Session 6: Why relationships change or end. Analyse why relationships may change or end What the command terms mean… Analyse: Analyse: Break down in.

Human RelationshipsSession 6: Why relationships

change or end

Analyse why relationships may change or end

Today’s Learning Outcomes

What the command terms mean…

Analyse: Break down in order to bring out

the essential elements or structure.

Note:You may include studies and theories from the previous learning outcome “Discuss the role of communication in maintaining relationships”.

Ending intimate relationships

The current American divorce rate is nearly 50 percent of the current marriage rate and has been for the past two decades (National Center for Health Statistics, 2005)

And of course, countless romantic relationships between unmarried individuals end every day.

After many years of studying what love is and how it blooms, social psychologists are now beginning to explore the end of the story—how it dies.

Attributional style can be a factor in whether a relationship might change or end

Attribution Theory (Heider, 1958) Attribution is defined as how people

interpret and explain causal relationships in the social world.

The role of attributions in maintenance of relationships

In happy relationships, attributions tend to be positively biased towards the partner i.e. positive behaviours are seen as dispositional, and negative behaviours are seen as situational

The role of attributions in maintenance of relationships

In unhealthy relationships the opposite is seen.

These relationships also employ a stable and global attribution to the partner’s behaviour

In discussing problems this always leads to phrases like:

“You always…” “You never…”

The role of attributions in maintenance of relationships

It seems that communicating attributions for negative events or behaviour could determine whether a relationship will end.

The role of attributions in maintenance of relationships

Aim: to study whether patterns of attributions were related to relationship satisfaction factors (happiness, commitment & love)

Procedure 100 female and 31 male US undergraduate students in

a heterosexual dating relationship not living together Participants completed variety of questionnaires After 2 months, 95 participants were still in their

relationship They were asked to write a free-response description of

the relationship in their own words and to fill out a questionnaire

Fletcher et al (1987)

Results

High relationship satisfaction after 2 months◦ Attributed positive behaviour to themselves and their partner

(dispositional attributions)◦ Attributed negative behaviours to situational factors◦ Also tended to describe relationship in more interpersonal terms

(“we”) in free-response description

People who made more situational attributions for reasons for relationship maintenance reported significantly less happiness, less commitment and lower levels of love

Fletcher et al (1987)

Conducted meta-analysis of research studies on the attributions married couples made on each other’s behaviour

Bradbury and Fincham (1990)

Results

Bradbury and Fincham (1990)

Happy relationships

• Focused on partner’s positive behaviour as part of person’s character

• More likely to make dispositional attributions for positive events and situational attributions for negative events

Unhappy relationships

• Tended to see partner’s negative behaviour as part of their character and downplay positive behaviour

• More likely to attribute positive events to situational factors and negative events to partner’s disposition

It seems that communicating attributions for negative events could determine whether a relationship will be healthy

Important to consider whether:

Quality of relationship leads to attributional style

Or

Attributional style leads to quality of relationship

Do attributions affect behaviour?

To further investigate whether attributions influence behaviour researchers conducted a longitudinal study over 12 months

Measured level of satisfaction at beginning of study Level of satisfaction at beginning of study did not

predict what type of attributions couples made at end of study

Found that attribution style from beginning influenced marital satisfaction at end of study

This indicates that it is in fact attributional style that affects behaviour towards partner.

Bradbury and Fincham (1993)

Self-disclosure is key to maintainance of relationships

Self-disclosure leads to self-validation: the feeling of being truly known and accepted by the listener.

A deeper mutual understanding allows each partner to meet the needs of the other more easily

It is also a symbol of trust which is a key factor is attachment

The importance of self-disclosure in maintenance of relationships

Meta-analysis of self disclosure studiesResults People who disclose intimate information about

themselves are more liked than people who don’t Also found that people tend to disclose more

personal information to those they like And, that if people disclose information to someone

else they tend to like that person moreThis clearly indicates that self-disclosure could be an

important factor in maintenance of relationships

Collins and Miller (1994)

Emotion and communication style is an important predictor for whether a relationship

will change or end

Emotional expression and control seem to play a role in conflict resolution and marital satisfaction

Gottman and Levenson (1986) Non-verbal factors (e.g. face. voice, gestures and arousal of autonomic nervous system) predicts emotions expressions

Gottman (1979) found that dissatisfied couples displayed more negative effect (negative reciprocity). It was also relatively easy to predict how these couples would interact in conflict situations based on the spouse’s behaviour

