SuCH iS life - Griffith ReviewGriffith REVIEW seems to get better with age.’ Sydney Morning Herald ‘Griffith REVIEW is the best literary journal in the country. Editor Julianne

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‘Style and substance sit easily together.’ Weekend Herald

GriffithReview33 SuCH iS life

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MeMOiRDeBra aDelaiDe: not for official useMeera aTKinSon: Child’s playDaViD Carlin: The true history of the Circusanna DorrinGTon: My mother and mereBeCCa ePSTein: My last-ditch attemptMeloDy l fuller: Going to Washington, DCraiMonD GaiTa: Deep connections, artistic inevitabilitiesBrian GeaCH: DenzilMarion HalliGan: The cigar boxKaTe HolDen: after the wordsSHaKira HuSSein: nine-eleven-itislloyD joneS: looking backToni jorDan: Waking upVirGinia lloyD: never stop lookinganDreW SanT: on self-knowledgejulianne SCHulTZ: Storytelling, sense-makingCarrie Tiffany: StrikerjoHn TranTer: familyCarolijn ViSSer: The veiled bride

eSSAYPeTer BiSHoP: adventures of the letter ia j BroWn: The living subjectfranK MoorHouSe: Beyond stigmaMaria TuMarKin: Beyond truth and justice

RePORTAGe MaTTHeW riCKeTSon: The blind side

POeTRY SanDra GolDBlooM ZurBo: Heart’s dreamlaura jan SHore: Hospice

PicTuRe GALLeRYKonraD WinKler: leila: losing frank

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A quARTeRLY Of wRiTinG & ideAS33

debra Adelaide Peter Bishop Raimond Gaita Marion halliganKate holden

Shakira husseinLloyd Jones frank Moorhouse carrie Tiffany Maria Tumarkin and more

SuCH iS life

GR33_cover_PT.indd 1 10/06/11 2:00 PM

Praise for Griffith REVIEW

‘The best literary journal in the country.’ Sydney Morning Herald

‘An always vibrant mix of creative writing, essays, photography and ideas, Griffith REVIEW has gone from strength to strength.’ Adelaide Review

‘A varied, impressive and international cast of authors.’ The Australian

‘Griffith REVIEW represents “the long game” in journalism, providing quality analysis in an age of diminishing journalistic integrity.’ Walkley Magazine

‘Griffith REVIEW is a wonderful journal. It’s pretty much setting the agenda in Australia and fighting way above its weight…You’re mad if you don’t subscribe.’ Phillip Adams

‘It’s a cracker, a reminder of how satisfying on every level good quality non-fiction can be.’ New Zealand Herald

‘An outstanding example of what “zeitgeist” means…uncannily prophetic. Griffith REVIEW seems to get better with age.’ Sydney Morning Herald

‘Griffith REVIEW is the best literary journal in the country. Editor Julianne Schultz attracts writing of superior craftsmanship, intellectual and creative depth. If you care about writing, this is compulsory reading.’ The Age

SIR SAMUEL GRIFFITH was one of Australia’s great early achievers. Twice the premier of Queensland, that state’s chief justice and the author of its criminal code, he was best known for his pivotal role in drafting agreements that led to Federation, and as the new nation’s first chief justice. He was also an important reformer and legislator, a practical and cautious man of words.

Griffith died in 1920 and is now best remembered in his namesakes: an electorate, a society, a suburb and a university. Ninety-six years after he first proposed establishing a university in Brisbane, Griffith University, the city’s second, was created. His commitment to public debate and ideas, his delight in words and art, and his attachment to active citizenship are recognised by the publication that bears his name.

Like Sir Samuel Griffith, Griffith REVIEW is iconoclastic and non-partisan, with a sceptical eye and a pragmatically reforming heart and a commitment to public discussion. Personal, political and unpredictable, it is Australia’s best conversation.

GriffithREVIEW33Such Is Life

Edited by Julianne Schultz

INTRODUCTION

7 Storytelling, sense-making JULIANNE SCHULTZ: Past, present and future

MEMOIR

10 Looking back LLOYD JONES: A self-portrait

27 On self-knowledge ANDREW SANT: A ring and its keeper

30 Striker CARRIE TIFFANY: Looking after the heart

38 My last-ditch attempt REBECCA EPSTEIN: Notes on getting by

61 After the words KATE HOLDEN: Writing and living a memoir

66 Not for official use DEBRA ADELAIDE: Finding a name

94 The cigar box MARION HALLIGAN: Opening the treasure trove of memory

104 My mother and me ANNA DORRINGTON: A reacquaintance

115 Nine-eleven-itis SHAKIRA HUSSEIN: Crossing the borders of belonging

133 Going to Washington, DC MELODY L FULLER: Crying for Oscar Grant III

141 The true history of the Circus DAVID CARLIN: Bluff, lies and feats of skill

148 The veiled bride CAROLIJN VISSER: From Nazi Germany to Bondi, via Shanghai

161 Never stop looking VIRGINIA LLOYD: Photographing the dead and dying

168 Denzil BRIAN GEACH: Father to the man

178 Family JOHN TRANTER: Looking forward, looking back

182 Waking up TONI JORDAN: Counting my blessings

187 Deep connections, artistic inevitabilities RAIMOND GAITA: The journey from book to film

194 Child’s play MEERA ATKINSON: The biggest Sherbet fans ever

GriffithREVIEW33

ESSAY

48 Adventures of the letter I PETER BISHOP: Reading and writing in the first person

73 Beyond stigma FRANK MOORHOUSE: Musings on the sadness of privacy

85 The living subject A J BROWN: Warts and all

108 Beyond truth and justice MARIA TUMARKIN: The path to healing

REPORTAGE

127 The blind side MATTHEW RICKETSON: Deciding what to tell

POETRY

93 Heart’s dream SANDRA GOLDBLOOM ZURBO

177 Hospice LAURA JAN SHORE

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Griffith REVIEW gratefully acknowledges the support and ongoing

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GriffithREVIEW33 SPRING 2011GriffithREVIEW is published four times a year by Griffith University in conjunction with Text Publishing. issn 1448-2924

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– Sydney Morning Herald

INTRODUCTION

Storytelling, sense-making Past, present and future

Julianne Schultz

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JULIANNE SCHULTZ: Storytelling, sense-making 9

MEMOIR

Looking back A self-portrait

Lloyd Jones

!"#$%&'()%*)%*(%'%+',*-%./012%"//%3$'4)*546%)/%6'()78%9%:/#;%<6'0$%

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

N;% )#$%.'6B% 50/+%)#$%()')*/;% )/% )#$%O1A%I)0$$)%$;)0';-$2% 6*))6$%.'(%$@$0%('*17%P&&'0$;)6A%)#$0$%.'(%;/)#*;C%)/%('A%)/%'%;*;$FA$'0F/617%G4)%)#$0$%.'(%)#$%(+$66%/5%#*(%/@$0-/')2%/5%'(#%';1%(+/B$%50/+%#*(%0/66*$(Q%'%34))%'6.'A(%()4-B%-'0)//;*(#6A%)/%#*(% 6/.$0% 6*&2% $@$;%.#$;%#$% (&/B$7% =*))6$%.'(% ('*12% 34)% ?% 5$6)% -/;;$-)$1% 3A% /40%-/++/;% 1$()*;')*/;7%J$%.$0$% /55% )/% .')-#% K$)/;$2% '(% .$% 1*1% $@$0A% I')401'A%'5)$0;//;%)#0/4C#%.*;)$07%P(%+/0$%';1%+/0$%&$/&6$%'00*@$1%/4)%/5%(*1$%()0$$)(2%?%10$.%-6/($0%)/%#*(%-/')7%?%1*1;8)%.';)%)/%6/($%#*+%*;%)#$%-0/.17%P66%?%-/461%($$%.$0$%-/')$1%+$;%)/%)#$%50/;)%';1%)#$%3'-B%/5%+$7%=*))6$%.'(%('*12%)#')8(%)04$7%G4)%)#*;C(%.$0$%()*66%&'(($1%1/.;7%"#*;C(%.$0$%'3(/03$17%R*)#$0%A/4%C/)%*)%/0%A/4%1*1;8)2%';1%?%C/)%*)7%

10 GriffithREVIEW33

I)*66%(/+$%1*()';-$%50/+%)#$%C0/4;1%.$%#$'01%)#$%-0/.18(%@*/6$;)%0/'0%';1%?%(&$1%4&7%?%1*1;8)%.';)%)/%+*((%';A)#*;C7%I//;%?%./461%3$-/+$%C//1%')%C'4C*;C%)#$%;/*($%/5%)#$%-0/.17%P%#*6'0*)A%'0/4;1%*)(%$1C$(%&0/3'36A%+$';)%'%1/C%#'1%04;%/;)/%)#$%5*$617%S/C(%.$0$%'6.'A(% 04;;*;C%/;)/% )#$% 5*$61%')% )#$%K$)/;$%L$-7%N0%$6($%'% 6/.FD4'6*)A%+')-#2%/0%'%/;$F(*1$1%/;$2%#'1%3$$;%30/4C#)%)/%6*5$%3A%';%4;6*B$6A%#$0/2%';%/@$0.$*C#)%&0/&%*;)$0-$&)*;C%'%3'66%';1%6'4;-#*;C%#*+($65%/;%';%*+&0/3'36$%)#*0)AFA'01%(40C$%5/0%)#$%)0A%6*;$7%"#$%-0/.1%.';)$1%(4-#%)#*;C(%)/%#'&&$;7%?)%.';)$1%)#$%5')%3'()'01%)/%(-/0$%)#$%)0A7%

