Stop & Think Parenting: A Guide to Childrens Good Behavior A Project ACHIEVE Component from the State Improvement Grant Arkansas Department of Education,

Stop & Think Parenting:

A Guide to Children’s Good Behavior

A Project ACHIEVE Component from the

State Improvement GrantArkansas Department of Education,

Special Education Unit

Marcia Harding Howard M. Knoff Associate Director Project Director Special Education Unit State Improvement Grant

The Stop & Think Social Skills Program (within Project ACHIEVE)

An Evidence-Based National Model Prevention Program through the

U.S. Department of Health & Human Service’s Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services

Administration (SAMHSA)

and

U.S. Department of Justice’s Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP)

Character is doing the right thing. .

. . . when no one is watching.. . . when no one is watching.

J. C. Watts

Choice,Choice, not chance,not chance, determinesdetermines one’s destiny.one’s destiny. UnknownUnknown

The Goal of the Stop & Think Social Skills Program

TO:

Teach Children Interpersonal, Problem-Solving, and Conflict Resolution Skills

That facilitate their Social-Emotional/ Behavioral Development, and

Help them develop Self-Management Skills

The “BIG THREE” Interdependent Positive

Behavioral Support Components

Skill (Interpersonal, Problem-Solving, Conflict Resolution Social Skills)

Accountability

Consistency

The Definition of “Skill Mastery”

Skills are mastered when they are successfully

performed under conditions of emotionality

“Special Situations”— Dealing with Emotions

Skills:

The Emotional Reaction Paradigm:

Prevention Triggers Cues Behavior

Prepare

Skills can be demonstrated as long as a person is not past the “Physiological Point of No Return”

STOPSTOP

THINK

ANDAND

STEP 1:STEP 1:

Time to calm down and think about how to handle the situation.

Good Good ChoiceChoice

Bad Choice?

OR A

Do You Want to Make aDo You Want to Make aSTEP 2:STEP 2:

Opportunity to decide what kind of choice to make?

What Are Your Choices or

Steps?

STEP 3:STEP 3:

Teaching Step

and then

Thinking or Planning Step

Just Do

It!

STEP 4:STEP 4:

Do the behavior or action

Tell Yourself Tell Yourself “Good Job!”“Good Job!”

STEP 5:STEP 5:

Child reinforces self for making a good choice then doing a good job.

THE STOP & THINK SOCIAL SKILLSUNIVERSAL LANGUAGE

1. ________, you need to Stop & Think.

2. Are you going to make a Good Choice or a Bad Choice?

You need to make a Good Choice.

3. What are your (Good) Choices or Steps?[Tell/Guide your student here using a specific

“Skill Script”]

4. All right, now let me see you Just Do It ! ! !

5. Great job! ! ! Tell yourself you did a great job ! ! !

Preschool to Early Elementary SchoolStop & Think Social Skills

At the preschool to the early elementary school level, the ten primary skills are:

Listening Asking for Help Following Directions Asking for Permission

(May I?)Using a Friendly Voice Dealing with Being Bothered

Waiting for Your Turn ApologizingHow to Interrupt Dealing with Losing

At the preschool to early elementary school level, the ten advanced skills are:

Sharing Planning What to do Next Joining an Activity Deciding How You Feel Dealing with Being Left Out Dealing with Anger Dealing with Teasing Dealing with Being Blamed Dealing with Consequences Deciding with Being Afraid

Middle to Late Elementary SchoolStop & Think Social Skills

At the middle to late elementary school level, the ten primary skills are:

Listening ApologizingFollowing Directions Dealing with ConsequencesAsking for Help Dealing with Teasing Taking Turns/Interrupting Dealing with AngerIgnoring Distractions Walking Away from a Fight

At the middle to late elementary school level, the ten advanced skills are:

Setting a Goal Understanding Your/Others’ FeelingsEvaluating Yourself Dealing with Being Rejected or

Left OutResponding to Failure Dealing with AccusationsBeginning/Ending a Conversation Dealing with FearGiving/Accepting a Compliment Dealing with Peer Pressure

Teaching Social Skills: The Importance of Skills & Script

“Stop & Think” “I’m going to make a Good Choice!” “What are my Choices or Steps?”

“Now, I’m ready to ‘Just do it!’” “Great! I did a Great Job!”

THE SKILL BOX: GO TO SKILL SCRIPT

““Skills and Scripts”--Skills and Scripts”-- In Step 3’s “Skill Box”In Step 3’s “Skill Box”

Listening:(For Younger Students)

1. Eyes are forward.2. Hands are quiet.3. Mouth is closed.4. Ears are open.5. “Show me Listening!”

Prompt: “Show me listening.”

Following Directions:

[“Show Me Listening”– Get into the Listening position]

1. Listen to the entire direction.2. Repeat the direction to yourself or

out loud.3. Ask a question if needed or if you

don't understand.4. Get ready to follow the direction.

REMEMBER:

“Bad Choices” are not failures; They are opportunities to teach, reteach, reinforce, and demonstrate consistency with children and adolescents.

The “BIG THREE” Interdependent Positive

Behavioral Support Components

Skill

Accountability(Incentives, Consequences)

Consistency

Necessary Components of an Effective Discipline/Behavior Management

Program

Accountability:

Children make “good choices” because they are either motivated toward incentives and/or motivated to avoid consequences.

