Sinbad - · PDF fileSinbad and the Golden Monkey Cast v1.1 Page 2 © 2017 Prestbury Comedy Collective ... Sassy daughter of the Sultan (Principal Girl) ... (Front of the main tabs)

This work is protected by Copyright © 2017. Prestbury Comedy Collective. All rights reserved. Enquiries to www.prestburypanto.org

Sinbad and the Golden Monkey Cast v1.1

Sinbad and The Golden Monkey

By Prestbury Comedy Collective

Sinbad and the Golden Monkey Cast v1.1 Page 2 © 2017 Prestbury Comedy Collective

Sinbad and the Golden Monkey

By Prestbury Comedy Collective

The Characters

Sinbad: Our hero (Principal Boy)

Princess Ayesha: Sassy daughter of the Sultan (Principal Girl)

Dame Kneadalot: Runs local bakery (A traditional Pantomime Dame)

Dozy Donut: Dim Witted son of Dame

Prince Hootha: The Villain. Everyone except himself and Chief pronounces “Hooter”

Captain Morgan: Ship’s captain. Speaks with a posh English accent

Sultan: Princesses father and Prince Hootha’s brother. A kindly fellow

Sultana: Princess Ayesha’s mother and wife of the Sultan

Chief Kaylani: Female Chief of the Isle of Eternal Doom

Razz: One of Prince Hootha’s dim-witted henchmen.

Skalls: One of Prince Hootha’s dim-witted henchmen.

Two more Captains

Plus various Villagers, Dockers, Sailors, Islanders and palace guards.


Act One

Prologue

(Front of the main tabs) Narrator: Welcome all to our festive treat; A tale of adventure that’s hard to beat; Sail with us the seven seas; With eastern promise and a puzzle to tease;

Let us hear your laughs and screams; As we search for treasure beyond our dreams; But join us first in our market square; where a baker’s son has a story to share.

(The Narrator exit SR as the main tabs open to reveal…)

Scene One: Babylon Market Square

(Middle Eastern village scene; lively; bright; chorus busying themselves) SONG 1 + DANCE 1 – “Walk Like an Egyptian” – Company (Donut wheels a heavy barrow of baked goods into the village square where there are lots of villagers. He suddenly notices the audience.) Donut: Oh hello everyone. I said hello everyone. My name’s Dozy Donut. That’s

not my proper name – everyone just calls me that because they say I can sometimes be

a bit of a dope. It might be true, you know – would you believe last week I fell out of the

window ironing the curtains. They say if brains were dynamite I wouldn’t have enough to

part my hair. Kids, would you help me remind everyone how useful I can be when danger

comes. Would you? When I come on shouting “When trouble comes, make no mistake”,

would you shout back “For Dozy Donut it’s a piece of cake.” Let’s have a practice

.......When trouble comes, make no mistake....(audience response) That’s great, thanks

everyone, it will really help. Wow, the village square is very busy today, isn’t it?

(Pointing at the stage and audience) I’ve not seen it so busy round here since the

Hanging Gardens of Babylon had a Spring sale.

Villager 1: Hey Donut, what are you up to?

Donut: Oh, I’ve been down the market all day trying to sell Mum’s freshly baked

bread and cakes, but all I’ve managed to sell is one lousy gingerbread man.

Village 2: Well that takes the biscuit.

Donut: Don’t make fun, I’ve had to bring it all back home again. I tried soooo hard to

sell it.

Villager 3: Sounds like you left no scone unturned?

Donut: Stop trying to be funny. Mum will kill me when she finds out.

Villager 4: You mean it’s a matter of loaf and death?

Villager 5: And there’s muffin you can do about it!

(Lots of laughing)

Donut: You’re not helping guys. I’m going to have to apologise to mum.

Villager 6: That’s the yeast you could do.

Donut: Pack it in.


Villager 7: Don’t stop us now, we’re all on a roll.

(Lots more laughing. Dame enters carrying some bread and shouting out her sales

pitch).

Dame: Large white baps! Lovely and soft. Biggest in the village. And firm brown

buns! Roll up, roll up, everyone have a look at my enormous bloomers. Any takers?

Anyone?

Villager 8: Not blinkin’ likely.

Villager 9: I’d rather starve, thank you very much.

(Dame suddenly spots the audience and moves to front of stage)

Dame: Oh, hello all you lovely people, hello. I know what you’re all thinking ... yes -

at last, a woman with real dress sense. (Modestly pointing to her dress) Oh, honestly

just a little whimsy. I might be penniless but I have standards, you know. It has to be

Burberry at the bakery, that’s what I always say. I can see a few ladies down the front

here – green with envy they are. Well, green anyway. Perhaps that’s just the harsh

lighting. It’s a bit disappointing though; I was hoping we’d have Macclesfield’s

fashionistas in tonight to appreciate my dazzling drapery– my alluring apparel - but

looking down the front here it’s not so much Armani as Army & Navy. More patchy than

Versace. (Disapproving glance at audience member) Prefer the larder to Prada, yes,

you know who I mean. And I’m clearly catching the eye of a few handsome hunks down

here. That’s inevitable I suppose. I can see one here is completely smitten – you could

knock him down with one of my fondant fancies. (Dame makes a flirtatious “phone me”

sign; then someone else catches her eye and she does exactly the same; then with

the third person she hesitates, turns her nose up and walks away – then Dame

spots Donut with his unsold bread)

Dame: Donut! What are you doing with all that bread – you’re supposed to have sold

it all.

Donut: I’m sorry Mum. Nobody wants to buy our simple loaves anymore – everyone

wants pain au raisins or pain au chocolate nowadays. Pain this, pain that.

Dame: Don’t’ worry, it’s just a flash in the pan. (Laughs)

(Enter Hootha, pushing through the villagers on opposite side of stage. Hootha has a

ridiculously long nose.)

Hootha: Out of my way peasants.

Razz: Yes, out of his way pheasants.

Skalls: I think he said peasants.

Hootha: No difference to me – I shoot them both for sport. (Turning to the villagers)

Now listen here you oiks, which of you bumpkins can tell me where to find the owner of

the bakery?

Villager 10: (Point to the other side of the stage) Just follow your nose. (Sly giggles at

the Hootha’s nose.)

(Hootha gives them a really mean look, then walks over to the other side of stage

towards Dame and Donut)

Hootha: I’m looking for Dame Kneadalot.

(Dame hasn’t actually seen Hootha, she is busy picking up bread off the floor with her

back turned)

Dame: Donut, have a quick nosey – see who that is.

(Donut coughs nervously, and taps Dame on the shoulder)

Dame: That cough sounds nasty Donut – trust me, I’ve got a nose for these things.


(Donut coughs and taps again)

Hootha: I said I’m looking for Dame Kneadalot.

Dame: I’m Dame Kneadalot, as everybody around here… (Dame turns to face

Hootha and is immediately struck by his nose.)

Dame: (Alarmed) KNOWS!

(Dame temporarily freezes, shocked at the nose and her own indiscretion.)

Hootha: I am Prince Hootha, (pronounced Hoo-th-aaaa).

Dame: Welcome Prince Hooter.

Hootha: No. It’s Hootha! (exaggeratedly pronounced Hoo-th-aaaa) I am brother of

the Sultan.

Dame: Oh he’s such a kind and generous Sultan.

Hootha: It’s easy being kind and generous when you have a vast wealth like my

brother. But when you’ve been cruelly overlooked from your father’s inheritance you end

up (angrily emphasising every word) a mean and merciless rent collector.

(Dame and Donut simultaneously drop a loaf in shock as they realise the game is up –

maybe loud thuds as bread hits the floor.)

Dame: Yes, anyway, lovely meeting you, can’t talk now, must be getting on.

Hootha: (Impatiently) We need to talk about the elephant in the room.

Donut: Yes, it’s good to talk about these things. It’s good that you’re not sensitive

about it, and in any case having a big nose is considered very attractive in many cultures

where …. it can be … considered … You don’t mean your nose do you?

Hootha: THE UNPAID RENT YOU IDIOTS! Am I making myself clear?

Dame: Yes, it’s as plain as the n…n... Yes, very clear, thank you.

Hootha: Good. You’ve got one month. If you’ve not paid in full I’m shutting down the

bakery.

Donut: One month! You can’t do that, business has nosedived (very hastily)

SLUMPED. Business has slumped.

Hootha: One month or you’re out. Come on you two, it’s nearly 5 o’clock and we’ve

not made any families homeless yet today. I love to see people in distress.

Razz: (Looking at Dame) Yes, it’s a lovely dress. But I’m not sure you could get

more people in it.

Skalls: No, not this-dress. Dis-tress. Like dismay ... fool.

Razz: This may fool who? It’s not fooling me.

Hootha: Get out you bumbling buffoons.

(Hootha and Razz & Skalls storm out)

Dame: Oh, Donut. What are we to do? If business doesn’t pick up soon we’ll be out

on our ears.

Donut: We’re a bit skint aren’t we, mum?

Dame: You’re not kidding my little barm cake. We’re so poor that burglars keep

breaking in and leaving us things. D’ya know, someone knocked on the door last week

and asked for a small donation to the local swimming pool – all I could give him was a

glass of water. I really have no idea why people don’t want to buy my bread.

