The Beestonian Issue 33

-Beestonian

Issue no.

33

The

So here it is, Merry Christmas, witty articles and puns

….Yes you can, especially if your name is

National Grid.

2014 was a year that saw Beeston definitely live

up to its reputation as Most Interesting Town in

Britain. The tram was delayed; the Square ripped

down and dug up; Oxjam became bigger than

ever; and the town continued it’s mission to

keep things busy for any magazine that decides

to write about it. Thanks for that Beeston. We’ll

invoice you for the shoe leather you’ve cost us.

What does 2015 bring us? We have a

comprehensive, if not totally sane, series of

predictions on the centre pages. One thing we

do know is that the tram is due completion

around June. After previous delays, it isn’t cynical

to suggest this might not happen, but as the

track is now all in position and now roads and

pavements need to be put back in place, we are

far from over the most annoying bits. Beeston

will look less like a building site. Well, for a while.

The Square is hardly the most ambitious

development, but it is an improvement of the

grim mess that was the former precinct. As

readers of our Facebook page will know, Wilkos

are strongly rumoured to be moving back in (at

the time of writing they still haven’t formally

announced their return; get on with it, home-

ware teasers!); and the rest of the units have

been snapped up. A recent council meeting at

the Town Hall, discussing Beeston Town Centre,

revealed that Beeston is now in the sights of

several major national retailers, and is viewed on

the commercial property scene as highly

desirable. This has led the council to retain land

it owns that it would normally shed itself of (such

as the former market on Willoughby Street, now

covered in what looks like Triffids). Good news,

as it suggests there is great optimism about

Beeston post-tramworks, and bodes well for

future development.

Continued on page 2...

Beeston: Can You Dig It?

ow the West Bridgford is it December already?

The Autumn term has flown by again, and with

10 days left to go as I write this the pressure

seems to be on for staff and students alike.

Coursework deadlines are hitting hard and fast, and even

though they’ve been there, unmoving, for months they still seem

to come as quite a shock to some; be it in the rush to get work in on

time or the arrival of a pile of marking on the desk. It’s all badly planned

really, given the need to celebrate festively at the same time.

For Universities everywhere this December also sees the publishing of the

results from the latest Research Excellence Framework (REF). This is the

periodic ranking of departments and institutions based on their research

activity; the quality of the research they do and the impact it has had,

especially beyond academia. Results are published on the 18th December

and it’s an opportunity to toast success or analyse where things might have

gone wrong. It will also impact on some of the funding Universities get

from government each year.

The results are key for planning for the next few years

ahead, in terms of budgets and strategies for prioritising

different types of research. It will be an interesting few

days as the results sink in, especially as it’s over a year

now since the paperwork was all submitted. Having seen

the amount of material that has to be reviewed it’s not a

surprise it takes this long to process everything from all

universities.

On a personal note the end of term means I’ve nearly done a year as a

lecturer and a Dad. As many Beestonians will know, given the number of

children and academics I see around the place, this has been an interesting

and at times challenging experience. We’re lucky that we have a happy

and healthy baby who it is a joy to watch grow up, but work life balance

issues are different now to what they were 12 months ago!

Wishing you all a peaceful and happy end to 2014.

Prof J

an opportunity

to toast success or

analyse where things

might have gone

wrong

The University of

Beestonia

hat of future development? The second stage of

the Square development will soon be on the

agenda, and for the last year Beeston

Continuum group have been working with

the University of Nottingham Built Environment

Department and others to come up with ideas to fill

what will be a significant area ripe for development.

Another public meeting of the Continuum is loosely

scheduled for early 2015, we will keep you informed.

It is clear one thing we are wanting to avoid is the curse of

top-down development that leaves little room for the desires of

the people who have to live with the results. While all planning passes

through stages of public consultancy, this is flawed as there is little room

to generate ideas around what the public want. Instead you’re forced to

choose between what is often two evils. For the next stage of the Square,

let’s ensure it’s what WE, as Beestonians, want.

Top-down development is going to impact heavily on Beeston very soon

however, with very little warning.

National Grid gave notice to Beeston recently that they will be digging up

Beeston Square, from Oban house to the HSBC, and from the band-stand

to the bus station. This is due to discovering the gas pipes that lay below

are in a pretty appalling state, and need replacing. Why this work not

factored in during the tram / Square redevelopment works, we do not

know. Instead, we have a situation where new paving being lain outside

the Post Office will be dug up within weeks of it being put in

place.

National Grid have booked six months to do the work.

While some of it may be contingency, and the work will

be done well within this time frame, we can expect a

considerable period of disruption, hard hats and hi-vis,

just as we seemed to be moving to rather less disruptive

times.

