Style Workshop Professor Louise Wetherbee Phelps
Dec 13, 2015
Style Workshop
Professor Louise Wetherbee Phelps
Punctuating Compounds
• Wrong
• I had a better understanding about the definition of a protocol , and the process of designing one.
• RIGHT
• I had a better understanding about the definition of a protocol and the process of designing one
• Wrong
• The letter serves to introduce, and is therefore very formal.
• Right
• The letter serves to introduce and is therefore very formal.
• Right
• To serve as an introduction, the letter needs to be formal.
• Wrong
• It can be difficult for a woman to find a good fit with a company that respects her status as a woman , and that appreciates her needs and priorities as a woman.
• Right
• It can be difficult for a woman to find a good fit with a company that respects her status as a woman and that appreciates her needs and priorities as a woman.
• Wrong
• The interview we completed was a good one and I feel the report represents the depth of our learning.
• Right
• The interview we completed was a good one, and I feel the report represents the depth of our learning.
• Right
• The report represents the depth of our learning, reflecting a good interview.
(Not) Splitting Subjects and Verbs (Predicates)
• Wrong
• Much of what is communicated among colleagues, is now done through electronic mail.
• Right
• Much of what is communicated among colleagues is now done through electronic mail.
Unintended Fragments
• Wrong
• One of which is “Women in IT.”
• Right
• It is distributed to certain groups, one of which is “Women in IT.”
Punctuating Parenthetical Expressions(Added Information): Enclosing in Commas
• Text, transitional word, text.
• Text, phrase, text.
• Text, clause, text.
• Wrong
• Plus, it is also an instant form of communication.
• Right
• It is, moreover, an instant form of communication.
• Wrong/Immature
• There is only one graphic image in the entire Handbook, which is a blurred content of the city of Onondaga and this is placed on the front cover.
• Right/Mature
• The only graphic in the entire handbook, a blurred image of the city of Onondaga , is placed on the front cover.
• Wrong
• Patricia explained that email, although it is common in many businesses is not as important as we expected it to be.
• Patricia explained that although email is common in many businesses, it is not as important as we expected it to be.
• Right
• Patricia explained that email, although it is common in many businesses, is not as important as we expected it to be.
• Patricia explained that, although email is not common in many businesses, it is not as important as we expected it to be.
Using Commas for Non-Essential Elements Attached at Beginning and Ends of Sentences
• Some transitional words, x [subject and predicate].
• Introductory phrase, x.
• Introductory clause, x.
• X [subject and predicate], non-essential phrase.
• X, non-essential clause.
• Note: Comma sometimes optional. Test for readability.
• Wrong
• Thus, the report must follow certain rules.
• However professional writing is important for dealing with clients.
• Right
• Thus the report must follow certain rules.
• However, professional writing is important for dealing with clients.
• At times it was difficult for me to come up with effective questions.
• Without it, no one would pay.
• Wrong
• If the need arose for further training in professional writing courses would be available.
• Right
• If the need arose for further training in professional writing, courses would be available.
• Right
• The department would make courses available if the need arose for further training.
• Wrong
• The department will make courses available but only if the need arises for further training.
• Right
• The department will make courses available, but only if the need arises for further training.
Using Semi-Colons and Colons
• Use semi-colons to join sentences with no conjunction or transition word.
• Use semi-colons to join sentences with transition words (; however, therefore, nevertheless, etc.) and expressions (; for example, in contrast, on the other hand, etc.).
• Use a colon to introduce examples, lists, and quotations. Use a colon to join sentences when the second one sums up or illustrates or is equivalent to the first.
• Wrong
• I had a faint idea, however it turned out to be wrong.
• I had a faint idea, however, it turned out to be wrong.
• I had a faint idea however, it turned out to be wrong.
• Right
• I had a faint idea. However, it turned out to be wrong.
• I had a faint idea; however, it turned out to be wrong.
• Although I had a faint idea, it turned out to be wrong.
• I had a faint idea, which turned out to be wrong.
• Wrong
• Land is divided into distinct pieces with given bearings and distances; meaning a person owns a very specific piece of land.
• Right
• Land is divided into distinct pieces with given bearings and distances, meaning that a person owns a very specific piece of land.
• Wrong
• He wasn’t sure exactly how they were supposed to be written, he could only look up the formats in books.
• Right
• He wasn’t sure exactly how they were supposed to be written; he could only look up the formats in books.
• Wrong
• Many of the documents are handwritten including: casual post-it notes, sketches, and the message book.
• Right
• Many of the documents are handwritten, including casual post-it notes, sketches, and the message book.
• Many documents are handwritten, including these: casual post-it notes, sketches, and the message book.
• Here are some of the handwritten documents: casual post-it notes, sketches, and the message book.
Parallelism
• Edit series, pairs, or lists so that they express parallel ideas in the same grammatical form.
• Wrong
• I really appreciate the time you were able to spend with me and for your very helpful responses.
• Right
• I really appreciate the time you were able to spend with me and the responses you provided.
• I really appreciate your time and your very helpful responses.
• Wrong
• This process yields both team expertise, but also a well-revised document.
• Right
• This process yields both team expertise and a well-revised document.
• This process yields not only team expertise but also a well-revised document.
Possessives and Its/It’s
• Wrong
• Writing has rules and factors that change it’s setup.
• Closer analysis also provides insight into the documents brief but effective language.
• In such an environment ones writing ability is very important.
• A major part of writing is to know what you’re audiences wants.
• Right
• Writing has rules and factors that change its setup.
• Closer analysis also provides insight into the document’s brief but effective language.
• Closer analysis also provides insight into the brief but effective language of the document.
• In such an environment one’s writing ability is very important.
• A major part of writing is to know what your audience wants.
Plurals and Singulars • Wrong
• When a Dean is being reviewed for promotion, they must have a reviewer from another university.
• Each individual receives a “Blackberry” that they are to keep on them at all times.
• I was unaware of how many vital aspects of the piece there was.
• Right
• When deans are reviewed for promotion, they must each have a reviewer from another university.
• Each individual receives a “Blackberry” to keep on hand at all times.
• I was unaware of how many vital aspects of the piece there were.
That/which/who
• Wrong
• They are written for managers that are pressed for time.
• Right
• They are written for managers, who are pressed for time.
• They are written for managers who are pressed for time.
• They are written for managers pressed for time.
This/Which: Clear Reference
• Wrong
• This paints the picture that no matter who you are you can find your niche at the company.
• There are pictures of women with their families, which reveals that family is a priority.
• A good example of this is the first sentence of the second section.
• Right
• This brochure paints the picture that no matter who you are you can find your niche at the company.
• Pictures of women with their families reveal that family is a priority.
Combining Sentences for Mature Writing
• Strings of Ideas (linked by and, so, then, therefore . . . )
• She is the one that the business goes through and she is very proud of her ability to make things work smoothly.
• Mr. U knows that people are often skeptical when being solicited, and he wants to put every fear at rest.
• The interview we completed was a good one, so I feel the report represents the depth of our learning.
• It was written to a coworker. Therefore, he did not have to worry about it being crystal clear.
• When a company needs to export goods, they call Ms. M. She will then contact the carrier and arrange the pickup.