Villager 11: Crusty and stale with no taste.

Dame: My bread isn’t crusty and stale with no taste

Villager 12: He/She wasn’t talking about the bread.

Dame: (Sobbing) I can’t face selling our lovely shop, Donut. It was supposed to be

my dowry.

Donut: You don’t need a diary mum, we never have any appointments.


Dame: Not “diary”, dimwit. Dowry. To entice a man into holy matrimony.

Villager 13: Holy molly!

Dame: No, I said holy matrimony. Marriage.

Villager 14: We heard what you said. You’ll need more than a dowry to entice a husband;

you’ll need a club and strong pair of handcuffs.

Villager 15: Not to mention somewhere to keep his guide dog.

Dame: Don’t be so cheeky you lot.

Villager 16: Ignore them Dame Kneadalot. I always say you remind me of the sea.

Dame: You mean deep, mysterious and romantic.

Villager 17: No. You make me feel sick.

Dame: How dare you! People say my face is like a ray of sunshine.

Villager 18: Yes, you should never look directly at it.

Dame: I’ll have you know people say I have the body of an 18 year old.

Villager 19: Yes, the police are still looking for him.

(Lots of laughing and back-slapping from the villagers. Crashing sound. Sinbad

runs/stumbles onto stage looking slight dishevelled)

Sinbad: Whoa!

All: Hi Sinbad.

Sinbad: Hi everyone.

Dame: Have you been trying to ride that camel again, Sinbad?

Sinbad: No I tried one of those new-fangled flying carpets. Never again! The flight

was fine but we had very rough touch-down.

Donut: It obviously wasn’t a landing carpet (laughs, knee-slap, turns to audience).

I’m here all week. Who did you fly with Sinbad?

Sinbad: EasyRug. They said they’d take me for a ride, and they certainly did that. But

never mind me, you lot don’t look too happy.

Donut: You’re not wrong Sinbad, we’re in big trouble.

Sinbad: Why’s that?

Dame: The Debt Collector has just been round and threatened to close down the

bakery if we don’t pay the rent this month.

Sinbad: That’s awful, he can’t do that.

Donut: He can do what he likes - he’s the Sultan’s brother.

Dame: We’ve baked a birthday cake for the Sultan’s daughter, the Princess – why,

I’ve a good mind to throw it in his face.

Donut: Don’t do that mum, we used our last dinars to make that cake.

Sinbad: Don’t worry, let me deliver the cake to the palace. I’ll talk to the Sultan and

explain you need more time. He’ll be so impressed with the cake you’ve made that I’m

sure he’ll try to help.

Dame: Oh that would be a dream come true, Sinbad.

Sinbad: Yes, and what’s more I’ve heard the Sultan has a very beautiful daughter. I

dreamt last night that we fell in love, got married and lived happily ever after.

Dame: One dream at a time my lad.

SONG 2 - “Dream A Little Dream of Me” – Sinbad

(Blackout & Exit.)


Scene Two: The Sultan’s Palace

(Sultan, Sultana, Lavishly decorated. Occasion is princess’s birthday)

Sultan: Oh joyous day! My beautiful Sultana, life is kind. We have gold to spare, a

beautiful home, and today our stunning daughter becomes a young woman. Her 18th

birthday!

Sultana: We are fortunate indeed my Sultan. A great celebration to honour our

greatest treasure. Though the light of our lives, Princess Ayesha, has long seen herself

as all grown up.

Sultan: The grand families of Babylon will all be here later to pay their respects,

bearing gifts most girls could only dream of. Yet she seems... unfulfilled?

Sultana: Ayesha seeks a life beyond these walls Omar. To break free of this gilded

cage. She wants adventure, a little danger. And though our daughter would scoff at the

suggestion, maybe someone to soften that tough heart.

(Princess Ayesha enters)

Sultan: My princess! From the bottom of my heart, happy birthday. You are... a

woman.

Princess: Well thanks for noticing Dad! Do we really need the big hoo ha later? You

know I don't like a fuss, old people patting me on the head and introducing their snotty

nosed sons!

Sultana: They are princes Ayesha, and they may just melt your granite heart.

Princess: Oh, party if you must, but I want to be more than your daughter. I want to be...

a strong, independent woman

(Hootha enters, followed by Razz & Skalls)

Hootha: All this... happiness is giving me a headache. I am your brother Omar, and of

course (sarcastically) delighted to see my niece blossom so beautifully... but everyone in

this family seems happy except me. You, brother, have the titles, the riches, a wife and

child. All I have are these 2 stooges... and my best 2 features...

Razz: Two features, Sire?

Hootha: Yes... both my faces. (Dumps bag of coins on table) I have collected your

taxes my brother. All have paid save those infernal bakers - I have told them we will close

them down if they do not give us our daily bread (Hootha laughs) in two weeks’ time.

Come, lackeys. These... frivolities are not for us.

(Hootha exits leaving Razz and Skalls behind)

Princess: Well go on then, follow your master, you snivelling lackeys

Razz: Well that`s a bit rude

Skalls: Yes we were just admiring the view from here - all those lovely people (to

audience)

Razz: Yeah load of stuff to nick when they go for the interval

Skalls: Shushh, they won’t leave their seats if you tell them...

Princess: Enough, will you go and follow Lord Hooter!

Skalls: How do we get out again?

Razz: Yeah, we keep getting lost in this massive palace.

Princess: I wish you would get lost, permanently.

Razz & Skalls: (in comic teasing tone) Ooooohhh, someone’s had a big bowl of grumpy

for breakfast this morning.

Princess: Straight down the corridor to the end then left, then right, then left again


Skalls: Right

Razz: Nooo. Left then right then left again

Skalls: Right

Razz: Nooo....

Princess: Get out! you pair of blithering idiots

Skalls: Hey. We`re not blithering.

Razz: We are idiots though.

(Princess shouts in exasperation and they both run off. There is brief pause, then we

hear Razz and Skalls both scream in terror.)

Princess: They looked in the big mirror again.

Sultana: Speaking of the party Omar, where is the cake you ordered? At least that

blasted bakery could deliver our order for Ayesha's big day? We spent hours designing

the towering, tempting sponge topped with a love heart!

(Sinbad enters with huge cake on a trolley)

Princess: Absolutely gorgeous.

(Sinbad thinks Princess is talking about him)

Sultan: Aha! Right place, right time, young sir. I salute your culinary class.

Princess: Thank you for my birthday cake.

(Sinbad turns, immediately starry eyed, slack jawed):

Sinbad: I, err, well, that is, no problem, your gorgeousness. I mean, your

Princess...ness. Sorry.

Sultan: Is it true, young sir, that the bakery will not pay its royal dues?

Sinbad: Oh no sir. We want to pay, but cannot. This cake has taken most of our

remaining supplies. If we don't find some serious dough soon, our ovens will go cold for

good (gestures to audience)

Audience: Ahhh

Sinbad: Oh it's much sadder than that...

Audience: AH!!

Sinbad: If only I could help my adopted family... put some bread on the table... add a

sultana or two to the cake mix...

Sultan: Well put. I admire your salt, young sir. There may be one way I can help you.

The family fortune is all tied up in oil, frankincense and myrrh, but an ancient family scroll

holds a riddle promising riches. No one has revealed its secrets in centuries of trying. You

are welcome to look...

Princess: Dad, if the combined brains of our royal family can't fathom this riddle, what

chance has this... baker's delivery boy? The closest thing he's had to a brain storm is a...

slow drizzle.

Sinbad: I'm not completely daft you know. I got halfway through a crossword once...

Princess: Halfway?

Sinbad: Yeah, I got flipping, but couldn't get furious. Do you get it? Cross. Word!

Sultan: (laughing) Swing my sultanas and call me a raisin, that's a good one my lad!

Princess: (exasperated) If the pair of you had half a brain each, you'd be 2 peas in a

pod! Come on Mother, let's get ready for the blooming party.

SONG 3 + DANCE 2 – “Get the Party Started” – Princess & Chorus

(Princess and Sultana Leave SR/L. Sultan gets the scroll from a desk/drawer)


Sultan: Don't mind the ladies, young man. You know what they say - sharp tongue...

big feet. What is your name anyway?

Sinbad: Sinbad, your Highness. At your service...

Sultan: Well you'll do me - and yourself - a great service if you can solve this infernal

riddle. It goes like this...

To break the curse, and claim the prize,

You need an unlikely hero, to sift the truth from the lies.

Add a heart bursting out of a human chest,

And a ring shaped youngster to aid your quest.

A feisty mane of gold will sort the wood from the trees

Plus one who sees stars, and can sail the seven seas.

Use these gifts to seek an island of doom.

There a chieftain will point to a cave of gloom.

Each place a hand into the cold stone shape,

Only then will you behold the priceless ape.

Sinbad: Blimey, that sounds... weird, and very difficult, but what else can I do? Can I

borrow the manuscript, Sultan? I will return it of course, with or without the prize...

(Sultan hands over the scroll)

Sultan: You may, young Sinbad. And good luck to you. But know this, you have a

month to find a way to pay the bakery's dues, or it will be forfeit. I take no pleasure in this,

but there is no other way.

Sinbad: Understood your Sultan-ness. The adventure begins!

