Stories and Analogies

8/13/2019 Stories and Analogies

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that people !ant to go onto the !ebsite and do!nload music.**: 6xactly. %ou can go every!here on the cyber cafe and you can takeGmaybe )check)+H, you can go easy. (t)s going to be very easy !ay foreveryone to get something to the internet.F/: Thank you Gactually sounds more like )Thank Fe!ney) - as if Ms

/o!erman !as a little distracted, no !onderH. Thanks very much indeed.

<essons from this:

• *ood clear communications are essential !hen managing any sort ofintervie!.

• 0ressure situations can easily lead people "especially intervie!ees#to give false impressions, !hich are no help to anyone.

• The behaviours demonstrated in this incident illustrate the po!er ofsuggestion, and '<0 , albeit used mostly inadvertently in this case5the point is that all communications involve a hell of a lot more than

just !ords..• The po!er of the media to interpret just about anything for their o!n

journalistic purposes is bloody frightening.

t some stage in the future the link to the //9 intervie! clip might cease!orking - ( don)t kno! ho! long they keep these things. <et me kno!!hen and if you can no longer see the video clip and ()ll source itelse!here.

the very old lady story (positive attitude,self-image, ageism)

very old lady looked in the mirror one morning. She had three remaininghairs on her head, and being a positive soul, she said, ( think ()ll braid myhair today. So she braided her three hairs, and she had a great day.

Some days later, looking in the mirror one morning, preparing for her day,she sa! that she had only t!o hairs remaining. 1mm, t!o hairs... ( fancya centre parting today. She duly parted her t!o hairs, and as ever, shehad a great day.

!eek or so later, she sa! that she had just one hair left on her head.;ne hair huh..., she mused, ( kno!, a pony-tail !ill be perfect. nd

again she had a great day.

The next morning she looked in the mirror. She !as completely bald.

8inally bald huh, she said to herself, 1o! !onderfulI ( !on)t have to!aste time doing my hair any more..

" ck 9/#

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the train travellers story (relationships,assumptions, etc)

!ealthy businessman !ho is used to getting his o!n !ay finds himselfsharing a sleeper compartment !ith a beautiful young !oman as theytravel to /russells on the train. (t is !inter and the heating is not !orkingso the compartment is cold.

The t!o settle do!n to sleep.

T!o strangers, on a train... says the businessman.

%es, says the !oman.

man and a !oman - a!ay from home - probably never meet again..Says the businessman.


(t)s cold, isn)t it+ says the businessman.


9ould you pass me another blanket+ says the businessman, ... ;r

maybe !e could pretend to be man and !ife for tonight+..

%es, that !ould be good, says the !oman, *et your o!n bloodyblanket.

the william pitt story (working creatively toreach agreement, managing situations andenvironments, facilitation of agreements)

There is the story of 4illiam 0itt, =?D>-=B3@, /ritish statesman and 0rimeMinister from =?BA-=B3=, !ho once sought to expedite a crucialagreement in 0arliament for the movement of the /ritish fleet to defendagainst the 8rench. The 9hancellor of the 6xche$uer, <ord 'e!castle, hadcertain objections, but !hen 0itt called on the 9hancellor endeavouring toresolve the differences, he found the 9hancellor distinctly unhappy in bedsuffering !ith gout. The bedroom !as free&ing, and !hen 0itt remarked onthis, <ord 'e!castle replied that the cold !eather !ould hinder the fleetmovement, but more particularly that the combination of the coldconditions and the gout !ould prevent any further discussion of the issueat that time, !hich 0itt $uickly judged to be at the root of the problem./egging the 9hancellor)s pardon, 0itt calmly removed his boots, climbed



into bed and dre! up the covers "apparently there !as another bed in theroom..#, !hereupon the t!o !ere able to discuss the matter and soonagreed a united !ay for!ard.

the biscuit factory story (makingassumptions, other people%s perspectives,individual needs and motivations)

This is a true story. Some years ago the follo!ing exchange !as broadcaston an ;pen niversity sociology TE programme.

n intervie!er !as talking to a female production-line !orker in a biscuitfactory. The dialogue !ent like this:

(ntervie!er: 1o! long have you !orked here+

0roduction <ady: Since ( left school "probably about =D years#.

(ntervie!er: 4hat do you do+

0roduction <ady: ( take packets of biscuits off the conveyor belt and putthem into cardboard boxes.

(ntervie!er: 1ave you al!ays done the same job+

0roduction <ady: %es.

(ntervie!er: o you enjoy it+

0roduction <ady: ;ooh %es, it)s great, everyone is so nice and friendly, !ehave a good laugh.

(ntervie!er "!ith a hint of disbelief#: eally+ on)t you find it a bit boring+

0roduction <ady: ;h no, sometimes they change the biscuits...

My thanks to Shirley Moon for this lovely story, !ho also points out thefollo!ing lessons !ithin it:

• o not impose your o!n needs and ambitions on to other people!ho may not share them.

• on)t assume that things that motivate you !ill motivate someone

else.



• ecognise that sources of happiness may vary !idely bet!eenpeople.

See also the sections on personality styles , multiple intelligence andlearning styles , and motivation , !hich all relate to this story.

a short story about eggs (timemanagement, creative thinking andproblem-solving)

young !oman !as in her kitchen.

pan of !ater !as simmering on the stove.

She !as making boiled eggs for breakfast.

1e !alked in.

Their eyes met.

Make love to me here, no!, she said.

They made love on the kitchen table.

9ouldn)t resist me, huh+ he said.

The egg timer is broken, she replied.

;f course this story is a bit far-fetched given that an egg timer lasts forthree !hole minutes..

" ck etoxman#

the translator story (communications,assumptions, creativity, deceit, language,relationships, just deserts)

The story goes that a prominent, married, philandering, !ealthy politiciantook advantage of a young female (talian translator during an overseasvisit. Shortly after his return home he received a phone call at his officefrom the !oman informing him that she !as pregnant and that he !asdefinitely the father.

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http://www.businessballs.com/howardgardnermultipleintelligences.htm


http://www.businessballs.com/motivation.htm

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Seemingly experienced at dealing !ith such situations, the politicianinstructed the young !oman, ( !ill arrange for you and the child to beprovided for. o not !orry about money. ( !ill pay ten times the typical(talian settlement, but this must be kept secret.

( see, said the young !oman, a little taken aback, but since she kne!the man and his reputation she !as not unduly surprised, and !as alsoentirely happy never to see or speak to him again.

1e !ent on, on)t ever call me again. Send me a postcard !ith some sortof coded message confirming date of birth, that the child is healthy and!hether a boy or girl. se your imagination - you are a translator after all.

s you !ish, said the young !oman, and ended the call.

little under nine months later the politician)s !ife "!ho !as also his 0 #!as opening his mail. 4hen she came to a particular postcard thepolitician noticed and suddenly became attentive.

1ere)s a postcard... said his !ife.

;h yes, said the politician, 4hat does it say+

7ust a silly joke ( think, said his !ife, continuing, as she !atched thecolour drain from her husband)s face, (t says: )March =2th - 7ust had threebig beautiful bo!ls of spaghetti - all !ith meatballs..)

" ck S8#

the helpful old lady story (check the facts,false assumptions, etc)

;ne afternoon, an old lady, laden !ith shopping, noticed t!o small boyson the front step of a house. 4ith their bags and uniforms they !ereobviously going home after school. They !ere on tip-toe trying to reachthe door-bell !ith a stick.

0oor little lads, they can)t get in, she thought, 0arents these days justdon)t seem to care.

So she marched up the path, reached over the boys and gave the bell along firm push.

The surprised boys turned around and screamed Juick, runI andpromptly disappeared over the garden !all.



the buddha and the abuse story(responding to other people%s negativebehaviour& angry customers, disruptive

kids, bad-tempered bosses, etc) tale is told about the /uddha, *autama "D@A-CBA/9#, the (ndian prince

and spiritual leader !hose teachings founded /uddhism. This short storyillustrates that every one of us has the choice !hether or not to takepersonal offence from another person)s behaviour.

(t is said that on an occasion !hen the /uddha !as teaching a group ofpeople, he found himself on the receiving end of a fierce outburst of abusefrom a bystander, !ho !as for some reason very angry.

The /uddha listened patiently !hile the stranger vented his rage, and thenthe /uddha said to the group and to the stranger, (f someone gives a giftto another person, !ho then chooses to decline it, tell me, !ho !ould theno!n the gift+ The giver or the person !ho refuses to accept the gift+

The giver, said the group after a little thought. ny fool can see that,added the angry stranger.

Then it follo!s, does it not, said the /uddha, 4henever a person tries toabuse us, or to unload their anger on us, !e can each choose to decline or

to accept the abuse5 !hether to make it ours or not. /y our personalresponse to the abuse from another, !e can choose !ho o!ns and keepsthe bad feelings.

"This is related to Transactional nalysis #

the gandhi shoe story (selfless compassion,generosity without strings)

Mohandas GMahatmaH Faramchand *andhi "=B@>-=>CB#, the great (ndianstatesman and spiritual leader is noted for his unusual humanity andselflessness, !hich this story epitomises. *andhi !as boarding a train oneday !ith a number of companions and follo!ers, !hen his shoe fell fromhis foot and disappeared in the gap bet!een the train and platform.

nable to retrieve it, he took off his other shoe and thre! it do!n by thefirst. esponding to the pu&&lement of his fello! travellers, *andhiexplained that a poor person !ho finds a single shoe is no better off -!hat)s really helpful is finding a pair.

Separately, *andhi !as once asked !hat he thought of 4estern9ivilisation. *andhi replied: ( think that it !ould be a very good idea.

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The notion still applies.

"More inspirational and amusing $uotes .#

greta garbo negotiation story (negotiationtactics, negotiating position, independenceand the power of choice)

*reat *arbo "=>3D->3#, the =>A3)s S!edish-born film star, demonstratedho! to negotiate !ith a bullying adversary, and particularly the tactic of)!alking a!ay). fter *arbo had become established as a major star, shedecided to negotiate a contract that suitably reflected her considerablebox-office value to the producers. ccordingly she demanded a !eekly fee

of KD,333 - compared to the derisory KAD3 a !eek she)d previously beenpaid. 4hen film mogul <ouis Mayer heard *arbo)s demand he offered herK2,D33. *arbo replied simply, in her S!edish- merican accent, ( think ( gohome.. nd off she !ent.

*arbo returned to her hotel and stayed there, not budging, !hile Mayerste!ed - for seven months - at !hich Mayer eventually caved in and gave*arbo !hat she asked for.

"(nterestingly *arbo never actually said, ( !ant to be alone . There phrase!as in fact ( !ant to be left alone, !hich her character *rusinskaya saidin *arbo)s =>A2 film *rand 1otel. The resonance of the !ords !ith *arbo)sreal life didn)t just extend to her negotiating style: she retired in =>C= !iththe !orld still at her feet, and lived the rest of her life an obsessive reclusein 'e! %ork after becoming a S citi&en in =>D=.#

the jesse james story (tactics, morality,good and bad in us all)

The notorious merican 4ild 4est bank robber 7esse 7ames "=BC?-B2# !ashunted and demonised by the authorities, but !as held in high regard bymany ordinary folk. 1ere)s an example of !hy:

The story goes that 7esse 7ames and his gang had taken refuge for a fe!days in ramshackle farmhouse after one of their raids. The old !ido! !holived there fed the men, and apologised for her modest offerings and thepoor state of the accommodation. 4hile the gang laid lo!, they learnedfrom the !ido! that she faced eviction from her landlord and !asexpecting a visit from his debt collector any day. Taking pity on the oldlady, as they left, the gang gave her some of the spoils of their robbery tosettle her debt - several hundred dollars, !hich !as a small fortune inthose days. The gang moved on, but only to a nearby copse, !here for a

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couple more days they !atched and !aited for the arrival - and departure- of the debt collector, !hom they promptly held up and robbed.

;f course robbing anyone is bad, but if you)ve got to rob someone...

the gorilla story (negotiating,understanding communications, agreeingclear objectives and responsibilities)

&oo had among its animals a female gorilla, !hose mood !as becomingincreasingly difficult. The vet concluded that she !as on heat and that amate should be found. The vet contacted some other nearby &oos to find apartner for the broody female, but to no avail. The female gorilla)s

behaviour continued to !orsen, but the vet noticed that she gre! calmer,and strangely responsive, !henever a particularly !ell-built and none-too-handsome keeper entered the enclosure. /eing an unprincipled andadventurous fello!, the vet put an outrageous proposition to the keeper:8or a fee of five hundred pounds !ould the keeper consider spending alittle )$uality time) !ith the gorilla, purely in the interests of research ofcourse+....

The keeper, also an unprincipled and adventurous fello!, pondered thesuggestion, and after a fe! minutes agreed to the offer, subject to threeconditions. The vet, intrigued, listened to the keeper)s demands:

8irst, the keeper said, 'o kissing.

8ine, said the vet.

Second, no-one must ever kno! - if this gets out ()ll kill you.

%ou have my !ord, said the vet, nd your final condition+

(t)s just, said the keeper a little a!k!ardly, 9an ( have a couple of

!eeks to raise the five hundred $uid+

"4ith ackno!ledgements to Shane and apologies to vets and &oo-keepersevery!here.#

the priest and the politician story (timemanagement, being late, public speaking)

fter t!enty-five years in the same parish, 8ather ;)Shaunessey !assaying his fare!ells at his retirement dinner. n eminent member of the



congregation - a leading politician - had been asked to make apresentation and a short speech, but !as late arriving.

So the priest took it upon himself to fill the time, and stood up to themicrophone:

( remember the first confession ( heard here t!enty-five years ago and it!orried me as to !hat sort of place ()d come to... That first confessionremains the !orst ()ve ever heard. The chap confessed that he)d stolen a

TE set from a neighbour and lied to the police !hen $uestioned,successfully blaming it on a local scally!ag. 1e said that he)d stolenmoney from his parents and from his employer5 that he)d had affairs !ithseveral of his friends) !ives5 that he)d taken hard drugs, and had slept!ith his sister and given her E . %ou can imagine !hat ( thought...1o!ever ()m pleased to say that as the days passed ( soon realised thatthis sad fello! !as a frightful exception and that this parish !as indeed a!onderful place full of kind and decent people...

t this point the politician arrived and apologised for being late, and keento take the stage, he immediately stepped up to the microphone andpulled his speech from his pocket:

()ll al!ays remember !hen 8ather ;)Shaunessey first came to our parish,said the politician, (n fact, ()m pretty certain that ( !as the first person inthe parish that he heard in confession..

