The Assistant’s Guide to Self Awareness - IAAP Summit Assistant’s Guide to Self Awareness YOUR KEY TO ADVANCEMENT LUCY BRAZIER.

The Assistant’s Guide to Self AwarenessYOUR KEY TO ADVANCEMENT

LUCY BRAZIER

www.executivesecretary.com

Lucy BrazierCEO, Marcham Publishing

My journey so far

A photo opportunity

CHANGE...

CHANGE

How did we get from this… … to this ...

…via the downturn?

BELBINSELF PERCEPTION AND AWARENESS

WWW.BELBIN.COM

The Modern Administrative Professional is a Strategic Business Partner

A ship in port is safe, but that’s not what

ships are built for

Communication

Strategically managing

relationships & the

expectations of your

stakeholders...

Map of Influence

• Key internal stakeholders• Key external stakeholders• Relationships that underpin the

operations of your executive

You

CEO

CFO

Other PAs

ProcurementManager

CompanyLawyer

FinanceDirector

Office Manager

Receptionist

ITEngineer

Catering Manager

HRDirector

Chairman

As Assistants you are uniquely placed

To lead your team to victory

Empower your team and your business

40% OF PRODUCTIVITY

COMMUNICATION

is directly connected to

Why are you so scared of sharing?

Some important questions to ask yourself!

• What are your professional ambitions• What are your work ethics• What are your current boundaries/authority• What are your current strengths• When did you last feel highly motivated?

Body Language 55%

Words 7%

Tone 38%

Categories of Behavior

Parent

Adult

Child

Aggressive

Assertive

Passive

Child

Adult

Making yourself heard• Do not apologise for wanting to speak• Use the other persons name• State that you would like to speak or have

input• Wait until you have someone's attention• Posture• Don’t fidget!

Dealing with aggression

• Tell the other person you hear them• Use their name• Don’t internalise – detach• Communicate from your own

perspective –not theirs.• Understand and state your

boundaries • Use active listening

An exercise in assertiveness

The Truth about Body Language…

Micro gestures

1

Displacement gestures

2

Universal gestures

3

Unintentional gestures

4

Signature gestures

5

Gestures…Micro Gestures

• Signals that “leak” your inner truth• Tiny, fleeting indicators that are quickly

gone• Impossible to control or hide• Movement around the mouth, tension at the

eyes, flaring of the nose, clenching of the teeth

Gestures…Displacement gestures

• Activities to distract yourself as opposed to others

• Often occurs when we are feeling internal conflict or discomfort

• A divert of energy away from a situation or feeling

• Playing with objects, drumming fingers,tapping foot, stroking your chin

Gestures…Universal gestures

• Gestures which are standard across cultures

• They are genetically imprinted into our behavior patterns

• Difficult to control• Smiling, blushing, crying, nodding,

shrugging, widening the eyes in the face of fear

GesturesUnintentional gestures

• Displays a conviction of your own beliefs• Delivers a message of “no compromise”• The “fright” element of “fright or flight”• Crossed arms, pursed lips, crossed legs,

finger over mouth

Gestures…Signature Gestures• Your own unconscious habit gestures• Gives an insight into your personality• Defines who you are• Twiddling hair around a finger, a tilt of the

head, pursing the lips

Creating rapport through reflecting gestures

• Developing a harmonious or sympatheticrelationship

• Matching and mirroring gestures and movements

• Can be achieved through, tone, touch, eye contact, gestures and verbal responses

• Balance between rapport building and mimicking

Demonstrating Power & AuthorityIts all in the head…

Spotting deception• Micro gestures• Poker face – no emotion displayed• Eye contact – too direct, or looking away• Lots of touching - mouth covering• Nose touching• False smile• Limited hand gestures• Changing speech patterns

Truth or Lie

Exercise…

• In pairs, take it in turn to tell each other 3facts about yourself

• One of these facts should be a lie that youshould try to conceal

• Try to read which one of your partners facts is a lie

Acting how you want to be perceived• Posture• Understanding your own “Signature

gestures”• Adopt your own cluster of postures,

positions and gestures• Ensure that your gestures reinforce the

impression you want to make• You can modify and adapt your gestures to

meet the needs of a situation

PersonalCommunication

INNER THINKING

Johari Window

Turn understanding yourself into a fine

art...