Implication:

We need to identify meaningful, developmentally-appropriate incentives and consequences for children/adolescents

Some Basic Principles of Accountability

1. A positive home environment occurs when children experience FIVE positive interactions for every ONE negative interaction.

2. Incentives and consequences impact only after a child has learned and mastered specific social skills (Think about the non-swimmer).

Implication:When incentives and consequences are

used too early in connection with skill mastery, frustration (emotionality) results.

TO

Some Basic Principles of Accountability

3. When consequences are needed, the mildest possible consequence needed to motivate a student’s “good choice” should be used.

4. Even when used correctly, as consequences get more negative or intense, some children need at least the same level of intensity in order for them to maintain their “meaningfulness” over time.

Implication:This can result in a “death spiral” where

parents are continually increasing the intensity of their consequences in order to get their children to respond.

Some Basic Principles of Accountability

5. Punishment may immediately stop behavior but it does not change behavior;

Consequences: Communicate. . . and Motivate.

BUT. . . .

“If you consequate, you must educate!”

Implication: Once the consequence is over, the child needs to understand and practice the appropriate action to change the behavior.

Positive Home Behavior Matrix

Positive Home Behaviors

ListensFollows Directions (Cleans room,

makes bed, puts clothes/toys away, gets ready for bed easily, good personal hygiene, ____________________)

Uses a friendly voice (not angry, loud, whiny, __________)

Waits their turn (when you are on the phone, visiting with a friend, busy cooking, ____________________)

Walks away from a fight (when hit by younger sibling, when being bullied or teased, ______________)

Tells the truthShares, Shows kindness________________________

Incentives – (What does your child like?)

1. Tell child “Thank you”

2. Special privileges (Play with computer or Playstation, extra TV time, outside play)

3. Have a snack

4. Smile and affirmation (“Good Work” “Good job” “I appreciate you/what you did” )

5. Say, “I love you”

6. Spend extra time together (Story time, Cooking, Wal-Mart)

7. Hug, high five, or a loving pat

8. ______________________

Level 1 Mild Inappropriate Behaviors

Does not listen (TV watching, you are reading a story, giving directions, or helping with homework, _____________)

Does not follow directions (Delays going to bed or bathing, leaves toys or clothes on floor, slams door, _______)

Uses a loud voice, makes loud noises, or has an attitude (when asking for help, interacting with others, frustrated, _______________)

Interrupts your phone call or interrupts you when you are busy

Teases a sibling or friend

Corrective Responses (Organized along a Continuum)

Parent proximityParent non-verbal redirect (“The

Look”, point, Stop & Think hand signal, )

Parent verbal redirect“Stop & Think” processChild practices desired action/

appropriate behavior

Parent ends activityChild apologizes2 minute “time out” Mild reduction of privileges:

(Computer, Playstation, TV, Outside Playtime, ____________)

____________________________

The “BIG THREE” Interdependent Positive

Behavioral Support Components

Skill

Accountability

Consistency(Structured, Predictable,

Dependable)

Examples of the Types of Consistency/Inconsistency

Need Consistency:

Across Parents

Across Expectations

Across Time, Settings, and Situations

Across Siblings (taking into account the age)

The Necessary Components of an Effective Discipline/Behavior Management Program

Skill Skill

Accountability Accountability

Consistency Consistency

The Stop & Think Parenting DVD

Introduction Listening and Following Directions—The Basics Listening and Following Directions—Advanced

Procedures Using Rewards and Consequences Teaching Children to Wait their Turn and How to

Interrupt Children’s Emotions and Dealing with Losing Teaching Children How to Accept Consequences Teaching Children and Parents How to Deal with

their Anger Summary

Applying Social Skills toward Prompting Behavioral Change

Targeting Behaviors for Change: Increasing or establishing new behaviors Decreasing or eliminating inappropriate behaviors Teaching attention & engagement skills Teaching social, self-management & self-control skills Addressing externalizing behavior (anger, acting out,

aggression) Addressing internalizing behavior (anxiety, withdrawal,

depression) Increasing student motivation Peer engagement & management skills

Identifying Replacement Behaviors

Replacement behaviors describe desired skills or outcomes

Replacement behaviors cannot be described using “not,” “stop,” or “don’t”

Replacement behaviors must be:ObservableMeasurableAttainable/realistic

Identifying Replacement Behaviors

Problem Behavior Replacement Behavior ?

Interrupting

Taking Sibling’s Toy

Verbal Taunts

Throwing Food

Slamming Door

Swearing

Begging in store

THE STOP & THINK SOCIAL SKILLSPRACTICE ACTIVITY

1. ________, you need to Stop & Think.

2. I’m sorry that you are making a Bad Choice right now (by __________________________ ).

You need to make a Good Choice.

3. Your Good Choice is to (state Replacement Behavior) .[Tell/Guide your student here using a specific “Skill Script”]

4. All right, now let me see you Just Do It ! ! !

5. Great job! ! ! Thank you for making this Good Choice and

following my directions! ! !

Questions to Ask Yourself

Have I effectively taught my child the social skills I expect him/her to perform?

Has my child reasonably mastered those skills?

Am I using meaningful incentives and consequences to motivate good choices and good behavior?

Am I being consistent in how I use and apply incentives and consequences?

Am I getting the good-choice behavior that I want from my child?