There is little we can do to oppose this; it would have to

happen soon anyway. National Grid also seem to have carte

blanche to dig up anywhere, anytime; with very little notice. While it won’t

help us here, asking our elected leaders to look into changing the law to

make them work with, rather than against communities would be a

welcome step.

What we can do is make sure National Grid know we’re unhappy, and

demand that the works are done with speed; a minimal amount of

inconvenience; and by keeping Beestonians fully informed of

developments. Hopefully then, sometime in mid-2015, we will have a town

that looks good, with a tram system running through it and the memories

of the trenches, fences and closed roads a fading memory.

Happy Christmas Beeston, and we’ll try and keep you informed,

entertained and picking out typos deep into 2015.

LB

H

For the next

stage of the Square,

let’s ensure it’s what

WE, as Beestonians,

want.

W

Beeston: Can You Dig It? (ctd.)

n these modern times when we’re bombarded by

information from all quarters, via our mobiles,

social media and a billion telly channels, getting

back to one of the most ancient entertainments; story

telling; seems strangely like a real luxury.

Beestonian Mike Paynton caught that mood a few

years ago. ‘I’d been living in Mexico, teaching English in

schools. They had few resources there, a shortage of

books. So I began telling stories to the kids to help them

learn. I enjoyed it, tinkering with the stories each time, learning

how to grab their attention. There is a strong oral culture in Mexico. I

realised how effective it could be’.

After returning to the UK in 2008, Mike felt the need to develop this

previously unrealised talent. He began investigating other story tellers,

eventually working with the Storytelling Café in Matlock (which he now co-

runs), gathering fans and winning awards for his creative tales.

If you think this is just for kids, you might be surprised. ‘Adults bring their

kids expecting to have no involvement, but they quickly become

immersed. Story telling transcends age, it involves us all. We all love

a good story; we love conversation, relish anecdotes. These

things bond us. A storyteller can work a tale organically,

taking in account his audience, the ambience of the area

they are in, working off the audience as it goes. It’s like

seeing a band play live rather than just listening to the CD.

The oral tradition of storytelling thrives on vibrancy,

invention, exploration’.

What makes a good story? ‘Stories are subject to evolution; to

put it bluntly, the crap ones don’t survive. The good ones are gems,

polished over times by the tellers. I personally like crazy, morally

ambiguous tales, stories that draw a reaction from the audience and sends

them home thinking. There is an etiquette to stories, that

tellers pass on their stories. Strong stories thus survive,

often for hundreds of years’.

It’s true. Our own local legend Robin Hood is a

product of stories passed down well before they were

set down on paper (and in bringing things full circle,

Tim Pollard, Nottingham’s Official Robin Hood and

Prog Apologist is also an accomplished story teller

himself). The tales of Hans Christian Anderson and the

Grimm Brothers had wild lives well before they were polished and

sanitised into the U- rated tales we know now. Even one of the internet’s

chief currencies, the urban myth, are often nothing more than extremely

good stories that endure by word of mouth (and now, Twitter), updating

the cast and the setting, but with the same story skeleton to hang new

flesh on. What Richard the Lionheart did with a hamster was being

scurrilously passed around well before Richard Gere was even born. We

are all made of stories.

Following a hugely popular ‘Day of the Dead’ storytelling event at the

Flying Goose back in October, Mike will be holding a storytelling evening

at The White Lion, Beeston, with another renowned Beeston-based

storyteller, Tim Ralphs, on Wednesday 10th December

between 7.30 – 9.45pm. Tickets available at

[email protected], or directly from The White Lion.

‘We’re hoping to make it a permanent fixture, once a

month. There seems to be a real taste for it.’

We agree. Put down your ‘phone, switch off your tab. Go and

immerse yourself in a live story, and rediscover a tradition that

never went away, just got drowned out a bit.

Mike Payton

I

We are all

made of

stories.

We met with a

local professional

storyteller to hear about

his craft. Are you sitting

comfortably? Then

we’ll begin…

StoryTelling Mike Payton

NEWS FROM TRAM

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T H E B I G I D E AP A I N T I T B R I G H T

51%**Percentage of people who view your website on a mobile device.

Your customers are alreadymobile friendly. Are you?

bigidea-creative.co.uk

nd Bite is a Nottingham based art

collective consisting of three friends,

two from Beeston and the other from

the town, and their latest exhibition is

on show at the Beeston Library from

December 6th to January 16th.

Chris Frost and I were in attendance at the

preview. The atmosphere was pleasant, the

room filled with family, friends and local press,

all eager to get their first glimpses of the

collective and their art.