" ck Stephen 1art#

lipstick kisses on the mirror story (creativethinking, creative problem-solving, creativemanagement techniques, avoidingconfrontation)

school head !as alerted by the caretaker to a persistent problem in thegirls lavatories: some of the girl students !ere leaving lipstick kisses onthe mirrors. The caretaker had left notices on the toilet !alls asking for thepractice to cease, but to no avail5 every evening the caretaker !ould !ipea!ay the kisses, and the next day lots more kisses !ould be planted onthe mirror. (t had become a bit of a game. The head teacher usually took acreative approach to problem solving, and so the next day she asked a fe!girl representatives from each class to meet !ith her in the lavatory.

Thank you for coming, said the head, %ou !ill see there are severallipstick kisses in the mirrors in this !ashroom..

Some of the girls grinned at each other.



s you !ill understand, modern lipstick is cleverly designed to stay on thelips, and so the lipstick is not easy at all to clean from the mirrors. 4ehave therefore had to develop a special cleaning regime, and my hope isthat !hen you see the effort involved you !ill help spread the !ord that!e)d all be better off if those responsible for the kisses use tissue paper

instead of the mirrors in future..

t this point the caretaker stepped for!ard !ith a sponge s$ueegee, !hichhe took into one of the toilet cubicles, dipped into the toilet bo!l, and thenused to clean one of the lipstick-covered mirrors.

The caretaker smiled. The girls departed. nd there !ere no more lipstickkisses on the mirrors.

"Thanks 1#

measuring by averages story (analysis,measurement, statistics, etc)

Three statisticians !ent hunting in the !oods. /efore long, one of thempointed to a plump pigeon in a tree, and the three of them stopped andtook aim. The first fired, missing the bird by a couple of inches to the left.(mmediately after!ards the second fired, but also missed, a couple ofinches to the right. The third put do!n his gun exclaiming, *reat shooting

lads, on average ( reckon !e got it...

"ack F 1utchinson#

the blind golfers story (an ironic example oflack of empathy, and different people%sperspectives)

clergyman, a doctor and a business consultant !ere playing golftogether one day and !ere !aiting for a particularly slo! group ahead. The business consultant exclaimed, 4hat)s !ith these people+ 4e)vebeen !aiting over half and hourI (t)s a complete disgrace. The doctoragreed, They)re hopeless, ()ve never seen such a rabble on a golf course.

The clergyman spotted the approaching greenkeeper and asked him !hat!as going on, 4hat)s happening !ith that group ahead of us+ They)resurely too slo! and useless to be playing, aren)t they+ The greenkeeperreplied, ;h, yes, that)s a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sightsaving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so !e al!ays let them play forfree anytime. The three golfers fell silent for a moment. The clergymansaid, ;h dear, that)s so sad. ( shall say some special prayers for themtonight. The doctor added, rather meekly, That)s a good thought. ()ll get



in touch !ith an ophthalmic surgeon friend of mine to see if there)sanything that can be done for them. fter pondering the situation for afe! seconds, the business consultant turned to the greenkeeper andasked, 4hy can)t they play at night+

";ther job-titles can be substituted instead of business consultant to suitthe purpose of the story, for example, government advisor, venturecapitalist, engineer, project manager, accountant, finance director, $ualitymanager, etc#

the sales and marketing rugby analogystory (for teams, motivation, team-building,departmental cooperation, training, publicspeaking)( am assured this is a true story. consultant !as asked to give a talk at asales conference. The 96; asks him to focus on the importance ofcooperation and team!ork bet!een the sales and marketing teams, sinceneither group has a particularly high regard for the other, and the lack ofcohesion and good!ill is hampering effectiveness and morale. Themarketing staff constantly moan about the sales people )doing their o!nthing) and )failing to follo! central strategy)5 and the sales people say thatthe marketing people are all )idle theorists !ho !aste their time at

exhibitions and agency lunches) and have )never done a decent day)s !orkin their lives).

/eing a lover of rugby, the consultant decides to use the analogy of arugby team)s for!ards and backs !orking together to achieve the bestteam performance:

......So, just as in the game of rugby, the forwards , like the marketingdepartment, do the initial !ork to create the platform and to makethe opportunities , and then pass the ball out to the backs , the salesdepartment, !ho then use their skills and energy to score the tries .

The forwards and the backs , just like marketing and sales , are eachgood at !hat they do: and they work together so that the team wins ...said the consultant, finishing his talk.

The audience seemed to respond positively, and the conference broke forlunch. t the bar the consultant asked one of the top sales-people !hathe)d thought of the analogy - had it given him food for thought+

%es, ( see !hat you mean, said the salesman, (t does make sense. Thesales people - the backs, yes+ - the backs need the marketing department

- the for!ards, yes+ - to make the opportunities for us, so that !e, the



backs, can go and score the tries - to !in the business. 4e !ork togetheras a team - each playing our o!n part - !orking as a team.

The consultant beamed and nodded enthusiastically, only to be utterlydashed !hen the salesman added as an afterthought, ( still think our

for!ards are a bunch of !ankers...

"!ith thanks to Martin eighton#

the lock and key story (kindness andgenerosity, %good pebble ripples%,memorable customer service experiences)

/ritish family !ere on holiday in a rented motor-home in the S . Travelling through 9alifornia they visited the Magic Mountain amusementpark close by <os ngeles. Mid-afternoon, half!ay through !hat !asturning out to be a most enjoyable day at the park, Mum, ad and thethree kids came upon a particularly steep plummeting ride. (n the $ueue,the ride attendants strongly !arned everyone about the risks of losinghats, spectacles, coins and keys, etc., and these !arnings !ere echoed bylarge signs around the ride. uring the ride, ad lost the keys.

ue to the fact that the motor-home !as a replacement vehicle resultingfrom a breakdo!n earlier in the holiday, there !ere no spare keys. ndthere !ere six keys on the lost bunch: ignition, front doors, side door, fueltank, propane tank, and storage cupboards.

The park attendants drove the family back to the motor-home, suggestingthe least damaging !ays to break into it.

8ortunately a !indo! had been left slightly open, enabling the middle sonto be put in and to open the doors from the inside.

(nside the motor-home Mum and ad discussed !hat to do. They !ere

stranded.

Middle son "all of six years old# said he)d got a key - said he)d found it - butno-one !as listening properly. 0erhaps it !ill fit, ()ll get it. "The optimismof young children of course kno!s no bounds.#

'ot thinking for one second that little lad)s key !ould fit, ad tried it.(ncredibly the key fitted the ignition - and the driver)s door. Middle son is ahero. (t seems he)d found the key in a cupboard !hen packing his clothessoon after the motor-homes !ere s!apped after the first vehicle brokedo!n.





7ust a final note - ()m not suggesting that great customer service is aboutgiving your products and services a!ay. ;bviously that)s not a particularlysustainable business model. 4hat ()m saying though, is that there aretimes !hen you)ll see opportunity to do something really special for acustomer, or for another human being, and !hen you do it, the ripples of

your )good pebble) can stretch around the !orld, and last for years andyears. So, !ithin the boundaries of !hat)s possible and viable for you, dropin a good pebble !henever you can and make some ripples of your o!n.

the stranger and the gingernuts story(making assumptions, think before you act,different perspectives)

t the airport after a tiring business trip a lady)s return flight !as delayed.She !ent to the airport shop, bought a book, a coffee and a small packetcontaining five gingernut biscuits. The airport !as cro!ded and she founda seat in the lounge, next to a stranger. fter a fe! minutes) reading shebecame absorbed in her book. She took a biscuit from the packet andbegan to drink her coffee. To her great surprise, the stranger in the nextseat calmly took one of the biscuits and ate it. Stunned, she couldn)t bringherself to say anything, nor even to look at the stranger. 'ervously shecontinued reading. fter a fe! minutes she slo!ly picked up and ate thethird biscuit. (ncredibly, the stranger took the fourth gingernut and ate it,then to the !oman)s ama&ement, he picked up the packet and offered herthe last biscuit. This being too much to tolerate, the lady angrily picked upher belongings, gave the stranger an indignant sco!l and marched off tothe boarding gate, !here her flight !as no! ready. 8lustered and enraged,she reached inside her bag for her boarding ticket, and found herunopened packet of gingernuts...

" dapted from a suggestion submitted by S 8rost. pparently the storyappears in a variety of urban legends dating from at least A3 years ago,and is also described in ouglas dams) 1itchhiker)s *uide to the *alaxy,book four, =>BC, )So <ong, and Thanks for ll the 8ish). ck < /aldock.#

the new employee stories (importance ofinduction training for new starters,initiative and lateral thinking,interpretation, delegation, rules, checkingand monitoring)

These "allegedly true# short stories provide amusing examples of lateralthinking and initiative, and staff training "or lack of# at the !orkplace. (t is



better to train people properly rather than assume that ne! starters havethe necessary initiative to !ork out for themselves !hat they should bedoing..

the new bus driver story

4hile transporting some unfortunate mental patients from one secureplace to another, the ne!ly appointed bus driver stopped at a roadsiderestaurant for natural break. ;n his return to the bus, all t!enty patients!ere gone. /eing a resourceful fello! and fearing the conse$uences of hisnegligence, he drove to the next bus stop, !here he claimed to be areplacement for the usual service. llo!ing t!enty people aboard, thedriver made straight for his destination, !here he !arned staff at thegates that the )patients) !ere deluded and extremely volatile. The angry)patients) !ere duly removed, sedated and incarcerated, and remained in

detention for three days, until staff !ere able to check the records andconfirm their true identities. The actual patients !ere never found.

the new elevator cleaner story

ne! hotel employee !as asked to clean the elevators and report back tothe supervisor !hen the task !as completed. 4hen the employee failed toappear at the end of the day the supervisor assumed that like many othershe had simply not liked the job and left. 1o!ever, after four days thesupervisor bumped into the ne! employee. 1e !as cleaning in one of the

elevators. %ou surely haven)t been cleaning these elevators for four days,have you+ asked the supervisor, accusingly. %es sir, said the employee,This is a big job and ()ve not finished yet - do you realise there are over

forty of them, t!o on each floor, and sometimes they are not even there..

the bedtime story (communications, menand women, communications methods,relationships)

man and his !ife had been arguing all night, and as bedtimeapproached neither !as speaking to the other. (t !as not unusual for thepair to continue this !ar of silence for t!o or three days, ho!ever, on thisoccasion the man !as concerned5 he needed to be a!ake at C:A3am thenext morning to catch an important flight, and being a very heavy sleeperhe normally relied on his !ife to !ake him. 9leverly, so he thought, !hilehis !ife !as in the bathroom, he !rote on a piece of paper: )0lease !akeme at C:A3am - ( have an important flight to catch). 1e put the note on his!ife)s pillo!, then turned over and !ent to sleep.

The man a!oke the next morning and looked at the clock. (t !as B:33am.6nraged that he)d missed his flight, he !as about to go in search of his



errant !ife to give her a piece of his mind, !hen he spotted a hand-!rittennote on his bedside cabinet.

The note said: )(t)s C:A3am - get up.)

the sergeant major%s rude parrot story(examples of management styles)

retired sergeant major inherited a talking parrot from a recentlydeparted relative !ho had run a busy dockside pub. 8or the first fe! daysin his ne! home the normally talkative parrot !as distinctly shy. The oldmajor, despite his stern and disciplined !ays, felt sorry for the bird, andgently encouraged it !ith soft !ords and pieces of fruit. fter a !eek or sothe parrot began to find its voice - a little at first - and then more so.

esponding to the kind treatment, the parrot)s vocabulary continued torecover, including particularly the many colourful expressions it had beentaught in the dockside pub. The old sergeant major began to be $uiteirritated by the parrot)s incessant rudeness, and after a fe! more days of!orsening profanities, decided action !as re$uired to bring the bird undercontrol. The sergeant major tried at first to incentivise the parrot !ith thepromise of re!ard for good behaviour, but to no avail. 1e next tried toteach the bird a lesson by !ithdra!ing its privileges, again to no avail5 theparrot remained stubbornly rude. 8inally the old major flipped intobattleground management mode5 he grabbed the bird, clamped his hands

around its beak, and thrust the struggling, s!earing parrot, into the topdra!er of the free&er, slamming the door tightly shut. The s!earing andstruggling noises continued inside the free&er for a fe! seconds and thenabruptly stopped. The sergeant major listened for a !hile and then,concerned that the parrot)s shock might have been terminal, carefullyopened the free&er door and opened the dra!er to look. The parrot slo!lyclambered out of the dra!er and perched on its edge.

( must apologise for my rude and disrespectful behaviour, said theparrot, ( promise never to use bad language again. nd by the !ay, !hatdid the turkey do+

the farmer and the boy in the bog story(helping others, inspiration, gratitude andappreciation, good comes from doing good)

This !idely used story is often told as if it)s a true story. (t is most certainlynot. (t is an urban legend, but even as such, the story contains greatlessons and is very inspirational.



8leming !as a poor Scottish farmer. ;ne day at !ork in a field he heard acry for help. 8ollo!ing the sound, 8leming came to a deep bog, in !hich aboy !as stuck up to his chest, screaming and sinking. 8armer 8leming tieda rope around his o!n !aist and the other end to a tree, and !aded intothe bog. fter a mighty struggle in !hich it seemed they !ould both

perish, the exhausted farmer pulled himself and the boy to safety. 1e tookthe lad back to the farmhouse, !here Mrs 8leming fed him, dried hisclothes, and !hen satisfied he had recovered, sent him on his !ay home.