?;(*1$%)#$%C')$2%)#$%./061%-#';C$1%)/%'%5$()*@$%&6'-$7%?%D4*-B6A%*1$;)*5*$1%)#$%-643%-/6/40(%/5%)#$%)./%)$'+(%C/*;C%')%*)%/;%)#$%T/%U%C0/4;12%';1%&*-B$1%4&%)#$%&6$'(*;C%'0/+'(%/5%)#$%-'0-*;/C$;*-%#/)%1/C(%50/+%)#$%@';%&'0B$1%')%)#$%;/0)#$0;%$;1%/5%)#$%()';12%';1%5$6)%'%C$;$0'6%($;($%/5%4&6*5)%';1%'&&$)*)$% )#')%#'1%;/)#*;C%)/%1/%.*)#%.';)*;C%)/%$')%';A)#*;C7%%

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

%THAT YEAR, 19652% ?% )0'@$66$1% 4&% )/%P4-B6';1%.*)#%+A%+/)#$0% )/% ($$% /55%+A%/61$()%(*()$02%K')2%/;%'%(#*&%('*6*;C%)/%R40/&$7%N;%)#$%.#'05%.$%()//1%*;%'%1*55$0$;)%-0/.1%50/+%)#$%4(4'6%I')401'A%-0/.17%"#*(%/;$%#$61%#';1B$0-#*$5(%';1%.$&)%';1%0$+$+3$0$1%)/%.'@$%4&%')%)#$%$E-*)$1%';1%+/()6A%A/4;C%5'-$(%#';C*;C%/55%)#$%(#*&%0'*67%P(%)#$%&'(($;C$0%6*;$0%+/@$1%/4)%50/+%)#$%.#'05%)#$%()0$'+$0(%30/B$%';1%5$66%*;)/%)#$%1'0B%#'03/40%.')$0(7%J$%)40;$1%'.'A2%+A%+/)#$0%.*)#%'%)$'0%*;%#$0%$A$2%'6/;$% .*)#% #$0% (*6$;)% -/+&';*/;% 5/0% )#$% Z[\F+*6$% 0'*6% ,/40;$A% #/+$7% J#')% ';%$;/0+/4(% -/4;)0A% .$% 6*@$1% *;7% ?)(% C0'((A% $+&)*;$((% 56/')$1% 3A% *;% )#$% -'00*'C$%.*;1/.(7%J$%&'(($1%/4)% )#$%$;1%/5%;'+$6$((% )/.;(7% ?% -/461;8)%.'*)% )/%C$)%3'-B%#/+$%)/%I)$66*;%I)0$$)2%=/.$0%X4))2%.#$0$%$@$0A)#*;C%.'(%&$05$-)6A%&0/&/0)*/;$17%

I//;% &/()-'01(% 50/+% ';/)#$0% ./061% '00*@$1% *;% /40% 6$))$03/E% 9% 50/+% I*$;'2%V6/0$;-$2%=/;1/;2%&6'-$(%.#*-#%1*1;8)%5$$6%@$0A%0$'62%6$)%'6/;$%0$6$@';)7%?%5$6)%(/00A%5/0%3/)#%+A%(*()$0(%]3A%;/.%)#$%A/4;C$0%/;$2%G'03'0'2%.'(%6*@*;C%*;%L/+$2%';1%.*)#%

LLOYD JONES: Looking back 11

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12 GriffithREVIEW33

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bcd\(%';1%8e\(%)#$%(*1$6*;$%.'(%)#$%('5$)A%0'*6%)#')%)#$%C'+$%-64;C%)/7%P%)$'+%./461%3$%#'&&A%)/%-#$.%/55%3*)(%/5%)$00*)/0A% '6/;C% )#$% (*1$6*;$7% P% +*15*$61% '))'-B% .'(% -/;(*1$0$1% &40$% 5/66A2% $@$;%*00$(&/;(*36$2%'(%*)%0';%'%0*(B%/5%)#$%)*C#)6A%-/;)0/66$1%&'))$0;%/5%&6'A%5'66*;C%'&'0)7%V/0%C/18(%('B$2%';A)#*;C%+*C#)%#'&&$;7%%

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bcd[%P66%G6'-B(7%%

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N;% )#$%$@$%/5% )#$%V/40)#%"$()% *;%bcd[%S0%>$0./$01%+'1$%#*(% 5'+/4(%=/(B/&%S'+%(&$$-#%0$'55*0+*;C%)#$%3';%/;%_'/0*%&6'A$0(%)/40*;C%I/4)#%P50*-'7%a$'0(%6')$0%?%./461% 0$'1%#/.%T$.%f$'6';1$0(% )40;$1%'C'*;()% )#$*0% )/40*()(%'(%'% 0$(46)%/5% )#')%(&$$-#7%?%1/;8)%0$-'66%)#')%#'&&$;*;C%')%'667%P)%6$'()2% *)%1*1;8)%#'&&$;%*;%)#')%30*-B%#/4($%')%U\%I)$66*;%I)0$$)7%?%-';;/)%0$-'66%'%(*;C6$%-/;@$0(')*/;%'3/4)%'&'0)#$*1%$*)#$0%')%#/+$%/0%')%(-#//67%?%/;6A%+$;)*/;%)#*(%*;%/01$0%)/%4;1$06*;$%)#$%5/0)0$((%'(&$-)%/5%+A%-#*61#//17%

W$*)#%NE6$$2%)#$%G/B(8%5*0()%5*@$2%@*(*)$1%SA$0%I)0$$)%I-#//67%?%.'(%'%5*0()%5*@$F$*C#)%(/%?%5$6)%';%*++$1*')$%3/;17%J#')%?%0$+$+3$0%'3/4)%)#')%@*(*)%.'(%)#$%&'0)*-46'0%C0$$;% /5% )#$*0% 36'Y$0(2% 4;6*B$% ';A% C0$$;% )#')% .'(% 5'+*6*'02% ';1% )#$% I&0*;C3/B%$+36$+2%';1%'6(/%W$*)#8(%(+*6$%9%/;$%/5%)#/($%(+*6$(%.#/($%/.;$0%,4()%.';)(%)/%3$%$@$0A/;$8(%50*$;17%P3/4)%'%#4;10$1%/5%4(%3$'+$1%3'-B7%%

%IT NEVER OCCURRED% )/%+$% )#')% ?%.'(% 50/+%'% @$0A% (+'66% -/4;)0A7% ?% #'1%;/%-/;-$&)%/5%+A%&6'-$%*;%)#$%./0617%"#$%C$/C0'&#*-'6%(&'-$%/5%T$.%f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

14 GriffithREVIEW33

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

%

24 GriffithREVIEW33

IN MY LAST%)$'+%&#/)/2%*;%bcei2%/;$%A$'0%/4)%/5%#*C#%(-#//62%?%'+%-6$'06A%/;$%/5%)#$%A/4;C$0%/;$(%&6'A*;C% 5/0%R'()3/40;$%I$;*/0(7% V0/+% )#$%3$+4($1%4&6';1(%/5%+*116$%'C$2%?%'+%(40&0*($1%3A%)#$%(406*;$((%/5%)#')%4;5465*66$1%5'-$7%?%-';8)%*+'C*;$%)#')%?%'-)4'66A%5$6)%(/407%J#')%.'(%)#$0$%)/%5$$6%(/40%'3/4)`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LIKE MOST EX-PLAYERS%/5%+A%C$;$0')*/;%?%0$+'*;%*;%)/4-#%.*)#%)#$%C'+$7%"#$0$%'0$%@$0A%5$.%"$()(%)#')%?%#'@$%+*(($1%*;%)#$%)$6$@*($1%'C$7%"#$0$%.'(%'%)*+$%.#*6$% 6*@*;C%*;%V0';-$%';1%'C'*;%*;%P+$0*-'%)#')%?%0$6*$1%/;%;$.(&'&$0%-6*&&*;C(%($;)%50/+%#/+$%)/%B$$&%+$%4&%)/%1')$7%?%()*66%(-';%)#$%.$$B$;18(%-643%04C3A%0$(46)(2%$@$;%)#/4C#%)#$%/;6A%/;$%)#')%+*616A%*;)$0$()(%+$%*(%K$)/;$8(7%"#$%P66%G6'-B(%'0$%'%1*55$0$;)%+'))$07%

?;%U\b\2%.#$;%)#$A%&6'A$1%)#$%J'66'3*$(%*;%X/;C%W/;C2%?%#'&&$;$1%)/%3$%/;%'%56*C#)%3$).$$;%K*('%';1%G$06*;7%?)%.'(%4;($))6*;C%)/%B;/.%)#')%)#$A%.$0$%&6'A*;C%';1%?%.'(;8)%C64$1%)/%'%(-0$$;7%I/+$.#$0$%/@$0%)#$%S/6/+*)$(%?%5*C40$1%)#')%'(%(//;%'(%)#$%&6';$%)/4-#$1%1/.;%')%I-#j;$5$61%?%./461%-')-#%)#$%$E&0$((%*;)/%)#$%-*)A%';1%')%


X'4&)3';#/5%(.*)-#%)0'-B(%)/%&*-B%4&%)#$%Ie[%';1%C$)%/55%')%X'-B$(-#$0%_'0B)7% ?%B;$.%50/+%&'()%$E&$0*$;-$%)#$%5*6)#A%?0*(#%3'0%3$;$')#%)#$%)0'-B(%./461%3$%(#/.*;C%)#$%+')-#%';1%)#')%*)%./461%3$%&'-B$1%.*)#%$E&')(%';1%()0'A%G$06*;$0(7%J*)#%'%3*)%/5%64-B%?81%C$)%)#$0$%*;%)*+$%5/0%)#$%($-/;1%#'657%GA%)#$%)*+$%.$81%()'0)$1%/40%1$(-$;)%?%.'(%#'&&*$07%G4)%?%#'1%5'*6$1%)/%)'B$%*;)/%'--/4;)%)#$%?;)$0;')*/;'6%S')$%=*;$7%_A%-'6-46')*/;(%.$0$%/4)%3A%'%1'A7%