Rebecca McQueen, Andy Staveley and

Richard Sandell seemed delighted by the

response so far as they posed for a photograph

for Chris, standing beside one of Andy’s

cabinet works. Inside a

glass case were three

carved wooden arms,

each with the internal

nervous system in bright

almost neon colours. I couldn’t

help but think about the piece in

that moment representing the artists

themselves, putting their blood into their work,

revealing themselves, putting it all on show.

Andy’s cabinet installations, wood carvings

mostly with bright tinselly colours highlighting

detail – one showing arms, another a brain,

another the weather system – were somewhat

elusive to me, but intriguing nonetheless. The

influence of computer animation, Andy’s day

job, is clear but he takes it to a new level.

Similarly Richard has taken stark and candid

photography of swimmers in their suits and

caps. The palette is suitably washed out, pale

skin sometimes receding into the white tile

walls of the background. In spite of the drab

colours and impersonal postures of the

subjects a certain humanity does shine out of

each character.

Finally Rebecca presents a

series of almost forensic

photographs, the subject; a

dead, or dying, baby bird. I

think I found these the most

compelling. Rebecca’s use of

colour was brilliant, capturing the

budding plumage of the baby bird which

will never fully develop. The plain white

background encourages us to think of the setting

as sterilised and removed, but the vivid detail,

the surprising colours, reveal a morbid beauty.

However ultimately the exhibition isn’t about

these artists individually, but as a collective. Do

their pieces work together? I encourage you to

go to see the exhibition and decide for yourself.

Christopher Frost

2

The Beestonian

was invited to attend the

launch of a new art

exhibition at Beeston Library.

Christian Fox and Christopher

Frost went along to see

what was going on.

TwiceBitten

So, let meget thisstraight...JESUSDAVE!

I went away onholiday... andyou became a SUPERHERO?

SLURP!Yup.

God.You’re luckyyou weren’tarrested.Shhhhh!

It’s ‘The Beest’

JANUARYSnow coats Beeston for most of the month. Attenborough Nature reserve

reports its first ever sighting of an Emperor Penguin, fishing off the Delta.

Beeston weir freezes over, leading to some incredible tobogganing

displays. A Frost Fair kicks off on the ice, with celebrity butcher and

Beestonian Johnny Pustzai roasting whole cows over a massive fire.

Festivities are disturbed when Cliftonians spot this new passage across

the Trent, invade, and try and force Jake Bugg songs onto the stereo, and

push deeper into town. They retreat back to NG11 when they notice

that our tramworks are in a considerably worst state than theirs.

FEBRUARYIt’s a quiet month in Beeston, livened up by announcements that the

tram will be running in April. The Beestonian runs its most controversial

article yet, when it asks ‘Who’d win in a fight: Bendigo or Edwin Starr.

Debate rages across Beeston, with Team Bendigo pointing out that as a

professional fighter, it would easily be Bendigo; while Team Starr argue

that their contender was infused by soul power, and had the finest

smoothest dance floor moves to dodge whatever Bendigo threw at him.

JUNENET announce a further delay on the tram completion due to the

unforeseen consequence of a new version of Angry Birds being released

on the iPhone. Shock news from Somerset as boss of Glastonbury

Festival, dairy farmer Michael Eavis, cancels this year’s festival after stating

that compared to Oxjam Beeston, his event was ‘a bit shit’.

JULYA heatwave grips Beeston, and the new square looks in trouble after it

melts and is found in a globby mess down by Middle Street.

Attenborough Nature Reserve reports an invasion of cacti displacing the

native foliage. Professor Martyn Poliakoff, head of the UN –appointed

emergency local-fighter cloning body, announces that their new creations

are nearly complete, with just extensive sideburn-construction on both

Starr and Bendigo to go. The tram gets pushed back to September.

AUGUSTA combination of the students being away, most of Beeston on holiday,

and the Crown knocking ten pence off the price of its ale leads to the

footfall measuring machine registering a record low of 100 one weekday.

Shops do well, however, as this was a particularly affluent centipede –

boom-tish. At the Cannes Film Festival, Shane Meadows' new film, ‘This

is Beeston’ wins the the Palme D’or for Best Film About An East Midlands

Suburb. Spielberg, there to show his new blockbuster ‘Wollaton Park’,

which probably has dinosaurs and a stuffed giraffe in it, admits to being

‘gutted’.

Illustration by:

Mouni Feddag

SEPTEMBERThe tram arrives at last, but has to close after just an hour in service when

dozens of new University of Nottingham students jump on board with

invalid tickets and crash the whole system. NET announce it will remain

closed until someone can find the original boot-up disc, or download a

pirate copy off of the internet.

