The Abacus #1

The AbacusEdition #1

World welcomes launch of e Abacus newspaper

In this issue: #BrokenMaths Pro"le: Nicky Morgan MP

Who Runs England?

Clubs Update e Apple

Watch

by the Editor, Jack Darrant

Senior !gures in the world of edu‐cation, politics and mathematics at‐tended a rapturous ceremony at King's Maths School last week, to celebrate the launch of the hotly-anticipated student newspaper 'e Abacus'. e spectacularly popular publication had the honour of be‐ing officially opened by the Educa‐tion Secretary, Nicky Morgan. She said:

"e Abacus represents the very best that British student journal‐ism has to offer. I consider it well worth setting up an entire school just so that I can read about its events and achievements in this journal."

e publication offers its readers a unique combination of satire, school news, current affairs, and features (including a comic strip and the world's !rst OmniPuzzle) and all for free, without any adver‐tising or pro!t motive. Some ob‐servers say that King's students must be really spoiled to have all of this loving provided for them. Oth‐ers, including this reporter, feel sor‐ry for those who are reading this nonsensical, self-referential article.

e esteemed Editor of the e Aba‐cus issued a statement to the jour‐nalists who came to King's to pay homage to their new spiritual lead‐er:

"I would like to thank the numerous volunteers who have contributed to the paper, some of whom have asked not to be credited. Also, I refuse to be drawn on speculation that Jeremy Paxman is in talks about becoming my deputy. at is supposed to be a closely guarded se‐cret and I am personally extremely shocked that you all know about it so soon."

2 e Abacus

Ten things we want to

know

e Student Discounts YOU could be missing

How go your

Owl Levels?

Recall Harr y Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone for a moment - that is, if you’ve watched it! Recall when, half an hour into the !lm, you saw your childhood fantasy ap‐pear before your eyes. Dozens of mini boats, occupied with hundreds of jaw-dropped faces, attempting to consume the picturesque marvel in one glimpse. You may have inquired to your parents regarding the loca‐tion of the secret admission letter to Hogwarts (which was rightly ad‐dressed to your bedroom) and they would have the sorry expression on

their face that screams “dream on”. Fast forward a few years, your vi‐sion of a world of witchcraft and

wizardry evaporates into a mere bedtime story. One auspicious day, you stumble across your mail (ahem, your e-mail to be precise) to !nd that the bridge between you and your bright future is just a hop, skip, and a vector away. Here we are now, proudly donning the Kings’ red ID card around Central London, chuckling at (far inferior, [duh]) muggles. Whether Dumbledore would approve of this newly inau‐gurating institution- though he would be a fool for not doing so- or not, it is fair to say that it has cer‐tainly cast a unique, mathematical magic on us.

Varun

By Jack Darrant

Hundreds of pounds worth of dis‐counts are available to KCLMS stu‐dents, but few are aware of them.

e National Union of Students of‐fers students ‘NUS Extra’ cards which, for an £11 annual fee, enti‐tle holders to a wealth of discounts at hundreds of retailers including McDonald’s, Amazon, the Co-oper‐ative, Asos and Odeon. Using the

collective buying power of Britain’s millions of students, the NUS has managed to secure some excellent deals for them. Offers range from 40% discounts to free burgers.

As part of King’s College London, KCLMS students are also eligible! It is yet another handy aspect of our connection to a leading university.

All you need is to apply is visit nus.org.uk/extra with a debit card, a passport-sized photo and your

King’s College London ID card to hand.

Next edition: How to get FREE cinema tickets!

1. Why does Bart Simpson keep writing lines on the Classroom 1 chalkboard?

2. Who thinks that it’s cool to play Rihanna on tinny speakers in the cafeteria?

3. Is said person aware that it isn’t 2006 anymore?

4. Why are there no clocks in the school?

5. Which genius thought of ‘Dress Up Fridays’?

6. Is Python poisonous?7. Why can’t U2 make good mu‐

sic these days?8. Why oh why?9. What is wrong with this state‐

ment.10. Why do people always look

scary in their student ID pho‐tographs?

3e Abacus

Sporting chances

So many clubs, so

little time

KCLMS hosts a range of clubs and societies after school and some‐times during lunch. ese are fun little sessions that anyone can at‐tend to learn a new skill or to per‐fect an existing one.

On Monday afternoons from 4:30-5:30 pm, a professional drama teacher has kindly offered to run a drama club (for free!) for those dra‐ma kings and queens. By the end of the term they are aiming to put on a play for the rest of the school. Stay tuned!

On Tuesdays at lunch, Mrs Riley leads the Mindfulness and medita‐tion group. is is a lovely session for those who want to de-stress and learn techniques on relaxing the mind and body.