"#$0$%'0$%/)#$0(%6*B$%+$2%.#/%C0$.%4&%.*)#%)#$%('+$%&0/&/0)*/;$1%./0612%/;%)#$%('+$%&6'A*;C%5*$61(2%-/;(-0*&)$1%')%'%(*+*6'0%$'06A%'C$7%?8@$%($$;%)#$+%*;%-'5k(%';1%3'0(% '66% /@$0% )#$%./0612% *;%>*66$50';-#$2%"/46/;2% =*(3/;2%P+()$01'+2%=/;1/;2% *;%P@'04%*;%)#$%<//B%?(6';1(7%"#$A%$;)$0%)#$%$()'36*(#+$;)%';1%-'()%'%.*61%$A$%4&%')%)#$% /@$0#$'1% (-0$$;2% &4YY6$1% ')% 5*0()2% ';1% ;/.% 6//B*;C% )$00*36A% -/;-$0;$17% "#$A%'&&0/'-#%)#$%3'0%.*)#%'%B*;1%/5%#*C#F()04;C%6//B%)/%34))/;#/6$%)#$%3'0+';2%.#/2%*;-0$1*36A2%1/$(%;/)%'&&$'0%)/%(#'0$%)#$%('+$%($;($%/5%'6'0+%/0%&/)$;)*'6%5/0%C0*$5%(#/461%)#$%C'+$%#'@$%3$$;%+*(($17%"#*(%5';%4(4'66A%-/+$(%'0+$1%.*)#%*;5/0+')*/;7%"#$% C'+$% *(% /;% -#';;$6% (4-#F';1F(4-#7% ?% .';)% )/% .')-#% *)7% ?% +1A$% )/% .')-#% *)7%I/+$)*+$(%)#$%3'0+';%.*66%&*-B%4&%)#$%0$+/)$%';1%(-0/66%1/.;%4&-/+*;C%(&/0)(%$@$;)(2%';1%)#$0$%*)%*(2%)#$%P66%G6'-B(%+')-#2%./;1$05466A%$A$F.')$0*;C6A%6*()$12%()*66%)/%-/+$7%P66%*(%0*C#)%.*)#%)#$%./0617%I+*6$(%'66%0/4;17%G6//1%&0$((40$%&64++$)*;C%3'-B%)/%;/0+'6%6$@$6(7%P;1%)#')%*(%#/.%*)%*(7%"#')%*(%#/.%*)%.*66%'6.'A(%3$2%?%*+'C*;$2%)/%)#$%$;1%/5%+A%1'A(7%%

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`%%

_A%(*()$0%K')2%3A%)#$%.'A2%*(%;/.%'%5';7%I#$%.*66%/5)$;%)0A%';1%'0C4$%.*)#%+$7%V/0%$E'+&6$2%(#$%#'(%'%(/5)%(&/)%5/0%)#$%J'66'3*$(7%?%6$)%#$0%C/%/;%')%)#$%/)#$0%$;1%/5%)#$%6*;$7% ?% .'*)% &')*$;)6A2% '(% _400'A% S$'B$0% +4()2% )/% $;140$% )#$% +/()% 0'3*1% ';1%+*(*;5/0+$1%/5%#*(%)'6B3'-B%-'66$0(2%3$5/0$%()'0)*;C%/;%+A%$14-')$1%$E&6';')*/;%'(%)/%.#A%(#$%*(%.0/;C2%-/+&6$)$6A%.0/;C2%*;%$@$0A%(*;C6$%)#*;C%(#$%#'(%,4()%('*17%P;1%)#$;2%*5%(#$%&$0(*()(2%?%0$&6A%.*)#%'%()/*-8(%(*6$;-$7%

Lloyd Jones is a Wellington-based writer whose books include the novel Hand Me Down World (Text, 2010); the short-story collection The Man in the Shed (Text, 2009); Mister Pip (Text, 2006), which won the 2007 Commonwealth Writers’ Prize and was shortlisted for the 2007 Man Booker Prize; and The Book of Fame (Penguin, 2000), about the 1905 All Blacks tour of the British Isles. ‘Who’s that dancing with my mother?’ appeared in Griffith REVIEW 25: After the Crisis.

26 GriffithREVIEW33

MEMOIR

On self-knowledge A ring and its keeper

Andrew Sant

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ANDREW SANT: On self-knowledge 27

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28 GriffithREVIEW33

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Andrew Sant’s latest collection of poems is Fuel (Black Pepper, 2009). He is currently Writing Fellow at Goldsmiths College, University of London. Other prose pieces by him have recently appeared in Antipodes, Island, Meanjin and Best Australian Essays 2010.

ANDREW SANT: On self-knowledge 29

MEMOIR

Striker Looking after the heart

Carrie Tiffany

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30 GriffithREVIEW33

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34 GriffithREVIEW33

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36 GriffithREVIEW33

A COMPLICATION ARISES8!D/%*%!0-!#2($/%*!-$02$!02!/(-,0$#"8!D/%!'#*;0("(30-$!0-!(@%*-%#-I!)<$!#-!-((2!#-!/%!*%$<*2-!/%!*023-!$(!-#5!/%!0-!-(**5!#2;!+!#4!-<*,*0-%;!#$!$/%!<23<#*;%;!2#$<*%!(6!/0-!#,("(358!+!#4!2($!-<*,*0-%;!$/(<3/I!./%2!/%!;%-'*0)%-!/0-!40-$#1%!#-!J;*(,,023!$/%!)#""B8!W%!0-!-,%#1023!$(!4%!(2!#!4()0"%!,/(2%!02!/0-!'#*8!D/%!*0'/!$*044023-!#2;!<,/("-$%*5!4(;<"#$%!/0-!@(0'%8!W%!-#5-!0$!0-!*#*%!$(!/#@%!#!)#;!(<$'(4%8!+!/%#*!#!$*#4!*<4)"%!,#-$8!W%!/#23-!<,!#2;!+!.(2;%*!./%*%!/%!0-!3(0238!D(!$/%!(,%*#A!?/%*%@%*!/%!3(%-I!/%!.0""!)%!$/%!(2"5!,%*-(2!./(!/#-!-%%2!$/%!02-0;%!(6!45!/%#*$8!!

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Carrie Tiffany is a former park ranger who lives in Melbourne, where she works as an agricultural journalist and writer. Her first novel, Everyman’s Rules for Scientific Living (Picador, 2006), was shortlisted for the Miles Franklin Award and the Orange Prize for Fiction. Her new novel, Mateship with Birds, will be published by Picador in early 2012.


MEMOIR

My last-ditch attempt Notes on getting by

Rebecca Epstein

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38 GriffithREVIEW33

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REBECCA EPSTEIN: My last-ditch attempt 39

9+(#)!#+D+3!&8/*#!8;!#9++"!+D+*$!3'=&)6!()!)&+!#(0+!')"#!+D+*$!3'=&)6!$8/!28/97!&(D+!)8!;89982!(!*8/)'3+!+D+*$!#'3=9+!7($6!$8/!28/97!&(D+!)8!;89982!(!&+(9)&$!7'+)6!$8/!28/97!&(D+!)8!(D8'7!#)*+##!(37!+0"98$!#)*+##!0(3(=+0+3)6!(376!08#)!'0"8*)(3)9$6!$8/!28/97!&(D+!)8!?*'3=!$8/*!;*'+37#!(37!;(0'9$!'3!83!)&+!"9(3-!S8/!28/97!&(D+!)&+0!(#!(!#/""8*)!#$#)+0-!S8/!3++7!)8!)+99! )&+0!2&()!$8/!(*+!78'3=6!E+%%(1!$8/!3++7!)8!)+99!)&+0!$8/!(*+!=8'3=!8;;!8;!0+7'%()'83!(37!(#:!)&+0!)8!:382!)&+!2(*3'3=!#'=3#!8;!0(3'(!(37!2&()!)8!78!'3!%(#+!')!&(""+3#-5!

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!LET ME GO!?(%:2(*7#!(=('3-!!

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40 GriffithREVIEW33

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42 GriffithREVIEW33

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[+*+5#!)&+!)&'3=-!B$!78%)8*!+3)*/#)#!0+!2')&!7'#%'"9'3+-!>&+!)+99#!0+!)8!%&(3=+!0$!9';+-!<37!4!786!4!#2+(*!')6!;8*!)28!2++:#-!4!2(9:!0$!78=6!I/,6!;8*!(3!&8/*!+D+*$!7($!(983=!)&+!?':+!)*('9!3+(*!0$!&8/#+-!4!+()!839$!3/)*')'8/#!;887-!4!7835)!7*'3:6!8*!#08:+6!8*!78!7*/=#-!4!(D8'7!#)*+##-!4!0+7')()+-!4!#9++"!()!3'=&)-!4!(0!+113-!!

44 GriffithREVIEW33

<37!2&+3!4!#++!83+!8;!0$!='*9#!()!%8;;++!#&8"!(37!#&+!(#:#!&82!4!(0!78'3=!2')&!(!&(37!83!0$!#&8/97+*6!4!"()!)&()!&(37!(37!4!#($6!O4!(0!;'3+-!4!(0!(!9'))9+!0(3'%6!?/)!4!(0!8:($-5!

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!SO THE DOCTOR!"/)!0+!?(%:!83!0+7'%'3+-!

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46 GriffithREVIEW33

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Rebecca Epstein is a master of fine arts student in non-fiction writing at Iowa State University.


ESSAY

Adventures of the letter I Reading and writing in the first person

Peter Bishop

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48 GriffithREVIEW33

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PETER BISHOP: Adventures of the letter I 49

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50 GriffithREVIEW33

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54 GriffithREVIEW33

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56 GriffithREVIEW33

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Peter Bishop was founding creative director of Varuna, The Writers’ House in the Blue Mountains, 1994–2010. He is now exploring the possibilities of a writing community through a new independent program, The Writer Conversation.

