SpellbindingSentences
AWriter’sGuidetoAchievingExcellenceandCaptivatingReaders
BarbaraBaig
Cincinnati,Ohio
SpellbindingSentences.Copyright©2015byBarbaraBaig.ManufacturedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica.Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedinanyformorbyanyelectronicormechanicalmeansincludinginformationstorageandretrievalsystemswithoutpermissioninwritingfromthepublisher,exceptbyareviewer,whomayquotebriefpassagesinareview.PublishedbyWriter’sDigestBooks,animprintofF+WMedia,Inc.,10151CarverRoad,Suite#200,BlueAsh,OH45242.(800)289-0963.Firstedition.
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Writingisanart:itsmediumislanguage.—FrancisChristensen
Contents
TitlePageCopyrightPageEpigraphWelcomeSection1:TheMasteryPath
Chapter1:MasteringtheCraft
MasteringaWriter’sSkillsWhatYouNeedtoMasterSentenceCraft
Chapter2:ClaimingYourPower:LearningThroughPractice
WhatIsPractice?
Chapter3:TheBasicSentenceCraftPractices
BasicPractice#1:WakingUptheWordMindBasicPractice#2:KeepingaNotebookBasicPractice#3:ReadingasaWriterBasicPractice#4:ReflectingonYourPracticeMakePracticePartofYourLife
Section2:ThePowerofDiction:ChoosingWords
Chapter4:TheWordHoard
TheBenefitsofUnpackingYourWordHoard
BuildYourWordHoardTrainingYourWordMindTakeTimetoReflect
Chapter5:MakingMeaning
WhatDoWeMeanby“Meaning”?TimetoReflect
Chapter6:TheQualitiesofWords
TheQualitiesofWords1:Formal/InformalTheQualitiesofWords2:General/SpecificTheQualitiesofWords3:Abstract/ConcreteTakeTimetoReflect
Chapter7:TheLanguageoftheImagination
Images:TheLanguageoftheImaginationTheVocabularyoftheSensesBalancingShowingandTellingTakeTimetoReflectLookingAhead
Section3:ThePowerofFunction:WhatWordsDo
Chapter8:PartsofSpeech
PartsofSpeech1:ContentPartsofSpeechPartsofSpeech2:StructuralWordsTakeTimetoReflect
Chapter9:MakingPhrases
WhatIsaPhrase?ComposingwithPhrasesThePowerofPhrasesTakeTimetoReflect
Section4:ThePowerofSyntax:OrderingWords
Chapter10:MakingSpells:TheMagicofSentences
KindsofSentencesSentenceKernelsSyntacticSlotsTakeTimetoReflect
Chapter11:ElaboratingtheBasicSentence
ElaboratingtheBasicSentencePatternsTakeTimetoReflect
Chapter12:ExtendingtheBasicSentence
ExtendingtheBasicSentence1:AddingTogetherIndependentClausesExtendingtheBasicSentence2:AddingDependentClausesNewSentenceStructuresTakeTimetoReflect
Section5:ThePowerofComposition:PuttingitAllTogether
Chapter13:MakingSentencesMove
ACommandofSyntacticStructures
OptionsforCompositionTakeTimetoReflect
Chapter14:WritinginRhythm
TheMusicofLanguageTakeTimetoReflect
Section6:UsingYourPower
Chapter15:PowerandResponsibility
TheDanceofWritingTheJourneyTowardsMasteryPracticingintheWorkTheBenefitsofTheMasteryPathFromPlaytoDeliberatePracticeMovingOn
ForFurtherReadingAcknowledgments
Welcome
So,youwanttowrite—ortowritebetter.Perhapsyoudreamofproducinganovelormemoirsocompellingthatmajorpublisherswillfightoverit.Perhapsyouhopetohaveyourpoemsacceptedbyasmallpress.PerhapsanessayinTheNewYorkTimesisyourgoal,orperhapsyouwanttoself-publishyourwork.YoumaybeenrolledinanMFAprograminwriting;youmaybelearningtowriteonyourown,orwiththehelpofawriters’supportgroup.Orperhapsyouaresomeonewhohasalwaysyearnedtowritebuthasneverquitedaredtotakethefirststep.Whereveryoustandnowasawriter—whetheryouarejustgettingstartedorhavebeenwritingforsometime—thisbookisforyou.
Itwillprovideyouwithsomethingyoucan’tgetanyplaceelse:afocused,classroom-testedtrainingprogramthatwillteachyoutowritespellbindingsentences.
“Sentences?”youmayask.“WhyshouldIcareaboutsentences?I’mnotinterestedinallthatboringgrammarstuff!”
Butthisisnotagrammarbook;it’sabookaboutthepowerofwords.Itwillteachyou—inadown-to-earth,practicalway—howtomakethatpoweryourown.
Youmaynotbelieveyouneedthatpower.Youmayhavebeentoldthatwhatreallycountsinwritingisstory,ortheabilitytodigdeepinsideyourselfandbetotallyhonestaboutwhatyouuncover.Youmaybelievethatifyoucanonlycomeupwitharivetingplot,someeditorwill“fix”allthewritingforyou.Butthetruthisthatstory,byitself,isjustnotenough—andprofessionalliteraryagentsandeditors,beingbusypeople,wouldmuchratherworkwithwriterswho’vemasteredtheircraft.
Thesedays,mostwritinginstructionfocusesonlarge-scalecraft:characters,plot,setting,andsoon—and,yes,youcertainlyneedthisknowledge.
Butifyoucan’tcommunicateyourstorytoreaders,ifyoucan’tuselanguagewithsuchskillthatreadershavetokeepturningthepages,thennoonewillspendmorethanafewminuteswithyourwork.Ifyouwanttokeepyourreadersspellbound,thenyoualsoneedtolearnthe“small”craftofwriting:theskillsofchoosingwordsandarrangingthemintocoherentandpowerfulsentences.Thisbookwillteachyoutheseskills.
Asaguidetoimprovingskills,thisisnotabookjusttoread:It’sabooktodo.Youcan’tbecomeabetterviolinistortennisplayersimplybyreadingaboutthoseactivities;youmustputbowtostringsorrackettoballonaregularbasis.Soitiswithwriting:Ifyouwanttodevelopyourskills,youmustpractice.There’srealworkinvolved.Thisworkdoesn’trequirealotoffancyequipment—notevenacomputer.Andyoudon’tneedlongstretchesofemptytime.Whatyoudoneedisaneagernesstolearn,andawillingnesstoputsomeattentionandenergyintowritingpractice.
Inthepagesthatfollow,Iwillbeyourwritingcoach.Likeaviolinteacherortenniscoach,Iwillshowyouhowtodevelopyourskills,provideyouwithexercises,andexplainhowtodothoseexercises.Likeanycoach,Iwillrepeatimportantprinciplesoverandover,becauserepetitionisessentialtolearning.Justasatennisorbaseballcoachcontinuallyremindshisstudents,“Keepyoureyeontheball!”Iwilltellyouagainandagaintorelax,tolistentoyourwordsandsentences,topayattentiontohowprofessionalwritersuselanguage.
Whenaprofessionalwriterisatwork,hismindisbusymakingchoices,choicesaboutcontent—WhatdoIwanttowriteabout?WhatmaterialshallIuse?Willthispieceofwritingbeapoemoranessay?Whoismyaudience?—andchoicesaboutlanguage—WhatworddoIneedhere?HowcanImakeapicturesomyreaderwillseeit?Isthissentencetoolong?Someofthesechoicesaretheresultofconsciousthought,butmanyofthem,especiallyintherealmofcraft,aretheresultoftraining.Trainingiswhatcreatesprofessionals.Withabaseballgameontheline,forexample,aprofessionalcenterfieldercantrackaflyballperfectlyandmakethecatch,becausehismindandmuscleshavebeen
trainedtochoosetherightmoves.Inthesameway,whenanexperiencedwriterdraftsandrevisesapiece,hermindcancomeupwitheffectivewordsandsentenceconstructions,becauseshehastrainedthemental"muscles"thatmakethosechoices.
Evenmoreimportant:Becausetheyhaveconsciouslytrainedthemselvesinthecraftofmakingsentences,professionalwritershavefarmorechoicesavailabletothem.Withoutthattraining,aspiringwritersarestuckinarut:Theyusethesamewords,thesamesentencestructures,overandover,withoutevenrealizingit.Thisbookwillopenyourmindtoaworldofpossiblewordchoicesandsentenceconstructions,sothatyou,too,canwritelikeaprofessional.
Thebookisorganizedlikemyworkshop,TheArtoftheEnglishSentence,whichIteachinanMFAinCreativeWritingprogram.Itschapterswilltakeyou,step-by-step,throughinformationandpracticesthatwillincreaseyourunderstandingofhowwordsandsentenceswork.Thetwomainsectionsofthebookfocus,inturn,ondiction(theskillofchoosingwords)andonsyntax(theskillofarrangingthosewordsintoeffectivesentences).Havingpracticedtheseskills,we’llthenexploresomemoreadvancedcompositionaltechniques.
Myapproachhereisbothhighlyspecificandgenerouslyopen-ended.Allthepracticesaredesignedtobeequallyavailable—andhelpful—tobothbeginningandmoreexperiencedwriters.Soyoucanusetheminwhateverwaysyouwish,andyoucankeepreturningtothemovertime,asyourneedsanddesireschange.
WhatIofferhereisnotacollectionofrules(that’swhatgrammarbooksarefor),butaselectionofbasictoolsthatskilledprofessionalwritersusetocraftsentences.Ihavenotincludedeverypossibletechnique;rather,Ihavetriedtopresentthismaterialinsuchawaythatanyinterestedwriter,beginningorexperienced,candevelopasolidfoundationinsentence-makingskills.Withthisfoundationinplace,youcaneasilygoontoexploremoreadvancedorexperimentalapproaches.Attheendofthebookyou’llfindalistofresourcesforfurtherlearning.
Ajourneytowardsmastery,inwritingasinanyotherfield,isasourceofpleasure.Toacquireexpertiseistogainconfidenceinoneselfandone’sabilities,tofeelasenseofpower.Andwhenyouhavelearnedhowtowieldthatpowerwithwords,thenthepleasurewillnotbeyoursalone:Itwillalsobeyourreader’s.
Section1
TheMasteryPath
Masteryisthemysteriousprocessduringwhichwhatisatfirstdifficultbecomesprogressivelyeasierandmorepleasurablethroughpractice.
—GeorgeLeonard,Mastery:TheKeystoSuccessandLong-TermFulfillment
Whatmakescertainpeoplereallygoodatusinglanguage?Whatgivesthemtheabilitytochoosejusttherightwords,tocraftpiecesofwritingmadeupofoneeloquentsentenceafteranother?
Mostofusaresureweknowtheanswertothesequestions:innatetalent—anaturalabilitysopowerfulthatsuccessinaparticularfieldcomeseffortlessly.Wheneverweencounterpeoplewhoaregreatatwhattheydo—betheywritersormusicians,athletesorinventors—weassumetheywerebornwiththeirabilities.Mostaspiringwriterslookattheworkofgreatauthors,sigh,andsay,“IwishIhadthatkindoftalent.”
Butinthescientificfieldofexpertisestudies,researchershavebeendemonstrating,overandover,thatnaturaltalentisamyth.They’vestudiedchessplayersandwriters,artistsandfirefighters,tennisplayersandviolinistsandnurses,andpeopleinmanyotherfields—andinnoneofthesestudiesdidtheyfindevidenceofanyonewhowas“borngreat”atsomeactivity.
ProfessorK.AndersEricsson,thepreeminentresearcherinthefieldofexpertisestudies,hasspentdecadesstudyingpeoplewhoachievegreatness.Heconcludesthatgeniusorexpertise“isn’tmagic,anditisn’tborn.Ithappensbecausesomecriticalthingslineupsothatapersonofgoodintelligencecanput
inthesustained,focusedeffortittakestoachieveextraordinarymastery.”1
Those“criticalthings”includegettingstartedearlyinlife,findinggreatteachers—andpractice,practice,practice.
Fewofushavethegoodfortunetofindourchosenpathearly.Butnomatterhowoldweare,weallcanmakeuseofthepowerfullearningtoolofpractice.Practicequiteliterallychangesourbrains.That’sbecausethehumanbrainhasanimportantcharacteristicknownasits“plasticity”—its“built-in
capacitytobecome,overtime,whatwedemandofit.” Whenweengageinpracticeundertheguidanceofaknowledgeablecoach,astopmusiciansandathletesdo,newneuralconnectionsarecreatedinourbrains;webecomeabletodothingsthatwecouldnotdobefore.
Thesedays,manyaspiringwritersareheldbackfromachievingtheirpotentialbecausethey’vebeentold,“Justkeepwriting.Eventuallyyou’llgetbetter.”Thissimplyisn’ttrue.Noamountofjustswingingthebatwillturnsomeoneintoamajor-leaguebaseballplayer.Noamountofsingingintheshowerwillmakesomeoneaprofessionaloperasinger.Ifyouwanttobecomegreat—orevenjustgood—atanactivity,youneedateacherorcoachtoshowyoutheskillsyouneedtopractice—andthenyoumustpracticethem,overandover,andover.Indoingso,youleavethemythofinnatetalentfarbehind,andinsteadyousetyourfeetonthepathtomastery.
InChapter1,IexplainhowIdevelopedmypractice-basedapproachtowritinginstruction.ThenIturntowhatpracticereallyisandhowtogetthemostoutofdoingit.Ifyouwanttostartpracticingrightaway,Chapter3setsoutagroupofbasicpracticesthatwilllaunchyouonyourlearningjourney.
1 …toachieveextraordinarymastery.ProfessorK.AndersEricsson,quotedinDodds,David,“E=MC2,”TheAge,2006.
2 …whatwedemandofit.DavidShenk,TheGeniusinAllofUs,p.30.
2
Chapter1
MasteringtheCraft
Craftenablesart.—UrsulaK.LeGuin
Skilledprofessionalsmakewhattheydolookeasy:Thinkofamajor-leaguehitterdrivinganinety-six-mile-per-hourfastballovertheoutfieldwall,orasopranosingingahighC.Thinkofyourfavoriteauthorcomposingoneeloquent,magicalsentenceafteranother.Itcanbehardtoseethroughtheapparentlyeffortlessarttotheskillsunderneath.Thisisespeciallysowithwriting,wherewecan’tgetinsideawriter’smindtoseethechoicesbeingmadeasheworks.
Writinginstructionthesedaystendstofocusonthefinishedproduct:Inthousandsofworkshopsandclasses,draftsare“workshopped,”critiqued,discussed,revised.Whatinterestsme,though,isnotwhatwewrite,norwhywewrite,butwhatweareactuallydoingwhenwewrite.Whatskillsareweusing?Whatisitthatprofessionalwritersknowhowtodothatinexperiencedwritersdonot?
Thesequestionshavepreoccupiedmeformostofmyteachinglife.MybreakthroughcameonenightmanyyearsagowhenIwaslisteningtoaBostonRedSoxbaseballgameontheradio.Irealizedthathittingabaseballisacomplexskill.Ithoughtabouthowathletes(andmusicians)train.Theircoachesbreakdowncomplexskillslikehittingabaseballorplayinganinstrumentintotheircomponentparts.Thentheyteacheachoneofthosecomponentskills,oneatatime,untileventuallytheentirecomplexskillismastered.Soanaspiringmajor-leaguehittermightstartbypracticingkeepinghiseyeontheball,then
workonthepositionofhisfeetasheswings,thenaddthetwotogether.Asingermightbeginbypracticingthepitchesofthediatonicscale,thenlearntoarticulatelanguagesounds,thencombinethetwo.Asthesethoughtswentthroughmymind,itsuddenlybecamecleartomethat,onceyoucanbreakdownanycomplexskillintoitscomponentsubskills,then—ah,then!—youcanteachthoseskills.Soitiswithsportsandmusic;so—Irealizedatthatmoment—itcanbewithwriting.Fromthatnighton,Idevotedmyselftodevelopingapractice-basedapproachtoteachingwritingskills,oneInowcallTheMasteryPathforWriters.
Butwhatarethecomponentskillsthatmakeupthecomplexworkofwriting?Ittookmemanyyearsofteachingandthinkingtocomeupwithasatisfactoryanswertothatquestion.Naturally,othershadanticipatedme.Oneofthem,thenineteenth-centuryEnglishwriterMatthewArnold,describedtheworkofwritinglikethis:“Havesomethingtosay,andsayitaswellaspossible.”Ieventuallyputitthisway:Whenwewrite,weneedtwomainsetsofskills—“contentskills”and“craftskills.”Contentskillsarethosewerelyontocomeupwiththingstosay:Theydependonthewell-trainedmentalfacultiesofcreativity,imagination,memory,curiosity,andothers,aswellasonourabilitytoestablishanaturalrelationshipwithourreaders.Craftskillsdepend,amongotherthings,onanunderstandingofhowtouselanguagewithprecisionandpower.
Contentandcraftskillsaretheyinandtheyangofwriting:Youhavetohaveboth.Everygoodwritermustbeabletocomeupwiththingstosay,andmusthaveskillwithwordstocommunicatethosethings.So,whatarewedoingwhenwewrite?Weareexercisingourcontentandcraftskills…or,atleast,we’redoingthatifweindeedpossessthoseskills.
Havingbeenawritingteacherfordecades,Iknowthatmanyaspiringcreativewritersaresobusychurningoutpagesofworks-in-progressthattheyhavenevertakenthetimetolearnanddeveloptheirskills.Butifyoujustkeep
doingthesamethingoverandover,areyoureallygoingtogetanybetter?There’sanotherway—amuchbetterway—tobecomeagoodwriter.
MasteringaWriter’sSkills
Ifyou’veeverlearnedtoplayamusicalinstrument,orasport,you’llrememberyourteacherorcoachshowingyouthecomponentpartsofacomplexskillandhowtopracticeeachoneseparatelybeforeputtingthemtogether.Thescientificresearchersstudyinghowcertainpeopleachievegreatnesshavenowdemonstratedthatthiskindofteachingandlearningisessentialtoacquiringexpertise.
Justlikeathletesandmusicians,writerscanbreakdownthecomplexactivityofwritingintoitscomponentskills;wecanpracticeeachskillonitsown,thencombineitwithothers.Ourcontentskillscanbedevelopedthroughpracticesthattrainourcreativity,ourpowersofobservationandimaginationandcuriosity,oursubconscious,ourstorytellingvoice,ourabilitytobeinrelationshipwithourreaders.I’veprovidedsuchpracticesinmyfirstbook,HowtoBeaWriter:BuildingYourCreativeSkillsThroughPracticeandPlay.Whenwedothesepractices,wedon’tthinkaboutourwordsatall;weconcentrateonusingwhicheverfacultywearetryingtotrain.
Aswriterswealsoneedpracticeinshapingourwork.Weneedtoknowhowanovelworks,ifwewanttowriteone,orhowapersonalessayisbestconstructed,ifthat’sourchosengenre.Ifyouneedskillsinthisarea,thereareplentyofhow-tobooksavailabletohelpyou.
Finally,weneedtoknowhowtousetheEnglishlanguage,withprecisionandwithpower.Overthethreedecadesofmyteachingcareer,Ihavelearnedthatmanyaspiringwritershavenoideahowlanguageworksorhowtouseitwell.Theymayhavegreatideas,theirmindsmaybefilledwithwonderfulstories—buttheycan’tcommunicatethoseideasorstoriesbecausetheydon’t
knowanythingaboutwords!Theydon’tknowthatwordshavedifferentqualitiesandhistoriesandmusic;theydon’tknowallthevariouswayswordscanbepatterned.Intheirignoranceoftheirmedium,theyarelikewould-bepaintersblindtothedifferencebetweencadmiumredandcobaltblue,orsculptorsunabletofeelthedifferencebetweengraniteandmarble.
Sohere,inthisbook,I’llbeinvitingyoutosetasideallyourideasandstories,allyourknowledgeofgenre,andtoconcentrateentirelyonlanguage.I’llbeaskingyoutoletgoofwhatIcall“contentmind”andinsteadputallyourenergyandattentionintolearningtouseyour“wordmind.”I’llbeshowingyouhowtotakealearningjourneyintotherealmofwhatIliketocall“wordcraft”or“sentencecraft.”
Onthisjourneyyou’llacquire,throughguidedpractice,expertiseintwoareas:choosingwords(diction),andarrangingwordsintoeffectivesentences(syntax).You’llalsogetanintroductiontosentencerhythm,oneelementofthemusicoflanguage.(AlthoughIlovethewholeworldofverbalmusic,it’sasubjectthatneedsitsownbook.)
Inordertodevelopthepracticesinthisbook,Ihadtodothemmany,manytimes,bymyselfandwithstudents.Icanassureyouthat,donefaithfullyandwithattention,theywillmakeyouabetterwriter.
First,you’llvastlyexpandyourrepertoireofchoicesforwordsandsentenceconstruction.
Second,asyouexperimentwithmakingthesechoicesduringpractice,you’llgraduallydiscovertheonesyouprefer,theonesthatsoundandfeel“right”toyou.Andby“right”Idon’tmeanmeregrammaticalcorrectness(thoughthatisimportant);Imean“right”inthesensethatthosechoicesgiveyourwritingpowerandletyouarticulateyourvisions,tellyourstories,keepyourreaderspellbound…inshort,“right”inthesenseofmakingsuccessfulmagicwithlanguage.
Third,overtime,you’llfindyourselfabletomakethesechoiceswhileyouareengagedinwritingorrewritingadraft.Havingtrainedyourskillsinpractice,
youcannowusetheminyourwork.Fourth,asyouexerciseandtrainyourcraftmuscles,youwillalsobe
strengtheningandfreeingyourcreativity.Contrarytoaprevalentview,creativityisnotsimplyself-expression.Itisnotjust“goingwiththeflow.”Creativityismakingsomething,bringingsomethingintotheworldthatdidnotexistbeforeyoumadeit,whetherthat“something”beahand-knitsweater,orahandmadetable,orapoem,orasentence.Itisthroughthismaking,andonlythroughthismaking,thatyoufindyourselfasawriter.PamAllen,aprofessionalknitterandwriter,tellsnoviceknitters:"Creativityislessaboutbeingbornwithafriendlymuseandmoreaboutputtingtimeandeffortintodevelopingknow-how.Granted,momentsofinspirationcanwakeyouupat4:00inthemorning,butrarelydotheyhappenunlessyoufirstlaythegroundwork.…Bylearning,
practicing,andmasteringyourartandcraft,youbecomecreative.” Herwordsapplytowritersaswell.Throughthedisciplineoflearningthecraft,throughtrainingandexercisingyourlinguisticabilities,youfreeyourcreativity.
Fifth,themoreyoupracticemakingchoicesindictionandsyntax,themoreyoudiscoveryourauthenticvoiceonthepage.Likecreativity,theconceptof“writer’svoice”hasinrecentyearsbecomehostagetopsychology.Writersinsearchofvoiceareexhorted—sometimesevenpressured—todigdeepintotheirpsyches,toexcavatetheirworstmemories.Thisisnonsense.ListeninsteadtoJohnFairfaxandJohnMoat,foundersofthewell-respectedArvonwriters’workshopsinEngland:Voice,theysay,isawriter’s“individualuseoflanguagewhichenableshimatlasttocomeatthematerialwhichonlyhecanexpress.Itis
thehallmarkoftheaccomplishedwriterandhisorheruniqueauthority.”Awriter'svoice,then,istheresultofthechoicesawritermakesabout
wordsandabouthowtoputthemtogether.Someofthesechoicesare,naturally,unconscious.Butthemoreyoubecomeawareofthepossibilitiesoflanguageopentoyou,themoreyouexpandyourrepertoireofchoices.Andso,asyoulearnmoreabouthowtomakethesechoices,andasyouexperimentwith
1
2
makingthemindifferentsituations,youwillalso,inevitably,developyourownindividualvoice—orstyle—onthepage.
Makingthesechoices,letmeassureyou,isnotachore,onceyougetthehangofit.Onthecontrary,toexerciseyourskillwithwordsisoneofthegreatpleasuresofbeingawriter.Thinkofthesatisfactionatennisplayerfeelswhenhisracketmeetstheballatpreciselytherightangleandsendsitjustoutofreachofhisopponent;thinkofthesatisfactionavocalistfeelswhenshehitsahighnotedead-on.Writersgetthatsamesenseofsatisfactionwhentheyfindexactlytherightwordorphrasetomakeasentencesingortodrivehomeitsmeaning.
IfIhaven’tyetconvincedyouthatmasteringthecraftofsentencesisaworthwhileendeavor,letmeaddafewmorebenefitstothelist:
1. Learningsentencecraftwilldefinitelymakeyouabetterwriter.Youwilldevelopaconsciousunderstandingoftheskillsyouneedtowritewell,andifyouconscientiouslypractice,thoseskillswillserveyoueverytimeyousitdowntoproduceapieceofwriting.Ifyourgoalasawriterispublication,masteryofsentencecraftwillsetyouapartfrommanyotheraspiringwriters.
2. Learninghowtocraftsentencesisempowering.Beingabletomakeuseofthepowerofwordswillmakeyouastrongerandmoreconfidentperson,onthepageandinyourlife.
3. Workingwithwordskeepsyourbrainalive.Ifwedon'tmakeregularuseofourlanguageabilities—ifwedon'texerciseandstretchthoseparticular“muscles”inourbrains—thoseabilitieswilldisappear.Evenifwenevergetpublished,keepingourlanguageabilities“inshape”meansthatwekeepourbrainsactiveandhealthy.
4. Learningthecraftofsentence-makingispleasurable.Justlikeplayingtennisforfun,orsinginginachoir,playingwithwordsisanenjoyableactivity.Andthemorewelearnabouthowwordswork,thebetterwe
understandwhatwriterswelovearedoingonthepage—whichdeepensourenjoymentoftheirwork.
5. Learninghowtomakepowerfulsentenceswillgiveyouskillsyoucanuse,ifyouwish,tobenefitothers.Whenyouknowyoucancommunicatewell,youwillhavetheconfidencetospeakabout,andwriteabout,mattersthatareimportanttoyou.
6. Learningtomakeskillfulsentencescanleadtosuccessinworkandinlife.Severalrecentstudieshaveshownthatemployersratelackofwritingskillsasthenumberoneproblemwiththeiremployees.Ifyoumasterthecraftofsentence-making,youwillprovideyourselfwithahighlymarketableskill.
WhatYouNeedtoMasterSentenceCraft
Masteringthecraftofmakingsentencesrequiresverylittleinthewayofequipment:adictionary,athesaurus,agrammarbookforreferencepurposes,andanotebookandpen,oracomputer.
Whatyoureallyneedaretwothings:adesiretolearn,andawillingnesstopractice.
Iurgeyouaswelltoconsiderabandoningagreatdealofwhatyouwereprobablytaughtinschoolaboutwriting.Letyourselfbeginanewintheworldofwords,usingonlyyourdesiretolearnandyourinnateabilitytoplaywithwordsandmakesentences.
Oneofthemostwonderfulthingsaboutwritingisthatit’snevertoolatetobegin,ortobeginagain.Ifyouwanttoplayfootball,ortosingopera,youmighthaveahardtimegettingstartedwiththoseactivitieslaterinlife.But(givengoodhealth)ourlanguagebrainremainswithusallourlives,andit’snevertoolate—ortooearly—towakeitupanduseit.
There’salottolearnaboutthecraftofusingwords;thisbookaimsonlytopresentsomebasics.Atthesametime,learningthebasicscantakeyoufaron
yourjourneyasawriter.Andtolearnthesebasics,allyouneedtodoispracticethem.
1 …youbecomecreative.PamAllen,KnittingforDummies(ForDummies,2002)p.10.
2 …andhisorheruniqueauthority.JohnFairfaxandJohnMoat,TheWaytoWrite,p.3.
Chapter2
ClaimingYourPower:LearningThroughPractice
Mostpeoplewon’trealizethatwritingisacraft.Youhavetotakeyourapprenticeshipinitlikeanythingelse.
—KatherineAnnePorter
Practiceisnotsomethingjusttoreadabout;it’ssomethingtodo.That’sacentralthemeofthisbook,andIrepeatithere(asIwillfrequently
intheupcomingpages)becausemostofusareusedtolearningthroughstudy,notpractice.We’reusedtoreadingandtakingnotes,perhapsthinkingaboutwhatwe’vereadortalkingaboutitwithotherpeople.Ifwe’reinschool(inaliberalartsprogram),weshowwe’vestudiedwellbyproducingtermpapersortakingexams.Rarely,ifever,inourprogressthroughtheconventionalacademicsystem,dowedoanythingwithwhatwe’vestudied.
Inotherfields,though—sports,ormusic,orpracticalarts—learningthroughpracticerules.Basketballplayerspracticeshootingbaskets.Jazzmusicianspracticescalesandintervals.Aspiringcooksapprenticethemselvestomasterstolearntheirskills.Evenpeoplelearningaforeignlanguagedevotethemselvestopractice.Thisisadifferentwaytolearnfromtheonemostofusareusedto.Different,and—whenitcomestolearninghowtowrite—much,muchbetter.
Imagine,ifyouwill,agroupofkidswhowanttolearnhowtoplaybaseball.Thecoachspendsanhourwiththem,threetimesaweek,andtheytalkaboutbaseball.Theylearnitshistoryandreadaboutstarplayers;theywatch
filmsofoutstandingplays;theyhavediscussionsaboutwhatmakescertainplayersgreat.Andthentheygoouttoplayagame.Howwellwilltheyplay?
Youmaylaughattheabsurdityofthisexample;butreplace“baseball”with“writing”andyouhaveaprettygoodideaofwhatgoesoninmostliteratureandwritingclasses:Peopletalkaboutwriting;theydon’tdoit.Butthedomainofliteraryanalysisandtheoryandcriticismisnotthesameasthedomainofwriting;andso,ifwewanttoimproveourwritingskills,wehavetoexerciseourwritingmuscles,notourabilitytodiscussandcritique.Wehavetopracticedoingwhatskilledwritersdo.
Andthetruthisthatrealwritersdopractice:Theykeepnotebooksandsketchbooks,justlikevisualartists.Theywritelotsofpiecesthattheyneverpublish,totryoutideasandtechniques,todeveloptheirskills.Sincethesepiecesremainunpublished,wedon’tgettoreadthem,soweassumethata“realwriter”issomehowbornbeingabletowritewell.Oncewegiveupthisassumption,though,wearefreetousethepowerfullearningtoolofpractice,justasprofessionalsdo.
So,ifyoubelievethatimprovingyourwritingskillsmeanslearninghowtothinkandtalkaboutwriting,Iinviteyounowtoabandonthatidea.Iencourageyou,insteadtofocusonlearningtowritethroughpractice.
WhatIsPractice?
Formanypeople,thewordpracticemeans“mindlessdrill”—memorizingthemultiplicationtablesoralltheprefixesintheEnglishlanguage.Butdrillandpracticearenotthesameatall.
Tobeginwith,practiceisplay:It’sdoingsomethingoverandoveragainbecauseyouwantto,becauseyouenjoytheactivity,becauseyourmindiscompletelyengaged.Manyfamouswritersspentcountlesshappyhoursinchildhoodwritingpoemsandstories;theBrontësisters(andtheirbrother),for
instance,producedanumberofminiatureillustratedbooksoftheirownstories.Manyofus,though,werenotsofortunate.Welearnedtowriteinschool,whereourwritingwasalmostalwaysjudgedandgraded;webecameusedtodoingwhatIcall“performance”writing,writingthatcounts.Asadults,manyofuscontinuetowriteunderperformanceconditions,tryingtoproducesomethinggood,somethingotherswillpraise.Butperformanceconditionsusuallycreateanxiety,whichinterfereswithourcreativityandmakesithardforustowritewell.Afteryearsofwritingunderperformanceconditions,itcanbedifficultforus,especiallythoseofuswhoareadults,toallowourselvesthefreedomtoplaywithwords.
Butaplayfulattitudeis,I’mconvinced,essentialtolearningthroughpractice.Idon’tmeanthatwritingpracticeshouldn’tbetakenseriously;Imeanthatyou’llgetthemostoutofitifyoubringtoit,notthejudgmentalattitudeofanold-fashionedEnglishteacher—Oh,Ididthatwrong!—buttheengagedcuriosityofahealthychild—IwonderwhatwillhappenifItryTHIS?
Toletyourselfplaywithwriting,rememberthatpracticeistotallydifferentfromperformance.Practicewritingisalwaysprivatewriting.Noonewilleverseeitunlessyoudecidetoshareit.Whenyousitdowntopractice,ifyoufindyourselftenseoranxious,rememberthatpracticewritingisnotforotherpeople;it’syourownprivateplayingfieldwhereyougettofoolaround,experiment,andseewhathappens.
Forsomeofyou,though,thisremindermaynotbeenough.Afteryearsofwritinginschooloratwork,youmayhavecreatedaninternaljudge,orcritic,whowaitsinsideyoutocriticizewhateveryouputonthepage.Iurgeyoutodoyourbesttoignorethisjudgeasyoupractice.(Spendingtimewiththeexerciseattheendofthischapterwillhelp.)Theseinnerjudgeskillourspirit,andtheircriticism—That’sterrible!Youcan’twrite!—interfereswiththesimplenoticingofwhatis(orisn’t)thereinourwords,anactivitythatallowsustolearnandmoveforward.Whenthatinnerjudgeraiseshisvoice,keeptellingyourselfI’monlypracticing.
Ifyouareplaguedbyaninnercritic,oryou’vehadunpleasantexperienceswithwriting,oryougetanxiouswhenyouwrite,oryou’djustliketofoolaroundwithwordsforawhile,thenyoumaywanttoletyourfirsttimethroughsomeorallofthepracticesbeguidedentirelybythespiritofplay.
PracticeasLearningWithplayasourfoundation,wecanusepracticeasalearningtool.Oneoftheessentialcharacteristicsofapracticeactivityisthatitisdesignedtoberepeated,notjustoncebutmanytimes.That’sbecauserepetitionembedsthingsinourbrains;repetitionactuallychangesthenatureofourbrains.AsDanielCoyle,authorofTheTalentCode,explains,“Everyhumanskill,whetherit’splayingbaseballorplayingBach,iscreatedbychainsofnervefiberscarryingatiny
electricalimpulse—basically,asignaltravelingthroughacircuit.” Themorewepracticeaskill,themorewedevelopthesecircuitsinourbrains.OneofCoyle’ssources,aneminentneurologist,says,“Allskills,alllanguage,allmusic,allmovements,aremadeoflivingcircuits,andallcircuitsgrow
accordingtocertainrules.” Aslongasourbrainsremainhealthy,wecankeep“growing”thesementalcircuitsandkeepacquiringnewskillsandimprovingtheoneswehave.Andthemoretimeandenergyweputintopractice,themoreourskills(andourbrains)willgrow.
Incentersallovertheworldwhereathletesandmusicianscometodeveloptheirskills,coachesandteachersareputtingtheprincipleoflearningthroughpracticeintoaction.Theyareteachingskillsinawaythatreflectshowthebrainlearnsbest,throughaprocessknownaschunking;namely,breakingdownacomplexskillintoitscomponentpartsandguidingstudentstolearnandpracticeeachpartseparately.DanielCoyle,whovisitedmanyofthesecenters,says,“Theinstincttoslowdownandbreakskillsintotheircomponentsisuniversal…[and]amassivebodyofscientificresearchshowsthatthisispreciselytheway
skillsarebuilt.” Chunkingexplainshowprofessionalsmakeadifficulttask
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lookeasy:Overtime,havingpracticedthose“chunks”ofskillsoverandoverandover,theyarethenabletoputthemalltogetherandusethemwiththefluencyandeasethatisoneofthehallmarksofexpertise.
So,asyoudothepracticesinthisbook,Iurgeyounottorushthroughthem,evenifyouunderstandthematerialintellectually.Letyourselfslowdownsothatyourwholebrain—evenyourbody—canparticipateineachpractice.Inthatway,theparticular“move”eachpracticeisteachingwillbecomepartofyou,andeventually,whenyouusethat“move”tocomposeasentence,theresultwillappeareffortless.
Inthisbook,Ihavedonemybesttobreakdownthecomplexskillofcomposingsentencesintoitscomponentsubskillsandtogiveyouexercisestodevelopeachsubskillinturn.IhaveusedthisprogressionofexercisesinclassesoveranumberofyearsbecauseIthinktheearlierpracticesprovideasolidfoundationforthelaterones.Butifyouwishtocreateyourownlearningpaththroughthebook,youcancertainlydoso.Oneofthebestwaystodothatistoinventyourownpractices.
DeliberatePracticeOncewe’vebecomefamiliarwiththeprocessoflearningskillsthroughpractice,wecan,ifwelike,moveontoamorestrenuousformofpracticing,whatProfessorK.AndersEricssoncalls“deliberatepractice.”(Coylecallsit“deeppractice.”)Deliberatepracticeiswhatturnsamateursintoprofessionals.Amateurspractice,ofcourse,buttheydon’tengageindeliberatepractice.What’sthedifference?
Ericssonexplains:“Peoplewhoplaytennisonceaweekforyearsdon’tgetanybetteriftheydothesamethingeachtime.Deliberatepracticeisaboutchangingyourperformance,settingnewgoalsandstrainingyourselftoreachabithighereachtime.Itinvolvesyoudecidingtoimprovesomethingandsetting
uptrainingconditionstoattaintheskill…Thosewhogetbetterworkontheir
weaknesses.”LegendarygolferSamSneadwouldhaveagreedwithEricsson.“It’sonly
humannaturetowanttopracticewhatyoucanalreadydowell,”Sneadoncesaid,“sinceit’sahellofalotlessworkandahellofalotmorefun.”Butit’sthepeoplewhodevotethemselvestodevelopingskillstheydon’talreadyhavewhobecomeexperts.Sneadalsosaid,“WhenIwasyoung,I’dplayandpracticeallday,thenpracticemoreatnightbymycar’sheadlights.Myhandsbled.Nobody
workedharderatgolfthanIdid.”Deliberatepracticedemandshardwork,buthardworkbyitselfisnot
enough;youalsohavetoknowwhattoworkon.Sodeliberatepractice,firstofall,ishighlyfocused.AsDr.Ericssonexplains,deliberatepracticeisdeliberatebecauseitis“specificallydesignedtoimprovesomeaspectofanindividual’s
targetperformance.”Second,deliberatepracticedemandsachangeofattitude:nolackadaisical,
“oh—whatever”approachworkshere.Peopleengagedindeliberatepracticearegivingalloftheirattentionandenergy—everybraincell,everymuscle—tothatpractice.AsEricssonpointsout,“Forexpertperformers,there’salwayseffort.
Improvementisnevereffortless.” Atthesametime,suchpeoplearenotjudgingwhattheydo;insteadthey’renoticingwhat’sworkingandwhat’snotworking,andtheyareattemptingtobridgethegaptheyperceivebetweenwhattheycandoandwhattheywanttodo.Theybridgethisgapintwoways:bygettingaclearer,moredetailedunderstandingoftheaction,thesound,thekindofwordtheywant;andbytakingonevenmorefocusedpractice.Inotherwords,theypractice,notmindlesslyorrandomly,butstrategically.It’spracticestrategy(alongwithgoodcoaching,determination,andperseverance)thatseparatesexpertsfromamateursintherealmoflearning.Whenexpertsfail,saysonepsychologistwhostudieshowpeoplelearn,“theydon’tblameitonluckor
themselves.Theyhaveastrategytheycanfix.”
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Third,deliberatepracticeinvolveschallengingyourselftomovepastthethingsyoucandoeasilyandintotherealmofwhatyoucan’tdo,orcan’tdowell.YouhavetogetcomfortablebalancingonwhatIliketocallyour“learningedge,”whereyouhaveonefootonthegroundofwhatyoualreadyknowhowtodo,andtheotherfootreachingforwardintotheunknown.Youalsohavetobewillingtotoleratethefrustrationofnotbeingabletodoapracticeactivitywellthefirstorsecondtimeyoutryit,somethingmanyadultshavedifficultywith.But,asIalwaystellmystudents,“Ifyou’renotfrustratedsomeofthetimeasyou’relearning,you’renotreallymovingforward.”Peoplewhobecomeexpertsintheirfieldhaveahightoleranceforthatkindoffrustration:Insteadofgivingup,assomanyofusdo,theyusefrustrationasaspurtoincreasedpracticeandlearning.
Finally,peoplewhoengageconsistentlyindeliberatepracticeeventuallybecometheirownteachers.Theyknowwheretheirstrengthsandweaknesseslie.They’vebecomeusedtomeasuringtheirperformanceagainstestablishedstandardsofexpertise,oragainsttheirownbestperformances,andtheyhavedevisedtheirownpracticestoimprovetheirskills.
Athletesandmusiciansintraininghavecoacheswhocanpointouttothemwhattheyaredoingwellandwheretheirskillsneedmorework.Naturally,abookcan’tprovidethatkindofindividualcoaching.Butskilledwritersarealwaysself-taught.Longbeforetheinventionofcreativewritingworkshops,writerslearnedtheirskillsfromthemasters,throughintensivereadingandimitation.Consequently,thepracticesinthisbookaredesigned,notonlytohelpyoulearn,butalsotoshowyouhowtoidentifyspecifictechniquesintheworkofprofessionalwriters;onceyoucanidentifythesetechniques,youcanimitatethemandmakethemyourown.
Asyouworkyourwaythroughthisbook,youwillacquirealargerepertoireofpractices,andyouwillalsobeencouragedtoinventyourown.Ifyouwish,then,youcanselectfromallthesepracticesanddesignyourown
learningprogram,customizedtoyourparticularneeds.Inbecomingyourownteacher,youwillfindyourownwaytoexcellence.
The“BeaWriter”Practice
Tobeginourjourneytowardswritingexpertise,westartwiththissimplepractice.Whatisthemostbasicthingthatwritersdo?Theyputwordsonpaper.Sowhenwepracticeputtingwordsonpaper,wearepracticingthefundamentalactivityofbeingwriters.
It'sessentialtoremember,indoingthispractice,thatpracticewritingisprivatewriting.Noonewillseethesewordsyouproduce;youdon'tevenhavetoreadthemoverafterwardsifyoudon'twantto.Sotry,asmuchasyoucan,torelaxasyouwrite.Youmayfindithelpful,beforeyoubegin,toconsciouslyrelaxyourmuscles,onegroupatatime,ortotakeafewdeepbreaths.Perhapsyouwanttositupstraightorstretchyourfingersbeforeyoubegin.
Now,sitdownwithapenandpaper,oratyourcomputer.Setatimerfortenminutes,orplaceaclocknearbybutnotdirectlyinyourlineofvision.
Inthispractice,youcanwriteanything.Youdon’thavetobeginwithasubjectoranidea.If,asyouwrite,youfindasubject,youdon'thavetostaywithit.Youdon'thavetocreateabeginning,middle,andend.Youdon’thavetowritelovely,coherentsentencesandparagraphs.
There'sonlyonethingyoumustdo:Youmustkeepthepen(oryourfingersonthekeyboard)moving,nomatterwhat.Youmustkeepputtingwordsonthepage.
Thismeansthatyoucan'tstoptothink,youcan'tgobackoverwhatyoujustwrotetofixerrors,youcan'tletyourmindwander.Ifyouhavetorepeatasentenceorawordinordertokeepwriting,that'sfine.IfyouhavetowriteThisissostupid,Ican'tbelieveI'mdoingit,that'sfine,too.Butyoumustkeepwriting(thoughthere'snoneedtowritefast).
Andnow—goahead:Takealittletimetobeawriter.
Whenyourtenminutes(ormore,ifyoulike)areup,graduallybringthewritingtoaclose.
Now,withoutsittinginjudgmentofyourwriting,noticethatforthelasttenminutesyouweredoingwhatwritersdo:Youwerepracticingputtingthoughtsonpaperusingwords.
Youcanusethisexercise,knownasfreewriting,inmanyways:towarmupbeforeyoustartworkonapieceofperformancewriting,togetideas,toexerciseyourmentalfaculties,toventyourfeelings,andmore.It’sgreatexerciseforwhatIliketocall“thecontentmind,”thepartofourmindsthatgivesusmaterialforpiecesofwriting.(Ifyou’dliketoknowmoreaboutdevelopingyourcontentmind,seemybookHowtoBeaWriter.)
Nowlet’sturntotheotherpartofourmindweneedinordertowrite:the“wordmind.”
TipsforEffectivePracticing
1. Relax.Youcan’tlearnwhenyou’retenseanddistracted,sowhenyousitdowntopractice,takeamomentortwotosetasideyourworriesandrelaxyourmindandbody.Ifyourmindischurning,taketenminutestoemptyallyourthoughtsontothepage,usingthefreewritingtechnique.Afterwards,ifyouwantto,tearupthepaperordeletewhatyou’vewritten.
2. Focus.Makesureyouknowwhereyou’regoingtodirectyourmentalenergy.Thatdoesn’tmeanyouknowaheadoftimehowapracticewillcomeout(you’relearning,afterall);itmeansthatyouremindyourselftoconcentrateonlyonthetechniqueathand.
3. Assess.Assessmenthereisnotjudgment;it’snotpraiseorcondemnation.It’slookingatwhatyouproducedinanexercise
andaskingyourself,“DoInowunderstandhowtodothistechnique?Ifnot,what’snotmakingsensetome?”Assessmentenablesyoutobecomeyourownbestteacher.Assessmentalsomeansthinkingaboutwhattodonext:Ifyou’renotsureyouunderstandatechnique,whatcanyoudo?Perhapsyouneedtorereadtheexplanationofthetechnique.Perhapsyouneedtoconsultawritingfriendoragrammarbook;perhapsyouneedtoseekexamplesofthetechniqueintheworkofprofessionalwriters.Orperhapsyouneedtoreturntoaprevioustechnique,makingcertainthatyouunderstanditbeforeonceagainmovingforward.
4. Repeat.Expertiseinanyactivitycomeswithrepetition;soitiswithwriting.Ifyouwantatechniquetobecomesecondnature,youneedtokeeppracticingit.
5. Takeyourtime.Buildingnewskillsdoesn’thappenovernight.Don’tbeinarush.
6. Challengeyourself.Ifyouareengagedindeliberatepractice,findwaystocombineexercisesorinventnewonesinordertomakeyourmindworkharder.
7. Practice“inthework.”Youcandowritingpracticeasaseparateactivity;youcanalsopracticeasyouworkonschoolorworkassignmentsoronprojectsyouchoose(letters,e-mails,blogposts,stories,poems,andsoon).Asyouwork,trytoexpandyourconcentrationsothatyoucancomeupwithwhatyouwanttosayandfocusonusingoneofthecrafttechniquesyouhavelearned.
1 …asignaltravelingthroughacircuit.DanielCoyle,TheTalentCode,p.5.
2 …allcircuits[can]grow.DanielCoyle,TheTalentCode,p.6.
3 …ispreciselythewayskillsarebuilt.DanielCoyle,TheTalentCode,p.80.
4 …workontheirweaknesses.ProfessorK.AndersEricsson,quotedinAnnaPatty,“WhyOnlytheRightKindofPracticeGetsAnywhereNearPerfect,”TheSydneyMorningHerald,May15,2006.
5 …harderatgolfthanIdid.QuotedinK.AndersEricsson,MichaelJ.Prietula,andEdwardT.Cokely,“TheMakingofanExpert,”HarvardBusinessReview,July-August,2007.
6 …someaspectofanindividual’stargetperformance.FromGreggSchraw,“AnInterviewwithK.AndersEricsson,EducationalPsychologyReview,Vol.17,No.4,December2005,p.397.
7 …Improvementisnevereffortless.ProfessorK.AndersEricsson,quotedinShelleyGare,“SuccessIsAllintheMind,”TheAustralian,January24,2009.
8 …astrategytheycanfix.Coyle,p.87.
Chapter3
TheBasicSentenceCraftPractices
Artbeginswithcraft,andthereisnoartuntilcrafthasbeenmastered.—AnthonyBurgess
Practicingwithour“contentmind”isgreatfun,andwithoutwell-developedcontentskills,suchasimaginationandcuriosity,wecan'tcomeupwithideasandmaterialforpiecesofwriting.Fromhereon,though,we’regoingtosetasideallconsiderationofcontentandfocusentirelyonlanguage.We'llfollowtheleadofcoachesinsportsandmusic,andconcentrateonlyononesetofskills:thoseneededtodevelopour“wordmind.”InthischapterIintroduceyoutosomebasicpractices,beginningwithonethatwillreacquaintyouwithyourwordmind.
BasicPractice#1:WakingUptheWordMind
Beginwithfreewriting,asintheexercisefromChapter2.Getyourpenmovingacrossthepage,oryourfingersacrossthekeyboard,withoutstopping.Remembertorelax;there’snorush.
Onceyoufeelcomfortable,seeifyoucanshiftyourmentalfocus:Turnyourattentionawayfromwhatyouaresayingtothewordsyouareusing.Atfirstyoumayfindthisdifficult;that’sfine.Justkeeptryingtobringyourmindbacktowords.Youmayalsofindthatyourwritingstopsmakingsense;that’sfine,too.(Ifagreatideaoccurstoyouwhileyouwork,however,byallmeans
writeitdown!)Youmayfindthatyoustopwritingsentencesaltogetherandmoveinsteadintolistingwords.
Tryasbestyoucantokeepfromjudgingthewordsthatcometoyou.Therearenorightorwronganswersinthispractice.Instead,asyouwrite,listentoyourwords;payattentiontowhatyouhear.Afterwardstakeamomentortwotoreflect,onpaperifyouwish,aboutwhathappenedwhenyoudidtheexercise.
Sometimespeoplefallinlovewiththispracticerightaway.Othertimestheymaysay,“Thatwashard!”You,too,mayfinditdifficult.Ifthat’sthecase,don’tgiveup!Chancesareverygoodthatyouhavenevertriedtowritethiswaybefore,withanawarenessofwords.Ifyourinnercriticspeaksup(Whatboringwordsyouhave!Howcouldyoueverbecomeawriter?),justignoreit.Instead,simplynoticethewordsyouuse,withoutjudgingthem:Oh,lookatthatbutandthatand…andhere’sanotherbut…!Letyourcuriosityandsenseofwonderkickin:Iwonderwherethewordandcomesfrom,anyway?Rememberthatthispracticeisdesignedsimplytostartyouonapathofawakeningtowords,nottoproduce“greatwriting.”
Mostofthetime,whenwewrite,wearefocusedonwhatwewanttosay;we’reusingourcontentmindsexclusively.Andmostofthetime,whenwewrite,ourwordmindsarefunctioningonautomatic.Ifwewanttogetbetteratusingwords,ourfirststepistobringintoconsciousawarenessthepartofourmindthatgivesusthosewords,evenifwe’renothappywithwhatitgivesus.
Remember,too,thatwritingisadancebetweencontentandcraft,betweenthecontentmindandthewordmind.Weneedtoknowhowtousebothpartsofourmindswhenwewriteandrewrite;weneedtoknowhowtomovebackandforthbetweenthem;weneedtoknowhowtohandlethoseoccasionalecstaticmomentswhenbothpartsareworkingsimultaneously.Toengageinthisdanceofwriting,weneedtolearnhowtoletwordslead,someofthetime.Andtoletwordslead,weneed,aboveall,tolistentothem.
WakingUpYourWriter’sEarAsyoudoBasicPractice#1,youmayfinditdifficult,atfirst,tohearthewordsyouuse.Weallhavetoprocesssomanywrittenwordseverydaythatwetendtorelyonspeedreading,orskimming.Atfirst,then,youmayfindithardtoslowdownenoughtonoticeyourwords.
Keeptrying.Ifyoufeelthatyourthoughtsareracing,makeaconsciousdecisiontomoveyourpen,oryourfingers,moreslowly.Asyoudothat,youwillbeabletobringyourfullattentiontoyourwords,atleastonceinawhile.
Andasyoukeepturningyourattentiondeliberatelytoyourwords,anamazingthingwillhappen:Yourwriter’searwillwakeup.Ratherthanspeedingthroughyourfranticmind,yourwordswilllinger,lettingyouhearandappreciatetheirindividualqualities,theirmeanings,theirsounds,theirrhythms.
Thewriter’searremindsusthatwordsarenotmerelymarksonapage;theyarelivingbeingswiththeirownidentities,theirowncharacteristics;theyaremadeofbreathandsound,aswellasmeaning.Whenwewakeupourwriter’sear,wordscomealiveinourminds;andwhenweuseourwriter’seartocomposesentencesandparagraphs,ourwordswillcomealiveinthemindsofourreaders.Ourbrainsandnervoussystemsstillworkthewaytheydidmillenniaago,whenourancestorslivedinoralcultures,withoutwriting.Anddespitemoderntechnology,mostpeopleretainan“innerear”forlanguage,evenonthepage.Theycanhearthesoundofawriter’svoice;sometimestheyevensubvocalize,movingtheirlipstoshapethewordstheyarereading,withoutmakingsounds.Whenthesewordscomealive,fullofbreathandsoundandenergy,readerswillrespondtotheirpower.
Everyskilledwriterhasahighlytrainedwriter’sear,whetherthatearhasbeentrainedunconsciously,throughreading,orthroughdeliberatepractice,oracombinationofboth.Ourwriter’searistheorganofthewordmind.Ourwriter’searcanbetunedintothemeaningofwords,aswellastheirmusic;itcantellushowbesttoarrangeourwordsintosentencesthatwillhavetheeffectweintend
onourreaders.Throughoutthisbook,Iwillbeencouragingyoutomakeconscioususeofyourwriter’sear.YoumaywanttotakeafewminutesnowtorepeatBasicPractice#1,withtheintentionofusingyourwriter’sear.
BasicPractice#2:KeepingaNotebook
Mostwriterskeepnotebooks,andyou’llneedoneforthepracticesinthisbook.Youcancertainlypracticeonthecomputer,ifyoulike,butit’sstillagoodideatohaveasmallnotebooktocarryaroundwithyou.Aportablenotebookletsyoupracticeanytimeyouhaveafewminutestospare.Anotebook,portableornot,letsyoukeepallyourpracticinginoneplace;anotebookmakesiteasyforyoutoreadthroughyourpracticingtodecidewhatyoumightwanttoworkonrightnow.Mostofall,anotebookgivesyouaneasywaytocollectwords.
GetintotheHabitofCollectingWords
Ifyoudothewakingupthewordmindpracticeonaregularbasis,youwillnoticethatyouarepayingmoreattentiontowords,boththewordsyoucomeupwithandthewordsthatcomeyourwayfromotherpeople.Youcan,ifyoulike,makeaconsciousdecisionnotonlytonoticethesewords,buttocollecttheonesthatappealtoyou.Anytimeyouhearorreadawordthatcallstoyou—fromconversationorradio,booksormagazinesoradvertising,oranywhereatall—writethatworddowninyournotebook.Youhavenowtakenthefirststeptowardsmakingthatwordyourown.
Aswithmanyendeavors,thisfirststepmaybethehardestforyou.Ittakesalittlebitofextraeffort—notallthatmuch,really—togetoutyournotebookandwritedownsomewords.But,aswithanypractice,onceyougetintothehabitofdoingthis,itbecomesveryeasy.Andthemoreyoudoit,themoreyourmindwillbegintoworkthewaythemindsofskilledwritersdo.
Goodwritersarepeoplewholovelanguage;oneofthereasonstheywriteisthatitgivesthemtheopportunitytospendalotoftimewithwords.Sotheynoticeandcollectwordsallthetime,exercisingandstrengtheningtheirwordmindsintheprocess.Youcandothis,too.Inthenextsectionyou'llhaveseveralopportunitiestopracticethiscollecting.Fornow,trythis:
Practice:UseYourNotebooktoCollectWords
Listentotheradioortelevision,orsomeonespeaking,withoutpayingattentiontothecontentofthewordsyouhear.Instead,useyourwriter’seartofocusonthewordsthemselves.Writedownanywordsthatstandoutforyou.
BasicPractice#3:ReadingasaWriter
Whenweread,mostofthetime,wearepayingattentiontocontent.Whatideasisthiswriterarticulating?Whatstoryisshetelling?Whatwillhappennext?Weareengagedwiththematerialwithourcontentminds.Butifwewanttobecomebetterwriters,wealsohavetoreadwithourwordminds.Todothat,weneedtoslowdownandsavorthewordsonthepage.
Whenwereadmoreslowly,whenwereallylistentoawriter’swordsandsentences,perhapseventakingthetimetoreadthemoutloud,anamazingthinghappens:Thosewords,thosephrases,thosesentencerhythmsenterourearsandlodgethemselvesinourwriter’sbrain.Theretheybecomepartofastorehouseoflanguagetechniqueswecanthendrawonwhenwewrite.
Thisprocesshappenslargelybelowthelevelofconsciousthought.Wecanlearnevenmoreeffectively,though,whenweactivelyapprenticeourselvestoafavoritewriter,bycopyingout,word-for-word,passagesfromherwork,orbygivingsomeofourpracticetimetowritingimitationsofhersentences.Longbeforeanyoneeverthoughtofcreativewritingcourses,aspiringwriterslearnedtheircraftbychoosingapublishedwriterasamodelandimitatinghiswork.
Perhapsyouthinkthatlearningthiswayisaformofplagiarism;Icanassureyouthatitisnot.Inanyfield—ballet,baseball,art—peoplelearnbyfindingmodelsofexcellenceandimitatingthem.Dr.Ericsson,thepreeminent
expertiseresearcher,assuresusthatweareall“prewiredtoimitate.” I’mquiteconvincedthataspiringwritersoftenflounderinpartbecausethepracticeofimitation,alearningtoolofinestimablevalue,hasbeenwithheldfromthem.
So,asyoureadyourfavoritewriter,Istronglyencourageyoutospendsometimenoticinghowsheuseslanguage.Thepracticesintherestofthisbookwillteachyousomespecificthingstolookfor:whatkindsofchoicesthiswritermakesaboutwords,whatchoicesshemakesaboutconstructingsentences.Themoreyoudevelop,throughpractice,yourunderstandingofhowwordswork,themoreyouwillbeabletolearnaboutsentencecraftfromtheworkofwritersyoulove.
Andthen,takesometimetoimitateasentenceortwo,oranentireparagraph.Ifyoulike,foreverypracticeintherestofthisbook,youcanexamineapassagebyafavoritewritertodiscoverthechoiceshemadeinthatparticularaspectofsentence-making.Thentrydoingthepracticethewayyouimaginethiswritermightdoit.
Practice:ReadwithYourWriter’sEar
Readapassagefromafavoritewriteroutloudandlistentothewords.Whatdoyounoticeabouthowthiswriteruseslanguage?
Practice:ImitateaModelofExcellence
Chooseawriterwhoseworkis,foryou,amodelofexcellence.Thisisyourchoice,onethatshouldnotbedictatedbycurrentacademic/literarytasteorthelatestbestsellers.Copyoutapassagefromaworkbyyourchosenwriter,andthen,asbestyoucan,imitatethosesentences.Youwillgetthemostoutofthisexerciseifyoufollowitwiththenextbasicpractice.
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BasicPractice#4:ReflectingonYourPractice
Inadditiontolearningthroughimitation,humansalsolearnthroughreflection.Ifyoulike,taketimeduringyourpracticesessionstothinkover,inwriting,whathappenedasyoudideachexercise.Whatdidyounotice?Whatquestionsarecomingupforyouaboutlanguageandyouruseofit?Whatareyoulearning?Reflectinginthiswaygivesyouaplacetobringtoconsciousness,andtopreserve,whatyouarelearningrightnowaboutwordsandhowyouwanttousethem.
Thisreflectionpracticealsohelpsyoustayinchargeofyourownlearningjourney.Ithelpsyouseewhatstepsyouhavetakensofaronyourpathintheworldofsentencecraft.Ithelpsyouaskyourselfquestionsorarticulatehalf-formedthoughts.Andithelpsyouseewhereyoumightwantorneedtogonext.
Ifyoudon’twanttoreflectaftereachpractice,thentrytodoitattheendofapracticesession.Askyourselfquestions,ratherthanmakejudgments.TowriteMywritingstinks.I’llneverlearnhowtodothisistoputbouldersinyourownway.Instead,writeaboutwhatyouhavebeenlearning,andwhatyoumightwanttolearnnext.Youwillprobablybeamazedathowintelligentyourlearner’sintuitionisandwhatgoodsuggestionsithasforyou.
Iconsiderreflectiononlearningtobeanessentialpractice,onethathelpsyouintegratematerialandmoveforward,soattheendofeachchapteryou’llfindaremindertotakesometimetoreflect.
Practice:ReflectonYourJourney
Beforeweturntomorespecificpractices,youmaywishtoreflectonwhereyouarenowasawriterandwhatyouwouldliketolearnorhowyoucanbestengageinwritingpractice.Whatareyourparticularstrengthsasawriter?Whatskillsdoyoufeelyoumostneedtolearnanddevelop?
MakePracticePartofYourLife
Youcandothepracticesinthisbookanytimeonyourlearningjourney,andyouneednotsetasidehoursinwhichtodothem.Thinkabouthowyoucanbestfindaplaceforpracticeinyourlife.Ifyouarereadytotakeonthedisciplineofdeliberatepractice,thendailypracticingisessential.Butit’sdefinitelypossibletoimproveyourskills,evenifyourcircumstancesdon’tallowyouthetimeforrigorousdailypractice.Youcantaketenminuteshere,orfifteenminutesthere;themoreoftenyoucantaketime,evenalittlebitoftime,topractice,thebetter.And,aswithotherkindsofpracticing,youneedtogiveyourbrainachancetoassimilateyournewlearning.Youmayfindthatpracticingbeforeyougoforawalk,orbeforeyoumakedinner,givesyouanopportunityforassimilation.
Whatmattersaboveallisthedoingofthepractices,andthereflectingonthem.Writing,likeanyothercraft,islearnedbydoing.Youcanreadaboutit,ortalkaboutit,allyouwant,butyourabilitieswillneverimproveifyoudon’texercisethem.
Findingtimetopracticemaymeanchoosingtogiveupsomethingelse.Butbecausewakingupandexercisingthewordmindaresoinherentlypleasurable,Isuspectthatafterawhileyouwillbegintolookforwardtoyourpracticesessions,andtofeelthatdoingwritingpracticeisitsownreward.
Afterall,whereelseinourlivesdowegetthechancetopracticemakingmagic?
1 …prewiredtoimitate.K.AndersEricsson,quotedinCoyle,p.80.
Section2
ThePowerofDiction:ChoosingWords
Thatwasthetimewhenwordswerelikemagic…Awordspokenbychance
mighthavestrangeconsequences.Itwouldsuddenlycomealive
andwhatpeoplewantedtohappencouldhappen.Allyouhadtodowassayit.
—EdwardField,EskimoSongsandStories
Inmythsfromculturesallovertheplanet,theworldcomesintobeing—orsomepartofitdoes—throughlanguage.Lettherebelight,saystheGodoftheBible—andlightcomesintoexistence.Similarly,theInuitofCanadatellusthatonce,longago,theEarthwasalwaysindarkness.Thatwasatime,thestorygoes,“whenjustsayingawordcouldmakesomethinghappen.”Andinthattime,afoxandahareeachhadamagicword.Thefox'swordwasdarkness,becausehewantedittostaydarkallthetimesohecouldhunt.Thehare'swordwasday,becauseinthedaylighthecouldfindgrasstoeat.Thetwoarguedwiththeirmagicwords,backandforth—Darkness!Day!Darkness!Day!—untileventuallytheharewon,anddaycame.But,saysthestory,“Thewordofthefoxwaspowerfultoo,”sowhendaywasover,nightarrived.Andfromthenondayandnighttookturns,“thenighttimeofthefoxfollowingthedaytimeofthe
hare.”Suchstoriesexpressaprofoundbeliefinthepowerofwords,abeliefstill
heldbymanynativepeoples.“Ourlanguage,”sayscontemporaryindigenous
1
AmericanwriterSimonOrtiz,"isthewaywecreatetheworld.”Beforeyoudismissthisviewoflanguageasprimitive,considerthisscene:
Supposeyouarehavingdinnerwithafriend.Youspeak.“Passthebread,please,”yousay—andthebreadisputintoyourwaitinghand.Whenyouthinkaboutit,isthatnotaformofmagic?Allyoudidwasmakesomesounds,andyourwishwasgranted!Toseelanguageasakindofmagicisnotsillyor“primitive”atall;it’storecognizeabasictruth:Humanlanguageispowerfulstuff.