On Wednesday afternoons from 4:30-5:30 pm, Dr Erdos has also kindly agreed to teach a group of students how to play Bridge. Bridge is a very complicated card game

that will get us all thinking.

On ursday afternoons from 4:30-5:30 pm, two clubs will be running simultaneously. Cipher Club, where the students will be learning a number of different cod‐ing and decoding methods in prepa‐ration for the competition in a few weeks. Robotics club is led by Dr Matt Howard and students are taught how to build and pro‐gramme Lego Mindstorm robots. If the students are successful in pro‐gramming and building, they can enter the national robot dancing competition. is club is oversub‐scribed so there will be a rota which changes each term to give everyone a chance to join.

O n Fr id ay af ter no ons f rom 4:30-5:30 pm, Cipher will be run‐ning again but this time lead by Ms Taylor. She will be teaching stu‐dents how to use python program‐

ming to crack different codes and this will help with the competition in the upcoming weeks. For all you board game lovers, you will be hap‐py to hear that there is a board games club lead by Mr Robson. is is a chilled out club where students can play board games and socialise with each other.

So far, these are the only clubs and societies that KCLMS offers, how‐ever, students are encouraged to start their own club/society if they feel like it can bene!t other stu‐dents and it has a clear aim and purpose. If you would like to start up a club/society please speak to Mrs Riley.

In the words of Simon Pegg, “Being a Geek means never having to play it cool about how much you like something” and on that note, HJ out.

KCLMS, a specialist maths school, is oversubscribed for gym.

As we all know, KCLMS offers a wide range of extracurricular activi‐ties and in particular, a two hour sports session every Tuesday. Excit‐ing for some. But for others it’s a two hour session of hell, especially for those who hated P.E. (more commonly known as Public Embar‐rassment). Weirdly enough, gym, the option that is considered most strenuous in comparison to the others (Really? Ed.) , is overly sub‐scribed with 40 students putting

their name down as their !rst choice. Other sporting options such as football and rounders are less popular with fewer than 10 stu‐dents choosing it as their !rst op‐tion.

Unfortunately for some, they were unable to get their !rst, second or third choice of sport due to it being oversubscr ibed or cancel led. Luckily, there will be a change of choice every term so hopefully ev‐

eryone will get to do what they want to whether it is gym, football, netball, table tennis or rounders.

KCLMS, so far, has been successful in introducing a two hour session of sports on a weekly basis that will ensure that the students will enjoy for the rest of the year as a bit of healthy exercise and a change from all of the maths. Roll on next Tues‐day!

HJ

4 e Abacus

Inspirational Quote #1

Who runs England?

Advertisment: Coming to cinemas next spring....

Polling day has come and gone, and the Scottish people have !rmly re‐jected independence by 55% to 45%. British politics can return to normal, right?

Wrong.

During the referendum campaign, the leaders of the three largest po‐litical parties promised that they would give the Scottish govern‐ment more powers even if Scots voted ‘No’ in the referendum. In the next few years, the Scottish government will be handed control of the NHS, the welfare system, ed‐ucation and some taxes.

Politicians have said that the Welsh and Northern Irish governments will also be given more powers. However, England has no separate government, which will cause a problem.

Many think it is unfair that Scots can elect their own parliament to make decisions affecting Scotland, but also elect MPs who can vote on English matters too. In effect, Scot‐land can in&uence decisions that only affect England. For example, Scottish MPs have voted for in‐creases in tuition fees in England, knowing that students from Scot‐land won’t pay anything. is prob‐lem is being called ‘the English Question’.

Now politicians are agreed that the English Question must be answered before more powers are transferred to the Scottish government. But they don’t know what the answer is!

Some Conservative MPs think that England should have its own de‐volved parliament and government, similar to Scotland’s. However, that could mean that the new First Min‐ister of England (leader of the En‐glish government) would be more powerful than the Prime Minister of the UK!

Or, instead of having a separate parliament for the whole of Eng‐land, powers could be devolved to new governments in 9 or 10 En‐glish regions. at would take some getting used to! How would you feel if London got its own Parliament?

Another idea is that Scottish MPs should be banned from voting on English matters. is would be a very complicated arrangement, and it’s not even clear if that would be legally possible.

e English Question will be an im‐

portant part of the debate during

next year’s general election cam‐

paign. e discussion looks set to run and run…

What do you think? What’s your answer to the English Question?

5e Abacus

Editorial: Open for Business

Letters to the Editor

[email protected]

Oi, Loser!

