“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 1 ACT 1 (1) COLD OPENING (VTPB-SOT) VTPB: COLD OPENING CLIP A. 29712 – MAN RIDING HORSE GALLOPS INTO CAMERAMAN ANNOUNCER VO Tonight’s lost episode of “Fabrizio, Apprentice Jockey” will not be seen so we can bring you this special entertainment program. INTRO: OPENING MONTAGE
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“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2
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“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 1
ACT 1(1)COLD OPENING (VTPB-SOT)
VTPB: COLD OPENING CLIP
A. 29712 – MAN RIDING HORSE GALLOPS INTO CAMERAMAN
ANNOUNCER VO
Tonight’s lost episode of “Fabrizio, Apprentice
Jockey” will not be seen so we can bring you
this special entertainment program.
INTRO: OPENING MONTAGE
“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 2
(2)OPENING MONTAGE(Announcer V.O.)
VTPB: OPENING MONTAGEGRFX: LOGOMUSIC: UNDER
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Welcome to The All New Planet's Funniest
Animals…
starring the funniest animals on the planet.
So pull up a seat and get ready to meet…
America’s Most Wanted Animals Caught on
Tape…
Our Optimist/Pessimist Quiz… Is the dog half
in…or half out?
The premiere of the hottest new show in the
Animal Kingdom, Desperate Housepets…
Animals in the News with an unsuspecting
correspondent under attack…
And a young woman who speaks duckish.
Searching the planet… From Aardvarks to
Zebras and everything in between. It’s the
zaniest zoo on television, “The All New Planet’s
Funniest Animals”
and now, the host of our show…
Keegan-Michael Key.
INTO: INTRO THAT’S USING YOUR HEAD
“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 3
(3)INTRO THAT’S USING YOUR HEAD(Keegan-Michael Key)
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Welcome to the only show in Hollywood where
the stars are not currently on trial.
(BEAT)
Not only do people watch our show for the
funny animal clips, but they also tune in to
catch the latest fashion trends. Once again it’s
okay to wear fur… as long as it’s on your
head… oh yeah, and still alive.
INTO: (VTPB) - THAT’S USING YOUR HEAD
“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 4
(4)THAT’S USING YOUR HEAD(VTPB [SOT])
VTPB (SOT): THAT’S USING YOUR HEAD
A. 30146 - CAT DOES TAI CHI W/WOMAN WHILE SITTING ON HER HEAD
KEEGAN-MICHAEL (V.O.)
In addition to impressing the Tai Chi class with
her extreme balance, she’ll also be the envy of
them all with this Yin-Yang kitty headpiece.
This Eastern philosophical kitty even helps
correct her form. Now let go, use the force.
Excellent.
B. 29683 - DOG SWIMS TO WOMAN IN SEA – CLIMBS ON HER HEAD - SHE WALKS OUT OF WATER
KEEGAN-MICHAEL (V.O.)
Wearing a hat into the water is always a good
way to shield sensitive scalps from the sun’s
powerful rays. For extra protection…
(DOG CLIMBS ON) let your dog help you out.
This dog has an SPF rating of 40.
C. 28391 - WOMAN PLAYING PIANO W/BLACK & WHITE CAT SITTING ON HER HEAD
KEEGAN-MICHAEL (V.O.)
Here’s a woman with a hat that matches her
piano keys, but just because she has a cat on
her head, doesn’t make her Cat Stevens.
(MORE)
“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 5
(4) CONT’DVTPB: THAT’S USING YOUR HEAD(CONT’D)
D. 24989 – YOUNG PET SQUIRREL CLIMBS ALL OVER MAN & WOMAN IN KITCHEN
KEEGAN-MICHAEL (V.O.)
The squirrel toupee is great, it fools everybody,
it matches your natural hair color and drives the
chicks crazy. The only problem… keeping it on
your head.
E. 29698 - GOAT ON MANS BACK NIBBLES ON HIS BASEBALL CAP
KEEGAN-MICHAEL (V.O.)
Hey look at that old goat. (BEAT)
He appears to have some kind of animal on his
head.
