Selfy Humor #1

Selfy

Hi! We all like to have a good

laugh.

An unintentional, harmless,

healthy laugh.

Keeping this very intention

in mind, we are presenting

you the maiden issue of

SELFY Humor.

We don‟t want you to run

around, surf hundreds of

pages to get a good humor.

We do it for you. We give

you what you like. We love

to make you smile. And you don‟t owe a penny for it!

SELFY is going to be an unconventional magazine. So, you may, at times, find it weird, sassy

and bold. We intentionally go an extra mile to make it more out-of-the-box, out-of-the-

world product! So, bear with us!

We talk to you every week. With fresh stuff of course. You can read, share and make others

read and make them share and..… spread happiness for free. And if you have a funny bone,

and the talent to add some colorful feathers to our cap, please join us!

Let’s catch up at [email protected]

Also, you can meet us at

Selfymag.wordpress.com Selfymag.blogspot.com www.facebook.com/selfymag

Aunty Acid

This Aunty Shows a Lot of Sassitude!

Aunty Acid is

owned by The Backland Studio which is a character creation studio in Liverpool, England which has created many successful characters over the years such as Goochi Coo, Grumpy Old Gits, Scarlett and Crimson and Suga-Lumps, so Aunty Acid seems to be having excellent company.

Don’t you wish some people would start using glue

instead of lipstick ?

Aunty‟s character was created by Ged Backland, who is the Managing Director of The Backland Studio Company, and has a varied and interesting career as a scriptwriter and as a copywriter.

Desperation is shaving

before stepping on the

scales.

If you like Aunty Acid, please write to us at

[email protected]. We may try to bring

aunty‟s sassitude in coming issues too.

You may also see more of aunty on www.facebook.com/auntyacid

The Aunty Acid Team consists

of Ged along with Dave Iddon,

who is handling the illustrations,

while the social media is being

managed by Raychel Backland.

Raychel says The Backland Studio team wanted to create a female character to represent someone who had a lot of life experience but was still young enough to have her own teeth, hence her being an „aunty‟ instead of a grandma.

Brains are awesome. I wish everybody had one.

Be happy in

front of

people you

don’t like. It kills them.

You can find Aunty Acid on gocomics.com/aunty-acid, Instagram @auntyaciduk, Twitter @auntyaciduk and Pinterest http://www.pinterest.com/gedbackland/aunty-acid/.

Sometimes you have

to burn a few

bridges to stop the

crazies from

following you.

Ramesh Srivats An alumnus of IIT-Madras and IIM-Ahmedabad, Ramesh Srivats may be a serial entrepreneur, but he is more popular for his witty one-liners on Twitter. Srivats is an armchair thinker, excessive drinker, occasional writer who wants to be lighter. No, really!

In his spare time, Srivats runs TenTenTen, a company that creates web and mobile apps that help cool brands connect with cool customers.

“I just make bizarre connections, between completely disparate things. I think my

brain is just wired in a weird way. And this weirdness has been carefully nourished with

essential nutrients like whisky and beer.” Says Srivats.

Check out some of his one-liners..

On FIFA

Analysis of World Cup

finalists -

Argentum: Also called

silver. Shiny metal.

People fight wars over

it.

Germanium: Greyish metalloid. Brittle under standard

conditions.

Argentina contains the letters GER. Germany contains the letters ARG.

Full Diwali-Ramzan feel.

Hey Ram. Argentina got killed at the last moment by Nathuram Goetze.

Joint press statement from

Germany and Brazil –

“Hum Ek : Saath hain”

#BRAvsGER If his were a Subhash Ghai movie, around this time, Neymar would get up from the hospital bed, and start running to the stadium.

Meira Kumar should have been in FIFA. She could have told Suarez, “Bite? Jaiye please”

#Budget2014

5-minute break in

proceedings. After which

we'll have the second half.

Then some extra time. And

finally penalties.

. .

. . . - .

Good crisp speech by Arun Jaitley so far. He's just rattling off points at top speed. One quick nap & you miss half the speech.

not saying anything

about Rahul Gandhi

sleeping. Scared to

make fun of someone

who has Zzzz

category security

It seems the

power crisis in

Delhi is so bad

that, if you put

your finger in a

plug-point, and

find electricity,

you’ll be shocked.

Italy calls 2 years an ‘unacceptable delay’ in Italian marines case. Dei, we are still setting up SITs to probe 1984 riots ok.. Be patient.

I suppose Mukesh Ambani tried buying Times NOW first, but Arnab went into his never, ever, ever, ever routine.

Yaar, Zuckerberg, if you are still into acquiring internet services that people spend enormous time on, may I suggest IRCTC.

I firmly support 4-year under-graduate programmes.

In 3 years, there just aren’t enough classes to bunk.