Wordscanmakethingshappeninotherpeopleandintheworld.Wordscanmakeatreebloominsomeone’smind,orpersuadesomeonetoplantone.Wordscanbringusnewthoughtsandgiveusimaginativeexperiencesweotherwisewouldnothavehad.Wordscantakeustoplaceswe’llnevervisitinreallife.Wordscanbringacharactertolife—orkilloneoff.Wordscaninform,illuminate,explain,persuade,describe,andmuchmore.Wordscanchangetheworld:ThinkabouttheDeclarationofIndependence,orMartinLutherKing’s“IHaveaDream”speech.Thereisnoendtothemagicthatwordscanmake.
Powerfulwordsdothingstopeople:Theytransferthewriter’smeaningprecisely,theypaintpicturesinthereader’simagination,theymovethereaderintellectuallyoremotionallyorphysically,orinallofthesewaysatonce.Skilledwritersarelikemagicians,capturingourmindswiththepoweroftheirspells.
Perhapsnowsomeofyouaresayingtoyourselves,“Yes,Iunderstandtheconceptthatwordscanmakemagic,butwhenIwriteIsuredon’tfeelthatmywordsdothat!”Don’tloseheart:Rememberthatyouhaveaninnate“languageintelligence,”whichyou’veprobablyneverhadachancetouseinaconsciousway.Youdon’thavetobebornwithaspecialgift;youcandeveloptheoneyouhave.Youdon’thaveto“knowalready”howtousethepowerofwords:Youcanlearn.
Tolearnhowtousethatpowerrequiresimmersingyourselfintheworldofwords,soyoucanreallygettoknowwords,knoweverythingyoucanabout
2
them,soyoucanchoosetheonesyouneed.Nooneisbornwiththisintimateknowledgeofwords;thatknowledgeissomethingyouacquire.Youdothatbywakingupandexercisingandtrainingyourwordmind—thepartofyourbrainthatcomesupwithwords,ratherthanthoughtsorideasorfeelings.
Thebestwaytogettoknowwordsissimplytoplaywiththem!SoIinviteyounowtoletgoofyouradultself,accessthechildlikepartofyourself,andjoinmeinsomepurposefulplaywithlanguage.(Ifyouneedpermissiontoplay,Igiveittoyounow!)
Andifyouwouldprefertogoimmediatelytosentence-constructiontechniques,andsavelearningaboutwordsforlater,you’llwanttobeginwithChapter8,onpartsofspeech.
1 …followingthedaytimeofthehare.EdwardField,EskimoSongsandStories(DelacortePress),1973,p.7.
2 …thewaywecreatetheworld.QuotedinLoisJ.Einhorn,TheNativeAmericanOralTradition(Praeger,2000),p.3.
Chapter4
TheWordHoard
Theoldestman,aleaderofmenanswered;heunlockedthewordhoard.—KevinCrossley-Holland,Wordhoard
Englishisaveryword-richlanguage,withmorethanhalfamillionwordsingeneraluse.Whiletheoreticallyallthesewordsareavailabletoeverywriteratalltimes,inpracticeeachwriterhasherowncollectionofwordswithwhichshewrites;wordchoiceisoneofthemaincomponentsofindividualstyleorvoice.TheimageIliketouseforawriter’scollectionofwordsisthe“wordhoard.”
ThistermcomesfromtheearliestdaysoftheEnglishlanguage,whenGermanicpeopleswhobecameknownasAnglo-SaxonsweresettlinginEngland.TheAnglo-Saxonslivedoriginallyinanoralculture;soforthem,asforallotheroralpeoples,wordswereoffundamentalimportance:Onlythroughwordscouldthehistory,thelaws,thecustoms,thestoriesofthepeoplebepassedon.
Asaresult,oneofthemostimportantpeopleamongtheearlyAnglo-Saxonswasthebard—inAnglo-Saxonhewascalledthescop(pronouncedshop).Everykinghadtohaveone,forthebardkeptinmemorythebravedeedsofancestralheroesandcomposedlongpoems,suchasBeowulf,whichhewouldrecitefrommemoryonimportantoccasions.Eachbardwasconsideredtohavehisownwordhoard—likeatreasurehoardofgoldandjewels—fromwhichhewouldpullouttheexactwordsandphrasesthatwouldservehispurposes.
Ilovetheimageofawriterhavinghis“hoard”ofwordstouseinwriting,andsoIhaveadoptedit.Iinviteyoutouseit,too,ifitappealstoyourimagination.Whatwordslieinyourtreasurehoard,waitingforyoutousetheminapieceofwriting?Let’sfindout,usingapracticeIcall“UnpackingtheWordHoard.”
Practice:UnpackingtheWordHoard
Thispracticebuildsonthebasicpracticesyou’vealreadylearned.Ithastwoparts:
First,begintofreewrite(seeChapter2).Afteracoupleofminutes,letyourattentionshiftfromwhateveryouaresayingtothewordsthatarecomingtoyou.Andnowbegintocollectonlywords,onewordatatime,keepingthepenmovingasyoudoso.Ifyourmindgoesblank,keepwritingthelastwordyouwroteoverandover,untilyouthinkofanotherone.Remembertobreathe,toslowdown.
Youneednotknowaword’smeaningtowriteitdown.Youarenottryingtomakesense,ortowritecompletesentences:Youarejustcollectingwords,lettingonewordleadyoutothenext.Trytostayinthemomentwitheachwordasitcomestoyou.Listentoit,savorit.(Withthispractice,aswithalltheexercisesinthisbook,rememberthatyouareincharge.Ifyourwordsstarttakingyousomeplaceyoudon’twanttogo,stop,takeadeepbreath,relax,andchangedirection.)Takefiveortenminutesforthispractice,thentakeaminuteortwotoreflectonhowthepracticewentforyou.Whatdidyounotice?
Now,forthesecondpartofthepractice,gothroughthewordsyoucollected,readingthemoutloudslowly,onewordatatime,andmarkthewordsyouparticularlylike.Perhapstheyhaveacertainenergy,oryoulikethewaytheysound,ortheyremindyouofsomething.Thereasondoesn’tmatter;justmarkthem.And,asyouread,addtoyourlistanynewwordsyoulikethatoccurtoyou.Nowtakeamomenttoreadyourmarkedwordsoutloud;listentothem.Whatdoyounotice?
TheBenefitsofUnpackingYourWordHoard
Idoubtyoucouldfindasimplerwritingpracticethan“UnpackingtheWordHoard,”butthissimplepractice,donewithregularity,canteachyoualot.First,itwakesupyourwordmind,openingupandlubricatingthementalchannelsthroughwhichwordsflow.Withregularpractice,thispartofyourmindwillbegintoparticipateactivelyinyourwriting:Itwillbeengagedingivingyouwordstouse,whereas,inthepast,itmighthavedozedonautomaticpilotthroughthetimeyouspentwriting.Second,thepracticeshowsyouthewordsyoualreadyhaveinsideyourhoard.Manybeginningwritersaredelightedtodiscoverwordstheydidn’treallyknowtheyknew—wetendtouse,inordinaryconversation,farfewerwordsthanweactuallyhaveinourwordhoards.Third,thiskindofwritingpracticewakesupyourwriter’searbyencouragingyoutolistentowordsastheycometoyou.Fourth,itgivesyoupracticeinbeingfullypresentwithyourwords,anditprovidesyouwithanopportunitytopractice“lettingwordslead.”Fifth,wheneveryougetstuckinyourwriting,youcanusethispracticeasawaytogetyourselfgoingagain.And—bestofall—it’salotoffun.
SoIencourageyoutodothispracticefrequently.Letyourselfinventotherwaysofdoingit,ifyoulike.Keepitsimple:RememberthatwhiletheEnglishlanguagehaslotsof“twenty-fivecent”wordslikeperturboreffrontery,statuesqueordecorous,italsohaslotsofessentialshortsturdywordslikeoforbut,sayorstoporglow.Thispracticemayseemsilly,butyouwillprobablybesurprisedbytherewardsitbrings.EventhoughIhavebeenwritingformanyyears,itwasonlywhenIstartedtopracticeinthisway—toletmyselfplaywithwords—thatIbegantofeellikearealwriter.
MakeWordsYourOwn
Asyoumayhavediscoveredduringthispractice,youcanhavealotofwordsinyourwordhoardthatyouneveruse.Thismeansthat,likethosehatsorshoesyoupurchasedthatyouneverwear,thesewordsarethingsyouhave,butdon’treallyutilize.Tomakewordsourown,wehavetousethem.Somepeopledothisbytryingoutwordsinconversation.Wecanalsomakewordsourownbyusingtheminwriting,bytakingthemasourmaterialstomakesentences,orlinesinapoem,orlinesofdialogue.Let’sgivethatatrynow.
Practice:MakeWordsYourOwn
Fromthelistofwordsyoumarked,pickafew.Nowusethosewords,andanyothersyoumightneed(notnecessarilyfromyourlist)tomakeasentence,alineofapoem,oralineofdialogue.Letyourselfjustfoolaroundwiththesewords,playwiththemasiftheywerebitsofclay,andseewhatyoucanmake.Youcanmakesense,ifyoulike,oryoucanmakenonsense.Forinstance,Icouldchoosethewordsblueandceilingandelephantfrommylist,andmakethissentence:Theblueelephantisontheceiling.Don’tobsessaboutthesentencesyouconstruct;theydon’thavetobeperfect.(Remember,noonewilleverseethismaterialunlessyouchoosetoshowit.)Youmightwanttoseehowmanydifferentsentencesyoucanmakeusingthesamechosenwords.Oryoumightwanttopickthreeorfournewwordsfromyourlistandseewhatyoucanmakefromthem(again,addinganywordsyouneedtomakeacompletesentence).
Whenyouhavehadenoughofthislittlegame,fornow,takeafewmomentstoreadyoursentencesoutloud.Trytolistentothemwithoutjudgment.Whatdoyounotice?Ifyougetanyideasfornewsentences,ornewwaystowritetheonesyoucreated,byallmeansjotthemdown.
Youmayalsowanttotakesometimetoreflectinyournotebookaboutwhatyoulearnedduringthesepractices.
BuildYourWordHoard
Manyofusfeelthatweareheldbackfromwritingthewaywewanttobecausewejustdon’thavethewordsweneed.Butourwordhoardsarenotfixedforlife!Wecanaddwordstothemanytimewewant.Wecanaddtoourwordhoardsthewordswewanttohaveforourown,orwordsthatweneedforaparticularpurpose.Toaddwordstoourhoards,allweneedarethetwocomplementarypracticesofcollectingwordsandmakingthemourownbyputtingthemintosentences.
Wecancollectwordsintwoways:frominsideourselves(Icallthis"internalcollecting")andfromoutsideourselves("externalcollecting").Let'snowrevisittheactivityofinternalcollecting,whichweusedinunpackingthewordhoard;thenwe'llturntoexternalcollecting.
BuildYourWordHoardPart1:InternalCollectingYoucanusethebasicpracticeofunpackingyourwordhoardanytime;andIrecommendthat,ifyouenjoyit,youdoitoften.Ourwordhoardsaredeeperthanwesuspect,andthemoreoftenyoucollectwordsfrominsideyourself,themoreyouwillbecomeconsciouslyawareofthewordsavailabletoyou.Youcanalsodirectyourcreativefacultyinitssearchingofyourwordhoardbyaskingittoplaywithoneormoreofthefollowingpractices.
TheVocabularyofaSubject
Areyouabaseballfan?Ifyouare,thenthefollowingsentences(whichItookdownwhilelisteningtoaradiobroadcastofaRedSoxgamesomeyearsago)willprobablymakesensetoyou:
“Hehitstheballontheinfield:aroom-servicehoptoNomar,whofiresittoWalker,ontofirst—double-play.Andthetwinkillingendstheinning.”
“Here’sthepayoffpitch.Pedrocomestotheset,hekicksanddeals…it’sacutter,overtheinsidecorner.”
“They’reknottedatoneforNomar.Heswings…there’sadriveintocenterfield.Nomarwithawall-ball…herecomesthethrow…andNomar’sintosecondwithapop-upslide.Awickedtwo-baggerforNomar.”
“NowherecomesManny,with17homersand60ribbies.Boy,CarlPavanoisbeingtattooedhere.He’sdonenothingbutgiveupbombssincehearrivedtothehill.”
Ifyoulovebaseball,youwillknowthata“room-servicehop”isamovementabattedballmakeswhenitappearstohavebeensummonedbyaninfieldertogorightintohisglove;thata“twinkilling”isadoubleplay,whichenablestheteamonthefieldtoputouttwobaserunners;thata“two-bagger”isadouble,ahitonwhichthebatterreachessecondbase.Ifyouareunfamiliarwiththegame,thesesentenceswillprobablysoundlikeaforeignlanguage.
Baseballhasitsownparticularvocabulary,itsowncollectionofwordsthatwritersonthatsubjectneedtoknow.Infact,everysubjecthasitsownvocabulary.Ifyouwanttowriteabouttrees,thenyouneedtoknowthenamesoftreesandthenamesoftheirpartsandtheirprocessesofgrowthanddecay.Ifyouwanttowriteaboutcooking,thenyouneedtoknowthevocabularyofthatsubject.Evenpersonalexperienceshavetheirownvocabularies:Whenyouwriteaboutyourgrandmother,youwillusewordsthatarespecifictoher;whenyouwriteaboutavacationattheocean,youwillwantwordsthatarespecifictothatexperience.Andifyouarewritingfiction,eachofyourcharacterswillhaveherownwords,aswellasherownthingstosay.Ifacharacterisadoctor,she’lluseonesetofwords;ifshe’safarmer,she’llusedifferentwords.
BuildYourWordHoardPractice:TheVocabularyofaSubject
Pickasubjectyouknowsomethingabout.(Ifyoucan’tthinkofone,startbymakingalist.)Then,withoutstopping,spendfivetotenminutescollectingeverywordyoucanthinkofthathassomethingtodowiththissubject.Ifyougetstuck,justrepeataword.Don’tworryaboutwhetherthewordsare“right”orwhethertheymeanwhatyouthinktheymean.Justplaywiththemandseewhathappens.Saythewordsunderyourbreath,sothattheywillhavesomevoicetotheminsteadofjustappearingsilentlyinyourmind.
Afteryou’redonecollecting,gobackthroughyourlistandmarkwhicheverwordsstandoutforyou,thenplayaroundwiththemtoformsentences.Makesense,ifyoufeellikeit;besillyifyoudon’t.
Giveyourselfatleasttenminutesforthispractice.Afterwards,ifyoulike,takeamomentortwotowritedownwhathappenedasyoudidit.Whatdidyounotice?
Youmaydiscoverthatyoudon’thavethevocabularythatyouneedtowriteaboutyourchosensubject,especiallyifyouarewritingaboutasubjectthatisnewtoyou.Don’tassumethat,becauseyoudon’thavethevocabularyyouneed,youcan’twriteaboutthissubject.Youcanlearnthevocabulary!
Ifyoursubjectisoneyoualreadyknowalotabout,youmayhavefoundthat,asyoucollecteditsvocabularyandthenmadesentencesfromsomeofthewordsyoucollected,youbegantogetideasforthingstosayaboutyoursubject.Youmaywanttotaketenminutestodowhat’scalled“focusedfreewriting”aboutthissubject.Keepthepenmoving,aswiththebasic"BeaWriter"practice(Chapter2),butinsteadoflettingyourcreativefacultygoanywhereitwantstogo,keepitfocusedonyoursubject.Usesomeofthewordsyoucollected,andletthemserveasspringboardsforreflectingonthesubject.Wordscanoftenbea“wayin”toapieceofwriting,soyoumaybepleasantlysurprisedbywhatyourcreativefacultycomesupwithinthisexercise.Youmightevenwanttobeginwithjustoneofthewordsyouselectedandletitinspirethispieceoffocusedfreewriting.
Evenifyoudon’tplantowritespecificallyaboutthesubjectwhose
vocabularyyoucollectedintheabovepractice,youmaydiscoverwordsthatyoucanuseinothercontexts.Youjustneverknowwhenawordyou’vecollectedwillbetheperfectfitforasentenceoralineofpoetry.
BuildYourWordHoardPractice:TheVocabularyofaPersonalExperience
Chooseasubjectfrompersonalexperience(aplace,aperson,oranadventure,perhaps).Takefivetotenminutes(ormore,ifyoulike)tocollect,withoutstopping,everywordthatcomestoyouaboutthissubject.Then,asbefore,selectsomewordsandmakesentences(orlinesofpoetryordialogue,ifyouprefer)withthem.Whileyourgoalshouldbetojustplaywiththewordsandseewhathappens,youmayfindyourselfmovingintofreewritingaboutyoursubject.
Ifyoufindyourselfstuckwhenyouwanttowriteaboutasubject,whetheritbeapersonalexperienceornot,itcanhelptostartbycollectingthevocabularyofthatsubject.Sometimesjustplayingwiththosewordscanleadyoutothingsyouwanttosay.
BuildYourWordHoardPractice:TheVocabularyofaCharacter
Chooseacharacterofyourowninvention,oruseonefromabookyoulove,andbringhimfirmlytomind.Thenimaginethatthischaracterisspeaking,andcollectthewordsyouhearhimuse.Justfocusonwordsfirst,asyoudidintheabovepractices.Then,onceyouhavecollectedalonglistofthischaracter’swords,choosesomeofthemtomakesentences(orpartialsentences,ifyoulike)thatthischaracterwouldspeak.
BuildYourWordHoardPractice:AVocabularyThatFitsYourReaders
Haveyouevernoticedthatyouoftenspeakdifferentlytodifferentpeople?Hey,man,wazzup?youmightsaytoyourbuddy,whileGoodmorning,Mr.Joneswouldprobablybethewayyou’daddressyourboss.Thesamethingcanhappenwhenwewrite:Wecanchoosetoselectwordsappropriatetoourreaders.Youmaywanttoexperimentwiththisbypickingasubjectyouknowsomething
aboutandimagininganaudience.Now,justasinthepreviousexercises,unpackfromyourwordhoardthewordsyouneedtousetowriteaboutyoursubjecttothisparticularaudience.Afterdoingthisforawhile,pickadifferentaudienceandcollectwordsagain.Forinstance,youcouldpickyoureight-year-oldnephewthefirsttime,andaprofessororsupervisorthesecond.Whatdoyounoticeaboutthewordsyouunpack?Ifyoulike,youmightalsowanttoselectwordsfromeachlistandwritesomesentences,firsttooneaudience,thentotheother.Thiswillgiveyousomegoodpracticeinwhatitfeelsliketowritefordifferentaudiences.
Writingwellisnotjustamatterofsayingwhatwewanttosay;wealsohavetogetthatcontentintootherpeople’sminds,andoftenthatmeansusinglanguagethattheywillbeabletounderstand.Dowewanttouseordinarylanguage?Dowewanttouseaspecializedvocabulary?Dowewantourthoughtstobeexpressedinsimple,down-to-earthwords?Ordowewanttouse“fancy”wordswithlotsofsyllablesinthem?Thesearethekindsofquestionsweoftenhavetoaskourselveswhenwewriteforothers.
BuildYourWordHoardPart2:ExternalCollectingWhenyouunpackyourwordhoardusinganyoftheabovepractices(orothersimilaronesthatyoumayinvent),youarecollectingfrominsideyourself—whatIcall“internalcollecting.”Youcanalsoaddtoyourhoardwordsthatcometoyoufromoutsideyourself—whatIcall“externalcollecting.”Youcancollectwordsfromanywhere:frombooksornewspapers,fromoverheardconversations,fromsignsorsongs,fromradioortelevisionprograms.
BuildYourWordHoardPractice:CollectfromConversation
Gotoaplacewhereyoucanoverhearpeopletalkwithoutcallingattentiontoyourself—acafé,perhaps,orapark,orasportingevent.Nowturnyourattentiontooneperson’svoiceandlisten,nottothecontentofwhatsheissaying,butto
thewordsbeingused.Justpayattentiontothosewordsandnoticethem.Whichonesgrabyourattention?
Nowtakethispracticeonestepfurtherandcollectsomeofthewordsthatappealtoyoubyjottingthemdowninyournotebook.
Whenyou’vecollectedanumberofwords,seeifyoucanmakesomesentenceswiththem.Ifthesearenotwordsyouwouldordinarilyuse,perhapstheycouldbecomingfromacharacteryouinvent.Playwiththesewordsandseewhatyoucandiscover.
BuildYourWordHoardPractice:CollectfromReading
Whenyoureadsomethingyoulike,taketimetoreaditagain,notforcontent,butforlanguage.Letyourwordmindengagewiththispiece;listentoitwithyourwriter’sear.Writedowninyournotebookallthewordsthatappealtoyou.Readthroughyourcollectedwords,markingtheonesthatstandoutforyourightnow.Lookupthemeaningsofthesemarkedwordsinadictionary,ifyouneedto,andthenusesomeofthemtocomposesentences.
TrainingYourWordMind
Althoughthesepracticesofunpackingandbuildingthewordhoardaresimple,theyareimportant.Why?Becausetheygiveyourwriter’smindtraininginthetwoessentialskillsofwritingcraft:comingupwithwords,andputtingthosewordsintosentences.Theexercisesallowyoutopracticetheseskillswithouthavingtocomeupwithcontentatthesametime.Asaresult,themoreyoudothepractices,themoreyoustrengthenanddevelopyourwordmind.Soonyou’llfindthat,whenyousitdowntoworkonapieceofwriting,yourwordmindoftengivesyouthewordsyouneed.Withlotsofpractice,you’llmoveoutofthefrustratingpositionofbeingunabletofindwordsforthethingsyouwanttosay.You’llbeonthewaytodevelopingyourownwritingstyleorvoice.
Thetwobasicpracticesofcomingupwithwordsandputtingthemintosentencesunderliealltherestofthepracticesinthisbook.Inthenextchapter,you’llusethesepracticestolearnmoreabouthowtousewordstomakemeaning.
TakeTimetoReflect
Beforeyoucontinue,takesometimetoreflectonwhatyou’velearnedthroughthepracticesinthischapter.Youmayalsowanttomakealistofthepracticesyouwanttorepeat.
Chapter5
MakingMeaning
Havesomethingtosay,andsayitasclearlyasyoucan.Thatistheonlysecretofstyle.
—MatthewArnold
Awriter’sstyleisformedinpartbythewordshechooses.Buthowdoesthewritermakethosechoices?Doeshejustselectthewordshelikesbest?Orarethereotherconsiderations?
Whileit’scertainlytruethatawriter’schoiceofwordscomesinpartfrompersonalpreference,writerswhowanttheirwordstohavepowerneedtoselect,fromallthechoicesavailable,thewordsthatbestconveywhattheywanttosay.Oneofthethingsthatgiveswordstheirpowerisprecisionofmeaning.Skilledwriterscareabouttheaccuracyoftheirwords.Theyknow,forinstance,thateventhoughathesaurusmaygroupcertainwordstogether,thosewordsdonotallmeanexactlythesamething.Theyalsoknowthatwordscanbeslipperycreaturesthatmaymeanonethingtoonepersonandanothertosomeoneelse.Andtheyareawareofthenumberofwordswecancollectintoourwordhoards,orevenuseinconversation,withoutknowingexactlywhatthosewordsmean.Skilledwritersareawarethattheymustknowwhatthewordstheyusemean,notjustinafuzzyI-sort-of-know-thatway,butwithexactness.Partofourresponsibilityaswriters—ourresponsibilitytoourselves,toourreaders,andtothelanguageweuse—istoknowwordswellenoughtousethemwithsuchprecision.Forbeingabletouseone’stoolsandmaterialscarefullyandpreciselyisoneofthehallmarksofagoodcraftsman.Acrucialpartofthecraftofwriting
isfindingtherightwordsforourpurposes;andoneofthethingsthatmakesaword“justright”—oneofthethingsthatgivesititspower—isitsmeaning.
WhatDoWeMeanby“Meaning”?
Whatarewetalkingaboutwhenwesayaword“means”something?Thatquestionhasoccupiedthemindofmanyaphilosopheroverthecenturies.Aswriters,fortunately,wedon’tneedtoknowthedetailsoftheirarguments;wecantakeapracticalapproach.Whenwesayaword“means”something,wearetalkingabouttheword'sabilitytorefertoorrepresentathingoranidea.
Whenwewrite,wemakemeaningoutofwords.Wecanhaveinmindsomethingwewanttosayandsearchfortherightwordstocommunicatethat“something”toothers;orwecanletwordsleadustoadiscoveryofwhatwewanttosay;or,aswewriteandrevise,wecangobackandforthbetweenthesetwoapproaches.(Wealsomakemeaningbyorderingourwords;we’llcoverthatskillinthesectiononsyntax.)
Tomakemeaningwithwordsisanactivity,adoingofacertainkindofwork.Wecandothisworksloppily,withouttakingthetimeandcaretodoagoodjob.Orwecandoitwithattentionandpassion,withrelentlessdesiretomakeaccurateuseofallthepowerwordspossess.
Findingtheexactword,therightword,ineverysentencetakestimeandpatience.Wemayneedtospendtimemullingoveralternativewaysofsayingsomething;wemayneedtoconsultadictionaryandathesaurus.Wemayneedtorewriteasentencemanytimesuntilwe’vediscoveredthewordsthatconveyourmeaningwithprecision.
Buttodothisworkistogetachancetoplaywithwords—forawriter,themostenjoyablekindofplay.Andeventhough,astheyplay,writersoftenexperiencefrustration—theperfectwordeludesthem—theyalsoexperiencethosemomentsofintensepleasureandsatisfactionwhenthatjust-rightword
suddenlyappearsandslidesexquisitelyintoasentence,perfectlycommunicatingthewriter’smeaning.Awriter’sfeelingsatsuchmomentsechothoseofabuilderwhowatchesawallliftjustasheenvisionedit,orthoseofabatterwhoknowswhenhisbatconnectswithafastballthathe’shitahomerun.
Therearetwoaspectsofthemeaningofwordsweneedtobefamiliarwith:denotationandconnotation.
MakingMeaning1:DenotationTocommandthedenotationsofwordsistoknowtheirdefinitionsasexplainedinagooddictionary.Thedenotationofawordisoneofthemainsourcesofitspower.That’swhyskilledwriterstakesuchcaretomakesuretheyknowthedictionarydefinitionsofthewordstheyuse:Tomisuseaword,ortotrytomakeitmeanonethingwhenyourreadersknowitmeanssomethingelse,istoloseallthepowerthatwordcangivetoyourwriting.Adictionary—animmensewordhoard—providesuswiththemeaningsofwordsthatarepublic,explicitmeanings,themeaningsavailabletoeveryone.
Adictionary,then,isanindispensabletoolforawriter;andmostwritersownandusemorethanone.Skilledwritersconsultadictionarywhentheyareunsureoftheexactdefinitionofaword;justasimportant,theyspendtimebrowsingthroughtheirdictionaries,atplayinthelandoflanguage.
Practice:ExploreDenotation
Takeafewminutestounpackyourwordhoard,thenreadthewordsslowly,outloud.Listenasifyouwereencounteringthesewordsforthefirsttime.Markanywordsthatyoufeelcuriousabout,thatsparkthequestionWhatdoesthatwordmean?
Thewordsyoumarkdon’thavetobewordsyou’veneverused.Sometimesit’sfuntopickafamiliarwordandlookitup.Nowselectoneormoreofthewordsyoumarked.Lookuptheirmeaningsinthedictionary.Whatdoyounotice?Isthiswhatyouthoughtthesewordsmeant?Ifyouownasecond
dictionary,lookupsomeofyourwordsinthatone,too.Arethereanydifferencesinthedefinitions?Ifyoulike,writedownthedefinitionsinyournotebook.Now,withthedictionarymeaningsofyourwordsinmind,experimentwithusingsomeofthesewordsinsentences.Whatdoyounotice?Tryreadingyoursentencesoutloud.Youcanalsomakewordsyourownbyusingtheminconversation.
Practice:AtPlayintheDictionary
Takesometimetobrowsethepagesofyourdictionary.Whenawordcatchesyourattention,writeitdowninyournotebook,alongwithitsdefinition(s).Nowusethewordinasentence.Whatdoyounoticeindoingthispractice?
Practice:VerifytheMeaningsofWords
Asyouread,takenoteofwordsyoulikewhosemeaningseludeyou.Lookupthosewordsinadictionary,thenmakesentenceswiththem.
Practice:AtPlayinaThesaurus
English,someoneoncewrote,istheonlylanguagethatneedsathesaurus.That'sbecauseEnglishhassomanysynonyms.TospendsometimebrowsinginathesaurusistobeamazedbythewealthofwordsinEnglish—morewordsthananywriter,nomatterhowprolific,couldeveruseinalifetime.Likeadictionary,athesaurusisawonderfulplaygroundforwriterswhowanttoexercisetheirwordmindsandbuildtheirwordhoards.
Giveyourselfsometime,whenyoucan,tosimplyflipthepagesofathesaurusandbrowseitsentries.Takenoteofthewordsyoulike;collectthemintoyournotebook,ifyouwish.Tryusingtheminsentences.
HowtoUseaThesaurus
Asyoubrowseinyourthesaurus,youmayfindyourselfoccasionallyfeelingoverwhelmedbythenumberofchoicesavailableforaparticularword.Here,for
instance,arethewordscollectedbytheeditorsofRoget’sThesaurusassynonymsforthewordhill:
down,brae,fell,hillock,knob,butte,kopje,kame,monticle,monticule,modadnock,knoll,hummock,hammock,eminence,rise,mound,swell,barrow,tumulus,kop,tel,jebel,dune,sanddune
Supposethat,asyouarewriting,youwantasynonymforthewordhill.Facedwiththesealternatives,howwouldyoumakeachoice?
Themostimportantthingtoknowaboutcollectionsofsynonymsforagivenwordisthattheirmeaningsarenotidentical.Sowhenyouareconsideringmakinguseofawordfromalistofsynonyms,youwilloftenneedtolookupallyourpossiblechoicesinthedictionarytobesureyouknowtheirdenotations.Ahillock,forinstance,isasmallhill(accordingtomydictionary),andahammockisahillock:Sohillockandhammockcouldsubstituteforeachother,aswellasforthewordhill—aslongasthehillyouhaveinmindisasmallone.Butabutteisanisolatedabruptflat-toppedhillinwesternU.S.—notanappropriatechoiceifthehillyou’rewritingaboutislocatedinMaineandiscoveredwithpinesandspruce!
Soyoucan’tmakeeffectiveuseofathesauruswithoutalsohavingadictionarynearby.Here’sawaytopracticetheprocessofmakingconsideredchoicesfromalistofsynonyms:
Practice:UseaThesaurus
Writeafewsentencesaboutasubjectortakeaparagraphfromoneofyourexistingpieces.Lookthroughwhatyouhavewrittenusingyourwordmind:Arethereanywordsinthispassageaboutwhichyouwonder,CouldIfindabetterwordthanthisone?Lookuponeofthesewordsinyourthesaurusandconsideryourchoices.Don’tforgettofindthedenotationsofthesewordsinyour
dictionary.Rewriteyoursentencesusingthenewwordorwordsyouhavechosen,thenreadthesentencesoutloud.Howdotheysoundtoyounow?
Whilethispracticemayseemtime-consuming,it’sworthwhileforanumberofreasons.First,itwillgiveyoupracticeintheessentialwritingskillofmakingchoicesaboutwords.Itwillalsohelpyoubuildyourwordhoard.Mostofall,itwillexerciseyourwordmindsothat,likewell-trainedmuscles,itbecomesstrongerandmoreflexible.Writing,likehittingabaseballorplayingamusicalinstrument,isanactivitythatinvolvesmakingmanydecisionsatonce:Themore“inshape”yourbrainistomakechoicesamongwords,themoreskilledyouwillbecomeasawriter.Sothemoreyoupractice,withattentionandcare,themoreeasilywordswillcometoyouasyouwriteandrevise.
MakingMeaning2:ConnotationsWhileaword’sdenotationsareitsexplicitmeaning,itsconnotationsareitsassociations,theideasorqualitiesitbringstomindthroughsuggestion.Ifyouimaginethatputtingawordintothemindofyourreaderislikecastingastoneintoapond,thenthedenotationofthewordislikethesplashthestonemakesasithitsthewater,whiletheconnotationsofthewordareliketheripplesthatfollowthesplash.Forinstance,ifyouwritethatawomaniswearinga“fireengine-reddress,”thetermfireenginesuggestsqualitieslikeurgencyanddanger.IfyouwriteCloudsweresailingacrossthesky,thewordsailingsuggestsshipsandwater.Skilledwritershavelearnedtoexploitthese“ripples”ofmeaningthatwordscancreateinthemindsoftheirreaders.Let’stakealookathowconnotationswork.
Somewordshavenoconnotations.Theseareusuallywordsfromscienceandtechnologythathaveveryspecificsinglemeanings,suchasdeuteron,which
means“apositivelychargedparticleconsistingofaprotonandaneutron,” ornitinol,analloyofnickelandtitanium.
1
Butmostofourwordsdohaveconnotations.It’sasif,havingbeenusedoverandover,theyhavepickedupfamiliarassociationsthataccompanytheirdictionarymeanings.So,forinstance,thewordsthin,slender,stringy,andsveltearesynonyms,havingapproximatelythesamedenotativemeaning.However,theirassociationsareverydifferent.Youwouldnotcomplimentafriendbysaying,“Howstringyyoulooktoday!”Replacethewordstringywiththewordsvelte,andyou’dputasmileonherface.Yourneighbor’schildmightbe“thekidnextdoor”whenhe’sbehavingor“thatbrat”whenhe’snot.BritishnovelistEmmaDarwinexplainstheimportanceofconnotations:“Whenyou’retalkingabouteffectivelanguage,you’reusuallytalkingaboutconnotation:whatelse
(beyonddictionarymeaning)thatparticularwordbringstothesentence.”
Practice:ExploreConnotations
Pickawordfromyourthesaurusandwritedownsomeofitssynonyms,lookingthemupinadictionaryifyouneedto.Pickonesynonymthathaspositiveconnotations(suchassvelte)andonethathasnegativeconnotations(suchasstringy)andwriteasentenceusingeachone.Dothisexerciseagainwithadifferentword.Readyoursentencesoutloud,noticingthedifferenteffectsofthewordsyou’vechosen.Dotheparticularconnotationsofyourchosenwordinfluencehowyouwritetherestofthesentence?
Practice:ExploreConnotations
Readyourfavoritewriter,keepinganearopenforwordschosenforpositiveornegativeconnotations.Collectthesewordsinyournotebookandexperimentwithmakingyourownsentenceswiththem.
Practice:ExploreConnotations
Readoverapassagefromyourownwork,keepingyoureartunedtotheconnotationsofyourwords.Arethereanyplaceswhereyoumightchooseadifferentword,exploitingitsconnotationstoenhancetheeffectofyoursentence?
2
Practice:ExploreConnotations
Somewordshavebothpositiveandnegativeconnotations.Wecanworkwiththeconnotationsofthiskindofwordinanotherwayaswell—byplacingitinacontextthathighlightsoneparticularconnotation.Takethewordfire(asanoun)forinstance;itsmostfamiliardenotationsare“thingsthatareburning”and“flamesproducedbythingsthatareburning.”Butthenounfirealsohasconnotations.
Takeafewminutesnow,ifyoulike,tobringthedenotationsofthenounfiretoyourmind,andthenlistenforthewordsorphrases,theideasorthings,thatthiswordsuggeststoyou;writethemalldown.Youmayfindyourselfcollectingsynonymsfortheword.Ifthishappens,trytoletyourmindmovebeyondclosesynonymsandseewhatotherideasorthingsthewordbringstoyourmind.Youhavenowcollectedsomeoftheword’sconnotations.
Nowlookthroughtheseconnotations.Whatdoyounotice?Onethingyoumightnoticeisthatthissingleword“fire”hassome
connotationsthatarepositive(heat,light,warmth,hearth,comfort,cookout)andsomethatarenegative(fear,destruction,ruin)andsomethatcouldbepositiveornegativedependingonthecontext(char,ember,smolder).
Nowselectsomeofthepositiveconnotationsandwriteasentenceortwothathighlightthoseconnotations.Asentencesuggestingpositiveconnotationsofthenounfiremightread:Thecatcreptclosertotheheatofthefireandcurledupcontentedlyonthehearth.Onethathighlightstheword’snegativeconnotationsmightread:Thesirensofthefiretruckssoundedcloserandcloseraswestoodacrossthestreetfromthelootedstorewherethefireraged.
Onewayto“charge”awordwithmeaningistoexploititsconnotations.Trainingyourmind,throughpractice,tobeawareoftheconnotationsofwords,willhelpyouwritesentencesinwhichyourwordsarefullofmeaning.Sorepeatthispracticeasoftenasyoucan:Pickawordandwritedownalltheconnotationsyoucanthinkforit.Nowpickoneortwoofthoseconnotations,andwriteafewsentencesthathighlightthoseparticularchoices.
PublicandPrivateConnotations
Thinkofthewordsummer,andwritedownallthewordsandphrasesthatitbringstoyourmind.Chancesaregoodthatyourlistwillcontainwordslikeheat,hot,swimming,sailing,lemonade,andvacation.Wecancallthesepublicconnotations,meaningtheassociationsawordwillhaveinmostreaders’minds.
Nowimaginethatapersonmakingthatsamelisthad,oneJuly,aseriousillness.Thenthewordsummer,inthatperson'smind,mightleadtoanassociationwiththewordillnessormeasles.Tryrereadingthelistofpublicconnotationsandinsertinginitthewordmeasles.Mostlikelyyourmindwillrejecttheword,asifit’ssaying,Thatworddoesn’tbelonghere!That’sbecausemeaslesisnotapublicconnotationforthewordsummer;it’saprivateconnotation.It’saconnotationthatwillmeansomethingonlytooneperson—thewriterinwhosemindthetwowordsareassociated.
Understandingthedifferencebetweenpublicandprivateconnotationsiscrucialtogoodwriting.Privateconnotationshavetobeexplained;publicconnotationsusuallyneednotbe.
Oneofthekeydifferencesbetweenunskilledandskilledwritersisthatanunskilledwritertendstoassumethathisreadersareinsidehishead,abletoreadhismind.Skilledwritersknowthisisnotso.Manyunskilledwritersalsobelievethatreaderswillbeimpressedbywritingthatisvagueanddifficulttounderstand.Skilledwritersknowthatreadersfacedwithsuchwritingwillbeimpatient,notimpressed;mostofthetime,theywillsimplystopreading.Touseprivateconnotationswithoutexplainingthemmakesitdifficultforpeopletounderstandwhatyoumean.So,asyouwriteandrevise,takethetimetoaskyourself,whenyouhave“charged”yourwordswithconnotations,Willmyreadersunderstandtheconnotationsofthisword,ordoIneedtomakemyselfclearer?
TheValueofConnotations
Asidefromthedangerofconfusing(orlosing)yourreadersthroughunexplainedprivateconnotations,theuseofconnotationsinwritingisoneofitsgreatpleasures,bothforwritersandforreaders;it’soneofourmostusefulwritingtools.
Onethingexploringtheconnotationsofwordswilldoforusistobuildourwordhoards.Evenmoreimportant,practicewithconnotationswillremindusthathumansmakemeaningthroughlanguagenotonly—aswearetaughtinschool—throughlogic,butalsothroughassociation.Whenwetaketimetopracticethedeliberatecollectingoftheconnotationsofwords,wediscoverthatonewordcanleadustoawholeworldofassociatedwords;wemayalsodiscoverthatexploringthisparticularworldofwordsleadsustothingstosayaboutoursubjectwedidn’tknowwewantedtosay.Mostimportantofall,anunderstandingofhowconnotationsworkgivesusavaluabletoolfortransferringourmeaningintothemindsofourreaders.
Somewriters(andwritingteachers)believethatwritersneedbeconcernedonlywith“expressingthemselves”;thatis,theyneedonlycastsomewordsonpaper,practicallyatrandom,andlettheirreadersmakeofthesewordswhateversensetheywill.Istrenuouslydisagreewiththisapproach,whichseemstomeakintoahousebuildercollectingsomelumberandnails,anddumpingthemonhiscustomer’slawnwithanote:Putyourhousetogetheryourself.It’sthejobofthewriter,notthereader,tobuildstructuresofmeaning.Todothatjobwell,sheneedstohavesomethingtosay,andsheneedstohavetheskillstotransferthat“something”—hermeaning—intothemindsofherreaders,sothattheyunderstandwhatsheissayingandaremovedbyitassheintends.
Skilledwritershaveaprofoundappreciationfortheabilityofthehumanmindtoassociateonewordwithanother.Theyknowthat,giventheslightestopportunity,theirreaders’mindswillslipawayfromwhatthewordsonthepagearecommunicatingintotheirownprivateassociations.Skilledwritersmakeuseofallthetoolsoftheircrafttopreventthatfromhappening.Iftheyarecommunicatinginformationorideas,theywanttheirreaderstounderstandthem
exactly;iftheyaremakingverbalpictures,theywanttheirreaderstoexperiencetherealitythosepicturescommunicate.
Whiletheconnotationsofwordsarecertainlynottheonlytoolwritersusetocommunicate,theyareanessentialelementofthepoweroflanguage.Whenwemakecarefuluseoftheconnotationsofourwordsaswewriteandrevise,wecankeepthemindsofourreadersfocusedonexactlythemeaningwearetryingtogetacross.Andso,aswework,wewillavoidwordswithconnotationsthatwillsendareader’smindoffontangents;wewillchoosewordsthatkeephermindonthetrackofthoughtorinformationorexperiencethatwewantittobeon.
TimetoReflect
Whathaveyounoticedindoingthepracticesinthischapter?Whatdoyouneedtoworkonnext?
1 …consistingofaprotonandaneutron.TheRandomHouseDictionary(Ballantine,1980),p.249.
2 …bringstothesentence.EmmaDarwinatwww.thisitchofwriting.com,September22,2010.
Chapter6
TheQualitiesofWords
Shelovedexpressivewords,andtreasuredthemassomegirlsmighthavetreasuredjewels.Toher,theywereaslustrouspearls,threadedonthecrimsoncordofavividfancy.Whenshemetwithanewonesheuttereditoverandovertoherselfinsolitude,weighingit,caressingit,infusingitwiththeradianceof
hervoice,makingitherowninallitspossibilitiesforever.—LucyMaudMontgomery,TheStoryGirl
Inaway,everywordislikeapreciousstone,withitsownparticularqualities:Somewordsfeelheavy,otherslight;someseemtoglitter,othersaredull.Aswriters,weneedtoknowallwecanaboutthewordsweuse;inadditiontogettingfamiliarwithaword’sdenotationsandconnotations—itsmeanings—wealsoneedtobeabletorecognizeitsqualities,sowecanfindtherightwordforourpurpose.Justasacookneedstoknow,notjustintellectually,butpractically,thedifferencebetween,say,margarineandbutter—thedifferencesintasteandtextureandmeltingtemperature—soawriterneedstoknowthedifferenceinqualitybetween,forinstance,theworddomicileandthewordhome,thewordfoodandthewordegg,thewordsurrenderandthephrasewavethewhiteflag.Whenweaddtoourknowledgeofdenotationandconnotationapracticalunderstandingofthequalitiesofwords,wecanmakeevenmoreskillfuluseoftheirpower.Knowingthequalitiesofwordsgivesusanessentialtoolforchoosingthewordswewanttouse.
Whataresomeofthesequalitiesofwords?
TheQualitiesofWords1:Formal/Informal
Ifwearewritingforourselvesalone,asinajournal,itdoesn’tmatterwhichwordswechoose.Butifwehaveanaudienceinmindforourwriting,thenweneedtoconsiderthedegreeofformalityourwordsshouldhave.Tounderstandthequalityofformalityinwriting,thinkabouthowwedress.Writingforanaudienceisabitlikedressingtogooutinpublic:Wehavetoconsiderwhethertheclotheswechoosewillbeappropriatetotheoccasion.Ifwe’regoingtoajobataconservativelawfirm,we’llprobablyhavetoputonsomekindofreasonablyformalclothes,likeasuit.Wewouldn’tshowupforworkinrippedjeansandsneakers;suchattire,though,wouldbeperfectlyappropriateforamoreinformaloccasion,likeabackyardbarbecueafteraneighborhoodbasketballgame.
Whenwewrite,weoftenneedtoconsiderthedegreeofformalityourwordsshouldhave,dependingonthecircumstancesinwhichtheywillberead.Formallanguagetendstobelanguagethatisratherstiffandmannered,likeabutlerinanovelabouttheEnglishupperclasses.WordsthatfeelandsoundformalareusuallyLatinatewords,madeupofseveralsyllables:tendentious,prepossessing,rubicund.InformalwordsaretypicallyofAnglo-Saxonorigin(orNormanwordsthathavebeenAnglicized)andusuallycontainonlyoneortwosyllables.(Foranintroductiontothehistory[etymology]ofEnglishwords,withpracticesthatwillshowyouhowaknowledgeofwordhistorycanimproveyourwriting,visitmywebsiteatwww.WhereWritersLearn.com.)Informalwordsaretheonesthatcometomindreadilyduringordinaryconversation:fat,meat,walk,grab,wink,andsoon.Informallanguagealsoincludesslangexpressions,suchas:getagrip;what’shappenin’?;he’schillin’;let’srock.Youcancheckwhetheraparticularwordorphraseisformalorinformalbylookingitupinagooddictionary.Thedictionarywilltellyouifthewordisinformal,orinformalinsomesituations.
Practice:FormalandInformalWords
Collectsomewordsthatyouconsiderformal,thenseeifyoucancomeupwiththeirinformalequivalents.Thentrythisexercisestartingwithinformalwords.Whichquality—formalorinformal—doyoulikebetter?
Formality,Tone,andVoiceThedegreeofformalityinthelanguageyouuseinyourwritinghelpscreateyourvoiceonthepage,justasitdoeswhenyouspeak.Italsocreateswhat’scalledthetoneofyourwork.Thistonehastobeappropriate,nottoanoccasion,buttothepurposeofyourwriting.
Listentothedifferenceinthevoicesofthesetwonovelists:
NellcouldnothelpsmilingatthenaivetéwithwhichLettyclassedthesetrivialitieswithhermarriage,butbeforeshecouldmakeanyattempttoshowhersister-in-lawhowtheveryfondnesswhichledCardrosstoindulgeherinsmallmatterswouldstiffenhisresolvenottopermither(ashethought)tothrowherselfawayinamarriagedoomedtofailure,Farley,herbutler,hadenteredtheroom,bearingonasalverasealedbillet,andonhiscountenancetheexpressionofonewhonotonlybroughteviltidingsbuthadforeseenfromtheoutsetthatthiswaspreciselyhowitwouldbe.
—GeorgetteHeyer,AprilLady
Butbythetimetheyreachedthemorgueitwastoolate.TheIDhadbeencompletedandeveryonehadgonehome.RebusstoodontheCowgateandlookedlonginglybacktowardtheGrassmarket.Someofthepubstherewouldstillbeopen,theMerchant’sBar,forone.ButhegotbackintothecarinsteadandaskedDavidsontotakehimhome.Hefelttiredallofasudden.God,hefelttired.
—IanRankin,LetItBleed
Thedifferencesinthetwovoicescomeinpartfromthewayeachwriterputssentencestogether(asubjectwe’llexploreinSection4);butwordchoiceisalsokey.Heyer,whoisre-creatingforherreaderstheworldofupper-classLondonersinRegencyEngland,makesuseofrelativelyformalwordslikenaiveté,trivialities,indulge,resolve,countenance.Rankin,whoisbringingtohisreader’smindtheworldofanalcoholicpolicedetectiveincontemporaryEdinburgh,usesveryordinarywordslikelateandlookedandtired.Ineachcase,theauthorhaschosenwordsappropriatetohisorherpurpose—inthiscase,thecreationofaparticularfictionalworldandthepeoplewhoinhabitthatworld.
Theformalityorinformalityofthewordswechoosealsohelpsuscreatethevoicesofpeople,otherthantheauthor,onthepage.Ifwehavepeopletalkinginourwriting,whethertheyarerealpeopleorinventedcharacters,thewordsweprovidethemwithwillhelpmakerealtheirindividualvoices.For,justasourchoiceofclothingcreatesaparticularstyleandhelpsotherpeoplerecognizeus,sodoourspokenwordsshowwhoweare.Skilledwritersknowthis,andchoosewordsfortheircharactersthatwillmakesenseforthoseparticularpeopleandwillhelprevealwhatkindofpeopletheyare.
Andso,Heyer’scharacters,Londonaristocratsoftheearlynineteenthcentury,talklikethis:
“Yes,Idashedwelldocallitthat!”repliedhislordship,hiseyekindling.“Besides,it’sallslum!ImayhavetolistentothatsortofflummeryfromMama,butI’llbedamnedifIwillfromyou!What’smore,it’scomingitatrifletoostrong!“
Rankin’sdetective,JohnRebus,talksquitedifferently(andwithconsiderablyfewerwords):
“Flower’sgotapointthough,sir,”saidRebus,coveringhisboss’sembarrassment.“It’sjustthathe’sgotthetactofatomcat.Imean,
somebody’llhavetofillin.Howlong’sFrankgoingtobeoutofthegame?”
Practice:FormalandInformalWords
Imagineaperson—someoneyouknow,oracharacteryouinvent.Collectwordsforthischaractertospeak,payingattentiontotheformalityorinformalityofherlanguage.Thenhavehertalkonthepage.Ifyoulike,inventmorethanonecharacterandletthemhaveaconversation.
Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?Oneofthethingsyoumaynoticeisthatyoudon’thavethewordsyou
need;yourcharactersdon’thavetheirownindividualvoices:Theyallsoundalike,ortheyalltalkthewayyoudo.Experiencedwritersspendtimesittingincafésorridingbusestolistentopeopletalk.Theyoftencollectwordsandphrases,orevenentireconversations,intheirnotebooks.Ifyouwanttobuildyourwordhoardforconversation,youcanfollowtheirexample.
Youcanalsostudywriterswhoseworkyouadmireandpayattentiontohowtheircharactersspeak.Collecttheirvocabularyandpracticeusingityourselfforyourowncharacters.Eventuallyyourcharacterswillfindtheirownindividualvoices.
TheQualitiesofWords2:General/Specific
Whatisthedifferencebetweenthewordfoodandthewordbutter,orbetweenthewordfoodandthewordtoast?What’sthedifferencebetweenthewordsportandthewordbaseball,orthewordfootball?WhenIaskthesequestionsinawritingworkshop,itdoesn’ttakelongforsomeonetosay,“Foodisageneralword;butterandtoastaremorespecific.”Youcanhear,andevenfeel,thedifferenceinqualitybetweengeneralandspecificwordsineventhemostbasicofsentences.JustlistentothedifferencebetweenIlovesports,andIlovebaseball,orbetweenWewereservedgoodfood,andWewereservedlobster
saladwithfresh-bakedrolls.Themeaningthatistransferredthroughgeneralwordsislessvivid,lesspowerfulthanthattransferredthroughspecificwords.That’sbecausethelanguageofspecificwordsisthelanguageofdetail;skilledwriters—likeskilledcraftsmeninanymedium—aremastersofdetail.
It’sthisattentiontodetailthatusuallyseparatesspokenfromwrittenlanguage.Whenwetalk,wetypicallyrelyongeneralities:WehadagoodtimeorThefoodwasdelicious.Perhapswetalkthiswaybecausewe’reinahurry,we’renotsureourlistenersevenwantdetails,we’vebeentaughtthatwecan’ttalktoomuchorwe’llborepeople.Whateverthereasons,mostadultsinthisculturetendtohaveonlygeneralwordsintheirwordhoards.Whilethismaynotbeaprobleminordinaryconversation,inwritingwe’llbeataseriousdisadvantageifwehavenothingbutgeneralwordstouse.
That’sbecausegeneralwordscancommunicateinonlyvagueways:Haveaniceday.Generalstatementsareoftencalled“empty”becausetheycontainlittleornocontent:Itwasagreatfilm.Janeisaniceperson.Whilewecangetawaywithsuchstatementsinconversation—thoughnoonewhospeaksonlyingeneralitiescouldbecalledamasterfulconversationalist—whenwewrite,ifwewanttocommunicatewell,wemustusespecifics.That’sbecausespecificsarenotvague;theyarepreciseandexact.Specificsgivereaderssensorydetails,statistics,examples,particulars.Theyprovidethesubstanceofallgoodwriting.
Intherealmofthespecificwearedealingwithbothcontentandcraft.Youcan’tjustheavespecificwordsintoyourwritingatrandom;youhavetousespecificstoconveysomeparticularpieceofinformationorsomeexactdetails.Butifyouhaven’tdoneenoughcontentresearchforyourpieceofwriting,yousimplywon’thaveavailabletoyoutheinformationanddetailsyouneed.Suppose,forinstance,thatyouwanttowriteafewsentencesdescribingalakeyouvisitedrecently.Youdon’twanttosettleforgeneralizationslikebeautifulorlovely.Butasyoutrytocomeupwithyoursentences,youfindyourselfstruggling.Whyisthishappening?
Therearetwopossibilities.Eitheryourwordhoardispoorinwords
specificenoughtohelpyoumakeyourdescription,or—justasimportant—whileyouwereatthelake,youdidn’tpayenoughattentiontowhatwasaroundyou.Youdidn’tcollectenoughsensoryinformation—colors,qualityoflight,feelofthewater,andsoon—tobeabletocalltheplacevividlytomindnowasyouwriteaboutit.
Youmightfindyourselfinthesamekindofstrugglewithothersubjectsaswell.SupposeyouwanttowriteaboutwhyTedWilliamswasabetterbaseballplayerthanWillieMays.Supposeyoujustknowthat’sthecase—butyouhaveahardtimeexplainingyourviewtootherpeople.Theproblemmaybethatyoulackthewordsyouneed.Oritmaybethatyoulackinformation:thestatisticsandspecificanecdotestoprovidecontentforyourargument.
Forwhileyousurelycan’tcommunicatewellwithoutspecificlanguage,youalsocan’tcommunicatewithoutspecificinformation,whetherthatinformationissensorydetails,statistics,anecdotes,orexamples.Manypeoplestruggletowritebecausetheysimplyhaven’tcollectedenoughmaterialtoworkwith.Ifthisisthecaseforyou,then,inadditiontoexercisinganddevelopingyourabilitytousewords,youalsoneedtogetintothehabitofcollectingcontentmaterialforyourpiecesofwriting.(HowtoBeaWritercontainsmanypracticesthatteachyouhowtocollectanddevelopyourmaterial.)
Practice:GeneralandSpecificWords
Invent(orcollectfromconversation,newspapers,televisionbroadcasts,etc.)someverygeneralstatements;writedownasmanyasyoucan.Trytouseasmuchgenerallanguageaspossible:Thatwasagooddinner.She’saniceperson.Readsomeofthesealoudandpayattentiontowhathappensinyourmindasyouhearthem.Whatdoyounotice?
Nowgobackthroughyourlistandpickoneofyourgeneralstatements.Rewriteittomakeitmorespecific.Inventdetailsifyouhaveto.Thentakeeachremaininggeneralstatementandrewriteit,usingspecifics.
Nowreadeachgeneralstatementoutloudagain,andthenreadtherevisedversionoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?What’sthedifferenceintheeffectthegeneralstatementhasonyouandtheeffectthespecificstatementhas?
Thespecificstatementwillmakesomethinghappeninsideyourmind;thegeneralstatementwillnot.Whenweusespecifics,whetherthedetailsofsensoryexperienceorthedetailsofstatistics,wecanmakepicturesforourreaders.Wecanshowthemourmeaning,notmerelytellthemwhatitis.
TheValueofSpecificWordsThistechniqueofshowingourreaderswhatwemeanisoneofthemostpowerfulonesavailabletowriters.
Thehumanbrainisconstructedtounderstandverbalcommunicationmosteasily,toprocessandretainwhatissaidmosteffectively,whenthatcommunicationisdonethroughpicturesmadeoutofwords.Inthenextchapter,“TheLanguageoftheImagination,”we’llexploreinmoredetailhowskilledwritersmakeverbalpictures.Professionalshaveasolidunderstandingofthequalitiesofwords;theyknowthatonlycertainkindsofwordscanbeusedtomakeverbalpictures.Mostofthetime,our“picturewords”needtobespecific.Ifwewanttowritelikethepros,weneedtobecomefluentinthelanguageofspecifics.
Tosaythatthelanguageofspecificsisanessentialwriter’stoolisnottodenyourneedforgeneralwords.Wewouldfinditdifficulttowritewithoutgeneralwordslikesportsorartorliterature.What’smostimportantistobeawarethatwehavechoices,andthatwehavetheabilitytodecide,inanyparticularplaceinasentence,whetherageneralwordoraspecificwordwillbestserveourpurpose.Thequestionisnot“goodwordsversusbadwords”;thequestionis“Whatdoyouwanttodowithyourwords?”Andifwhatyouwanttodoistoshow,notjusttell,yourreaderwhatyoumean,thenyouwillneedtomakeprimaryuseofthelanguageofspecifics.Hereareafewwaystodothat:
TechniquesforUsingSpecifics
1.Usespecificsinsteadofmakingageneralstatement.Forexample:
[Cooper]wasatall,thinfellow,withasallowfaceinwhichtherewasnotaspotofcolour.Itwasafaceallinonetone.Hehadalarge,hookednoseandblueeyes.…[His]largeskull,coveredwithshort,brownhair,contrastedsomewhatoddlywithaweak,smallchin.Hewasdressedinkhakishortsandakhakishirt,buttheywereshabbyandsoiled;andhisbatteredtopeehadnotbeencleanedfordays.
—W.SomersetMaugham,“TheOutstation”
2.Makeageneralstatement,thenfollowitwithspecifics.Forexample:
Fogeverywhere.Foguptheriver,whereitflowsamonggreenaits[smallislands]andmeadows;fogdowntheriver,whereitrollsdefiledamongthetiersofshippingandthewatersidepollutionsofagreat(anddirty)city.FogontheEssexmarshes,fogontheKentishheights.Fogcreepingintothecaboosesofcollier-brigs;foglyingoutontheyardsandhoveringintheriggingofgreatships;fogdroopingonthegunwalesofbargesandsmallboats.FogintheeyesandthroatsofancientGreenwichpensioners,wheezingbythefiresidesoftheirwards;foginthestemandbowloftheafternoonpipeofthewrathfulskipper,downinhisclosecabin…
—CharlesDickens,BleakHouse
Infact,[Rip]declareditwasofnousetoworkonhisfarm;itwasthemostpestilentlittlepieceofgroundinthewholecountry;everythingaboutitwentwrong,andwouldgowrong,inspiteofhim.Hisfenceswerecontinuallyfallingtopieces;hiscowwouldeithergoastray,orgetamongthecabbages;weedsweresuretogrowquickerinhisfieldsthananywhere
else;therainalwaysmadeapointofsettinginjustashehadsomeoutdoorworktodo…
—WashingtonIrving,“RipVanWinkle”
Then,whilethepedlaratehisfillofmeatandcurds,Cateryneputmorefoodintohispack—cheese,andtwoloavesmadeofbeansandbran,andagourdfullofale.
—KevinCrossley-Holland,“ThePedlarofSwaffham”
3.Givespecifics,thenfollowthemwithageneralstatement.Forexample:
Defencelessvillagesarebombardedfromtheair,theinhabitantsdrivenoutintothecountryside,thecattlemachinegunned,thehutssetonfirewithincendiarybullets:thisiscalledpacification.
—GeorgeOrwell,PoliticsandtheEnglishLanguage
Practice:UseSpecifics
Takingthepassagesaboveasexamples,tryouteachofthefollowingtechniquesforusingspecifics:
1. Writeafewsentencesonasubjectofyourchoice,usingspecifics.2. Followageneralstatementwithexamplesorspecifics.3. Givespecifics,thenfollowwithageneralstatement.
Whatdidyounoticeindoingthesepractices?
SpecificsandStyle
Perhapsyounoticedthathavingtomakeyourlanguagemorespecificforcedyoutocomeupwithmorethingstosay,withmoredetailsaboutyoursubject.Mostofthetime,thisisagoodthing—mostinexperiencedwritersrelytooheavilyongeneralizations.Butsomeofyoumayfeelthatyoudon’twantsomuchdetailin
yourwriting.Makingchoicesabouthowmanyspecificdetailstouseisonemorewaythatawriter’sstyleiscreated.
Somewriterslovedetail.Wecouldcalltheirstyleelaborateorhighlyornamented.TheparagraphfromDickensisagoodexample.
Otherwriterspreferamoreplainstyle,usingtheminimumamountofdetailnecessarytocommunicateandtocreatetheeffecttheyintend.Forinstance:
Itwaslateandeveryonehadleftthecaféexceptanoldmanwhosatintheshadowtheleavesofthetreemadeagainsttheelectriclight.
—ErnestHemingway,“AClean,Well-LightedPlace”
Doyouwanttodevelopaplainstyle,anornamentedstyle,orastylesomewhereinbetween?Thechoiceisuptoyou.
Skilledwritersdon’tmaketheirchoicesabouthowmuchspecificdetailtousesimplyatrandom.Theirchoicesdependontheirparticularpurpose,onwhattheyaretryingtodowiththeirwriting.Ifyougivealotofdetailaboutsomething,youareinvitingyourreadertospendtimewiththat“something,”todwellthereforawhile.Forinstance,thatparagraphfromBleakHousecomesonthefirstpageofathousand-pagenovel.Dickenswantedtomakesurehisreaderswereshownthatfog,sothattheywouldexperiencethefog-likeatmospherethatenvelopsalltheeventsinthestory.
Practice:ReadforSpecifics
Oneofthebestwaystogetafeelforthepowerofspecificlanguageistoreadtheworkofwriterswhousethislanguagewithskill.Youcanfindsuchwritersexercisingtheirskillvirtuallyanysubjectandinmanygenres.(Youwon’tfindthem—oronlyrarely—inacademiaorpoliticsorgovernment,whereemptygeneralizationsrule.)Sotakesometimetoreadwriterswhocanuselanguagetoshowyousomething,andpaycarefulattentiontotheeffecttheirwordshaveuponyou.Ifyoulike,markpassagesyoufindespeciallyeffective,thengoback
laterandseeifyoucandiscoverwhichwordsorphrasescreatedthateffect.Writethosewordsandphrasesinyournotebook,lookupthemeaningsofanywordsyoudon’tknow,andpracticeusingthem.
Practice:FreewritewithSpecifics
Dotenminutesoffreewritingonwhateversubjectyoulike(ormovefromonesubjecttoanother).Asyouwrite,beawareofthewordsyou’reputtingonthepage.Don’tjudgethem;simplynoticewhethertheyaregeneralorspecific.Ifyounoticegeneralwords,seeifyoucanmakethefollowingwordsorgroupsofwords—whichperhapsamplifythemeaningofthegeneralwords—morespecific.Keepyourattentiononbeingmorespecific,withouttryingtoohard.Keepthepenmoving.Seewhathappens!