OCTOBERIn a shock announcement, the Rolling Stones announce that they are

splitting up after playing Beeston Oxjam 2015 ‘We done some gigs in our

time’ says fleshy lipped, wiggly hipped Mick Jagger ‘But that blew it all

away. We done it, man, and we’re quitting’. Bandmate Keith Richards is

later found sprawled in a tram-ditch behind Chilwell Road after

attempting to snort a line of salt he nicked from Gill’s Chippy.

NOVEMBERIn a grand ceremony, Beeston’s top boffins unveil their year’s work;

cloned versions of Edwin Starr and Bendigo. A rapt public gather to finally

find out who would win in a fight, but are left disappointed when

Bendigo announces he renounced fighting when he found god; and Starr

nails similar patriotic colours to his mast by asking the crowd ‘War. Uh

huh huh. What is it good for?’ After concluding ‘absolutely nothing’, the

crowd disperse and go home.

DECEMBERThe tram finally arrives, only to find everybody is now getting around by

jetpack. Clone Edwin Starr and Clone Bendigo grab the Christmas

Number One Spot with their version of ‘War’. The Beestonian magazine

runs an article on how correct its predictions were the year before; and

peace reigns on the town as it slips into 2016.

MARCHThe first signs of spring are apparent when the tram workers downgrade

to six tog duvets. The newly opened Beeston Square is now complete,

with a branch of Harrods joining Jasper Conran, Tiffanys and BM

Bargains. After the Bendigo vs Starr argument threatens to develop into

all out civil war, the UN step in, asking Beeston’s top boffins to clone the

fighters so a live bout could be held to settle the matter once and for all.

APRILCrowds flock to be the first to ride the new tram when it is opened on

the first day of the month; only to find they have been duped into an

incredibly elaborate April Fool joke involving pretend tram tracks painted

onto the road, and a cardboard tram being driven by hidden dogs. A few

hours later, NET announce the actual opening date will be June, and

leave the scene unscathed.

MAYElection fever grabs the town with both the council and MP up for the

public vote. Promises made include ‘Free wi-fi across town, with a free

state of the art iPad for every resident’; ‘more otters at Attenborough

Nature Reserve’; ‘the Beeman to be renovated: in SOLID GOLD’;

‘Beeston Carnival to borrow all the stuff from Alton Towers for one day’;

and most unbelievably of all ‘Tram works to be completed in June’. The

UKIP candidate gets confused while canvassing and sends himself back

home; after failing to prove his lineage to the prehistoric settlements that

Beeston grew from.

es, Beeston Rylands really is the Centre of

the World when it comes to wildlife

appreciation!

Since last I had the pleasure, nay honour, to

address you, dear reader of this inestimable journal,

the gang at the Beeston Wildlife Group have had

Golden Eagles and Tree Hugging on the agenda down

at the Infants School of a Monday evening. And talk

about class speakers! Two Doctors no less; Doc Fielding the

world’s greatest expert on Golden Eagles (well compared to me

he is!); and that great bon viveur of everything natural, the eccentrically be-

whiskered Doctor Patrick Harding telling us everything we ever needed to

know about trees. It doesn’t end there, between writing this note and it

hitting the streets (that’s a journalistic term I’ve picked up recently) Chris

Packham, he off the telly, will have graced the stage of the Pearson Centre

to chat with an adoring audience of his fans. Watch out for further reports

about this epic night in coming editions of this journal.

While I’m about it, I must share this one with you.

You may have heard of an actress (or is that

“actor” in these non-discriminatory PC days)

called Angelina Jolie. You may even, if you’re up

to speed with the celeb in-scene like what your

correspondent is, know that in Hollywood (that’s

USofA) she uttered a phrase first coined somewhere

between Dunkirk Bridge and Beeston Square - and

don’t believe anything different from any disgruntled

Long Eatonites. Quick as you like, and always after a bit of

high profile (free) advertising, Tim Sexton of the Attenborough

Nature Centre popped Angelina a Nottinghamshire Wildlife T-shirt in the

post. Under the picture of a cartoon Mallard - that’s a duck - are

emblazoned the immortal words ”Aye Up Mi Duck”!

Today Beeston, tomorrow Hollywood – crikey!

Mike Spencer

www.facebook.com/beestonwildlife

YMike Spencer, of

Beeston Wildlife Group,

gives us an update on the

hordes of celebs

descending on the town

to talk all things

wild…

in BeestonGoing Wild

1. Which form of clean 'transport' do

Norwegians hide away somewhere in the

house on Christmas Eve as a precautionary

measure?