(Sinbad Exits)

Sultan: I am drawn to this young man and his quest. My daughter could do worse. Ah

the party... Sultana!

(Sultan Exits)

(Hootha re-enters, rubbing hands)

Hootha: Well, well... this puffed up baker's boy hopes to solve the family riddle, does

he? He has no hope, surely? But I shall follow with my idiotic underlings, just in case he

gets lucky. I can foil his plan, steal the prize for myself, and break free from this rag tag

family once and for all. I will be rich, and nasty with it. (Evil laugh)

(Blackout & Exit.)

Scene Three: Dame Kneadalots’s Bakery

(Dame’s Bakery ‘Bazzin’ Baps’ . A kitchen scene, table with bowls of flour and

various implements. Dame is brushing the floor and singing… )

Dame: Tra lah, lah lah , lah (gets higher and lower a dreadful comic racket). Do

you like my singing (to audience) ? I know, people say I sing like a bird – a vulture! I’ve

got a very wide repertoire, - but I can still buy dresses to fit me. But seriously, people

give me requests. Only yesterday, Dozy Donut asked me if I could sing ‘Down by the

Riverside’ or ‘Far, Far Away’. Ooh he’s got a cheek! (She sees man in the audience

again). Ooh hello, are you still here? You are a fine figure of a man. Is that your own

hair? Take it off and I’ll give it a wash if you like. Can I meet you later after the show – it


should be over by 2 O’clock in the morning! Still, I don’t know why I’m singing with all my

worries - no money, I can’t pay the rent. (she sobs). The bakery needs updating to meet

new Health and Safety rules. Even the rats have threatened to move out cos it’s not up

to their standards. I don’t know what I’ll put in my pies if they do.

(Dozy Donut enters.)

Donut: When trouble comes, make no mistake

Audience For Dozy Donut it’s a piece of cake.

Donut: Hello everyone. Hello Mum.

Dame: Oh Donut, my strange boy with jam in the middle. I’m so worried about

everything. I hope Sinbad has had some luck at the Sultan’s palace. Maybe he’s got a

job or some money or just been allowed to pay the rent next month?

Donut: Well if he’s had no luck, I can go and try next.

Dame: Oh Donut, you are a good boy but we don’t want to make things

worse. Anyway, before Sinbad gets back we need to do the daily brush up. I was just

getting started earlier.

(Dame finds the two brooms, one normal size, one tiny. She gives Donut the tiny one.

Comic sequence to music as they sweep the floor in what is obviously a daily, tightly

choregraphed sequence involving swapping the brooms at every opportunity, as

both want the full size one.)

Dame: There we are, spick and span again. You could eat your dinner off that floor.

Donut: I’d rather use a plate if you don’t mind!

Dame: It’s just a figure of speech. I don’t really mean…

Donut: But you said…

Dame: Enough Donut, we have this every day. When are you going to learn

that I don’t always mean exactly what I say. Now, take these brooms and put them away.

Donut: Do you mean that or is it just a ‘figure of speech’ ?

Dame: (exasperated) Ooh, I’ll be spitting feathers soon. I’m tearing my hair

out. I’m at my wits end. I could wring your neck. Hell’s bells and buckets of blood. I’m

speechless.

Donut: Right, I’m really confused now…

(Sinbad enters with the riddle on a scroll)

Sinbad: Hello Donut. Hello Dame Kneadalot. Hello everyone!

Dame: Sinbad, my handsome, curious and full of destiny adopted son ! (she looks

at the audience for approval). How did you get on? Have you got a job at the palace or

got some money to pay the rent?

Sinbad: Better than that, you won’t believe what happened!

Dame: I’m sure I won’t. Am I going to keel over? Is my gast going to be flabbered?

Donut: Are you doing it again?

Sinbad: Look at this. (He unrolls the scroll). The Sultan has the old scrolls.

Dame: He needs to see a Doctor. (laughs deliberately)

Sinbad: He’s passed this to me

Donut: You need to see a doctor too. (laughs too)

Sinbad: Will you both be sensible and listen. This is an ancient scroll with an ancient

riddle.

(Sinbad reads the riddle out)

To break the curse, and claim the prize,

You need an unlikely hero, to sift the truth from the lies.

Add a heart bursting out of a human chest,


And a ring shaped youngster to aid your quest.

A feisty mane of gold will sort the wood from the trees

Plus one who sees stars, and can sail the seven seas.

Use these gifts to seek an island of doom

There a chieftain will point to a cave of gloom

Each place a hand into the cold stone shape,

Only then will you behold the priceless ape

Sindbad: It means I need to find a team, a top team to travel a great distance to solve

the riddle and find our fortune.

(They all look at the scroll carefully)

Sinbad: A true hero – that’s me! Well it could be….

Dame: a magnificent human chest – that’s me! (to audience) don’t be so rude!

Donut: An unlikely hero! Who could that be?

Sinbad & Dame together: It’s you , you dozy Donut!!

(Princess enters the bakery)

Princess: Oh pardon me, I was looking for some fresh baked bread and cakes for a

surprise tea party

Donut: It will be a surprise if you find anything fresh in here!

Dame: Ignore him young lady. I’m Dame Kneadalot and it will be my pleasure to

serve you with a random assortment of patisserie and tartlets!

Sinbad: Princess! I mean, your highness!

(Dame and Sinbad immediately drop to their knees in a groveling bow. Dame pulls

Donut down too.)

Princess: Oh please do stand up, there’s no need for such royalist fawning. Besides,

the floor doesn’t look very clean.

Dame: Cheek ! (rising to feet)

(At this point Donut and Sinbad are looking at the scroll again and then at the

Princess)

Together: A mane of gold you will also require….

Sinbad: Princess, will you join our top team?

Princess: Of course. I’m not sure what I’m letting myself in for but you all look like you

need some help and I think you will need my perception and natural intelligence.

Dame: (To audience) I don’t like her already…

Sinbad: Oh Dame Kneadalot, now that we have the clever, sharp and youthful

Princess on the team, you don’t need to come with us

Dame: (again to audience) As I said, I don’t like her! I’m coming, whether you like

it or not

Sinbad: Oh no you’re not!

Dame: (getting audience on side) Oh yes I am!

(Etc etc…………………..)

Dame: Enough, my teeth will fall out if I go on shouting.

Donut: Or worse, your head will fall off again.

Dame: I told you never to speak of that ever again. Dreadful incident... particularly

when you put it back on the wrong way around. I had to walk backwards for a while.

Sinbad: (To audience) I know, it truly is a madhouse.. Anyway, you lovable pair of

bonkers goons, we need to work out who the fifth person in the riddle is. (He looks at


the scroll again) ‘Plus one who sees stars, and can sail the seven seas. Use these gifts

to seek an island of doom.’ I just can’t think.

Dame: It might be that Russell Grant chap! He reads the stars

Donut: Or the milkman?

Sinbad: Why the milkman for heaven’s sake?

Donut: I can’t think of anyone else and he’s always hanging around here looking for

something to do!

Dame: (embarrassed) Ahem, yes, well, right we need to think… think, think, think

etc…. (x20 each time said differently and more and more comically as she moves

oddly around the room)

Princess: Stop!! Guys! I think it has to be a sailor – “Plus one who sees stars, and can

sail the seven seas” Perhaps a Sea Captain who can lead us across the ocean to find

the ‘island of waves’.

Sinbad: That makes sense. She is right!

Donut: Blimey, I’d never have thought of that.

Dame: Alright, alright… well done Miss Princess perfect pants! I’d have got it in the

end.

Sinbad: Right. The Princess and I will go straight to the docks to see if we can find

the best sea Captain to join our team. Is that OK?

Dame: Oh yes, of course, no problem. You go off with the beautiful, clever, royal

Princess and me and Donut will stay here and do all the hard work. No problem at all!

Sinbad: Great then. Thanks and we will see you soon

Princess: Goodbye dame Kneadalot and Donut , we will see you soon!

(Sinbad and Princess exit)

Donut: Aaaah, isn’t she lovely…

Dame: (Mocking imitation of the Princess) Goodbye…We will see you soon’

(Hootha enters with Razz & Skalls. He has a good look around trying to find out what

is going on. Dame turns to see him and is shocked by the sight of his enormous,

comic nose.

Dame: Oooh, ahem…. Oh I’m dreadfully sorry, I didn’t see your nose there.. I mean I

didn’t see you there. Did you smell my delicious baked goods and thought you’d have a

look?

Donut: (aside to the audience) I bet he smelled them from the other side of the city!

Dame: (pushing Donut out of the way) Can I help you Prince Hooter? (still very

agitated and flustered and absolutely transfixed by his nose, not taking her eyes off

it).

Hootha: (Angrily) It’s Hoothaaa. And It hasn’t escaped my notice that I have a rather

large nose.

Donut: (Aside) It’s not escaped anyone’s notice!

Hootha: (Threatening and evil) Pah! In fact I’m rather used to it, believe it or not,

and I take great pleasure in locking up people, who are stupid enough to mention it, for a

thousand years!! Because, I am not a friendly person. Am I Razz and Skalls ?

Razz: No you are definitely not, Master!

Skalls: No you are definitely the most unfriendly, nasty, piece of work I’ve ever had

the misfortune to…

Hootha: As I was saying..