Whatdidyounotice?Perhapsyounoticedthatthisishardforyoutodo.Thatwouldnotbe
surprising,asthelanguageofgeneralitiesisthelanguagewearemostfamiliarwith.Thelanguageofgeneralitiesiseasytouse;ourbrainsdon’thavetoworkveryhardtocomeupwithwordsandphraseslikeShe’ssobeautifulorThat’sawesome!Topracticeusingspecifics,though,meansexercisingthelanguage“muscles”ofourbrains.Aswithanyotherformofexercise,wemayatfirsthavetoovercomeinertia.Afewminutesoffreewriting,withtheconscioususeofspecificlanguage,isagoodplacetobegin.
Therewardsofdevelopingourabilitytousespecificlanguagearetwofold.First,wewillexerciseandstrengthenthepartsofourbrainsthatdealwithlanguage.Second,wewillprovideourselveswithwordsthathavegreatpower.Whenwecanrecognizeandmakeuseofwordsthathavethequalityofbeingspecific—aswellaswordsthathavethequalityofbeingconcrete(thesubjectofthenextsection)—thenwewillbemuchmoreeffectivecommunicators,andwewillbeabletomakeaverypowerfulkindofmagicwithwords.
TheQualitiesofWords3:Abstract/Concrete
Ourwordshaveyetathirdqualitythat’simportantforustoknowaboutandbeabletorecognize:Theycanbewhatwecall“concrete”wordsor“abstract”words.Aconcretewordisonethatconveystoourmindssomethingwecanknowthroughthesenses,liketreeorbirdsong.Anabstractwordgivesussomethingwecanknowonlythroughtheintellect,likejusticeorhope.
Practice:AbstractandConcreteNouns
It’seasiesttodistinguishabstractfromconcretebylookingatnouns.(Anounisthenameofaperson,place,thing,idea,emotion,etc.)
Startbycollectingnouns.Thenlookbackthroughyourlist,andmarkalltheconcreteones(namingpeopleorplacesorthingswecanknowthroughoursenses)andalltheabstractones(namingthingsorideaswecanknowonlythroughtheintellect).Ifyoufindyouhavecollectedmoreofonekindofnounthantheother,addwordstomakeyourlistmorebalanced.Nowreadyourlistofwordsaloudslowly,payingattentiontowhathappensinsideyourmindasyoureadeachword.
Whatdidyounoticeasyoudidthispractice?What’sthedifferenceineffectbetweennounsthatareconcreteandnounsthatareabstract?Whathappenedinyourmindandbodywhenyouheardeachword?
TheDifferenceBetweenAbstractandConcreteWordsWhenwereadorhearaconcreteword,whathappensinourmindsisthis:Apictureappears.Say,orread,theworddog,andyouwillpictureadog.Say,orread,thewordwoman,andyouwillpictureawoman.Concretewordsspeaktooursensoryintelligence,bywayofourimaginations;theyevokeinourmindssomethingreal,somethingwecanseeorhear,tasteortouch.Butwhenwereadorhearanabstractword,nopictureswillappearinourmind,exceptbyassociationwiththeword.Say,orread,thewordjusticeorthewordbelief,and
the“picture-screen”inyourmindwillremainblank.Abstractwordsdonotconjureupphysicalreality;theymerelyconveyconceptsandideas.
Tounderstandthedifferencebetweenabstractandconcretewordsistoprovideoneselfwithoneofawriter’smostpowerfultools.
Youmayalreadybefamiliarwiththedifferenceinpowerbetweenconcreteandabstractwords.Buttheoveruseofabstractwordsissuchaprevailingcharacteristicofprofessional,academic,andbureaucraticwritingthatIwanttocallattentiontoitforamoment.
Anyonewho’severtakenacollegecourse,orreadabookbyaprofessor,hasmostlikelyencounteredwritinglikethis:
Thoughanincreasinginterestonthepartoftheeducationalcommunityisbeingshownintranspersonalteaching,theliteraturereflectsalackofempiricallybasedstudiesconcerningtheteachercharacteristicsassociatedwithitsadoption.Thepurposeofthisstudy,therefore,wastoattempttoidentifycharacteristics(values,attitudes,andteachingphilosophy)pertinenttotranspersonalorientednon-publicschoolteachersandtocompareandcontrastthosecharacteristicstothoseofpublicschoolorientedteachers.
—quotedbyRichardMitchell,TheGravesofAcademe
Whathappensinyourmindwhenyoureadthesewords?Takeacloserlookatthispassage:Howmanyconcretewordshastheauthorused?
Nowreadthispassage:
Meanwhile,athome,weshouldtrytokeepoutofreach,andevenoutofsight,valuableordangerousobjectsthatwedon’twantchildrentotouch.Atthesametime,weshouldkeeponhandagoodmanyobjectscheapanddurableenoughsothatachildcantouchthemandusethem;weshouldn’thavetoworryiftheygetbroken.Manyordinaryhouseholdobjectswould
begoodpresentsforsmallchildren;aneggbeater,asaucepan,aflashlight.Afterall,itdoesn’tmakemuchsense,inafamilythatwilllaterspendtensofthousandsofdollarsonthechild’seducation,togetupset,andtoupsethim,becausehemayruinsomethingworthtwenty-fivecents.
—JohnHolt,HowChildrenLearn
Whathappensinyourmindwhenyoureadthesewords?Howmanyconcretewordshastheauthorused?
Thedifferencesinstylebetweenthesetwopassages(bothwrittenbyeducators)arenotcreatedbywordchoicealone,butit’sworthtakingcarefulnoteofthedifferenceineffectbetweenthefirstauthor’sobsessionwithabstractionsandHolt’smorejudicioususeofthem.Canyouunderstandwhatthefirstwriterissaying?WhataboutthepassagefromHolt’sbook?Ifyou’relikeme,youfoundHolt’swritingclearandcomprehensibleandtheotherpassageimpossibletounderstand.Holthassuccessfullycommunicated,transferredwhathehadtosayfromhismindtoours;theotherwriterhascommunicatednothing.
Doesthismeanthatweshouldneveruseanabstraction?Ofcoursenot!Wherewouldwebewithoutwordslikeloveorjusticeorpeace?Butweneedtodevotespecialcaretousingthesewords.Abstractionsarenotprecise;theyarenotspecific.TheyarewhatIliketocall“suitcasewords”—wordsthatcontainmanypossiblemeaningsandideas.(Thisiswhytheyaresuchusefultoolsforwriterswhowanttodisguiseorhidethetruth.)Ifyouwanttouseabstractionswell,youhavetoknownotjusttheirdictionarymeanings,butwhatyoumeanwhenyouusethem.Ifyouwrite,Inthissituation,weallwantjusticetobedone,orEverybodyneedslove,youneed,firstofall,tobesureofyourownmeaning:Whatareyoutryingtosaythroughtheabstractionsjusticeorlove?Thenyouneedtomakeyourmeaningcleartoyourreaders.
Sinceabstractwords,likegeneralwords,arevague,thebestwaytomakeyourmeaningclearistogetmorespecific.Showyourreaderwhatyoumeanbythoseabstractionsbygivingspecificexamples,details,orstatistics.
Practice:UseAbstractLanguage
Pickoutanabstractionortwofromthelistyoumadeearlierandwriteasentenceusingit.Startwithashort,simplesentence;thenrewritethissentenceasmanytimesasyouneedto,addingmoresentences,ifyoulike,andmakingcleartoyourreadershowyouwantthemtounderstandtheabstractioninthisparticularsituation.
Whatdidyounoticeindoingthis?Here’ssomethingelsetotry:Bringanabstractiontomind,thentrytowrite
somesentencesthatwillconveythatabstractiontothemindofyourreaderwithoutincludingtheabstractionitselfinyoursentences.
Todothesepractices,youhadtodigintoyourwordhoardforconcretewords.Let’splayalittlemorewiththese.
Practice:UseConcreteLanguage
Collectsomeconcretewords(viainternalcollectingorfromyourreading),andmakesureyouknowwhattheymean.Thenplaywithusingsomeofthesewordstomakesentences.
Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?Oneofthethingsyouwillnotice,Isuspect,isthatusingconcretelanguage
unencumberedbyabstractionsmakesyoufeelmoreconnectedtotherealworld.Concretelanguageisthelanguageofsensoryreality,andtowriteaboutthelittlebrowndogortheredandorangesunsetputsusdirectlyintouchwiththatrealityinawaythatabstractlanguage—thecutedog,thegorgeoussunset—doesnot.
Touseconcretelanguagewellistomakeaverypowerfulkindofverbalmagic,onewe’llexplorefurtherinthenextchapter.
Practice:ReadforAbstractandConcreteLanguage
Selectapassagefromafavoritewriter,andexamineitforabstractandconcretelanguage.Whatdoyounotice?
Practice:FreewritewithAbstractandConcreteLanguage
Dosomefreewritingandbeawareofwhetheryourwordsareabstractorconcrete;trytoconcentrateononeortheother.Whatdoyounoticeineachcase?
Asyoudothepracticesinthissection,youmaynoticethatabstractwordsareoftengeneral,whileconcretewordsareoftenspecific.Thisisnotalwaysthecase,though.Awordcanbegeneralandabstract,likehumanity;orgeneralandconcrete,likefood.Awordorphrasecanevenbespecificthoughabstract,likeanon-basepercentageof.400.
TheValueoftheQualitiesofWordsAword’sparticularqualities,betheyabstractorconcrete,generalorspecific,givethatwordaparticularpower.Tomakegooduseofthispower,weneedtothink,notonlyaboutwhatwewanttosaywithourwords,butalsoaboutwhatwearetryingtodowiththem.Simplyputtingourthoughtsandfeelingsintowords,thoughitmaysatisfyusandteachussomething,isnotenoughwhenwearewritingtoothers.Whenwewriteforreaders,wehavetothinkaboutwhatwewantourwordstodotothem.
Althoughit’sessentialthatreadersunderstandwhatwe’retryingtosay—confusedreadersstopturningthepages—it’sequallyimportantthatourwordsmovetheminsomeway.Dowewantthemtolaugh?Cry?Holdtheirbreath?Thenweneedtoknowhowtomakeuseofthedifferentqualitiesofwords.Whenwecanmoveeasilybetweenformalandinformallanguage,generalandspecific,abstractandconcrete,wehavethefoundationformastering“thelanguageoftheimagination,”thesubjectofthenextchapter.
TakeTimetoReflect
Takesometimetoreflectonpaperaboutyourexperiencesdoingthesepractices.Whathaveyoulearned?Whatdoyoustillwanttolearn?
Chapter7
TheLanguageoftheImagination
Theartistseeksouttheluminousdetailandpresentsit.—EzraPound
Whatdoyouthinktheimaginationis?Manypeoplethinkit’smerelytheabilitytomakethingsup,ortocreatefantasy.Theimaginationcandothosethings,butitsrealpowerismorefundamental.Atitsmostbasic,theimaginationisthementalfacultythatletsuscreateinourmindspicturesofthings—realorinvented—thatarenotactuallypresenttooursenses.Inourimagination,wecanseethefaceofafriendwhoisfaraway;wecantastethehamburgerweplantoeatfordinner;wecansmelltheperfumeoneofourcharactersiswearing.
Manypeoplebelievethatit’sonlythegiftedfewwhohave“imagination”—butthat’snotso.Theimaginationisanaturalhumanfaculty,onewearebornwith,andeveryonehasone.Withouttheimagination,wecouldn’tfunction.Frombirth,weareconstantlyabsorbinginformationabouttheworldaroundusthroughoursensesandturningthatinformationintomentalimages.Weallusethatabilitytomakeimagesquiteunconsciouslywhenwedream.
Then,youmightask,whycansomewritersusetheirimaginationsmoreeasilythanothers?They’vejusthadmorepractice.They’vepracticedexercisingtheirimaginations,and—evenmoreimportant—they’vedevelopedtheirpowersofobservation,onwhichthefacultyofimaginationdepends.
Toworkwell,theimaginationdependsentirelyonoursenses.Ourbrainsaredesignedtopayattentiontoandtakeinsensoryinformation:theparticularsmellofburningcereal,forinstance,orthesoundofasnakehissinginthe
shadows.This“data”providedtothebrainbythesensestakestheformofmental“pictures,”whichwecallsensoryimagesorperceptualimages.Manypeoplegothroughlifewithoutpayingmuchattentiontotheinformationtheirsensesgivethem:They’rewrappedupintheirthoughts.Butskilledwritershavetrainedthemselvesintheactivitiesofobservation;theyhavelearnedtopaycloseattentiontowhattheirsensesarecollecting.Inthisway,theirimaginationsbecomeastorehouseofrawmaterial;whentheywrite,theydrawfromthisstorehousevariousdetailsofcolorandlight,ofweatherandlandscape,ofpeople’sfacialexpressionsandclothingandspeech,andmuchmore.Ifwewanttohavewell-stockedimaginations,thenwe,too,needtotrainourpowersofobservation.Fromsuchastorehouse,theimaginationofaskilledwriterselectsandcombinessensorydetailstocreatepeopleandplacesandeventsthatmayberealormayneverhaveexisted.
Someofyouwillknowthatyouhavesuchastorehouse;othersmaynotbesure.Forthoseinthesecondgroup,Isuggestthatyoutrythefollowingexercises.(Andifyouwantmore,youcanfindtheminmybookHowtoBeaWriter.)
Practice:WakeUpYourImagination
Putyourself,inyourimagination,inaplaceyoulike.Usingallyoursenses,noticewhatisaroundyou.Whatdoyousee,hear,taste,smell,andtouch?Trytonoticeasmuchdetailasyoucan.Then,withoutworryingaboutyourwords,jotdownallthedetailsinyournotebook.
Practice:WakeUpYourImagination
Ifyoufindthisexerciseeasy,thentryinventingaplaceandputtingyourselfthere.Onceagain,useyoursensestonoticeallthedetails;writethemdown.
Practice:WakeUpYourImagination
Readapassagefromoneofyourfavoritewriters,payingparticularattentiontothepicturesbeingmadeinyourimagination.Nowreadthepassageagain.Can
youidentifythewordsorsentencesthatputthosepicturesintoyourmind?
Images:TheLanguageoftheImagination
Theimaginationspeaksinsensoryimages.Thosepicturescometousnaturallyindreamsatnight,orindaydreams.Wecanmakemoredeliberateuseofthemwhenwewrite.Notalltheimagesourimaginationprovidesuswitharevividanddetailed;somearevagueandrathergeneral,mere“senseimpressions.”Butwhetherourmentalimagesarevividorvague,whenwewanttocommunicatethoseimages,whenwewanttomakethemcomealiveintheimaginationsofourreaders,weneedaparticularwritingskill:Weneedtobeabletousewordstotransferthepicturesinourmindsintothemindsofourreaders.
Here’sawaytopicturetheprocessofimage-transferthathappensinsuccessfulimaginativewriting:
Theprocessstartswithanimageinthemindofthewriter,eitheranimageofsomethingreal(say,apictureofachildhoodtoy)oranimageofsomethingthewriterinvents.Thewriterthenmustuselanguagetotransferthepictureinhermindaseffectivelyaspossibleintotheimaginationofherreader,sothatthereadercanmakehisownmentalpicture.Toeffectthistransfer,writersneedtobeabletoconstructimagesmadeoutofwords;theseareknownasverbalimages.Inordertomakesuchimagessuccessfully,wehavetotrainourselvesinthelanguageoftheimagination.
Itmaybethatyoufinditeasytouseyourimagination:Thepicturesofpeople,places,things,orscenesareallthere,andyoucan’twaittogetthemdownonthepage.Butsomehowwhenyoutrytodothat,thewordsnever
transmittoothersthosepicturesthataresovividinyourimagination.Isuspectthatmostpeoplewhowanttowrite“creatively”andgetstuck(andthenoftengiveup)fallintothisgroup.
Theirproblemisnot,astheyoftenassume,thattheyarenotcreative.Theirproblemisthattheyhaveneverlearned—ortheyhaveforgotten—howtousethelanguageoftheimagination,thelanguageofpictures.
FrancisChristensen,ascholarwhospenthisprofessionallifetryingtounderstandhowlanguageworks,believedthattherearetwomainthingswecandowithwords:Wecantalkaboutsomething,orwecanpictureit.Hecalledthetwokindsofwritingthatresult“discursivewriting”or“representationalwriting.”Discursivewritingisthewritingwedoatworkorinschool.It’sthewritingwedotoexplainsomethingortogiveinstructions,topersuadeortoargueapoint.Representationalwritingisdifferent:Whenwedothiskindofwriting,wearetryingtomakepicturesinourreaders’minds,picturesofsomeoneorsomething’sappearance(description)orpicturesofsomeoneorsomething’sbehaviororactions(narration).
Iwanttoemphasizethedifferencebetweenthesetwokindsofwriting,becauseunderstandingthisdifferenceisoneofthekeystolearninghowtodowhatwecall“creativewriting.”Soletmerepeat:Indiscursivewriting,wearetalkingaboutsomething;inrepresentationalwriting,wearepicturingthatthing(orperson,place,oridea).
Skillinusingthe“picture-language”oftheimaginationallowswriterstogiveuspassageslikethis:
Hewasdark,withthepaleskinandblackhairthatagoodmanyHighlanderspossess,thinandratherscholarlylookinginanangularanduncoordinatedway.Heworeasmoothtweedsuit,wornslightlyatelbowsandkneesandbuttonholes,abrownandwhitecheckedshirt,andadarkgreentie,andhelookedasthoughhemightbeaschoolmasteroraprofessorofsomeobscurescience.
—RosamundePilcher,TheEndofSummer
Orthis:
Thelittleshack,therattling,rottenbarnweregrey-bittenwithseasalt,beatenbythedampwinduntiltheyhadtakenonthecolorofthegranitehills.
—JohnSteinbeck,“Flight”
Whathappenedinyourmindasyoureadthesepassages?WhenIaskmystudentsthisquestion,theyallreply,IgotPICTURES!
Tomakeskillfuluseofthelanguageoftheimaginationistocreateaparticularlypowerfulkindofverbalmagic.Thinkaboutthisforamoment,ifyouwill:Afewcarefullychosenandarrangedwords,andwecanseethatHighlanderandthosebuildings.Weare,inasense,underthespellofthesewords.Perhapsit’sbecausetheyrecognizethepowerofthiskindofspell-makingthatsomanyprofessorsandteachersandcriticsbelieveonlycertainspecialpeoplecanwritethisway.
Theprofessorsandteachersandcriticsarewrong.Absolutely,totallywrong.
Considerthis:Humanshavebeenusingthelanguageofrepresentation—whatI’mcallingthelanguageoftheimagination—sincethebeginningofhumanspeech.Thelanguageoftheimaginationcomesnaturallytoallofus.Butthelanguageofschool,especiallyhighereducation,isthelanguageofdiscourse;there’snoplaceinthatworldforthelanguageofmakingpictures.So,sadly,manyaspiringwriters,havingspentmostoftheirlivesinschool,havelosttouchwith“picture-language.”
Butevenifyouhaven’tusedthelanguageoftheimaginationsinceyouwereakid,youcanstilllearntomakeitspoweryourown.Allyouneedissome
practiceinmakingverbalimages,startingwithfillingyourwordhoardwiththevocabularyofthesenses.
TheVocabularyoftheSenses
Thistypeofvocabularyconsistsofspecific,concretewordsthatcommunicatetheinformationwereceivethroughoursenses.Eachsensegivesusdifferentkindsofinformation.Oureyesperceivelightanddarkness,colors,texture,distance,movement,shape;ourearsperceivethepitchandqualityofsounds,theirloudnessorsoftness,theirrelativedistancefromus;ourtouchreceptorsgiveustemperatureandtexture;andsoon.Wealsohavebodymechanisms,notstrictlysenses,thatgiveusinformationaboutthequalitiesofmotionandbalanceandbodyalignment.
Let’scollectsomeofthevocabularywecanusetocommunicatetheperceptionsofoursenses.
Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:Vision
Collectwordsthatcommunicateperceptionsgiventousbyoureyes.Howmanycolorsandshadescanyouname?Whataresomeofthewordsyouhaveforshapes,forsizes,fordistances,formovement?
Now,inyourimagination,putyourselfinaplace(realorinvented),andlookaroundcarefully.Noticethekindsofperceptionsyoureyescanmake.Collectallthewordsthatnamethingsyoucanseeinthisplace.
Experimentwithmakingsentencesthatconveyvisualperceptions.
Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:Hearing
Collectwordsthatcommunicatethesoundsthingsandpeoplecanmake.(Forexample:hiss,murmur,growl,crash.)Alsocollectwordsthatconveyqualitiesofsounds(loud,soft,long,etc.).
Now,inyourimagination,putyourselfsomeplaceandnoticewhatyouhear.Collectwordsforeverythingyoucanhear.
Experimentwithmakingsentencesthatconveyauralperceptions.Asyouplaywiththesepracticesforconveyingsoundsensations,youwill
probablynoticethatit’seasytocollectwordsthatseemtomakesoundsthemselves.Wordslikebuzz,rasp,andsmackarecomposedofsoundsthatechothesensethewordsmake.Whenwechoosesuchwords,weareusingthewritingtechniquecalledonomatopoeia.Poets,inparticular,lovetomakeuseofthistechnique,aswhenTennysonproclaimed:thebuzzingofinnumerablebees.There’snoreason,though,forprosewritersnottousethetechnique,too.
Ifyouwanttogiveitatry,experimentwiththisformula:the________(namethesound)of________(namewhateverismakingthesound).Forinstance:Thebuzzingofbees.Thegrowlofthemotor.
Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:Touch
Collectthevocabularyofthefingersandtheskin.Whatperceptionsdothesesenseorgansgiveus?(Softness,hardness,smoothness,roughness,temperature,andsoon.)
Putyourselfsomeplaceinyourimaginationandtoucheverythingthatissafetotouch.Collectthewordsthatnameyourperceptions.(Youmayfindithelpfultocloseyoureyesasyoudothisexercise.)
Experimentwithmakingsentencesthatconveytactileperceptions.Asyoudothesepracticesforthesenseoftouch,youmayfindyourself
stuckforwords.That’sbecauseinEnglishthegreatestpartofourvocabularyofthesensesisdevotedtowordsforsightsandsounds.Wehaveamuchsmallervocabularyfortheothersenses.
Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:TasteandSmell
Thenoseandthetastebudsoftenworktogethertogiveussensoryinformation;thevocabulariesofsmellandtasteoverlap.Collectwordsfromthese
vocabularies:Whatkindsofinformationdoournoseandtastebudsgiveus?(Forexample:sour-sweet;bitter;salty;texture;temperature.)
Putyourself,inyourimagination,someplacewheretherearelotsofthingsyoucansafelysmellandtaste.Collectallthewordsthatnameyourperceptions.
Experimentwithmakingsentencesthatwillcommunicateyourperceptionstoreaders.
Asyoudidtheseexperimentsinmakingsentences,youmayhavenoticedthatoftenyoucoulduseeitheranounoraverbtoconveysensoryimpressions.YoucanwriteeitherIsmelledtheroseorthesmelloftherose.Whatelsedidyounoticeasyoudidthesepractices?Youmaywanttotakeafewminutestorecordyourthoughtsandquestions.
Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:BodyLanguage
Inadditiontothefivesenses,humanshavewhatarecalled“proprioceptivemechanisms,”whichincludeourabilitytosensewhatourmusclesaredoing,tomaintainourbalance,tonoticeourbreathing,andsoon.Mostofthetimeweareunawareofthesemechanisms;however,ifweturnourattentiontothem,wecangatherotherkindsofperceptionsthatwecanuseinourwriting.
Togathertheseperceptionswecandotwothings:observeotherpeople’sbodylanguageveryclosely,andpayattentiontowhatishappeninginourownbodies.
Youcandothefollowingpracticeinyourimagination,ifyoulike,butyoumayhavemorefunwithitifyougotoaplacewheretherearepeopleandpayattentiontotheirbodylanguage.Watchsomeoneforawhile,andnoticehisgesturesandothermovements.Lookathowrelaxedortensethispersonis;seeifyoucandiscoveranymovementsthatseemcharacteristic.Takenotesonwhatyouareobserving,andalsonoticewhatthepersonis“saying”throughhisbody.(Wecommunicateasmuchthroughourbodylanguageasthroughourwords!)
Ifyoulike,youcanalsoexplorebodylanguagebytuningintoyourownbodyandcollectingwordsthatnameordescribethethingsitdoes:balance,
breathe,digest,clenchandrelaxmuscles,andsoon.Seehowspecificyoucanmakeyourobservations.
Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:Synesthesia
Oneofthewaysthatwritersexpandtheirvocabularyofthesensesistomakeuseofatechniquecalledsynesthesia.(ThewordcomesfromGreekwordsthatmean“blendedfeeling.”)Thoughthewordmaysoundadvanced,thetechniqueisoneweusefrequentlyinordinaryspeech.Weuseawordthatcomesfromthevocabularyofonesensetonamesomethingweperceivewithadifferentsense.Forinstance,wordslikesweetandsourandbitteraretastewords,butweusethemtosaythingslike“asweetsong,”“asourmoment,”or“abittercold.”
Gobacktothesensorywordsyoucollectedintheabovepractices.Experimentwithusingsomeofthemtopicturesomethingfromadifferentsense.
Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:CombiningSenses
Inyourimagination,gosomeplace(arealplaceoramade-upone)anduseallyoursensestonoticewhatisaroundyou.Collectontothepageasmanydetailsasyoulike.Now,usingthevocabularyofthesenses,makeapicturethatwillcommunicatetoreaderswhatyouhaveperceivedinyourimagination.
Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:PicturingEmotion
Writeashortsentencethatnamesanemotionoramentalorphysicalstate.Useordinarylanguage.Forexample:Joeisveryhappy.
Nowpicturethepersoninthegripofthatemotion(orinthatcondition):Joehasabigsmileonhisface.Donotuseanywordthatnamestheemotionorcondition;showitinstead.
Trythisanumberoftimes,usingdifferentemotionsorconditions,suchasfear,fatigue,preoccupation,contempt,andsoon.
Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?
Practice:TheVocabularyoftheSenses:ReadingasaWriter
Thebestwaytofillyourwordhoardwiththevocabularyofthesensesistoborrowwordsfromskilledwriters.Asyouread,makenoteofsensorywordsyoulike.Lookthemupinadictionarytomakesureyouknowwhattheymean.Andthenpracticeusingthem.Soontheywillbecomeapartofthevocabularyyoucandrawoneasilywhenyouwrite.
Tousethevocabularyofthesensescomesnaturallytomostpeople.Onceyouturnyourattentiontotheseparticularwords,youwillprobablyfinditveryeasytomakeuseofthem.Asyoupractice,youwillfindyourselfavoidingabstractionsandgeneralitiesandinsteadchoosingsensorywordstomakeverbalimages.
MakingChoiceswithVerbalImages
Whenwefilloursentenceswiththevocabularyofthesenses,wearemakingverbalimages.Thatis,wearemakingword-picturesthatcommunicatetoourreadersthepicturesinourownimaginations.Ratherthantalkingaboutwhatitiswewanttoshowourreaders,wegivethemthesensorydetailsandletthosedetailsactontheirimaginations.
Thewriterswecall“great”aremastersinthecraftofmakingverbalimages.Oneofthethingstheyknowhowtodoistochoose,fromallthedetailstheirimaginationsgivethem,exactlytherightonestoconveythespecificsensorypicturestheywanttogetacrosstotheirreaders.Inmakingverbalimages,aswitheveryotheraspectofthewritingcraft,weneedtolearnhowtomakechoices.
Onethingweneedtochooseisthelengthofourimages.Shouldtheimagewemakehere,inthisplaceinourwriting,beashortone—justafewwords—oralongone—anentireparagraph,oreventwoorthree?Andwhatabouttheoneweneedhere?Thechoicesawritermakesaboutthelengthofverbalimagesisonethingthathelpsdefinehisparticularstyle.
Anotherthingtoconsiderishowvividwewantaparticularwordpicturetobe.Howmanysensorydetailsshouldwegive?Whichparticulardetailsdowewanttouse?
Asyouread,payattentiontohoweachauthorusessensorydetails.Oneofthethingsthatyoumaynoticeisthatwritersdifferagreatdealintheamountofspecificdetailtheyprovidetotheirreaders.Perhapsonewaytothinkaboutthisisthat,aswriters,wehavetodecidehowmuchwewanttoinsistonourreadersseeingourmentalpicturesexactlythewayweseethem,andhowmuchwewanttoallowourreaderstousetheirownimaginations.
Whicheverchoicewemake,though,wehavetoincludeenoughdetailsothatweactivateourreaders’imaginations.Thenwecanconsiderhowsharplywewanttofocusourimages.
CreatingSharperFocusforImagesIfyougivethesameamountofdetailforeverythingyoupicture,yourreaderwillquicklyfeelboredoroverwhelmed.Soyouhavetomakechoices—choicesaboutwhereandwhentosharpenthefocusofyourimages.
Herearesometechniquestoplaywiththatwillhelpyoucreateasharperfocuswhenyouchooseto:
1.AddAdjectivesandAdverbs
Considerthisimage:Thegirlwalkeddownthestreet.Whatpicturedothosewordsmakeinyourmind?Iftheymakeoneatall,it
willbevagueandblurry,likeanout-of-focusphotograph.Whataboutthisversion?Thesmallgirlwalkedalonedownthelong,darkstreet,linedwithunfamiliarhouses.
Theadjectivesandadverbmakethepicturemorefocused,morevivid.
Practice:SharperFocus:AddAdjectivesandAdverbs
Inyourimagination,makeapictureofoneperson,animal,orobject.Writeaverygeneralimage(oneshortsentenceisfine)forwhatyouhavepictured.Nowrewriteyoursentence,addingadjectivesandadverbstosharpenthefocus.
2.PointtoaPartoftheObjectorAction
Considerthisimage:Joedroveslowly.Nowconsiderthisrevision,whichsharpenstheimagebypointingtoapartofit:Joedroveslowly,hesitatingateverycorner.(The“pointing”isfromthegeneralslownessofJoe’sdrivingtothespecificmovementofhesitation.)
Here’sanotherexample:Helenstoppedtalkingandstaredoutthewindow.Nowhere’sarevisedversion,withpointing:Helenstoppedtalkingandstaredoutthewindow,hereyesgrownsuddenlycold.
Practice:SharperFocus:Pointing
Writeageneralimage,thensharpenthefocususingthe“pointingtechnique.”
3.ConsidertheEffectYouWantYourImagetoHaveonYourReaders
Thelanguageoftheimaginationisawriter’smostpowerfultooltomakethingshappeninsidereaders:tomakethemsee,hear,andtaste;tocreatesensationsandemotionsinsidethem.Todothiseffectively,wecan’tuseeverysingledetailourimaginationhastooffer.Wehavetomakechoices.Usuallythechoicewemakedependsonwhatwewantourlanguagepicturestodotoourreaders.
Practice:SharperFocus:ChoosingDetailsforEffect
Beginthispracticebychoosinganimagetomakeinyourmind:onefromapreviouspractice,oneyouinventnow,oronefromapieceofwritingyouareworkingon.Keepingthatimageinmind,considertheeffectyouwantittohaveinyourreader’smindwhenyoutransferitthereusingwords.Askyourself,WhatdoIwanttomakehappeninsidemyreader?
Nowspendsometimewiththeimageinyourmind,noticingitsvariousdetails,andthinkingaboutwhichonesyoumightchoosetoputintowords,sothattheverbalimageyoumakewillhavetheeffectyouwantittohaveonyourreader.Collectthesedetailsontothepage,usinganywordsthatwillhelpyourememberthem;then,usingthevocabularyofthesenses,constructoneormoreverbalimagestoaffectyourreaderthewayyouintend.(Rememberthatwehaveothersensesinadditiontosightandhearing.)
Ifyouwanttofindoutwhetheryourverbalimagesworkthewayyouwantthemto,askatrustedfriendtoreadthemandtotellyouwhathappenedinsidehimashetookinyourwords.Whatpicturesdidheget?Whatdidhefeelorthink?
Practice:SharperFocus:Imitation
Thebestwaytolearnhowverbalimagesworkonreadersistopayattentiontohowyoureactwhenyoureadstoriesorpoemsthatengageyourownimagination.
Takeapassagefromafavoriteauthor,and,asyouread,makenoteofverbalimagesthataffectyoupowerfully:imagesthatmakepicturesinyourimagination,imagesthatmakeyoufeelsensationsoremotions.Thengobacktoeachoneinturnandcopyitintoyournotebook.Readitoverslowly,noticingwhathappensinsideyou.Readitagainandseeifyounoticeanythingelse.Nowgobackthroughthepassageandseeifyoucandiscoverwhat,exactly,thewriterdidwithwordstomakethepassageaffectyouasitdid.Youmaywanttowritesomenotestoyourselfaboutwhatyouhavelearned.
Then,inwhateverwayyoulike,imitatethispassage.
4.ChooseBetweenStaticorMovingImages
Asyoupracticeimitatingverbalimagesmadebyskilledwriters,youwillprobablynoticethatsomeofthemhavenomovementinthem,whileothershaveagreatdealofmovement.Whatyouarenoticingisthedifferencebetweenstatic
images—theonesthatdon’tshowmovement—anddynamicimages—theonesthatdo.Whenwecreatestaticimageswearewritingdescription.Whenwecreatedynamicimageswearewritingnarration.Whilewecan,ifwelike,writeseparatedescriptiveandnarrativepassages,wecanalsocombinethetwo.
Herearesomeexamplesofdescription:
Itwasalittleaftersevenonasummermorning,andWilliamPotticarywastakinghisaccustomedwayovertheshortdowngrassofthecliff-top.Beyondhiselbow,twohundredfeetbelow,laythechannel,verystillandshining,likeamilkyopal.Allaroundhimhungthebrightair,emptyasyetoflarks.Inallthesunlitworldnosoundexceptforthescreamingofsomesea-gullsonthedistantbeach…
—JosephineTey,AShillingforCandles
Thisroomwasverylongandnarrow,andallalongonesidewerewindowswithwhite,ruffledcurtainsdrawnbackatthesides,andwithsmall,shiningpanesofglass,throughwhichthesunpouredgoldenlightonalongshelfofpottedplants…
—DorothyCanfieldFisher,UnderstoodBetsy
Practice:StaticImages
1. Bringanimagetoyourmind.Makesurethepictureisofsomethingthatdoesn’tmove.
2. Collectsensorydetailsfromthatimageandwritethemdown.3. Selectthedetailsyouwanttouse.4. Composetheimageinwords.
Whatdidyounoticeindoingthispractice?
Practice:StaticImages
Collectseveralexamplesofstaticimagesfromyourreadingandcopythemintoyournotebook.Chooseone(ormore,ifyoulike)toimitate.Whatdidyounoticeindoingthispractice?
Practice:MovingImages
Tocreateapictureinwordsofamovingimageistocreatenarration,totellapartofahappening.Herearesomeexamplesofmovingimages:
Rainsfordsprangupandmovedquicklytothe[ship’s]rail,mystified.Hestrainedhiseyesinthedirectionfromwhichthereportshadcome,butitwasliketryingtoseethroughablanket.Heleapedontotherailandbalancedhimselfthere,togetgreaterelevation;hispipe,strikingarope,wasknockedfromhismouth.Helungedforit…
—RichardConnell,“TheMostDangerousGame”
[Theboys]ranacrossthechurchyardforthesportofleapfroggingoverthemostconvenienttombstones,thenshoutedastheyhurledthemselvesonthegrassandrolleddownthemound…Theypeltedacrossthevillagestreetandscrambledtothetopofthefurthermound.
—BarbaraWillard,TheSprigofBroom
Trythispracticetocreatemovingimages:
1. Bringanimagetoyourmindofsomethingorsomeone,thenletthatpersonorthingmove.
2. Collectsensorydetailsfromthatmovingimageandwritethemdown.3. Selectthedetailsyouwanttouse.4. Composetheimageinwords.
Whatdidyounoticeindoingthispractice?
Practice:CombineStaticandMovingImages
Thoughit’sgoodpracticetomakestaticandmovingimagesinisolation,muchofthetime,whenwewrite,wecombinethem.Forinstance:
OnthestepsoftheGreatLondonRoadpolicestationinEdinburgh,JohnRebuslithislastlegitimatecigaretteofthedaybeforepushingopentheimposingdoorandsteppinginside.Thestationwasold,itsfloordarkandmarbled.Ithadaboutitthefading
grandeurofadeadaristocracy.Ithadcharacter.Rebuswavedtothedutysergeant,whowastearingoldpicturesfromthe
notice-boardandpinningupnewonesintheirplace.Heclimbedthegreatcurvingstaircasetohisoffice.Campbellwasjustleaving.
—IanRankin,KnotsandCrosses
Twogentlemenwhowereinthelavatoryatthetimetriedtolifthimup:buthewasquitehelpless.Helaycurledupatthefootofthestairsdownwhichhehadfallen.Theysucceededinturninghimover.Hishathadrolledafewyardsawayandhisclothesweresmearedwiththefilthandoozeoftheflooronwhichhehadlain,facedownwards.Hiseyeswereclosedandhebreathedwithagruntingnoise.Athinstreamofbloodtrickledfromthecornerofhismouth.
—JamesJoyce,“Grace”
Nowpracticethistechniqueyourself:
1. Bringanimagetoyourmindofsomethingorsomeone.Letthatpersonorthingbestillfirst,andthenmove.Youcangobackandforthbetweenstillnessandmovement,ifyoulike.
2. Collectsensorydetailsfromboththestaticandthemovingimages,andwritethemdown.
3. Selectthedetailsyouwanttouse.
4. Composetheimageinwords.
Whatdidyounoticeindoingthispractice?
ANoteontheProcessofMakingImages
Thesepracticesaredesignedtohelpyoulearnhowtomakeverbalimagesthatwilltransferwhat’sinyourimaginationtotheimaginationofyourreaders.Theyarealsodesignedtohelpyouunderstandthewholestep-by-stepprocessthatgoesonwhenweusethelanguageoftheimagination.TheprocessthatI’veencouragedyoutofollow—makingtheimageinyourmind,collectingdetails,choosingdetails,findingtherightwordsforyourverbalimages—mayseemlaboriousandtooslow.Rememberthatwhatyouaredoinghereispracticing,thewayyoumightpracticethedifferentskillsinvolvedinlearningtorideabicycleortohitabaseball.Eventually,ifyoupracticeenough,theskillswillbecomeautomaticandthewholeprocesswillhappenveryquickly.
Evenprofessionalwritersfalteroccasionally,though.Andifyouunderstandtheprocessofmakingverbalimages—anunderstandingbasedonhavingactuallyfollowedtheprocessmanytimes—thenwhenyoudogetstuck,youcanreturntothestepsandfollowthemtogetyourmindmovingagain.
Pleasedon’tforgetthefirststepoftheprocessinyourquesttofindjusttherightwords.Rememberthattomakepowerfulverbalimagesrequirestwocomplementaryskills:theabilitytomaketheimages(orperhapsIshouldsay,tolettheimagesappear)inyourownmind;andtheabilitytouselanguagetocommunicatethoseimagestoothers.
Awell-stockedimaginationisjustasimportanttoawriterasawell-stockedwordhoard.AndI’vefound,whenIgetstuckcomposingverbalimages,thatencouragingmyimaginationtogivememorepicturesworksbetterthansearchingdesperatelyfortheperfectword.
5.UseComparison
Sofarinourexplorationofimageswe’vebeenexperimentingwithusingconcrete,specificwordstomakeverbalpicturesofpeopleorplacesorthingsorscenesgiventousbythefacultyofimagination.(Thesepicturescanbebasedonobservationorinvention,oracombinationofboth.)We’veconsideredhowdetailedtomakeourpictures,andwhateffectwewantthemtohaveonourreaders.We’vetriedsharpeningourimagesbyaddingmoredetailorchoosingaspecificdetailtofocuson.Allthesetechniqueshelpustransferintowordsacloserepresentationofthepicturesinourmind.
Theverbalimageswecreateinthesewaysarecalledliteralimages.Literalimagesareattemptstoreproduceinwordsanobjectorapersonoranexperienceandtomakethatreproductionasrealisticaspossible.
Butoften,aswemakeimages,wediscoverthatliteralimagesarenotenough.Sometimesinordertocommunicatewhatsomethingis,weneedtowriteaboutwhatitislike.Weneedtocompareittosomethingelse.Listentotheseexamplesandnoticewhathappensinyourmindasyouhearthem.
WhentheveteranMenelaussaw[Paris]stridingtowardshiminfrontofthecrowd,hewasashappyasahungrylionwhenhefindsthegreatcarcassofanantleredstagorawildgoatanddevoursitgreedilyinspiteofalltheeffortsofthesturdyhuntsmenandthenimblehoundstodrivehimoff…
ButwhenroyalParissawthatitwasMenelauswhohadtakenuphischallenge,hisheartfailedhimcompletely,andheslippedbackintothefriendlyranksinterrorforhislife,likeamanwhocomesonasnakeinawoodedravine,recoils,andwithpalecheeksandtremblinglimbsgoesbackthewayhecame.
—TheIliad(trans.E.V.Rieu)
Youprobablynoticed,asyoureadthesepassages,thatyourmindwasfilledwithtwoimagesatthesametime.Thewriterpresentsonething,andtheninorderto
portrayitvividly,hecomparesittosomethingelse.Thehumanbrainseemstobeconstitutedtomakesenseofexperienceby
perceivingandstatingresemblances.Tomakecomparisonsisoneofthewayswelearn:Wetrytounderstandnewthingsbycomparingthemtosomethingwealreadyknow.WeasknotWhatisthis?butWhatisthislike?
Wemakesuchcomparisonsallthetimeinordinaryconversation.Afriendmightaskustodescribeanewacquaintance;wemightrespondwithliteraldetailsofhisheight,haircolor,eyecolor,andsoon,togiveherapicture.Morelikely,though,we’dmakeacomparison:He’slikeRobertRedfordwithdarkhair.Ifourfriendisamovie-goer,shewillimmediately“getthepicture.”
Ourordinaryconversationisshotthroughwithcomparisons:He’scrazylikeafox.Thecatisasdeadasadoornail.Theteamcameonlikegangbusters.Thatgirlisapeach.Thelanguagepartsofourbrainmakecomparisonsquitenaturally.Whenwemakecomparisonsinwords,wearecreatingwhatarecalledfigurativeimages.
Figurativeimagesareabitlikepiecesofchippedrock.Astheyareused,overandover,theirroughedgesbecomemoreandmoresmootheddown,andtheylosetheirdefinitionandtheirparticularidentity.Afterawhile,thepowerthatfigurativeimageshadwhentheywerenewdisappears.Thefirstpersontocompareaprettygirltoapeach,forinstance,madeafigurativeimagethatmighthavestartledhislisteners;butafterthatimagewaspassedonfromonepersontoanother,aroundandaroundamongthesamegroupofpeople,itwouldnolongerhavehadanyimpact.
Wecallsuchworn-outfigurativeimagesclichés,andweusuallyneedtoavoidtheminourwritingbecausetheynolongerhavethepowertoaffectourreaders.Instead,weneedtomakeuseofournaturalabilitytomakecomparisonstocreatefreshimagesthatwillhelpourreaderssee(orhearortasteortouch)whateverwearepicturing.Let’stakealook,then,attheprocessofcreatingfigurativeimages.
MakingFigurativeImagesWemakecomparisonsinlanguageintwoways:bysayingAislikeB(orAisas_______[somequality]asB);orbysayingAisB.Whenweuselikeoraswearemakingafigurativeimageknownassimile.(SimileistheLatinwordforlike.)Whenweleaveoutthelikeoras,wearemakingafigurativeimagecalledmetaphor.(MetaphorcomesfromtheGreekwordfortransfer.)Withmetaphorweuseawordorphraseto“transfer”thequalitiesofonethingtosomethingelsethatdoesnotliterallyhavethosequalities:Inotherwords,wedescribeonethingintermsofanother.Ifwewanttousethesetwotechniquesofsimileandmetaphoreffectively,weneedtounderstandandkeepinmindboththesimilaritiesandthedifferencesinthewaytheywork.
Bothsimileandmetaphormakeacomparison,findapointofresemblance,betweenanAandaB.ThepurposeofthecomparisonistosaysomethingaboutA.SoBhastopresentapictureofsomethingbetterknown,morefamiliar,ormorevividthanA.ThemoreconcreteanddetailedthepictureofB,themorethereaderwillbeabletopictureA.OftenskilledwritersmakethepictureofBanimageofsomethingveryordinary:
Thesoundfaded,solitudesweptbacklikeahugewave…—EvaFiges,Light
Homer,intheexamplesgivenearlier,knewjusthowtopictureMenelaus,theGreekleader,andParis,theTrojan(whohadabductedMenelaus’swife,Helen),totheimaginationsofhisaudienceofshepherdsandsailors.Hecreateddown-to-earthimagesofthingshislistenerswerefamiliarwith—ahungryliontearingthecarcassofagoat,amancominguponasnakeinthewoods.
OtherwritersliketomakeBsomethingmoresurprising:
HecouldhearJonas’voice.Ithadanoddnasaltwangtoit.Heseemedtobedoingmostofthetalking.Christophercouldhearanoccasionalmumble
andgrumblefrom[Jonas’]client,likeadoublebassinterruptingalongsaxophonesolo.
—MichaelGilbert,FlashPoint
Figurativelanguagecancreateevenmorepointedeffects.Listen,forinstance,tothewayDickensgivesusapictureoflawyers(whomhehated):
Here,inalargehouse,formerlyahouseofstate,livesMr.Tulkinghorn[aneminentlawyer].Itisletoffinsetsofchambersnow,andinthoseshrunkenfragmentsofitsgreatness,lawyerslielikemaggotsinnuts.
—CharlesDickens,BleakHouse
Practice:FigurativeImages:Similes
Asimileisadirectcomparisonoftwodifferentthings,usingthewordslikeoras(andsometimesasif,seems,orappears).Here’sapracticeinmakingsimiles:
Bringtoyourimaginationapersonoranobject.Thisisthe“A”ofyourcomparison.NowmakealistofeverythingyoucanthinkofthatAislike.Giveyourimaginationfreerein;writedownallthepossibilitiesthatoccurtoyou,withoutjudgingthem.
Nowlookbackthroughyourlistandmarktheitemsyoulike.Pickoneitemtobeginwith:Thisobjectorpersonisyour“B.”WriteasentencecomparingAtoB,usinglikeoras.RemembertodevelopBintoaclearandpowerfulverbalimage,usingconcrete,specificlanguage.
Makemoresimilesusingotheritemsfromyourlist.
Practice:FigurativeImages:Metaphors
Whenwemakeametaphor,aswhenwemakeasimile,wemakeacomparisonbetweentwounlikethings;weapplyawordorphrasetosomethingtowhichitisnotliterallyapplicable.Withametaphor,though,wedonotuselikeoras.Ratherthansaying,forinstance,Lifeislikeariver,wesay,Lifeisariver(orLife,ariver…).Withoutthelikeoras,thequalitiesofonethingorperson(B)
aretransferreddirectlytotheother(A).Theresultisusuallyamorepowerfulcomparisonthanifwehadmadethesamecomparisonusingasimile.WhenRomeospeaksofJuliet,hesays,“Julietisthesun,”not“Julietislikethesun.”Whenpopsongwriterssingoflove,theysay,“Youaremysunshine,”not“Youarelikemysunshine.”
Herearemoreexamples:
Loveisakindofwarfare.—Ovid,TheArtofLove
Soeverythingwasready.AndjustastheJunesunrosebehindalightcloud,agreatcoinofgold,Johnkissedhiswifeandhischildrengoodbye.
—KevinCrossley-Holland,“ThePedlarofSwaffham”
Ourmindsworknaturallyinmetaphor;ourlanguageisfullofwhatarecalled“fossilmetaphors,”suchastheteethofthewind,orthemouthoftheriver.Toplaywithmakingmetaphorsistoplaywithsomeofthemostbasicmaterialoflanguage.Here’sonewaytoplay:
Gobacktoyourlistofsimiles.Rewriteeachoneasametaphor.Whenyoudothisexercise,youwillprobablydiscoverthatsomesimiles
cannotbetransformedintometaphor.Theydon’tmakesenseasmetaphors,ortheysoundsilly.
It’simportanttoremember,whenmakingfigurativeimages,thateventhoughyouwantyourcomparisontograbyourreader’sattention,thecomparisonalsohastomakesense.Tryingtocreateacomparisonbetweentwothingsthathavenothingincommonwon’twork.Inthesameway,ifAorBhasconnotationsthatweakenthecomparison,thefigurativeimagewillsoundsillyandmakeyourreaderslaugh.
Themosteffectivefigurativeimagesareoftenthesimplest;groundedinconcretelanguage,theymakepicturesthatspeakclearlytoareader’s
imagination.Figurativeimageslikethisareespeciallyusefulforpicturingabstractions.
Practice:FigurativeImages:PicturingAbstractions
Makealistofabstractions:beauty,truth,justice,faith,poverty,andsoon.Thenseeifyoucanmakefigurativeimagestoshowsomeaspectofeachabstraction.Youmayfindithelpfultotakeoneatatimeandfreewritealistofeverythingyoucanthinkofthatthisabstractionislike,withoutcensoringanypossibility.Thenchoosetheonesthatseemmosteffective,andmakesimilesormetaphorsforeachone.
Practice:FigurativeImages:MakingChoices
Nowthatyou’veaddedfigurativeimagestoyourtechniquesofmakingverbalimages,youhaveanothersetofchoicestomakeasyouwrite:Inanyparticularpassage,doyouwanttouseliteralorfigurativeimages;and,ifyouchoosefigurativeimages,shouldtheybesimilesormetaphors?Consider,forinstance,thefollowingthreewaysofcommunicatingthesameimaginedpicture:
Themanpeeredintothedarknessandshookhishead.(literalimage)
Themanpeeredintothedarkness,thickasawoolenblanket,andshookhishead.(simile)
Themanpeeredintothedarkness,athickwoolenblanket,andshookhishead.(metaphor)
Thesethreetechniquesarenotalwaysinterchangeable(inthepreviousexample,issimilebetterthanmetaphor?),andtheireffectcanbeverydifferent.Skilledwriters,theirabilitieshonedbylotsofpractice,developaninstinctformakingchoicesbetweenliteralandfigurativeimages.Youwillprobablyneedtodoalot
ofexperimentingwiththetwokindsofimages,aswellasalotofreading,todevelopthatinstinctinyourself.
Here’sonepracticetotry.Gobacktosomeofyourliteralimagesandseewhathappenswhenyourewritethemasfigurativeimages.Nowtakesomefigurativeimagesandrewritethemasliteralimages.Whichdoyouthinkworkbetter?Why?
Practice:FigurativeImages:LearningfromthePros
Readyourfavoritewritersforfigurativeimages(orusetheexamplesabove).Copysomeoftheimagesyoulikeintoyournotebook.Whatmakesthemwork?Seeifyoucanimitatethesetechniques.
TheValueoftheLanguageoftheImaginationThelanguageoftheimaginationisoneofawriter’smostpowerfultoolsforgettingwhatwewanttosayintothemindsofourreaders.Why?Becauseitspeakstotwomentalfacultiesatonce.
Discursivelanguage,whichtalksaboutthings,givesusplainmeaning;itspeaksonlytotheintellect.
Butrepresentationallanguage(whichIhavebeencalling“thelanguageoftheimagination”)speaksbothtotheintellectandtotheimagination.Inotherwords,whenwereadaverbalpicture,ourintellecttakesintheordinarymeaningsofthewords,and,atthesametime,ourimagination(ifithasbeenengaged)makesthepicture.Sowe“get”whatthewriterissayingintwodifferentwaysatonce.
Doesthismeanthatweshouldneverusediscursivelanguage?Ofcoursenot:Ifit’sappropriatetoourparticularpurpose,thenwehavetouseit.(Forinstance,allthesechaptersarewrittenindiscursiveprose.)Bothdiscursivelanguageandthelanguageoftheimaginationaretoolswecanuse;themorefamiliarwearewitheachofthem,thebetterwecanusethem.
BalancingShowingandTelling
Ihopebynowyouareexcitedaboutdevelopingskillinusingyourfacultyofimaginationanditsparticularlanguageofverbalimages.Onceyourskillwiththelanguageofimaginationequalsyourskillwiththelanguageofdiscourse(whetherthatbethelanguageofordinaryspeechoracademic/professionallanguage),thenyoucanchoose,asyouwriteandrevise,whichlanguageyouwanttouseinanygivenpieceofwriting,andinanygivenpassageorsentencewithinaparticularpiece.Howyouchoosewilldependprimarilyontheeffectyouwantyourwordstohaveonyourreaders:Doyouneedtoengageonlytheirintellects,ordoyouwanttoengagebothintellectandimagination?
Ifyouwanttowritefiction,poetry,ormemoir,youmaynowbewonderingwhetheryouneeddiscursivelanguageatall.Inthosegenres,youwillneedtomakeprimaryuseofthelanguageoftheimagination—andyouwillalsodiscoverthatyoucan’tpictureeverything.Therewillbetimeswhenyouneedtogetinformationacrosstoreadersasquicklyaspossible,timeswhenyouneedtosummarizehappenings,timeswhenyouneedtomakeanauthor’scommentonevents.Attimeslikethese,youwillneedthelanguageofdiscourse.
Despitethemantrathatseemstoobsesssomewritingteacherstotheexclusionofcommonsense—Show,don’ttell!—therearetimeswhentellingismoreeffectivethanshowing:Skilledwritersknowhowtodoboth.Throughexperience,andbylearningfromprofessionalwriters,youcandevelopyourinstinctsformakingthechoicewhether,inanyparticularplaceinyourwork,youneedtoshowortotell.
TakeTimetoReflect
Dosomereflectingonwhatyouhavelearnedthroughthepracticesinthischapter.Whatdoyouneedtoworkonnext?
LookingAhead
Inthesefirstlessonswe’veexploredthechoiceswritersneedtomakeaboutthewordstheyuse—theareaofcraftcalleddiction.We’velookedatthepowerwordshavebasedontheirmeanings,theirqualities,andonwhethertheyarechosentotalkaboutthingsortopicturethem.We’veplayedwithoneessentialcomponentofmakingmagicwithwords:choosingtherightones.Nowweturntoanotheressentialelementofword-magic:choosingthemosteffectivewaystocombineourchosenwordsintosentences.Fromnowon,inthisbook,we’llbeexploringthecraftof“gettingthespellright”—andtodothat,weneedtounderstand,first,thepowerwordshavebecauseoftheparticularrolestheyplayinsentences.So,inthenextsection,weexplorepartsofspeech.
Section3
ThePowerofFunction:WhatWordsDo
Ineverymanualonvirtuallyanydisciplinefrommeditationtogolf,stressislaidonthenecessityforregularpractice.Writingisnoexception.
—JohnFairfaxandJohnMoat,TheWaytoWrite
Sofarwe’vebeenlookingathowwecanmakemagicwithlanguagebychoosingindividualwords.Butsinglewordsrarelyfunctionontheirown;mostofthetimetheyworktogether,ingroups—groupsthatgrammarianscallphrasesandclausesandsentences.Tomakemagicwithlanguage,wehavetoknowthemeaningsandqualitiesofindividualwords—andweneedtoknowhowtoputthesewordstogether.Toaccomplishthis,wemustunderstandhowwordsfunctionwhentheyworktogether.Ifwewanttotakeourchosenwordsandmakeeffectivespellswiththem—sentencesandparagraphsthatwillgrabandkeepourreaders’attention—thenwehavetolearn,notjustwhatwordsmean,butwhattheydo.
WhatWordsDo
Ineverysentence,everywordhasacertainkindofworktodo,aparticularroletoplay.Grammariansusethetermpartsofspeechtolabelandclassifythesedifferentroleswordsplay.Ifyouimagineeverysentenceasatinydrama,thenyoucanalsoimagineeverywordastakingaparticularkindofrole—oractor’spart—withinthatdrama.Someofthoserolesaremoreimportanttoasentencethanothers,justastheleadingroleinaplayismoreimportantthanabitpart.Buteveryoneoftheseroles,everypartofspeech,hasitsownparticular
importance.Toputitanotherway,everypartofspeechhasitsownparticularpower;andanyonewhowantstobecomeaskilledwriterneedstoknowhowtomakeuseofthatpower.
Ifyoustudiedgrammarinschool,youmayhavefoundthismaterialboring.That’sbecauseingrammarclasseswe’reusuallytaughtonlytoanalyzesentences,notcomposethem.Buttheusefulnessofanalysisislimited:Wouldanaspiringprofessionalpitcher,forinstance,spendallhistimeanalyzinggamefilmswithouteverthrowingasinglepitch?Herewe'lltakeadifferentapproach:Firstwe'llpracticeusingpartsofspeech,thenwe’llturntothepracticeofphrases,wherewestarttocombinewordsintofunctionalunits.
Abasicunderstandingofhowpartsofspeechandphrasesworkisanessentialtoolforwriters,onethatwillhelpyoudeveloptheskillyouneedtokeepyourreadersspellbound.Remember,though,thatintellectualunderstandingaloneisnotenough;youneedtoputyourunderstandingintopractice.So,Iimploreyou,donotmerelyreadthroughthissection!Dothepractices,ormakeuponesofyourown.Thetimeyouspenddoingthiswillrewardyoufortherestofyourwritinglife.
Chapter8
PartsofSpeech
We’reborntolovegrammar.Wearetaughttohateit.—MaxMorenberg,DoingGrammar
Whentalkingaboutpartsofspeech,grammarianshavetraditionallyplacedwordsintoninecategories:nouns,verbs,adjectives,adverbs,determiners,prepositions,conjunctions,pronouns,andinterjections.(Somecontemporary
grammariansaddothercategories. )Thefirstfourofthesepartsofspeech—nouns,verbs,adjectives,andadverbs—arecalledcontentpartsofspeech,becausetheyconveycontent(meaning)tothemindsofreaders.Thenextthree—determiners,prepositions,andconjunctions—areknownasstructuralpartsofspeech;insteadofconveyingcontentthemselves,theyhelpstructure,ororganize,thecontentwords.Pronounsandinterjectionshavetheirownparticularworktodo.Let’stakealookateachoftheseinturn.
PartsofSpeech1:ContentPartsofSpeech
ContentPartsofSpeech1:NounsWhengrammarianscallawordanoun,theymeanthatitdoesacertainkindofwork:theworkofnaming.Soanounisawordthatnamessomething:aperson,aplace,athing,acondition,astateofbeing,anidea,aquality,andsoon.Thewordssummerandriverarenouns;soarethewordsloveandpeace,RebeccaandVaritek.Englishcontainsmorenounsthananyotherpartofspeech.
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Somepeoplebelievethat,ofallthepartsofspeech,nounshavethemostpower.That’sbecauseanouncan,allbyitself,makesomethinghappeninareader’smind:Itcanbringaconcepttomind,orcreateapicture.Readthefollowingwordsoneatatimeandnoticewhathappensinyourmind.Lake.Doughnut.Dog.Love.Terror.
Sostrongisthisabilityofnounstoevokemeaningthatwecaneventakethreeorfourofthem,puttheminorder,andtherebysuggestacompletesentence,withoutanyotherpartsofspeech.Considerthis:snow,car,shovel.Orthis:dress,party,admiration.Canyouheartheideainsideeachofthesenot-quitesentences?
ThePowerofNames
Thepowerofnounsisthepowertocallthingsintobeingbynamingthem.AsInotedearlier,youcanseethispowerincreationmythsfrommanycultures,wherethingscomeintobeingbecausesomeonenamesthem.Nouns,morethananyotherpartofspeech,connectwordstotherichnessoftheworld.“Naming,”saysauthorandwritingteacherFrancesMayes,“isoneofthegreatinvolvementsofthewriter,thebondingofwordsasclosetothesubjectas
possible.”Ifwewanttobecomeskilledwriters,weneedtoknowhowtomakeuseof
thepowerofnames.
PracticewithNouns:InternalCollecting
Unpackyourwordhoard,puttingallyourattentionintocollectingonlynouns—wordsthatnamepeople,places,orthings(tangibleorintangible).Asyoudothis,youmaywanttotrybeingawareofwhetherthewordsyouarecollectingaregeneralorspecific,abstractorconcrete;youcan,ifyoulike,collectmanydifferentnamesforthesamethingoridea.Keepyourpenmovingforfiveortenminutes,andseewhathappens.
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Whenyou’redonewiththispractice,takeamomenttoreflectonpaperaboutwhatyounoticedasyoucollectednouns.Thenreadthroughyourlistandmarkthewordsyouparticularlylike.Lookuptheirmeaningsinthedictionary,ifyouneedto.Thenusesomeofthosewordstoconstructsentences.Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?
Nowtrythis:Pickanoun,thencollectallthenounsyoucanthinkofthatyouassociatewiththisnoun.Selectsomeofthesenounsandusethemtomakesentences.Whatdoyounoticethistime?
Perhapsindoingthesepracticesyounoticedthatyoudon’tknowthenamesofmanythingsintheworldaroundyou.Manypeopleinmyworkshopshavethatexperience.Mostofus,thesedays,aresadlyoutoftouchwiththephysicalworldthatexistsoutsideourownheads.Thankstothemassmedia,wemayknowthenameofeverysongrecordedbyourfavoritepopsinger,butwedon’tknowthenamesofthestreetswewalkon,orthenamesofthematerialsusedtobuildthehousesliningthosestreets,orthenamesofthedifferentkindsofcloudsabovethem.If,then,weeverwanttocreateapictureofaworldforourreaders,wewillhaveadifficulttimedoingit.
Fortunately,wecaneasilyaddtoourstoreofnouns,justbychoosingtolearnthenamesofthings.Forinstance,Iusedtowanderaroundbeingvaguelyawareoftrees,butIdidn’tknowthenamesofanyofthem.ThenIdecidedtolearntheirnames,withthehelpofafriendandsomeguidebooks.IntheprocessIacquiredmuchmorethansomenewnouns:BecauseIcouldnamethetreesaroundme—That’samaple,that’sanoak—myexperienceoftreeschangedcompletely.Tolearnthenameofastrangermakesherrealtousinanewway.NolongerissheanamelessfacebutJaneO’DonnellorMarthaGreene,aparticularindividual.Inthesameway,treesbecamemorerealtome,morealive,becauseIlearnedtheirnames.Tonamesomethingpreciselyisasteptowardsknowingit.
PracticewithNouns:ExternalCollecting
Ifyouwanttoundertakeasimilarjourneyintolearningthenamesofthings,youcandosoeasily.Fieldguidestoanimals,birds,clouds,rocks,architecture,andmanyothersubjectsarereadilyavailable.Orperhapsyouhaveafriendwhosharesyourinterestinasubjectandcantellyouthenamesofthingsinthatfield.Asyouconversewithyourfriend,orbrowseinafieldguide,everytimeyoucomeacrossanounyoulike,writeitdowninyournotebook,alongwithitsdefinition,andthenuseitinsentencestomakeityourown.
Youcanfindlotsofsimilarwaystoaddnounstoyourwordhoardviaexternalcollecting.Asyouread,collectthenounsyoulike.Asyoulistentopeopletalk(inperson,ontheradio,ontelevision),nameswillcometoyouthatattractyourattention.Ifyouwritethemdownandusethem,theywillbecomeyours.
UnderstandingNouns:KindsofNouns
Nounscanbeclassifiedintofourcategories:commonnouns,propernouns,compoundnouns,andcollectivenouns.Exploringeachcategoryinturncanprovideyouwithmorenamingwordsforyourwordhoard.
1. Commonnouns—sometimescalled“generic”nouns—namepeople,places,things,conditions,ideas,andsoon.Wecanrecognizecommonnounsbecausetheyarenotcapitalized(exceptwhentheycomeatthebeginningofasentence).Dog,lake,earth,attitude,sensitivityareallcommonnouns.Commonnounscanbegeneralorspecific,abstractorconcrete.