The next day a carriage arrived at the 8leming)s humble farmhouse. n!ell-dressed man stepped out and introduced himself as the father of theboy !hom 8leming had saved. %ou saved my son)s life, said the man to8leming, 1o! can ( repay you+

( don)t !ant payment, 8leming replied, nyone !ould have done thesame.

t that moment, 8leming)s o!n young son appeared at the farmhousedoor.

(s he your son+ the man asked.

%es, said 8leming proudly.

( have an idea. <et me pay for his education. (f he)s like his father, he)llgro! to be a man !e)ll both be proud of.

nd so he did. The farmer)s son attended the very best schools, graduatedmedical college, and later became the !orld-reno!ned nobel pri&e-!inning scientist and discoverer of penicillin, Sir lexander 8leming.

(t is said that many years later, the gro!n man !ho)d been saved from thebog as a boy, !as stricken !ith pneumonia.

0enicillin saved his life. 1is name+ Sir 4inston 9hurchill.

"( repeat this is an urban legend - it is not a true story - so ( recommendyou present it as such !hen you tell it. ck / Mc8arlane#

the brewery story (to challenge beliefsystems and assumptions, and the need forquestioning pointless routine or policy)

(t has been suggested to me that this is a true story: very old traditionalbre!ery decided to install a ne! canning line, so as to enable its beerproducts to be marketed through the supermarket sector. Thisrepresented a major change for the little company, and local dignitaries



and past employees !ere invited to !itness the first running of the ne!canning line, !hich !as follo!ed by an buffet and drinks.

fter the ne! line had been s!itched on successfully, and the formalitiescompleted, the guests relaxed in small groups to chat and enjoy the

buffet. (n a $uiet corner stood three men discussing trucks and transportand distribution, since one !as the present distribution manager, and theother t!o !ere past holders of the post, having retired many years ago.

The three men represented three generations of company distributionmanagement, spanning over sixty years.

The present distribution manager confessed that his job !as becomingmore stressful because company policy re$uired long deliveries be madeon Monday and Tuesday, short deliveries on 8ridays, and all otherdeliveries mid-!eek.

(t)s so difficult to schedule things efficiently - heaven kno!s !hat !e)ll do!ith these ne! cans and the tight demands of the supermarkets...

The other t!o men nodded in agreement.

(t !as the same in my day, sympathised the present manager)spredecessor, (t al!ays seemed strange to me that trucks returning earlyon Mondays and Tuesdays couldn)t be used for little local runs, becausethe local deliveries had to be left until 8riday..

The third man nodded, and !as thinking hard, struggling to recall thepolicy)s roots many years ago !hen he)d have been a junior in thedespatch department. fter a pause, the third man smiled and thenventured a suggestion.

( think ( remember no!, he said, (t !as the horses..... uring the Second4orld 4ar fuel rationing !as introduced. So !e mothballed the trucks and!ent back to using the horses. ;n Mondays the horses !ere !ell-restedafter the !eekend - hence the long deliveries. /y 8riday the horses sotired they could only handle the short local drops...

Soon after the opening of the ne! canning line the company changed itsdelivery policy.

" ck 9hagar#

See also the )!e)ve al!ays done it that !ay) story and the fish bakingstory and the monkey story .

the rowing competition story (identifyingand managing performance improvement,

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establishing cause and accountability,theory x vs theory y, daft executive

judgements)

The boards of the t!o fiercely competitive companies decided to organi&ea ro!ing match to challenge each other)s organisational and sportingabilities. The first company !as strongly )theory ) : ruthless, autocratic,&ero staff empo!erment, etc. The second company !as more )theory y): aculture of developing people, devolved responsibility and decision-making.

ace day arrived. The % company)s boat appeared from the boat-housefirst, !ith its cre!: eight ro!ers and a helmsman "the cox#. 'ext follo!edthe company boat and its cre! - eight helmsmen and a single ro!er.

'ot surprisingly the % company)s boat !on an easy victory.

The next day the company board of directors held an in$uest !ith thecre!, to revie! !hat had been learned from the embarrassing defeat,!hich might be of benefit to the organi&ation as a !hole, and any futurere-match.

fter a long and !earing meeting the company board finally came cameto their decision. They concluded that the ro!er should be replacedimmediately because clearly he had not listened !ell enough to theinstructions he)d been given.

" ck 77 <asseur#

the performance evaluation story (theory xshortcomings, management myopia)

8ollo!ing a poor first-half year performance the board of 9ompany tasked a senior manager to investigate !hat !as happening on the factory

floor, since the directors believed poor productivity !as at the root of theproblem. 4hile !alking around the plant, the investigating manager cameupon a large !arehouse area !here a man stood next to a pillar. Themanager introduced himself as the person investigating performance onthe factory floor, appointed by the board, and then asked the man by thepillar !hat he !as doing. (t)s my job, replied the man, ( !as told tostand by this pillar.

The investigator thanked the man for his cooperation and encouraged himto keep up the good !ork. The investigator next !alked into a largepacking area, !here he sa! another man standing next to a pillar. Theinvestigator again introduced himself and asked the man !hat he !as

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doing. ()ve been told to stand by this pillar, so that)s !hat ( do. said theman.

T!o !eeks later the investigator completed his report and duly presentedhis findings to the board, !ho held a brief meeting to decide remedial

action. The board called the investigator back into the room, thanked himfor his !ork, and then instructed him to sack one of the men he)d foundstanding by pillars, since obviously this !as a duplication of effort.

" c 77<#

no exit story (different perspectives,viewpoints, how different perspectives

cause one thing to appear as two differentthings)

man checked into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to hisroom.

8ive minutes later he called the reception desk and said: %ou)ve given mea room !ith no exit. 1o! do ( leave+

The desk clerk said, Sir, that)s absurd. 1ave you looked for the door+

The man said, 4ell, there)s one door that leads to the bathroom. There)sa second door that goes into the closet. nd there)s a door ( haven)t tried,but it has a )do not disturb) sign on it.

" ck / Mc8arlane#

See also the blind men and the elephant story belo!.

the old couple story (positive'negativeoutlook, blame, attitude)

n elderly couple, married for sixty years, took a rare vacation. They !erenot !ell-off but !ere in good health, perhaps because the !ife hadinsisted on a strict diet of healthy foods, no alcohol, no smoking, and lotsof gym exercise for most of their lives. Sadly their plane crashed ho!ever,and duly they both entered heaven, !here St 0eter escorted them throughthe 0early *ates, and into a !aiting limousine. riving through beautifulcountryside they dre! up at a beautiful mansion and !ere sho!n inside. (t

!as furnished in gold and fine silks, !ith a splendid kitchen and asumptuous lounge stocked !ith !onderful food and drink - there !as even

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a !aterfall in the master bathroom. maid !as hanging beautiful designerclothes in the !alk-in !ardrobes. They gasped in astonishment !hen St0eter said, 4elcome to heaven. This !ill be your home no!.

The old man asked 0eter ho! much all this !as going to cost. 'othing,

0eter replied, this is your heavenly re!ard.

The old man looked out of the !indo! and sa! a magnificentchampionship golf course.

4hat are the green fees+ he asked suspiciously.

This is heaven, St 0eter replied, %ou can play for free !henever you!ish.

'ext they !ent to the clubhouse and sa! the lavish buffet lunch, !ithevery imaginable cuisine laid out before them.

nticipating the old man)s next $uestion, St 0eter said, on)t ask, this isheaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his !ife. 4ell,!here are the lo! fat and lo! cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinatedtea+ he asked.

This is heaven. %ou can eat and drink as much as you like, and you !ill

never get fat or sick.

( don)t need to go to the gym+ the old man pressed.

'ot unless you !ant to, St 0eter replied.

'o testing my sugar or blood pressure or...

'ever again. ll you do here is enjoy yourself.

The old man glared at his !ife, %ou and your bloody bran muffins. 4ecould have been here ten years agoI

" ck 9/#

two brothers and the geese story (initiative,responsibility, thinking outside the box,anticipating, strategic anticipation, adding

value to service, value and reward)



T!o sons !ork for their father on the family)s farm. The younger brotherhad for some years been given more responsibility and re!ard, and oneday the older brother asks his father to explain !hy.

The father says, 8irst, go to the Felly)s farm and see if they have any

geese for sale - !e need to add to our stock.

The brother soon returns !ith the ans!er, %es they have five geese theycan sell to us.

That father then says, *ood, please ask them the price.

The son returns !ith the ans!er, The geese are N=3 each.

The father says, *ood, no! ask if they can deliver the geese tomorro!.

nd duly the sone returns !ith the ans!er, %es, they can deliver thegeese them tomorro!.

The father asks the older brother to !ait and listen, and then calls to theyounger brother in a nearby field, *o to the avidson)s 8arm and see ifthey have any geese for sale - !e need to add to our stock.

The younger brother soon returns !ith the ans!er, %es, they have fivegeese for N=3 each, or ten geese for NB each5 and they can deliver themtomorro! - ( asked them to deliver the five unless they heard other!ise

from us in the next hour. nd ( agreed that if !e !ant the extra five geese!e could buy them at N@ each.

The father turned to the older son, !ho nodded his head in appreciation -he no! realised !hy his brother !as given more responsibility and re!ard.

"adapted from a suggestion - thanks 0(#

the piano story (mentoring, coaching,

understanding the other person%sdevelopment needs)

mother !ished to encourage her small girl)s interest in the piano and sotook her a local concert featuring an excellent pianist. (n the entrancefoyer the mother met an old friend and the t!o stopped to talk. The littlegirl !as keen to see inside the hall and so !andered off, unnoticed by hermother. The girl)s mother became concerned !hen she entered the halland could see no sign of her daughter. Staff !ere notified and anannouncement !as made asking the audience to look out for the little lostgirl. 4ith the concert due to start, the little girl had still not been found. (npreparation for the pianist)s entrance, the curtains dre! aside, to reveal



the little girl sitting at the great piano, focused in concentration, $uietlypicking out the notes of )T!inkle T!inkle <ittle Star).

The audience)s amusement turned to curiosity !hen the pianist enteredthe stage, !alked up to the little girl, and said Feep playing.

The pianist sat do!n beside her, listened for a fe! seconds, and !hisperedsome more !ords of encouragement. 1e then began $uietly to play a bassaccompaniment, and then a fe! bars later reached around the little girl toadd more accompaniment. t the end of the impromptu performance theaudience applauded loudly as the pianist took the little girl back to herseat to be reunited !ith her mother. The experience !as inspirational foreveryone, not least the small girl.

(t takes just a fe! moments to make somebody)s day, to help someone!ith their o!n personal aims and dreams - especially someone !ho looksup to you for encouragement and support. " ck 09#

the angry customer story (funny customerservice example)

llegedly a true story from the old airport in enver: a major airline hadcancelled a very busy flight and a lone check-in agent is busy trying to sortout all the displaced passengers. very angry and aggressive man barges

his !ay to the front of the $ueue to confront her. 1e says says that he isflying first class and demands to go on the flight. The agent politelyexplains the situation and asks that people take their place in the $ueue.

The man bello!s at her, o you kno! !ho ( am+ - at !hich the agentcalmly picks up the microphone for the 0 system, and announces to theairport, This is "airline name# desk @C5 !e have a gentleman here !hodoes not kno! !ho he is. (f anyone can come and identify him please doso. The man, no! purple !ith rage, yells at her, 4ell fOOk you.. - to!hich the agent replies, nd you)ll have to stand in line for that as !ell,Sir..

" ck MS#

the clap and cheer story (positive attitude,taking pride in whatever you do)

small boy !as auditioning !ith his classmates for a school play. 1ismother kne! that he)d set his heart on being in the play - just like all theother children hoped too - and she feared ho! he !ould react if he !as

not chosen. ;n the day the parts !ere a!arded, the little boy)s mother!ent to the school gates to collect her son. The little lad rushed up to her,



eyes shining !ith pride and excitement. *uess !hat Mum, he shouted,and then said the !ords that provide a lesson to us all, ()ve been chosento clap and cheer.

" ck 8 <aufs#

the bank story (a lesson in customerservice, how bad policy encourages poorservice)

( am assured this is a true story from a F bank. The bank concerned hadintroduced a charge to be levied !hen people paid in money to becredited to an account held by a different bank. The charge !as D3p and

had been in force for about @ months or so. !ell to do, upper-class ladyenters the bank and presents the cashier a che$ue "check# !hich she asksto be paid into an account held by a different bank. The cashier duly tellsthe lady that there !ill be a charge of D3p. (ndignantly, she tells him, (!asn)t charged the last time.

To !hich the cashier immediately replies, 4ell that !ill be a poundthen...

" ck MS#

the fish baking story (to challenge beliefsystems and assumptions, and illustratepointless routine and the need forquestioning)

little girl !as !atching her mother prepare a fish for dinner. 1er mothercut the head and tail off the fish and then placed it into a baking pan. The

little girl asked her mother !hy she cut the head and tail off the fish. 1ermother thought for a !hile and then said, ()ve al!ays done it that !ay -that)s ho! babicka "9&ech for grandma# did it.

'ot satisfied !ith the ans!er, the little girl !ent to visit her grandma tofind out !hy she cut the head and tail off the fish before baking it.

*randma thought for a !hile and replied, ( don)t kno!. My mother al!aysdid it that !ay.

So the little girl and the grandma !ent to visit great grandma to find ask ifshe kne! the ans!er.



*reat grandma thought for a !hile and said, P/ecause my baking pan !astoo small to fit in the !hole fishQ.

" ck M 1amanova#

See also: the !e)ve al!ays done it that !ay story and the monkey story and the bre!ery story .

the donkey story (positive attitudes,turning problems into opportunities)

;ne day a farmer)s donkey fell into a !ell. The farmer frantically thought!hat to do as the stricken animal cried out to be rescued. 4ith no obvioussolution, the farmer regretfully concluded that as the donkey !as old, andas the !ell needed to be filled in any!ay, he should give up the idea ofrescuing the beast, and simply fill in the !ell. 1opefully the poor animal!ould not suffer too much, he tried to persuade himself.