2. Who wrote each of the following

words?

a. "It was always said of him, that he

knew how to keep Christmas well, if any

man alive possessed the knowledge"

b. "Maybe Christmas he thought,

doesn’t come from a store"

3. What kind of animal delivers gifts at

Christmas in Syria?

4. On which three feast 'days' do

Americans consume the most food?

5. Plus or minus one year, when did

Queen Elizabeth II deliver her first '

televised Christmas message to the

nation'?

6. In which European country do malicious

creatures called Kallikantzaroi get up to

mischief around Christmas?

7. Which percentage of Americans don’t

celebrate Christmas at all ?

a 4%

b. 10% or

c. 18%

8. Who composed the music for the

festive season ballet 'The Nutcracker'?

9. Plus or minus one year, how long does

it take a Scotch Pine Christmas tree to

reach a typical retail height of 6 to 7 feet?

10. Which two figures deliver gifts in

Russia during the festive season?

11. Due to new laws in most western

countries, why would the St Nick in the

poem 'A visit from Saint Nicholas (T'was

the night before Christmas.......) be

breaking the law when delivering gifts in

most public places ?

12 Due to an Act of Parliament Christmas

was effectively banned in England for 16

long years. This included all festivities,

even the attendance of Mass or a church

service. Plus or minus 25 years, when did

this Scrooge or Grinch like catastrophe

take place?

13 Which 'embassy employee' toy was

on many a boys Christmas list in 1964-65 ?

The

GREY MATTER

ANSWERS: BROOMS (IN ORDER TO KEEP THE WITCHES AWAY)/ A. CHARLES DICKENS, B. DR. SEUSS/CAMEL (ONE OF THE WISE MENS CAMELS)/CHRISTMAS DAY,

THANKSGIVING DAY AND SUPERBOWL SUNDAY/1957/GREECE/CIRCA 4 %/TCHAIKOVSKY/7 YEARS/LITTLE SNOWFLAKE (SNEGUROCHKA) AND GRANDFATHER

FROST (DEDUSHKA MOROZ)/ MOST PUBLIC PLACES NOW HAVE STRICT ANTI SMOKING RULES. THE ST NICK IN THE POEM SMOKES ON THE JOB./1644/5. THE

JAMES BOND 'ATTACHE' CASE. (TODAY THEY ARE COLLECTORS ITEMS, ONE WAS SOLD ON EBAY IN 2005 FOR 1,025.00 US DOLLARS OR 560 POUNDS !)

orward from Joe Earp

I am taking a break from this issue of the

Beestonian. Before you ask, no, I haven't given

up writing for The Beestonian; and no, I have not

been put off by the over-extended tram works!

The reason for my absence this issue is to allow my

good friend Ross Parish to submit his article on the

Beeston Carollers and hopefully get us all in the

Christmas spirit. Step in Ross, and lead the way:

Yorkshire tradition

Oddly, Beeston, a small town now part of the

Nottingham conurbation, has its own tradition of

unique carols said to have been passed down

from generation to generation from Yorkshire

weavers who settled here in the 1800s. The

Beeston Chilwell road Methodist carol choir have

continued the tradition since 1870, at first as a

male-only choir, and then including women after

the First World War.

Despite being part of the so-called Yorkshire carol

tradition, recent research has revealed the carols

originate from Leicestershire, Derbyshire as well

as Yorkshire. Indeed, one of these carols, ‘Angels

from the Realms of Glory’, is the most local, being

written by William Matthews, a Nottingham

composer in the early nineteenth century.

Originally, they would probably only sing on

Christmas Eve, as Bill Spray recalls in the 1900s

from an article on the custom:

“They didn’t start to 8 o’clock and they went on to

2 in the morning. I used to go with my father and

my brother and sister who were both older.

Mother stayed at home and finished off the

Christmas baking. Some of the singing was done

in the streets, but in the main it was at the big

houses, of which there were very many in Beeston

at the time. We usually sang at least two carols at

every place we visited. After midnight we would

probably do no more knocking on doors, but one

of our members would go out the next morning to

the houses which we hadn’t collected. One

feature was that immediately after midnight we

always sang Christian’s Awake. We always finished

in Beeston square and always sang an anthem. The

words were from the Book of Isaah; Behold the

Virgin shall conceive and bear a son...there were

about 20 or 30 of us.”