Your 'Broken Maths' cartoon is completely unrealistic. Walking, talking numbers? Fine, I see those riding pink elephants through the town centre every Friday night. But expecting readers to think root mi‐nus one exists? Don't make me laugh.

Yours,

Reale N. Umbers

It does indeed require a leap of imagination to picture root mi‐nus one, I think. Ed.

Dear Sir/Madam,

is is to inform you that you have a Con!rmed Package worth of $750,000.00 USD with usfrom the Scamm's Foundation, Re‐con!rm Your Full Name Postal Ad‐dress: Country:City and telephone Number: You

are also to make payment of $275.00 US Dollars Only fortheir immediate action. For the se‐curity keeping of your parcel before the parcel can bedelivery to you.

Also note that if payment is not made delivery of the parcel will not proceed and alsobe informed that no cash on deliv‐ery is cash before delivery.

Regards.Ms Frord Sterr

[email protected]

I wasn't expecting a package, but I won't argue with a $749,725 pro"t! e money will be trans‐ferred at once. Ed

Dear Me,

Please could I/you use this invalu‐able opportunity to remind fellow members of the new Film Club that Goodbye Lenin, Napoleon Dynamite and Forest Gump are the !lms to screen, and that the likes of Titanic and Star Wars should never be in‐&icted on its membership?

With all due respect,

the Editor

Ye s , I ' m s u re t h a t c a n b e arranged. Ed.

School work, science, current affairs, jokes.... e Abacus wants to hear from you!

Email:

King’s Maths School (KMS) is offi‐

cially open and we’ve got a plaque to prove it. We’ve got another plaque which says the Department of General Practice was officially opened, but that’s OK. is build‐ing is big enough for two plaques.

King’s is utterly different from any other sixth form. Every lesson stretches us; it seems we spend all of our spare time labouring over homework; and we stay at school well into the evening. But every furrowed brow, chewed pencil and hour worked is well worth it. How else could we move beyond just learning mathematics towards a truer, deeper understanding of it?

e sense of community and soli‐darity that King’s has developed in the !rst weeks of its life is incredi‐ble. It has become second nature to assist (but not instruct) others through their homework, to share everything from our time to our knowledge to our stationery with anybody who needs it, without a second thought. Also, the novelty of being able to leave one’s belong‐ings unattended brie&y without them getting pinched has yet to wear off.

With access to world class teaching and state-of-the-art facilities, there is no limit to what we can achieve in our time here. But with this priv‐ilege comes responsibility: respon‐

sibility to the people and communi‐ty which has invested so much in us. We won’t let them down.

So where does e Abacus come into it? We hope to become an indis‐pensable source of news, entertain‐ment and ideas that compliments the thriving school community. at’s why we want to hear from you: if there’s an opinion you want to get off your chest, an idea you’d like to share or a news item you’d like us to cover, then get in touch.

We are at your service.

6 e Abacus

Heros is leader of the Kudos Revolutionary League

Unrest in Kudos Empire as Democracy

Movement Grows

Official: 2=1

Amazing New Proof:

Next month, two lucky KCLMS stu‐dents will be given the prized titles of Emperor and Empress of Kudos, as a reward for making a consistent, positive contribution to the school. But how much will these ennobled new leaders know of their new do‐main?

A shocking poll commissioned by the Abacus has found that 0% of students could identify Kudos on a map, and an even lower percentage could name the country’s main in‐dustry. at is why we will be run‐ning a series of articles to inform the school about all things Kudos.

Kudos is a small group of islands lo‐cated just off the Greek coast. Its 400,000 population lead relatively simple lives, with most people em‐

ployed in the goat shepherding and pea-shelling sectors. Whilst it is true that the Kudos economy has not modernised in about 150 years, the country was proud to join the Eurozone in 2004.

e people of Kudos (Kudossers) are a humble but patriotic people. Very patriotic. So patriotic that anybody who fails to stand to at‐tention to the national anthem (“Born is Way” by Lady Gaga) is liable to be lynched.

However, times are hard in Kudos, as the demand for the services of pea-shellers and goatshepherds has declined in recent years. ere is

now an army of angry, unemployed young people who are demanding economic and political change, in‐cluding the introduction of demo‐cratic elections. Some of these have formed the militant Kudos Revolu‐tionary League, led by the !rebrand pensioner Heros Herosinộs.

Heros has reacted with fury to the proposal for the installation of two 16 year-old Mathematics students as absolute rulers of his island na‐tion. He told e Abacus:

“Handing unrestricted rule of a country out as a prize in a school is an unacceptable way to run a coun‐try. It makes a mockery of the prin‐ciples of liberty, self-determination and goat idolisation that made Ku‐dos what it was 150 years ago.”