60 GriffithREVIEW33

MEMOIR

After the words Writing and living a memoir

Kate Holden

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KATE HOLDEN: After the words 61

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62 GriffithREVIEW33

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64 GriffithREVIEW33

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4(!0-+%,!#!6('D,$$+('!9(*!8*$%!D,,1!9(*!&#5,!$+'',.3!E*%!2!.('F%!7,1+,5,!+'!$+'/!('19!+'!6('$6+,'6,!#'.!1,#-'+'A3!4&,!9,#-'+'A!%(!1(5,!#'.!7,!1(5,.!B!%&,!%&,8,!(D!!"#$%&'()*+,!B!+$!(',!(D!%&,!8($%!6(*-#A,(*$!#'.!%,--+D9+'A!A#87+%$!(D!(*-!1+5,$3!E*%!+%!+$!&(0!1+D,!+$!8#.,3!H('A!7,D(-,!%&,!P(8#'%+6!,-#/!%&,!"(,%!4&(8#$!4-#&,-',!$#+./!Ib,5,-!0#$!#'9!%&+'A!+'!%&+$!0(-1.!1(5,.!%((!8*6&3F!2%!+$!0&#%!2!+'$+$%,.!('!7,1+,5+'A!+'!2%#193!E*%/!4-#&,-',!6('%+'*,./!I8#'9!%&+'A$!&#5,!7,,'!1(5,.!+'!#!D#1$,!0#9/!#'.!#11!+'!%((!$&(-%!#!8,#$*-,3F!^',!(D!%&,$,!$%#%,8,'%$!+$!%&,!1,$$('!(D!8,8(+-3!!

!

Kate Holden is the author of In My Skin: A memoir and The Romantic: Italian Nights and Days, both published by Text. Her last story in Griffith REVIEW was ‘Don Quixote in Shanghai’.


MEMOIR

Not for official use Finding a name

Debra Adelaide

WHEN! "! #$%&!'$(#)*%!+,%*-./!0$0(*#1!!"#$%&'()*$%&'+*##"*,)&! 23%-&(0!4(5/$1!677891!"!:%/!/;#5<=!>?!;@$!<(A$#!(B!;@$!>((=!%/!:$,,!%/!>?!*;/!#$0%#=%>,$!<(-;$-;/C!D@$!&$/*)-! *-<(#E(#%;$/!%! <(E?!(B!%!>*#;@! <$#;*B*<%;$!(B! /*0*,%#!A*-;%)$! ;(!0*-$1! %!&(<50$-;!:@*<@!*/!0(#$!B%0*,*%#!;(!0$!;@%-!%-?!(;@$#!"!@%A$!(:-$&C!

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Q-!6R!J$>#5%#?!KL8M1!%;!;@$!(,&!3$)*/;#%#!'$-$#%,./!QBB*<$!*-!S#*-<$!N,>$#;!3(%&1!"!B*,,$&!*-!%-!"-/;#50$-;!TA*&$-<*-)!U@%-)$!(B!G%0$!B(#01!:@*<@!:%/!:*;-$//$&!>?!%! <,$#=! %;! ;@$! (BB*<$1! /;%0E$&! VQ,&! P?/;$0!W$$&! +((=.1! %-&! )*A$-! %! -50>$#C! N!/*0E,$!(-$XE%)$!B(#0C!Y((=*-)!%;!*;!-(:1!"!<%-!*&$-;*B?!;@$!E$-!"!5/$&!H!%!P@$%BB$#!<%#;#*&)$!E$-1!0$&*50!*;%,*<!-*>1!>,5$X>,%<=!*-=C!"!B*,,$&!(5;!(-$!<(E?!B(#!0$1!%-&!(-$!B(#!;@$!(BB*<$C!

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66 GriffithREVIEW33

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

!THE CHANGE-OF-NAME CERTIFICATE! :%/! =$E;! *-! 0?! B(,&$#! (B! (BB*<*%,!&(<50$-;/1!%,(-)!:*;@!%,,!;@$!(;@$#!&(<50$-;/^!>*#;@!<$#;*B*<%;$1!/<@((,!<$#;*B*<%;$/1!:$&&*-)!<$#;*B*<%;$1!5-*A$#/*;?!&$)#$$/!%-&!;@$-1! ,%;$#1! ;@$!>*#;@!<$#;*B*<%;$/!(B!0?!<@*,&#$-C!"!>$)%-!5/*-)!;@$!-$:!-%0$!/;#%*)@;%:%?1!%-&!>%#$,?!;@(5)@;!%>(5;!;@$!E#(<$//!(B!<@%-)*-)!*;!%)%*-!5-;*,!"!%EE,*$&!B(#!%!E%//E(#;!*-!677RC!!

F?! &*%#?! B(#! ;@$! ,%/;! B$:! &%?/! (B! G(A$0>$#! ;@%;! ?$%#! <(-;%*-/! %! <,5/;$#! (B!%EE(*-;0$-;/!<$-;#$&!(-!;@$!/0%,,!;#*%-),$!(B!P?&-$?!;@%;!*-<,5&$/!;@$!N5/;#%,*%-!S%//E(#;!QBB*<$1!;@$!G$:!P(5;@!]%,$/!3$)*/;#?!(B!+*#;@/1!W$%;@/!%-&!F%##*%)$/1!%-&!;@$!`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

DEBRA ADELAIDE: Not for official use 67

V"!=-(:C!"!<@%-)$&!0?!-%0$!(BB*<*%,,?C.!"!;%EE$&!;@$!<@%-)$X(BX-%0$!<$#;*B*<%;$C!VD@%;./!:@?!"!>#(5)@;!;@*/C.!

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68 GriffithREVIEW33

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70 GriffithREVIEW33

P@$!E*<=$&!5E!%!/;%0E1!/,%00$&!*;!&(:-!(-!;@$!<$#;*B*<%;$1!/0*,$&!%-&!@%-&$&!*;!>%<=C!VD@$#$!?(5!)(C!N,,!&(-$!-(:C!4%A$!%!-*<$!&%?C.!

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!THE REGISTRY OF BIRTHS1! W$%;@/! %-&!F%##*%)$/! */! ,(<%;$&! *-! %! /;#$;<@! (B!3$)$-;! P;#$$;! <,(/$! ;(! U$-;#%,! P;%;*(-C! D@$#$! */! -(;@*-)! @$#$! ;(! *0E#(A$! ;@$!/;#$$;/<%E$C!G(!;#$$/1!-(!&$<(#%;*A$!E%A*-)C!G(!,*)@;/1!-(!E(;;$&!E,%-;/C!S$(E,$!&(!-(;!:%,=!>?! B(#!E,$%/5#$1! (#!(-! ;@$*#!:%?! ;(! %-?:@$#$! $,/$!H! #$/;%5#%-;/1! /@(E/1!05/$50/!(#!)%,,$#*$/!H!B(#!;@$#$!*/!-(-$C!D@$#$!%#$!-(!>%#/!(#!<%Bg/C!G$I;!&((#!*/!;@$!,(<%,! (BB*<$! (B! U5#;*-! `-*A$#/*;?1! %! E,%<$! ;@%;! <(5,&! @%#&,?! >$! <%,,$&! %! <%0E5/C!N<#(//! ;@$!#(%&! */!%!0$;@%&(-$!<,*-*<C!D@$!<,(/$/;! ;@*-)! ;(!%;0(/E@$#$! */! ;@$!(,&!0(#;5%#?!/;%;*(-1!(A$#!(-!;@$!#%*,:%?!,*-$C!!

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P(0$:@$#$1!&$/E*;$!:@%;!"!:%/!;(,&!%;!;@$!#$)*/;#?1!;@$#$!*/!%!>((=C!F%-?!>((=/C!"!*0%)*-$!;@$?!%#$!,$&)$#/1!)#$%;!>,%<=X>(5-&!A(,50$/!#$Z5*#*-)!>(;@!@%-&/!;(!<%##?1!*-/*&$!*-/<#*>$&!*-!/$E*%!*-=C!4$#$!%,,!;@$/$!>*#;@/!%#$!(#!:$#$!(#*)*-%,,?!#$<(#&$&!H!:@*,$!:$!/(0$;*0$/!%//50$!:$!@%A$!(>;%*-$&!(5#!>*#;@!<$#;*B*<%;$/1!;@$/$!%#$!(-,?!<(E*$/!(B!;@$!(#*)*-%,!<$#;*B*<%;*(-!(B!;@(/$!>*#;@/C!D@*/!*/!(-,?!/(0$!(B!;@$!/;(#?!(B!0?!>*#;@!<$#;*B*<%;$1!:@*<@!*/!,*=$!$A$#?!(;@$#!/;(#?1!-(;!/;#%*)@;B(#:%#&!%-&!-$A$#!#$%,,?!<(0E,$;$C!

Debra Adelaide (‘the full name of the registered person was previously recorded as Debra Kim Walker’) teaches creative writing at the University of Technology, Sydney. Her latest novel, The Household Guide to Dying (Picador, 2008), has been published worldwide.

72 GriffithREVIEW33

ESSAY

Beyond stigma Musings on the sadness of privacy

Frank Moorhouse

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FRANK MOORHOUSE: Beyond stigma 73

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74 GriffithREVIEW33

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25 May 2011

Frank Moorhouse’s new novel, Cold Light, will be published in November by Random House. His Griffith REVIEW essay ‘The writer in a time of terror’ won a Victorian Premier’s Literary Award, the PEN-Keneally Prize and a Walkley Award.

84 GriffithREVIEW33

ESSAY

The living subject Warts and all

AJ Brown

‘BUT!"#$%&!'#$!&#!()!*+,)-!+.&!+%%/0!123.! (.! 4554!6("2+3%! 7(,8'! 9,33)3&!:'! ;,#;#-+%! <#,! +! 8(#9,+;2'!*()2! )2(-!