Developing self awarenessof your own values and motivation

• Things that you value in yourself and things that you value in others

• When you were really motivated: what where you doing and what was it that motivated you?

• People that you respect. What is it thatyou value about them?

We often respect those with similar values to our own

What does this tell you?The values I want to convey to others are:1. .................................................................

2. .................................................................

3. .................................................................

I want others to see me as someone who:

......................................................................

Our behaviors

are driven by our beliefs

and our beliefs are a

choice...

We can change the energy in the office -better make sure it’s in a good way!

Handling your inner

critic

At it’s worst, this voice can destroy your confidence, affectyour performance and prevent you from reaching yourpotential.

HOW WE ARE SEEN FROM THE OUTSIDE

Adapting to your environment

Adapting to the difference

Keep your distance

Strong handshake

Lean forward

Direct eye contact

Controlled gestures

Strong

Clear, loud

Confident

Direct

WinLead the field

Results

Now

Challenge

Get close

Use touch

Relaxed, fun

Friendly eye contact

Expressive gestures

Enthusiastic

High & lowmodulationFriendly

Energised

Fun

I feel

Socialise

Recognition

Exciting

Relaxed, close

Methodical

Lean back

Friendly eye contact

Small gestures

WarmSoft

Steady

Low in volume

Step by stepHelp me out

Security

Promise

Think about it

Keep your distance

Stand or sit

Firm posture

Direct eye contact

No gestures

ClearPrecise

Limited inflection

Here are the facts

Proven

No risk

Analyse

Guarantee

55%Body Language

38%Tone, Pace & Pitch of Voice

7%Words & Content

Proactive Leader Creative Talker Reactive Follower Analytical Listener

Make no mistake – it’s political!

Make no mistake – it’s political!

Are you politically intelligent?

Are you able to?• Read what is happening in the organisation

at a time of change?• Understand how decisions are really made?• Know who and how to influence to get your

ideas accepted?• Understand where different types of power are

and how it moves over time?• Clear about the different agendas that exist in

the organisation?

The Animal Model

GoalAlignment with Organisation

Political Intelligence

LowLow

High

High

Foxes are...Clever

Cunning

Adaptable

Resourceful

Sly

Kill for fun

Furry!

Foxes areclever...These people have high political intelligence and use it it primarily in pursuit of personal goals.

They are aware of both written & unwritten rules and the ways to get things done both formally & informally. They may use this for personal gain, andmaybe skilful at placing blame and/or responsibility onto others. They may be seen as playing games,often with a concealed motivation.

Owls are...Observant

Kill for food

Swift

Silent

Aloof and distant

Wise

Feathery!

Owls are Wise...High political intelligence and use this to align their personal goals with those of the organisation

Like the fox group they know how to manoeuvrearound organisational procedures. They work inways that are beneficial to both the organisation& themselves. They are unlikely to undertakeactivities solely in pursuit of their own interests.

Sheep are...• Trusting

• Innocent

• Naive

• Follower

• Gentle and timid

• Loyal

• Woolly!

Sheepare trusting...Low political intelligence & concerned to meet both organisational and personal goalsSuspicious of the issue of politics. They link political intelligence with the Fox’s negative aspects rather than Owls positive behaviors. Pursue organisational goals and their own. Blind to power & organisational decision-making processes.

Mules are...Determined

Hard working

Noisy

Bad tempered

Heavy load carrier

A plodder but sure-footed

Hairy!

Mules are Determined...Low level of political intelligence &pursue personal goalsUnaware of both formal & informal power structures and primarily concerned with personal goals. Determined and stick resolutely to their plans. They are convinced they are right & are not afraid of telling others, appropriate or not.

Fox, Owl, Sheep, Mule...• Which animal are you?

• Which animal is your Executive?