“It is time that Kudossers freed themselves of the yoke of King’s College London oppression and ran

their own affairs once more”.

Protesters have gathered outside the key national institutions of Watkington Academy and the Ku‐dos Monument, a small piece of gravel that is shaped a little bit like a calculator (we did say Kudossers led simple lives!). e latter protesters are particularly militant, reportedly going to see the Monu‐ment without paying the entrance fee.

In light of this open rebellion, Kud‐dosser authorities are under in‐tense pressure to crack down on Heros and his followers. Only time will tell if the Kudos Empire can withstand this unrest.

7e Abacus

Nicky Morgan at the opening of KCLMS last week. Image courtesy of King's College London.

Mars One... way ticket?

Pro"le: Nicky Morgan MPWe saw her open the school last week, but we want to know more about Nicky Morgan and what are her plans for educa‐tion? Amy Sellers reports:

Nicky Morgan was born in 1972 and grew up in Surrey before study‐ing law at Oxford University. She worked as a solicitor specialising in Corporate Law, advising a range of private and public companies from

1994 till 2010. Morgan has served as Member of Parliament for Loughborough since 2010 and has been the Secretary of State for Edu‐cation and Minister for Women and Equalities since July 2014. She is a member of the Conservative Party.

Morgan has pledged to carry on the work of Michael Gove by expanding free schools like KCLMS, support‐ing unquali!ed teachers and keep‐ing changes to the exam system,

despite the unpopularity of her pre‐decessor with teachers (AND stu‐dents! Ed). She hopes to improve and maintain A-Level and GCSE re‐sults, and she encourages further education. She voted strongly for the increases in tuition fees, but be‐lieves help should be available to students who need it. In her con‐situency, she has secured govern‐ment funding for Loughborough College and University which she

believes are crucial investments for the local economy. In the future, Nicky Morgan hopes to achieve a more organised and efficient educa‐tion system.

Nicky is passionate about the issue of mental health and campaigns to‐wards ending the stigma around the subject and to improve patient care. She voted against gay mar‐riage in 2013, telling her local newspaper:

“... this is a very big social change. ere have been plenty of little changes down the years but what’s never been changed is that the fact that marriage is between a man and a woman. I totally support civil partner‐ships and that same-sex rela‐tionships are recognised in law. But marriage, to me, is between a man and a woman."

Nicky voted very strongly for rais‐ing the threshold at which people start to pay income tax (cutting in‐come tax for the poorest) and very strongly against increasing the tax‐es on those earning over £150,000 per year.

Morgan voted very strongly against spending public money to create guaranteed jobs for young people who have spent a long time unem‐

ployed. She also voted very strongly against paying higher bene!ts over longer periods for those unable to work due to illness or disability.

Seven billion people and counting. e heat on this pressure cooker named Earth is rising, and accord‐ing to a small group of aspirers, a sci-! solution appears valid in a sit‐uation such as this. Two years ago, an NGO (charity) was founded in the Netherlands to dream up a strategic plan to inhabit an entirely new planet. Continued next page

8 e Abacus

Science Musuem Plans

Multimillion Maths Gallery

Mars One... heart

Fancy a Flutter? Try the

Cafeteria

by Jack Darrant

Students and staff alike have added an element of drama added to their breaktimes with the installation of vending machines in the atrium.

e machines have gained notoriety for their erratic system of dispens‐ing products. To the irritation of many customers, the machines have accepted their money but proved resistant, even coy, about releasing the selected items. Crisps have proved a particularly risky purchase.

However, few have been discour‐aged from trying their luck: the vending machines continue to en‐joy a roaring trade despite their un‐reliability.

e drinks dispenser has treated students to its own specials, ‘black tea’ and ‘milk and hot water’. ese unconventional beverages have re‐ceived mixed reviews, but they show a promising streak of creativi‐ty for a vending machine that should be encouraged, not con‐demned.

However, not all customers have been left disappointed. One stu‐dent was paid £1.30 by the drinks machine to take one of its ‘milk and hot water’ specials. And in one hap‐py event, our esteemed Editor was

sold a Diet Pepsi (inferior cola brands are available) for just 10p!

What to do if you aren’t given your purchase

1. DON’T shake the machine. More people are killed by falling vend‐ing machines every year than by sharks!

2. DO get angry3. ACCEPT that you’ve wasted

your money.

anks to a £5 million donation from the David and Claudia Hard‐ing Foundation, the Science Muse‐um will be opening a vast gallery dedicated to geometry and the uni‐verse of mathematics. e gallery, which will open in 2016, will re‐place a 39 year-old computing and mathematics gallery. Yes, we too are appalled that the science that is mathematics did not already have a gallery in its own right.