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AJ BROWN: The living subject 85

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86 GriffithREVIEW33

7(,8'0-!,3;%'!)2+)!+.'!8(#9,+;2'!-2#$%&!83!Q*+,)-!+.&!+%%0!*+-!)23!"%(."23,B!F(-!9,3+)3-)! (:;+")! "+:3! <,#:! 83(.9! +! ?#("3! <#,! ),+.-;+,3."'! (.! )23! 8'W+.)(.3! %39+%!;,#<3--(#.B!F(-!9,3+)3-)!#;;#.3.)-!*3,3!)2#-3!*2#!&(&!.#)!)2(.A!)23!93.3,+%!;$8%("!"#$%&!3?3,!;,#;3,%'!$.&3,-)+.&!H$&("(+%!&3"(-(#.I:+A(.9>!+.&!)23,3<#,3!-2#$%&!.#)!83!3&$"+)3&!(.!()B!D$)!*23)23,!2#;3%3--%'!"#.-3,?+)(?3!#,!&+.93,#$-%'!;,#9,3--(?3!`#,>!(.!,3+%()'>!8#)2a>!7(,8'!2+&!+!;$8%("!,3-#.+."3!8$(%)!#.!(&3.)(<'(.9!)23!-#"(+%!+.&!;#%()("+%!;,(."(;%3-!+)!)23!23+,)!#<!(:;#,)+.)!%39+%!_$3-)(#.-B!F(-!"+,33,!*+-!8$(%)!#.!2(-!)+%3.)!<#,!%+'(.9!8+,3!)23!(..3,!*#,%&-!#<!%+*'3,->!H$&93-!+.&!%39(-%+)#,-B!@!-:(%3&!*23.!)23!"##$#%&!'()*+,-.,%0-!,3?(3*!#<!/.01,#-!2.+345!6,+,&78#)!9!6+.%0.:-#)!*+-!)()%3&!QC!%(<3!%+(&!8+,30B!@)!*+-!)23!#.%'!*+'!+!8(#9,+;2'!#<!7(,8'!"#$%&!83!-3.-(8%'!+;;,#+"23&B!

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b#2+.!?+.!J%#)3.B!

^.! )23! #)23,! 2+.&>! .#! #.3! 2+&! :+&3! -#! :+.'! ;$8%("! "#::():3.)-! )#! )23!(:;#,)+."3!#<!2$:+.()'!+.&!),+.-;+,3."'!+-!3%3:3.)-!#<!H$&("(+%!%(<3B!c,#:!2(-!,##)-!(.!:(&I*3-)3,.!M'&.3'!+.&!c#,)!M),33)!F(92!M"2##%>!(.),("+)3%'!(.)3,*#?3.!*()2!2(-!#*.! 8,+.&! #<! 3%()(-:>! "+:3! +! %(83,+%! 39+%()+,(+.(-:! )2+)! -+(&! 3?3,'! "()(W3.>! )23!%#*%(3,!)23!83))3,>!2+&!)23!,(92)!)#!_$3-)(#.!+8-#%$)3%'!+.')2(.9B!c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-$8H3")>! +)! %3+-)! .#)! %(.93,! #?3,! ;3,-#.+%! (--$3-! )2+)! :(92)! 83! )2#$92)! )#! 83!(."#.-(-)3.)!*()2!)23!(:+93!#<eH$&93-!+-!<(9$,3-!#<!(.)39,()'>!;,#8()'>!+.&!+!"3,)+(.!23,#("!+$-)3,()'0B!L(-"$--(.9!"2+%%3.93-!;#-3&!8'!+!.3?3,I"#:;%3)3&!8(#9,+;2'!#<!)23!<+:#$-!C:3,("+.!H$&93!^%(?3,!13.&3%%!F#%:3->!b,>!12()3!*,#)3\!QD$)!*2#!(-!)#!-+'!)2+)!)23!+--3--:3.)!#<!F#%:3-0-!%(<3!+.&!"+,33,!*#$%&!83!+&?3,-3%'!+<<3")3&!8'!A.#*(.9!)2+)!23!*+->!<#,!+!)(:3>!(.!%#?3!*()2!+!*#:+.!#)23,!)2+.!2(-!*(<3/!C.&!*2#!(-!)#!-+'!)2+)!+!H$&93!+.&!2(-!"%#-3!<#%%#*3,-!-2#$%&!-33A!)#!"#.),#%!)23!;#,),+()!#<!)23!H$&93!#<<3,3&!)#!;#-)3,()'/0!

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

Z+,)!#<!)23!-)#,'0-!;#*3,!*#$%&!83!(.!)3%%(.9!()!+-!-##.!+-!;#--(8%3!+<)3,!23!,3)(,3&!<,#:!)23!F(92!G#$,)>!*23.!.#!+")$+%!%()(9+)(#.!"#$%&!83!+<<3")3&!8$)!;3#;%3!-)(%%!2+&!+!%(?3!:3:#,'!#<!)23!3?3.)-!+.&!(.)3,3-)! (.!)23-3!_$3-)(#.-B!C<)3,!+%%>!*2+)!&7#)!+!:#&3,.!-#"(3)'!*+.)!+.&!3E;3")!<,#:!()-!-3.(#,!H$&93-/!F#*!*3%%!(-!()!&3+%(.9!*()2!"#."3;)(#.-!#<!()-!#*.!(&3.)()'!+.&!"2+%%3.93-!#<!"2+.93/!

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C;+,)!<,#:!)(:3!+.&!,3-#$,"3->!)23!+.-*3,!%+'!(.!:+A(.9!)23!:#-)!#<!7(,8'0-!"#I#;3,+)(#.>!*2(%3!,3)+(.(.9!3.#$92!&3)+"2:3.)!)#!&#!+!;,#;3,!H#8B!C!"2+%%3.93B!D$)!"#I#;3,+)(#.!(-!?()+%B!1()2#$)!()>!'#$!"+.!;,#&$"3!+!-3,(#$-!%(<3!,3?(3*!#,!",()(_$3!=!-$"2!+-!G2,(-!6+-)3,-0!;7%#)*7<%!`C%%3.!f!X.*(.>!455Oa>!+8#$)!C%+.!b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

88 GriffithREVIEW33

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!


WHEN THE PROJECT!-)+,)3&!@!&(&!.#)!"#.)3:;%+)3!-2#*(.9!7(,8'!)23!)3E)!83<#,3!)23!8##A!*+-!;$8%(-23&B!Y#,!&(&!23!3?3,!-$993-)!()B!D$)!)23.!"+:3!+!;(3"3!#<!+&?("3!<,#:!+!9,3+)!-"2#%+,!+.&!"#%%3+9$3>!Z+),("A!13%%3,\!QM2#*!2(:!&,+<)-e&#.0)!;,#:(-3!+.')2(.9>!8$)!()0-!)23!<+-)3-)!*+'!)#!"23"A!<+")->!93)!+!,3+")(#.!+.&!"$)!)#!)23!"2+-3B0!C!;,#;3,! H#$,.+%(-)0-! (.-)(.")>!:+,,(3&! )#! )23!6+,E(+.!&(+%3")("\!&#.0)!83+)!+,#$.&! )23!8$-2B!@<!'#$!+,3!"#.<(&3.)!+.&!*+.)!)#!83!",()("+%>!2#*!83))3,!)#!)3-)!+.&!-2#,3!$;!'#$,!;#-()(#.!)2+.!8'!3E;#-(.9!()!)#!)23!;3,-#.!:#-)!%(A3%'!)#!,3+")!+9+(.-)!()/!

D$)!(<!23!&(&.0)!%(A3!()>!*#$%&!23!A33;!"#I#;3,+)(.9/!N2(-!*+-!6("2+3%!7(,8'>!+!:+.!,(92)%'!,3.#*.3&!<#,!2(-!93.3,#-()'>!-#!)23!+.-*3,!*+-!;,#8+8%'!'3-B!D$)!3?3.!7(,8'! (-! 2$:+.B!C)! )23! ?3,'! %3+-)>! )23,3!*3,3! 3%3:3.)-! #<! <+:(%'! 2(-)#,'!*2#-3!+""$,+"'!#.%'!23!+.&!#)23,!<+:(%'!:3:83,-!"#$%&!;,#;3,%'!"23"AB!M#!@!&3"(&3&!)#!-)+,)!*()2! )2#-3! -3")(#.->! +! <3*!:#.)2-! +<)3,! 23! ,3)(,3&! <,#:! )23! F(92! G#$,)! (.!c38,$+,'!455SB!!

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90 GriffithREVIEW33

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

!WHAT WOULD OTHERS!&3"(&3/!C-!)23!8##A!:+&3!()-!*+'!(.)#!)23!*#,%&>!(.!3+,%'!45RR>!3,,#.3#$-!+--$:;)(#.-! )2+)! )2(-!*+-!6("2+3%!7(,8'0-! -)#,'>!+!:3:#(,!+.&!.#)!+!8(#9,+;2'!+)!+%%>!83"+:3!:'!9,3+)3-)!<3+,B!M#:3!8##A-2#;-!;,3-3.)3&!()!)2(-!*+'>!9,+-;(.9!)23!%(?(.9!-$8H3")0-!<+:3!+-!:#-)!(:;#,)+.)!)#!-3%%(.9!8##A-B!Q^2>!()0-!)23!"#I+$)2#,>0!#.3!+&:(,3,!9,33)3&!:3!(..#"3.)%'B!@!-*+%%#*3&!<$,'!+.&!;,(&3!83<#,3!3E;%+(.(.9!)23!),$)2!=!*2("2!;3,-$+&3&!23,!)#!8$'!)23!8##AB!