It is interesting that in later years the proclamation

of the Gospel was more important than collecting

money, today perhaps there has been a reversal,

where money is collected for charity. In the days

of Bill Spray the money collected was for

themselves, as he himself noted:

"My father and grandfather belonged to a carol

choir in Beeston called the Combined Choir and

they used to go out mainly to the large houses and

they collected for themselves...In those days wages

were very, very low. There was no paid holiday. So

when Christmas was coming they knew they

would lose. They would have a short week for

Christmas week. And so they used to go out and

collect their poor wages and compensate for the

lack of any wage over the Christmas period."

Interestingly, despite the black out, the carollers

continued during World War II, although they did

make note of the locations of all the air raid

shelters. Again, as in the World War I, the male

section was reduced, but older men were utilized

to ‘balance the harmonies’.

Hark..mine’s a pint!

One of the main fixtures of the carol season is

their singing in a local pub, currently the Crown.

This may seem an unusual place for a carol

service, but despite a few bemused looks the idea

appeared to be a popular one. I arrived there with

one minute to go to the starting time and with a

whisper around about the choice of carol, the

pub erupted in song. An incredible melodic

sound filled the pub as the majority of people

their joined in. Fundamental to this performance

was the choir master who sat central to the group

and like a conductor of a grand orchestra was

fully enraptured by the experience and his arms

flailed about with great gusto. At the start of each

carol, he produced a rough piece of paper with

the running order and a harmonica to set the

pitch and sending the message around often like

a strange code with special words being used for

the arrangements. In some cases the names were

very cryptic, but the carols would be well known

if he tunes not, as I explain below. The group

were a mix of different ages and voices. One man

said he was a newcomer and then related he had

been in the group since the 1990s: such is the

strength of the choir’s continuity. I was informed

that the singing in pubs was a fairly recent

invention, starting only a few years since in

another pub, the Hop-pole, as a warmer

alternative to the street walks.

A local remix

“Although many of the carols of today were sung

in the past for example Hark the Herald Angels sing

and While Shepherds watched different tunes

were used”

Nothing is new. Modern popular music often

steals older basslines or instrumental tracks, fuse

new songs onto them, and make new tracks,

others remix and rearrange popular classics.

This in a way describes many of the well-known

carols sung by the choir. On paper we all know

‘Whilst Shepherds Watch’ or ‘Hark the Herald

Angels’ but in the dulcet voices of the choir local

variants were song. Like some obscure Northern

Soul track, such carols are not called by their well-

known name but local variants. In the case of

‘Whilst Shepherds..” it is sung more enjoyably in

areas of Yorkshire to the tune of the well-known

‘Ilkley Moor Bar Tat’: although it was this popular

folk tune which stole the carol’s tune, not vice

versa. There are at least six versions of this carol,

prompting listeners to assume it is the wrong tune

and miss the unique nature of the custom.

“In order to preserve for posterity the traditional

tunes and harmonies sung by the Choir …, we have

now set down rationalised versions.”

What makes such local variants an enjoyable

experience is the use of the ‘gallery’ style of

singing, named after the area of church they

would be sang from. In these carols different parts

of the choir, took different sections of the carol

to an anthemic result. Immersed in the centre of

this wall of sound makes for an unforgettable

experience.

Keeping them on the streets

By the late 1980s, a regular pattern had been

established. The Carol Choir visited local care /

nursing homes on Sunday afternoons during

December; sang on one Saturday lunchtime in

Beeston Square or High Road; and then spent

three evenings (including Christmas Eve) singing

around the streets, covering an area between

Wollaton Road, Beeston, and Grove Avenue,

Chilwell. I had planned to join the choir again for

one of their street walks but sadly the weather

and previous engagements prevented

me...assuming the choir went out during the

horrendous weather! Hopefully another year I'll

manage it.

If you are interested in folk customs and holy

wells take a look at Ross Parish’s blogs where you

will find more information:

http://traditionalcustomsandceremonies.wordpre

ss.com/2012/05/31/custom-revived-lambleys-

cowslip-sunday/

http://anottinghamshirecalendar.wordpress.com/

2013/05/31/a-nottinghamshire-may/

Ross Parish

www.nottinghamhiddenhistory.wordpress.com

Beeston Carollersby Ross Parish

F

ecently I had a revelation. It occurred during a guitar lesson late

in November, when a pupil asked me to teach them a Christmas

song. Being a money motivated easily bought individual I agreed

to oblige, and they seemed a little shocked. “I was going to ask you last

year, but then I remembered how much you moan about Christmas”. We

then had the obligatory trudge through Slade’s “Merry Christmas” and I

wondered if it was possible for there to be another way, just like Seinfeld’s

Frank Costanza creating ‘Festivus’.