2. Propernounsnameaspecificpersonorplaceorthing:notjustanyman,butMr.Satterthwaite;notjustanylake,butLakeChamplain;notjustanykindofsoftdrink,butCoke.Wecanrecognizepropernounseasilybecausetheyarealwayscapitalized,evenwhentheydon’tbeginasentence.
3. Compoundnounsaremadeupoftwoormorenounsthattogethernameonething,person,orplace.Footballgame,rockstar,bookreportare
examplesofcompoundnouns.Somecompoundnounsarehyphenated:movie-goer,attention-grabber.
4. Collectivenounsnamegroupsofthingsorpeopleorplaces.Whenwetalkaboutabunchofflowers,aherdofcows,oracrowdofpeople,thewordsbunch,herd,andcrowdarecollectivenouns.
PracticewithNouns:KindsofNouns
Foreachkindofnouninturn,firstcollectasmanyasyoucan,thengobackthroughyourlistandreadoveryourwords.Noticetheparticularpowereachwordhas.Thenmarktheonesyoulike,andmakethemyourownbyputtingthemintosentences.
1.CollectCommonNouns
Don’ttrytobefancyhere:Anyoldcommonnounswilldo.Ifyou’restuckatfirst,trylookingaroundyouandwritingdownthenamesofeverythingyoucanobserve.Herearesomemoreexamplesofcommonnouns:
desk,foot,stitch,beauty,gathering,rain,loneliness,fate,grief,clown
2.CollectProperNouns
Youcancollectnamesyoualreadyknow,ormakesomeup.Thinkaboutplacesorpeopleyouknow,orthatyou’dliketoknow:Whataretheirnamesortheirnicknames?
3.CollectCompoundNouns
Firstcollectonesyouknow.Thenmakesomeup.Herearesomemoreexamples:
busstop,fratparty,crashpad,skiresort,firefly,storm-bringer,baseball
Sometimesacompoundnounistwonounsjoinedtogether,withoutspaceorpunctuation(rooftop);sometimesacompoundnounistwonouns,separatedbyaspace,thatfunctionasoneword(garbagecollector);sometimesacompound
nounishyphenated(six-pack).Andsometimesotherpartsofspeechcanfindtheirwayintoacompoundnoun(softball,breakfast,merry-go-round).
4.CollectCollectiveNouns
There’sawonderfulbookcalledAnExaltationofLarksbyJamesLipton,thatdescribesthevogueforcollectivenounsintheMiddleAgesandgivesexamples(withpictures).Youmaywanttotakealookatitifyoulikecollectivenouns.
Ifyouwanttoplaywithcollectivenouns,trythefollowinggame.Collectnouns:someconcrete,someabstract;somesingular,someplural.Thenusetheminthecollectivenounconstruction:A(oran)________(singular)of________(plural).
Forexample:
anarroganceofacademicsanabstractofphilosophersacomfortofchairsamonstrosityofmodernpaintings
Letyourwordmindplay;don’tcensorwhatyoucomeupwith.Thisisagreatpracticeforgettingusedtolettingyourwordmindtakeover.
Here’sanexampleofbothcompoundandcollectivenounsfromaprofessionalwriter,thebeginningofKevinCrossley-Holland’sretellingof“ThePiedPiperofHamelin”:
Rats!Therewasaruinofrats.Arat-attack!Aplagueofrats.
PracticewithNouns:MakeSentenceswithNouns
Selectsomenounsfromyourlistsandputthemtogetherintosentences.Experimentwithusingdifferentkindsofnounsinonesentence.Afterwards,readyoursentencesoutloud.Howdothosenounssoundtoyou?
PracticewithNouns:FreewritingwithNouns
Dosomefreewriting,makingcompletesentences,andkeepyourwordmindfocusedonnouns.Afterwardsreadyoursentencesoutloud.Howdotheysoundtoyou?
PracticewithNouns:ReadforNouns
Asyouread,paymostattentiontonouns.Doesyourauthorusealotofnouns?Whatkind?Whatistheeffectofthesenouns?
UnderstandingNouns:TheNoun-BasedStyle
Somewriterschoosetowritesentencescomposedprimarilyofnouns;wecansaythattheirwritingstyleisanoun-basedstyle.Here’sanexamplefromTheCrofterandtheLaird,abookbyJohnMcPheeaboutColonsay,anislandoffthecoastofScotland.Asyouread,takementalnoteofthenounsheuses.
AfterourownvoyagetoColonsay,overgreenandfoamingwatersinawindthatmadetearsrundownourcheeks,thefirstpersonwesawwasDonaldGibbie,standingthereonhispierintheleeofCnocnaFaireMor(BigLookoutHill),inhisWellingtonboots,hisdungarees,hisheavygraypullover,andhisbrown-and-tanknittedcap,withhishandsclaspedbehindhisback,afrownonhisface,andalookoffeltresponsibilityinhiseyes…
Herearemoreexamplesofnoun-basedstyle:
Butsuchwonderfulthingscametumblingoutoftheclosetswhentheywereopened—bitsofmouldypie,sourbottles,Mrs.Jellyby’scaps,letters,tea,forks,oddshoesandbootsofchildren,firewood,wafers,saucepanlids,dampsugarinoddsandendsofpaperbags,footstools,blackleadbrushes,bread,Mrs.Jellyby’sbonnets,bookswithbutterstickingtothebinding,gutteredcandle-endsputoutbybeingturnedupside-downinbrokencandle-sticks,nutshells,headsandtailsofshrimps,dinner-mats,gloves,
coffee-grounds,umbrellas—that[Mr.Jellyby]lookedfrightenedandleftoff[lookinginterested]again.
—CharlesDickens,BleakHouse
Coins,paperclips,ballpointpens,andlittlegirls’pocketbooksarefoundbyworkmenwhentheycleanthesealions’poolattheBronxZoo.
—GayTalese,“NewYorkIsaCityofThingsUnnoticed”
Doyoulikethiskindofwriting?Thentryitforyourself,puttingtoworkyournewfoundunderstandingofnouns.Pickasubjectandcomposesomesentencesonit,concentratingonusingmostlynouns.Ortakeapassagefromsomethingyou’vealreadywritten,andreviseitsothatnounspredominateinmostofthesentences.Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?
Perhapsyouwillfallinlovewiththepowerofnouns,withtheiramazingabilitytocallthingsintobeinginourminds.Youmaydiscoverthatwhenyouchoosenounsthatareconcreteandspecific—whenyoufindtheexactnameyouneed—youcanofteneliminateunnecessaryadjectives.
ContentPartsofSpeech2:VerbsAverbisawordthatmakesthingshappen.Nounsarethebuildingblocksofsentences,but,usedalone,theyarestatic.Theycanevokepicturesorconceptsinareader’smind,andsotheyhavelotsofpower,butthosepicturescan’tmove.Trysayingthesewordsoutloud,oneatatime,andseewhathappens:snow,justice,crayon.
Nowtrythisexerciseagain,withverbsadded.Noticethedifferenceinthepicturesorideasthatcometoyourmind.
Thesnowfell.
Justicefailed.
Acrayonbroke.
Nowthepicturesandideashavesomemovementtothem.Thewordtakingtheroleofverbineachoftheseexamples—fell,failed,broke—makesthatmovementhappen.
Somewritersbelievenounsaremorepowerfulthanverbs;othersbelievethereverse.(F.ScottFitzgerald,forinstance,said,“Allfineproseisbasedontheverbscarryingthesentences.Theymakesentencesmove.”)Asyouexperimentwiththesetwopartsofspeech,you’llgettomakeyourowndecision.Justrememberthatthesetwopartsofspeechdoverydifferentthings,andeachhasitsownparticularkindofpower.Whenawordtakestheroleofaverb,itspoweristoassertsomethingortoconveyaction,tomakethingshappen.
Someofyoumaybethinking,Butwhataboutverbslikeisorseemed?Theydon’tmakemuchofanythinghappen.
You’reright.Theydon’t.Whenitcomestoconveyingaction,allverbsarenotcreatedequal.Butbeforeweexplorethedifferencesamongverbs,let’splayabitwiththisparticularpartofspeech.
PracticewithVerbs:InternalCollecting
Asyoudidwithnouns,nowcollectanyverbsthatcometoyouasyoukeepyourpenmovingacrossthepage.Useanyformoftheverbthatcomesmosteasilytoyou:going,goes,go,togo,andsoon.(Ifyougetstuck,repeatthesamewordoverandoveruntilyourmindgivesyouanotherone.)
Whatdidyounoticeasyoudidthis?Nowmakesomeoftheseverbsyourownbyusingthemtoconstruct
sentences.Asavariationofthispractice,selectsomenounsfromyournounlistsandsomeverbsfromthelistyoujustmade.Nowplaywiththesebyusingthemtomakeshortsentences.(Addanyotherwordsyouneedtomakecompletesentences,buttrytokeepthesentencesreasonablyshort.)Useanytenseorformoftheverbyoulike.Experimentwithcombiningnounsandverbsthatyouhave
neverbeforeputtogether.Youmight,forinstance,tryputtingabstractnounswithverbsthatevokephysicalaction.(WhenIdidthis,Igotsentenceslike,“Hopehypnotizesus,”and“Solitudestillstheheart.”)
Whathappenedasyoudidthisexercise?Readyoursentencesoutloud.Howdotheysoundtoyou?
UnderstandingVerbs:KindsofVerbs
Nowthatyou’regettingafeelforverbs,let’slookmorecloselyatthispartofspeech.Verbsfallintofourmaincategories,dependingonthekindofactiontheyconvey.
1.Thebeverbs:Thisincludesalltheformsoftheverbtobe.Thisverbconveyslittleaction,andsosomecontemporarywritersonstyleadvisewriterstodoawaywithitaltogether.Butwithoutthisverb,ourwritingwouldbeimpoverished,foritenablesustoexpresstheconditionofthings:Joeissad.Maryislate.Inthehandsofaskilledwriter,thebeverbdirectsourattentiontonounsandadjectives.Forinstance:
TheCreativeisheaven.Itisround,itistheprince,thefather,jade,metal,cold,ice;itisdeepred,agoodhorse,anoldhorse,aleanhorse,awildhorse,treefruit.
—TheIChing(TheBookofChanges)
ThefactisthattheBritishhaveatotallyprivatesenseofdistance.ThisismostvisiblyseeninthesharedpretensethatBritainisalonelyislandinthemiddleofanemptygreensea.
—BillBryson,NotesfromaSmallIsland
2.Thelinkingverbs:Verbsinthiscategory—become,seem,appear,look,grow,remain,feel,andothers—havemoreoomph,moreenergytothemthanthebe
verb,thoughthedegreeofactiontheyconveyisstilllow.Astheirnameimplies,theyservetolinkonethingtoanother:Joeseemssad.Maryappearshappy.Becausetheseverbsdon’thavealotofpowerthemselves,sentencesinwhichtheyappearmustrelyonotherpartsofspeechfortheirenergy.Forexample:
Suddenlytheseagrewangry.Theskygrewdark.—BobBarton,“TheHonestPenny”inTheBearSaysNorth
3.Theintransitiveverbs:Whenwethinkofverbs,mostlikelytheonesthatcometoourmindsfirstwillbetheintransitives:walk,run,skip,talk,andsoon.Verbsinthiscategorydoindeedpossessenergy—lotsofit:Joeyelled.Marylaughed.Thebowlshattered.Intransitiveverbscanberecognizedbytheirdefiningcharacteristic:Theactiontheyconveyiscompleteinitselfandrequiresnootherwords.Whenyouwanttoaddmoreverbstoyourwordhoard,simpleintransitivesareagoodplacetostart.Hereareafewexamples:
Someoftheworld’sforemostdiplomatsswearby[thisbarber’s]scissors,marvelathisspeed,andrelaxcomfortablyunderhisrazor.
—GayTalese,“NewYorkIsaCityofCharacters”
Suddenly,foulweathercameuponthem.Thundercrashed,waveslashed,theraincamedownintorrents.Theshipdroveanddrovethroughheavingseas.
—BobBarton,“TheHonestPenny”inTheBearSaysNorth
4.Thetransitiveverbs:Verbsinthiscategoryalsoconveyaction—somuchso,infact,thattheactionexpressedbyatransitiveverbcanonlybecompletedbyaddinganotherwordorgroupofwordstotheverb.When,inreading,wecometotheendofagroupofwordslikeJohnthreworMarybought,wefeelasenseofincompleteness.WewanttoknowWhatdidJohnthrow?WhatdidMarybuy?
Theactionofeachverbmustbecarriedoverintoanotherwordorgroupofwords(knownasthedirectobject).Forinstance:Johnthrewtheball.Maryboughtanewsweater.Herearemoreexamples:
ImetSymmingtoninthetownlaterintheday.—AgathaChristie,TheMovingFinger
YoungFrostrubbedhishandsinanticipationofwhatwastofollow…Henippedtheman’scheeks,hetweakedhisnose,hedoveintohisleatherbootsandfrozehistoes.
—BobBarton,“Frostbite,”inTheBearSaysNorth
ManyverbsinEnglishcanbeeithertransitiveorintransitive;theseverbshavebothkindsofpower,dependingonhowtheyareused.Forexample:
Susanatequickly.(intransitive)
Susanatethespaghetti.(transitive)
Yourdictionarywilltellyouwhetheragivenverbistransitive,intransitive,orboth.
PracticewithVerbs:TheKindsofVerbs
Toknowthesefourdifferentkindsofverbs—notintellectually,butdeepinyourwriter’sbones—willgiveyoutheabilitytomakeyourwritingmove.Practice,withawareness,willhelpyoudevelopthisability.Herearesomepracticestotry:
1. Takethebeverbandmakesentenceswithit.Whatdoyounoticeaboutthesesentences?
2. Dothesamethingwithlinkingverbs.3. Collectintransitiveverbs.Choosesomeandmakesentenceswiththem.
4. Dothesamethingwithtransitiveverbs.5. Takesometimetoreadyoursentencesoutloudandtonoticehowthey
soundtoyou.6. Writeasentenceusingonekindofverb,thenrewriteitusingadifferent
kind.Readtheversionsoutloudandnoticehowtheysound.Whichdoyouprefer?
7. Takeapassagefromsomethingyou’vewritten,andmarkalltheverbs.Labeleachverbwiththenameofthecategoryitbelongsto.Rewritethepassageusingverbsthatconveymoreaction.
Ifyoudothesepracticesonaregularbasis,youwillquicklygaincommandofthefourkindsofverbs.Then,asyouwriteandrevise,you’llbemoreawareofyouravailablechoices.Withmorepossibilitiestochoosefrom,youwillhaveaneasiertimewritingsentenceswhosepowercomesfromtheirverbs.
Whenyouuseaverb,it’shelpfultoknowwhatcategoryitbelongsto.Tomakeuseofanisoraseemsisnotalwaysbad,assomewritersonstylemaintain.Thequestion—thecrucialquestion—isthis:Whichkindofverbwillbestserveyoursentence?
Perhaps,though,youfindyourselfstrugglingtocomeupwithintransitiveandtransitiveverbs.Herearesomegamestoplaythatwillhelpaddsomeofthesepowerfulverbstoyourwordhoard.
PracticewithVerbs:ThePowerofVerbs
Beginbycollectinganyverbsthatoccurtoyou.Nowreadthroughyourlist,listeningfortheverbsthatseemtoyoutohavethemostpower.Markthoseverbs,andseeifyoucanfigureoutwhatitisthatgivesthemtheirpower.Nowseeifyoucancollectmoreverbsthathavethatkindofpower.Ifyougetstuck,youmaywanttotrysomeexternalcollectingbybrowsingthroughadictionaryorthesaurus.
PracticewithVerbs:“Body”Verbs
Bringyourattentiontoyourbody,asyoufreewritetocollectverbs.Letyourmindrangeoveryourbodyandcollectverbsfromdifferentpartsofitandfromactionsperformedbythoseparts.Trytofeeltheactioninyourbody.Forexample:
arm,knee,kneel,bend,elbow,hand,face,smile,breathe,beat,crush,stamp
Nowbringyourattentiontoyoursenses.Collectverbsthatexpressthingsthesensesdo.
Selectsomeverbsfromyourlistsandusethemtomakesentences.
PracticewithVerbs:VerbswithConcreteNouns
Pickaconcretenoun—athingoraperson.Whataresomethingsitcando?Trytosensetheactionphysically.Collecttheverbsthatexpressthoseactions.Keepbringingyourattentionbacktoyourchosenobjectorpersonoranimal.Keeppicturingit.Whatdoesitdo?Forexample:
cat,howl,yowl,scream,scratch,pad,purr,complain,smile,sneer,snoop,sleep,sit,stare,smell,sniff,rip,nap,walk,run,climb,frighten,hunt,stalk,hover,wait
Nowmakesentences,notnecessarilyaboutyourchosennoun,usingtheseverbs.
PracticewithVerbs:VerbswithAbstractNouns
Bringyourattentiontoyourmind.Collectverbsthatexpressthingsthattheminddoes,withoutgoingthroughthesenses.Forexample:
judge,question,admit,compare,analyze,compute,contrast,adjudicate,believe,indicate,infer,argue
What’sthedifferencebetweenverbsliketheseandtheverbsyoucollectedinthepreviouspractices?Experimentwithmakingsentencesusingsomeofthese
verbs.
PracticewithVerbs:VerbsandEmotions
Bringyourattentiontoyourheartandemotions.Listsomeemotions.Pickone.Collecttheverbsthatgowiththatemotion.Forexample:
love,embrace,kiss,touch,caress,stroke,cuddle,hug
Ifyougetstuck,tryusingathesaurusoradictionary.Then,onceagain,selectsomeoftheseverbsandusetheminsentences.Howdothesesoundtoyou?
PracticewithVerbs:FreePlay
Makealistofnouns(orselectnounsfrompreviouslists).Makealistofverbs.Playwithcombiningnounsandverbsintoshortsentences.Letyourwordmindexperiment:WhatwouldhappenifItriedTHIS?Noonewillbegradingyourexperiments,andifyoudon’tletyourselfmakethem,you’llneverknowwhetheracertaincombinationofnounandverbmightinfactwork.
Allthesegameswillbuildtheflexibilityandinventivenessofyourwordmind.Then,asyouwriteandrevise,youwillbeabletoaskyourself,WhateffectdoIwanttocreateinthissentence?Whatverbwillhelpmedothat?
UnderstandingVerbs:VerbsandTime
Inadditiontoconveyingaction,toonedegreeoranother,themainverbinasentencealsotellsreaderswhenthatactiontakesplace:inthepresent,thepast,orthefuture.
Thewayverbsindicatepresent,past,orfutureiswithtense.Verbsrevealtensebytheparticularformtheytake.Anynativespeakerhasalreadymasteredtheseforms,andknows,withoutthinkingaboutit,thatJoelaughsindicatesanactionthatishappeningnow,inthepresent;thatJoelaughed,withtheadded-ed,indicatesthatJoe’sburstoflaughterhappenedinthepast;andthatJoewilllaughtellsusthatsometimeinthefutureJoewillstartlaughing.
ManyoftheverbsweuseinEnglishfollowthisregularpatternofchangedform.Somedon’t:Theyarecalledirregularverbs.
Thethreetenses—present,past,andfuture—areknownastheprimarytenses.
Theseprimarytensescanoftenbereplacedbyprogressivetenses:
Presentprogressive:Joeislaughing.
Pastprogressive:Joewaslaughing.
Futureprogressive:Joewillbelaughing.
TherealsoexistinEnglishwhatarecalledtheperfecttenses:
Presentperfect:Joehaslaughed.
Pastperfect:Joehadlaughed.
Futureperfect:Joewillhavelaughed.
Wecan,ifweneedto,combinetheprogressiveandperfectformsofaverbtocreatetheprogressiveperfecttenses:
Progressivepresentperfect:Joehasbeenlaughing.
Progressivepastperfect:Joehadbeenlaughing.
Progressivefutureperfect:Joewillhavebeenlaughing.
Anygoodgrammarbookwillhelpyoureviewthetenseofverbs,shouldyouneedtodothat.
UnderstandingVerbs:VerbsandPace
Sinceverbsconveyaction,theymakeacontributiontothepaceofasentence;thatis,tothefeelingofenergyoractivityitconveystoreaders.Onesimplewaytointensifytheenergyofasentenceistorepeatthispartofspeech;thatis,tomakeuseofmorethanonedynamicverb.
UnderstandingVerbs:Verb-BasedStyle
Whenawriterloadshissentenceswithverbs,theresultingpassagecanbesaidtoexhibitaverb-basedstyle.Herearesomeexamples:
Sooneveryfield-mousewassippingandcoughingandchoking,andwipinghiseyesandlaughingandforgettinghehadeverbeencoldinallhislife.
—KennethGrahame,TheWindintheWillows
Howblessedthatwomanwas.Onegirlpoundedflour;anothercutvegetables;anothercooked;andanothercarriedwaterfromthewell.Oneboyploughed;onehunted;onefished;andonehauledsomelogs…
—KevinCrossley-Holland,"ChildrenoftheTree"
Practice:Verb-BasedStyle
Doyoulikethiskindofwriting?Thentryitforyourself,puttingtoworkyournewfoundcollectionofverbs.Pickasubjectandcomposesomesentencesonit,concentratingonusingmostlyverbs.Ortakeapassagefromsomethingyou’vealreadywritten,andreviseitsothatverbspredominateinmostofthesentences.Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?
ContentPartsofSpeech3:Adjectives
Grammarianstellusthatwhenawordtakestheroleofanadjective,itsfunctionistomodifyanoun.Inotherwords,anadjectivetellsusmoreaboutthenounit
modifies.Itmakesthenounmorespecificbygivingtoitparticularqualities.That’sthepowerofadjectives.
Adjectiveshelp“dress”nouns.Ifyoulike,youcanimagineanadjectiveassimilartoanactor’spropsorcostume,whichhelphimplayhisrolebetter.Avillain,forinstance,mightbewearingablackcoatandhatandcarryingacanethathidesaknife.Adjectivescanaddtothepowerofanounbymakingitmorespecific.
Listentothedifferenceinthesesentences:
Thedogbarked.
Thelittlebrowndogbarked.
Themancried.
Theoldmancried.
Adjectivesaddinformationtonouns,buttheycanberemovedfromasentence,andthesentencewillstillmakesense.Ifweremovetheadjectivesfromthesecondversionsofthesentenceexamplesabove,westillhavecompletesentences.
PracticewithAdjectives:InternalCollecting
Let’sbeginourexplorationofadjectivesbycollectingsome,aswedidwithnounsandverbs.Keepingyourpenmovingacrossthepage,bringadjectivesoutofyourwordhoard,ignoringotherpartsofspeech.Ifyou’renotsurewhetherawordisanadjectiveornot,putitdownanyway.(Then,later,lookupthewordinyourdictionary.)
Attheendoffiveortenminutes,takeamomenttoreflectonwhatyounoticedasyoudidthis.Thenreadoveryourwords,preferablyoutloud,andmarktheonesyoulike.Whatdoyounoticeaboutthisgroupofwords?
Probablyyouwillfindthatwhenyousayanadjectiveoutloudandnoticewhathappensinyourmind,whatyounoticeisthattheadjectivebringsanounalongwithit.Theadjectivebrightmightbringapictureofthesun;theadjectivehappymightbringapictureofachildatplay.Youaregettingademonstrationofthelinguisticrealitythat,todotheirwork,adjectivesneednouns.
PracticewithAdjectives:AdjectivesandNouns
Takesomeoftheadjectivesyoumarkedinthelastexercise,andputeachoneintoasentence.Noticewhathappensasyoudothis.Readyoursentencesoutloud,and,ifyoulike,reflectonwhatyouarelearningsofar.
ThePowerofAdjectives
Anadjectivedoesn’thavethesamepowerasanoun.Itdoesn’tbringsomeperson,place,orthingintoexistenceinourmindsinthesamewayanoundoes.Nonetheless,adjectiveshavetheirownparticularpower,whichskilledwritersknowhowtouse.
Thepowerofadjectivesisthattheyaddsomethingtonouns,makingthosenounsclearerormorespecificormoreprecise.ThewriterShirleyJacksonhascalledadjectives(alongwithadverbs)“coloringwords.”Jacksontellsapprenticewritersthatcoloringwords“mustbeusedwheretheywilldothemostgood.”Sheremindsusthat“noteveryactionneedsaqualifyingadverb,noteveryobjectneedsaqualifyingadjective.”Remember,shewarnsus:
“Yourreaderprobablyhasaperfectlyserviceablementalpictureofalion;whenalioncomesintoyourstoryyouneednotburdenhimwithadjectivesunlessitisnecessary,forinstance,topointoutthatheisagreenlion,somethingofwhichyourreadermightnothaveaveryvividmental
picture.”3
Jackson’sadviceremindsusthatadjectiveshavetoaddsomethingtothenounstheymodify;theyhavetomakethenounmorevivid,moreprecise,morepowerful.Totellyourreaders,forinstance,thatflowersinagardenwere“pretty”isunnecessary;thewordprettyaddsnothingtothenounflowersbecauseflowersarealmostalwayspretty.Then,too,theadjectiveprettyisageneralone,whichwon’taddmoredetailtoyourreaders’pictureoftheflowers.
Tobeeffective,adjectivesneedtobecarefullychosen.Thisdoesn’tmeanthatwemustrackourbrains(orourthesauruses)forpolysyllables;itmeansthatweneedtounderstandtheeffectwewantouradjectivestohaveandchoosethemaccordingly.
Evenonewell-chosenadjectivecan“color”anoun.TakeasimplesentencelikeThehittertookaswingattheball.Nowreadthefollowingsentencesandnoticetheeffecteachonehas:
Theyounghittertookaswingattheball.
Theoldhittertookaswingattheball.
Thetiredhittertookaswingattheball.
Theeagerhittertookaswingattheball.
Whatdoyounotice?Theeffectofeachsentenceisslightlydifferentbecausetheadjectivebeforehitterisdifferent.Eachadjectiveaddsaslightlydifferentqualityor“color”tothenoun.Itdoesn’tchangethenoun’sbasicmeaning;itaddstoit.(Sometimesadjectivesalsolimit.)
Manypeoplehavebeentaughtthatusingadjectivesinwritingis“wrong”;oftenwritingteachersdeclarethatgoodprosereliesentirelyonnounsandverbs.Suchadviceignorestheveryrealpowerthatadjectivespossess.Whilenounsandverbsprovidetheskeletonofsentences,itisoftentheadjectiveoradverb
that“carriesthenewsofthesentence,”thatmovestheproseforward.Onewriter
onstyleevensays,“Themodifieristheessentialpartofanysentence.” Ifyou’veneverthoughtaboutadjectivesinthisway,youmaywanttodomorepracticesusingthem.
PracticewithAdjectives:Coloring
Writeafewshortsentenceswithoutanyadjectives.Pickonethatyoulike.Nowwriteitoverseveraltimes,addingdifferentadjectivestothesamenoun.Makesurethateachadjectiveyouuseaddssome“news”tothesentence.Readyoursentencesover,outloud.Whatdoyounotice?
Ifyoufindthispracticedifficult,thatmaybebecause,likesomanyofus,youtendtomakeuseonlyofadjectivesthatexpressajudgment:great,awful,fabulous,andsoon—adjectivesthataregeneralandabstract.Touseadjectivestoaddcolortonouns,weneedinsteadtochooseadjectivesthatarespecificandconcrete.
Trycollectingspecificandconcreteadjectives,andthendothe“coloring”practiceagain.
PracticewithAdjectives:ExternalCollecting
Asyouread,noticeadjectivesandadjective-nouncombinationsthatappealtoyou.Collecttheminyournotebookandtrythemoutinsentencesofyourown.
Payspecialattentiontothosesentenceswherethewriterhaschosenanadjectivethatisexactlyrightforitspurpose.Forinstance:
Thequickdarkeyesinthehalf-deadfacewidenedforashockedmoment.—HelenMacInnes,TheVenetianAffair
“Well,Mr.Bredon,”saidMr.Pym,switchingonanautomaticsmileandswitchingitoffagainwithnervousabruptness,“andhowareyougettingon?”
—DorothySayers,MurderMustAdvertise
4
PracticewithAdjectives:Adjective-NounCombinations
Anotherwaytoincreasethepowerofyouradjectivesistorecognize,andavoid,genericadjective-nouncombinations.Beautifulflowers,restfulsleep,deliciousfood:suchcombinationsaresofamiliarthattheybarelyregisterinourminds.Here’sapracticethatwilltrainyoutolookbeyondthepredictablewhenyouaddadjectivestonouns.
Makealistofnouns.Makealistofadjectives.Gobackthrougheachlistandmarkthewordsyoulike.Thenpairadjectivesandnounsinsentences,lettingyourselfexperimentwithdifferentcombinationsofthesepartsofspeech.Trymakingcombinationsofabstractandconcretenouns,abstractandconcreteadjectives.Later,readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?Whatdoesyoureartellyou?
Adjectivesandadverbsarelikeseasoningsincooking.Herbsandspicescanbringouttheflavorofparticularingredientsandaddcertainqualitiestoadish.Butyouhavetoknowhowtousethem.Apinchofcinnamon,aquarter-teaspoonofcardamom,andyouhavesomethingdelicious.Butaddtoomuch,ortoomanyspices,andyou’llendupwithatastelessmuddle.AsMarkTwainoncewrote,“Whenyoucatchanadjective,killit.No,Idon’tmeanutterly,butkillmostofthem—thentherestwillbevaluable.”
So,howmanyadjectivescanweuseinasinglesentence?Thebestwaytofindoutistoreadskilledwriters,andthentoexperimentonyourown.
Somewritersrelyonlyontheone-adjective-per-nounformula.Butothersknowhowtousemorethanoneadjectivewithasinglenoun,therebygainingmoreofthepowerthispartofspeechhastooffer.Herearesomeexamples:
[Thechurch]wasanoldonewithtwogrimirongatesandalong,low,shapelessstonefront.
—FrankO’Connor,“FirstConfession”
MissClimpsonfeltbracedandready.
—DorothySayers,StrongPoison
“ThatSengupta,Iswear,”Soravawenton.“Whataskinny,scrawny,sniveling,driveling,mingy,stingy,measly,weasellyclerk!”
—SalmanRushdie,HarounandtheSeaofStories
UnderstandingAdjectives:Adjective-BasedStyle
Whenawriterunderstandsthepowerofadjectivesandisaccomplishedintheiruse,heorshemaywritesentencesthatdisplayanadjective-basedstyle.Forexample:
Thecatcher(inbaseball)hasmoreequipmentandmoreattributesthanplayersattheotherpositions.Hemustbelarge,brave,intelligent,alert,stolid,foresighted,resilient,fatherly,quick,efficient,intuitive,andimpregnable.
—RogerAngell,TheNewYorker
Hewasabigmuscularyoungmanwithstrongburningbrowneyes,abigsquarejawandmassivecheekbonesthatmighthavebeensculpturedoutofreddishrock.
—H.E.Bates“TheFabulousMrs.V”
Practice:Adjective-BasedStyle
Playwithwritingsentencesinwhichadjectivespredominate.Readyoursentencesaloud.Howdotheysoundtoyou?
ContentPartsofSpeech4:Adverbs
Adverbsdothesameworkforverbsthatadjectivesdofornouns:Theyactasmodifiersor“coloringwords.”Forinstance:
Heategreedily.
Thecatleaptgracefullyontothechair.
Theverbsinasentencepresentaction;theadverbsgiveadditionalinformationaboutthataction:howitwasdone,orwhen,orwhere.Sometimesadverbscandosomeadditionalwork,byservingasmodifiersforadjectivesandotheradverbs.Adverbscan’tmodifynouns.
PracticewithAdverbs:InternalCollecting
Collectsomeadverbs.(Ifyou’renotsurewhethersomeofyourwordsareactuallyadverbs,putthemdownanyway.)Thenchooseafewfromthislist,andputthemintoshortsentences.Trywordsyouweren’tsureabout.Canyouusetheminawaythat“colors”averb?(Oranotheradverb?Oranadjective?)Ifnot,theyaren’tadverbs.Ifyou’restillnotsure,lookupthewordsinadictionary.
Whatdoyounoticeindoingthispractice?Perhapsyounoticethatmanyofyouradverbsareadjectiveswiththesuffix
-lyattached.Tobuildyourcollectionofadverbs,youmaywanttocollectadjectivesandseehowmanyofthemcanbecomeadverbsthroughtheadditionofthissuffix.
PracticewithAdverbs:ExternalCollecting
Aswiththeotherpartsofspeech,youcanaddmoreadverbstoyourwordhoardsimplybybeingonthelookoutforthemasyouread,andasyoulistentoconversations.Whenyoufindadverbs,oradverb-verbcombinationsyoulike,writetheminyournotebookandmakethemyourownbyusingtheminpracticesentences.
PracticewithAdverbs:VerbsandAdverbs
Skilledwritersdon’trelyexclusivelyonwell-worncombinationsofadverbsandverbs,oradverbsandadjectives.Theirwell-trainedwordmindsenablethemtocomeupwithunusualandtellingcombinations.Forinstance:
LouisaMebbinadoptedaprotectiveelder-sisterattitudetowardsmoney…francsandcentimesclungtoherinstinctivelyundercircumstanceswhichwouldhavedriventhemheadlongfromlesssympathetichands.
—Saki,“Mrs.Packletide’sTiger”
Togetyourownwordmindoutofadverb-verbruts,trycollectingverbs,thencollectingadverbs,andthenplaywithputtingthemtogetherinvariousways.Seewhatyoucancomeupwith.Thencreatesentencesinwhichyouusesomeofthesecombinations.
UnderstandingAdverbs:Adverb-BasedStyle
Whenapassagereliesheavilyonadverbsforitsmeaningandeffect,wecansaythatitexhibitsanadverb-basedstyle:
But,foronce,Nigelwaswildly,abysmallywrong.—NicholasBlake,TheSmilerwiththeKnife
Buttheywere,undoubtedly,there.—RosamundePilcher,“AnEveningtoRemember”
ContentPartsofSpeech5:WhenIsaNounNotaNoun?
NounsasAdjectivesandAdverbs
Asyouexperimentwithcontentpartsofspeech,collectingnounsandverbs,adjectivesandadverbs,youwillsoonnoticethatmanyEnglishwordscanplaymorethanonerole.Nouns,forinstance,cansometimestakeontheroleofadjectives:
Thechillofthenightmadehimshiver.
Thenightchillmadehimshiver.(Nightusedasanadjective,modifyingchill.)
Thelongdaysofsummerwereneverlongenough.
Thelongsummerdayswereneverlongenough.(Summerusedasanadjective,modifyingdays.)
Somenouns(certainlynotall)canalsoplaytheroleofadverb.Forexample:
AfterdinnerSimonewenthome.
Practice:NounsasAdjectivesandAdverbs
Collectsomeconcretenouns.Selectsome,andusethem,asnouns,insentences.Thenseewhetheryoucanrewritethesentencesusingsomeofthenounsasadjectives.Readthetwoversionsofeachsentenceoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?
Ifyoulikethistechnique,collectexamplesofitsusebyskilledwriters,andthenimitatetheirsentences.Look,too,forexamplesofnounsusedasadverbs,andpracticeusingthem.
NounsasVerbs
Nounscanalsotakeontheroleofverbinsentences.Thewordmoan,forinstance,canbeanoun;itcanalsobeaverb.Thewordscatch,throw,snow,move,dog,table,egg—andhundredsofothernouns—canalsotakeontheroleofverbinsentences.WecanwriteThesnowfellallday,orItsnowedallday.Suchusesofnounsasverbsaresocommonthatwordsthatcanplaybothrolesarenotedasbothnounsandverbsinourdictionaries.Skilledwritersknowhowtomakegooduseoftheversatilityofsuchwords.
Practice:NounsasVerbs
Collectsomenounsthatcanalsobeusedasverbs.(Checkyourdictionarytobesure.)Writepairsofsentencesforeachword,usingitfirstasanoun,thenasaverb.
Trythesamepracticestartingwithcollectingverbs.Whatdoyounotice?
Practice:NounsasVerbs
Asyouread,noticewhenawriterusesanounasaverb.Whatistheeffectofconcretenounsusedasverbs?Abstractnouns?Collectexamplesofsentenceswherenounsareusedeffectivelyasverbs.
ManywordsinEnglishcanalsotakeonnewroleswiththesimpleadditionofasuffix(ending).We’vealreadyseenthatmanyadverbsareadjectiveswithan-lyadded.(Wecouldalsosaythatmanyadjectivesareadverbswiththe-lyendingremoved!)Wecanalsocreateadjectivesbyaddingprefixesorsuffixestonounsandverbs.Manyofourcommonadjectiveswereformedinthisway:beautiful(beauty+ful);happy(happ+y);contemptible(contempt+ible).Inthenextsectionwe’lltakealookatsomeotherwayswecanmakeuseofthisabilityofEnglishwordstoplaymultipleroles.
Beforeyoumovetothatsection,though,Irecommendthatyoumakesureyouhaveasolidgraspofthebasicsofcontentpartsofspeech.Thematerialinthenextsectionismoreadvanced,andifyouhaven’tacquired,throughpractice,agoodunderstandingofthebasics,youmaybeconfusedbywhatfollows.
ContentPartsofSpeech6:WhenIsaVerbNotaVerb?Likeactorsintheirplays,somewordscantakeonmorethanoneroleinsentences;thatis,theycan“play”morethanonepartofspeech.Verbsareparticularlyversatileinthisrespect:Whentheytakecertainspecifiedforms,verbscanplaytherolesofnoun,adjective,oradverb.Tounderstandhowthishappens,weneedtorevisitthemainfunctionsofaverb—toconveytheactionofasentenceandtoindicatetense.Whenaverbisdoingthiswork—astheword
laugheddoesinthesentenceJoelaughedloudly—itissaidtobeinfiniteform.(Sometimesaverbdoingthisworkiscalledapredicateverb.)
Verbs,though,canalsofindtheirwaysintowhatgrammarianscallnonfiniteforms;anditisintheseformsthattheyserve,notasthemainverbofasentence,butasnounsoradjectivesoradverbs.Verbsinthesenonfiniteformsareknownasverbals—constructionsthatwillquicklyexpandyouroptionsformakingsentences.
Whenisaverb,then,notaverb?Whenit’saverbal.Andwhenit’saverbal,it’soneoffourkinds:apresentparticiple;apastparticiple;agerund;aninfinitive.
Verbals1:ThePresentParticiple
Thepresentparticipleisthe-ingformofaverb:swimming,walking,gigglingareallpresentparticiples.Wemostfrequentlyusethepresentparticipleaspartofthemainverbofasentence,asinThedogisbarking.(Whenweuseaformofbewithapresentparticiplewearecreatingthepresentprogressivetenseoftheverb.)
Thatpresentparticiple—thewordendingin-ing—canalsobeusedasanadjective:Thebarkingdogkepthimupallnight.
Ourvocabularyisfilledwithpresentparticiplesactingasadjectives:theflowingwater;thedrivingrain;theshimmeringlight.
PracticewithVerbals:PresentParticiples
Togetfamiliarwithhowpresentparticiplescanbeusedasadjectives,firstcollectsomeverbsintheir-ingform.Andtomakesureyouknowhowtousetheseparticiplesaspartofthemainverbofasentence,trymakingsentenceswiththeparticiplesinthatrole.Thentryusingtheparticiplesasadjectives.Insomecasesyouwillneedtoaddanotherwordortwosotheparticiplecantakethisrole.Forinstance:
Maryisteasingthecat.(teasingaspartofthemainverbofthesentence;isteasing,thepresentprogressivetenseoftheverb,totease)
Alittleteasingwindblewup.(teasingasanadjective)
Verbals2:ThePastParticiple
Thepastparticipleistheformofaverbthatweusetocreatepasttenseforthemainverbinasentence:Joebakedthebreadfortwohours.Therightfielderdroppedtheball.Oftenthatpastparticipleendsin-ed;manytimes,though,itdoesnot.Frozen,gave,spent,wroteareexamplesofpastparticiplesthatdonotendin-ed.Likeitssister,thepresentparticiple,thepastparticiplecanalsotakeontheroleofadjective:thebakedbread;adroppedfootball;boiledeggs;frozenfood.
Joe’sbakedbreadsatonthecounter,givingoffanenticingsmell.
Thepaintedfenceshoneinthesunlight.
PracticewithVerbals:PastParticiples
Collectsomepastparticiples.(Youmayfinditeasiertodothisbywritingsomeshortsentencesinthepasttense,andthenextractingthepastparticiples.)Seehowmanyofthemcanserveasadjectives,andwritesentencesusingtheminthisway.(Notethatnotallpastandpresentparticiplescanbeusedasmodifiers.)
Whatdidyounoticedoingthesepractices?Wereyousurprisedathowmanyfamiliaradjectivesareactuallypresentandpastparticiplestakingontheroleofadjectives?Perhapsyoualsonoticedthatusingparticiplesinthiswayletsyougetmoreinformationintoasentence.Evenmoreimportant,whenwemakeuseofparticiplesandotherverbals,wecangettheenergyofaverb—thatfeelingofaction—intoasentencewithouthavingtoaddextramainverbs.Theabilitytodothisisoneofthemarksofahighlyskilledwriter.Forexample:
Peepingthroughanotherglass-panelleddoor,[MissRossiter]observedMr.Inglebyseatedonarevolvingchairwithhisfeetonthecoldradiator,andtalkingwithgreatanimationtoayoungwomaningreen,perchedonthecornerofthewriting-table.
—DorothySayers,MurderMustAdvertise
JonathanArgylllaycontentedlyonalargeslabofCarraramarble,soakingupthemid-morningsun,smokingacigaretteandconsideringtheinfinitevarietyoflife.
—IainPears,TheBerniniBust
Verbals3:Gerunds
Aspresentparticiples,intheir-ingform,verbscanalsoplaytheroleofnouns.Whentheytakeonthisrole,theyareknownasgerunds.
Swimmingismyfavoritesport.
Ilovereading.
PracticewithVerbals:Gerunds
Gobacktoyourlistofpresentparticiplesandselectsomethatcanserveasnouns.Trythemoutinsentencesinthisrole,addinganyotherwordsyouneed.
Verbals4:Infinitives
Whenaverbisinits“infinitive”form,itstartswith“to.”Inthiscase,thewordtoisnotconsideredapreposition,butapartoftheverb.Whenaverbisinthisform,itcantakeotherroles:
1.asanoun:
Toseeistoknow.
2.asanadjective
Thedogtowatchinthecompetitionisthebrown-and-blackone.
3.asanadverb:
Wewentouttobuyfoodfordinner.
PracticewithVerbals:Infinitives
Collectsomeinfinitives.Trythemoutintheroleofnoun,adjective,andadverb.
PracticewithVerbals:ReadingforVerbals
Thebestwaytolearnhowtouseverbalsistoseehowtheprosdoit.Asyoureadyourfavoritewriters,noticetheverbalstheyuse.Writedownsomeoftheirsentencescontainingverbals,andthenimitatetheiruseofpastandpresentparticiples,gerunds,andinfinitives.
PracticewithVerbals:WritingwithVerbals
Dosomefreewritingand,asyoucomeupwiththingstosay,tryatthesametimetoconcentrateyourwordmindonusingverbals.Youmayfeel,atfirst,veryawkward.Justrememberhowyoufeltwhenyoufirsttriedtoswingatennisracketorabaseballbattohitaball,orhowyoufeltwhenyougotonabicycleforthefirsttime.Keepdoingthispractice,andtheonesabove,andeventuallyverbalswillbeyourstousewheneveryouwish.
Youmayalsowanttorevisepassagesofyourwriting,seeingwhereyoucanuseverbalstomakeyoursentencesstronger.Don’tforgettotesttheresultsbyreadingyourworkoutloudandlisteningtohowitsounds.
Theabilitytouseverbalswell,you’llfind,willvastlyexpandyouroptionsforconstructingsentences.Thoughitmaytakeyouawhiletofeelcomfortablewiththem,onceyouhaveaddedthisparticulartooltoyourrepertoire,Isuspectyou’llbedelightedwithwhatitcandoforyourwriting.
AWordAboutPronounsApronounisawordthatsubstitutes—or“standsin”—foranoun,likeanunderstudysubstitutingforaprincipalactor.WhichpronounwouldyouusetosubstituteforTheboy?Thegirl?Thedogs?Pronounsallowus,amongotherthings,toavoidhavingtorepeatanounoverandover.Insodoing,theygiveustheopportunitytodirectourreader’sattentiontootherinformationinasentence.
Mostlikely,ifyouareanativeEnglishspeaker,youhaveabsorbedallyouneedtoknowaboutusingpronounsfromlisteningtootherpeopletalkandfromyourreading.If,however,yougetconfusedaboutwhetheryoushouldwritemeorI,orsheorher,inagivensentence,Irecommendthatyouspendsometimereviewinghowpronounsworkwiththehelpofagoodgrammarbook.
AWordAboutInterjections
Wow!Farout!Awesome!Noway!
Grammarianscallwordsliketheseinterjections.Mygrammarbooksaysinterjectionisthenameforwordsthat“appearintrusivelyinasentenceandcarrysomeforceorchargeoffeeling.”Weuseinterjectionsallthetimewhenwespeakinformally,andtheycanalsobeusedinwriting,especiallywhenweareputtingwordsintothemouthsofourcharacters.
ContentPartsofSpeech7:DevelopingYourOwnStyleSomewritersonstyledeploreadjectivesandadverbs:Avoidthem!theyproclaim.Otherstellusnevertouseformsoftheverbtobe.Thereareevenafewwhocondemnnouns.Ratherthanlisteningtoanyofthesevoices,considerthisalternativewayofusingpartsofspeech:Rememberthateverycontentpartofspeechhasitsownparticularpower,andthat,ifyoupractice,youcanlearntousethatpowerforyourownpurposes.Youcantrainyourwordmindtobeaware
ofthepossibilitiesofnounsandverbs,adjectivesandadverbs.Andyoucantrainittomakechoicesamongthesecontentpartsofspeech.Thechoicesyoumakewillhelpcreateyourownindividualvoiceonthepage,yourownwritingstyle.
Forstyleisnotamatterofdictionalone.Whiletheparticularwordswechooseare,naturally,essentialtothemakingofoursentences,thechoiceswemakeabouthowtoputthosewordstogetherisequallyimportant.Dowewant,forinstance,towrite:Hewalkedquickly?OrHewalkedwithaquickstep?OrHisstepquickened?OrevenHewalkedwithaquicknessthatamazedher?
Skilledwritersknowhowtolistennotonlytothemeaningoftheirwords,butalsotowhatthosewordsaredoinginsentences.Inthemomentofcomposition,themindofaskilledwriterconsiderspossibilitiesandmakeschoicesamongthem,justas,atthecrackofthebat,themindofaskilledoutfielderconsiderspossibleroutestotheballandchoosesamongthem.(Instinct,aswellastraining,playsapartinthisprocess.Andwritershaveanadvantageoverathletes:Wegettoreviseourwork.)Theoutfielderreliesonyearsoftraining,onthousandsofcatchesmadeinpractice,tomakethechoicethatenableshimtocatchtheball.Writers,too,needtopracticetheir“moves.”Ifwewanttodevelopskillinputtingwordstogether,thenweneedtopracticepayingattentiontowhatourwordsaredoinginsentences,aswellastowhattheymean.
Practicewithcontentpartsofspeechwillwakeupapartofyourwordmindthatmayhavebeenasleepallyourlife.Andthen,whenyousitdowntowriteastory,apoem,oranessay,you’llfindyouhavenewfluencyinconstructingsentences.You’llbeamazed,Isuspect,atthethingsyouwillbeabletodowithwords,atthenewtechniquesyouhaveforfindingjusttherightwordsandforputtingthosewordstogether.
Noonecanwritewellwithouttechnique,justasnoonecanplaymusicwithoutwhatmusicianscall“chops.”Technique,craft,skill—callitwhatyoulike;youmusthaveittokeepyourreader’sattention.Partsofspeechareoneof
awriter’smostimportanttools.Andtheonlywaytomakethesetoolsyourownistopracticeusingthem.
Inthenextsection,weturnfromcontentpartsofspeechtostructuralwords.
PartsofSpeech2:StructuralWords
Alongwiththefourcontentpartsofspeech(andthepronounsandinterjections)wehaveconsideredsofar,Englishalsocontainsanotheressentialgroupofwords.Traditionally,grammarianshaveconsideredtheseaspartsofspeech;todaytheyaremorelikelytocallthemstructuralwordsorfunctionwords.Thesearethesmall—andindispensable—wordsthatletusmakeconnectionsamongcontentpartsofspeech:determiners,prepositions,andconjunctions.Englishcontainsabouttwohundredofthesewords,themostfrequentlyusedwordsinourlanguage.
Thoughthesewordsaresmallandunobtrusive—whonoticesanorthe,inoron?—theyplayessentialrolesinourlanguage:Mostimportant,theyjoincontentwordsintogroupstomakesentences.Whilewecanusestructuralwordswithoutthinkingaboutthem,understandingwhattheydotakesusonestepfurthertowardsunderstandinghowtocomposesentences.
StructuralWords1:Determiners
Determinersarethewordsthatindicatetoreadersthatanouniscomingupsooninthesentence.(Theyarealsoknownasindicators.)DeterminersinEnglishinclude:the,an,a(alsoknownasarticles);wordsliketheseandthose(whenusedbeforenouns);andnumbersusedbeforenouns.Determinersare,toreaders,whathighwaysignsaretodrivers:Lookout!adeterminertellsreaders,Nounahead!
Youcanseehowdeterminersworkinsentenceslikethese:
Thegirlboughtadress.
Thepackagewasheavy.
Oneboystayedbehindwiththathorse.
Determinersalwayscomebeforethenoun.It’simportanttonotethatnounsaresometimesnotprecededbyadeterminer,asinthesesentences:
Ifsnowfalls,we’llhavetostayindoors.
Bringfoodwithyouwhenyouvisit.
Justasasignforanupcomingexitcanbeaquarterofamileormorefromtheexititself,socanthedeterminerbeseparatedfromtheupcomingnounbyoneormoreotherwords.Readthesesentencesslowly,preferablyoutloud,andseeifyoucanhear,aswellassee,thedistancefromthedeterminertoitsnoun.
Theblondegirlboughtanewgreendress.
Onewide-eyedeagerboystayedbehindwiththatlarge,shaggy,entrancinghorse.
Mrs.Jennings,LadyMiddleton’smother,wasagood-humoured,merry,fat,elderlywoman,whotalkedagreatdeal,seemedveryhappyandrathervulgar.
—JaneAusten,SenseandSensibility
Whenweaddadeterminertoanoun,ortoanounplusoneormoreadjectives,wecreatewhat’scalledanounphrase.Anounphrase,grammarianstellus,isagroupofwordsthat“goestogether”andthatisheadedbyanoun.
PracticewithDeterminers:MakingNounPhrases
Experimentwithputtingnounstogetherwithdeterminers,thenaddsomeadjectivesbetweenthetwo.Readyourexperimentsoutloud.Howdotheysound?Tryputtingsomeofthemintosentencesandreadthoseoutloud.Whatdoesyoureartellyou?
PracticewithDeterminers:ReadingforNounPhrases
Tocontinuedevelopingyourawarenessofnounphrases,lookfortheminsentencesbyyourfavoritewriters.Ifyouwish,copyoneoftheirsentencesandthenimitatethestructureofthenounphrasesinit,usingexactlythesamenumberofadjectivesbetweendeterminerandnounasthewriterdid.
StructuralWords2:PrepositionsOf.At.To.With.In.ThesearesomeofthemanywordsinEnglishthatareknownasprepositions.Prepositionsarewordsthatshowarelationshipbetweentwoormorethingsand/orpeopleinasentence.Theylinkthenoun,nounphrase,orpronounthatfollowstheprepositiontoanotherwordinthesentence,indicatingsuchrelationshipsaslocation(Thecatisonthetable.)anddirection(Themenstrolledacrosstheroom.)andtime(I'llseeyouafterthegame.).NativeEnglishspeakerscanusemostprepositionswithoutthinkingaboutthem.
Whataresomeprepositionsyou’refamiliarwith?Takeaminutetojotthemdown.
HerearesomeofthemostcommonprepositionsinEnglish:
about,across,after,against,along,among,around,as,at,below,before,behind,beneath,beside,between,beyond,by,down,during,except,for,
from,in,inside,into,like,near,of,off,on,onto,out,outside,over,past,since,through,toward,under,until,up,with,without
Exceptinrareinstances,prepositionsneverstandaloneinasentence;theyalwaysfunctionaspartofagroupofwords,knownasaprepositionalphrase.Wemakeprepositionalphraseslikethis:
preposition+noun(withorwithoutadeterminer)orpronoun=prepositionalphrase
Herearesomeexamplesofprepositionalphrases:
indarkness,ofhome,aroundthetown,atthebeach,inthedays,ofwinter,onthestreet,withkindness
Prepositionalphrasessometimesincludeanadjective(ortwo)beforethenoun.Forexample:
inthehotsoup,onthewoodentable,withaplasticspoon
Prepositionalphrasescanalsocombinetomakelongerphrases:inthedarkdays/ofwinter.(Theslashmarkindicatesthetwoprepositionalphrasesthatmakeupthelongerone.)
PracticewithPrepositions:MakingPrepositionalPhrases
Collectsomenounsandsomeprepositions,andthencombinethemintoprepositionalphrases.Readyourphrasesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?
Thenrewriteyourphrasesaddingsomeadjectives.Whatdoyounoticenow,whenyoureadthesealoud?
Likenounphrases,prepositionalphrasesareanessentialwriter’stool.Takesometimetobuildyourfacilityinmakingthem.Onceyoufeelcomfortable
constructingprepositionalphrases,selectsomeandputthemintosentences.Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyouhear?
PracticewithPrepositions:ReadingforPrepositionalPhrases
Asyoudidwithotherpartsofspeech,readyourfavoriteauthorsandnoticetheprepositionalphrasestheyuse.Copysomeofthesesentences,andimitatethewayyourchosenwriterusesprepositionalphrases.Someexamples:
Hedrummedhisfingersontheleatherofthesteering-wheel,toyedwiththeradio-cassette,easedhisheadbackontothepaddedheadrest.
—IanRankin,KnotsandCrosses
Wecameonthewindofthecarnival.—JoanneHarris,Chocolat
StructuralWords3:ConjunctionsConjunctionsareaversatilepartofspeech:Theyhaveseveralimportantrolestoplay.Overall,though,theirfunctionistojoinoneelementofasentencetoanotherelement.Fornow,let’spayattentiononlytohowconjunctionscanjoincontentpartsofspeech.Theconjunctionsweusemostfrequentlytoperformthistaskareonesweuseallthetime:andandbut.Forexample:
SusieandBrianwenttotheparty.(Theconjunctionandjoinstwonouns.)
Susiegiggledandlaughed.(Theconjunctionandjoinstwoverbs.)
Susie’shatwassoftandfluffy.(Theconjunctionandjoinstwoadjectives.)
Briandrovefastbutsafely.(Theconjunctionbutjoinstwoadverbs.)
Notethatwhenweuseconjunctionsinthiswaytheymustjointwopartsofspeechofthesamekind.Sowecanusetheseconjunctionstojoinanounandanoun,oranadjectiveandanadjective,butnotanounandaverb,oranadjectiveandanadverb.(Andandbutareknownascoordinatingconjunctions;thisparticularcategoryofconjunctionalsoincludesor,nor,yet,andso,butnotallofthesecanjointwopartsofspeech.)
Note,too,thatwhenwecombinetwo(ormore)nounsinthisway,wearecreatinganounphrase.Twoormoreverbsjoinedwithaconjunctionmakeaverbphrase.Andwecanmakeadjectivephrasesandadverbphrasesinthesameway.
Sometimeswritersusepairsofconjunctionstojointwopartsofspeech;and/or;either/or;neither/nor;notonly…butalso:
Joewilleateithertheapplesortheoranges.
Joewilleatneithertheapplesnortheoranges.
Joeatenotonlytheapplesbutalsotheoranges.
PracticewithConjunctions:CombinePartsofSpeech
Collectsomenouns.Then,usingandorbut,combineselectednounsintonounphrases.Thenusesomeofthesenounphrasesinsentences.Readthesesentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?
Trythesamethingwithverbs,adjectives,andadverbsinturn.
PracticewithConjunctions:ReadforConjunctions
Whenyoulookatthewritingofprofessionals,youwillfindlotsofconjunctions.Fornow,payattentiononlytohowconjunctionsjointwonounsortwoverbs(includingverbals),twoadjectivesortwoadverbs.Here’sIanRankinagain:
Shehadarealinspector’seyes:theyworkedintoyourconscience,sniffingoutguiltandguileanddrive,seekinggive.
—IanRankin,KnotsandCrosses
Ispentalongdaywanderingaimlesslyandhappilyalongresidentialstreetsandshoppingstreets,eavesdroppingonconversationsatbusstopsandstreetcorners,lookingwithinterestinthewindowsofgreengrocersandbutchersandfishmongers,readingfly-postersandplanningapplications,quietlyabsorbing.
—BillBryson,NotesfromaSmallIsland
ThenMowglipickedoutashadyplace,andlaydownandsleptwhilethebuffaloesgrazedroundhim.
—RudyardKipling,TheJungleBook
Althoughstructuralwordsaresmall,andalthoughtheymayseemunimportant,theyprovidewriterswithamostusefultool:theabilitytocreatephrases.Inthenextchapterwe’llexplorethecraftofmakingandusingphrases.
TakeTimetoReflect
Whathaveyoulearnedthroughthepracticesinthischapter.Doyouneedtoreviewanytechniquesbeforemovingon?
PartsofSpeech:AReviewWhenwesayaword“is”acertainpartofspeech—forinstance,“Thewordhomeisanoun”—wearenotmakingastatementaboutthenatureofthatword;weareexplainingwhatitdoesina
sentence.Partsofspeecharebestthoughtofaslabelsforthekindofworkaword(oragroupofwords)isdoinginasentence.It’simportanttorememberthisconcept,becauseoneofthethingsskilledwritersknowaboutEnglishwordsisthattheycanfrequentlydodifferentkindsofwork.Forexample:Ilovemyhome(homeasanoun);Ialwaysrootforthehometeam(homeasanadjective);Afterthegamewewenthome(homeasanadverb).Skilledwritershavetrainedtheirmindstoconsider,notonlythemeaningandqualitiesofwords,buttheworktheydo.Themoreyoupracticeusingwordsindifferentroles(withinthelimitsofsense,ofcourse),themoreflexibleandinventiveyourwordmindwillbecome.
ContentPartsofSpeechNoun:Anounnamesthings—people,places,otherlivingbeings,objects,ideas,emotions,etc.Verb:Averbidentifiestheconditionofanoun,ortellswhatactionanounperforms.Verbscantaketwoforms:finiteverbs(alsoknownaspredicateverbs),whichhavetense,andwhichserveasthemainverbofasentence,andnonfiniteverbs,whichdonot.Nonfiniteverbsarealsoknownasverbals.Adjective:Anadjectivemodifies(givesmoreinformationaboutorlimits)anoun.Adverb:Anadverbmodifiesaverb(and,sometimes,anadjectiveoranotheradverb).
StructuralPartsofSpeechDeterminer:Adeterminersignalsanoun.Whenanounisprecededbyadeterminer,thetwowordscreateanounphrasethat,initsentirety,worksasanouninitssentence.Preposition:Aprepositionjoinswithanounorpronoun(knownastheobjectofthepreposition)toformaprepositionalphrase.
Prepositionalphrasesserveasadjectivesandadverbs.Conjunction:Aconjunction’sworkisjoiningelementsofasentence(singlewords,phrases,andclauses).Therearetwomainkindsofconjunction:coordinating(and,but,for,or,nor,yet,so)andsubordinating(seeChapter12).Acoordinatingconjunctionmustalwaysjoinelementsofthesamekind;forinstance,noun+nounorverb+verb.Whenacoordinatingconjunctionjoinstwosuchwords,theresultisaphraseservingasasinglepartofspeech.
OtherPartsofSpeechPronoun:Apronounsubstitutesforanoun.Interjection:Aninterjectionisawordorphrasestructurallyunrelatedtoasentence,servingtoexpressemotionortomakeanexclamation.
1 …addothercategories.Somewritersongrammarnowconsiderthatthereareonlyeightpartsofspeech—theyconsiderdeterminerstobeakindofadjective—whileothersidentifytwelvepartsofspeech.SeeR.L.Trask,ThePenguinDictionaryofEnglishGrammar.
2 …asclosetothesubjectaspossible.FrancesMayes,TheDiscoveryofPoetry:AFieldGuidetoReadingandWritingPoems(Harcourt,2001),p.28.
3 …veryvividmentalpicture.ShirleyJackson,ComeAlongwithMe(Viking,1968),p.239.
4 …theessentialpartofanysentence.JohnErskine,“TheCraftofWriting,”quotedbyFrancisChristensenandBonniejeanChristenseninANewRhetoric(Harper&Row,1976),p.7.
Chapter9
MakingPhrases
Whenyouwrite,youmakeapointnotbysubtracting,asthoughyouhadsharpenedapencil,butbyadding.
—JohnErskine
OneofthemostimportantcharacteristicsoftheEnglishlanguageisthewaywegroupwordstogetherandpauseslightlyattheboundariesbetweengroups.InhisexcellentbookTheMovementofEnglishProse,ProfessorIanGordoncallsthisgroupingprocess“segmentation”;heshowsit’sbeenpartofourlanguagesinceitsearliestdays,spokenandwrittenbytheAnglo-Saxons.Thesegroupings—whatI’vebeenreferringtoasphrases—arenotrandom:word-groupsarecreatedandpausesaremadeinordertocreatemeaning.So,whileweneedtoknowhowtochooseindividualwords,ifwewanttoexcelaswriters,wealsoneedtoknowhowtoconstructandemployphrases—notthestockphrasesofordinaryspeech(“niceday!”),butphrasepatterns.
Tomakeuseofthistool,weneedtounderstandmoreclearlywhatphrasesareandhowtheywork.
WhatIsaPhrase?
Makingphrases,groupingwordstogetheraswespeak,comesnaturallytous:Ourdailyconversationsarethickwithstockphraseslike“noway!”or“toobad!”Butthekindofphrasewritersneedtoknowaboutisdifferent:It’snotagroupofspecificwords—it’sastructuralunitofspokenandwrittenlanguage.
Whenyoulistentosomeonespeak,oryoureadtheirsentences,aphraseisasmallgroupofwordsthatyourbrainprocessesasasingleunitofmeaning.Aphraseisanygroupofwordsthatmakessensetogether,agroupofwordsthatformsacoherentunit.
Sofarwe’velookedatthreekindsofphraseswecanmakeuseof:nounphrases,liketheblackcat;prepositionalphrases,likeinthemorning;andcompoundphrases(phrasesusingcoordinatingconjunctions),likeblackandwhite.Ifyoureadphrasesliketheseoutloudandtrypausingbeforeyougettotheendofeachgroup,youwillnoticethatyourminddemandsthelastword.Tryit:theblack…(“Theblackwhat?”asksthemind.)Orinthe…(“Inthewhat?”themindwantstoknow.)Thoseincompletephrasesmakenosense,andthemindwantswordstomakesense.
Nowtryreadingeachphraseinitsentiretyandnoticewhathappensinyourmind.Theblackcat.(“Okay,”themindsays,“thosewordsmakesensetogether.”)Inthemorning.Blackandwhite.
Phrases—alongwithsinglewords—arethebuildingblocksofsentences.Considerasentencelikethis:Inthemorningtheblackcatranaway.Asweread(orlistento)thissentence,ourbrainsautomaticallysearchforgroupingsofwords,forwordsthat“makesense”together.SoweinstantlyprocessInthemorningasonegroup,theblackcatasanothergroup,andranawayasathirdgroup.