David Harding, who made a fortune managing his own hedge fund in the City, has developed something of a habit of donating vast sums of money to aid scienti!c innovation and learning.

e Science Museum told e Guardian newspaper that the gallery will "tell the stories that place mathematics at the heart of our lives, exploring how mathe‐maticians, their tools and ideas have helped to shape the world from the turn of the 17th century to the present."

Continued from previous page Out of over 200,000 applicants from around the world, four brave (or extremely foolish, Ed.) , careful‐ly selected adventurers are to em‐

bark on a seven-month mission boldly go where no man has gone before: Mars (cue: Star Trek theme tune). By 2033, they hope to get the human population on Martian Rock to over 20 individuals.Before you say anymore, I can as‐sure you that we aren’t invading any little green men’s home! De‐spite the enthusiasm, effort and money put into this, one would hope that an array of complications are not overlooked, as they often are in Hollywood or a child’s imagi‐nation. Due to the absence of an at‐mosphere, the average temperature on its surface is -55°C; probably not hot enough to pack swimwear. And certainly not hot enough to have a body of water to swim in.

When the Sun has its big guns out, Mars is caught in the cross!re be‐tween the lethal solar winds and the emptiness of space. Ouch. e fact that the technical challenge is equivalent to walking on a thin metal wire above the Earth’s strato‐sphere on !re, while playing a bag‐pipe with one hand. Should it be a success, the world will applaud. ough, you could argue that the chances of that are one in a trillion.

What do you have to say about this? Mars One: a bold strategy or a dreamer’s lie?

Varun

9e Abacus

Copyright: UK Parliament

ADVERTISMENT

KCLMS Students Make eir Mark

Students at KCLMS have voted in the ‘Make Your Mark’ ballot. e vote is run annually by the UK Youth Parliament (UKYP) to decide which !ve topics its members shall debate in its sitting in the actual House of Commons chamber. It is the largest exercise in youth consul‐tation to ever take place in Britain: last year some 500,000 young peo‐ple had their say on the issues that affect them. is year, UKYP organ‐isers have set their sights on reach‐ing twice that number, 700,000. (Erm... are you sure you got that right? Ed.)

Our decision will certainly be in&u‐ential: the debates are broadcast live on BBC Parliament, often shap‐ing the national political debate. It has become a regular !xture, with politicians being shocked every au‐tumn by how articulate and well-in‐formed British teenagers are about politics. Moreover, the Government always formally responds to any policies called for by the UKYP.

(Usually their answer is ‘no’ but it’s a start! Ed.)

How does the UKYP work?

Schools up and down the country ballot their students every one or two years to elect Members of Youth Parliament (MYP) for each borough and county. KCLMS stu‐dents are therefore represented by the MYP for Lambeth. Any 11-19 year-old who works or studies in a borough can stand for election… So maybe we could see a KCLMS stu‐dent elected next year?

MYPs work for a few hours each month as in&uential representa‐tives of young people in their area, but the highlight of their job is the annual debate in the Palace of Westminster. Previous UKYPs have used this valuable platform to call for Votes at 16 and improvements to the National Curriculum.

What’s on the agenda this year?

10 e Abacus

Cartoon: #BrokenMaths

Next Edition:Free cinema tickets;

the hidden

mathematics of the

Simpsons; KCLMS'

Secret will.i.am

fandom;

#BrokenMaths and

plenty more!

Here’s a reminder of the options given in ‘Make Your Mark’:

1. Votes at 16.2. Fund our youth services,

don’t cut them.3. A curriculum to prepare us for

life.4. Mental health services should

be improved with our help.5. e right to a week’s Work Ex‐

perience.6. Bring back exam resits in

Maths and English7. Young people should be di‐

rectly involved in making laws.8. Everyone should be paid at

least the Living Wage9. Give young people a voice in

improving their communities.10. e legalisation of eu‐

thanasia, with strict safeguards.

Students who missed the vote can still visit www.mi-voice.com and make their choice online.

e !ve most popular topics will be debated, and these are likely to in‐clude Votes at 16, as that has reli‐ably been selected every year.

Each topic will be debated for roughly one hour each, followed by a parliamentary-style vote amongst MYPs to determine the UKYP's offi‐

cial position on each one.

Who's behind UKYP?

It is organised by the British Youth Council, but enjoys government funding and support from all three main parties. UKYP is a strictly non-partisan organisation.

It is also worth noting that the Dai‐ly Mail disproves of it. Make of that what you will.

e Abacus will keep you informed about the results of the vote and the UKYP debate.

11e Abacus

SAPERE AUDE

12 e Abacus

ank you for reading e Abacus!