INTO: INTRO DESPERATE HOUSE PETS
“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 6
(5)INTRO DESPERATE HOUSE PETS(VTPB)
VTPB (SOT): DESPERATE HOUSE PETSA. 20040 – BLACK DOG CHASING SPRINKLERS
B. 27864 – FAT ENGLISH BULLDOG SITTING UP IN GRASS, ROCKS BACK & FORTH TO SCRATCH HER BUTT AS SHE STICKS HER TONGUE OUT
C. 27857 – BLACK & WHITE DOG AGGRESIVELY DOG ATTACKS SPRINKLERS
D. 31166 – DOG DRIVING TRACTOR AROUND FARM W/3 KIDS IN TOW
E. 21893 – DOG TURNS, SPINS IN CIRCLES AS THE CAR LEAVES
F. 25523 – DOG SWIMMING IN POOL – DOG IN KIDDIE POOL TRYING TO SWIM WHILE STANDING
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Ah suburbia. Well-manicured lawns, chain link
fences and backyard pools. But might they all
just be masking the lives of “Desperate House
Pets.”
GRAPHIC: “DESPERATE HOUSE PETS”
INTO: (VTPB) – DESPERATE HOUSE PETS
“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 7
(6)DESPERATE HOUSE PETS(VTPB [SOT])
VTPB (SOT): DESPERATE HOUSE PETS
A. EXTERIOR SHOT OF PEACEFUL SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD
B. 30054 - PERSISTENT SEAGULL WHO VISITS DAILY FOR FOOD, BANGS ON GLASS DOOR IN ACCORDANCE WITH ITS FEEDING SCHEDULE
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Things started to heat up on Wisteria Lane
when Tiffany decided to pay an unexpected
visit to her boyfriend, Phil.
C. 27942 - MAN & YELLOW LAB DOG LAY ON BACKS, BESIDE EACH OTHER ON BED
ANNOUNCER V.O.
As it turns out, Phil was making a new friend of
his own.
D. 30054 - PERSISTENT SEAGULL WHO VISITS DAILY FOR FOOD, BANGS ON GLASS DOOR IN ACCORDANCE WITH ITS FEEDING SCHEDULE
E. 27942 - MAN & YELLOW LAB DOG LAY ON BACKS, BESIDE EACH OTHER ON BED (REPEAT)
ANNOUNCER V.O.
If Tiffany finds out what’s going on in the
bedroom,
F. 30054 - PERSISTENT SEAGULL WHO VISITS DAILY FOR FOOD, BANGS ON GLASS DOOR IN ACCORDANCE WITH ITS FEEDING SCHEDULE (REPEAT)
ANNOUNCER V.O.
it’s going to get ugly.
(MORE)
“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 8
(6) CONT’DVTPB: DESPERATE HOUSE PETS(CONT’D)
G. 27942 - MAN & YELLOW LAB DOG LAY ON BACKS, BESIDE EACH OTHER ON BED (REPEAT)
ANNOUNCER V.O.
In the meantime…
H. 25960 - FERRET WRESTLING WITH DOG
ANNOUNCER V.O.
…Klaus was putting the moves on that little
weasel down the street.
That is until the little weasel’s husband got
home.
I. 21888 – TABBY KITTEN SLEEPING, NURSING
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Meanwhile, Maria was asleep and having that
same recurring nightmare…
J. 29658 – GARFIELD, THE CUTE ORANGE TABBY SUCKLES ON LITTLE GIRL’S CHIN
ANNOUNCER V.O.
…you know, the one where she’s eating a
child’s face.
(MORE)
“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 9
(6) CONT’DVTPB: DESPERATE HOUSE PETS(CONT’D)
K. 20120 – GARFIELD THE CAT EATING ROSE SITTING IN A VASE
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Awakening from her dream, Maria decided to
find out if Brad had feelings for her. He loves
me… he loves me not. He loves me… he
loves me not. (BEAT)
He loves her not because Brad…
L. 30082 - DOG AND VACUUM CLEANER
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Found something else to suck face with.
Tune in next time and find out if…
M. 30054 - PERSISTENT SEAGULL WHO VISITS DAILY FOR FOOD, BANGS ON GLASS DOOR IN ACCORDANCE WITH ITS FEEDING SCHEDULE (REPEAT)
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Tiffany discovers Phil’s romp in the sheets.
N. 20251 - FERRET WRESTLING WITH DOG (REPEAT)
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Will Klaus ever win over that little weasel?(MORE)
“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 10
(6) CONT’DVTPB: DESPERATE HOUSE PETS(CONT’D)
O. 30082 - DOG AND VACUUM CLEANER (REPEAT)
ANNOUNCER V.O.
Will Brad ever learn there’s more to a
relationship than just physical attraction?
P. 29658 – GARFIELD, THE CUTE ORANGE TABBY SUCKLES ON LITTLE GIRL’S CHIN (REPEAT)
ANNOUNCER V.O.
And can Maria stop that nightmare? All this
and more…
On the next “Desperate House Pets.”