Ourabilitytoputwordstogetherlikethis,tohearwordsingroups,enablesustoquicklymakesenseofspeechorwrittensentences.Ifwehadtoconsciouslyaddeverywordtotheonethatfollowsit,eventhesimplestutterancewouldtakesomuchtimetoprocessthatwewouldeasilybecomelostorconfused.
Sogroupingwordstogetherintophrasesisoneofthenaturalabilitiesofthelanguagepartofourbrain.Skilledwriters(whoarealwaysexperiencedreaders)knowthis,andeitherthroughintuitionortrainingtheymakedeliberateuseof
phraseswhentheywrite.Wecanfollowtheirexample.Todothis,weneedtotuneourwriter’seartophrases.
PracticewithPhrases:TuneYourEartoPhrases
Althoughyoumayfeelthatyou’vealreadyspentquitealotoftimeonphrases,Iencourageyoutogobacktoyourlistsofphrases(fromthepreviouschapter)andreadsomeofthoseoutloud.Listentothewaysthewords“gotogether.”Experimentwithreadingaphraseandstoppingbeforetheend.Whatdoyounotice?Trytostartgettinga“feel”forthestructureofphrases.
PracticewithPhrases:FreewritewithPhrases
Pickasubjecttowriteabout,orjustbeginwritingwithoutanythingparticularinmind.Asyouwrite,keepyourwordmindfocusedonusingnounphrases,prepositionalphrases,andphrasesusingandorbut.Afterwardsreadoverwhatyou’vewritten,outloud,payingparticularattentiontothephrases.Whatdoyounotice?
PracticewithPhrases:ReadforPhrases
Takeapassagefromtheworkofawriteryoulikeandreaditoutloud,slowly,noticingthephrases.(Youwillprobablyfindotherkindsofphrasesthantheonesyouhavelearnedsofar;justtakenoteoftheseandsetthemaside,fornow.)Imitatethewriter’suseofnounphrases,prepositionalphrases,andphraseswithconjunctions.
PhrasesasPatternsOneofthethingsyoumaynoticeindoingthesepracticesisthat,whileeveryphraseyoucomeupwithmakesuseofdifferentwords,certainphrasesdoresemblecertainotherphrases.Theblackcat,forexample,resemblesthehappyboy.Inthemorningresemblesonthetable.That’sbecause,whenweputwordstogetherintophrases,wearefollowingcertainpatternsthatarecharacteristicof
theEnglishlanguage.So,ratherthanseeingphrasesasgroupsofparticularwords(asinstockphrases),wecanseethatphrasesarestructuralpatterns.
Theblackcatandthehappyboymakeuseofdifferentwords(exceptforthe),buttheyshareastructure:determiner+adjective+noun.Inthemorningandonthetablealsoshareastructure:preposition+determiner+noun.
It’sbecausethesephrasepatternsaresofamiliartousthatwecanslidedifferentwordsintoeachslotofthepatternwithouteventhinkingaboutwhatwearedoing.Butbringingthesestructuralpatternsintoconsciousawarenessprovidesuswithanotherextremelyimportanttoolforwriting.Whenweareawareofthedifferentphrasepatternsavailabletous,wehavemorechoicesforcomposingsentences.Wedon’thavetowriteusingonlythosepatternsweknowwell;wecanaddnewonestoourrepertoire.We’llbedoingjustthatinupcomingchapters.
PracticewithPhrases:SomeBasicPhrasePatterns
Takethefollowingtwobasicphrasepatternsandplaywiththem.Howmanyphrasesusingthepatterndeterminer+adjective+nouncanyoucomeupwith?Howmanyphrasescanyouinventusingthepatternpreposition+determiner+noun?Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?
Nowtrycombiningoneormoreofyourphrasesfromthefirstgroupwithoneormoreofyourphrasesfromyoursecondgroup?Whatdoyounotice?
Oneofthethingsyouwillprobablynoticeisthatyouhavecreatedsentencebeginnings.Ifyoulike,goaheadandcompletethesentences.
Nowtrymakingsomephrasesusingandorbutbetweentwoormorecontentwords.Thenusethesephrasestoconstructsentences.
PhrasesasContentPartsofSpeechInordertomakeskillfuluseofphrases,thereareseveralimportantthingsweneedtoremember.First:Aphraseisagroupofwordsthatmakessensetogetherandfunctionsasaunit.Second:Phrasesarecomposedusingestablishedpatterns
ofcontentandstructuralpartsofspeech.Third:Phrases,likesinglewords,functioninsentencesascontentpartsofspeech.
Thisthirdcharacteristicofphrasesisthemostimportantforwriters:Thepowerofphrasesresidesintheirabilitytoactasnounsandverbs,adjectivesandadverbs.Whenweknow(notintellectually,butpractically)howtousephrases,wecancomposesentencesnotjustwithindividualwords,butwithsinglewordsandgroupsofwords.Therealmofpossibilitiesopentousthenislimitless;knowinghowtomakeuseofphrasesisoneofthesecretstobecomingaskilledwriter.
Solet’sreviewsomeofthebasicwaysinwhichwell-trainedwritersusephrasesascontentpartsofspeech.
MakingNounPhrases
Anounphrasetakestheroleofanouninsentences.Thephraseactsasasingleunitandworksasasinglepartofspeech.IfwewriteBoysaresilly,thewordboysisactingasanoun.IfwewriteTheboysaresilly,thephrasetheboysactsasanoun.Herearesomebasicwaystomakenounphrases:
1.Theeasiestwaytomakeanounphraseistousethispattern:
determiner+noun=nounphrase.
2.Anounphrasecanalsoincludeadjectives:
thepurpleflowers
adark,coldday
thelonganddesertedroad
thebrightcloudlesssky
Here’sthepatternweusetomakethisverycommonnounphrase:
determiner+adjective(s)+noun=nounphrase
3.Sometimesawriterwillcreateanounphrasebycombininganounwithadjectives,withoutadeterminer:
Brightyellowflowersfilledthegarden.
Suchnounphrasesaremadeaccordingtothispattern:
adjective(s)+noun=nounphrase
4.Wecanalsocreatenounphrasesbyaddingnounstogetherusingtheconjunctionand:
Boysandgirls,comeouttoplay!
Thepatternsforthiskindofnounphraseare:
Noun+conjunction+noun=nounphrase
Determiner+noun+conjunction+determiner+noun=nounphrase
5.Anounphrasecanalsobemadebycombiningapossessivenounorpronounwithanothernoun:John’sdogorMary’sbluesweater.Here’sthepattern:
Possessivenoun(orpronoun)(+adjective)+noun=nounphrase
6.Nounphrasescanalsobeconstructedfromagerund(apresentparticipleactingasanoun)andfromaninfinitive(the“to”formofaverb)byaddingmore
words.Thereareanumberofpatternsforusingtheseverbals.Herethepatternis:gerund+prepositionalphrase=nounphrase:
Goingtolawschoolisherdream.
Herethepatternis:infinitive+prepositionalphrase=nounphrase:
Togotolawschoolisherdream.
Themostimportantthingtorememberaboutnounphrasesisthattheyactjustlikenouns:Theycanplayanyroleinasentencethatanouncan.
PracticewithPhrases:PlayingwithNounPhrases
Herearesome“games”toplaywithnounphrases:
1. Usenounphrases:Collectasmanynounphrasesasyoucan.Selectfromyourlistsomephrasesyoulike,andusethemtoconstructsentences.Rememberthatnounphrasescantakeanyroleinasentencethatanouncan—trythemascomplementsordirectobjectsorindirectobjects.(Ifyoudon'tknowwhatthesetermsmean,you’llfindoutinthenextchapter.)
2. Substitutenounphrases:Writesomesimplesentencesusingonlynouns,ornounsprecededbydeterminers.Nowrewritethesesentences,substitutinglongernounphrasesforeachnoun.Whatdoyounoticeindoingthispractice?
3. Freewritewithnounphrases:Dosomefreewritingandkeepyourwordmindfocusedonusingnounphrases.Whathappens?
4. Readfornounphrases:Whenyouread,noticehowthewritermakesuseofnounphrases,thenimitatethosesentences.Herearesomeexamples:
Hehadfadedblueeyes,athinmelancholynose,andavaguebutcourteousmanner.
—AgathaChristie,TheSecretofChimneys
ThemodernOrpheusdoesn’thavetobetornapartbyharpies.Theirplacehasbeentakenbythefanslyinginwaitatclubentrancesandexits,thejournalistsandphotographers,theautographseekers,theprofessionalandamateurPeepingToms,thehostsof“friendsandrelatives”demandingfinancialassistanceandfavors,theblackmailers,psychopaths,andschemers.”
—WislawaSzymborska,“BlowingYourOwnHorn”
MakingVerbPhrases
Averbphraseisagroupofwordsthat“gotogether”andthat,together,takeontheroleofaverbinasentence.Verbphrasescanbeconstructedaccordingtoseveraldifferentpatterns.Herearethreeofthem:
1.Addtwoormorefiniteverbstogether:Jenniferskippedandhoppeddownthestreet.Skippedandhoppedisaverbphrase.
verb+conjunction+verb=verbphrase
2.Addafiniteverbandanadverb:Jenniferskippedhappilydownthestreet.Skippedhappilyisaverbphrase.
verb+adverb=verbphrase
3.Addauxiliaryverbstothemainverb.(Auxiliaryverbsarealsoknownas“helperverbs.”Ifyou’renotsurehowtheywork,consultyourgrammarbook.)Auxiliaryverbsprovideuswithmorethanonewayofconveyingaparticularaction.Forinstance,wemightwriteJohnwalksdownthehall,orJohniswalkingdownthehall.Ifwedecidetouseiswalkinginsteadofwalks,wehavecreatedaverbphrase—twowordsactingasoneunit.
auxiliaryverb+mainverb=verbphrase
PracticewithPhrases:PlaywithVerbPhrases
1. Combineverbsusingand:Collectsomeverbs.Choosesomeyoulikeandcombinethemintoverbphrasesusingtheconjunctionand.Nowputtheseverbphrasesintosentences.Whatdoyounotice?
2. Combineaverbandoneormoreadverbs:Makealistofverbs.Makealistofadverbs.Combineoneverbwithoneormoreadverbs.Nowputtheseverbphrasesintosentences.
3. Useauxiliaryverbs:Writesomesentencesinwhichyouuseonlysingle-wordverbs.Nowtryaddingauxiliary(helper)verbstomakeverbphrases.Whatdoyounotice?
4. Readforverbphrases,andnotewhichpatternthewriterisusing,thenimitatehissentence.Forexample:
Therewasnobodythere,noranytraceofanybody,butIshutteredandboltedallthewindows…—JohnBuchan,TheThirty-NineSteps
MakingAdjectiveandAdverbPhrases
Wecanalsomakephrasesthattakeontherolesofadjectivesoradverbsinsentences.Herearethreebasicwaystodothis:
1.Wecancombinetwoadjectives,ortwoadverbs,usingtheconjunctionand.(Wecan’tcombineanadjectiveandanadverb,though.)Forexample:
Thedaywasbrightandsunny.
Joeranquicklyandeasilydownthestreet.
Herearethepatternsweuse:
adjective+and+adjective=adjectivephrase
adverb+and+adverb=adverbphrase
2.Wecanmakeuseofprepositionalphrasesintheroleofadjectiveoradverb,givingusanotherimportanttoolforaddinginformationtonounsandverbs.Forinstance:
Themaninthebluehatstoodup.(inthebluehatisaprepositionalphraseservingasanadjective.)
Joeranquicklyandeasilydownthestreet.(Downthestreetisaprepositionalphraseservingasanadverb.)
Typicalpatternsforusingprepositionalphrasesasmodifiersare:
noun+prepositionalphraseusedasadjective
verb+prepositionalphraseusedasadverb
3.Wecanuseverbals—presentandpastparticiples,andinfinitives—asadjectivesandadverbs.Forexample:
Theteddybear,forgottenintherush,layinaheaponthefloor.(Forgottenintherushisaparticipialphraseservingasanadjective,modifyingthenounteddybear.)
Thepatternforusingparticipialphrasesasadjectivesis:
presentorpastparticiple+prepositionalphrase=participialphrase
Here'sanexampleofusinganinfinitiveasamodifier:
Tomreachedouthishandtotouchherface.(Totouchherfaceisaninfinitivephraseservingasanadverb,modifyingtheverbreached.)
Inthiscase,thepatternis:
infinitive+nounornounphraseorpronoun=infinitivephrase
Theuseofverbalsasadjectivesandadverbsisanextremelyusefultechnique,butit’salsoalittletricky.YoumayneedtoreviewtheinformationonverbalsinChapter8.
PracticewithPhrases:PlaywithAdjectiveandAdverbPhrases
1. Constructphrasesmadeupofadjectives(oradverbs)joinedbyand.2. Constructprepositionalphrasesyoucanusetomodifynounsorverbs.
Selectsomeoftheseadjectiveoradverbphrasesandusethemtomakesentences.Readthesentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?
3. Constructparticipialphrases,usingpresentorpastparticiplesorinfinitives,accordingtothepatternsabove.
4. Readsomesentencesbyyourfavoritewriteroutloud.Noticehowhemakesuseofadjectiveandadverbphrases,andimitatethosesentences.Herearesomeexamples:
Thesunblazedinthebat’seyes,sothateverythinglookedblurredandgolden.
—RandallJarrell,TheBat-Poet
Thetaxivanishedintotheblacktunnelofthemainsoukwithajarringofgearsandanotheryellofitshorn.
—MaryStewart,TheGabrielHounds
Heretherewasaconsiderablecolonyofhouseboats—boatsancientandmodern,brightanddrab,bargesandlandingcraftandconvertedlifeboats—allhuddledtogetherintattyconfusionandallapproachedacrossthesaltingbyanoldandricketywoodenfootbridge.
—AndrewGarve,TheCuckooLineAffair
ComposingwithPhrases
Ifmakingandusingphrasesisnewtoyou,taketimetobecomecomfortablewithdoingitbeforeyoucontinue.Whileit’seasytounderstandthismaterialintellectually,ifyoudon’tgiveyourselftheopportunitytograspitfullybydoingthepractices(many,manytimes!),thetechniqueswon’tbeavailabletoyouwhenyousitdowntoawork-in-progress.
Onceyou’vemasteredphrasemaking,youwillhavemorefreedomofchoiceasyouwrite.Doyouwanttowriteacertainsentenceusingonlysinglecontentwords?Orwouldyouratherreplacesomeofthosecontentwordswithphrases?Listen,forinstance,tothesedifferentwaysofconstructingonesentence:
Mr.Forbesisevil.(propernoun+verb+adjective)
Mr.Forbesisanevilman(propernoun+verb+nounphrase)
Mr.Forbesisevilineveryway.(Propernoun+verb+adjective+prepositionalphraseservingasadverb.)
Mr.Forbesisamanofevilheart.(Propernoun+verb+nounphrasethatincludesaprepositionalphraseservingasanadjective.)
Theseexamplesillustratethreepossiblewaystoreplaceasinglecontentpartofspeechwithoneormorephrases:
1. Replaceonewordwithaphrase.Inthesecondexampleabove,theadjectiveevilbecomesanounphrase,anevilman.Theadjectivecouldalsobereplacedwithanadjectivephrase,suchasevilandscary.
2. Addoneormorephrasestoasinglecontentword.Intheexampleabove,evilbecomesevilineveryway.
3. Embedaphrasewithinanotherphrase:amanofevilheartisanounphrasethathasaprepositionalphraseembeddedwithinit.
PracticewithPhrases:SubstitutePhrases
Beginwithashortsentence.Thenexperimentwitheachoftheabovewaysofusingphrasesinsteadofsinglecontentpartsofspeech.Howmanywayscanyoufindtosaythesamething?
Asyoupracticemakingphrases,twothingswilleventuallyhappen.First,youwillfindthatwhenyouwriteorrevise,yourwordmindwillnowprovideyouwithmoreoptionsforputtingwordstogether.ItwillsaytoyouthingslikeRemembertotrynounphrases.OrWhataboutaddinganotherverbhere?And,second,youwillbegintomakecertainkindsofchoicesconsistently,becauseyoulikethem,becausetheyfeelrighttoyou,becausetheysoundgoodtoyourear.Inthisway,youwillcontinuetodevelopyourownwritingstyle.
AndsoIencourageyoutotrydifferentwaysofnaming,showingaction,andaddinginformationtonounsandverbs.Themoreyouplay,themoreyouarepracticingthecraftofcreatingsentences.Andthemoreyoupractice,thesooneryouwillgettotheplacewhere,asyouwrite,phraseswillcomeeasilytoyourmind.
Herearesomemorewaystopracticeusingphrases:
PracticewithPhrases:FreePlaywithPhrases
Collectsomecontentwords.Collectsomestructuralwords.Selectsomeofeachandmakephrases.Addsomeofthesephrasestogethertomakelongerphrases.Usesomeofthesephrasestomakesentences.Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?
PracticewithPhrases:ReviewKindsofPhrases
Repeattheabovepractice,butthistime,onceyouhavecollectedwords,giveyourselfsomespecifickindofphrasetocompose.Forinstance,youmightsay,“I’mgoingtomakesomenounphrases,usingthepatterndeterminer+adjective+noun,”or“I’mgoingtomakeverbphrasesusingthepatternverb+and+verb.”
PracticewithPhrases:FreePlaywithPhrases
Inseparatelists,collectsomenounphrases,someadjectivephrases,someverbphrases,andsomeadverbphrases.Fromeachlistselectonephraseandputthesetogetherintoasentence.Forexample,fromyournounlistyoumightselectaphraselikeTheboy.Fromyourlistofadjectivephrasesyoumightselectaphraselikeinthebluejacket(aprepositionalphraseactingasanadjective).Fromyourlistofverbphrasesyoumightselectaphraselikelaughsandsings.Putthemtogetherandyougetthis:Theboyinthebluejacketlaughsandsings.Yoursentencesdon’thavetomakesense.Payattentiontothefunctionofeachphrase;thatis,totheroleitisplayinginthesentence:noun,adjective,verb,adverb.
Asyoudothesepractices,keepyourwriter’searopen.Listentoyourwordsandphrases.Listentowhathappenswhentheyareselectedandcombined:tothephrasepatterns,totheirshapesandrhythms.Listentothemeaningthewordsmake,andtotheirmusic.Noticewhenyoucomeupwithacombinationofwordsyoulikeandtrytoidentifywhythesewordsworkwelltogether.
PracticewithPhrases:ReviseforPhrases
Takeapassagefromyourownworkandexaminehowyouusephrases.Arethereanywaysinwhichyoucouldreplacesinglewordswithphrases,oraddphrasestoyoursentencestomakethemclearerormorepowerful?
PracticewithPhrases:ReadforPhrases
Mostofall,learnfromtheprofessionals.Whenyouarereadingawriteryoulike,slowdownasyouread.Letyourear,notjustyourmind,beinvolvedinyourreadingandlistentothiswriter’sphrases.Readoutloudthesentencesyoulike.Seeifyoucantakethemapart,phrasebyphrase,andidentifythekindsofphrasesbeingused.Then,onceyouhaveidentifiedthephrasestructureofasentence,usethatstructuretowriteyourownsentences.
Herearesomeexamplesyoumightliketoimitate:
Asilvercloudofpigeonsswirledandsettled.—HelenMacInnes,TheVenetianAffair
Hishandswerelargeandverylong,withstainedfingers,butheusedthemwithsimplicityandgrandeur.
—MaryNorton,“Mr.Sequeira”
Inaholeinthegroundtherelivedahobbit.Notanasty,dirty,wethole,filledwiththeendsofwormsandanoozysmell,noryetadry,bare,sandyholewithnothinginittositdownonortoeat:itwasahobbit-hole,andthatmeanscomfort.
—J.R.R.Tolkien,TheHobbit
Itmaybethatyoufindthathearingandmakingphrasescomesnaturallytoyou.That’sagoodthing:ItmeansthatyouarenaturallyattunedtothisprimarycharacteristicoftheEnglishlanguage.Butifyoucan’tquitegetagriponphrases,don’tdespair.Remembertoslowdownasyoureadforphrases,andas
youcomposethem.Readoutloud—putsomebreathintothosewords—andreallylistentohowthephrasesunfold.
PhrasesCreateNaturalPausesWhenyoureadaloud,payingattentiontophrases,you’llnoticethatyou’remakingtinypausesbetweenphrases;thatis,betweenthegroupsofwordsthat“gotogether.”Thesepausesinfactdelineatethephrases.Muchofthetimewritersusepunctuationmarkstoindicatethesepauses.Forinstance:
Ourpresident,JoeHarris,couldnotattendthemeeting.
Thecommaafterthewordpresidenttellsreaderstopausehere;sodoesthecommaafterthewordHarris.ThesecommasmakecertainthatwereadOurpresidentasonephraseandJoeHarrisasanotherphrase.Doingsomeanswewon’tmistakenlyrunthewordstogether.
Sometimeswritersfeelthatreaderswillunderstandhowtophrasethewordswithouttheguidanceofpunctuationmarks.Forinstance:
Bymorningthesnowwasfallingheavily.
Readerscantellthatbymorningisaphrasewithouttheneedofacommaaftermorning.
PracticewithPhrases:PhrasesandPunctuation
Readoutloudapassagefromafavoritewriter,payingparticularattentiontopausesasdirectedbythepunctuationmarks.Noticewhichpunctuationmarkisbeingusedineachcase,andseeifyoucanfigureoutwhythewriterusedit.Thenseeifyoucanimitatethephrasestructureofthesentence,includingexactlythesamepunctuationmarks.
PhraseLengthAsyoucontinuetotrainyourwordmindincomposingphrases,you’llsoonbeabletomakechoicesabouthowmanyphrasesyouwanttohaveinasentence,andhowlongyouwantyourphrasestobe.Doyouwantyoursentencestobefullofphraseslikeinthelong-lived,lingering,mist-filledandeloquentevening?Ordoesyourpreferencerunmoretophraseslikethemistyevening?Yourchoiceswillplayapartindeterminingyourstyle.
PracticewithPhrases:PhraseLength
Readsentencesoutloudfromtheworkofdifferentwritersandlistentothephrases.Howmanyphrasesdoeseachsentencecontain?Arethephraseslongorshort?Simpleorcomplex?Tryimitatingsomeofthesesentencestogetafeelforeachwriter’suseofphrases.
ThePowerofPhrasesOnceyou’vedevelopedyourskillwithphrases,you’llhaveatyourdisposaloneofthemostimportanttoolsawritercanpossess.
First,makinguseofphraseshelpsuscommunicate.ItproduceswritingthatisconsistentwiththefundamentalnatureoftheEnglishlanguage.ThebrainsofEnglishspeakersareconditionedtoexpectphrases;whenawriterprovidesthem,hemakesiteasierforreaderstoprocesshissentences.Thepausescreatedbyphrasesgiveourreaders’brainsthechancetotakeinonegroupofwordsandmakesenseofitbeforemovingontothenextword-group.Phrasesencourageourreaderstoslowdownastheymovethroughoursentences,sotheyaremorelikelytotakeinourmeaningandtofullyexperiencetheeffectsofthewordswe’vechosen.
Second,makinguseofphrasesenablesustowritemoreeasily,andinamorenaturalway.Whenwecomposesentenceswithanawarenessofphrases,
we’remorelikelytoslowdownandtobeabletothinkmoreclearlyaboutwhatwewanttosay.Atthesametime,becausemakingphrasesisnaturaltoEnglishspeakers,wewillprobablyfinditeasiertoputsentencestogetherwhenwecomposephrasebyphrase.
Third,makinguseofphrasesgivesusmanydifferentwaystosaythesamething.Withsomanymorechoicesavailabletous,wecanvarythewaythatwebuildoursentences.Variationinphraselengthandstructurewillpleaseourreadersandhelptokeeptheirattention.Andthechoiceswemakecontributetoownindividualstyle,orvoice,onthepage.
Usingphrasesalsogiveslifetoourwriting.Phrasesenableourwritingtobreathe,andtomoveinnaturalandgracefulways.Theygiverhythmtooursentencesandmakethemmorepleasurabletoread;theyhelpoursentencessing.Makinguseofphrasesisoneofthetechniquesthathelpsourwriting“flow.”
Finally,skillfuluseofphrasesenablesustocreatepowerfuleffectswithourwords,tomakethingshappeninourreaders.Wecan,forinstance,usethestaccatorhythmofshortphrasestocreateasenseoftension,orthemorerelaxedrhythmoflongerphrasestocreateasenseofease.
FromPhrasetoSentenceToread,inEnglish,isalwaystoengageinaprocessofaddition:Ourmindsprocesssentencesonebitatatime,addingawordorgroupofwordstotheonesthatcamebeforeit.IfwearenativeEnglishspeakers,orwell-trainedinEnglishasaforeignlanguage,wewillengageinthisprocessofadditionwithoutthinkingaboutit.Andaswetakeinapieceofwriting,bitbybit,twothingsarehappening:Wearetryingtounderstandwhatthewriterissaying,andwearebeingaffected(ifthewriterisskillful)bywords.
Ifwewanttocreatesentencesthatwillworkmagiconreaders,weneedtoknowhowtochoosetherightwordsandphrases.Wealsoneedtoknowhowtoorderthosewordsandword-groupswithanawarenessoftheprocessofaddition
ourreaderswillgothrough.Whetherincompositionorinrevision,weneedtomastertheskillsofmakingsentences.Inthenextchaptersweturntothoseskills.
TakeTimetoReflectDosomereflectingonwhatyouhavelearnedthroughthepracticesinthischapter.Arethereanypracticesyouwanttodoregularly?
Section4
ThePowerofSyntax:OrderingWords
Iwishourcleveryoungpoetswouldremembermyhomelydefinitionsofproseandpoetry,thatis,prose—wordsintheirbestorder;poetry—thebestwordsin
theirbestorder.—SamuelTaylorColeridge
Nomatterwhatkindofwordsyouchoosewhenyouwrite—abstractorconcrete,discursiveorrepresentational—ifyouwanttomakemagicwiththem,youneedtoknowhowtoarrangethemintoeffectivesentences.Whilefindingtherightwordsforourpurposeiscrucial,it’sonlywhenwegetthosewordsintotherightorderthattheycancreatethespellsweintend.“Open,Sesame!”makesthedoortothetreasure-cavecreakopen;“Sesame,open!”maynothavethesameeffect.Magiccanhappenonlywhenwehaveputtherightwordsinto“theirbestorder.”Andjustasknowinghowwordsworkenablesustomakechoicesindiction,knowinghowsentencesworkempowersustoconstructexactlythekindofsentencethatweneedatanygivenmomentinourwriting.Sonow,onourlearningjourney,weentertheterritoryofsyntax,thecraftoforderingwordsintosentences.
We’llbeginwithwhatI’mcalling“thebasicsentence,”astructurethatissimpleinconstructionyetrichinpossibleuses.ThebasicEnglishsentenceisabeautifulthing.Eveninitssimplestform,itcancommunicate;and,elaboratedbythemindofamaster,itiscapableofinfinitevarietyandeffectsbothsubtleandprofound.Ifyouhavenevergivenmuchthoughttohowbasicsentenceswork,youmaybesurprisedathoweasytheyaretoconstruct.
Afterweplaywiththebasicsentence,we’llturnourattentiontoelaboratingandextendingthem.Ifyouhaveneverconsciouslytriedtoelaborateorextendabasicsentence,youwill—Ihope—beamazedathowmanypossibilitiesexistandhowmuchfunyoucanhavefoolingaroundwiththem.Youcanexpandyourrepertoireofsentenceconstructiontechniquesveryquickly,andonceyouhavedevelopedafeelfortheavailabletechniques,you’llbeabletochoosetheonesyouwant.Withoutthisunderstandingofhowsentenceswork,yourwritingwillbedoomedtoplodalonginthesameoldruts.Withit,though,you’llbeabletodojustaboutanythingyouwanttodoonthepage,developingyourownindividualstyleandvoice.
Awordofcaution:There’sagreatdealofmaterialhere,sodon’texpecttomasteritallatonce.You’llprobablyfindithelpfultogoslowly,soyoudon’tfeeloverwhelmed,andtospendtimewitheachgroupofpracticesbeforemovingon.Rememberthatanintellectualknowledgeofhowsentencesworkwillnot,byitself,helpyoubecomeabetterwriter.You’vegottodiginandactuallymakethosepracticesentences,overandover,beforewhatyouhavelearnedbecomesapartofyou.Andso(onceagain!)Iurgeyoutodevoteyourselftothesepracticesandtomakethemanongoingpartofyourwritinglife.
Chapter10
MakingSpells:TheMagicofSentences
ThusIgotintomybonestheessentialstructureoftheordinaryBritishsentence—whichisanoblething.—WinstonChurchill
Inarrivingatsentences,wehavecometotheheartofthecraftofwriting,totheplacewherewritingdiffersfromordinaryconversation.Intherushofdailylifeweoftentalkinphrases.Ifyourspouseasks,Where’smybook?youcanreply,Onthetable,andyourmeaningwillbeclear.Butwhilesuchfragmentshavetheirplaceinspeech,andeveninsomeinformalwriting,theydon’tallowustomakecompletestatements.Andmakingcompletestatementsiswhatsentenceexpertiseisallabout.
So,oncewe’velearnedhowtochoosewordsandcombinethemintophrases,wenowhavetomasterthechoicesavailabletousforgatheringthosewordsandphrasesintosentences.Ifyoustudiedgrammarinschool,youmaythinksentencesareboring.Butthetruthisfardifferent:Sentencesarethekeytomakingmagicwithwriting.Sentenceshelpusmakeourmeaningclear,and—evenmoreimportant—theygiveustoolstocommandtheattentionofourreadersandtoshapetheirexperiencesastheyreadourwork.Writerswhohavemasteredawiderangeofsentencestructurescanchoosejusttherightonefortheirpurpose,whetheritbetoratchetup(ordown)thesuspense,tomakereaderslaugh,tosurprisethem,tomakethemcry,andmuchmore.Masteryofsentencestructuresgivesusawholerepertoireoftechniqueswecanusetocreatetheeffectswewantinsideourreaders.
Inexperiencedorunskilledwritersoftendon’tevenknowtherearechoicestomakeincomposingsentences.Sowebeginourexplorationofsentencesbylookingatsomeofourchoices.
KindsofSentences
Whatdosentencesdo,anyway?Asentencecandooneoffourthings:
1. Makeastatement:Thesmallboyrandownthestreet,orJohnwon’tbeatschooltodaybecauseheisill.Sentenceslikethesearecalleddeclarativesentences.
2. Askaquestion:Areyoucomingtothegame?Whoscoredthefinalrun?Sentencesthataskquestionsarecalledinterrogativesentences.
3. Makeacommand:Tellmethetruth!orDon’ttouchthatpackage.Suchsentencesarecalledimperativesentences.
4. Makeanexclamation:Howhotitistoday!orWhatdeliciouscookiesyoumake!Sentenceslikethesearecalledexclamatorysentences.
Youdon’tneedtorememberthegrammaticalnamesforeachkindofsentence,butyourabilitytomakesentenceswillimproveifyourememberthatyouhavethesefourkindsofsentencesavailabletoyouwhenyouwrite.Youcandomorethansimplyputdownonedeclarativesentenceafteranother.Professionalwritersmakeuseofthefourkindsofsentences:statement,question,command,exclamation.Inthefollowingexample,fromLewisCarroll’sAlice’sAdventuresinWonderland,noticewhateachsentenceisdoing.
“…Iwonder[saidAlicetoherself]ifI’vebeenchangedinthenight?Letmethink:wasIthesamewhenIgotupthismorning?IalmostthinkIcanrememberfeelingalittledifferent.ButifI’mnotthesame,thenextquestionis,WhointheworldamI?Ah,that’sthegreatpuzzle!”Andshe
beganthinkingoverallthechildrensheknewthatwereofthesameageasherself,toseeifshecouldhavebeenchangedforanyofthem.
Practice:FourKindsofSentences
Experimentwithmakingdifferentkindsofsentences.Thenwriteapassageusingonlydeclarativesentences.Rewritesubstitutingotherkindsofsentencesforsomeofthedeclarativeones.Readthetwoversionsoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?
TheWonderfulWorldofDeclarativeSentences
Nowthatyouhaveafeelforthedifferentkindsofsentencesavailabletoyou,let’sturntoinvestigatingthetypeofsentencewritersusemostfrequently:thedeclarativesentence.Whythisone?Becausemostofthetime,whenwewrite,wearetellingourreadersthings,anditisthedeclarativesentencethatallowsustodothat.ThedeclarativesentenceletsustellthemTherewasablackshadowuponthemoon,orBeckettstruckoutteninarowlastnight,orJaneworeadressofgreensilkandasinglestrandofpearls.Fromnowon,anytimeIusetheword“sentence,”Imean“declarativesentence.”
Andnow…let’splaywithmakingsentences!
Practice:MakeSentences
Writeaveryshortnounphrase.Writeaveryshortverbphrasethatmakessensewithyournounphrase.Combinethetwo.Dothisafewtimes,justtogetthefeelofit.
Andnow(drumroll…):Whathaveyoujustcreated?Sentences!Makingasentence,then,involvesaddingtogethertwoormorephrases(or,
occasionally,twosinglewordsorasinglewordandaphrase).Rememberthatwecreatedphrasesoutofsinglewordsaddedtogether;nowwe’remakingsentencesusingthatsameprincipleofaddition.
Butwecan’tusejustanykindofphrasetomakesentences,forsentencesinEnglishareconstructedaccordingtoacertainbasicpattern:
noun(ornounphrase)+verb(orverbphrase)=sentence
TheBasicSentencePatternNoticethatinmakingsentencesinthelastpracticeyouaddedtwophrasestogether.Noticethatoneofthetwoisanounphraseandthatoneofthemisaverbphrasethatcontainsafiniteverb.Andnoticethatwhenyouputthemtogether,thenounphrasecomesfirst.
Icallyourattentiontothesethingsbecause,ifyouareanativeEnglishspeaker,composingsentencesinthiswayprobablycomessonaturallytoyouthatyoumaynotbeawareofwhatyouaredoing.Youmayneverhaverealizedthat,whenyouwrite,speak,andreadsentences,youareputtingwordstogetheraccordingtoaparticularpattern,onethathasbeenpartoftheEnglishlanguagesinceitsbeginnings.Here’sthepatternagain:
nounphrase(orsinglenoun)+verbphrase(orsingleverb)=sentence
Youmaybemorefamiliarwithseeingthepatternexpressedinthesewords:
subject+predicate=sentence
Andhere’stheamazingthing:AlldeclarativesentencesinEnglishareconstructedaccordingtothisbasicsentencepattern,oroneofitsvariations.
Justthinkaboutthisforamoment:EverydeclarativesentenceinEnglishisbuiltuponthisonebasicpattern(anditsvariations,whichwe’llgettoshortly).Justonesinglebasicpatternforpoetryandprose,fictionandnonfiction,professionalwritersandamateurs.Onesinglebasicpatternforbest-sellingauthorsandbeginners,forShakespeareandStephenKing,BenjaminFranklin
andWilliamFaulkner.Becauseweknowthispattern,saysoneexpertonlanguage,wecan“comprehendliterallymillionsofspokenorwrittensentenceswehaveneverheardorseenbefore—simplesentencesandcomplicatedones,
factandfiction,proseandpoetry.” Becauseweknowthispattern,wecanwritesentencesthatwilldazzleanddelightourreaders,thatwillinformandentertainandmovethem.
Soifwewanttowritewell,oneofourmostimportanttoolsisasolidgraspofthebasicsentencepattern.
SentenceKernels
Thesimplestandshortestofallsentencesarecalledkernels(alsoknownasbaseclausesorcorestatements).Somekernelsaremadeupofasinglenoun(withorwithoutadeterminer)andasinglefiniteverb.Joelaughedisanexampleofasentencekernel;soisThedogdied.Kernelscanalsobemadewithveryshortandsimplenounandverbphrases:Thewolfchasedthedeerisakernelsentence;soisTheblacksheepwanderedaway;soisAlltheboysweresickthatday.
Kernelsarethemostbasicdeclarativesentenceswecanmake:simple,unadorned,andstraightforward.Beforewecanmakeelaboratesentences,weneedtoknowhowtomakekernels.
Practice:MakeKernels
Writeasmanykernelsasyoucan,firstusingsinglenounsandverbsandthenveryshortnounandverbphrases.Thesesentencesmaysoundsillytoyou;that’sokay.Concentrate,notonthewords,butonthepattern:nounorshortnounphrase+verborshortverbphrase.
Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?
TheRhythmofKernels
PracticingkernelsgivesusanopportunitytogettheunderlyingrhythmofEnglishsentencesintoourwriter’searandourbones.It’saduplerhythm,like
1
therhythmofwalking:left-right,left-right.Withkernelswecannamethisrhythmasnounphrase-verbphraseorassubject-predicate,subject-predicate.It’scrucialthatwegettoknowthisrhythminourbodies,aswellasourminds,foritisthegroundrhythmofallEnglishsentences.
Hereareafewwaystoplaywiththisrhythm:
Practice:Subject-PredicateRhythm
Startwritingkernelsagain.Keepyoursentencesshortandsimple,anddon’ttrytomakethemperfect.Now,asyouwrite,turnpartofyourattentiontotherhythmofsubjectandpredicate:subject—pause—predicate.Trytofeelthisrhythminyourbody,aswellasyourmind.Left-right,left-right;subject-predicate,subject-predicate.
Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?
Practice:Subject-PredicateRhythm
Nowreadyoursentencesoutloud,pausingbetweenthesubjectandthepredicate.Trytofeeltherhythm:These-words-are-naming-the-subject/these-words-are-saying-something-about-the-subject.Ifyoulike,trythiswithapassagefromafavoritewriterorfromapieceyouareworkingon.Whatdoyounotice?
TheImportanceofKernels
Whenwepracticemakingkernels,wearetrainingourbrainsinthebasicpatternofEnglishsentences,soIconsiderpracticeinmakingkernelstobeanessentialwritingpractice.Themorewepractice,themoreeasilywecanmakeuseofthispatternwithoutconsciousthoughtwhenwearewriting,justasacatcherwhopracticesthrowingtosecondbaseathousandtimeswillbeabletonailabasestealerduringagame.
Aswithmakingthingsinanycraft,theconstructionofsentencescanbedonewithimmenseskillandsubtlety.Butwehavetohavethebasicsentence
patterntotallywiredintoourbrainssothatwecanmakeuseofittowritemoreelaboratesentences.Solet’sconsiderthisbasicpatternmorecarefully.
WhattheBasicPatternDoes1:ProvidePurposeMakinguseofthebasicsentencepatternwhenwewriteenablesustodosomeessentialthings.First,itletsoursentenceshavepurpose.Asentencewrittenaccordingtothebasicpatterndoestwothings:
1. Itgivesthereadersomeoneorsomethingwhoisthesubjectofthesentence.Thatis,itnameswhoorwhatthesentenceisabout;itgivesthesentencean“actor.”
2. Itsayssomething—makesastatement—aboutthesubjectofthesentence,givesusthe“action”ofthesentence.
Torepeat:Thesubjectofthesentenceconsistsofanounoranounphrase;theverborverbphrasethatconveystheactionisknownasthepredicateofthesentence.
Practice:NamingandSaying
Writeafewmorekernels,keepingyourattentionfirstonasking,“WhatamInaming?”thenonasking,“WhatdoIwanttosayaboutwhateverIjustnamed?”Ifyoulike,trywritinglongersentences;sentencesusingconcretelanguage;sentencesusingabstractlanguage.Thenreadyoursentencesaloud.Whatdoyouhear?
Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?
WhattheBasicPatternDoes2:MakeMeaningToconstructsentences,asI'vesaid,istoentertherealmofsyntax.Whilethatwordmaysoundforbidding,itsmeaningissimple:Itmeansthewayweorderourwordsandphrasesinsentences.Thebasicsentencepatternprovidesuswith
awaytodothis,withanestablishedtemplate.Imaginewhatwouldhappenifwedidn’thavethispattern,andwriterscouldthrowwordsontothepageinanyoldorder:Noonewouldbeabletounderstandthem!
Asentenceisaparticularwayoforderingwordsandphrasestomakesense.Thekeywordshereare“order”and“sense.”Englishisalanguageinwhichwemakemeaning,notonlybytheparticularwordswechooseandthephrasesorimageswecreate,butalsobythewayweorderthosewordsandphrases.
Take,forinstance,thissentence:Thecatatethecream.Now,whatwouldhappenifwetookthesamewordsandarrangedthemintodifferentorders?WecouldwriteAtethecatthecream.WecouldwriteThecreamatethecat.
Eachofourthreesentencesusesexactlythesamewords;theonlydifferenceistheorderinwhichwereceivethem.Butwhatadifferencethatordermakes!—quiteliterallythedifferencebetweensenseandnonsense.
Thisexampleillustratesthebasicrealitythat,inEnglish,wordorderhelpscreatemeaning.Notalllanguagesworkthisway,though.InLatin,forinstance,thereexistsagroupofendings,calledinflections,thatattachtowordsandenablethemtoplaydifferentrolesinsentences.Ifwetake,asanexample,theending-um,andifwedecidethataddingthisendingtoanounwillmakeitplaytheroleofanobject(thatis,someoneorsomethingthatreceivesanaction),andifwethenattachour-umtotheendofthewordcreaminourthirdexample,we’dgetthis:
Thecreamumatethecat.
Becauseweknowthat,inourinventedlanguage,theending-umturnsthewordcreamintothereceiveroftheaction,ratherthanthedoeroftheaction,weknowthatwhatthissentencereallymeansisThecatatethecream,eventhoughit’snotusingthatparticularorderofwords.
ForanyonewhohasgrownupspeakingandreadingEnglish,theideaofhavingtoprocesssentencesinthiswayismind-boggling.InEnglishwemake
sensethroughsyntax,throughthewayweorderourwordsinsentences.Sostrongisthepowerofsyntaxtohelpmakemeaningthatwriterswho
knowhowtomakeuseofthebasicsyntacticpatternsofEnglishsentencescanmakeevennonsenseatleastpartlyintelligible.ListentotheselinesfromLewisCarroll’s“Jabberwocky”:
’Twasbrillig,andtheslithytovesDidgyreandgimbleinthewabe;Allmimsyweretheborogroves,Andthemomerathsoutgrabe.
Wemaynotknowwhat“slithytoves”are,butthesyntaxtellsusthatthosewordsarethesubjectofthekernel“theslithytovesdidgyreandgimbleinthewabe”andthat“didgyreandgimbleinthewabe”makeupthepredicate.Sowecanguessthat“slithy”isanadjectivethatmodifiesthenoun“toves,”andthatwhoeverorwhatever“toves”are,theyaredoingsomeactionconveyedbythewords“gyreandgimble.”
WhattheBasicPatternDoes3:CreateMovementfromKnowntoUnknownBecausethebasicpatterngivesusastructurefororderingourwordsandphrases,ithelpsusmakemeaning,aswe’veseen.Thebasicpatternalsogivesforwardmovementtooursentences.Howdoesthismovementhappen?
IthappensbecauseEnglishsentenceshaveacharacteristicmovementbuiltintotheirbasicstructure:Theymove“fromknowntounknown.”ThismovementofEnglishsentences“fromknowntounknown”isanessentialfeatureofthelanguage.Ithasbeendescribedbyonelanguageexpertas“probablyoneofthemostimportantgrammaticalobservationstobemadeabout
Englishprosestyle.”2
AtypicalEnglishsentencebeginswiththesubject,thencontinueswithapredicatethatsayssomethingaboutthatsubject.Sothereadernowknowstwothings:whatthesubjectofthesentenceis,andwhatissaidaboutit.Tomovefromwhatis“known”—thatis,whatisknowntothereader—towhatis“unknown,”askilledwriterwillrepeatanelementfromherfirstsentenceintheonethatfollows.Mostoftenshewillrepeatthesubject(Joewashungry.Heateabanana.).Sometimesshewillrepeatadifferentsentenceelement(Joeateabanana.Ittasteddelicious.).Inwritingherthirdsentence,andanyfollowingones,shewillusethesametechniqueofrepeatinganelementfromaprevioussentence:Inthiswayhersentenceswillmovethereaderforwardsmoothlyfromonestatementtothenext,fromwhathealreadyknowstowhatisunknown.
WritinginTimeThismovementofsentencesfromknowntounknowncanalsoenableoursentencestohavedrama.Withinthelimitsimposedbythebasicsentencestructure,wecanchoosewhenwewanttogiveourreadersbitsofinformation.Wecanusesyntaxtocreatesuspenseandanticipation,tokeepourreadersreading.
That’sbecausewhileweare,inasense,orderingourwordsvisually(whetherfromonesideofthepagetotheotherinprose,orinsomeotherarrangementinpoetry),whatweareactuallydoingisorderingthemintime.Ourreaders’brainswillnotapproachourwritingasifitwereapainting,whosemanyelementscanbetakeninalmostsimultaneously.Rather,theywillcometothoselittleblackmarksonthepageinawayverysimilartothewaythebrainsoftrainedmusicianscometoamusicalscore:Theywillprocessonegroupofwords,andthenthenext,andthenthenext…untilthey“get”ourmeaning.Throughthewaywearrangeourwordsintosentenceswecancontrolhowreadersunderstandwhatwehavetosay.Wecanalsomanipulatetheiremotionalreactions.
Iwanttostressthispoint,becausetofullyrealizethatwriting(forthereader)unfoldsintimeisthegatewaytogettingapractical,ratherthanamerelymechanicalorintellectual,understandingofsyntax.Sentencesareauditorypatterns,whichhappenintime,sowheninoursentenceswegivereaderscertainwordsisjustasimportantasthespecificwordswechoose.Whenwehaveacommandofsentencepatterns,wecanmakeexactlytherightchoiceto“getthespellright”andkeepourreadersenthralledfromthebeginningofapieceofwritingtotheend.
Toexploresyntacticpossibilitiesdoesnotnecessarilyinvolvewritinglongandcomplexsentences.It’samazinghowmanypossibilitiessimplekernelscangiveustoplaywith.
TheTypesofKernels:FourVariationsontheBasicPatternOnceyou’vemasteredthebasicsentencepatternandcaneasilywritesimplesentenceswithclearsubjectsandpredicates,you’rereadytorefineyourunderstandingofhowsentencesworkandgiveyourselfmorepossibilitiestoplaywith.Thebasicsentencepatternhasfourtypes,eachmakinguseofadifferentkindofverbinitspredicate.
Rememberthatthesubjectofthesentencetellsreaderswhatthesentenceisabout.Theverbtellswhatthesubjectisdoing.Everysentencehasanactorandanaction.
Sometimestheactionconveyedbytheverbisindeedfullofenergy:Heheavedthepackagesintothecar.Othertimestheverbgivesastateofbeing:Joeissad.OrSallyappearshappy.
Theimportantthingstorememberare:1)mainverbs(alsoknownasfiniteverbs)canconveydifferentkindsofactionorenergy;and2)mainverbsarecategorizedbytheamountofenergytheyconvey.
Withthisinmind,let’stakealookatthefourvariationsonthebasicsentencepattern:
Type1:Subject+beverb(someformoftheverbbe)withanoun(ornounphrase),adjective(oradjectivephrase),oradverb(oradverbphrase)aspredicate;Type2:Subject+alinkingverb(suchasseem,become,feel,remain,appear)withanoun(ornounphrase)oradjective(oradjectivephrase)aspredicate;Type3:Subject+anintransitiveverb(suchaslaugh,jump,walk),whichmayormaynotbefollowedbyanadverboradverbphrase;Type4:Subject+atransitiveverb(suchasthrow,drop,make)withanounornounphraseasdirectobject.
Thenounoradjectiveconstructionsthatfollowbe,oralinkingverb,areknownasthecomplement(orsubjectcomplement)oftheverb.
Anyofthesepatternsmayalsoincludeanadverborshortadverbphrase,suchasaprepositionalphrase.(Forexample:Johnishappyatlast.)TheType4kernel,usingatransitiveverb,canalsoincludeanindirectobjectoranobjectcomplement.(Forexample:JoegaveMarytheapple.)We’llexploretheseoptionsinmoredetaillaterinthechapter.
Youmaynoticethatthekerneltypesprogressfromaverbthatexpresseslittleaction(be)toverbsthatconveyagreatdealofaction.Rememberthatallverbsarenotcreatedequal:Somecanexpressonlyastateofbeingoracondition;othersarefullofenergyandactivity.Ifyouknowhowtouseallofthesedifferentkindsofverbs,youcanchoosethekindthatbestsuitsyourpurposeasyouconstructsentences.Suppose,forinstance,thesubjectofyoursentenceisafrog.Thefrog,youmightwrite,isontherock.(He’sthere;that’sall.)Orperhapsyou’dratherwriteThefrogremainsontherock.(Alittlemoreactivityisimpliedhere,perhaps;thefrogseemstobedecidingtostayontherock.)Orthis:Thefrogsitsontherock.(Thefrogstillisn’tmoving,butheisengagedinanactivity:sittingthere.)Orthisone:Thefrogembracestherock.(Canyoufeelthefrog’smusclesmovingnow?)
Noticethatthesubstitutionofverbsintheseexamplesisnotjustamatteroffindingsynonyms;it’saboutconsideringtheamountofactivityeachtypeofverbconveys.Knowinghowtouseallfourtypeswillexpandenormouslyyouroptionsformakingsentences.
Let’slookateachoneofthesealittlemoreclosely.
SentenceKernels
Type1Kernels:ToBeorNottoBe?
Thebeverbhastakenalotofabuseinrecentyearsfromthosewhogiveadviceaboutwriting:Manyofthemtellusweshouldneverusethisverb.Although,likeanyotherword,formsoftobecanbeoverused,inthehandsofskilledwriters,beisanimportanttool.Listentothisexample:
Mariposaisnotarealtown.Onthecontrary,itisaboutseventyoreightyofthem.…TothecarelesseyethesceneontheMainStreetofasummerafternoonisoneofdeepandunbrokenpeace.Theemptystreetsleepsinthesunshine.ThereisahorseandbuggytiedtothehitchingpostinfrontofGlover’shardwarestore.…Butthisquietismereappearance.Inreality,andtothosewhoknowit,theplaceisaperfecthiveofactivity.…—StephenLeacock,SunshineSketchesofaLittleTown
Inthesesentences,thebeverbbecomesalmostinvisible,directingthereader’sattentiontothenounsandnounphrasesthatbringMainStreetalive.Tousesomeformofbeisnotnecessarilythemarkofapoorwriter;what’simportantinsuchsentencesiswhatliesoneithersideoftheverb.
FourWaystoWriteKernelswith“Be”
Herearefourwaysofusingformsoftobeinkernelsentences,whichyoumayliketoaddtoyourrepertoireofsentence-makingtechniques.Asyoupracticethesetechniques,noticehowfamiliartheyaretoyoualready.
Wecanusekernelswithbe:
1.ToState(andPerhapsEmphasize),Identity:
Usethekernelpattern:nounornounphrase+beverb+samenounornounphrase(ascomplement):
Boyswillbeboys.
MannyisManny.
Aroseisaroseisarose.(GertrudeStein)
2.ToRenametheSubject:
Usethekernelpattern:nounornounphrase+beverb+newnounornounphraseascomplement.
CanadiansarenotAmericans.
JasonVaritekistheRedSoxcaptain.
Hellisotherpeople.(Jean-PaulSartre)
Youcanalsousethispatterntocreatemetaphorandsimile;forinstance:
TedWilliamsisGod.
Timeisariver.
Julietisthesun.(Shakespeare,RomeoandJuliet)
Thesnowislikebutterflies.
Notethatalloftheseconstructionsarebuiltonnouns.
3.WithaComplement(WhatComesAftertheBeVerb)ThatisanAdjectiveoranAdjectivalPhrase:
Joeiscute.
Tomorrowwillbefine.
Alliswell.
4.WithaComplementThatisanAdverboranAdverbialPhrase:
Joeisfaraway.
Theapplesareontheshelf.
Youareinbigtrouble.
Practice:KernelswiththeBeVerb
Writesomekernelsusingvariousformsofthebeverb.Whatdoyounotice?
Type2Kernels:UsingLinkingVerbsThelinkingverbsincludeseem,appear,feel,become,look,turn,get,grow,remain.Rememberthattheseare“state-of-being”or“condition”verbs,notactionverbs.Kernelswithlinkingverbsuseoneoftwopatterns:
1.subject+linkingverb+nounornounphraseascomplement
Jenniferbecameadoctor.
Jonathanremainsajudge.
2.subject+linkingverb+adjectiveoradjectivalphraseascomplement
Themonkeygrewsad.
Everythingbecameclear.
Susielookedverybeautiful.
Heappearedangry.
Practice:KernelswithLinkingVerbs
Makesomekernelswithlinkingverbs.Whatdoyounotice?Accordingtosomeexpertsonsentences,themostimportantinformationin
asentencetendstocomeattheendofthesentence,especiallywhenthepatternisakernelwithbeoralinkingverb.That’sbecausewedon’tusuallywritesentencesinisolation,butoneafteranother,andsothesubjectofasentenceoftenreferstoapersonorthingthereaderisalreadyfamiliarwith.(Seeaboveforthediscussionofmovingfromknowntounknown.)
Inthetwopatternswe’vejustplayedwith,thekernelsusuallyhavelittleactivity.Tocreatemoreactivityinasentence,weneedtouseintransitiveortransitiveverbs.
Type3Kernels:UsingIntransitiveVerbs
Intransitiveverbsarethosethatconveyaction,withoutrequiringadditionalwordstocompletetheaction.Thekernelpatternissubject+intransitiveverb,possiblyfollowedbyanadverborashortadverbialphrase.
Birdssing.
Theboyslaughed.
Thedogbarkedloudly.
Susiegiggleduncontrollably.
Sheskatedwithease.
Practice:KernelswithIntransitiveVerbs
Makesomekernelsusingthepatternforintransitiveverbs.Whatdoyounotice?
Type4Kernels:UsingTransitiveVerbs
Transitiveverbsalsoconveyaction,buttheyrequireanotherwordorphrasetocompletetheaction.Thiswordorphraseisknownbygrammariansasthedirectobject.Thekernelpatternissubject+transitiveverb+noun(orpronoun)ornounphraseasdirectobject.
Joehatedthewoman.(Directobject=thewoman)
Thedogbitthepostman.
Jeffreadthenewspaper.
Annaatethespaghetti.
Thispatterncanalsobevariedasfollows:subject+transitiveverb+nounphrase(orpronoun)+adverborprepositionalphrase.
Shethrewtheballhard.
Hisquestionshatteredthesilencelikeglass.
Susie’smotherdrovehertotheparty.
Oneadditionalvariationofthepatternaddsanounornounphraseservingasanindirectobject.Forexample:
JackgaveAmandaapresent.(Indirectobject=Amanda)
Practice:KernelswithTransitiveVerbs
Makesomekernelswithtransitiveverbs.Whatdoyounotice?
Practice:PlaywithKernels
Takesometimetopracticeeachtypeofkernelinturn.Readyoursentencesoutloud,andnoticewhatyouhear.Tryrewritingasentenceusingdifferentkindsofverbs.It’salsofuntofreewriteusingonekindofkernelafteranother.
Practice:TellaStorywithKernels
Usingthekernelpatternsintheorderinwhichtheyareexplainedabove,oneatatime,tellastory.YourfirstsentencewilluseaType1kernel,yoursecondsentenceaType2kernel,andsoon.Whenyou'vecompletedfoursentences,writeanotherfoursentencesusingthekerneltypesinthesameorder.Continueuntilyourstoryends.
KernelsProvideChoicesIhopeyouwillnoticehowbecomingawareofthedifferentkindsofkernelpatternsgivesyoumorechoicesinhowtosaysomething.Forinstance,doyouwanttowriteSamisstrange,orSamseemsstrange,orSamactsstrangely?DoyouwanttowriteThatflyisannoyingorThatflyannoysme?
AsyouplaywithkernelsIencourageyoutotrydifferentwaysofsayingthesamethingsothatyoubuildinyourwordmindarepertoireofsentence-structurepossibilities.
Practice:LearnfromtheProfessionals
Studywritersyoulikeforhowtheyusekernels.Imitatewhattheydo.Hereareafewexamplestoconsider.
TheProsUseKernels
“Don’tdoanythingdaft,sons,”saidoneoftheuniforms.Buttheywerejustwords.Nobodywaslistening.Thetwoteenagerswereagainsttherailsnow,onlytenfeetorsofromthecrashedcar.Rebuswalkedslowlyforward,pointingwithhisfinger,makingitcleartothemthathewasgoingtothecar.Theimpacthadcausedthetrunktospringopenaninch.Rebuscarefullylifteditandlookedinside.Therewasnobodyinside.
—IanRankin,LetItBleed
I’moneforroutine.Iliketogetonwithmyjob,andthenwhentheday’swork’soversettledowntoapaperandasmokeandabitofmusiconthewireless,varietyorsomethingofthesortandthenturninearly.Ineverhadmuchuseforgirls…
—DaphneDuMaurier,“KissMeAgain,Stranger”
Hewouldhavegivenupthathope[ofvengeance]forFlavia’ssake,ifshehadcomewithhim,becausethequestforvengeancewasatrailthatnomanshouldfollowwithawomanandachilddependentonhim.ButFlaviahadnotcome.
—RosemarySutcliff,TheLanternBearers
Nowitwasthetwenty-fourthofDecember,andjustsuchamorning.Christmastomorrow.Shewasalone,andshewouldspendtomorrowalone.Shedidnotmind.Sheandherhousewouldkeepeachothercompany.
—RosamundePilcher,“MissCameronatChristmas”
Icouldnothelpit.IburstintoashoutoflaugherasIlookedatGeorge’swrathfulface,Irolledinmychair,Iverynearlyfellonthefloor.Georgeneverforgaveme.ButTomoftenasksmetoexcellentdinnersinhischarminghouseinMayfair,andifheoccasionallyborrowsatriflefromme,thatismerelyfromforceofhabit.Itisnevermorethanasovereign.
—SomersetMaugham,“TheAntandtheGrasshopper”
UsingKernelsforEffectAstheprecedingexamplesdemonstrate,kernelscancreatepowerfuleffects.Sotheyareanimportantpartofeveryskilledwriter’ssentencerepertoire.Youcan,forinstance,usekernelsinthefollowingways:
1. Tovarythelengthofyoursentencesandcreaterhythm.Onewriteronstylesays,“Thebetterthewriter,offictionandofnonfictionalike,themorehetendstovaryhissentencelength.Andhedoesitasdramaticallyaspossible.Timeandagaintheshortestsentenceinaprofessionalparagraphisbroughtupagainstthelongest,oratleastlodgedamongsomemuch
longer.Thissmallestsentenceisoftenakernel,oranear-kernel.”2. Tocreatemovementbyusingdifferentkernel-structuresinsequence.
(Rememberthateachkerneltypehasadifferentamountofenergybecauseeachusesadifferentkindofverb.)
3. Tocreateemphasisordramaorsurprise.Professionalwriters,liketheonesabove,oftenbeginaparagraphwithakerneltograbthereader’sattention(seetheDuMaurierexample),orendaparagraphwithonetocreateemphasisorclimax(seetheRankinandSutcliffexamples).Sometimestheyuseakernelinthemiddleofaparagraph,tocreateatransitionorchangedirection—andsometimestheyevenusekernelsinallthreepositions(seetheMaughamexample).
Practice:PlaywithKernels
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Foolaroundwithusingkernelstocreatedifferenteffects,eitherbywritingafewsentencesorparagraphsonasubjectofyourchoice,orbyrevisingsomeofyourownwriting.Whatdoyounotice?
KernelsandFragmentsContemporarywritersmakefrequentuseofsentencefragmentstoreplicatehowpeopletalk,eitherindialogueorininternalmonologue.Suchfragmentsdifferfromkernelsinthattheyarenotcompletesentences:Theylacksubjectorpredicate,orboth.Canyoufindthefragmentsinthisexample?
Badgworthywasinaseventhheaven.Amurder!AtChimneys!InspectorBadgworthyinchargeofthecase.Thepolicehaveaclue.Sensationalarrest.Promotionandkudosfortheaforementionedinspector.
—AgathaChristie,TheSecretofChimneys
Numberofwordsisnotausefulindicatorofwhetheragivenutteranceisasentencefragmentorakernel.Sometimesasentencefragmentcanbelongerthanakernel,asinthefollowingexample,spokenbyapoliceofficer(comparethesecondandthirdsentences):
“BasilBlakewasatapartyatthestudiosthatnight.Youknowthesortofthing.Startsateightwithcocktailsandgoesonandonuntiltheair'stoothicktoseethroughandeveryonepassesout.”
—AgathaChristie,TheBodyintheLibrary
Practice:PlaywithKernels
Writesomekernels,rememberingthebasicsubject-predicaterhythm.Nowwritesomesentencefragments.Canyoufeelthedifference?Experimentwithcombiningkernelsandfragmentsinthesamepassage.(Youmayfindithelpfultousedialogueorinternalmonologue.)
TheBenefitsofPracticingKernelsThoughkernelsareshort,theyareanexceptionallyusefulwriter’stool.Beyondtheirabilitytocreateeffects,theyareimportantbecausethemorewepracticethem,themorewetrainourwriter’smindtogetasolidgriponthebasicstructureoftheEnglishsentence.Naturallywe’renotgoingtofillourpagesonlywithkernels—thatwouldboreus,andboreourreaders.Butwhenwehavereallylearned,throughpractice,howkernelswork,whenwecanwritethemwithease,thenwecanlearntoelaboratethemintomorecomplicatedstructures.Thesentenceswewritethenwillbelonger,buttheywillalwaysbegroundedinthebasicstructureofthekernel—whichisthefundamentalstructureoftheEnglishsentence,thestructureourreadersexpect.
SoIhopeyouwillnotdisdainkernelsas“toosimple.”Inthenextchapterwe’llbeginourexplorationofwaystoelaborateandextendthemintomorecomplexsentences.Havingasolidgriponkernelswillenableyoutotakeinthisnewmaterialmoreeasily.
Ifyoufeelreadytotakeonthemakingofmorecomplexsentences,proceedtothenextchapter.Butifyou'dliketoplaywithkernelsawhilelonger,here’sanotherwaytounderstandthebasicpatternsofEnglishsentences.
SyntacticSlots
“Andthewordsslideintotheslotsordainedbysyntax,andglitteraswith
atmosphericdustwiththoseimpuritieswhichwecallmeaning,” writesBritishauthorAnthonyBurgess.These“slotsordainedbysyntax”are,inanEnglishsentence,thesubjectandthepredicate:whatisnamed,andwhatwesayaboutwhatisnamed.Ifyouareavisuallymindedperson,youmightfindthisnotionof“syntacticslots”helpfulinvisualizinghowsyntaxworks.
4
Intothesubject“slot”cangonounsorpronouns,ornounphrases(thatis,anygroupofwordsfunctioningasanoun)andanywordsorphrasesmodifyingthenoun.Intothepredicate“slot”gothemainverbofthesentenceandanywordsorphrasesservingtomodifythatverb,aswellasanycomplementsorobjects.Youmayfindithelpfultocreateamentalimageoftheseslots,sothat,asyouproducesentences,oneafteranother,youkeepinmindthatfirstyoumustfillthesubjectslot,thenthepredicateslot.Asyoubeginyournextsentence,youmustfillthesubjectslotagain,andthenthepredicateslot,andsoon.
Ifyoulikethisidea,herearesomepracticestotry.
Practice:SentenceSlots
Writesentencekernels,usingamentalimageofthesubjectandpredicate“slots,”andfillthemwiththeappropriatewords.Readyourkernelsoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?