The farmer asked his neighbours help, and before long they all began toshovel earth $uickly into the !ell. 4hen the donkey realised !hat !ashappening he !ailed and struggled, but then, to everyone)s relief, thenoise stopped.

fter a !hile the farmer looked do!n into the !ell and !as astonished by

!hat he sa!. The donkey !as still alive, and progressing to!ards the topof the !ell. The donkey had discovered that by shaking off the dirt insteadof letting it cover him, he could keep stepping on top of the earth as thelevel rose. Soon the donkey !as able to step up over the edge of the !ell,and he happily trotted off.

<ife tends to shovel dirt on top of each of us from time to time. The trick isto shake it off and take a step up.

" ck T/#

the shepherd story ( # consultants,business consultancy, knowing your facts -ironic example)

shepherd !as tending his flock in a field, !hen a ne! sports carscreeched to a stop on the road nearby in a cloud of dust. The driver, ayoung man in expensive designer clothes and sunglasses, leans out of the!indo! and shouts over to the shepherd, (f ( tell you exactly ho! manysheep you have here, can ( take one+



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The shepherd looks up slo!ly up at the young man, then looks at hispeaceful flock, and calmly ans!ers, Sure, !hy not+

The young man steps out of his car holding a state-of-the-art palmtop pda,!ith !hich he proceeds to connects to a series of !ebsites, first calling up

satellite navigation system to pinpoint his location, then keying in thelocation to generate an ultra-high resolution picture of the field. fteremailing the photo to an image processing facility, the processed data isreturned, !hich he then feeds into an online database, and enters theparameters for a report. 4ithin another fe! seconds a miniature printer inthe car produces a full colour report containing several pages of analysisand results. The young man studies the data for a fe! more seconds andreturns to the shepherd.

%ou have exactly one-thousand five-hundred and eighty-six sheep,including three rams, and seven-hundred and t!enty-t!o lambs.

That)s right, says the shepherd, mildly impressed. 4ell, ( guess thatmeans you get to take one of my sheep.

The young man makes his choice and loads the animal onto the back seatof his car, at !hich the shepherd says, almost as an afterthought, 1eythere, if ( can tell you !hat your business is, !ill you give me back mysheep+

The young man, feeling confident, agrees.

%ou)re a consultant, says the shepherd.

4o!, that)s right, says the young man, taken aback, 1o! did you guessthat+

'o guessing re$uired, ans!ers the shepherd, %ou sho!ed up here eventhough nobody called you. %ou took a fee for giving me an ans!er thatalready kno!, to a $uestion ( never asked, and you kno! nothing aboutmy business. 'o! give me back my dog.

" dapted from a version sent by S 8aure. Thanks also T 9urran.#

speed camera story (creative thinking,teamwork, understanding and using moderntechnology - do not try this at home )

This allegedly true story, supposedly leaked by the ustralian epartmentof Transport, concerns four ustralian young men and a mobile speedcamera police van. Three of the four lads engaged the speed cameraoperators in conversation about the camera e$uipment, and the number



of cars caught, etc., !hile the fourth unscre!ed the van)s front registrationplate. /idding the police fare!ell, the lads returned home, scre!ed theregistration plate to their o!n car and proceeded to complete =? very fastround trips through the speed camera)s radar. The traffic penaltiesdepartment subse$uently issued =? speeding tickets to itself.

the three engineers story (differentapproaches to problem-solving, modern #,etc)

mechanical engineer, a systems engineer, and a soft!are engineer arein a car driving do!n a steep mountain road !hen the brakes fail. Thedriver desperately pumps the brake pedal, trying to control the speeding

vehicle around cliff-edge bends, !hile the passengers do their best not topanic. s the car hurtles to!ards an impossible corner the driver spots anescape route into a hedge and a haystack beyond, !here the careventually grinds to a surprisingly safe stop. The three engineers all getout, shaken, relieved, and take turns to assess the situation.

)1mm,) says the mechanical engineer, )(t looks like a brake line !asleaking - let)s repair the split, bleed the brakes, and !e should be able toget on our !ay...

The systems engineer thinks for a !hile and says, )Maybe !e need tocontact the manufacturer and the dealer to confirm exactly !hat theproblem is...

The soft!are engineer slo!ly climbs into the driver)s seat and, gesturingfor the others to join him, says, )1o! about !e get back on the road andsee if it happens again+..)

" n alternative final line, suggested kindly and brilliantly by avid Shiell,!ould be: 1o! about if !e close all the !indo!s and try again.. #

the sweet old couple story (dangers ofmaking assumptions, understand beforeyou intervene)

little old couple !alked into a fast food restaurant. The little old man!alked up to the counter, ordered the food, paid, and took the tray back tothe table !here the little old lady sat. ;n the tray !as a hamburger, asmall bag of fries and a drink. 9arefully the old man cut the hamburger in



t!o, and divided the fries into t!o neat piles. 1e sipped the drink andpassed it to the little old lady, !ho took a sip and passed it back. youngman on a nearby table had !atched the old couple and felt sorry for them.1e offered to buy them another meal, but the old man politely declined,saying that they !ere used to sharing everything. The old man began to

eat his food, but his !ife sat still, not eating. The young continued to!atch the couple. 1e still felt he should be offering to help. s the little oldman finished eating, the old lady had still not started on her food. Ma)am,!hy aren)t you eating+ asked the young man sympathetically.

The old lady looked up and said politely, ()m !aiting for the teeth..

the men and women differences story (theother person%s perspective, genderempathy, for weddings, best-man speeches,

johari window , empathy , N * , etc)

'ot really a story, more of a silly list that circulates by email from time totime.

Some things that men generally take for granted, and fail to reali&e that!omen cannot.

• %our last name stays put.• The garage is all yours.• 4edding plans take care of themselves.• 9hocolate is just another snack.• %ou can never be pregnant.• %ou can !ear a !hite T-shirt to a !ater park.• 9ar mechanics tell you the truth.• The !orld is your urinal.• %ou never have to drive to another gas station restroom because

this one is just )too icky).• %ou don)t have to stop and think of !hich !ay to turn a nut on a

bolt.• Same !ork, more pay.• 4rinkles add character.• 4edding dress KD333. Tux rental - K=33.• 0eople never stare at your chest !hen you)re talking to them.• The occasional !ell-rendered belch is practically expected.• 'e! shoes don)t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.• ;ne mood - all the time.• 0hone conversations are over in A3 seconds flat.• %ou kno! stuff about tanks.•

five-day vacation re$uires only one suitcase.• %ou can open all your o!n jars.

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• %ou get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.• (f someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.• %our under!ear is KB.>D for a three-pack.• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.• %ou almost never have strap problems in public.• %ou are unable to see !rinkles in your clothes.• 6verything on your face stays its original color.• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.• %ou only have to shave your face and neck.• %ou can play !ith toys all your life.• %our belly usually hides your big hips.• ;ne !allet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.• %ou can !ear shorts no matter ho! your legs look.• %ou can )do) your nails !ith a pocket-knife.• %ou have freedom of choice concerning gro!ing a moustache.• %ou can do 9hristmas shopping for t!enty-five relatives on 2Cth

ecember in forty-five minutes.

" ck 9/ and Tom obinson - please contact us if you kno! the author ofthe original 23 items to !hich Tom refers in his explanation of his o!nparticular input: ... ( received the e-mail originally back in 2332, !itharound 23 reasons !hy it)s good to be a bloke... ( spent most of thefollo!ing A days making the number up to D3... #

the aunt karen story (relevance andreliability of lessons, morals and examples)

teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story !ith amoral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

(n the classroom the next day, 7oe gave his example first, My dad is afarmer and !e have chickens. ;ne day !e !ere taking lots of eggs tomarket in a basket on the front seat of the truck !hen !e hit a big bumpin the road5 the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke. The moralof the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket..

Eery good, said the teacher.

'ext, Mary said, 4e are farmers too. 4e had t!enty eggs !aiting tohatch, but !hen they did !e only got ten chicks. The moral of this story isnot to count your chickens before they)re hatched..

Eery good, said the teacher again, very pleased !ith the response so far.

'ext it !as /arney)s turn to tell his story: My dad told me this story about

my unt Faren.... unt Faren !as a flight engineer in the !ar and her

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plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had !asa bottle of !hisky, a machine gun and a machete.

*o on, said the teacher, intrigued.

unt Faren drank the !hisky on the !ay do!n to prepare herself5 thenshe landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killedseventy of them !ith the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Thenshe killed t!enty more !ith the machete till the blade broke. nd then shekilled the last ten !ith her bare hands.

*ood heavens, said the horrified teacher, 4hat did your father say !asthe moral of that frightening story+

Stay a!ay from unt Faren !hen she)s been drinking...

" ck 9/ - if you kno! the origin please tell us #

the tickle me elmo story (induction training,communications, giving instructions,delegation)

This allegedly took place in a factory in the S !hich manufactured the)Tickle Me 6lmo) toys, "a children)s plush cuddly toy !hich laughs !hentickled under the arm#. The legend has is it that a ne! employee !as hiredat the Tickle Me 6lmo factory and she duly reported for her first day)sinduction training, prior to being allocated a job on the production line. t3B:CD the next day the personnel manager received a visit from an excitedassembly line foreman !ho !as not best pleased about the performanceof the ne! recruit. The foreman explained that she !as far too slo!, andthat she !as causing the entire line to back-up, delaying the !holeproduction schedule. The personnel manager asked to see !hat !ashappening, so both men proceeded to the factory floor. ;n arrival theysa! that the line !as indeed badly backed-up - there !ere hundreds of

Tickle Me 6lmos stre!n all over the factory floor, and they !ere still pilingup. Eirtually buried in a mountain of toys sat the ne! employee earnestlyfocused on her !ork. She had a roll of red plush fabric and a bag ofmarbles. The t!o men !atched ama&ed as she cut a little piece of fabric,!rapped it around a pair of marbles and carefully began se!ing the littlepackage bet!een 6lmo)s legs. The personnel manager began to laugh,and it !as some !hile before he could compose himself, at !hich heapproached the trainee. ()m sorry, he said to her, not able to disguise hisamusement, but ( think you misunderstood the instructions ( gave youyesterday.... %our job is to give 6lmo t!o test tickles.





the get in the wheelbarrow story (belief,trust, faith, commitment, courage,conviction)

The story goes: upon completing a highly dangerous tightrope !alk over'iagara 8alls in appalling !ind and rain, )The *reat Rumbrati) !as met byan enthusiastic supporter, !ho urged him to make a return trip, this timepushing a !heelbarro!, !hich the spectator had thoughtfully broughtalong.

The *reat Rumbrati !as reluctant, given the terrible conditions, but thesupporter pressed him, %ou can do it - ( kno! you can, he urged.

%ou really believe ( can do it+ asked Rumbrati.

%es - definitely - you can do it. the supporter gushed.

;kay, said Rumbrati, *et in the !heelbarro!...

the charles plumb parachutes story(supporting others, acknowledging others,saying thanks)

9harles 0lumb !as a navy jet pilot. ;n his seventy-sixth combat mission,he !as shot do!n and parachuted into enemy territory. 1e !as capturedand spent six years in prison. 1e survived and no! lectures on the lessonshe learned from his experiences.

;ne day, a man in approached 0lumb and his !ife in a restaurant, andsaid, re you 0lumb the navy pilot+

%es, ho! did you kno!+ asked 0lumb.

( packed your parachute, the man replied.

0lumb !as ama&ed - and grateful: (f the chute you packed hadn)t !orked( !ouldn)t be here today...

0lumb refers to this in his lectures: his realisation that the anonymoussailors !ho packed the parachutes held the pilots) lives in their hands, andyet the pilots never gave these sailors a second thought5 never even saidhello, let alone said thanks.

'o! 0lumb asks his audiences, 4ho packs your parachutes+..... 4hohelps you through your life+.... 0hysically, mentally, emotionally,



spiritually+....... Think about !ho helps you5 recognise them and saythanks.

" ck 7F, and thanks to the person !ho !rote to confirm that 9harles 0lumstill speaks and lectures.#

the chickens story (communications,confusing instructions, testing, researchand development)

This is allegedly a true story. 6ngineers at a major aerospace company!ere instructed to test the effects of bird-strikes "notably geese# on the!indshields of airliners and military jets. To simulate the effect of a goose

colliding !ith an aircraft travelling at high speed, the test engineers built apo!erful gun, !ith !hich they fired dead chickens at the !indshields. Thesimulations using the gun and the dead chickens !orked extremelyeffectively, happily proving the suitability of the !indshields, and severalarticles about the project appeared in the testing industry press.

(t so happened that another test laboratory in a different part of the !orld!as involved in assessing bird-strikes - in this case on the !indshields anddrivers) cabs of ne! very high speed trains. The train test engineers hadread about the pioneering test developed by the aerospace team, and sothey approached them to ask for specifications of the gun and the testingmethods. The aerospace engineers duly gave them details, and the trainengineers set about building their o!n simulation.

The simulated bird-strike tests on the train !indshields and cabs producedshocking results. The supposed state-of-the-art shatter-proof high speedtrain !indshields offered little resistance to the high-speed chickens5 infact every single !indshield that !as submitted for testing !as smashedto pieces, along !ith a number of train cabs and much of the test boothitself.

The horrified train engineers !ere concerned that the ne! high speedtrains re$uired a safety technology that !as beyond their experience, sothey contacted the aerospace team for advice and suggestions, sendingthem an extensive report of the tests and failures.

The brief reply came back from the aero-engineers: %ou need to defrostthe chickens....

" ck S Money#



the chihuahua and the leopard story(creative thinking, quick thinking, escaping,averting disaster, bluff and boldness)

lady takes her pet chihuahua !ith her on a safari holiday. 4andering toofar one day the chihuahua gets lost in the bush, and soon encounters avery hungry looking leopard. The chihuahua realises he)s in trouble, but,noticing some fresh bones on the ground, he settles do!n to che! onthem, !ith his back to the big cat. s the leopard is about to leap, thechihuahua smacks his lips and exclaims loudly, /oy, that !as onedelicious leopard. ( !onder if there are any more around here.

The leopard stops mid-stride, and slinks a!ay into the trees.