INTO: INTRO QUICK HIT #1
“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 11
(7)INTRO QUICK HIT #1(Keegan-Michael Key)
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Right now we’re going to the gold medal round
of the Couples Competition live from the
Equestrian Center.
.
INTO: (VTPB) – QUICK HIT #1
“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 12
(8) QUICK HIT #1 (VTPB [SOT])
VTPB (SOT): QUICK HIT #1
A. 30689 – HORSE ACROBATIC: MAN FALLS ON FACE
KEEGAN-MICHAEL (V.O.)
Here the Uzbekistan team of Nadia Chipinski
and Uri Nepsenoff are wrapping up the
freestyle competition. So far their routine has
been flawless.
It’s their competition to lose as Nadia prepares
for her dismount.
Oh, that’s gonna cost them some points.
It all now rests in the hands of Uri.
He’s in position… Do you believe in miracles?
Somewhere horses whinny, and somewhere
children shout, but there is no joy in
Uzbekistan… Mighty Uri’s been knocked out.
By the way, Uzbekistan is worth over 6
thousand points in Scrabble.
INTO: INTRO ANIMAL HELPERS
“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 13
(9)INTRO ANIMAL HELPERS(Keegan-Michael Key)
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
Not only are dogs man’s best friend, but they’re
often man’s best employee. You’ve got your
police dogs, seeing eye dogs, medical assist
dogs, guard dogs. But not all dogs get the
good gigs.
INTO: (VTPB) – ANIMAL HELPERS
“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 14
(10)ANIMAL HELPERS(VTPB [SOT])
VTPB (SOT): ANIMAL HELPERS
A. 22418 - DOG LICKS SLIDING DOORS – THEN SMILES
KEEGAN-MICHAEL (V.O.)
Here’s a dog that washes windows. This isn’t a
fulltime thing. He’s just working his way
through obedience school. Hey, you missed a
spot. A lot of people don’t know this, but dog
saliva doesn’t streak.
B. 29913 – A BABY REGURGITATES & A DOG LICKS THE BABY CLEAN
KEEGAN-MICHAEL (V.O.)
Dog’s don’t just do windows. They’ll lick your
dishes clean, they’ll lick your floors clean,
and…they’ll even lick your baby clean. The
good news – baby drool is on the Atkins Diet.
C. 27889 – WELL TRAINED BLACK LAB FETCHES: BEER FROM FRIDGE, PRETZELS FROM PANTRY, NEWSPAPER, PHONE, REMOTE, TISSUE BOX, SLIPPERS FROM UPSTAIRS, PUTS EMPTY BEER BOTTLE IN TRASH
KEEGAN-MICHAEL (V.O.)
So, if babies aren’t your dog’s thing, maybe
landing a job as a personal assistant is right for
him.
This dog is so proficient around the house, this
guy hasn’t even noticed his wife left him three
months ago… and took the kids. (MORE)
“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 15
(10) CONT’DVTPB: ANIMAL HELPERS(CONT’D)
D. 25483 – GOAT (DOG) GETS OWNER TISSUE & TOSSES IT AWAY
KEEGAN-MICHAEL (V.O.)
Let’s face it: this job blows!
E. 30066 - DOG TAKES ICE OUT OF THE WAY
KEEGAN-MICHAEL (V.O.)
This entrepreneurial pooch owns his own mini
mart. Here he is outside gathering ice for the
Slushie Machine. Between you and me, don’t
order the yellow flavor.
F. 20208 - DOG WALKS ON HIND LEGS IN POOL HALL/MEETS ELVIS
KEEGAN-MICHAEL (V.O.)
Some dogs make honest livings…while others
are just hustlers. Here, Fast Eddie racks his
own balls while waiting for an easy mark. He
usually goes two bucks a ball. Ya’ know, just to
make it interesting. The only question is,
where does he keep his quarters?
G. 30075 - DOG SWEEPS THE GRASS
KEEGAN-MICHAEL (V.O.)
Event though this dog can’t tell the difference
between a broom and a rake, his uncle got him
a job as a groundskeeper. Proving once
again… It’s not what you know, it’s who you
know.
INTO: TOSS TO COMMERCIAL #1
“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 16
(11)TOSS TO COM’L #1(Keegan-Michael Key)
KEEGAN-MICHAEL
All our pets are housebroken and trained…but
the director’s a little worried that I’m not. So
give me a minute and we’ll be right back.
INTO: TEASE—SHOW BUMPER #1
“The All New Planet’s Funniest Animals”– Show #601 – 1/2 hour 11/16/05 Pg. 17