SURVIVORS OF SUICIDE King/ Pierce/ Thurston County Support Groups NOVEMBER/DECEMBER, 2015 NEWSLETTER Website: www.auburnsos.com e-mail: [email protected]WHAT IS S.O.S.? S.O.S. stands for Survivors of Suicide. S.O.S. groups provide support for anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide. Based on guidelines established by the American Association of Suicidology, the groups are self-help and peer-led. The goal is to help deal with the loss and trauma and grief associated with that loss. Auburn S.O.S. is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization as defined by the IRS. LOVE GIFTS: If you would like to remember your Loved One who has completed suicide in the form of a Love Gift it will be mentioned in the newsletter if we have your permission. There are no dues or fees at S.O.S. Donations are always welcome to help defray such costs as printing, postage, and the purchase of new tapes and books for our lending libraries and other costs associated with the community awareness programs we are involved in. Donations may be mailed to the address below or made at any meeting. Please make your checks payable to Auburn or Olympia SOS. Auburn Survivors of Suicide 28824 21 st Ave. S. Federal Way, WA 98003 Contact information for each group and its facilitator is on page three. Many thanks to Kathy Melsness for a love gift in memory of her daughter Marlene. Many thanks to an Anonymous donor for the gift of the newsletter. Thank you so much! We also received a check from Goodsearch.com We also received a check from Washington State Combined Fund To all of you who so generously drop something in the donation box – thank you! IF YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE: Please do not hesitate to pick up your phone and call another survivor from the S.O.S. group if you are having a hard time. We’ve all been there! Ron Callahan 253-226-3689 Lost son Kathy Melsness 253-446-6500 Lost daughter Andee Nydegger 253-820-1911 Lost brother Pam Driggers 253-921-7829 Lost husband Janis Fesenmaier 360-866-2509 Lost brother Kathy Sterling 206-244-8729 Lost grandson José Martin 206-228-7413 Lost son Kathy Crowley 253-471-9412 Lost son Call José if you would like to speak to another survivor in Spanish. Me gustaria ayudar a la gente que necesite hablar espanol Weather Alert! If the weather is inclement (as in ‘snow’!) we will follow the guidelines of the local school district as to whether or not to cancel our meeting.
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SURVIVORS OF SUICIDE
King/ Pierce/ Thurston County Support Groups NOVEMBER/DECEMBER, 2015
Olympia and Auburn Survivor of Suicide Groups have long participated in these walks as a way to help both
the newly bereaved and the long-time survivor.
Olympia, September 12 Janis, facilitator of the Olympia group, held down the fort at
the Olympia walk held at Marathon Park on September 12th.
Olympia had about 450 registered walkers and raised over
$20,000.00. Both numbers an increase from last year.
Great job Olympians!! So pleased you got to walk in
shirt sleeves with no umbrella!
Aberdeen, October 5
Love it that so many of our walks here in the Northwest
are on or near the water – like the one in Aberdeen at
Morrison Park on October 5th.
Here, helping to pass out beads is Miss Grays Harbor.
Here is Janis staffing the SOS Booth
Aberdeen had just over 70 registered participants and
raised almost $5,000.00.
Great job raising money and awareness, and beautiful
blue skies too!
Tacoma, October 10
The Tacoma walk committee did an AMAZING
job at their first Out of the Darkness Walk
458 walkers and they surpassed the event goal and
raised $29,000.00!
Tacoma also got front page coverage with the
Tacoma News Tribune!
Yes, it rained!
Seattle, October 25
Seattle, meeting for the first time at Fisher
Pavilion at Seattle Center, had 1280
walkers and raised about $140,000.00! We
were very pleased to be able to display all
three of our Lifesaver Quilts this year.
Here are Char Ashcraft and Pam Driggers
We even had a Marine Corps Honor Guard.
Six Tips to Cope with Grief During the Holidays by Erika Goyer, mom to Carrick
What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” – Helen Keller
The holidays can be an especially difficult time for people who have lost a loved one. So many holiday routines
and activities revolve around the gathering of family and friends. Yet, bereaved people may not feel up for
celebrating as usual or embracing holiday traditions that they have in the past. Instead of feeling a sense of loss
over what the holidays were supposed to be, we can take this as an opportunity to recreate what they will be for
our families from now on. The following are tips for enjoying your holidays in the face of grief:
Simplify
Don’t expect to do everything you have in the past. Pick and choose what you’re up for. This will give
you the chance to think about which traditions hold real meaning for you and which you have simply
observed because of habit or other people’s expectations.
Communicate with your family and friends. They will understand if you need to “take a break” from past expectations. Let them know what your plans are and what you might need from them in return.
Honor Your Family
You had hopes and expectation for what the holidays would be like. And now things have changed. Acknowledge that loss.
Many holiday traditions, like gift giving, hold special significance for parents and children. It can be hard to think of yourself as a parent when your child has died. Be sure to remember the many gifts you gave your loved one while they were with you – and the gifts they gave to you.
Make Room for Your Feelings
Slow down and allow yourself time to think about and remember your child.
Talk about your child. Let other people know how you want your child to be talked about and remembered by showing them with your words and actions.
Create New Traditions
Holidays mark special milestones in a family’s life. Think about how you will remember the life of your child in your family’s history and traditions.
Change the focus of your celebration. Revisit why you celebrate a particular holiday and what its significance is in your life. This can give traditions and rituals a renewed depth of meaning.
Be Generous with Others
Do things that help you feel connected. Spend time with the people you love. Nurture those relationships.
Give of your time, talents, and skills. Sharing can lift spirits and ease burdens.
Be Generous with Yourself
Expect that you will feel sad sometimes. Or angry. Or alone. These are all appropriate feelings. Don’t think of them as being counter-productive. What they really are is an acknowledgement of the intense love you hold for your child.
Allow yourself to be happy. There is nothing selfish about celebrating or feeling joy. The capacity for joy is what connects us to each other. It’s what the holidays are all about.
Don't forget to ask the kids. One father was consumed with anxiety over how he and his teenage children were going to spend the first holiday without their mother, but he didn't want to burden them further. It wasn't until his older son, who had done community service in school, suggested they serve meals in a homeless shelter on Christmas that a family conversation took place. "It was the best way we could have gotten through the day," he said afterwards.
International Survivors of Suicide Day, November 21st
Thousands of survivors of suicide loss will gather together around the world on this day for support, healing, and empowerment.
Hundreds of conference sites will simultaneously watch a broadcast produced by the
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). On this video, a diverse panel of
survivors and mental health professionals will address the questions that so many survivors
face: Why did this happen? How can I cope? Where can I find support?
Each location welcomes survivors of suicide loss, providing a safe and healing space where
everyone can comfortably participate in a way that is meaningful to them. Join with others to listen to a
diverse group of survivors discuss their losses, how they coped, and much more.
Come and experience the powerful sense of connection and community that is forged between survivors of
suicide loss. You are not alone. This day is for you.
If you have lost someone to suicide, please join us, more information at www.afsp.org
Programs will be held locally in the following locations: (no charge for any of these programs)