0he!, says the leopard, that !as close - that evil little dog nearly hadme.

monkey nearby sees everything and thinks he)ll !in a favour by puttingthe stupid leopard straight. The chihuahua sees the monkey go after theleopard, and guesses he might be up to no good.

4hen the leopard hears the monkey)s story he feels angry at being madea fool, and offers the monkey a ride back to see him exact his revenge.

The little dog sees them approaching and fears the !orse.

Thinking $uickly, the little dog turns his back, pretends not to notice them,and !hen the pair are !ithin earshot says aloud, 'o! !here)s thatmonkey got to+ ( sent him ages ago to bring me another leopard...

the cannibals story (management,managers, secretaries, initiative, habits,conforming, rules and rule-breaking)

big corporation hired several cannibals. %ou are all part of our teamno!, said the 1 manager during the !elcome briefing. %ou get all theusual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, butplease don)t eat any of the other employees. The cannibals promisedthey !ould not.

fe! !eeks later the cannibals) boss remarked, %ou)re all !orking veryhard, and ()m satisfied !ith you. 1o!ever, one of our secretaries hasdisappeared. o any of you kno! !hat happened to her+ The cannibals

all shook their heads, 'o, they said.



fter the boss left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others angrily,ight, !hich one of you idiots ate the secretary+

hand rose hesitantly in admission. %ou foolI said the leader, 8or!eeks !e)ve been eating managers and no one noticed anything, but

nooo, you had to go and eat someone importantI...

" ck 8iorello#

the dog and the bone story (be content withwhat you have, greed and envy seldom pay)

dog held a juicy bone in his ja!s as he crossed a bridge over a brook.4hen he looked do!n into the !ater he sa! a another dog belo! !ith!hat appeared to be a bigger juicier bone. 1e jumped into the brook tosnatch the bigger bone, letting go his o!n bone, 1e $uickly learned ofcourse that the bigger bone !as just a reflection, and so he ended up !ithnothing.

More esop)s fables

"Thanks 7 0hillips#

the +we%ve always done it that way + story(time management, challenging habits andquestioning procedures, challengingassumptions and belief systems)

pparently this is based on a true incident. $uality managementconsultant !as visiting a small and some!hat anti$uated 6nglishmanufacturing company, to advise on improving general operatingefficiency. The advisor !as revie!ing a particular daily report !hich dealt!ith aspects of productivity, absentee rates, machine failure, do!n-time,etc. The report !as completed manually onto a photocopied proforma that!as several generations a!ay from the original master-copy, so itsheadings and descriptions !ere $uite difficult to understand. Thephotocopied forms !ere particularly fu&&y at the top-right corner, !here asmall box had a heading that !as not clear at all. The advisor !asinterested to note that the figure )3) had been !ritten in every daily reportfor the past year. ;n $uestioning the members of staff !ho completed thereport, they told him that they al!ays put a &ero in that box, and !hen heasked them !hy they looked at each other blankly. 1mmm.., ()m not sure

about that, they each said, ( guess !e)ve just al!ays done it that !ay.

http://www.businessballs.com/aesopsfables.htm

http://www.businessballs.com/aesopsfables.htm



(ntrigued, the consultant visited the archives to see if he could find aclearer form, to discover !hat !as originally being reported and !hether itactually held any significance. 4hen he found the old reports, he sa! thatthe &ero return had continued uninterrupted for as far back as the recordsextended - at least the past thirty years - but none of the forms !as any

clearer than those presently in use. little frustrated, he packed a!ay theold papers and turned to leave the room, but something caught his eye. (nanother box he noticed a folder, promisingly titled )master forms). Sureenough inside it he found the original daily report proforma master-copy,in pristine condition. (n the top right corner !as the mysterious box, !iththe heading clearly sho!n ...... )'umber of ir aids Today).

See also the bre!ery story , the fish baking story and the monkey story .

the dam story (how to write a good letter,making assumptions, jumping toconclusions, and how to defend wrongaccusations with humour)

1ere are t!o letters, according to the story both real, the first allegedlysent to a man named yan eEries by the Michigan epartment of6nvironmental Juality, State of Michigan5 the second is Mr eEries)amusing response. The letters provide a great example of the dangers of

making assumptions and jumping to conclusions, and also ho! to reply toa false accusation !ith humour and style.

the $ichigan ./ letter

Subject: 6J 8ile 'o.>?-D>-332A5 T=='5 =34, Sec. 235Montcalm 9ounty

ear Mr. eEries,

(t has come to the attention of the epartment of 6nvironmental Jualitythat there has been recent unauthori&ed activity on the above referencedparcel of property. %ou have been certified as the legal lando!ner and orcontractor !ho did the follo!ing unauthori&ed activity:

9onstruction and maintenance of t!o !ood debris dams across the outletstream of Spring 0ond.

permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. revie!of the epartment)s files sho!s that no permits have been issued.

Therefore, the epartment has determined that this activity is in violation









of 0art A3=, (nland <akes and Streams, of the 'atural esource and6nvironmental 0rotection ct, ct CD= of the 0ublic cts of =>>C, beingsections A2C.A3=3= to A2C.A3==A of the Michigan 9ompiled <a!s,annotated.

The epartment has been informed that one or both of the dams partiallyfailed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding atdo!nstream locations. 4e find that dams of this nature are inherentlyha&ardous and cannot be permitted. The epartment therefore orders youto cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the streamto a free-flo! condition by removing all !ood and brush forming the damsfrom the stream channel. ll restoration !ork shall be completed no laterthan 7anuary A=, 233A. 0lease notify this office !hen the restoration hasbeen completed so that our staff may schedule a follo!-up site inspection.

8ailure to comply !ith this re$uest or any further unauthori&ed activity onthe site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcementaction. 4e anticipate and !ould appreciate your full cooperation in thismatter. 0lease feel free to contact me at this office if you have any$uestions.

Sincerely,istrict epresentative

<and and 4ater Management ivision

$r evries% letter response

ear Sirs,

e: 6J 8ile 'o. >?-D>-332A5 T=='5 =34, Sec. 235 Montcalm 9ounty.

%our certified letter dated =2 =? 32 has been handed to me to respond to.( am the legal lando!ner but not the 9ontractor at 23BB agget, 0ierson,

Michigan. couple of beavers are in the process "State unauthori&ed# ofconstructing and maintaining t!o !ood debris dams across the outletstream of my Spring 0ond. 4hile ( did not pay for, authori&e, nor supervisetheir dam project, ( think they !ould be highly offended that you call theirskillful use of natures building materials debris .

( !ould like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their damproject any time and or any place you choose. ( believe ( can safely statethere is no !ay you could ever match their dam skills, their damresourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their damdetermination and or their dam !ork ethic. s to your re$uest, ( do notthink the beavers are a!are that they must first fill out a dam permit priorto the start of this type of dam activity.



My first dam $uestion to you is: "=# are you trying to discriminate againstmy Spring 0ond /eavers or "2# do you re$uire all beavers throughout thisState to conform to said dam re$uest+ (f you are not discriminating againstthese particular beavers, through the 8reedom of (nformation ct, (re$uest completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits

that have been issued. 0erhaps !e !ill see if there really is a damviolation of 0art A3=, (nland <akes and Streams, of the 'atural esourceand 6nvironmental 0rotection ct, ct CD= of the 0ublic cts of =>>C,being sections A2C.A3=3= to A2C.A3==A of the Michigan 9ompiled <a!s,annotated.

( have several concerns. My first concern is: aren)t the beavers entitled tolegal representation+ The Spring 0ond /eavers are financially destituteand are unable to pay for said representation, so the State !ill have toprovide them !ith a dam la!yer. The epartment)s dam concern thateither one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causingflooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, !hich the epartment isre$uired to protect. (n other !ords, !e should leave the Spring 0ond/eavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names. (fyou !ant the stream restored to a dam free-flo! condition pleasecontact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they obviouslydid not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read6nglish.

(n my humble opinion, the Spring 0ond /eavers have a right to build theirunauthori&ed dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and !ater

flo!s do!nstream. They have more dam rights than ( do to live and enjoySpring 0ond. (f the epartment of 'atural esources and 6nvironmental0rotection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources"/eavers# and the environment "/eavers) ams#. So, as far as the beaversand ( are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevatedenforcement action right no!. 4hy !ait until = A= 233A+ The Spring 0ond/eavers may be under the dam ice then and there !ill be no !ay for youor your dam staff to contact harass them then.

(n conclusion, ( !ould like to bring to your attention to a realenvironmental $uality "health# problem in the area. (t is the bearsI /earsare actually defecating in our !oods. ( definitely believe you should bepersecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. (f you aregoing to investigate the beaver dam, !atch your stepI "The bears are notcareful !here they dumpI# /eing unable to comply !ith your dam re$uest,and being unable to contact you on your dam ans!ering machine, ( amsending this response to your dam office.

Thank you

yan evries and the am /eavers



8ootnote: ()m grateful to 7 eForne for pointing out that these letters are infact based on real correspondence involving Stephen Tvedten of Marne,Michigan. The original letters are here .

the blind men and the elephant (perception,truth, perspective, empathy,communications and understanding)

There are various versions of the story of the blind men and the elephant. The blind men and the elephant is a legend that appears in differentcultures - notably 9hina, frica and (ndia - and the tale dates back

thousands of years. Some versions of the story feature three blind men,others five or six, but the message is al!ays the same. 1ere)s a story ofthe six blind men and the elephant:

Six blind men !ere discussing exactly !hat they believed an elephant tobe, since each had heard ho! strange the creature !as, yet none had everseen one before. So the blind men agreed to find an elephant and discover!hat the animal !as really like.

(t didn)t take the blind men long to find an elephant at a nearby market. The first blind man approached the beast and felt the animal)s firm flatside. (t seems to me that the elephant is just like a !all, he said to hisfriends.

The second blind man reached out and touched one of the elephant)stusks. 'o, this is round and smooth and sharp - the elephant is like aspear.

(ntrigued, the third blind man stepped up to the elephant and touched itstrunk. 4ell, ( can)t agree !ith either of you5 ( feel a s$uirming !rithingthing - surely the elephant is just like a snake.

The fourth blind man !as of course by no! $uite pu&&led. So he reachedout, and felt the elephant)s leg. %ou are all talking complete nonsense,he said, because clearly the elephant is just like a tree.

tterly confused, the fifth blind man stepped for!ard and grabbed one ofthe elephant)s ears. %ou must all be mad - an elephant is exactly like afan.

uly, the sixth man approached, and, holding the beast)s tail, disagreedagain. (t)s nothing like any of your descriptions - the elephant is just like arope.

http://www.getipm.com/personal/dam.htm

http://www.getipm.com/personal/dam.htm



nd all six blind men continued to argue, based on their o!n particularexperiences, as to !hat they thought an elephant !as like. (t !as anargument that they !ere never able to resolve. 6ach of them !asconcerned only !ith their o!n idea. 'one of them had the full picture, andnone could see any of the other)s point of vie!. 6ach man sa! the

elephant as something $uite different, and !hile in part each blind man!as right, none !as !holly correct.

There is never just one !ay to look at something - there are al!aysdifferent perspectives, meanings, and perceptions, depending on !ho islooking.

See also the no exit story above for another analogy about different

perspectives.

the owl and the field-mouse story(executive policy-making, theory versuspractice)

little field-mouse !as lost in a dense !ood, unable to find his !ay out.1e came upon a !ise old o!l sitting in a tree. 0lease help me, !ise old

o!l, ho! can ( get out of this !ood+ said the field-mouse.

6asy, said the o!l, *ro! !ings and fly out, as ( do.

/ut ho! can ( gro! !ings+ asked the mouse.

The o!l looked at him haughtily, sniffed disdainfully, and said, on)tbother me !ith the details, ( only decide the policy.

"Thanks 0 /oden#

aircraft engineering support (lessons incommunications and support service)

n updated version of this item appears on the pilots and airtraffic control$uotes page.

ccording to the story, after every Jantas irlines flight "other airlines,and military sources are suggested instead also# the pilots complete a a

)gripe sheet) report, !hich conveys to the ground cre! engineers anymechanical problems on the aircraft during the flight. The engineer reads

http://www.businessballs.com/stories.htm#no%20exit%20story%23no%20exit%20story

http://www.businessballs.com/airtrafficcontrollersfunnyquotes.htm


http://www.businessballs.com/stories.htm#no%20exit%20story%23no%20exit%20story





the form, corrects the problem, then !rites details of action taken on thelo!er section of the form for the pilot to revie! before the next flight. (t isclear from the examples belo! that ground cre! engineers have a keensense of humour - these are supposedly real extracts from gripe formscompleted by pilots !ith the solution responses by the engineers.

(ncidentally, Jantas has the best safety record of all the !orld)s majorairlines.

"= The problem logged by the pilot.# "2 The solution and action takenby the mechanics.#

=. <eft inside main tire almost needs replacement.2. lmost replaced left inside main tire.

=. Test flight ;F, except auto-land very rough.2. uto-land not installed on this aircraft.

=. Something loose in cockpit.2. Something tightened in cockpit.

=. ead bugs on !indshield.2. <ive bugs on back-order.

=. utopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 233 feet per minutedescent.

2. 9annot reproduce problem on ground.

=. 6vidence of leak on right main landing gear.2. 6vidence removed.

=. M6 volume unbelievably loud.2. M6 volume set to more believable level.

=. 8riction locks cause throttle levers to stick.2. That)s !hat they)re there for.

=. (88 inoperative.2. (88 al!ays inoperative in ;88 mode.

=. Suspected crack in !indshield.2. Suspect you)re right.

=. 'umber A engine missing.2. 6ngine found on right !ing after brief search.

=. ircraft handles funny.2. ircraft !arned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

=. Target radar hums.2. eprogrammed target radar !ith lyrics.



=. Mouse in cockpit.2. 9at installed.

=. 'oise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midgetpounding on something !ith a hammer.

2. Took hammer a!ay from midget.

(f you like stories and examples like these see also the tree s!ing pictures ,!hich also provide an amusing and useful comment on departmentalrelationships, customer service and organi&ational communications.

