Shame in Psychotherapists research paper

'What is the Experience of Shame from a Gestalt Psychology Field Theory Perspective for Therapists During and/or Following theirown Experiences of Emotional or Psychological Difficulty?'

ABSTRACT

Aim: The aim of this research was to investigate the area of shame in counsellors/psychotherapists whether in practice or during training following their own experiences of psychological and/or emotional difficulty.Method: This was a qualitative project, and data was collected via semi-structured interviews and a questionnaire about 'self conscious emotions' (Tangney, Dearing, Wagner & Granzow 2000) prior to interview. The questionnaires were scored prior to interview, and the interviews interviews analysed using thematic analysis. Results and Conclusions: The participants scored highly on shame – based responses in the questionnaire, potentiallyindicating a predisposition to experiencing shame in the psychotherapy field during/following a period of psychological and/or emotional difficulty. The analysis of the interview transcripts revealed a strong correlation between shame, survival and self-protection regardless of the environment, whether it was family of origin or the psychotherapy field, and is a response to and regulator of the 'field'/environment and has correlations with relationship for survival.

INTRODUCTION

Shame is a topic in psychotherapy and human experience that seems to have gained increasing focus in the field over recent years. However, despite this increasing interest in and study of shame, it still seems to be a subject around which there is not extensive literature ora firm foundation of epistemology, compared, for example,to subjects such as depression. There seems to be shame about shame. The roots of the word 'shame' are thought toarise from an older word meaning 'to cover', which I findan interesting link in the light of the previous lack of focus on shame, despite it being a 'universal affect' (Kaufman 1992, 2004).

I have chosen to focus particularly on the works of Gershen Kaufman and Richard Erskine on shame. I find the theories of both these authors of great interest, and have contemplated for some years the differences and similarities between their theories, and whether a firm integration of these two theories can be made. I have wondered whether there is some resolution of the debate of shame being an 'affect' (Kaufman) or a defence againstthe loss of relationship along with self-righteousness and have communicated over time with both of the authors.Kaufman (1992, 2004) postulates that shame is derived from 'Affect Theory' (Tomkins 1962, 1963), and that shameis initially an instinctual physiological reaction to stimulation in the interpersonal field. Kaufman sees shame as a defence strategy (Kaufman 1989). In contrast,Erskine (1995) sees self-righteousness as a defence strategy against shame, arising from rupture in the interpersonal field. Kaufman states how shame can become internalized, eventually not needing the environment to generate the shame (Kaufman 1992, 2004).

This study aims to look at shame within a Gestalt Field-Theory perspective (Yontef 1981), with a focus on psychotherapists in practice and/or training, and their experiences of shame when going through their own psychological and /or emotional distress and the impact of the shame experience for them as a psychotherapist in the field. I chose Gestalt Field-Theory as I thought thiswould be a useful setting to look at the idea of shame and the interpersonal realm, along with it providing a theory to examine the shame responses of participants within the psychotherapy field. The study looks at the overarching theme of shame as a survival response in relation to interpersonal rupture, whether this is real or imagined. It argues how shame can also become internalized (Kaufman 1992; 2004) requiring there to be no other person physically present for shame to be triggered or generated.

My aim was to collect these experiences through qualitative means through in-depth interviews, and then examining these experiences through thematic analysis, looking for recurrent and figural themes throughout thesestories. I would then link this to the literature review to see if there is any correlation between current literature and the experiences of the participants, as well as looking for anything new and emergent.I also gave the participants the 'Self Conscious Emotions Questionnaire' to complete prior to interview (Tangney, Dearing, Wagner & Granzow 2000). This gave me an idea of the participants' orientation to 'self – conscious emotions' including shame and the ranking of shame for them amongst the so-called 'self-conscious emotions'.

REFLEXIVE STATEMENT

The background to this research emerged from a synthesis in my interest in the theory of shame, and a growing awareness of practitioners to shame in therapy and supervision, as well as arising out of my own experience of shame that I had been exploring both as therapist and client following an experience of my own 'dark night of the soul' (Rosen 2002) as a qualified therapist and also undertaking further training. I was aware of the sensitive nature of this research, and therefore of ethical considerations for the participants. I was also aware of my need for balance between objective and subjective aspects of the research, and therefore the need for my own support and exploration of my own shame. This was an important part of maintaining the balance andminimising bias as much as possible. It was important forme to see the phenomenon as it emerged for the participants, and thematic analysis was a helpful way to do this.