Maybe I could break Christmas from the inside, maybe use music as an act

of subversive protest. Let’s face it, most folks aren’t religious and yet we

piss around having this stupid day where we eat too much, argue and then

realise why we only see certain relatives once a year. So imagine an

alternative Christmas playlist? None of the usual suspects (although I

recently went for a drink with a fella who sometimes drinks with Shane

McGowan- he gets the equivalent of seven grand a week for that bloody

Christmas song. Makes me wonder why it took him so long to get his teeth

fixed).

So in a futile attempt to broaden minds and perhaps ruin the Festive

season, I am going to give my alternative Christmas playlist. It’s a bit taboo

in places so don’t play it for your children, or anyone easily offended.

Talking of easily offended, one of my favourite Christmas stories comes

from the dark past of Chilwell Road. A shop that will remain nameless was

being used by the owner’s mate to conduct an illicit affair after hours. Little

known to the parties involved in said affair the shop owner left a tape

recorder running. Move forward to Christmas Day lunch at the shop

owner’s house, he decides it will be a novel idea to play the tape at volume

to his two sons…. You really did have to make your own entertainment in

the late 70’s… With no further avail let me start my playlist. After the

Carolan Guitar (see previous issues) I have now even learnt to use QR

codes, so you can share my small but well meaning selection.

1. Sonny Boy Williamson II “Santa Claus”

A really excellent blues record about Christmas. Sonny

Boy was the consummate blues writer, singer and harp

player. His lyrics were very different and often have a

surreal quality, like some drunk hipster. The story is a

simple one; his baby has gone shopping to buy what he

needs for Santa Claus and takes her presents with her? ( I assume to stop

him selling them for booze?), but informs Sonny Boy that she has left his

present in her set of dresser drawers. Like a kid he goes looking through

her drawers but gets caught by the disgruntled landlady who calls the law.

Sonny Boy continues rifling for the present and ends up having to show

his baby’s Christmas list to the judge. We never find out if he gets done or

not. A morality tale? Let’s face it the song makes no sense and sounds

good. Being blues’ it’s probably just a giant sexual innuendo. Perfect for

when the relatives are over.

2. Tom Waits “Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis”

You never hear this one during the festive season.

Shame. Early Tom Waits has always reminded me of of

loneliness and drinking. And therefore Christmas. Think

about those worse off than you during the festive

season like the Hooker in the song. Then drink loads.

Tom would have approved, back when he used to

imbibe. One perhaps to play instead of Elton John?

3. The Pretenders “2000 Miles”

A Christmas record that doesn’t bleat on too much

about the festive season. Granted Chrissie Hynde kind

of bleats a bit when she sings. Bear in mind that she is

a militant vegetarian and would prefer meat eaters not

to listen to her music. Best served with nut cutlets

4. James Brown “Santa Claus, Go Straight to the ghetto”

It wouldn’t be Christmas without a bit of James Brown,

well not in my house anyway. Off his excellent “Funky

Christmas” album. Just don’t go all JB on your relatives

during the big day, and by that I mean don’t do a load

of PCP and then try and shoot one of them for using

your private bathroom (that’s my Christmas plans in

tatters –Ed)

5. The Waitresses “Christmas Wrapping”

Got any hipsters coming round this Christmas? (hint, if

you aren’t sure they usually all wear silly glasses and

have matching black t-shirts, skinny jeans tattoos etc..

They all look identical). Well they played this ‘80s gem

a lot on Radio 6 last year so it must be good eh….

maybe you can serve ‘em up some vegan tinsel

burgers..

6. Chuck Berry “Run Run Rudolph”

One guitar riff. It’s all he needed. He even managed to

make a Christmas record out of it. Shame about his

dubious morals. Play it but remember to check the

ladies toilets for cameras. Also of note, Keith Richards

did a great cover of this.

That’s me done, I’m off to celebrate by upsetting relatives and nearly

setting fire to myself after experimenting with the mythical George Best

drink (half a pint of brandy, with half a pint of red wine) Tried it one

Christmas on a smaller scale. Remember if you can’t say it, you aren’t fit

to drink it.

Jimmy Wiggins

Sells guitars and stuff at The Guitar Spot, Chilwell Road and accepts

pints from strangers in all pubs.

R

BEESTON BEATS

t is the busiest time of the year for those of us

who organise Christmas in our households (or

multiple households). It is particularly frantic

when it’s also the busiest time for your business.

Relaxing is impossible - there is never nothing to do.

I have a big list for everything to be done, and several

subset lists which allocate nearly every one of my

waking hours up to and including December 25th.