" ck. 9/#

the rat and the lion story (do good, whatgoes around comes around, karma);ne day a small rat surfaced from his nest to find himself bet!een thepa!s of a huge sleeping lion, !hich immediately a!oke and sei&ed the rat.

The rat pleaded !ith the fierce beast to be set free, and the lion, beingvery noble and !ise, and in no need of such small prey, agreed to let therelieved rat go on his !ay.

Some days later in the same part of the forest, a hunter had laid a trap forthe lion, and it duly caught him, so that the lion !as trussed up in a strong

net, helpless, !ith nothing to do than !ait for the hunter to return.

/ut it !as the rat !ho came along next, and seeing the lion in need ofhelp, promptly set about biting and gna!ing through the net, !hich soonbegan to unravel, setting the great lion free.

The moral of the story is of course to make the !orld your debtor - eventhe humblest of folk may one day be of use.

the two mules story (show off expensivethings at your peril, the more you have themore you have to lose)

T!o mules travelled regularly together !ith their loads, from their to!n tothe city. The first mule, a humble beast, !ore a tatty cloak, and carriedsacks of oats for the miller. The second mule !as an arrogant animal, !ho!ore a fine coat !ith jingling bells. 1e carried gold and silver coins for thetax collector, and loved to brag about his responsibility and importance.

unning late one day, the second mule suggested taking a short-cut, offthe main road, despite his companion)s !arnings about the risks of takingsuch a dangerous route. Sure enough, before too long, thieves attacked

http://www.businessballs.com/treeswing.htm

http://www.businessballs.com/treeswing.htm



the second mule, stealing his valuable load, and leaving him injured by theroadside.

/ut !hy me+ moaned the stricken animal, ( am attacked and robbed!hile the vagabonds leave you untouched+

( think even in this desperate place no thief !ould be interested in a poormiller)s slave, or my humble loadI said the first mule, /ut you ventureddo!n this dangerous track and made a sho! of yourself - you have onlyyourself to blame.

the travellers and the monk story (positiveattitude, life outlook)

;ne day a traveller !as !alking along a road on his journey from onevillage to another. s he !alked he noticed a monk tending the ground inthe fields beside the road. The monk said *ood day to the traveller, andthe traveller nodded to the monk. The traveller then turned to the monkand said 6xcuse me, do you mind if ( ask you a $uestion+ .

'ot at all, replied the monk.

( am travelling from the village in the mountains to the village in thevalley and ( !as !ondering if you kne! !hat it is like in the village in the

valley+

Tell me, said the monk, 4hat !as your experience of the village in themountains+

readful, replied the traveller, to be honest ( am glad to be a!ay fromthere. ( found the people most un!elcoming. 4hen ( first arrived ( !asgreeted coldly. ( !as never made to feel part of the village no matter ho!hard ( tried. The villagers keep very much to themselves, they don)t takekindly to strangers. So tell me, !hat can ( expect in the village in thevalley+

( am sorry to tell you, said the monk, but ( think your experience !ill bemuch the same there .

The traveller hung his head despondently and !alked on.

!hile later another traveller !as journeying do!n the same road and healso came upon the monk.

()m going to the village in the valley, said the second traveller, o you

kno! !hat it is like+



( do, replied the monk /ut first tell me - !here have you come from+

()ve come from the village in the mountains.

nd ho! !as that+

(t !as a !onderful experience. ( !ould have stayed if ( could but ( amcommitted to travelling on. ( felt as though ( !as a member of the family inthe village. The elders gave me much advice, the children laughed and

joked !ith me and people !ere generally kind and generous. ( am sad tohave left there. (t !ill al!ays hold special memories for me. nd !hat ofthe village in the valley+ he asked again.

( think you !ill find it much the same replied the monk, *ood day toyou .

*ood day and thank you, the traveller replied, smiled, and journeyed on.

"Thanks 9arrie /irmingham#

the person who had feelings story(transactional analysis, conditioning andbehaviour) - attributed to barbara dunlap

;nce there !as a very small person !ho had feelings. They had manyfeelings and felt them every day. Their family liked them !hen theysho!ed their feelings, so the very small person started to !ear theirfeelings on their sleeve. ;ne day one of the small person)s parents saidthat they didn)t like to see the 86 feeling any more, so the small persontried to pull it off. The parent said that they !ould give the small personsome T; *1 to cover over their 86 . The small person found it verydifficult to cover the 86 !ith the T; *1, so the other parent and thegrandparents all helped. (t took many days. 'o! you look !onderful,said the parents !hen it !as done. 4e)ve covered some of your feelings

!ith T; *1, and you)ll gro! into a strong person.

The small person gre! a little older and found a friend. The friend also!ore their feelings on their sleeve. The friend said one day, My parents!ant me to cover up my <;'6<% feelings, and to be different from no!on. nd they !ere. The small person decided to cover over their <;'6<%feelings too, and they got '* % from another adult. The small person putbig patches of '* % on top of their <;'6<%. (t !as hard !ork to coverover the <;'6<% feelings.

;ne day !hen the small person "!ho !as no! not so small# !ent to schoolsome of their <;'6<% feelings started to sho!. So the teacher kept thembehind and gave them some * (<T to cover their <;'6<% feelings.



Sometimes !hen alone at night the person !ould look at their feelings. The !ould pull off the T; *1 and '* % and * (<T to look at their<;'6<% and 86 . Then they !ould have to take a long time putting the

T; *1, '* % and * (<T back again.

;ne night the person noticed that their <;'6<% and 86 !ere gro!ing,and beginning to stick out from under the patches. So the person had togo out to find some more '* % to cover the <;'6<%, and got all the

T; *1 that their parents could spare to cover their 86 .

The person gre! older and became very popular because everyone saidthat they could hide their feelings !ell. The person)s parents said one daythat they had a 0 ; feeling because the person had been so T; *1./ut the person could not find any!here to put the 0 ; feeling becausethe T; *1 !as getting so big. The person had trouble finding room ontheir sleeve for any other feelings - the T; *1 and the '* % !ere allthat sho!ed.

Then after a time the person met another person and they becamefriends. They thought that they !ere a lot alike because they both hadonly T; *1 and '* % feelings that sho!ed. ;ne day the friend told theperson a secret: ()m not really like you - my T; *1 and '* % are onlypatches to cover over my <;'6<% and my 86 . The friend pulled backthe edge of their T; *1 and sho!ed the person their 86 5 just for asecond.

The person sat $uietly and did not speak. Then carefully they too pulledback the edge of their T; *1 and sho!ed their 86 . The friend sa! the<;'6<% underneath. Then the friend gently reached out and touched theperson)s 86 , and then the <;'6<%....... The friend)s touch !as likemagic. feeling of 9960T '96 appeared on the person)s sleeve, and the

T; *1 and '* % had become smaller. The person then kne! that!henever someone gave them 9960T '96, they !ould need less

T; *1, and then there !ould be more room to sho! 0 ; ..... S .......<;E('*.... ST ;'*.... *;; .... 4 M... 1 T... 86 ....

" ck. 9hris avidson of Mountain ssociates, and the 0rotective /ehaviourpractice, !hose original attribution for this story !as as follo!s: This!onderful story !as found by chance. 4e ackno!ledge !hoever !asinspired to !rite it and apologise for not being able to give them credit byname... #

More recently ( !as informed that this story !as !ritten by /arbaraunlap "thanks Fati 9ollinson#. 8or referencing purposes it is appropriate

to say that the story is attributed to /arbara unlap, and then ideally tosho! the other ackno!ledgements above, plus the /usinessballs !ebsitesource.



()d like to provide clearer attribution for this !onderful story. (f you havemore information about its origins and particularly about /arbara unlapbeing the author please contact me .

See also the !onderful and cynical )this be the verse) by 0hilip <arkin onthe subject of parental conditioning. 4arning - the poem containslanguage that some might find offensive.

the human resources story (new starterinduction, ironic reference to humanresources management, keeping promises,employment standards)

highly successful 1uman esources Manager !as tragically knockeddo!n by a bus and killed. 1er soul arrived at the 0early *ates, !here St.0eter !elcomed her:

/efore you get settled in, he said, 4e have a little problem... you see,!e)ve never had a 1uman esources Manager make it this far before and!e)re not really sure !hat to do !ith you.

;h, ( see, said the !oman. 9an)t you just let me in+

4ell, ()d like to, said St 0eter, /ut ( have higher orders. 4e)re instructedto let you have a day in hell and a day in heaven, and then you are tochoose !here you)d like to go for all eternity.

ctually, ( think ()d prefer heaven , said the !oman.

Sorry, !e have rules... at !hich St. 0eter put the 1 Manager into thedo!n!ard bound elevator.

s the doors opened in hell she stepped out onto a beautiful golf course. (nthe distance !as a country club5 around her !ere many friends - pastfello! executives, all smartly dressed, happy, and cheering for her. Theyran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times.

They played a perfect round of golf and after!ards !ent to the countryclub !here she enjoyed a superb steak and lobster dinner. She met the

evil, !ho !as actually rather nice, and she had a !onderful night telling jokes and dancing. /efore she kne! it, it !as time to leave5 everyoneshook her hand and !aved goodbye as she stepped into the elevator. Theelevator !ent back up to heaven !here St. 0eter !as !aiting for her.

'o! it)s time to spend a day in heaven, he said.


http://www.businessballs.com/quotes.htm#larkin


http://www.businessballs.com/quotes.htm#larkin



So she spent the next 2C hours lounging around on clouds and playing theharp and singing, !hich !as almost as enjoyable as her day in hell. t theday)s end St 0eter returned.

So, he said, %ou)ve spent a day in hell and you)ve spent a day in

heaven. %ou must choose bet!een the t!o.

The !oman thought for a second and replied, 4ell, heaven is certainlylovely, but ( actually had a better time in hell. ( choose hell.

ccordingly, St. 0eter took her to the elevator again and she !ent backdo!n to hell.

4hen the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in adesolate !asteland covered in garbage and filth. She sa! her friendsdressed in rags, picking up rubbish and putting it in old sacks. The evilapproached and put his arm around her.

( don)t understand, stuttered the 1 Manager, %esterday ( !as here,and there !as a golf course, and a country club, and !e ate lobster, and!e danced and had a !onderful happy time. 'o! all there)s just a dirty!asteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.

The evil looked at her and smiled. %esterday !e !ere recruiting you,today you)re staff.

"Thanks 9/ and 99#

the shoe box story (delusion, men andwomen, marriage, relationships, secrets,weddings and best-man speeches)

There !as once a man and !oman !ho had been married for more than@3 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.

They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old !omanhad a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned herhusband never to open or ask her about. 8or all of these years, he hadnever thought about the box, but one day the little old !oman got verysick and the doctor said she !ould not recover. (n trying to sort out theiraffairs, the little old man took do!n the shoe box and took it to his !ife)sbedside. She agreed that it !as time that he should kno! !hat !as in thebox. 4hen he opened it, he found t!o crocheted doilies and a stack ofmoney totaling K2D,333. 1e asked her about the contents. 4hen !e !ereto be married, she said, My grandmother told me the secret of a happymarriage !as to never argue. She told me that if ( ever got angry !ith you,( should just keep $uiet and crochet a doily. The little old man !as somoved, he had to fight back tears. ;nly t!o precious doilies !ere in the



box. She had only been angry !ith him t!o times in all those years ofliving and loving. 1e almost burst !ith happiness. 1oney, he said, thatexplains the doilies, but !hat about all of this money+ 4here did it comefrom+ ;h, she said, that)s the money ( made from selling the doilies.

"Thanks 9 /yrd#

the businessman and the fisherman story(ambition, wealth creation, change forchange%s sake, purpose of life, work andfulfilment - also featured on a %0it-0at%snack-bar #1 advert)

management consultant, on holiday in a frican fishing village, !atcheda little fishing boat dock at the $uayside. 'oting the $uality of the fish, theconsultant asked the fisherman ho! long it had taken to catch them.

'ot very long. ans!ered the fisherman.

Then, !hy didn)t you stay out longer and catch more+ asked theconsultant.

The fisherman explained that his small catch !as sufficient to meet hisneeds and those of his family.

The consultant asked, /ut !hat do you do !ith the rest of your time+

( sleep late, fish a little, play !ith my children, have an afternoon)s restunder a coconut tree. (n the evenings, ( go into the community hall to seemy friends, have a fe! beers, play the drums, and sing a fe! songs..... (have a full and happy life. replied the fisherman.

The consultant ventured, ( have an M/ from 1arvard and ( can help

you...... %ou should start by fishing longer every day. %ou can then sell theextra fish you catch. 4ith the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.4ith the extra money the larger boat !ill bring, you can buy a second oneand a third one and so on until you have a large fleet. (nstead of sellingyour fish to a middleman, you can negotiate directly !ith the processingplants and maybe even open your o!n plant. %ou can then leave this littlevillage and move to a city here or maybe even in the nited Fingdom,from !here you can direct your huge enterprise.

1o! long !ould that take+ asked the fisherman.

;h, ten, maybe t!enty years. replied the consultant.



nd after that+ asked the fisherman.

fter that+ That)s !hen it gets really interesting, ans!ered theconsultant, laughing, 4hen your business gets really big, you can startselling shares in your company and make millionsI

Millions+ eally+ nd after that+ pressed the fisherman.

fter that you)ll be able to retire, move out to a small village by the sea,sleep in late every day, spend time !ith your family, go fishing, takeafternoon naps under a coconut tree, and spend relaxing evenings havingsdrinks !ith friends...

" ck 7ean Fent#

the microsoft story (computers,23" not234, ironic reference to computersoftware problems)

different slant on the human resources tale above...

(n 23D3 . . /ill *ates dies in a car accident. 1e finds himself in the0urgatory !aiting room, !hen *od enters...

4ell, /ill, says *od, ()m confused. ()m not sure !hether to send you to1eaven or 1ell: you helped society enormously by putting a computer inalmost every home in the !orld, and yet you)ve also created some of themost unearthly frustrations kno!n to mankind. ()m going to do something()ve never done before: ()m going to let you choose !here you !ant to go.