Dame: Sir, I am so sorry. I never even saw your nose… I mean why would I?

Donut: Cos it’s absolutely…

Dame: Sooo… to make it up to you…. make sure there are no hard feelings… why

don’t I present you and your men with the largest and most delicious cake in the bakery…

free of charge.. to take home for your tea??

Hootha: Well… I am partial to a decent cake … just this once I might be tempted

Dame: Excellent…. Donut, go in the back and fetch me the huge, cake that we keep

for special occasions

Donut: Ok Mum, no problem (he dashes off and immediately returns with a huge

cake covered in whipped cream/goo).

Dame: Ooh look at that your greatness! Donut, the gentleman is desperate to get his

face in that…

(On hearing this Donut immediately throws it into the Hootha’s face who then

splutters in outrage)

Dame: Donut ! What have you done ?!

Donut: But you said… Ohh don’t tell me, that was just a figure of speech !

(Blackout & Exit.)

Scene Four: The Docks

(A port / docks scene with dockers going about their work. Sinbad and Princess enter.

Sinbad carries a map)

SONG 4 + DANCE 3 – “9-5” – Company

Sinbad: Oh at last - the docks! That was an awfully long walk.

Princess: Yes, I assumed you could map-read Sinbad.

Sinbad: Yes, sorry about that. I thought the big green blob was a forest but it

turns out someone had sneezed on the map.

Princess: Charming! But why did you need to set fire to the map, for goodness

sake?

Sinbad: Well, as a last resort I always rely on set-alight navigation.

Princess: Ha ha, very funny. At least we’re here now. Look at all these boats.

Which one will you sail?

Sinbad: Whoa...whoa...whoa! I think there’s been a misunderstanding. Sail?

Me?

Princess: Well I assume they don’t call you Sinbad the Sailor for nothing.

Sinbad: Sinbad the SELLER! Not sailor. I sell bread. People make that

mistake a lot. If I ever get famous they’ll still be making that mistake in a thousand years.

Princess: Well that’s all very well but how are we going to find the Golden

Monkey if neither of us can sail a boat?

Sinbad: Don’t worry Princess, we’ll find a Captain. They’re bound to be ten-a-

penny round here. (Spotting a docker working in the background) Excuse me, do you

know where we’ll find a Captain to sail our ship.

(Dockers have working class accents)


Docker 1: Ah, well, you see, normally Governor you’d have no trouble finding a

Captain in these parts. But the annual Walk-the-Plank convention has just started and all

the Captains have gone off to find mutineers to tie up and prod with cutlasses until they

fall in the sea.

Sinbad: A Walking-the-Plank convention! Has the world gone mad. I thought

that was just for pirates.

Docker 2: Not any more Squire. Brings in the tourists, you see. They love it.

Last year’s show made a big splash.

Princess: I’ll bet it did.

Docker 2: Not without it’s problems though, lady. We had Health and Safety all

over this one. Concerned about the risk of splinters you see.

Princess: (Incredulous) Splinters!?

Docker 2: From the plank. They’re insisting all victims must wear strong

footwear to protect their little pinkies.

Princess: This is ridiculous. (Pointing at another docker) Excuse me, can you

help us find a Captain.

Docker 3: Ah, well, I’d love to help but… erm.. …(looks at watch) .

Princess: Well?

Docker 3: Erm… (looks at watch again) … erm … (sticks up a finger to

indicate to wait a minute. Princess waits in anticipation. Siren sounds. All

dockers immediately stop what they are doing)

Docker 3: Tea break lads!

(Exit all dockers)

Princess: What are we going to do now Sinbad?

(Enter three Captains)

Captain 1: (Captain 1 is an over the top pirate) Hey-ho me hearties, word is

you good folk be looking for a Cap’n to sail ye across ye seven seas.

Princess: Yes we are.

Cpt Morgan: Well my merry mariners, all three of us are Captains. Please take your pick.

Sinbad: (Whispering to Princess) But how will we know which is the best Captain?

Princess: (Thinks for a second) I know, all good Captains can tie knots, can’t they?

(Princess finds a piece of rope and ties a knot)

Princess: (To the first Captain) What do you call this knot?

Captain 1: Shiver me timbers that be the Spider Hitch Knot. Arrr! Arrr-arrr!.... (Princess

is just about to speak) .... Arrr! Arrr-arrr!.

Princess: (Quietly to Sinbad, and slightly unsettled) I think that’s correct but I can

hardly understand a word he’s saying. (Quickly ties a second knot and asking the

second Captain) What do you call this knot?

(Captain 2 is very boring, reciting his travel stories at every opportunity)

Captain 2: That be a Reef knot that be. (Princess thinks he’s finished but just before

she can speak). I first saw it used back on Dolphin Island. (Princess tries to speak

again) I was but a slip of a lad back then, and life was tough ...

Princess: Yes, yes... thank you ....

Captain 2: We endured waves bigger than mountains, and temperatures hotter than

molten lava, and ....

Princess: Thank you, thank you.

Captain 2: Do you want to know how we survived, ma’am?


Princess: (Politely) Perhaps another time, thank you. (To Sinbad) I think he’ll talk us

to death. (Quickly ties a third knot and asking the third Captain) What do you call this

knot?

Cpt Morgan: My good lady, what you have there is a very fine figure-of-eight knot.

Sinbad: He seems polite and straight to the point. Just what we need.

Princess: Yes but they all got the right answers. In fairness we should try one more

time.

Sinbad: Let me try. (Sinbad reaches for another tatty piece of rope) What’s this

called?

Captain 1: Arrr! Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum, I’ve no bloomin’idea Laddie Jim. Arrr!

Arrr-arrr!

(Sinbad turns to the next Captain)

Captain 2: Well in all my nautical adventures across the seven seas, from the furthest

reaches of the Megellan Straights to the tropical heat of the South China Sea, from the

terrifying waters of the Cape of Good Hope...

Sinbad: (Impatiently) Do you know or not?

Captain 2: Ney lad. And I’m not sure I like the cut of your jib.

Sinbad: (Turning to Captain Morgan) And you sir, do you know?

Cpt Morgan: Afraid not my fine fellow.

Sinbad: Correct!! It’s a FRAYED KNOT. We have our Captain, at last.

Princess: Hoorah!

(The other two Captains storm off talking to each other)

Captain 1: Arrr-arrr! They’re a miserable bunch of land lubbers. Arrr-arrr!

Captain 2: Did I tell you about the time we were ship wrecked and rescued by

mermaids?

Captain 1: Yes, fourteen times.

(Donut stumbles onto stage under the weight of loads of very large travel cases for

the voyage)

Donut: When trouble comes, make no mistake....


(Enter Dame similarly laden with baggage)

Dame: Did you remember to turn off the oven and pack the alarm clock, Donut?

Donut: Oh dear, I though you said turn off the alarm clock and pack the oven.

Dame: Cloth ears! No wonder our luggage is so heavy you fruitcake.

Sinbad: Hello, you two. Look, great news, we’ve found our Captain.

Captain: Well hello there you charming little creature.

Donut: Thanks, you’re not bad yourself.

Captain: Not you young lad! (Looking at the Dame) I’m talking about THIS dazzling

vision of beauty.

(Everyone, even the Dame, looks over their shoulder assuming he’s speaking to

someone else. The Dame slowly catches on and does a silent “who, me?” to her

favourite man in the audience. Everyone else looks shocked. Dame frowns – she’s

not sure she likes him)

Princess: Come on team, we have to get going.

Captain: Pray tell, where are we going my fine flock of friends?

Sinbad: We’re not entirely sure. We’ve been told to seek an island of doom, then

follow the leader to a cave of gloom.

Captain: Ah. I’ve got good news and bad news comrades.


Sinbad: You do? What’s the good news?

Captain: I know the very place and exactly how to get there.

Dame: Wonderful. So what can possibly be the bad news?

Captain: They call it ... (pause for dramatic effect) … The Isle of Eternal Doom

(Foreboding music. Each time the music is played all actors freeze in fear/suspense

then immediately un-freeze)

Donut: What? Anglesey?

Captain: No, my friend. Across the Sea of the Misfortunate, left at The Reef of Rotten

Luck, straight on past Spot of Bother Cove and eventually you reach... The Isle of Eternal

Doom (Foreboding music)

Donut: And for some reason it’s not very popular with the tourists.

Captain: They say many a poor soul has landed there, but none has lived to tell the

tale.

Dame: Hang on a minute. I didn’t sign up for anything dangerous. I saw it more as a

chance for a spot of skinny dipping on a beautiful tropical island.

Donut: Well that’d certainly keep the tourists away!

Captain: No such luck my pretty maiden. (Everyone looks quizzically over their

shoulder again) They say the natives force you to drink a potion so strong that your

head throbs until it explodes.

Donut: Sounds like Saturday night in the Admiral Rodney.

Captain: They say that bodies are crushed together so tightly that bones are turned to

dust.

Donut: That’s the bar in the Legh Arms.

Captain: They say only the foolhardy or the tired-of-living venture to The Isle of Eternal

Doom

(the foreboding music hits the first note)

Everyone: (Hastily, to the band) Give it a rest!

Dame: That’s it I’m out!