Role of communication of emotions in maintaining

relationships

Observational study of relationship between marital dissatisfaction and negative affect

In a laboratory, 30 couples were observed while they had a low conflict discussion of an event of the day and a high conflict discussion on a major source of disagreement in their relationship

Discussions were videotaped and each spouse returned to the laboratory to make a self evaluation of their communication (negative, positive or neutral)

Levenson and Gottman (1983)

Results Marital dissatisfaction was associated with higher

levels of expressed negative emotions (negative affect) and negative reciprocity

Researchers also took physiological measures during both sessions (heart rate, skin conduction) and found that the unhappy couples displayed similar physiological arousal (stress response)

Researchers concluded that unhappy couples experience a negative spiral of negative emotions that lead to increased stress and mutual unhappiness

Levenson and Gottman (1983)

Researchers compared data from 2 longitudinal observation studies of couples

Couples were observed in their home and in a laboratory discussion either on a low or high conflict issue

Conflict was only seen as a negative sign if couples could not resolve it constructively

Gottman and Krokoff (1989)

Results Expressions of anger and disagreement were not

necessarily associated with marital dissatisfaction over time Couples who solved their conflict with mutual satisfaction

were more satisfied with their relationship Couples who avoided conflict were less satisfied According to the researchers this is because the couples do

not have the opportunity to experience that they can solve conflicts together

Three specific dysfunctional communication patterns (defensiveness, stubbornness and withdrawal from interaction) were reliably associated with marital dissatisfaction over time

Gottman and Krokoff (1989)

Gottman’s theory of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse

The Four Horsemen. John Gottman identified four conflict styles that can bring about

the end of a relationship.

Equality in a relationship can also be a predictor in whether a relationship may change

or end

Social Exchange Theory

Kelly and Thibaut (1959) argue that relationships are maintained through a cost-benefit analysis

In other words the costs must not outweigh the benefits. Although the relationship may be non equivalent for short periods, it must be profitable for both partners in equal measure if the relationship is to survive.

Social Exchange and Equity

Social Exchange TheoryThe idea that people’s feelings about a relationship

depend on perceptions of rewards and costs, the kind of relationship they deserve, and their chances for having a better relationship with someone else.

Equity TheoryThe idea that people are happiest with

relationships in which rewards and costs experienced and both parties’ contributions are roughly equal.

Equity Theory

PROPONENTS OF EQUITY THEORY DESCRIBE EQUITABLE RELATIONSHIPS AS THE HAPPIEST AND MOST STABLE.

IN COMPARISON, INEQUITABLE RELATIONSHIPS RESULT IN ONE PERSON FEELING:

OVERBENEFITED (GETTING A LOT OF REWARDS, INCURRING FEW COSTS, HAVING TO DEVOTE LITTLE TIME OR ENERGY TO THE RELATIONSHIP), OR

UNDERBENEFITED (GETTING FEW REWARDS, INCURRING A LOT OF COSTS, HAVING TO DEVOTE A LOT OF TIME AND ENERGY TO THE RELATIONSHIP).

Elaine Walster (1978)

Equity theory of love predicts that there must be a balance between two partners in a relationship, it must be perceived as fair.

Equity Theory

Equity Theory Walster (1978) suggested the main assumptions

of the equity approach are as follows:1. Individuals maximise rewards minimise costs2. Negotiation occurs to produce fairness.3. The relationship produces distress if there is

inequity.4. The disadvantaged person is always trying

harder to make the relationship more equitable.

Evidence supporting the Equity Theory

Hatfield et al (1979) Newlyweds were questioned and asked to reveal whether they believed they

were receiving more or less than what they were contributing. They were also asked to rate their contentment, happiness and anger or guilt.

Results: The under benefited had the lowest overall satisfaction and experienced guilt The over benefited (they also felt guilt) were second The equitable had highest levels of satisfaction. Those who felt deprived or under benefitted had extra martial sex sooner after

marriage and with more partners than those who felt either fairly treated or over benefited.

Those with equitable relationships predicted they would still be together after 1 and 5 years. Those who felt deprived OR over benefited did not predict their relationship would last.

Relationship breakdown occurs if one or both partners are dissatisfied with their comparison levels of reward.

These results were further substantiated by Buunk & VanYperen (1991) These findings only related to who were high in exchange orientation, those with

low exchange had reasonably high marriage satisfaction regardless of whether they were under/over benefited or receiving equal benefit.