Practice:SentenceSlots
Dosomefreewriting,tryingtokeepthementalimageofthesubjectandpredicate“slots”aliveinonepartofyourmind.Whathappenswhenyoudothis?Afterwardsreadyoursentencesaloud.Whatdoyounotice?
Practice:SentenceSlots
Revisesomeofyourwritingbyreadingitoutloudandtrying,atthesametime,tokeepinmindthementalimageofthesyntactic“slots.”
SyntacticSlots:MoreDetailsIfyoufindithelpfultovisualizethe“slots”wordsmustslideinto,hereisamoredetailedpictureofthebasicEnglishsentence:Thesubjecttakesuponlyone“slot,”whilethepredicatecancontainfromonetothreeslots.Howcanthatbe?Italldependsonwhatkindofverbisbeingused.Beoralinkingverbwillrequiretwoslotsforthepredicate:theverbandthecomplement.(George//is/sad.)Anintransitiveverbrequiresonlyoneslotforthepredicate.(Philip//
laughed.)Atransitiveverbwillrequiretwoslotsforthepredicate:theverbandthedirectobject.(Melissa//read/thebook.)Atransitiveverbwillrequirethreeslotsforthepredicatewhenthere’sanindirectobject(Mary//gave/Alice/abook.):subject(slot1)+verb(slot2)+indirectobject(slot3)+directobject(slot4):slots2-4makeupthepredicate.Atransitiveverbwillalsorequirethreeslotsforthepredicatewhenthere’sanobjectcomplement.(Joe//considers/mybrother/afriend.)
Withanykindofverb,thepredicatecanincludeanadverboradverbphrase.Forexample:
Rebeccaissleepyinthemorning.
Joelaughedloudly.
SummaryoftheBasicSentencePatterns
Slot1 Slot2 Slot3 Slot4
1A.Subject Be SubjectComplement
1B.Subject Be Adverbial
2.Subject LinkingVerb SubjectComplement
3.Subject IntransitiveVerb
4A.Subject TransitiveVerb DirectObject
4B.Subject TransitiveVerb IndirectObject DirectObject
4C.Subject TransitiveVerb DirectObject ObjectComplement
4D.Subject AnyVerb Complement/Object,ifnecessary Adverbial(optional)
Practice:SentenceSlots
Usingtheinformationinthesidebar,playwithwritingdifferentkindsofkernels.
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Noticethekindsofverbsyouareusingandtheparticularpartofspeechyouareslidingintoeachslot.
TheValueofSentencePatternsThemorewepracticesentencepatterns—likeamusicianpracticingscalesandintervals—themoreoptionswehaveatourcommandwhenweareinthemidstofcompositionandrevision.Iencourageyoutoplayasmuchasyoucanwiththesebasicpatterns,and,ifyoulike,toinventyourownpractices.
TakeTimetoReflect
Whathaveyoulearnedfromthischapter?Whatsections(ifany)mightyouneedtorevisit?Whatpracticesdoyouwanttomakeapartofyourpracticerepertoire?
1 …factandfiction,proseandpoetry.VirginiaTufte,GrammarasStyle(Holt,Rinehart,1971)p.iv.
2 …aboutEnglishprosestyle.DwightBolinger,quotedbyVirginiaTufte,GrammarasStyle,p.125.
3 …oranear-kernel.VirginiaTufte,ArtfulSentences,p.24.IamindebtedtoTufteforherexplanationofkernels.
4 …whichwecallmeaning.AnthonyBurgess,Enderby(Penguin,1982),p.406.
5 SummaryoftheBasicSentencePatterns,adaptedfromMarthaKolln,RhetoricalGrammar,p.16.
Chapter11
ElaboratingtheBasicSentence
Ifartisthebridgebetweenwhatyouseeinyourmindandwhattheworldsees,thenskillishowyoubuildthatbridge.
—TwylaTharp,TheCreativeHabit:LearnItandUseItforLife
Whilemasteryofsentencekernelsisanessentialwritingskill,limitingyoursentence-makingtokernelsalonewillprobablyborebothyouandyourreaders.Ifyouimaginethatcreatingabasickernelsentencestructureislikebuildingasmall,plainhouse,thenelaboratingthatstructureislikeaddingdetailsanddecorationtothathouse.Thekernelsentence,justliketheunadornedhouse,doestheessentialworkitneedstodo;theactofaddingdetailsanddecoration,toeithersentencestructureorhousestructure,canmovebothofthembeyondthebasic.Inbothcases,though,youneedtoknowhowtoelaboratetheelementalstructuresothatyouradditionsenhancethatstructureratherthandetractfromtheworkitalreadydoeswell.
Thetechniquesofmakingmorecomplexsentencesareallbasedontheprocessofaddingtobasicsentences.Towriteasentencethatismorecomplexistoaddmore“stuff”—moreinformation,moredetails,morewords—toabasicsentence.Manywritersgetintotroublewhentheytrytoconstructcomplicatedsentencesbecausetheylosetrackofthebasicsentencepattern.Ifyoukeepafirmgriponthatpattern(oroneofitsvariations),you’relesslikelytoloseyourway(andtoloseyourreaders).
Thetechniquesofmakingcomplicatedsentencesfallintotwomaincategories:
1. Youcanaddmorewordsandphrasestoasinglebasicsentence(kernel).Icallthisprocesselaboratingthebasicsentence.
2. Youcanalsocombineoneormorebasicsentences,inaprocessIcallextendingthebasicsentence.
Skilledwritersmakeuseofbothofthesetechniques,bothseparatelyandtogether.Inthischapter,we’llexploreelaboration;inChapter12,we’llturntoextendingsentences.
ElaboratingtheBasicSentencePatterns
Whenwewanttoaddmorematerialtoakernel,wehavetokeepinmindtwothings.First,readersexpectthebasicsentencepatterntoprovideafoundationforeverydeclarativesentence,sowedon’twanttothwartthatexpectationunlesswe’redoingitonpurposeandforgoodreason.Inotherwords,wehavetomakesurethatwhenweelaborateakernelwedon’tmessupthebasickernelstructure.Weneedtoaddourmaterialtosentencesinwaysthatdon’tconfuseourreaders—unlesswehavesomegoodreasonforwantingtodisorientthem.Weneedtomakesurethatwhenweaddmorematerialtoakernel,oursentencesstillmakesense.
Second,elaboratingkernelsisoneofourmostusefultoolsformakingthingshappeninsideourreaders’mindsandforkeepingtheirattention.Whenwelearnhowtoaddmaterialtokernels,wehaveunlimitedoptionsforcreatingtheeffectswewant.
Therearetwoprimarywayswecanelaboratekernels:Wecancreatecompoundsubjectsorverbs;andwecanaddmodifierstothesubjectorthepredicate,orboth.Someofthesetechniqueswillbefamiliartoyoufromthechapteronphrases.Here,we’llgooverthemagain—thistimethinkingabout
themalittledifferently,fromthepointofviewofelaboratingkernels.Thenwe’llexaminesomeothertechniques.
HowtoElaborateaKernel1:CompoundSubjectsandPredicatesYou’llrememberthatwecancombinetwoormorenouns(ornounphrases)usingtheconjunctionand.Whenthisconstructionservesasthesubjectofasentence,theresultiscalledacompoundsubject.Forexample:
TheSharksandtheJetseyedeachotherwithsuspicion.
JoeandMaryhavenevermet.
Wecanalsouseandtocombineverbs.Whentwoormoreverbs(orverbphrases)serveasthepredicateofasentence,theyarecalledacompoundpredicate.Forexample:
Joeopenedthewindowandlookedout.
Thedogbarkedatthepostmanandgrowledfiercely.
Sometimescompoundsubjectsorpredicatestaketheformofalist:
Joejumpedoutofbed,grabbedhisclothes,anddressedhurriedly.
Ifyouvaguelyremembersomethingcalled“compoundsentences”fromagrammarlesson,pleasenotethatthereisabigdifferencebetweenacompoundpredicateandacompoundsentence:asentencewithacompoundpredicatehasonlyonesubject(thoughthatsubjectmaycontainmorethanonenoun).Ifyoufeelconfusedaboutthis,readoverthesentencesaboveandpauseafterthesubject,thennoticehowit’sthesamesubjectengagingineveryoneofthe
actionsconveyedbytheverbs.Asforcompoundsentences,we’llgettotheminthenextchapter.
Practice:CompoundSubjectsandPredicates
Writesomeshortsentencesusingcompoundsubjectsandpredicates(orboth).Whatdoyounotice?
Youprobablyrememberthatapredicatecanoftencontainmorethanone“slot”;whenitdoes,theconstructionsinthoseslotscanalsobecomecompound.(SeeChapter10foranexplanationofslots.)Forexample:
Joethrewtheapplesandorangesintoabag.(Compounddirectobject)
MarygaveSteveandSuzannealistoftaskstodo.(Compoundindirectobject)
Maryisaliarandathief.(Compoundcomplement)
Playaroundwithusingthecompoundingtechniquewiththeseconstructions.Asyoudothis,keepinmindthatwheneveryoujointwowordsorphraseswithand,thoseconstructionsmustbethesamepartofspeech;thatis,youmustjoinnounsandnouns,adjectivesandadjectives,butnotnounsandadjectives.
TheProsUseCompoundStructures
Compoundstructuresareausefultool,onethatenableswriterstocondenseagreatdealofinformationintoasinglesentence.Forexample:
"AllthefrustrationandbitternessandfascinationoftheyearsIspent[inMoscow]duringthewarcamerushingbackatme…"
—AndrewGarve,MurderThroughtheLookingGlass
Byseveno’clocktheorchestrahasarrived,nothinfive-pieceaffair,butawholepitfulofoboesandtrombonesandsaxophonesandviolsandcornetsandpiccolos,andlowandhighdrums.
—F.ScottFitzgerald,TheGreatGatsby
TheRatbroughttheboatalongsidethebank,madeherfast,helpedthestillawkwardMolesafelyashore,andswungouttheluncheon-basket.
—KennethGrahame,TheWindintheWillows
Compoundpredicatesalsoenablewriterstoinfusetheirsentenceswiththeenergyofactivity:
Hethrewhisheaddownandgnashedhisteeth,andallowedamurmurofsuppressedangertosweepthecrowd.
—ChinuaAchebe,ThingsFallApart
Theskipping-ropewasawonderfulthing.[Mary]countedandskipped,andskippedandcounted,untilhercheekswerequitered…
—FrancesHodgsonBurnett,TheSecretGarden
Practice:LearnfromthePros
Searchtheworkofoneofyourfavoritewritersforcompoundsubjects,verbs,directobjects,andotherstructures,thenimitatethosesentences.
Whatdoyounoticeindoingthesepractices?
HowtoElaborateaKernel2:Modifiers
Thesecondwaywecanelaborateakernelisbyaddingmodifiers.Asyouundoubtedlyremember,amodifierisaword,oragroupofwords,thataddssomeinformationtoanounoraverb;amodifiermakesitsnounorverbmorespecific,moreprecise,morevivid.Whenawordoragroupofwordsmodifiesa
noun,itisfunctioningasanadjective.Whenawordoragroupofwordsmodifiesaverb(or,sometimes,anadjectiveoranotheradverb),itisfunctioningasanadverb.
Anynounornounphrasecanhavemodifyingwordsaddedtoit;socananyverborverbphrase,includingverbals.
Whenwecometoelaborateourkernelswithmodifierstherearetwomainthingswehavetopayattentionto.First,withinthelimitsimposedbytheneedtomakesense,wecanmakechoicesaboutwhatmaterialwewanttoadd;second,wecanmakechoicesaboutwhenwewanttoaddthatmaterial.
ElaborateaKernelwithModifiers1:The“What”
Therearethreeverbalstructureswecanuseasmodifiers:singlecontentwords,phrases,andclauses.Forthetimebeing,let’sfocusonthefirsttwo.(We’llgettoclauseslater.)You’llrememberthismaterialfromthepracticesonmakingphrases;Iwantyoutorevisititheresoyoucanfocusonmodificationasatechniqueforelaboratingkernels.
ModifiersasSingleWords
Whenanounismodifiedbyasingleword,mostofthetimethatwordcomesbetweenthedeterminerandthenoun:
Theboylaughed.
Thesmallboylaughed.
Thesmall,timidboylaughed.
Thedogwasalong-eared,friendlymutt.
Singleadjectivesinbetweenadeterminerandanouncanbecombinedwithand:
Thedogwasalong-earedandshort-hairedmutt.
Anytimeyouputanounintoanappropriateplaceinasentence—as,forinstance,objectorcomplement—youcan,ifyoulike,addmodifiers:
Thesmallboyreachedoutwithtimidfingerstopatthelong-eared,friendlymutt.
Likenouns,verbscan(andoftenare)modifiedbysinglewords—inthiscase,adverbs:
Thesmallboywalkedsoftly.
Practice:ModifyNounswithSingleWords
Writesomekernels.Nowrewritethem,addingsingle-wordmodifierstothenouns.Whatdoyounotice?(Ofcourse,addinganadjectiveortwoinbetweenadeterminerandanounmakesthenounphraselonger.Doyoulikethesoundoflongernounphrases?)
Practice:ModifyVerbswithSingleWords
Writesomekernels.Nowrewritethem,addingsingle-wordmodifierstotheverbs.
Whatdoyounotice?Ifyoulike,trywritingkernelsandthenaddingsingle-wordmodifierstobothnounsandverbs.
ModifiersasPhrases
Oneofthemostimportantthingstoknowaboutmodifiersisthattheycanbesinglewords—ortheycanbephrases.Forinstance:
Theboylaughed.
Thesmallboyinthebluehatlaughedloudlyattheclown.(Themodifiers,inorder:singleadjective;prepositionalphraseactingasanadjective;singleadverb;prepositionalphraseactingasanadverb.)
Practice:ModifywithPhrases
Writesomekernels,thenelaboratethemwithadjectivaloradverbialphrases.Usethesetwophrasepatterns:1)twoadjectivesortwoadverbsconnectedbyand;2)prepositionalphrases.
Readyoursentencesoutloud:Howdotheysoundtoyou?Whatdoyounoticedoingthis?(Ifyoustrugglewiththispractice,youmaywanttoreviewChapter9.)
Nowexperimentwithtakingakernelandmodifyingit,first,withsinglewords,thenwithphrases,thenwithbothsinglewordsandphrases.Whatdoyounotice?
TheProsElaborateKernelswithModifiers1:SingleWordsandPrepositionalPhrases
TearsrolledslowlydownMrs.Packington'smiddle-agedcheeks.—AgathaChristie,“TheCaseoftheMiddle-AgedWife”
Notethesinglemodifiers:slowly(modifyingrolled),Mrs.Packington’sandmiddle-aged(bothmodifyingcheeks),andthephrasedownMrs.Packington’smiddle-agedcheeks(modifyingrolled).
ThehousehadroughcastwallsandaroofofmossystonetilesandstoodatthefarendofthefarmyardintheshadeofanoldScotspine.
—BruceChatwin,OntheBlackHill
Marytouched[thebranchofthetree]inaneager,reverentway.—FrancesHodgsonBurnett,TheSecretGarden
Justthentheyheardtheintimate,dramatic,triumphant,wheedlingvoiceoftheradio…
—NadineGordimer,“TheGentleArt”
Practice:ImitatethePros
Usethesentencesabove,orchooseapassagefromawriterofyourchoice.First,identifythekernelofeachdeclarativesentence.Noticewhatkindofmodifiersthewriterused:singlewordsorphrases.Nowimitateeachsentencebywritingakernelandthenusingmodifiersinthesamewayastheprofessionalwriterdid;inotherwords,placesinglemodifiersandmodifyingphrasesexactlywhereshedid.Readyoursentencesaloud.Whatdoyounotice?
Oneofthethingsyou’llprobablynoticeisthatsinglewordmodifiersareoftenapartofprepositionalphrases,asinofanoldScotspine,whereoldandScotsmodifypine.Youmayalsofindthewriterusingstructuresthatyoucan’tyetidentify;justsettheseaside,fornow.
ParticipialPhrasesasModifiers
Inadditiontousingsinglewordsandprepositionalphrasesasmodifiers,wecanalsouseparticipialphrases.You’llrememberfromourdiscussionofverbalsinChapter8thatwehavetwoparticipialformsofverbsthatwecanuseasmodifiers:thepresentparticiple(whichcommonlyendsin-ing),andthepastparticiple(whichoften,thoughnotalways,endsin-ed).It’sessentialtobeawareofthedifferencebetweenaparticiplethatistakingtheroleofmainverbinasentence—Stephenwassingingloudlyinthecar—andaparticipleusedasanadverboradjective—Stephenlistenedtothesingingbird.IntheexamplefromNadineGordimer,thewordwheedlingisaparticipleservingasanadjective.(Ifyoufeelconfusedaboutparticiples,reviewChapter8orconsultyourgrammarbook.)Herewewilltalkonlyaboutparticiplesusedasmodifiers.
Likeothermodifiers,participlescanbeinsertedintoanexistingphrase,astheword“singing”isintothenounphrase“thebird”intheaboveexample;theycanalsohaveotherwordsaddedtothemandbecomeparticipialphrases.Forexample:
Welistenedforalongtimetothesparrowschirpinginthetrees.
Participlescanbeconfusingbecausetheyareveryadaptableandcandoanumberofdifferentthingsinsentences.Tomakesureyouknowwhataparticipleisdoinginaparticularsentence,trythis:Firstidentifythesinglepartsofspeechandthephrasesinthesentence,andnametheroleeachisplaying.Thiswillshowyouthat,inasentencelikethisone,forinstance—Joehitthebarkingdog—thephrasethebarkingdoghasaparticiple(barking)init,butit’snotaparticipialphrase(anadjectiveconstruction)becauseit’sfunctioningasadirectobjectandsomustbeanounphrase.
TheProsElaborateKernelswithModifiers2:ParticiplesandParticipialPhrases
…thelinesoftremblingmonkeyshuddledtogetheronthewallsandbattlementslookedlikeraggedshakyfringesofthings.
—RudyardKipling,TheJungleBook
Theyhadlefthim,andnowtheyweregoingtobed.UncleAlantookabath,andTomlaylisteningtohimandhatinghim.
—PhilippaPearce,Tom’sMidnightGarden
[He]haddwindlednowsimplyintoanice-lookingyoungmanstandinginthesunshine,withdoubtmeltingonhisfaceintohorrifiedapology.
—MaryStewart,TheIvyTree
Practice:ImitatethePros
Findexamplesofparticiplesorparticipialphrasesinapassagebyyourfavoritewriter,orusetheexamplesabove.Imitatehowyourchosenwriterusesthesestructuresasmodifiers.Whatdoyounotice?Theninventsomesentencesofyourown,usingthesestructures.
ElaborateaKernelwithModifiers2:The“When”
Whenweelaborateakernel,weneedtorememberthatsentencesunfoldforreadersintime:Tomakesenseofwhattheyarereading,readersaddeachelementinasentencetotheonethatcamebeforeit.Sooneofthekeystosuccessfulelaborationliesinknowingwheninakernelwecanaddmodifiers.
Wehavethreechoices:
1. Wecanaddwordsandphrasestooneofthetwoprimary“slots”inasentence;thatis,tothesubject,tothepredicate,ortoboth.
2. Wecanaddwordsandphrasesbeforethesubject,betweenthesubjectandpredicate,orafterthepredicate.
3. Wecandosomeofboth.
Ifyouskippedthesectiononslots(it’sinChapter10),allyouneedtoknowhereisthatadeclarativesentencehastwomainparts—thesubjectandthepredicate—andthateachofthesecanbeconsideredasasyntactic“slot”intowhichweslidewords.
The“When”ofElaboratingaKernel1:ElaboratingWithinSlots
Supposewehaveabasicsentencekernellike,Thedogbarks.We’vegotasubject,Thedog,andapredicate,barks.
Thissentencecommunicatessomething…butperhapsitdoesn’tgetacrossallthedetailswe’dliketoinclude.Aswesawabove,wecanaddmodifiers
withinthenounphrase“thedog":Thelittlebrowndogbarks.Supposewestillwanttoaddmoreinformationtooursubject,thelittle
browndog.Wecandothatbyaddingmoremodifierswithinthesubjectslot:
Thelittlebrowndogwiththeinjuredfoot/barks.
Ingeneral,whenweaddmodifierstoanoun,singleadjectivescomebetweenthedeterminerandthenoun;adjectivephrasescomeafterthenoun.
Ifwewantto,wecanalsoaddsinglewordsorphrases,asadverbs,tothepredicateslot:
Thelittlebrowndogwiththeinjuredfoot/barksloudly.Thelittlebrowndogwiththeinjuredfoot/barksloudlyuntildusk.
Practice:ElaborateWithinSubjectandPredicateSlots
Youjustdidthispracticeabove;nonetheless,Iencourageyoutodoitagain.Thistime,though,asyoudoit,beawarethatyouareslidingyourwordsintosentence“slots.”
Writeakernel,thenaddsinglewordsorphrases—onlyprepositionalphrases,fornow—orboth,tothesubjectorthepredicateslots,orboth.Trytopayattentiontotheboundarybetweenthesubjectandthepredicateslots.
BoundModifiers
Whenweaddmodifierswithinasyntacticslot—thatis,tothesubjectorpredicateofthesentence—thosemodifiersareknownasboundmodifiers.Theyarecalled“bound”becausetheyarefixedinplaceinasentence;theycannottypicallybeplacedelsewhereinthesentencewithoutdistortingitsmeaning.
YouprobablyrememberfromChapter10that,dependingontheverbbeingused,thepredicateslotcanoftencontainoneortwoslotsinadditiontotheone
containingthemainverb.Eachoneoftheseslotscanalsobeelaboratedwithboundmodifiers.Forinstance,here’sakernel:
JoegaveJennyabracelet.
Nowhere’sthekernelwithelaborationinthefourthslot:
Joe//gave/Jenny/asilverbraceletfromhisgrandmother’sjewelrycase.
Inthissecondversionthefourthslotcontainsthedirectobject,“bracelet,”whichismodifiedintwoways:withthesingleadjectivesilverinsertedintothenounphrase(abracelet)andwiththeprepositionalphrase(fromhisgrandmother’sjewelrycase)placedafterthenounphrase,asilverbracelet.
Likeprepositionalphrases,participialphrasescanbeboundmodifiers,asinthisexample:Hewasatimidmanhidingbehindabravesmile.(Hidingbehindabravesmileisanadjectivephrasemodifyingman.)
Practice:ElaborationUsingBoundModifiersinAllSlots
Writesomekernelsentencesmakinguseoftwo,three,orfourslots.Thenelaborateeachonewithboundmodifiers,usingbothsinglewordsandphrases,asyoulike.
Whatdoyounotice?
BoundModifiersandPunctuation
Oneofthethingsyoumayhavenoticedinfoolingaroundwithboundmodifiersisthattheydon’trequireyoutouseinternalsentencepunctuation.Whyisthisso?
Wedon’tuseinternalpunctuation(unlessthere’salistinvolved)becauseourbrainscanrecognizetheboundarybetweenoneslotandanotherwithoutpunctuation.Aswe’veseen,ourbrainsareusedtotakinginsentencematerial,notonewordatatime,butingroupsofwordsthat“gotogether.”Ourbrains
recognizethattheboundariesofslotsmarkthemainsegmentsofasentence.Soevenif,inreadingaloud,wemightpausebetweenthesubjectortheverb,orbetweentheverbandthedirectobject,wedon’tneedtoputpunctuationatthoseboundariesunlessweareaddingotherwordsorphrasesbetweentheboundaries—atechniquewe’llgettoinjustamoment.Wecantrustthatourreaderswillknowthatoneslothasendedandanotheronehasbegun;that’sbecause,likeus,theyaretotallyfamiliarwiththebasicsentencepatternsofEnglish.
BoundModifiers:TheFlexibleAdverbial
Somethingelseyoumayhavenoticedinplayingwithboundmodifiersisthatsomeadverbialmodifierscan,infact,bemovedtoadifferentplaceinthesentencewithoutchangingitsmeaning.Infact,adverbialssofrequentlyappearattheendofasentence,oratthebeginning—thatis,notinsidetheverbslot—thatsomewritersonsyntaxsuggestthereisafifthsyntacticslot,whichtheycalltheoptionaladverbialslot.Ifyouprefertoconsideradverbialsinthisway,gorightahead.
Here’sanexample:
Iatelunchatnoon.
AtnoonIatelunch.
Flexibleadverbialsareanimportanttoolforcreatingsentencedrama,asubjectwe’llexplorelaterinthischapter.
TheProsUseBoundModifiers
Toelaboratesentenceswithboundmodifierscomesnaturallytous,andthistechniquecanoftengivepowerfulresults,especiallywhenwechooseouraddedmodifierswithcare.
JacobSaintwassittingathisultra-moderndeskinhisultra-modernchair.Acubisticlamplitupthetightrollsoffatatthebackofhisneck.…Wreathsofcigarsmokeroseabovehispinkhead.
—NgaioMarsh,EnteraMurderer
AllthattheunsuspectingBilbosawthatmorningwasanoldmanwithastaff.Hehadatallpointedbluehat,alonggreycloak,asilverscarf…andimmenseblackboots.
—J.R.R.Tolkien,TheHobbit
Thesmellofmothballscamefromapyramidofhatboxespiledupbesidethewashstand.
—BruceChatwin,OntheBlackHill
Canyounamethesemodifiersassinglewordsorphrases?Oneofthethingsyouwillnoticeisthatphrasesoften“nest”insideotherphrases.Forinstance,inthefirstexample,offatatthebackofhisneckisanadjectivalphrasemodifyingrolls,whileatthebackofhisneckisanadjectivalphrasemodifyingfatandofhisneckisanadjectivalphrasemodifyingback.Ifthisseemsconfusingtoyou,tryextricatingoneofthephrasesandapplyingittooneoftheothernounsandyou’llseethatthesentencenolongermakessense.Acubisticlamplitupthetightrollsofhisneck?No,ourmindscan’tmakesenseofthat.
Practice:UsingBoundModifiers
Imitatetheuseofboundmodifiersintheabovesentences(orsentencesfromyourfavoritewriter).Rememberthat,forthetimebeing,weareconsideringonlysinglewordsandphrasesasmodifiers.Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?
TheLimitationsofBoundModifiers
Boundmodifiersareusefultools;and,likeanytool,theycanbereliedupontoomuch.Thesedaysit’scommonforwriters(especiallyofacademicor
bureaucraticprose)to“loadtheirslots”(especiallythesubjectslotandthecomplement/directobjectslot)withmodifiers.Here’sanexample:
Anelementofasharedsymbolicsystemwhichservesasacriterionorstandardforselectionamongthealternativesoforientationwhichare
intrinsicallyopeninasituationmaybecalledavalue…
Ifwetrytostripthissentencedowntoabasickernel(difficulttodo!),wegetAnelementmaybecalledavalue.Asidefromtheabstractandgenerallanguagebeingusedhere,themainproblemwiththeoriginalsentenceisthewaywordsandphrasesare“stuffed”intothesubjectslot:Justlookathowlongittakesthissentencetogettoitsverb!
Ifyouaddboundmodifierstoanounphraseoraverbphrase,youmakethatslotlonger.Becausethereisnopunctuation(exceptbetweenitemsinalist,asintheTolkienexampleabove),therearenoplacesintheslotwherethereadercantakeamentalbreath.Thelongeraslotis,thelongerareaderhastowaittogettothenextslot;thereforethelongershehastowaittoputthewholesentencetogether:Theboyinthebluehatwholivesnextdoorinthewhitehousewiththegreenshuttersandtheredroofisverynice.
Skilledwritersneverwritelikethis.Instead,theyuseanothertechniqueformodification:freemodifiers.
The“When”ofElaboratingaKernel2:ElaboratingwithFreeModifiersWhileelaboratingyourkernelswithboundmodifiersisausefultechnique,beingabletouseanotherkindofmodifier—calledfreemodifiers—isevenmoreuseful.That’sbecausefreemodifiersenableustoaddinformationtoasentence,notby“stuffingtheslots,”butbykeepingthekernel(alsoknownasthebaseclause)relativelyintactandelaboratingit.Freemodifierscandothisbecausetheyare
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almostalwayssetofffromtheslotsofthesentencebypunctuation.Youcanremovefreemodifiers(alsocallednonrestrictivemodifiers)fromasentenceandbeleftwithastructurallysoundandmeaningfulkernel.Freemodifierscanmodifyasinglewordoraphraseactingasasinglecontentpartofspeech;lessfrequently,theymodifyanentirekernel.
Thekeytoworkingwithfreemodifiersistokeepinmindthebasicstructureofkernels:nounornounphrase+verborverbphrase.(Whenfreemodifiersareaddedtoakernel,usuallythesubjectofthesentenceisaphrase,andthepredicateisaphrase.)Freemodifiersdonotinterruptthesephrases;theyaddtothem.
Thereareanumberofverbalstructuresthatcanbeusedasfreemodifiers.Herewewillconcentrateonlyonphrases,especiallyprepositionalphrasesandparticipialphrases.(Singlewordscanalsobeusedasfreemodifiers,butmorerarelythanphrasesandotherstructures.)Lateron,we’lllookatotherstructuresasfreemodifiers.
WhereFreeModifiersCanGoInthebasickernelpattern—nounphrase(subject)+verbphrase(predicate)—therearethreeplaceswherewecanplacefreemodifiers:
1. beforethesubject,tosetupthecorestatementmadebythekernel2. betweenthesubjectandthepredicate3. afterthepredicate,tokeepthesentencemovingforward
Whenweelaborateakernelsentencewithfreemodifiers,weareaddingthesemodifyingwordsorphrasesoutsideofsyntacticslots.So,unlikeboundmodifiers,whicharestuckinsideslots,freemodifierscanoftenbemovedaroundtodifferentplacesinasentence.Freemodifiersthusgivewritersthefreedomtoconstructasentenceinanumberofdifferentways,dependingonthe
effectstheywanttocreate.Freemodifiers,then,areoneofawriter’smostusefultools.
HowFreeModifiersWork
Supposeyouhavethiskernelsentence:Thecowsstandinthefield.Supposeyouwanttoaddmoreinformation,likethefactthatthecowsarechewingtheircud.Youcouldrewritethesentenceaddingthatnewinformationinaparticipialphrase:Thecowsstandinthefield,chewingtheircud.Youmightalsorewritethesentenceplacingtheparticipialphrasebeforethesubject:Chewingtheircud,thecowsstandinthefield.It'sevenpossibletoputtheparticipialphraseinbetweenthesubjectandtheverb:Thecows,chewingtheircud,standinthefield.
Somewritersongrammarcallasentencethatopenswithoneormorefreemodifiersa“left-branchingsentence,”onethatendswithfreemodifiersa“right-branchingsentence,”andonewiththefreemodifiersbetweensubjectandverba“mid-branchingsentence.”Iprefertothinkoffreemodificationintermsoftime:Whatdoyouwantthereadertotakeinfirst?Whatdoyouwanthimtotakeinsecond?Third?
Freemodifiers,likeothersentenceelements,canonlybearrangedinwaysthatmakesense,soitisn'talwayspossibletoplaceanyparticularfreemodifierinanyoneofthethreepositions(beforethesubject,aftertheverb,betweensubjectandverb).Nonetheless,freemodificationopensupaworldofpossibilitiesforsentenceconstruction.
Practice:FreeModifiers
Writesomekernels,notingthesubjectandpredicateforeachone.Nowtryaddingsomeadjectiveoradverbphrasestoyourkernels,asfreemodifiers.Experimentwithdifferentkindsofphrases.Tryputtingyourfreemodifiersintodifferentplacesinyoursentences.Dothesentencesstillmakesense?Howdotheysound?Whicharrangementdoyouprefer?Why?
FreeModifiersfromthePros
Skilledwritersmakefrequentuseoffreemodifiers.Herearesomeexamples:
Lazyandindifferent,shakingspaceeasilyfromhiswings,knowinghisway,theheronpassesoverthechurchbeneaththesky.
—VirginiaWoolf,“MondayorTuesday”
“Yousurpriseme,”saidFrank,yawningdrearily,wantingadrinkmorethananythingintheworld.
—ElizabethBowen,“TheNeedlecase”
[Thesnow]hadcomefromthenorth,inthemist,drivenbythenightwind,smellingofthesea.
—JohnleCarré,TheLookingGlassWar
Witharattleofchains,atrembleofengines,ablastofsiren,thelinersweptroundinahalf-circletopointintotheStraitsoncemore.
—HelenMacInnes,DecisionatDelphi
Practice:IdentifyandImitateFreeModifiers
Selectoneormoreoftheexamplesabove(orsomesentencesfromawriterofyourchoice).Readeachsentencealoud,listeningfirstforthekernelofthesentence.Readitagain,listeningnowforthefreemodifiers.Notice,first,thekindoffreemodifierbeingused(singlewordorphrase;compoundphrase,prepositionalphrase,participialphrase).Thennoticewhereinthesentencethefreemodifiersareadded.
Nowseeifyoucanrewritethesentence,puttingitsfreemodifier(s)inadifferentplace.Doesthesentencestillmakesense?(Ifnot,thenyoucan’twritethesentencethatway.)Howdoesitsoundtoyounow?Whichversiondoyouprefer?
Nowtakeoneormoreofthesesentencesandimitateitsstructure:Thatis,imitatethekindoffreemodifierbeingusedandtheplaceinthesentencewherethewriterhasaddedit.
Understandingthetechniqueofelaboratingbasicsentencesinbetweensyntacticslotswilldramaticallyexpandyourrepertoireofwaystoconstructsentences.Iencourageyoutospendasmuchtimeasyoucaninvestigatingandpracticingthistechnique.Themoreyoustudyandpractice,theeasieritwillbeforyourwordmindtomakechoiceswhenyouwriteandrevise.
Practice:WriteSentenceswithFreeModifiers
Writeakernelsentence.Writeitagainandaddoneormorefreemodifiersatthebeginning.Writeitagainandaddoneormorefreemodifiersattheend.Writeitagainandaddoneormorefreemodifiersinthemiddle.Whatdoyounotice?
FreeModifiersandPunctuation
Inordertomakeclearthataphraseisservingasafreemodifier,itmustbesetoffbypunctuation:typicallycommasordashes;sometimesparenthesesorellipses.
Thoseflexibleadverbialphrasesdiscussedabovecanalsobeconsideredfreemodifiersbecausetheycanbemovedaroundinasentence.But,unlikeotherfreemodifiers,whichmustbesetoffbypunctuation,theseadverbialssometimesdon’thavetobe.Forexample,inthesentenceAtlastthedayarrived,wecouldaddacommaaftertheword“last,”butwedon’thaveto,because,evenwithoutthecomma,readerswillstillknowhowtophrasethesentence.
FreeModifiersandClearCommunication
Freemodifiersenableustoaddmoreinformationanddetailstooursentencesinawaythatmakesiteasyforourreaderstoprocessthem.Rememberthatthe
readerisalwaysmovingforwardthroughasentence.Youdonotwanthertohavetogobackandreread(unlessshe’sthinkingWhatagreatsentencethatwas!Ijusthavetoreaditagain!).Freemodifiersletuswritelongersentenceswithoutconfusingourreaders.
Sowhenwearedecidingwhereinasentencetoplaceourfreemodifiers,themostimportantthingweneedtoconsideristhis:Doesoursentencemakesense?
Becausefreemodifiersaresomobile,writerssometimesfailtokeepthisprincipleinmind.
TheDangersofFreeModifiers
Herearesomesentencesusingfreemodifiers.Readthemandnoteyourreaction:
AtthenewChineserestaurant,youcantryadeliciousporkdish.Thinlyslicedandtoppedwithaspecialsauce,foodloverswon’tbedisappointed.
Aftereatingafour-coursedinner,aconcertwasgiven.
Didthesesentencesmakeyoulaugh?Why?Theansweristhatineachsentenceamodifyingphrasehasbeenaddedin
thewrongplace,creatingtheimpressionthatitmodifiesawordthatcommonsensetellsusitcan’tpossiblymodify.Foodloverscan’tbe“thinlysliced,”norcanaconcerteata“four-coursedinner.”
Whenamodifierisplacedinthewrongspotinasentence,grammarianscallita“misplacedmodifier”ora“danglingmodifier.”Toavoidsuchgrammaticalerrors,makesuretoreadyoursentencesoutloud,slowly,andnoticewhetheryouhaveinsertedyourfreemodifiersinaplacethatcreatesnonsense.Rememberthatmodifiers,tomakesense,needtobeplacedsothattheirconnectionwiththenounorverbtheymodifyisabsolutelyclear.
FreeModifiersandSentenceDrama
Ouroptionsforplacinganygivenfreemodifierinaparticularkernelarealwayslimitedbycommonsense:There’snopointintryingtoputamodifiersomeplaceinasentencewhereitdistortsthemeaning.Butwithinthelimitsimposedbymeaning,freemodifiersprovideuswithoptionsformovingoursentencesforwardandcreatingdramathroughsentencestructure.
Forinstance,takethiskernel:
Thedogranaway.
Now,supposewewantedtoaddanadverbialphrase:onecoldnight.Wecouldplacethatphrasebeforethesubject:Onecoldnightthedogran
away.Orwecouldplaceitattheendofthesentence:Thedogranawayonecold
night.Wemightevenbeabletoputitinbetweenthesubjectandthepredicate:
Thedog,onecoldnight,ranaway.Allthesesentencesmakesense.Butwhichonecreatesthemostdrama?
Whichonedoyouthinkwillbestkeepareader’sattention?Naturallyourchoicedependsonourfocus,andonthesentencesthat
precedeandfollowoursamplesentence.Butlet’sassumethatwe’rewritingaboutthedog.Tomyear,then,theversionofoursamplesentencethathasthemostdramaistheonethatusesthefreemodifiertosetthescene:
Onecoldnightthedogranaway.
Tryreadingthethreeversionsofthesentenceoutloud.Whichonesoundsmostdramatictoyou?
Inthisexamplewe’redealingwiththatflexibleadverbialconstructionwelookedatearlier.(Grammariansdon’tconsiderthisstructureafreemodifier,but
initsmobility,itactslikeone.)Thereareotherways,too,thatwecancreatedramainoursentencesusing
freemodifiers.Supposewehavethissentence:Theystruggledalongtherocky,winding,treacherouspath.Ifwewantto,wecantaketheseadjectives(boundmodifiers)andcombinethemintoanadjectivephrase,andthenrewritethesentence,usingtheadjectivephraseasafreemodifier:Theystruggledalongthepath,rockyandwindingandtreacherous.Readthesesentencesoutloud.Whichonehasmoredrama,toyourear?
Participialphrasesasfreemodifierscanalsogiveusatoolforcreatingdrama.Considerthissentence:Holdingouthishand,smilingbroadly,thestrangerapproachedher.Nowconsiderthisversion:Thestrangerapproachedher,holdingouthishand,smilingbroadly.Thesesentencesarebothgrammaticallycorrect,buttheypresentthesameinformationindifferentorders.Readthetwoversionsaloud,listeningtotheorderoftheinformation.Whichonesoundsbettertoyou?Whichoneismoredramatic?
Now,creatingdramainoursentencesmaynotalwaysbeourgoal.But,ifitis,freemodifiersareoneofourbesttools.Throughfreemodifierswecandecidewhentogivereadersinformation;wecanbuildsuspenseandanticipation.
Practice:WriteSentenceswithFreeModifiers
Writesomekernelsandelaborateeachonewithfreemodifiers,aimingtocreatedramainthesentence.
FreeModifiersand“Flow”
Freemodifiersalsohelpuscreate“flow,”orcohesion,inourwriting.Inotherwords,theyhelpusmoveourreaders’mindsforwardfromonesentencetothenext.
Take,forinstance,thesethreeversionsofthesamesentence:
Withthegraceofaballerina,thecatleapedontothetable.
Thecat,withthegraceofaballerina,leapedontothetable.
Thecatleapedontothetablewiththegraceofaballerina.
Listentothesepossibilities.Useyourwriter’sear.Whichonedoyouprefer?Listenforsense.Listenfordrama.Andnow,listenformovement—forhow
eachsentencemightmovethereader’smindforwardtoanothersentence.Whatmightthatsentencesay?
Remembertheprinciplementionedearlierthatsentencesmovefromknowninformationtounknowninformation.Accordingtothatprinciple,the“new”informationinasentencecomesattheend,whichmakestheendofasentenceaplaceofemphasis.Followingthisprinciple,itseemstomethatthefirsttwosentences,endingupwith“thetable”directthereader’smindthere.Iwouldexpectthefollowingsentencetosaysomethingmoreaboutthetable,oraboutwhatthecatfound,ordid,there.Thethirdsentence,though,endswith“ballerina,”andsoIwouldexpectthefollowingsentencetosaymoreaboutthecat’sballerina-likequalitiesorbehavior.
Ishouldcautionyouthatwhatwearediscussinghereisverymuchoutsidetherealmofwriting“rules.”Allthreewaysofwritingthesentenceare“correct.”Whichoneis“right,”though,dependsontheparticularpurposeoftheindividualwriter.
Freemodifiersgiveyouatooltomakeyourownchoices,choicesthatwillcontributetoyourownstyle.Iurgeyoutoexperiment,andtostudyhowwritersyoulikeusefreemodifierstomovethereader’smindfromonesentencetothenext.
Practice:WriteSentenceswithFreeModifiers
Writeakernelandelaborateitwithoneormorefreemodifiers.Rewritethesentence,puttingthefreemodifiersindifferentplaces(withinthelimitsofsense).Nowtakeafewofthesesentencesandwriteasentenceortwoaftereach
ofthem.Doesyourwritinggoinadifferentdirection,dependingonwhereyouputthefreemodifiersinyouroriginalsentence?
FreeModifiersandSentenceRhythm
Therearemanytoolstocreatesentencerhythm,andfreemodifiersareoneofthem.Thelengthofafreemodifyingphrase,andwhereit’sinsertedintoasentencekernel,bothcontributetotherhythmofasentence;sodoeshowmanymodifyingphrasesthesentencecontains.Toborrowatermfrommusiccomposition,freemodifiersenableusto“phrase”oursentences.Theyletourwritingbreathe.(We’llspendmoretimeonthislater.)
Practice:WriteSentenceswithFreeModifiers
Writesomekernelsandelaboratethemwithfreemodifiers,usingyoureartolistentotherhythmsyouarecreating.Whatdoyounotice?
Nowcopysomesentencesusingfreemodifiersfromoneofyourfavoritewriters.Readthesentencesoutloud,payingattentiontotherhythmthatiscreatedbythenumberoffreemodifiers,theirlength,andwheretheyareplacedinthesentences.Writeyourownsentencesimitatingthisrhythm.
Practice:WriteSentenceswithFreeModifiers
Writesomesentencesusingfreemodifiers,withoutconstructingkernelsfirst.(Keepthekernelpatterninmind,though).Experimentwithputtingthemodifiersindifferentplacesinthesentences.Tryusingmorethanonefreemodifierinasentence.Play,andseewhathappens!
Practice:RevisewithFreeModifiers
Takeapassagefromyourownworkandrewriteitusingfreemodifiers.
Practice:WriteSentenceswithBoundandFreeModifiers
Practicemakingsentencesthatcontainbothboundandfreemodifiers.Playwithusingbothboundandfreemodifiersasyouwriteandrewriteapieceofyourown.
TheValueofFreeModifiers
Theuseoffreemodifiersisoneofthemarksofaskilledwriter.Onewriteronstylesays,“[The]preservationofthekernel,orasuccinctbaseclauseofsomekind,amidelaboratefreemodification,isoneofthemostimportantlessonsany
writercanmaster.”Sheadds,“Freemodificationisabsolutelyessential.” Whenyoucanusefreemodifiersaswellasboundmodifiers,youavoidthepitfallof“loadingtheslots,”andallkindsofstylisticchoicesbecomeavailabletoyou.Youhavemorethanonewayofsayingwhatyouwanttosay;youhaveapowerfultoolforcreatingdramaandrhythmwithyoursentences.And,inmakingthesechoices,youcreateyourownindividualstyle.
Lateron,we’llexaminesomeothersentenceelementsthatcanbeusedasfreemodifiers.Now,though,we’lltakealookattwoespeciallyusefulones:theappositiveandthenominativeabsolute.
WhatIsanAppositive?Anappositiveisadifferentkindoffreemodifierfromtheoneswe’vebeenplayingwithsofar.Unliketheadjectiveandadverbphraseswe'veexplored,thiskindoffreemodifierisusuallyanounphrase.(Skilledwritersalsouseadjectiveorevenverbphrasesasappositives,butwe’llstickwithnounphrasestobeginwith.)
Sofarwe’veencounterednounphrasesinfiverolesinsentences:asthesubject(Mybrother’snameisJoe.);asthecomplementofbeoralinkingverb(Joewasthehappykidinthefamily.);asthedirectobjectofatransitiveverb(Thecatatetheleftoverpizza.);astheindirectobjectofatransitiveverb(Dickgavetheblackcattheleftoverpizza.);astheobjectofaprepositionoraverbal(Wewenttoourgrandfather’sfarm,wherewepracticedmilkingacow.).Toactasanappositivegivesnounphrasesonemoreroletoplay.
Whenanounphrasetakesontheroleofanappositive,itusuallyarrivesverysoonafteranothernounphrase.Thefirstnounphraseisknownasthe
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antecedentoftheappositive.Mostofthetime,theappositiveservestorenametheantecedent,asinthisexample:
CindyAlexander,mybestfriend,wonthescholarship.
HerethenounphrasemybestfriendfollowsthenounphraseCindyAlexanderandrenamesit.Notethattheappositiveissetoffbycommas—andthatitcanberemovedfromthesentenceandthesentencewillstillmakesense.
Appositivesgiveusanopportunitytoinsertmoreinformationaboutnounsintooursentenceswithouthavingto“loadslots.”Italsogivesusanotheroptionforwheretoplaceinformation.Appositionisakindofjuxtaposition,aplacingofonethingnextto,ornear,somethingelse.Skilledwritersspendtimeconsideringwhereinasentenceinformationisbestplaced;appositionprovidesanothertoolformakingmeaningclearandforcreatingeffects.
Appositivesneedtobesetofffromtherestofthesentencewithpunctuation—usuallycommasordashes,butsometimesbyparenthesesoracolon.Sometimeswritersmakeuseofsentencefragmentsasappositives.(SeetheChristiein"OtherKindsofAppositives.")
SomeUsesofApposition
Whatcanwedowithapposition?Wecanuseappositionasaformofrepetition,toemphasizeorcallattention
tosomething:
Stevemadeabadjoke,areallyterriblejoke.
Inadditiontocreatingemphasis,appositionusedinthiswaycanactasaspringboardforthewritertoaddmoredetails:
Stevemadeabadjoke,areallyterriblejoke,ajokesooffensivethatCindydecidedtobreakupwithhimrightthen.
Wecanalsousetheappositiveasakindofsynonymfortheantecedent.Thisisparticularlyhelpfulwhenthesubjectofthesentenceisapronoun.Forinstance:
Hewalkedintotheroom,amanfullofhisownimportance.
Sometimeswecanuseanappositiveatthebeginningofasentence,tosetitup:
Thelastkidtomaketheteam,Tommyneverplayedasinglegame.
Appositivescansometimesbeplacedinthemiddleofasentence,too.Forinstance:
ThedogJuliefound—acockerspanielwithsadeyes—isdevotedtoher.
Aswithotherfreemodifiers,wecanuseappositivestocreatedrama,cohesion,andrhythminoursentences.
PracticewithAppositives
Writesomekernels.Nowaddappositivenounphrasestoeachofthem.Experimentwiththeplacementoftheseappositives.Whatdoyounotice?
TheProsUseAppositives
1.Appositiveassynonym
WhensheleftEnglandthelawyer,anoldmanandanoldfriend,hadpattedherhand.
—W.SomersetMaugham,UpattheVilla
Everywherehesawsignsofilboom—thesurgeinwealthandliteracythatwastransformingItaly.
—JessWalter,BeautifulRuins
Beyondtheopenwindowshecouldseethepale,cloudlesssky,heraldofaperfectday.
—RosamundePilcher,“SpanishLadies”
2.Appositiveasaspringboardfordevelopment
Onceuponatimetherewasabat—alittlelightbrownbat,thecolorofcoffeewithcreaminit.
—RandallJarrell,TheBatPoet
Thiswasthegenerationwhosegirlsdramatizedthemselvesasflappers,thegenerationthatcorrupteditseldersandeventuallyoverreacheditselflessthroughlackofmoralsthanthroughlackoftaste.
—F.ScottFitzgerald,TheCrack-Up
PracticeAppositiveswiththePros
Usetheexamplesabove(orfindsomeofyourownfromprofessionalwriters)togetideasabouthowtouseappositives.Imitatethewayinwhichyourchosenwriterhasusedanappositive.
OtherKindsofAppositives
Sometimeswritersusestructuresotherthannounphrasesasappositives.Forinstance,awritermayuseasappositivesadjectiveoradverbphrases.(Appositiveadjectivalsareplacedafterthenountheymodify.)
Mrs.Bantry’svoice,breathlessandagitated,cameoverthewire.—AgathaChristie,TheBodyintheLibrary
Shehadaroundandfreckledface,darkbrowneyes,andreddishhair,abundantandthickandwindblown.
—RosamundePilcher,“MissCameronatChristmas”
Theystoodbythedoor,thefourofthem,wavingandwavinguntilthepedlar,withhispack,hiscudgelandhismastiff,hadwalkedoutofSwaffham;outofsight.
—KevinCrossley-Holland,“ThePedlarofSwaffham”
Sometimeswritersevenuseverbsasappositives:
He’dhadenough,couldstickitnolonger.—J.L.Carr,AMonthintheCountry
Withoutitshewouldbelost,wouldprobablyburstintotearsandbeunabletostopcryingfortherestoftheday.
—RosamundePilcher,“SpanishLadies”
MorePracticewithAppositives
Experimentwithdifferentkindsofappositives.Lookatwritersyouliketoseehowtheyuseappositives,andimitatewhattheydo.Tryputtingappositivesbeforethesubject,inbetweenthesubjectandpredicate,afterthepredicate.Whatdoyounotice?Oneofthethingsyoumaynoticeisthatappositivesletyouopenupasentenceandmoveitforward,especiallywhenplacedafterthepredicate.
Onceyou’vebecomecomfortableusingappositives,youmaywanttotryoutanothereffectivetechnique,thenominativeabsolute.
WhatIsaNominativeAbsolute?
Anominativeabsolute(alsoknownasanabsolute)isanounphraseusedasasentencemodifier.Oneofthemostusefulofthemodifyingstructures,itisalmostacompletesentence,soitletsyouaddalotofinformationordetailtoakernel.Anominativeabsolutemustbeginwithanoun,whichcannotbethesameasthesubjectofthesentencetowhichit’sadded.Herearefivewaystoconstructnominativeabsolutephrases:
1. nounornounphrase+adjective:Theman,hisheadbowed,mutteredtohimself.
2. nounornounphrase+presentparticiple:Thedog,itstailwaggingmadly,rantomeethim.
3. nounornounphrase+pastparticiple:Thecat,clawsunsheathed,hissedatthepuppy.
4. nounornounphrase+prepositionalphrase:Handsinhispockets,theboystaredather.
5. nounornounphrase+nounornounphrase:Thewoman,herhairanunrulymassofcurls,satbeforethemirror.
Likeotherfreemodifiers,absolutephrasescanoftenbemovedtoanotherplaceinthesentence;likeotherfreemodifiers,theycanhelpyoucreatedrama,suspense,andrhythm.
PracticewithNominativeAbsolutes
Followingtheformulasgivenabove,tryconstructingshortsentencesthatcontainabsolutephrases.Ifyoufindthisdifficult,concentrateononeformulaatatime,untilyou’vemasteredit.Experimentwithmovinganabsolutephrasetodifferentplacesinyoursentence.Whathappens?
TheProsUseNominativeAbsolutes
IhadcomeoutofthedarkshopdoorwayintothedazzleoftheDamascussun,myarmsfullofsilks.
—MaryStewart,TheGabrielHounds
Shewaited,thelinesinherfacedeepenedbyherannoyance,andatlastsheswungthedoorfullyopentoletFennerstepinside.
—HelenMacInnes,TheVenetianAffair
PracticeNominativeAbsoluteswiththePros
Findexamplesofnominativeabsolutesintheworkofyourfavoritewriter,orusetheonesabove,andimitatethesesentences.
MixingItUpwithModifiers
Makealistofallthekindsofmodifiersyou’velearnedaboutinthischapter.Nowwritesomesentencesusingmorethanonekind.Experimentwithusingmodifyingwordsandphrasestocreatedrama,suspense,andrhythm.Findsentencesyoulikefromtheworksofyourfavoritewritersandimitatetheirstructure.(Seesidebar.)
Ihavementionedthatwecanusestructuresotherthanphrasesasmodifiers.Beforeweexplorehowtodothat,wewilltemporarilyleavemodifiersandthetechniquesofelaboratingasinglekernelandturn,inthenextchapter,totechniquesofcombiningkernels.
TakeTimetoReflect
Beforeyouturntothenextchapter,takesometimetothinkaboutwhatyouhavelearnedinthisone.Whatdoyouwanttopracticenow?Arethereanytechniquesyouneedtoreviewbeforemovingon?Rememberthatyouareonyourown
learningjourney,andyoumaywanttospendmoretimewiththematerialinthischapterbeforemovingahead.
HowtoImitatetheStructureofaSentenceYoucan,ifyoulike,imitateasentencebyaprofessionalwriterentirelybyear:Readitaloudseveraltimesandthenimitatetherhythmofthesentencestructure.Butyou’lllearnalotmoreifyoufirstconsciouslytakethemodelsentenceapartandnameitsconstituentstructures,likethis:
Modelsentence:Mrs.Bantry’svoice,breathlessandagitated,cameoverthewire.
1.Identifythekernel:Mrs.Bantry’svoicecameoverthewire.2.Identifythepartsofthekernel:S=Mrs.Bantry’svoice,P=
cameoverthewire(Sidentifiesthesubjectofthesentence;Pidentifiesthepredicate.Usuallythepredicatecanbebrokendownfurther,ashere:P=V[verb=came]+ADV[adverbialphrase=overthewire])
Ifyouareatthestageinyourpracticingwhereyouwanttopracticeonlykernels,thenforgetabouttherestofyourmodelsentenceandimitatethekernelpatternitexemplifies:S+V+adverbial.Inthiscase,youcan,ifyouwish,enhanceyourpracticebylookingmorecloselyatthecomponentsofthekernelsentence.You’llseethatherethesubjectofthemodelsentenceisanounphraseconsistingofapossessivepropernounandanothernoun,andthattheadverbialisaprepositionalphrase.Youmightthenwritethepatternyouwanttopracticethisway:
Nounphrase(possessivepropernoun+noun)+verbphrase(verb+prepositionalphraseasadverb)
Nowyouhaveamorespecificpatterntopractice.3.Identifytheboundmodifier(s):inthiscase,Mrs.Bantry’s.4.Identifythefreemodifier(s):here,breathlessandagitated—
andnametheconstructionandtherolethemodifierisplaying(inthiscase,acompoundadjectivephraseservingasanappositiveandmodifyingvoice).Noticewhetherthefreemodifierislocatedbeforethesubject,betweenthesubjectandpredicate,orafterthepredicate.
5.Writethepatternyouwanttopractice:Forexample,basedonthismodel,youcouldextractthispattern:
Subject+twoappositiveadjectivesinacompoundphrase+predicate
6.Rememberthatyouhavechoicesabouthowspecificyouwantyourimitationtobe:Youshouldmakeyourchoicebasedonwhatyouneedtofocusoninyourpracticingrightnow.So,ifyouarejuststartingtoworkwithappositives,youmightwanttousethepatternin#5.Yoursentencewillthenimitatetheoverallstructureofyourmodelbutperhapsnotthedetails.Forinstance,followingthepatternin#5,youmightwritesomethinglikethis:Theboys,laughingandshouting,chasedthedog.Ifyouwantedyoursentencetobeamoreexactcopyofthemodel,thenyouwouldneedtomakethepatternyouextractfromyourmodelmoredetailed,likethis:
Subject(nounphrase=possessivenounasadjective+noun)+appositiveadjectivesincompoundphrase+predicate(verb+adverbialprepositionalphrase)
Butmostofthetime,youcanlearntheskillsyouneedbyfocusingonthelargerelementsofsentencestructure(asin#5).
7.Don’tgetaheadofyourself:Makesurethatyouhaveasolidgraspofthesimplerstructuresbeforemovingontomorecomplexones.
1 …maybecalledavalue…TalcottParsons,quotebyRichardA.Lanham,Style:AnAnti-Textbook,p.106.
2 …isabsolutelyessential.VirginiaTufte,GrammarasStyle,pp.39-40.
Chapter12
ExtendingtheBasicSentence
Onlyconnect.—E.M.Forster
Sofarwehavebeenfoolingaroundwithtechniquesthatallowustoelaborateasinglekernelsentencebyaddingtoitwordsorphrasesthatactasmodifiers,eitherboundorfree.Nowlet’sturntoanotheressentialwayofaddingmorematerialtoasinglesentence:bycombiningitwithothersentences.Inordertolearnhowtodothis,weneedtoaddonemoregrammaticaltermtoourvocabulary:thewordclause.
ExtendingtheBasicSentence1:AddingTogetherIndependentClauses
Anindependentclauseisagroupofwordsthatcanstandaloneasacompletesentence;thatis,itcontainsbothasubjectandapredicate.Thesentenceswehavebeenconstructingsofarareallindependentclauses:Kernelsandelaboratedkernelsarebothindependentclauses.(Asentencemadeupofonlyoneindependentclauseisalsoknownasasimplesentence.)
Independentclausescanbeaddedtogethertomakelongersentences:
“ThereweretwobrothersofminefishingandonedaytheywentawaytotheStates.Iwentdowntothepieronemorning,andIhadanoldbagofbooks,andIhadnouseforbooksatthattime,orschooling.Youknowwhat
Idid?Ithrewtheminsidethefenceandwentoutinthecurragh,thecanoe,andwhenIcamehomeintheevening,Ihadabagofpollocks—thepollockswasmyexchangeforthebooks.”
—IrishstorytellerTomasWalsh,quotedbyLawrenceMillman,OurLikeWillNotBeThereAgain
Toaddsentencestogetherinthiswaycomesnaturallytous—justlistentoanyyoungchildtellingastory:Andthenthelioncameandthentheliongrowledandthenthelionatethepig.Tocreatelongersentencesbyaddingtogethertwoormoreindependentclauses,weneedtouseaparticulargroupofconjunctionscalledcoordinatingconjunctions:and,but,for,or,nor,yet,andso.
Coordinatingconjunctionsjoinwordsorgroupsofwordsthatareequalinstructure:twonouns,forinstance,ortwoprepositionalphrases.Sotheseconjunctionsaretheonesweusewhenwewanttocombineindependentclauses.
Writersoffictionandnarrativenonfictionoftenuseandtojoinindependentclauses,thuscreatingforwardmotion,anarrativepace.
Therewasacrowdofkidswatchingthecar,andthesquarewashot,andthetreesweregreen,andtheflagshungontheirstaffs,anditwasgoodtogetoutofthesunandundertheshadeofthearcadethatrunsallaroundthesquare.
—ErnestHemingway,TheSunAlsoRises
Theyalsofrequentlymakeuseofandatthebeginningofsentences,tocreatecohesion.
[Honolulu]isthemeetingplaceofEastandWest.Theverynewrubsshoulderswiththeimmeasurablyold.Andifyouhavenotfoundtheromanceyouexpectedyouhavecomeuponsomethingsingularlyintriguing.
—W.SomersetMaugham,“Honolulu”
Practice:JoinIndependentClauses
Writeanumberofindependentclauses.Then,usingcoordinatingconjunctions,jointhemtogether,twoorthreeatatime.Readovertheselongersentences.Whatdoyounotice?
Perhapsyounoticedthatyouhadtostopandthinkaboutwhichcoordinatingconjunctiontouse.DoyouwanttowriteItwasraining,andwestayedhome?OrItwasraining,butwestayedhome?OrItwasraining,sowestayedhome?Yourchoicedependsonyourintendedmeaning.
Conjunctionslikeandorbutmayappeartolackmeaning,butyoumayfindasyouplaywiththemthatthisisnotthecase.It’sbeensuggestedthatandindicates“continuousandrepeatedaction,”whilebutsuggests“contrast,opposition,ornegation.”Anumberofwriters(OscarWilde,EdgarArlingtonRobinson,andothers)havebeennamedasthesourceofaquotethatsays,ineffect,“Ispenttheentiremorningputtinganandintomymanuscript,andtheentireafternoontakingitout.”Coordinatingconjunctionsmaybeshortwords,buttheyhavealotofpower!
Youmayalsohavenoticedthatcombiningthesameindependentclausesindifferentorderssometimesresultsindifferentmeanings.Forexample:Thetwodogsgrowledateachother,andthentheyfought.ThisisnotthesameasThetwodogsfought,andthentheygrowledateachother.Remember,always,thatyouareputtinggroupsofwordsintoyourreaders’mindsonegroupatatime.Theorderinwhichyoupresentthesegroupshelpsdeterminethesensereadersmakeoutofthem.Keepingthisprincipleinmindenablesyoutocraftsentencesthattakeyourreadersexactlywhereyouwantthemtogo.
Grammarianstellusthatwhenwejointwoindependentclauses,wemustpunctuatetheresultingsentencewithacommaafterthefirstindependentclause(beforetheconjunction).Professionalwriters,especiallywritersoffiction,often
choosetoignorethisrule,omittingtheconjunctionorusingotherpunctuationmarks.
JoiningIndependentClausesWithoutConjunctionsSometimesprofessionalwriterswillchoosetojoinindependentclausesbyusingpunctuationalone,withoutaconjunction.Thistechniqueiscalledasyndeton.(Asyndetoncanalsobeusedwithsinglewordsorphrases.)
Whenawritermakesuseofasyndeton,hecanjuxtaposetwoimagesorideaswithoutmakingexplicittheconnectionbetweenthem;hecancreateemphasis;andhecancreateaneffectofacceleratedmotionorintensity,orasenseofthingshappeningsimultaneously.Forinstance:
Icannotrest,Icannotstay,Icannotlingeranywhere.—CharlesDickens,AChristmasCarol
Ihurriedthroughthegreenwood.Ikickedleavesandtheycrackled,Istrokedgrassanditwassilk.
—KevinCrossley-Holland,“TheGreenChildren”
Oftenclausesputtogetherwithoutconjunctionsarekernels,orkernelsonlyslightlyelaborated.Tryingtoputtogetherlongerclausesusingasyndetonistrickier,and,ifyouattemptthis,youmayfindyourselfaccusedofhavingmadeagrammaticalerrorknownasthecommasplice.(Asyndetonwithclausesandthecommasplicerefertoexactlythesamething,sogrammarsnobsmayobjectnomatterwhat!)Todecidewhetheryouareusingasyndetonwell,youneedtoreadyoursentencesoutloudandlistentothem.Ifyouhaveagoodreasonforomittingtheconjunctionbetweentwoindependentclauses,thenyouwillbeabletojustifyyourchoice.
Asyndetoncanalsobeusedwithcompoundpredicates,asinthisexample:
Hehadremovedhisgrayjacket,hungitcarefullyoverthebackofhischair,slackenedhisdark-bluetie,loosenedhiswhitecollar.
—HelenMacInnes,TheVenetianAffair
JoiningIndependentClauseswithOtherPunctuationOrdinarily,grammaticalconventiondemandsthatindependentclausesconnectedbypunctuationalonemustbejoinednotwithacomma,butwithasemicolon,adash,oracolon.Mostwriters,especiallyofnonfiction,followtheconvention—atleastmostofthetime.Forexample:
Billadjustedhistie;hesettledhishatmorefirmlyonhishead.