I continue my own reflection, exploration, interest in and working through of my own shame, and keep open to adapting and re-visiting aspects of the research over time, should anything arise that warrants this, that may have contributed to nay bias in the research. I continue to write an on-going blog that I have kept throughout some of the research period, which is related to both theresearch and my own exploration of shame both theoretically and to an extent, personally. I maintain ongoing exploration and discussion with others who have supported me both professionally and personally throughout this research. I intend to build upon the research over time.

SHAME and GESTALT FIELD-THEORY

Kurt Lewin (1890-1947) was a famous psychologist who is

often viewed as the father of social psychology. He was renowned for his terms 'life space' and 'field theory'. Field Theory relates to the intimate connectedness between events and the settings of situations in which events take place. It refers to the interactive, dynamic whole .(Lewin 1952) says the hallmark of field theory is looking at the total situation. Instead of reducing complex, interactive phenomena to separate component parts, there is an appreciation of the overall and total picture, with its whole-istic aspects. Meaning is made from looking at the totality of co-existing facts. Lewin writes:

'Whether or not a certain type of behaviour occurs depends not on the presence or absence of one fact or a number of facts viewed in isolation, but upon the constellation (the structure) and forces of the specific field as a whole. The meaning of the facts depends upon its position in the field (Lewin 1952 p.150).'

Field – Theory (Yontef 1993, 2002) looks at all events asa function of the relationship between multiple interacting forces., in which all parts of the 'field' or'environment' affects the whole, and the whole affects all parts of the field, with no event occurring in isolation. The whole field determines all events in the field. In Gestalt Field-Theory, all parties are responsible for the co-creation (Yontef 2002, Mann 2010) of the event of an experience. In Gestalt Field-Theory, the view is that people are interdependent and not whollyself-sufficient, as the person and the field and not separate entities that are brought together. Therefore people are not in a field, but of a field. There is no field without each force and each force does not exist without the field.

Shame from this perspective can be seen as a social fieldperception or condition, which therefore emphasises the

relational aspects of shame (Kaufman 1992, Erskine 1995),and how shame is a regulator of the relational field (Lee1996, 2011). This would link to the interpersonal originsof shame explored by both Kaufman and Erskine. Both action and reaction, as well as interaction or lack thereof could be explored from this perspective. Within this context, shame would be generated by an interaction of internal and external forces, with each being interdependent. In this view, shame may be seen as being an aspect of 'self regulation' in the interpersonal field(Yontef 1981, 1993).

LITERATURE REVIEW

Despite an increase in literature on the subject shame inrecent years, there still seems to be a need for more of a comprehensive, coherent and more complete understandingof the subject. Kaufman (1992) is a pioneer on shame overthe past two decades, and has given us something of a foundation on which to build understanding of this phenomena common which he writes is universal (Kaufman 1992).Current authors on shame seem to agree that shame involves a severing of the interpersonal bridge (Kaufman 1992; Erskine 1995). Originating interpersonally, primarily in a significant relationship, shame can becomeinternalized (Kaufman 1992), and eventually become unconscious (Kaufman 1992).

I have chosen to focus on the works of Kaufman and Erskine (Kaufman 1992, 2004; Erskine 1995) on shame, both being authors on shame within the Gestalt field, andto address the debate whether shame is as Kaufman says, an 'affect' arising interpersonally, and looking at his 'affect theory of shame' ( Kaufman 1992), or whether it is a defence against the affect of rupture in the interpersonal realm' (Erskine 1995), which Erskine calls 'an intrapsychic dynamic that helps the individual defendagainst a rupture in relationship' (Erskine 1995). Both seem to agree that shame involves an interpersonal rupture (Kaufman 1992, 2004; Erskine 1995). It seems to me that there needs to be some interpersonal aspect to shame, as I see shame as linking to the concepts of 'approval' and 'disapproval'. Even if a person approves or disapproves of oneself, this is approving or disapproving is done within relationship with oneself andwould come from a 'split in oneself' (Kaufman 1994, 2004). This is something we all do or have done at times,splitting ourselves into different aspects of ourselves and this is seen in different theories of psychotherapy, for example, the Parent, Adult, Child Ego states common to us all as in Transactional Analysis (Stewart and Joines 1987). These different aspects of ourself can alsoat times be seen, according to some psychotherapy schoolsof thought as 'introjected' others (Stewart and Joines 1987). This would, for me, open a debate about how much we actually 'introject' others, or whether we 'assimilate' as argued by Fritz Perls in his Gestalt Therapy theory. Laura Perls argues that 'I think Freud said that development takes place through introjection, but if it remains introjection and goes no further, then it becomes a block; it becomes identification. Introjection is to a great extent unawares."(Wysong and Rosenfield 1982). I would find this an interesting discussion, however it is out of the scope of this current project. What may be seen from this, though, is that whether introjection or assimilation, there is still

some interpersonal aspect to shame even when it is has become internalized.