So, it was nice to spend an unexpected hour in a

huge garden centre up north whilst visiting elderly

relatives last weekend. We thought we were going

straight to the pub for lunch, but we stopped off at

a self confessed ‘winter wonderland

of music, lights, festive food and

family fun’ – the biggest in the

region. There were dozens of

Christmas scene village and railways

models and life size dancing snowmen

as well as a huge advent calendar and a

giant snow globe. At first, I was alarmed to find we

had stopped there, then skeptical, a bit haughty and

then amused.

It being a Sunday, the place was very crowded, and

my auntie grabbed my hand. I am not sure whether

that was for her security or mine. But

just for a second it took me

somewhere else, way back in my

life, when Christmas was altogether

less complex, emotionally

uncomplicated and extremely exciting.

And, just for a change, that was lovely.

I will be making a special effort to go to the Beeston

Christmas switch on this year on 29th November

and will take a quiet moment to enjoy it all in that

context.

mCMA

I will be making a

special effort to go to

the Beeston Christmas

switch on this year

Busy timesI

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CODEWORD

Come and join us after 5pm for an early supper, food served until

6.30 on Thurs + Fri. We have a full beer, wines and cider list

including our own range of flying goose ales.

All ingredients are fair trade and organic where possible.

33 Chilwell Rd. Beeston NG9 1EH0115 9252323

NEW opening times:Thurs 10am - 7pmFri 10am - 7pmSat 9am - 4pm

Sunday Brunch 2nd Sun of every month

ack in the heady days of the

early to mid 1970’s prog

rock was popular and

possibly dare I say even… cool.

People liked it and were actually

prepared to admit it in public (albeit

possibly under the influence of illegal

substances - but hey, it was the 70’s).

Epic long-form rock songs with lyrics less

concerned with love and sex and more

bothered about wizards and spaceships were

filled with classical references, guitar noodling,

vast sweeping keyboard and drum solos which

left you feeling rather short-changed if a song

came in at less than seven minutes (and were

preferably much longer) presented by silver-

clad, cape-wearing maestros playing revolving

pianos on ice to the accompaniment of a full-

sized orchestra. Admit it, it all sounds great,

right?

Sadly prog these days generally has a bad rap

(unlike rap, which is generally just bad*). Once

punk had reared its ugly head the musical scene

changed from posh boys with expensive

keyboards playing clever rock/jazz/classical

fusion into to posh boys putting on fake

mockney accents and pretending to empathise

with the working classes by simplifying

everything to the point everyone thought they

could have a go - which sadly they then did.

These days it seems almost no-

one even wants to play an

instrument, just to be a singer

and a ‘celebrity’. Taking time to

become proficient at an

instrument is so last century darling

- and autotune will sort out the lack of

singing ability too. Musicianship? Prog had it

by the bucketload, plus pomp, inventiveness,

fun and yes, even a bit of intellectual elitism too

(plus the dragons, obviously).

Typical scene from a prog rock concert

Frankly at its best prog is awesome and

actually… progressive. It experiments, plays with

music, concepts, timing and so much more -

and yet the late, lamented and much venerated

John Peel, still a hero to many (despite

describing in his autobiography a lifestyle that

would have the Operation Yewtree coppers

charging towards him before they could even

alert a BBC camera crew) once described prog

greats Emerson, Lake and Palmer as ‘a tragic

waste of talent and electricity’. But I defy you to

listen to their classic album ‘Tarkus’ and not be

blown away by their sheer talent, enthusiasm

and inventiveness.

Or listen to Pink Floyd, Rush, Marillion, Jethro

Tull, Hawkwind, Yes, Spock’s Beard,

Transatlantic… or even Genesis (if you really

have to) and realise that musicianship,

experimentation and pushing the boundaries of

music can be truly thrilling, involving and deeply

satisfying. Prog will never get as much airplay as

Miley Cyrus, One Direction or any other radio-

friendly pap these days - but frankly that’s radio’s

loss, not yours. Grab yourself a triple-concept

album of prog-ly goodness, a pint of real ale,

turn off your pomposity meter and settle back

to enjoy it right now. You really won’t regret it.

Tim Pollard

Nottingham's Official Robin Hood

* Whatever Granddad! - assoc.Ed

Frankly atits best prog isawesome andactually…progressive.

Bow

SelectaThe Beestonian is...Editor/Lead Writer/Founder

• Lord Beestonia

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• Prof J

Design

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Top-notch contributors this issue:

Tim Smedley, Joe Earp, Chris Fox,

Christopher Frost, Jimmy Notts, Tim

Pollard, Jimmy Slideboy Wiggins,

Mike Spencer, Ric Salinger, mCMA,

Prof J, Mike Payton, Mouni Feddag

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