Sinbad: Oh come on Dame Kneadalot, we need to do this to save the bakery.

Dame: Not for all the cakes in Christendom.

Captain: They say ....

Princess: (Exasperated) They seem to say an awful lot on that island!

Captain: They say the men are like primitive, wild savages … (Dame suddenly looks

interested) … who ravage everything in sight...

Dame: D’ya know, I may have been a little hasty ...

Captain: ... so strong that they can crush coconuts with their bare hands ...

Dame: Perhaps we really ought to give it a try....

Captain: ... with muscles so taught that when they beat their chests the sound echoes

across the ocean.

Dame: (Quickly) Load the bags Donut, we sail in an hour!

Princess: Yes, let’s do it. (Everyone cheers)

Captain: Hoist the yardarm, splice the main brace. Hoorah!

SONG 5 + DANCE 4 – “Go West” – Dame and Chorus

Sinbad: Give me a hand with the over-sized bag, Donut.

(Donut shrugs his shoulders and grabs the Dame)

Dame: Not me you fool!


(Blackout & Exit.)

Scene Five: The Deck of the Ship

(On board a sailing ship. Some chorus as crew members cleaning/mopping lookouts

etc. Donut is trying to help the crew. Sinbad enters singing sea shanty)

Sinbad: “A pirate sailed over the ocean, a pirate sailed over the sea, a pirate sailed

over the ocean, to look for some treasure for me”. .... Oh, hello everyone.

Ship’s Crew: Hi Sinbad

Donut: Hello Sinbad. That’s a great sea shanty. I know another verse to that you

know.

Sinbad: Oh really, go on then.

Donut: “A pirate sailed over the ocean, a pirate he looked very glum, he told them

he’d lost all the treasure, so they gave him a kick up the ...”.

Sinbad: (Hastily) But that’s not the proper verse it is Donut. Let’s try another one.

When I was one, I sucked my thumb, the day I went to sea

I climbed aboard a pirate ship and the Captain said to me

I’m going this way that way, forwards and backwards, over the Irish Sea

A bottle of rum to fill my tum, now that’s the life for me

(Everyone looks at Donut expectantly)

Donut: When I was two I buckled my shoe and made a hasty start

I climbed aboard a pirate ship to capture a fair maiden’s heart

I’m going this way, that way, forwards and backwards, I nearly felt apart

I ate the Captain’s cabbage stew, it didn’t half make me f.…

Sinbad: (Hastily) Far enough, Donut, you’ve gone far enough thank you very much.

Anyway Donut I’m glad I’ve bumped into you. I really need some advice. (takes Donut

aside) I think I’m in love with the princess

Donut: Sinbad!” (rolling his eyes) We all know that. Even this lot (pointing at

audience). And half of them look dozier than me.

Sinbad: Seriously Donut. What am I going to do? She is so sophisticated and clever,. I

do try to be the same when I’m with her. But every time I say or do anything I end up

getting it all wrong. She must think I’m a real fool

Donut: (nodding along) Yes. I’ve noticed that. (thinks). You need to make sure that

she knows you’re streetwise too. I mean you do sound a little old fashioned perhaps start

drop in some more cool phrases.

Sinbad: Ah yes. I get it. If I’m On Point she’ll think I’m Dope hanging with my Squad.

That idea’s Fleekin Donut. Although I hope she don’t think I’m Extra!

Donut: Hmm. Perhaps not that cool. Anyway. You’ll be able to practice now. Here

she comes!

(Captain and Princess enter SR)

Captain: (to Princess) So my princess this voyage reminds me of that time I had to

make a particularly tricky run to Cairo with a cargo full of Russian dolls.

Princess: Oh I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.

Donut: Ok Sinbad, here’s your chance to impress the princess….

(Donut pushes Sinbad towards Princess)


Sinbad: Hi Princess. You’re looking sick

Princess: Really? I’ve been traveling on the sea all my life. Not sure why you think I’d

suddenly get ill on this voyage. I’m perfectly well.

Crew 1: Mind you with the way this Captain sails it wouldn’t surprise us if you did feel

ill.

Crew 2: Yes he got fired from his last job for steering the ship down the Macclesfield

canal

Captain: (shouting) Right you lot back to work. I don’t pay you to give me cheek

Crew 3: You don’t pay us anything. In fact last thing I remember was going to Level 2

detention then it all went dark and I ended up here!

(Dame arrives eating a turkey leg or similar)

Dame: What’s all this shouting? Can’t a woman expect peace and quiet on her

holidays? I always need my beauty sleep after such a feast.

Crew 4: Feast? What feast?

Dame: All that food and drink you laid out for my lunch downstairs! I hadn’t realised

this cruise was fully catered. I haven’t eaten so well since they shut The White House.

You’ll be getting at least 4 stars from me on TripAdvisor.

Everyone: What!

(Dame looks confused)

Princess: Oh what have you done! That wasn’t a feast. That was our rations for the

whole voyage? It was meant to feed 15 of us for 3 weeks!

Dame: Well it didn’t last 1 of me 15 minutes. Anyway, I don’t see what the fuss is all

about. We’ll just stop at the next island to buy more food.

Captain: Ah. Well that’s the problem my Fabulous Feasting Filly

Sinbad: (to Donut) Fabulous Feasting Filly? (Donut shrugs. Dame looks at them

both crossly)

Captain: There is no land until we hit The Isle of …(getting wise)…until we arrive at

the island. That’s why we had all the rations. We’ll all be going hungry sure enough. But

at least we still have that big barrel of milk so we won’t die of thirst.

Dame: Ah. You’re not going to want to hear about my special ‘Cleopatra bath’ I’ve

just had then.

(All the crew groan)

Princess: So that’s it. The quest is already doomed. And all because of this foolish….

(looks Dame up and down)…. Woman?

Donut: Oi! Stop being so nasty to my mum. It’s not her fault she’s (insert selfish joke here).

And anyway why can’t we just get some food from that ship over there? (Points to

distance)

Sinbad: What ship?

(Sinbad grabs Captain’s telescope and goes to DSR)

Sinbad: Oh no! It’s that nasty Prince Hootha and his idiot henchmen. They must have

been following us.

Captain: Well that’s it we have no option to go back now or they’ll catch us. (to the

crew) set full sails.

Princess: And we’ll just have to ration what we have left.

(Passage of time)

DANCE 5 – “Night Boat to Cairo” – Madness


(Lights slowly change. Sinbad, Princess, Donut plus crew are collapsed in chairs/floor

on stage. Plus some chorus. Obviously hungry/thirsty.)

Donut: It’s not good Sinbad I can’t go on any longer. I’m sooo thirsty

Sinbad: The best thing to do is not to think of food or drink

(Dame and Captain enter)

Dame: (Singing) Food glorious food, Hot sausage and mustard. While we're in the

mood cold jelly and custard!

Crew: Groan

Captain: Right everyone I think it’s best we all conserve our energy by getting some

rest. We’ll just have to hope we cross the path of a friendly ship. Donut! You take the first

watch. We’ve got to keep a look out. Not all ships are friendly round these parts.

Crew 1: What do you mean by that?

Captain: Nothing. Forget it. Just relax and forget I mentioned pirates at all.

Crew 2: But you didn’t mention pirates!

Captain: Ah. Anyway. Everyone just relax. As long as we keep watch we’ll be fine.

Donut. Wake Sinbad in two hours so he can take the next watch.

(Everyone except Donut goes off to sleep)

Donut: I don’t know why they asked me to keep watch. Last time I was on watch duty

it was for a ship with a hold full of red paint. I fell asleep and we crashed headlong into a

ship full of blue paint….. We were marooned for weeks. (looks for drum roll that

doesn’t come) Anyway, I don’t fancy the sound of these pirates but I’m soooo tired I can

hardly keep my eyes open. (to audience) If you see me fall asleep will you wake me up?

(Audience - Yes!) You will? Oh thanks everyone! Right. Time to keep watch.

(Donut looks around obviously, starts to slow and doze off. Then wakes with a start)

Donut: Perhaps if I sing a song to myself it will keep me awake. (singing sleepily)

When I was two I buckled my shoe and made a hasty start; I climbed aboard a….(yawns

and falls asleep)

Audience: Wake up etc.

(Donut wakes up disorientated)

Donut: What? Where am I? What’s going on (remembers where he is) Oh thanks

everyone. That was great.

(Donut dozes off again. This time the audience can’t wake him. Hootha, Razz & Skalls

throw a rope onto DSR from audience and climb onto stage.

Hootha: (to audience) That’s enough shouting you lot. This dozy fool is fast asleep.

(Razz & Skalls failing to get on the boat then walk round stage tripping up over things

etc)

Hootha: You idiots! Go and check everyone is asleep. (Razz and Skalls go around

lifting arms etc. to prove asleep) Right. It’s time to put the next phase of my dastardly

plan into action.

Razz: You mean where we tickle them all with seagull feathers until they tell us

where the Golden Monkey is?

Skalls: Don’t be daft Razz. We should make them watch Love Island until they tell us!

Hootha: No you fools. You are going to tie Sinbad up and throw him into the sea. By

the time this lot wake up and see he’s gone it will be too late to do anything their quest

will be doomed. I’ll then appear on the island and save the day. Then steal away with the

treasure for myself! Mwah ha ha!