Follow Ramesh on Twitter. @rameshsrivats

Amul Baby Amul advertisements are among the best ad campaigns in India. Entertaining and

captivating, these ads have made lasting impressions since decades.

The Amul advertisement journey began in 1966, when the company approached

Sylvester daCunha to design a new ad campaign for Amul Butter.

He designed an ad campaign with a series of smart and witty topical ads, which

became a huge hit. Manish Jhaveri has been writing the scripts for these hoardings

since 1995.

Here are our “Best 20”:

We are Indian,

and so is our English! Only in India will you see „only‟ as emphasis at the end of a sentence. This is one thing that the rest of the world will never get only. We are a quirky lot that way. Seriously, you will freak out if we told you how much we look forward to freaking out. A man can tell his wife he‟s stepping out to catch a fag – or that he‟d like to make a quick stop at the booth for an STD – and she won‟t bat an eyelid.

It’s all been a part of our growing up. We

give tests at the time we should be taking them, and we spend hours mugging in their

preparation. Yes, in India, mugging is something only “good students” do.

Unfortunately, it won’t help them when they’re being mugged by the “bad students.” One thing I guarantee you, however:

whether you’re in India or in the US, mugging will almost always be followed by

an eventful passing out.

An Indian student I know was perplexed when his friend asked him for a rubber to uh, “do” what he had to do. Understandably so. It‟s counter-intuitive for an Indian to imagine how a rubber could be used to do, when its purpose – as we‟ve always known it – is to in fact, undo. You could well argue that a rubber used for prevention is better than one used for cure – but come on now, don‟t you wish rubbers in the US could do the magic that Indian rubbers do – erase your mistakes?

Unlike your Lady fingers, you don‟t want to discover our Lady fingers in a sinfully delectable Tiramisu – unless Tiramisu to you is Gumbo. In any case, our vegetarianism isn‟t just limited to Gumbos – even our jokes could be veg. or non-veg. And mind you, we take our royal heritage seriously. Fun, sleep, bathroom all come to us.

We will ask you for your goodname, and introduce ourselves as “Myself, Goodname Surname.” We will be very eager to meet you – because you Goras are much cooler than us Indians (or at least so we all believe). In fact, we will even go so far as to do jugaad, take the long-cut, travel out of station, and even bring along a tiffin for you. And in case we cannot contain our excitement for too long, we might just ask to prepone our meeting.

Well, by now you must think we have mangled the English language beyond recognition. But alas, even when it comes to doing something wrong, we don‟t quite get it right – Indian English is considered one of the official and recognized dialects of English. Most, if not all terms above have legal usage. No apologies, we‟re Indian – and so is our English. What to do? We are like that only!

______________________________________________

Afterthought: I have a theory Indians invented the mathematical postfix notation “za”. As in, “two one za two; two two za four.” Unfortunately, some ignorant killjoy told me that it is actually “two ones are two; two twos are four.” I shall reserve my verdict till the fact has been verified. What a shame!

One-liners

Your shirt's second button says a lot about you.

If I offended anyone with my quotes, . . . . . . I assure you that was purely my intention.

When I hear myself eating crunchy food, I wonder if

people can hear it too.

I was born

Sanskaari.

But...Sex-

education ruined

me.

Having your house right next to girls PG when you are married is equivalent to limited internet access.

I send you my replymail from my iPhone because 2. I can send mails from iPhone 1. I want you to know I have a fc*ng costly iPhone ;)

Some people are more annoying than 30 seconds youtube ad.

All my well-wishers are in City Bank and HDFC. They call me everyday without fail to convince me to take a Credit card. Sooo nice of them! I wish to buy them the tickets for Humshakals :)

How do you write Arnold Schwarzenegger ??

.

You don't write it. You goddamn copy-paste it. ALWAYS !

Dear body, Stretching from bed to charger point isn't Yoga!

Kidnapper in India - Tere bacche ke tukde tukde karke kutton ko khilaonga!! . . . . . In China - Tere kutte ke tukde tukde karke bacchon ko khilaonga ;)

Once the laptop is formatted, . . . . . will it

gain back its virgin status??

Life may give you a second chance

But our Indian parents won't!

Thoda aur padh leta to 100% aa jate. . . -Sarthak Agarwal's parents

"Single" relationship status doesnt always mean that u r alone... . . . . . sometimes it means.. " my family members are in my friendlist" :P

Couples that call each other "babu" and "jaanu" make all single people in the entire universe feel glad they're not dating.

Do the Chinese realize that when they’re visiting America, they buy souvenirs made in their own country?

Rohith is a math guy but loves to write witty one-liners on his fb wall. You can find more one liners on his fb page: facebook.com/rohithmath.

Hard facts of life#1

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