KEY THEMES in DISCUSSIONS on SHAME

Kaufman

SHAME as UNIVERSAL AFFECT

Kaufman(1992, 2004) writes that shame is a universal affect, innate to us all, that has inherently adaptive features, which are therefore distinctly positive. He says it is an important factor in the development of conscience, dignity and the development of identity. Fromthis I can see that without a sense of shame, we would not develop conscience and relate to man and creature-kind in a way that shows dignity, respect and thoughtfulness. I derive that a sense of conscience is essential in developing the qualities needed to assess whether one is acting in the interests of not only his/her own good, but the 'greater good', thus reducing direct harm to self and others in as much as possible. This allows us to extend respect and compassion to ourselves and others, including creatures and other formsof wildlife. An absence of shame would lead to chaos and egocentricity, living in a 'dog-eat-dog' world, with eachout for only his own needs and wants.

Kaufman says shame is equally central to the development of self-esteem and intimacy. If shame is linked to the interpersonal realm, it would make sense that it is equally central to the development of intimacy. Self-esteem can also be affect by shame if a person has a pervasive sense of being 'not good enough', which is evident in the interview transcripts for this project andwe see from one of the transcripts that the experience ofnot feeling 'good enough' is counteracted by trying to be

'perfect', which would be a way for a person to try and bolster their self esteem, which they might then hope would give them the feeling of worthiness to be in relationship with another person or to be accepted by theother person. This is not the grounds for true intimacy, which begins with vulnerability.

SHAME and GUILT

Kaufman categorises guilt as a manifestation of shame (Kaufman 1992). He says that shame and guilt are variations of the same affect: shame (Kaufman 1992). He writes 'the continuing debate concerning shame and guilt are rendered obsolete and irrelevant .' (Kaufman 1992). Shame and guilt have often been viewed as two different affect states with shame being about the self and guilt being about actions of the self (Price – Tangney 2003), but Kaufman moves away from this idea. He states states that the dichotomy between shame and guilt has been prevalent in writings of previous authors such as Kewis, Erikson and Alexander, and that this has been the accepted view of things that no-one has really questioned(Kaufman 1992).He says how the critical differentiation is not between shame and guilt but between shame as affect and internalized shame.

INTERNALIZED SHAME

Despite being, according to Kaufman (Kaufman 1992, 2004) an inherently adaptive affect inherent to us all, Kaufmanhighlights how shame can become maladaptive and internalised (Kaufman 1989). He postulates that shame arises in the interpersonal realm, and that rupture in relationship, whether real or imagined, intentional or unintentional, produces shame (Kaufman 1992, 2004). Kaufman writes how internalization is an outgrowth of identification (Kaufman 1992) and can be both positive

and negative. This differs from Guntrip and Fairbairn in Psychoanalysis (Guntrip 1951, 1985, 1992, 1995; Fairbairn1952), who treat internalization primarily in terms of internalizing 'bad objects'. Kaufman sees people as internalizing both good and bad internalization images. This means that people may internalize, for example, an image of a critical parent, caregiver or teacher, or a benevolent one, or aspects of both within the same image,seeing that people have aspects of both polarities in them on account of being human. The lens through which a person sees the comments or actions of another person mayalso be dependent upon the 'lens' through which they see the incident (Wagner 2010). In addition, none of us escaped childhood unscathed or with perfect people. He postulates that internalization is an inevitable process from which identity gradually emerges.

According to Kaufman, internalization in itself can be both positive and negative depending upon what is internalized. If a person develops a 'shame-based identity' through repeated shaming, whether actual or perceived, of expressions of affects, drives, interpersonal needs, competencies, it becomes difficult, even seemingly impossible, to experience these affects, drives, needs and competencies without experiencing shameand development of an internalized sense of being unworthy or inferior. Kaufman says that someone who experiences a significant degree of internalized shame, not only experiences shame frequently in relation to specific situations, but also has a tendency to evaluate oneself negatively and unfavourably and has a sense of inadequacy. It I evident that this might be so and how this can set up a perpetual cycle of not only experiencing shame as perceived from the outside, but by shaming oneself regardless of the true intent of the other person or persons, and also how a person can experience shame with no other person physically present,which might challenge the idea of shame from a Field-

Theory perspective and the belief in Gestalt Field-Theorythat all things are 'co-created' (Mann 2010). However, itcould be argued that internalized shame involves co-creation with an 'introjected other' or internalized image of another. Maybe 'field' can be a person's internal landscape as much as the external environment.