HeknewhewouldfindElaineatwork—sheneverleftearly.
Heplannedtotellherwhatwasonhismind:Shemightbethemurderer'snextvictim.
TheProsCombineIndependentClauses
1.Usingcoordinatingconjunctions:
Onceitwasthemiddleofwinter,andthesnowflakesfellfromtheskylikefeathers.
—RandallJarrell,Snow-White
JimmySinclairwastheremeetingusattheendofhisownbranchroad.ItisalyricallittleroadtoLyking,withagooddealofwindinginitandupsanddowns,andthatafternoonitwasgaywithtrefoilandbuttercups,daisies,cottonandspringyheather.
—GeorgeMackayBrown,NorthernLights
2.Usingcommas:
Thecolorsubsidedinhercheeks,hereyescouldmeethis,herprettyhands…wererelaxedashelithercigarette,sheevenlaughed.
—HelenMacInnes,TheVenetianAffair
3.UsingDashes
Asifinadream,[Newton]walkedtowardstheGermanwithonlyoneoption—hehitthesoldierhardinthefacewithhisfistandthemancrumpledandfellunconscious.
—JohnNicholandTonyRennell,HomeRun:EscapefromNaziEurope
4.Usingsemicolons:
Theloudspeakerwashumming;itblaredsuddenly,fadedoutandbeganagain,properlytuned.
—JohnleCarré,TheLookingGlassWar
5.Usingsemicolonsandconjunctions:
Everyonethoughtthiswasaveryauspiciousbeginning;andtheywereright.
—RobinMcKinley,TheDoorintheHedge
6.Usingcolons:
ThetransitionfrompagantoChristianisthepointatwhichtheancientworldstilltouchesoursdirectly.Weareheirstoitsconclusion:oneitherside,participantssharedaneducationwhich,untilrecently,wewidelymaintained.
—RobinLaneFox,PagansandChristians
Practice:UsePunctuationtoJoinIndependentClauses
Experimentwithwritingindependentclausesandjoiningthemtogetherinthewaysdiscussedabove.
TheValueofJoiningIndependentClauses
Whenwejoinindependentclauses,wecreateacompoundsentence.Knowledgeofdifferentwaysofjoiningindependentclauseswillprovideyouwithmoreoptionsformakingsentences.Nowyou’llbeabletomakesentencesofdifferentlength,tocreaterhythmandvariety.You’llalsobeabletocreateeffectsbyusingshortandlongsentencestogether.
Compoundsentences,likesimplesentences,canbeplainorelaboratedwithmodifiers.Nowyouhavefourkindsofsentencesatyourdisposal:theplainkernel(orindependentclause);theelaboratedkernel;thecompoundsentence;andtheelaboratedcompoundsentence.
Practice:ElaboratedCompoundSentences
Writesomekernelsentencesandthencombinetwoormoreofthemintocompoundsentences.Nowrewriteoneormoreofthesecompoundsentences,elaboratingthemusinganyofthetechniquesyoulearnedinthelastchapter.Trywritingsomeelaboratedcompoundsentenceswithoutstartingfromkernels.Whatdoyounoticeindoingthispractice?
ExtendingtheBasicSentence2:AddingDependentClauses
There’sanotherwaytoextendthebasicsentencebesidesjoiningtwoormoreindependentclauses.Youcanaddtoyourbasicsentenceadifferentkindof
clause:adependentclause.Toaddtogethertwoindependentclausesistojointwogroupsofwordsof
equalimportance,twostructuresthateachhaveasubjectandapredicate:inotherwords,twokernelsortwoelaboratedkernels,oroneplainkernelandoneelaboratedone.Tojoinanindependentclauseandadependentclauseistodosomethingalittlebitdifferent:namely,tomakeoneclause“depend”(grammaticallyspeaking)onanother.
Thisprocessmaysoundconfusing,butinfactwemakesentencescontainingdependentclausesallthetimeinordinaryspeech:Ifshedoesn’tgetheresoon,I’mleaving.OrThemanyouwantistheonewhoiswearingthebrowncoat.Let’sseeifwecangetabetterunderstandingofwhatwearedoingwhenweconstructsuchsentences.
Adependentclause,likeanindependentone,hastocontainasubjectandapredicate;otherwiseitcouldn’tbeaclause.Butwhileit’seasytoidentifythesubjectandthepredicateinanindependentclause,andtounderstandatoncethatanindependentclausecanstandaloneasacompletesentence,suchidentificationishardertodowithdependentclauses.That’sbecausedependentclausesarealteredindependentclauses,andit’sthisalterationthatmakesthem“dependent”on—orsubordinateto—independentclauses.
Therearetwomainwaysthatweturnindependentclausesintodependentones:byusingsubordinatingconjunctions,andbyusingrelativepronouns.Whenwetakethefirstapproach,thedependentclauseswecreateareknownassubordinateclauses.Whenwetakethesecondapproach,thedependentclauseswecreateareknownasrelativeclauses.
MakingDependentClauses1:UsingSubordinatingConjunctionsSupposewehavetwoindependentclauses:Billfailedhisexam.Hisfatherwasdisappointed.Ifwejointhesetwoclauseswiththecoordinatingconjunction
and,wewillhavethissentence:Billfailedhisexam,andhisfatherwasdisappointed.Byjoiningtheclausesinthiswaywehavemadeaconnectionbetweenthemeaningofthefirstsentenceandthemeaningofthesecond.Tryreadingthesentenceoutloud.Howdoesitsoundtoyou?Perhapstoyourearitsoundsfine.Andcertainly,accordingtotherulesofgrammar,therearenogrammaticalerrorsinthissentence.Andyet…
Oneofthethingsthatprofessionalwritersdoistotry,asbesttheycan,tomakethemeaningoftheirsentencesabsolutelycleartotheirreaders.Onewaytheydothat,aswesawinthesectionsonwordchoice,istoselectexactlytherightwordsthatconveytheirmeaning.Anotherwaytheycreateclarityforreadersistoarrangewordsandphrasesinsentencesinexactlytherightorder.Andathirdtechniquetheyuse,whentheycombinetwoormoreclausesintoasinglesentence,istoshowexactlyhowthestatementoneclausemakesconnectswiththestatementanotherclausemakes.
Tomakeconnectionsbetweenonestatementandanotherisnot,assomanyinexperiencedwritersassume,theresponsibilityofthereader;itisthedutyofthewriter.Theworkofwritingrequiresustothinkabouttheseconnections,ifnotwhilewearegettingourfirstideasdownonthepage,thencertainlyaswerevise.That’sbecausealargepartofthemeaningofapieceofwritingresides,notinindividualwordsorphrasesorclauses,butinthewayswordisconnectedtoword,phrasetophrase,clausetoclause.Whenawriterfailstomakecleartheconnectionbetweentheelementsinasentence,thereaderwillnotknowwhatheistryingtosay.
Dependentclausesgivewritersanothertooltomaketheirmeaningcleartoreaders.Billfailedhisexam,andhisfatherwasdisappointed.Anexperiencedwriterwillreadthatsentenceandthinktoherself,IfIwritethesentencethatway,Iwon’tbemakingcleartothereaderexactlywhattherelationshipisbetweenthetwopartsofthesentence.Andso,shewillrewrite,perhapslikethis:BecauseBillfailedhisexam,hisfatherwasdisappointed.Nowtheexact
relationship,thespecificconnection,betweenthetwostatementsisclear,andherreaderswillbeabletounderstandhermeaning.
Practice:MakeSubordinateClauses
Writesomeindependentclauses.Nowturnthemintosubordinateclausesbyaddingtoeachoneasubordinatingconjunction:if,though,because,before,after,since,as,while,when,where,unless,although.(Thesearesomeofthemostcommonlyusedsubordinatingconjunctions;ifyouwantacompletelist,consultagoodgrammarbook.)Youmaynotbeabletoturnallyourindependentclausesintodependentones;useyourearandyourcommonsense.
Notethepatternforcreatingthiskindofdependentclause:
subordinatingconjunction+independentclause=subordinateclause
Nowselectsomeofthosesubordinateclausesandturnthemintocompletesentencesbyaddingoneormoreindependentclauses.Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?
MakingDependentClauses2:UsingRelativePronounsTheothermostcommonwaytoconstructdependentclausesalsobeginswithanindependentclause.Butinthisapproach,insteadofaddingsomethingtotheindependentclause,wetakesomethingaway:Wesubstitutearelativepronounforthewordorphrasethatisthesubjectoftheclause.
Supposeyouhavetwoindependentclauses:Themanislaughingloudly.Heiswearingabrowncoat.It’spossibletocombinethemusingacoordinatingconjunction,buttheresultmaynotbesatisfactory:Themanislaughingloudly,andheiswearingabrowncoat.Yourearwilltellyou,Thatconstructiondoesn’tsoundright!Ifyoutrytouseasubordinatingconjunction,yourearwillagainobject.Becausethemanislaughingloudly,heiswearingabrowncoat.Nope.Thatmakesnosense.Thoseofyouwhohavepracticedphraseswillimmediately
seeawaytorewritethesentencesoitdoesmakesense:Themaninthebrowncoatislaughingloudly.
Here’sanotheroption:Themanwhoiswearingabrowncoatislaughingloudly.Toconstructthissentencewehavereplacedthepronounhewiththerelativepronounwho,therebyturningtheindependentclauseheiswearingabrowncoatintoaparticularkindofdependentclauseknownasarelativeclause.Nowtheclausereadswhoiswearingabrowncoat.
Youwillseerightawaythattheclausewhoiswearingabrowncoat,whileithasasubject(who)andapredicate(iswearingabrowncoat),can’tstandaloneasasentence;ithasto“depend”onanotherindependentclause,inthiscaseThemanislaughingloudly.
Practice:MakeRelativeClauses
Writesomeshortindependentclauses.Nowturnthemintorelativeclausesbyreplacingthesubjectwitharelativepronoun,suchaswho,whom,whose,which,orthat.Notethepatternforcreatingrelativeclauses:
relativepronoun(replacingnounorpronoun)+predicate=relativeclause
Nowcompleteeachsentencebycombiningtherelativeclausewithanindependentclause.Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?
Notethatthewordthatissometimesomittedfromrelativeclauses,especiallyininformalwriting:Thedress[that]Iworewasgreenwithwhitetrim.Sometimeswritersfeelconfusedaboutrelativepronouns;ifyou'renotsurewhethertousethatorwhich,forexample,orwhoorwhom,consultyourgrammarbook.
WhatDependentClausesDoNowthatwe’veexploredhowtomakedependentclauses,let’stakealookatsomeofthethingstheycandoinsentences.Therearethreemainrolesthat
dependentclausescanplay:Theycanserveasadverbs,asadjectives,andasnouns.
TheRoleofDependentClauses1:Adverbs
Mostofthetime,dependentclausescreatedwithsubordinatingconjunctionstaketheroleofadverbsintheirsentences.Inthisroletheyareknownasadverbclauses.Forexample:
Joetookanumbrellawithhimbecausetheweatherforecastpromisedrain.
ThesubordinateclausebecausetheweatherforecastpromisedrainexplainswhyJoetooktheumbrella,andmodifiestheverb,took;therefore,thesubordinateclause—initsentirety—isservingasanadverb.Manyothersentencesfollowthispattern:
independentclause+subordinateclause(asadverb)
Mostofthetime,sentencesthatfollowthispatterndon’trequirepunctuationbetweentheindependentandsubordinateclauses.
Sometimes,though,writersliketoreversetheorderofthetwoclauses,puttingthesubordinateclausefirst:
Becausetheweatherforecastpromisedrain,Joetookanumbrellawithhim.
Inthiscase,acommafollowsthesubordinateclause.Anadverbclausecanalsomodifyaverbal.Forexample:
Ineededtodomyhomeworkbeforethegamestarted.
Practice:SubordinateClausesasAdverbs
Trywritingsentencesusingsubordinateclausesasadverbs,followingeitheroftheprecedingpatterns.Tryusingverbalsotherthaninfinitives,ifyoulike.
TheRoleofDependentClauses2:Adjectives
Whenwemakedependentclausesusingrelativepronouns,theseclausesusuallyfunctionasadjectivesintheirsentences;inthiscase,theyareknownasadjectiveclauses.Forexample:
Themanwhostoppedbylastnightismycousin.
Thedependentclausewhostoppedbylastnightserves—initsentirety—asanadjectivemodifyingthenounphraseTheman.
Writerssometimesfeelconfusedaboutthepunctuationofadjectiveclauses.Herearesometipstohelp.
Thewordswho,whom,which,andthatarethemostcommonlyusedrelativepronouns.Whenyoubeginanadjectiveclausewithoneofthesewords,youneedtodecidewhetherornottheinformationtheclausecontainsisessentialtothemeaningofthenounbeingmodified.Forinstance,supposeyouhavethesentenceThewomanwalkeddownthestreet.Youwanttoaddmoreinformationaboutthewomaninanadjectiveclause:whowascarryingacockerspaniel.Perhapsyou’llwritethenewsentencelikethis:Thewomanwhowascarryingacockerspanielwalkeddownthestreet.Orperhapsyou’llwriteitlikethis:Thewoman,whowascarryingacockerspaniel,walkedoffdownthestreet.Yourdecisionshouldbebasedonwhethertheinformationintheadjectiveclauseis—orisnot—essentialtonamingthewoman.Ifyouneedthatinformationtoidentifythisparticularwomanandtodistinguishherfromothers(perhapsanotherwomancarryingadifferentbreedofdog),thenyouwillwritethesentencewithoutpunctuation.If,however,theinformationintheadjectiveclauseisnotessentialtoidentifyingthewoman,thenyouwritethesentencewithcommasaroundtheadjectiveclause.(Whenyouhaveasentenceusingan
essentialrelativeclause,sometimesit’spossibletoomittherelativepronounandturntheverbintoaparticiple,creatinganadjectivephrase:Thewomancarryingacockerspanielwalkeddownthestreet.)
Grammariansalsotellusthatthewordthat,whenusedasarelativepronoun,alwaysindicatesanessentialdependentclause.Adjectiveclausesbeginningwithwhich,who,orwhommayormaynotbeessential,dependingontheirmeaning.
Attheriskofcreatinghopelessconfusion,Iwilladdonemoretechniquehere:theuseofwordssuchaswhen,where,after,before,since,while,andwhytocreateclausesthatfunctionasadjectives.You’llrememberyouencounteredthesewordsjustalittlewhileago,intheirroleassubordinateconjunctions,beginningclausesthatfunctionasadverbs.ButthroughthemysteriousabilityofEnglishwordstotakeonmanydifferentrolesinsentences,thesesamewordscanalsoactasrelativeadverbs;inthisroletheydriveadjective(notadverb)clauses—likeso:
TheymovedtoasmallOhiotownwhereAlice’sparentsownahouse.
Inthissentence,theclausethatbeginswithwheremodifiestown,thusservingasanadjectiveclause.
Withoutpunctuation,relativeclausesfunctionasboundmodifiers;withpunctuation,asfreemodifiers.
Practice:RelativeClausesasAdjectives
Experimentwithusingrelativeclausesasadjectives.Ifyougetconfusedabout“therules,”consultagoodgrammarbook.
TheRoleofDependentClauses3:Nouns
Dependentclausescansometimesserveasnouns.Here’show:
Iknowwhereheis.
Canyounametheelementsofthissentence?There’sasubject,thepronoun,I;there’samainverb,know;andthere’sadependentclause,whereheis—whichistakingontheroleofanounservingasthedirectobjectoftheverb.
Anounclausecandoalmostanythinganouncandoinsentences.Forinstance:
Nounclauseassubject:Whathesaidbaffledme.
Nounclauseascomplement:Myapplepieiswhathelovesbest.
Nounclauseasobjectoftransitiveverb:Iknowwhereheis.
Nounclauseasobjectofapreposition:We’llgotowhicheverstoreyouprefer.
Nounclauseasappositive:Iwantyoutoknowasecret:thatIsolvedtheproblem.
Practice:NounClauses
Nounclausesarealittletricky,buttheycanbefuntofoolaroundwith.Trywritingsomekernelsandthenseeifyoucanreplaceanyofthenounswithnounclauses.Orchooseoneofthestructuresaboveandimitateittowriteasentenceusinganounclause.Whatdoyouthinkofthisparticularsentencestructure?
TheOptionsProvidedbyDependentClauses
DoIWanttoUseaWord,aPhrase,oraClause?
Likephrases,dependentclausesaregroupsofwordsthat“gotogether,”thatfunctionasaunit.Likephrases,theseword-groupscanalsotakeontherolesofnouns,orofadjectivesoradverbs,insentences.Andsodependentclausesprovideuswithyetanotherwayofsayingthings;alongwithsinglewordsand
phrases,theygiveuslimitlesschoiceinconstructingoursentences.Forinstance,dowewanttowriteMikekickedthecathard?OrwouldweratherwriteMikekickedthecatontothefloor(adverbphraseinsteadofsingleadverb)?Orperhapswe’dratherwritethis:WhenMikegotangry,hekickedthecatontothefloor(adverbclauseadded)?
Sothefirstkindofoptionwehaveiswhethertousesinglewords,phrases,orclauses(orsomecombinationthereof)foradjectives,adverbs,andnouns.
Practice:ChooseSingleWords,Phrases,orClauses
Writesomekernelsentences.Thentakeoneoftheseandseeifyoucanaddsingleadverbsoradjectives(orboth).Nowrewritethesentencesubstitutingphrasesasadjectivesoradverbs,orincludingtheminadditiontosingle-wordmodifiers.Nowrewritethesentenceagain,usingclausesinsteadofphrases,oraddingclauses(ifyoursentencestillmakessensethisway).Nowtrysubstitutingnounphrasesornounclausesforsinglenouns.Whatdoyounotice?Trythiswholeprocessagainwithmorekernels.
Andnowrewriteyoursentences,makingchoicesamongalltheseoptions.
WhereDoIPutMyDependentClause?
Thesecondchoiceweneedtomakeiswhereinoursentencesdependentclausesshouldgo.Oftendependentclauses,likephrases,canserveasfreemodifiers.Wecanchoosewhereinasentencetoputthem:atthebeginning,beforethesubject;attheend,afterthemainverbofthesentence;perhaps,sometimes,eveninthemiddle,betweenthesubjectandthemainverb.
Howdowemakethesechoices?You’llfinditeasiertomakesuchchoicesasyoutrainyourwordmindwith
practiceandstudy,andasyouimitatethesentencesofprofessionalwriters;withthispracticecomesfacilitywithsinglewords,phrases,andclauses.Andthen,intheheatofcomposition,or—morelikely—inrevision,you’llneedtolistentoyoursentencesandpayattentiontowhatyourearistellingyou.Doyour
sentencesmakesense?Willtheybecleartoyourreaders?Haveyoucreatedenoughmovementanddrama,ordoyouneedtotryanotherwayofsayingwhatyouaretryingtosay?Whatabouttherhythmofeachsentence,therhythmofallthesentencesinaparagraphworkingtogether?Thesearethekindsofquestionsyoucanaskyourselfasyourevise(andrevise,andrevise…).
Themostimportantthingstoholdontoinwritingsentencesarethese:AlwaysbeawareofthebasickernelstructureofEnglishsentences;andkeepinmindatalltimesthenecessityfororderingtheelementsofyoursentences.Look,forinstance,athowthesewritersuseallofthestructureswe’vebeentalkingabouttocreatefairlylongsentencesthat,however,neverconfusethereader:
FatherWolflistened,andbelowinthevalleythatrandowntoalittleriver,heheardthedry,angry,snarling,singsongwhineofatigerwhohascaughtnothinganddoesnotcareifallthejungleknowsit.
—RudyardKipling,TheJungleBook
Fatwomen,grosswomen,stumpywomen,bonywomen,shapelesswomen,oldwomen,plainwomen,satinthespaciousarmchairsandbecauseLisettelookedsosweetboughttheclothesthatsoadmirablysuitedher.
—W.SomersetMaugham,“AppearanceandReality”
Awomanwhocantossyouacheckforahundredgrandwithoutblinkinghasn’thadmuchpracticelisteningtoreasonfromahireling,butshemanagedit.
—RexStout,TheDoorbellRang
WedroveovertoFifthAvenue,sowarmandsoft,almostpastoral,onthesummerSundayafternoonthatIwouldn’thavebeensurprisedtoseeagreatflockofwhitesheepturnthecorner.
—F.ScottFitzgerald,TheGreatGatsby
Ourgardenwasthecenterofmyworld,theplaceaboveallotherswhereIwishedtoremainforever.
—EstherHautzig,TheEndlessSteppe
Practice:PlaceDependentClauses
Writesomesentencesusingdependentclauses(subordinateorrelative).Experimentwithrewritingthesesentences,placingthedependentclausesinadifferentplaceinthesentence(ifthesentencestillmakessensethatway).Whatdoyounotice?
NewSentenceStructures
Whenweusesubordinateandrelativeclauses,wearedoingtwothings.Oneofthese—usingclausesasnouns,adjectives,andadverbs—wehavejustexplored.Atthesametime,whenweusedependentclauses,wearecreatingnewsentencestructures.
ComplexSentencesWhenwecombineone(ormore)dependentclausesandanindependentclause,wearecreatingwhat’sknownasacomplexsentence.Here’sthepatternforthiskindofsentence:
dependentclause(s)(canbesubordinateorrelative)+independentclause=complexsentenceWhenthethundercrashed,weranscreamingintothehouse.
Practice:MakeComplexSentences
Writesomesentencesaccordingtothepatternforcomplexsentences.Trysomewithonlyonedependentclause;trysomeusingmorethanonedependentclause.Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?
Compound-ComplexSentencesThere’sanothercommonsentencepatternyou’llwanttohaveinyourrepertoire:thecompound-complexsentence.Hereyouaddtwoormoreindependentclausestogetheralongwithoneormoredependentclauses.
Janewantedtotalk,butbecauseJoewastired,herefused
Practice:MakeCompound-ComplexSentences
Writesomesentencesaccordingtothepatternforcompound-complexsentences.Whathappenswhenyoudothis?Readyoursentencesoutloud.Howdotheysoundtoyou?
TheProsCombineIndependentandDependentClauses
1.Withsubordinatingconjunctions:
Intheneighboringcourt,wheretheLordChancelloroftheragandbottleshopdwells,thereisageneraltendencytowardsbeerandsupper.
—CharlesDickens,BleakHouse
Althoughtherootsgobackdecades,the2000and2004presidentialelectionsmarkedthetransformationoftheGOPintothefirstreligiouspartyinU.S.history.
—KevinPhillips,AmericanTheocracy
Ontothepigs’house,wherefourgrunters—oneyellow,withadaintywhitehead—rompedplayfully,while,ledbytheSkeaboys,Ipickedmyway
throughgildedpoolsandthatstrongsweetgorge-raisingsmellpeculiartopigs,intoaninnersanctum,whereareallyimmenseporkerlayonhersideandadozenweek-oldpigletswithcurlytailsscamperedroundher.
—GeorgeMackayBrown,NorthernLights
Helayinthesoothingwaterutterlyateaseforthefirsttimesincehislongjourneyhomehadbeguneightweeksbefore.
—MarjorieAllingham,Coroner’sPidgin
2.Withrelativepronouns:
Shewasachildwhosefatherandmotherweredeadandwholivedaroundwithvariousunclesandaunts.
—LucyMaudMontgomery,TheRoadtoAvonlea
InthecountyofGloucestershiretherelivedwithhisfather,whowasafarmer,aboycalledDick.
—WalterdelaMare,“DickandtheBeanstalk”
3.Withbothkindsofdependentclause:
[Gran’therPendleton]ignoredthem,thisnaughtyoldman,whowouldgivehisweakstomachfrightfulattacksofindigestionbystealingouttothepantryanddevouringawholemincepiebecausehehadbeenrefusedtwopiecesatthetable…
—DorothyCanfieldFisher,“HeydayoftheBlood”
Practice:LearningfromthePros
Lookattheworkofwritersyoulikeforhowtheyusedependentclausesinconstructingsentences,orgobackandstudytheprecedingexamples.Copyoutsomeofthesesentencesandimitatetheirstructure(thatis,usethesamenumber
ofrelative/subordinateandindependentclausesineachsentence,andinthesameorder).Readyoursentencesoutloud.Whatdoyounotice?
Practice:CombineKernelsinDifferentWays
Writefiveorsixkernelsthatallhavethesamesubject.Nowpracticedifferentwaysofcombiningthem.(Addnewwordsifnecessary.)
MakingChoicesinSentenceStructureAsyouareundoubtedlyrealizingnow,theuseofdependentclausescandramaticallyexpandthepossibilitiesforsentenceconstruction.Youcanwritekernels—shortandsyntacticallysimple.Youcanelaborateyourkernelswithboundorfreemodifiers,sometimessinglewords,sometimesphrases.Youcanaddindependentclauses(kernelsorelaboratedkernels)togetherviacoordination.Youcanturnsomeofyourindependentclausesintodependentclausesandcombinethetwoviasubordination.Youcanmakeuseofallthesepossibilities.
Thechoicesyoumakeinsentencestructurehelpcreateyourownstyle.Theyalsocreatevariationsinrhythm,andtheycontributeto(orobscure)readability.Withacommandofsentencestructuresyoucancontrolthemovementanddramaofyoursentences,therebyheighteningsuspense,shapingyourreaders’experience,andrivetingtheirattention.
AsI’vesaid,Irecommendthatyouspendagooddealoftimestudyinghowprofessionalwritersusesyntacticstructures;thenexperimentwithdifferentsentencestructurestoseewhichonesyoulike.
Practice:MakeChoicesinSentenceStructure
Experimentwiththesentencestructuresyou’velearnedinanywaythatappealstoyou.Youmaywanttoreviseapassageofyourownwritingtomakeuseofyournewlearning.
TakeTimetoReflect
Whathasstoodoutforyouinthischapter?Whichtechniquesdoyouwanttospendmoretimewith?Youmaywanttoreviseyourpracticelisttogiveprioritytothesenewtechniques.
TwoImportantNotesIfyoufeelconfusedasyoudothesepractices,don’tfret!Itisn’tallthatimportanttoknowtherightlabelsforelementsofsentences;Ihaveincludedthelabelssothat,ifyoulike,youwillbeabletolookupthesetermsinagrammarhandbook.Moreimportantthanknowingthecorrectgrammaticalnamesisbeingabletomakeuseofthesetechniquestocomposesentences.Youmayfinditeasiertolearnhowtodothisbylisteningtosentences(yoursandthoseofprofessionalwriters)ratherthanusingthegrammaticalterms.
Remember,too,thatyoucantakeasmuchtimeasyouneedtolearnthesesentenceconstructions.Therewillbenotestattheendofthisbooktoseewhetheryouhavelearnedeverything!Keepcheckinginwithyourselftoseehowmuchofallthisinformationaboutsentencesyoucanactuallyuserightnow.Forinstance,Ihavefounditveryhelpfultoconcentrateonkernelsforalongtime(andtokeepcomingbacktotheminmypractice)beforemovingontopracticingmorecomplexstructures.There’sabsolutelynothingwrongwithreadingthroughsomeofthisinformation,tryingthepractices,andthensayingtoyourself,“I’mnotreadyforthisyet.”
Also,whenyouimitatesentencesbyyourfavoritewriters,lookfirstforsentencesthatcontainthestructureeachpracticeisfocusingon.Youmayfindthatthesesentencesalsocontainstructuresthatyou’renotyetfamiliarwith.Youcandoyourbesttoimitatetheentire
sentenceanyway,oryoucanomittheunfamiliarstructurefromyourimitation.
Section5
ThePowerofComposition:PuttingitAllTogether
Don’tstudyanart;practiceit.—Japaneseproverb
GettingtheSpellRight
Ihopebynowyouarefeelingexcited(andnottoooverwhelmed)byalltheoptionswehaveforconstructingEnglishsentences.Withalltheseoptionsinyourrepertoire,youcanmakechoiceswhenyouwriteandrevise,intheprocessdevelopingyourownwritingstyle.
Evenmoreimportant,whenyouhaveacommandofsentencestructure,aswellasofdiction,youhavepower:theabilitytocastaspelloveryourreaders,tograbandkeeptheirattention,tomakethingshappeninsidethem.Readersareficklecreatures,withmanyotherdemandsontheirtimeandenergy.Wewritersneedallthelinguisticresourceswecanfindtokeepthemreadingourwords.
Thisdoesnotmeanthatoursentencesmustbelongandcomplex.Itmeans,rather,thatwemustknowwhatwearedoingwhenwewriteandreviseoursentences.Themorewepractice,themorewestudytheworkofskilledwriters,themorewewilllearnabouthowsentencesaffectreaders,andtheeasieritwillbecomeforustomakeoursyntacticchoices.
Whenwemakeourchoices,wecanconsideranumberofdifferentthings.Inthissectionwe’llexamineafewofthem.First,we’llreviewthebasicsofsyntacticstructuresandsomeofouroptionsforusingthem.Thenwe’llseehowtheseoptionsenableustoproducewritingthatisclear,writingthatcontainsthe
energyofmovement,writingthathasthequalityofflow:allcharacteristicsthatgrabandkeepourreaders’attention.Finally,we’lldosomeplayingwithsentencerhythm,toaddvarietyandinteresttooursentences.
Inallthesepractices,we’llbeworkingintherealmofcomposition,wherewedrawoneverythingwehavealreadylearnedaboutdictionandsyntaxtocreatesentencespowerfulenoughtotransferwhatwewanttosayintothemindsofothers,powerfulenoughtokeepthemspellbound.
Chapter13
MakingSentencesMove
Essentiallystyleresemblesgoodmanners.Itcomesofendeavouringtounderstandothers,ofthinkingforthemratherthanyourself—orthinking,thatis,
withtheheartaswellasthehead.—SirArthurQuiller-Couch
ACommandofSyntacticStructures
Mostinexperiencedwritersbelievethatwhatmakesapersonagoodwriterisherabilitytocomeupwithwords.Aswe’veseen,though,skilledwritersknowhowtochoosewordsandtheyknowhowtoarrangethosewordseffectivelyinsentences.Skilledwriters,then,haveacommandofsyntacticstructures.Thisdoesn’tmeantheynecessarilyknowthegrammaticalnamesforeverystructuretheyuse;itdoesmeanthattheyhavethosestructuressocompletelyembeddedintheirwordmind,intheirwriter'sear,thattheycanmakeeffectivechoiceseverytimetheywriteorreviseasentence.Ifyouwanttoraisethequalityofyourwriting,tomakeitmorepowerful,thenIurgeyou,onceagain,topractice,practice,practicethesyntacticstructuresyoulearnedinthelastsection,untilyoucanusethemwithoutthinkingaboutthem.
Ifyouhavepracticedfaithfully,bynowyouhavelearnedthesethings:theelementsofsyntax(partsofspeech,phrases,clauses),howtomakekernelsentences,howtoconstructmorecomplexsentences,andhowtoimitate
sentencestructuresintheworkofprofessionalwriters.Incaseyouneedit,you’llfindinthesidebaraquickreviewofsyntacticconstructions.
SyntacticConstructions:AReviewWhenwecomposesentences,wemustusenounsandverbs,andweusuallyuseadjectivesandadverbsaswell.Allofthesecontentpartsofspeechmaybesinglewords,ortheymaybephrases.Nouns,adjectives,andadverbscanoftenbeclauses.(Verbscannot.)
Nounscanplaythefollowingroles(amongothers) inasentence:
1.Nounassubjectofasentenceoraclause:
Janespokeloudly.
BecauseBobwaslate,wemissedtheplane.
2.Nounasdirectobjectofaverb:
Bobpattedthedog.
3.Nounassubjectcomplementofabeverborlinkingverb:
Joeismyfriend.
4.Nounasindirectobject:
WegaveAmyalltheapples.
1
5.Nounasobjectcomplement:
TheclubmadeSusanpresident.
6.Nounasobjectofapreposition:
Hedrovetothestore.
7.Nounasobjectofaverbal:
Bowingtheirheads,thecongregationprayed.
Tocatchthethief,theysetatrap.
8.Nounasadjective:
Theysatonthelawninthefadingsummerlight.
9.Nounasadverb:
Stevewenthome.
10.Nounasappositive:
John,myfriend,spokeupforme.
11.Nounasnominativeabsolute:
Sally,herlipspressedtogether,shookherhead.
Practice:NounConstructions
Practiceusingnounsinthewaysoutlinedabove.Startwithsinglenouns,thenexperimentwithnounphrasesandnounclauses.
Practice:VerbConstructionsVerbs,aswe’velearned,cantaketworolesinsentences:Theycanbethemainverbofasentenceoraclause(finiteverbs)ortheycanbeverbals(nonfiniteverbs).
Practiceusingfiniteandnonfiniteverbs.ReviewChapter8ifyoucan’tquiterememberhowverbalswork.
Practice:AdjectiveandAdverbConstructionsAdjectives,asyouknow,modifynouns.Theycanalsofollow,assubjectcomplement,abeverboralinkingverb.Adverbsmodifyverbs,andsometimestheymodifynounsoradjectives.Adjectivesandadverbscanbesinglewords,phrases,orclauses;theycanbeusedasboundmodifiersorfreemodifiers.
Practiceusingsinglewords,phrases,andclausesasadjectivesandadverbs.Practiceusingtheseconstructionsasboundmodifiersandasfreemodifiers.
Indoingthesepractices,tryputtingthesyntacticconstructionsintokernels,thenintocompoundsentences.Ifyouuseadjectiveandadverbclauses,you'llfindyourselfwritingcomplexsentences—orevencompound-complexsentences!(Ifyouneedtoreviewtheterminologyforkindsofsentences,seeChapter13.)
OptionsforComposition
IfyoutakethetimetoexploreallthesyntacticconstructionsinEnglish,andthewaysinwhichtheycanbeused,you'llundoubtedlybeamazedathowmany
optionswehaveforcomposingsentences.AddtothesetheimmensewordhoardoftheEnglishlanguage,andit'sclearthatthepossibilitiesforwritingsentencesareinfinite.Perhapsyoufindallthoseoptionsexhilarating,orperhapstheymakeyoufeeloverwhelmed.Eitherway,it'simportanttorememberthatwhileallthoseoptionsexist,wedon'thavetomakeuseofeverysingleoneofthem.Aswewriteandrevise,wemakechoicesaboutwhichonestouse.Exploringtheoptionsthroughpracticemakesourwordmindstrongerandmoreflexible,lessstuckinthesameoldrutsofsentenceconstruction.Atthesametime,whenweworkonapieceofwritingotherswillread,ourchoicesareconstrainedbyourneedtocommunicate.Wecan'tthrowinaverbalhere,oranappositivethere,justbecausewefeellikeit.Weneedtousealltheoptionsofdictionandsyntaxtomakeourselvescleartoreadersandtokeeptheirattention.
ComposingforEffect:ClarityAcoupleofthousandyearsago,theGreekphilosopherAristotlerecordedsomeoftheearliestinstructionsinwriting.“Themostimportantgoalofwriting,”hesaid,“istobeclearwithoutbeingboring.”Hisinstructionsstillholdtruetoday.Writingthatisconfused,unnecessarilycomplex,orjustplainhardtounderstandwillnotholdtheattentionofreaders.Unlesstheyareforcedintoit,mostpeoplewillnotcontinuereadingsentencesthatdonotconveyclearmeaning.Thatdoesn’tmeanthatwemustwriteonlysimplethoughts;itmeansthat,nomatterhowcomplexourthoughtsare,wemustpresenttheminsuchawaythatreaderscanunderstandwhatwearesaying.So,aswewriteandrewrite,wealwaysneedtobeaskingourselves,WhatamItryingtosayhere?andWillsomebodywhoisn’tmeunderstandwhatIamsaying?
Choosingjusttherightwordorphraseinsteadofsettlingforthealmost-rightsynonymisonewaywecreateclear,readablewriting.Anotherwayistomakeeffectiveuseofthelanguageoftheimagination.Perhapsourmostimportanttoolforcreatingclarity,though,isthewayweusesyntax.
Asyou’velearnedinpreviouschapters,readersprocessoursentencesonebitatatime,addingeachwordorphrasetotheonesthatprecedeit.Acommandofsyntaxenablesustoorderourwordssotheysaysomethingtoreaders;itensuresthatourwritingmakessensetothem.Theworkofcomposition,then,islargelytheworkoforderingourmaterialintosentences,fortheorderinwhichwords,images,andideascometousaswewriteisnotnecessarilytheorderinwhichwewanttopresentthemtoourreaders.
Asanyonewhohasdonethepracticeoffreewritingknows,ourmindsdonotnaturallyworkinalinearfashion.Rather,theygiveusthoughts,ideas,andwordsinwhatfeellikefree-associativeclusters.Sowhenwetrytogetthoseideas,thoughts,andwordsdownonpaperastheyhaveoccurredtous,wemaynotbeconcernedwiththeorderinwhichwerecordthem.Infact,itmaynotevenfeellikethesethoughtshaveanorder;theymayfeelmorelikenetworksofconnection.Ifwewantedtomakearepresentationofthesenetworksofthought,astheyhappeninourminds,wecouldprobablydothatvisually,becauseavisualrepresentationallowsustoworkinspaceandthereforetoshowapictureofmorethanonethingatthesametime.
Butwriting,likespeech,doesnothappeninspace;ithappensintime.Andthetimewemustconcernourselveswith—notnecessarilyaswetrytogetdownonpaperourfirst,fleetingthoughtsorvisions,butmostdefinitelyatsomepointbeforewefinishapiece—istheexperience,intime,thatourreaderswillhaveastheyprocessoursentences.BecauseofthenatureoftheEnglishlanguage,readerswillhavetotakeinwhatwetellthem,oneword-groupatatime,onesentenceatatime,oneparagraphatatime.Astheyread,theywilladdeach“bit”ofinformationtothebitsthathavecomeearlier.Knowledgeofsyntaxprovidesuswithestablishedlinguisticstructuresthatenableustoorderourthoughtsandwordssothatreaderscanaddthemtogetherandmakesenseofthem.Muchoftherevisionthataskilledwriterdoesinvolvestinkeringwiththeorderofelementsinhersentencessothatreaderscanprocessthemwitheaseandextractfromthemthemeaningsheintends.
Oneofthebestwaystoensurethatwehavesuccessfullyorderedoursentencesforthemindsofreadersistoreadourworkoutloud.Whenwereadaloud,wecomeclosertotheexperienceareaderwillhaveofourwords.Whenwereadourwordssilently,it’sveryeasyto“readinto”themwhatwemeantosay:Wehaveourintendedmeaninginmind,andweprojectthatintothewordsonthatpage.Butthereader,asIalwaystellmystudents,isnotinsidetheheadofthewriter.Whenwegetourwordsoutofourownheadsandintotheair,wecanreallyhearthem;andthenit’smucheasiertounderstandthemasourreaderswill.
Practice:ReadingasaReader
Takesomepassagesfromyourownwriting,orsomeofyourpracticesentences,andreadthemoutloudslowly,pretendingthatyouaresomeonewhohasneverseenthembefore.Trytolistentothem,receivethem,asareader,ratherthanasawriter.Takeinthesewordsandsentencesasareaderwould,one“bit”atatime.Noticewhetheryourimaginaryreaderwillbeconfusedbyanythinginyourwriting.Isyourmeaningclear?Markalltheplaceswhereclarityislacking.
Practice:UsingSyntacticStructuresinRevision
Now,usingwhatyouhavelearnedfromearliersectionsinthisbook,aswellasfromthereviewaboveofsyntacticstructures,reviseyourmarkedpassagesforclarity.Readthemaloudagain.Howdotheysoundnow,toyourimaginedreader?Ifthey’restillnotclear,reviseagain.
ComposingforEffect:PurposeClearcommunicationisakindofsuccessfulmagic.Whenwewritewithclarity,wetransfermeaningfromourmindsintothemindsofotherpeople—peoplewedon’tknowandwillprobablynevermeet.Butourwordsandsentencesmakeanotherkindofmagic,too,whichgivesthemevenmorepower:Theymake
thingshappen;theydothingstopeople.Thewordswechoosehavedifferentkindsofpower;sodooursentences.
Whataresomeofthethingssentencescando?You’llrememberthattheycanmakeastatement,askaquestion,makeacommand,ormakeanexclamation.
Whenweconsiderdeclarativesentences(whichmakestatements)moreclosely,wefindthatthiskindofsentencecanalsodomanydifferentthings.Forinstance:
Itcannarrate;thatis,tellwhathappened,conveyanactionoranevent:Joewalkedslowlydownthestreet,thinkinghard.
Itcandescribe;makeapicture:Thestreetwaslinedwithappletrees,allcoveredwithwhiteblossomsandgivingoffasweetsmell.
Itcangivesomeone’sreactionstohappeningsorpictures:ButJoedidn’tnotice.
Itcangivesomeone’sthoughts:“IfonlyIhadn’tsaidthat,”Joethought.OR:Joewishedhehadsaidnothing.
Itcangivesomeone’sspokenwords:“WhatafoolIam!”hesaid.
Itcangivesomeone’sfeelings:Joefeltsad.OR:AsJoespoke,atearrandownhisface.
Itcanstateafactorreportapieceofinformation:Joewasfifteenyearsold;hehadn’tcriedsincehewasakid.
Itcanconveyanideaorexplainsomething:Hisfatherhadalwaystoldhimthatmendon’tcry.
Itcanstateanopinionormakeacomment:Butsometimeswhatourfatherstellusturnsoutnottobetrue.
Practice:WhatDeclarativeSentencesDo
Trywritingsomedeclarativesentences,usinganyofthetechniquesyouhavelearnedsofar,andthinkabouteachsentence’spurpose,whatyouwanteachsentencetodo.Experimentwithsentencesthatdodifferentthings.
Practice:WhatDeclarativeSentencesDo
Nowtakealookatapassageortwobyoneofyourfavoritewriters.Seeifyoucanfigureoutwhateachsentenceisdoing,andjotthatdown.Forinstance,youmightwrite:sentence1—givesapieceofinformation;sentence2—givesapicture;andsoon.Thenimitatethepassagebywritingsentencesthatimitate,inorder,whateachsentenceinyourchosenpassageisdoing.
Practice:WhatDeclarativeSentencesDo
Pickasubjectandwritesomesentencesonit,thinkingnotonlyaboutwhatyouwanttosay,butalsoaboutwhatyouwanteachsentencetodo.Keepinmindyouroptionsforsyntacticstructures.
ComposingforEffect:MovementWhenwewriteandrevisesentences,there’sanotherthingwecanpayattentionto:sentencemovement.Thinkingaboutwhatoursentencesaredoing(asinthepreviousexercises)isonewaytoenlivenoursentenceswithmovement.
Evenmoreimportanttosentencemovementistheactualstructureofoursentences.ForwardmovementisembeddedinthebasicstructureoftheEnglishsentence:theS-V,orS-V-C(subject-verb-complementorobject)kernelpattern.Inthispattern,aswesawinearlierlessons,thesubjectofthesentence—the“actor”—usuallycomesfirst,thencomesthepredicate—the“action.”Withtheuseofthispattern,everysentenceisastory.Andsosentenceswrittenaccording
tothisbasicpattern,eitheraskernelsorwiththecarefuluseofmodifiers,moveforward.Thisforwardmovementhelpstosustainourreaders’attention.
Aswehaveseen,wecanalsoholdourreaders’attentionthroughthewayweplaceourmodifiers,whethertheyaresinglewords,phrases,orclauses.Wecanchoosewhentopassoninformationinasentence;ourchoicescancreateflow,suspense,drama,surprise,andothereffects.Oneofourmaintoolsforcreatingtheseeffectsisfreemodifiers.
Rememberthatwehavethreepossibilitiesforplacingfreemodifiers:beforethesubject,afterthemainverb,betweenthesubjectandthemainverb.Grammarianssometimescallthesethreekindsofsentences,respectively:left-branchingsentences,right-branchingsentences(alsoknownascumulativesentences),andmid-branchingsentences.Let’stakealookatthesefromthepointofviewofsentencemovement,beginningwiththemoststraightforward:right-branching(cumulative)sentences.
OncewehavethebasicpatternofEnglishsentencesinourminds,itbecomesquiteeasytowritesentencesthatbeginwiththesubject,continuewiththeverb…andthenkeepgoing.Professionalwritersmakeuseofthiskindofsentenceallthetime:
Mygreat-uncleSilasusedtoliveinasmallstonereed-thatchedcottageontheedgeofapine-wood,wherenightingalessangpassionatelyingreatnumbersthroughearlysummernightsandonintothemorningsandoftenstillintheafternoons.
—H.E.Bates,“TheLily”
Oneofthegreatadvantagesoftheright-branchingsentenceisthatitletsyoumoveyourreaderforwardintothenextsentence:
Theguard,eightlittleDyaksoldiers,stoodtoattentionas[Mr.Warburton]passed.Henotedwithsatisfactionthattheirbearingwasmartial,their
uniformsneatandclean,andtheirgunsshining.Theywereacredittohim.—W.SomersetMaugham,“TheOutstation”
Tocreatealeft-branchingsentence,weplacefreemodifiers(orflexibleadverbials)beforethesubjectofakernel.Thisstructurecreatesmovementinadifferentway:Ithelpsussetasceneordelaytheactionofthesentence.
Atinybrown,glitteringcreature,theflysoareduptotheceiling,spedlikeabulletpastthechild’sears,collidedwiththewalls,andreboundedinnoisyspirals.
—J.Kessel,“TheDoll”
Atpoliceheadquarters,attheNationalGallery,atOslo’snewspaperandtelevisionandradiostations,phonesrangdayandnight.
—EdwardDolnick,TheRescueArtist
Wheneverasituationgetssoticklishthathewishesheweresomewhereelse,hecanwalkovertotheglobeandpickspotstogoto.
—RexStout,TheDoorbellRang
Themid-branchingsentenceinsertsusefulinformationintothemiddleofasentencewhilekeepingthemovementofthesentencegoing:
Theflames—andtheirswasastrangemusic—roaredloudinthewintryair—red,greenish,copperandgold—lickingandleapingtheirwayfromstrandtostrandupandup…
—WalterdelaMare,DickandtheBeanstalk
ButCharlie,thebank-clerkontwenty-fiveshillingsaweek,whohadneverbeenoutofsightofamaderoad,knewitall.
—RudyardKipling,“TheFinestStoryintheWorld”
It’salsopossibletoinsertadditionalmaterialbetweenthetwoclausesofacompoundsentence:
One[televisionmonitor]screensuddenlyflickeredwithlife.Theblack-and-whitepicturewasshadowy—thesunwouldnotriseforanotherninetyminutes—buttheessentialswereclearenough.
—EdwardDolnick,TheRescueArtist
Andfinally,skilledwritersoftenmakeuseoftwoorthreeoftheseoptionsinasinglesentence:
ThougholdwhenImadehisacquaintance,hewasstillapowerfulhorseofaman,alwaysdressedinwell-pressedIrishtweeds,heavycountryman’sbootsandafawn,flat-toppedbowler-hatsetsquataboveabig,red,squareface,heavyhandlebarmustachesandpale-blue,staringeyesofwhichonealwayssawthecompletecircleoftheiris,challenging,concentrated,slightlymad.
—SeanO’Faolain,“ATouchofAutumnintheAir”
Charmedbythesoberbeautyofthehouse,fascinatedbytheseclusionofitssetting,yourrefinedtastetickledbythegoodmannersofthenoticeboard,youwilldecidethathereatlastisthecountryhotelofyourdreams,wheregoodcheerandcomfortawaitthetrulydiscriminatingtraveller.
—CyrilHare,SuicideExcepted
IfitwasinevitablethatRoseBirkettshouldmarryanavalman,itwasequallyinevitablethatthedayofherweddingshouldbethemostperfectdayofuncloudedsuntemperedbyabreezenotpowerfulenoughtodisarrangeherhairorherveil.
—AngelaThirkell,CheerfulnessBreaksIn
Rare,exotic,strangelylovely,theredlilyhadblossomedthere,untouched,foraslongasIcouldremember.
—H.E.Bates,“TheLily”
Practice:SentenceMovement
Studytheexamplesabove—orchooseothersyouprefer—forhoweachwriterconstructshissentencetocreate—ordelay—forwardmovement.Thenimitatethestructureofthesentence.Drawonyourknowledgeofsyntacticsentencestoexperimentwithcombiningsinglewordsactinginvariousrolesandwithdifferentkindsofphrasesandclauses.
ComposingforEffect:SentencesintoParagraphs
Whenwetalkaboutthemovementofsentences,weleavetherealmofsinglesentencesandenterthatofsentence-groups—otherwiseknownasparagraphs.Howdowearrangeoursentencesintoparagraphs?Howdowekeepthemovementofourthoughtsandimagesgoingfromonesentencetothenext?
Sometimesthetechniqueoffreewriting,orfocusedfreewriting,willenableustowritesentencesthatflownaturallyoneintothenext.Butoftenthisapproachdoesn’twork.Here’ssomethingelsetotry:Writeafairlysimplesentence.Thenidentifytheelementsofthesentence,asfollows:
Sentence:Thewomanwalkedtothestore.
Elements:thewomanwalkedtothestore
Nowchooseoneelementanddevelopittocreateaparagraph,likethis:
1.Thewomanwalkedtothestore.Shewastall,maybefive-eight,andherbodyhadthetautlookthatcomeswithlonghoursatthegym.Herblondehairgleamedinthesun,andherpaintednailsflickeredliketinyredlights.
2.Thewomanwalkedtothestore.Shemovedslowlyandtentatively,asifsheweretakingeachstepforthefirsttime.Herfeet,inbatteredsneakers,appearedtobenotquitetouchingthepavement,andshekeptglancingaroundasshewalkedasifshewerelookingforsomethingtoholdonto.
3.Thewomanwalkedtothestore.Onceithadbeenarealgeneralstore,whereyoucouldfindanythingyouneeded.Nails,bandages,cola,cigarettepapers,aquartofmilk,ahalf-dozeneggs—theyhaditall.Theowner,Mr.Johnson,wouldevengiveyoucredit,ifyouwentthereoftenenough.ButthenonedayMr.Johnsondied,andhisrelativessoldtheplacetosomeyuppiesfromthecitywhoturneditintooneofthoseupscalebakerieswheretheydon’tevenselldoughnuts.Shedidn’tlikethewaythestorewasnow,butshewentthereanyway,becausetheywouldletherhaveday-oldbreadathalf-price.
Practice:DevelopingElements
Writeasimplesentenceasintheexampleabove.Takeoneelementanddevelopitthroughseveralsentencestocreateaparagraph.Thentakeadifferentelementanddevelopthatone.Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?
Paragraphs,likesentences,areatoolweusetograbandkeepourreaders’attentionandtomakethingshappeninsidethem.Paragraphs,likesentences,beginandendwith“pauses.”Inthecaseofsentences,thosepausesareindicatedbyperiods;withparagraphs,weusewhitespaceonthepage.Thatwhitespace,likepunctuation,givesreaderstimetotakeamentalbreath,toassimilatewhattheyhavejusttakenin,andtoreadythemselvesforwhatistocome.Sohowweconstructourparagraphsdependsinlargepartonhowwewanttousethemtocreateacertainkindofexperienceforourreaders.
Justasreadersprocesssentencesbyaddingoneword-grouptotheonetheyjustread,sotheyprocessparagraphsbyaddingsentencestogether.Whenwewriteandrevise,wemaywanttoconsiderwhatwillhappeninsideourreadersas
theyfinishonesentenceinaparagraphandthenmoveintothenextone.Isthiswhatwewanttohavehappenatthisparticularmoment?
ComposingforEffect:CreatingContinuityor“Flow”Whenwethinkabouthowtomoveoursentencesforward,onetothenext,oneofthethingswecanconsiderishowtocreatecontinuityor“flow”—asenseofonethingconnectingnaturallytowhatprecededitandwhatfollows.
Aswelearnedearlier,linguiststellusthatthetypicalEnglishsentencehasacharacteristicmovement,fromknowntounknown.Keepingthatconceptinmindcanhelpuscreatecontinuityinourwriting.Oneofthemostusefultechniquesforcreatingcontinuityistorepeatawordorphrasefromonesentenceinthenext(orinanearbysentence).Sometimeswritersrepeatthesubject(oruseapronounthatreferstoit):
DuskoPopov,theSerbianplayboy,wasnotasfecklessandapoliticalasheseemed.TheinvitationfromhisoldfriendJohnnyJebsentoworkforGermanintelligencewasanattractiveone.
—BenMacintyre,DoubleCross:TheTrueStoryoftheD-DaySpies
Sometimesawriterwillrepeatawordotherthanthesubject(oruseapronounthatreferstoit):
“ThisiswhatyoutaketoParis,”thegray-uniformedmansaid.Hehadopenedhistoolboxanddrawnoutanenvelope.Itwasamedium-sizedopaqueenvelope,unaddressed,sealed,notmuchbulkierthanifitcontainedathree-pageairmailletter.Hethrewitacrossthedesk.
—HelenMacInnes,TheVenetianAffair
Othertechniquesforcreatingcontinuityincludeopeningasentencewithanadverbialphraseorclause(Anhourlater…orWhenwehadfinisheddinner…)
oracoordinatingconjunction.Professionalsalsouseappositives,nominativeabsolutes,andothersyntactictechniquestobringrelatedmaterialclosetogether.
Practice:CreatingFlow
Writeafewsentences,experimentingwithusingoneormoreofthetechniquesexplainedabovetocreateflow.
TheProsCreateContinuityReadthroughthefollowingexcerpt(fromarecentnonfictionbook),andnoticeyourreactions.Thenreadthroughitagain,seeingifyoucandiscoverhowthewriterkeepsthenarrativecontinuous,whilemovingusaround.
…Amotiondetectortriggeredasecondalarm.Thistimetheguard,24-year-oldGeirBerntsen,decidedthatsomethingwaswrong.Panickyandbefuddled,hethrashedabouttryingtosortoutwhattodo.Checkthingsouthimself?Callthepolice?Berntsenstillhadnotnoticedthecrucialtelevisionmonitor,whichnowdisplayedaladderstandingunattendedagainstthemuseum’sfrontwall.Norhadherealizedthatthealarmhadcomefromroom10,whereTheScreamhung.Berntsenphonedhissupervisor,whowasathomeinbedandhalf-asleep,
andblurtedouthisincoherentstory…Atalmostpreciselythesamemoment,apolicecarmakingaroutinepatrolthroughOslo’semptystreetshappenedtodrawneartheNationalGallery.Aglancetoldthetale:adarknight,aladder,ashatteredwindow.Thepolicecarskiddedtoastop…
—EdwardDolnick,TheRescueArtist
Practice:CreatingFlow
Takealookatapassagefromawriteryoulikeandseeifyoucanfigureoutwhatshedidtocreatecontinuity.Thenimitatethattechnique.Youmightalso
liketotryrevisingsomeofyourownwritingtoincreaseyourreader’ssenseofcontinuity.
ComposingforEffect:StepsandLeapsWhenwewritetocreatecontinuity,weare,inasense,encouragingthe
readertoproceedinaparticulardirection,step-by-step.Butsometimeswhatwewantisnotcontinuity,buttemporarydiscontinuity:Wewantourreaderstotakementalleaps.
Therearealmostalwaysplacesinourwritingwherewemustinviteourreaderstotaketheseleaps:whenwetakeanewviewofasubject,changeascene,movebackorforwardintime,etc.Whenwechangedirectionsinthese(andother)ways,weneedtoremembertobringourreadersalongwithus.Skilledwritersknowhowtomakesuchleapseasyfortheirreadersbycarefullyorderingimages,ideas,andsyntacticelements,byusingtransitions,bymakinganewparagraphatjusttherightpoint,orbyaskilleduseoffreemodifiers.Theyalsousesomeofthesametechniquesthatcreateflow:repetitionofawordorphrase,orbeginningasentencewithanadverbial.
TheProsTakeLeaps
InthepredawngloomofaNorwegianwintermorning,twomeninastolencarpulledtoahaltinfrontoftheNationalGallery,Norway’spreeminentartmuseum.Theylefttheenginerunningandracedacrossthesnow.Behindthebushesalongthemuseum’sfrontwalltheyfoundtheladdertheyhadstashedawayearlierthatnight.Silently,theyleanedtheladderagainstthewall.Aguardinsidethemuseum,hisroundsfinished,baskedinthewarmthof
thebasementsecurityroom…—EdwardDolnick,TheRescueArtist
[Stephen’s]firstexcitedreactiontoLondon—itsshops,itsrestaurants,itswell-dressedattractivewomen—hadfaded.Hesawitnowasaglitteringrhinestonesetinadingysetting.SupposinghewerebackinSouthAfricanow…Hefeltaquickpangof
homesickness.Sunshine—blueskies—gardensofflowers—coolblueflowers—hedgesofplumbago—blueconvolvulusclingingtoeverylittleshanty.Andhere—dirt,grimeandendlessincessantcrowds—moving,hurrying,
jostling…—AgathaChristie,AHolidayforMurder
Practice:MakingLeaps
Usetheaboveexamplesasamodel,orfindsomeexamplesofyourown.Noticehowthewriterenablesourmindstotakealeap;noticewheretheparagraphbreakscome.Andnotice,aswell,whattechnique(s)thewriterusestokeepusorientedasweleap.Imitatetheexamplesinawaythatfeelsusefultoyou.
Nowtakeapassageofyourownwritingthatcontainsatleastoneleap,andseeifyouneedtorewriteittoeaseyourreader’spath.(Leapsdemandmoreofareaderthanmovingstep-by-step.)Youcanalsotrythisexercisebyseeingifthere’sawaytotightenasprawlingpassageinyourworkbyomittingsomestepsandtakinga“leap”instead.
ParagraphsbyEar
Paragraphs,asyounodoubtlearnedinschool,aretoolsfororganizingsentences.Howyoudothatdependsonthekindofwritingyouaredoing:Aformalessayrequiresformal,logicalorganization;paragraphsinfictionrequireorganizationofimagesandnarrativeevents.Asyoustudyandimitateparagraphsfromyourchosenmodels,remembertouseyourwriter’seartolistentowheretheparagraphbreaksgo.Experimentwithbreakingaparagraphin
differentways,readyourworkoutloud,listenfortheversionthatworksbest,thathastheeffectyouwant.
StephenKinghascalledparagraphsthe“beat”ofastory.Listeningforthatbeatisonewayintotherealmofrhythminwriting—thesubjectofthenextchapter.
TakeTimetoReflect
Whatstandsoutforyouinthislesson?Arethereanypracticesyouwanttorevisit?
1 …thefollowingroles(amongothers).Nounscanalsomodifyothernounsandbeusedinanounseries.Formoreinformationontheseusesofnouns,consultyourgrammarbook.
Chapter14
WritinginRhythm
Itdon’tmeanathing,ifitain’tgotthatswing.—IraGershwin
Inthischapter,we’llbeenteringtherealmofsentencerhythm.SofarIhaveencouragedyoutouseyourwriter’searinanumberofdifferentways:Wehavelistenedforthemeaningsofwordsandtheirconnotations,forthedifferentqualitiesofwords,forpartsofspeech,andsoon.Inthischapter,we’llbeexploringyetanotherwaytouseourwriter’sear:tolistentotherhythmsoursentencesmake.We’llconcentrate,notonthemeaning(orthepictures)ourwordsaremaking,butontheirmusic.
TheMusicofLanguage
Oftenwhenpeopletalkabout“themusicoflanguage,”theymakeitsoundlikeamerefrill,somethingweaddto“dressup”plainwriting.Idon’tagreewiththisview.Attheheartoflanguage,Ihearmusic—word-music,akininmanywaystoinstrumentalmusicorsong.IagreewiththepoetRobertPinsky,whohassaid,aboutordinaryspeech,“Wesingtoeachotheralldaylong.”
How,then,aremusicandlanguagesimilar?Youcanthinkofitthisway:Spokenlanguage,likemusic,isastreamofsound;writing,likespeech,canmakeuseofthemusicalcharacteristicsofthatstreamofsound.Inthisworldofverbalmusicthere’smuchtoexplore.English,likeeverylanguage,ismadeup
ofcertainsounds;thesesoundshavecertainqualitiesandcanbearrangedaccordingtomusicalprinciples.
Inonechapterwecan’tcoverallofthetechniquesofmakingmusicwithlanguage,soherewe’llconfineourexplorationstotherhythmofsentences.Rhythminwriting,justlikerhythminmusic,comestousthroughourears.So,ifyouareinterestedinsentencerhythm,Iencourageyoutogetintotwoimportanthabits:one,slowdownasyoureadandwrite;andtwo,listentowordswithyourwriter’sear.
TheRhythmofSentences,Part1:RhythmPatternsWhenwespeakorwriteinEnglish,ourwordsaregroundedinrhythmbecause,topronouncewordscorrectly,westresscertainsyllablesandnotothers.APP-le,wesay,notapp-LE.PoetsworkingintraditionalformsfindwaystoorganizethestressedandunstressedsyllablesofEnglishintoregularpatterns.Prosewritersdon’ttendtoworkthisway:Insteadoforganizingsyllables,weusesyntacticelements(words,phrases,clauses,sentences)tocreaterhythmpatterns,patternsthatextend,likemusicalpatterns,intime.Tocreatethesepatternswemakeuseofatechniquethatisfundamentaltomusicalcomposition:repetitionandvariation.
CreatingRhythmwithRepetitionandVariation:SingleWords
Whenweusesinglewordstocreaterhythm,wehavetwooptions:
1. Wecanrepeatawordexactly.2. Wecanrepeatapartofspeech.
Inschoolwe’reoftentaughtthatweshouldneverrepeatawordinasentence,orinadjacentsentences.Butjustlistentowhattheprosdowithsimplerepetition:
Therainiseverfalling—drip,drip,drip—bydayandnightuponthebroadflaggedterrace-pavement,theGhost’sWalk.
—CharlesDickens,BleakHouse
…heknewthatthisdaywasgoingtobedifferent.Itwouldbedifferentalso,becauseashisfatherexplained,drivingDouglasandhisten-year-oldbrotherTomoutoftowntowardthecountry,thereweresomedayscompoundedcompletelyofodor,nothingbuttheworldblowinginonenostrilandouttheother.Andsomedays,hewenton,weredaysofhearingeverytrumpandtrilloftheuniverse.Somedaysweregoodfortastingandsomefortouching.Andsomedaysweregoodforallthesensesatonce.Thisdaynow,henodded,smelledasifagreatandnamelessorchardhadgrownupovernightbeyondthehillstofilltheentirevisiblelandwithitswarmfreshness.
—RayBradbury,DandelionWine
Oh,Ishouldneverhavecome,never.I’mhereagainstmybetterjudgment…
—DorothyParker,“ButtheOneontheRight”
Thewarhadmadehimfamous.NotasfamousasMurrow,thevoiceofLondon,andnotasfamousasQuentReynolds,nowthevoiceofthedocumentaries,butfamousenoughtogetapromisefromCollier’s…andthenthepresspasstoBerlin.
—JosephKanon,TheGoodGerman
Repetition,ratherthanbeingsomethingtobeavoidedatallcosts,isactuallyaveryusefultechnique.Whenwerepeatsomething,weemphasizeit:Wefocusthereader’sattention;weencouragehertodwellinthatparticularplace;weintensifyanexperience;andwemakerhythm.
Inadditiontorepeatingsinglewordsexactly,writersalsomakeuseoftheprincipleofrepetitionandvariationbyrepeatingapartofspeechwhilevaryingtheword.Wecan,forinstance,repeatadjectives,ornouns:
PoorMr.Arabin—untaught,illiterate,boorish,ignorantman!—AnthonyTrollope,BarchesterTowers
Oncetherewasasailor-girlandhernamewasJosslynAbelsea.Onlandshehadtriedthisandthat;shehadbeenawaitress,andabus-conductress,shehadbeenapostwomanandataxi-driver,butnoneofthesejobssuitedher.
