Special Considerations for Parenting Adopted Children _ Catholic Charities CHILD - AND FAMILY SERVICES Marcy Gitt, MSW, LCSW-C Adoption Soci al Worker Ce nter f or Fa mily Ser v ice s 2 60 1 N . H o war d Stre e t , S uit e 20 0 " Bal t im o r e, M D 2 1 2 1 8 m g i t t @c c-md. org P h o n e : 4 1 0 - 659 - 40 5 0 ". Fa x : 41 0 - 6 5 9 -4 06 0 Ability to acknowledge that being an adoptive parent requires a unique set of skills Unique challenges that biological children do not bring into parenting Normal emotional developm e nt for adoptees i s not the same as non - adopted persons Adoptees have mi x ed feelings about adoption Grieving is a healt h y and normal proc ss for an a do p tee on th e path to f o r giveness and acce p tance wh i ch ado pt iv e parents need to encou ra ge a n d share w ww . ado p ti onlear ning part ners.org- "Finding the Mi s sin g Pieces : H e lping Adopted Ch i ldr en Cope w i t h Gr i ef and Loss " A t ta ch me nt P ar en ti ng Adoptio n and r a c e impact at tac hme n t t hrough l i fes p a n of ado p tee Truth and opennes s must be the foundation of parenting - reality over f a ntasy www.adoptionl e arningpartners . org- "journey of Attachment " Proactiv e style - not "wa i t for child to bring it up" www . ad o ptionl e ar n in gp artners . org - " L et 's Ta lk A do p ti on : A L i fetime of Fam i ly Co n v e rs ati o n s " a nd " Lifeboo ks: Creat i ng and T e llin g Y o u r Ch i ld ' s Story " " A net w ork o f s u ppo r t for p a r e n ts and ch i ld i s c rit i ca l (ad o pti v e f a m i l i es , a doption p r o fe ss io na l s) Ability to ac c ept that " Love alone may not b enou g h " U nde rs ta nd i nc re as e d risk of mental health and a cad e mic chall e nges
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They will wonder. ..so will youDon't wait for child to ask!
Others will ask...what happened to your REAL parents?Establish right to privacy
Establish it as a "safe"subject. ..open lines of communicationTakes resolution of own feelings toward birth parents
When? Repeat, Repeat, Repeat!
Developmental Timeline1-2 Pre-understanding phase for parents to "rehearse" and desensitize3-5 Notices physical differences, pregnant women6-9 Understands birth mother as a person....grieving
Wonders about siblingsInterested in how babies are born....birth fatherFriends ask questions, adoption teasingFantasylimaginary birth parents
Adoption Story - A Personalized Creation for Your Child's Own StoryBegins with birth, told at birth
Goal: Never remember being told "I'm adopted"Explains reasons (socioeconomic, political, social mores)Never uses word "abandoned"Includes happy and sad mixed feelingsMay use birth parent's namesIncorporates routine, repetition, "user friendly"All details known by adolescence