Erskine

SHAME and SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS

Erskine (1995) links shame and self – righteousness. He says how shame is comprised of the script belief 'something is wrong with me', formed as a result of messages and decisions, conclusions in response to impossible demands, and defensive hope and control. Shameand self righteousness from this perspective shows the dynamics to avoid the vulnerability to feeling humiliated, and also the loss of contact-in-relationship with others. These defences are used to avoid experiencing the vulnerability to the loss of relationship. Shame is also an expression of an unaware hope that the other person will take responsibility to repair rupture in relationship. Self righteousness deniesthe need for relationship, and is a self-generated fantasy that defends against the pain of the loss of relationship whilst providing an imagined triumph over the humiliation. Shame fantasies leave a person feeling devalued and longing for repair in the relationship, and self righteousness fantasies are a desperate attempt to escape humiliation and free oneself from shame by justifying and/or proving oneself. It can be speculated that the nature of the shaming experience along with the personality style of the person may tend toward one or

the other of these defences over the other, or at least at different times.

Self righteousness, according to Erskine is:

- a defence against the sadness and fear of humiliation.

-an expression of the need to make an impact and be takenseriously and respectfully.

- a defence against the awareness of the need to repair the ruptured relationship.

Shame and self righteousness are manifestations of intrapsychic functions that a person adopts in an effort towards self protection in the face of humiliation and disconnection.

DIFFERENCES and SIMILARITIES BETWEEN SHAME THEORIES of KAUFMAN and ERSKINE

As we can see, Kaufman and Erskine agree on shame being linked to rupture or disconnection in the interpersonal realm, despite some of their differing ideas on shame.

Kaufman bases much of his theories of shame around SilvanTomkins' 'affect theory' (Tomkins 1962, 1963, 1991), so to understand Kaufman's theory, it is helpful to understand something of Tomkin's theory. His language of shame begins with the 'affect system' originated by Tomkins, and is his starting point for examining shame and its central place in human development and interpersonal relations. Kaufman (1992) writes how shame is the affect which is the source of many complex and disturbing inner states, such as depression, self-doubt, loneliness, perfectionism to name but a few. Affect Theory attempts to organise affects into discreet categories,

and to connect each with its typical response. So, shame as an affect would have the response of lowered head and eyes, for example. Affect as in Tomkins' theory is the 'biological portion of emotion' (Tomkins 1991).

Tomkins states there are nine affects as follows, and which includes shame:

Positive:

Enjoyment/Joy - smiling, lips wide and out Interest/Excitement - eyebrows down, eyes tracking, eyes looking, closer listening

Neutral:

Surprise/Startle - eyebrows up, eyes blinking

Negative:

Anger/Rage - frowning, a clenched jaw, a red face Disgust - the lower lip raised and protruded, head forward and down

Dissmell (reaction to bad smell) - upper lip raised, head pulled back

Distress/Anguish - crying, rhythmic sobbing, arched eyebrows, mouth lowered

Fear/Terror - a frozen stare, a pale face, coldness, sweat, erect hair

Shame/Humiliation - eyes lowered, the head down and averted, blushing.

For the purpose of this study, I shall focus only on shame.

Kaufman aims to create a language of the self by integrating interpersonal theory (Sullivan 1953 and Kell and Burow 1970), object-relations theory (Fairbairn 1952) and affect theory (Tomkins 1962, 1963, 1991). Erskine, however, does not primarily view shame as an affect, but sees it primarily as a defence against the affects that are the result of humiliation and the vulnerability to the loss of contsct-in-relationship (Erskine 1995). He postulates that shame is therefore self protective.

He writes (1995):

'Shame and self righteousness are intrapsychic dynamics that help the individual defend against a rupture in relationship.'

He continues saying how shame is comprised of the script belief 'something is wrong with me', formed as a result of messages and decisions, conclusions in response to impossible demands, and defensive hope and control. Shameand self - righteousness from this perspective shows the dynamics to avoid the vulnerability to feeling humiliated, and also the loss of contact-in-relationship with others. As mentioned previously, these defences are used to avoid experiencing the vulnerability to the loss of relationship. Shame is also an expression of an unaware hope that the other person will take responsibility to repair rupture in relationship. Self righteousness denies the need for relationship. Shame from this standpoint involves a transposition of sadness and fear - the affect of sadness for not being and/or feeling accepted as one is, and fear of abandonment in the relationship because of who one is.

Kaufman and Erskine agree on shame being linked to rupture or disconnection in the interpersonal realm, despite some of their differing ideas on shame.