—JoanAiken,“ABasketofWater”
Practice:RhythmwithSingleWords
Playwithmakingsentencesinwhichyourepeatasinglewordorasinglepartofspeech.Whatdoyounotice?
CreatingRhythmwithRepetitionandVariation:Phrases
I’msureyourememberphrases—thosegroupsofwordsthat“gotogether,”butthatdonotcontainasubjectandpredicate.Writersrepeatandvaryphrases,too,inordertogiverhythmtotheirsentences.
Occasionallytheyrepeatanentirephraseexactly:
Changeddays,Fennerthought,asBallardpaidtheirdriver,changeddaysfromNewYorkandBallard’sdoggednewscoverageoverattheUnitedNationswhenhehadalwayslookedasifheneededagoodsquaremeal,ahaircut,andstillmoreinformation.
—HelenMacInnes,TheVenetianAffair
Moreoften,though,theywillrepeatacertainphrasestructureorphrasetype(nounphrase,adjectivephrase,prepositionalphrase,andsoon)whilevaryingthewords.Forexample:
ThisisthestoryofJohnSegrave—ofhislife,whichwasunsatisfactory:ofhislove,whichwasunsatisfied;ofhisdreams,andofhisdeath…
—AgathaChristie,“TheHouseofDreams”
Tiredofwalking,pushedabout,stunnedbythenoiseandconfusion,anxiousforherbrotherandthenurses,terrifiedbywhatshehadundergone;perplexedandfrightenedalikebywhathadpassedandwhatwasyetbeforeher,Florencewentuponherwearywaywithtearfuleyes…
—CharlesDickens,DombeyandSon
Hisincredibleuntidiness,hisaddictiontomusicatstrangehours,hisoccasionalrevolverpracticewithindoors,hisweirdandoftenmalodorousscientificexperiments,andtheatmosphereofviolenceanddangerwhichhungaroundhimmadehimtheveryworsttenantinLondon.
—SirArthurConanDoyle,“TheAdventureoftheDyingDetective”
Practice:RhythmwithPhrases
Playwithmakingsentencesinwhichyourepeatasinglephraseexactlyorrepeataphrasepatternorkindofphrasewhilevaryingthelanguage.Whatdoyounotice?
CreatingRhythmwithRepetitionandVariation:Clauses
Aclause,asyouremember,isagroupofwordsthat“goestogether”andcontainsasubjectandfiniteverb.Writersuseclauses,too,tocreaterhythm.
Exactrepetitionofaclause(thatis,repetitionofbothclausestructureandthewordsfillingthestructure)israre,butitcanbedone:
Theskywasstilldarkwhenheopenedhiseyesandsawitthroughtheuncurtainedwindow.Hewasuprightwithinseconds,outofbed,andhadopenedthewindowtostudythesigns.Itlookedgoodtohim,thedarkjust
beginningtofadeslightly,midnightblueblackgrowinggreyandmisty,throughwhichhecouldmakeoutthelastlightofadyingstar.Itlookedgoodtohim,acalm,pre-dawnhushwithoutabreathofwind,andnotashadowofcloudinthehighclearsky.
—EvaFiges,Light
Writersusuallyrepeataclausestructurewhilevaryingthelanguageintheclauses.Forinstance:
Therewasacrowdofkidswatchingthecarandthesquarewashot,andthetreesweregreen,andtheflagshungontheirstaffs,anditwasgoodtogetoutofthesunandundertheshadeofthearcadethatrunsallthewayaroundthesquare.
—ErnestHemingway,TheSunAlsoRises
Still,hewasgratefulforthecurrentofairevenifitwasstale,evenifthesuddencoolnesswasonlyanillusionmadebymotion.
—HelenMacInnes,TheVenetianAffair
Laytheselivesalongsideoneanother,bangthemtogether,holdthemuptothelightandyoucouldopenanentiretime.
—ShawnLevy,Ready,Steady,Go!
Practice:RhythmwithClauses
Playwithmakingsentencesinwhichyourepeatthestructureofclauseswhilevaryingthewords.Whathappenswhenyoudothis?
Practice:LearningfromthePros
Studyawriteryoulikeforthewayshecreatesrhythmthroughtheuseofrepeatedsinglewordsorpartsofspeech,phrasestructures,andclausestructures.Tryimitatingtherhythmofasentenceortwo.
TheEffectsofSyntacticRepetitionWhenwerepeatasyntacticstructurewhilechangingthewords,wecreatearegularkindofrhythm,asenseofbalance.(Thegrammaticaltermforthistechniqueisparallelism.)Throughtherepetitionofastructure,thereaderbeginstoanticipate,andthentoenjoy,thepleasureoffulfilledexpectation.Whenwethenvarythesyntacticstructure,wethrowthereaderoff-balancealittle:Wesurpriseher.Skilledwritersdon’tusethesetechniquesatrandom:Theychoosethemtocreateparticulareffects.Inadditiontocreatingrhythm,syntacticrepetitioncanmakeasentenceeasiertounderstand;itcansubtlyconnectthecontentoftherepeatedstructures;itcanemphasizesomething,creatinganemotionaleffect;itcancreateasenseofabundanceoroverload,ofsuspenseorresolution,andmore.
Practice:RepetitionofSyntacticStructuresforEffect
Studytheexamplesabove(orsomeofyourownchoosing),andconsidertheeffecttheyhaveonyou.Thenexperimentwithusingrepetitionandvariationofsyntacticstructurestocreatesomeeffectsofyourown.Takealookatsomepassagesfromyourwork-in-progresstofindplaceswhereyoumightrevisetocreateeffectsusingexactrepetitionorsyntacticrepetition.Askyourself,WhatdoIwantmyreaderstofeelrighthere?andseeifrepetitionwillhelpyoumakethathappen.
CreatingRhythmThroughRepetitionandVariation:SentenceStructures
PerhapsthemainwaythatwriterscreatesentencerhythmisbyrepeatingandvaryingthebasickernelstructureofEnglishsentences.You’llrememberthatthebasicstructureofalldeclarativesentencesinEnglishissubject—mainverb—complement/directobject.(Ifyouwanttoreacquaintyourselfwiththisstructure,takesometimenowtowritesomesentencekernels.)
ThebasicstructureofEnglishsentencescreatesafundamentalrhythmthatunderliesmostsentenceswewrite.Youmaywanttowriteafewmoresentences,keepingthatsubject-predicaterhythminmind.Readyoursentencesoutloud,hearingandfeelingtherhythminyourbody.
MakingPatternswiththeBasicSentenceStructureWhenwewriteonesentenceafteranotherusingthebasicsubject-predicatestructure,wearecreatingarhythmpattern:Wearerepeatingaparticularstructurewhilevaryingthewordseachtime.Listentotherepeatedkernelstructureinthesesentencesfromachildren’sbook:
Toaddidnotanswer.Hehadfallenasleep.FroglookedatToad’scalendar.TheNovemberpagewasstillontop.FrogtoreofftheNovemberpage.HetoreofftheDecemberpage.
—ArnoldLobel,“Spring,”inFrogandToadAreFriends
Afteracertainnumberofrepetitionsofthesimplesubject-predicatestructure,manywritersinstinctivelywanttovaryit.Here,forinstance,ishowLobel,writingforbeginningreaders,continueshisstory:
FroglookedatToad’scalendar.TheNovemberpagewasstillontop.FrogtoreofftheNovemberpage.HetoreofftheDecemberpage.AndtheJanuarypage,theFebruarypage,andtheMarchpage.
HecametotheAprilpage.FrogtoreofftheAprilpagetoo.
—ArnoldLobel,“Spring,”inFrogandToadAreFriends
Canyouhearhowthesentencerhythmchanges,thenreturnstoitsoriginalsubject-predicate“beat”?
Thistechniquemayseemsosimpleastobeuseless,butwhenyouhaveitdown,theeffectscanbemasterful.Readoutloudthefollowingpassage(alsofromachildren’sbook),listeningfortherhythms.Thenseeifyoucanrecognizethetechniquesthewriterusestovarythebasickernelstructure.(Theeasiestwaytodothisistoreduceeachsentencetoakernel,thentonoticewhathasbeenadded:anappositive,forinstance,oracompoundsubjectorpredicate.You’llalsonoticethatCrossley-Hollandusesexclamationsandaquestioninadditiontodeclarativesentences.)
Itwasanempty,oyster-and-pearlafternoon.Thewaterlippedatthesandandsortedtheshingleandlappedroundtherockwherethegirlwassitting.Thenshesawaseal,likeamassofseaweedalmost,untilshegazedinto
thoseeyes.Itswaminquiteclose,justtwentyorthirtywater-stepsaway.Shelookedattheseal;theseallookedather.Thenitbarked.Itcriedout
inaloudvoice.Shestooduponherrock.Shecalledouttotheseal:notawordbuta
sound,themusicwordsaremadeof.Thesealswaminalittlecloser.Itlookedatthegirl.Thenitcried.Oh!
Themoon’sedgeandamother’sachewereinthatcry.Thegirljumpedofftherock.Hereyesweresea-eyes,wideandflint-
grey.“Seal!”shecried.“Sea-woman!Whatdoyouwant?”—KevinCrossley-Holland,“Sea-Woman,”inBritishFolkTales
RepeatingandVaryingtheBasicSentenceStructure
Wehaveonlyahandfulofsyntacticstructurestoplaywith—butbyrepeatingandvaryingthemwecancreateaninfinitevarietyofrhythms.Let’sreviewthesentencestructureswecanuse,listeningtothedifferencesinthewaythestructuressound:
1.Fragment:Sometimesasentencecanbeamerefragment,madeupofonlyonewordorphrase.Forinstance(anexampleyou’veseenbefore)
Rats!Therewasaruinofrats.Arat-attack!Aplagueofrats.—KevinCrossley-Holland
2.Kernel:(alsoknownasasimplesentenceorindependentclause)
Toaddidnotanswer.Hehadfallenasleep.—ArnoldLobel
3.Kernel:(simplesentence)withcompoundsubject,verb,orobject/complement
BobandIburiedtheGameChickenthatnight…—JohnBrown,“RabandhisFriends”
SometimesFatherMacdowellmumbledoutloudandtookadeepwheezybreathashewalkedupanddowntheroom…
—MorleyCallaghan,“ASickCall”
Thehouseslookedpoorandsmall…—EvaIbbotson,“APlaceonthePiano”
4.Kernel:(elaboratedwithboundorfreemodifiers,orboth)
Hisprideandjoy,aNakamichitape-deck,wastastefullybroadcastingoneofhiscollectionoflate-night-listeningjazztapes:StanGetzorColemanHawkins.
—IanRankin,KnotsandCrosses
5.Compoundsentence:twoormoreindependentclauses(elaboratedornot)joinedbycoordinatingconjunctions,asyndeton,orotherpunctuation:
Hehadacapeon,soakedwithrain,andtherainwasinbeadsinhishair.—V.S.Pritchett
6.Complexsentence:oneindependentclauseandoneormoredependentclauses:
Thepaininhiseyeswasthepainofamanwhohasbeguntoloseoneofthegreatpleasuresoflifeinthediscoverythatwecannevertrulyrememberanythingatall,thatweareforagreatpartofourlivesatthemercyofunchargedcurrentsoftheheart.
—SeanO’Faolain,“ATouchofAutumnintheAir”
7.Compound-complexsentence:twoormoreindependentclauseswithoneormoredependentclauses:
Theyjoltedouttothemainroad,andastheyambledalongtheytalked,anditseemedtohimthatitwasveryserioustalk,butheforgoteverywordofit.
—SeanO’Faolain,“ATouchofAutumnintheAir”
Wecanapplytheprincipleofrepetitionandvariationtosentencestructureintwomainways:
1. Byrepeatingasyntacticstructureusingdifferentwordseachtime.
2. Byvaryingthestructureofsentences.
Forexample:
Icame.Isaw.Iconquered.—JuliusCaesar
Mrs.Mooneywasabutcher’sdaughter.Shewasawomanwhowasquiteabletokeepthingstoherself:adeterminedwoman.Shehadmarriedherfather’sforemanandopenedabutcher’sshopnearSpringGardens.Butassoonashisfather-in-lawwasdeadMr.Mooneybegantogotothedevil.Hedrank,plunderedthetill,ranheadlongintodebt.Itwasnousemakinghimtakethepledge:hewassuretobreakoutagainafewdaysafter…
—JamesJoyce,“TheBoardingHouse”
Theyoungmanlookedup.Hiseyeswerebloodshot,dark-rimmed.Alean,angularface,bristlesontheunshavedchin.HisnamewasDavidCostello.NotDaveorDavy:David,he’dmadethatclear.
—IanRankin,TheFalls
Practice:LearningfromthePros
Takealookatapassagebyoneofyourfavoritewriters.Readitoutloud,listeningtotherhythmsofthesentences.Whatkindofeffectdoesthisrhythmcreate?Doesyourwriterrepeatacertainkindofsentencestructure?Howmanytimes?Howdoesshevarythatstructure?Nowcopythesentencerhythmofthepassagebyimitating,inorder,thekindsofsentencestructuresyourwriteruses.
Practice:SentenceRhythm
Chooseafewsentencestructurestopractice.Writeaparagraphinwhichyourepeatoneofthestructures,thenvaryitbywritingoneormoresentencesusingadifferentstructure.Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?Readyourparagraphout
loud;howdoesthesentencerhythmsoundtoyou?Trythispracticeagainwithdifferentstructures,ifyou’rereadytodoso.
Practice:SentenceRhythm
Takeapassagefromyourownwritingandrewriteit,repeatingsomesentencestructuresandvaryingothers.Howdoesthepassagesoundtoyounow?
Thinkabouttheeffectyouwanttocreatebyarrangingthesedifferentsentencesstructures.Doyouneedtochangesomethingtocreatetheeffectyouwant?
RhythmandSentenceLengthAsyoudothesepractices,youareprobablynoticingthatsomeofyoursentencesareshort,andothersarelonger.Anotherwaytoplaywithsentencerhythmissimplytotuneyoureartotherelativelengthsofyoursentences,andtoexperimentwithvaryingtheirlengths.Notice,forinstance,inthefollowingparagraph,howConanDoylemakesuseofsentencesofdifferentlength:
Mrs.Hudson,thelandladyofSherlockHolmes,wasalong-sufferingwoman.Notonlywasherfirst-floorflatinvadedatallhoursbythrongsofsingularandoftenundesirablecharactersbutherremarkablelodgershowedaneccentricityandirregularityinhislifewhichmusthavesorelytriedherpatience.Hisincredibleuntidiness,hisaddictiontomusicatstrangehours,hisoccasionalrevolverpracticewithindoors,hisweirdandoftenmalodorousscientificexperiments,andtheatmosphereofviolenceanddangerwhichhungaroundhimmadehimtheveryworsttenantinLondon.Ontheotherhand,hispaymentswereprincely.IhavenodoubtthatthehousemighthavebeenpurchasedatthepricewhichHolmespaidforhisroomsduringtheyearsthatIwaswithhim.
—SirArthurConanDoyle,TheAdventureoftheDyingDetective
Practice:LearningfromthePros
Findapassagefromawriteryoulikeandexamineitforsentencelength.Writedownthepatternofshortandlongsentences,andthenimitatethatpattern.
Practice:SentenceLength
Writeaparagraphortwo,listeningforrepetitionandvariationinsentencelength.Readyourworkoutloud.Howdoesitsoundtoyou?
Trythistechniquetorevisesomethingyouhavewritten.Asyoudothesepractices,Isuspectyouwillnoticerightawaythatthese
techniquesofcreatingrhythmthroughrepetitionandvariationarepowerfulones.Repetitioncandriveapointhomeordirectourreaders’attentiontosomethingwewanttomakesuretheytakein.Variationkeepsourreaders’mindsengaged,keepsthemfrombecomingbored.Repeatingandvaryingthelengthofoursentences,liketheothertechniqueswe’veexploredinthischapter,giveourwritingamusicalquality,sothatitaffectsourreadersthewaymusicdoes,makingwhatwehavetosaymorememorable.Thistechniquecanevenenableustoaffectreadersemotionally,orphysically:Whathappensinreaders,forinstance,whenwegivethemoneshortsentenceafteranother?Whathappenswhenwegivethemlongersentences?
TheRhythmofSentences,Part2:MakingIt“Sing”Thisbookrestsonafundamentalbelief:Wordscanmakemagic.Skillfullyputtogetherintosentences,wordscantransferideasandimagesfromawriter’smindintothemindsofreaders—that,byitself,ispowerfulverbalmagic.Whenweexploitthemusicalcharacteristicsoflanguage,wecanmakeanotherkindofmagicwithourwords:Throughtheirsoundsandrhythms,ourwordscan“sing”toreaders,andmovetheminthewaymusicdoes.
Sofar,we’velookedathowrepeatingandvaryingtheelementsofsentencescanletusmakerhythmandcreatevariouseffects.Nowlet’slookatcreatingverbalmusicfromadifferentperspective:howto“makewordssing.”
(Naturally,thesoundsanddurationsofwordscontributeagreatdealtotheir“singing”—butthat’sasubjectforanotherbook.)Toexplore“singingonthepage,”wereturntoword-groups.
Whenwetalkaboutword-groups,wearetalkingaboutwordsthat“gotogether,”thatmakesensetogether.Usuallywhatwemeanby“word-group”isaphraseorashortclause;butsometimeswemightbereferringtoasentencefragment(incompletesentence)oraveryshortkernelsentence.
Whenwetalkaboutword-groups,wearealsotalkingaboutthetinypausesthatwemakebeforeandafterthesegroupsinordertoprocessthemproperlyaswereadandwriteandspeak.Linguistscallthesetinypausesinspokenlanguage“junctures,”bywhichtheymeanbreaksintheflowofsoundcomingoutofaspeaker’smouth.Thesedays,whenmanypeoplespeakveryfast,it’shardertohearthesejunctures.That’swhyit’ssoimportant,asyouread—andespeciallyasyoureadoutloud—toslowdown:Thatway,yourwriter’searcanactuallyhearthejuncturesinthewriting.
Thesetinybreaksbeforeandafterword-groups,then,arethewaywementallygroupwordstogetheraswespeak,listen,write,andread.Wemightthinkofthemasmentalbreathingspaces,wherewepausemomentarilytomakesurewehavetakeninthemeaningofonegroupofwordsbeforewemoveontothenext.Mostofthetime,ouragilebrainsengageinthisactivityofmakingandprocessingword-groupswithoutanyconsciousawarenessonourpart.Whenwewanttomakesurethatourreaderswillgatherourwordsintogroupsthewayweintend—andwhenwewantlongerpausesbetweengroups—wemakeuseofpunctuationtosetoffwordsandphrases,asfreemodifiers,clauses,andentiresentences.
Ifwewantto“sing”onthepage,weneedtohaveaconsciousunderstandingofword-groupsbecause,toborrowatermfrommusic,word-groupsenableusto“phrase”oursentences—andthephrasingofasentence,justlikethephrasingofalineofmelody,isoneofthethingsthatmakeswords“sing.”
Singingalwaysbeginswithbreath,andbreathiswhatshapesthephrasesofasong.Whenaskilledsingerphrasesatune,shemakesapause—abreathingplace—beforeandaftereachgroupofnotes;sometimesthispauseistiny,justthemeresthesitation,whileothertimesitcanlastforseveralseconds.Thebestsongwritersknowhowtoarrangewordsinasongsothattheverbalphrasescoincidewiththemusicalones,andsingerscantaketheirbreathsinwaysthatgivetheverbalphrasesmaximumimpact.Skilledwritersknowhowtophrasetheirsentencesinthesameway.
Thetechniquesweuseformusicalphrasingarethesameoneswelearnedinearlierlessons:Wecanusewords,phrases,clauses,andevenentiresentencesaselementswecan“phrase”thewaymusiciansphraseamelody.Inearlierlessons,though,wewerepracticingusingphrasesandclauses(especiallyasfreemodifiers)inordertomakemeaning.Allwe’redoingnowistakingadifferentperspectiveonthesametechniquesofchoosingandorderingsentenceelements:We’refocusingonhowthesetechniquescanhelpourwriting“sing.”Or,toputitanotherway,we’retalkingabouthowtoletourwritingbreathe.
Now,notallwrittensentencesbreathe.Mostsentenceswrittenbygovernmentbureaucrats,academics,corporateemployees—evenmanyjournalists—don’tbreatheatall.That’sbecausethosewriters“loadtheslots”oftheirsentencesratherthancreatephrases.(SeeanexampleinChapter11,“TheLimitationsofBoundModifiers.”)Manywritersoffictionandnonfictiondon’tknowhowtowriteinphraseseither—andsomeoftheirbooksenduponthebestsellerlists.Butwritingthatbreathesisalive;writingthatdoesnotisdead.Therealmastersoftheartofwritingalwaysknowhowtolettheirwordsbreatheandsing.Theyknowthatmusicallanguagegivespleasuretoreaders,andthatreaderswhoareexperiencingpleasurewillkeepturningthepages.
Whenwewantourownwordstosing,weneedtobeginwheresingersdo:withbreath.Asyoureadthefollowingpassagesoutloud,makesurethatyouareputtingbreathintothewords.Trytoexperienceeachphrasesetoffbypunctuationasa“unitofbreath,”sothatyoureallypausewhenthepunctuation
tellsyouto.Youwillprobablyalsofindyourselfmakingfractionalpausesbetweensomephrasesnotsetoffbypunctuation,suchasastringofprepositionalphrases.
TheProsSing
Hehadsurvivedbombingsandsinkingsandshatteredships,onlytobobupagain,joking,indestructible,survivingtobecomeoneofthebest-lovedflagofficersintheService.
—RosamundePilcher,“SpanishLadies”
Iffshookhisheadandspreadhisarmswide.“Impossible,”hesaid,“Nocando,it’soffthemenu,don’tevendreamaboutit.AccesstoGupCityinKahani,bytheshoresoftheOceanoftheStreamsofStory,isstrictlyrestricted,completelyforbidden,onehundredpercentbanned,excepttoaccreditedpersonnel;like,forinstance,me.Butyou?Nochance,notinamillionyears,noway,José.”
—SalmanRushdie,HarounandtheSeaofStories
Openingherhandsinagestureofentreaty,SusanCarstairslethishatfall,withasoftthud,uponthedelightfulbluecarpetoftheirdelightfuldining-room.Untilthatmomentneitherofthemrealizedshestillheldit.Butnowitdropped,rolled,vanished;andwiththehatwentherself-control.
—MargerySharp,“TheGirlintheGrass”
Why,thankyousomuch.I’dadoreto.Idon’twanttodancewithhim.Idon’twanttodancewithanybody.And
evenifIdid,itwouldn’tbehim.He’dbewelldownamongthelastten.I’veseenthewayhedances…Justthink,notaquarterofanhourago,here
Iwassitting,feelingsosorryforthepoorgirlhewasdancingwith.AndnowI’mgoingtobethepoorgirl.Well,well.Isn’titasmallworld?
—DorothyParker,“TheWaltz”
He…wonderedwhyhehadeverbeenfoolenoughtoentertheplace…Hemighthaveknown—heshouldhaveknown—fromthemomentthathesethisfootinsidethedoor,thatitwouldbejustlikeanyotherwaysidemotoringhotel,onlymoreso,wherethesoupcameoutofatin,andthefishhadbeentoolongontheice,andfartoolongoffit,wheretheentréewasyesterday’sjointwithsomethinghorribleaddedtoit,andthejointwasjustaboutfittomaketomorrow’sentrée,wheretoughlittlecubesofpineappleandtastelessroundsofbananajoinedtocomposethefruitsalad,wherefreshdessertwasnon-existent—intheheartofthecountry,inmid-August!butthenitwasforty-twomilesfromCoventGarden—wherebottlesofsaucestoodunashamedoneverytable,andwherethecoffee—helookeddownagainathishalf-emptycup,andfeltforacigarettetotakeawaythetaste.
—CyrilHare,SuicideExcepted
Practice:MakeItSing
Rememberingthateachphraseisaunitofbreath,writesomesentenceswhilerepeatingandvaryingsentencestructures,usingthelistfrom"RepeatingandVaryingtheBasicSentenceStructure,"locatedearlierinthischapter.Inthisexercise,don’tworryaboutwhichparticularstructuresyouareusing.Rather,trustyourtrainedwriter’smindtogiveyouwhatyouneed,andkeepyoureartunedtothepausesthatcreatethe“phrasing”ofyoursentences.Relax,don’tforgettobreathe—andletyourselfgo!Ifyoulike,imaginethatyouare“singingonthepage”asyouwrite,saying(orevenhalfsinging)thewordsaloudasyouputthemdown;letthemusicofthewordslead.Whatdoyounoticeindoingthis?
Practice:MakeItSing
Nowtrywritingsomesentenceswhilepayingattentiontothelengthofyourphrases,clauses,andsentences.(Thisisjustanotherwayofconsideringphrasing.)Applytheprincipleofrepetitionandvariationasyoudothis(thatis,repeatandvarythelengthofyourphrases,clauses,andsentences.)Whathappenswhenyoutrythis?
Practice:MakeItSing
Examineapassagefromafavoritewriter(ortheexamplesabove)andnotehowthewriter“phrases”sentenceelements(singlewords,phrases,clauses,sentences).Tryimitatinghisphrasing.
Practice:MakeItSing
Takeapassagefromyourownworkandreviseitforphrasing.Tryto“makeitsing.”Howdidthatgo?
PhrasingandEmphasisandRhythmReadthefollowingsentencealoudandnoticewhichwordyoustress:Imadeapie.
Mostlikelyyoustressedthewordpie,forEnglishspeakershaveapredispositiontoemphasize,ineachbreathunit,oneparticularword(morespecifically,thestressedsyllableofthatword).Typically,inspokenEnglish,thewordinasentencethatgetsthemoststresscomesatorneartheendofthesentence:Imadeapie.
Often,aswespeak,wechangethispatterntocreateadifferentkindofemphasis:
Imadeapie.(Ididit,notsomeoneelse.)
Imadeapie.(Ididn’tbuyitatthestore.)
Inwriting,whenweneedtoalterthenaturalemphasisinasentence,weuseitalics,asinthesentencesabove.Italicsareatypographicaldevicetocreateemphasis;theyareeasytouse,butalsoeasilyoverused.Insteadofrelyingontypography,wecandrawonourknowledgeofsyntacticstructuresandphrasingtocreateemphasis.
TherearethreeplacesinasentencewhereEnglishspeakerstypicallyplaceemphasisorstress:attheendofthesentence,attheendofasmallerbreath-unit(wordorphraseorclause)withinthesentence,andatthebeginningofthesentence.Carefulreaderssubvocalizeastheyread(whichmeansthattheyunconsciouslyusespeechmuscles,buttheydon’tuttersounds);skilledwritersmakesuretoputthematerialtheywanttoemphasizeintheplacesthatreceivenaturalemphasisinspeech.Theyknowthat,unconsciously,readerswillbepayingattentiontotheseplacesandwillbeassumingthatthematerialplacedthereisimportant.
Supposewewritethissentence:Wefoundagreenandquietplacetorest,besideastream.Ifwewanttoemphasizethewordstream,thenthissentenceconstructionworks.Butwhatifwewanttoemphasizequiet?Thenweneedtocalluponourknowledgeofsyntaxandphrasingtocomeupwithadifferentsentence,perhapssomethinglikethis:Besideastreamwefoundaplacetorest,aplaceemptyandgreenandquiet.Themeaningofthetwosentencesisvirtuallythesame,butbecausethephrasinghaschanged,theemphasisisdifferent,andsotheeffectonthereaderisdifferent.
Writersoftenmakeuseofthewordsitandthereastoolsforcreatingsentenceemphasis,enablingthemtoinvertsubjectandverbtoplacetheemphasisonthesubject:
Inaholeintheground,therelivedahobbit.—J.R.R.Tolkien,TheHobbit
Inmusic,everynoteisnotgivenequalstress;it’sthewaythestressednotesarerepeatedandvariedthat,amongotherthings,createtherhythmofamelody.Generallyspeaking,inEnglish,weemphasizecontentwords(morespecifically,thestressedsyllablesinthesewords);werarelyemphasizefunctionwords.Whenwelearnhowtophraseforemphasis,wecallourreader’sattentiontoparticularwords.Atthesametime,ourphrasescreatepatternsofstressedandunstressedsyllables,whichcontributetotherhythmsofourprose.
Practice:PhrasingandEmphasis
Readtheexamplesfrom“TheProsSing”again,outloud,noticinghowthephrasingleadsyoutoemphasizecertainwordsandnotothers.Imitatethephrasingandemphasisofoneormoreofthesesentences.
Practice:PhrasingandEmphasis
Writesomesentences,payingattentiontohowyoucancreateemphasisthroughphrasing.Readyoursentencesoutloud,askingyourselfiftheemphasisisontherightwords.Revisethesentencesifyouneedto.
Practice:PhrasingandEmphasis
Reviseapassagefromyourwork-in-progressforphrasingandemphasis.
PhrasingandEmbodimentWhilewriting,haveyoueverhadtheexperienceofsensing,inavisceralway,yourmaterial?Perhaps,forinstance,there’satensefeelingtothesceneyouaretryingtowrite;orperhapsthere’sasenseofpeacefulness.Ifyou’vehadthisexperienceofregisteringyourcontentphysically,youmayalsohavestruggledtofindtherightwordstotransmitthosephysicalsensationstoreaders.Whilewordchoiceis,naturally,importanthere,phrasingprovidesyouwithanotherpowerfultooltogetyourreadersunderyourspell.
Withphrasingyoucanguidethespeedatwhichyourreader(assumingyouhaveacarefulreader)movesthroughyoursentences;youcan,throughthe
arrangementandrhythmsofphrases,affectyourreadersviscerally.Aswe’vejustseen,carefulphrasing(includingwhereyouplacefreemodifiers)pointsyourreaders’attentiontowardsthemostimportantwordsandphrasesinasentence,givingthosewordsandphrasesmaximumimpact.Intheseandotherways,thewayyouphraseasentencecanhelpyoudomorethanjusttransmityourmeaningintellectually;itcanhelpyouembodywhatyouhavetosay—thatis,itcanhelpyoumirrorthroughsyntaxtheexperienceyouaretryingtoconvey.
Here’sSeanO’Faolainpresentinganoldman’smemoryofanexperiencewithagirlwhenhewasaboy.Readthisoutloud,noticinghowboththepunctuationandthegroupingofwordswithoutpunctuation,encourageyouto“sing”thesentences:
Hehandedit[apieceofcandy]toherwithasmile;sheatoncepoppeditintohermouth,laughingathisfolly.Astheyambledalongso,slowly,chattingandchewing,thedonkey’shooveswhisperingthroughthefallenbeach-leaves,theyheardhighabovethebarearchesofthetreesthefainthonkingofthewild-geesecalleddownfromtheNorthbytheOctobermoon.
—SeanO'Faolain,"ATouchofAutumnintheAir"
Whatdidyounotice?OneofthethingsIloveaboutthispassageisthewayO’Faolainmakesus
phrasethewordslowly.Becauseweareforcedbythepunctuationtopausebeforeandafterthisword,thewordisemphasized,makingitstandout.Atthesametime,becauseofthewayO’Faolainphrasesthatpartofthesentence,we,likethecharacters,areforcedtoslowdown.Inotherwords,thesentenceconveysitsmeaningnotonlyintellectually,butalsoactuallyembodieswhatitsays.
Here’sanotherexample:
Thegirllookedaroundtoseeiftherewasanywater—apool,evenapuddle—inwhichtowashherself.Thenshesawthewell,andplumpedherselfdownbesideit.Atonceagoldenheadcameup,singing.
—KevinCrossley-Holland,“ThreeHeadsoftheWell”
Whatdoyouthinkofthephrasinginthesesentences?Howdoesthephrasingoftheword“singing”andofthewords“apool,evenapuddle”affectyouasareader?Tomyear,thewayCrossley-Hollandsetsofftheword“singing”—especiallythewayheplacesthewordattheendofthesentence,whereitgetsemphasis—makesmefeelIamexperiencingtheheadcomingoutofthewellthesamewaythegirldid:Firstshenoticedthatitwasgolden,thenshenoticedthatitwas—amazingly!—singing.Here,too,thesyntaxofthesentenceembodiesinwordstheparticularactionsthesentenceisconveying.
Passageslikethesedemonstratethepoweroursyntacticchoiceshavetoshapeareader’sexperience.
Nowreadthefollowingpassages(someofwhichyou’veseenbefore),listeningforrhythm,phrasing,andemphasis.Arethereanyplaceswhereyoufeelthatthesyntaxofasentenceisgivingshapetoexperienceinawaythatletsussharethatexperience?
ThismorningallwasquietonBarrowDown.Thewarwasover.Therabbitsnibbledthedewygrassboldly,andthelarkroseinthebrilliantair,higher,higheronitsspun-glassspiralofsong,knowingnothingofpeaceorwar,acceptingjoyouslythebountyofanotherday.
—MolliePanter-Downes,OneFineDay
Shehadarealinspector’seyes:theyworkedintoyourconscience,sniffingoutguiltandguileanddrive,seekinggive.
—IanRankin,KnotsandCrosses
Itwasthebluehour,dusk.AllthecolorsintheroombegantofadebeforetheKing’seyes.Theredsilkcounterpane,thesheepskinrug,theyellowrushesonthefloor,thesprigsofsilverbirch:theyalltookonthedun-colorofthecoldstonewalls.Thekingdomofthedaywasdeclining.
—KevinCrossley-Holland,HaveloktheDane
Thenthecreepingmurderer,theoctopus,stealsout,slowly,softly,movinglikeagraymist,pretendingnowtobeabitofweed,nowarock,nowalumpofdecayingmeatwhileitsevilgoateyeswatchcoldly.
—JohnSteinbeck,CanneryRow
DuringmealsFritzalwaysanswersthedoor,onaccountofWolfe’sfeelingthatthemainobjectiontoatombombsisthattheymayinterruptpeopleeating.ThroughtheopendoorfromthediningroomtothehallIsawFritzpassonhiswaytothefront,andamomentlaterhisvoicecame,tryingtopersuadesomeonetowaitintheofficeuntilWolfehadfinishedlunch.Therewasnoothervoice,butthereweresteps,andthenourvisitorwasmarchinginonus—amanaboutWolfe’sage,heavy-set,muscular,red-faced,andobviouslyaggressive.
—RexStout,“ManAlive”
Practice:PhrasingandEmbodiment
Useanyofthetechniquesyouhavelearnedsofartopracticewritingsentencesthatembodyanexperienceforyourreaders.Youcaninventsentencesonasubject,orreviseapassageofyourownwork,orimitateapassagebyafavoritewriter.
PhrasingandVoice
Thesedaystheconceptof“voice”getsalotofattentioninbooksandworkshopsonwriting;agentsandeditorsclaimthatwhattheyaremostlookingforisa
“freshvoice.”Butwhatdoes“voice”inwritingmean?Manywritingteachersandliterarycriticsapparentlyseeawriter’svoiceasafunctionofherpsychology;toaccessyourvoice,theytellaspiringwriters,youmustconcentrateondiggingdeepinsideyourself.
AsIsaidearlier,Ibelievethatthisparticularviewofvoiceiswrong.Evenmore,thisviewcanbeverydamagingtoaspiringwriters.Itmakesthemconcentrateonthemselves,ratherthanontheworkofwriting.Itplaces“voice”intherealmofthepsyche,ratherthanwhereitbelongs,intherealmoflearningthecraft.
JohnFairfaxandJohnMoatfoundedthefamousArvonworkshopsforwritersinEngland.Intheirbook,TheWaytoWrite,theystateunequivocallythatawriter’svoiceishisindividualuseoflanguage.Theirwordsareworthhearingagain:“Itisonlybyworking,”theysay,“bywriting,bypracticingtheartlongandregularlythatawriterdevelopshisear;i.e.,thatsensewhicheventuallyenablesawritertohearwherethepowerofthewordliesand,ultimately,hisownvoice.”
Icompletelyagreewiththisview;that’swhyIwrotethisbook.Ultimatelyallthetechniquespresentedherearedesignedtohelpyoulearnenoughaboutthecraftsoyoucandevelopyourownstyle,yourownvoice.
Oneofthemostimportantofthesevoice-buildingtechniquesisphrasing.Asyoureadtheexamplesgiveninthischapter,youundoubtedlycouldhearthattheysoundeddifferent:Therearedifferentlengthsofphrasesandclauses,differentpatternsofstructure.Thesamethingistruewhenwriterscreatecharacters:Givingeachpersonacharacteristicrhythmofspeechhelpscreatethatcharacter’svoice.
SoIencourageyoutokeeptuningyoureartothewayyourfavoriteauthorsphrasetheirsentences,andtokeeppayingattentiontoyourownphrasingasyouwriteandrevise.Eventually,asMoatandFairfaxmakeclear,thisdedicatedpracticewillleadyoutoyourowndistinctivevoiceonthepage.
Practice:PhrasingandVoice
Chooseapassagefromafavoritewriterandpaycloseattentiontothewayitsphrasingcreatesvoice.Nowwriteapassageofyourown,imitatingthatphrasingexactly.Whatdoyounotice?
Invent“voiceexercises”foryourself.Forinstance,giveyourselfanassignmenttowritetensentences,eachofwhichcontainstwoprepositionalphrases,ortrywritingtensentencesthatbeginwithkernels,followedbyoneormoresinglewordmodifiers.Trytofeelthephrasingrhythmsasyouwrite.Then,asyoureadyoursentencesoutloud,hearthoserhythms,feeltheemphasis.
Gobacktoanyofthesyntaxpracticesfromearlierinthebookanddothemwithanearforthemusicofyoursentences,aswellastheirmeaning.
TakeTimetoReflect
Whathasstoodoutforyouinthischapter?Whichtechniquesdoyouwanttocontinuepracticing?
Section6
UsingYourPower
Chapter15
PowerandResponsibility
Whenwecantakethegreenfromgrass,bluefromheaven,andredfromblood,wehavealreadyanenchanter’spower—upononeplane;andthedesiretowieldthatpowerintheworldexternaltoourmindsawakes.Itdoesnotfollowthatweshallusethatpowerwellonanyplane.Wemayputadeadlygreenuponaman’sfaceandproducehorror;wemaymaketherareandterriblebluemoontoshine;orwemaycauseweedstospringwithsilverleavesandramstowearfleecesof
gold,andputhotfireinthebellyofthecoldworm.—J.R.R.Tolkien
TheDanceofWriting
AtthebeginningofthisbookItalkedaboutthetwokindsofwriter’smind:contentmindandcraftmind;Idistinguishedbetweenlarge-scalecraftandthecraftofmakingsentences,thelatterrequiringatrainedwordmind.Althoughwehavenowspentfourteenchaptersconcentratingontrainingthewordmind,youprobablyfound,inpracticing,thatyousometimescameupwithideasandmaterialyouwanttouseforastory,orapoem,oranessay.Forthepurposesofpractice,weseparatethetwominds,buttheyarenaturallyintertwined.Aswewriteandrevise,weswitchbackandforthbetweenthesetwominds,oneminutefocusinghardonwhatwewanttosay,oronmakingapicturemorevividinourmind,andthenextseekingjusttherightwordtoconveythatthoughtorvision.AsIhavesaidearlier,thisback-and-forthmovementbetweencontentandcraft
remindsmeofadance,withfirstonepartnerleading,thentheother.Ifinditquitemiraculousthatourtwomindscanpartnereachotherinthisway,movingsocloselytogetherthatsometimesitseemsourwordmindisgivingusideasforcontentandourcontentmindisleadingustowords.
Asyounowknow,practicewillstrengthenyourwordmindsothatitcancollaboratewellwithyourcontentmindandbeanequalpartnerinthedance.(Thesameistrueforpracticesthatstrengthenyourcontentmind.)Practicewillsetyoufreetoenjoytheexperienceofthedanceofwriting:thatback-and-forthmovement,theexhilarationofthosemomentswhenbothpartnersareachievingthebesttheyarecapableof.
It’sinsuchmoments,whenallourfacultiesareworkingwell,andworkingtogether,thatwecanexperienceasenseofourpoweraswriters,aconfidenceinourabilities,afeelingofmasteryofourcraft.Afterworkingthroughtheexercisesinthisbook,youhavehad,Ihope,afewofthesemoments.
TheJourneyTowardsMastery
Ihope,too,thatyouwanttocontinueyourjourneytowardsmasteryinmakingsentences.There’salottolearn;andinthisbookIhavepresentedonlysomebasics.Inthe"ForFurtherReading"listattheendofthebookyouwillfindanumberofresourcestohelpyoukeepbuildingyourskills.
Youwillbeabletomakethebestuseoftheseresourcesifyouthinkofyourlearningasanongoingjourney.Everyexpert,inanyfield,eventuallybecomesherowncoach.Youcandothesamething.Keepcheckinginwithyourselftoseewhichskillsyouneedtolearnorpracticerightnow,thenfigureoutwhichbookorteachertoconsulttohelpyoulearnthoseskills.
Here’sapracticetohelpyoubecomeyourowncoach,oneIencourageyoutoreturntofrequently.Itwillhelpyouestablishandstayonyourownlearningpath.
Practice:BecomingYourOwnCoach
Iinviteyounowtotakesometimetothinkaboutthisbookfromthepointofviewofyourownlearningjourneyasawriter.Usethefreewriting(nonstopwriting)technique,ifyoufindthathelpful,andletthefollowingquestionsserveasaguideforyourreflections.
Whathaveyoulearnedfromthisbook?Whatcanyoudonowwithwordsthatyoucouldn’tdobefore?Makealistofalltheskillsyoufeelyounowhave.Marktheonesyouespeciallywanttokeeppracticing.
Next,makesomenotestoyourselfabouthowyouwanttocontinueyourlearningjourney.Whereisyourpresent“learningedge”—theplacewhereyouareonthevergeofunderstandingsomethingnew,theplacewhereyoucanseetheroadofyourfurtherlearningunrollingbeforeyou?Whatdoyouwanttoknowaboutwritingnow?Whatdoyouwanttobeabletodothatyoucan’tquitedoyet?Makealistoftheskillsyouneedtoworkon.
Nowconsiderthis:Howcanyoulearnthethingsyouwanttolearn?Aretherebooksyoumightread?Peopleyoucantalkwith?Writerstostudyandlearnfrom?Mostofall:Whatarethepracticesyouwanttokeepusingregularly?Perhapsyoumightliketomakea“learningplan”foryourselfforthenextfewmonths.
Asyoudothisreflecting,Ihopeyouwillkeepinmindthatbecomingawriterisalifelonglearningjourney.Youdon’thaveto“getit”allatonce.IencourageyoutotaketoheartthesewordstheGermanpoetRainerMariaRilkewrotetoayoungaspiringpoetwhohadsoughthisadvice:“Strivealwaystobeabeginner.”
Ilovethatpieceofadvicebecauseitremindsmethatlearningiscyclical,notlinear.Justasamajorleaguehittertakesbattingpracticealmosteveryday,practicingthesamemovesoverandover,sowewriterscanpracticethesamethingseveryday,thesamebasics.Wecangodeeper,ratherthanfurther,inourlearning,noticingnewthings,gettingnewinsightintoourownlearningprocessandthenatureoflanguage.
PracticingintheWork
SomeyearsagoIheardthebaseballplayerSeanCasey,thenwiththeRedSox,beinginterviewedbyJoeCastiglione,theRedSoxradiobroadcaster.Caseyhadn’tbeenplayingmuch,andJoeC.askedhimhowhekepthisskillssharp.Caseyreplied,“EvenwhenI’mnotinthelineup,Ipracticeeveryday,Itakemycutsinbattingpractice.IneedtostayreadyincaseIgetcalledintoagame.”
Likeathletesandmusicians,wewritersneedtopractice,evenwhenwe’renotengagedinawork-in-progress,sothatwecankeepourskillssharp,sowecanbe“inshape”whenwewantto(orhaveto)writeafinishedpiece.
Wecanalsoseepracticeassomethingthatwecando“inthework”—thatis,aswearewritingandrevisingourwork-in-progress.Eachwriterneedstofindhisownwayofpracticinginthework.Manywriters,forexample,setasideallconsiderationsofcraftastheywriteadraftandinsteadconcentrateentirelyonwhattheywanttosay.Then,whentheyrevise,theybringawell-trainedcraftmindtobearonthesentencesandparagraphstheyhaveproduced.Otherwritersaimforthe“dance”Idescribedabove,allowingcontentmindandcraftmindtocollaborateastheywriteandrevise.
Yetanotherapproachtopracticingintheworkistoselectoneortwocraftskillsandbeawareofthemasyouwriteyourstory,poem,oressay.Youmight,forinstance,saytoyourself,“AsIwritethisstory,I’mgoingtoconcentrateonnouns,”or“AsIwritethispoem,I’mgoingtotrytoincludeinterrogativeandexclamatorysentences.”
Perhapsyoufeelthatsettingsuchgoalsistooartificial,thatitwillinterferewithyourcreativity.Forthepastseveraldecades,mostcreativewritinginstructionhasequatedcreativitywithcompletefreedom.Butthetruthisthat,inordertoworkatitsbest,ourcreativefacultyneedslimits.
Practice:UseSelectedSkillsinYourWork
Selectoneortwoskillsyouhavelearnedandfocusonthemasyouwriteashortpieceorasectionofalongerwork-in-progress.Afterwardstakesometimetoreflect:Howdidthisgo?Whatdidyounotice?
Ifyoufindthispracticeuseful,makeitpartofyourrepertoire.Ialsoencourageyoutospendsometimethinkingaboutotherwaysyoumightpracticeinthework,asyougoaboutproducingandrevisingyourdrafts.Youcanalsopracticeintheworkwhenyouwritee-mailsorblogposts,businessmemos,reports,academicpapers—oranythingelse.
Rememberthatwhileyouwillundoubtedlyexperiencethosemomentswhenwritingfeelslikeadanceinwhichyoucannotputafootwrong,likeallpeakexperiences,thesemomentsarefleeting.Professionalathletesandmusiciansspendhourseverydayinpractice;theirperformanceslastonlyafewhours.Ifweseepracticeonlyasawaytoimproveourperformance,wemaybeverydisappointedwhentomorrow’schapterdoesnotgoaswellastoday’s.Practice,ultimately,isawaytoliveaswriters,awaytobewritersallthetime,notjustwhenthingsaregoingwell.
Aswithmostthings,thereismuchaboutwritingthatwecannotcontrol:whetherideascometouswhenweneedthem,whetherreaderslikeourwork,whetheragentsandeditorsdeemitworthyofpublication.Butpracticeissomethingwecanalwayschoosetodo,andwhenwemakethatchoice,wereceivemanybenefitsinadditiontotheimprovementofwritingskills.
TheBenefitsofTheMasteryPath
Writingpracticegivesusanopportunitytodoanactivityweloveanytime,anyplace.Toproduceadraftofapieceofwritingwewantotherstoreadisalotofwork;it’sacomplexactivity,likeplayingacompletegameofbasketball,soitrequiresaconsiderableamountoftime,energy,andmentalspace.Buttopracticeoneparticularwritingskill—well,wecandothatjustaboutanytimewewant,
especiallyifwealwayshaveourwriter’snotebooknearby.Becauseourfocusisnarrowedtoonespecificaspectofwriting,wecanmakeuseoftinywindowsofpracticingopportunityduringourbusydays:fiveminuteshere,tenminutesthere.
Suchdedicationtopracticedoesmoreforusthanbuildourwritingskills:Itimprovesourabilitytoconcentrate.Everytimewefocusourattentionondoingonespecificwritingexercise,wealsogiveourselvespracticeinanessentiallifeskill:beingawareofourattentionandfocusingitinaparticulardirection.AsBenHogan,theworld-classgolfer,onceexplained,“WhileIampracticing,Iamalsotryingtodevelopmypowersofconcentration.Ineverjustwalkupandhit
theball.” JustasHoganthenbroughthisimprovedpowersofconcentrationtoperformancesituations,sowecanbringourhonedattentionalabilitiestoourwork-in-progress.Justasimportant,inourworldwheredistractionisawayoflife,gainingcontroloverourattentionthroughpracticeisaskillthatwillserveuswellintheworldbeyondwriting.
Dedicationtopracticeteachesuspatience,aswell.Youhaveprobablyalreadydiscovered,inusingthisbook,thatsometimesyoudidn’tunderstandaskillrightaway.Sometimes,onyourlearningjourney,youprobablyfeltyouwerestuck,notmovingforward.
Thisexperiencemayhavemadeyoufeelveryfrustrated;perhapsyouweretemptedtogiveup.Perhapsyouevensaidtoyourself,“I’llnevergetthis!”Oreven,“Ijustcan’twrite.”Thesethoughtsandfeelingsareverycommonwhenwetakealearningjourney.Acertainamountoffrustration,infact,isaninevitablepartoflearning.That’sbecausefrustrationvisitsusonlywhenwetrytodothingswedon’talreadyknowhowtodo.Butifwedoonlythosethingswecanalreadydo,thenweneverlearnanythingnew.
Thosepeoplewhobecomeexpertsintheirfieldsarenotthosewhoarenecessarilynaturallygifted;theyarethosewhodon’tgiveupinthefaceoffrustration.AlbertEinstein,forinstance,oncesaid,“It’snotthatI’msosmart,
1
it’sjustthatIstaywithproblemslongerthanmostpeople.” It’sthatabilitytostaywithproblems,towrestlewiththethingswecan’tdo,thatdistinguishesthosewhobecomemastersintheirfield.
Wealsoneedpatienceforthosetimesinourlearningjourneywhennothingseemstobehappening.GeorgeLeonard,awriter,teacher,andblackbeltinaikido,hascalledthesetimes“theplateau,”andhehaswrittenthat,ifwewantto
makeprogressatourchosenactivity,weneedtolearntolovetheplateau.Directingourownlearning;dedicatingourselvestopractice;persistence;
patience:Thesearethecharacteristicsofthosewhohavechosenthepathtomastery.Wedon’thavetobebornwiththesecharactertraits,whicharesoimportanttosuccessinlife;wecanbuildthemthroughdedicationtoanypractice,includingwriting.
Perhapsthegreatestbenefitwecanderivefrompractice,apartfrombuildingourskills,isthatwritingpracticeisgoodforourbrains.Evenifwenevergetpublished,everytimewedoawritingpractice,wearebuildingthementalmusclesinthepartsofourbrainthathavetodowithlanguage.
Finally,andmostimportant,whenwededicateourselvestowritingpractice,weprovideourselveswithacertainkindofpleasure:thepleasureoflearningsomethingnew,thepleasureofmovingtowardsmastery.
FromPlaytoDeliberatePractice
Ihavesaidthatpracticeisaformofplay;andIhavesuggestedthatsuchplaygivesuspleasure.Ihaveinsistedonthesethingsbecausesomanypeoplethinkofpracticeasmindless,boringdrillstobeavoidedatallcost.Forthosenewtopracticeasalearningpath,theremustbe,Ithink,animmediaterewardintheformofafeelingofsatisfactionorpleasure.
It’salsotrue,though,thattheexpertiseresearchers(seeChapter2)insistthatpracticeisnotfun.TheyaretalkingaboutwhatK.AndersEricssoncalls
2
3
“deliberatepractice,”whichhedefinesas“considerable,specific,andsustained
effortstodosomethingyoucan’tdowell—orevenatall.”Isthiskindofintensepracticenecessaryforwriters?Isuspectitis—atleast
forthosewhoaspiretobecomeoutstanding.Certainlyrepetitionisthekeytolearningskills,inanyfield;likeathletesandmusicians,aspiringwritersneedtopracticetheirskillsrepeatedly,untiltheybecomesecondnature.Thosewhowanttobecomeexpertsalsocontinuallychallengethemselvesbycombiningskills,pushingtheir“learningedge”justalittlebitfurther.Youcandothis,too.Onceyou’vemasteredafewofthetechniquesinthisbook,challengeyourselfbyinventingpracticesinwhichyouusethesetechniquestogether:See,forexample,ifyoucanwritewithconcretewordswhilealsousingboundmodifiers;ortrytowriteacompoundsentencethatincludesfreemodifiers.
Anotherkeyelementofdeliberatepracticeistocomparewhatyouhaveproducedwithamodelofexcellence.TheeliteperformersEricssonandhiscolleaguesstudieddidthisroutinely,bycomparingtheirownperformancewiththeperformanceofpeoplewhohadbetterskills.Theywouldthenexaminetheirownabilitieswithacriticaleye,assessingwhattheydidwellandwhattheystillhadtoworkon.It’sfairlyeasytodothiskindofassessmentinsportsormusic;it’salotmoredifficultwithwriting.That’sbecausethereisnosinglestandardforexcellenceinwriting,nothingwecanquantifythewaywecancountpointsscoredorstolenbases,tobeabletosay,“Thisperson’sperformanceisthebest.”Still,Idothinkit’spossibleforwriterstochoosetheirownmodelsofexcellence.Inthisbook,Ihaverepeatedlyinvitedyoutolearnfromwriterswhoseworkyoulove.Ifyouwanttomakemoreconscioususeoftheprinciplesofdeliberatepractice,thenusewhatyouhavelearnedtoidentifyyourchosenwriter’sskills.Thenaskyourselfwhetheryoucandothosethings—ordothemaswell.Ifnot,seeifyoucanfigureoutexactlywhatyourmodelwritercandothatyoucan’t,andthenworkonthoseskills.
4
Becomingaskilledwritertakestime,lotsofit.Youmayfindyourselfwishingthatsomeonewouldjusttellyouexactlywhatyouaredoingwrong—orright.Perhapsatthispointyouwillwanttolookforateacherorawritingcoach.Peoplewhowanttobethebestatwhattheydodeliberatelyseekoutcoacheswhocanhelpthemworkontheirweaknesses.Atthesametime,though,mosttopperformershavelearnedhowtocoachthemselves;theystudytheirownwork,identifytheproblems,andlearnhowtofixthem.Evenprofessionalwritersarealwayslearninganddevelopingtheirskills.AsImentionedinmyfirstbook,HowtoBeaWriter,LeoTolstoyoncehappenedtopickuponeofhisownearlybooksatthehouseofafriend.Afterglancingthroughitforafewmoments,heexclaimed,“Oh,thisisterrible!NowIseehowIshouldhavewrittenthis!”
Perhapsyouhavethetime,energy,andinclinationtotakeyourpracticetomoreintenselevels;perhapsyoudonot.Eitherway,though,ifyoudeveloptheskillspresentedinthisbooktowhateverextentyoucan,youwillhavegainedpower.AsIsaidatthebeginningofthisbook,masteryofdictionandsyntaxenablesyoutowieldakindofmagicalpoweroverthemindsofyourreaders:tomakethemunderstandwhatyouaresaying;tomakethemseeyourvisions,feelyourcharacters’emotions,andberivetedbyyourstory.
That’saconsiderablepowertobeabletowield.Andwhenyoupossessthispower—oranyotherkind—youwilleventuallybebroughtupagainstavitalquestion:Howwillyouuseit?
PowerandResponsibilityAswriterswhocanmakeuseofthepoweroflanguage,whatisourresponsibility?That’snotaquestionthatgetsaskedveryoftenincreativewritingworkshops,butit’soneIalwaysaskmystudents.Veryoften,theyaresurprisedbythequestion,andtheyreply,“Myonlyresponsibilityistoexpressmyself.”
Iunderstandwhytheygivethisanswer:Forquitesometimenow,writinginstructionbooksandworkshopleadershavetoldaspiringwritersthatcreativewritingisallaboutself-expression,withtheemphasisonthe“self.”IntheUnitedStates,we’velivedthroughseveraldecadeswhereself-focushasbeenthenorminthecultureatlarge,soit’snowonderthatthisattitudehasmadeitswayintotheworldofcreativewriting.
Ithinkthisisanunhealthyattitude,formanyreasons,andsoIinviteyounowtoconsideryourwritingskillsinthelightofhowyoucanusethemresponsibly.ForIbelievethatthisresponsibilityinevitablybecomesyourswhenyouchoosetoputyourwritingoutintotheworld.Ifyouarewritingonlyforyourself,thenthematterofresponsibilitydoesn’tarise;butifyouaregoingpublicwithyourwords,then,Ithink,youneedtoconsidertheirpossibleeffectonotherpeople.
So,forinstance,willyourwordscelebrateviolenceandhatred?Willtheycreatenightmarishpictures—inTolkien’swords,willthey“putgreenuponaman’sfaceandcreatehorror”?Assoonassuchquestionsareraised,somepeopleinevitablyraisethesubjectofcensorship.SoIwanttomakeitclearthatIamnotlayingdownanyrulesaboutwhatyoushouldorshouldnotmakepublic;Iam,rather,sayingthatwhenyouhaveacquiredpower,yououghttousethatpowerinaresponsiblemanner.Iaminvitingyoutoconsiderwhatyoufeelisyourresponsibilityasaskilledwriter.
Oneresponsibilityyoumightwanttoshoulderisthatofusingwordswithaccuracyandclarity.AnothermightbetoconsideryourselfasacaretakeroftheEnglishlanguage.Asthemassmediacontinuetofocusourattentiononvisualimagesratherthanlanguage,youmightwishtotakeonthejobofkeepingaliveandcelebratingtherichnessofEnglishdictionandsyntax.Finally,youmightthinkaboutwhatyou,asaneducatedwriter,havetoofferreaders,aboutwhatyouwanttogivethem—orteachthem—throughthemediumofthewrittenword.
Practice:WhatIsYourResponsibility?
Dosomethinkingonthepage,usingfreewriting,aboutwhatyouconsidertobeyourresponsibilityasawriter.Howdoyouwanttousethepowerwithwordsyouhavenowacquired?
MovingOn
Aswecometotheendofthisbook,Ihopeyoufeelthatyourlearningjourneyhasbeenanenjoyableandproductiveone.Iencourageyoutorememberthatlearningisaspiral,notastraightline,andthatyoucanreturntothepracticesinthebookanytimeyouliketofurtherdevelopyourskills.Inmovingforward,youmayalsofeelthatnowyouarereadytoconsultsomeoftheresourcesinthelistthatfollowsthischapter,ortofindateacherorwritingcoach.Whateveryournextsteps,Ihopeyouwillrememberthatthebestthingaboutbeingawriteristhatitprovidesajourneyinlifelonglearning.
Mayyourowncontinuingjourneybeafulfillingandjoyfulone.
1 …justwalkupandhittheball.”QuotedinK.AndersEricsson,etal,“TheMakingofanExpert,”p.4.
2 …longerthanmostpeople.”QuotedinDavidShenk,TheGeniusinAllofUs(Doubleday,2010),p.112.
3 …lovetheplateau.GeorgeLeonard,TheMasteryPath:TheKeystoSuccessandLong-TermFulfillment(Penguin,1992),p.15.
4 …orevenatall.K.AndersEricsson,etal,“TheMakingofanExpert,”p.3.
ForFurtherReading
ExpertiseandPractice
DanielCoyle.TheTalentCode,RandomHouse,2009.
GeoffColvin.TalentIsOverrated:WhatReallySeparatesWorld-ClassPerformersfromEverybodyElse,Penguin2010.
K.AndersEricsson,MichaelJ.Prietula,andEdwardT.Cokely.“TheMakingofanExpert,”HarvardBusinessReview,July-August,2007.
MalcolmGladwell.Outliers:TheStoryofSuccess,BackBayBooks,2011.
GeorgeLeonard.Mastery:TheKeystoSuccessandLong-TermFulfillment,Penguin,1991.
DavidShenk.TheGeniusinAllofUs:WhyEverythingYou’veBeenToldAboutGenetics,Talent,andIQIsWrong,Doubleday,2010.
TwylaTharp.TheCreativeHabit:LearnItandUseItforLife,Simon&Schuster,2006.
TheEnglishLanguage
AnthonyBurgess.AMouthfulofAir,WilliamMorrow,1992.
IanA.Gordon.TheMovementofEnglishProse,Longman,1966.
JamesLipton.AnExaltationofLarks,Penguin,1977.
SyntaxandStyle
FrancisChristensen,NotesTowardsaNewRhetoric,Harper&Row,1967.
FrancisChristensenandBonniejeanChristensen.ANewRhetoric,Harper&Row,1976.
RichardLanham.Style:AnAnti-Textbook,PaulDryBooks,2007.
VirginiaTufte.ArtfulSentences:SyntaxasStyle,GraphicsPress,2006.
VirginiaTufte.GrammarasStyle,Holt,Rinehart,&Winston,1971.
GrammarGuides
JosephC.Blumenthal.English3200:AProgrammedCourseinGrammarandUsage,Harcourt,Brace,Jovanovich,1962.
C.EdwardGood.AGrammarBookforYouandI…Oops,Me!CapitalBooks,2002.
MarthaKolln.RhetoricalGrammar,4thed.,Longman,2003.
MichaelNewby.TheStructureofEnglish:AHandbookofEnglishGrammar,CambridgeUniversityPress,1987.
PatriciaT.O’Conner.WoeIsI:TheGrammarphobe’sGuidetoBetterEnglishinPlainEnglish,RiverheadBooks,1996.
PatriciaOsborn.HowGrammarWorks:ASelf-TeachingGuide,JohnWiley&Sons,1989.
OtherWritingGuides
RoyPeterClark.WritingTools:50EssentialStrategiesforEveryWriter,LittleBrown,2006.
JohnFairfaxandJohnMoat.TheWaytoWrite:AStimulatingGuidetotheCraftofCreativeWriting,St.Martin’sPress,1981.
RudolfFlesch.TheArtofReadableWriting,Collier,1949.
UrsulaK.LeGuin.SteeringtheCraft:ExercisesandDiscussionsonStoryWritingfortheLoneNavigatorortheMutinousCrew,TheEighthMountainPress,1998.
UrsulaK.LeGuin.TheWaveintheMind:TalksandEssaysontheWriter,theReader,andtheImagination,Shambhala,2004.
NoahLukeman,ADashofStyle:TheArtandMasteryofPunctuation,W.W.Norton,2006.
FrancesMayes,TheDiscoveryofPoetry:AFieldGuidetoReadingandWritingPoems,Harcourt,2001.
AcknowledgmentsMygratitudegoes,firstofall,toVirginiaTufteandFrancisChristensen,fromwhosebooksIlearnedsomuch.Iamverygrateful,aswell,toHeidiHill,whohasbeenacontinuingfriendtomeandtothisbook.MarjorieMoonandJanNerenbergreadearlydraftsofthemanuscriptandofferedhelpfulsuggestions.TomHallockkindlyansweredmymanyquestionsaboutthebookbusiness.SpecialthanksgotoUrsulaK.LeGuin,whoofferedsupportandencouragementatatimewhenbothweremissingfrommylife.
Towriteabookisonething;togetitpublished,another.JaneFriedman(www.janefriedman.com)gavemesuggestionsandadvicethatsetthisbookonitspathtopublication.RitaRosenkranzextendedahelpinghand,thennegotiatedabookdealwithconsummateprofessionalismandunflagginggoodhumor.Mygratitudetothemisboundless.
ThegoodfolksatWriter’sDigesttookthebookthroughtheeditorialandpublicationprocesswiththeirusualcare;specialthankstoeditorCrisFreese.BonnieFortini,introducedtomejustwhenIneededher,becamemyinvaluableassistant.
Aboveall,IamgratefultomystudentsintheLesleyUniversityMFAPrograminCreativeWriting,andtomyprivatecoachingclients,especiallyBrendaHorrigan.TheirenthusiasticresponsetothematerialinthisbookkeptmegoingduringthelonganddifficulttimewhenIdoubtedthebookwouldeverfindahome.Nowthatthematerialis,atlast,inbookform,Ihopeitwillgiveyou,too,yourfootingonthemasterypath.
Youcanfindmeatwww.WhereWritersLearn.com,whereIofferfreewritinglessonsandamhappytoanswerquestions.