(Hootha leaves DSR by the way he came in)

Razz: (to Skalls) Right let’s go get him.


(Razz & Skalls start tying Sinbad up but make a real hash of it and wake up the

Princess)

Princess: Hey you, untie him immediately. (shouts) wake up everyone we’re being

attacked!

(Sinbad jumps up and takes Captain’s sword. Drops it on his foot. Hops around then

kicks it off the boat by mistake with a splash)

Princess: Gordon bennet! Do I have to do everything myself?

(Princess disables Razz & Skalls using martial arts. Crew grab Razz & Skalls)

Dame: (to Razz & Skalls) right you two. Now you’ve been left here with us by your

evil master you might as well make yourselves useful. Does anyone mind if these two

share with me? I need this body to be beach ready before we hit the island and these two

can help with the waxing.

Razz: I’d rather take my chances with the sharks!

Skalls: Me too!

(Razz & Skalls run and jump overboard. Sinbad runs to where they fell looking at them

with the telescope)

Princess: Well that was exciting but we’re still miles from anywhere we’re still starving.

Sinbad: No we’re not.

Dame: Yes we are. I can still hear my perfectly toned stomach complaining.

Sinbad: Well we might be starving, but we’re no longer miles from anywhere. Look!

There’s an island on the horizon!

Captain: (grabbing telescope) He’s right you know. That looks like our destination if

ever I saw it. And there’s a welcoming party in full swing on the beach! We’ve made it in

the nick of time!

Sinbad: That golden monkey will be ours for sure!

All Crew: Hooray!

SONG 6 + DANCE 6 – “Stayin’ Alive” – Company

(Blackout & Exit.)

(Curtain. End of Act 1. INTERVAL)


Act Two

Scene One: The Beach of the Isle of Eternal Doom

(Bright and lively paradise island beach. Native islanders in colourful dress and grass

skirts are relaxing and playing on the beach).

SONG 7 + DANCE 7: “Hot Hot Hot” – Chorus

(Enter Sinbad, Princess, Donut, Dame, Captain: all bare-footed, carrying shoes and

socks with rolled up trousers)

Chief: I am Chief Kaylani. Welcome to our beautiful home of Paradise Island.

Princess: Paradise Island? We thought it was called the Isle of Eternal Doom (Band

play foreboding music)

Dame: (Striding over to the band, threateningly) Will you pack that in! I won’t tell you

again. You’ll be out.

Chief: No, that’s not our Island’s real name; we just call it that to keep Pirates away.

We don’t get many visitors here, especially not dressed (looking at the Dame) quite so

exotically. This is an island full of exquisite beauty

Dame: I see I’m in the right place.

Captain: You certainly are my bonny beach beauty.

Sinbad: Chief Kaylani, let me introduce our party. This is Dame Kneadalot (curtsey)

… the Princess (dignified bow)… her son Donut (exaggerated jump to attention and

salute) …. our Captain for the voyage

Captain: Ahoy m’lady

Sinbad: …. and myself, Sinbad.

Chief: It’s a pleasure to meet you all. But I’m intrigued as to why you have come,

my friends.

Dame: Tell the Chief, Donut. Go on, tell Chief Kaylani our story.

Donut: Oh I don’t think there’s time for the full story, Mum, we need to be getting on.

Dame: Nonsense Donut, tell our host about our journey and be quick about it.

Donut: Are you sure?

Dame: Yes, yes, come on, the whole thing without delay.

Donut: Very well. (Takes a deep breath and looks at watch – this has to be

delivered very, very fast as if in a single breath)

Nobody wanted to buy our bread so we’ll always be very poor, and a bad guy with a big

hooter turned up and he said he’ll throw us out of the bakery if we don’t pay the rent, but

Sinbad came up with a cunning plan, / and he went to the palace to deliver a cake and

the Sultan gave him a riddle about a golden monkey and we all figured out the clues/ and

Sinbad and the Princess went off to the docks but couldn’t find a Captain so the Princess

tied knots until we found this Captain with a posh voice and he knew about the Island but

told us it’s certain death if we go, but we decide to go anyway / so we set sail and I sang

rude sea shanties and Sinbad told us he’s madly in love with the Princess (exaggerated

heart beat motion) (Princess looks shocked) then Mum ate all the food and when we

were asleep Hooter’s two idiots climbed on the boat and we had a fight but manage to


push them overboard and then we saw land / and it turned out it’s your lovely island, and

Mum asked me to tell you what happened and I gave a very, very long explanation and

everyone was desperate for me to stop.

Dame: You can say that again!

Donut: Alright then. (Deep breath) Nobody wanted to buy my bread at the market so

we’ll always be very poor.....

Dame: Not that you fool! I meant everyone was desperate for you to stop.

Captain: Well you did ask.

Princess: Let me explain Chief Kaylani. The riddle given to us by the Sultan has led us

to this Island and we must now go to find the Golden Monkey in what the riddle describes

as “a cave of gloom”.

Chief: That’s a long way up the river gorge. But you must not go there. It’s far too

dangerous.

Native 1: They say many a poor soul has been there, but none has lived to tell the tale.

Native 2: They say that they force you to drink a potion so strong...

Dame: Hang on, hang on, (pointing at the Captain) he told us all that in Act One.

Were you asleep? (Pointing to a member of the audience) I know she was. …. And he

still is, by the looks of things.

Chief: Seriously, you cannot go to the a cave of gloom. You will need to cross

malaria-infested swamps, dodge the terrifying volcanic eruptions and fight off gigantic

crocodiles that can swallow a man with one bite.

Dame: (Hastily turning to leave) Is that the time. I think I’ve left the oven on.

Native 3: It’s almost certain death.

Dame: Back in the boat Donut! We’re not staying here for all the bagels in Babylon.

(Dame and Donut turn to walk off stage)

Sinbad: Wait! We’ve got to try. You’ll lose the bakery if we don’t find that golden

monkey.

Princess: That’s right, you can’t turn around now, we need to be pushing up the gorge.

Dame: Pushing up the GORGE! We’ll be pushing up the DAISIES if we carry on with

this monkey business.

(Razz & Skalls arrive bedraggled out of the sea from other side of stage discarding

flotsam and jetsam. Razz pulls an octopus off his head. With each joke, there is lots

of self-congratulatory laughing and thigh slapping)

Skalls: Hey, is that the sick squid you owe me. Sick squid! Geddit? Hey, hey, how

do you make an Octopus laugh?

Razz: This better be good!

Skalls: With ten tickles. (Laughing at his own joke) Ten … tickles… ooh wait a

minute

(Skalls is suddenly alarmed as he feels something around his belly, tentatively

reaches into his shirt and pulls out a large wriggling fish. After comic wriggling, the

fish is thrown to centre stage)

Razz: Ha, ha. What do you call a fish with no eye. “Fffssshhh”. Geddit? Hey, why

did the fish blush?....Because the sea weed. (Laughing at his own joke) Because – the

-sea …oooh hang on …

(Razz suddenly feels something in his trousers, tentatively reaches down and pulls

out a large crab. After wrestling, the cab is thrown off stage. Hootha enters)

Hootha: Stop larking around you soggy simpletons.


Skalls: Sorry boss, he’s a bit crabby today. It must be Brexit – he’s feeling the pinch.

(Turns to Razz) Stop being so shellfish.

Razz: Hey boss, this is such a beautiful island, can we stop here a while and top up

our tans.

Hootha: Quiet you mumbling morons. We’re not stopping a minute longer than we

have to on this God forsaken pile of rock. We’ll beat this bunch of misfits to the cave of

gloom, grab the golden monkey and scarper.

(The three of them carry on over the stage towards Sinbad and all)

Sinbad: Ah look what’s just crawled out of the sea, it’s Prince Hooter.

Princess: You’ve left a trail of drips behind you. Oh no, sorry, that’s Razz & Skalls.

Chief: Who is your handsome friend?

Hootha: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Prince Hootha.

Dame: (Leaning over and whispering to Chief) Don’t mention the nose, he’s

touchy.

Chief: Touchy? Why, what’s wrong with his nose?

Dame: Well, I’m not saying it’s large but it’s got its own postcode.

Chief: Nonsense. In my culture, such facial attributes are regarded as a sign of

prominence ...

Dame: You certainly don’t get more prominent than that thing!

Chief: ... of generosity.

Dame: It’s certainly generous giving the birds somewhere to perch.

Chief: ... of might.

Dame: Yes, he might have your eye out with that.

Hootha: Do you mind?

Dame: Not at all, it’s no skin off my nose. (Turns to the audience and laughs)

Sinbad: Come on you lot, we’ve got to get going before it gets dark.

Princess: Yes let’s get moving; we can eat on the way. Bring the unwanted trout with

you Donut.

(Donut shrugs his shoulders and grabs the Dame)

Dame: Not me you fool!

(Exit Sinbad, Princess, Donut, Dame, Captain).

Hootha: My dearest Chief Kaylani. Those scoundrels have doubtlessly told you about

the Golden Monkey.

Chief: Yes, Prince Hootha (exaggerated pronounced Hoo-th-aaa) and I’ve warned

them they are putting themselves in great peril trying to find it.