FURTHER THEORIES of SHAME

For the purpose of this research, I have focused on the theories of shame put forward by Richard Erskine (1995) and Gershen Kaufman (1992, 2004), and attempted to examine the debate between these theories, looking for similarities and differences. However, other prominent writers on shame have been emerging, such as Robert Lee (2008), Gordon Wheeler (2008), who focus on the relational aspects of shame without losing the significance of the personal process in shame; June Price-Tangney (2003). I have used the 'Self Conscious Emotions Questionnaire' (Tangney, Dearing, Wagner & Granzow 2000) in my research. Gary Yontef (1993, 2002) looks at a Gestalt Therapy perspective of shame, and includes Gestalt Field-Theory (Yontef and Simkin 1981), and also looks at healthy and neurotic shame and the therapist's role ion the treatment of neurotic shame (Yontef 1993). Donald Nathanson writes on shame and pride(Nathanson 1992) and draws on Tomkins' 'Affect Theory' (Tomkins 1962, 1963, 1991), similarly to Kaufman.

There are other works on shame that have emerged and are emerging that are beyond the scope of this current research.

METHODOLOGY

PARTICPANTS

Two practising counsellors/psychotherapists, who also hadexperience of completing a practitioner training programme were interviewed in depth from a qualitative perspective. The field in which shame was experienced wasopen to being as a practitioner, in training, or both. Both participants were female, British and trained in theUK and were currently practising in the UK. One of the participants had also completed some training in the USA.

DATA COLLECTION and METHOD of ANALYSIS

I used a qualitative approach (Banister 2011) as I wanted to conduct the research from a phenomenological orientation (Banister 2011),using semi-structured interviews, allowing the telling and unfolding of the participants' stories. Using a qualitative approach allowed me to explore the phenomena of shame and the phenomenological issues around shame and psychological/emotional distress for the participants from their point of view. It also allowed for the tellingof their stories to be emergent in the co-created field of the participant and myself as researcher.

I chose semi-structured interviews, so that there was some structure to the interview, but also the arena for anything emergent. Thematic analysis (Willig 2013) was the chosen method of analysis after assessment of a variety of potential research methods, to allow for the drawing out of meaning in the form of themes. This would allow to me to see if there were any similarities in superordinate themes and if these themes linked with the literature review and/or offered something new. In addition, the participants were given the 'self-conscious emotions questionnaire' (Tangney, Dearing, Wagner & Granzow 2000) to complete prior to the

interview. This would give me an idea how prone to shame the participants were and in the light of Kaufman's writing on 'internalized shame'.

A third participant completed the questionnaire, but was unable to finally make the interview.

ETHICAL CONSIDERATIONS

I used a consent form with each participant to confirm their consent to be interviewed, recorded and have the recordings transcribed and analysed, as well as to complete the questionnaire and have it scored and analysed. The form also confirmed their right to withdrawfrom the research at any point. Each participant also hasthe option of access to any transcripts, questionnaire results and a copy of the final research paper.

I offered a de-brief on completing the questionnaire, as well as the opportunity to contact me should any difficult issues arise in the following days, weeks or even months following the interview, where I will listen to the person, support them and help them find appropriate on-going support or therapy/help if necessary. I will not be offering the on-going therapy myself due to having a dual relationship (Gabriel 2005) with them as close colleague and/or friend also in the psychotherapy field. I personally would consider this an unethical and potentially complicated dual relationship, given my relationship with the participants, although I acknowledge that there are times when a carefully considered dual relationship in therapy can be beneficial(Gabriel 2005). This ensures safety and emotional holdingfor the participants. I informed participants of the sensitivity of the research subject. I also ensured that they leave the interview in a safe and contained manner and graded the intensity of interview to keep them safe and contained. I made it clear that the participants

could stop the interview at any point to de-brief or takea break to take care of their emotional and psychologicalstate, and I offered assistance where this would be necessary and desired.

I maintained support for myself throughout the duration of the research by having personal therapy, clinical supervision, as well as maintaining contact with my research supervisor and being open and honest with her, as well as supporting myself by contact with other trusted colleagues and friends both inside and outside the university department who have an interest and experience of working with shame and shame theory. This helped me deal with any issues that arise for me or that are already around for me in relation to the area of research and will help me to be honest about my own issues that may arise and will help me keep supported, aswell as being honest about any personal bias that may be around for me in relation to the research.

The data was stored in a private place, and kept safe andconfidential. I have maintained this level of care of thedata, which I still have in the light of extending and following up my research in the future. When my research has reached saturation point, it will be destroyed.

RESULTS

The aim of this study was to explore therapist's experiences of shame from a Gestalt Field-Theory perspective, following and/or during an experience of psychological and/or emotional difficulty ('dark night ofthe soul') (Woodman 1983, 1990; Rosen 2002) as qualified

therapists and/or during training.