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b#2.!g()"2(3>!+!<#,:3,!93.3,+%!3&()#,!#<!)23!'()*+,-.,%[email protected]*.7%,+4!7>!A.7B+,:14>!#."3!&3-",(83&!)23!8(#9,+;23,!+-!Q%(A3!+.!+,"2+3#%#9(-)>!(.<3,,(.9!<,#:!<,+9:3.)-BBB!N2+)!-2#$%&!.#)!&3)3,!$-B!L#.0)!-3+,"2!<#,![,+.&!N23#,(3-!#<!F$:+.!D32+?(#$,B![3)!#.!*()2! )3%%(.9! )23!-)#,'B!Z,+")(-3!8(#9,+;2'!,+)23,! )2+.!;,3+"2(.9!#,!;2(%#-#;2(-(.9!+8#$)!()B!D'!,3-#%$)3!+.&!&#993&!-)3;-!+*+,3.3--!"+.!83!*#.B0!

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AJ Brown is John F Kearney Professor of Public Law at Griffith University. His most recent book is Michael Kirby: Paradoxes & Principles (Federation Press, 2011), but he also works on other more cost-effective projects. His previous Griffith REVIEW articles are ‘When the whistle is blown’ and ‘The states we’re in’.

92 GriffithREVIEW33

POEM

Heart’s dream Sandra Goldbloom Zurbo

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Sandra Goldbloom Zurbo is a Melbourne author, freelance editor and proofreader. Her novel, The Book of Rachel, was published by Allen & Unwin in 1998; her short stories have been published in various literary magazines.

SANDRA GOLDBLOOM ZURBO: Heart’s dream 93

MEMOIR

The cigar box Opening the treasure trove of memory

Marion Halligan

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94 GriffithREVIEW33

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96 GriffithREVIEW33

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98 GriffithREVIEW33

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100 GriffithREVIEW33

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Marion Halligan AM is an award-winning novelist, essayist and short-story writer. She has been shortlisted for the Dublin IMPAC Prize, the Miles Franklin Award and the Nita B Kibble Award. Her books, published by Allen & Unwin, include Taste of Memory (2004) and Valley of Grace (2009), and her new novel is Shooting the Fox.


MEMOIR

My mother and me A reacquaintance

Anna Dorrington

FOR!"!#$%&!'()*!+!,$-#.!%$'!)"/*!-0!)1!)(%.!23*4*!"%.!23*%!'$!5'"4'!)1!5'$416!7-'!*8*%'-"##1!+!.*,(.*.!'$!7*&(%!(%!'3*!)(..#*9!!

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ANNA DORRINGTON: My mother and me 105

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Anna Dorrington lives in northern New South Wales, and last year completed an honours degree in visual arts at Southern Cross University. For it she created an installation using the tools of print, 3D, assemblage and video to address the emotional highs and lows of getting to know her mother again.

ANNA DORRINGTON: My mother and me 107

ESSAY

Beyond truth and justice The path to healing

Maria Tumarkin

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$A FEW YEARS$)%!#($L&=&/!+$1-'+2"#!$S+*-')$(+/#$!+$"-/$%##!$)!$"-/$=()';%)!"#(./$%&'#()*3$!"#$=()';/+'$+%$)'+!"#($;#);$=#'#()*$P$+%$)$;#);$0#'#()*-//-5&/3$-'$%)2!$P$A)/$/&-'=$%+($;#%)5)!-+'?$a#>=#'B$4b"&=)/">-*-3$M!)*-'./$=()';/+'3$A)/$2*)-5-'=$!")!$!"#$[&//-)'$'#A/D)D#(!,-.'/'!%'0$1'$V%+($A"-2"$!"#$5&(;#(#;$\+&(')*-/!$L'')$1+*-!C+>/CB)$ ");$ A+(C#;W$ /"+&*;$ 6#$ "#*;$ )22+&'!)6*#$ %+($ -!/$ 2*)-5/$ !")!$ "-/$=()';%)!"#($ A)/$ )$ 5)//$ 5&(;#(#(?$ a#>=#'B$ 4b"&=)/">-*-$ !+*;$ \+&(')*-/!/$ "#$ %#*!$2+5D#**#;$ !+$ -'!#(>#'#$ 6#2)&/#$ "-/$ =()';%)!"#($ V'+!$ &'*-C#$ !"#$ =()';%)!"#($ +%$L&=&/!+$ 1-'+2"#!$ S+*-')W$ 2+&*;$ '+!$ X;#%#';$ "-5/#*%$ %(+5$ "-/$ =()>#.?$ E'$ ,)D!)-'$S+*-')./$ /D##2"$ )!$ "-/$ =()';%)!"#(./$ %&'#()*3$ "#$ *)&;#;$ "-/$ =()';%)!"#(./$ >-2!+(B$+>#($ !"#$ S)(N-/!$ !+!)*-!)(-)'-/5$ +%$ !"#$ C-';$ a#>=#'B$ 4b"&=)/">-*-./$ =()';%)!"#($");$ !)C#'$ !+$ -!/$ )D+!"#+/-/3$ B#!$ /+5#"+A3$ !A+$ =#'#()!-+'/$ ;+A'3$ L&=&/!+$ )';$a#>=#'B$%+&';$!"#5/#*>#/$+'$!"#$/)5#$/-;#$+%$!"#$6)((-2);#/?$$

R+;)B$!"#(#$#N-/!/$)$2&(-+&/$D(#D+';#()'2#$+%$(#'#=);#$=()';/+'/$+%$!"#$;#);$;-2!)!+(/$ V=()';;)&="!#(/$ )(#$ )*/+$ !"#(#$ 6&!$ '+!$ <&-!#$ -'$ %+(2#3$ -!$ /##5/W?$ R"#$=()';/+'$+%$!"#$MD)'-/"$;-2!)!+($0#'#()*$:()'2+$A)/$(#2#'!*B$-'$!"#$'#A/3$)22&/#;$+%$D&**-'=$+&!$)$(#>+*>#($)';$%-(-'=$%+&($/"+!/$)!$)'+!"#($;(->#($)!$)$(+&';)6+&!$'#)($S);(-;?$ S&//+*-'-./$ =()';/+'$ -/$ )*/+$ +&!$ !"#(#3$ /!-**$ *++C-'=$ %+($ !"#$ #*&/->#$ !(&!"$)6+&!$!"#$2-(2&5/!)'2#/$+%$"-/$=()';%)!"#(./$;#)!"3$-'$HIcd?$$

MARIA TUMARKIN: Beyond truth and justice 109

e>#'$ !"+&="$ !"#$ !A#'!-#!"G2#'!&(B$ ;-2!)!+(/$ 5)B$ /##5$ *-C#$ ="+/!/$ !+$ &/$ '+A3$%)(2-2)*$5+(#$!")'$;)'=#(+&/3$/");+AB$5+(#$!")'$(#)*3$!"#-($=()';/+'/$D+-'!$!+$)$D#2&*-)($"-/!+(-2)*$2+';-!-+'$+%$+&($!-5#?$]&(/$-/$)$A+(*;$A"#(#$!"#$&'()>#**-'=$+%$!A#'!-#!"G2#'!&(B$!+!)*-!)(-)'$(#=-5#/$-'$e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

$DECEMBER 2010 MARKED$ !"#$#';$+%$5B$!"(##GB#)($(#/#)(2"$%#**+A/"-D$A-!"$!"#$M+2-)*$S#5+(B$'+)$Y-/!+(-2)*$`&/!-2#$D(+\#2!$)!$MA-'6&('#$_'->#(/-!B$V!"#$-!)*-2/$)(#$ 5-'#W?$ @"#'$ E$ %-(/!$ \+-'#;$ !"#$ D(+\#2!3$ )!$ !"#$ #';$ +%$ 788J3$ !")!$ 2+G+(;-')!-'=$2+'\&'2!-+'$ -'$ !"#$D(+\#2!./$ !-!*#$ %#*!$2+5%+(!)6*B$/#*%G#>-;#'!$ !+$5#?$]%$2+&(/#$ !"#$!A+$ P$ S#5+(B$ )';$ `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Maria Tumarkin was born in the former Soviet Union and migrated with her Russian-Jewish family to Australia in 1989. She lives in Melbourne with her two children, and is the author of Traumascapes (2005), Courage (2007) and Otherland (2010), all published by MUP. Her previous Griffith REVIEW pieces are ‘Life in translation’ and ‘From an unconscious state’.


MEMOIR

Nine-eleven-itis Crossing the borders of belonging

Shakira Hussein

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Shakira Hussein is undertaking a postdoctoral fellowship on Muslim women, gendered violence and racialised political discourse at the Asia Institute, University of Melbourne.


REPORTAGE

The blind side Deciding what to tell

Matthew Ricketson

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MATTHEW RICKETSON: The blind side 127

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!

!

Matthew Ricketson is a journalist and a professor of journalism at the University of Canberra. His article ‘Born to win, with a little help’ was published in Griffith REVIEW 4: Making Perfect Bodies, and was included in The Best Australian Sports Writing 2004.


MEMOIR

Going to Washington, DC Crying for Oscar Grant III

Melody L Fuller

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MELODY L FULLER: Going to Washington, DC 133

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!

Melody L Fuller is a master of fine arts student at Stonecoast, in Maine. She is working on a memoir entitled ‘One Suitcase Now: A Woman’s Travel Confessions and Recollections’.


MEMOIR

The true history of the Circus Bluff, lies and feats of skill

David Carlin

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DAVID CARLIN: The true history of the Circus 141

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"!')44!(*;&(%!3#1G8!!!!!!

David Carlin teaches creative writing at RMIT University and is the author of Our Father Who Wasn’t There (Scribe, 2010).


MEMOIR

The veiled bride From Nazi Germany to Bondi, via Shanghai

Carolijn Visser Translated by David Colmer

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Bettina Streimer died on August 2010.

Carolijn Visser originally wrote this in Dutch, in Miss Concordia: Women Around the World (Amsterdam, 2006). Her memoir ‘Food and prayer’ was published in Griffith REVIEW 27: Food Chain.

David Colmer is an Australian writer and translator based in Amsterdam. He won the 2009 NSW Premier’s Translation Prize for his body of work and in 2010 his translation of Gerbrand Bakker’s The Twin won the prestigious IMPAC Dublin Literary Award.