/ill replies, 4ell, thanks, *od. 4hat)s the difference bet!een the t!o+

*od says, ()m !illing to let you visit both places briefly to help you makeyour decision.

;kay, !here should ( go first+ asks /ill.

*od says, That)s up to you.

/ill says, ;F, let)s try 1ell first.

So /ill goes to 1ell. (t)s a beautiful, clean, sandy beach !ith clear !aters. There are thousands of beautiful !omen running around, playing in the!ater, laughing and frolicking about. The sun is shining, the temperatureis just right. The !hole thing looks perfect, and /ill is very pleased.

This is greatI he tells *od, (f this is 1ell, ( 6 <<% !ant to see 1eavenI



8ine, says *od, and off they go.

1eaven is a high place in the clouds, !ith angels drifting about playingharps and singing. (t very nice but not as enticing as 1ell. /ill thinks for amoment and announces his decision.

1mm, ( think ( prefer 1ell. he tells *od.

8ine, says *od, s you desire.

So /ill *ates is taken to 1ell.

T!o !eeks later, *od decides to check up on /ill to see ho! he)s doing in1ell. 4hen *od arrives in 1ell, he finds /ill shackled to a !all, screamingamongst the hot flames in a dark cave. 1e)s being burned and tortured bydemons.

1o!)s everything going, /ill+ *od asks.

/ill replies, his voice full of anguish and disappointment, This is a!ful, it)snot !hat ( expected at all, ( can)t believe it. 4hat happened to that otherplace !ith the beaches and the beautiful !omen playing in the !ater+

*od smiles and says, That !as the screen saver.

" ck 9/ and 7M#

the +it will for that one+ story (making adifference, compassion, socialresponsibility)

small boy !as !alking along a beach at lo! tide, !here countlessthousands of small sea creatures, having been !ashed up, !ere strandedand doomed to perish. man !atched as the boy picked up individual

creatures and took them back into the !ater.

( can see you)re being very kind, said the !atching man, /ut there mustbe a million of them5 it can)t possibly make any difference.

eturning from the !ater)s edge, the boy said, (t !ill for that one.

the negotiation story (negotiating, men andwomen, funny responses)



sales-!oman is driving home in the rain !hen she sees a little old lady!alking by the roadside, heavily laden !ith shopping. /eing a kindly soul,the sales-!oman stops the car and invites the old lady to climb in. uringtheir small talk, the old lady glances surreptitiously at a bro!n paper bagon the front seat bet!een them. (f you are !ondering !hat)s in the bag,

offers the sales-!oman, (t)s a bottle of !ine. ( got it for my husband. Thelittle old lady is silent for a !hile, nods several times, and says ........ *oodtrade.

the mcclelland motivation story (davidmcclelland%s achievement motivationexperiment, motivation references andexamples)

pioneering thinker in the field of !orkplace motivation, avid Mc9lellanddeveloped his theories chiefly !hile at 1arvard in the =>D3-@3)s !ithexperiments such as this one.

Eolunteers !ere asked to thro! rings over pegs rather like the fairgroundgame5 no distance !as stipulated, and most people seemed to thro! fromarbitrary, random distances, sometimes close, sometimes farther a!ay.1o!ever a small group of volunteers, !hom Mc9lelland suggested !erestrongly achievement-motivated, took some care to measure and test

distances that !ould produce an ideal challenge - not too easy, and notimpossible.

(nterestingly a parallel exists in biology, kno!n as the )overload principle),!hich is commony applied to fitness and exercising, ie., in order todevelop fitness and or strength the exercise must be sufficientlydemanding to increase existing levels, but not so demanding as to causedamage or strain.

Mc9lelland identified the same need for a )balanced challenge) in theapproach of achievement-motivated people. 0eople !ith a strongachievement-motivation need set themselves challenging and realisticgoals - they need the challenge, but they also need to be sure they)llaccomplish the aim.

More information about avid Mc9lelland)s motivational theories .

the butterfly story (coaching, teaching,enabling, facilitating, interventions)

http://www.businessballs.com/davidmcclelland.htm

http://www.businessballs.com/davidmcclelland.htm



man found a cocoon for a butterfly. ;ne day a small opening appeared,he sat and !atched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to forceits body through the little hole. Then it seemed to stop making anyprogress. (t appeared stuck.

The man decided to help the butterfly and !ith a pair of scissors he cutopen the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. Something !asstrange. The butterfly had a s!ollen body and shrivelled !ings. The man!atched the butterfly expecting it to take on its correct proportions. /utnothing changed.

The butterfly stayed the same. (t !as never able to fly. (n his kindness andhaste the man did not realise that the butterfly)s struggle to get throughthe small opening of the cocoon is nature)s !ay of forcing fluid from thebody of the butterfly into its !ings so that it !ould be ready for flight.

<ike the sapling !hich gro!s strong from being buffeted by the !ind, inlife !e all need to struggle sometimes to make us strong.

4hen !e coach and teach others it is helpful to recogni&e !hen peopleneed to do things for themselves.

" ck 0aul Matthe!s#

the swimming pool story (reviews andasessments, assessing people, things arenot always what they seem)

8red and Mabel !ere both patients in a mental hospital. ;ne day as theyboth !alked beside the s!imming pool, Mabel jumped into the deep endand sank to the bottom. 4ithout a thought for his o!n safety, 8red jumpedin after her, brought her to the surface, hauled her out, gave her the kissof life and saved her.

The next day happened to be 8red)s annual revie!. 1e !as brought beforethe hospital board, !here the director told him, 8red, ( have some goodne!s and some bad ne!s: the good ne!s is that in light of your heroic actyesterday !e consider that you are sane and can be released from thishome back into society. The bad ne!s is, ()m afraid, that Mabel, thepatient you saved, shortly after!ards hung herself in the bathroom !iththe belt from her bathrobe. ()m sorry but she)s dead.

She didn)t hang herself, 8red replied, ( put her there to dry.



the butcher story (business ethics, chickenscome home to roost, sins discovered,getting caught out, lying to customers)

butcher, !ho had had a particularly good day, proudly flipped his lastchicken on a scale and !eighed it. That !ill be [email protected], he told thecustomer.

That)s a good price, but it really is a little too small, said the !oman.on)t you have anything larger+

1esitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the chicken to therefrigerator, paused a moment, then took it out again.

This one, he said faintly, !ill be N@.@D.

The !oman paused for a moment, then made her decision...

( kno! !hat, she said, ()ll take both of themI

"Thanks oug /oit#

the pavlov%s dogs story (behaviour,conditioning, fears and neuroses,embedded attitudes and responses)

(van 0avlov !as a ussian physiologist !ho lived from =BC>-=>A@. 1efounded the (nstitute of 6xperimental Medicine in =B>3, !here his primaryinterest !as digestion.

0avlov)s ogs is the name given to (van 0avlov)s seminal research in theearly 23th century !hich established some essential principles of 9lassical9onditioning in the field of human psychology. 9lassical 9onditioningconcerns )learned) or conditioned behaviour, "!hich also forms the basis ofbehaviour therapy#.

4e all have behaviours that !e might seek to change. The 0avlov)s ogsillustration helps us to understand more about !hy !e respond sometimesirrationally to certain situations.

0avlov)s ogs provides a !onderful and true example for anyone seekingto explain or understand ho! our past experiences can prompt certainbehaviours in the future, for example, phobias "irrational fears#, neurosis

"severe nervous or emotional responses to particular situations#, and evenmild feelings of concern or anxiety that virtually all of us are prone to in



one !ay or another "eg., public speaking, fear of heights, flying, beingreprimanded or tested, etc.#

The initial 0avlov)s ogs experiment !as simply to place a dog in a sound-proof, smell-proof cubicle, !ith no outside vie! - a controlled environment

in other !ords. sound !as made !hen food !as given to the dog, andthe amount of salivation the dog produced !as measured. fter repeatingthis several times "called )trials)#, the sound !as made but no food !asgiven. The dog still salivated.

This simple experiment established that the dog did not necessarily needthe food in order to respond to food. The dog !as responding to a stimulusor )trigger) that produced the same response as the real thing. 0avlovcould make the dog salivate !henever the sound !as made.

This is expressed technically: a )9onditioned Stimulus) "the sound# canproduce a )9onditioned esponse) "the salivation#, !hich !as the same) nconditioned esponse) "salivation in response to food# for the original) nconditioned Stimulus) "the food#.

0avlov also proved that slightly different sounds to the original9onditioned Stimulus produced a similar 9onditioned esponse, !hich hecalled )*eneralisation). 0avlov also obtained the same results by sho!ingthe dog a shape "a circle for food#, and then established a level of) iscrimination) by sho!ing an oval !hen there !as no food.

/y continually repeating the 9onditioned Stimulus, the 9onditionedresponse !as seen to !eaken, and then eventually to cease, !hich hecalled )6xtinction). Surprisingly though, after a day or t!o, !hen the9onditioned Stimulus "sound# !as started again the dog again producedthe 9onditioned esponse "salivation#, !hich is called )Spontaneous

ecovery). This sho!ed that conditioned behaviours can become verydeeply embedded and !ell established.

9lassical 9onditioning is responsible for all behaviour that involves) eflexes) - heart-rate, perspiration, muscle-tension, etc.

Think about your o!n anxieties that produce these reactions. They areprobably 9onditioned esponses from something "a 9onditioned Stimulus#that you experienced in the past. 'ote also that if the original response isvery strong, the conditioning can result from a single event, technicallyreferred to as );ne Trial <earning).

(f you find this interesting see the 6ric 6rikson section, and look at Transational nalysis theory . r rthur 7anov)s book The 0rimal Scream isalso fascinating and relevant to this aspect of understanding personalityand behaviour.





the beans up the nose story (accentuate thepositive, visuali5ation, auto-suggestion,negative suggestions and attitudes)

This lovely analogy illustrates ho! accentuating the negative can oftenproduce the very result you are seeking to avoid. The metaphor is sostrong that it gave rise to the expression )/eans up the 'ose), meaning toincrease the likelihood of un!anted result by highlighting the potential forit to happen.

/eans up the 'ose is a great !ay to emphasise the need for managers toaccentuate the positive - not the negative - !hen communicatinginstructions to their people.

mother !as preparing a meal for her young son. She emptied a tin ofbeans into a saucepan and put them on the stove to cook. 7ust then thephone rang - she !as expecting a call and !anted to take it. Mindful thatshe)d be leaving her little boy unsupervised for a minute or t!o, and!anting to prevent him doing anything daft !hile she !as out of the room,she firmly told him, Stay here !hile ( ans!er the phone. ()ll be back soon5don)t misbehave, and !hatever you do, don)t go putting those beans upyour nose...

the hawthorne effect story (elton mayo%smotivation experiments, motivation)

The 1a!thorne 6ffect: the proposition that !orkers are more motivatedmore by emotional than economic factors "i.e., by being involved andfeeling important, rather than by an improvement in !orkplaceconditions#.

So called after !orkplace behavioural research by 6lton Mayo at the4estern 6lectric 9ompany)s 1a!thorne plant in 9icero, 9hicago, =>2?-A2,

!hich ran on !ithout Mayo until =>A?. Mayo !as a founding father ofindustrial psychology, attached to 1arvard niversity as professor ofindustrial research from =>2@, laying the foundations for later gurus,notably 1er&berg "Motivation and 1ygiene 8actors#, Maslo! "1ierarchy of'eeds#, Mc*regor " % Theory#, 0eters and 4aterman ")(n Search of6xcellence) etc#.

t a peak, 23,333 4estern 6lectric employees !ere subject to research bya team of 1arvard scientists and up to =33 investigators. This massive tenyear programme gre! from the initial experiment in !hich improvedlighting !as installed to assess the effect on !orkers) motivation andproductivity. Sure enough, productivity increased, but productivity alsoincreased in the )control group) of !orkers !here conditions !ere

http://www.businessballs.com/herzberg.htm

http://www.businessballs.com/maslow.htm


http://www.businessballs.com/tompetersinsearchofexcellence.htm

http://www.businessballs.com/herzberg.htm

http://www.businessballs.com/maslow.htm


http://www.businessballs.com/tompetersinsearchofexcellence.htm



unchanged, except that they !ere informed they !ere part of the study. This !as perhaps the earliest significant demonstration that people are notactually motivated by improving their !orkplace conditions ")Taylorism) -after 84 Taylor - had been the common vie!, in !hich money andconditions !ere thought to be the prime motivators#. The 1a!thorne

6ffect, and the experiments at the 1a!thorne plant, proved that peopleare mainly motivated not by economic factors, but emotional factors, suchas feeling involved and receiving attention.

the naval stand-off story (negotiation, doyour research, know your facts)

This story is an )alleged) transcript of an actual radio conversation bet!eena S naval ship and 9anadian maritime contact off the coast of'e!foundland in ;ctober =>>D. The tale, in various versions and featuringdifferent nationalities, has circulated !idely in emails and in books formany years, and has been used by numerous speakers and !riters toillustrate lessons relating to negotiation, making assumptions, and relatedthemes. nfortunately it is not true, but it is nevertheless a great story. (fusing this as a teaching analogy, you !ill probably be forgiven for notrevealing the truth of the matter until after telling the story.

mericans: 0lease divert your course =D degrees 'orth to avoid a collision.

9anadians: ecommend you divert %; course =D degrees South toavoid collision.

mericans: This is the captain of a S navy ship5 ( say again divert yourcourse.

9anadians: 'o. ( say again, you divert %; course.

mericans: T1(S (S T16 ( 9 8T 9 (6 SS <('9;<', T16 S69;'< *6ST S1(0 (' T16 '(T6 ST T6S) T< 'T(9 8<66T. 46 6

99;M0 '(6 /% T1 66 6ST ;%6 S, T1 66 9 (S6 S ' ' M6 ; SS 00; T E6SS6<S. ( 6M ' T1 T %; 91 '*6 %; 9; S6 =D

6* 66S '; T1, T1 T)S ;'6 8(E6 6* 66S '; T1, ; 9; 'T6 -M6 S 6S 4(<< /6 ' 6 T F6' T; 6'S 6 T16 S 86T% ;8 T1(S S1(0.