Using thematic analysis, in the first transcript first and second order coding revealed themes of 'not deservingto exist', not feeling worthy' 'there is something wrong with me', 'being alone and support', 'self-protection', 'survival, including 'fight, flight or freeze response', 'hopelessness and hope' and 'love'. Using third order coding, I grouped the themes into the overarching themes as follows:

1- SURVIVAL: Survival was the most frequent theme in transcript 1. This was revealed in such statements as:

'….questioning whether I will survive.'

'… I would be triggered into a freeze.'

'There must be something I can figure out that will makeme survive this.'

'...I'm just here again believing I don't deserve to exist, and that's when there's the part that, I suppose, there's 'can I survive this?' '

2- SELF - PROTECTION: Self – protection was another themethat emerged a number of times in such statements as:

'Not only was I going through that, but I had to learn toprotect myself and pretend to them...'

'...And then learning to protect myself....'

3- NOT DESERVING TO EXIST: The question of worthiness anddeserving to exist was another overarching theme revealedin such statements as:

'...I don't deserve to exist, you know, it feels that

powerful.'; '...And I'm just here again believing that I don't deserve to exist, and that's when there's that partthat I suppose there's 'can I survive this?' '

'Like at this level I would have felt there is somethingwrong with me. It's like you shouldn't exist...'

Survival, self-protection and 'not deserving to exist' were the three most recurrent and overarching themes throughout transcript 1. All three of these themes seem to relate to the master theme of 'survival', with self-protection and right to existence being linked to survival and the ability and right to survive and continue as part of the 'field' in which a person functions and plays a part. For this participant, her survival instincts were triggered to a great extent in the psychotherapy field where she trained and received supervision as well as to an extent with one of her therapists.

The second transcript revealed the overarching themes that emerged as follows through first and second order coding: 'not feeling good enough', 'trying to be perfect', 'feeling judged', 'vulnerability/denying vulnerability', 'self protection'. Using third order coding, I grouped the themes into the following overarching themes:-

'NOT GOOD ENOUGH' : This was revealed in such statements as:

'Yes, I have always had I think, in fact I have labelled myself, 'not good enough'.

'Because every time she was upset with me I felt ashamed,because I didn't meet with her expectations.'

TRYING TO BE 'PERFECT' : This was another theme that recurred, and seemed to be a way to counteract the issue of 'not feeling good enough' for this participant. This was revealed in such statements as:

'When I saw what he did to my Mum, I kind of became this perfect child, so I cried in the bathroom away from everybody, and I put on a front so nobody would see, not see me.'

'It's my fault, I've got to fix it, and I've got to be the one that does good things to make sure my Mum can be happy and I will not disappoint her in any way.'

This was counteracted later in the interview, as the participant revealed working towards allowing herself to not have to be so perfect:

'I actually term myself, I actually give myself a label of 'a work-in-progress', because that's what I feel I am,and I am a work-in-progress, don't profess to be perfect....I am a human being.'

Another overarching theme was one of denying vulnerability, which can be seen as a form of self-protection. This emerged in such statements as:

'If I'm vulnerable, I'm open to be used and hurt.'

'Yes, if I trust somebody enough I will, but if I don't trust somebody, then no, plus I also don't want to look weak.'

This participant also seemed to have found some acceptance through some of her therapy training, to counter the feeling/belief of not being good enough, and she says:

'At first I really enjoyed it, because I think I wanted to open up. I think I really needed to. It was also like I had an affinity with humanistic therapy and with the existential.'

Later she goes on to say therapy training also exacerbated some shame. When asked the question 'Do you think being in the therapy community has exacerbated any shame?', she answered:

'Definitely through training without a doubt, most definitely through training.'

Throughout transcript 2, the recurrent themes of 'not feeling good enough' and counteracting this by trying to be 'perfect', later finding some acceptance of herself for who she is, denying vulnerability and self-protectionby denying vulnerability were overarching throughout the transcript.

SUPERORDINATE THEMES ACROSS BOTH TRANSCRIPTS

Although 'not feeling/being good enough' was a theme mentioned with transcript 2, this same theme arose duringthe second-order coding phase of transcript 1, and becamepart of the superordinate theme in transcript 1 of 'not deserving to exist', which was also revealed through themes of 'not feeling worthy' and 'there is something wrong with me' during second-order coding. 'Self-protection' was a theme that arose as a superordinate theme throughout both transcripts, and both transcripts show both participants defending against vulnerability toprotect themselves.

