iconic,
and Barney Stinson’s character never gets old!
Name: Natalie Hilderbrand State delegation: California Office sought: Communications Coordinator Number of NJCL conventions attended: 2 1. “Coco Pebbles” 2. Strawberry Starfruit because it’s pink! 3. Gossip Girl xoxo
Name: Elana Sanders-Braxton State delegation: Missouri Office sought: Communications Coordinator Number of NJCL conventions attended: 2 1. “Road Work Ahead.” For one, it’s my favorite Vine, and it’s a good way to
say that the contents of the album probably need some work. 2. Orange! It’s bright, citrusy, and doesn’t taste like soap. 3. Queer Eye.
5
Meet the Candidates 1: What would the name of your debut album be? 2: Which Skittle flavor is the best? 3: What is your favorite
show to binge watch?
Name: Sam Acosta State delegation: Indiana Office sought: Parliamentarian Number of NJCL conventions attended: 3 1. “Dropped Twelve” - If you want to know the story behind this, come talk
to me in person. 2. Green, because it fuels my power. 3. It’s a hard tie between The Walking Dead and Peppa Pig. I only watch
educational programs.
Name: Layla Fistos State delegation: North Carolina Office sought: Parliamentarian Number of NJCL conventions attended: 3 1. “Fist Pump” It would be an electronic, European, dance music album. I
chose this because it fits with my last name :) 2. The chocolate ones, because they taste better than the other ones.
M&M’s all day every day. 3. NCIS or Friends.
Name: Ellie Kammerer State delegation: Ohio Office sought: Historian Number of NJCL conventions attended: 3 1. “Canon in E Major featuring Manual Exposure” because I really like the
manual modes on my camera and I’m trying to use them more :-) 2. Lemon, it’s the zest. 3. New Girl! Nick Miller from Chicago is my spirit animal.
Name: Jesse Hogan State delegation: Massachusetts Office sought: Historian Number of NJCL conventions attended: only 1 so far, but I loved every mi-nute of convention last year! 1. “Sleep Deprivation.” I feel like that appropriately describes the state of
my health on a day-to-day basis. 2. Lime – although lost to the ages, it was a snazzy flavor. If we’re counting
skittles only currently on the market, I’d say strawberry starfruit (the pink one)!
3. There is no shortage of Netflix shows I wouldn’t watch, honestly, but late-ly I’ve been into Parks and Recreation.
6
Meet the Candidates 1: What would the name of your debut album be? 2: Which Skittle flavor is the best? 3: What is your favorite
show to binge watch?
Name: Zoa Katok State delegation: Nevada Office sought: Editor Number of NJCL conventions attended: 2 including this one. 1. “The Mixmaster.” I work at Cold Stone Creamery and when you complete
training you’re called a mixmaster, and mixtapes are a music thing. 2. Well, it WAS lime, but then they DISGRACED their company by replacing it
with the abomination green apple. 3. The Simpsons! It’s a continuous stream of quality humor, I have no reason
not to love it.
Name: Anika Park State delegation: Georgia Office sought: Editor Number of NJCL conventions attended: 2 1. “Hotpot.” My debut album would have all the different types of mu-
sic from Beethoven to Beyoncé covers (though I can’t sing). It’s just a mix of everything, so it’s called “Hotpot.”
2. Probably strawberry! I always expect the red ones to be cherry-flavored which I don’t like very much, but it’s always a pleasant re-minder when I taste the strawberry.
3. The Office. You actually can never go wrong with any episode of it. It’s definitely my go-to show.
Have a meme you’d like to see here? Submit it to
NSCL Editor Laci Lisenby at
7
Personals Congratulations on becoming a candidate, Sam. We’re so proud of you! Indiana I stan a queen parliamentarian Sarah Lee! Asa says “Save the Bees! Buzz!” Christine, We met online almost four years ago, and you’ve be-come my one true FJCLove. Thank you for your HI-LARIOUS insights, cute snaps, and your beautiful friendship. I love you! Here’s to many more years to-gether. Yours, Bethany OH MY GOSH!!! I SAW THE CERTAMINATOR TO-DAY!!! Like #marryme DLW- How can this be the 17th year we’ve been together and yet apart?!?! SDW Iris of North Carolina- Hope you are having a GREAT time at your 1st NJCL convention! I enjoyed talking to you Monday evening; hope to see you again this week and next year in Far-go! Susan of Louisiana Ms. Norton- Welcome to your 1st NJCL with us; tell the truth, we are the BEST! Love you, LJCL
LJCL first timers! Welcome to your new normal summer vacation plans! Mr. Beck- You may not be the “official” state chair, but we love you anyway! LJCL Looking For Will From Virginia. Responds to: “WILL!!!” Not easily scared by WISCO squad. If Found, please return to WJCL. Susan, I hope you are enjoying your 17th convention. That is sort of special for someone who never took Latin. You have made my conventions special. Dennis Is the swimming pool actually close enough to be con-sidered within walking distance? -The sign painter wonders Do you love our national 1st VP Tim Han? Show your support by following @welovetimhan on Instagram! Come on down to the western dining commons thursday at 12:00pm to compete in a rice-off against the prevailing 2017 champ. LJCL, I am proud to have been a part of you since 1966. Dennis G, Every nations, I hope we’ll rekindle our long lost love. Maybe someday… -E
Related Documents