Hootha: Yes, yes, but what they didn’t tell you is that the Golden Monkey is part of my

family inheritance and they stole the riddle from me in order to get to it first.

Chief: Really? They don’t seem like the kind of people who would steal anything.

They seem like such a nice bunch to me.

Hootha: They are all wicked Your Highness. But if you could guide me to the cave of

gloom then I could recover the Golden Monkey first, and give them their just desserts.

Chief: Oh I’m not sure Prince Hootha, I’m sure they are well intentioned.

Hootha: Very well, I guess we’ll have to take our chances on our own (Hootha, Razz

& Skalls start to slope off with a fake look of distress) ... with the crocodiles (looks

behind to see if the Chief has changed her mind) ... and swamps ... (looks behind

again) ... and erupting volcanoes...

Chief: Oh very well Prince Hootha, I’ll show you the way. Follow me.


SONG 8: “We Go Together” – Chief Kaylani and Hootha

(Exit SR & Blackout)

Scene Two: Jungle

(Creepy/spooky/foreboding jungle.)

DANCE 8 (tbc)

(Enter Sinbad, Dame, Princess, Captain, Donut, - exhausted)

Sinbad: Blimey, that was a long walk, I’m exhausted

Princess: Phew, we’ve made good progress but that swim across the crocodile infested

river was a bit testing

Captain: I know and that last climb up the sheer cliff face was tricky

Donut : And hacking through the snake ridden jungle was awful. (to audience) sorry

we couldn’t show you all that action due time constraints but you can catch it on YouTube

after the show.

(Dame unable to speak, just gasping and mimes the horrors she has just been

through - comically)

Sinbad: It’s a bit dark, spooky and scary here. Not the best place to rest.

Dame: Don’t even think of moving on yet, I can barely speak. The last time I did this

much exercise was when that spider crab went down my back.

Donut: I know, I thought you had joined One Direction (Donut does some crazy

dance moves to illustrate).

Princess: We can rest here for a short while but then we must move on. Keep your wits

about you.

Captain: Yes, there could be something foul and terrifying lurking in this forest

(Enter - Hootha, Razz and Skalls with the Chief - also all exhausted)

Donut: You were right!

Hootha: So, you goons are making progress are you?

Razz: Yes we are sir, we are with you all the way

Skalls: Right behind you Sir

Hootha: Not you two blithering idiots, these five blithering idiots.

Chief: We should not stay long in this place, legend has it that an evil presence visits all

those who pause here!

Dame: Clearly, and he’s right there (pointing at Hootha)

Hootha: Enough of your insolence, you tiresome old bag!

Sinbad: How dare you! She’s not old!

Donut: She is a bag though…

Princess: Okay… we need to move on or we will never solve the riddle. Why don’t you

(to Prince Hootha) move on with your group and stop worrying about us. (takes Hootha

aside) To be honest, we are going to struggle and you are all so much fitter and more

capable than we are. Forget about us.

Hootha: As you wish. Come Chief, Razz and Skalls let us leave these pathetic

specimens to their fate and we will press on to more pleasant places.

Razz: Are we going to Alton Towers again?


Skalls: Fool. You know he prefers Legoland

Hootha: I despair. Follow me.

(Hootha, Razz, Skalls, Chief exit.)

Dame: I’m glad to see the back of them. Right, I do need a sit down for a few

moments before we go any further. Let’s rest on that bench there.

Sinbad: What bench where?

Donut: This bench here! (he gets a bench from the wings and places it centre

stage)

Captain: Ohh that’s handy!

Dame: I’ll say.

Princess: Okay, we can rest for short time then we must move on

Dame: There’s room for all of us (they all sit down except for Donut)

Donut: I can’t help feeling that we are being watched. (Melodramatically) There’s a

foul stench in the air”

Dame: (Wafting a hand in the air) Yes, sorry about that.

Princess: Come and sit down Donut.

(Donut squeezes onto the end of the bench. They sit for a moment, then the Dame

stretches a little at the other end of the bench and Donut falls off.)

Sinbad: Stop messing about Donut and sit down.

(He sits again then the Dame shuffles a little at the other end and he falls off again)

Captain: What’s the matter with you lad?!

Princess: You need to rest Donut!

(He gets back on the bench but clings tightly to the Captain who is next to him.

They sit for moment and all fall half asleep. The Dame is fully asleep. The scary

creature appears behind them. The audience shout ‘behind you’ and or two of them

wake up briefly and look around but don’t see the creature. The Creature taps the

Captain on the shoulder first who is terrified and runs off. The creature continues to

move around and gradually taps on the characters on the shoulder one by one. They

all run off terrified and screaming. Finally, only the Dame remains asleep with her

head down. The creature sits down on the bench next to her and taps her on the

shoulder. She sits up, opens her eyes and yawns. The creature runs off terrified)

Dame: Ooh that was a lovely forty winks. Where has everyone gone? (She calls their

names out and looks to audience) Where have they all gone? They what? A

monster? Really? (To her favourite man in the audience) You wouldn’t lie to me

would you? Ooh you do remind of me Brad Pitt. Later, my gorgeous hunk of

deliciousness!. I’ve got to find everybody and get on with solving the riddle. And if I see

that monster, he’d better watch out cos I’ve no time to waste now. Besides which Henry’s

Cafe is open and I’m desperate for a Latte!

(Blackout.)

Scene Three: Entrance to the Cave


(A seemingly impenetrable rock face, painted on a cloth, with actual scrub bushes &

trees onstage in front of the cloth.. Sinbad, Princess, Donut, Captain & Dame stagger

on stage, exhausted)

Dame: Heavens to Betsy! All this charging around and monkey hunting... it's

exhausting!

Captain: (to Dame) The walk has given you a radiant glow my dear. A lovely colour to

your cheeks.

Donut: (glancing at Dame's behind) Did you only bring the one pair of

trousers/dress with you Mum?

Dame: Oh Donut, you cheeky young scamp. I shall turn the other cheek. Is there

nowhere for a lady to rest her... cheeks?

Sinbad: No time to rest! We need to find the prize - this... (pulls out and checks riddle)

precious ape - before Prince Hooter beats us to it.

Princess: What we need is a moment of inspiration.

SONG 9 – tbc – Princess, Sinbad, Dame, Donut

Princess: (grabs riddle from Sinbad and reads aloud) What we need is someone

who can... sift the truth from the lies...

Dame: Well where are we going to find someone who can do that?

Donut: (setting off) I'll start looking, straight away...

Sinbad: (taking riddle back from Princess) Hang on a minute... the riddle says an

unlikely hero who can sift the truths from the lies. Well that's me, Sinbad. I know I

normally make a mess of things, and someone (looking at the Princess) has to come to

my rescue. But this, I think, is my moment - I don't know why, but I just, feel it...

Princess: You're right... someone does normally come to your rescue. But I feel,

suddenly, weirdly, like this moment is all about you... that you, for once, are in charge...

Sinbad: That is weird. But in a good way. Right, (looking about) let me see what I

can see. Well, the riddle says that you, Princess, with your golden mane, can sort the

wood from the trees. I think that's a clue. Come on team, help me pull back these bushes

and let's see what's behind...

Donut: Hey, I think you are on to something here! Look there's a picture of a...small

dog behind these bushes, and some odd shapes in the rock... weird...

Dame: That's not a small dog Donut you dope, that's a monkey...

Sinbad: And the riddle says 'each place a hand into the cold stone shape...' I think if

we line up here, side by side, and place a hand each on to the rock face...

(Big magical moment with music/lights etc. the cloth slowly rises to reveal golden

monkey on a plinth behind)

Princess: Oh Sinbad, you bad boy, you've done it. You've solved the riddle!

(Princess rushes to Sinbad, kisses/embraces him, then immediately feels

embarrassed and steps away)

Dame: Oh no need to hold back Princess. Well done Sinbad! (Throws herself all

over Sinbad in a gushing embrace. Now he's embarrassed) I always said you got the

brains in this family. Donut got... my very strong fingers and debatable dress sense...

Donut: I have always enjoyed a decent handshake and an indecent hemline...


Captain: Well shiver my timbers, our little crew has followed in the footsteps of giants.

Jason and the Argonauts...

Dame: Asterix and the Normans...

Donut: Gerry and The Pacemakers...

(blank looks and an “eh??” from all)

Captain: I have heard Ferry Across the Mersey is a perilous journey indeed. I must

also admit that I had my doubts as to your ability, Sinbad, to find and claim the Golden

Monkey. And yet here we are... our quest seems at an end...

(Hootha, Razz & Skalls burst onstage)

Hootha: Not so fast, Sinbad. I too have journeyed long and hard to claim the prize,

and will not be so easily thwarted by a young whipper snapper such as you!

Razz: Yeah, what he said...

Skalls: Exactly, with bells on...

Sinbad: So we do all the work, but you want the glory and the gold, eh Hooter? Well

over my dead body, big nose! En guarde...

(Sword and axe fight – need at least one axe - between Hootha and Sinbad. Sinbad

wins and Hootha is defeated)

Sinbad: Yield, Hooter…

Hootha: (Exasperated) For goodness sake it’s Hootha.

Sinbad: Lay down your sword and relinquish your claim on the monkey. We've come

too far, endured too much, shed blood sweat & tears for this. The ayes to the right beat

the nose to the left...