From these results, it can be shown that all these things

link to 'survival', whether through trying to be perfect to survive, or through protecting oneself through denyingvulnerability, or through the survival response of 'fight, flight or freeze'. This shows a link between survival and a shame response, regardless of the 'field'/environment.

SELF-CONSCIOUS EMOTIONS QUESTIONNAIRE

Both participants completed the 'self – conscious emotions questionnaire' (Tangney, Dearing, Wagner & Granzow 2000) prior to being interviewed, and the resultsfor both participants showed a propensity to shame responses with high scores on the shame scale. This raised the possibility that both participants had 'internalized shame' (Kaufman 1992, 2004) and perhaps 'shame-based' personalities, although it was evident fromthe transcripts that both had worked through some of thisin personal therapy and other places. Having high shame scores on the questionnaire and the possibility of internalized shame raises the question whether the responses and reactions of the participants to their field were from a stance of internalized shame. This would warrant further research to investigate this, but also to investigate different responses from the participants in relation to shame in different fields, not solely the psychotherapy field. However, one participant does speak extensively about shame in her family field.

The third participant who was unable to make the interview also scored highly on the shame scale of the questionnaire.

DISCUSSION

The findings from this research offer insight into the phenomenon of shame, not only for therapists in the counselling/psychotherapy field following and/or during their own experiences of emotional and/or psychological difficulty, but also offers insight into the phenomenon of shame in general.

A significant finding is the link between shame and survival, and this link opens up the area of how shame may be a response or reaction to feeling threatened, evenon an unconscious level. It also shows how a person's worth, when linked with the themes of 'not feeling good enough' and 'not feeling worthy' may link to survival. Ifa person feels 'not good enough', for example, they may feel their 'standing' in the community, whether family oforigin as a child, professional field, or some other field, is threatened. The issue of 'rank' or 'standing' and acceptance, linking to survival would be of interest for further research, and looking at this in the light ofthe phenomenon of shame. This speculation would make sense from the perspective of the Enneagram personality system and the three survival instincts linked to this (Chernick Fauvre 1996).The three 'instincts' are sexual/intimate/one-to-one, social and self-preservation (Chernick Fauvre 1996). These three instincts are common to us all, but we have the in a personal ranking order.

The 'social' instinct is related to 'standing' or 'rank' and esteem in one's community or group. To feel not acceptable in one' group may trigger a shame response. This in turn may trigger issues of survival. Survival issues would also be triggered when the sexual/intimate/one-to one and self-preservation (body and resources) feel threatened, and could relate to a shame response. The issues around survival and

relationship revealed in the transcripts link with the points made by both Kaufman and Erskine regarding shame as arising in the interpersonal field, which would also link with the social and intimate instincts mentioned above. The intimate instinct not only being about sexual relationships, but any pair bonding as well as passion and intensity for a project or purpose in life, to extendoneself into the environment and be generative. This is aspeculative link that would need to in further study and research, but which seemed to emerge as a possible link through findings through this current research and suggestions for further research.

Both participants mentioned feeling shame at some point during counselling/psychotherapy training, and participant 1 spoke in depth about feeling there 'must besomething wrong with me' and wondering whether she was 'really cut out to be a therapist' in the light of going through a 'dark night of the soul'. (Woodman 1983; Rosen 2002). This participant also experienced support and a healing of shame in a different, Jungian-based training, where the concept of 'The Wounded Healer' has a central place and is not taken as shameful, but as necessary for being a 'healer' of others (Sedgwick 1994). I concur thatan effective healer is one who becomes aware of one's ownwounds and humanity, including one's own shame, and that validation for all that one is from colleagues, friends, supervisors, therapists, trainers is paramount in the process of becoming an effective healer and authentic andwhole human being, and in working towards individuation (Pinkola Estes 1992).

The emergent link link between shame and self-protection as a superordinate theme in the interview transcripts wasstrong, along with the link between protection of self and hiding of vulnerability. This seems to link to protecting oneself from further shame or criticism or threat, whether real or imagined. To protect oneself also

links to survival. The findings of this research link show a link with Erskine's theory of shame as a defence: 'a defence against the sadness and fear of humiliation' (Erskine 1995), and shows a link between shame and rupture in relationship, whether real or imagined as postulated by both Kaufman and Erskine as evidenced in the literature review. This links to the necessity of attachment for survival ( Bowlby 1983; Green 2011), alongwith the need to be accepted in one's group or relationship to provide the needed connection for survival. If shame becomes internalized as in Kaufman's theory (Kaufman 1992, 2004), then a person may use this as a defence to protect oneself even before any 'shaming'may occur, so they do not have to risk the rupture in relationship with another. It also may serve as a protection against rejection of getting one's needs met. This would link to Erskine's theory of the eight relational needs he postulates we all have from cradle tograve (Erskine 1995).