This translation was supported by the Dutch Foundation for Literature.


MEMOIR

Never stop looking Photographing the dead and dying

Virginia Lloyd

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VIRGINIA LLOYD: Never stop looking 161

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Virginia Lloyd is a columnist and freelance writer who mentors memoir writers. She is the author of The Young Widow’s Book of Home Improvement (UQP, 2008), which was excerpted in Griffith REVIEW 17: Staying Alive.


MEMOIR

Denzil Father to the man

Brian Geach

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BRIAN GEACH: Denzil 169

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Brian Geach’s writing has been published in many newspapers and journals, including The Australian and the New York Review of Books. Based in Sydney, he is an internationally awarded photographer. He gained a master’s in writing from James Cook University in 2010 and is working on a memoir about his relationship with his father.


POEM

Hospice Laura Jan Shore

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Laura Jan Shore’s second collection of poems, Water over Stone, won the IP Picks Best Poetry Award in 2011 and will be published by IP Press in November. Her first collection was Breathworks (Dangerously Poetic Press, 2002).

LAURA JAN SHORE: Hospice 177

MEMOIR

Family Looking forward, looking back

John Tranter

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JOHN TRANTER: Family 179

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This piece was commissioned by the Art Gallery of Western Australia, Perth, and the Perth International Arts Festival as a catalogue essay accompanying the exhibition Raised by Wolves.

John Tranter has published more than twenty books of verse. His collection of new and selected poems, Urban Myths: 210 Poems (UQP), won the 2006 Victorian Premier’s award for poetry, the 2007 New South Wales Premier’s award for poetry, and the 2008 South Australian Premier’s awards for poetry and best book. His latest work is Starlight: 150 Poems (UQP, 2010). He is the founding editor of the free internet magazine Jacket (jacketmagazine.com) and the founder of the Australian Poetry Library project (poetrylibrary.edu.au). johntranter.com

JOHN TRANTER: Family 181

MEMOIR

Waking up Counting my blessings

Toni Jordan

‘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!THE PEOPLE WHO!"*7!A$!&/(!=!0'.2%!/"9$!C/-,0#$.!0'.2%!A$".!".(!/"#A1!($%!-%!*%"::$#*! A$<! =%! A"7$*! A$! +$$,! ,-7$! =29$! B$$.! *,"))$01! $9$#(! %-A$1! B4%! -%2*! 0'.$!&-%/'4%!".(!A",-C$!_!-%!E4*%!)'-.%*!'4%!%/"%!A(!)'*-%-'.!'+!A"##-$0!C/-,0,$**.$**!-*!C'.*-0$#$0!".!'00-%(<!!

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TONI JORDAN: Waking up 183

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TONI JORDAN: Waking up 185

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Toni Jordan’s debut novel, the international bestseller Addition (Text, 2008), was longlisted for the Miles Franklin Literary Award. Her second novel, Fall Girl (Text), was published last year in Australia, and will be published in the UK, Germany, France and Taiwan. Toni teaches creative writing at RMIT University. Her fiction has appeared in Griffith REVIEW 26: Stories for Today.


MEMOIR

Deep connections, artistic inevitabilities

The journey from book to film

Raimond Gaita

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RAIMOND GAITA: Deep connections, artistic inevitabilities 187

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This is an edited extract from After Romulus, which will be published by Text in September. Raimond Gaita’s essay ‘When politicians lie’ was published in Griffith REVIEW 5: Addicted to Celebrity. He is a professorial fellow in the Faculty of Arts, University of Melbourne, and emeritus professor of moral philosophy at King’s College, London.


MEMOIR

Child’s play The biggest Sherbet fans ever

Meera Atkinson

In memory of Harvey. Dedicated to Donna.

IN 1977, on a windy summer day, two thirteen-‐‑year-‐‑olds walked into a milk bar on Sydney’s Broadway and, as they often did, struck up a conversation with a complete stranger, sharing their love of Sherbet, the Australian pop phenomenon du jour, star act of an outdoor concert held that day across the road at Victoria Park. The stranger turned out to be Mike Meade, host of Flashez, an ABC TV music show. Captivated by the fans’ fervour, he asked if he could interview them. In the park, before the camera, the girls, poised between the wholesomeness of childhood and the waywardness of adolescence, poured their hearts out. This slice of film is now a time capsule testimony for a generation of Sherbet worshippers.

When I heard that Harvey James, the English-‐‑born guitarist of Sherbet, had died, I remembered those crazed and vivacious, bold and unspeakably vulnerable girls, and the young man who had been kind to them at the height of his fame. Harvey died of lung cancer, in Melbourne on 15 January 2011, aged just fifty-‐‑eight. Donna and I heard the news as women of forty-‐‑seven.

Following his death I found that six months earlier Harvey’s children, Gabriel, Alexandra and Josh, had set up a Facebook page when he was diagnosed. I joined ‘Send your love to Harvey James’, where hundreds of fans were paying homage, alongside Harvey’s family, friends and musical comrades. There were many photographs of Harvey, including some from Sherbet – photos I had mooned over when they covered my bedroom wall, photos that went everywhere I went, images burned deep in the still reverberating pubescent region of my psyche.

Though Harvey was the object of my fanatical affections, devotion to my best friend was the heart of my Sherbet passion. Donna and I had met when we were about six, after my mother and I moved into the house across from hers in Annandale and into the same class. It was the early 1970s and a quiet neighbourhood, made more interesting by the mysterious ‘Abbey’ around the corner, a fifty-‐‑room gothic mansion


rumoured to be haunted. We bonded swiftly and fiercely, our friendship characterised by outrageous pranks. We packed our mothers’ bras with tissues, stuffed small pillows under our clothes and wandered around talking up the trials of faux-‐‑pregnancies. We plotted against my mother’s boyfriend, a childish alcoholic whom I despised. We stole flowers from gardens and planned to start a guerrilla florist business. We made up unflattering ditties about our nemesis, a rude, bespectacled bully who tortured animals. We choreographed elaborate routines to popular songs and performed them for our families and schoolmates. We devised escapades on family outings and shared beds during countless sleepovers. We were the daughters of mostly absent fathers and often troubled mothers, and we took refuge in our friendship. When we were grounded, as punishment for some especially dastardly transgression, life felt sunless and unbearable, and I watched, desperately, the front of her house for signs of Donna, living for the day I could see her again.

Time rolled on and brought with it changes: new homes and schools, first in the miserable Eastern Suburbs abode of the boyfriend I loathed and in a class with a teacher who took an instant dislike to me. I missed Donna and Annandale North Primary terribly, often crying before school. Then there were consuming years of fun, high drama and pseudo-‐‑sisterhood in Glebe with my mother’s new boyfriend and his daughter of the same age. During that time Donna’s family moved further west, out Concord way, and though we had few opportunities to meet, we stayed in contact and remained best friends.

I was twelve when, finally alone with my mother, I had enough impatient autonomy to pursue my own wishes. I was granted permission to travel by train to Donna’s on weekends, and we resumed regular contact as if the years between had never intervened. Recent years have revealed our different perceptions of who was the leader and who was the follower – I maintain I followed her lead and she is convinced she followed mine. Even so, I am certain it was Donna who instituted two key rites of passage: smoking and Sherbet. Donna’s influence on me is irrefutably captured: in the Flashez clip I mimic her speech, a manner of speaking so notable that Chris James, Harvey’s girlfriend in 1977, and later his wife and the mother of their children, asked on Facebook if I still had ‘that unique accent’. I replied no, I didn’t, because it was not mine.

Our fondness for Sherbet reached hysteria during a summer holiday at my grandparents’ Maroubra flat. Somewhere amid excursions to the beach in knit bikinis to work on our tans and flirt with surfers, and lusty binges on lollies and fast food, we got focused about Sherbet. Donna had already declared Daryl Braithwaite her true love and another friend, Fiona, had laid claim to Garth Porter, so – Alan (Sandow), the drummer, being too bare-‐‑ and hairy-‐‑chested for my virginal liking and Tony (Mitchell), the bass player, being too dark and curly haired for my Anglo-‐‑child taste – I settled on Harvey, the replacement for founding member Clive Shakespeare.

MEERA ATKINSON: Child’s play 195

Tall and lean, with intelligent blue eyes, feathery honey-‐‑brown hair and an impish grin, Harvey became mine the moment we launched our project of pop paradise. We enlisted my grandmother to make us satin jackets of the kind favoured by Sherbet, with ‘Daryl’ and ‘Harvey’ embroidered on them. We wore them constantly, pasted posters on our bedroom walls, and listened to Sherbet songs over and over again. And when school resumed we spent every weekend together pining.

It wasn’t just about the music – though we liked the songs. It wasn’t so much about Harvey himself, though he was a good musician who turned out to be a good man. It was the instigation of adult desire, a ritual in girls’ tribal life: the teen celebrity crush. Sherbet offered a thrilling escape.

The year after we started high school – suburbs apart – Donna and I ramped up our commitment. It was no longer enough to listen to records and gaze on Sherbet’s backlit, big-‐‑haired, semi-‐‑nude form in glossy pictures. We had to meet them.

Sherbet were huge. The band were not manufactured, as charged, expressly for teenyboppers, but they attracted a big pre-‐‑teen and teen following. Some assume a child audience devalues music as the kind fit only for undeveloped, indiscriminating tastes, but at their best, like the Beatles and the Jackson 5, Sherbet produced pop that defied age. They had eleven top-‐‑ten singles, were the first Australian band to break the million-‐‑dollar sales barrier, and they appeared on Countdown more than any other band in the show’s history.