Hootha: Alright, alright, I give up. It was a valiant chase, and at the end of it I find

myself a changed man.... I smell the sweet smell of hope…

Dame: (Wafting hand in air) Actually that might be me again.

Hoota: …finally, in this unforgiving place. People are happier together, than apart.

Razz: Whoah, we never signed up for all this soppy stuff, did we Skalls?

Skalls: I feel a bit sick. (Claps at insects) I need to flatten a few gnats just to get

back on track!

Captain: But It's true, now that I think on it. We set out across the seven seas, intent on

a life of adventure, but what we are really seeking, (looks at Dame) is someone to share

it with...

Sinbad: Well said, Sir. This place seems to have a different feel, now the monkey is

free. Maybe it's just me...but it feels like love is in the air.

Princess: Oh Sinbad I see you - and us - in a whole new light. A baker's delivery boy

you may be, but there's more to you than flour and water.

Donut: Well you're not going to be short of dough, brother, now that you have

claimed the golden monkey. You're rich!

Sinbad: It's a relief that the bakery is now safe.

Dame: Our family stock can rise along with our bread!

Sinbad: But as the Captain says, while it's great to have food on the table - it's even

better (eyes on/hand holding with Princess) to have someone to share your table.

Dame: Food for thought, son (eyes Captain), it might be the time to risk it for a

biscuit!

Donut: Well some of us could stand around here gushing for hours! Come on let’s

get back to the beach!

Sinbad: Donut, grab the large battle axe. (Donut shrugs his shoulders and

reaches for the Dame)


Dame: (Exasperated) For heaven’s sake, not me you fool.

(Blackout.)

Scene Four: Beach

(Back at beach. Same setting as Act Two Scene 1. Various villagers around)

SONG 10 – “Brimful of Asha” – Company

(Dame, Captain, Chief, Donut arrive Stage Right. Jubilant)

Donut: When trouble comes, make no mistake....


Dame: Oh do stop waking this lot up Donut (pointing audience) As soon as they

fall asleep the crew can head off down the Lord Byron. Anyway. Where’s our Sinbad got

to? I last saw him looking doughy eyed at that Princess. I hope he’s not getting ideas

above his station.

(Princess and Sinbad enter SR holding hands and laughing - Donut goes DSL,

Captain DSR. Sinbad and Princess eventually realise they are holding hands and

everyone is looking at them, they drop hands embarrassed. Sinbad goes over to

Donut. Princess to Captain)

Donut: Blimey Sinbad. Looks like things are going great with the Princess! Are you

two finally getting along?

Sinbad: Seems like it Donut. I’m fine when I’m not thinking about her but when I do I

still go all fingers and thumbs

Donut: Well then, just do what I do. Stop thinking so much.

Princess: (to Captain) What an adventure that was. I can’t believe we managed to

successfully get back here with the Golden Monkey

Captain: Yes that was somewhat of a surprise. To be honest I never gave this venture

much chance of success. I only played along with it to spend more time with my Dazzling

Dreamboat.

Princess: Oh Captain. You are a strange one aren’t you?

Captain: Perhaps. But I know what I like and I like what I see. Anyway, it’s good to see

you and Sinbad getting along so well now. I always knew you’d hit it off. You’re

remarkably similar you know. Confident, brave, kind. You could do a lot worse than that

boy. Why don’t you go over and talk to him now.

Princess: I’d like to but do you think it would really work? Me a princess and him a

delivery boy. I mean it doesn’t bother me but I’m not sure my mother and father would

approve. And I wouldn’t want to make Sinbad’s life miserable.

Captain: Don’t forget Princess when Sinbad gets back with the Golden Monkey he’ll be

a rich man so no longer a delivery boy. And this adventure was your father’s idea in the

first place! So go and speak to him now. When the time comes I’m sure your heart will

know what’s right.

(Princess starts walking slowly to centre stage)

Sinbad: (to Donut) You’re right Donut. I do think too much. I’m just going to go over to

the Princess now without a thought in my head.


(Sinbad and Princess start walking together. Sinbad trips up and ends up on one knee

in front of Princess. Princess thinks he’s going to propose, looks at Sinbad, looks

back at Captain then clearly realises what she needs to do)

Princess: Oh my! (pauses) Sinbad I will marry you.

Sinbad: What? I mean right. I mean great. (jumps to his feet) I MEAN……

FANTASTIC.

(Sinbad & princess embrace. Sinbad goes and does a silly dance with Donut. Then

goes back to Princess a little sheepishly. Hootha, Razz & Skalls enter SR)

Hootha: Well, anyway. I’m glad we’ve got all that nonsense out of the way and I can

get back to collecting rents for that brother of mine. (Sounding unconvinced)

Princess: Oh come on Prince Hootha (pronounced correctly). Isn’t it now time to

consider a career change? That rent collecting job can’t have been making you happy.

You always charged around like an elephant with a sore head.

Chief: Exactly. Perhaps what you really need is a change of scene. Who needs the

stresses of a rent collector when you could live in a paradise like this. I mean the pollution

in Babylon can’t be good for someone with such a striking feature as yours.

Princess: Yes! I’ll bet that’s what’s been causing you to be so mean all this time. Since

you’ve been on the island you’ve been a changed man.

Chief: And we could use a man with your …gifts around here.

Hootha: You know what. I am fed up with always being the bad guy in Babylon and I

did try and be nice to my brother the Sultan but he did always seem to......

Villager: Look down his nose at you?

(Villager winces/prepares to be hit)

Hootha: (Laughing at joke) Yes he did get up my nose somewhat. Everyone laughs.

Chief: Fantastic. I always knew my husband would have a good sense of humour.

Hootha: Husband?

Chief: Of course husband. I’m not letting a catch like you get away. What do you

think? Would you like to help me rule this beach paradise?

Hootha: Of course I will. We can get married and have lots of little Hoothas.

Chief: Yes, then noses will always run in our family.

(Hootha and Chief Embrace. Razz & Skalls go off and do a little dance with Donut.

Then go back sheepishly to stand behind Hootha)

Hootha : Right that’s settled then. But is there any chance we could change the name

of this place? I just didn’t see The Isle of Eternal Doom (Sound FX, band go really flat

on the last note as if worn out) being my forever address! Not least because of that

nonsense (pointing to the band and looking infuriated).

Chief: Oh I wouldn’t advise that. My uncle was Chief at the Seaside Town of

Perpetual Despair. He thought the same as you. He renamed it Abersoch and look what

happened there. Boom! Can’t move for the Cheshire set in their Lagondas. (Captain

shivers)

Dame: Wow what a day it’s been. This is worse than an episode of Celebrity Love

Island. But at least that’s everything settled.

Captain: Perhaps not my cuddly companion. There’s still one beauty without a fair

match.

Dame: Where? Who? (Finally realises he means her). Ah yes. Perhaps you’re

right. I have felt something of a romance in the air. (Captain looks excited. However

Dame addresses audience member instead) So how about it handsome? You’ve been

giving me the eye since Act One.


Captain: Spluttering/coughing

Dame: (to Captain) Oh I’m only fooling you. Truth is I’ve grown rather used to having

a man around who appreciates a woman in the classical style. And I could see myself as

a Captain’s wife and taking tea down at the Babylon Yacht Club of an afternoon.

(Dame runs and jumps into Captains arms. Captain twirls her around then goes and

does a silly dance with Donut. Then goes back sheepishly to Dame.

Donut: Well I guess that just leaves me now.

(Razz & Skalls go up to Donut. All three look glum.)

Razz & Skalls: What about us!

(if audience go ahh then there’s a ‘sadder than that’ option)

Princess: Don’t be so glum you three. Now the Dame is a lady of leisure we’ll need a

new official Palace Baker. How does “RazzSkall’s Donuts – Bakers to the stars” sound to

you? I’m sure your mother will let you take on the bakery. Now if only you could afford the

rent.

Hootha: Don’t worry about that. They can live there rent free!

Everyone: Hurrah

Princess: Right then everyone. We’ve no time to lose. We need to get through a 3 week

voyage and prepare for a wedding. In… (looks at watch)

Sinbad: ..... about 5 minutes if the Dress Rehearsal is anything to go by!

(Blackout. Tabs)

Scene Five: In front of tabs. Children and sweets scene etc.

Scene Six: Finale

SONG 11 - DANCE 9 – “Jai Ho!” – Razz, Skalls and Dancers

SONG 12 – “Adventure of a Lifetime” – Coldplay

WALKDOWN

Entries and bows

Sinbad: Thanks for watching our daring tale, your laughs and cheers were off the

scale

Princess: I’ve found my true love, my life enriched, Sinbad and I will soon be hitched

Hootha: I’ve learned my lesson with good grace, not to cut off my nose to spite my

face

Dame: My bread and cakes are safe once more, for village folk to all adore

Donut: So farewell all, with festive cheer, we beg you all be back next year.

REPRISE SONG – To be confirmed

(Final Curtain.)

Sinbad - · PDF fileSinbad and the Golden Monkey Cast v1.1 Page 2 © 2017 Prestbury Comedy Collective ... Sassy daughter of the Sultan (Principal Girl) ... (Front of the main tabs)

Documents