• Which animal is each of your Leadership Team?

• Which animal shows true leadership qualities?

Rock and a hard placeA Director from another area of the business has asked you for some information. Their undefined deadline has only just passed and you receive the email I am about to show you. (You genuinely forgot to respond as you have been busy with, for you, more important work).

Rock and a hard placeFrom:To:

A Very Important DirectorYou

I called you last week to get information for the Management Report. You have as yet not responded to me and the CEO is unhappy that his information is incomplete which is reflecting badly on me. I am at a loss as to why you seem incapable to responding to simple information requests on time.As you are reading the email you notice it has been copied to your Executive and the CEO.

Rock and a hard placeConsider:

• Why did the Director cc the email?• Why haven’t the CEO or your Director

responded to either of you?• Why has the Director sent an email rather

than phone you about it?• What sort of mood was the Director in when

the email was sent?• What sort of mood are you in, right now?

Rock and a hard placeConsider:

• What would the Fox do?• What would the Owl do?• What would the Mule do?• What would the Sheep do?

Rock and a hard place

Fox: Would seek to blame and to show that it is not their fault. Their email response, copied to all, would say: “I have been very busy with my Director's trip to Singapore. I am currently unable to collate the information and was given no clear deadline. I believe your Assistantalready has the information”

Rock and a hard place

Mule: Attack may be the best form of defence. Their email, copied to all, might say: “I am currently busy with my Director's trip to Singapore and did not received XYZ from you last week either.”

Rock and a hard place

Sheep: Their email, probably not copied, would state: “I am so sorry, I have been completely snowed under. I will work on this immediately and collate the information you need and get it to you ASAP.”

Rock and a hard placeOwl: Their email, possibly copied to all, may

say: I recognise that you are frustrated and I can understand that. This has been an oversight on my part for which I apologise. I would really appreciate if you could communicate a clear deadline so that I can plan my workload and then I can meet your expectations more effectively in the future.

The Five Steps toEmotional Intelligence

Self awarenessOften our inner drives are hidden from our consciousness. Emotional Intelligence enables us to access this information by helping us tune into our response and identify our hot buttons –those beliefs and values – which, if pressed, evoke the flight or fight responses, trigger an emotion and propel us into action for good or bad.

“I was ashamed and disgusted when I watch the looters and rioters in London a couple of years ago. Their actionswhere inexcusable and deplorable.They destroyed the homes and businesses of decent hard workingpeople. They have no morals or decency.

“I support the actions of the rioters and looters in London last year. The youth

of London are not invested in, they have no career prospects and have

wealth and possessions flaunted in their faces. Fair play to them taking what they could never afford themselves.”

Self awareness

Often our inner drives are hidden from our consciousness.

Your Executive has called you from home on the day she is due to presentto the Board on the re-structure of the

PAs within the organization. She cannot come in and wants you to attend the

Board Meeting in her place and present the case.

Automatic Thoughts

Emotions (howdid you feel)

Response (what did you do)

Outcomes (whatwere the consequences)

•Oh my goodness! She can’t be serious? I'vehad no real timeto prepare, my executivedropped this on me at the last minute, we are not ready•Stomach churning, pressure building back of neck

•She (boss) should have done this presentation•I’m going to blow it; I know the Finance Director has it infor me•They will see it’snot clearly planned yet, it will be my fault•I’ll look like a fool

•Anxiety•Fear

•Just managed toget through•Board not entirely convinced•Asked to re-present in a month

Self Awareness

• What is the evidence that the automatic thought is true?

• Could there be an alternativeexplanation?

• What’s the worst/best that couldhappen?

• What is the effect of my believing the automatic thoughts?

• What could be the effect of changing mythinking?