9anadians: 4e are a lighthouse5 your call.

the room service story (understanding,communicating, interpretation, empathy,

meaning)



This story !as !idely circulated by email around 233=-2, !ithin !hich it!as alleged to be the genuine transcript of a telephone conversationbet!een a guest and room-service in a hotel in sia in the late =>>3)s, andit supposedly appeared in an item published in the 8ar 6ast 6conomic

evie!. This is all false ho!ever:

oom Service is in fact a chapter from S comedian Shelley /erman)sbook ) 1otel (s 8unny 0lace). (n truth the incident portrayed neverhappened in any hotel, in sia or other!ise. Shelley /erman !rote ) oomService) as a piece of fictional humour. Shelley /erman has kindly allo!edthis extract to appear on this site, and this permission is gratefullyackno!ledged.

s !ell as being one of the best loved and funniest comedians and !ritersof his generation, Shelly /erman is also a lecturer at the niversity ofSouthern 9alifornia. More information at: Shelley /erman .

The oom Service fictional exchange is a !onderful and amusing exampleof ho! and !hy the effective understanding relies not only on languageand communication, but also on the abilities of the communicators tointerpret meaning.

excerpt from +6 7otel is a 8unny *lace +

'./. This material is a chapter from Shelley /erman)s copyrighted book. (tis reproduced here !ith permission. eading hints: %ou are on the phone.

The other party is also in the hotel:

Morny, rune sore-bees.

;h sorry, ( thought ( dialed room service.

ye. une sore-bees. Morny. 7e!ish to odor sunteen+

%es, order something. This is room thirteen-on-five. ( !antU

;kay, torino-fie. %es plea+()d like some bacon and eggs.

;! 7uly then+

4hat+

ches.

;! 7uly then+ 0ry, boy, poochU+

;h, the eggsI 1o! do ( like them+ Sorry. Scrambled, please.

http://www.shelleyberman.com/

http://www.shelleyberman.com/



;! 7uly thee baycome+ 9rease+

9risp !ill be fine.

;kay. n Santos+

4hat+

Santos. 7uly Santos+

hU( don)t kno!U( don)t think so.

'o+ 7udo one toes+

<ook. ( really feel bad about this, but ( just don)t kno! !hat judo-one-toesmeans. ()m sorryU

ToesI ToesI 4hy 7e! on 7uan toes+ ;! bo! eenlish mopping !e bother+

6nglish muffinI ()ve got itI %ou !ere saying toastI 8ine. n 6nglish muffin!ill be fine. 4e bother+ 'o. 7ust put the bother on the side.

4ad+

()m sorry. ( meant butter. /utter on the side.

9opy+

( feel terrible about this butU 9opy.

9opy, tea, millU

9offeeII %es, coffee please. nd that)s all.

;ne Minnie. ss rune torino-fie, strangle-aches, crease baycome, tossyeenlish mopping !e bother honey sigh, and copy. ye+

4hatever you say. ;kay.

Tenje!berrymud.

%ou)re !elcome.

'ext time someone sends you the email you can inform them: the abovedialogue never actually took place in any hotel any!here in the !orld. The

oom Service dialogue is an intentionally composed humorous fiction andis entirely the creation of Shelley /erman, !ritten as a chapter in his book,



1otel (s 8unny 0lace, publishers 0rice Sloan Stern. 9opyright =>?2 and=>BD. ny claim to the contrary is utterly baseless and erroneous.

oom Service is V Shelley /erman. sed !ith 0ermission !ith gratefulthanks to Shelley /erman. 'ot to be sold or published.

the project story (project management, sixphases of a project)

'ot exactly a story, but a !idely referred to ironic model detailing the sixphases of a project. o you recogni&e this model+

=. 6nthusiasm2. isillusionmentA. 0anicC. Search for the guiltyD. 0unishment of the innocent@. 0raise and honours for the non-participants

the mswindows car story (the power of *9,clever publicity, using humour for publicity,don%t get mad get even)

%ou may have seen this before as it)s been !idely circulated over theinternet. 4hether it)s true or not, it)s a great example of the risks ofarrogant 0 , and then in response, fantastic 0 that)s utterly in tune !iththe mood of the moment. espite all this though, a supremely po!erfulsupplier can, !hile they remain supremely po!erful, re-!rite the rules ofcustomer service.

t a computer expo "9;M 6 # around =>>? >B, /ill *ates of Microsoft !asreported to have compared the computer and automotive industries,

saying that (f *eneral Motors had kept up !ith technology like thecomputer industry does, !e !ould all be driving around in t!enty-fivedollar cars that go =,333 miles to the gallon.

(n response to this alleged outburst, *M are supposed to have issued apress release along the follo!ing lines, stating:

(f *M had developed technology like Microsoft, !e !ould all be drivingcars !ith the follo!ing characteristics -

=. 8or no reason at all your car !ould crash t!ice a day, and you !ouldhave not a single clue as to the cause.



2. 6very time they re-painted the lines on the road you !ould have tobuy a ne! car.

A. ;ccasionally your car !ould die on the free!ay for no reason, andyou !ould just accept this, re-start and drive on.

C. ;ccasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn !ould cause

your car to shut do!n and refuse to re-start, in !hich case you!ould have to re-install the engine.

D. ;nly one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought)9ar>D) or )9ar'T), but then you)d have to buy more seats.

@. "Macintosh !ould make a car that !as po!ered by the sun, reliable,five times as fast, and t!ice as easy to drive, but it !ould only runon five percent of the roads. The Macintosh car o!ners !ould haveto buy expensive *M upgrades for their cars !hich !ould makethem run much slo!er.#

?. The oil, !ater temperature and alternator !arning lights !ould bereplaced by a )general car default) !arning light.

B. The car)s ne! seats !ould force everyone to have the same si&ebutt.

>. The airbag system !ould say ) re you sure+) before activating.=3. ;ccasionally for no reason !hatsoever, your car !ould lock

you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted thedoor handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

==. *M !ould re$uire all car buyers to additionally purchase adeluxe set of and Mc'ally road maps "!hich !ould be a *Msubsidiary# even though the customer neither needed nor !antedthem. ttempting to do !ithout these extras !ould immediately

cause the car)s performance to diminish by fifty percent or more.Moreover, *M !ould become a target for investigation under theanti-trust la!s by the 7ustice epartment.

=2. 6very time *M introduced a ne! model, car buyers !ould haveto learn to drive all over again because none of the controls !ouldoperate in the same manner as in the previous car.

=A. nd you)d need to press the )Start) button to shut off theengine.

the balloon story (business, #, humour,funny business story)

man in a hot air balloon is lost. 1e sees a man on the ground andreduces height to speak to him.

6xcuse me, can you tell me !here ( am+

%ou)re in a hot air balloon hovering thirty feet above this field, comes thereply.

%ou must !ork in (nformation Technology, says the balloonist.



( do, says the man, 1o! did you kno!+

4ell, says the balloonist, 6verything you told me is technically correct,but it)s no use to anyone.

%ou must be in business, says the man.

( am, says the balloonist, 1o! did you kno!+

4ell, says the man, %ou don)t kno! !here you are, you don)t kno!!here you)re going, but you expect me to be able to help. %ou)re in thesame position you !ere before !e met, but no! it)s my fault.

"%ou can of course substitute other professions as appropriate.#

the monkey story (company policy,organi5ational development, groupbehaviour, group beliefs, inertia andassumptions)

Start !ith a cage containing five monkeys.

(nside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under

it.

/efore long, a monkey !ill go to the stairs and start to climb to!ards thebanana.

s soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the monkeys !ith cold !ater.

fter a !hile, another monkey makes an attempt !ith the same result - allthe monkeys are sprayed !ith cold !ater.

0retty soon, !hen another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the othermonkeys !ill try to prevent it.

'o!, turn off the cold !ater.

emove one monkey from the cage and replace it !ith a ne! one.

The ne! monkey sees the banana and !ants to climb the stairs.

To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him.

fter another attempt and attack, he kno!s that if he tries to climb thestairs, he !ill be assaulted.



'ext, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it !ith ane! one.

The ne!comer goes to the stairs and is attacked.

The previous ne!comer takes part in the punishment !ith enthusiasm.

gain, replace a third original monkey !ith a ne! one.

The ne! one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as !ell.

T!o of the four monkeys that beat him have no idea !hy they !ere notpermitted to climb the stairs, or !hy they are participating in the beatingof the ne!est monkey.

fter replacing the fourth and fifth original monkeys, all the monkeys thathave been sprayed !ith cold !ater have been replaced.

'evertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs.

4hy not+

/ecause as far as they kno! that)s the !ay it)s al!ays been around here.

nd that)s ho! company policy begins ...

the creativity story (ten ways to murdercreativity, leadership, growth anddevelopment, innovation and motivation)

gain not a story, instead a sardonic vie! of the !ay that organi&ationstypically approach managing people and projects, !hich of course kills thecreative incentive and capabilities of creative people. o you recogni&ethe model+

=. l!ays pretend to kno! more than everybody around you.2. *et employees to fill in time sheets.A. un daily checks on progress of everyone)s !ork.C. 6nsure that highly $ualified people do mundane !ork for long

periods.D. 0ut barriers up bet!een departments.@. on)t speak personally to employees, except !hen announcing

increased targets, shortened deadlines and tightened cost restraints.?. sk for a 233-page document to justify every ne! idea.B. 9all lots of meetings.>. 0lace the biggest emphasis on the budget.=3. /uy lots of computers.



the scorpion and the frog story (reality,acceptance, delusion, responsibility, blame,

expectations, personal responsibility,empathy)

;nce upon a time a scorpion !anted to cross a brook. ;n the bank he sa!a frog and asked if the frog !ould give him a ride to the other side.

;h no, says the frog, (f ( carry you on my back you !ill sting me.

/ut !hy !ould ( sting you !hen !e !ould both surely perish, replied thescorpion.

The frog eventually conceded that the scorpion had a point, and agreed tothe re$uest.

1alf !ay across, the scorpion stang the frog, and they both began todro!n.

/ut !hy did you break your !ord and sting me, kno!ing it !ould becertain death for us both+ cried the frog.

/ecause it is in my nature. said the scorpion.

the rocks in bucket time management story(time management, personal change,managing your activities and environment,project management)

se this time management story to sho! ho! planning is the key to timemanagement.

Start !ith a bucket, some big rocks enough to fill it, some small stones,some sand and !ater.

0ut the big rocks in the bucket - is it full+

0ut the small stones in around the big rocks - is it full+

0ut the sand in and give it a shake - is it full+

0ut the !ater in. 'o! it)s full.



The point is: unless you put the big rocks in first, you !on)t get them in atall.

(n other !ords: 0lan time-slots for your big issues before anything else, orthe inevitable sand and !ater issues !ill fill up your days and you !on)t fit

the big issues in "a big issue doesn)t necessarily have to be a !ork task - itcould be your child)s sports-day, or a holiday#.

rocks in the bucket story (alternative funnyversion)

lecturer at a university is giving a pre-exam lecture on timemanagement. ;n his desk is a bag of sand, a bag of pebbles, some bigrocks and bucket. 1e asks for a volunteer to put all three grades of stoneinto the bucket, and a keen student duly steps up to carry out the task,starting !ith the sand, then the pebbles, then the rocks, !hich do not allfit in the bucket.

The is an analogy of poor time management, trills the lecturer, (f you)dhave put the rocks in first, then the pebbles, then the sand, all three !ouldhave fit. This is much like time management, in that by completing yourbiggest tasks first, you leave room to complete your medium tasks, thenyour smaller ones. /y completing your smallest tasks first you spend somuch time on them you leave yourself unable to complete either medium

of large tasks satisfactorily. <et me sho! you..

nd the lecturer re-fills the bucket, big rocks first, then pebbles, then sand,shaking the bucket bet!een each so that everything fits.

/ut Sir, says one student, slouched at the back of the theatre, %ou)veforgotten one thing..

t !hich the student approaches the bucket, produces a can of lager,opens it and pours into the bucket. 'o matter ho! busy you are, $uipsthe student !ith a smile, There)s al!ays time for a $uick beer.

" ck Simon edman#

the murphy%s plough story (positivethinking, negative thinking, retaliatingbefore being attacked, thinking the worst ofpeople, tit-for-tat, eye-for-an-eye)



se this story to illustrate the risks of failing to use positive thinking. Thestory also illustrates the common tendency for us all to retaliate before !eare attacked, and humankind)s potential for tit-for-tat or )eye-for-an-eye)behaviour, on !hich most international politics has been based since thebeginning of civilisation.

Mc*inty, a farmer, needed to plough his field before the dry spell set in,but his o!n plough had broken.

( kno!, ()ll ask my neighbour, farmer Murphy, to borro! his plough. 1e)s agood man5 ()m sure he)ll have done his ploughing by no! and he)ll be gladto lend me his machine.

So Mc*inty began to !alk the three or four fields to Murphy)s farm.

fter a field of !alking, Mc*inty says to himself, ( hope that Murphy hasfinished all his o!n ploughing or he)ll not be able to lend me hismachine...

Then after a fe! more minutes of !orrying and !alking, Mc*inty says tohimself, nd !hat if Murphy)s plough is old and on it)s last legs - he)llnever be !anting to lend it to me !ill he+..

nd after another field, Mc*inty says, Murphy !as never a very helpfulfello!, ( reckon maybe he !on)t be too keen to lend me his plough even ifit)s in perfect !orking order and he)s finished all his o!n ploughing !eeks

ago....

s Mc*inty arrives at Murphy)s farm, Mc*inty is thinking, That old Murphycan be a mean old fello!. ( reckon even if he)s got all his ploughing done,and his o!n machine is sitting there doing nothing, he)ll not lend it to me

just so !atch me go to ruin...

Mc*inty !alks up Murphy)s front path, knocks on the door, and Murphyans!ers.

4ell good morning Mr Mc*inty, !hat can ( do for you+ says Murphy.

nd Mc*inty says, !ith eyes bulging, %ou can take your bloody plough,and you can stick it up your bloody arseI

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