Sherbet put out their share of forgettable fodder, but their finest stand up: heartfelt everyman anthems like their ‘71 big-‐‑band, crowd-‐‑cheering cover of ‘Free the People’ (an early favourite); soft rock classics like ‘Slipstream’ and ‘Cassandra’; the delicately pretty ‘Only One You’; the bass-‐‑heavy ‘You’ve Got the Gun’; and the unapologetically sentimental ballad ‘If I Had My Way’.

In 1977, at the start of our all-‐‑out fandom, Sherbet were the biggest band in the country and you couldn’t get near them. Still, Donna and I were not average fans. We crossed the line to obsession. When Mike Meade interviewed us we were at the threshold:

Do you go to all their concerts?

Me: Yeah, most of them.

Donna: All that we can.

Do you follow them around?

Me: If we know where they’re going we do.

In what way do you try and catch up with them?

Donna: Find out where they live.

Do you know where they live?


Me: Yeah. We know where Harvey lives. We know where Garth lives. We know half of Garth’s phone number.

So, you know where they live. Have you been around there?

Me: No, not yet.

Toward the end of the interview, asked how we hoped to meet them, I reply with an earnest, ‘Any way we can. I’ve just got a feeling we’re going to meet them.’

Mike Meade replies wryly, ‘I still feel that way about the Beatles.’

Donna nudges me and whispers for me to tell him what Harvey said. I respond obediently: ‘Harvey says in this little book we’ve got – Sherbet or Harvey, I don’t know – your dreams can always come true if you believe your mind.’

‘And we believe our minds,’ concludes Donna.

WE BEGAN HANGING around EMI when we knew they were recording. We got autographs from most of them, but Daryl managed to evade us. Soon after we started spending every weekend staking out their houses. The weekends were crowded with other fans that had done their homework and had the moxie to loiter. Donna maintains that we were friendly to them and enjoyed a sense of camaraderie, but not without some bitchiness and jealousies. I recall a sense of competition, a drive to prove ourselves the biggest Sherbet fans ever.

Before long we were forging our mother’s signatures on sick notes and wagging school to stalk them unfettered by rivals. We’d meet at Central Station, then catch buses or hitchhike around Sydney in chase.

Our interest grew beyond tobacco, and there were various getting-‐‑high experiments in the nooks and crannies of Central – the Aspirin and Coke failure, and the smoking nutmeg disappointment. Eventually I managed to source a supply of joints. After smoking one we’d giggle irrepressibly for hours at everything and anything, up the back of buses, walking along the street, in people’s faces. We spent a lot of time at Garth’s in Watsons Bay, perhaps because it was in the nicest location. There was glass at the back of the house, and we’d watch Garth and his girlfriend, Mary, and sometimes the whole band, hoping they’d notice us – the biggest Sherbet fans ever – and reward us with their time and favour.

Harvey lived in Paddington, and we made personal contact with him several times from our many stakeouts. He was the sweetest to us, the one who seemed to see beyond the fan stereotype to the girls we were, the one who returned a little of our love.

‘The first time we knocked on his door and he opened it he knew who we were from the Flashez film clip. He was so happy to see us,’ Donna recalls. ‘He said something like “You’re the girls from the interview – that was fantastic!” and he had a big smile on his face.’


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Ian have lived not far from Concord, while I’ve lived eight of my nine lives in different states and countries, in six long-‐‑term relationships. ‘Our lives just took a different path, didn’t they?’ Donna observes.

Our lives also took a different path regarding Sherbet. Donna remained a staunch, lifelong fan, while I went on to disown my Sherbet roots in Sydney’s 1980s post-‐‑punk live music scene. Keeping company with indie musicians I forgot my soft-‐‑rock past, as my childhood best friend, Donna Rowlands, became Mrs Donna Shelton.

Donna and Ian regularly go see Daryl’s band play and she still listens to Sherbet. ‘That time of being thirteen was magic, but also I really love their music. I think they were so talented and their music was meaningful. I often come home and put Sherbet on and dance around the kitchen,’ she says.

She tells her family Daryl’s her boyfriend and asks her indulgent man if she can take Daryl home as they leave his shows. The kids roll their eyes and groan good-‐‑humoured complaints about her fascination with ‘Stale Braithwaite’. ‘I still love Daryl,’ she says. ‘And I love that I’ve got a husband who is kind and that has always let me have my Daryl fantasy.’

After Harvey’s death I wondered if Donna had heard the news. When I called I found her distraught that she had missed out on tickets to the ‘Gimme that Guitar’ Harvey James tribute show, a fundraiser Harvey helped organise but which became a musical memorial following his sooner-‐‑than-‐‑expected death.

I promised to see what I could do. I posted a YouTube link to the Flashez clip on the ‘Send Your Love’ page, with a plea for tickets. The clip had become a cultural icon. Donna discovered it in a Powerhouse Museum exhibit on the history of Australian rock years back and it aired recently on Rage. Debbie Kruger, the show’s publicist, responded: the event had sold out, so it had been moved to the Enmore Theatre and more tickets had been released. Many fans were delighted to hear from us, ‘the Flashez girls’. Donna and Ian shouted me a ticket, and the following week we met up for our first outing and Sherbet show in decades.

It was billed as the last Sherbet reunion ever, and part of every ticket sold was donated to the Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre and the rest to Harvey’s family. Libby Gore, the comedian and an unabashed Sherbet fan, was MC for a time-‐‑warp line-‐‑up that included Kevin Borich, Jon English, Leo Sayer, Ian Moss and Richard Clapton. But Sherbet stole the show. With Daryl’s voice in outstanding form, the old tunes received more than just nostalgic appreciation. Gabe James (Harvey’s eldest) joined on guitar for ‘I Have the Skill’, a favourite of his dad’s, and younger brother Josh added his weight to ‘Howzat’. The finale, a cover of the Beatles’ ‘With a Little Help from My Friends’, requested by Harvey and performed by a stage full of his friends, colleagues and family, was steeped in warm remembrance and grief.


As Donna danced I marvelled at the men present in AC/DC and Ramones T-‐‑shirts. I was surprised to bump into Steve Lorkin – ex-‐‑Psychotic Turnbuckles and chief of an indie label that hosted the likes of Johnny Dole and the Scabs, boasting a Radio Birdman T-‐‑shirt. When I said I wouldn’t have picked him for a Sherbet fan, he replied that he liked ‘more embarrassing stuff than Sherbet’.

It turned out that Harvey’s family loved the Flashez clip, and Donna and I were ushered past tight security to post-‐‑show VIP drinks. Understandably emotional, Chris James and Harvey’s kids nevertheless greeted us, and their entourage of friends and family members seemed as excited to meet us as we once were to meet Sherbet. Chris, who remembered us from our Underwood Street stalking, told us that she had ‘loved every minute’ of being a Sherbet guy’s babe and had never minded fans like us, and Alexandra explained that our clip was special to her and her brothers because, as they were born well after Harvey’s Sherbet superstardom, they hadn’t understood how big his band had been. Our clip, she said, made them feel like they could go back in time and be part of their father’s world. Watching the clip now I am amused and moved, awed by our innocence and excruciatingly embarrassed.

The Sherbet catalogue is undeniably significant in Australian music. It is the soundtrack to an era when the lucky country was still somewhat adolescent (as well as ignorant and awkward): a nation not yet on the world stage, not yet digitised and wired, isolated in its own summery postcolonial puberty.

Ultimately, my love of Sherbet, and all that I did in the name of that love, was about friendship. Donna was my solace, my partner in playful crime and the place where I could most be what I needed to be – a child. And so it is gratitude for Donna and her loyalty and companionship that I feel most keenly and tenderly when I watch those two besotted girls declaring their undying love of Sherbet.

Donna’s most vivid memory is of me looking at her and singing 10CC’s ‘The Things We Do for Love,’ the theme song for our misadventures. ‘If I hear it now,’ she says, ‘I think of you singing it to me.

Meera Atkinson is a Sydney-based writer. Her poetry, fiction and essays have appeared in such publications as HEAT, Salon.com, The Best Australian Stories 2007 and Meanjin. This is her seventh piece in Griffith REVIEW.


Future Editions of Griffith REVIEW

Griffith REVIEW’s highly anticipated Third Annual Fiction Edition explores islands, both geographical and personal. This assortment of new fiction from the best emerging and established writers from Australia and the region promises a unique summer journey into localities of exclusivity, escape and enchantment.

Available late October 2011

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In an ever more populous, urbanised and media-saturated world, it can feel as if the rate and scale of disasters is straight out of a doomsday movie. Inured by daily reports and images of devastation, it’s easy to lapse into compassion fatigue and a pattern of short-term responses or quick technological ‘fixes’.

Yet behind the statistics, official inquiries and memorial ceremonies, there are complex stories of renewal and hope as survivors and the generations that follow respond to shock, grief and the prospect of constructing a new life or community.

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MeMOiRDeBra aDelaiDe: not for official useMeera aTKinSon: Child’s playDaViD Carlin: The true history of the Circusanna DorrinGTon: My mother and mereBeCCa ePSTein: My last-ditch attemptMeloDy l fuller: Going to Washington, DCraiMonD GaiTa: Deep connections, artistic inevitabilitiesBrian GeaCH: DenzilMarion HalliGan: The cigar boxKaTe HolDen: after the wordsSHaKira HuSSein: nine-eleven-itislloyD joneS: looking backToni jorDan: Waking upVirGinia lloyD: never stop lookinganDreW SanT: on self-knowledgejulianne SCHulTZ: Storytelling, sense-makingCarrie Tiffany: StrikerjoHn TranTer: familyCarolijn ViSSer: The veiled bride

eSSAYPeTer BiSHoP: adventures of the letter ia j BroWn: The living subjectfranK MoorHouSe: Beyond stigmaMaria TuMarKin: Beyond truth and justice

RePORTAGe MaTTHeW riCKeTSon: The blind side

POeTRY SanDra GolDBlooM ZurBo: Heart’s dreamlaura jan SHore: Hospice

PicTuRe GALLeRYKonraD WinKler: leila: losing frank

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