Automatic Thoughts

Emotions (how did you feel)

Response (what did you do)

Outcomes (what were the consequences)

•Oh my goodness –what an opportunity•Ideally, boss should be doing it, but something urgent must have come up•Short notice but done my best within time available•Slight churning in stomach

•Executive has given some steer on key players•Finance Director key stakeholder, need to focus on influencing him•Team has worked hard and I really believe in our approach•Feel positive

•Adrenalin pumping, to be expected•Feel anxious but I am going to knock them dead

•Presentation went great•Got the go-ahead to move to launch date (Finance Director particularly convinced by cost-benefit analysis)

The Dynamics of Emotionctivating event

elief/Interpretation

onsequences/Reaction

Real

Imagined

Rational Response

Irrational Response

Evokes Feelings

Leads to Behaviour

Stress paralyses you

‘People who cannot find time for recreation are obliged sooner or later to find time for illness’ John Manamaker

Over-Achievers Anonymous

But here’s the problem with that!

The secret to Managing StressMake – Healthy - Choices

Overload: ◦ Working for many bosses can mean

having too much to do.

Conflicting messages: ◦ The more bosses you have the more

conflicting messages you get.

Loyalty: ◦ Some bosses want to know that

they are your first priority.

Changes in the role mean

And then there’s ‘The Blinkered Boss’

Doesn’t understand how long things take, your workload or priorities – just wants it done

Lack of communication

Can be one of several executives‘No one said the world was fair, only that it was round’

Martyrdom

Boundaries

Saying ‘no’ to people can actually be good for your role, your mental health, and your career.

We train people how to treat us

Boundaries - Gain agreement from your Executive on how they see your role, where it starts and where it stops.

Time audit – how much sand?

What to say…John, I’d really like to help you out, I can see you are under pressure, however, I am working on a deadline for David right now and I just don’t have the spare capacity.

I’d really like to say yes, but it’s not something that I’m expert with, have you tried asking (insert name)?

Yes I can help, but it’s not going to be until Thursday morning as I need to finish these reports before I start anything else.

I would really like to help, but I have family commitments this evening and absolutely have to leave on time today.

I’m working on David’s board packs right now, but if you’re able to give me a greater lead time next time, I will be able to schedule it into my priorities.

I can’t right now, I’m sorry.

Remember ‘No’ IS a complete sentence.

The Myth of Multitasking

One of your main jobs as an Assistant

Why is this so stressful?

Susie’s Three Cups

I AM JUST TOO BUSY

Find a system to suit you

Stay very organisedShared diary between you and all your bosses.

Stones in first

If anyone wants sand – especially if you don’t report to them, they come second.

Procrastination

Eat that Frog!

A couple of very sensible quotes…

“Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday and all is well”

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”

Who am I as an Assistant?

MESelf talk, fears,

anxieties, values, hot buttons, emotions,

driver behaviors

Personal Style

Skills

Physical Presence

Impact on others

Energy levels

Non-verbal behavior

Pro-active vs. Reactive Support

Reactive Follower (Passive) – FIRE FIGHTING• Waits for direction and tasks• Little authority, influence or input

Proactive Leader (Assertive) - CONTROLLED• Actively contributes to the business partnership• Understands and supports the business strategy• Meets and sets expectations and deadlines

Developing the business partnership with your Executive/Team

Structured Communication

Offers Insight and ideas

Assertive

Confident

Limited Involvement

Reactive

PARTNER

SUBORDINATE

The two most important questions to ask yourself to move forwards…

• Where can I take on greaterresponsibility?

• How can I add value and expand the current boundaries of my role

Wipe the slate clean meeting

How can you createopportunities for yourself?

Identify 3 areas where you think things could be done better

How do you measure the value?Who do you need to influence to make the changes?

What steps do you need to take to make the changes?

Making the transitionand developing the partnership• Plan, plan and plan some more!• Working styles – yours and your bosses• Clarify your current responsibilities and areas of

influence• Determine the areas you want to develop• Plan and book a meeting with your boss

Your unconscious brain makes decisions a full 7 seconds faster than your conscious mind.

Beware of the Lizard!‘Our Lizard Brain reacts impulsively, like a flick of the tongue.

Our Wizard Brain pauses, ponders, and produces magical possibilities’

Janet Jacobsen

Exercise – all your tomorrows start today!

Today’s date

In the end, only two things matter…

The lessons & the blessings!

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