Therefore, taking that shame tends to involve a rupture in the interpersonal realm, whether actual or perceived (Kaufman 1989; Erskine 1995), as explored in the literature review along with the findings from the interview transcripts, we can see the validity of this through the themes of 'not feeling good enough' for the other and protecting oneself against further disconnection, failure or criticism, for example, whetherthrough withdrawal, fight or freeze, which are the natural the survival responses (Eliam 2005). This links to the overarching theme from the research of 'survival',which links to the need for relationship for survival, especially validating relationship. I would add this needs to include a healthy relationship with oneself.

LIMITATIONS and SUGGESTIONS for FURTHER RESEARCH

There are limitations to this research project, as it is

an introductory piece of research on the proposed subjectand uses a limited number of participants. Further research would allow for more participants to be interviewed over a longer period of time. There was a limitation in that the participants were both British counsellor/psychotherapists living within the UK. Therefore any cultural attitudes towards shame were not taken into account or explored.

I would have liked to have given the participants an Enneagram Personality Test (Chernick Fauvre 1996; Wagner 2010), along with exploration of Enneagram type alongsidethe 'Self Conscious Emotions Questionnaire' (Tangney, Dearing, Wagner & Granzow 2000) which they completed. The'Self-Conscious Emotions Questionnaire' gives an indication of tendency towards shame. Expansion of this study will take into account Enneagram type and previous literature on Enneagram type and shame, with the view that shame is the core emotion of certain Enneagram types(Taylor 2010), along with explorations between neuroscience and shame. This would also allow for exploration of shame and type from both an innate/'hard-wired' and developmental/environmental perspective.

CONCLUSION

Whether an 'affect' as in Kaufman's (Kaufman 1992, 2004) and Tomkins' (1962, 1963) theories, or whether a defence against feeling the pain of rupture, real or imagined in relationship as in Erskine's (Erskine 1995) theory, or whether the real or imagined loss of standing or acceptance in one's group, it seems the issue of survivalstands out as overarching through all of these and through the findings of this research. In the light of

the debate whether shame is an 'affect' as postulated by Kaufman or a defence against the pain rupture in relationship according to Erskine, this research seems toreveal that it is indeed both and/or either at different times according to the field conditions. Perhaps to feel shame if preferable as a survival response than to feel the pain of rupture in relationship.

The findings do not make it clear at this stage whether the psychotherapy field exacerbates shame more than otherenvironments in the participants' experience past or present, or whether, despite the participants experiencing some difficult shame responses in the psychotherapy field, along with some healing experiences in the field, whether past environments and such things as internalizing shame (Kaufman 1992) causes experiences in the psychotherapy field to trigger shame in particular. It would seem though that there may be some impact regarding shame triggers in the psychotherapy field with there being an emphasis on emotional/psychological wholeness as a goal, which might not be as evident in other fields. However, it is debatable as to what constitutes emotional/psychological 'wholeness'. These issues would be considerations for future research.

The research revealed the potential for follow up studieson this project and further research on shame to explore the emerging themes further and develop current theories of shame as well as opening up the possibility for new findings, not only for counsellors and psychotherapists but for all of us, with the phenomenon of shame being such a powerful, universal experience which seems to relate strongly to our survival response. The finding I personally realised throughout the whole process of this research is that the antidote to shame is 'love'. Shame researcher, Brene Brown, says empathy is the antidote to shame (Brown 2007). However, I would say that empathy is

a form of love, and empathy is taught as a core componentof counselling/psychotherapy training. As practitioners and trainers we need to remember this.

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Throughout this research I came to the conclusion that the antidote to shame is love and if shame is a survival response, then love is essential to survival. I would like to thank those that have shown me love and support throughout this research and helped me survive the ups and downs of the process and facing something of my own shame. Maggie Maronitis, for therapeutic support and for some years ago first awakening my interest in shame processes. Dr Hazel James, for her support both personal and professional, and for being such a de-shaming influence and precious research journey companion, for amazing academic support and for her enthusiasm for my research present and future. Dr Lynne Gabriel, for supporting my ideas and showing me simply love, the

antidote to shame. Dr Carolyn Henson, for always believing in me, my work and for being my soul-friend. Harriet Marsden – Brooks, for helping with references in a logical and patient manner. Dr Chris Boyes, for his kindness and patience. Alana Boone,my student colleague, for following my shame research and always encouraging meand making me laugh. Finally, to all others who in whatever way have supported this research journey.