Sociology: Theories of Attraction and Mate Selection

ATTRACTION AND MATE

SELECTIONTheories, Issues and Trends in the

21st Century

SCHEDULE Monday – Dating History and Socialization

Tuesday – Diversity and Theories of Attraction

Wednesday – Theories Cont’d and Marriage

Thursday – Technology and 21st Century Dating

Friday – In-Class Assignment:“21st Century Guide to Dating”

TODAY How has dating evolved?

Social and Historical Changes

The Role of Dating in Socialization

Dating Process and Definitions

DATING DOS AND DON’TS

DATING ETIQUETTE! What social rules exist in the dating

world of the 1950s? Unwritten rules or social pressures? How are these rules similar from 60

years ago? How are they different?

Do you think these rules and pressures exist today?

DATING EVOLUTION Dating seems natural and normal to us,

but many social and historical factors had to occur before dating could go “mainstream”.

1920s – College students and young adults began dating

1940s-50s – Became acceptable for teenagers to date.

INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION AND URBANIZATION

o 1800s

o Rural to Urban transition

o Proximity in urban areas

o Technological advancement

o Increased Transportation

o Increase in social life

COMMUNICATION o The invention of the telephone

o Easy, frequent communication

o Distance isn’t as great a factor

o 1930s-40s most households would have a phone! (Possibly a shared line)

GENDER ROLES WWI and II, Women’s Rights

With men away at war, women’s roles, jobs and image of themselves completely changed!

Women’s education, the right to vote, and new found independence.

GENDER EQUALITY AND LGBT RIGHTS 1960s and 70s

Protest and discussion changed our understanding of intimate relationships.

Power and gender roles – dynamics of dating and the family.

TECHNOLOGY 1990s-2000s

DATING AND SOCIALIZATION Socialization – process of gaining

knowledge, skills and attitudes required to participate actively in a society.

School – 1st social contacts outside the family. Includes, friends, acquaintances, and later on intimate relationships.

School and these social contacts act as an introduction to formal procedures of mate selection.

CANADIANS ON DATING ... Free-Choice Mate Selection – two

people are attracted to each other, fall in love, and get married!

Other influences: Economic reasons, stability/support, companionship, status ...

Canadian Beliefs: Long-lasting relationships based on mutual attraction and love, rather than hard-wired biology.

DATING ADVICE, FROM KIDS! Knowledge about dating and intimacy begins in

school but takes time to develop. Kids may have comical, unusual, or even realistic view of dating!

THE DATING PROCESS De-emphasizing mate selection.

“Hanging out” or “getting together”.

Intimate friendships and sharing.

Common basis of friendships and relationships (respect, Common interests ect)

Dating for social purposes, or because of social pressures

POSSIBLE STAGES? Entertainment, Recreation and

Socializing

“Hanging out”, hooking up, getting together

Casual Dating or “Dating Around”

“Going steady”, more commitment, boyfriend or girlfriend status.

Long-term, engagement, or even marriage.

TERMS Monogamy – two committed partners

get married – a life-long relationship.

Serial Monogamy – marriage to several spouses one after another. Comes as a result of divorce and separation.

Polygamy – one man or woman married to two or more partners. (a punishable offense in Canada, but common in other countries)

ASSIGNMENT Who – you and two other group members

What – creating a “How-To Guide” for dating in the 21st Century

Where/When – Friday In-Class (Due Monday 26th)

Why – to demonstrate your knowledge of Theories of Attraction and dating issues

How – Using “scrapbook”/written, video, or power point form.

DATE

THEORIES OF ATTRACTION

AND MATE SELECTION

Why and how do we choose

intimate partners?

Marc Johns’ “United Dates of America” – National Geographic.

“They combed profiles from dating websites all across the US, and pulled the most commonly used terms from each zip code and mapped them. What ends up surfacing are some regional stereotypes ('oil' in Texas, 'retired' in Florida), as well as some amusing terms (Cleopatra? Yodeling? Marshmellow, anyone?).” - Marc Johns

• What information can we gather from a study like this?

• How is this data important to the study of attraction and dating?

•What can we learn from it?

RECAP: Free-Choice Mate Selection – two

people are attracted to each other, fall in love, and get married!

Monogamy – two committed partners get married – a life-long relationship.

Serial Monogamy – marriage to several spouses one after another. Comes as a result of divorce and separation.

NATURAL SELECTION Evolutionary psychology (Darwinian) What we find attractive is

prehistorically determined.

The “best” or most advantageous physical traits (fit, strong, fastest, child-bearing) are found to be attractive.

Most attractive = most likely to survive, and therefore reproduce for generations.

NATURAL SELECTIONKEY POINTS: Exchange of valuable reproductive

resources.

Individual preferences regarding an attractive mate (what is needed to survive?)

Competition to attain the most attractive (most likely to survive) mate.

STERNBERG’S LOVE TRIANGLE

STERNBERG’S DEFINITIONS Passion – physical attraction, sexual

desire

Intimacy – intense friendship which develops slowly through sharing, and a willingness to meet other’s needs.

Commitment – As the rewards of relationship grow, partner is more likely to maintain the relationship.

SOCIAL HOMOGAMY Individuals are attracted to those with a

similar social background.

Attractiveness rating is influenced by similar social positions (age, race, status, religion and political views).

Physical sameness is also a variable in attraction.

HOMOGAMY Explains how attraction between

different races/ethnicities occurs because of similar social environment.

THEORY OF PROPINQUITY We marry/select people that we

know.

High school sweethearts, work acquaintances, church community, college, university group.

The more often you see someone, the more likely you are to form a relationship – friendship or intimate.

TIME AND PLACE We meet many potential partners over

the course of our life – people that we find attractive.

We marry the person we are dating when “the time is right”.

When should we get married according to society? What needs to be in place?

TIME AND PLACEFACTORS: Finished high school, college, university? Financially stable? Established career? Finished travelling or moving around?

Place: Are you living in the same geographic area?

Are Time and Place still important?

COMPLIMENTARY NEEDS THEORY You are attracted to qualities, skills or

resources in others that you do not possess.

Basis: complementary characteristics. (Introverted-Extroverted, Dominant-Submissive)

Not necessarily motivated by the idea that “opposites attract”, but working well together.

DO YOU BELIEVE THAT OPPOSITES ATTRACT?

FILTER THEORY Theorists: Kerkhoff and Davis As time passes, and exclusiveness

increases we go through a screening process.

Potential partners narrowed. Age, appearance, status, personality,

beliefs.

FILTER THEORYPeople Who Meet (potential couple)

Are they attractive?

Couples Attracted to One AnotherCommon Social Background?

Similar Backgrounds!Agreeable Values?

Similar Attitudes and Values!Compatible?

We are Highly Compatible! (In Love)Readiness for Marriage?

“The One” :D

Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon. Extreme example of Filter Theory!!

STIMULUS-VALUE-ROLE THEORY Theorist: Murstein Influenced by Filter Theory and

Homogamy

Stage 1 – StimulusPartnership because of physical attraction,

social compatibility and personality. If the rewards are greater than costs...

Stage 2 –ValuesConsider sex, religion, marriage, children,

lifestyles, and attitudesGreater compatibility or sameness =

Rewarding

STIMULUS-VALUE-ROLE CONT’D Stage 3 – Role

What role will these agreed values play in your life together?

How do we both expect to express them? Is there stability and optimism in this

expression?

YES! ... Couple may decide to get married.