The theory is rather cold and mercenary and does not deal with emotions. Reductionist.

Research findings only related to who were high in exchange orientation, those with low exchange had reasonably high marriage satisfaction regardless of whether they were under/over benefited or receiving equal benefit.

There is a fundamental supposition that individuals are self seeking in their relationships. This may have validity in some cultures, such as individualists, but not collectivists.

It is difficult to quantify all psychological costs and rewards in a relationship to test the theory. (However-partners do tend to be equally physically attractive).

Self reports do not always get reliable information.

Equity Theory evaluation

Rusbult et al (1991) The theory highlights the importance of how an

individual responds to a partner’s negative behaviour.

Destructive behaviors Actively harming the relationship (e.g., abusing the partner,

threatening to break up, actually leaving). Passively allowing the relationship to deteriorate (e.g.,

refusing to deal with problems, ignoring the partner or spending less time together, putting no energy into the relationship).

Constructive behaviors Actively trying to improve the relationship (e.g., discussing

problems, trying to change, going to a therapist). Passively remaining loyal to the relationship (e.g., waiting

and hoping that the situation will improve, being supportive rather than fighting, remaining optimistic).

Patterns of Accomodation

Murray and Holmes (1997) Idealization of one’s partner seems to lead to constructive accommodations. They found that over time partners in committed relationships create “positive illusions” of their partners. The idealization of the partner was associated with satisfaction and less conflict. If a person is not willing to adopt a constructivist approach to negative behaviour, the relationship ends.

Evaluation: Tries to address the role of emotions in a

relationship-may idealize partner more at the beginning of a relationship or may be committed to making a relationship work.

Idealization could also be a threat to a relationship if the partner does not live up to the high expectations.

Analysis of young couples’ relationships satisfaction & stablity

Aim: To investigate the extent to which shared interests and spending time together was a predictor of perception of quality of the relationship.

Procedure: The participants were 66 young dating couples (of 6 months) and 65 married couples (of 4 years). The study was a longitudinal study. Data collection took place through self report questionnaires and interviews. At the beginning of the study participants described positive and negative feelings, disappointment and contentment with their partner. After 12 months the participants filled out questionnaires to measure well being and satisfaction with the relationship. All married couples were together but 25% of the dating couples had split up. The researchers were interested in finding possible factors that could predict either break-up or satisfaction.

Key study: Flora and Segrin (2003)

Results: Satisfaction with a relationship for men

depended on common interests and spending time together. For women, the best predictor of staying in a relationship and satisfaction was the amount of their own negative feelings about their partner.

Key study: Flora and Segrin (2003)

Evaluation: The study was conducted with a sample

from the USA so it may not be possible to generalize findings. Self reports can be bias.

Key study: Flora and Segrin (2003)

Duck (1992) carried out a meta-analysis of longitudinal studies and found the following factors could predict the end of a marriage:◦ People who had parents that had divorced.◦ Teenage marriages.◦ Marriage between partners of different backgrounds

(socioeconomic, cultural, education).◦ Marriage between people from a lower socioeconomic

background.◦ Marriage between partners who have had many sexual

partners before the marriage.

Conclusion Relationships offer comfortable predictability. Relationships

end when this predictability is disrupted.

Can you predict the breakdown of a relationship?

Sprecher (1999) Carried out a longitudinal study to find out. Couples self reported their feelings about the

relationship over several years. In the relationships that eventually broke up,

individuals reported higher levels of general dissatisfaction and frustration with the relationship. BUT there was no change in their feelings of love for one another. When frustrations outweigh positive feeling of love, couples break up. The feelings of love that still exist make breaking up painful.

Do people simply fall out of love?

A large proportion of marriages in the Western world end up in divorce (in some countries up to 50%)

In some cultures divorce is rare or non-existent (e.g. China)

Fiske (2004) arranged marriages usually last longer than romantic marriages.

Marriage is traditional societies is a contract between families and often involves economic and social engagements that create powerful bonds between the families and makes divorce impossible.

This could be a reason for stability of marriages

Culture and maintenance of relationships

Levine et al (1995) Individualistic countries more likely to rate love as essential to

the establishment of marriage and to agree that disappearance of love is sufficient reason to end a marriage

Countries with a large GDP* also showed this tendency. They also found that divorce rates are highly correlated with

the belief that the disappearance of love warranted the dissolution of marriage

*Gross Domestic Product: measure of total market value of all goods and services with a year

Cultural Differences in Views on Marriage